The Tales of Snickie, Honey, Bear and Puddles

I don't like being a Mom

2010-07-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

I love my kids, absolutely, and I love being THEIR Mom. But I don't like being A mom. It's the most stressed I have ever been, and I know it is never really going to go away, because I am always going to worry about my kids, even when their fine. But especially worry when they start doing stupid things like Bear has been doing. I am scared that one day she is going to do something that is going to get herself or her sister seriously hurt or even killed. Bear has been taking her mattress off her bed. For some reason it slides really easily off the bed when you push it, and she knows it. So she pushes until it is halfway off the bed and then comes and tells me her bed is "broken". Yesterday she got herself stuck under the mattress. Fortunately it was just her legs that got stuck under it so she was still able to scream for help. Here's the thing, she can PUSH the mattress, but only until it falls off the box springs. She can't lift it. So I told her when Daddy got home he was taking her big girl bed away because she is not responsible enough to have a big girl bed yet. So when Keith got home he started taking the bed apart. The headboard is a bookcase headboard and is pretty heavy. While Honey was moving the rails and box springs out, the girls went into the bedroom and Bear started playing with the headboard, knocking it over. All I heard was screams and "My sissy!!!!" and I ran into the room to find Bear screaming and the headboard lying on the floor, Puddles chubby legs sticking out from underneath it. She didn't make a sound until I lifted the headboard off of her and she jumped up and started screaming and crying. They are both fine, zero injuries to speak of, but I am losing my mind.

That bed is going in the garage sale this weekend. I don't want to see it ever again.

Can't sleep...

2010-07-18T23:23:00.000-07:00

I know, haven't been on here in forever. But I can't sleep and so here I am.

So the reason for my insomnia is that I watched a wedding show on one of those style channels, or something like it, anyway.. this wedding planner comes in and makes changes to a wedding and adds some more class to it, at least that is what this episode was about. The bride wanted to wear cowboy boots with purple flowers and have a beer and bbq at the reception, the wedding planner came in and made things a bit more classy, not taking away what she wanted but just classed it up a bit.

Anyway, it got the wheels in my brain turning because in about 2 years (for our 10th anniversary) Honey and I have talked about renewing our vows. Our wedding was nice, but it wasn't what I (or we) wanted. I kinda let other people take over a little too much. So anyway, Honey mentioned tonight that he also thought our wedding could have been a bit "classier" to which I have ALWAYS agreed. The guy on the show was talking about have the wedding fit the couple. Our wedding certainly did not fit us. For example on the show the bride was looking at wedding cakes and there was a really beatiful cake fashioned in a glam/western style with a silver diamond crusted cowboy belt, which I thought I would be the cake the bride chose, she didn't, she said she loved it, but it wasn't her. She liked another cake with a fresh flower floral arrangement, but actually the planner chose a third, which best fit the wedding overall, and it really did work best for the couple and their wedding. Our wedding cake, was several tiers high with a fountain. Very 80's-ish for a wedding in 2002. But my mom made it... she bakes cakes, it would have looked bad for everyone in town to have her make their cakes but her own daughter goes elsewhere? Of course she made the cake. And my wedding dress, didn't feel like a bride in it, I HATED that dress.

Anyway, (did I tell you I was distracted and my brain isn't shutting off? Yeah, this is why) so after thinking about ALL of that I started thinking that when Honey and I renew our vows, I should probably have a wedding planners help. But I would have to tell them a lot about us so they could help us out because I don't have a really good idea of what I want. But after thinking some more I decided I needed to blog. So...

For starters, our colors for our wedding were green and yellow, and the time I was really into yellow roses. Now, I would go with a dark purple and saphire blue, with silver and white as accent color. Those colors have meaning, purple is Honey's favorite color, mine is dark blue, particularly saphire AND they are the colors of our birthstone, mine is purple, his is blue. I can picture those two coors in a floral arrangement, with something like a painted daisy. Daisies, because in our favorite movie "You've got mail" One of the best lines is something like "don't you think daisies are such a friendly flower?"Another thing abut You've Got Mail, that's how we met, online.

And we both LOVE movies. I have kept every movie ticket stub of every movie we have ever been to together. Which got me thinking of a line from another movie, "I hate big weddings, everybody staring. I'd like to get married on a weekday while everybody is at work." I heard this and it's like Julia Roberts had taken my exact feelings about weddings and being a bride and put them into words. I HATE big weddings. Not other couple's big weddings, but I wouldn't want a big wedding, and for the simple reason that I don't want all those people staring at me. I don't like to be the center of attention. I'm not one who really wants that spotlight on me. And of course, our wedding, had almost 200 people in attendance, granted most of that was family. But Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, neighbors, friends of my parents, I could do without them all in attendance.

Anyway, seems like I keep going back to movie quotes and we do love movies. I have been thinking for a few years about a venue for renewing our vows. Not sure if it would even be possible but I think it would be cool to have it in an old movie theater or even an old drive in movie, and even better if instead of dancing (we don't really dance) we watched a movie, I wonder if we could find a copy of you've got mail that we could play at a drive in? Wouldn't it be cool if we could somehow incorporate that into "our day" Oh the other thing we love is music, not dancing to it necessarily but singing along, and not karaoke, that whole "spotlight" thing again.

