The Stacey Sizzle

Halloween 2017

2017-11-01T19:49:00.000-04:00

Our Flat

2016-06-29T16:01:00.000-04:00

For memories sake, I wanted to post some pictures of our London flat. As you can see, we have left the decorating to a minimum since we aren't here for very long and aren't taking much back with us. The bunting is leftover from our Easter decor and I thought it livened the place up a little so it has remained

Love this balcony and view

This little room is intended to be a dining room but when Andrew and I saw that it had doors and could be closed off we immediately knew it would be Esme's room. The flat has only 2 bedrooms officially but I don't know what we would have done without this other room option for Esme. She had such a hard time sleeping through the night when we first moved here.

The kitchen table changes location based on whether or not we have visitors, but this is the place that works best. You can imagine that it gets a little cramped when we pull the table away from the wall and everyone is eating (also we move in the high chair). But setting and clearing the table is a breeze and we can usually reach everything we need in the kitchen without even standing up. Little perks. Also notice the little washer/dryer on the left side of the counter. People here know how to use every inch of space.

Now for the 2nd set of photos. We had to tidy up because the flat is being "shown" to prospective new tenants. So here are the photos after a some cleaning (and rearranging):

Just imagine this room completely covered in legos and you will have a more realistic idea of what it looks like in real life.

Out of the last 4 places we have lived, three had retro bright-coloured porcelain in the bathrooms. It might be a "must-have" in the next place :)

That is a tea maker in the corner btw. It came with the flat (supposedly it is an essential appliance in England). It gives me boiling water in 30 seconds flat and I use it all the time.

That, my friends, is the dumbest broom in the whole world and it is the only kind of broom I can find in this country. Someone needs to introduce them to skinnier brooms.

On the left wall you will notice a chore chart that started with SUCH HIGH HOPES...but alas, we failed. One day I will find the will to try again.

Haha, in real life we would never put a rug underneath a table like this. So many spills...

Hiking in Lake District

2016-04-16T17:51:00.004-04:00

This was from last October...

My Thoughts on UK Education

2016-01-10T06:39:00.000-05:00

We have a few months of school under our belts now, so I feel somewhat prepared to offer up my opinions on the educational system here. There have been moments when, in a fit of fury, I have been ready to tear into all the frustrating differences that we have experienced. But, gratefully, I now feel calm enough to highlight the good and not so good, compared to what I've experienced and expected in the U.S. Obviously this is all very subjective. I'm focused mostly on Luke's school which is a public school for Years 3-6.

The Good:

- The curriculum is challenging and sophisticated. Luke had to skip a grade because of his age (more on that later) so I've only ever experienced U.S. kindergarten curriculum before now. I'm not sure what the average 2nd grader is studying in the United States. But I have been impressed by the curriculum studied and the thoughtful activities at Luke's school. Each half-term he has a "term project" which is related to some topic that they are focusing on during that term. For Sept/Oct it was world religions. For Nov/Dec they are studying Ancient Egypt. At first I thought this was going to be a little above his head and to some degree it is. But after being introduced to these topics, I have been surprised how often Luke has brought them up outside of class. We have been able to have some good teaching moments at home and I feel like delving into some of these topics has really expanded his mind. I often felt in U.S kindergarten that while I loved Luke's teacher, she was bound to a curriculum that was a bit boring and highly regimented. When I volunteered in the classroom I always felt like what I was doing was aimed at the slowest kid in the class and the kids who could do more were completely uninterested. Keep in mind that in the UK, I technically have one of the "slower" kids in the class since Luke was not well prepared to enter this grade. But they have still managed to involve him and he is able to keep up to some degree. I just wish I could volunteer in the classroom to figure out what their secret is.

Along this same line, here is a small example of some of the things that the kids in his grade have been able to participate in so far this year:

-Swimming (they have a small indoor pool and go swimming once a week for PE)
-Italian (once a week he has an Italian lesson. I hear at the end of the year they cook an Italian meal in the kitchen)
-Create animations using the program Scratch
-Run in a cross country race at Regents Park
-Attend a tour of the Houses of Parliament and learn how the government is organized

I'm sure there is a lot more but I only get a glimpse here and there (spoiler alert: this is one of the bad things)

-Fieldtrips! It is much more affordable and convenient to get the kids learning outside the classroom in London. All kids ride free on public transport so there is no need to rent a bus for the day. Personally, I would have a brain hemorrhage if I had to supervise 30 kids getting on and off a train, but saintly teachers and staff manage to keep track of everyone and take advantage of some excellent free (or almost free) museums and landmarks around the city. Parents also are invited to volunteer on fieldtrips and I was impressed with how well organized everything was when I tagged along. Luke has already been to the Sikh temple this year and every once in a while his class will walk down the street to the local library.

-Assemblies! There are regular assemblies at school (almost every day) and the kids are divided into 4 teams called "houses". It feels straight from Harry Potter sometimes although I think this tradition predates Harry Potter. They win "house-points" and compete against each other for the house trophy. I think because of this there is a lot of unity between grades. I was a bit nervous to have Luke be the youngest kid at school but the older kids have been really kind to him. The older girls at school think he's so cute (in that little brother kind of way) and I have no doubt that they would protect him if he was ever being teased. Luke always is giving me the update on how many house-points his team has and what funny thing happened at the most recent assembly.

The Downsides

-Parent Involvement. One of the biggest downsides for me is that I feel the partnership between parents and staff a bit awkward. In the U.S. I was always encouraged to volunteer in the classroom and I felt a high level of transparency with Luke's teacher. I really had a good grasp on what was going on at school. I also had the teacher's email address and could communicate with her very easily if I had a question or was concerned about something. Projects done at school eventually found there way home so I could see them. In London, I feel very disconnected to Luke's teacher and have very little knowledge as to what goes on every day. None of the projects completed at school ever come home in his backpack. The school does try to keep a blog updated where they will occasionally post about something going on in the classroom. But generally these feel a bit random like seeing one of two minutes of a movie and trying to figure out the plot.

Communication. The school has a policy that they do not give out email addresses for their teachers. So if I want to communicate with Luke's teacher, I have to email the school secretary (there is only one woman who runs the whole office) and she acts as a middleman between the teacher and I. I also have the option to try and pull the teacher aside before and after school. But you can imagine that a teacher who is impossible to contact otherwise, has quite a long line of parents waiting for her each day.

When I attended the school's PTA meeting (we would call it "PTA" in the U.S but it is not called that here), I felt a very subtle tension between the parents and the school. I'm still trying to put my finger on exactly what I was sensing. It is just so odd to have a school ask for parent involvement in fundraising and not really want them involved in anything else. It is really hard to feel a part of the school community when there are so few opportunities for parents to be involved or have a say in their child's education. I lack the feeling that parents and teachers are in a partnership together.

Those are my thoughts so far. I'm sure I will have a more well-rounded perspective as time goes on.

The Lake District - Day One

2015-11-24T17:31:00.000-05:00

The kids had a week off from school in October (referred to as half-term). Actually all the kids in the UK had the same week off. There are a few private schools here and there that have different vacation dates but for the most part everyone gets the same week. Which must have made sense to somebody sitting in an office somewhere, but to me it is completely insane. Do they have any idea how hard it is for a doctor to get a week off when every other doctor with kids in his department is also trying to get the same week off? (and of course there have to be doctors working). Further, do they have any idea how hard it is to find a hotel or airbnb with availability when there is the potential that every family in the entire country is also looking for a place to stay. Ah! It is just one of the things that I don't understand about this place, but it makes sense to them. I will admit that this would make family reunions a whole lot easier.

*I should also note that if you try to take vacation while school is in session they can fine you. I actually had to sign a contract that said I wouldn't do it. Even for Cam! As if a 4.5 year old missing a couple days of school is catastrophic to his education! But this will be further discussed in a later post.

Under these circumstances, Andrew was not able to get the entire week off but he was able to get a few days tacked onto a weekend so we decided to head up to the Lake District (Cumbria). I had heard that this part of England would be especially beautiful during Autumn.

We left after the boys got out of school on Friday and hit the most horrendous traffic we have experienced thus far. We didn't end up getting to our hotel until 1am. The kids didn't transfer very well and Esme screamed for longer than I'd like to admit but eventually everyone fell asleep. At one point I thought maybe Esme would calm down if she had some milk to drink but I didn't have any and didn't want to drive around trying to find a grocery store open (I actually never plan on driving on the left side of the road...it freaks me out enough to watch Andrew do it). But luckily there was a tea and coffee service in our room and they had these tiny little servings of milk for tea (like sacrament cup sized). I emptied all 10 of them into a bottle and that seemed to help.

