The Squeaking Noodle

THE LONGEST COME BACK - but the Squeaking Noodle is coming back!

2009-11-23T18:58:00.006+00:00

YIKES! The Squeaking Noodle is coming back!

2008-09-18T09:28:00.007+00:00

The Squeaking Noodle has left the building!

2006-11-03T14:21:00.003+00:00

Writing: Need a Break? Here's Your Excuse to Down Tools!

2006-10-24T11:05:00.000+00:00

There's nothing like a bit of deadpan humour on Tuesday!

Here's a great google vid of Steven Wright. He's a funny, funny man! Good excuse not to do some work for a few minutes.

For more info check out Steven Wright's website.

The Squeaking Noodle Competion: We Have a Winner!

2006-10-24T09:50:00.000+00:00

Thanks to everyone who took the time to take part in The Squeaking Noodle Competition to win a hard back copy of A SPOT OF BOTHER by Mark Haddon. It was a tough choice, but we have a winner.
Well done Brenda Oig. The book is in the post to you.
For more info on the book please see this earlier post Great Read: A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon.
See you all soon and keep the emails and questions coming in. The Squeaking Noodle will be giving away more of its favourite books in the run up to Christmas.

FINALLY!!

2006-10-20T18:22:00.005+00:00

Would the person who admitted to just wearing TIGHTIE WHITIES or KNICKERS in The Squeaking Noodle Poll: Working From Home? The Truth - You're Wearing... please step forward.

At last, we have one writer, working from home, brave enough to admit that they work in their pants. Good for you!

Come on who are you? The Squeaking Noodle would like to introduce you to everyone else - as for the 'look what the cat's dragged in' pollsters...I won't tell if you don't.

To the brave TIGHTIE WHITIE OR KNICKER wearer - email the Squeaking Noodle a pic to post and you'll win a night out for one at MacDonald's - courtesy of the noodle.

Online Publishing: Ready, Steady - GO!

2006-10-20T17:29:00.006+00:00

(Sorry, if you saw this post six times - it all went a bit wobbly jelly.)

Okay, I'll admit it - I like the name Trip Adler, it should be a character's name in your next book, but what I like even more, is that here's someone, who is actively encouraging people to publish online.

It's easy to forget that writing isn't all about freelancing or getting book deals, it's also about people doing what they're compelled to do. We can scoff and many do, but come on - let's admire anyone who does what they love.

NOTE: Don't go on and on about it when I'm around, but do it! I like anyone who is passionate about what they do and I don't care if it's manually sorting chopped liver on an assembly line or writing TV sitcoms. Find what you love and the rest will follow - mental rest that is.

Moving along - John Trip Adler from Harvard, no less, has set up this very professional looking site Trip's Online Site / Name to Follow- the techie side is all a bit over my noodle, but do check it out. Trip has come up with an online space where you can publish your work. It's still new and we don't want to abuse this fledgling site, but do go over have a look; if you think it's for you, drop Trip an email.

I like it - I think it's clean, easy to use, a good idea and void of all that advertising rubbish.

Good luck Trip!

Doesn't anyone want a FREE book? A few more days left for The Squeaking Noodle Competition - see post below. Thanks for all the enquiries about contributing to the Squeak of the Week - keep them coming.

Don't Forget The Squeaking Noodle Competition

2006-10-19T13:04:00.000+00:00

Just a quick reminder to have a go at The Squeaking Noodle Competition to win a free hard back copy of A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon. Good luck!

New SQUEAK OF THE WEEK below...

SQUEAK OF THE WEEK: Fiction Writing Ain’t Rocket Science! By Nadine Laman.

2006-10-19T10:30:00.000+00:00

Want to know what it's like writing fiction?
Get reading - this is great advice from author Nadine Laman. With two books under her literary belt - Kathryn's Beach and High Tide, and more on the way, this Californian author has every right to be 'eternally optimistic that we can have a better world'.

Please email The Squeaking Noodle if you would like to be the next SQUEAK OF THE WEEK. The chosen guest blogger will be informed by email.

Fiction Writing Ain’t Rocket Science!
By Guest Blogger Nadine Laman.

What’s the trick to writing fiction? There is no trick. There is no magic formula, which everyone else knows, and you don’t. There wasn’t a memo sent out, there is no secret decoder ring, no muse (I hate that word), or anything else, everyone is selling to writers.

