The Squirrel Factor

Running the Race With Endurance

2012-02-20T17:09:00.000-05:00

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. 2001 (Heb 12:1–2). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.

If you ever want to get some really great insight into that verse, I'd like to recommend taking up long distance running. You'll never read that verse the same way after a season of marathon or even half marathon training. You would think that I'd have beaten this verse to death by now in my own devotional life, but nope. It still keeps popping up, especially on runs that are really hard or awful for some reason or another. I've decided that this is now one of those verses that will join my other favorites on the wall of my mind because I'm constantly coming back to it when stuff gets hard.

Running with endurance means more than just trying not giving up. Running with endurance means that sometimes, trying not to give up isn't enough. Trying not to give up and willing yourself not to give up are subtly different, but the difference between the two can mean saying "Well, I gave it my best shot and didn't quite make it" and breaking the tape at the end of the race.

Running with endurance means more than just finishing. It means finishing well. Sometimes when running a "long race" we fool ourselves into thinking that all God asks it that we get to the end. Sometimes, that's all He expects of us because it's such a hard race, but sometimes we sell ourselves short and come in far slower than we can. It may be harder during the race to run better and faster, but you'll get to sit down sooner.

Running with endurance isn't just about life as a whole. There are little races within the big race that is our life journey. Those little races must be run well too. All the little races are what add up to a great journey in the "long run." The seasons of life we find ourselves traveling through are each their own race. We must run all the races with endurance (the author of Hebrews doesn't say which race, just the one that is before us.)

Running with endurance requires a focal point. When I'm training for a marathon, I keep the finish line of the actual marathon in my mind. I think about all the marathons I'm going to run all around the world. I think about my kids cheering me across the finish line. In Hebrews, we are told to focus on Christ. I get teary thinking about my kids cheering me across the finish line of the Pittsburgh Marathon. It gives me chills and butterflies in my stomach to think about The Messiah Himself cheering me on in my spiritual races!

Running with endurance happens under the eye of witnesses. No matter how one tries to seclude oneself, someone will see. Anyone who has started running as an adult knows how uncomfortable those shaky first runs can be. You never know who might see you out there. The life-race is the same. There are always witnesses of one type or another. Run like the world is watching. Run well and with confidence and grace.

Run with endurance, friends. Run hard, run well and don't forget to walk the water stops (water stops=Sabbath).

Random Thoughts to Let You Know I Care

2012-02-17T20:25:00.000-05:00

I haven't been blogging alot lately. I promise at least one book review while I'm on spring break in a week. The breakneck pace at which things are moving right now is frightening. Less than 6 months ago, I didn't know a word of Hebrew that isn't used in Protestant liturgy on a regular basis (Hallelujah, Amen and Shalom). This morning, I translated three chapters of Genesis. All before my 9 am class. Hebrew is a totally different character set than English. AND it goes backwards (right to left). I'm not touting my own intellect here (I'll save that for another day.) My classmates are doing it too. That's just what is expected of us. One of my classmates is a lawyer seeking a career change. She (a second year student) said that seminary is definitely harder than law school. I'm considering transferring to law school. . .
אני אהיה עורך דין נורא
My son is driving me up the wall. This is, apparently, a typical stage that three year old boys go through. He's lucky he's so stinking adorable. He is not my favorite person to hang out with right now. He's not even top three. He only barely makes top four. He's been defiant, rowdy and still refuses to poop in the potty.
In two terms of this first year of grad school, I have very nearly put on the "freshman 15." This is not a good thing at all- especially if I'm serious about cutting 15-20 minutes off my half marathon this year. So, I'm back onto using Sparkpeople.com to track my food. I've really been eating total crap. That explains things a bit. I have used a few different food and exercise trackers in my time and this seems to be the best one. They have a good mobile app too, which makes it really easy to use. Sparkpeople doesn't know me from Adam, but I really encourage anyone who is looking to track their nutrition for whatever reason to check it out: http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/register.asp?from=friend&ReferredBy=7887357. And you can check out my profile here: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=HOWE2KNIT
I'm geeked that it's supposed to be nice weather when I go out for my 10(ish) miler tomorrow. I have to figure out where I want to run. I need a change of scenery.
6+6
My dog just tried to "help" me type. Sorry about that last one.
I am truly sorry to those of you who have had completely obnoxious middle school children, but I'm loving mine. I don't know if it's the new school she's at, the fact that we finally have a diagnosis and tangible "thing" to deal with now (general anxiety disorder- good times) or if she's just finally chilled out for some unseen reason after years of terrorizing us. Perhaps it's a combination of all of those things. Maybe it's just because I know how to relate to big kids, while little kids just give me the willies most of the time. Whatever it is, I'll take it. She's just been delightful lately.
If you're wondering how the other kids are, they haven't changed much lately. Darling Globug is as cheeky and precocious as always and Brandon is doing great too.
Phone call! Long distance! I shall return! Have a great night.

When the Doctor Suggests "Termination"

2012-02-11T08:32:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine just put up a blog post about a family faced with a decision whether to abort their pregnancy because of a heart defect. You can read her full post here. The nutshell version is that they just found out the baby they are expecting has a major heart defect and will likely die within a week or so of birth. The doctor offered termination as an option, along with carrying the baby to term and letting him go in God's time or carrying the baby to term and dong everything medically possible to try and save him. That's a really tough decision. I know. I had to make a very similar one about three and a half years ago. Wow am I glad we decided to do everything medically possible to save our son. I can't imagine life without him.

That's it. No long rants or opinions today. Just feeling thankful today that we didn't go with "terminating the pregnancy" or "wait and see." Pretty sure that it won't be long before Levi is thankful for that too.

"They" Might Just be Sitting Next to You

2012-02-06T16:56:00.000-05:00

I'm going to be very honest here for a moment in the hopes that this might be helpful to other pastors and/or future pastors. Know that I say this because I love my fellow ministers, students, teachers, etc and I want to share a perspective that could be vitally helpful someday. I'll be as gentle as I know how.

I almost walked out of a chapel service today.

I felt like women "like me" were being portrayed as some poor lower class that the Great White Hope should to "reach out to" and pray for in order to do their compassionate Christian duty.

I know that the intention and the heart behind the service was in the right place, but the way the service went down in the long run felt patronizing.

Chapel today focused on violence against women. Obviously, given my past (whole story here in case you are new around here), this is a cause I think is kept far too quiet in our culture-especially in the church. My beef is that even when the church decides to talk about it, they keep it on such a clinical, academic level that it just winds up feeling like empty words. This lip-service is exactly the kind of hot air that has earned the church as an institution a reputation for being hypocritical and uncaring.

Instead of cheesy slideshows of "diverse women" from around the world, how about encouraging our congregations to get to know the "victims" (of whatever social injustice we're ranting about that day) and inviting them into our churches and making them feel welcome rather than feeling like a pet project? Instead of just talking about how terrible it is that (XYZ people) are being treated the way they are, how about taking a group to volunteer at a women's shelter? Instead of talking about the statistics to shock people, what about starting a small group for victims and/or survivors of abuse in our own congregations? What about asking for some testimonies from survivors so the abused know they are not alone in the church? When all we do is talk about it and pray in confession for not doing more about it (and then walk out feeling better), we don't actually change anything for the better.

