The Table of Promise: One Family's Search for a Better Meal

Food, Family and Feminism

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 02:00:00 +0000

It has been over three months since my last post. My new life is ever changing and at some times overwhelming. Slowly but surely I am settling in. The fresh gust of fresh air that my new job has provided has been welcome. I have traveled abroad twice since I began and I have worked late more days in the last 2 months than I have in the past 5 years. But in the end I feel that my hard work will pay off in something I cannot quite claim just yet...a mature career, professional respect, future opportunities? I am not sure where the road will lead just yet but thus far the journey has been thrilling.

Yet among all this excitement, I often think about this most special of my projects, The Table of Promise. I can't say that I have been eating so well. Thanks to stress and overworking I have thus far lost and gained 5 pounds at least once and I think I am beginning the process once again. I could stand to go back and reread my earlier posts when I managed balance in my life much better.

I still have the desire to add to the record of my thoughts here. One post in particular that I am been wanting to write is a reflection of food, family and feminism. I am not sure if it is my love of deliciousness or some deep seated feminine drive that leads me to cook for my family in the way that I do. I definitely feel a fulfillment of something elemental when I place a hot roast on a table filled with loved ones. My love of cooking is punctuated by more than just pride in a job well done but that somehow I have fulfilled a role that I have been born into being female. I understand that not every woman views her femininity this way. One could even make a case that I am old fashioned. I might argue otherwise.

Earlier this year, a young woman bared her breast to nurse her three year old son on the cover of Newsweek magazine (was it Time? I know you have heard about this already and clearly I wasn't fully paying attention). This image ran underneath the title 'Are You Mom Enough?'. Within days, battles erupted on blogs, Twitter and Facebook. Moms of both the Attachment Parenting and the more traditional varieties duked it out in computer code to defend the way that they choose to raise their child. On many of the natural food blogs the topic of extended breastfeeding was raised and debated again and again that week.

Now please forgive my language, but I couldn't give a shit how long you breast feed your child. If you keep right on nursing until high school, that is the choice of you and your child. I see nursing as a two person relationship, the child and mom. As long as both parties are willing, go for it. But the article and the image got to me. Maybe I am not as much mom as the woman on the cover? I quit breastfeeding when my oldest was 7 months old after weeks of biting, bleeding, tears and endless pumping with a ten pound pump that I dragged around literally everywhere. By the time I put my hands up and said 'I can take no more' I was so sick of ice packs, breast milk and that horrible low pitched slurp-slurp noise that the pump made. But I nursed my own feeling of failure for months afterward because I was the one who broke off the relationship and not my baby. If breastfeeding is, as I believe, a two person relationship, why do we diminish the rights of mom to be the one to end things? Should mom continue to breastfeed as long as a child requires, asks or even demands? Is extended breast feeding the measure of a good mom? Nursing would have been easier for me had I not worked full time. After a bumpy start, Thing 1 and I were on a roll in the weeks before I returned to work. But a couple of late nights, a little stress and some missed pumpings and we derailed rather quickly to a place where my baby loved breastmilk, but not my breasts.

My feelings about working full time have always been a bit confused. I have never wavered in my decision to work. I derive alot of joy out of my career, but I continue to struggle on whether working makes me a better mother or a lousy one. On one hand, I do not look to my children to define my self worth. I do not enable my kids by doing too much for them just to keep busy. And I am setting a hard-working, dedicated and industrious model for them. However, I leave them every day in the hands of others, and sometimes when I am particularly stressed out I am not fully present even when I am with them. I like to joke that I work because we need the money, and for sure we cannot live in our current location without the support of two incomes, but I know I work because of ambition, drive and desire. Yet without my children, husband and friends my life literally would not be worth living. A job at the end of the day is simply some service in exchange for some payment. It is the people in one's life that gives the sunrise its color and joy to a measure of music.

So many of the real food blogs I have read regularly include posts about extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping and attachment parenting that I noticed right away that AP and 'Real Food' were just parts of the same movement. I too was turned onto real food mainly because of having children, being charged with feeding them and wanting to do the best job I could. But that wasn't the only reason real food appealed. I have also struggled with my weight, had a dysfunctional relationship with food and a fear of sucuumbing to the same cancer that took my junk food loving mother. Although while I fell in love with the ideals of Real Food, it never developed into some larger world view of Attachment Parenting. I never thought of my natural desire to comfort my children or to be kind to them as being all that radical or as a special 'type' of parenting. Although the debate about Attachment Parenting always seems to center on AP being an expression of kindness towards one's children. Is it really kindness that defines the Attachment style of parenting? Or is it extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping and baby wearing that really set this style of parenting apart? For the record, I don't think any of those practices are all that strange or weird, and I don't think most people care as much as people think. What gets people riled up is the assertion that these practices make AP a kinder, more committed or somehow better style of parenting than the standard. Unfortunately by defining itself in terms of 'kindness', Attachment Parenting has inadvertently labeled the rest of the world's parents as unloving and neglectful. I don't think they meant to do that, but millions of moms have taken that message home. It ain't just me.

Even if I wanted to, I really can't fully practice Attachment Parenting. I work full time. And even though Dr Sears has some articles on his website about pumping at work, Dr Sears does in his books encourage mothers to stay home. The Newsweek article goes as far as saying that Dr Sears recommends parents borrowing money from their own parents in order for mom to be able stay home. I can't say that his is such a radical conclusion.
When I first started changing my family's diet from processed foods to more whole foods, things progressed nicely. We got rid of chicken nuggets and refined carbs. But I eventually hit a wall. I made bread once. It wasn't that much effort at once, but the schedule of stirring sourdough and all day rising was tough to accomplish every single day while working full time. I made pasta three times, even if I thought I was an artisan, my pasta wasn't exactly 'artisan quality'. I simply started running out of time and energy. Making absolutely everything from scratch was ALOT of work. I absolutely cannot do it all. There are not enough hours in the day. Maybe, just maybe, our culture and family unit evolved to require one parent out gathering while one parent tended to the little ones.

When the kids went to school last fall and I no longer had full time help at home I clung to the few 'real food' dinners that were super quick to make on a weeknight. Now that I have taken on a larger role in my career, I am happy to just pull out leftovers. Correction, I am THRILLED to take out leftovers. We order take-out more regularly. My once high ideals are high no more. And just like Dr Sears, I am starting to think that our feminist fore-mothers might have netted us some unintended consequences. Surely the feminist movement has made it possible for me to be a driven working mother, and to those strong women I owe much. But with moms AND dads all over the country working outside of the home, of course convenience, prepackaged and restaurant foods would rise to prominence. And with this comes unintended health issues. Could it be that women working outside the home is contributing to our current national health crisis? Is modern feminism and the working mother another vestige of our unhealthy modern society? Egads, did I really even just say that?

I don't think it is such a difficult leap to make. If we believe that the answer to our nation's health issues of diabetes and obesity, etc, are to eat more naturally, rest more and in general slow down, how exactly do we do that with so many families going full tilt working, schooling and activity-ing. Eventually to fully realize this more natural and connected ideal someone has got to stay home and do all the things that support the family unit. Since mama has the baby's milk in her breasts already, doesn't it make alot of sense that it ought to be her?

The thing that makes me the saddest is that while the feminist movement was originally a fight for women against a male dominated system, the fight increasingly looks internal to me. Female admissions to higher education now outpace male enrollment. In many major cities the average of women's salaries is higher than that of men, due in large part to the aforementioned higher education statistics. And even in my child's own preschool the 'boys will be boys' mentality is long gone, replaced with a strict behavioral standard that many active boys cannot hope to meet. I have seen it first hand, the little girls play quietly while the little boys are in time out for too much exuberance. I do not feel roadblocks from the men in my life. My husband is wildly supportive. Additionally, I prefer having a man for a boss and have built several great relationships that have furthered my career. The ones who have sized me up and down have always been other women. The 'I don't get special treatment and you shouldn't either' attitude has always come more from other women I have worked with. And forget it, if you choose to work 12 hour days on Wall Street, the other mommies on the playground are definitely talking about how you don't see your kids that much. When you leave that six-figure-salary job the women at work are all saying behind your back that you are going to hate being at home and that they are surprised that you couldn't balance it all. Who wins? No one. Who loses? Everyone.

I never felt the monstrous pressure to balance it all before I had children. I had my hubby and friends and I had my job. But our current environment of high parenting and nutrition ideals are directly at odds with the feminist ideals with which I was raised. My mother said ''You can do anything!!!" Make no mistake, she was talking about working. Though as I am working now in adulthood, I am coming to the conclusion that in my mother's great zeal to awaken my own vision for my bright future she forgot the second half of that sentence. "Dear Christa, you can do anything, but you cannot do everything."

Shouldn't gender equality be most about creating a world where we have the freedom and support to choose our path rather than endlessly debate the best way to eat and the best way to parent and the best way to steer one's career? Isn't it possible that there is a different answer for everyone? My gut says that there is such a thing as balance between one's family life and one's contributions to the world outside of the family. I just.....haven't found it.

The irony of this entire post is that most of it was written six weeks ago when I found myself with some extra travel time while also being hopped up on too much Illy coffee. When I landed back in the states I saw that several friends had facebook-shared an article from The Atlantic with the title 'Women Still Can't Have It All' Ms. Slaughter caught alot of guff for being elitist and whining about the problems of the upper classes. Meanwhile, I am not so sure she was so off the mark. Her article rang very very true to me and while I do have a demanding and somewhat high profile job (relatively speaking, in my industry) I am not changing the world yet I still can't seem to have it all either.

Exit Stage Left

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 07:00:00 +0000

There are times in one's life when it is time to talk. And then there are times when one should listen. I have gone through many of both in my years. I have recently gone through a period of talking, and now my intuition tells me it is time to listen.

When I started this blog nearly two years ago, I was moved to write about food and my family, health and how I was trying to find it. But most of all, I was itching to say something, to write. When I posted every day for almost a year, it was never a chore. Though people asked how I managed to find time to get everything done! I was burning to communicate and I was excited about the possibility of reaching out into the ether and finding people just like me. And the things I have learned???!!! I feel more confident in my food choices now than ever before in my life. At first that confidence came from discovering and choosing local foods. Then it came as I chose nutrient dense foods. Then from making much of my food from scratch. Now, ironically, that confidence includes rejecting strict dogma. I know what I am supposed to be eating, but if I choose to eat a little junk or sugar, I know that one food sin does not negate an entire diet of healthy foods. This, my friends, is my definition of a healthy relationship with food. And finally, I have got one.

But what you didn't know from reading my posts every day, was that in the last two years, my life was going through a transition of sorts. With my second child born I began to look at my life and ask questions like 'Will I have a third child or are we done?' 'What are my long term career goals?' 'Am I really good at my job or just average?' 'At what point do I abandon the stability of a position where I have been moderately successful to possibly strive for more?'

Having children puts your life on hold no matter what you try to do. While I never chose the stay at home mom route, I put my life on hold by not aggressively looking for promotions and new job opportunities. I decided instead to stay in a stable job, that I loved, that offered the right schedule. I thought I would try to learn the nuances of my business and role to keep myself busy. But at a certain point, I suppose one could say that I was not challenged enough. That is why I turned to blogging.

Blogging brought me a kind of mental activity that gave me energy to get through the more routine parts of my day. It was a true hobby, an avocation. One that I have cherished and loved. And it was good that I had such a hobby to keep my mind active, because my stable, 'not that challenging' job wasn't over. I have been presented with challenges in the last year that have refined me and my contributions to my company. If I had thrown in the towel and looked for a different job two years ago my life would be on a much different path.

However a few weeks ago, the winds that guide my life shifted. And I am being pushed to something new and different. Last month while I wasn't writing on this blog, I quit my job and made arrangements to begin an exciting new adventure. And here we are, after nearly eight and a half years in my job.