Anyway, for me the most important thing, is wearing something that I feel beautiful in, and having my husband SEE me in the damn thing. Yes, when I walked down the isle, our wedding was outdoors and they had him turn away while the bridesmaids came down the isle, he didn't turn back around until I was almost 3 feet from him. Had things happened the way I wanted, we would have done pictures before the wedding and chosen a special spot for us to meet on our wedding day prior to the ceremony for pictures. When we renew our vows, I don't want to walk TO him, I want to walk WITH him. And I want that first meet to already be done in private, with a photographer of course.

Ok, see what I meant, I couldn't shut my brain off but I think I am finally done for the night and ready to revisit this at another time. Right now it's off to bed before my head fills up with thoughts again.

i heart faces

2010-02-23T09:19:00.000-08:00

So at the last minute I am entering a photo contest at i heart faces .
I have been waiting and waiting for them to do a photo of hands. This photo was taken when Bear was about 5 months old and came out to Oregon for a visit. We took her to the beach which is where we did our first family photos, but because we couldn't share her pictures online because she was still a foster child, we came up with the alternative family photo to share on our facebook/myspace/family webpages.

Happy Birthday to me!

2010-02-19T13:07:00.000-08:00

Today is my 2-shmevinth birthday! Yay me! I made it another year.

It's going to be spent at home, with my hubby and kiddos. Cake, ice cream, presents and the people I love most. :) Tomorrow we are getting a sitter and have a post Valentine's Day / Birthday celebration planned. Dinner and a movie, and who knows what else ;)

So I have something I have been wanting to share about myself, not necessarily with the blogging world but with people in general, but haven't known quite how to share it. Lately people in my "circle" have been very opinionated, which is great, but they get offended when someone doesn't share that same opinion. So I'd like to set the record straight and let the world know what I think. I wish more people would share their HONEST thoughts and opinions. Agree or disagree, this is just me and what I have discovered about myself in the past 2-shmevin years (in no particular order)...

I love CHOCOLATE!

I am not a morning person.

I don't like to cook.

I do like to bake.

Food tastes better when it's made with love.

Food from a box is easier.

If I see a homeless person on the side of the road begging for money, I give them food.

I also occasionally give them my spare change.

If I see someone one the side of the road whose car has broken down, I'll pull over...

if my husband is with me...

or if they have kids in the car...

unless someone has already stopped to help.

If I witness an accident, or someone being hurt, I always try to help.

My bed has to be made before I can sleep in it.

The Star Spangled Banner makes me cry.

So does God Bless the USA

I am PROUD to be an American.

I believe in miracles.

I believe in a higher power at work.

I believe much of the Bible to be not true.

I also believe there are valuable life lessons that can be learned from it as well.

I believe you CAN be a good person, without being a religious one.

I believe in fate.

I believe in freedom of religion....

My opinion on it's place in schools and politics is complicated.

I am pro-choice.

I enjoy a good debate...

especially when everyone is able to see both sides...

and neither is right or wrong...

we just have separate views and ideas. (agree to disagree)

I think that "Don't ask, don't tell" is wrong...

and promotes hatred.

Marriage should be between ANY TWO PEOPLE who love each other and want to commit themselves to each other for a lifetime.

I believe if you are old enough to serve your country, then you should be old enough to drink.

I believe everyone should be allowed to own a gun.

Unless you do something stupid with it.

I believe that every child who is capable of getting their hands on a gun should know how to use it. How to shoot it, clean, maintain, and know it's proper use, care and storage.

I eat red meat.

But I don't like to hunt.

I do enjoy fishing.

As long as we are fishing for food. For me personally, hooking a fish for sport only to be tossed back is mean.

I like to read.

I can't stand silence.

I believe in ghosts.

I believe in the power of thinking positive...

and the power of prayer.

I've learned not to sweat the small stuff.

And the best gifts are what money CAN'T buy.

You only live once.

Everyone deserves a second chance (or two).

People can change...

not always for the good.

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

You can change your mind, a thousand times.

You can even have a change of heart.

Time Flies!

Especially when you are typing during nap time. I've got a bunch more to say, but I'll have to say it another time.

Some new tales to tell...

2010-02-06T23:36:00.000-08:00

If it wasn't for that whole "fear of speaking in public" thing, I could see myself being a stand up comic, the kind whose jokes are more like real life stories revolving around being a woman, wife and a mom.

On Thursday my kids were brilliantly funny. Not on purpose, cause that's just not as funny as when it happens naturally.

Bear has a habit of climbing on top of her dresser, which in itself is not so funny as it is scary. Her dresser is inside her closet (her closet doesn't have doors) and I had assumed she was climbing on it to get to her clothes on the hangers, since every time I would catch her on her dresser, she would be knocking all of her clothes off of the rod and onto the floor. So on this particular day I decided not to pick them up. Scolded her for climbing on the dresser and left the room. Minutes later I hear Bear shouting "weeeeeee! weeeeeeee! weeeeeeee!"

I snuck back to her room to find her literally swing on the rod. "Mommy I swingin'! It fun, try it Mommy... try!" No more rods in her closet.

Later while Honey was at work and on his break we were texting about... something?... and Puddles was sitting next to me... "Hi... Hi Da.... Hi...."