Here is how it works. An idea comes, a sentence maybe, an image of a scene or a scene opening. Sit down and write it out. Don’t think about it. Don’t go on a forum and spend days “talking” about writing. Don’t write out the whole outline – this is fiction!

Sure there is work and preparations to be made for nonfiction, but in fiction, it is as simple as sitting down and starting to type. Don’t believe me? Watch Finding Forrester (Columbia Pictures © 2000) - if Sean Connery said it, it has to be true!

Sit down and write. That’s it. Write the scene that unfolds in your mind. Otherwise, the writing is stilted and has a forced feel to it – who wants to read something like that? The ideas and freshness, the ease of the story unfolding, are all lost in writing an outline. Save all that for your MFA class. Outlines make professors happy. Forget it in real life writing, though. It messes up the pacing and the natural arcs in the story line. Trust me on this - I’ve watched Finding Forrester!

I cranked out my first 80,000-word novel in twenty-one days, just writing a couple of hours a night. Fiction is story telling. The writer’s job is just to write it down. After the first draft is written, then you can sit down with all the writing books on your shelf and tweak it. Just don’t mess with it too much or it will be dry as a bone.

Here’s what I do, not that anyone has to do what I do, I write the first draft without looking back. I don’t edit or look back at anything, until the entire draft is written, which might be why I get them done so quickly – so I can go look at it again. Then, start from the beginning, read through and fix things; cut the rambling, tighten the prose, make sense of the dialogue – leaving in the dialogue tags until it can stand on its own.

Next, send it out to a couple of willing pre-readers. The last thing pre-readers should say is that it is “masterful.” Their job is to point out the parts, that aren’t masterful. When they send back comments or questions, consider each one very carefully. Don’t defend the writing or argue with the pre-readers (they did you a favor), consider whether the comments lead to an improvement.

I don’t always make the changes they suggest; usually the problem is bigger than they think. Sometime the whole “masterful” paragraph has to be cut. It stinks and their polite suggestions aren’t going to fix it. This isn’t about a writer’s ego, this is about writing your best book.

I often read the whole manuscript out loud in a week’s time. Stopping only to underline or star something to revisit. (Print drafts on the back of used paper.) Once I make all the changes and enhancements, then off to the editor. Since I’m dyslexic, this is a necessary step for my work. So, there it is – something to shop to the industry. Write your best book!

(Thanks for sharing the wisdom Nadine!)

Feel free to Email Nadine Laman or pop along to her website Nadine Laman Books

Here's what Amazon readers had to say about Kathryn's Beach by Nadine Laman.

More from The Squeaking Noodle on writing: Writing a Book - In One Hit!

Books Glorious Books!

2006-10-17T09:34:00.000+00:00

Journalist and Author Carleen Brice emailed the noodle this morning and has kindly offered Squeaking Noodle readers the following:

"First person to pop over to the Pajama Gardener and tell me you heard about it at the Squeaking Noodle gets a free copy of Age Ain't Nothing but a Number."
(The Pajama Gardener)
For more info see yesterday's post below.
Thanks Carleen!

Don't forget The Squeaking Noodle Competition to win A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon.

Many of you have already started taking part in the competition - thanks for taking the time, and yes I should be giving away a shelf. I know - giving away a free book to writers is like giving free fish to fishermen (you know who you are).
Good luck - will post best entries next Monday together with the Winner!

Spreading the Word: Carleen Brice - Age Ain't Nothing but a Number!

2006-10-16T20:28:00.000+00:00

Age Ain't Nothing but a Number: Black Women Explore Midlife by journalist and author Carleen Brice. Looking forward to reading this one.

Modest Carleen makes the writing life look simple, important and great fun. Check out her blog - Pajama Gardener - a published author blogs about writing and gardening, both of which can best be done in pajamas. This looks to be a great anthology and I can't wait to get stuck in.

This is from the inside flap - wish they'd call it something else if you know what I mean. Moving swiftly along:

Finally, a collection that celebrates, contemplates, even criticizes midlife . . . but from a black woman’s point of view. Age Ain’t Nothing but a Number is the first anthology of its kind. Featuring the writing of 40 of the finest black women writers, this anthology ranges over every aspect of black women’s lives—family, friendship, love, sex, beauty, health, spirituality, work, and many other topics. Maya Angelou, J. California Cooper, Pearl Cleage, Patricia Raybon, Elyse Singleton, April Sinclair, Rita Dove, Gloria Naylor, Jewelle Gomez, Nikki Giovanni, Tina McElroy Ansa, Terry McMillan(...and Alice Walker)—these are just a few of the many writers showcased here. Age Ain’t Nothing but a Number tells the real story of midlife. Spirited, candid, moving, funny, and immensely readable, this anthology should make every reader stand up and dance.