The next day was quite rainy so we drove up to Lake Windermere and visited the aquarium to escape the rain for a bit. I wasn't expecting much out of this aquarium. It was really small. But I was pleasantly surprised by some of the exhibits that were set up. It was actually pretty interesting.

For instance this ant display completely blew my mind. And it was out in the open (not behind glass). This rope was draped from one end of the display to the other and one end had a pile of leaves on it. These ants are referred to as leaf-cutter ants and they cut leaves and bring them back to their colony. I was a little bit mesmerized watching them work and reading about them was even more interesting. They are like a highly organized little army.

Oh yes, the rain paid us back with a rainbow

I loved how the moss wrapped itself over everything

We all breath a sigh of relief when this happens. She doesn't sleep long in her stroller but it is magical when she does

This is Wray Castle. We didn't go inside...kids were getting tired and damp.

I know. So many pictures. But how could I not?

More good than bad

2015-11-19T08:32:00.001-05:00

I thought Mema would get a kick out of this picture. She knows this look all too well. Luke is in the zone playing "angry face" (aka Clash of Clans) while waiting for Dad to come out of the temple. Classic example of how we can be so consumed by what is happening on a screen while there is a gigantic beautiful masterpiece right behind us :).

This morning Luke said he was worried that what happened in Paris would happen here in London. I could not assure him that it wouldn't happen here. All I could tell him was that I believe there are a lot of good people in the world. There are more good people than bad people. And I believe good will win.

Leeds Castle and a view from my window

2015-11-08T18:08:00.001-05:00

On the way home from the White Cliffs of Dover we were going to be driving by Leeds Castle. It is quote "the loveliest castle in the world" so we thought we would stop and take a look. It was closing when we arrived and we couldn't get through the gates of the enormously long drive way. We were worried we might not be able to even catch a glimpse but then as we were off on a side road, we saw some locals walking and asked them where we could get a view of the castle. They told us about a footpath that would take us to a great hill overlooking the castle. It is where all the locals go to watch fireworks when there is a special occasion going on there. It was perfect. I do have a tiny itch to go back and see it up close sometime (I hear it has a moat!) but I definitely was filled for the time being.

We walked through this sheep farm (part of the public footpath)

Leeds Castle in all its loveliness

Trying to get the kids excited about more photo-taking

Luke is my little acrobat so he really got into this

Dad knows how to get them smiling

These are all blurry :( but so cute that I'm posting them anyway

Give these kids a field to run free. They are happy.

I love catching little moments between these two. Cam always looks at his Dad with such admiration. Andrew is his number one hero.

The next morning I woke up and there was a nice morning light (post stormy weather)...

This is my view from my kitchen window

This is my view from my bedroom window

I don't know if a photo adequately captures it. I love looking out this window

There are some nice private yards below. We are sort of surrounded by incredibly wealthy people. We are not one of them but definitely enjoy their pretty homes and yards.

White Cliffs of Dover

2015-11-04T08:58:00.000-05:00

White Cliffs continued...

Lots of pictures coming your way just to warn you. This was an amazing day.

After spending the night near Botany Bay we drove to Dover.

We first stopped and took some pictures of Dover Castle which is majestically perched near the ocean. We aren't at a phase with our kids where it makes much sense for us to pay to tour a castle. So we took a few pictures and moved on. Unfortunately I was experimenting with a manual setting on my camera and I didn't notice until I uploaded the photos that most of them were overexposed. But you get the idea...

I'm not sure what is going on here but I think it is something like "make-warrior-faces-so-your-kids-are-excited-about-a-really-old-building"

After this we went to the official "White Cliffs of Dover" which is maintained by the National Trust. There is a small visitor's center (which is more like a cafe with some souvenirs for sale) and a hike that goes along the cliffs to a lighthouse. The British really like their cafes. We rarely go to any tourist attraction or park where there isn't a place to sit down and have tea and sandwiches. There was even a place to eat at the lighthouse (although we didn't make it that far with the kids...it is about 4 miles one way).

This gives an idea of how far away the hike is from Dover Castle in the background

Not many safety features in this country so we had to be extra careful with the kids getting to close to the edge

See what I mean about edge! Yikes!

Cam is my only kid who will cooperate for a picture. I love him for it.

You can see the beach down below but we actually weren't allowed to take the trail down because of rockfall danger. I was so sad!

At one point in history (WWII) there were actually military tunnels built down into the cliffs. We passed this small station that had some information about them (and I think you can even go down and view a small portion that has been excavated). Interesting.

A nice "reality" shot

We were only about a mile from the lighthouse when the kids started getting tired, so of course there was lots of wrestling going on (all in good fun for the most part)...

...and then Esme fell asleep so we decided to turn and head back.

The boys almost staged a strike, but I was very proud that they made it so far. They were great little hikers until the very end.

Botany Bay

2015-10-30T19:20:00.001-04:00

It was time to update the blog a little. Which made me sad. I love those pictures of the boys that used to adorn the top of our blog. But they were from about 4 years ago and we have added another child to the mix. I will also be editing some of the friend blog links on the sidebar. If you haven't updated your blog in years I will probably delete but it is nothing personal...we are still friends :). Just trying to clean up a little.

This month has been busy. Andrew was becoming uneasy that we had lived in England for longer than 30 days and had not yet gone on any roadtrips. "We haven't seen anything yet!" he exclaimed (or something along those lines) as I was perusing our many photos from various landmarks within the city of London. I tease, but I understand. This wasn't the easiest move for our family so enjoying some of the perks is paramount. Since that conversation we have been on 3 roadtrips and now feel content for a while.

The first trip was to see the White Cliffs of Dover in Kent. They were majestic. The car ride out was a little daunting as it was Andrew's first time driving on the left side of the road and right side of the car. Not only that, but the GPS took him right through the center of London for his big initiatory drive. I don't know if either of us breathed until we made it outside the city. Driving in London is absolutely crazy. There is no other way to describe it. I haven't counted but I wouldn't be surprised if there were over 15 lights at some intersections. Who knows what they all mean or why they have so many. And the roundabouts...more like an opportunity for multiple lanes of traffic to converge and cut each other off. Then there are traffic cams everywhere and buses and taxis that have different rules than the rest of us. Our goal is to never drive in central London ever again. It is a disorganized mess (which is really a reflection of just about everything in the UK but I'm going to hold back for a later post).

When she makes this face she reminds me so much of Cam. I think they have the same smile.

Trying to prevent a disaster! Esme is a water lover

more White Cliff pictures coming...

A Saturday in the City

2015-10-09T08:55:00.002-04:00

Some pictures from watching the changing of the guard (our view was not great for this; we will have to try again sometime)...

...a visit to St. James park...

...and Westminster Abbey...

How to buy all your furniture in a few hours...

2015-09-14T05:30:00.002-04:00

We finally got the internet. FINALLY! I am somewhat embarrassed to say it, but our family is pretty cranky without the internet. Sometimes Andrew and I feel a little pride in not having cable and almost never using a TV. But we are deceiving ourselves! I have never seen my kids as happy as when the internet man left and I turned on netflix. The first looks of sheer joy I have seen on their faces since we arrived in London.

I feel like I need to go back and document some of our experiences here. We have definitely had some funny/crazy/instructive experiences here that are worth recording.

Back when we first arrived, we were fortunate enough to be able to stay at Andrew's co-fellow's flat. He was on holiday with his family and offered it for a week. I don't know what we would have done without this incredibly kind gesture. Not only did we save a fortune, but it was fully stocked with what we needed and made the transition a little bit easier. They even had bunk beds! It was a very modern-styled flat in an incredibly central location. I remember waking up the morning after I arrived and looking out the window at all the very nice, very English-style homes on a cobblestone street. I felt like I was in a movie.

I'm glad that we had the experience of living in that part of London. It was fairly close to Andrew's work and we had actually considered renting something in that area for a time. But after a few days I realized it was not a great fit for us. It was a little too central. Every time I left the flat with the kids my heart rate accelerated ten-fold. It was very busy, noisy and definitely not kid-friendly. In fact, I never saw anyone with kids walking around. I only time I saw other kids was when we went to the city park. They must have all lived at that park :). In short, it wasn't a place I would enjoy living very much with kids. I was relieved that Andrew had found a flat in a different area and it would be ready to move into at the end of the week.