"Puddly, Mommy is texting, Daddy isn't on the phone."

"HI! Dada... HI!"

"Daddy can't hear you."

She gets her face as close to my phone as possible and starts shouting into the text screen "HELLOOOOOOOOO!!!!! HELLOOOOOOOOOO!!!! DADA!! DADA!!! HELLOOOOOOOO!!!"

I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe.

That night I decide the girls had been pretty good, they deserved a special treat. They love to have breakfast for dinner, so I decided to make chocolate chip pancakes. The girls have had pancakes before (it's Bears favorite) but they've never had chocolate chip. I only had enough chocolate for two, so I served them their special pancakes last. Puddles got hers first, and I was in the kitchen cleaning up when she started eating it. She made a mess of course. Bear freaked out. "Ohh! Sissy no! It's yucky! No! It uckie!! MOOOOOMMMMMMIEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Sissy poop in her pancake and she eated it!!! No sissy YUCK! STOP! It Yucky!!! MOMMY!!!!!"

It tried for a long time to convince her that it really was in fact chocolate. She was absolutely disgusted that I would allow her sister to continue eating her pancake. I showed that she had a chocolate chip pancake too, she was horrified! She made me take a bite of it before she would even touch it. Once she was finally convinced it really was chocolate she was the most grateful child on the planet. "Thank you mommie! i love my pancake wif choclit! Hmm, it's good! Try it? Try it Mommy. It not poop, it chocolate."

Weight Loss Wk #3

2010-01-25T16:26:00.000-08:00

I wasn't even going to post, just pretend last week didn't happen, but I am holding myself accountable. Last week I got on the treadmill once for 7 minutes and walked a little over half a mile. Hey, at least I did better with the meal planning. I planned out our meals and have been really good about portion control, growing up it was "you don't leave the table until you eat everything served to you." I am not passing that one on to my kids. When you are full, it's your body's way of telling you it's time to stop. Still working on that one for myself, old habits are hard to break. But I'm doing better.

Oh, and guess what, I can put my jeans on and off without unbuttoning them. I have a couple pairs that I am constantly pulling back up. No plans for new clothes yet. Or more to the point would be "no money" for new clothes. Fortunately I saved some of my older, smaller sized clothes. Not many, but enough to get by. I can't wait!!

Friend Makin Monday

2010-01-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

I haven't done this in a while. But I think I have enough time this morning to participate.

Visit Amber's Blog for more Friend Makin Monday

The Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window... it looks like rain.

I am thinking.... not much at th moment. my head is kinda empty this monring. It's to early to think.

I am thankful... for getting through the weekend! drama drama drama. Why do I always get pulled into someone elses drama?

I am praying... for patience with Bear. I seem to be all out lately.

I am reading... funny little apps on Facebook, and status updates are all the reading I have time for, and the occasional blog or two. All other reading is to the kids.

I am creating... a plan to get everyone in my house on track, be it sleeping, manners, attitude, health, work or play. I need a plan.

From the kitchen... I have removed everything that has either expired or is unhealthy. With the exception of the cake mix and icing. Birthdays are coming right around the corner.

Around the house... Puddle's is eating breakfast, the laundry timer is beeping, Bear is watch Oso, I am typing, and everything else just sits there.

One of my favorite things... Is the early morning quiet. Something I only get to experience if I am up before Bear, and only enjoyable if I manage to get a good nights sleep.

A few plans for the rest of the week... take Bear to dance, babysitting, babysitting, OH! Date on Sunday, but I guess technically that is next week? Oh well, This week it's something I get to look forward to.

Attitude of a teenager, and she's barely 3 yrs!!

2010-01-22T10:07:00.000-08:00

I love Bear, but after months of major attitude problems that just seem to be getting worse I am really almost out of patience with this girl. And nearly out of ideas as well. We have tried talk, reasoning, redirection, time outs, rewards, just ignoring the bad behavior, and nothing seems to work. The problem is she doesnt seem to do anything we ask her to, and she gets into EVERYTHING. I'm told this is typical 2-3 year old behavior. And I agree, to a point. This is almost excessive. I know she has it in her to behave, she just makes the choice not to. It's something she can control. The last two days have been the most trying, and I am almost out of patience and ideas.

New Job!

2010-01-21T12:06:00.000-08:00

It's a little one, but it's a job. I was able to FINALLY pick up another babysitting job. And I say finally because I have been looking for a babysitting job for about 9 months now. I started watching an adorable baby boy yesterday. Little guy is 10 months old, walking, and just as big as Puddles!

I'm hoping the extra income will pay to put Bear in preschool part time. I think she really needs to interact with kids her age, and I think she is bored with mom and baby sister.

Bring a Friend

2010-01-18T19:37:00.000-08:00

Today was "bring a friend" day at Bears dance class. Of course, being "almost 3" she only has a few friends to choose from. Last week when I asked her who she wanted to bring, she asked if her friend Feena (which is how she says Fiona) could come. I love that my daughters best friends mom has been one of my best friends for years. Both Bear and I have been looking forward to todays class all week. And since Honey had the day off today, he was able to watch Puddles while Bear and I had fun with our friends. The best part is that I was finally able to get some pictures and even a little video of Bear dancing. That's been kinda hard to do when I've had Puddles with me, so I took advantage of being "hands free".

