The Thomas File

Baseball Begins!

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 08:19:00 +0000

It's been a long time since my last post. But some things just stir up enough in me that make it worth coming back to it at this point.

How 'bout them Mets huh!?! Off to a roaring start again this year, and just like every year since Pedro Martinez has been on our club, or at least in the clubhouse being rehabbed every day of the G D season, he is AGAIN, on the DL. I don't even want to google how much Pedro is making, it would just seem to improbable that it could make me more happy than I already am about the start of the season.

If I had any money to spend I would go out and buy a Mets hat. And a Royals hat. I am committing myself to the KC Royals this year. They are on pace for a 162-0 season, and by golly, I think they can do it. If they lose a game, I'll be the first to admit they fooled me. Because right now they look like the next coming of the 96 Bulls. Cross sport reference? Sure.

But back to the Mets. A couple things to watch for in the coming week: Oliver Perez had a great start in his first appearance, no earned runs, so that obviously means he will have a HORRENDOUS outing in his next start. I mean like the second coming of Rick Ankiel on the mound type bad, but only for an inning or two, then he'll calm down and the Mighty Mets will try and rally from 10 down in the 3rd.

Also, I'm setting the over/under on Mike Wise being sent down at 2 weeks, and I'm taking the under. Is there somewhere I can wager on that? Vegas maybe? Reno? I'll make some calls and get back to you.

And finally, our next series is against the Braves. And damnit, their good again. But Mike Hampton just went down with injury again for the 100th time in the last 100 months, so at least he won't hit a home run. BUT! I am predicting we get 2/3 from them, in Atlanta, on TBS. Suck it Ted Turner.

C-Webb to the Rescue

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 22:35:00 +0000

Golden State must have Championships in mind, as we all know by now Chris Webber is making his triumphant return to the Warriors. Really? What's next, PJ Carlesimo's gonna bring back Latrell? Seattle could damn sure need use his scoring and his D, and since Nellie and his nemesis are getting the band together, PJ might as well follow suit.

Mid-season trades and signings can be huge for a team right on the verge of being a playoff team, and/or a contender. Look at what the Laker's did. Bring Pau in to the mix automatically makes them a contender. If Bynum can come back this year they can put a lineup on the floor of Bynum, Gasol, Odom, Kobe, and D-Fish. If they can mesh well on the court and if Pau can learn the triangle, they're a serious contender right away.

But you know, Golden State obviously is only one 35 year old, slow, non-defensive playing, wily old vet away from being a better team. C-Webb will help in some ways, scoring and passing, but doesn't it seem like that's not their biggest weakness. What about post D? What about defense in general, even if they just had one stopper on the team, just one, that could guard the other teams' best player they might MIGHT stand a chance in the playoffs in the long run. When I think C-Webb I think pump pass-fake from the top of the key into a soft jumper. I don't think stopper.

Good luck with all that Nellie.

Please Declare

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 02:30:00 +0000

You know that big white guy for North Carolina, you know, the one that is going to win player of the year? The one that gets more points from the free throw line than he does from the field? The guy that, if there is a God in the heavens, will declare to enter the NBA draft this year, his junior year, and NOT GET PICKED IN THE FIRST ROUND (sweet serenity!)!

I can't stand Hansbrough. He scores tons of points and gets tons of rebounds, and never closes his mouth. He's a board certified member of the Kevin Johnson club.

Sadly, I have to admit he is a great college player. I don't know how, I don't know how he gets 20 and 10 a game because it doesn't seem like he has any real skill outside of being big, insane, and able to hit free-throws. Can he shoot from outside the key? No. Can he dribble? No. Does he have good footwork? Were Milli Vanilli great singers?

He is the perfect Bob Knight player. He rebounds and fouls and gets fouled and sets solid screens. He's Mark Madsen on steroids.

If someone picks him in the lottery next year I will never mention that team by name from then on. His ceiling is Scott Pollard. Maybe a poor man's Gary Trent. I honestly think he would have a better shot of making it in the NFL than in the NBA. But that's just my opinion. If someone picked Joel Freeland two years ago, someone has to pick Hansbrough.

The sad thing is he plays for North Carolina who is undefeated and will most likely make it all the way to the final four this year. Which means we have to hear about how great he is for the next three months, ad nausea. And what's even sadder, he has to know that he's not going to be squat in the league, so you know he's coming back to UNC for his Sr. year. Why leave the castle you're the king of when you're only gonna be the joker in the next court.

On the bright side, at least it makes for a good villain to root against. He and the Lakers in this year's playoffs. But really, once they sign Chris Webber to replace Bynum for the next two months, we won't have to worry about the purple and gold for much to longer.

Isaiah is Safe!

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 08:06:00 +0000

This just in: Isaiah Thomas was given the key to the city.

The owner says his job is safe. Thank god! And I thought the NBA was going to be all about winning and "what have you done for me lately?" It's good to see an organization stick with someone who has brought them no where.

That's all.

College Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 21:05:00 +0000

I was watching the Texas Tech v. Butler game last night and thought to myself, "I don't think I have ever seen a Bob Knight player smile..." Why do kids still go play for this guy? It's like singing up to have your life critiqued by Simon Cowell.

Another thought, how many players has Bob Knight ushered into the NBA? I know he is all about graduating players, which is commendable, but if I'm a top prospect, I gotta think I'm more worried about making millions than I am about finishing a degree in four years. Maybe he has put a lot of players in the league, I'll have to look into it. Calbert Chaney is the last one that comes to mind. He had a stellar career.

Another thought while watching the Butler game. If you watched every college game and listened to every announcer you would believe that at least one player on every team has the stuff to make it to the next level. Hubert Davis said that in the right system the Butler gaurd, Graves, could be the next Steve Nash. WOW. He also said that a kid named Green had no weaknesses after he hit a long 3. Really? None? Is that why he's at Butler? Oh.

But it's great, that's why I love the college game, everyone has potential. Everyone COULD have a breakout year, everyone in SEC COULD accept cars from Boosters. There are endless possibilities in college.

Every year a team like Butler or Southern Illinois can make a run at the final four. I watched a Southern Illinois game and thought that they might be the best TEAM I have seen play in a long time. It's like watching the Spurs play. They have this kid with the last name Mullins, I prayed he was the son of Chris -- he even has the hair --, but he wasn't, and all this kid does is steal the ball. That's it. He makes steals and smart passes. And he played the whole game. It's awesome.

Down low the have a guy named Falker who is like the illegitimate child of Etan Thomas and the guy who works the desk where I work out. All he does is rebound and score and set huge screens.

Gus the Bust just fumbled a snap on fourth and one at the goal line to end the game. I hate him. There was gonna be more, but it will have to wait till my anger subsides...

2 Heroes in Sports

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 07:33:00 +0000

If you hit .222 with more strikeouts and hits, your worst year since your first year in the majors, you better take whatever contract you can get so you can prove that your not totally washed up. Hello, Andruw Jones.

My two least favorite people in sports right now are Scott Boras and Isaiah Thomas. Scott Boras first tried to break the DOW with A-Rod's contract, now he is telling people that Jones won't accept a one-year deal. Really? How's the Dominican League sound? They would probably sign him to a life-time contract.

Scott Boras asking for more than a one-year deal from anyone besides the Royals is like Thomas throwing the team out of practice on Monday. What a desperation move. I've been on teams in high school where the players just gave up on the coach because we thought he was worth about as much as the Nike Cortez's he wore on his feet, and throwing your team out of practice is a last ditch effort. It's you saying to the world, "I've lost all control and respect of my players!"

Thomas is a train-wreck right now. How do you let Marbury start again? How do you let him play again? Thomas is like one of those bullies on the playground that got beat up by the nerd and now has to prove to everyone, all the time, just how tough he is. He's a joke. They should have known what he was going to do to the Knicks after what he did to the CBA. Where's the CBA you ask? Exactly.

RANT

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 22:16:00 +0000

I just had a horrible day at work, compounded by the fact that I think someone who says she
"lives in the UK" but is selling a car in Portland is trying to swindle people on Craigslist, so I think it's time for another rant. Nothing is sacred.

My brother-in-law told me that I should mention hockey in my blog a little more, if I ever get around to writing this blog again. So here it is:

Hockey? Did it start yet? The season I mean? How do you make the playoffs in hockey? Is it by how many times you win or by how many points you score for losing and tying? I don't get it. The other thing I don't get, who cares? WHO CARES ABOUT HOCKEY? Literally speaking, no one. No one actually cares about hockey save for those who are under 13 and live in cold weather places. You know no one cares about hockey when the season starts and no one knows about it. Not even ESPN talked about it on opening day. It was an afterthought. ESPN shows more cup-stacking championships then they do hockey games. That's how you know no one ACTUALLY cares. Another sign no one cares about your sport, when the only thing anyone talks about after games is how many fights there were. Which actually doesn't involve a hockey stick or a puck. Now, if the fights did include those two things, man, I would tune in every night.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Good to get that out.

Next, the NBA is a glorious thing. The Nuggets are the most injured team in the world save my St. Louis Rams. Why in the world the Nugg's thought it was a good idea to re-sign or give an extension to Nene blows my mind. I can't remember a time in his career where he hasn't been hurt or recovering or on his way towards getting hurt. That was like letting your heroin addicted drummer come back for the world tour after he skipped out on rehab early, hoping, just hoping that he would be able to kick the habit. Not gonna happen. The best thing, they signed Steven Hunter to back up the oft-injured Camby-man and now Hunter is on the shelf, along with Chucky Atkins who was somehow supposed to play point this year. GIVE ME A BREAK!

The Celtics are out of their mind. They are 7-0 and killing people like the Patriots. I love it. But I have one question? Did anyone think long-term when they picked up Allen and Garnett in return for their next 100 first round draft picks and almost every other player on their roster? What happens when these three retire in 3 years? I'll tell you, a 10-72 season with Big Baby and Rajon chucking up 50 shots a game and another 10 years without the playoffs. They are so far over the salary cap they make the Knicks look fiscally responsible. How can this be missed?