I think a separate post should be dedicated to how LONG and FRUSTRATING it is to get anything done in this country. It should be noted that getting into our flat was a lot more complicated than we thought it would be. Luckily, our landlord let us move in before everything was finalized. Otherwise we would have had to move to a hotel for a few days. The Saturday after I arrived, we got the keys to our flat. It was completely empty. One of the reasons we considered not renting this flat in the beginning was because of the fact that it came unfurnished. Furnishing a flat seemed like an expensive headache. Especially without a car. But in the end, this flat was a great deal and offered us a lot more space than the others Andrew had looked at.

We realized the day we got the keys (Saturday) that we needed to go and get furniture right away. Otherwise we would have to wait a week until Andrew had a day off. There was no way I could manage such a big job alone with 3 kids. If we waited a week, we would have nothing to sleep on or eat on or sit on. So we rushed to Ikea.

Getting to Ikea was a bit difficult. We got off our bus too early and had to walk over a mile with the kids. They were not very good sports about this. And it was hot. Probably the only hot day I've experienced in London. We got there around 5pm and quickly realized that even though we had several hours, it might not be enough time to get everything we needed.

I can't tell you how many times I have almost had a breakdown in Ikea. I feel like I have been in the situation more than once where the store is about to close, and I'm trying to find what I need in the giant warehouse. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm stressed. I vow never to shop at Ikea again. But this experience was hopefully the worst Ikea experience I will ever have. It can never be this bad again. At least that is what I kept telling myself as I was going through it.

We went through the store, grabbing things that we needed and making notes of larger things we were thinking of buying. Ikea is always a sensory overload for me. I'm not great at making decisions in the first place and having to decide on everything in one go was a little too much for me. Around 8:30 Andrew decided to leave with the kids to go home. It was going to take him over an hour to get home and we knew they were tired (as it turned out they didn't make it back until midnight).

So I had a cart overflowing with things and a handwritten (somewhat unorganized) list of bigger ticket items that we were thinking of buying. The idea was to buy it all at once so we would only have to pay for delivery once. But I was a little unclear about how the process actually worked. I thought I could put in my order and they would pull things off the shelves and deliver. But actually I needed to go through the wearhouse, pick everything out myself, take it through checkout and then take it over to an area where they would arrange delivery. I honestly did not have enough time to do this. But the people at Ikea were very helpful and patient with me. First they helped me make a printout of everything I needed to pull from the shelves. This was helpful because I'm sure I would have forgotten things like "bed slats". It wouldn't be so bad if everything needed came in one box. But instead something you like in the showroom could actually come in 3 separate boxes and you may not be aware of what other components you need. Anyway, when I got to the warehouse, I got everything I could personally pick up and then I had to divide up the list among 3 big guys who helped me get everything else. I'll admit it, I begged. I'm sure I looked incredibly desperate. But they probably decided to help me because the store was closed and they wanted to go home :).

In the end I had 6 push-carts full of boxes plus my overflowing shopping cart. The damage came to just under 1500 pounds (not bad for furnishing a whole flat). I didn't get done until 11:30. I'm sure the store employees were more than happy to see me leave.

After I unloaded everything to be delivered the next day, I went out to find the bus stop. My phone battery didn't have much life left and I wasn't sure exactly where I was going. I also knew that I only had a little bit of money left on my travel card and I was really worried that I wouldn't have enough for the bus. Luckily, when the bus arrived 30 minutes later, I did in fact have enough. I discovered a whole different side of London on the bus that night. The weird side.

I wasn't sure if I should feel uneasy or not. Should I be worried about getting mugged? Ikea is on the outskirts of London. I wouldn't say it is a bad area, but I wouldn't want to walk around after dark. My nerves were completely shot at that point so I hardly had the energy to think about it. London was lively on a Saturday night. But a drunk sort of lively. This one weird guy sitting in front of me kept singing. He had to be high. Then a woman came in and sat down next to him (even though there were plenty of other seats). He kept running his hands through her hair and hitting on her. She kept talking to him but when he would try to get her to come home with him she would say, "I can't, I just met you". Then about every 5 minutes he would ask her what her name was again because he kept forgetting (he was so wasted). And she would just repeat her name for him like it was totally normal to ask someone what their name was 4 times in a row. I could not figure out why this woman (who did not appear drunk) was sitting by this completely weird, gross guy who kept running his hands through her hair! The best I could come up with was that she really needed attention.

Anyway, it took me about an hour to get back to our new flat (the unfurnished one). But we had decided to sleep one more night at the co-worker's flat since they weren't back yet and sleeping in beds sounded better than sleeping on the floor. So I picked up an empty suitcase that I would need the next day to transport the last of our belongings and caught another bus to central London where the other apartment was (I tried to take a subway but our subway line was closed after midnight). At this point it was 1:00 am and the people just kept getting weirder and weirder. It took about 40 minutes to get to where I was going, but a few stops before I was supposed to get off, the bus driver just stopped the bus and said he was done and everyone had to get off. I'm still not sure why. I was really nervous since I still didn't know my way around very well and my phone was almost dead. But when I got off I recognized where I was (luckily) and I knew I could get to the flat in about a 15 minute walk. Not many things freak me out. But I'll admit, walking past homeless guys sleeping on the sidewalk at 2am, while pulling a big empty suitcase behind me, made me a little nervous. I kept swinging it around a little so it would be obvious that it was empty.

But in the end, all was well. I slept for a few hours and then woke up to get everyone ready for church. Our things were delivered on Sunday and we spent the next several days building a lot of stuff. We never want to see an allen wrench again.

Snapshot

2015-06-14T23:20:00.003-04:00

T minus 9 days until we pull out of town. I have not documented my kids lives very well since moving to Ann Arbor, but we've had a great time. A lot has changed in the last few years. We bought a minivan, learned the responsibility of home ownership, stretched ourselves in ways unimaginable for a little thing called residency, and went from having hobbies to kind of not having any (boo!). That list sounds a little dull. We also added a girl to the family, made some amazing life-long friends, visited new places, and watched our kids grow up in what will probably be the first home they remember (at least for the boys).

I am so glad we moved here. I'll admit that when Andrew told me we matched at Michigan I smiled but my eyes looked horrified! It was definitely the coldest climate that we ranked and though high on our list, I didn't think it was a very realistic possibility. But I have no doubt that this was the place for us. I have grown some thick winter skin and a greater appreciation for spring, summer and fall. I even kind of like sledding and shoveling snow. I have learned SO MUCH from the people I have met here. Our little home has felt like such an idyllic place to raise our kids with the high towering trees everywhere and neighbors who are always looking out for us. We feel very lucky.

Residency. I'm so glad it's almost over. But I hesitate to write that because it sounds like life has been so miserable when it really hasn't been. It was everything that I was warned it would be. There were no surprises. It wasn't a desirable life for the long-term, but we adapted for the short-term and it was fine. I learned to never expect Andrew home for dinner. He is almost never home for dinner and I used to try and wait until 7, 8 or even later. Then I realized I was happier when I just accepted that he wasn't going to be home and fed the kids when they were hungry. I happen to dread dinnertime so I didn't like being alone for this part of the day. But lots of Moms and Dads do it alone every single day so who am I to complain?

Beyond just dinner, I learned to not expect anything from Andrew. Let me explain because that sounds terrible. I have an amazing husband who is totally willing to do things around the house. He is not a guy who comes home, turns on the TV, and zones out for the rest of the night. He always puts us above his own needs and hobbies. Always. He is literally an energizer bunny who will smack a smile on his face no matter how bad his day was, or how bad his headache is, and go take the kids to the park before bedtime. But he is a busy man. Even when he would get home by a reasonable time like 7 pm, he still had emails to stay on top of, research to work on, studying (SO MUCH STUDYING!), and a myriad of other things like meetings, phone calls, reviewing research papers, volunteer work, etc. His 'to do' list never ends and he is usually gone by 7 am the next day. I am a much happier person when instead of harboring resentment for the things my husband never has time to do, I just take pride in all the things I am able to handle by myself. Think of it as a healthy independence. Every spouse of a resident needs it.