Here's what readers over at Amazon UK thought of Age Ain't Nothing but a Number by Carleen Brice.

And...here's what Amazon readers in the States had to say.

Regards to Denver Carleen!

The Squeaking Noodle is always keen to hear from you. If you have a book, link, tips or anything you want to share, drop me an email or comment. Questions? I'll put those up too...if I can't help, someone else will.

Don't forget The Squeaking Noodle Competition to win A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon.

Squeaking Noodle Competition - Fantastic Book for Free!

2006-10-16T14:26:00.000+00:00

Along the way The Squeaking Noodle wants to give away some of its favourite books.

To start off with, it's one I read and loved recently. Have a look at this earlier post Great Read: A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon for more info.

All you have to do, is answer the following questions, then leave your answers as a comment (just click on the line that says press to have your say below this post) or Email The Squeaking Noodle. You can give your name or stay anon., but do let me and others know what you do ie. writer, author, journo, gerbil tamer etc.

Here goes:

1) If all your emails for one year were published into a memoir, how accurate a reflection would it be of your life that year and how much cash would you want for it to stop you from leaving the country?

2) If you were invisible whose email inbox would you raid?

3) What's your best writing tip?

I'll put the best answers up for you to read next Monday; the very best one will get Mark Haddon's new book (the hard back edition) sent to them. Make sure to leave me your email, so that I can let you know if you've won.
Good luck!

Hot Gossip: Sssh! Don't Say a Word!

2006-10-16T12:50:00.000+00:00

I had to buy this limited edition print by the wonderful artist A.V. Phibes. I found her fabulous site recently and just love her work.

You may have seen an earlier post - First Edition Books - Worth Taking a Look!. I think as writers, we all need something to pep us up occasionally and this did it for me. Do pop along to A.V. Phibes' site and have a look. I couldn't keep this one to myself. Her art is so colourful and the HOT GOSSIP 2002 limited edition print I bought is spot on.

I’m always looking for good ideas and stories, and, of course, hot gossip for my work. Instead of some boring pic of writer with keyboard – I think this will do the trick on the wall beside my desk, laptop, coffee cup and millions of bits of paper and junk that sit around me while I work.

My friend bought a great limited edition lithograph of Iggy Pop by David Bowie - I really wish I'd bought one. When he tipped me off, I ummed and argh-ed for ages. I think I missed out. These artworks go quite cheaply and are worth looking out for. They're beautiful and a great investment for anyone who like me, likes art, but doesn't want to sell their family, partner, friends and furniture to get their hands on it.

About A.V. Phibes: "Raised on Mad Magazine and Looney Tunes, A.V. Phibes had no formal art training (unless you count those ten years of art classes.) Raised poor in the deserts of New Mexico, she moved to The Big City in 1998, bought a Mac, taught herself Photoshop and within two years was working full time as a commercial artist. Two years after that, she had her first solo art show.Today she is an award-winning artist, fast-talking businesswoman and gal about town.

Here's more about A.V. Phibes from her website.

Do let me know if you have found something or someone you think we should all hear about and the Squeaking Noodle will pass it on.

Pic courtesy of A.V. Phibes © 2002 HOT GOSSIP - Thank You!

Drop the Books and Read These!

2006-10-14T15:42:00.000+00:00

This bright spark over at Writing Spark has done all the hard work for you and has a great list of US and non-US publications you can write for - cheers Alicia. Go over and check out what she's up to, this girl has her fingers in many pies, like her equally excellent Martini Lounge and then pop over to Julia Temlyn'sMusings of a Writing Wife. Want to see what a real blog looks like American style - these busy writers are leaps ahead - packed with loads of info, links, contests, and writing info.

See you soon, but I'll leave you with what UK broadsheet Editors get up in their spare time. Be a rabbit in his headlight and skip over to Neil McIntosh's Complete Tosh - seduced by the bright lights - blog and read his rather well written ramblings on everything from football to new media and techie stuff; that bit goes way over my head, and there's even a pic of a cat. This Guardian Deputy Ed can rabbit.