This week, I will start a new job for the first time since I got married, bought a house and had kids. It feels dramatic and significant to me, though I know it is just my career. The reason I am telling you all of this is that I feel that it is time for me to end my blog. Writing has been taking so much out of me recently, hence the lack of posts. And my new opportunity proves to test me in ways I can't imagine. I am truly jumping into the fire. Of course, newness has a way of fading, and I have only ever promised to be inconsistent at best. So perhaps in 6 months I will be back slinging my ranting opinions of fast food companies and giant food conglomerates. Perhaps in a couple of months I can get back in the kitchen to cook something other than the turkey sausage I get at the farmer's market. All this transition and excitement has made me a boring menu planner.

I can't thank my wonderful readers enough. You all constantly amaze me just that you read my words when you have no idea who I am. This blog has given me a voice. And that was all I ever really wanted from it.

Until next time my friends...

Chai Kefir

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 07:00:00 +0000

Sometimes I love kefir. It is frothy and bubbly and oh so mild and satisfying. For a girl trying to be gluten free (and having a hard time of it during breakfast time) kefir is a good immunity support and full of protein. Throw in some granola and some frozen raspberries and you have yourself a great breakfast.

Then there are times when I HATE kefir. There are times where I cannot face my kefir. It is slimy and sour. It is tedious to make for a woman who cannot even find 5 minutes to drag some eyeliner across her face. Sometimes getting the last sip down is torture. And don't forget the times that the pink mash of granola, raspberries and kefir has ended up in the garbage can because I just can't stomach one more bite. Please can I just have my sausage egg and cheese sandwich please??!!!

Eating the same thing over and over makes me nuts. I need change. I need freshness. Call it spring fever.

So my friend suggested I try his kefir recipe.

Chai Kefir

1 teaspoon spice mixture**
1 tablespoon maple syrup or honey
1 cup kefir

Place all ingredients in a jar and shake until the sweetener is incorporated into the kefir.

**For the spice mixture, just mix all of the following together:
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon turmeric

This yummy drink is really refreshing and the turmeric has many health benefits! But what I really appreciate is that this kefir helps me stay on track and get those hard boiled eggs down, even when the muffins are calling. And oh...the muffins do call.

Going Back To The Start

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 08:00:00 +0000

A friend sent me the below video on Facebook and I immediately loved it. Many people question how we got here to the land of hydrolized-soy-everything, high-fructose corn syrup and factory-farmed animals standing on great mounds of their own feces. Most men and momen in my generation weren't raised among the idyllic scenes of the self-sustaining farm, so for many of us food has been a comfortable mystery. And as we have dug further into our dependence on processed food, opening a box or package has become easier and more comforting than knowing the truth.

I should say, in the spirit of full disclosure, that the video is a Chipotle ad. I do eat at Chipotle. They try to source locally (whatever THAT means) and they don't use meats from animals that have been treated with antibiotics. But mostly, I like that their foods are straightforward. I love their vegetarian salads with beans and pico de gallo and guacamole. Recently I learned that the McDonald's Corporation divested itself of Chipotle in 2006. I repeat: McDonald's does NOT own Chipotle. Chipotle is a publicly traded company. I actually was not aware of this until writing this post. I like Chipotle even more now!

Take a minute to watch the video. I might have even had the tiniest tear stuck in the corner of my eye.

Is Disney Telling Kids That They Are Fat?

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Boy oh boy, Disney is at it again.

They just can't seem to catch a break. According to an article I came across last week on Yahoo, the Disney company, who is synonymous with oversexualized princesses and children's entertainment with a lack of educational material, has recently created an exhibit at the Epcot Center in Florida called Habit Heroes. The exhibit was designed in partnership with Blue Cross and Blue Shield and was designed to teach young kids to eat better.

The fun exhibit included some characters that, frankly, make me cringe. Villians such as 'Snacker', who eats too much fatty processed foods, and 'Lead Bottom', who doesn't exercise enough, are featured throughout the exercise. One interactive game was said to allow the played to shoot digital vegetables at the screen in order to knock cream puffs and other sweet junk out of the way.

The exhibit is drawing fire because of its art direction. The villains mentioned above are all drawn to be obese, and in many cases are depicted as lazy or even evil! One villain is named 'The Glutton' which harkens back to one of the seven deadly sins, not to mention that he is dressed in a Sopranos Style double-breasted suit. The pictures of the animation featured in the Yahoo article coupled with the characters' obviously obesity related names display an astounding lack of creativity, in my opinion. Critics are calling Disney irresponsible for allowing such blatant fat-shaming to take place in its works.

Sigh. I think I get all the sides of this debate.

I get the outrage. With 70+ percent of the American population over weight or obese, likely there are going to be over overweight and obese adults viewing this content even though it is an exhibit geared toward children. And with a steadily growing portion of children also registering in as overweight and obese, you can rest assured that some of the audience will be overweight. The exhibit clearly sends the message that fat equals bad. Children especially can't sort out the complicated messages beyond that. Children don't understand the intricacies and science of weight loss. So they are left with only confused emotions and a sense that if they are overweight that they must be deficient in some way.

Fat shaming doesn't work. I have written about that before. If you have a drug problem or an alcohol problem, you can many times hide your health issues from the world. But when you are obese you are on display. And the social implications of obesity are not just 'the obese person isn't beautiful' but also 'the obese person does not have self control', neither of which are true. Exhibits like this one from Disney do nothing to dispel these ever present social assumptions. And who is motivated by shame and hurtful words? Isn't that the first thing they tell you in all those progressive parenting books?

I get the irony. Disney theme parks, though I have never visited one (I want to be up front), are reported to be a wonderland of funnel cakes and French fries. It is ironic that a company that takes in huge profits from all things fast food would be so motivated to create an exhibit like this one. It is then not surprising that they would f@$! it up.

I get the intention. I give Disney some credit for agreeing to take a small portion of their big budget and address this issue. No doubt they see a growing problem in our world. No doubt they see a growing population among their own customer base. No doubt Blue Cross Blue Shield thought they could capitalize on Disney's massive world wide audience in order to send a good message to kids. But with so many hands in the pot from project organizers, animators and insurance people, who knows where this project went astray?

My two cents? Maybe the answer to childhood obesity doesn't lie in the children. Perhaps it lies in the parents. And 70+ percent of the adult population is overweight or obese!! Children cannot legally work. So it is logical to assume that they are not purchasing a majority of their own calories. Maybe just as we should stop marketing ALL foods to children, perhaps we should stop dumping the solution on them as well. They are kids after all. The worst thing we could do to try and combat childhood obesity is try and talk a bunch of science at these youngsters. And complicated eating and exercise plans? Forget about it.

Make Real Food for your family. Get your kids to play outside.

It really is that simple. Kids do not need to worry about their percent of fat in relation to their total calories. Kids do not need to worry about the sugar content of a carrot. Kids do not need to be running laps to have healthy bodies. Kids do not need to be shamed if they have put on a few more pounds than their friends. Kids do need to have active fun doing things like playing tag or kicking a ball. Kids do need you to make vegetables for them so they can try them. Kids do need parents that eat well so that they grow up assuming that is what grown ups do. Kids need to be kids. Keep. It. Simple.

Disney Corporation, I dare you, stop selling funnel cakes in your theme parks and then MAYBE I will take your intentions seriously. Until then I am going to keep assuming that you were looking to make a buck and some much needed positive PR off this project.

'Moms Gone Wild' or '6 Things I Learned From My Trip To Paris'

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Aaaah Paris. {Said with terrible French Accent} Traveling to Paris and/ or France in general has been a life long goal. In my high school, the smart ambitious kids took Latin. The practical kids and the kids looking to get through foreign language without much effort took Spanish. Oh! But the romantics, the theatre kids, they took French. There were only one or two classes of French for every grade level in my school. I took them all. Four years or French, the last of which was AP French, I have always had a love for all things French.

However I was unable to continue my French studies in college because NYU didn't offer classes for 'dabblers' like me. It was immersion or nothing. And like so many other things, my love for all things French got trampled by the commitments of adulthood. In fact, our trip to Morocco in late 2010 was the first time that I had ever traveled to a French speaking nation. And just last week I stepped foot onto the sandy soil of France to finally experience what has been a lifelong dream of travel, food and experience.

My trip to Paris was not intended to be a Valentine's day gift. But in the end it felt like one. My husband dutifully took the reigns of the family so that I could spend our shared money on a flight across the Atlantic with only myself and two girlfriends. And upon arriving home he continued to say that he was glad I went (I even deserved it!) and that managing the family by himself had not been a burden. Keep your heart boxes of chocolates, that is what I want for Valentine's Day!!
Knowing enough French to start a conversation I couldn't possibly keep up with and having studied the basics of French culture, I somewhat knew what to expect. But like any novice international traveler I knew I would encounter unexpected things that surprised and delighted. And I knew that certain things would transcend the descriptions doled out to me in 1994 by a plump Southern public school teacher. So here are a few things I learned on my trip to Paris.

1-Not all Parisians are Rude. Even those friends of mine who traveled to Europe regularly warned me that the Parisians would look down their noses at us Americans. They said 'Be sure not to ask if they spoke English. Try not to be gauche.' However the vast majority of Parisians that we encountered were very nice. Several people stopped and asked if we need help, both in French and in English. Although we rarely, if ever, asked if someone spoke English, many people instantly heard our accent and spoke with us in English. In restaurants many times the wait staff came over and chatted with us or sat at our table to told us some tidbit about themselves or the neighborhood. One lovely place appreciated our vivacity enough to serve us a digestif on the house as a gift. The bottom line lesson? Smiles go a long way in how other folks treat you. Be nice. It is hard to be rude and snobby to someone who is so gracious, thankful and pleasant.

2-French coffee is not the same as Italian coffee. My dear French coworker's eyes rolled into the back of her head when she spoke of the Salon Du Thé. She said 'You must have the café créme and a pain au chocolat.' I was anxious to have French coffee and so, jet lagged and practically bruised from sleeping on the plane I picked up a latte from an Illy stand in the airport. It was amazing!! A dark, rich and perfectly blended cup of bitter espresso and sweet milk. I had high hopes for the trip. But sadly, my travel companions quickly informed me, Illy is Italian coffee. The French coffee I found in most places was not as rich or dark or powerful. Like everything else that I experienced with French food, French coffee is lighter, more subtle and more delicate. The coffee was excellent, it just wasn't what I expected.

3-Just about everything in Paris is slightly smaller, more delicate, more complex and more perfect than anywhere else. From the cobblestone streets, the pain au chocolat, the shoes, the cars, the dresses, the apartments, everything seemed smaller and more perfect. At first I assumed that this perfection was concentrated at the high end shops that were so close to our rented apartment. But as we moved into other neighborhoods the perfection continued to abound. Tiny gelatin aspics. Petite molded chocolates lined up among displays of cocoa nibs. Silk dresses with embroidered edges. Gilded bridges decorated with the locks of lovers. Of course I know, every city has it's industrial parks and squared off affordable apartments. But to me it seemed that Paris offers a culture of perfection. It is beautiful and I am seduced.

4-Gluten Free is tough, but not impossible. I wasn't gluten free in Paris. I had no intention of being GF in the gluten mecca of the world. But I found that while bread was everywhere, many dishes were easily gluten free. There was little pizza and pasta or wheat based dishes. Breakfast was hard, it was virtually all wheat. But I was able to find hard boiled eggs, nuts and fresh fruits. We did see several sandwich shops and I did stay away. Now that being said...I am not so gluten intolerant that I worry about what thickens a sauce, but overall gluten free (and amazingly rich and delicious) options were many.

5-Coffee and Wine masks the effects of gluten for me. It makes so much sense to me now why I never noticed that I have a problem with gluten! It makes so much sense now that when I started to limit coffee and alcohol from my diet I began to notice my problems with gluten! This is a good discovery none the less. When I was caught in an airport with a choice between a sandwich and a croissant, a cafe creme made that choice less painful.