I didn't use my flash because I didn't want to distract her from class, so these are kinda blurry.

Bear learned how to hop today

And you can't see it, but Bear is having a feather wand duel with her classmate.

Learning to point her toes.

The video was taken on a friends camera and I don't have it yet, I'll share when I get it. =)

Weight loss Wk#2

2010-01-17T22:26:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of week #2 in my effort to get fit and healthy. Kind of a bummer week. I did get to the doctor about my leg injury and the good news is it probably will not require surgery after all. I have a perforated vein, which is what is causing the swell when I work out. It's a type of varicose vein, so the only solution is to put compression on it to keep the vein from "flooding" when I exercise. I have the green light to continue exercising as long as I have compression on my leg. I picked up an ace wrap today and tomorrow I'll be able to get back to my work out routine. I was able to get a little time in on the treadmill earlier this week,

I walked 2.25 miles, and burned 363 calories in a total of one hour on the treadmill.

I KNOW next week will be better.

Our Adoption Story Part 14

2010-01-15T00:41:00.000-08:00

When I last left off with our adoption story, I wrote about our first visit with our caseworker to begin our home study. And how anything that COULD go wrong, did.

We'd had pictures up in our living room from our visits with Bear, and some that Bears previous foster family had sent us. B told us to take them down. That we had no business displaying photos of a child that wasn't ours yet. And then when she found out that we had not only met Josie, but that she was with my parents for foster care, AND my mom had gotten permission to bring her out here for a week long visit, the caseworker (B) was livid. She didn't want us meeting Bear or spending any significant amount of time with her until after SHE had decided whether or not we would be the proper fit as her parents. Forget that caseworkers in California, judges, attorneys, and the birth mom had all said they wanted Honey and I to adopt Bear, this caseworker had the final say. And she was not shy about repeating that fact, over and over again, and not just to me and my husband.

I didn't realize how upset she was until the next day. This is a journal entry from September 5th 2007

Holy Hell just broke loose, thanks to Hurricane B! Liz, our adoption caseworker in California just called and wanted to know what was going on out here, and to know if there was something I was upset about. Guess who has been making calls to California today? "Dragon" Lady B!!! After a pretty lengthy conversation, Liz said that B unfortunately does have the final say in this... as far as social services in Oregon is concerned. Even if she denies us we have 60 days to appeal that decision, and it is ultimately up to the judge. The judge is already in our corner, and Liz's recommendation is still for us to adopt Bear. But because we are in Oregon, it complicates things. She said I need to contact my lawyer about all this, and let her know what is going on with the home study. Also let her know that Bear's caseworker "V" has filed for an extension so that the home study can be completed before we go to court. Which means our court date has been postponed. I've been advised (not that I needed to be) to let Keith do the calling when we need to speak with B, and to just keep things low key on my end. Liz said I haven't done anything wrong, but I seem to set B off because I clash with the way she feels things should be done. She seems very set in the old way of doing things, and it has pissed her off to no end that we have met and bonded with Bear. She feels that you do not even set eyes on a child until you are in final adoption proceedings. It does not matter if you are a relative to the child or not. Liz gave me the impression that B practically reprimanded her for the way California has handled things. Which I find almost comical, since Liz is brand new to the case, and the judge has been asking for our Oregon home study since June so that Bear could be placed in our care. Evidently B does not feel that we can afford a child, and that if Bear is placed in our home prior to adoption (foster care) I will not be aloud to continue with my daycare/babysitting job until the adoption is final. In Oregon you are not aloud to do childcare if you have a foster child in your home, without a waiver from your certifier (who happens to be B). We let Liz know that we are a two income family, and my childcare business will allow me to stay home and bond with Bear, as well as provide an income for the family that we can not survive on without. Working outside the home is not an option for us if we want to seriously bond with Bear, nor is it a wise choice financially if we are having to pay for childcare. Liz agrees, and said she'd speak with B on our behalf. She (Liz) should be calling in a week to check on things and to give us the new court date. She said that normally you do not have to walk on eggshells around a caseworker, that we should not be dealing with the things we are having to deal with. But unfortunatley there is not much we can do about it. There is only one other certifier in our county, and she is in the same office as B. Odds are we wouldn't get far in requesting a new certifier. Guess we are just going to have to stick it out until she lets Bear come home.

Honestly looking back, there was a lot of unprofessionalism. B seemed to be on a power trip. You'll see how crazy this lady was in later entries of our story.

Requires Surgery

2010-01-14T08:46:00.000-08:00

Went to the doctor yesterday for my leg injury, and the doctor was very intrigued, but stumped. Today I have to call and schedule a consult for minor surgery. This is not the first time i have been under the knife, and especially not for that area of my leg. I'm actually kind of curious and excited to see what comes out this time. Last time (14 years ago) a 2.5 inch splint of redwood shot out of my leg, 2-3 feet in the air. Nearly hit the surgeon in the face. Being a teenager at the time, I thought that was the coolest thing. Especially since I was just having the surgery for "cosmetic reasons". HAHA!