Hilarious Read: A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

2006-10-12T16:32:00.000+00:00

This book is a must read. The dialogue is superb; it's sharp and witty and its authenticity jumps off the page, and sucks you in. I'm not sure why the last few books I've recommended are by authors who have committed suicide. (See: Fantastic Read: The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath) Maybe, they wrote with a clarity and honesty that is difficult for many to achieve, and instead of morbid outpourings, we get upbeat writing, which inspires and delights.

John Kennedy Toole's life and death is as extra-ordinary as his writing. He wrote this in 1967, but it wasn't published until 1980 - 11-years after his suicide in 1969, when his mother discovered his hand-written manuscript amongst all his papers. The Lost Soul Companion Project - an organization which helps emerging artists, writers, musicians, and actors to navigate the road less travelled - explains the background and the circumstances surrounding his death, the best. This is fascinating stuff and definitely worth a read. I only found this site today and thumbs up to them.

The story is about Ignatius J. Reilly and his efforts to find his first job at thirty, whilst still living with his mother, in Uptown New Orleans. This is such a wonderful book; it's just such a travesty that Toole didn't live long enough to enjoy the success of winning the Pullitzer Prize in 1981. Instead, he died thinking he was a complete and utter failure. The excellent title - A Confederacy of Dunces - comes from the book's epigraph by Jonathan Swift: "When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him." (Thoughts on Various Subjects, Moral and Diverting).

Here's what readers at Amazon had to say about A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole.

Check out Spike Magazine's take on it: The End is Wry.

For more info on Toole read Ignatius Rising: The Life of Kennedy Toole.

Here's Looking at Something!

2006-10-12T10:45:00.000+00:00

I like this Google vid. The Journalist shot in Brooklyn, and here's another one: Behind the Blog - Mack Reed from Hard News Inc. and ex-L.A.Times investigative reporter, talks about blogging.

Freelance Writing: Copyright and Travel Writing - Two Questions. Two Answers!

2006-10-11T19:19:00.000+00:00

Some great questions coming in!

The Squeaking Noodle will always try to answer your questions on writing and freelancing or find the information you need to help you on your way. Please jump in and add your comments to the following and thanks Kate for asking.

"Dear, dear Squeaking Noodle:

Thank you ever so much for answering my question about telephone contacts with editors. Now I have two other questions I hope you'll address:

What kind of rights do British newspapers demand from freelancers? I found one statement from The Independent, but haven't been able to locate information for any of the other national newspapers."

It would take forever and a day to understand the intricacies of copyright, especially now that most papers and magazines publish their archives online. Where does that leave us? Exactly. Who knows? Sure we own the copyright, but how many of us really understand what happens to our work when it pops online.

Here are two links that explain copyright better than I ever could. All I can add is, make sure you ask when you first get commissioned. Also, there is a big difference if the magazine asks you to write something as opposed to you offering them an idea or story. Same with pics - ever noticed how eager publications are to use their own in house snappers? Well, it's for a reason, use someone else's pics and they're not theirs to sell on and on and syndicate. The staff snapper snaps for a living and his rights to his pics are pretty much the price of his job.

Anyway, these links will give you plenty to think about and if you're reading this from the States - the pea fog has lifted here and the food is getting better, but you know that already.

Copyright and Authors'Rights Background - good for overview in US and UK.

National Union of Journalists take on copyright in the UK - 10 Things every Journalist Should Know About Copyright.

And if you missed this the first time around. Here it is again: The Citizen Journalism Debate from the The Guardian.

Thank you to Patrizio Rocco for the wonderful illustration.

Next up.

"I'm particularly interested in writing travel articles. In the U.S., newspapers want completed articles, not queries. Is this the case on your side of the pond?"

Again, please feel free to comment or email. Don't worry - your answers can be anonymous, just choose anon option in the comments bit under this post.

Again, it's only my opinion, but how long is a piece of knicker elastic? When it comes to travel writing, think of it this way. Everyone who can hold a pen wants to write about travel. If you have to ask why? Ask someone else.

Travel writing is one of the most sought after staff jobs. Notice, most travel editors stay in their jobs until they are carried out kicking and screaming or in a wooden box. They ain't giving up that plum post any time soon.

So, if you are a freelancer looking to break in - you can. Sure! Just remember, do the day job and treat travel writing as a perk. Pitch one or two stories a year, enjoy the trip, savour the delights and get back to reality and PLEASE do not promise to write about somewhere just to get a free trip, because it really does ruin it for everyone else and it gives us all a bad name.