6-We parents have given up so much. I never did any travel with friends pre-marriage. And I haven't taken a vacation without my children since having them. When I have traveled without the kids, they have been work trips or super quick trips for family obligations. Having 5 days to do nothing but eat and sleep and shop...well...I felt like a kid again. I got quiet time. I got to walk down streets just because they looked interesting to me. I didn't have to look for the quickest way out of the restaurant in the case of a tantrum. I did not have to keep my eyes on the road for fear that some short person would launch themselves into oncoming traffic. Truly, I have forgotten what it was to be just an adult in my personal time. Being a parent has become so overwhelming to who I am. It is great, parenting, but I don't want to lose this time in my life. By the time I get the ability to just 'be an adult' again I will be close to 50. Life is fleeting and obligations are many. Enjoy and appreciate every moment that transcends. Take 5 days to live like a kid again. How many Paris's will I get in my thirties? Who knows. But I am thankful that I at least got one.

What's Wrong With My Kid?: A Letter For Every Parent With A Tough Kid

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 08:00:00 +0000

It was 3:53 PM on Friday afternoon when the call came in.

"Mrs. {COB}, Please come to school and pick up your son, {Thing 1}."

My heart sank. I have memorized the school's phone number and whenever I see it pop up on my phone I get a knot in my stomach. He is four.

I started this blog for a couple reasons. I wanted to be healthier. I wanted to give my kids a shot at being healthier. I wanted to help them develop good habits. But deep down, covered up by better sound bites, was an idea that a better diet might alleviate some of Thing 1's troubling impulsive behavior.

Since he was a baby it seemed like he was just a little left of center. I would see families having a picnic where the baby would stay on the blanket and eat because it was meal time. I would see kids playing games and sticking to the rules of the game. I saw many kids pick up common baby toys like teethers and stacking blocks and instinctively know what to do with them. And I saw kids have tantrums because they wanted something that they could not have.

Thing 1 didn't do any of these things. Setting up a blanket in the park was the best way to make sure that he would never come near it. That was almost an invitation to run as far away as possible. Thing 1 has always struggled to play along in structured play, not liking certain rules, or wanting to hijack the game altogether. My husband and I always joked that Thing 1 didn't play with toys, rather he explored them. A bunch of stacking rings became rings on his fingers, the post of which would become a hammer. A teething ring might be bitten until it burst because he wanted to know exactly how hard you had to bite it until it broke. And tantrums would have been welcomed! Thing 1 would simply shout cruel dissension and continue doing whatever he wanted to do. You were not in charge.

Over the years I have discussed his behavior with the pediatrician. Everything seemed to be age appropriate. We had good times and bad times. Not necessarily in equal proportions. But there were good times! Over these years we have both increased and reduced screen time, increased and reduced outdoor time, given time outs, made sticker charts, tried yelling, tried being firm, taken things away, encouraged rewards, tried redirection, tried Magic 1-2-3. And nothing has consistently worked. He gets bored of sticker charts. Plus he was too impulsive to save up for the big treats that make sticker charts succeed in the end. He couldn't care less that you take away his favorite toy (there are so many others). He can't seem to visualize a reward that isn't in front on him. He is sometimes bothered by the yelling and other times it goes in one ear and out the other. Talking to him calmly and quietly does exactly nothing.

He has burned out every caregiver we have ever employed. DH and I are exhausted by it. And every doctor, friend, family member and teacher has all sworn that he seems bright and perfectly normal, albeit feisty. Some felt that I was blowing things out of proportion. And I kept looking at other kids. Other kids looked like kids: children growing and developing. And then I looked at my kid, a whirlwind of motion and intelligence, of willfulness and dissent. All the while with a sad soft look in his hazel eyes, like he was trying to make sense of all the chaos around him. Everyone else's children looked so organized, while my Thing 1 looked so disorganized.

When Thing 2 was born, DH and I marveled how he was so normal!! We would talk to him too sternly and he would cry. Thing 1 has NEVER done that. We gave him a learning table. Thing 2 happily played with the gadgets and buttons. Thing 1 had taken the legs off the table and pried the batteries out of the back. Thing 2 watched and learned and stayed close to us. Thing 1 always seemed to be head first into everything, running into traffic...

When I arrived at Thing 1's school last Friday afternoon, I wasn't sure what to expect. In the last 6 weeks I have gotten troubling phone calls from his teacher 2-3 days a week. His behavior is defiant. He likes to take attention away from the teacher. He is not responding to their redirection attempts. But he is not overly aggressive. He isn't angry when he does these things. He has lots of friends and taking control of the class seems to be delighting him. The school had said that some of his behavior, while age appropriate, has happened too frequently. Some of his behaviors have upset his classmates. Some of his behaviors are inappropriate for a school setting, even if they are age appropriate. Perhaps his behavior is age appropriate for a child who still spends his day at home.

They then suggested that we seek the aid of an expert.

As a parent, nothing can describe the feeling you get when your child's school asks you to take your child to a psychologist for evaluation. Nothing can prepare you for that moment when your closet fears that your child might be different are publicly validated by an expert in child education. And no amount of "It's the schools fault' or 'he will grow out of this' will help.

As a mother I feel crestfallen. I feel vulnerable. I feel like a failure. I keep searching for the right way to phrase things so that he will understand and start following rules. I continue to search for the right punishment that will motivate without damaging him. I continue to look for the right reward that will keep him going until a task is done. Yet my child feels like a Rubik's cube. I don't understand how he got this way and I don't know how to sort him out. He simply is who he is.

So please, every parent out there, when you see a child tantruming in public, don't assume that you would know how to fix the situation. If you see a parent lose it in public, don't assume that the parent doesn't have love for their child. Don't automatically assume that the parent fed their kid crap, didn't set boundaries or kept them up past bedtime. Not all tough kids are the result of bad parenting. There is so much we don't know about the parent-child interactions we witness. Does the child have sensory issues? Is he under developed in certain behaviors during this one phase in his life? Or is it more complex, has everyone in his life overlooked a diagnosis like ADHD because the child is bright and does have friends? Is he a kid who has fallen through the cracks? Is he too young for a certain diagnosis? Given all this, is it fair to pass judgement on the other kids at your child's school? Can you really know what's best for any child that lives outside of your own home?

But also parents, take only your fair share of the credit for your child's good behavior. Your good parenting most certainly shapes your child, but some kids are easier to shape than others. Some kids simply are harder to parent, they require more vigilance and effort. Perhaps, in parenting, the ends do not define the means.

So parents, stick together, offer encouragement. Don't talk behind anyone's back. And if you have a tough kid, hang in there. It has got to get better.

'Should I Give Up Wheat?' or 'The Depressing Agony Over My Much Beloved Wheat'

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 08:00:00 +0000

It has been nearly 2 years when I first questioned whether I had a problem with wheat. I was then wrapping up a family vacation replete with bagels and muffins and (Oh! crime of crimes) Goldfish crackers. By the end of the vacation I was feeling sluggish, tired and over all yucky. But it wasn't eating real junk foods, which I'd blamed in previous years, so it stood out more. If it wasn't such easily blamed fast food and pizza making me sick then it had to be some other seemingly innocuous food.

I kept coming back to wheat for two reasons. First off leading up to that vacation, I had greatly reduced my wheat intake as a result of being on Weight Watchers. Bread is alot of unnecessary points for a girl on a 'budget'. But I also kept coming back to wheat because one of my oldest and dearest friends had recently been diagnosed with celiac disease. BUT, curiously enough her diagnosis came with the distinction of celiac tests with negative results. And how a doctor could diagnose a patient with a disease when all the tests came back negative was crazy to me. But giving up gluten made her feel better. Her whole experience sent me onto to Google for reading material, all of which was fresh in my mind as I coped with my bloated bubbling stomach that summer.

Upon returning home I limited wheat and concluded that my sensitivity was very slight. As long as I didn't eat pasta on the same day as a sandwich or toast, I felt okay.

Months passed and I didn't worry too much about it. I didn't think of it too often. A few times I'd have a bit too much and then I would scale back. I was nervous about identifying myself as gluten intolerant. Celiac and it's related disorders have become a bit of a fad these days. Diagnosis of celiac disease are up significantly in recent years. Many think that is because modern wheat has been overly bred and now is much harder to digest. Perhaps it is that we Americans eat more wheat now than we ever did. And of course when we notice so many people with IBS, Crohn's disease and other digestive ailments all feeling better after eliminating gluten it is easy to recommend this course of treatment for others. Physicians are more aware of celiac disease and its symptoms these days. And giving up gluten seems to work much more effectively than many of the drugs on the market.

Now don't get me wrong, if you have celiac disease, then your diagnosis isn't a fad. But I can be a bit hystrionic at times. And with me and my mild tummy aches, I didn't consider myself sick enough to get swept up in the gluten free craze. And in my opinion, most gluten free products are overly processed and many contain gums and stabilizers I wasn't willing to feed to my family. I mean what is the point of giving up gluten if you are going to swap it with a bunch of stuff you don't need? I figured I would just eat less stuff containing wheat.

However last Monday I started singing a different tune. I packed a salad with croutons and a piece of bread with homemade herbed cream cheese for lunch. But I was so hungry that before I ate my lunch, I nabbed a tiny sandwich from the available catering in my office. Once I ate my home packed lunch, the combination was awful. I felt sick and bloated for nearly an hour and a half. Later in the afternoon one small oatmeal cookie made me feel the same for another half an hour. I decided that maybe my situation was getting worse and required elimination.

But simply deciding to eliminate wheat isn't an easy thing to jump into. After all, if I was stranded on a desert island and could only bring one food (and don't consider this a nutritional challenge), it would probably be bread and butter. But not just any bread and butter-a fresh, but not hot, baguette with just under room temperature butter that spreads easily and can make a nice layer upon the bread. Not to mention that I have a trip to Paris coming up in a couple of weeks!! Paris is only the mecca of all things white flour, baguettes, croissants! Argh! Why on earth am I doing this! Wheat is a food of love for me. It is also a trigger food, one I can over eat, and one that talks to me. I can refuse chocolate, candies and other treats, but cake and especially a cookie gives my brain's pleasure center a one-two-punch. The thought of never having that again is...difficult. Food is personal. Food can be emotional. Food is cultural. It is so much more than nutrition.

I finally decided that I would give up wheat completely for at least two weeks. After the first two weeks I would try certain wheat/ gluten items like bread or my homemade pizza crust. I could then get a clearer picture of what I can tolerate and what I cannot.

Here I am almost a week wheat free and I do actually feel better. My tummy is less bubbly and squirmy. Even my brain seems more clear. And...err...some other problems that I don't really want to post on the internet have disappeared too. Overall I feel better. Best of all my wheat cravings have gone away. Also gone is my desire to overeat. Could that have possibly have been related to eating gluten?

But the best part was putting on my skinny jeans this morning and not feeling too bloated to zip them up. I have a ways to go before I can really say that those jeans fit, but a start is good.

Do you have any recommendations for me? Any helpful hints about living gluten free? I am all ears!

Would Everyone Stop S#!t-Talking Larabars Already?!

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

How I wish that I could have some prepackaged real food right about now.

Although I'd like to admit otherwise, I have not been enjoying packing lunches lately. Everyday seems to be some alternating version of ham, salami or AB and J with some chopped up veggies and whole fruit, perhaps the occasional pickle. Thing 1 does not have access to a microwave to heat up dinner leftovers, but even if he did he wouldn't necessarily eat them. School lunch is included in the cost of his tuition and he would rather eat the junkier nutrition-light fare that the school serves. Since we end up wasting alot, I wish (at the very least) that lunch was easier to prepare. I wish there were more ready to eat, individually sized foods that met my high standards.