Could be a number of things, a nodule (which as I understand it is like a build up of skin, comes out looking like a pearl, I've had a couple removed from my knee. same leg in fact), could be more splinters (this is what my doctor says he thinks it is) or it could be a varicose vein resulting from the previous surgeries. The last I am really hoping it's not, because there isn't much they can do to treat it, and I need to be able to get back on my treadmill.

Another Bear Tale~ The Escape

2010-01-13T07:17:00.000-08:00

So I've mentioned that Bear decided to go for a walk by herself last month, and I've decided to tell the story of what really happened.

Let me first preface this by saying that the entire week leading up to this someone in the house was seek with the flu every night. The night before this happened I was up until 3am with Puddles.

I got a phone call that woke me up about 8 am early in December. It was the lady I used to babysit and she as crying. "Snickie, I need you to check and see if you have Bear."

So there's a series of red flags, my door is closed, it's 8 and there is no noise coming from Bear's room, her baby gate is up but she's no where in her room, and she's not answering when I call her. I was in a panic. My friend tells me that a co-worker who lives in our area has found a little blonde haired girl on the street. I didn't stay on the phone so I didn't hear her say she was ok. And I took "on the street" to literally mean ON THE PAVEMENT. I had a mental picture of...well... the worst possible scenario. I ran out my front door where there are about 20 to 30 of my neighbors standing in the middle of my street, several cars, and two police vehicles. And it's rare to see even one car on our quiet little street. Remember, I still didn't know everything was ok. I don't think I need to tell you what I thought. I didn't see Bear anywhere, and I couldn't see into the street for all the people and vehicles in the road. Turns out Bear was sitting in a neighbors car staying warm. As soon as she saw me she started crying and refused to go to me, I assume because she knew she was in BIG trouble.

My kid got up at 6:30 in the morning, changed out of her pajamas into a "dress" (a nightgown, which tshe thinks is a dress because it has disney princesses on it), climbed over her babygate, shut my bedroom door, put on her winter coat and her boots, found a set of keys (they go to the shed in the back), pushed a chair up to the front door so she could reach the locks, went out the front door, stuck the key in the door to try to lock it behind her, walked down our driveway, ACROSS THE STREET, and down the cul-de-sac. A neighbor was outside getting ready to leave for work when he saw her walking down the street, alone, in a dress, in 18 degree weather. Turns out, the neighbor works with the family I used to babysit for, and remembered that they used to bring their kids here. I called to ask them if they knew who this little blonde girl might belong to.

Not only where the police called, but it was mandatory to report the incident to CPS. Our old caseworker from the adoption was available for them to talk to, and the police said it was truly an accident and not our fault. Doesn't really make it any less scary, make me fell any less like a bad parent, or keep me from thinking abut all the "what if's" But the good news is that Bear perfectly fine. I think she was even enjoying her little adventure, right up until the point Mommy ran out the frint dor in a blind panic. We've installed a hotel lock on the front door, metal locks on all the windows, a new doorbell, and have added another babygate in the hall.

I wasn't going to mention this, it's embarrassing, it's scary, and it's not something I really don't like to discuss or even want people knowing. However, something stuck with me that one of the officers said that day. You never know what a child is capable of doing until they show you that they can do it. You can only go off of personal experience, and the experiences others decide to share with you.

We didn't know Bear could climb over her gate, reach the lock on the door, or even that she knew how to unlock it for that matter. Nor did we ever think that she would try going outside without us. Had I known it was even a possibility, I would have taken action to prevent it. And the only kids I've ever heard of wandering around outside are cases of obvious neglect. Or, I at least assumed were neglected. I mean, who doesn't know where their kid is?

So I'm sharing, because as parents we can never be too careful, or keep our kids too safe. You just never know.

Not so loving the treadmill.... :(

2010-01-13T00:19:00.000-08:00

Ok, I do love my treadmill. But I'd love it more if it didn't practically kill me to use it. I have a scar on my leg from way back when I was a kid. Short version (sorta) I was playing hide and seek in the dark with a bunch of my friends and tripped over a sprinkler head and walked into a fence. A piece of the wood fence went into my leg, and because wood doesn't show up on x-rays, it didn't come out until two years later when a lump on my leg wouldn't go away. The scar from where the wood splinter was removed has been swelling up on me whenever I use the treadmill. The more I work out, the more the area of my scar starts to bulge. Within twenty minutes of stopping and doing nothing though, it's pretty much gone. I've been just ignoring it, it doesn't hurt and I don't really notice it, but this morning while on the treadmill, my leg started to hurt and the swelling was about the size of a golf ball, and it felt like my leg was going to explode.

Yes, i know, I'm a dork. I should have stopped exercising the first time I noticed and called a doctor, but I didn't. I have an appointment tomorrow and I just know they are going to tell me that i am not going to be able to use my treadmill for a while so whatever this thing is can heal, and it may even include surgery.

This sucks :(

Dance Class

2010-01-11T16:52:00.000-08:00

Last week Bear started dance class. She is in the Monday morning "Little Movers" class and she LOVES it. Last Monday her behavior was nasty. She didn't listen or take instruction from her teacher AT ALL. At one point she even walked out of the class, and then cried when we told her should wouldn't be able to come back if she continued not to listen or follow instructions. Last week was terrible, this week however, she made a complete 180. She got changed for class without a fuss, she waited for the teacher to let her in the room, she lined up when she was told, took turns, learned some steps and was such good little dancer. Bear was so excited when dance was over. " Mommy Mommy!!! I did it! I danced, and I listen!!" I'm such a proud Mommy right now. She catches on fast.