Forget travel books - how long have you got? No money and more work than it's worth. Take your time, choose a destination, find the perfect and original angle and you will get a trip of your dreams, but think again when it comes to making a living out of it. A couple I met (I won't mention names) earned $10,000 for a 400,000-word travel guide. IT'S NOT WORTH IT! They didn't think it was worth it and who made the cash and who went to horror holes for peanuts. Go and check, ask travel eds - who by the way, will tell you it's crap and tiring and you wouldn't like it. They are lying! Of course, travelling gets boring - eventually, but come on guys. WE ALL KNOW IT'S A CUSHY DEAL!

So, Kate - re your question. UK editors are happy to see your pitch, some want the full article, some don't. My advise would be to think out of the box. Competition is so tough, that you need to shine. Got a trip to the Seychelles you want to write about? Forget it. The Ed will nab that one. Think more in terms of eating snails from the mouth of a goat in Slovakia or cycling for 117-hours through a forest in Russia with no supplies. Getting it yet?

I do wish you all the best. I have written many travel articles and sampled the life of luxury along the way, the life of someone who could afford to do these things for real, but I treat it as something you do seriously, but occasionally. Do it properly, get the coverage you promise and enjoy it, but in the meantime, get on with writing about everything and anything else.

That reminds me, you could go the other way and find something spectacular to write about which involves travelling to the other side of the world and then sell it to one of the papers as a reportage piece. Think out of the box and you'll be fine!

Keep up the good work!

Squeaking Noodle - It's a Junior Journo Job!

2006-10-11T12:29:00.000+00:00

And there was I having a good old squeak at pushy PR's yesterday.

Guess what?

Today The Squeaking Noodle wants to help someone find ‘a hungry’ junior journalist for an in house job with a leading UK training company in Herts.

Any ‘hungry’ young junior journos out there? I’m not involved in any way, shape or form, it’s just that I got this lovely email and thought why not? There must be someone out there looking for a break in journalism! I personally think it’s a great move for someone starting out and if you ask nicely they might credit your work - I’ve mentioned the possibility to them.

Here’s what they’re looking for:
Someone smart, quick, great with people and who loves to write sharp copy. You’ll be putting your interview skills to the test by interviewing clients, delegates and trainers and then writing tip-top copy. Perfect if you want temp or part-time work, but good news is – it could go full-time.Plus, sounds like there's lots of room to progress.

How much? I hear you yell. I was coming to that bit.

How does £13,000-£15,000 pa pro-rata, depending on experience grab you? . (Squeak thinks it’s not bad for a junior post.

If that sounds like you or someone you know send a CV and mention your availability to:
Carolyn Causton
The People Development Team
47 Baldock Street
Ware
SG12 9DG
Email: carolyn@people-development-team.com
Deadline for application: Tuesday 31st October 2006

I feel quite noble now. Good luck and may the best man, woman or journalist get the job. Let me know how you all get on.
See you

P.S - Carrie just confirmed that they would be happy to give bylines/credits, "if you behave", she said. Good for the old CV!

Freelance Fee Guide Link - up and running!

2006-10-10T23:39:00.001+00:00

Thanks to whoever let me know that the link to the Freelance Fee Guide was down - it's all working now - thanks!!
See you soon.

Here's the original post. Freelance Rates of Pay in the UK - The Real Deal!

Freelancing - Dealing with Pushy PR's

2006-10-10T13:54:00.000+00:00

So, have I got this right?
The general consensus is that a public relations consultant or firm or flack or PR or whatever we call them, looks after a product, person or service and is out to get maximum press coverage and thats where we come in. Freelance writers, who want new stories and new ideas to fill pages to entertain readers. So, why is it like grinding teeth when you come across the pushy ones?

Know the ones I mean? They put you onto a great bit of news and you love them for it. They know which publications you write for. They say theyd be delighted if it got into the paper or magazine (got published) and then it starts. An onslaught of calls, press releases, emails; suddenly you have your very own shadow, a new best friend. Mind you, a best friend who will dump you quicker than a full diaper if things dont go their way, will try and intimidate you into conceding (I say try, were tougher than that) and if thats not enough, will steal your soul and dance on your grave. Okay, maybe not the last bit, but you get the picture. Great for clients - hideous for freelancers.

Please. We can work together. Point taken that there are journalists who abuse their position by demanding too many freebies things they can get for free by promising to write about them and not delivering. That drives everyone mad and if youre doing it STOP - youre spoiling it for the rest of us.