One such product that I continually buy is Larabars. Larabars are ground date, dried fruit and nut combinations that are easy to carry for snacks, always get eaten and can be thrown into a lunch box at 9:30 PM with virtually no thought. Larabars are a product I trust. They use only Non-GMO ingredients, contain no sweeteners at all and they always get eaten no matter what the school is serving.

There are many foodies and bloggers who LOVE Larabars because they are all real food and they taste great. But I continue to read those that just s%!t-talk Larabars. The main complaints ate that the bars are prohibitively expensive and too calorie dense.

Yes, Larabars are pricey when you consider what they are. At $1.69 or more per 200 calorie bar, it can really add up, especially when you have more than one child. We do not eat Larabars every day. They are a special treat. So I will buy 4 or 5 a week and we will all have one or two. The Things will even accept Larabars as dessert which is proof that they really do see them as a treat.

I have made Almond Date Truffles, as I like to call them, before. My version is heavier on nuts than Larabars but essentially they are the same thing. My almond-date balls took almost an hour to make and roll and, because I used organic everything, cost probably as much or more than an equal amount of Larabars. Normally I would assume that any homemade version of a prepackaged item would cost more, because we would use better quality ingredients. But I don't worry about the quality of the nuts and fruits in Larabars and we do not eat 100% organic. I have made the truffles a couple of times, but I didn't feel that the extra money and all the extra work involved were justified when Larabars are so easy and right there.

And of course, people downplay Larabars because they are calorie dense, i.e.- fattening. Now that really is some s#!t talk! Yet I can't really deny it. For their size, Larabars have alot of calories. However this is where we have to use our brains. Just because something is real food doesn't mean that you can pig out on it and eat 12 with no consequences! Yes, dates (the main ingredient in all Larabars) are extremely high in sugar. However dates are also a source of potassium, magnesium, Vitamin B6 and they contain countless other vitamins and minerals in smaller quantities. Dates are also an excellent source of dietary fiber. (Check out the nutrition data for dates.) Usually I break a bar in half and split it between the kids. They are so sweet that they never ask for more. And because they are made from real food, there are no manipulating added favors or sugars to make them feel addicted.

Because they are pricey and high in calories, Larabars are not an every day snack for me or my children. BUT, I am not so sure there is any one food that we eat every single day. We strive for varied balanced diets. And Larabars certainly fit into that balance. I am happy that they do not contain wheat, since my kids seem to be bombarded with wheat wherever we turn. If you haven't tried Larabars for either of these reasons, consider cutting them in half. Try them for that 4 PM slump. Stick them into your kids lunchbox to know that they'll be full until school let's out. And definitely try the chocolate ones, because what other chocolate-y bar on the market can boast all the antioxidant benefits of unsweetened cocoa with truly zero added sugar? And to the Larabar company, if you like what you read, would you mind sending me a free box? Please??? Haha, just kidding!

Enjoy!!

Later This Week, I Promise

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Snow...Football....Giants...I will be back later this week. I PROMISE!!

Recipe: Harissa Deviled Eggs

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Over the holiday break, I came to Jesus a little bit.

Okay, I realize that may provoke more questions than it answers. Basically I came to the realization that I cannot eat eggs fried in butter for breakfast every day. It is too rich for me. But hard boiled eggs? They have long been a go to for me. I get all the good stuff from the egg without quite so much fat, which can upset my stomach and weigh me down if I eat too much of it.

But on New Year’s morning I was looking for something more interesting than just a hard-boiled egg. And so Harissa Deviled Eggs were born. These deviled eggs are about as easy to make as drinking too much on New Year’s Eve while letting your kid stay up until midnight. I actually served these as a breakfast/ brunch main dish, and they were perfect. But the best part? Thing 2 wandered over to the table and took two hefty bites without being asked. All this from a child who has not tried a new food in easily 6 months. Perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel yet.

Harissa Deviled Eggs

5 hardboiled eggs, peeled and cut in half
1-2 tablespoons of harissa mayonnaise that you forgot to serve at your dinner party the night before (i.e.-about ½ cup mayonnaise mixed with about a tablespoon of dry harissa, a shake of garlic powder and a hefty pinch of salt, let sit for at least 30 minutes) I encourage you to use homemade mayo, mayo made from something besides soybean oil or organic mayo. This will help you aoid GMOs and overly processed industrial fats.
Bacon, if your children haven’t eaten every last piece in your house

Remove the yolks and place in a bowl. Add 1-2 tablespoons of the harissa mayo. Mash the yolks and the mayo together until it forms a paste. Add crumbled bacon if you live on the edge. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Spoon the paste back into the hard-boiled egg halves. No need to sprinkle with paprika, unless you are a traditionalist.

Enjoy!

Why I Will Not Buy a Keurig Machine

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 13:09:00 +0000

I promise never to write a post urging you to give up your morning coffee. I don't much care about calcium or Vitamin C depletion, adrenal stress or whatever else is said about the effects of coffee. We all have limits and that's mine. And no, decaf doesn't cut it. I have no intention of giving up coffee-EVER. For sure, too much coffee makes me jittery and way too much coffee makes me paranoid. But one to two cups (read 8-16 ounces) is fine for my system to handle. The gurgling of my coffee pot at 5 am when the rest of the lights are off in my house, it is as comforting a sound as 'I love you'.

Recently though it seems that everyone I know has been throwing away their traditional coffee pots for the new-fangled brew-one-cup-at-a-time Keurig machines. My office invested in it. All of my family has switched. I heard of so many folks at work who have them at home and they all love them. Then this past weekend my husband turned to me and said he just HAD to have one. Last straw, people.

If you don't know about Keurig, they produce coffee machines that brew coffee one cup at a time. Their sell-in is no carafe, no parts to clean and each cup is perfectly fresh brewed. But I can't do it. I won't buy one. Besides being expensive, there is nothing actually wrong with my current machine. And replacing a perfectly good machine with another more expensive one that doesn't produce anything different doesn't make sense to me.

When I asked DH why he wanted to get the machine he said it was because we waste too much coffee. I do make too much. I throw away 2-3 cups of coffee most days. I make it because some days we DO drink it all. And I am a girl of routine, I make the same amount everyday, weekday or not. But the waste argument got me. Coffee grinds are one of the most biodegradable things out there. They'll mush up into soil in a few weeks. And you can even include them in your compost. But Keurig coffee comes in these little K-Cups or plastic capsules containing coffee grinds. The machine punches holes in the top and bottom of the K-Cup and your coffee is brewed right in there before passing through a filter and into your cup. So now instead of flimsy paper filters and compostable coffee grinds going in the garbage every morning, we have more bits of plastic that will be with us in 1000 years. Awesome. Which machine is more wasteful? Why are we worried about wasting coffee that you just pour down the drain when the Keurig creates plastic garbage that won't break down?

I told my DH that under no circumstances would we buy a Keurig machine. I told him I would make less coffee every morning if he had an issue with our coffee waste.

But also I have other issues eith the machine. I can't find the country of origin on the K-Cups. I don't know the quality of the coffee. I can't grind my own beans. I don't know how fresh the coffee is. And although they offer organic, can I guarantee that it is fair trade? And lastly, when I brew coffee with near boiling water inside a small plastic cup designed for disposibility (and cheapness), well I would imagine that some of that plastic ends up my cup of coffee. Does Keurig use BPA or other dangerous chemicals in the plastic of their K-Cups? Do you know? Yummy goodness.

Late adapters unite!! What was really wrong with our old coffee pots? Don't waste your money. Keep your old machine.

**FYI, Thank you toall the great commentors. YES-Keurig does make a refillable K-Cup. And all K-Cups have been BPA free since mid 2010. However....that doesn't really solve problem that Keurig machines are expensive and my current machine ain't broken. Thanks everyone for contributing! Keep the comments coming!

Recipe: Hot Onion Souffle

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Happy New Year's everyone!! I have emerged from my Holiday cocoon rested and relaxed and maybe even ready to tackle this new year. We put our time off to good use. We hosted my folks, cleaned out the house, cooked with abandon and actually beat the now "old-timey" game Legend of Zelda on our Wii. Okay, DH beat Legend of Zelda and Thing 1 and I contributed in small ways and by cheering. But all of us, including Thing 2, enjoyed watching it go down.

But wait...in my last post over two weeks ago I promised THE PERFECT holiday dip! And I never followed up with a recipe! Oh the injustice. I suppose that I am exactly what I always have promised I would be-inconsistent at best. But...we did host a fantastic New Year's Eve party and I do make this dip whenever we are getting together with people that we want to impress so I thought it would be wrong of me not to share the recipe with you.

I always get lots of oohs and aahs when I serve this dish. But it is rich and I have decided that high fat diet or no high fat diet, this dip is not good for you. It is doing you no favors on the waistline or anywhere else for that matter. Don't try and kid yourself that this dip is high in whatever vitamin or antioxidant that onions posses. This dip is purely for pleasure.

I got this recipe from my sister in law. But I am fairly certain that she got it from some southern Junior League cookbook. But in just one google search I found a few claiming the recipe as their own. I add that just so you know I am not trying to selfishly claim this as my own. I did not invent this mash of amazingness.

Hot Onion Souffle

2 Packages cream cheese (I love Organic Valley's), at or near room temperature
1/2 cup mayo
1 large sweet onion, finely minced
1 cup shredded Parmesan

Mix ingredients.

Spread in a dish.

Bake at 350 degrees until the top begins to brown at the edges. Do not over bake or the dip will begin to separate and get oily. I have done that, not good. Serve with crackers or if you dare, Fritos.

This is so good that it might actually be worth the extra pant size. Happy New Year people! I am happy to be back in the blogging saddle. I look forward to a new year full of new posts!!

Enjoy!!

Recipe: Braised Red Cabbage

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

I can't boast about having done so much exotic cooking recently. We are definitely in a rut of making pasta, homemade pizza and a variety of meat-and-two-veg combinations. Since time is at a minimum, as usual, I am not looking for extra projects this winter. But I would like to try and find a couple of easy winter vegetable recipes. My potato and celeriac side dish has been a hit with DH and me (don't ask the Things what they think about it). And this week I was ready to tackle another item: red cabbage.

I often have red cabbage in the house. I wish I could say I was making home fermented red sauerkraut, but I haven't been so enterprising of late. Instead I keep it around to mix it with salad greens to bring in some additional nutrients. I also like to use it to make coleslaw sometimes, that can be especially delicious. This last weekend however I was feeling in the mood to make braised cabbage. Who cared what the kids thought. It isn't like Thing 1 eats anything other than raw carrots, cooked broccoli and the occasional salad. Thing 2 simply won't eat any unpureed unhidden vegetables at all. This cabbage was all for me. It was likely I would have to deal with screaming kids anyway, why not do it eating something I enjoyed?

I found this recipe for braised red cabbage through a quick google search. It was easy and came out a perfect mic of salty, sour and sweet.

Braised Red Cabbage

1 head of red (aka purple) cabbage
2 tablespoons butter
1 small to medium onion, sliced
3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
3 tablespoons honey
1 teaspoon salt

First chop the cabbage into bite size bits. I found this easier too cook than long strings. Place the cabbage into a bowl of cold water for a few minutes (I wish I could explain why you had to do this other than it was in the original recipe, but I truly don't know). In a large skillet melt the butter on medium heat and cook the onions for about 5 minutes. Drain the cabbage and add it to the pan. Now add the remaining ingredients, honey, apple cider vinegar and salt. Stir and cover. Cook, stirring occasionally, for about 1 1/2 hours. You won't need any additional liquid.

The result is a slowly braised wonderous side dish. I served my cabbage alongside a meatloaf and buttery butternut squash. It was a stand out in the meal. But perhap the best part was the next day when we made meatloaf sandwiches topped with the cold slaw. Man oh man. My mouth is watering reliving the moment.