In all likelihood, statistically speaking (since we are so fond of statistics in our culture), there are abused women and survivors of abuse in your midst, no matter how pretty your church is. If we are to be a unified front, a family, one body, we cannot keep creating (albeit generally inadvertently) these segregated groups of "we the holy saviors" and "they who need saving/those who have been rescued from their terrible place" We are all just people. We are all just screwed up people with screwed up pasts who all need to be saved. And the only one who can do that saving is Jesus. No person on the planet can fix the enormous sociological disaster that is gender-based inequality and victimization.

The church talks a nice talk, but the church had not a scrap of anything to do with my getting out of my abusive first marriage. The church knew it was going on and allowed it by ignoring for whatever reason they had. It was a faithful friend who didn't put me in a new, lower class because I was a "victim" who has everything to do with my getting out. It was because she knew how to listen to the Holy Spirit, remain obedient to the Father and show the love of Christ.

We run a huge risk when we talk about how we can help people we know little or nothing about. I don't pretend to know how to solve problems of homelessness because I only know a couple of homeless people and I don't know them very well. I don't know what will solve the water problem in any given developing country because I haven't been to very many of them (one to be exact) and I don't know the people and the culture that well. If you want to know how you and your congregation can "solve" violence against women, get to know some women who have been at the receiving end of it and get to know the local organizations who DO know the victims and survivors. I know that "black spirituality" week at chapel was full of black men and women standing up front, leading the charge because it would have been ludicrous to have a bunch of white or Asian people running the show (great week, in my pasty opinion.)

Obviously, I believe in the value of academia and good Biblical education for pastors. I have a big problem with the lax ordination processes some churches have. That said, when it comes to figuring out how to practically minister to people, step away from the books and the internet research and the pretty pictures of smiling Guatemalan women with babies on their backs. Those things aren't making those of us who have been (or even worse: are) on the business end of "injustice" feel any better. Step out into a "bad" neighborhood or a shelter or a foster facility for abused kids or anywhere other than your pretty little bubble and get to know the people that are "less fortunate."

I'm fully aware that this could turn out to be one of my more unpopular posts, and I quite frankly hope it makes a few people squirm. If the service about injustice/violence/abuse/racism/etc doesn't make at least a few people uncomfortable, it's probably not going to change much of anything. A "nice service" about an ugly topic like violence is a bit of an oxymoron, don't you think?

Levi's New Guardian Angel

2012-01-12T20:21:00.001-05:00

Every day after classes and chapel, I pick up Levi from school and head home with him for a little while before going back to pick up Gloria and our little neighbor buddy. The other day was just like any other day until Levi and I got to school to pick up the other kids. We were standing in the hall waiting when a little girl who looked to be about 7 years old approached us.

"Your little boy is missing some of his fingers, isn't he?" She asked me rather matter of factly.

Most little kids have "that" tone in their voice when they ask about or comment on Levi's fingers. She did not. She was pretty nonchalant about it. Regardless, I took a deep breath and prepared for the conversation. I have it well rehearsed these days and was ready.

"Yes. He is." I answered her.

"Me too!" was her cheerful reply, "See!"

This is where the screeching record sound played in my head. I looked over at her and she was happily displaying her right hand in all its 4.5 fingered glory. Sure enough. . . she was missing half of her index finger.

"Wow!" I said, genuinely surprised, "Were you born like that?"

"Yep!"

"So was he!"

"Some kids used to run away from me in kindergarten and they said, 'EW! She has the finger touch!' but they got over it and so did I and it's all good now. Now I love school and all my friends."

This is the point where I had to start actively holding back the tears.

"Thank you so much for sharing that with us!" I told her.

"I'm in that room," she pointed out the classroom number, "if you ever need anything. You can just come find me."

"Wow. Thanks!" I said.

I showed her which room is Levi's and asked her what her name is. I made sure to thank her profusely for talking to us and fully plan on writing the principal an email about what a sweet, composed, wonderful little girl she is. I have to say that I feel so much better about this school journey knowing that God dropped a kid like her in that school and showed her my son. I wonder if she's betrothed yet and if she's into younger guys.

Book Review: The Christian Zombie Killer's Handbook

2011-12-21T06:54:00.000-05:00

The Christian Zombie Killer's Handbook: Slaying the Living Dead Within
Jeff Kinley

Jeff Kinley, according to his bio page on Amazon, does youth minisitry and his book is based on exactly the sort of catchy hook you need to put together a solid series for youth group. Kids (and heck, many adults-including me) love zombies and when you can tie faith into zombies. . . instant winner of a youth group sermon!

Kinley sets out to teach about sin, grace, salvation and Christ by telling a zombie story. This bizarre premise is exactly what drew me to the book. Interspersed between chapters of the zombie story are theological discourses or written sermons of a sort. If you are looking for deep, theological discourse, you may want to look elsewhere. These simple explanations of faith and Christianity are geared toward youth who are not active in or knowledgeable about Christian faith. If you're looking for a book about salvation that you can get a group of teenagers to read, you're on the right track. While the story is written in the trendy new "we're going to ignore tenses and write like we're breathlessly telling a story to the police" style that drives me up the wall, I think that for teens today, this is exactly the right way to go about it.

I will say, that as zombie gore goes, this was a little tame and I was thankful for that. I have a love/hate relationship with zombies and zombie gore. If you're just looking for a gory thriller, go elsewhere. If you're looking for a book that will deepen your already strong faith in Christ, this is not the book for you. If you are looking for a youth group read or a book to help grab a few youth group sermon illustrations/ideas from (cite, please- even pastors have to cite their resources), you are in the right ballpark. After reading this, and being in youth ministry myself, I'm curious to check out some of Kinley's other work.

Overall, 3.5/5 stars because of the breathless storytelling and narrow audience.

www.booksneeze.com was cool enough to supply me with a review copy of this book. I said nice things even though I didn't have to.

How are you?

2011-12-18T07:46:00.000-05:00

The other day a classmate who I know by name, but don't know well asked me on the way into class, "How are you?"

Forgetting that "How are you?" is usually just a greeting in our culture and isn't really a question, I answered, "Well, all three of my kids are sick today, but one of my best friends is going to have a baby any minute now, so that sort of makes up for it. . . how about you?"

He gave me a slightly funny look, but then handled it graciously (he's one of those people who gives a "this guy will be a good pastor some day" vibe and in fact reminds me of a friend who is a really good pastor.) His response was totally appropriate, but it made me think about my response. I realized after I blurted my whole spiel out that he was probably just saying hello.

I wonder why I do that? I almost never just say, "Good, how about you." like a normal person does. I always say something like, "Glad it's rain not snow! How about you?" or "Tired, but glad to be here." Sometimes, I'll even answer with something like, "Ask me when I'm more awake/tomorrow/after finals." I do reciprocate the inquiry, just in case you were wondering if I just use it as an opportunity to unload my life on the other person.