That said, its the pushy PRs, any new writer needs to identify, understand and tame. You might not think it now, but let one of them charm you into thinking youre the hottest writer in town and you're doomed. Theyll haunt your every working hour; theyll haunt your friends and anyone who has ever shared a bus seat with you. Believe me its true. Show an interest; write for their taget publication and the games over. Your number one fan will shower you with compliments, hint at future stories theyve been saving just for you; anything for you to take an interest and get that damn spot cream, Z-list celeb or trash bin liner into print and in front of their publicity hungry clients.

A note to clients we are NOT best friends with these people, however many names they drop into their initial pitch to you. We co-exist. Most PRs we love, like the one who spins an angle worthy of an Olympic gold we like you. Or the one who has researched their target paper or magazine and understands why Vogue wont be doing a double-page spread on remedies for overweight budgerigars any time soon - we like you too. (Actually, if you have that story...?)

Im talking about the pushy ones, the ones who push and plug like someone with a severe case of product Tourettes. Maybe they dont know theyre doing it? But I suspect they do. Its their master plan and once youre on their call sheet expect their call.

What do we do about them? First off, we need to identify Ms. / Mr. P. R. Pushy. Theyre invariably the ones who call you from a referral from someone you have never heard of, who they met in a bar, at a press launch or shopping aisle.

Next, they will blather on about how wonderful you are, although theyll be hard pushed to name a single publication you write for. Then theyll want you to agree to write about their fab client within seconds of speaking to you. Now - if you haven't already made your excuses and got off the line - this is when you need to check their response. If you say youll get back to them and they begin to sound even the slightest bit annoyed youve got one. Youve got a Pushy on the phone.

What if you like the sound of whatever it is theyre offering you? Great. Go for your life, but beware. Do not over promise anything and expect them to hound you until your piece is in print and they have their clients name tattooed onto your forehead. God help you if youve missed a detail they wanted in, when your piece is out. Thats when Ms. / Mr. P. R. Pushy really gets started.

My advice hold strong. Whatever you do, dont let them sideswipe you into an apology or worse let them bamboozle you into thinking you deserve a ticking off from the editor of the magazine or paper. They are wrong and you are right.

And to any Pushies reading this, if we like something you mention and it fits with the types of things we want to write about well write about it. No amount of pressure will get your product into print if its not what we want to write about. If a freelance writer is commissioned to write about your client be grateful. They know what theyre doing and the editor knows they do or else the freelance writer wouldnt be writing for them you would.

Get it? We know you are only doing your jobs, but please let us do ours. Stop shoving and you'll get more phone time with us, more publicity and more clients.

So, dear freelancers, next time Pushy comes along, be polite, but firm. Limit their calls, alert your writing friends and if youre brave, youll get the stories you want, a happy editor and a Pushy who knows her place.

Its your duty to re-educate them, so, get started!

Freelance Q & A: The Renegade Writer

2006-10-09T10:37:00.000+00:00

I found this site this morning - The Renegade Writer, worth checking out for great freelance info. Thanks for the recommendation Linda. (Linda blogs over at Passionate Media)

Please keep the emails coming and let me know if you have any suggestions for the fledgling Squeaking Noodle. Have any questions or comments? Drop me a line. I'm actively looking for guest bloggers for the SQUEAK OF THE WEEK, which will appear every Saturday, so if you want to take part email me 500 words by Friday. Always keen to hear from you - even if you just want to recommend a good blog or site. You can leave an anonymous question in comments and I'll publish it for everyone to see and respond.
See you soon.

Writing – What Happens When You Just Can’t Write?

2006-10-09T10:09:00.000+00:00

I have had a number of emails from writers who get stuck and can’t write another word.

Bernadette said: “If I love writing so much, why do I get days when I can’t write a single word or days when I write and it’s such hard work that I hate it? I’m too embarrassed to admit it to other writers, in case they think it’s just me. It’s not writer's block, it’s writer's hell.”

Well put. I think we all have days when we feel like we’re wearing workman’s boots in ballet class or stilettos on a cross-country run – useless for the task ahead. Many of you said this feeling of utter dread and of not being able to write, worsened on deadline, one of you said that it happens the minute you get a commission, another as soon as they landed an agent and were asked for the first re-write. “I should have been ecstatic, I had an agent – it’s what I’d always wanted and yet I felt sick and couldn’t even look at my manuscript.”