I hope you will try this. It will definitely be a regular addition to our winter table. Two winter veggies down, two dozen to go.

Enjoy!

This post is shared with Real Food Wednesdays

Blatent Health-Washing By Back To Nature

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

Back To Nature, a division of Kraft Foods, is a company whose products sit in what I call the 'pseudo-organic' isle of my grocery store. You know the isle where the store keeps Kashi and Annie's Cheddar Bunnies. These brands aren't necessarily healthy, they aren't necessarily non-processed and they may or may not contain organic ingredients. These brands may or may not contain GMOs. They may or may not contain the same amount of added sugars as normal products. What these brands do have in common is the use of health-washing in their brand marketing.

When I choose to buy a processed product (i.e.-anything that comes in a box), I look for a couple of things (not necessisarily in order of importance): 1) Are the grains listed as 100% whole grains? 2) Does the product contain soy or corn products? 3) Does the product contain chemical preservatives, or added flavors or colorings? 4) Is the product labeled organic? 5) Do I feel that the manufacturer made the product in a similar way that I would make it in my own home? When I answer these questions I get a better sense of the product. I prefer to buy products that are Non-GMO, whole, contain nothing artificial, and aren't "formulated" in a way to manipulate me. These are GUIDING PRINCIPLES, not hard and fast rules. But I like being informed.

I make a really ridiculous party dip which I will share with you next week. This weekend I was looking for some crackers to serve with this dip. I wish Ak-Mak made dip sized crackers, but they don't. I took a look at these Back to Nature crackers. I loved what I saw on the front cover!! Three ingredients! Because of the impressively short list of ingredients I was willing to buy this product even though it was not labeled as organic AND I knew it would contain white flour.

Then I flipped over the box and saw this

I feel strongly that to list three ingredients on the front of the box is like bragging to the customer 'Look at my impressive ingredient list!!' But then to not actually have an impressive ingredient list, well, that feels like manipulative marketing in my opinion. Although also in my opinion, Back to Nature products are slightly better than most of the other stuff Kraft Foods puts out. They don't use hydrogenated oils or artifical ingredients and their ingredient lists are shorter. But the products aren't significantly better. The products still could not be made in my own kitchen, yet they cost almost as much as other less processed organic products. Why would I choose to buy this product except for the marketing?

I have mentioned it before, I am not anti-capitalist. I am not an anarchist. I am not going to boycott foods that come from Kraft or Nestle just because they come from Kraft or Nestle. My decision not to buy Back to Nature is solely because I think that it is a mediocre product wrapped in a health-washed package. The ingredient list tells me that the product is mediocre. Their packaging is trying to tell me otherwise.

You can put lipstick on a pig, but damnit, it is still a pig.

This post is shared with Fight Back Fridays and Real Food Wednesdays

5 Gifts Under $50 Any Foodie Could Love

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

My kitchen has always been relatively well equipped because I love cooking. But I don't have every kitchen gadget out there because some of them tend to be one-hit-wonders that take up space and don't do alot. My husband's beloved spaetzle maker comes to mind...but I'll stay quiet, he really loves making speatzle.

As far as the kitchen items I think are essential, I have some decent knives, several cutting boards for different jobs and a blender. But cooking more from scratch has highlighted my need for some additional equipment. In the past year I have added a few items that have made my life a whole lot easier. Surprisingly the ones that have made the biggest difference were inexpensive and rather small to store. And the added benefit, these 'B list' gadgets make perfect gifts because not everyone thinks to spend the money on them. They offer great function, but even a long time foodie might not have every single one.

1. Coffee Grinder

We received our coffee grinder several years ago from family as a Secret Santa present. Until then we had always purchased ground coffee, which doesn't taste quite as fresh. This inexpensive present was such a hit that my hubs swore never to buy ground coffee again. The best part? My kids sleep through the whirring sound when I get up before them in the morning.

Krupps 203 Electric Coffee Grinder at Amazon $19.55

2. Immersion Blender

I love the texture of creamy soups and apple butter. But how much do I hate handling ladlefuls of hot food into a standard blender? Yuk and Ouch. When I got my first immersion blender I was thrilled to do fewer dishes and puree things in the pot where I was cooking! That saved time and heavy hot weightlifting. I soon realized it was also super perfect for smoothies, emulsifying salad dressings, making vegetable purees and even pureeing eggs for amazing omelettes. I now consider this device a necessity.

Cuisinart CBS-77 Smart Stick at Amazon $49.95

3. 6-Inch Utility Knife

I have not added to my knife collection in a long time. I consider the essential knives to be a 9 or 10 inch chefs knife, a serrated knife and a 4 inch paring knife. But recently I purchased a 6-inch utility knife because I felt like I needed something in between my big guy and my paring knife. The utility knife is amazing for coring apples. It feels good in the hand when slicing greens off tough woody stems. Also I have found it easier to use than a chefs knife when slicing smaller things like cucumbers and even small potatoes and onions. Having this knife has filled a void in my kitchen for sure.

J. A. Henckels Classic 6-Inch Utility Knife $32.95

4. Knife Sharpener

I acquired this knife sharpener just this weekend and BOY has this changed my life. I am embarrassed to admit that I have not professionally sharpened my knives since I bought them almost 10 years ago. That is reprehensible. I knew I needed to do it, I just haven't gotten around to getting to the store that offers knife sharpening. Then think about it, it will be a few dollars for each knife and you will need to do it again in 6 months to a year! Chef's Choice makes several high quality knife sharpeners in the $100-$150 price range. But they also offer this mini for $39.95 (and it was actually even less at Zabar's in NYC). I have used it on all my knives and they are like new. This sharpener also works on serrated knives.

Chef's Choice Diamond Hone Hybrid Electric-Manual Knife Sharpener $39.95

5. Electric Beater

I used to consider an electric beater something that would take up space since I could easily stir or fold food together with a spoon. But then my mother in law bought one for me for a gift and I was hooked. I use the electric beater for cakes and muffins, an amazing cream cheese dip I make alot for parties and of course mashed potatoes. What sold me was not the EASE that the tool offered, but the superior result that I got. Mashed potatoes whipped with my electric beater are fluffier and less lumpy. An electric beater is also very economical and doesn't create alot of dishes the need to be cleaned!

Paier 5-Speed Electric Hand Mixer/ Beater (Includes Bread Kneeding Attachment) $23.19

Gift giving is one of the toughest things I do every year. I ALWAYS over think everything and I can rarely make a decision. And in trying to make every gift perfect I sometimes have some epic fails or fail to make a decision altogether. I hope that if you are the same as me, you can get some inspiration here!

Enjoy!

It's Christmastime in the City

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

The air is chilly and crisp, coats but no hats or gloves.
The watery light of mid day becomes the twilight of mid afternoon.
Evening rushing looks black as night.
On the corner, we crunch over seperated needles of petite trees.
A gust of wind carries the evergreen scent of an altogether different place.
Sweet bells and laughter.
Brightly colored ear muffs and scarves.
Candied almonds and roasted chestnuts.
(Have you EVER bought them? There are only a dozen in the warmer)
Steam billows from down below.
The moist warm air rises through the grates, kisses exposed ankles and gets trapped in the opening of your slacks.
Shops and homes all decked in red velvet bows fresh from deep storage.
Excitement and hope and maybe a drink or two make the crowds bearable.
Stuffy office parties and last minute shopping at Herald Square, we make it through intact.
We'll need the babysitter again next week.
Quiet nights at home.
The radiator clanks then hisses.
Open a window and draw a little heart in the condensation.
The kids are sleeping soundly, dreaming of the presents stuffed tightly in the tippy tops of crammed closets.
Hopefully they won't find them tomorrow getting a towel.
Forget Silver Bells, this is Christmastime in the city.

Mashed Potatoes and Celeriac: This Doesn't Even Qualify As A Recipe

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

I am mentally prepared for winter this year. Last year I balked at winter vegetables. Rather I longed for tomatoes and strawberries and fresh baby spinach. I admit I ate fewer vegetables during the fall and winter than I should have. Not that that is such a big deal, but I feel better when I eat 5 fruits and veggies a day. Getting to that number between November and April can be a challenge for me.

This year I plan on working on that. I won't be perfect. Winter veggies take longer to prep and I can say with confidence that aside from carrots my children don't eat veggies that grow in the winter. But this isn't about my kids, this is about me accepting winter veggies for exactly what they are...fiborous and tough and maybe slightly delicious.

As a going away present, my CSA gave us 3 bulbs of celeriac in our last delivery. Celeriac is also known as celery root. Celery root is funky and rooty and severely ugly. I can't say I really know what to do with it, though I have thrown it into stock and vegetable soup. But vegetable soup is a shameful cop out for any proud veggie. How does one eat celeriac so that it shines in a leading role? Sheesh, I don't know.

Someone mentioned to me to mash it. But the flavor, like starchy celery, didn't appeal to me. So instead I boiled it alongside some purple potatoes. I added cream and butter and salt, mashed them and I was in heaven. The texture was lighter than my normal dense mashed potatoes. The celery flavor was delicate and nicely matched with the earthy potato. All in all I have to say...I think I like celeriac mashed potatoes even better than regular mashed potatoes. I think someone somewhere is turning over in their grave. Someone....somewhere....

Definitely try this. I think I will even buy celeriac in order to keep making this dish. One winter vegetable down and many, many left to go

Enjoy!

This post is shared with Simple Lives Thursdays

Are We All Too Busy To Eat Healthy?

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

Every couple of months I write some cry your eyes out post about how I am so busy. And I get some awesome responses from you guys in support, telling me to hang in there. I thank each and every one of you who has commented or even just read such a post. But as I continue to hit patches of busy-ness, writing more whining and complaining posts doesn't make for good compelling reading. Or even a cathartic writing experience.

I have yet again hit another such patch. While I have been quite busy at the office (which is a good thing), it is our current school situation that is the biggest culprit. My children and I now spend just shy of 12 hours of every week day outside of our home. And of my just over 12 hours spent in the home, 6-7 are spent sleeping, 2-3 are spent caring for the kids or preparing food and 1-2 are spent in other chore related ways, like emptying the dishwasher or making lunches. That leaves little time for the things that I love, like writing. No wonder I never talk on the phone.

So I have now carved out a love-hate relationship with food preparation. When I started this blog I was inspired by all that I read. I tried new things, even on a weeknight! But today making homemade food sometimes feels like a ball and chain. But what choice do I have? Muster up the energy to cook something simple like sausages and boiled veggies, or order food that will make us all feel sick. Last week I was exhausted fighting some cold and I couldn't even think of stepping foot into the kitchen. So we picked up some pizza. What a mistake. I spent the whole night queasy and I couldn't sleep. Some convenience. Yes, the kids ate with no drama-rama, but I have to imagine that their bellies were tender that night too.

I love the idea of a local, organic and non-processed diet. But I will not sit here and tell you that it is a sustainable lifestyle for most people. The vast majority of people lack the skills to make a non-processed lifestyle work with all the commitments they have in life. And my 'experiment' to prove that any family can eat all homemade foods has lead me to dozens of amazing and inspirational blogs kept by full time bloggers, stay at home mothers and home schoolers. That's awesome, but not all the tips really work for me. I am not home to try all these cool recipes out.

So after 18 months of blogging, I have come to one succinct conclusion. We are all just too damn BUSY! The modern American lifestyle is overstuffed with way too many activities and we have made room for them by cutting out things we really need to do like sleeping and preparing healthy food. And we continue to convince ourselves that we need junky convenience foods and faster smartphones in order to do more work and brain cell sucking activities like searching the Internet. But wait, are we convincing ourselves? Or is it the companies that are selling us the phones, computers and junk food?