Here are a few of the good friends we've made in Ann Arbor. Usually it is just the ladies and we are severely outnumbered by kids. We always get lots of stares! :)

Also, it really helped having friends who were/are in a similar stage and situation in life. It has been a life saver to be able to call a friend on a Saturday to see if they want to hang out because you know their husband is working too. I appreciate that I have friends who want to have fun and give their kids awesome experiences but also know what it is like to live on a tight budget. They are creative, generous, helpful and make me laugh. They will be lifelong friends. I'm so grateful that I could vent my frustrations to women who truly understand. But I'm even more grateful that they inspired me by their example to quit complaining, turn around, and get to work because my life was no harder than their own. And our weekly playgroups...like manna from Heaven!

That time our kids took over this poor couple's "yoga date". Luckily they were very nice about it and taught them some moves.

Now for a snapshot of my kids.

Luke just finished kindergarten. He is very clever, sensitive and creative. He loves to tease but usually doesn't take it too far. He loves to tell jokes (especially about butts or taboo noises...it's the age). He makes incredible things with legos. He even writes his own instructions sometimes for his very own lego creations. Honestly, he is much better at legos than I am. I am always impressed by the shear volume of things he creates. He can literally spend hours by himself, creating little worlds with legos or blocks, or planning a pretend day of school complete with posters and signs to hang on the wall. He asks questions all the time about how things work and I'm getting to the point where I must consult google quite often. He is SMART.

Luke is also a sensitive soul. He loves to compete and play hard but he doesn't like it when kids are mean or rough and rarely do I catch him ever doing anything mean-spirited. He is sweet and still pretty innocent. He is very aware of justice and keeping one's word and reminds us all of these values on a regular basis. He is a great older brother. He desperately wants Esme to like him more than Cam (those competitive boys) and is always playing little games with her. That being said, Luke plays so well with Cam too...they are best friends and sometimes they are best foes. Luke is just starting to turn that corner of independence. I know it will come later for him than it does for other boys but soon he will not be my little boy anymore. I ache and yearn for it at the same time. So hard to explain. But he has been the very cutest little boy a Mom could ask for. I am so lucky. I am not pushing him to grow up but I am also so excited to watch him grow and learn new things. I can see how happy it makes him.

Cameron just finished his first year of preschool but honestly he probably could have held his own in Luke's kindergarten class. He is very well-spoken and smart. He remembers everything, is generally reserved but not shy, and is VERY sweet. He is the kind of boy that all the other Moms want to have over for a playdate (I hope that doesn't sound like I'm bragging...it has nothing to do with me). A mean bone does not exist in his body although he quietly knows how to get under his brother's skin. Don't let his calm and sweet nature fool you, because deep down he is a truly ambitious and competitive spirit. I can almost feel the drive to win pumping down deep in his soul. For example, lately he has been wearing Luke's skates around the house almost every waking moment and I'm almost positive it is because he wants to master skating before Luke does. He has a subtle way of talking about it, but I think most of his decisions are based on whether or not it will put him ahead of his brother. E.g., "Mom, Luke doesn't eat corn right? I love corn. Corn is my favorite food." (note: corn is not his favorite food). He is funny and is happiest when he has friends to play with (or better yet, his Dad!).

Cam always strikes some interesting poses. He is showing off his muscles here.

Sometimes I feel like I can use a sharp tongue with Luke and it hardly impacts him, but I have to be very careful with Cam. The minute my tone gets angry or impatient he stiffens up and I know I need to take a deep breath and be more gentle. He never needs a severe rebuke. He seems tough on the outside but inside he is a softie. He almost NEVER cries when he is hurt. When he cries, I know he is really in a lot of pain. The last time he threw up, he kept telling me in between heaves that he was going to be okay and not to worry. In some ways, he is strong as steel. But I know that he has lots of fears that he tries not to reveal. He lets it slip sometimes. The way he always wants me to go down to the basement with him. Or the way he likes to crawl in our bed in the middle of the night. Or the way he will make sure we have a meeting spot when we go to crowded place. Recently, I took him to the children's museum and somehow we got separated (very rare with Cam...I was having a heart attack). He found an employee at the museum and told them he was lost. Pretty impressive for a four year old. That is Cam for you.

I'm pretty sure I have a picture of Andrew making this exact same face when he was a teenager

Esme has personality. No one could ever accuse her of not having a personality. It oozes from her every moment of the day. One of the things I love most about Esme is how she seamlessly fits in our family. It is like she has been watching us for years and nothing surprises her. She knows exactly what to do. She knows how to plop herself in the middle of everyone during family movie night and shove popcorn into her mouth. She knows that legos are the most awesome toy ever and tries to play with them alongside the boys. She knows that family home evening is a time when all children in our family are supposed to act like crazy monkeys. She never backs down or seems shy or reserved but jumps right in like she owns the place. I love the way she always wants to crawl on whatever chair Cam is sitting in and share it with him...even if you try to offer her her very own chair, she doesn't want it. She seems so happy to be with us. Like she has been waiting forever to join the party.

Esme is very much a girl. She loves shoes, necklaces, babies and stuffed animals. But she also has a strong flair of tomboy in her. She hates when I mess with her hair and LOVES to run around and laugh like a hooligan. I definitely think that while she and I have a very special and close relationship, she would choose Dad over me at any time. She is always saying "outside!" in her cute little baby voice and she means it. She can spend lots of time outside (although preferably not with grass touching her bare feet). She loves baths, playgrounds, playhouses, her blankie, her baba (bottle...yes she still uses one much to my chagrin), hide and seek, running the opposite way you want her to, cheese, roads!, music, dancing, applesauce and did I mention stuffed animals? I was always a little scared to have a girl but words cannot express how happy I am to have Esme in our family. She fits perfectly. She makes me want to have a truckload of little girls just like her. Although it would be nice if she slept through the night! She is as spirited as her auburn hair would suggest.

That is us in a snapshot. Now I should pack up my house.

Do you have a resistant eater?

2015-05-31T22:11:00.001-04:00

I have a million things going on right now between packing up our house, making plans for London and all the soccer games, swim practices, etc. It is definitely not the time to be writing a blog post. But I've been wondering if our experience could possibly help someone else and I want to get it written out before we move to London and my posts turn to other things. This is going to be long.

Luke crying at 2 years old because I gave him a peanut butter with 1/3 less sugar than normal. I had to scrape it off his tongue in order for him to stop crying. Foreshadowing at its best.

Luke has always been a resistant eater (remember this post?!). Even as an infant he did not nurse well. When he turned 1, he wouldn't drink whole milk and eventually I had to give him Pediasure on a daily basis. He did okay with pureed foods and a few other finger foods but by 2.5 years old he settled on a handful of foods and those foods largely remained the same until he was 6 years old. Foods like peanut butter, toast, dry cereal, crackers and certain varieties of chicken nuggets. Other moms would notice his picky behaviors and tell me stories about phases that their own children went through. But for some reason those stories never resonated with me. I always knew in the back of my mind that this wasn't a phase. It was not going to go away on its own. I knew that unlike kids who are just picky, Luke would rather starve than eat a new or unfamiliar food. Period.

This certainly isn't the worst problem a child could have, but this affected our family in several ways. I'm not going to go into all the frustrating stories, but it was hard to deal with day after day and we often worried about Luke's health and well being. Over the years, I tried many different ways of trying to help him expand his diet. At times I tried to be more strict and offer rewards, other times I tried to just relax and let him choose what he wanted to eat. Nothing worked and every approach had significant drawbacks. One thing that I never felt comfortable with was letting him starve until he ate what we wanted. I received that advice from some parents while they quoted the adage that "kids won't starve themselves". But my child could go without food longer than I was comfortable with. I think there are cases where this isn't very good advice.

I knew when my 6 year old constantly came home from school fatigued and starving because he wouldn't eat anything during the day, that this was more than normal pickiness and it wasn't going to change on its own. I read some blogs online like this post. Luke is not autistic but the description of a "resistant eater" resonated with me. He was always very analytical of his food, noticing if it had black spots or strange bumps that made it a bit imperfect. His food choices had slowly narrowed over time, never increasing to include new foods. If pressed to try a new food, he would gag and be unable to swallow. I didn't know where I would find an "eating therapist" in my area and it seemed like the places I contacted were better suited for children who had suffered a mouth trauma or had an eating disorder like anorexia. Plus the waiting lists were ridiculous.

