Ruminations of a solitary dreamer

When I turned 23...

2010-03-26T16:14:00.000+05:30

I never thought I would like the age 23...it's such a weird number. I loved 18, 21 and 22...19 & 20 I could bear, but 23!!! I just didn't want to be that age. However, all the forces of the universe conspired against me and made me turn the inevitable 23 :(

As time relentlessley proceeded towards that fateful day - March 18, 2010 - my phone began beeping. I looked at the time. It was just 11 PM and a birthday message already! It turned out to be my friend NC.

NC: Why couldn't your birthday come sooner??? You should have been born a few hours earlier na.

ME: As if you did me the good turn of being born earlier :P

NC: I'm sleepy...can't I wish you now and sleep? I'll be the first one then...

ME: You can, coz even I'm sleepy :)

NC: Then sleep na, who's stopping you? What do you think, I'll come to your place with a cake at 12???

In this vein our messaging continued till 11.45 PM, when he finally wished me and slept off. Just then, my friend Indira, who is staying with me for a while, returned after watching that day's IPL. I started getting calls and she went inside to change or something. At 12.05 AM the doorbell rang. I jumped at least a foot in the air and I got to know first-hand the meaning of people's "hearts jumping into their mouths". In case this seems like unecessary drama, I'll put up an audio file of how my century-old bell rings...it jangles with such vehemence that sometimes I feel the dead will walk again.

Anyway, wide-eyed with anticipation, I opened the door...a stranger was standing outside.

MAN: Sreshta..er...Verma? (My real name)

ME: (Eyes, if possible, became wider) Huh?

MAN: Happy Bdday (He pronounced it like that!)

ME: (Gaping with mouth slightly open) Huh?

MAN: Well, he didn't actually say anythin. He just thrust a huge & very beautiful boquet of carnations and a plastic bag in my hands. Still stupefied, I looked inside my house helplessley, as if help would arrive somehow. Well, it did!!! Indira suddenly entered the living room and smiling, said, "Happy Birthday!" She has a rather sweet smile, which can immediately turn into a frown if you don't comply with her wishes. "Sit", she commanded, more like to a dog than a human. I obliged, while she paid the chap at the door.

Gosh, even in my wildest dreams I wouldn't have thought she would arrange for my favourite cake and such beautiful flowers...our mutual friend Dpk had also sent a gift for me - a little bottle of somethin ;) We spoke and played ludo (my fav board game, which also Indira gifted me), while I finished the "somethin" ;) Dpk was ready to bring reinforcements, but I had to get up early next morning...

Next morning I woke up in the same position I had slept in - not surprising considering what I had - at 6.40. In a flash I remembered I was supposed to meet Amey at some station and go to Manori beach!!! Lord, how I rushed! We had an amazing time at the beach...the minute I saw the sea I ran in and began hopping over the waves (that pretty much I can do...can't swim).

After spending a beautiful day out, I went to my parent's place for dinner and finally came back home. Indira informed me there was a note for me. Curious, I opened a piece of paper -

Dearest Tashi,

Many, many, happy returns of the day! I have three surprises for you:

1) Balcony

2) Fridge (Small one)

3) Bedroom

See ya on Sunday! Love, Mum.

I could hardly believe my eyes!!! In the balcony she had kept four potted plants (was about to buy some), in the fridge my favourite watermelon juice, and in the bedroom a stand having forks and spoons, which was conspicuous by its absence at my house. She wanted to organise a treasure hunt it seems, but didn't feel quite upto it. My God, it was so sweet of her to do so much!

This was my best birthday EVER...thanks to Indira, Dpk, Amey and my Mum. Oh yeah, thanks even to NC and the man-stranger-delivery guy at the door :D

Magic medicines

2010-03-15T20:05:00.000+05:30

Enid Blyton first introduced me to the Land of Magic Medicines in her Faraway series. When Jo, Bessie and Fanny's mother falls ill and is bedridden, they as usual, visit a land at the top of the magic Faraway tree to seek help. This Land is more like a small medicine factory, where they buy a bottle of tasty medicine called 'Get-Well-Soon'. To the childrens' delight, their mother is up and about within a matter of 3 days.