I think perhaps it's because when I ask, "How are you?" I'm expecting an honest answer, not just some polite response. If I just wanted to politely greet someone, I'd say, "Good morning."

It's a little annoying that somewhere along the line, the meaning of "how are you?" changed and now when you ask someone how they are, you have to qualify it with, "Really. .. " or something like that. It makes it hard to ask someone how they actually are. You're sort of stuck on the surface.

I don't think there's really anything we can do to fix this. It just is what it is. And I don't think I'm going to stop answering honestly. Do me a favor though. . . next time we bump into each other and I ask, "How are you?" remember that I mean it.

Book Review: Chazown

2011-12-10T07:25:00.002-05:00

Chazown

Craig Groeschel

I honestly wasn't sure what to expect when I picked this book up for review. I'm a big fan of the modern Christian movement to explore life purpose and vision, but frequently the resources are shallow, over the top or written for "baby" Christians who still need spiritual milk. I'll be leading a bible study group through a series on vision and purpose this spring and I've been looking for "steak" for them. I believe this book fits the bill nicely.

The title of the book comes from the Hebrew word חזון, which is pronounced in English, "Chazown" (make sure you make that "ch" sound nice and guttural). The word means "vision, dream or revelation." Knowing what I now know about the Hebrew language it probably has about 40 other uses as well, but that is the usage that the author is going for in this book. I'm not entirely sold on his use of the word, but frankly, the book is good overall, so that's just me being picky.

Groeschel approaches the topic in an orderly fashion, keeping the reader engaged at the same time. He breaks the book up into sections: Why you need a new kind of vision, where to find your vision, how to name your vision and get started reaching for it, the small changes that make a big difference and finally, the importance of community and accountability in relation to having a vision and purpose in your life. I really like his build up and approach. Not only does Groeschel provide good exploration exercises in the book, he has provided a whole website (http://www.chazown.com/) with more exercises to work through in conjunction with reading the book. This interactive feature makes it a valuable resource for group leaders and is a big reason I plan on integrating this book into the study I'm leading soon.

The voice of this book is humorous and friendly, keeping the audience interested and engaged. It moves the reader to action and a desire for more of the abundant life that Christ promises his people (John 10:10). This is a good book for an individual seeking deeper meaning in their life or for a church or small group leader hoping to move people to a greater feeling of importance and need for action. That said, I want to warn that we as an American church culture need to be careful when using resources like this. Self-exploration is vital. The more we know about ourselves, the better able we are to open ourselves up fully to the purpose God created us for. That said, the "me" focus is a dangerous place to be if left to run amok. I'm not saying that the author approaches this from an individualistic viewpoint- his section on community shows otherwise. What I'm saying is that it's easy to see this as a "what can God do for me to make my life better" book rather than "what is in me that God wants to use to build up His Kingdom."

Obviously, as I'm planning on putting this book in as part of my small group curriculum next year, I recommend this book. It's not ground-breaking or surprising in any way, but it is well thought out and carefully organized. It's engaging and relevant. This is a great little workhorse of a book that will get much use in any pastoral library.

And. . . like always. . . gotta tell you that the publisher (http://waterbrookmultnomah.com/bloggingforbooks/) was nice enough to send me a reviewer copy of the book just so I could review it on the ol' blog. I didn't have to say anything nice about it, but I did anyway.

Also. . . please take a sec to rank my review. When you rank my review of this book, you are entered for a chance to win a copy of the book.

A short post

2011-12-09T06:36:00.001-05:00

So. . . sorry about that last whiny post. In retrospect, it was just whiny and could potentially have hurt someone's feelings, so I've deleted it entirely and would like to start over.

That said, I don't have much to talk about today. So. .. um. . . yeah.

You Should Sit Down For This

2011-11-30T13:30:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, my son is so adorable, it's almost painful. He has it cranked up really high today, even for him.

In the car earlier, he asked me if he could be "the boy." I asked which boy. "The boy in the song." I asked which song. He said, "You know. . . they singin' 'pumpapumpapumpapum." He wants to be the little drummer boy so he can play music for Jesus.
Then he started singing, "Yesh, Jeshush Lubs Me."
He pooped on the potty so I gave him root beer. He's never had root beer. His reaction was uncontrolled giggling. You have to love anyone who is so amused and delighted by root beer that they can't stop giggling.
He just said very loudly, "Ew. I just burped the soda. That was weird."

Yes. I'm still alive.

2011-11-19T08:15:00.000-05:00

I haven't been around much lately. I know. If you've ever been in grad school, you can probably understand why. Now add to grad school three children, several illnesses, family crises and a minor car accident. That's been my last two and a half months. That said, I think I slogged through that and still managed to pull off a 3.5 GPA, which is the minimum I have to maintain in order to hang onto my sizable scholarship. If you're wondering how I managed that. . . well. . . coffee. Lots and lots of it. My coffee addiction is probably twice as bad now as it was before school started. I shudder to think what it'll be like by the time I'm finishing up school. But I digress. It's needless to say, but I'll say it anyway that blogging has been pretty low on my priority list.

I am officially on break for Thanksgiving for a week. Glorious time!

What just happened here? Last I checked, it was Labor Day and here we are getting ready for (You have to use your announcer-voice for this) "The Holidays." The breakneck pace at which these classes go is totally insane. Less than three months ago, I could read the Bible in English, German or Spanish- the latter two likely requiring the use of a dictionary. Today, I can also read large portions of the Old Testament in Hebrew- much of it without a dictionary. I'm not entirely certain it's humanly possible to learn another language that fast (it took me several years of high school and undergraduate German to get to the sorry competency I'm at currently), but we were asked to do it nonetheless. I have read entire books on the Medieval church, the lives of St. Antony and St. Francis. Heck, I wrote a 10 page paper on Francis of Assisi. Last week alone, I took four three hour finals. All in 10 weeks.

I'm exhausted!

And next Monday, I get to turn around and start it all again! More Hebrew, more Old Testament, adding in the New Testament and moving on from the early church to the Reformation. Perhaps I'll put some of that rusty German to use reading some of Luther's work in the original language. It would be the first time those years of German in high school and college would be actually useful (short of translating the German soldiers in Indiana Jones movies.)

I spent a good portion of the last two or three weeks planning how I should drop the kids off on their grandmother's porch. It's probably for the best we didn't have any giant boxes sitting around to leave them in. Don't judge. People do it with kittens and puppies all the time. That's only slightly less awful.

We bought our dog a Thundershirt. While it does nothing to curb her over the top excitability, it has worked wonders for her separation anxiety. The poor animal has not adjusted well to me being out of the house every day. She ate a sofa cushion a couple weeks ago.

I'm hoping to have at least one book review for you all this week while I'm on break. Otherwise, I'm taking it easy, laying low and trying to recover from a sinus infection that has been getting worse and worse as my stress level has been rising.

Oh, here. . . you should check these guys out:

The strange things mothers say

2011-11-09T19:54:00.002-05:00

Please feel free to add your own. . .