The Portland Trailblazers and the NBA are STILL marketing Greg Oden! He isn't going to play for a year! One whole year. What about Brandon Roy? Hell, I would like the Blazers to market the Big Monkey Joe P. rather than Greg Oden. His commercial is hilarious on ESPN, but whats gonna be even more hilarious is if the guy stinks it up when his career actually begins. What's more? The freaking Blaze-show is 4-4! Holy hell! And without Oden or D-Miles. Can I get some love for the D-Miles bandwagon? The guy is like 21 and has been in the league since I was in middle school it seems! How is that possible? How is this guy already POTENTIALLY washed up? Oh yeah, Microfracture. Right. Big men are marketable.

Stephon Marbury is the NBA's Peter Griffin. Isaiah Thomas is Quagmire.

The thing I love most about the NBA is that every year team's count on player's who have never produced to produce. To name a few that still find themselves in starting lineups: Kwame Brown, Darko, Mike Dunleavy. When I watch the Lakers play and see Kwame running up and down the floor unable to do anything else well besides run up and down the floor, it makes me wonder if Michael Jordan was doing acid when he picked him with the number one pick, and then it makes me wonder if teams only play him because he is a former number one pick and they think, "for the love of God, Michael Jordan picked him, he's got to have some kinda hidden talent!"

Stephon Marbury once had a show on Fox where he interviewed people. Take that in.

The NFC West is the worst division in football. The Niners are about to start Trent Dilfer again. Shaun Alexander is mailing it in when he plays, and now Maurice Morris is starting. The Cardinals are still the Cardinals, no matter who much pre-season hype they get. And the Rams, even though reasonably healthy right now, still are playing with what has to be their 4th string offensive and defensive lines. The NFC West is so bad that after the Rams beat the hell out of the Saints on Sunday for their first win of the season I believed with all my heart that if they could just win 5 more games, giving them a 6-10 record, they have an outside shot of making the playoffs as the Division Champs. The NFC West is so bad that my friend Jon named his fantasy team "NFC WEST" as a joke. Granted, the joke was about as bad as the division, but you get the point.

Ricky Williams is allowed to play again for the Dolphins and John Beck is going to start at qb this week for the winless Dolphins. I say trade everyone and relocate. Let's do this whole scrapping the season right and just tank the whole damn franchise. The marquee name on their team right now? Ted Ginn, Jr. Unbelievable.

The Falcons picked up Byron Cankles Leftwich to replace Joey Heisman. They benched Joey and started Leftwich who got hurt in his first game. You gotta love it. You just have to love a team doing everything it can to not start Joey but still having to start him. He must feel great about himself. I heard Jeff George was talking about a comeback. He was a former number 1 pick, maybe he can still muster up a little something. I think they should make a rule that if you are a number one pick you should have always have a job if you want one in your respective sport. They deserve it. Jeff George's Madden Ratings (as I remember them) back when he played: 99 ThPw 81 ThAcc 65 AWR. He was the Vick of his day minus the Speed. 51 Spd.

For the love everything unholy. I just looked at the ESPN.com NBA page and there is a headline that reads, "Marbury to the Blazers?" I vomited through my nose when I read that. I'm not even gonna click on that link. If the Blazers sign Stephon Marbury I will forfeit my Blazer Fan Membership. Effective Immediately.

Little Romeo plays for USC.

Jay Bilas said: "Kevin Love is so good because he is always open."

Steven Jackson writes a fantasy blog for ESPN.com. The dude has 30 more fantasy points than Rueben Droughns.

Ok, I broke down and clicked on the article. They aren't going to trade for him. There is a God.

I think I got it all out. For now. This is what happens when you are moving to LA in a month and can't think about anything else beyond that.

The movie "Like Mike" just came on, I am going to gauge my eyes out.

Shula...

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 00:10:00 +0000

Don Shula needs to get off his high, champagne sipping, horse and stop being such a baby. I said it. I hate the '72 Dolphins. I hate everything about them, well, everything I know about them. My brother-in-law told me they collectively wrote a book about their unbeaten season...gag me. That, coupled with the fact that Bob Griese was the QB...Bob Griese rubs me the wrong way. Kinda like the Williams father and Michael Jackson's father, minus the singing torture and all that of course.

I never really cared if the Pats went 16-0 this year until now. I thought it would be cool, it would something we could tell our kids and grandkids, you know "the time the maddest coach on the face of the earth stormed the league!" But now that these self-righteous has-beens are spouting off about an asterisk? Really? An asterisk? Just let it go. No one cares. You're like the cool kid from high school coming back to his 50th anniversary with a 20 year-old prostitute he bought to look cool again in front of his peers.

"Everyone, this is my wife, Coco..."

Shula, get over it.

Pristene in Green

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 00:45:00 +0000

Just some thoughts I had watching the beginning of the Celtics season against the Wiz:

Wow. Paul Pierce actually has help.

Wow. Kevin Garnett is really good. Who knew?

Wow. Rajon Rondo is actually starting.

Wait, Rondo is starting? I thought they were just kidding.

Has anyone ever looked worse in green than Brian Scalibrine?

Ok, really. Bring out the real starting pg, Rondo is like having Brittney Spears sing with...well, anyone.

Ray Allen STILL has the prettiest shot in basketball.

Scalabrine just pump faked and passed for the fiftieth time.

***

Anyway, if anyone is paying attention to this blog you may have realized I haven't been making NFL picks lately. Honestly? It just became a chore. Seemed to much like a job, and when you pick the Rams every week and they lose EVERY week, it's like having the hot girl at work ignore you when you say hi to her every day at lunch. It makes work not fun. This became that kind of work. So I going back to what I originally planned with this, whatever I want it to be.

And now that the Blazers and the NBA is back in full swing, who's got time for NFL predictions? It seems especially pointless since the Pats have already won the Super Bowl.

Southeast Division

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 18:55:00 +0000

Rumors of Gilbert going to LA for Kobe are swirling, so again, all that follows is subject to the Kobe effect.

Southeast Division

1. Orlando (50-32): I know everyone is not so hype on Rashard Lewis getting a max contract, it kinda falls in the same range as Charlie Bell getting anything more than the Vets minimum for me, but in the Eastern Conference he's gotta be worth at least another 5 wins. Dwight Howard showed some improvement on the offensive end in the pre-season and with shooters on the outside like Lewis and "perhaps the best shooter in the history of basketball" (an actual shooting video commercial) in JJ Redick, who knows? Maybe they can sneak up on the league and actually win this division and clinch the 3rd seed in the East.

Miami and Washington are both banged up and old, see Shaq and D-Wade and Etan Thomas, so it looks like this division is theirs for the taking. If Jameer Nelson can also provide some consistent shooting, I think they get it.

2. Washington (48-34): If Etan wouldn't have had to undergo open heart surgery, which I hope he recovers from fully, I would have put them in first. It hurts this team down low on the defensive end not having him in the lineup. How much trust can you put in Haywood at this point in his career? You know what you are going to get with him, and I don't think it's enough to take them as far as Gilbert believes their gonna go = Championship.

The threesome of Gilbert, Caron and Antawn will again be dominant, and rumor has it that Oleksiy Pecherov is surprisingly good, so possibly they could make a run, but unless Arenas puts down 35 a game, I don't think so. It might not be too far fetched though for him to do that...I don't know, I want to wait and see if he is still on this coast till I am sure.

3. Miami (45-37): Miami got rid of Walker and replaced him with another gunner in Ricky Davis. Hmmm...Couple that with a horrid bench and an aging Shaq and a nicked up Wade? Trouble. This might be the last year of the retirement-home team. Has Shaq been in shape at the beginning of the year since their second championship in LA? Their whole philosophy of waiting till the end of the year to turn it on just doesn't work. But really, their bench is awful. Awful.

4. Atlanta (34-48): They will miss the playoffs for the 100th time in a row and they probably won't resign Josh Smith and Joe Johnson to long term contracts. This is my vote for the next team to move cities. Maybe they can move to Seattle when the Sonics go to Oklahoma City? Let's start that rumor.

5. Charlotte (32-50): Ammo is out for the year. Sean May had microfracture. They do have Gerald Wallace and Emeka and Felton, but Emeka will be hurt by the All-Star break, and really, it's Charlotte. Until they change those jerseys they will always be down in the cellar as far as I'm concerned.

Central Division

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 20:26:00 +0000

All that follows is subject to drastic change in lieu of the impending Kobe trade...

Central Division:

1. Detroit (55-27): Cleveland is a one man show and Chicago without Kobe is still in the exact same situation they were last year. Rumor has it Rasheed has slimmed down, and as long as they still have their big four in tact, they have to be considered the favorite in this division. Unless...Yi in Milwaukee is the Prince Fielder of basketball. And hey, who knows, didn't everyone see the video footage of his workouts, you know, the ones where he was driving to the hoop with both hands? Astounding.

2. Cleveland (53-29): Cleveland needs to resign Pavlovic and Verajao to contend again in the East, but even with them, is thet outlook really that good for this team? For me to consider them a serious contender again this year Daniel Gibson needs to play all year like he played in the playoffs. Does everyone in Cleveland still think Cleveland Rocks, anyone besides Drew Carey anyway? The Indians choked themselves to sleep and Lebron is wearing Yankee hats to the playoffs? If Lebron gets away from the Cavs in free agency, it could be a long millenium for Cleveland.

3. Chicago (53-29): (Cleveland with the tie breaker) Sans Kobe, I put them in third. But with Kobe and a few talented players around him? Division and the finals. In a wait and see mode right now.

4. Milwaukee (41-41): They actually have a decent squad out there in sausage land. If everyone can stay healthy, including the forgotten Bobby Simmons, they could put pretty talented group on the floor. Talented enough to make a run for the 8th seed in the East. I don't know why, but I'm getting the AK-47 vibe from Yi right now in my head. Talented but a total head case. I could be totally off, but that's just the mid-day psychic commercial premonition that's filling my head...

5. Indiana (32-50): I hate this team, and I hate that JO is stuck on the Pacers. I met him one time in the airport and we talked for about fifteen minutes. He seems like an awesome guy, and he's one of the better big men in the league, but he has no one around him. No one. I am a huge Tinsley fan, but only because he played out of his mind at Iowa State when he and Marcus Fizer were running the floor, and because he technically didn't graduate from high school. I hope Bird makes a trade that sends JO to a contender, and that the Pats continue their domination next week when they meet up with Indy and Manning. That's beside the point though.