Finally, (and this must have been revelation because I have no idea how I came to this conclusion) I decided that Luke was very similar to someone who had OCD or anxiety (his anxiety is about food) and whatever therapy would work for them, would work for Luke. I was somewhat familiar with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (I have a BS in Psychology) but I knew that I could not be the one to help him through it. We had too much baggage between us after all these years of food wars. He needed someone outside his comfort zone who would have a clean slate. Through the recommendation of a therapist friend, I contacted the Anxiety and OCD Treatment Center of Ann Arbor. Luke began seeing a therapist once a week in January. I should mention that Luke doesn't have an official diagnosis for any kind of disease or condition. He does not take any medication. I'm not really interested in labeling, diagnosing or trying to figure out why he had this problem though I have several hypotheses. For whatever reason, trying new foods is something that scared him and therapy helped him overcome that fear.

After getting to know each other a little, the therapist explained to Luke that his mind was playing tricks on him. She told him that it happens to people all the time and gave him several examples of things that people were afraid of. Luke thought some of these were really funny. She told him that his brain was telling him to be afraid of new foods but that he didn't need to be afraid and they were going to show his brain that new foods aren't scary. Luke is very logical so this explanation really worked for him. During every session, Luke and the therapist would play games. The therapist recognized that Luke is competitive and likes to win. Eventually she would stop him before his turn and tell him that he could not take his turn until he ate a small (I mean, very small) bite of a new food. She would set a timer and he had one minute to either eat the food or relinquish his turn. We started out with things that were very similar to what he was already eating. A new type of cracker or chip for instance. Slowly, each we week we ventured into more unfamiliar foods.

In the beginning the major foods we worked on were apples, carrots, and cheese. I can't tell you how SLOW this process began. In one of the early sessions, Luke gagged on the smallest bite apple every time his turn came around for almost the entire hour. He could not swallow it. The therapist would calmly tell him that it was a good effort but he needed to swallow the food in order to have his turn. As soon as he successfully got it down, she immediately rewarded him with a small M&M. Sometimes she would promise him a few M&Ms if he was really struggling. At the end of the session he could pick out a small prize.

The therapist was not opposed to negotiating with Luke. Sometimes she would tell him that he only needed to try a new food once or twice the whole session if he really didn't like it. Or if Luke felt a piece a food was too big, she was not opposed to cutting it smaller once or twice. If they ever reached an impasse, she always presented him with new options or choices so he had some degree of control and things could move along. In a way, it was therapy for me to see how she dealt with his arguing techniques and balanced the line between setting rules and being flexible. It was good for me to model her approach.

At home, in between sessions, we would continue to work on the foods introduced in the previous session on a daily basis. This was the hard part. At first there was a lot of resistance and negotiating. I had to work a lot on staying calm and unemotional. The timer really helped with this. It gave us a cutoff where we could just move on if things weren't going well. Sometimes we would have a hard time getting a game started so I usually had to start off with very tiny pieces or foods that were relatively easy for him. Once he was invested in the game, I would begin bringing in harder foods. I always tried to give him choices so he felt like he had some control. The reward system we had in place was key. In the beginning I knew the strongest motivator for him would be treats. This meant that he could never have treats other than after eating practice.

The beginning. Apples, cheese and carrots.

Slowly, after a few months, he began mastering apples and cheese (he still doesn't really like carrots) and once these foods became a bit easier, I made sure that he ate them everyday. He still would not eat them without a reward but instead of giving him a treat every time, I started making it a qualifier for other activities, E.g. "Before you eat dinner, you need to eat some apple" or " Before you can watch that show, you need to eat some cheese". At first this was a pain and I hated doing it to be honest. Sometimes, when he wouldn't eat, it felt more like I was being punished. But we stuck with it and eventually it got better.

The next step was to get rid of some of his old favorite foods and make the newer foods "the new normal". This part was also difficult. I didn't necessarily get rid of his old favorites all together. But now, instead of making him toast with PB for dinner, I would put apples and cheese on the table for dinner (in addition to whatever we were having as a family). I also ventured into other foods like cheese sandwiches and cheese quesadillas. Luckily, after a month or so he really started liking cheese so this became much easier. As foods became easier I would bring new foods for the therapist to introduce. Slowly our list of foods grew.

(a little clip from a therapy session)

We have now been going to therapy for almost 6 months. Here is a current list of foods that Luke can choose from. Some of these food are easy for him and some he doesn't like yet but will still

try. I keep the list handy so that whenever he wants a privilege like having a treat or watching a show, I can quickly think of something for him to eat beforehand. He has become so used to this now that there usually isn't any argument. However, he still likes to play games in order to eat a majority of these foods and generally his serving sizes are quite small. But I'm very happy with the progress. I'm getting a little weary of playing games all the time (and my other kids get jealous so I usually have to work everyone into the game). I won't lie, it is exhausting. But it is so much better than the situation we had before that I can never complain. It has been 100% worth all the effort. Slowly, he is not needing any reinforcement for a few of these foods which is very promising. Tonight he asked me if he could have some yogurt because he liked it. I wanted to fall on the floor and cry tears of joy (I did on the inside) but on the outside I pretended it was totally normal and got him some yogurt from the fridge. It was the first time he has eaten yogurt without playing a game or needing some kind of reward at the end. It was progress.

Perhaps most importantly are the changes I've seen in Luke. He seems so much lighter and happier. Part of this is because he is rarely starving and literally his body just feels better. He also doesn't feel as scared to try new foods and it is like an entire world has opened up to him. I expect that Luke is going to be somewhat picky for the rest of his life and I'm okay with that. I'm not expecting to go eat sushi with him someday. But I'm so happy that he is more willing to try things and doesn't carry this anxiety around anymore. I expect I'll be playing eating games for years to come but at least we have a method that works.

If there is anyone else in a similar situation and food "pickiness" is becoming extreme to the point where it is greatly affecting the quality of your family life, I would definitely suggest finding a therapist who specializes in behavioral cognitive therapy. It is a simple method, but it works and having a third party who held us all accountable and kept us moving forward was invaluable. If Luke ever complained about what we were doing I could tell him that "Dr. Amy" was the boss and he would have to take it up with her. It was nice to have someone else in charge (at least in his mind).

I normally don't like to blog about the things my children struggle with out of respect for them, but I thought this might be helpful to someone. I'm really proud of Luke. He is a great kid and is so creative and fun. I'm glad he is learning that he can overcome hard things at such a young age. I have never met anyone in person who has been in this situation, but if there are people out there I am more than happy to talk to you more about it if you just leave a comment.

Our Cyber Christmas Card

2014-12-26T00:30:00.000-05:00

I never got around to ordering Christmas cards this year. Oops.

But if I did, it would probably look something like this:

It is important to note that I am not pregnant. It was poor posture and too much gelato :).

This picture represents very well what having three kids looks like most of the time minus the incredible backdrop (and that is when there are two parents around, imagine when there is only one). Despite the craziness at times, these kids make us SO HAPPY we can't even keep from smiling when we talk about them. They are amazing people.

In way of a brief year review...

ESME (15 months)

Esme is a very adored child. She loves to snuggle with stuffed animals and is somewhat drawn to pink, but other than that she loves all the things that her older brother's love. She plays with cars, destroys their block towers, and is fascinated by legos. We are so smitten with her that our greatest fear is spoiling her rotten. She has an easy laugh and is very fun to be around. She absolutely never gives up when she sets her mind to something. She is the perfect addition to our family.

CAMERON (4 in January)

Cam (here pictured as a peregrine falcon) started preschool this year and is loving it. He is forming a reputation for being very easy-going and happy which makes him very popular for playdate invitations. I have to admit, he really is SO EASY. He is obedient, usually happy to do whatever we are doing, has a great sense of humor, and picks up on things really easily. I don't know where he came from but I am so grateful for his spirit in our home everyday. He does, however, know how to hold his own with his older brother and sometimes I forget that they are over two years apart. He knows how to get under Luke's skin without breaking any family rules which is another testament to his intelligence. This winter he will start playing indoor soccer and is very excited.

LUKE (6)

Luke (holding Esme) is absolutely the sweetest older brother a Mom could ask for. He dotes on his little sister and is so excited when she does the slightest new thing. He has told me before that he wants to have 10 kids when he grows up (I can't wait to remind him about that when he is older). Of course, he also wants me to have 10 kids which is not going to happen :). Luke told me once that he wants to be a grandpa when he grows up and I am pretty sure he will be the world's greatest grandpa. Luke is a very diligent student in kindergarten and loves to learn. He often comes home and becomes Cam's "teacher" which doesn't usually go over very well but I think Cam will be well prepared for kindergarten whether he wants to or not. Luke played soccer this year and improved so much from start to finish...we were so proud. He is starting to pound out songs on the piano, can climb like a monkey, and is becoming quite skilled at legos. It is such a fun age to see all his emerging talents.