Much has been written about writer's block, but why does it happen? And why just as you get the okay on the work, project or idea you’ve been pitching for weeks or months? One of you - and you are not alone - even said she regularly missed deadlines because of this ‘unbearable feeling’.

An editor once told me. “GOOD on time is better than PERFECT that never arrives.” I’ve often thought about this. Writers put so much pressure on themselves that sometimes nothing they write is good enough. Those days when you work a piece to death, to get it better, to get it perfect, when what an editor really wants is a good piece - on time.

It’s the pressure to perform, to meet and exceed expectations, but this isn’t the last chance saloon. I think these feelings crop up when we have work to do, because we feel like it’s our only chance to impress a new editor, agent or publisher.

All I can really suggest are things that have worked for me. Turning the tables is one of them. Imagine you’re the editor. Imagine how many pieces you have commissioned and the juggling involved to get them into print on time and then having to get on to the next day’s work. Having worked as staff writer on a newspaper, I can tell you, there is no time for perfection. Everyone would like an extra hour or two a day, but it’s not going to happen. Tomorrow’s paper or next month’s magazine has to come out whether you like it or not; whether you’re ready or not. When news, breaks, it has to be written there and then, maybe for a late edition when something else you’ve been working on has been pulled at the last minute.

So, think about it, what would you be concentrating on if you were that editor? Would you be reading Ms. A. Freelancer’s work and gasping at the perfect choice of words, making a mental note to call back and compliment the writer? Would you take a call and agree with the writer, who needs more time, because it’s important to get the right adjective and that the story can wait? Of course, you wouldn’t.

Editors will love you for a number of reasons, but one of them won’t be for being perfect. They give work to freelancers who can help them keep the wheels turning smoothly as they wrestle to get us into print. This isn’t to say that you can turn in, garbage, you’re already writing for a living, your writing will never be garbage, believe me.

If you have been given a commission, forget that you are the only byline in tomorrow’s paper, or next month’s magazine, you’re not. Distance yourself. You are one of many names that will appear on someone’s breakfast table tomorrow.

This brings me to another thing I do. If you really can’t write, forget about writing for the editor and write for the person who might be reading your article or book. They see an interesting headline and they simply want to know more. That’s all. I hate to disappoint you, but unless it’s a friend, most readers can’t remember who a piece is written by unless you cut the byline out and strap it to the hood of their car or insert through their door with a note. Readers won’t be writing to the editor because when they opened the magazine they were hoping your choice of words would be different. They want the story. Period. Take yourself out of the equation. Sometimes squeezing yourself out of the picture works by easing the pressure you put on yourself, the pressure that your thousand words, and yours alone, will make or break tomorrow’s edition - it won’t. It will be read and hopefully enjoyed, but that’s it. So, next time you feel so stressed that it’s difficult to punch out that first sentence, remember that even though many of us work home alone we are part of a much larger team and our successes largely depend on the work as part of a whole.

There are many books and sites that discuss writer's block and how to kick start your motivation, anything from taking a break, a walk, breathing exercises so I won’t even touch on that here, but I do think that simply putting that little bit of distance between yourself and your work at these stressful times can help. And just rest assured that you won’t always feel like that. Look forward to that morning when your writing starts to flow again, when everything feels good in your writing world again and you can’t even remember why you felt so bad before. Then you can pat yourself on the back and remember why you chose to be a writer. If you don’t believe me, take a quick look through some of your old articles, and congratulate yourself for getting through the tough times. I bet that half the time, the pieces you struggled with, will sound great when you re-read them later.

Thanks for the emails and do keep them coming.
Keep up the good work!

More on Writer's Block: The New Yorker: BLOCKED - Why do writers stop writing? by JOAN ACOCELLA

More on Writing: Writing a Book - in One Hit!

Gripping Read: THE WASP FACTORY by Iain Banks

2006-10-08T16:13:00.000+00:00

I was thinking about the books I’ve loved over the years and then I thought - I wish someone would just give me a library or I could order from Amazon for free - it’s not going to happen, but that’s what I’d like. There are too many to remember. Half of the ones I bought, I've either lent out and not seen back - which I really don’t mind - or lost moving, or they’re somewhere, but I don’t know where.

Here’s one that came to mind - THE WASP FACTORY by Iain Banks. I must have read this years ago, but I still remember being thrilled by it. It’s another dark and sinister one and truly brilliant. It was Iain Bank’s first novel back in 1984. A few years on - I can't recall exactly when - The Independent had it down as one of its top one hundred books this century. I'd be hard pushed to disagree.