It's so nice when sometimes fairy tales come true in this world...or at least my perception of things are like that. My medical problems were pretty bad (due to my negligence) when I turned to Amey's Mum (I call her Aai), a homeopathic doc. It was probably one of my best decisions ever! Her sweet-tasting medicine has worked wonders! My mind, which was clouded with negative emotions and severe depression, has changed magically in the past one week. Moreover, the symptoms of my problem, which had me feeling dejected and hopeless earlier, now seem very minute indeed.

I had reached a stage where I wanted to keep away from everyone, including people who are close to me, and refrained from going out, especially alone. Now I find myself going out alone again and enjoying it! My writing aspirations, which I felt I would never fulfil in this life, has taken-off very well too.

Aai explained that homeopathic medicine first affects the mind and then cures the physical ailment. A very holistic approach. I could not thank her enough yesterday for the pains she took to actually make the medicines, and still cannot. I believe she can cure anything and anyone. My magic tree is her building, and I don't have to climb to the top, the second branch is enough. There I find her religiously composing medicines for me...my magic medicines.

Feeling hot, hot, HOT!

2010-03-13T14:39:00.002+05:30

Lol, don't get wrong ideas in your twisted mind now :P

It's so HOT! I can hardly bear this climate. I so prefer the cool winters and lashing rains of Mumbai than the scorching summers. I feel dehydrated and weak all the time :(

Beating the heat:

Conserving energy: Not electricity, but my own energy. It's a perfect excuse for me to do nothing. Just laze around and read.

Consuming loads of cool liquids...lots of iced water, tea and lemonade. The only problem with this is that I waste energy visiting the loo.

No AC at home, so I keep the fans running and windows closed.

Cold and wet cloth over my eyes...it felt lovely till I slept off. When I woke up my pillow was thoroughly wet.

Keep washing my hands, neck and face in cold water. If I'm not too careful, I think I'll freeze all my veins soon...

A watermelon a day keeps the heat away.

That's all I'm doing...and I'll end it with my FB status: If it's this hot in March, what'll May be like...

Off to see granny!

2010-03-11T15:45:00.001+05:30

My Nani had gone to Kerala to meet her relatives but I guess the climate didn't agree with her. She fell very ill and had to be hospitalized. To top it all, she wasn't even getting a ticket to Mumbai. Anyway, she'll reach her place at 4 PM today, so I'm off to see her. She's much better now, but needs to see her Doc. Hope she's ok...oops, I think that's my Mum's car honking away downstairs, gotta rush! Ta-ta for now!

P.S: Just remembered, it's my Dad's birthday tomorrow! Not a real birthday, his official one, so no presents for him :)

With or without you...

2010-03-10T21:34:00.000+05:30

Love is a very strange thing indeed. You tend to love people with all your heart, but you don't get the same kind in return. And sometimes even if people love you, they make mistakes, some forgivable, other regrettably not. And sometimes even after you have forgiven, it is difficult to forget. Any little instance, word or action can remind of the hurt. Especially in cases where you have been wronged by someone you consider to be part of your very soul...a reason for your existence. Such people hurt all the more because you think you are understood, or rather, should be understood best by them. What can you do at such times but let go of your own feelings and continue to accept the other's faults.

However, life can become difficult then, as do choices. Then you feel like taking the route that is easiest for you...and wish to find solace and peace at last in utter darkness, because I can't live with or without you...

DISCLAIMER: The post above does NOT relate to anybody living or dead. If any such allusion has been discerned, it is purely coincidental :)

Heya!

2010-03-09T22:46:00.000+05:30

The title has been inspired by the song Heya from Karthik calling Karthik. I don't see what else I could have done considering I'm listening to the song right now...lol, that's a compliment to the makers although they won't need my certificate.

Anyway, the movie is really, really good. I don't know why it hasn't got better reviews. It's a Hitchcock-type film, with a good twist. I thought I had solved the mystery right at the beginning of the movie, but then bam! The director pulled a fast one on everyone! I would give the film four stars outta five! So go watch it if you haven't already, but don't blame me if you don't like it! :P

I've been missing for quite sometime now, I know, but for very genuine reasons. One is that I discovered I'm suffering from some medical probem that isn't very serious, but at the same time cannot be ignored. I was busy with the initial tests and all...but please don't ask me what it is, coz I'm anyway heading towards the Road to Recovery and don't want to dwell on the past again.