Again, all this hinges on the Kobe effect.

Atlantic Division

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 03:21:00 +0000

Since the season is almost upon us, and since the Eastern Conference may be relevant this year for the first time in eons, here is my Eastern Conference Preview, starting with the Atlantic Division:

Atlantic Division

1. Boston (55-27): It almost feels like an obligation to put the C's here at number one in the division doesn't it? Like the basketball gods would riot if they actually didn't win the division and at least a share of the East. But honestly? I'm not totally sold on this team. I mean, it's a huge upgrade from the bottom feeders of the past they've had in Boston, but they still have Doc at the helm, and they gave away Jefferson at center. Toronto and New Jersey won't be too far behind in the Atlantic. It's Doc's to lose though. But he already knows that. What's the over under on how many years Doc has left in Boston anyway? I would take the under no matter what it is.

2. Toronto (51-31): I want Toronto to win this division more than I want LOST to finally give me some answers this season. If Locke is still on that Island and they don't tell me what he's doing in the first two episodes, I will swear them off for life. If Toronto wins the division they are my new favorite Leastern Conference team. The addition of Kapono and a healthy TJ Ford gets them four more wins in a surprisingly tough division. And when a Colangelo is involved, you gotta bet high on the team they are involved with.

3. New Jersey (46-36): New Jersey picked up Magloire, so automatically any hope of them actually having a good season, or one markedly better than last year, goes out the window. But, and this is a big but, like one of those rappers' girlfriends, omg, if RJ and Nenad Krstic can stay healthy they have a serious shot of winning a lot of games. But that's a big if. And personally, I don't think they did very good in the off-season, drafting a dirt-poor-man's Mikki Moore in Sean Williams. All in all I think they will improve a little, but beyond Vince's dunks and Beyonce in the front row, I wouldn't spend too much time watching their games.

4. New York (39-43): I might be totally wrong, but unless this season is going to be played on NBA Live and nothing but talent is taken into account during the actual games, I don't see how this team is an improvement over last year's version. Sure, they got Z-Ro from us, and sure, he is a legitimate 20-10 guy, blah blah blah, but how in the world can Starbury, Curry, Jamal Crawford, Z-Ro, and Nate Robinson all play on the same team unless Stern changes the rules to allow two balls in play during the fourth quarter? I don't see it. Oh, and Q-rich and Fred Jones. The only player on that team that means anything and doesn't need the ball in their hands to do anything is David Lee. And he won't even start but still get double-doubles damn near every night. Keep on Truckin' NY.

5. Philly (35-47): Boston becoming an actual basketball team this year hurts the Sixer's chances of making strides towards leaving the lottery. They have a couple good players on their roster, but when your veteran leadership is coming from Andre Miller, Kevin Ollie, and Calvin Booth...I mean really? But maybe Reggie Evans and Dalembert will learn how to score, and maybe Miller will be a winner for once in his NBA career, and maybe Oden will start against San Antonio.

Mid-Week Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 20:20:00 +0000

Last Weeks Picks: 8-5
Total: 50-40

Kurt Warner threw two passes then broke his elbow or whatever he did. That's my third qb in three weeks to go down with an injury for my fantasy team affectionately named, M.A.S.H. Just gonna throw that out there so that everyone can know my state of mind at this point in time. The Rams are 0-100 and Gus the Bust went Romo on everyone and threw 5 interceptions. Now Bulger is talking about starting this week against the Seagals. Which to me is a moot point, because they will beat the Seahawks even if Ryan Fitzpatrick gets the nod. That's right. That's a guarantee. About as good a guarantee as Patrick Crayton made, but it's a guarantee none the less.

On to other stuff that doesn't make me want to slit my wrists every Sunday.

Kobe Bryant is going to be traded. It's really going to happen. That or this is the biggest, dumbest, game of charades ever played. I was talking to a friend from SoCal that is a die-hard Laker fan, and even he is ready for Kobe to be traded. That's how I know it's gonna happen for sure this time, not because of all the reports and the empty locker, or the "cleaned" locker, or Chad Ford Top 5 places he may go blog, but the fact that Laker fans are ready for him to be traded.

Ford's article details 5 strong possibilities and a couple other long shots and then a few more hail mary's. The one that makes me cringe the most is sending him to Chicago for the likes of Gordon, Thomas, Noah, expiring contracts, and MJ's honor. First of all, if I have to see Noah play in the NBA it better be for a team like Chicago where he won't get too much pub because he is surrounded by more talented players who already play his position. I would rather he play for the Kings or the Bucks because then it's almost a guarantee you will never see him on TV, but the Lakers? Can you imagine how many asinine interviews we would have to endure if he was in the entertainment capitol of the world? I couldn't handle it. I would start a support group for those trying to cope with Noah-overload. But I guess it will all go away anyway after his rookie contract is up and he proves to everyone that he was the next Bill Curley.

There is talk of sending Amare and his scoped knee with Raja Bell to LA in exchange for the smallest lineup in the history of the league. I don't know if that's a factual statement, but really, if they trade away Amare my intramural basketball team from college would be bigger than those guys. It would be fun though. They would have to hire Westphal as an assistant just to assure the fans that they would score at least 200 points a night to make the trade make sense.

It's gotta be a lose-lose situation though for Kobe. Wherever he goes the team is going to have to give up so much just to get him, unless Buss takes a page from Kevin Pritchard's book and trades away his best player for absolutely nothing. It's not like he's gonna be plopped into a situation where the team didn't willing get pillaged by the Lakers for the chance to win a championship. He'll most likely be playing with second-stringers and a few free agents to fill the roster. At the end of Ford's blog he throws out the idea that Detroit could get him for Hamilton and Prince (money wise). And to be honest, I think that makes the most sense to me right now. Obviously LA needs some young players to build around other than Farmar and Crittendon, but bringing in Hamilton and Prince next to Lamar and whomever they plug in at center? That's a low seed playoff team. And Detroit would be an odds on favorite to win it all.

But no one in LA wants that. Hamilton and Prince aren't flashy enough. Would they take Oden and Raef straight up? I would pull the trigger on that in a micro-fracture second.

In the end though, where do I think he will go? It doesn't matter, but what makes me so happy about the whole situation is that Laker fans will have to suffer through another Ceballos/Eddie Jones era for the next few years. And that makes all my depression about the Rams having only one win after next weekend fade away like a perfect Kobe jumper.

Week 6 Picks

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 00:29:00 +0000

Here's my picks for Week 6. I made them while watching Walk The Line. Reese Witherspoon is pretty hot. So, uh, take that into account if some of my picks seem a little screwy.

Cincy def. KC: The Bungles have lost three in a row and if they are serious about making the playoffs this year they better get their act together quick. Pittsburgh is running away with the division, so they gotta start thinking Wild Card. This is a must-win game for Palmer and Co. so Chad better break out one or two of those TD Celebrations he's had planned since the summer, and maybe even play a little D for Marvin. I still haven't recovered from the Browns putting up 90 on the Bungles D...

Jags def. Houston: I'm tired of picking the Oilers, I mean the Texans to win and coming up wrong. It's funny how a couple good weeks can alter your decision making for the next few to come. Their like Nickelback this year, they had one good album and now they are just riding that wave until it dies. Maybe it's because all their songs sound like all those good ones on the first album they just keep buying in some sort of dazed-hypnotized slumber, listening to those songs over and over... Until Johnson and Batman come back full time I don't trust 'em.

Fins def. Browns: Cleo Lemon is starting for one of my fantasy teams. I like this guy. I like his first name, his last name, I like everything that I know about him...well, that's actually pretty much it. But I also like that they are playing the Browns, and even though Joe Jurevicious taunts me every week for dropping him and somehow scores a TD, I'm taking the 0-5 Dolphins and Ronnie Brown in this one.

Redskins def. Packers: I want to take the Packers because I want to believe that Favre can lead this team to the playoffs with a worse running offense than my high school football's team that ran the Wing-T. But I watched the Skins' game last week and can't help but think that the Lions and the Pack aren't too far apart. And if Jason Campbell can play anything near like he did last week, I just can't bet against them. But I love good stories, and the little boy in me wants the Pack to win this one on the arm of Favre and run off into the tunnel holding his helmet triumphantly over his head.

It kind of reminds me of the Suns trying to win a championship without big men or defense. Mike D'Antoni's solution? Play even faster. Maybe Favre should just throw even more this week. 50 passes, one run.

Ravens def. Rams: Unless Linehan can show me that he actually has a pulse or a brain or blood at least sitting in his veins, it might be a long time till the Rams win one. One bright spot for me last week was that Leonard got 100 yards on 18 carries. I say we just hand him the ball 30 times and see what happens. Also, he's on my fantasy team that's sinking faster than a bowling ball in a pool, so anything can help at this point.

Vikings def. Chicago: The Bears are boring. At the least the Vikings have Peterson. When I think about Brian Griese my mind goes blank, that's how tired of hearing about him I am. It doesn't matter who they put back their right now, no one on that roster that plays the QB position is going to change anything for the Bears. Maybe they should trade Grossman for Joey Heisman now that Leftwich looks like he might be starting sometime soon, just to add another mediocre QB to their team. Or, see if they can bring back Krenzel. I remember everyone raving about how smart he is, maybe he could figure it out in Chicago.

Eagles def. Jets: Game I wish could be played on Madden. I need Curtis to have another 60 point week in this one. The Jets need to start Kellen Clemens to appease the fans and McNabb needs his linemen to actually block people. But really. Who cares.

Bucs def. Titans: The second head of my two-headed monster at RB this week for my team is Earnest Graham. I'm coming around to this Bucs team though. I still think they're too old to last until the end of the year, and now that Earnest Graham is the feature back, which is like having a movie theater only play "Why Did I Get Married" this weekend, it can't last too long but I think they get a win in this one against the Titans.

Cardinals def. Panthers: Simple. Kurt Warner over David Carr anytime.

Patriots def. Dallas: Last weeks' game against the Bills didn't exactly make me want to run out and put all my money on Romo and the Boys this week against the Pats. And frankly, until the Pats lose this year, or next, whenever it may be, I don't think I can pick against them. I don't even care if Sammy Morris or Maroney is playing this week, for all I care Darius Walker could take the hand-offs from Brady with his 4.6 speed and they would still be unstoppable.