Today, The average American workday is 7.5 hours. That makes sense, 8 hour day, 30 minutes for lunch give or take a few. That number has remained fairly constant over the years. In this link, you can see that weekly hours worked has remained the same since the mid sixties at about 40-41 hours total per week. That is actually slightly less than in the forties when the average weekly hours worked was slightly over 43 hours. But no huge difference over the years. Then tack on the average commute, which is today just shy of an hour per day, or over 100 hours each year. I guess I can keep on complaining because my work day is 9 hours each day and I can boast a whopping 2+ hours of commuting time each day.

The change in sleep over the last 100 years is much more dramatic. The average amount of daily sleep has gone from 9 hours in 1900 to 7 hours in the 1970's to just over 6 hours today. I myself admit to getting only 6 hours of sleep regularly. I shoot for 7 hours but don't really feel good unless I get a full 8 hours. The fact that kids are getting less sleep saddens me. Reports show that School aged kids today average only 9.5 hours of sleep each day when they should be getting more. That is less than kids were getting 30 years ago. Sleep is important for everything from physical repair to hormone regulation to supporting memory. I know all this, but so many nights I stay up writing this blog instead of turning off the electric lights and the ever portable iPad.

But naturally it is the time spent in front of TVs, computers and Internet capable phones that is so troubling. According to this study and the article published in Businessweek, kids are now using more than 8 hours of media per day. That includes cell phone and iPod usage, texting, Internet, gaming and TV watching. I don't even want to know how many hours I spend using media. It is virtually all day at work. And then between various personal Apple devices, I overdo it a little. The problem I find with this trend is not so much that we are watching so much TV or reading online, it is that we are not setting down the devices to prepare healthy foods. It is that we cannot turn off the computer to go to sleep. We seem so afraid that we will miss something. Surely this cannot be good for us. And our health is surely suffering from the lack of rest and the abundant 'convenient' food.

I don't mean to say that we should just utilize our time better. That's a cop-out like saying we need to eat less and exercise more to combat obesity. The biggest problem in being too busy today is that in order to stay socially connected in today's world we HAVE to be computer literate and text and stay up on Facebook. There aren't quills for letter writing, parlor visits or calling cards anymore. Companies are pushing you to not even get mail anymore by sending you your bill via email. We cannot live without technology. It is not going away. I don't think we will get any less busy than we are right now. I suppose it could get worse. It could turn into The Matrix.

I bounce between wondering if blogs like mine make a difference to anyone who eats the Standard American Diet and not having any effect whatsoever. Or does my writing into the ether just solidify a group of people who have all independently come to the same conclusion, that we are too busy and we need to make lifestyle changes in order to maintain our health? Are we visionaries? Are we cutting edge? Have we discovered the missing link that could save us from more health problems? Or are we the fringe? Are we the crazies? Are we the Miss Haveshams' still clutching our old failed dreams even as the world passes us by?

Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if we could all learn to live in balance. Do you think anyone will ever get that to catch on?

This post is shared with Simple Lives Thursdays

Goodbye Thanksgiving, Until Next Year...

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 08:00:00 +0000

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It has been for some time. At first it was because it was all about food and I have always loved to eat. But now I love Thanksgiving for different reasons.

First, Thanksgiving is an all inclusive holiday that virtually everyone in this country celebrates. Not everyone does something summery and special for Memorial Day. Easter is a religious holiday, and not even every Christian does something special for it even if they acknowledge its passing. Christmas is all over the map in terms of traditions. But when it comes to Thanksgiving, almost every business shuts down and everyone gets to participate. Of course there are many folks who do work on Thanksgiving, but I have always found that whoever you are with becomes your family for the day. Whether you are with family or friends or even strangers, on Thanksgiving, kindness prevails and we break bread together in some way.

Secondly, Thanksgiving is a uniquely American tradition. Okay, okay, okay, it has become socially acceptable, even cool to bash our country and its faults in culture. Celebrities do it all the time. And while I do not turn a blind eye to all the cultural issues that we have, we should be proud of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a thoughtful holiday, a time out to give thanks for all the blessings we have. Today when our culture is synonymous with take-out cheeseburgers, texting on smartphones and stalled out highway traffic we should be proud that way back at our country’s dawn our ideological ancestors began such a wonderful and thoughtful tradition.

Thirdly, Thanksgiving is all about food! Yum, yum, yum. I can’t decide what I like best—turkey, my Spinach Madeline, my sister in law’s sweet potato soufflé or my mother-in-law’s German stuffing with all the bacon. Thanksgiving is all about food. It is a holiday that centers around the harvest table. That is especially poignant for those of us who eat locally and seasonally. Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for all we have in life, yes, but specifically that sentiment grew from one group’s thankfulness over an adequate harvest. We take having enough food for granted so much these days that it is easy to forget why our forefather’s were so thankful and why the holiday is all about food in the first place. And I do love that it is tradition to eat seasonally even if just for the one day. Many different ethnicities across the country give Thanksgiving their own twist, but most still serve a turkey and some sides that are typical to the Northeastern US, where the first Thanksgiving began. Perhaps a meal of root vegetables and gourds defeats the purpose if you live in say, the Southwest, but that is what makes this Holiday great. You can adapt the food without losing the essence of the holiday itself.

And lastly, I really really like that in the last several years in my current job, my office has been closed on Black Friday. I like being able to enjoy the four day weekend with friends and family. I like that I do not have to go into a mall on the day of the year known for long lines and crazy shopper behavior. Though I must say, during my years in retail management, there was a special energy to working Black Friday that was *almost* fun. And even during those years I always liked that the feeling of Thanksgiving permeated the whole four day weekend, even if you had to work.

So tonight as I type (it is Sunday evening as I type this), I am a bit melancholy for the long Thanksgiving weekend to end. It comes but once a year. We are off onto the frenzy of Christmas. And while the underlying message of Christmas is similar to Thanksgiving, Christmas has been painted up with commercialism. So until next year, here is to giving thanks for all the blessings of this life. I am especially thankful for my family and my children because they are wonderful people whom I love, my job because they are like a second family to me and my home because it is warm, inviting and safe. I am also eternally thankful that God guides me every day to where I need to be in order to do good things and live a better life. That is the kind of good fortune that makes me deeply thankful. And of course, I am also very thankful for my new glittery ballet flats. I mean, all work and no play makes Christa a dull girl. (It really does.)

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

11 Things I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me Before I Had Children

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 08:00:00 +0000

Having kids has been the best thing I have ever done with my life. It has also been the most time consuming, the most patience-testing, the most expensive and the most trying thing I have ever done with my life. My children are so active that sometimes I wonder if it is just us? I also wonder how people decide to have more than two kids. I also wonder why my boss doesn't give me a medal some days just for showing up.

I got tons of advice before I had children. None of it was any newsflash. And none of it helped me to prepare for actually having children. Here are the ten things I wish people WOULD have told me prior to having children.

1-You will never again sleep past 8 o'clock without some prior planning and or tag teaming. DH and I have designated sleep in days. He gets Saturday and I get Sunday. But for almost three years we hadn't figured that nugget out and when the kids got up we both got up. We are regular geniuses, eh?

2-Just because you put your kids to bed late does NOT mean that they will wake up late. I have put my kids to bed at ten PM only to have them still awake at 6:30. And you know what happens next right? Crankypants kids. Sometimes it takes two days for them to catch up on one late night. Boy, that sure is a motivator for turning in early.

3-You *might* never wear a bikini again. My mother-in-law loves to remind me that she wore a bikini until she was almost fifty and she bore four kids. Yes you heard that right. And I saw the pictures and she was pretty smokin' in that bikini. I always thought that wearing a bikini was up to the person. If you were motivated to wear a bikini then you worked out and watched what you ate and you could look fabulous. You can do anything that you put your mind to!! Sorry, no go. Having children is like rolling the sexy-dice, you might go back looking like your old self or you might end up disfigured and with stretch marks. I, gentle friends, am the latter. Thing 2 was so large that I stretched quite badly even though I did everything right. And because I have a relatively small frame but bore this massive man-child, my stomach now looks like someone has let the air out of it. So even though I still fit into my now 12-year-old bikinis, seeing me on a beach or community pool actually wearing one of them would be a not-good idea. 'She sure can clear a pool' is not a compliment.

4-One-piece swimsuits never look as good as the two-pieces. Now that I pretty much wear one pieces all the time, I must tell you, designers throw together their one piece designs after all the sexy two pieces are out of the way. And for a long waisted girl like me, I have to buy a size 10 or 12 just to get them to be long enough. Then the arm holes are too big or the leg holes stretch up super high resulting in a wedgie every time I take a step. Seriously? I am ready to leave the beach and put my shorts back on.

5-All the furniture that you own will be destroyed. I understood, babies mean baby-proofing. So I placed my grandmother's delicate and cherished Lladro figurines in the china cabinet out of reach. But I can't put the couch in the china cabinet. Can I? We got a lovely but not terribly expensive coffee table just before I got preggers with Thing 1. Today it has a warped panel from spilled milk and dozens of tiny teeth marks from when Thing 2 was teething. Our couch also wasn't super fancy, but we bought it new five years ago and didn't shop the sales. It now sags in the middle has huge rips in the fabric. And that doesn't even mention all the times one kid or another has peed on it. Yeah-you totally want to come over to my house don't you?

6-Baby gear has a two-kid life time. My heart bleeds for a third baby. But I do NOT think that will be happening unless we somehow hit the big time. Besides the obvious, needing a bigger apartment and car, we have nothing left from when Thing 1 was a baby. All of the gear we bought broke while Thing 2 was using it. The swing, the bouncy seat, the toys, the clothes, the high chair, the spoons and forks, you name it, it broke. So I get it. That third kid is an expensive endeavor making a fourth kid almost necessary to justify the expense. On the flip side, throwing away broken stuff has been far easier than throwing away treasured baby things that we no longer need. It isn't like I have the room to store all those treasured memories anyway.

7-You will never again have trouble falling asleep. Not much to say about that. When I finally get to sleep, I go to sleep. None of this tossing and turning bullshit.

8-Your boobs will not necessarily stay big. In fact they probably will shrink. My mother always told me that after she had kids her boobs stayed bigger than they were beforehand. I was ready for this!!! I am one of the founding members of the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Comittee, so this was one thing I was really hoping for after having children. However, I lost quite a bit of weight after having kids, more than I had gained in pregnancy. So my story isn't exactly like my mother's. In fact I found myself in Macy's eight or so months after Thing 1 was born saying to the sales woman 'My bras just aren't fitting right anymore.' She took one look at me and told me my problem, I was actually an A cup. Do you know that they don't make a whole lot of A cup bras? Fast forward to just a few months ago. I went to Bloomingdale's. I knew to ask for help since there were likely 5 bras in the whole store that would fit me. The woman measured me and asked me 'Have you ever considered trying petite bras?' I said 'Why would I? I am almost 5'8".' The ending of that story? Companies do make double A petite bras and almost no one stocks that size. Being me is so awesome, isn't it?

9-The terrible twos aren't the end of the story. The threes are pretty terrible too and even four can have its moments. I waited for Thing 1's third birthday singing a song about happy times are here again. And I discovered that three is worse that two. When your kids are two, they melt down over everything. And it is easy not to get sucked into their irrational spiral. You step over them writhing on the floor and wait for them to get over their tantrum. At three the tantrums become physical. They want candy, you say no, they run to the pantry and start climbing up the shelves in the cabinet. At four they give you three reasons why you should give them candy AND they ask nicely and when you still say no they go for broke screaming at the top of their lungs. Can someone please tell me that five is better? Six? I am ready for anything these days.

10-Nothing will ever be perfect. The only advice I ever give new or expecting parents is 'Never say never'. It is not a call to abandon principles but rather a reminder that sometimes when faced with difficult or stressful situations, you might make different choices than when you are still pregnant, calm and well rested. I never thought I would allow my kids to watch TV during dinner or get what they want after a tantrum, but every day is different and every situation is different. While a child can make a habit in just three or four days, many times that habit can also be broken in three or four days too.