Here are some things I've found myself saying and hearing lately. For kicks you can tryto figure out which child each of these pertain to. It's really fun if you imagine that there are several of these that it would make sense to apply to my husband. . .

Let us attempt to maintain some shred of civility, please. That means pull your pants up.
Because it's rude to "do karate at" your mother, that's why.
Don't say "ass". But you just said, "ass." Well, I shouldn't. Does that mean Daddy shouldn't say "ass" either? You're right. Daddy shouldn't say "ass" either. Someone better tell him that. He likes that word.
Please take the tutu off the dog.
No, you may not have marshmallows for dinner.
What did you learn in Sunday school today? David was a sneaky little fart.

Edit, 11/9, 8:48 PM: From my friend "Max":

Stop touching eyeballs.
Cats don't have pockets. Why not? Because they have nothing to put in a pocket. Why not? They're minimalists. What's minimalanimalissas mean? That means they don't beg me for more Legos.

Book Review: Fresh Brewed Life

2011-11-08T07:49:00.000-05:00

Fresh Brewed Life

by Nicole Johnson

I had the pleasure of seeing Nicole Johnson perform and speak at the Women of Faith Conference a few weeks ago and I got really excited when I made the connection that she was the author of the book I was reading! I was not disappointed.

To be totally honest, I just picked up this book to review because it had a coffee cup on the cover. Seriously. My addiction has reached epic proportions. To be even more honest, I kind of expected it to be your standard watery Christian cheerleading book full of "Yay! God made you awesome and you can do anything if you put a smile on your face and fear not!" It's completely not that.

Johnson is encouraging and she certainly talks about coffee, but watery, fake or too cheerful this is not. She has a realistic look at the trials we as women face and the work that we have to do to meet God and find His healing and direction for our lives. Because let's be honest. . . a good, real relationship with God- the kind that bring abundant (or "fresh-brewed") life- takes more than just a little bit of positive thinking. It takes work. It takes discipline.

I love the journaling prompts that are added to the book. They give a kick off point to start processing what this fresh-brewed life is really about. This would be a great book for a small group study to walk through together. In fact, I just told my small group to start ordering themselves copies of this because we're going to do it together in January. What a great way to start off a new year!

This is not a hard read. I managed it during my first term of seminary. It's one of the few things I managed this first term of seminary. And it was encouraging and enjoyable.

I was provided with a reviewer copy of the book by www.booksneeze.com. I was under no obligation to review it in any particular light. I just liked it for reals.

The LaMarr Woodley Show

2011-10-30T14:09:00.002-04:00

I know. . . there is the name of a Pittsburgh Steeler in my title. I haven't gone crackers. I haven't forgotten that I don't usually bother much with football. It's just that I have a favorite Steeler now. Yes. . . me. I have a favorite football player. Here's why: he's a really nice guy! And he put my lovely girls on his show! Check it out!

Holy Gloria

2011-10-25T20:58:00.000-04:00

I have always felt that my middle child is the hardest for me to connect with. She's just some other kind of ethereal being that doesn't make sense to me. I love her dearly. She is an amazing kid. It's just that sometimes, she feels like a movie character or a concept or something because it's hard to picture her as a real kid.

Lately, I've found the connection point for us. We talk about the Bible. That kid gets it in a way that is just unreal for a 5 year old. I love it! We had the most wonderful conversation tonight about how sneaky David was to get away from Saul with the help of Saul's son Jonathan.

Then she asked me out of the blue as I tucked her in tonight. . . "Mommy. . . if you get eaten, will you go to heaven?"

"Um. . . well. . . if you have Jesus in your heart and your life, then yes. You will go to heaven if you get eaten."

"Well. . . I have Jesus in my heart and I love him very much."

"So, if you get eaten, you'll go to heaven."

"OK. Just checking. Good night, Mommy."

And she rolled over to go to sleep.

Women of Faith Imagine: the Review

2011-10-09T14:11:00.001-04:00

This past weekend was the first time I'd been to a Women of Faith event. I'd heard about it from friends and was excited about the opportunity to go. I took a girlfriend by the arm and away we went. I was surprised by how well I liked it overall. In general, these types of events tend to be a bit suburban and evangelical for my inner city Presbyterian self, but this one was not overly so. (Although there were a large number of minivans and giant SUVs driving in from the hill country outside of Pittsburgh.) In the interest of not writing a 12 page blog post, I'll try to keep this to bullet points about each of the speakers and some info on the conference as a whole. I'm also not going to fill this post up with pics. I took a billion. Click over to my facebook page from the sidebar on the right and you can see all my pics. I'll leave you at the end with a video.

Anna Trent: Anna Trent was this weekend's host. She was totally lovable. I enjoyed having her as part of the conference. Even if she was a little more chipper than is normal in the morning.
The Worship Team: The worship team for Women of Faith Imagine were a lovely quartet of women with beautiful voices. They were engaging and sang a great selection of songs. I fully plan on buying their album once my husband forgets that I just signed up to sponsor two more kids this weekend.
Henry Cloud: Dr. Cloud was fabulous! He is a psychologist and I really appreciate the general "OKness" that was expressed toward counseling/therapy over the weekend. Sometimes as Christians we seem to feel that if we aren't miraculously healed by the power of our faith in Christ, we aren't praying hard enough. The truth of the matter is that God gave us our minds and science (like medical science, of which psychology is a valid branch) for a reason. Cloud had some great things to say about happiness and being in line with God's Word. Very good stuff. So good, in fact, I bought one of his books called "Boundaries."
Natalie Grant: I'm going to admit it. I had never heard of Natalie Grant before Friday. To be completely honest, I don't like much "contemporary Christian music." Yes, I left the "music" part in the quotes on purpose. There is so much garbage out there that is being produced simply because it's got the label "Christian" on it and not because it's actually good music. I liked Natalie, though. She has a FABULOUS voice. She is an engaging performer and I liked her music (not in quotes this time). It's always exciting to stumble upon a new artist I like! I'll probably be adding one or three of her albums to my collection soon too.
Lisa Harper: I just loved Lisa Harper and her sweet honesty. She was engaging and energetic. I also love that she's a runner. Runners are automatically cool in my book, especially ones that aren't afraid to trail-run alone. That's gutsy! I at least take my dog. Lisa had such a touching story of redemption to share about her dad and I don't know that there was a dry eye in the crowd by the end of it.
Nicole Johnson: I am currently reading Nicole Johnson's recently re-published book, "Fresh-Brewed Life." (Look for the review shortly after I'm done with mid-terms next week.) So far, I'm digging it, so I was pleased to see that she was part of the tour. She did two dramatic pieces and gave a talk. I really enjoyed her first piece on the ludicrous number of "hats" moms have to wear. Her talk on God making broken things new really struck a chord with me because of my personal experience being a garbage bag of broken glass. Her last dramatic piece made me cringe a little, though. Not because it wasn't well-executed. She's a master of stage presence and presentation. My only concern is that it could be interpreted to be encouraging women to settle for being "invisible." I agree with her that we aren't doing what we do to be noticed and that we need to be at peace with motherhood often being a background role. However, we shouldn't get into an "invisible is ok" mindset. I have spent years trying to untangle that mess of danger that got me stuck in an abusive marriage. God didn't call me to be invisible. He called me to lead and to be treated with dignity and respect by those around me (including and especially my husband and kids). Overall, however, I like Nicole and her work. She was fun to see live.
Mary Mary: I have enjoyed Mary Mary forever now and I had no clue they were going to be there until I read the program! Seriously, I kick off every single run with "Shackles." Every run. Can't start a 10k with a better song. Try it. It's not possible. Can you imagine my sheer joy when they closed the whole conference with that song?! I may have squealed. LOVE Mary Mary.
Angie Smith: Adorable. Angie Smith (who blogs at http://angiesmithonline.com/) is capital "A-dorable." Let's all just talk for a moment about how all you have to say is "20 week ultrasound" in a talk like this to start my waterworks. (If you're new here, dig back to 2008 in the archives or go to Levi's journal.) I'm really glad I was there with a friend who had walked through that time with me because I totally needed someone to gasp with me when Angie started talking about the dark walk she took during her third pregnancy. It probably comes as no surprise to anyone that I bought Angie's book as well. And I'm planning on ordering a copy for my friend Hannah as well.
Luci Swindoll: Dear Luci. I immediately felt a kinship with her when she described landing in Guatemala City in exactly the same way I do. You never forget that skyline with the smoking volcano in the distance, the beauty of the Mayan women or the irresistible charm of the Mayan children. Luci strikes me as someone I could spend hours talking to. She has years of vast experience to offer to the women around her. I did grow a little concerned with the last half of her message that sounded a little bit "Prosperity Gospel" to me. God provides, there's no doubt, but if we start to give money away with the mindset that we'll get a big check in the mail someday because of our generosity, well. . . that's just not good. I didn't really know of Luci Swindoll before this and it's entirely possible that I misread her intentions. I sort of hope I did because I like her and plan on checking out more of what she has out there. She's funny and charming.
Sheila Walsh: Sheila is hysterical. That and I always immediately like anyone with a Scottish accent. (It's the Scottish Presbyterian ancestry.) She has a great story of rising and falling and getting back up again and she has so much wonderful stuff to share. I feel like the people who didn't come Friday morning and only came for the evening on Friday got short-changed because they missed the bulk of what she presented. Did I mention her amazing voice? Angelic. The hymns she sang sounded like what I think they'll sound like in heaven.