Raiders def. Chargers: Culpepper's got something to prove, and everyone thinks the Chargers are back, which makes it ripe for an upset. But would it really be considered an upset? Or, just the next stop on the the path to the unemployment line for Norv?

Saints def. Seagals: Bill Simmons feels about the same way I do in regards to the Hawks. I like absolutely nothing about them, and now that Deion Branch is out, there is even less to like about them. Same question as above though, would this be considered an upset? I know the Saints haven't won a game yet, but there is just nothing on that whole team that I like in Seattle. Except that the name Hassleback gives way to a lot of good nicknames, like Hasslesack. Still, not enough to change my mind.

Giants def. ATL: The Giants are on a roll and the Falcons are using Leftwich totally unprepared in place of Heisman. I wonder if Petrino wishes he had Marty's Delorian right about now?

Old Men of Wonder

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 22:19:00 +0000

Sometimes the ball bounces your way, other times it doesn't. And then some other times the ball doesn't even have enough air in it to bounce anywhere, it just lays there flat on the ground, lifeless. Kind of like the Bills in Monday night's game. The Bills and Spineless Dick Jauron literally gave the Cowboys their fifth win of the season. How do you force 6 turnovers in the game, score two defensive touches and another on special teams and STILL LOSE? Answer? You play prevent when you should be playing press coverage. Answer: You were playing to lose.

Midway through the fourth quarter, actually, right about the time they showed Jim Kelly on the sideline, I knew the Bills would blow it. I thought everyone might commit mass suicide in the stands after Nick Folk's second kick went through the uprights, but really, the Bills fans have been here before, they must be numb to it by now.

I went 7-7 this week to bring my record to 42-35 for the year thus far, which would put me at about the fourth seed in the NBA's Leastern Conference. And speaking of the NBA, how bout Tony Massenburg making an appearance with the Washington Wiz during training camp? He was born in 1967, which puts him at a Julio Franco-esque 41. If Tony makes the squad this year I will have to buy a jersey, and hopefully he is cool enough to request number 41 for his age. Wasn't there someone who did that before? Can't think of it right now.

Old men are all over sporting world right now. Kurt Warner is back in his rightful position as starting QB after Leinart went down with a season ending injury, but really, even without the injury it's probably safe to say that Kurt would have been starting this week instead of Leinart. It was like the Cardinals were just hoping that either, A. Matt would finally live up to his billing as a great QB out of USC, or B. He would get hurt and the obviously better Warner would be abel to start without any controversy surrounding it. Something finally went right for them. Now to top it off hopefully we get to see Kurt's wife in the stands, I am on a 24/7 haircut watch for Mrs. Warner.

Vinny Testaverde, another ageless wonder, got signed today for one year by the Panthers to back up David Carr now that Delhomme is out for the year with elbow surgery. The question is, how many games until The Bird Man is starting? I'll give him 3 games. He has been in the league for so long that he probably already knows the playbook by heart so it's just a matter of getting acquainted with his new teammates, which will probably be like asking your kid to get acquainted with their Uncle. All it takes is one tickle fest and he will be Steve Smith's favorite in no time.

Father time didn't smile on all the old guys out there last weekend though. Trent Green went down with a serious concussion as a result of a nasty block he tried to lay on a 500 pound defender. I've heard all sorts of debate as to whether or not it was a cheap shot, and even more talk about the cheapness of Johnson then standing over Trent Green as he examined the grass at the 45 yard line. When I saw the replay I didn't think it was a cheap shot as much as I thought Trent Green thought about performing a chop block but then midway through decided this was the worst decision he has made in a long time and curled up in a ball to absorb the hit that was coming. Unfortunately his head absorbed most of it. The good news for the Fins? Cleo Lemon has one of the coolest names out there. Win or lose his name gives way for great healines: "He's No Lemon!" Or, "Lemon Leaves a Sour Taste in the Browns Mouth." Or, "Turns out he's a Lemon..."

Finally, the NBA is underway, as mentioned above, and in about an hour the Celtics and the Minnesota Celtics will play the most meaningful meaningless game in the young T'Wolves lives. This might be the one pre-season game, other than every Blazers game, that I want to watch. Minnesota could literally put out a starting lineup of former Celtic players to combat the three-headed monster in the East. Who knows how long their three stars are going to play, but you can bet all your marbles that when those three are out there Minnesota is going to be playing like it's game 7 of the Finals. Which is cute because it will be eons until they get there.

This just in: Allan Houston is going back to the Knicks. Incredible. Probably the worst move he could ever make, why in the world would you want to join the circus at his age? He is in no shape to be shot out the cannon again.

Week 5 Picks

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 22:08:00 +0000

Last Week: 6-8
Total: 35-27

I just checked my roster for my fantasy team this week and it looks like an episode of MASH. My top 5, that's right, top 5 recievers are out with injuries or on byes' this week and the icing on the cake is that Travis Henry is not just dealing with a couple nagging injuries, but he is in trouble for how he deals with those injuries. In his defense though, his "experts" weren't there when the league tested him and he came up positive for THC again. I wonder what these experts would have done? The old slight of hand, slight of pee trick? Unless his alleged experts were David Blaine and Cirss Angel I don't think it would have mattered.

Anyway, I was 6-8 last week and need to rebound so I am going first instinct on my picks this week. Once I decide in my head there's no looking back.

Chiefs def. Jags: It appears the Chiefs finally have a WR to throw to in Rookie Dwayne Bowe, and if that holds up maybe it will open some holes for Larry Johnson to run through. If the Jags win they would go to 3-1 and I don't think I could stomach that. This one should be close, I give the advantage to the Chiefs at home.

Pats def. Browns: Has anyone ever been more sure about this game? If the Pats don't win here it will either be considered a hick-up and a "good wake up call loss," or the "uh-oh" game of the season where every team in the league finally discovers a weakness in the Patriots. The only way I see the Browns winning this game in New England is if the Joba-bugs travel to Foxboro by Sunday and eat Tom Brady alive. And that had to be one of the more disgusting pictures in sports, Joba standing on the pitchers mound with what looked like aphids all over his neck, yummy.

Saints def. Panthers: Delhomme out again, Carr in again. The Saints have to pull this one out. They have no excuse to 1. Not get 5 sacks, and 2. Not get their first win of the season. I'm not sold on Reggie Bush being the number 1 back, but then I again I wasn't sold on the Blazers drafting Oden and that worked out great. Oh wait... Saints still win.

Giants def. Jets: My first instinct was to take the Giants even though it went against every second, third, and fourth thought that followed. But really, we are talking about two New York teams that have underachieving QB's and less than good running games. The only reason this game will get a lot of pub is because Archie Manning had babies and one of them happens to play for the G-men. I'm still pulling for Lorenzon to get in there and shock the world. Wouldn't that be a great poster, Jeremy Shockey and The Pillsbury Throwboy standing together trying to look all hard like athletes always do with a caption: Jared and Jeremy: Shocking the World One TD at a Time. So hot.

Miami def. Houston: But who really cares until Andre Johnson and Ahman Green come back? Ronnie Brown has been ultra-productive for a team that needs someone with superlative-inducing play. I wonder how the Miami front office is feeling this week after Culpepper ran all over them with that bum knee they let him go for? I bet they secretly brought out all the jerseys they had bought for their kids and then stored away in the garage and just sat there looking at them in their bedroom, their wives waiting for them to turn the lights off..."Just come to bed, honey..." He would grip the jersey tightly in his hands, "you just don't understand...he could of been ours, he was ours! It could've been us..." They probably don't feel any worse than the think tank in San Diego that brought in Norv Turner.

Steelers def. Seahawks: Pitt will rebound from their loss at Arizona, even without Hines Ward, and get the win at home. My friend Jon thinks the Seagals win it 24-20, so naturally I have to bet against him. Steelers 27-20, Hawks don't cover the 6 point spread. Honestly, if Willie Parker doesn't score 100 fantasy points this week I might score a grand total of 15 points.

Redskins def. Lions: Even with Kitna and his converts, the Lions fall short to Clinton Portis and the Skins. I can see Campbell having a good game against the Lions this weekend, isn't he due? Actually, I just picked up the Lions D for the week, but I am sticking with the Skins on this one...this is why I never make New Years Resolutions, my will is about as strong as Pac Man Jones outside a strip club with his buddies, "well, I am pretty hungry, sure, lets just go get something to eat, right?"

Titans def. Falcons: Joey Heisman had another game that might cause people to go against every fiber in their body and actually trust him this weekend with their money, but I know better, I have been a fan in the closet for a long time with Joey and I am staying where I am. It's nice in this dark place where no one can truly see your hope for him rise and fall as fast as hopes for Darko did his rookie season. The Titans are second in the league in rushing and playing at home, and can Joey really have another good game on the heels of his last one? Global warming hasn't changed the world that much, has it?

Rams def. Cardinals: Brian Leonard, Gus the Bust, the return of Icognito, and no Isaac Bruce? This has the makings for an upset written all over it. Kurt coming back to the dome and getting some playing time? Anquan on the bench again? Could anyone write this script any better for the Rams to surprise everyone and pull out their first win of the season? We know they aren't going winless this year, they gotta win at least one, and now that Bulger is on the sideline and not fearing his life being taken from the blindside on every down, what better time than now? Convinced?

Colts def. TB: No Cadillac for the rest of the season, and while I do think the Bucs are for real, I don't see them going into Indy at pulling off this upset. This seems to be a sexy pick, taking the Bucs over Peyton's Colts, but I think the Colts stay undefeated until Week 9 against the Pats when Tom Brady and friends resume their dominance of the Horseshoes.

Broncos def. Bolts: Travis Henry is "vowing to play" according to ESPN.com. When has a player had more to prove to a city that took a chance on him than Henry? Well, besides Moss. Reports say he has at least two more weeks until his B-sample appeal gets resolved, and you could bet your house that he is going to TRY to go break 1000 in the next few games. The Chargers are floundering. They need this game more than anyone, but it's at Mile High at Invesco (great name by the way, phert.) where the fans chant "in-come-plete" every time the QB misses. Norv Turner just might break down and cry if Rivers gets that cheer too many times. I really just want the Chargers to lose so that they are forced to fire Norv mid-season and issue and apology to their fans ala The Metropolitans, and who knows, Charlie Weiss might be available by then.

