The Male Submissive has no problem purchasing a “submissive man” book for his domme or for seducing a dominant woman–as long as he can do it discreetly.

Here’s what happened.

The July 2009 Eclipse (7/7/09 full moon lunar eclipse) repeats the saros 110 pattern. For the related meditation/ritual, see Moon in Capricorn Rituals and Meditations: July 2009

For the rest of this article, go here.   We are transferring many of our articles to a new website, so please bear with us!

The July Full Moon in Capricorn, aka the Buck Moon and sometimes called the Thunder Moon, occurs on July 7, 2009 at 4:22 AM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. Last month’s Full Moon was about telling your story the way you want it to be, even if it’s not always the way it’s been. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…dreaming the dream a little differently for a stronger, sturdier result in the physical. More on that….

Capricorn, an earth sign, is generally about practicality, business, and manifestation. It’s solidity. It’s bringing the…MORE

Note:  We’re moving portions of this site to a new website, http://www.spiritual-pagan-paranormal.com.  We’re not quite finished, so bear with us!

If you cant trust your lover, mate, or friend, maybe you’re looking for The Big Reason to leave a relationship you no longer want to be in.

I hear so many people talking about how they can’t trust their mates, and I wonder now if it’s a matter of trust that causes them to not want to be with that person any longer or if it’s not wanting to be with that person and not wanting to admit it is the cause for distrust. Follow me….

Crossing the bridge, on my way to run a quick errand, I remembered that I’d rushed out of the house and left three repairmen in my unlocked home.  READ MORE….

Can’t attract back an old lover or friend using the Law of Attraction? Maybe it’s YOU who changed.

When you’re trying to attract an old friend or lover back into your life and seem to be getting nowhere, consider that the other person may remain the same-and that it’s YOU who’s changed.

In this day of revisiting our favorite childhood media entertainment via movie rental houses like Netflix, it’s easier to understand our own growth, even though it may be disconcerting.

For example, my daughters fondly remembered a certain movie from their childhood a dozen years before. They excitedly planned an evening for when we could watch a streaming download of their old favorite. The movie seemed to be only vaguely familiar-and downright stupid-to them. When it was over, they remembered the movie differently,  READ MORE

Is the Element of Water a symbol of emotional problems or a lack of flow in your life?

What’s with all these water problems? I mean by that, problems I’m have with the water element.

For several months, I’ve had every imaginable water problem. That includes roof leaks, leaky toilets, ice dispensers overflowing out the door of the house, backyard flooding, sprinkler systems not sprinkling, wells not flowing, ad nauseum. Why all the water issues?

I’m drinking plenty of water and enjoying long, hot baths. No health issues related to water, at least. Like dehydration or incontinence. Thank goodness.

But the water element is also a symbol of emotions and their flow. Being a Pisces several times over, I do tend to live in my emotions. I no longer dam up anger, for example, but let it out.  READ MORE

The June Full Moon in Sagittarius, aka the Strawberry Moon, occurs on June 7, 2009 at 1:12 PM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. Last month’s Full Moon was about speaking your truth. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…telling our story, the way we want it to be even if it’s not the way it is or has been. More on that….

Sagittarius, a fire sign, is generally about learning, travel, fellowship, freedom. It’s about being “in the moment.” With the Sun in the idea-fringed sign of ideas on the fringe—Gemini—this particular full moon in Sagittarius will be more about ideas, insights, and putting the pieces together than about emotion.  More….

Today is a milestone day for me. It’s a milestone because it was 5 years ago today that I sued my 20+year mate for divorce and started a new life. It’s a milestone because that was a time of great uncertainty and wondering where I’d be in 5 years and if I’d “make it.” I wasn’t running to anyone romantically-I was on my own and stood to lose everything, including my children and home, but I also stood to gain everything.

In the 5 years that have passed, I’ve busted a lot of myths. These were told to me by my ex, yes, as you might guess. But I also heard many of these from family who loved me and friends who supported me.

- A divorce won’t solve your misery: you can’t be happy.

- Expecting a man to be a romantic is unrealistic.

- I understand you better than…READ MORE

One of the basic tenets of the Law of Attraction is that we attract to us that which is similar in “vibration.” The problem is, how do you figure out what your vibration is so you can clean it up and attract something better.

Actually, this is one of the easier Law of Attraction questions to answer. Remember the old saying about how to figure out what “George” is really like, just look at his friends? The reasoning is-and I’ve found this to be true-each friend has some quality that either reflects where George is or where he wants to be. If a cherished friend (or more than one, especially) tends to be a little rebellious and likes to discuss radical ideas, then George is probably a bit of a freethinker, too, and secretly-or not so secretly-enjoys challenging The System. If George’s friends are rather diverse and seem to be left of center in their personalities, then there’s probably a part of George that is that way, too, even if it’s not obvious from the start or he tries to hide it. That’s truly the Law of Attraction at work, gathering like together.