11-Kids don't learn anything the first time you teach them something new. Okay, that might not be entirely true. But I think what it really means is that it takes kids longer than one time to learn anything. So don't stress if they don't learn right away or maybe you didn't explain it right the first time. It doesn't matter because you will get another chance to teach them again. And I am not talking about building block towers or writing the letter B, I am talking about being kind to friends, telling the truth and always doing your best. These are lessons that take years to learn, so get ready to teach them....over and over and over again.

Halloween Candy Cookies

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 08:00:00 +0000

So....for any of you guys out there who think I am an evil nasty mommy who has robbed her kids of an endless gorging of candy on Halloween, I think I have struck a balance with the kiddos.

Thing 2 had no idea what was going on with Halloween. He just liked dressing up and staying out late. He loved eating the candy, but had no idea why people were giving it to him and when the night was finished he had no concept of how much loot he had gotten. Thing 1 understands the concept now. So you can't just take the candy away from him. I agree, taking away somthing precious from your child, even if it isn't good for them, is a good way to break trust with your kid. If you want to wrestle the candy out of their tightly closed sweaty palms, you have to win them over with rational thought, or style, or both.

Last weekend I took all the chocolate bars from their big bag of candy and make Halloween Candy Cookies. My thinking was that in cookie form the kids could see that candy had some uses other than just fast joyless consumption. Also, I figured that with some whole grains and pastured butter, all that sugar would be in better company. Plus, some fat and fiber would slow the absorption of the sugar down, making for less crazy children. I don't know about you, but my kids are crazy after having candy, they fight and crab, you name it.

I made just the Toll House cookie recipe which I think is just the bees' knees. Of course, I made some changes, I used Organic Valley's Pastured Butter. I also used 100% whole wheat flour instead of white and I used rapadura instead of the white sugar. Since it has been a week, I can't remember, but I think I used one cup of rapadura instead of the one and a half cups of white sugar that the original recipe calls for. If you are having trouble finding rapadura, it is sold by a company called Rapunzel under a slightly different name. You can find it at Whole Foods, but Tropical Traditions does sell it. I have identified it as a product I love. You can find a like to Tropical Traditions in my side bar. And of course I used chopped up candy bars instead of chocolate chips. The changes made for a slightly less sweet cookie. But now that we are accustomed to eating 100% whole wheat flour, I had no issues with that.

I made the cookies while Thing 2 and DH were passed out for an afternoon nap. Thing 1 helped. I gave him a dinner knife and let him cut up some of the candy. I also let him mix the butter and shape some of the balls. We had a good time together. And having him help was crucial to this. He got to sample some of the candy before it went in the batter. He got to see what I was doing with all the candy. And at the end, he got cookies warm from the oven. Not a half bad deal. And by the way, the cookies with the Butterfinger pieces were so good that I am considering an entire Butterfinger batch at some point.

So you see, I wasn't just planning on rudely snatching my kids Halloween candy away from them. I wanted them to be a part of the life cycle of that candy. Thing 1 hasn't asked for any candy since we made the cookies. And there still was more left, just all the non-chocolate pieces. He was really into eating the cookies themselves. The holiday is officially over and I have to give my kids credit. They indulged the night of Halloween and for the week or so after they had one or two pieces a night. They didn't fall on the ground and tantrum for more. They earned their candy by eating good healthy balanced dinners. Maybe they are learning to put sugar in perspective after all? Still, next year I imagine I will forget this moment of sanity and give a few stern lectures over the evils of sugar. We are not perfect, after all.

Enjoy!

When I Stopped Eating

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 08:00:00 +0000

Friday's post brought up alot of emotion in me. The emotion was in part from defending myself and in part from some self conscious concern over whether all my interactions with my kids have been positive. I want my desire to eat healthy to be just that, healthy eating. I DO NOT want this journey to be just another type-A orthorexic hissy fit. The whole point is to heal what we eat and how we eat, not to be excessively controlling and evangelistic.

After writing Friday's post, I thought maybe it was time to tell you all about where I have been and how eating real food has changed my outlook. I touch on it a little in my very poorly formatted first post. But I suppose I need to go into more depth. I spent much of my early childhood overeating. I especially loved junk! Fritos and potato chips, Dr Pepper and cookies, you name it, I loved it. Down South, Fried is just the fifth food group and I took any chance I got to eat anything that was deep-fried.

I began to struggle with my weight around age 10. I was a heavier kid just because I liked to eat alot. I got a few glances from people over my food choices at times. But my parents generally stayed quiet. They had some mild food limits (no more than three cookies at a time) but it was nothing excessive. I do not know if that was because they saw nothing wrong with my eating or if they didn't know how to tell me that I was overdoing it. Also, parents are routinely encouraged not to chide a child for their eating habits since often kids do eat more to prepare for growths spurts. Perhaps my parents didn't realize how much junk we were eating during that time in our lives. Whatever the reason for their silence, I packed on a few pounds because of the choices I was making.

I never really was FAT. To say I was fat would be an insult to those who really struggle with their health and diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure among many other things. I actually was preparing for a growth spurt in 1992(she says laughing)but it was a growth spurt three years in the making. AND I prepped for it by drinking Dr Pepper and eating Cool Ranch Doritos. And yes, people noticed. And yes, people told me what they thought about me. I hated junior high school. If you were to ask me what my darkest days were, I would say 91-93 without a doubt. 7th and 8th grade, where social competition is cut throat and the playing field isn't even thanks to the different players' biological schedules. Some girls look more like women, whereas I looked more like a child. Words like 'fat' or 'ugly' from my peers left me unable to defend myself. And if I had only been able to shut my mouth and not fight back so loudly I probably would have been better off. But I played into the game unwittingly and made my own plight worse by boiling over with anger. I have never been a shrinking violet. Still, it always came back to weight, self worth equaled weight. And If only I could eat less!! Less was the only answer. But hunger would always return, and eating felt good. And no one was telling me to stop.

My parents seemed pretty unaware or perhaps just unsure of what to do with this riled up emotional little girl. All the turmoil at school seemed to go unnoticed. I found out in March of 1993 why they seemed so preoccupied. Divorce.

My parents began divorce proceedings when I was 13. It was a hit during an already difficult time. My parents divorce forced another character trait in me to the surface, determination. Stressed from all the upheaval and change, survival kicked in. In order to cope with the stress, I threw myself into school and extra-curricular activities. Thanks to non-stop work, I received better grades during the spring of 1993 than I would ever see again in my school career. I got straight A’s during the period right after my parents separated. Until that point in my life I never knew that I reacted to extreme stress by working harder. I find I still do so today.

I started high school in the fall of 1993, which was a better environment. In a new school of 2000 kids there were more groups of friends to find, there was more distance and more opportunity for me to find my own voice without the ghosts of past mistakes to haunt me. I discreetly slipped away from the friends I had had the previous years. My parents continued to argue about their separation and how to handle it. In the state of Tennessee there is a year waiting period between the time that you file for divorce and when things become finalized. I suppose the thought was, to some conservative southern law makers, that a waiting period would give hot headed couples a chance to reconcile. But all it did for my family was put off the inevitable and delay the healing process. We were all on hold for an entire year.

Meanwhile I was still obsessed with food, and the nation as a whole was too! So much new research was coming out showing a correlation between fat and well being FAT. Low fat everything was available! Low fat cookies, low fat ice cream, yogurt, fanciful food science concoctions! Everyone was talking about low fat everything. Soda was even okay because there was no fat!

But I was on the sidelines of the low fat debate with a different motivation. While my parents and friends weren't looking, I took a brief hiatus from eating.

In the Fall of 1993 I simply stopped eating meals where no one was watching me.
It started the week before school began that August. It wasn’t a conscious decision, or one that I toyed around with. I was about to start high-school and with my parents’ divorce proceedings taking up so much time and energy, I started to have a lot more alone time. I remember toying with the idea of eating less. Then one day I got the urge to bake lemon poppy seed muffins, of all things. When they were done, I began to eat one and I suddenly felt so full. I felt disgusted that I was eating when I was already full, stuffing my face like a pig. I looked at the muffin, and I thought, ‘what would happen if I just didn’t eat this food?’ Would the earth begin to crumble if I wasted one morsel? Could I possibly say no to this tender combination of white flour and white sugar? I threw the muffin in the garbage and it began.

As school got underway I experimented further with not eating. I was unsupervised during breakfast, so instead of eating a full breakfast, I had a slice of bread. Then after some time, I cut the slice in half. But I didn't want to draw attention to myself, so I would throw away the other half slice. I would have my half a slice of bread with a glass of water at 6am, then get ready for the day. Some days I could skip lunch. But being at school you are never alone, so most days I would eat some small sandwich or lettuce that I had packed from home because someone was around, but no chips. And I eliminated snacks completely. Those snacks which had once been Fritos and Velveeta cheese and potato chips and cookies now completely disappeared. I remember being hungry, but not like before. Once I stopped eating the hunger went away. Furthermore, my heart was hurting so much from the stress at home that I wasn’t interested in enjoying food. It was easy for me to cut out that once loved sensory experience. In my mind I reduced food to a caloric experience. I knew I wanted to lose weight, and so I rationally ate less.

But I didn’t stop eating completely. Dinner was supervised, so I would have to eat a normal meal. Weekends were largely supervised, so I would generally cut myself some slack. But I wouldn’t allow myself seconds or foods deemed fattening. And snacks were still out of the question. I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I didn't want anyone to catch onto me for fear that I would be spoken too. I knew that what I was doing was not healthy. I had heard about Anorexia, though I know now that I was far from it. And the last thing I wanted to hear was that I needed to wait out some stupid assumed growth spurt. No one was going to tell me that I had to eat! This was my body and I was damn well going to do with it what I wanted!! Besides what other options did I have? The only nutrition information I was getting in school was the grain heavy USDA Nutritional Pyramid and a stern lecture about not eating potato chips and cake. I didn’t need to be told what NOT to eat. I needed someone to tell me what TO eat!

I was smart, I was determined and I could out-think many people. As long as I was chipper and upbeat, no one thought any differently about my losing weight. My mother was never the wiser. She was too wrapped up in her own Prozac cloud to worry about 10 or 15 lost pounds in her daughter. In fact eventually she did notice that I was looking slimmer and she was proud of me. I even remember her saying to me that she had been right all along, I was going through a growth spurt and the extra weight was just going away. She never knew about the mornings at 6 am in the dark house where I stared down that half a piece of bread to give me all of it secrets with none of its evil. I was convinced that food was evil. Its only purpose was to make me unhappy and overweight.

But suddenly, as I was growing inches taller and shedding pounds, everyone seemed to approach me differently. No one was rude to me any longer. Many of the people who had once taunted me in such a cruel way faded into the background, no doubt moving onto easier prey. In my hunger I found strength. I found will. I found control. At this point in my life, being thin was about being in control and having dominion over all my actions. Unfortunately, all of my focus was about eating LESS. The focus was never on WHAT I was eating, always how much. Of course I ate more lettuce and celery, the diet foods of the time. But I knew precisely nothing about vitamins and nutrients, so all food was to be feared. Especially fat. I meditated a lot on gluttony during this period in my life, as though thin people were somehow morally in control of themselves while overweight people were sinners. Which is of course not true. Still, the process of losing weight, looking differently and living in this new unfamiliar and newly beautiful body was fantastic. Of course I loved the new way people treated me. I loved seeing how boys treated me differently. I began to see myself differently.