SF def. Ravens: First instinct: Dilfer vs. his old team? Awesome! Dilfer is one of those guys who, for some unknown reason, just wins games. Maybe it's because he doesn't make too many bad decisions, or maybe he has God on his side like Kitna, but couple that with Gore and I don't think the Niners are losing too much short-term with Alex Smith's separated shoulder. Also, I don't like the Ravens this year. They are the reason I am out of my elimination league.

Packers def. Chicago: And the Heavens part as the clock ticks down to :00 and Brett Favre is lifted into heaven like the Energizer Bunny to the spaceship. Favre and his D vs. Griese and his D? Favre every time. And if they do win and go to 5-0?! Berman will literally have an orgasm on camera. How can you not want to see that?

Cowbows def. Bills: One question: Why was this game scheduled for Monday night? Even if JP Losman wasn't hurt did the NFL Execs really believe the Bills would be MNF worthy? Cowboys might put up 50 on them, unless Trent Edwards turns out to be the next Big Ben.

Games I wish I could be at: Bears/Packers. They might have a parade after the game if the Pack goes to 5-0, and can you imagine how many free drinks you could get at the bars? So many babies will be born in July is Favre wins this one.

Games I wish could be played on Madden: Cowboys/Bills. Just because I would rather see the Boys score 100 than 50. And there has got to be some crazed Cowboy fan who is the ultimate Madden gamer who can get inside the Bills player so bad he would cry by halftime.

Upset watch: Rams/Cardinals. Can it really be considered an upset when speaking of the Cardinals? Not sure about that, but when you consider the state of the Rams, much like my fantasy team, this would be one for NFL Films Greatest Games Ever Played in the History of Upright Man.

Top 10 Big Hurt Subs

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 02:44:00 +0000

Ted Turner bought the rights to the MLB playoffs apparently, he must have thought this was the year for the Braves. Or, maybe he's just a good businessman. Nah. Anyone that shows every damn Braves home game on national TV can't be that good of a businessman.

At first I was excited when I saw Ernie Johnson doing the in-studio coverage, but who was that sitting next to him? Too big to be Charles Barkley, too quiet to be Kenny, is that Frank Thomas? Wow. Out of everyone they could have picked to do the in-studio coverage with Ernie and Cal Ripken, they selected The Big Hurt. Besides the fact that he never played in a huge market, outside of Chicago, and then he was on the wrong side of Chicago, there is a reason he has never been a media darling of the MLB in his career, he has the personality and charisma of a boulder.

Was Dennis Miller busy? Or did he give up on commentating after the whole MNF disaster? Here is my top list of people I would rather see in between Ernie and Cal:

10. Milton Bradley: At least we know it will be interesting. Interesting like Stephen Jackson's tattoo of praying hands holding a pistol. He's in his own world, as is Milton, wouldn't it be fun to be invited in for a few hours at a time?

9. Matt Stairs: He's gotta have some good stories after 10 different teams and almost 15 years of service. And doesn't he just look like one of those guys who is destined for the booth? Think John Kruk, if One Nut Kruk can do it why not give it Matty a shot at the prime time?

8. Turk Wendell: He wore a necklace that had shark teeth on it. And he played for three teams that are in the playoffs, and four if the Mets didn't collapse. But really, shark teeth? Enough said.

7. Ozzie Guillen: Maybe Ernie would say something that would really get him going and he would have another one of those unforgettable meltdowns where he would inevitably blame Cal, Ernie, the cameraman, the producer, even the sound guy for the lackluster show they were putting on. Priceless.

6. Dan Hawkins: Who? The University of Colorado coach who blew up this summer and told his players and player's parents that complained about summer practice that "this is D1 football brother!" He's in my fav five. Can you imagine if someone didn't run their hardest to first base on a routine ground ball? They would interrupt the telecast just to let us hear Hawkins blow up in the studio: "This is the big leagues brother! Go play tee ball!" Conversely I bet he would just gush about Eric Byrnes every time he got the chance. OH, and if you didn't know, he has a blog in which he said this:

I knew we would win on Saturday. Why? Our guys had a body of work that they could draw from. Their experiences had given them what they needed to form the proper frame of mind. All that was needed was for us to go out and sing our song and do our dance! Dance we did.

Dance you did Dan, dance you did.

5. Jay Buhner: My best friend in high school had a life-size stand-up cardboard cut-out of Jay drinking Mt. Dew. Actually, just stand that up between Ernie and Cal and I'd be happy. And has there ever been a more popular lifetime .254 hitter?

4. Bruce Willis: Then Ernie could play the game "Who Looks More Like Bruce Willis, Cal or Bruce?" Maybe Chuck could make a special guest appearance and share his thoughts on the matter. I would pay for that.

3. Vladimir Guerrero: I just wanna hear him give his take on hitting whenever they talk about all the good hitters in the playoffs. Ernie would ask him how we does it, and he would say, "I see the ball and I hit it." And then maybe Cal could translate for him or something, you know, like how Kenny always tries to save Chuck from making a fool of himself when he gets rambling about how bad every team in the league is.

2. Willie Randolph: They should make him sit through every single pitch of every single inning of every freaking playoff game that the Mets aren't in. And he should be forced to write a ten page report on every inning and submit it to the league office where some intern would read it over and then sit down with him and pick through every thing he wrote, word for word, questioning every decision he ever made. Thanks for your record breaking support Willie.

1. Steve Bartman: Wouldn't that be fun? Then they could break to him live in the studio when the Cubs find a new way to shatter their fans hearts and continue their century of woe. I would buy TiVo just for that and watch it in slo-mo and then bookmark it. Can you bookmark TiVo?

This just in, they just broke in to the studio to show the Big Hurt hitting two HR's against the twins in last years playoffs. They called the segment "Moment's in History." It should be, "Moments in history that didn't make history." Frank talked us through it, told us that he was just looking to contribute, or some other cliche sports euphemism. Can you put a price on that insight? I can't.

My hat's off to Ted Turner.

Thoughts on the First Quarter and a little bit more...

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:49:00 +0000

It was a disappointing week for my picks, I went a paltry 6-8. But there was so much good in the weekend, coupled with the further demise of the Mets, that all in all I had to see it as a good weekend.

It also marks the first quarter point for the NFL, can you hardly believe it? It feels like just yesterday we were all praying that our fantasy players wouldn't get hurt in meaningless preseason games.

The Good: The Football Giants had 12 sacks! I don't even get 12 sacks in a game in Madden. It makes you wonder what the offensive coordinator and O-line coach were thinking halfway through the 12 sacks? "Well, that's 6 sacks Joe, should we change things up on the line yet?"

"Nope, I think we have weathered the storm, it can only get better from here, I say we call a few more seven step drop-backs for McNabb and see if we can open this game up!"

"That sounds like a great idea to me, that's why they pay you the large money I guess."

"It is."

Brett Favre and his Packers are off to an amazing 4-0 start. If I had a vote I would give the First Quarter MVP to Favre. He is singlehandedly leading that team to victories. They have a handful of no-name running backs that have led the Pack to worst rushing ranking in the league while Brett has led them to the second best passing ranking. If you aren't happy for Brett Favre you don't have a soul. Or you did, but you sold it for that Yankees hat you have.

The Pats and the Colts look unstoppable and like they are on a collision course for the AFC Championship game. If anyone can stop Randy Moss they might have a chance, but really, the Pats have always won without him, so even if they do find a way to slow him, they can always hand it off to someone like Sammy "you're still in the league?" Morris, or throw it to Mike Vrabel and they should be fine.

Kurt Warner will be starting by the end of the 2nd Quarter of the NFL, and probably by the second quarter of next week's game versus the Rams. If Matt Leinart can't get something going against my Rams, they might wanna rethink their blueprint for the future and look at Colt Brennan next year in the draft. And how cool would it be for Kurt to come back to St. Louis and lead the Cards to a victory with all those gloves and arm bands he wears?

The Lions are 3-1 and Jon Kitna looks like he could be the next Jimmy Rollins with his 10 win prediction. You know things have turned around when people are actually talking about the Lions in a way that doesn't have the word "doormat" sprinkled in there somehow. I still have this lingering feeling in the back of my head that they are gonna drop 5 or 6 in a row, just because they are the Lions, but who knows, maybe they are changing things over there and Matt Millen's 18 WR's in the first round strategy is finally working out?

The Bucs have to be included in the Good of the First Quarter. They already have as many wins as I thought they would have all season. Maybe Jeff Garcia really is a good QB? I don't know why I am so reluctant to believe in him? Maybe it's the Jerseys...it's gotta be. It could be a rough road ahead now that Cadillac is out for the season. But I can tell you that he hasn't done much for the team or my fantasy team anyway, so maybe they will be fine.

The Cowboys are good. Yippee! I hope an asteroid falls through that hole in their dome...

The Bad: The Rams, The Mets, The Chargers, The Bills, The Eagles, The Bengals, The Saints, Norv Turner.

I actually heard Norv Turner blame his players for their execution as the reason for the teams struggles. They were 14-2 last year! How can you fire the coach and hire this bum with a losing record to "turn around" the 2 loss Chargers? The Chargers front office is making a run at the worst in Sports with this debacle. Someone needs to call the Clippers and tell Donald Sterling that he might want to pick up his slack and fire-sale his whole team to make way for new seat-covers during the Clipper games.

The Rams lost another starting lineman. We really need to put Gus the Bust in their and just call it a season at this point. With two starters on the line, Brian Leonard in the backfield, and Bulger with two broken ribs...man...if they aren't ripe for a good comeback story I don't know who is? But let's be honest with ourselves Kevin, unless Kurt Warner suits up for the Rams next weekend on accident I don't see much light in the tunnel at this point.

The Bills are horrid. The Trent Edwards honey moon will wear off quickly.