My conclusion is that this was definitely worth going to. It was a refreshing weekend that I enjoyed on the whole. I think everyone should go into it knowing that as with any multi-denominational gathering, there will be people there who won't see things in exactly the same way you do. That's just the nature of humanity. And that's ok. I didn't go there expecting to agree with everything the speakers had to say.

I think that the ticket price can be a bit limiting for many women, which is probably why there were so many expensive SUV's in the garage and very few ratty little Mazdas like mine. That said, there are volunteer opportunities, but they are limited. I'd love to take a group of women from my church, but at a small inner city church like ours, you just can't ask people to shell out $90 for a two day conference. That's alot of money. However, I think that if you can afford it, it's a great conference to get to. (And as conferences go, it's not a super-high price- I just wish there were more scholarship opportunities or something.)

While I love that they had all the books the authors mentioned available at the convention, as well as CDs and some other resources, I was a little wigged out by the merchandising at WOF. I thought the WOF logo scarves were a bit over the top. T-shirts. . . ok. Souvenir fleece blankets? Too far. Even if the convention center was about 24 degrees inside. Just bring a sweater, ladies. It just seems like a real contradiction to ask people to give as much as possible by sponsoring children, then offer to sell overpriced blankets and keyrings. Take the $25 or whatever that blanket cost you and put it to far better use by giving it to World Vision.

WOF is a well-oiled machine. I've been to alot of conferences and large events and they had running this thing down to a science. And even though they were always prompt and were (with the exception of lunch on Friday) extremely well organized, you could see they were allowing the Holy Spirit room to move. The leadership on stage were so very sincere in their worship and every word they shared. The worship was powerful because the women leading the worship were really, honestly worshiping. You could tell that it wasn't just a musical number for them.

Will I go again? Yes. I enjoyed Imagine. God spoke to me there. The worship was powerful and it was neat to see so many women gathering a celebrating God and each other. Should you go? Yes. Even a socially and politically moderate, inner city, 30-something female PCUSA seminary student/ordination inquirer (actually-two of us) liked it. If you go to the next one here in Pittsburgh, you may be lucky enough to spot zombies in the crowd. . . I love Pittsburgh.

Also, as an aside to the folks in charge of WOF and their sister-tours, if you ever want someone to help add a little "hood" to the show, I'm available. . . Just sayin'. . .I have a great story. Or three. I'm also very cute and hilarious. And I have swag. . . like these lovely sisters. . .

Our Two New Children

2011-10-08T07:57:00.000-04:00

In the fall of 2005, I went on a short term medical missions trip to Guatemala. I was about 8 weeks pregnant. There had just been a mudslide. Devastation everywhere. That trip changed my life in so many ways. One of the ways was the perspective it gave me on just how ridiculously spoiled we are in the United States.

Americans tend to walk around with this attitude like the world owes them something because of their US citizenship. We whine because our TV is too small. We're upset because we can only afford one car or smaller house than we'd wanted. We all know (or if we don't all know this, we're not all paying much attention to what's going on around us) that even our poor are better off than most of the world. (Don't read this wrong. I'm not against helping the poor in America. My family is involved in stuff here too- mind your own yard first.) Knowing that American is rich is easy on an academic level, but it's life-altering on a personal, experiential level.

A little girl named Christina ran up to the bus one day. She saw me stepping off and she charged me, taking my hand and just saying "Gracias, Senora! Gracias! Senora, gracias!" I hadn't done anything but step off the bus. That little girl was glued to my hip that afternoon. She chattered and played like any other 5 year old girl, except that the doctors and nurses showing up in her town was something that hadn't happened before in her lifetime. She was beautiful, tattered clothes and all. She drew me pictures and gave me something that among the children there was a hot commodity- her only piece of bubble gum. I will never, ever forget that girl's face. Her eyes are etched into my memory for the rest of my life.

We saw entire villages that had been covered by mud when heavy rains came and caused enormous mudslides. We saw babies who were going to die in a matter of days or even hours if clean water didn't get to their homes soon. You would think that at a time of such devastation, a medical team would have been exactly what they needed there, but the truth is that people were either dead or alive and there was little in between. The things they needed were shelter and water- things we could not provide at the time. It's terrible to be in the midst of that sort of devastation and know that the only good you can offer is prayer. The physical needs are so great that it feels as if tending to the spiritual side isn't going to help.

