The Sports Satirist

My Impressions about the Forthcoming 2012-2013 NFL Season

2012-09-04T20:56:00.003-04:00

With the NFL season almost here, I thought it would be appropriate to divulge what is going through my mind. There have been a bevy of storylines during the offseason. The elephant in the room is undoubtedly the New York Jets and Tim Tebow.

The New York Jets
The Jets can have the headlines, but the Giants have the Super Bowls. Should the Jets place advertisements on Craigslist seeking talented offensive players? Everyone is either thinking when Tebow will start or when Mark Sanchez will falter. I used to feel sorry for Sanchez, but it is arduous to feel sorry for someone who has that many zeroes in his paycheck. I abhor Rex Ryan making guarantees he always fails to deliver; however, I agree with him on his decision to make Sanchez the starter. Tebow won his first playoff game, yet Sanchez won his first two playoffs and has a better playoff record than Tebow. Why would anyone want Tebow as the starter for the Jets? Is it because he has a string of fourth quarter comebacks with the Denver Broncos? Did Tebow defeat Tom Brady in the playoffs? Sanchez defeated Brady (the MVP that year) in the playoffs 2011 divisional game in New England, and New England Patriots were heavily favored. That is a more grandiose feat than Tebow defeating the Pittsburgh Steelers in Denver. The evidence suggests Sanchez is the right player for the job. At this point in his career, Tebow is analogous to Michael Vick when he played for the Atlanta Falcons. He is a quarterback disguised as a running back, and that is why the Jets only want to use Tebow in wildcat formations. One aspect of this that everyone seems to overlook is Braylon Edwards, and how the loss of Edwards really hurt Sanchez. Plaxico Burress was a downgrade from Edwards. I know there are many doubters who believe Sanchez and Edwards are both dreadful, but Marc led the Jets to the AFC Championship game in two consecutive years. They will give you nothing if you have them on your fantasy team, but they can make plays that count. If you appreciate them or detest them, the fact is those two (Sanchez and Edwards) deliver in the playoffs.

The New Orleans Saints
I would be remiss if I failed to mention the New Orleans Saints and bountygate. Evidently, Drew Brees would go to hell and back for his teammates. However, he is incorrect by defending them. There is an overwhelming and incriminating proof that Greg Williams and the Saints defense participated in bounties. No amount of passing yards can mask the bounties. What the Saints did was utterly reprehensible.

AFC West
Peyton Manning is a lock for the Hall of Fame once he retires, but there is no way I envision a scenario where the Denver Broncos make the playoffs. I have no faith in any of the Broncos receivers. Is Manning going to throw the ball to himself? Anyone can call me a demented scientist for saying this; nonetheless, the Kansas City Chiefs have a legitimate chance at the playoffs. This is my rationale for the Chiefs winning the division. They have a double threat with their running backs Peyton Hillis and Jamal Charles. Dwayne Bowe is the most underrated wide receiver in the NFL. Matt Cassell and Eric Berry are healthy. Furthermore, Tamba Hali can get to the quarterback. Dexter McCluster can be dangerous if you give him the football in the open field. Whether it is on special teams or catching a screen pass, McCluster is eerily reminiscent of Dante Hall. No one should be surprised if the Chiefs secure the number 2 seed in the AFC.

The Seattle Seahawks
Russell Wilson just came out of nowhere and completely dominated the quarterback competition by earning the starting job over Matt Flynn. With his mobility and accurate throws, Wilson took the job away from his peers. What are the Seattle Seahawks planning to do with Flynn? Can they trade him to a team that is in desperately need of a quarterback like the the Arizona Cardinals? Cardinals fans (all three of you) would love to see a Flynn and Larry Fitzgerald combination. The only two players on the Cardinals who have any trade value are Fitzgerald and Patrick Peterson. It is unlikely the Cardinals will trade either player. The only feasible option would be to trade Flynn for future draft picks.

Super Bowl 47 (I know this isn't in Roman Numerals)
Is it premature to start talking about the Super Bowl? I am selecting the San Francisco 49ers to defeat the Baltimore Ravens. The 49ers bolstered their offense with Mario Manningham, Brandon Jacobs, and Randy Moss. Nobody should be surprised if Alex Smith and Manningham make the Pro Bowl this year. Then, you look and Vernon Davis and Michael Crabtree. It is easy to picture this transpiring: Davis on one side, Crabtree on the other side, and Manningham in the slot. Defenses should bite on the play action fakes to Jacobs and Frank Gore. I have not even begun to mention that the 49ers have the best defense in the NFL which is led by Linebacker Patrick Willis. They lost to the New York Giants last year in the playoffs because their special teams (not because of their offense or defense). In regards to the Ravens, it less about them but more about what other teams in the AFC lack. The Patriots offensive line is abysmal, the Steelers have an aging defense, and the Houston Texans have a quarterback with no playoff experience in Matt Schaub. The loss of Mario Williams will come back to haunt them. Schaub being back in the lineup will undoubtedly help them. Arian Foster should be brilliant as he always is, but Andre Johnson is getting up there. Joe Flacco has proven he can play with the upper echelon quarterbacks in the league. Flacco outplayed Tom Brady in the playoffs last season.