ANDREW AND LAUREN

We have had the opportunity to do some fun things in 2014. For the month of April, we were able to go to Italy as a family while Andrew conducted research at a retinablastoma referral center in Siena, Italy. We also went to Utah (family reunions), Chicago, and explored northern Michigan. Andrew began his final year as an Ophthalmology resident in July which means it is our last year in Ann Arbor. Andrew recently accepted a fellowship position in Ocular Oncology at Moorfields Eye Hospital in London starting July 2015. We will be living in London for one year. We are really excited about the opportunity and feel like it will be a great experience for our family, but it has definitely added a bit of stress to our lives as we figure how to get our family settled in London. We are also preparing to sell our house and downsizing our possessions significantly. The next few months (or years) will definitely be busy.

We are so grateful for all that we have. We often find ourselves thinking of ways we can teach our children to be grateful and understand what a great blessing it is just to have a family, a home, and to live in relative peace and comfort. They think it is so normal to have such a happy and carefree life and we are happy to provide that. But in small, manageable amounts, we hope they will begin to see that the great blessings they have are not so common. They are blessings that are in need by many. We hope we can teach them to share their gifts willingly as Christ does for all of us. This next year, I hope our family can do more to see the people around us and recognize the ways we can help each other.

Merry Christmas! We are so grateful for you friends!

Love,

The Staceys

Chicago

2014-12-16T23:21:00.001-05:00

We went to Chicago for an ophthalmology conference in October. It was my first time in Chicago which is a little embarrassing since it is only 4 hours away. Since moving to Ann Arbor, I've been to Italy twice and never Chicago?! Something is wrong here. Anyway, it was a fun trip even though Andrew could only be with us intermittently. Sometimes I look forward to these things and don't even think for a minute about how difficult it will be to manage with three kids on my own in a big city. This lack of foresight must be a blessing in some way. But there were moments when I definitely felt the stares from masses of single people around me wondering why in the world I would bring three small children to Chicago by myself. Ha! I tried to make it look like I had complete control.

i spy...

Balcony of our apartment. We rented an apartment on vrbo instead of getting a hotel room. Such a better option for our family.

I loved the location of our place. It was so close to everything and I could pretty much walk anywhere I wanted to go except church.

Cam gave some great faces this trip. He is always the happiest when Dad is around.

Next time I hope we can go on an architecture tour. It is a beautiful city.

Wow...we were not expecting to like Chicago-style pizza...it being the complete opposite of a real Italian pizza. But this won us over. It was fantastic.

My boys might have a slight pigeon addiction after their many pigeon-chasing experiences in Italy. We spent a lot of time at Seneca Playlot Park during the day when Andrew was away.

The Aquarium! So much fun. The boys loved it.

Give a kid a penguin costume and they will have more fun than actually watching the live penguins 10 feet away. No joke, a solid 25 minutes was spent pretending to be a penguin.

We watched them train the dolphins. Amazing.

There are a lot of things I don't have pictures of, especially the times when I was alone with the kids. I took them to the Children's Museum which was also amazing. It was a little bit further of a walk than I anticipated. On the way home, we walked along the lake a little and I tried to take pictures of the kids with my phone. But they were really bothering me by that point. I can't even remember why. Esme was not cooperating at all. I had her in the baby carrier and she kept pinching my face, poking me in the eye, or arching her back because she hates the baby carrier. The kids were really tired and not listening. Everyone wanted to sit or stand on the stroller and I felt a little like a pack mule. Someone saw me taking a few pictures of the kids with my phone and asked me if they could take a picture for me so I could be in it. Without really thinking I said, "no thanks" because I thought I would never want to remember that moment and what I looked/felt like in that moment. Five minutes later I totally regretted it. I should always just take the picture, even if my kids are driving me crazy and I feel like my annoyance is written all over my face. I'm sure it would have been a funny memory. After that I tried to change my attitude a little and lighten up. I'm still mad at myself for being so lame.

Anyway, I'm so glad we had a chance to go and it was a nice wake up call to what I might be in for next year. Yikes!

Beach Day - Grosetto

2014-09-12T22:58:00.003-04:00

The Monday after Easter Sunday is also a holiday in Italy (I love that). We were feeling a little guilty for dragging the kids to all our favorite places. Easter Sunday felt like a marathon with church in the morning, a formal dinner in the afternoon, and a trip to Assisi in the evening. The kids are great travelers and can have fun anywhere, but we felt like they needed to go somewhere that was made for them. We told the boys that the day was theirs and they could choose where to go. They unequivocally decided on the beach so it was off to the beach we went.

The closest beach to Siena was in a place called Grosetto. I will be honest. It wasn't the most amazing beach I have ever been to. There was a ton of wood everywhere and a fair amount of trash. I actually feel a little silly complaining about it. I think the rest of Italy spoiled me so I was surprised to see something that just looked normal. It was a sufficient beach and the kids had a ridiculously good time. In fact, if you ask them they might say it was their favorite place in Italy :).

See the wood! It was everywhere! But still, the water was sparkling and the mountains in the background are gorgeous....I'm definitely being too picky.

Esme took a short nap in the stroller. We weren't worried about anyone bothering her seeing as how she was guarded by the wood fortress.

I'm glad the boys could make due with the variation of sand toys that we threw together. The eggs were from the giant kinder eggs they got for Easter. They used those like buckets and shovels. I found the large plastic container in our washroom. Then we had a large collection of McDonalds happy meal toys (as anyone who knows Luke can well imagine). That was enough for them.

It felt so relaxing to know the boys were having fun. Afterward, we had to drive for quite a while to find something to eat and then we were stuck in severe traffic most of the way home. But there is really no better place to be stuck in traffic than in Tuscany.

Poggibonsi

2014-09-12T22:02:00.002-04:00

I really slowed down with the Italy posts. I just got so tired of sifting through and editing pictures. There are so many pictures! But I would love to have it all done so I may just skip the editing and fly through the rest of that amazing trip.

Poggibonsi was not very far from us. We saw signs for it all the time as soon as we were on the outskirts of Siena, so one day we decided to go check it out. It was getting late when we arrived and I don't know if we ever actually found the main part of Poggibonsi. But it didn't matter. Because I just love saying that name and I probably said it 34 times while we were there just for the fun of it.

We somehow ended up at an excavation site of some kind at the top of a hill. It was probably very old and very cool inside. But it looked closed and the kids were anxious to get out and play. So we turned around and went back to a park we passed about 5 minutes earlier. It looked like a little mini Disneyland to the boys. Complete with a zip line (totally unsupervised which I doubt would ever pass in sue-happy United States) and a merry-go-round. There was also a playground and a little aquaduct where we tried to race bark, but it didn't really work.

It was such a lovely evening. We didn't feel like visitors, but actual residents who were just hanging out with our kids at the park. The amazing thing about Italy is that it is so easy to just stumble upon these beautiful little places. No one publicizes them. And when you find them you feel like you dug up a treasure that no one else even knew existed.

Kindergarten Looming

2014-08-21T23:56:00.001-04:00

Luke is about to start Kindergarten. I think I'm okay with it. I know that being very sad (or very happy) when your child starts kindergarten are both normal reactions. I'm going for a little of both. He is obviously ready. I put it off as long as possible by putting him in Young 5's which was a very good thing for him. I am excited for him to enter this new phase of childhood and I'm a little giddy about some of the things that go with it....back-to-school shopping, lunchboxes, fieldtrips, reading logs, etc.

While I am feeling lots of excitement and anticipation, I am also in mourning. I'm mourning a phase of my motherhood where no one could really bother us. Up until now I have had total control over our activities and what my children are exposed to. I decide how our time will be spent. If I want to take the kids on a roadtrip, I just go. No one is annoyed. No one falls behind. We have been free. I have loved this phase of motherhood. Even if it means that I rarely have a break to be by myself, I'm okay with that. I realized when I had lots of time to myself in the hospital that I'm sort of addicted to my kids. Good, bad and ugly, I just like to be with them.

But I'm letting go. At least I'm letting go a little bit. I planned a very fun summer, full to the brim with all my favorite family activities, just so I would have an easier time letting go come September. Luke told me this morning that he is a little nervous about going to kindergarten because he won't be with me ALL DAY LONG. I may have over-dramatized this little fact in his mind. I just wanted to be sure it didn't take him by surprise. So I eased the fear a bit by telling him that we will still have lots of time together in the morning and after school. I put a big fat smile on my face. But in the back of my mind I was sad. I know I will miss having this kid around all the time. Letting go stinks even if it is the best thing to do.

