I am taking an extended break from writing here at ‘the spartan penguin’ in order to reflect on my work and to decide on the direction it takes going forwards.

You can keep in contact with me during this time by following me on Twitter, Google+, and/or Facebook.

Thanks for your support

Steve

I have been away on holiday; a week in the sun with daily yoga. It was just the break that I needed before starting my new job. I arrived back in London around a week ago feeling rested, relaxed and excited to be back.

Whilst I was away I decided to unplug from the internet. This is something that I hadn’t really done in the three or so years that I have been active online. I’ve had the odd period of a few days here and there but nothing as long as a week. The holiday presented the perfect opportunity to try unplugging for a week.

What I found was a revelation. Even though I kind of knew what I would find I needed the direct experience in order for these revelations to sink in.

The first thing that I noticed was how peaceful my morning routine became. I rose early; prayed and meditated; ate some breakfast; occasionally read a book; and then headed off to yoga practice. It was all very calm. Back at home, when I am plugged in, I often follow a similar morning routine however there is normally some internet time thrown in there (somewhere). The reason why I often go online first thing is because my current schedule means that I do not always have time in the evening for online activities, so I try to stay on top of things by going online in the morning.

Clearly though the experience of unplugging has shown that the start to the day is much calmer without the internet.

I think there is a two-fold reason for this. The first is that although I have been relatively good at purging my subscriptions and limiting my engagement with social media these things have a habit of creeping back in. This leads on to the angst created by trying to “keep up” with all the emails and messages etc. I really had underestimated this but having been offline for a week I now understand that I felt some sort of duty to be online, to answer emails, to post on social media, to post on this blog.

Having unplugged I realised that things don’t need to be this way. Instead I have started to purge my subscriptions, only keeping those that add value. I am also looking to use social media more consciously and to become comfortable with not updating regularly.

The truth is that the internet is a tool; a tool to be used wisely.

I shall therefore be experimenting with the time I spend online going forwards. I would like to keep most of my morning’s internet free, so that I greet each day with calm. I am learning not to care if I do or if I don’t get everything done online that I want to, learning to focus when I am online, and learning to engage with people and activities in the real rather than virtual world.

Unplugging for a week has been really beneficial; time now to adapt and change how I operate online. And the next experiment will be to unplug for a week at home and see how that affects my regular routine and schedule.

Do you regularly unplug?

If so I’d love to hear about your experiences. Answers on a postcard below please.

It was around 07:45 on a Wednesday morning and I was nearly through my regular Wednesday morning hot yoga class. The morning was no different from any other apart from the mildly obsessive thinking that was going on in my mind.

That day I’d spent most of the class wondering (worrying) whether I should take an Ashtanga yoga course now or in a year or so, whether what I was currently doing (in terms of yoga practice) was right (and enough), and generally not being satisfied with where I was in yoga and in life. I was certainly not practicing being present and in the moment, and not focussing my attention on what I was doing.

It was at this point, just after we’d been through the balancing asana section and having struggled with my arch nemesis ‘the dancer’ pose (natarajasana), that the teacher said something that resonated with me. She said “whatever the type of yoga you practice – be it Ashtanga, Iyengar, Vinyasa Flow, Hot Yoga etc. – the goal is the same: to find stillness within.”

Bam! There it was: the truth.

It didn’t matter what type of yoga I was practicing. What mattered was that I was practicing, and that I was finding stillness within through that practice. The pressure came off and I relaxed into the remainder of the class.

Thinking about this when I got home I realised that all my worries and the anxiety about whether I am doing the right type of yoga were based on the following:

- a fear of being wrong (of not doing it ‘right’); and

- a desire to be ‘perfect’.

The truth is that what I am doing right now is perfect (in its own way) and is completely right (for me right now). I have been on an amazing (yoga) journey over the past 8 months and I am only just starting out on what I hope will be a lifetime practice.

There is no need to worry or to get anxious. There is plenty of time to experiment and explore.

I often find myself in this place (of worry) though, particularly when things are going well. I guess it is a fear of good things being taken away, a desire for the pleasure I get from things going well to continue, a fear of being wrong and a desire for perfection that creates this anxiety. The anxiety can then lead to self-sabotage: that tendency to make things really difficult or to wreck things on purpose. I have to watch out for this. I have to be vigilant.

I had a similar experience not long after the yoga one, when I began to question some of my spiritual beliefs. It was a rabbit hole I really didn’t want to go down but I went down it anyway. I found myself in that horrible place where I couldn’t, on the surface, reconcile a number of spiritual concepts: all of which I believe to be true and all of which resonate with me. I became confused and uncertain; I lost my faith; I was filled with fear, anxiety and doubt.

I have been in this position before and although uncomfortable for a while things have always worked out. There is a beauty to the spiritual journey in this respect. Often two seemingly opposed philosophies can be blended and work in perfect harmony and even when they don’t it doesn’t mean that either is wrong.

Having been through the experience in the yoga class I reminded myself that I was exactly where I needed to be, and that my beliefs are fine (as long as they were working for me).

Revelation: there is no right or wrong way; no need to be anxious. I felt that strongly.

And then, just as my yoga teacher had said what she did at the perfect moment, I read something that basically said if you think that spirituality is a cake walk then you are mistaken. Spiritual growth is hard – doubt creeps in, as do anxiety and fear – but all are necessary for spiritual growth. That helped a lot. The pain I was experiencing was a direct result of my walking my path, of my growing.

I then remembered a powerful, magical, liberating phrase – an admission – that has helped me before in times like this. That phrase?

“I don’t know”

Sometimes it is all we need to say. In admitting that we don’t know we become open and teachable, we let the Universe back in. It is when we think we know it all, when we think we’re right, that we become closed and the ego takes control.

So just for today I don’t know all the answers: I simply have faith in the path that I am on. There is freedom there. There is no right way or wrong way: there is simply my path.

And, it doesn’t matter what I think or do: what matters is that I remain open and teachable and that I find the stillness within.