If God would say to my husband and I, "Get up and go. I have you a flight to (fill in just about any developing country here) and you're going to start a church there." I'd be packing before the sentence was finished. I knew I was gong to be a missionary when I was 8 years old. There was a missions presentation at my church and my heart leapt up in a way that said, "Here it is! This is what I made you for!" Yes, I was only 8. My husband and I had a talk last night about how I tend to put the cart before the horse and I want to do do do do do when God is saying, "Stop! Sit! This is a holding pattern so stop flittering around like a maniac." He worded it differently, but that was the gist. I have to say that I think a twenty-four year holding pattern feels like a bit much, but I keep reminding myself that A) I've found things to do here in Pittsburgh that are important and that God needs someone to do (and noone but me is willing to do) and B) God has his reasons and he doesn't have any obligation to fill me in on them.

A big way that I have made peace with all of this in my poor little head and heart is to get involved with child sponsorship. Not a short number of years ago now, Tim and I picked up a card at a table on Compassion Sunday and looked into the eyes of a boy who has been a part of our lives ever since. Leme lives in Ethiopia. He is becoming such a handsome young man. He's 16 now and I'm amazed that we've been able to watch him grow up like this. He has become part of our family and has blessed our lives.

A couple years ago, we decided that sponsoring one child was a drop in the bucket and we could do more. Besides, it would be great for Lexi to help find a child and to write to him or her and be an active part of it. So we went online and helped her decide which child we would sponsor next. Karen became a part of our lives that day. There are few things that give me more joy than to see the look in Lexi's eyes when she gets a letter from Karen.

Last night, World Vision was there at the convention. All I can say is that their appeals are highly effective. By American standards, I have every right to say "We're doing our part." and walk away with a completely clear conscience. But when I looked into Ahmed's eyes. . . Just wait until I have his picture available to share. He has the same look of joy in his eyes that makes Levi so irresistible. I do believe that in my mission to save all the children last night, I may also have put in a request to sponsor a child with a physical disability.

Are you sponsoring a child? If you're not. . . why not? I'm pretty sure that you can give up $35/month. That's one family meal out. That's a cheap family meal out. That's cutting back your cable bill or driving just a little less. Stop making excuses.

Women of Faith

2011-10-07T17:38:00.000-04:00

Yes. . . I've been lax about keeping up the blog lately. Give me a break. I'm a month into seminary. It's hard work.

Anyway, guess where I spent the day today? At the Women of Faith Imagine conference! I'm actually only home briefly to offload pics and do the after school run and feed everyone, then I'll be back there for the evening session. Check the sidebar to your right to see my twitter stream- I've been tweeting updates and pics throughout the conference (enough that I had to charge the cell battery so I'll make it through the last session this evening!) I don't have much of a comprehensive post right now, but I thought I'd drop in a few pics to whet your appetite for what is to come when I do post the full update!

Theology Like a Child

2011-09-20T09:29:00.000-04:00

It's probably for the good of Christianity as a whole that Christ called us to have "faith like a child" but not to have "theology like a child."

Part of me wants to end the blog post there and just say, "Discuss." but I won't.

You may have picked up on the fact that I'm pretty busy, but I still manage to read. . . voraciously. I have two secrets to how I do it. First, I am just a fast reader. I've always read massive amounts of material and am just in the habit of it. The more you read, the faster you read. Second, I've discovered audio books. As a general rule, I prefer "real" books (a category I ironically include digital books in) over audio books. That said, I spend about an hour a day in the car and it seems like a waste of time to not get some reading done when I'm driving.

I've had to train the kids to listen with me. This is easier with some books than others. The Life of St. Antony didn't go over terribly well with them. To be, I didn't even find it to be terribly attention grabbing myself. Interestingly, the past two days I've been listening to Genesis for one of my classes and the kids (mine and the neighbor boy who rides with us) LOVE it. This morning when we got in the car, they all asked that I turn on the Bible. Uh. . . OK.

Faith like a child is awesome. They have no doubt in their sweet little heads that our God is big and mighty and amazing. Every corner of their little hearts is filled with love for Jesus. When it comes to faith, I hope that someday mine can compare to theirs and that as they grow older, they will hold onto it. I know that they won't. Not exactly. They are going to be cynical adults some day. That's just the order of nature. Hopefully, they also will have faithful little children some day to remind them of that type of faith.

That said, the theology of a child is straight up hilarious sometimes. We were listening to the part about the flood. You know: people bad, Noah good, God sad, big boat, animals saved, Noah floats away, Earth dries, rainbow, YAY. (I'll be putting out my own Bible translation one day that will be wildly entertaining. . . stay tuned.) Anyway, my son piped up from behind me, "Noah was saved." I confirmed his statement. "And he saved his family?" I said that he did. "And the amimals?" Yep. "Did he save the cars?"

As a parent, you have a choice in a moment like that. You can laugh or you can try your darnedest to take it seriously. I mean, OF COURSE Noah didn't take cars on the ark. But when you're three and there have just always been cars, it probably hasn't occurred to you that there was ever a time that there weren't cars. So, with as straight a face as possible, I explained to my son that cars hadn't been invented yet. Interestingly, he was happy with that and asked no further questions.

The question of cars on the ark brought up the next natural question from our little neighbor (he's almost four). "How did he fit the dinosaurs on the ark?" Before I had a chance to answer, my five year old stepped in and answered for me.

"Duh. Dinosaurs weren't around yet then. They came after the flood."

I'll admit. I laughed at that one. Then I explained that dinosaurs were LONG gone before the flood and that's why he didn't take any on the ark. (If you're a "young earth creationist," please don't leave me comments about this. I won't let them through. We're going to agree to disagree on this one. I believe that God and science are not mutually exclusive and I'm sure the neighbor boy's parents would agree.)

We continued to listen to Genesis, but shortly after the flood story it gets into some of the genealogy bits and Gloria asked when we'd get to the part about Moses. Moses is her current favorite person from the Bible. "He turned the river into BLOOD! It was so gross, but it was so his people could get away from the nasty king. Then he made a big splash in the river so they could get through to the other side, but he splashed it again all over the bad guys." She's been watching "Prince of Egypt."

I was totally unprepared for what came next.

"You know. . . princesses are the best." She's obsessed with all things princess. "Even the Bible tells us that princesses are really good and important people." Um. . . it does? "I mean, who pulled Moses out of the river?"

Seriously, she scares me.

Book Review: The King Jesus Gospel

2011-09-19T07:00:00.039-04:00

It should never surprise me when I notice something I read because it's been on my list for years or I signed up for a review turns out to be woven perfectly into the themes that God is speaking into my life at that time. However time and time again, I find myself totally taken aback by the way in which He manages to pull it all together. I never suspected this review to tie in so seamlessly with everything I'm reading this first term of seminary.

The King Jesus Gospel
by Scot McKnight

McKnight is an author I've never read before and I'm always a little wary of those right off the bat. I opened the book with not much of an idea what I'd find in it and was blown away by what I did find. Immediately, I was struck by what a big deal it is that this book is very favorably forwarded by none other than N.T.Wright and Dallas Willard. Not only that, but the forwards themselves got me excited for this book!

We are in a church culture that often seems to equate Gospel with salvation. Preaching the "Gospel" to someone has become synonymous with stepping through a salvation plan to secure them their ticket to heaven and leaving it at that. Growth beyond that is sort of optional and/or is the responsibility of pastors and other church leaders. McKnight argues that Jesus Himself saw that there was much more to the Gospel than just getting people to play for "our team" so to speak. The author challenges his readers to think about the words, their meaning and their context and gain a firm grasp on what Jesus was really talking about.