THE WASP FACTORY is about sixteen-year-old Frank, who lives an unconventional life with his eccentric father outside a remote Scottish village. His mother left them years ago, his brother is locked up in psychiatric hospital and Frank’s behavior is more than a little peculiar. Now I remember what got me hooked, but I won’t tell you. Suffice to say it’s a gripping read, especially when his brother escapes from the loony bin, but I’ll leave that bit out for now.

Here's what other readers thought of THE WASP FACTORY over at Amazon.

Want to read on? Try Iain Banks: An Interview with Spike Magazine

There's some great author info at Contemporary Writers or check out his website: Iain Banks.

SQUEAK OF THE WEEK: Guest Blogger - EUROTRASH

2006-10-07T16:29:00.001+00:00

Many of you, who have visited my fledgling Squeaking Noodle blog are from both sides of the pond and beyond, so, I thought you might enjoy this entry from this weekend's GUEST BLOGGER - EUROTRASH.
Not everything in life can be pink and fluffy - forget work, forget writing for a moment and enjoy this rant. I know I did!

Please email me if you would like to be the next SQUEAK OF THE WEEK. Entries must be in, no later than 12pm on Friday the 13th October. 500-words max. The chosen guest blogger will be informed by email that day. If any of you are of a sensitive disposition or from Finchley - look away now.

I'd like to teach the world to sing.
By Eurotrash

Bloody hell.
Why is everyone in Finchley so ugly? And why did I never notice that before?

Still, I suppose nylon tracksuits are a slight improvement on everyone wearing their jeans halfway down their arse.

I am genuinely relieved to be away from all that in-your-faceness of New York. The mad homeless people around here just sit about and drink and swear. They don't fucking sing.

Dear just about everyone in New York who thinks they can sing, should sing, and furthermore should sing in public:YOU CAN'T FUCKING SING SO SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I've been wanting to say that for years. And yes, that includes YOU at whatever edgy east village dive bar cabaret night where you think you'll trot out some Bette Midler medley to the appreciation of your equally talentless and deluded friends. You're shit, you CAN'T FUCKING SING, and you should crawl away into your chi-chi (= small and grotty) bedsit and weep for the pain you have inflicted on the world.

As should everyone who owns a guitar and thinks that the slavish adoration of their stoned emo pals on a Saturday afternoon in Union Square means they have talent. And those FUCKING SHITTY SKATEBOARDERS. FUCK OFF! BREAK YOUR NECK, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

And for every employee of CVS, Shoprite and Duane Reed - you know, just do it. Kill yourself. You know you want to. I know you want to. You don't want to serve me, and I don't want you to serve me either, because living corpses aren't really the embodiment of customer service. So let's just get it over with. Ultimate peace lies in a bottle of paracetemol, people.

Regarding Gamestop in Herald Square, I have only this to say: get some more fucking staff to actually operate your checkout desks, instead of just standing near them, chatting and laughing while desperate nerds queue for half an hour to buy the PSP they ordered a year ago, while one brain-damaged goblin pokes random keys on a cash register hoping that eventually he'll hit the right combination to register a sale. Fuckers.

And to all the staff in the Union Square Coffee Shop - you're not nearly as good looking as you think you are.

Having said all that, hell, I miss the weather. It's rained every single bastard bloody day since I got back. Which does not improve either my mental health or the view of the ugly people of Finchley one bit.

(Thanks Eurotrash!)

Thanks and Keep Asking!

2006-10-07T12:18:00.000+00:00

Thank you to those who took the time to email me regarding my fledgling BLOG – much appreciated. Please feel free to contribute and ask questions. That’s why I started THE SQUEAKING NOODLE, so, that you can ask away. I have been writing for national newspapers and magazines in the UK and US for many years and I get asked questions all the time, about what it’s like and how to break into writing. That’s exactly why I want to pass on any bits and bobs of info that might be useful to you as you progress in your writing career. Anything from freelance writing, dealing with editors, writing your first novel, and as I say in my blog title things that make your head go pop – those niggling questions you don’t want to ask fellow writers in case they think you’re a) crap, b) stupid, c) deluded, d) too nosey etc.
So please get in touch and I will do my best to either answer your questions, pass on leads when I can or source info you might need to help you along the way.
Keep up the good work!