Reason two was that my Internet guys stopped sending me bills. I said Yiiiiiipeeeeeeeeee at first, and then the corners of my mouth curved downwards, as they cut my connection :(((

Glad to be back. Really.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee! :D

2010-02-13T16:23:00.001+05:30

It feels nice to post again after so long! I attended the marriage, stayed at my parent's place and then scooted off to meet my cousins. Since then, I've been shuttling between my parent's and cousins' place...got back a few days ago, but it takes some time for me to collect my wits and write :)

News Bulletin:

My friend's marriage was great.

Cycled, skated and played badminton after a long time at cousins' place.

One of their dogs bit me. (I'm still in one piece)

Joined a library and read 6 books (From 8.30 to next day 2 PM). Lib is far from my home, so can't read now :(

Celebrated our 3rd Anniversary on 7th February.

Watched lots and lots of episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Watched 3 Idiots (Nice movie)

*** End of bulletin ***

Now I'm again off to my parent's place. Will be back tomorrow night. Till then, ciao! :)

Sad P.S: Haven't even edited my story's first draft, let alone write.

Why aren't men like dogs?

2010-01-20T12:55:00.002+05:30

How I wish men could be like dogs, or the least they could do was learn from them. I don't mean men should start barking and whining, or treat their partners like a dog treats another female dog (I don't wanna use the "B" word). I'm talking about the qualities of a dog - they're your best friend, they love you, and above all, they're loyal. Yeah sure, dogs also piss you off by pooping on your new carpet or bark the place down when you have visitors; but they make up for it by offering a love so potent that it overwhelms and humbles you. Then you wonder, 'Why can't I love like that? or 'Why cannot I get love like that?'.

And if you think such love is impossible, then think again, and then again if you please, because I have seen such love. I actually know a man who loves like that and has those qualities. When you need him, he's there for you, when you fall, he catches you...basically, this guy fulfils all the criteria that have been mentioned in songs on love like When you say nothing at all or Will you be there (to which the answer is YES, by the way). He's almost the perfect guy. I use the word 'almost' not because he's not, but just because no girl, or anybody else in this world, is ever satisfied. So I guess that answers my question. We cannot have doggie qualities coz we're humans and always desire things we don't have. Wow, I got to the point pretty quickly, didn't I? :)

So, woof, woof for now, I have a marriage to attend! And no matter how many people tell me I'm looking nice today, the almost-invisible little black dot on my face is going to continue to bother me :D

A diet full of food

2010-01-19T10:43:00.003+05:30

I was very, very determined to wake up at 6 AM today, but being a Master Procrastinator, I managed to snuggle down for another 30 minutes more before my conscience began to prick me, and then abandoned my bed with alacrity when it bit me. The silver lining is that 6.40 AM is not bad at all compared to 9.30, which is like afternoon for me. I was supposed to do some stretches and all, but got late so couldn't do them. Anyway, there's always a tomorrow, begging the pardon of Mr. Keating for contradicting him.

I plan to keep myself fit 'n' fine by eating right and eating on time. 8 AM breakfast, 11 AM a fruit snack small one coz I don't really enjoy fruits), 1 PM lunch (the curd will keep acidity at bay), 4.30 PM snacks (I solemnly swear to lay off the fried chicken nuggets), 7.30 PM dinner. Today things have been delayed by half an hour, but that's ok, one has to make some exceptions. So, since today is an exceptional day, I think I might as well get started on the nuggets ;)

The plan is to keep fit, and NOT, as some may think a diet to slim down. But yeah, if I start snacking on fruits and boiled veggies (yuck!!!) and lose a little weight in the bargain, I'm not complaining! :D

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock and so on & so forth...

2010-01-16T09:20:00.001+05:30

Traces of yesterday's headache still linger, but I'm sure I'll feel better after breakfast. Sausages and bread today...yummy! :)

I've got to convert my mobile's postpaid plan into prepaid, and if they refuse to do so, I'll simply get it cancelled. After that I'll be joining French classes! Finally found one that sounds good (according to a friend), so going over to check it out. If I join today, I'll be able to attend my first French class. Then maybe I'll be able to come up with something more than just Bonjour :)

My cousin Swati also wants to join the same class, so I hope they take in kids (she's just 13). What fun it'll be! She's really sweet and learning with her would be a new experience. Hope it works out...