NFC East
How do you spell the word elite? You spell it with the letters E-L-I which stands for Eli Manning. Eli Manning proved to the skeptics that he was indeed an elite quarterback. What the New York Giants will attempt to do this year will unleash that relentless pass rush just like they did last year. Who can forget that memorable block by Jason Pieree-Paul that propelled Giants to a victory against the Dallas Cowboys? It will be a challenge to repeat. The last time the Giants had to defend their crown it was in 2008. Regrettably, that concluded with Burress shooting himself at a strip club. The reigning Super Bowl Champions lost some pivotal players such as Mario Manningham (to the 49ers), Brandon Jacobs (to the 49ers), and Aaron Ross (to the Jacksonville Jaguars). Albeit the Giants are the Super Bowl Champs, they had their own controversy. Was hazing Prince Amukamara by throwing him in ice cold water necessary? Did Pierre-Paul feel jealous because the Jets were receiving all the attention? In any case, hopefully this will just be water under the bridge (see what I did there). The Giants swept the season series last year against the Cowboys. These are two teams that have different concerns heading into the September 5th opener. The biggest concerns for the Giants is can they flourish with those three aforementioned free agent losses. Conversely, the biggest concern for the Dallas Cowboys is keeping Dez Bryant out of prison.

Rejoice! All of those unanswered questions will ultimately be answered. Nothing is scripted, nothing is premeditated, and nothing is guaranteed in the NFL. The NFL truly is the best reality show on television. The hell with Jersey Shore.

Tiger Woods Interview with Jimmy Fallon

2011-03-28T14:58:00.002-04:00

You have to give Tiger Woods credit for going on a comedy show. His main goal was to promote his video game, but it is what it is.

Chad Ochocinco Plays Soccer

2011-03-25T15:05:00.002-04:00

Dale Zanine US Presswire

The controversial WR for the Cincinnati Bengals tried to take a shot a soccer recently. His soccer career is not confirmed by Kansas City, but this seems like a facetious joke than an earnest commitment. If the NFL lockout concludes, then Chad will probably be on the first plane back to Cincinnati. Chad playing professional soccer would be as mortifying as him playing in the NFL. To quote the words of Chad, "Child Please."

New Feasible NFL Rule Alteration to Kickoffs

2011-03-22T11:27:00.001-04:00

AP Andy King

There has been some real intense controversy about a plausible new rule change to kickoffs. The proposed rule changes would move kickoffs from the 30 yard line to the 35 yard line. Furthermore, the touchbacks would go from the 20 yard line to the 25 yard line. Eliminating the two-man wedge might also be possible. The wedge rule has already been reduced from four to two. The official ruling is expected to transpire today. What is the significance of these possible rule changes? For teams like the Chicago Bears, this would be a gargantuan change. Certainly, players like Devin Hester have made a living off of special teams. He single-handedly carried the Bears to the Super Bowl. Safety is a main concern for these rule changes, but this is really something that inhibits those enthralling plays on special teams. There must be a better way. With improvements in safety equipment over the last few years, the NFL should consider alternative methods to improve player safety because this would only permeate the stereotype: the NFL is the No Fun League.

LeBron James Scores 43 Points Against the Atlanta Hawks

2011-03-19T12:12:00.002-04:00

AP John Bazemore

Miami Heat Dominated the Atlanta Hawks yesterday, and nobody could stop LeBron James. James scored 23 points in the 3rd quarter, and he never looked back. Not only did James shoot 5 out of 7 from 3 point territory, but he had a magnificent behind the back finger roll. In addition, Chris Bosh has a double-double.

Dwayne Wade Spectacular Dunk

2011-03-18T17:28:00.001-04:00

Let me preface this by saying I am aware the Miami Heat lost this game to the Oklahoma City Thunder, but this was an flabbergasting dunk. This was analogous to Michael Jordan scoring 63 points against the Boston Celtics. Sure, Jordan scored 63 points. However, the Celtics won that game. Likewise, Wade delivered on that dunk but lost the game. What made the dunk even more remarkable was that it was against Kendrick Perkins (he is an unbelievable shot blocker). You can't coach that!