But do you know what inadvertently happened? My self-worth now became tied to my body. As long as I was thin I believed that that was what people liked about me. My personality, heart and mind were just accompanying the real deal, a slim figure. I did of course want people to discover the 'real me'. But I assumed that no one ever would want the inside me without the outside package. That's how it worked right? That was what other people valued right? Never mind that I never judged my own dear friends on anything but their good hearts and intentions. I had an impossible double standard going on in my mind. One set of standards where other people's value was measured in their goodness and the kindness of their actions and my own value which was largely measured by my outward appearance and whether I could keep my hunger in check and weight in line. This warped viewpoint continued for at least a decade until I met my wonderful husband.

I have not experienced a similar period of non-eating in my adult life. There have been very stressful times, like after my mother's death, that I have been unable to eat normally. But never where I specifically stopped eating to lose weight. More so in my adult life I have struggled with my inability to stop eating. Before I eliminated processed foods, I was hungry all the time. I snacked often and bought tons of what I now consider to be junk. Saying no to a bowl full of office candy was nearly impossible.

The only thing that has helped my relationship with food has been the real food mentality. When I identified all the non-food ingredients in processed food, I found it much easier to say no. Then when I started eating more fat, more fiber, far more vegetables and fewer grains, I found I was no longer hungry. I don't snack all that often now. And when I do I know that it is because I didn't eat enough lunch, or because I am bored at work (yes, everyone snacks because they are bored). I am finally in control, not the food. My food mentality is not just about what needed to be eliminated from my diet, but what needed to be added. In fact I would say that what we have added to our diet have been more influential than what we have taken away. Maybe because all that junk we always ate wasn't giving us the nutrients we needed. Now that we are so full of good food we don't want any of the junk. Whatever it is, I finally feel like I can say no to an Entenmann's cake or even a snickers bar. All that junk just isn't...good enough for me anymore.

This post is shared with Fat Tuesday, Simple Lives Thursdays and Fight Back Fridays

How Do You Talk To Your Kids About Food Without Making Them Crazy?

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 07:00:00 +0000

I appreciate all of my readers comments. That isn't just lip service. A 'way to go' does alot to brighten my day. And I rarely counter a negative comment because if someone is motivated to tell me off then they probably had a pretty good reason. As a blogger (and intelligent human being), it is my responsibility to be open to listen. We can all grow and learn from constructive criticism.

Last week I posted about a conversation I had had with Thing 1 on junk food. The conversation was precious because he freely shared information with me, which I always love. And because he was in such a sharing mood, I asked a few questions that I thought were harmless. And Thing 1 answered them happily. I received several interesting comments which gave me some perspective on our family's struggle with the omnipresent junk food monster. And then, I received this comment:

"Honestly, anything that is preceded: "Because it's OK if you did...you can tell me" is a TRAP! This is true in marriage, parenting, etc- not that it isn't OK for them to tell you, but obviously there will be consequences if the asker does not receive the answer they want.

I mean, he's what- three? Four? How many times a day, for how many days of his life, are you going to make what he eats an issue? If it were me, I would learn to lie just to avoid another barrage of questions. He may end up feeling paranoid with how insistent you are to know what he's putting in his mouth 24-7- and hey, it's your prerogative as a parent.

But since you're asking for feedback, I will tell you that I think you are setting your kid up to hide candy bar wrappers in old shoe boxes in his closet because he doesn't want to disappoint you.

Lay off a little bit...You can be an advocate for your children to eat healthy food, but sometimes when you try too hard to push them into a mold (even for good, solid reasons- like health) you end up getting the opposite reaction because, well, you'll end up coming off as obnoxious. I don't think I'd want to be asked about ANYTHING when I come home from a long day as much you've asked him about his food in the above conversation. By saying "It's OK if you did" and then asking 20 follow-up questions about what he ate suggests to him that his initial answer wasn't satisfactory to you and he's obviously trying to avoid the subject by "looking off into space"- this is learned behavior that is supposed to signal, "Jeez lady, drop the darn food thing already..." "

Well then. Okay. I kept the comment in my inbox for several days. I reread it a few times to soak in the author's intentions and perspective. I think there are some valid points to be had here. First and foremost, trusting your child and involving him in family decisions is paramount to building a strong relationship with him. Also, pushing a child into a tight mold doesn't always work and can strain one's relationship with their child and possibly even eventually alienate him from you in adulthood. Wasn't that the overarching message of Tiger Mom?

But one other point in this comment leaves me frustrated. The very idea that eliminating or at all limiting junk food from my child's diet would drive a wedge between my child and I is completely preposterous. I write this blog to share my experiences with other parents who have similar beliefs and share information that supports my beliefs. And what I have found is that there are many many other parents searching for the same thing, a safe food environment for their kids. Our food Nirvana is one without food coloring, chemical preservatives and excessive sugar. I want to give my kids good food, and in writing this blog I have connected with other parents who want to do the same. Isn't that what a blog IS? In spite of the shortness of the junk food conversation with Thing 1, if my strong relationship with my child hasn't come through in the post then I have to assume that my writing was sub-par. I admit this particular article was hastily written. I take full responsibility.

But the commenter brings up a good point on which I have been meaning to touch. Does talking to your kids about healthy food versus unhealthy food create anxiety in your child? Will this dialogue lead to eating disorders like hoarding, binging and even anorexia?

Dietitians and nutritionists LOVE to tell us not to label foods healthy or unhealthy for fear that the general public will not be able to cope with our guilt when we do indulge. Pediatric nutritionists also sound the warning call about creating anorexia and bulimia in our children. But at their core, eating disorders are anxiety disorders. In certain cases, I can imagine the extremely high standards of perfectionist parents can create anxiety in a child. I have seen it happen and I imagine you have also. Especially when there is more than one area of a child's life where perfection is expected like food, academics and sports. All the stress to perform can manifest in a food related anxiety disorder like anorexia. But often the food itself is just the tool of the anxiety. In the fascinating book Drinking A Love Story, Caroline Knapp writes of only sober period as the year when she traded alcoholism for anorexia. For a time starving herself was her way of coping. Once she started abusing alcohol as a coping mechanism again, the anorexia was no longer needed and disappeared. The topic of anorexia is complex, it goes way beyond a fear of food and often incorporates fear, anxiety and control issues. Anorexia often surfaces in a young person who feels powerless. One's diet is something over which one can execute considerable control.

Telling your four year old that potato chips are junk will not create anorexia in you child. Such a statement would be a trite insult to those suffering with such a debilitating disorder. Furthermore, placing limits on junk food will also not cause binging and hoarding. And if you explain yourself, as parents should in order to teach their children, your children can begin to understand WHY you might choose to limit junk food.

Of course intention is key, telling your child that junk food is unhealthy for them is a very different message than junk food makes you fat and it is bad to be fat. It is also different than constantly berating them or cruelly reminding them that junk food is unhealthy. Be sure, my conversations with my kids are occasional and center around feeling strong, growing tall, managing their hunger and having energy. I don't tell my kids that it is bad to be fat, every child carries weight differently as they move in and out of growth spurts. And weight or appearance is something over which a child has very little control. Inferring that a child would be unlovable if they were overweight might indeed create anxiety in said child. I would love my kids desperately no matter what they looked like.

In fact I believe that if you are eating real food, your body will do what it needs to do to and be what it needs to be. Eating real food and not processed garbage has gone a long way toward helping me to accept my own body. Eating real food has also helped me not fall to pieces when I indulge in cake or potato chips. Truly, a piece of cake can be part of a nourishing and healthy diet, but in order to say that first you have to have a truly nourishing and healthy diet. I don't advocate perfection. And anyone reading this blog for any length of time has seen me post about my family's lack of perfection.

In light of that comment I wrote The Grinch That Stole Halloween and tried to clearly articulate all of the above. I wanted to communicate that the holiday was fun, that we were excited to participate and even have some candy! But that I had issues with the focus of the holiday being JUST candy and gluttony. That is like Christmas just being about the presents, and most people seem to agree that there is more to Christmas than presents. Remember too that Halloween was a precursor to All Saints Day where we remember the saints who have all passed on. It is a time of year to honor the dead. Born out of an older pagan ritual, people would dress up in costumes the night before so that the awoken spirits would not recognize them. And so that they could do mean things to others with impunity. The candy thing is a modern alteration.

Then I got this comment...

"Between your interrogation of your four about what he eats everyday, and this trick or treating thing...I have to conclude that I am extremely happy you aren't my mom! Aren't there better, greater things to worry about than if your kid eats a few Butterfingers one day a year? Your house sounds like no fun."

Okay. The first comment I took to heart. I thought it was important that I truly examine my interactions with my children when it comes to food. Also I would hate to alienate a regular reader, I value you guys. But after the second comment...well...I had to ask myself does this person even regularly read my blog? This is a non-processed food blog. It is a blog about feeding one's kids REAL food, not convenience foods. It is a blog about challenging the accepted notion that we should gorge on sugar and fat whenever we get the chance. Has this person read any of the other stuff I have written against sugar? See here and here and here--those links are ALL different.

Seriously, if you can't imagine giving up candy, I have to question what you are eating. Candy tastes terrible. My homemade pizza, creamy sausage pasta, marinated steak, buttery mashed potatoes, crispy pork tacos in homemade tortillas and homemade maple granola all taste better than the crappy Kraft caramel I had this week that had a grainy texture and flat flavor.

What about Allergenic kids? Do they grow up angry with their parents because they cannot eat peanuts, gluten or whatever they are allergic to? What about children brought up as Kosher? Do they feel like their parents have deprived them of pork and shellfish? What about them? Is there a greater risk of binging and hoarding among those kids? No. Because they are given a logical reason why they cannot eat those foods. My kids can choose as adults if they want to follow this way of life or not. It will be there choice at that point.

All I am saying is that I am giving my kids real reasons why we eat this way. We embrace fat because we understand that it is important in appetite control, proper cell function and even brain function. We eat pastured animals because they are healthier, resulting in meat that is higher in Omega-3's which are heart healthy, as opposed to CAFO meat which are higher in Omega-6's. We avoid sugar because it is implicated in cancer and heart disease, obesity and Diabetes, degenerative diseases. Hell, sugar is even implicated in Restless Leg Syndrome.

My kids NEED to know about food. It is not some little part of our lives. So they get fewer lollipops growing up than I did. Why is that important? Our children's generation is the first in the history of our nation to have a shorter life expectancy than their parents. I damn well better be doing SOMETHING to help my children have a healthy life with food and without sugar, or else I can't say I have done all I can as a parent. This isn't about weight or looks, it is about health.

And lastly, comments like this do alot to intimidate us as healthy parents into not speaking our minds about the way that we raise our kids. And I for one will NOT be intimidated into raising a child that eats the Standard American Diet. If you don't like what I am feeding my kids, you can go read someone else's blog.

This post is shared with Fight Back Fridays and Fat Tuesday and Simple Lives Thursdays

100% Pure Giveaway Winner!!

noreply@blogger.com (COB) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:48:00 +0000

Better late than never right?! For the record I did look at the comments yesterday and I went to Random.org to choose the winner. But I just didn't get it posted. We got swamped with work and Halloween proceedings. Fortunately for the boys they got lots of candy and treats and they enjoyed them all!! Fortunately for mommy they ate some scrambled eggs before bed to settle their tummies.

And on a side note, if your child ever bites on a glow stick, cracking it open and swallowing some of the liquid, don't freak out. Poison Control says it happens all the time. A little extra water (and a pull up) is all they need.

But without further ado.... The winner of the $25 100% Pure giftcard is D. Lynn!!! Please email me at thetableofpromise(at)yahoo(dot)com. I will get you in touch with the right people.

Again, a heartfelt thanks to Karley Zigler Mott and the great folks at Alex and Von for sponsoring the giveaway! Even if you didn't win, definitely go to their website and see what they are offering. 100% Pure is completely free of yuckies and the products perform very well! They are great for me, a mom with high natural ideals who needs to look good and doesn't have time for products that don't work. I love this stuff!!

Thanks for entering and Enjoy!!