Luke always knows exactly what to do to press my buttons

But he usually quickly corrects himself to get on my good side again:)

He adores his little sister

He's turning into a little monkey

See! Wouldn't you want to spend every waking minute with this kid!?

No one is going to miss Luke during the day more than Cam. But boy am I excited to have more undivided attention to give my Cammy. That is my silver lining.

Optimism in Depression Blog

2014-08-15T18:00:00.002-04:00

I have a nephew named Alek. He is my very first nephew. The nephew that made me an Aunt. Back then, I thought of him more like the little brother I never had. He is all grown up now and is pretty much amazing. When he has an idea, he just goes for it. He always wants to help people and make the world better. After his LDS mission, when I realized he battled depression and anxiety, I felt confident that he would use his experience to help people. I knew that whatever life held for him, he would face it with courage. So when he told me that he started a blog to share his thoughts on living with depression and anxiety, I was excited to share it with people.

Take a look and share it with others. Everyone knows someone affected by depression or anxiety (or both). I often feel like the people who can help the most are those who know what it is like and can offer compassion, perspective and hope without dismissing the reality of the struggle. Pass it on.

Easter Week & Assisi

2014-06-08T23:43:00.001-04:00

We were pretty excited to be able to spend Easter in Italy. I think I mentioned in an earlier post that we saw a procession during Easter week where the kids marched through the streets carrying a cross and chanting the words to Ave Maria...

There were also some areas where beautiful flowers lined the narrow streets on Easter morning...

During holy week, I tried to write down important events from Christ's last week on separate pieces of paper for each day and hang them on the wall. But we sort of lost steam by Friday. I felt like every time I tried to have a moment with the boys to explain something holy and important to me, there was instantly something happening to distract them. On the Thursday evening, which would have been when Christ went to the Garden of Gethsemane, I took them to the olive tree orchard in our backyard and thought it would be the PERFECT backdrop to teach them simply about the Atonement.

I don't even know if olive tree groves exist anywhere close to where we live in America. So I brought them there and had some flat bread and water to teach them about the passover meal. I read some scriptures and started to talk about the Garden of Gethsemane when suddenly a cute little girl came running through the olive grove excited to play. Her parents had just arrived at the bed and breakfast and she was anxiously looking for friends to play tag with. My boys could hardly contain their excitement. I was able to keep them at bay while I finished one more scripture and then they ran off. Luke came back for a quick second to say, "Sorry Mom". Obviously he felt a little bad that he couldn't sit and listen to me any longer. Whatever, I tried.

But it was nice to walk around that olive grove and think about what happened in a different olive grove so many years ago. And the boys did have a great time with their new friend.

On Easter morning (Buona Pasqua) we had our traditional "hunt for the Easter baskets". We got both the boys giant kinder eggs that are a traditional gift for the kids to receive on Easter morning. I misread the price and ended up buying what had to have been the most expensive eggs in the store. But whatever, it was fun and the boys loved them.

Then we went to church. It is a very small branch. But I think they had some more people that day because it was Easter. I went to primary with the boys which was in a small room with 4 other kids. It was a little crazy because the teacher spoke English but 2 Italian speaking kids unexpectedly came. So another member came in to translate for the Italian kids. I think normally there are just two kids in Primary and they are brother and sister so to triple that number and have a lot of translating going on made it a little bit crazy. But we made it through.

After church, Andrew's boss at the hospital invited us over for a traditional Italian meal at her house in the country. But I decided to make that a separate blog post because this one is going to be huge as it is.

After the dinner, we decided to drive straight to Assisi (our poor kids...this was a long day). Assisi is home to St. Francis of Assisi who is a very famous Catholic Friar who wrote "All Creatures of Our God and King" and did many great things while he was alive. I really liked Assisi. It was beautiful. There were lots of people there for Easter and they were all very nice and doted on our kids. However, it was kind of missing the spirit of Easter for me. I don't know what I was expecting, but it just felt like a normal day (with more crowds than usual).

Assisi in the background. The church on the left juts out of the hillside. It is quite majestic in real life.

The walkway up to Assisi was lined with these bricks. I'm guessing these are people who gave donations. There were people from all over the world.

I didn't realize until I looked through my pictures afterward that I took LOTS of pictures of this church. It was just SO beautiful and the light around it was gorgeous. I think it might be my favorite church exterior in all of Italy.

a very real family photo

There was a hiking trail close to the church which led to a monastery where St. Francis gave some famous sermons. We were too late to walk all the way down but the trail was very pretty.

I have to admit, little Esme stole the show. Strangers showered her with complements. One woman came up and gave me some flowers and told me they were for my sweet baby.

I wouldn't mind eating at this restaurant. Quite the view.

Panorama view

Lots of fun stores

Esme 6 months

2014-05-15T15:30:00.003-04:00

We are back from Italy now and I still have a lot to blog about. However, I wanted to take a timeout from Italy and write a little about the lady of the house (although these pictures were taken in Italy *sigh* I miss it!).

Our dear, sweet Esmeralda (which is not actually her name but we do call her that from time to time). She has changed so much in the past two months that it is hard to decide whether I should write about the baby she was last month or the baby she is now. She always maintains her sweet, jovial nature. Lately she has become so social. She cannot stand being left alone in a room or not facing the action. I think she despised the baby carrier in Italy because she couldn't face outward.

Esme, you are so curious about EVERYTHING! You belly laugh at your brother's who love to run around like clowns if it means you will crack a smile at them. Luke and Cameron adore you. They may tease you when you are older but you should remember that when you were a baby, they treated you like a princess. In addition to your undeniable sweetness, you are also fiesty. You yell and screech louder than any baby I've ever had. You really keep me on my toes because I know if I keep you waiting too long you will start screeching at me. You have a little bit of attitude (which is probably inherited from me).

You are smart. You attract those around you. You can sense the mood in the room and if there is contention, you voice your displeasure. Your eyes shine. You can hardly finish a bottle without pausing to see what you are missing out on. You are determined. You have the best belly laugh. You make our family better.

We love this girl.

Montepulciano, Pienza, Montalcino

2014-05-02T15:33:00.000-04:00

I finally got the boys to take an afternoon nap. This might be the first nap they have taken except for car naps. They are so tired. They were whining and fighting all morning. I could hardly stand it. But then Luke cried himself to sleep over something really silly and Cam fell asleep after I laid down next to him in a fort we built. I feel so victorious. It is such a nice day outside that I want to be out in the sun. But I can't see my laptop screen in the sun so I have a towel over my head. I'm sure I look ridiculous but it is WORTH IT. I love being in our backyard here and I love writing down our memories of this place because it has been such an amazing opportunity.

When Greg and Scarlett were here, they came with us one day to visit some hill towns about an hour south of Siena. I am so grateful that we were able to have so many family members visit us. It isn't very often that I'm with my family in a place other than Utah. So it was cool to be somewhere that I absolutely love and be walking down the street with my brother or sister. It really is so much better to be with people you love. I just don't think it would be as amazing without sharing it with other people. Plus, Andrew absolutely loves being a tour guide. I think if the doctor thing doesn't work out he should just plan vacations for people.

Anyway, the first town we went to was Montepulciano. I feel like maybe we missed out on the best that this town had to offer. We walked up some very steep streets and meandered some fun shops until we got to the top and found a piazza for the kids to run around in. It was nice. Of course it was beautiful. But as we were driving away, we saw a great park that our kids would have loved and then there was this huge church on the other side of the hill that was most likely the main attraction. Still, we had fun and got some good pictures.

details

I'm a little crazy about the beautiful doors

This scared me to death

My brother Greg and his wife Scarlett

Luke's habit of chewing on his collar sort of got a little out of control in Italy. I think being in a different country made him a little nervous and the shirt chewing was a manifestation of that

If you see the church at the bottom of the city...we missed that. It was pretty pronounced in real life.

Pienza is where pecorino cheese was invented. We stopped for lunch and ordered a cheese plate that had an assortment of pecorino cheeses, honey, and other dipping sauces. It was to die for. Honestly that cheese might be the best I have ever tasted. I'm hoping that we will be able to find some to bring home before we leave. The smoked pecorino was our favorite and the honey was so pure and light with the perfect touch of sweetness. We also had a truffle pasta that was...you guessed it, amazing.