I'll be going to her place after the class and have dinner with the family. I love going there, especially coz of the two labs they have - Cutie and Buddy. Both of them jump on me like mad things and nearly well scratch me to bits! Best love is a dog's love :)

I'm off to fry sausages and then follow my timetable like clockwork. Toodles!

I can't see my Followers!!! Help! :(

2010-01-15T19:57:00.000+05:30

It's true! I just cannot see who's following me even when I sign into my account. And I can't even see the gadget on my blog or for that matter, anybody else's blog. It just shows a blank space with the title of Followers. HELP!!!

A delayed day

2010-01-15T19:53:00.001+05:30

I woke up at 9.30 AM today with a severe headache. I think it was triggered off by acidity; last night I came home at 10.30 PM and had dinner. Anyway, I had decided to make corn upma for breakfast, which took a lot of time. Moreover, I misjudged the amount of corn I had and put in too many green chillies. My tummy immediately turned into an inferno. By the time I finished breakfast and cleaning the dishes, it was almost 12. I should have started cooking lunch then, but the hammer inside my head continued to strike so assiduously that I had to lie down. I began wondering what I would do for lunch, because my health does not permit me to eat from a hotel. Could things be any worse?

Yes, they could! Just then the electricity went phut! Now I had a headache, I was lying down and feeling unbearably hot. Around 2.30 PM, I began making onion parathas and fell prey to all seven of them! The upshot of it was that I fell into a deep, deep sleep and awoke to find the house in darkness. Mercifully, the fan was running, which meant the electricity was back. I don't have a headache now, but I don't feel like making anything for dinner. And after that enormous lunch of parathas dripping in ghee, I should just retire on fruits. I hope I sleep by at least 2 AM coz I have to go out tomorrow.

Broke the block!!!

2010-01-14T10:39:00.000+05:30

I finally did it! I managed to break through my writer's block!!! Yippppppppppppppeeeeeeeeee! :D :D :D

Last night I went to bed at 11 PM, but couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and turned and tossed...you get the drift. Anyway, suddenly, this idea that I had long, long ago in my mind, sprouted. Excited, I sat up in bed, thinking hard. That was the moment of truth for me. It struck me with full force that if I would not write down this story, I never would. And if I wouldn't write it then, I could probably say goodbye to writing forever...

After a long day's work it's difficult to write anything. I mean, you're more dead than alive at midnight if you have been slaving in office from 9 AM to 10 PM in office; but this time circumstances were different. After a day that involved only eating, sleeping and blogging, I felt like I could write all night long if necessary!

And how I wrote! My nerves were tingling in anticipation and brain was rushing along at a pace my writing could barely cope with. Once started, I could not stop till the finish. In case I haven't mentioned this before, I love writing stories for children. This particular one is for kids aged between, say, 6-10 years. Now I just have to edit my first draft and then complete the series. I'm out of the pit!!!

Cheers to life!

Look!!!! My new look!!!!!

2010-01-13T19:52:00.003+05:30

Gosh, I'm so excited about my new look! Not mine, I mean, my blog's new look. We bloggers get so carried away by our blogs that we forget it's not us we're talking about. I took the advice of Mr. Stupid - who's a Smart Guy in disguise although I'm not sure why :p - and have changed my blog. Isn't it better now???? Doooooooooo say yes, or my heart'll be broken into a million, no, make that a zillion, fragments that will be borne away by the wind :(

Give your comments please, and make sure they're nice ones ;)

I changed the header coz everytime I wrote a sad or irritated incident, people would say, cheer up, life is beautiful like your blog says. I got tired of getting caught in my own snare, and hence the change.

People have been asking me to change my template since ages, but I was too lazy to comply. Sankoobaba, I hope your happy now! :)

Now what are goggling at? I'm done posting. Go comment, comment, comment!!!

Power nap...a very long one :)

2010-01-13T16:45:00.007+05:30

I found a good website that teaches French, but it seemed to be teaching sentences and phrases rather than grammar. So I let my sleep overtake me and was soon dead to the world :)

I'm feeling great now after that nap. After some coffee and chicken nuggets, I plan to make gajjar halwa. Don't get the idea that I like making all this. It's just that there's way too much milk and I don't want it to get spoilt. When I opened the fridge now, wondering what to do about it, I saw the carrots staring in my face. I've been trying to avoid them so far. It's all very well to buy healthy stuff like prunes and carrots and then avoid eating them. Anyway, when I saw them, I thought, what the hell; I don't want them to get spoilt either someday. But first things, first...coffee and nuggets. Yum! :)

Bonjour!