This is not some light, fluffy, campfire kumbaya singing kind of Gospelly pep talk, mind you. McKnight is pulling out the big guns here and has clearly done his research. Whether you agree with all of his points or not, you have to give credit where credit is due. He cannot be accused of glossing over anything. There was some serious scholarly information in this book that I have found to be very useful in my church history class this term! This book is not going back on my shelf right now. This book is staying in the stack of book for that class.

You don't have to be a pastor or seminary student to appreciate the value of what McKnight has to say. Anyone can certainly pick up this book and glean valuable information about how they can truly preach the Gospel to those around them. It's not just about stepping through "Evangelism Explosion" with someone and checking off a box if they pray the prayer with you at the end. (Before you jump all over me, I'm not saying the EE isn't a good tool. I'm just saying you can't stop there.)

You will be challenged by this book. You will learn from this book. You will yell "AMEN BROTHER SCOT!" at one point and totally disagree with him in another. And that's just the kind of book I adore! This is a keeper.

Zondervan was kind enough to share a review copy of this book with me so I could review it on the old blog here. I think there's a regulation somewhere that says I have to tell you that. While I like Zondervan and the book, I was under no obligation to say anything nice about either today.

Week in review

2011-09-16T16:49:00.000-04:00

Whew! I can't believe that was a whole week! This was our first full five-day school week. It was a total whirlwind, but overall, it gives me confidence about the year to come.

My son had no potty accidents at school all week. This is a pretty big deal for him. He's the littlest guy in the class (he made the cut off date by exactly 2 weeks) and he's never been to school before at all. He's made the transition like a champ, no doubt.
My big kid is loving her school. She's having a few issues getting used to a middle school homework/responsibility load, but considering the fall transition is always pretty hard for her, she's doing really well.
My darling little kindergartener is enjoying being back at school. She has a rough time adjusting from summer schedule to school schedule, but she's having great days at school. She's just a bit crabby by the time we get home.
I seriously (no joke) already had my first Hebrew quiz and now we're reading Genesis 22. . . in Hebrew. And you know what? I love it. I am so thankful for the fact that I've studied a couple other languages because I really think that helps. Sure, there's a whole new alphabet, but I really like just diving in and reading. It's so much more natural than the "traditional" way of learning foreign languages. And yeah, I aced the quiz. Plus some.
I don't know why it seemed like a good idea to schedule a carpet cleaning this week. "Hey, I have a great idea! How about during the first full week of grad school, I'll schedule an appointment that requires me to both be home during the appointment and to clean at least part of the house ahead of time!" Dummy. At least the carpets don't smell like dog anymore. For now.
Speaking of the dog. . . she hasn't eaten anything stupid yet, knock on wood. She howls when I leave the house, but she seems to be behaving herself until we get home. That said, I was dumb enough to schedule several things in the afternoons this week that meant there were only two days during which noone was home all day.
My son is having one notable problem at school. In hindsight, I probably should have mentioned his. . . well. . . tendency to his teachers. They have had to assign one of the kindergarten boys in his class to help keep track of him when they are in line going from one place to another. It seems he's been wandering off and joining whatever other class currently looks more interesting. This comes as no surprise at all to me. In fact, I'm ashamed to say I had a hard time not giggling when the teacher told me about it. My son is a bit of a vanishing act. He'll be standing next to you one moment and after you blink, he's out getting ready to cross the street. We have set the chimes on our security alarm, we've locked the gates in the yard and we are constantly asking everyone, "Where's Levi?" On more than one occasion, he's tried to leave church without us when we're chatting after the service. I'm still hoping he'll outgrow this.
I've done several bulleted posts like this lately, haven't I? It's been a long week, give me a break.
Tonight, we unwind. We're going to put on "Despicable Me" (yes, we're the only people on the planet who haven't seen it yet.)We're going to pop popcorn and we're just going to hang out.
Tomorrow, hubby is going out for the first weekend of bow hunting season. He started hunting last year. He's not so great at the finding part yet, but he's spent much time hunting. Maybe he'll actually find and catch something this year. That would be yummy.
Monday, I'll be reviewing The King Jesus Gospel by Scot McKnight. Keep an eye out. It's an awesome book so far and I'm only about halfway through!

I'm getting too old for this.

2011-09-15T16:38:00.000-04:00

Lately, a few happenings have made me aware of what a drastic difference a few years make. I've hit that age where I'm starting to find there are things I'm clearly too old for. Some of them I do anyway because I'm bull-headed, but that's a different post for another day. Here are some things I've discovered I'm too old for:

Jello shots. Someone who will remain anonymous on my blog to protect their reputation argued with me one day that you're never too old for Jello shots (the someone is a couple years older than I), but I did not concede. I'm definitely too old for Jello shots.
Pop music radio stations. I sometimes turn on the local pop station to learn about what the kids are all listening to and I can usually handle about 2-3 songs before I get so annoyed by what crap it is and turn it off. My brother-in-law cracked a joke at me the other day about how I complain about "those kids and their damn rock and roll music." He's right. I do sound old.
Amusement park rides. I'll ride a couple. Maybe a roller coaster or two. That's it. I get dizzy and barf on anything that goes around. I have a messed up tailbone that can't handle wild coasters anymore. The older you get, the less appealing it is to be whipped around like a rag doll until you toss your corndog. Unless you're my Uncle Dave. He never has seemed to tire of Kennywood rides. I guess it's not a genetic trait that made its way to me.
Concerts on school nights. We saw They Might Be Giants last night. It was flipping awesome. They played "Particle Man." I screamed. Amazing! That said. . . we were out until 11pm. I get up at 5:30. I'm too old for that nonsense. Pass the coffee.

Book Review: Dangerous Church

2011-09-12T07:00:00.038-04:00

This week, John Bishop's new book, Dangerous Church, is on blog tour. I'm happy to say that it's making a stop here at The Squirrel Factor this morning.

John Bishop offers up this book about how to buck the programs and red tape that may have your church tangled up in "business as usual" in order to better serve a world that is in big trouble. The book is written primarily to pastors and lay church leaders, but there is something to be gleaned from it for anyone involved in their church's life. Bishop challenges churches to get out of their comfort zones and start getting down and dirty to truly reach out to those who are lost and hurting.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this book. It was written in an engaging voice and was filled with stories to keep the reader invested and following the trajectory of where the author was going. Some of the recent "change you church" kind of books that have been coming out read much like business manuals and I was relieved that this one does not. (If I'd wanted to read business manuals as part of my professional development, I'd have gone into business, not ministry.) That said, I did tire a bit of the sheer number of examples given in the book that were from Bishop's own church. While it's clear that his methods/thinking/whatever you want to call it worked out wonderfully in his church, it would be nice to hear how they've been applied in other churches and ministries as well. This is one catch I find in many books written by mega-church leaders. They like to talk about their own church. Alot.