Obviously they are famous for Pecorino cheese. Not sure if I could ever buy those moldy rounds

These were everywhere

After a short stay in Pienza, we drove to Montalcino. The drive had the most incredible views. Honestly some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen. I realized I could never really adequately capture it with a camera, and we couldn't pull over every two minutes, so we just enjoyed it. The thing that is most amazing is that even though it looks all natural, it isn't. Someone had to go through and clear the land and plant vineyards on sloping hillsides. Then it all needed to be diligently attended to year after year. It really is a beautiful place.

Montalcino might have been the highest of the hilltowns. As we were walking around the streets, there was a procession of kids dressed up with simple robes draped on their shoulders (as if they were living in biblical times). One child in the front held up a cross and the priest, dressed in the white Jesuit robes, chanted the words to Ave Maria in a mircrophone. They walked through the streets, everyone chanting along with the priest. Since it was holy week, I'm sure this was in preparation for the Easter holiday. I really admire that they had a tradition that centered people's thoughts on the Savior and his final week.

The procession of the cross

The boys were being really cute and making Esme laugh. Oh my goodness, they do look like twins!

Firenze

2014-04-27T12:33:00.000-04:00

[day 11 in Italy]

My siblings (Michele, Jerry, Melanie and Erin) ended their trip in Florence where they were flying out from. So we decided to go with them and spend the day before we parted ways. We felt a little intimidated attacking Florence by ourselves with the kids (because I really wanted to go to the Uffizi Art Gallery) so I was grateful that we had some backup to help out. We were able to find free parking by their hotel and took the bus to the city center.

View from Palazzo Michelangelo

Jerry and Melanie

Dave...still haven't seen the real thing in person yet, but I love the fake...

On the bus, Andrew met the nicest Italian who liked us because his son had curly hair like our boys. He showed us pictures of his boy and then offered to take us to the Uffizi since it was on his way. So we followed him around after we got off the bus. These are the times when I wish I spoke Italian! It is fun to see Andrew be able to talk to people and make instant friends but I'm always just waiting to hear a few words I can understand so I can follow along.

We had to stand in line at the Uffizi for a while but it wasn't too bad. I think about 45 minutes. I have heard of people waiting for 4 hours so this seemed like a breeze. Andrew was nice enough to take the boys for a few hours and I took Esme with me. She was squirmy and babbling a ton but everyone was so nice and just adored her. She didn't lack for attention.

This is where the boys played while I was in the Uffizi. They really like those pigeons.

As soon as we got in the Uffizi I felt a little overwhelmed. I was unprepared. I took Art History years ago in college just so I would know more about the art in Europe but I have forgotten so much of it. Michele bought an audioguide so we were able to hear commentaries about some of the major pieces. But there was so much to see! And I knew with Andrew watching the boys outside and Esme squirming in my arms that I didn't have tons of time. But I was able to pace myself a bit and saw everything I was looking forward to seeing. It was very cool. I especially liked the Caravaggios and Rembrandts. The sculpture room was also amazing.

On Ponte Vecchio

Afterward we saw the bridge, Ponte Vecchio. Earlier, before we went to the Uffizi, there was this man who was kind of staring at my kids and he came up to us and offered to take a picture. I don't know why I'm sometimes suspicious of nice people but I said no. Then, hours later, at Ponte Vecchio, we were trying to get a shot with the bridge in the background and the same guy was there (making out with his girlfriend)! He again offered to take a picture and this time we accepted. Then he said that he thought we had the most beautiful kids he had ever seen. He was really just genuinely nice. I felt kind of bad for thinking he was a weirdo before. By the way, Italians are always making out. Everywhere. Always.

Thank you nice stranger for this picture.

After that, we all went out for dinner. The kids were getting pretty tired and unruly at this point. But they held it together long enough for us to eat. Then we went to one of our favorite piazzas, Palazzo Vecchio. We were there at night the last time we were in Florence and even though I haven't spent much time in Florence, it is one of my favorite things to do. Street performers are playing romantic music in the background. There are enormous replicas of famous statues, including the David. I love Florence at night.

We got hot chocolate that is basically a melted chocolate bar and took in the ambiance. About 10 North Africans came by trying to sell us the same cheap child's toy. Then we walked to the Duomo. Something about that dome is ...I don't know what it is. It is imposing and beautiful and the way it stands out against a dark sky makes it seem unreal. I love it. Firenze might be my favorite place in Italy.

Just writing this post makes me want to go back to Florence. I can never get enough.

Monteriggioni

2014-04-23T10:28:00.000-04:00

Monteriggioni is an old fort that used to defend Siena against the Florentines hundreds of years ago. It is not too far of a drive so we went to see it after Andrew got home from work one evening.

It seemed pretty low key but maybe that is because we went in the evening. Inside the fort were a few restaurants and boutiques. There was also a swanky looking hotel which is not what I would expect to find inside a fort.

Luke didn't listen and ran down a steep part of the hill, resulting in these tears.

The views were incredible.

There was a vineyard just outside the fort and nearby was a field with horses which the boys were excited about.

Week 2: Chill Days

2014-04-15T05:49:00.000-04:00

Forget about blogging every day. That was an unattainable goal :).

We have realized that there need to be chill days. The kids thrive on it. But Andrew and I also need adventurous days as well. We have had a good mix of both lately. I should point out, in case it isn't very obvious on the blog, that Andrew does work. In fact, this last weekend he just sat at his computer and worked all day. Sometimes even I'm amazed at what we've been able to fit in when he is not working.

Sometimes Andrew is stuck in his room, working...

...while everyone else is hanging out

There is almost always laundry hanging out to dry. I probably should have brought more clothes. We do laundry pretty much every day.

On one of our chill days, Andrew came home early to get some reading/studying done in his room while the rest of us played. It was sunny but not too hot. I can't get over this weather. It just makes a person want to live outside. On this particular day, Cam developed a strange fear of bees. I guess it is not rare for a child to be afraid of bees but this came on rather suddenly. We had the windows and doors open to enjoy the nice weather (no screens in Italy) and a bee had flown in the house. Cam was completely freaked and shut himself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out. I wasn't sure what to do since I didn't have any sort of fly swatter and the bee wasn't flying out on his own. So I told Cam that we should pray for the bee to leave. So Cam said a simply little prayer, and not 10 seconds after he finished the bee flew over our heads and out the door. A Miracle! I told Cam that his prayer was answered. I don't know if he was as amazed as I was. probably just relieved, but he definitely remembered the experience and told his Aunts and Uncles when they came home.

For dinner, we made some pesto, a small caprese salad (just moz and tomatoes actually) and some cheese and crackers. We took it out to a small perch on the hillside (on the huge property here) and had a little picnic. The sun was setting. It was awesome. My brother and sisters were home from sightseeing at that point and it was so cool to have them there. The boys pretended to be airplanes and ran through the olive trees, up and down the hillside. When we originally had the idea to come to Italy with our family, I kept imagining the boys running through the countryside of Tuscany. But I thought that image was probably too idealized and a bit unrealistic. I was wrong. There may be other aspects about this trip that weren't as I imagined, but that part has exceeded all expectations. They run and play, as idyllic as any childhood novel, among olive trees, on a hillside of vibrant greens. If we lived here for the rest of our lives, I wonder if they would ever do anything else.

Another chill day we went outside and made some fairy houses with sticks, flowers and rocks. They weren't quite as amazing as what we came up with at Grandma Stacey's house last summer, but they were fun to make, and promptly destroy. They are boys after all. Esme was with us too, hanging out in the stroller. She is still working on sitting up by herself. She really likes it when I let her scratch at the grass and the dirt. I think she may have a tomboy streak in her. I tried to exercise and run up and down the hill next to our place a few times. But after a couple laps I was done. Still not in good enough shape to run up a hill I guess.

The boys really like the woman who waters the plants and takes care of the property. It think she may live here but I'm not sure. They like to run up to her and say "Ciao" and then run away giggling. They make me go say "Ciao" to her too. This is a little odd because normally my boys are a little more shy around strangers. But it is cute that they are trying to speak Italian and coming out of their shell a little. Luke is more aware that there is a language barrier and sometimes I can tell he is a little nervous that he doesn't speak Italian. But as time goes on, he seems to be less worried about it and it looks like he is a little more comfortable in this country.

a view from one of our favorite walks

Chill days. Love them.