2010-01-13T14:41:00.005+05:30

I said Good Morning not because I have just awoken from my deep nightly slumber, but because I don't know how to say Afternoon in French :P

Anyway, I've been having a nice time since yesterday. Cooked food, cleaned the house, slept, ate, drank coffee, read, ate, drank coffee, surfed the Net, ate, and then finally slept again. Gosh, how many things I do in a single day! :)

I've been wanting to learn French since a long time, and thought no time like the present to commence lessons. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find a tutor as yet. So I shall commence by learning French online! Three cheers to the Internet!

I'm happy coz I've gotten several story ideas. After some more developments, I shall be ready to pen things down. I just hope I can write; I've become so used to the keyboard that my hands quiver like jelly when I even think of taking up a pen and notepad.

Au revoir for now, I shall begin my lessons. Shhhhhhhhhsh, do NOT disturb!

See you this evening!

Two-way traffic, but one at a signal

2010-01-10T18:56:00.001+05:30

Its so irritating when people you have given the VIP tag don’t bother about you, and I seem to be meeting a lot of people like that. I really fail to understand them. They bloody say they care about you, love you and all that bally tosh, and where the hell are they when you need them? Poof! They vanish like a puff of smoke.

And these people don’t bother to call, SMS or return your calls. However, the minute I stop calling, hells foundations begin to quiver and I’m told I don’t call or that I only call when I have need something. Just now I was yelling at someone for not calling me since the past two days, and he dared to ask me why I didn’t call. What cheek! That too when I’ve been making incessant phone calls and flooding his inbox with several messages. Its so irritating when people are like that. One apology would have been enough, but I guess even that is hard to come by nowadays.

Its so easy if I like a person and that person doesn’t like me back. Then I can’t expect an SMS, let alone a phone call. But my life seems full of people who claim to love (a word I take very seriously) me and yet don’t give a damn when I have high fever or whatever. So, although the traffic is two-way, one seems have halted at a red signal. And one long wait it is. You’ll wonder now why I’m still in contact with them, why don’t I break off relations? Well, for the simple reason that I love them…

A new lease of life

2010-01-09T22:20:00.003+05:30

I want to write but I don’t know how…and I’m going mad now trying to. I don’t mean write as in plain writing; I know my ABCs just as well as any five-year-old. What I mean is, once upon a time….long, long ago in fact, I used to write. I used to write stories – some short, some long. But I used to write.

Now I’m like an empty shell – an eggshell to be precise. The poor egg (that’s me) is frizzling in the pan. But the egg’s finally jumped. NOT into the fire as you may think, like the famous one in the age-old adage did. I wonder how that saying came about actually. I must Google that. Anyway, like I was saying, I did not, I mean, the egg did not jump into the fire. The smart egg waited till it was in the plate and then leaped out to explore the wide-wide world. See what I mean? I just can’t write. Look what happens – I start writing and then go on prattling about some egg.

Anyway, like the header suggests, I’ve got a new lease of life. I’ve just quit my job to pursue further studies. Lately I’ve been brooding over the fact that I haven’t been reading or studying much literature and I need to begin. A sudden urge came over me and I couldn’t help myself.

And believe me, I’m not superstitious – a black cat is just a black cat to me, and I refuse to believe a crow crowing outside my window means I’m going to have guests. What on earth could a poor crow do but crow? I don’t think The Almighty (whom also I have grave doubts about) really gave him much option. I bet crows know about this silly superstition of ours and deliberately come and harass us. They must be getting a kick out of seeing people wonder – “Oh, will Mrs. Awful-But-Full-Of-Gossip turn up today? Or could Uncle Black Sheep suddenly soil our doorstep and tarnish our reputation in The Society? Whatever, I have no problem with crows crowing…let them crow to their heart’s desire I say, because what will be will be. If I am destined to face a visitor, then so be it.