That said, Bishop does have an active, growing and positive church ministry and what the book lacks in diversity of setting, it makes up for in good, old fashioned passion and solid biblical teaching. I felt like I came away from the book not with a battery of new techniques to try out, but rather a renewed passion for remembering to reach out to the people noone wants to touch. He offered encouragement that one doesn't have to be perfect to be effective.

Overall, I liked this book and would recommend it to other church leaders. In fact, I may be passing it on to my own pastor soon, as I think he'd enjoy it as well. It's a quick, positive read that I'd encourage anyone in ministry to go read.

Zondervan publishers were kind enough to provide me with a copy of this book so that I could be a part of the blog tour. Isn't that awesome!? If you've read my reviews in the past, you know that I'm not obligated to give a positive review of the book and in fact have given one or two reviews in the past that weren't too positive at all.

Signs of Autumn

2011-09-10T16:57:00.000-04:00

I simply adore fall. LOVE LOVE LOVE it! And I love all the signs of it's return that are cropping up all around me.

We no longer need the A/C so there is a nice breeze blowing through the house.
I'm chomping at the bit to get out all my wonderful boots.
The cats actually want to cuddle again, rather than sprawl out on the wood floor under the ceiling fan.
School is getting back into the normal swing.
I just felt the need to wind 880 yds of laceweight yarn and start a shawl. (It's like September hits and my brain clicks out of sewing mode and into knitting mode and swaps back as soon as April rolls around.)
It's still dark when I wake up in the morning and it's dark before I go to bed (I'm a morning person- up at 5:30, in bed by 9:30.)
They had butternut squash at the farmer's market this week. I cannot express to you fully my love for butternut squash.
Is it too early to start wearing boots? I mentioned the boots, right?
Fall clothes are out in the stores and I bought a new pair of skinny jeans (not to be confused with the evil "jeggings") last night. . . and it's not too hot to wear them today! Hooray!
The weather is perfect for running lately.
I may have said this already, but I can't wait to bust out the boots.

Adjustment Period

2011-09-08T13:27:00.000-04:00

Today everyone is officially in school and we can begin feeling out what our routine is going to wind up looking like. I am embracing this. It's nerve-wracking and it's a big adjustment, but I'm embracing it.

The big life changes have caused Levi to test out the waters of potty-training regression. This is a bad thing because they are supposed to be entirely independent and totally potty trained at his school. I'm hoping that seeing the other kids go potty will encourage him to go back to progression rather than regressing further. He actually peed on my husband last night. They were playing/wrestling and his sweet little innocent voice piped up, "It's OK, Daddy. You like water on your back, right?" My husband can really move fast with the right motivation. It may make me a terrible wife to have done so, but I giggled. I tried not to, but it was a pretty funny set up. And after all, he still teases me about the time he picked up our overly-excited dog and she peed several feet into the air, the stream of excited-puppy-urine ending exactly at my head. I think that turnabout is, after all, fair play.

Lexi's transition into the fall routine and back into our house (she spends the majority of the summer with her biological father) has been more extreme at times than it usually is, but the moments are far shorter lived than they have been in the past. Over all, it's been a different transition than before- in a positive way. She had trouble with bullies and mean girls last year at school and being in a totally new school environment this year is already doing good things for her.

Gloria is, I think, glad that summer is over and happy to be back in school. She seemed to be growing bored and weary of the seemingly endless summer vacation. I really did do as much as possible with them to keep them busy, but she's almost entirely impossible to keep busy. Seriously. We went to museums and playgrounds and the zoo and day camps and "Grammy Camp" and we painted, rode bikes, went for walks, swam, did crafts, and on and on and on. The kid finds it physically impossible to just rest and hang out. I tend to be a "go, go, go" kind of person too, but good grief.

As for me. . . this is all pretty weird. I am not ashamed to say I suck at the stay-at-home-mom gig. More power to all the moms who love being at home and homeschooling their kids and keeping neat, clean houses. I really give you props and think you're awesome. I've also discovered that I suck at all that. I wasn't a stay at home mom for long before I discovered it was not my bag. God did not design me for that job. To be a mom? Absolutely. To be a stay at home mom forever? No way, Jose. I love my kids and staying home when they were babies was totally the right thing to do and I am glad I did. But I'm also glad that they are all potty trained (mostly) and in preschool and school. They (and probably I) will wind up being much happier, healthier, better rounded people in the long run for not having to put up with me all day long.

My years as a SAHM proved good, overall. They were hard. Very, very hard. Those years forced me to do much soul-searching and growing in my relationship with God. It was the first period of my life where I actually took the time to do the whole, "Who am I?" exploration. They were an important, introspective 5.5 years where I got to know myself well in my own head.

Now, here I am having to figure out how that translates to regular adult interaction and community. All of the sudden, I'm not just hanging out with little kids and talking to other moms about bathroom habits and sleep patterns. No offense, other moms, I still love you and will happily talk to you about those things, should the occasion arise. All of the sudden, I have to figure out how I, as this new stronger person I've discovered I am, relate to the "real world" around me. (I quote "real world," lest someone get offended and think I'm saying SAHM's aren't in the real world. That's not what I'm saying.) All of the sudden, I'm not just the "gopher" who gets what the people of the house need. They can get their own snacks and toys and cat food. OK, I still have to feed the cats. That would be a cool trick to teach them though, wouldn't it? As of this week, I'm a respected adult who has important opinions and the ability to learn another language in 30 weeks.

It's all very disorienting. It's not reading The Life of St. Antony that I find overwhelming right now. (In fact, I read that for "fun" over the summer.) It's not learning the Hebrew alphabet I find daunting. (Language #4? Bring it.) I'll figure out where the student lounges are and I'll learn the stacks of the library in no time. What I'm finding difficult to adjust to is being an adult again in this new skin of mine that's developed over the past few years as I've been relatively hidden away from the world of grown-ups.

I'm also pretty self-conscious about this change. I know there are people who find it appalling that my children are in public school. There are people who think 3 year olds don't need pre-school and I should have put off my schooling until he was at least old enough for kindergarten. There are plenty of people who think a woman going to seminary and becoming an ordained minister is just plain against the Bible. There are those who think I'm too headstrong and should "submit" more to my husband. I've been really worried for months about what all those people think about our choices. I know that when it comes down to it, their opinion doesn't matter if I know I'm doing what God has said is right for me and is best for His Kingdom (which includes, for the record, each of my children and my husband). God didn't call us all to live the exact same life. It's been freeing in a weird "oh crap, where did the fence go?" way to find myself in a community where these choices we've felt God telling us to make as a family are not unusual.

I sort of wish this transition had come with training wheels, because I'm feeling sort of wobbly right now. I'm not feeling shy or self-conscious, oddly enough. You'd think that would be a big problem for me at a crucial page turning like this, but it hasn't been. Everything feels too right to second guess it all. It's all just a bit surreal, I suppose.

Speaking of my fourth language "bringing it," I have to go write the Hebrew alphabet about 439 more times and recite it at least as many. Then I have about 53 books to read. Some are even required readings.