So to figure out where you’re vibrating right now, look at your closest friends and acquaintances. Look specifically at the people and relationships where you spend most of your time and effort. What are they like?

I can look historically at my friends from different eras of my life and see where I was-emotionally, spiritually, and “vibrationally”-at that instant. At one point, my friends were all very focused on career, including promotions, resumes, and whatever it took to get ahead in the workplace. The people of that group who are still in my life and just on the periphery now, now when I’m no longer on the fast track and don’t care to be. That was a miserable, unfulfilling time for me.

During another era, my friends were all focused on churning out book after book, pleasing editors who didn’t get our vision, pleasing readers who were skimpy on cash and fickle on subject matter, and constantly worrying about rejection, reviews, and plagiarism until they were also worried about ulcers. We fed off each other, all our insecurities, fears, and doubts. That’s what groups of writers do.

Another era of my life-and I admit that some of these eras overlap-my friends were mostly overly helpful, great at advice and guidance, over-protective, and fierce. So was I. That was the good part, though. When I started making changes in my life, the transition didn’t run smoothly because I was changing AWAY from the similarities I had with many of these dear people. They resisted my changes and the helpful advisor aspects turned very controlling. I insisted on my changes in my life and following my own guidance, which was much of what they were like also, just not in my situation where I was breaking free of old habits and relationships. I was mired for a while, but my friends of that era were entrenched as well in their own doubts, fears, and strong negativity.

In the current era of my life, to see where I’m vibrating, all I have to do is look at the people I focus on. There are more strong, independent, confident women in my life than ever before. My friends are mostly upbeat and happy, in spite of whatever disappointments or tragedies might come into their lives. They are mostly serene, even though there is occasional drama brought to their doorstep. They tend to be compassionate, self-sacrificing individuals (that’s somewhat of a problem), with a lot of openness, spirituality, and genuine love. Family and spiritual growth are priorities for them. They’ve almost all experienced abuse and some continue to experience abuse. They have overcome tragedies to become stronger individuals. They look for adventure and fun but without intentionally hurting anyone else. They worry a little about money, sometimes more than other times. They love Nature and want to live a “full life,” an uncommon life. They’re rather “different” in how they think, especially in terms of romantic relationships and partnerships. Some are a little OCD but they’re all very tender-hearted, even if you don’t see it at first. Most of them could never, if you really knew them, be considered either ordinary or traditional.

That’s my vibration right now. It’s as simple as taking a paragraph to describe what all my closest friends and relationships have in common.

There are times when you would never doubt your relationship with someone, yet it’s doubt that injures it …sometimes kills it.  Not your own doubt, but doubt that is induced by the other person.  Sometimes the relationship can be salvaged, and sometimes the doubt is too strong for too long.

I have seen this in myself at times, and often in others.  I have seen it deep and loving friendships,  in idealistic love affairs, and in business or work partnerships.  Whereas a friend, lover, or partner might never do anything to willfully break the trust in the relationship, they do…not with infidelity or cruelty but with their own insecurities and doubts.

I have been happily in relationships–both romantic and platonic–when the other person had a fit of insecurity or doubt.  It wasn’t, for example, that he (or she) didn’t believe in me, but rather didn’t believe in himself.  The response was a sudden pulling back or pushing away, even telling me to go away or that things would never work between us or enumerating all the reasons I shouldn’t care for this person.

For me, this was always a shock.  I’m a very compassionate person who bonds deeply with very few people but when I do, the bond is hard and fast.  Nothing else can shake my belief in the other person.  I will give back incredible loyalty and friendship and overlook flaws and be happy in whatever is there.  Even the standard ideas of infidelity will not shake me in my trust in someone else.

But introduce doubt?  His doubts?

I say “his” as if this were only romantic boy-girl relationships but for me,  it’s happened as often in deep friendships with both men and women.  My rock-solid faith in the relationship suddenly meets with his pushing me away and telling me all is for naught.  Typically, I go off (or am left) in shock to absorb this news and go off to lick my wounds.  But the doubt that I’ve just been stung with is like a venom that eats away at my trust.  The doubt festers in me where there was none before.

And what so often happens is that the other person, now having injected their doubt elsewhere, has a little time to think things over, work through it on their own, and realize that no, things really were pretty damned good and they return with the expectation that all is well.  But it’s not.