I digress. I was saying that though I’m not superstitious there were a lot of signs around. I mean, I was meeting people whom I had though I would never, and all of them had one thing in common – they all spoke about further studies and my plan to pursue literature. My urge thrived on these signs and encouraged me to give up my steady job to study. Nonetheless, I dilly-dallied. Matters came to a head when I was talking to Amey about my writing problem and told him how I don’t have the time to write. He had a simple solution – do your MA and write. MA will give me enough time to write and plus doing the thing I really really want to, will inspire me. So now, here I am, trying to start writing again.
Just keep your fingers crossed – I’m not superstitious, but since so you may believe in it, might as well do it and wish me luck! :)

The great retreat

2009-10-11T22:18:00.005+05:30

My Uncle recently got a plot in Karjat...that seems to be in vogue right now - buying plots and then building a weekend home there. It sure sounds fun the way my Uncle talks about it.

My uncle's plot is nestled among several others, which are surrounded by beautiful green woods. A little stream goes running by this land, meandering its way through large, intimidating rocks. One can usually find my Uncle, Aunt, their two kids and two other kids (labradors) sitting on the rocks and splashing around in the water.

My Uncle's got big plans for the plot. He and his elder brother (Big Uncle) plan to erect a wind vane (the prototype's already whirring away on their land), windmill (will be ready soon), a tree house (how Enid Blytonish!!!) and shed. They plan to live in a container rather than build a house...reminds you of Enid Blyton's Famous Five, Five Find-Outers or Secret Seven stories, right? Well, considering he's been brought up on those books, I guess he's just fulfilling his childhood dreams. And how cool they are! I wonder how many years would pass by before I could fulfil my dreams...

The kids love it and the dogs simply go wild at Karjat. You get your space there and not to mention quiet. The human mind is such that it needs open spaces to run free...only then one can be at peace. Its seems like an ideal retreat for our minds cramped in flats and offices.

I haven't been there yet...excuse: office. Will go there next weekend if my Uncle's free.

Someone's bursting crackers - ouch! That one startled me! I HATE fireworks, especially the noisy ones. Gosh, now they're bursting two-three together...sounds like atom bombs, the bloody fools. I thought such high-decibel ones have been banned...crap, there they go again. I'm getting a headache now :x

Anyway, I shall now attempt to sleep amid all the 'celebrations'. I thought Diwali meant festival of light, where the heck did all the sound come in from?

Lovely weekend!

2009-10-11T21:56:00.003+05:30

Its seems years since I've had such a great weekend...the last time I remember having fun was when I....I...see, I just can't remember!

Ever since I joined work I've been so involved that I just couldn't keep off it...even at home I used to think about office and talk about it. How irritating I must have been! But not anymore...I've decided to turn over a new leaf. Now I plan to bar everthing related to my office from my doors...I won't even think about people, nice though they may be.

Anyway, I digress...as always. My I had a nice Saturday. First of all, my parents bought a Maruti Ritz - a cute n unique car. And my Uncle wanted to gift her a music system so we all drove down to his place (the driver was a pain though, he came late n kept chewing on paan like a cow). Another reason to celebrate was my young cousin Sudip's birthday. A few of his friends came, made lots of noise, played Dragonball Z (awful graphics and highly colourful) ate pasta and went. After the kids left my Uncle's family n my Mum, Amey and I went out to eat...and drink of course :D

We returned home well past midnight. Dad wasn't so pleased, but it was the car's first night out na! :)

Woke up late on Sunday and lazed around, which is one of my favourite things to do. Surprise, surprise, the love of my life cooked butter chicken for me...I think he's a better cook than I am and he should take up the kitchen work in our later years :D

Now I'm listening to some lovely music and just about to sleep...love me tender love me sweet...a perfect end to a perfect day! :)

'Night all!

A working holiday

2009-10-02T10:47:00.004+05:30

Gandhiji was such a hard worker that I'm sure he would apprectiate the way I plan to spend my day. We're bringing out a special issue this month, so I have to work today as well...no holiday for me. Sigh, in one fit of madness I name my blog 'Life is beautiful' and now this happens :)

Anyway, I actually have lots of topics to dicuss but no time right now. I always seem to be making excuses, don't I? But there's nothing I can do about it. I guess I'll post something later on today. Right now I need to edit some articles...ciao!