The Chargers and Saints and Eagles need to pick it up and actually try to win games. They owe it to their fans. And speaking of owing it to their fans, I would like to share with you a letter the Mets front office issued to their loyal fans:

Dear Mets Fan:

All of us at the Mets are bitterly disappointed in failing to achieve our collective goal of building upon last year's success. We did not meet our organization's expectations -- or yours. Everyone at Shea feels the same range of emotions as you -- our loyal fans -- and we know we have let you down. We wanted to thank you for your record-breaking support of our team this year.

Equally important, Ownership will continue its commitment in providing the resources necessary to field a championship team. Omar will be meeting with Ownership shortly to present his plan on addressing our shortcomings so that we can achieve our goal of winning championships in 2008 and beyond.

You deserve better results.

Many thanks again for your record-breaking support.

Oh, phew, I feel so much better now. Record breaking support? How about record breaking failure...this letter is a sham, they should of just said nothing and gone about making the pitching staff serviceable for next year. But hey, thanks, it's always nice to hear that the organization shares our "range of emotions." What range are we talking about here? Devastated to Mad As Hell? Depressed to Suicidal? Thanks again.

Lastly, congratulations to the Rockies for overcoming the Miller curse and continuing their improbable run to the playoffs. As my friend Matt said last night, "even if the Rockies lost, everyone in Denver would have flooded the streets and applauded for giving us reason to watch this late in the season." Personally I hope they sweep the Phillies and Jimmy Rollins and Matt Holiday actually breaks his face sliding into home for the series-clinching run.

Pain Pills

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:41:00 +0000

I separated my shoulder yesterday. I felt like I needed something to distract me from the Mets historic tankage in September. I left for work with the Mets down 8-1 and prayed that somehow a lightning storm or a hurricane would tear through Flushing and destroy all record of the game causing it to have to be replayed. Maybe Pedro could start again, and maybe we could win. But then...well, we would just lose in the playoffs and still be thought of as the worst best team in history.

So I pulled my shoulder out of socket and now have to worry about that. It also has taken my mind away from the Rams playing for the first pick in the draft next year. At one point during the game against the Cowboys yesterday the announcer said, "Maybe it's time to give Gus Frerotte a look." Man. I almost kicked my shin against the cement steps. Has it really gotten that bad that we are hoping Gus will be able to turn it around? Bulger has broken ribs and no offensive line, and rookie Brian Leonard is starting at RB. I guess it has gotten that dire in St. Louis. But again, it's okay, because I might have to go to the doctor for my partially separated shoulder. How did it happen, you ask? I was taking off a long sleeve shirt and pop! Slipped right out like Oden's crappy little knee cap when he got up from the couch...

This has been quite a weekend. The only thing that will save it for me is if TJ Whosyourdaddy goes for 55 fantasy points tonight against the All-Madden's, I mean the Patriots.

Week 4 Picks

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 23:15:00 +0000

I just worked a lunch shift for the first time in months, which meant I had to wake up pre-noon, so I just now got up from my mid-evening nap. Oh, and if I hadn't mentioned before, I am a server at a restaurant here in DC and you can be damn sure that if Roy Williams ever sat at one of my tables he would get the worst service he ever dreamed possible. Including spilling his cheap white zin down his cheap back.

Anyway, on to my picks. Through three weeks: 29-19.

Houston def. Atlanta: This is another one of those picks that I could go either way on. For some reason the name Ron Dayne doesn't really instill a lot of confidence into me when thinking about the Texans running game, but then again, the name Joey Heisman does even less for me. Harrington had a good game last week and everyone in Atlanta probably hopes he doesn't so they can get on with the Byron Leftwich era. I take Houston in this one by less than 10.

Ravens def. Browns: The reality of Derek Anderson at QB will continue to be brought back down to Earth with this game for the Browns fans. The Ravens D hasn't been that incredible this year, but we're talking about the Browns here, and I don't think Jamal Lewis' "I will show them" game is going to account for much. Ravens clean up in Cleveland.

Oakland def. Miami: Culpepper's first start of the season. Possibly Trent Green's last. I have a feeling the Raiders put up big numbers in this one, and Ronnie Brown doesn't. Too bad. Dolphins move to 0-4 and start scouting the next player they are going to draft 3 rounds too high next year.

Lions def. Bears: Grossman is on the bench, some even suggested he might slip all the way down to 3rd on the depth chart, you know, to make way for Kyle Orton eventually . Yeah, good luck with that one. Who knows, maybe he's the next Brees. My moneys says not likely. Anyway, Kitna has convinced me that they might just have a winning season this year, maybe not 10 games, but maybe 9, and what with Brian Griese getting the nod this week and the Bears missing some key defensive players, the Lions can pull this one out at home.

Jets def. Bills: I am starting Chad Pennington this week thanks to Marc Bulger's broken ribs and my broken dreams for the Rams this year, so I need a big win here from the Jets. Lots of touchdowns. Lots of them. And who better to pin my hopes on but JP Losman and the Bills...oh, what? Losman is hurt? What's that? Trent Edwards? Oh. Right. Lee Evans may never catch another ball this year.

Packers def. Vikings: Tavaris Jackson may be my least favorite QB in the NFL behind Eli Manning. I would rather start Kordell Stewart at QB then Tavaris. Reason? No reason, just don't like him. Have you ever just not liked someone for absolutely no real reason at all? Like you didn't like the way someone wore their hair the day you met them and it just stuck with you every time you saw them? That's how I feel about Tavaris. Apparently Brett Favre has never won in the dome in Minnesota, I think they change that this week and push Green Bay fans to the point of delirium.

Cowboys def. Rams: I don't even want to talk about it.

SF def. Seattle: For all intensive purposes the Seagals should beat the Niners. But my friend Jon is going to be at the game, and I have a good feeling he is going to bring his treacherous luck to the stadium for his beloved Hawks and Hasslesack. That's the same reason I KNOW from the bottom of my heart the Rockies won't make the playoffs this year, because Jon jumped on the bandwagon. Jon jumping on your bandwagon is like someone jumping in your inflatable raft with spikes on (more on bandwagons in a later post).

Bucs def. Panthers: David Carr is starting, which means that the Buccaneers will have 1,000 sacks and Jeff Garcia leads the Elder Team to another win. And hey, maybe Cadillac can get some more TD's for my fantasy bench.

Chargers def. KC: Larry Johnson hasn't found a hole all season. There probably wasn't a hole to be found in the first place since the Chiefs have pushed all their chips in on Eddie Kennison for another year so opposing D's can put 11 in the box. The Chargers need this one badly. If they lose it at home I fully expect Norv Turner to be gone before years end. What's Marty up to these days, by the way? And If Tomlinson doesn't put up numbers this week all the fantasy owners who took him first overall should find a way to circumvent the "players you can't drop" rule and pick up Ron Dayne instead.

Denver def. Colts: I feel an upset coming. I don't want to jinx it, so I'm not gonna say much more, but I think this one has the makings for an Indy heartbreak.

Steelers def. Cardinals: Unless they start Kurt Warner. The Steelers are damn good, and the Cardinals are again showing why no one should ever have high expectation for them coming in to a season. If everyone just expected them to lose every game, any win would be a great thing for their fans. Even just a moral win, or one of those good losses. Steelers roll.

Eagles def. Giants: The Eagles found their stride and I think they keep it for another week here against the Giants in NY. I trust Eli like I trust Jared Lorenzon with my niece wrapped in bacon. I am starting Curtis this week even though I know he won't put up more than 10 points. It seems like a rule in fantasy that if a player scores 40 or more points in one week, the following week has to be a below-average outage. Which is why I never start role players who become stars until at least two weeks later. Say hello to Ronald Curry in my lineup. But Hines Ward is down, so Curtis gets the nod. Anyway. Eagles win. Eli throws interceptions and stares at nothing again.

Pats def. Bengals: The Patriots are too good. Randy Moss has 7 more good games in him. I hope this is a good game. I hope it's close. But I don't see anyone beating the Pats at this point in the year.

Games I wish could be played on Madden: Jets v Bills. Could there be a less entertaining game on TV this Sunday? Maybe ESPN is going to show soccer, unless Hope Solo is being interviewed I would rather watch the Jets/Bills over that, but lets just have two fat kids play this one out on Madden let everyone know the outcome.

Games I wish I could be at: Pats v. Bengals. There are three amazing receivers in this game and two amazing qb's. Even without Rudi Johnson I bet the Bengals are still able to move the chains. And God only know what Ocho-cinco will do if he scores.

Upset Watch: The victims of last weeks upset watch come back and take their revenge on Indy. Denver over Indianapolis.

Weekend Update #4

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 19:25:00 +0000

As was pointed out by Steve, I went 10-6 this week, apparently he went 11-5, but really when you take into account that I told everyone I wasn't too confident about a lot of the games, and even said to watch out for Jax upsetting the Mile Higher's, I don't feel too bad about my 10. 11 would be nice though...

But on to the weekend that was. The Rams went ahead and lost the game, Steven Jackson to injury, and another starting lineman all in 60 minutes. They also allowed the Retirement Club and the Cadillac to move to 2-1, which makes me want to poke my eyes out. But really, there is still hope right? As a fan I have to believe that there is still hope, don't I? Even when I constantly hear from ESPN that only 5 teams in the history of the NFL have made the playoffs after starting 0-3. The last one being the '98 Bills. We all know how that turned out. Bright spot? Brian Leonard will start, and he will jump over someone, mark my words and watch for the highlight.

Kurt Warner brought a little of the turf-show magic out of the closet and might have started a QB controversy in Arizona. The Cards, obviously, lost to the Ravens 26-23 which wasn't that surprising when you consider they are the Arizona Cardinals. But the way Kurt came in and dominated the Ravens D was simply awesome. I'm not sure if he should start next week, but you should be damn sure that if Leinart puts up Iverson numbers again (9-20), Kurt and his bionic arm will be right back under center faster than you can say "Brett-Favre found the fountain of youth!"

Did anyone watch the Pack attack? Brett Favre tore apart the Charger's D on his way to tying Dan Marino for rhe most TD's in NFL history. I don't think he is using HGH, but Favre and Driver have to have found the Holy Grail or the road to Eldorado or something. Coupled with the Packers defense and Oregon Alum Nick Barnett, I could see the Packers making a trip to the playoffs a serious reality.