The bond of trust has been broken.  Sometimes that can be salvaged.  Sometimes not.  Sometimes the other person returns with daylight and an admittance he’s been a fool and there is still much to work through.  Sometimes the other person takes a while to work through his own issues and return, and that’s often worse because the venom has worked its way through my veins and killed what was once there.  I am too full of doubt…or perhaps I’ve taken an antidote that deadens the feelings and keeps me from being hurt again.  It closes up the old wounds.

And closes me up, too.

***Pic: My home office’s annex. That’s my desk.***

A day to remember. Not for what I accomplished but for what I didn’t. It was my day off, my day to catch up on things around the house, including laundry and dishes and correspondence. I had a billion things on my to-do list and finished…two and a half.

The folks at work were, I’m sure, expecting me to finish some files over the weekend and on my time off, even though I worked a whole extra day last week and then took a sick day as a result of a marathon-briefing-induced neckache. In fact, I got a message Friday wanting to know if I’d finished a review yet that I have a whole 5 days allowed to do. I’m much faster than that but they wanted to know why it wasn’t done already in less than 2 days. Sometimes, it doesn’t pay to work too many miracles, and I’m thinking that Star Trek’s Scotty had the right idea about everything being impossible and finding the answer at the last possible minute…so that people appreciate what you do or can do and don’t always take for granted that you’ll save somebody’s ass and they can reneg on their own duties. The lack of appreciation irritated me, but the snarkiness combined with the expectation that I’d save the day (quietly, with no applause) put me over the edge, and I opted for a no-work weekend.

***Pic: the view from my “office” today while chatting with a friend.***

So instead of racking up a list of all the things I accomplished today, I did next to nothing. Just enjoyed the serenity of the day, the beauty of it, the peacefulness.

I knew I still had many things to finish, both in the house and online, but instead of hyperventilating over everything, I concentrated on enjoying the moments, the baby birds in the box over my head, the bluejay that kept picking up bread from the wonderful Gathering in my home last night, the flowers that reminded me of my quick trip to Georgia this weekend. What little work I did do, I did outdoors in the world’s most perfect office, the one on my patio.

***Pic: the more relaxed view from my “office”–yes, toes up!***

That’s what makes today memorable–not the X’ing things off my checklist of things to do, but just enjoying an ordinary day that was extraordinary in how serene it was.

This Special Post on the Full Moon  is sponsored by The Long-Awaited Honest-to-God Secret to Being Happy, available at half-price to readers of The Spiritual Eclectic. Click here to download.

Check out 2 new sites we’re working on:  http://www.life-strategies-to-go.com and http://www.spiritual-pagan-paranormal.com.  And…don’t forget to follow us on Twitter for the latest updates.

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The April Full Moon, aka the Pink Moon, occurs in Libra on April 9, 2009 at 9:55 AM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…moving into new territory with relationships and how we want things to look.  More on that in a moment.

Libra, an air sign, is generally balanced, romantic, charming, idealistic. This particular full moon will be rather intense, considering that Venus (love, money, creativity) is retrograde and squaring an obliterating-then-rebuilding Pluto.  For a lot of people,  this Libra full moon balancing a fiery, move-it-forward Aries sun will bring about an urgent desire to make something happen in a relationship, bringing old drama to a head in a perhaps less than ideal way.  (But it will clear the deck for something better.) Last month was so filled with turbulence but this month?  There’s a sense of the Tarot here, a Lovers’ card.   A chance to find some grounding and make choices about relationships and partnerships and whether to be with a particular person, and at the same time, an opportunity to have many different relationships or partners but still say to one special person, “I choose you, regardless of how many people I may love, and choose one does not lessen the love for anyone else.”  There’s an intimacy to it of two people, but at the same time, an openness of loving groups of people who are not family but we choose to make them family, regardless of social templates.  This isn’t so much about lovers but multiple loves and not so much about a choice but choices, and the tension of Venus squaring Pluto will force some kind of decision in how we handle those relationships.

For those of you who routinely read my suggestions for meditations, you know how this works. I share this unraveling of images I have just before a New Moon, Full Moon, and/or Eclipse and you’re welcome to use what makes sense to you. For most of last year, I’ve been following this “story” of a river of emotions connected with Moon phases–everything from bridges over rivers to the structure that holds the river in its banks, to surfing the river, to becoming the river, to rising above the river in a parasail…all taking me “around the riverbend” to a beautiful new vista that is lush and green. For those of you who know me personally, you’ve watched in amazement and then horror at how some of these influences have played out in my life and how I’ve been healing from some heartbreaks and reached a place of happiness again.

For links to previous meditations, just search the Astrology or Ritual category on this site.