Loving my new (to me) treadmill!

2010-01-11T10:43:00.000-08:00

In November I talked my parents into selling and bringing me their treadmill which they were complaining was taking up space and they never got any use out of it. It is the kind that has a safety key that will not run without it, and of course, my dad wasn't exactly careful with the key.A week ago the replacement key finally arrived in the mail.

I've been keeping a chart of when I run/ how long/ how far/ and the calories burned. I've also been keeping track of my max speed and incline, just for the hell of it. Right now I am trying to set some exercise goals for myself. Just in the past week I have already seen improvement in what I can do, not to mention feeling better physically. Not sure what my work out goals are going to be, but for now my goal is just to continue to utilize the equipment and time that I have to get in shape.

Below is my "chart" if your interested. I'll try and post one every week. Hopefully I'll see some improvement.

Date Max Incline Distance Calories Time Max Speed

1/3 4% 2.25 miles 343 54:05 3mph

1/5 AM 3% 0.84 miles 119 20:00 3mph

1/5 PM 3% 1.08 miles 150 15:30 3.5mph

1/9 5% 2.05 miles 332 45:05 5mph

TOTAL 6.22 miles 944 134:40

AVERAGE 4% 2 miles 315 45minutes 3.75mph

BTW, I REALLY LIKE MATH.

This week total I ran over 6 miles, burned over 900 calories.

My goal for this week is to work out 4 days for 45 minutes each day

and/or

walk/run 6 miles and burn a minimum 900 calories. Sounds like a lot, but i have the next 7 days :)

Getting started

2010-01-10T22:41:00.000-08:00

I am getting started on a healthier lifestyle. The past is the past, and I am going to focus on the positive. But first, I need to be honest with myself, as well as let some things go. I have been down this weight loss road before, and was very successful. In high school I lost over 50 pounds and dropped 7 pant sizes, and went from running a mile in 16 minutes to an overage of 9 or 10.

After high school I got engaged, and the planning of the wedding (like any wedding) was pretty stressful. When I am stressed out, I eat. Then I got married and moved away from everyone I had grown up with, my husband worked long hours and I got lonely, food was my companion. Then we started trying to have a baby, and found out it was going to be difficult to conceive without medical help. I was depressed, and I let chocolate and ice cream and potato chips and cheese burgers console me.

And then life happened.

Bought a house.

Got a job.

Honey lost his job.

Put having a family on hold.

I became the bread winner.

Honey got a job.

Bought another house.

Found out i was working for some shady people.

Quit my job.

Moved out of state.

Lost both houses

Started my own business

Decided to start a family

adoption

.........lawyers, caseworkers, judges, attorneys, birth parents, babies, foster families, my family

etc etc etc.

ADOPTION FINISHED!

And made it through the holidays.

So I'm taking a deep breath and focusing on the next thing. My health. And doing so without the junk food, and letting go of all that stress.

And, since I am being honest, along with the stress and the depression, comes the laziness. I didn't feel like doing ANYTHING.

To include cooking. For a long time we were regulars at places like the McD's drive thru window and Domino's online delivery service. And when I say regulars, I am talking 4-5 times a week, if not more.

I don't cook. I don't like to cook, I don't know how to cook very many things. What I do know how to cook mostly pertains to baked goods that I really shouldn't be making right now anyway.

But in the past few weeks, I've discovered something. I CAN COOK! I needed to change how we shop for groceries, by planning ahead for meals. So far, so good.

Having children brings on a unique stress all it's own. Not to mention the need to simplify things, and get ourselves healthy so we will be around to watch our children grow. My husband and I set the example for our children, we need to get ourselves healthy not just to be here for our children, but to show them how they can stay healthy too. (So much responsibility in being a parent, who knew?! haha)

So here is what I need to work on:

Find better ways to cope with stress

Save money (ie; stop with the fast food!)

Commit to an exercise routine

It's a work in progress, and something new to blog about in 2010!

My year in review, just a tad later then usual...

2010-01-09T23:30:00.000-08:00

At the end of every year, when other people are at parties or standing around in the freezing cold waiting for fireworks and a great big ball to drop, I am usually sitting in front of my computer taking note and reminiscing through everything that has happened in the past year. May sound lame to you, but to me, it's one of the best nights of the year! This year though, I decided to get out from behind the computer and watch that ball drop... on tv. :) (Yeah, not going in the cold, and times square would be a bit of a drive home.) So I am a bit late in getting this done. It's not as detailed as it usually is, but I didn't have as much time to write things down this year.

So my year in review:

January

After huge concerns that our baby might be hearing impaired, we have her tested and the Children's Hospital, and Puddles passes, mostly.

February

My birthday!

Bear has her first incident of sticking things up her nose.

In adoption news parental rights are RELINQUISHED rather then terminated on February the 12th, and we are finally able to move forward with the adoption.

March

Bear turns 2!

I start blogging.