And to all those fantasy owners who picked up Derek Anderson and started him this week, I am sure Reality Football hurt a little bit this weekend. 2 picks and a lost fumble. Yeah. It's funny what happens when you aren't playing the Bengals. I might drop Bulger and just pick up anyone who is playing the Bungles if he is available. My friend, Jon, started almost the whole Seahawks offense in his fantasy game this week and came out a winner. Me on the other hand? I had Kevin Curtis and his 51 fantasy points on my bench. Had I known they Eagles were wearing those throwback glow in the dark jerseys, I would have definitely started him.

Finally there's another team that might take over the firm grip Oregon has on the ugliest jersey's award every year. I think Rueben Droughns, my arch-nemesis in fantasy football, thought he was playing for Oregon again when he scored two touchdowns on Sunday against the Skins. That's two more than he ever scored for any team I ever had him on.

There has been talk that the Blazer's are cursed, which we undeniably are, but I am starting to think that I might be cursed. It may just be a coincidence, but almost every team I like is going down the tube. The Mets are trying their hardest to give away the division and the playoffs all together, losing over and over to the mighty Nationals. The Rams...well, yeah. Notre Dame is off to it's worst start since the 1800's. The Blazers drafted yet another broke down center. There has to be a bright spot?

How bout Syracuse upsetting Louisville! How bout Oregon waxing Stanford! Yes, yes there is a bright spot. But if the Mets lose the division and the Rams go 0-16, a perma-cloud will follow me until the Blazers win more than 35 games.

Actually, as long as there are guys out their like Oklahoma St. coach Mike Gundy blowing his top at a post-game press conference, a game in which they beat Texas Tech, I will be able to maintain a decent level of happiness.

"I'm a man! I'm forty!"

Sleeper HGH Pick: Norv Turner. Desperation does a lot of things...

Week 3 Picks

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 15:37:00 +0000

I am 21 days late on my rent, but these picks need to be made. Looking at the schedule for this week there are only a handful of games that I think are no-brainers, the rest, you would be hard pressed to find me placing bets on them with a shady bookie in a back alleyway. So, here we go:

Week 3 Picks:

Rams def. Bucs: I'm not making this pick totally based on my allegiance to the Rammers, well, maybe 60%, but even after last week when Garcia and Galloway put on a show for the late 90's and gave a post-game interview where they seemed to be lovers on the DL, I have to believe Week 1 wasn't a fluke for them. The Rams will figure out a way to hold on to the ball and put the ball in the endzone. If not, Linehan might want to get some ice for that seat. Rams 24-17.

SD def. Packers: This one pains me to pick it, but I have a feeling LT will find a way to get some yards and some points this week on Green Bays' "revamped" D. I honestly didn't even know Charles Woodson was still in the league. Favre will break the record for INT's. SD 21-10.

Jets def. Miami: A coin toss for me. Pennington is back, but Thomas Jones is averaging less than 3 ypc, and I really just don't believe in them at all to win this game. But they are the home team, and the Dolphins are not much to write home about either. Jets 14-13. If Tedd Ginn, Jr. takes one back for a TD, Dolphins 18-12.

Ravens def. Arizona: Baltimore's D will be up for the challenge this week, and given the fact that this game is in Baltimore and McNair should be under center again, I tip the scales towards the the Ravens. I think this game might look a little like the Cincy game in Week 1, with Baltimore on top this time. Bmore 27-21.

Colts def. Texans: No Andre Johnson? No way. Matt Schaub is good, but Peyton Manning is unreal. The Colts steamroll. 31-10.

Philly def. Lions: If not...McNabb will hear even more criticism. I think this one will be close. I am starting to slowly gain a little love for John Kitna. But this is another of those games where I give the edge to the home team and a veteran QB. Eagles 24-21.

Vikings def. KC: Unless Superman suits up for the Chiefs any time soon, you might be hard-pressed to find me picking KC over anyone other than Notre Dame. Vikings win, and Adrian Peterson continues to impress. Vikes 20-10.

Patriots def. Buffalo: The Patriots are too angry right now to be slowed down by Marshawn Lynch and the Bills at home. Randy Moss is up to 2/10 good games needed, I think he goes for three here. Pats 28-7.

Steelers def. SF: Willie Parker is third in Rushing Yards, which opens up the game for Big Ben to find his receivers down field. I think this trend continues at home this week. The Niners barely squeaked by my Rams last week, and I don't think Pitt is going to be handing them the win like Dante Hall did. Pitt 27-14.

Raiders def. Browns: I have a bad feeling Derek Anderson's fantasy superstardom might come crashing to an end this game. And can Jamal Lewis really get that many yards two games in a row? I am looking for the Raiders to exploit every weak part of the Browns' D and then stop them with their surprisingly good defense. Raiders 21-10.

Bengals def. Seahawks: This one will kill my dad if Chad Johnson puts on another show after a touchdown, he hates stuff like that. I don't believe Seattle is going to be that good this year in the long term, and the Bengals' D has something to prove after giving up 51 points to me on Madden last week, I mean, to Derek Anderson and the Browns. They are too good, or potentially too good, to have two bad games in a row. The 12th man in Seattle can't get on the field or in the players heads for this one. Cincy 28-21.

Broncos def. Jax: Travis Henry is the leading rusher in the league, and the second leg of my dynamic fantasy duo with big-play Willie. Although they are luckier than all get-out to be 2-0, I think they win here at home and push their record to a superbowl-fever-inducing 3-0 in Denver. If they do win here check the headlines folks, Denver will lose their minds and crown Cutler the next king of heaven and give him the keys to John Elway's car dealerships. Broncos 21-13.

Giants def. Redskins: If they don't, I might have to leave D.C. for the same reasons as mentioned above. Giants 14-13.

Panthers def. Falcons: Everything inside me wants to believe that Joey will man-up and throw the ball away instead of taking sack after sack, especially with Leftwich coming to town to take over. The time is now for Harrington to make some plays and get a W. But, sadly, I don't think it will happen, and sadly, my least favorite jerseys in the league will most likely win this game and send Joey to the bench. Panthers 20-6.

Cowboys def. Bears: I life the Cowboys offense, and more than that, I like seeing Wade Phillips break a sweat. Unless Hester breaks off another TD, I like Dallas in this one by 3. 20-17. Hester effect: 24-17 Chicago.

Saints def. Titans: The Saints can't lose two Monday night games in the first three weeks can they? It's either they win here, or lose all pride and slump to 0-3 and forget about the playoffs. At home on Monday I think they pull it out and find a way to right the ship. Saints 24-14.

Games I wish I could be at: San Diego at Green Bay. While I do think the Chargers are going to win, I would love to be in Green bay for this one. Brett Favre and Driver are clicking, and the fans are going to be ready for this one. Ever since LT solidified himself in the Fantasy Hall of Fame, everyone wants to beat San Diego because of all the hype that surrounds the team.

Cincy at Seattle is another game I think is going to be a gem. My dad used to take me to a game in Seattle every year, we would sit up in the nose bleeds and watch with binoculars in the Kingdome. This is the game I would choose. People in Seattle probably hate Chad Johnson and TJ because they have a little attitude to 'em. Seattle players are the most boring, ho-hum players in the league, but they love them. And with the Sonics leaving and the Mariners dumping the last two months of the season, this city is primed for another heartbreak.

Games I wish could be decided on Madden: Carolina/Atlanta. Until Leftwich starts it's too hard to watch or care about the hapless Falcons. And again, I just can't stand the Panthers jerseys.

Miami/Jets. Both teams 0-2, one team has to win, but both teams are battling for top spot in the draft next year unless Uncle Chad can not get hurt for the first time in his life, so really, wouldn't the best way to figure this one out just be to play it on Madden and move on to Week 4?

Upset Watch: Jacksonville at Denver.

Daly v. Janikowski: Rumble till we Stumble

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 06:12:00 +0000

I was talking to my brother-in-law, Geoff, today on Gchat and this is what we came up with: We need to see a death match between John Daly and the "John Daly" of place kickers, Sebastian Janikowski.

It will start Sunday night. Sebastian will have played a day game, and Daly will have tanked enormously as always after the first two days of the tourney. Of course, he will have a following, a huge following on the final day of the tournament even though he's 12 shots off the lead, because he can drive the ball farther and crack jokes wittier than anyone else on tour. But he will lose and be happy with his winnings. And then it will be on.

Sebastian v. Daly. An epic battle of drinking and endurance.

It will be televised on SPIKE TV. Live.

First round: Shot for shot at a local bar. A dive bar. The kind of bar you would most likely find these two when out on their own. The kind of bar with a cocktail waitress named Sue. She's got an 80's perm job and three kids to support with each nights tips. A lifer.

The two walk in. Take their seat, and ask for endless shots of Jagermeister and Redbull. After the 8th or 9th they start chanting "Jager Bomb! Jager Bomb! Jager Bomb! BOOOOMBS AWAY!" With each shot put back they stare each other down until the chant resumes. After twenty shots they are on to the next challenge.

They stumble out of the bar and on to the set of MXC (Most Extreme Challenge). Asia's hottest import to the U.S. since Ichiro. They take turns stumbling up the gauntlet towards the castle while those big rocks come tumbling down at vomit-inducing speeds, but no matter how many times each of them gets knocked down and swallows their own throw-up out of pride, these two gladiators get back to their feet.

At one point Sebastian gives up on dodging the boulders and starts to kick them out of the gauntlet. It is truly an impressive feat, but one that shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who has seen his kickoffs.

John Daly takes note of this and pulls a little magic of his own on his way to the top. From somewhere deep inside his shorts he is wearing in protest of the PGA's "no shorts" rule, he pulls out his trusty over-sized driver. As the boulders approach, and as the commentators make asinine comments about the girth of his club and the length of his shaft, John lines up, keeps his head down, and hacks away at the boulder he has convinced his inebriated mind is just "a big 'ol golf ball!" He drives three of four of these boulders out of the gauntlet and into the one of the sludge pools on the course, all the spectators stand and yell "get in the sludge! Bite! Bite!"

At the end, after all the boulders have been kicked and drove out of the gauntlet our two heroes make their way to the top, drunk-happy as a sailor seeing land and half-decent women for the first time in years. They try and high five but miss, laugh about it, and make their way back to the bar for round three!