Thus far, the past year’s meditations have included Bridges, Riverbanks/Structures, Surfing/Sailing, Parasailing, Becoming the River, Rocks, Rebuilding the Riverbanks, Covered in Healing Mud, Washing off the Mud and Dancing Naked in the Sunlight, Beginning to Play in the River Again, Full-on Splashing in the River, Speeding around in Fun but Directionless Circles in my little boat, and Picking up a Passenger or two as we zip forward.

Which brings us to this Full Moon’s meditation: In this meditation, I am well past that point of standing beside the river, licking my wounds after the bashing from last Autumn. I have been dipping my toes in the river, dancing tentatively in the sunlight, and splashing watch all around. I have hopped into my little boat, the one without oars or a rudder. In spite of all the hurt of this past year, I’ve decided that it’s worth it to get back on the river and see where it takes me, even though I’m not steering. My motor has been running and I’ve been moving forward even though I don’t really know where I’m going, but along the way, I have picked up a passenger…a travelling companion for this journey.  I have leaned out the boat and linked arms to pull him into my craft with me, to this safer place I have to offer.

But here is the new part of this progressive meditation: as I move forward down the river, swirling this way and that in the current and not steering at all, I realize that I’ve picked up not just one passenger, but several.  These are lovers and dreams, wishes and desires.  These are those who support me on this journey and those whom I support.  The boat is so heavy with passengers that the rim is only inches above the water, that deep emotional current I’ve been in for the past year.  The boat lurches forward and swerves and…runs ashore.

This is not a bad thing.  One more passenger, and we might have been gurgling to the bottom of the riverbed.  Instead, we simply express mild surprise that we have found ground, something solid after so much emotional wateriness and uncertainty.   We climb out of this boat, onto solid ground, this time lush and not muddy.  I’m barefoot and feel the cool moss-like grass under my soles.  We can decide to get back in our boat, leaving someone behind so that we stay afloat, and continue along the course of the river…or we can explore this adventure that’s presented itself to us.   Ahead of us, opposite the riverbank, is a deep forest, and this is our other choice.  It is vast and beckoning with mysteries in the shadows and enchantment in the light.

Watch for choices to be made in the next month.  You may feel both restless and relentless in reaching a decision but ultimately, it’s about how you want your relationships to look—a very Libra kind of quality!

Are you getting what you want? I am. Finally. And the change is most evident by looking around my home.

While working on a refurbishment project both inside and outside my house, I had begun to notice a pattern I’d somehow missed. It’s a pattern of doing without, of sacrificing, of settling for less than I want, of living with other people’s cast-offs. It’s obvious now only because I have gotten rid of so much accumulation over the years that I can now see what’s left, and it’s mostly the things I’ve felt I could not let leave my life.

I still have a few hand-me-down pieces of furniture when I’d really rather have a very different look and energy in Shannon’s old room now that she’s left home and something different for whenever she’s visiting. I’ve thought about it recently, about getting a double bed for that little room so that future couples vacationing at my home will have something more comfortable than a single bed. I’ve seen exactly the headboard I want. Then I thought, no, I could save a few hundred dollars by hanging onto the old stuff, even the uncomfortable old stuff. Just close the door and live with it. I could, as so many times in my life, just “make do.” Not what I want but there are a good dozen excuses why not, starting with the economy. The one reason why seemed to be that it was something that I wanted. I can afford it, I have room for it, I want it-but that’s not good enough. I don’t care if it’s the best or the priciest or the cutest little antique. The bottom line is whether my really wanting something is enough to have it.

And I’ve decided that it is.

The same has been true of replacing the long-gone hot tub. Too expensive. Too lavish. Too much upkeep. Too…whatever. Yet something I enjoyed immensely and have longed to have again. What’s stopping me? Me. It wasn’t something I reallyreallyreally needed, even though it would be wonderful for my knee injury or relaxing away stress. I settled for less than what I wanted.

And I’ve decided to change that, too.

All around my home, this change has been taking place over the past year. I am now beginning to have the gardens I’ve long wanted. My house is still freshly painted from last summer, with the floors in the foyer and kitchen re-done, new countertops, new curtains, and all the little idiosyncrasies that bring people to love my home. It’s full of candles, scents, sunshine, prisms dancing on the walls, lots of color and stone and wood and metal and fabric.

My home is an intricate reflection of my inner world, and even my gardens remind me that the reason I have 3 shades of azalea in one small bed is because I didn’t think I could afford the few bucks more to have what I really wanted. This isn’t a cry for rampant commercialism that I’m espousing: instead, it’s about being true to pursuing what I really desire instead of going nearly all the way to my goal and then settling at the last few steps of the mile. It’s about getting what I want. Both in and around my home-and in my life.