April

Both my Grandfathers are laid to rest. One after battling cancer for several years, the other passed away when I was a teenager, but gets his final wishes granted by having his ashes spread in the Sea of Japan, with a full Navy burial ceremony.

My cousin David, also loses his 10 year battle with brain cancer.

Mourning the deaths and celebrating their lives brings me closer to people I haven't been in touch with in years. Things are very bittersweet.

My daughters get to meet their Great Grandmother, as well as the rest of my dads family.

May

This month was full of mixed emotions. Carlie stood on her own for the first time.

We signed papers with the state, upgrading us from foster placement, to adoptive placement.

I start blogging about Our Adoption Story, and it's a hit with several readers.

Our adoption is set to finalize within a few weeks, but our attorney requests more money, and the adoption is put on hold while we scout for a new attorney.

My marriage hits a road block, but we are able to work things out, and come out stronger.

I find a lump, thankfully it turns out to be nothing.

June

Carlie turns 1!

We hire a new attorney to complete the adoption.

Wedding anniversary, 7 years!

July

I lose my babysitting job.

August

The Adoption is finalized on August 22nd!!

We have a huge celebration in California.

September

Keith's birthday.

October

Bear gets tubes in her ears.

November

My parents come out for Thanksgiving. The visit has it's high and low points.

December

Bear decides to go for a walk around the neighborhood early one morning by herself. Scariest and the worst day of my life. And in someways, the best, being that she is completely unharmed.

The girls make out like bandits at Christmas.

My sister comes to visit us (first time in Oregon!) for a week. Perfect way to end the year!

I want...

2010-01-08T13:02:00.000-08:00

Sounds selfish, but darn it it's about time I sort out what it is I really want.

I want to have a job that pays good money.

I want to get out of debt.

I want my girls to attend dance class and the best preschool.

I want my kids to group up having family and friends around.

I want to have another child (or two).

I want to work outside the home, part time hours.

I want to downsize the clutter in this house.

I want to move.

I want to live some place cheaper, so that we can pay down more debt and build up our savings so we can purchase a home.

I want to be settled into a home (of our own) by the time my kids start school, so that we aren't having to worry about moving or changing schools.

I want a car that seats everyone comfortably, and still leaves room for us to pack for trips.

I want to live in a small town (like we do now)

I want to live closer to family, close enough to hang out with on weekends.

I want to be able to go out with my husband alone.

I want my kids to have friends that they grow up with.

I want to be a stay at home mom, but only until my youngest is in school, then I want a paying job. I'm talking career.

I THINK I want to go back to school, within the next year, so that when my kids start school in a few years, I will be finished with mine.

New year, new style

2010-01-03T00:52:00.000-08:00

On New Years Day we took the girls for a trim. This was Puddles first time in the salon chair, and while Bear has been a few times before, she's never gotten more then a trim. I finally broke down and let her get her hair cut. You'll have to excuse the pictures, I am quite out of practice with my camera, believe it or not, my blog is not the only thing I've neglected the last few months, I've neglected my camera as well.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T20:23:00.000-08:00

My New Years Resolutions? To blog more, to lose 50 pounds (at least) by the end of the year, to complete Our Adoption Story, take more pictures, and to have fun being a wife and a mom.

First though, since I've been on hiatus, let's catch up. The last time I blogged it was about a very good friend of ours, Bears "sister" was in the hospital. She is doing much better, and this past Monday was her first day back to work. Her and her fiance have set a new wedding date and will be getting married in April.

Puddles started walking just before Thanksgiving. FINALLY! She will be 19 months old in three days. I can't believe time is going to fast. Today we took her for her first haircut, she needed her bangs trimmed up, I can see her beautiful face again without having to brush aside a mess of tangled curls.

Bear is talking like crazy, and keeping us on our toes. Last month she decided to go for a walk in the morning BY HERSELF. It was pretty scary getting a phone call and finding out my child had wondered outside while we slept. I might blog about this story in more detail later, it's a long one, but I think I need to share it to warn other parents. It's the perfect example of not knowing what your child is capable of doing until they show you they can do it. Anyway, she has become quite the little talker and even a bit of a sassy little girl. Mostly the sassiness is cute, but she has her moments. She also got a haircut today, a short little bob, since she refuses to let me brush her hair anymore.

As for me, I've been busy being a mom, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, and friend. That's the short version. :)

An Urgent Prayer Request (UPDATE)

2009-10-21T14:05:00.001-07:00

I only have a few minutes, but I would like to ask you to please say a prayer for someone very special to our family. Bear's foster sister Sarah has been sick with a cold and flu for a while, which has turned into pneumonia. She was admitted to the hospital on Friday and eventually moved to ICU. Monday morning she was having so much difficulty breathing she had to be placed on a respirator. Doctors are concerned she may have the H1N1 virus and are running tests.

Sarah and her fiance were supposed to be getting married this Saturday, October 25th. The wedding has been postponed until Sarah is well and strong enough to walk down the isle.At a time when she should be celebrating with family and friends, she is fighting for her life. Please, please PLEASE say prayers for Sarah and Tim and their families.

****** While I was typing this I received an email from Sarah's mother, some portions have been edited for their privacy:

First of all, thank you for all the prayers and notes you have sent. We share them with Sarah daily.