Miami Heat Get Their Vengeance Against the San Antonio Spurs

2011-03-15T11:15:00.001-04:00

Steve Mitchell US Presswire

In a game that was humiliating for the Miami Heat, March 4 is a day they will want to forget. During that game between the Miami Heat and San Antonio Spurs, it was a 30 point loss for Miami. Nevertheless, it was a completely different story last night. The main motifs for the Heat was defense and transition points. Dwayne Wade had not 1 but 2 critical blocks: one against Tony Parker and one against Tim Duncan. Miami's defense led to some easy transition points for LeBron James, and nobody can stop James in the open floor. The end result was a 30 point annihilation by the Heat. This begs the question: where was this intensity from Miami earlier in the season? Now, they have momentum. Conversely, the Spurs seem to be showing their age once again. The experienced Spurs turned into an old team, and they were 2 steps behind the Heat throughout the duration of the rematch. Maybe this is the fire that needed to be ignited under the Heat (pun intended).

Miami Heat Seeking Vengeance Against San Antonio Spurs

2011-03-14T10:55:00.001-04:00

The last time the Miami Heat played against the San Antonio Spurs, they choked. In their last game, the final score was 125-95. No, that is not a typo. It was a 30 point annihilation on the road for the Heat. Since that game, the Heat have redeemed themselves somewhat by defeating the 2 time reigning NBA Champions LA Lakers. Ironically enough, Miami still has a chance to secure the number 1 seed in the Eastern Conference. For the most insipid team in the NBA, the Spurs are on a 3 game winning streak. I wonder if LeBron can actually take his talents to South Beach today instead of choking against the Spurs again.

Dunk Over a Car

2011-03-13T14:49:00.003-04:00

Take a look at this dunk Blake Griffin.

The NFL PA Files for Desertification

2011-03-12T10:59:00.001-05:00

After days of negotiations, the NFL PA Filed for desertification. Albeit this does not guarantee a lockout, there is no guarantee there will be an NFL season next year either. The main issues were the following:

Rookie salaries
Retirement benefits
18 Game regular season
Transparency with the Owners' expenses and revenues

Alex Brandon AP

Is this really a case of Billionaires versus Millionaires? Certainly, all players in the NFL are not Millionaires. Likewise, all owners are not Billionaires. I am uncertain who is telling the truth in this negotiation. There is plenty of finger pointing. The NFL PA accused the owners of being secretive with their revenues and expenses. Conversely, the owners agreed that they made many compromises (including avoiding the 18 Game regular season). This begs the question: was there ever a negotiation? With all this talk about negotiations, this entire ordeal seemed like the exact inverse of a negotiation. This was a bitter rivalry that was analogous to the New England Patriots versus the New York Jets.

The Streak Concludes for The Heat and Lakers

2011-03-11T14:09:00.001-05:00

In a battle of two teams going in opposite directions, it was the LA Lakers versus the Miami Heat. It was the 8 game winning streak for the LA Lakers versus the 5 game losing streak for the Miami Heat. Something had to give in this game, and something did. Mike Miller finally made some shots instead of choking like he did against the Chicago Bulls. Now, the Heat must find some consistency in order to be competitive.

The Rich Eisen Podcast

2011-03-10T12:18:00.002-05:00

Here is the latest Rich Eisen Podcast.

Don't Call it a Comeback Tiki Barber

2011-03-10T12:15:00.001-05:00

David Drapkin AP

This news just continues to mystify me. For some esoteric reason, Tiki Barber wants to come out of retirement. At age 36, I would be stunned if any team wants to roll the dice and take a chance on him. There has been so much change since his retirement. All we have to do is just focus on the NFC East. The Giants won the Super Bowl. The Cowboys have a different coach. The Eagles have Michael Vick. The Redskins are still the Redskins (maybe there are certain things that are always constant). The most likely team will be the Tampa Bay Buccaneers because his brother Ronde Barber is on that team.

Erik Spoelstra Calls it Cry-Gate

2011-03-08T13:28:00.003-05:00

The head coach of the Miami Heat Erik Spoelstra admitted "There are a couple of guys crying in the locker room." He even went on to reflect on this whole crying incident by giving it the nickname "Cry-Gate." Both James and Wade did support their coach after the crying comments were made. It is still unclear who actually cried. Did LeBron James take his crying to South Beach?

Lynne Sladky AP

Humiliation and Obliteration NBA Sunday

2011-03-07T10:19:00.001-05:00

This was really a tale of two teams going in two different directions. After a mortifying loss to the San Antonio Spurs, the Miami Heat choked again at home against the Chicago Bulls yesterday.Conversely, the San Antonio Spurs were obliterated by the two time reigning champions LA Lakers. The Spurs played as if their entire roster was composed of Kwame Brown.

New York Jets LB Bart Scott Trademarked Can't wait!

2011-03-06T10:07:00.001-05:00

AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar

Yes, it is true. As odd as this sounds, Scott has trademarked "Can't Wait!" This was made notorious after the New York Jets defeated the New England Patriots in the playoffs this year. After pulling one of the biggest upsets last year, I can't wait to see what the Jets have planned next year.