I have my sanctuary, I have upbeat new friends and an solid Circle, I have talented lovers and deep love and warm affection, I have AMAZING daughters, I have fun trips and interesting classes, I have students and clients who bless me by knowing them, I have creative projects and popular websites, I have emotional support and incredible relationships with loved ones near and far, I have books that delight me to write, I have a prosperous job that has better moments now than before, I have music in my home, I have flowers on my table, and I have a now-healthy body that serves me well and is served well.

I have more now of what I’ve always wanted, and none of it is almost there, second best, or making do. I’m not settling anymore. I’m finally getting what I want.

Minding your own business seems like such a trite expression or even a cringe-worthy reprimand, but thanks to a few ex-friends, I’m in more of a live-and-let-live stance than I’ve ever been in before.  More than anything, their gleeful shunning reminded me of how much I’ve changed in how and even whether I judge other people.  (They’ve let me know they don’t read my work, so I’m not worried they’ll read me here–and frankly I don’t care.

A question has been going around various social networks, asking whether you would tell  a female friend if you saw her significant other out with someone else.  There was a time when my answer would have been a definitive “Yes, and I’ll help her move the body.”  Now, I can’t really say that.  I’ve learned that things aren’t always as they seem and that there are things that happen between other people that don’t involve me (aka, none of my business).   Sometimes men and women really are “just friends,” and sometimes it’s an open marriage and sometimes the friend I’m closer to is really the abuser and the other person is trying to plot an escape.  It’s seldom black and white.  So my answer is, “It depends.”  And it depends on many, many things whether I choose to become involved in someone else’s relationship or judge someone merely because of what a former friend or spouse says about them.  I’ve met plenty enough “crazy exes,” to realize that some truly are mentally ill (with the diagnosis to prove it) and others are simply quieter than their popular-with-the-people spouses.

When relationships break up, whether they’re romantic or sisterly or business partners, people often feel the need to side with one or the other when there’s really no need at all–and when neither party has asked for anyone to side with one or the other.  People used to tell me that my ex and I were the perfect couple, but all they saw was what passed between us at a dress-up party in public, and they had no idea that I was in misery or why.  I’ve looked at other marriages and been saddened to hear they were breaking up because they seemed to be such a perfect couple, but I long ago came to understand that things happen that no one else will ever know.  It’s not even a matter of his side, her side, and the truth…it’s not really a matter for anyone other than the two of them.   Maybe it’s some fundamental need to prepare for war and survival that makes friends of the two step in to take sides when they know only little pieces.

For the past couple of years, I’ve handled my judgment differently, most of the time.  If two people have separated or have problems and one has the need to tell me about it, I take with the proverbial grain of salt.  I can still be supportive but I don’t necessarily agree that the other person is crazy or even wrong…at least not until I’ve interacted with that person myself.  In some cases, I’ve had to agree that the other person is a lunatic and, at least once, that the other person was crazier and meaner than had been alleged.  But I can listen and nod and be supportive without walking away to go key that person’s car.

Two former friends of mine are trying to teach me a lesson these days.  They’re shunning me.  I didn’t even notice at first–they had to call my attention to it.  Why?  First all, they’re former friends because they chose to be.  They dropped our long-standing friendships overnight.  There was never an angry or upset word that passed between us.  Because I’m no longer in a relationship with someone they liked, they ditched me instantly.  They never asked me anything, I never told them anything, and they decided they could be friends with only one of us.

I’m annoyed but not really upset by it all, except when they freshly let me know once again that they’re not my friends anymore.  If I could get just beyond the annoyance, I could laugh at it but so they’re filled with hate about things they think I’ve done, that yes, it does bother me.  Part of me wants to defend myself and the other part doesn’t care.  There’s no point in defending myself anyway because they’re having too good a time believing what they want.  The truth of the breakup is far less lurid than they could possibly imagine and there are details of it that I won’t discuss with anyone that, if I did, would either be flatly not believed or would hurt other people.   Neither of them has the same relationship with this person that I did and from the contexts of their own relationships, they automatically assume that I must be the one who caused hurt when there was hurt on all sides and for reasons we’ve not told them.

They’ve taught me to be more careful before passing judgment on situations I know nothing about or have, at best, heard only one side of the story.  I’m grateful for that.  And I leave them to their determination to show me by their shunning just how bad a person I am.   Maybe I am a bad person by their standards because while they’ve been busy passing judgment on me, I realized that they’re not really worthy of my friendship and that I’ve really not missed anything since they’ve declared me unworthy to be their friend simply because I chose not to be someone else’s friend.