Completely knackered

2009-09-24T19:56:00.003+05:30

Thanks to Omi, Paresh, Sanket, Sudha and the Little Voice Inside me (no I'm not mad, referring to my conscience) - I'm back! And guess what, I'm here to stay! Now, now, don't be so skeptical and critical...I know I've said this before and never stuck to my word, but this time I will...really. Just wait n watch.

Anyway, like my post declares, I'm truly well knackered right now, so I'll beging posting from tomorrow onwards. Arre, really!!!

Feels nice to be back...for like, the tenth time! :)

I’m Back!!!

2008-08-15T16:59:00.002+05:30

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m that happy to be back in the good ole blogosphere!

Ok, Omi, you were right. I was ill again…don’t worry, nothing serious. And before you ask me again, let me tell you I left the scripting job. The workload at office got too much…and my health wouldn’t allow me to do two jobs.

Anyways, now that’s over. So chapter closed.

Right now I’m on cloud nine coz I have the time to do a lot of stuff – blogging, sketching, painting and most importantly reading. I’m planning to buy a whole lot of books soon.

My Mom and Dad are so sweet. They gifted me 5 books, but only 2 appeal to me. Two books are by Sudha Murty – her language is too lame. I got bored with the simplicity of it all. Another book is ‘The Sea of Poppies’ by Amitav Ghosh. I started reading it, like it but soon switched over to Coelho’s ‘Brida’. Man, what a book! Awesome! It had me completely gripped. Dad also got me a Robin Sharma, which looks promising. Now I'm doing my best to finish Murty or my Dad will feel hurt that I didn’t like his choice. Sheesh, after this mental torture I’m going to Strand bookstall and getting myself some nice and classy literature.

WARNING: Buying Chetan Bhagat’s ‘Three Mistakes’ is the Fourth Mistake you’ll make! I haven’t dared to read it coz I heed good advice.

Every step that I take is another mistake to you…

2008-08-15T16:17:00.000+05:30

This is how I started feeling. Everything was going wrong….terribly wrong. I felt I would never be able to get anything right. I was getting fed up with life….with people and with myself.

There were people who were judging me, criticizing me and assuming a whole lot of trash about me. People who spoke out of turn and never bothered to apologize…and who managed to blame me for things I could never dream of, let alone do.

I’m will to change myself for others, but what do I do when I don’t know what they expect from me? I like things to be very clear and straightforward – and I don’t mind people telling me anything, but they don’t. That keeps the situation shrouded in mystery and I’m left feeling guilty and with the hopeless question – ‘what do I do next?’

Then there were those who felt they were being cruel to be kind. I felt like the poor priest Peter Gilligan who said - “I have no rest nor joy nor peace.”

I knew I was cracking under the strain of controlling my anger and I was afraid. Afraid of my own brutal strength and force and afraid of what anger is capable of doing to a person.

Besides this there was lots of crazy stuff happening in my life. I couldn’t do anything about this problem and that freaked me out. It took every ounce of my self-control and will power to stop myself from going crazy. I wanted to scream, cry…do anything at all. But my throat was too parched and I found all my tears had dried up even before they could reach the eyes.

I was inconsolable. I was guilty of so many things and deeds that I soon lost count. My friends say it wasn’t my fault, but the doubt persists in my head like a slow poison – what if…

I hope this phase doesn’t come again in my life…I know it may and I’ll have bear it like I just did - my own little secret suffering.

Memories

2008-08-15T15:46:00.003+05:30

(2^nd August post – sorry about the delay)

I just spoke to my best friend Sudha about our college days. She's in Banglore right now working for The Express Group.

These are some of our fond memories:

Once one Professor (she hated me) threw me outta the class for no fault of mine. Incensed, I stormed off to the Library and wrote down all my feelings, which were basically made up of unprintable adjectives.

One of my friends' Mayur, snatched that note from me and started blackmailing…at first I used to plead with him to return it, but then the matter gradually faded from my mind.

Today on Friendship’s Day, that rascal called me and read out the entire note! Gosh, it’s been like 5 years since that incident!!!!

Then there was a time when I bunked my Economics lecture. Unfortunately, the Prof knew me very well. She entered our next lecture in the IT Lab to find out who all has bunked her class. And what do you think I did? The minute I saw her I hid under a table! I’ve even hidden behind doors and cars and God knows where else to escape Profs! But what fun we had!

It was nice to talk about all those memories and that too with my best buddy. We all miss you Sudha! Well, except me :)