This is where it gets hazy. The cameramen are drunk purely from second-hand drinking. Sue can barely walk from the bar to the small table the two are hulking over, and it is rumored they do somewhere between twenty to thirty more shots before finally they both fall out of their chairs, laughing at first, then appear to be pass out drunk. As soon as they were about to call it a tie, we hear a rustling on the floor, someone has held on to one last shot as they fell from the chairs, who is it?! Big John Daly sits up on one elbow, looks at Sebastian sprawled out on the dirty floor next to him, winks at the camera, and takes one more triumphant shot!

It's an instant ESPN Classic.

Weekend Update #3

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 18:15:00 +0000

My allegiance to my distrust of all things Houston Texans is starting to hurt me. Luckily I had no money on the game, but it did bring my already paltry week 2 results to a disappointing 9-7. I dropped the ball. It's ok, I'll bounce back. But for now, here are some thoughts on Week 2 in the NFL:

Tons of great drops this week, game changing drops in fact. Justin McCareins dropped a pass at the 5 that could have tied the game and given the Jets a little hope of making the post season, the stats on 0-2 teams making it to the playoffs is seriously depressing. I put a call in to Scott Linehan and reminded him of that, no word yet.

1st place goes to Brandon Jones of the mighty Titans. Vince did all he could to win the game, and Brandon Jones pulled a Nick-Anderson-esque choke by dropping two consecutive passes. In the end the Titans came up short when Indy threw the 10 man box-1 on Vince Young for the last play of the game.

Sunday was a great day for chokes all around, not just WR's joined the fun, fat kickers did too. Sebatsian Jankiowski fell victim to the freeze play. If you didn't see it you have to check it out, Mike Shanahan calls a timeout just before the ball is snapped for the go-ahead field goal, but the play goes on and Janikowski knocks one through and makes plans in his head to go straight to the bar after the big win, "the toast of the town I will be!"

The Refs call it back, says there was a timeout, everyone loses their minds on the Raiders sideline, and the Freeze is on. Everyone knows they are trying to put the Freeze on him, but everyone also knows that it rarely works. So Janikowski trots back out on the field to give it a go, and this time boinks it off the left upright. Shanahan thanked Dr. Freeze in his postgame speech, no joke.

My friend Paul's dad was so disgusted his Broncos lost to the Raiders that he turned the game as Sebastian's first kick was in the air. His wife told him later that she couldn't believe the Broncos won. I hope he had TiVo.

If I had TiVo I would go back and watch the Browns/Bengals track meet and see if they actually had defensive players on the field. Over 1000 yards of total offense combined for both teams and 96 points later you had one of the greatest fantasy games of all time! Sadly, I only had one player from that game, and my opponent had three. He set the high score for the week. You know its a shootout when Braylon Edwards gives you almost 40 points of total offense. And am I the only one that is starting to think that Jamal Lewis might have secretly traded souls with LT? Tomlinson is having the worst year of his life so far while Lewis is running for over 200 yards again, circa post-jail year!

And lets hear it for the Pac-10 this weekend. Palmer, Derek Anderson, Chad and TJ, Kellen Clemens, Matt Lienart, even Rueben Droughns is returning kicks. Heck, there were more Beavers in the Bengals/Browns game then Roger Goodell suspensions so far this year. I can't wait for everyone to run out and pick up Derek Anderson in their fantasy leagues and start him next week against Oakland. I am a big DA fan, but I doubt he will be able to put up Madden numbers again this year, especially when Baltimore comes to town and he has to stare down Ray Lewis and his torn bicep. What a man. Lewis even got an interception this week. If I had a torn bicep I would make someone raise the beer glass to my mouth for me. "MMM....a little more please..."

On a more depressing note this weekend, the spirit of Az Hakim hasn't left St. Louis. Dante Hall muffed the fair catch in the fourth quarter with the Rams up 16-14. The Niners kicked a field goal and Wilkins missed a 56 yard game winner later. I actually said to myself while following the game online before the punt:

"Man, I am glad we don't have the Wizard of Az anymore. Thank God for Dante Hall..."

Even though the rams had 200 yards more than the Niners on offense they couldn't squeak out a win. The Niners must be the most unimpressive 2-0 team in a long time. Both their wins have come by way of the other team not actually wanting to win the game. And, both games have been NFC West games. Whoever gets in from this division is going to be like the 7th and 8th seed in the Eastern Conference, it's fun for them and their respective fans, but no one really cares.

Personally, I think everyone in the league is playing for second place behind the Patriots. Even without their cameras they obliterated the Thunder Bolts. The Pats doubled the Chargers yards on offense and had 11 minutes more of possession time. Bill Simmons wrote a great article on the game. Like I said after Week 1, if Randy Moss gives them 10 games like this, so only 8 more, they will dominate all year. 14 or 15 wins isn't out of the question.

You know what else isn't out of question? OJ Simpson being the dumbest man in America. Forget the murders he may or may not have committed, that's a moot point now, you have to read this article about his arrest. My favorite part is when he tells the reporter that despite the arrest, "I am having a great time," and that he thought, "what happens in Las Veags stays in Las Vegas." Really?

He is a 60 year old man who just potentially went into a room with his old friends and stole things that weren't his at gunpoint. He is facing a lot of jail time, which he probably won't get we all know, but really, this is what you have to say about it? Wow. That's like if Janikowski celebrated after missing the second kick by doing cartwheels into the the locker room. If Art Shell was around for that, even he would have to react.

And finally, there were many upsets in college football this weekend. But my favorite moment of all of them, hands down, was the look on the Kentucky assistant coach's face after Kentucky scored the go-ahead touchdown. I'm sure you saw it if you saw the replays, and for the life of me I can't find a picture of this guy, but it was classic. This spindly white kid with a clipboard and a headset runs on to the field and does a squat-scream with so much dedication in his face that I swear he was going to drop a deuce right there on the field. Kentucky is ranked #21 in the polls, the first time since 1984 that they have been seen in the top 25, but I wonder if the voters had seen this guy celebrate before voting would they have ranked them a few spots higher. I think it's worth it.

Week 2 Results: 9-7
Overall: 19-13

I am off to see the Mets play the Nationals tonights, fingers crossed that John Maine can go the whole game...

Week 2 Picks

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Thomas) — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:45:00 +0000

I am looking to improve on my 10-6 performance last week. It's hard to focus on anything else other than Greg Oldman having microfracture surgery, but I will endure.

Indy def. Ten: Everyone is talking about how Indy should be worried about going in to Tennessee because of Vince Young and the run offense. I think Tennessee should be worried about Indy's stable of offensive horses they got over there, and I think the D will man up and stop Tennessee and Vince.

Green Bay def. NYG: Possibly no Eli, possibly the largest QB in NFL history replacing him and an unproven running back by the name of Derrick Ward? I am going with Favre breaking the record for all-time wins.

Cincy def. Cleveland: Be it Anderson or Quinn or even my boy the Dorsal Fin, Cincy rolls, Chad dances, and TJ has long hair.

Carolina def. Houston: I heard a commentator say the Texans might make the playoffs. I might be superman. Carolina has to beat Houston, they beat my Rams last week...our strength of schedule needs it...

New Orleans def. TB: Cadillac is knicked up, and New Orleans is looking to rebound from their drubbing last week. 28-9 New Orleans.

Pitt def. Buffalo: Pitt runs all over Buffalo's weak run D, Big Ben basks in the light of throwing 4 td's last week, and JP Losman still has untapped potential.

Atlanta def. Jax: This one is a hard for me to swallow, but I feel it. I still don't believe that the Jags are near as good as anyone thinks they are, and even though I do believe Joey H is as bad as everyone thinks, I think Atlanta pulls this one out by a late field goal. 13-10.

Rams def. Niners: Bulger has a big day, Darrell Jackson drops TD's, and Steven Jackson steam rolls. They will miss Pace, but Barron should be serviceable.

Detroit def. Minny: If this game were in Minnesota I would pick the Vikings. Peterson runs amok, but in the end Detroit moves to an unheard of 2-0!

Seattle def. Cardinals: Those loyal Card fans endure another heartbreaking loss. At this point though, shouldn't they kind of be numb to it all?

Dallas def. Miami: Miami got beat by the hapless skins. They looked horrible. I think Ronnie Brown gets stifled by Dallas' D, and TO has another big day...sadly.

Chicago def. KC: The Chiefs are playing for the number 1 pick next year, they better pray to the draft gods that he isn't a distant relative of Oden.

Baltimore def. Jets: Baltimore, with or without Air McNair, beats the Jets and Kellen Clemens by two scores. Baltimore's D is the scariest thing I have seen since the Boogey Man.

Denver def. Oakland: Good news though! Jamarcus might be on the sidelines! Still, T-9 has ten touchdowns, one for each kid and one for the bun in the oven, and my fantasy team rolls!

Patriots def. Lightning Bolts: Not convinced about the Norv Turner effect. And the Pats have to much pride and to much to prove. New England squeaks one out at the end and John Madden picks an O Lineman as the Horse Trailer player of the week. Love those kankles.

Philly def. Washington: McNabb goes off. Kevin Curtis makes me wish I would start him, and Westbrook continues to be one of the more underrated RB's in the NFL. And oh yeah, the skins show up and try and move the ball downfield...

Games I wish I could be at: Patriots vs. Bolts. I think this is gonna be an epic game, there is so much intrigue on both sides of the ball. Maybe Merriman will accidentally run into a camera on the sideline and bleed HGH...God is funny that way.

Games I wish didn't have to be played: Atlanta/Jax, Carolina/Houston. Maybe they could put all four teams in a ring and have a royal rumble match. Other than that, I have no interest in either of these games, unless Delhomme is sick or injured and can't play and David Carr steps in against his old team. He should change his number to V for Vendetta and throw for 400 yards.

Possible Upsets I hope don't happen: Oakland over Denver. Unless it is a shootout. Because really, I would love for the Raiders to beat Denver and their High and Mighty fans. I mean, Mile High Fans. And for the love of God, don't let the Titans win. I don't want to hear about the greatness of Vince again this week. Unless it's in reference to how he is the next Randall Cunningham.

Upsets I secretly hope happen: Giants and the Pillsbury QB over Green Bay.