Sarah continues to be on a ventilator in the ICU at our local hospital. The suspicion is that she got a bout of her “normal” pneumonia, but while weakened by it, she was infected with the flu. Not confirmed yet, but possibly the H1N1 strain. Her blood cultures have all come back negative, so there is not an additional infection for her to fight off. As of today, she continues to be stable, but still critical. Her status has not gotten a lot better, or worse. They have been able to drop her pressure level on the ventilator and the percentage of O2 that she is requiring to hold her saturation at a good rate.

(Family) is with her most of the time and at this point, no other visitors are allowed. (More family) is coming to town on Friday, so they will be able to see her then. Please pray for their safe travel.*******

Please continue to say prayer for Sarah's recovery, and the families safe travel.

My name is Snickie, and I am a shopaholic

2009-09-19T23:24:00.000-07:00

I went shopping today for the express intent of buying clothes for Bear that actually fit. I think I may have gone a little overboard. I also might have bought more then just clothes. (might have, haha!)

Kids clothes are so cute, and it is so easy to put together an outfit. I wish dressing MYSELF were so easy. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. Jeans go with anything, right? But if shopping for myself were as easy as shopping for my girls, then I'd REALLY be in trouble. It doesn't help that my girls are little models and look good in just about anything.

Speaking of, here is an update on the girls current habits.
Bear is potty training, she cries when I make her wear a diaper during nap times. She still hasn't figured out she needs to actually USE the potty when she has to go. So especially during nap and bed time, diapers are necessary. If I put her panties on over the diapers then I can steer clear of the tantrums long enough to get her into bed and pull up her covers. Speaking of, Bear has been asking for "pannies" every time we go out. I think she has about 20 or so pairs now. That didn't stop me from buying more today when she asked for a three pack from walmart with hearts and stars. Anything to encourage this potty training deal.

The girls are in a "dress-up" phase at the moment. Bear is learning to put her clothes on by herself, while puddles is learning to take hers off. Both the girls like to accessories. Bear loves wearing my shoes, her rain coat, a flashlight with a long string for a handle as a necklace, red and black striped gloves, and one of many, many hats she has discovered recently. And all at the same time. Oh yeah, and she can't leave the house without her own cloth shopping bag for a purse.

Puddles likes to accessories too. Mostly she tries to get away with wearing socks on her hands, a shirt or pants draped over her neck or shoulders, occasionally a hat and her sisters shoes. Nothing else but a diaper. She's not walking yet, but she'll stand on her own, and even stand on toys, just to be a few inches taller. Everything is funny to this girl. Wish I knew what she was laughing at. Then again, maybe it's best that i don't know. Her laugh is infectious though.

Anyway, we went shopping today for Bear, she's outgrown her clothes just in time for her baby sister to start wearing them. Puddles did get an outfit or two for next weekend, I bought myself an outfit, forgot to make the hubby pick something out. Oh well, I'm sure we can put something together. (Has to do with his surprise on Saturday, I'm sure many of you can guess now, but he's still clueless!) And I also had plans to pick up my husbands birthday present, but it didn't take me long to realize that not only was I not going to get it in the car without him seeing it, but it might not fit in the car with all the other stuff we had purchased today. So he found out about his gift from me a little earlier then I had wanted. But he loves it! We've been rockin out to The Beatles: Rock Band for wii (the bundle package, mic, drums and guitar included!)

We're just wondering if we can use this same guitar to play guitar hero? I want the Aerosmith game that Guitar Hero has available. Maybe I just need to do a little more searching through the Rock Band games to find some Aerosmith.

Either way, his gift is was big hit. If it weren't so late, I'd post some pictures. Maybe tomorrow.

I need to catch up...

2009-09-18T23:54:00.000-07:00

I've had a bit of writer's block lately. I'm sorry. I guess it happens to everybody though.

I have been so MONSTROUSLY busy lately and now I seem to have gotten over my writers block, but now I have too many thoughts to get out. I'm just going to focus on one thing tonight.

Honey's birthday is next week! Usually I hate buying gifts for him, he never seems to like what I get him. But I think this time, even if he doesn't like the gifts, he is going to enjoy his birthday weekend. A friend of mine was selling those entertainment books that have all the coupons for all kinds of things in our area. This book has been my guide to planning this birthday. Since he occasionally reads this blog I can't go into detail, but I can give you the teaser of an itinerary that I have given him.

On Saturday we have to leave the house by 11 to arrive at our destination on time. Everyone needs to be dressed nice (casual dress nice) and we'll need to bring a change of clothes for the girls, maybe even a couple of changes "just in case"

Afterwards, we will go to a late lunch of his choice before returning home. Festivities will continue again on Sunday (his actual birthday.

We'll get to sleep in and drop the girls off with a sitter before lunch

PC, SD and M of his choice all courtesy of RC because it's his birthday

We'll then pick up the girls and go to FD

Once we are back at home we'll have cake, ice cream and he'll open his gifts from the girls.

He's made some guesses to try and decipher my codes, so far he has been unsuccessful.

Anyone care to take a crack at it? Remember, we don't have much cash, and I got everything (except Saturday's events) out of our Entertainment book.

I think this birthday celebration is going to make up for all the lame ones his had the last couple years. At least I hope so.