NFL CBA Deadline Extended Again

2011-03-05T11:28:00.002-05:00

After a one day extension, there is now a one week extension to the current NFL CBA. It is better that there is a discussion between the two parties rather than having a lockout. The main topic of the negotiations is still the revenue and how they will be dispersed between the players and the owners. Albeit the specifics of the CBA are still ambiguous, NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith was very optimistic in his demeanor. The new deadline is March 11.

Miami Heat's Epic Failure

2011-03-04T13:37:00.002-05:00

The Miami Heat have had their fair share of failures this year, but this one definitely takes the cake. After having a 24 point Miami Heat lead, they still managed to choke at home against the Orlando Magic. Even players like Jason Richardson and Gilbert Arenas made some pivotal plays. What is wrong with the Heat? Teams are clogging the paint and coercing them to shoot outside shots. At this point, Miami is eerily reminiscent of the 2004 Olympic basketball team. All they can do is drive and make the high percentage shots. Their latest new acquisition, Mike Bibby, played well. Nonetheless, they need more than a Mini-Me impersonator. Nothing personifies the game better than this video below.

AJ Hawk in Green Bay

2011-03-03T11:49:00.001-05:00

Joe Robbins/NFL

After being released by the Green Bay Packers, LB AJ Hawk will probably end up with the Packers again. It is bizarre to see someone come back to a team after recently being released from that team, but it is what it is. Last year was Hawk's most grandiose season.

A Feasible CBA Extension

2011-03-02T13:53:00.001-05:00

AP Photo/David J. Phillip

At 3 PM today, a decision regarding the status of the future of the NFL will transpire. Out of the three plausible choices, there is one likely scenario. This entails the the extension of the deadline of the current CBA. While this might not guarantee an NFL season next year, this definitely provides some much needed time for everyone to gather themselves and recharge their batteries.It is better than nothing.

Redskins Release Clinton Portis

2011-03-01T13:29:00.001-05:00

AP Photo/Jeff Roberson

After seven years in Washington, the Pro Bowl RB was ultimately released by the Washington Redskins. Portis was closing in on 30 years, and his best days are behind him. In addition, he was vulnerable to injuries over the last two seasons. Certainly, there will be a market for him next year (assuming there is an NFL season).

LeBron James and Kevin Durant Failed but Kobe Bryant Succeeded

2011-02-28T10:45:00.001-05:00

Sunday was a brilliant day for the NBA. The two most conspicuous games were the Oklahoma City Thunder versus the LA Lakers and the New York Knicks versus the Miami Heat. The LA Lakers extended their winning streak to 4 after the All-Star Break. Kobe was unsurprisingly his usual self by making a critical shot in the 4th quarter. Kevin Durant has an opportunity to make a play late in the game, but he choked.
The new look Knicks played an impressive game, and they even made some pivotal defensive plays. Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudemire defended the reigning MVP James very well. Stoudemire blocked James' layup in the 4th quarter, and Anthony contested James' final shot. The lingering question is still whether or not the New York Knicks can continue to play defense like this every game. Is this a prelude of things to come or simply an aberration?

Donovan McNabb's Future in the NFL

2011-02-27T12:59:00.001-05:00

AP Photo/Nick Wass

Pro Bowl quarterback Donovan McNabb will probably be elsewhere next year because of coach Mike Shanahan's dissatisfaction with his performance last season. After being benched this past season against the Detroit Lions, things were definitely on a downward spiral for McNabb. Regrettably, McNabb just always seems to be given the short end of the stick. I wonder if McNabb will have the cardiovascular endurance to give Mike Shanahan the middle finger.

Rex Ryan's New York Jets Guarantee

2011-02-26T10:50:00.001-05:00

NFL.com

Is anyone really surprised by this? Rex Ryan guaranteeing a New York Jets Super Bowl victory next year. His confidence is unlike any other coach. Sure, Ryan is arrogant. Nevertheless, he has such a likable arrogance to his bravado. He also predicted the Dallas Cowboys would make the Super Bowl next year. I wonder if his optimism will diminish after the NFL lockout.

Kendrick Perkins Traded to the Oklahoma City Thunder

2011-02-25T14:18:00.001-05:00

Larry W. Smith/NBAE via Getty Images

This was one of the more surprising trades of the NBA season. Kendrick Perkins is a proven winner, and his injury was the reason why the Boston Celtics choked in game 7 of the NBA Finals last year. This is a move to make the Thunder more physical, but the Celtics are a team living in the present. Boston's window of opportunity is two or three years. With Kevin Durant being a juggernaut of a player, this makes the Thunder a more formidable team in the Western Conference.