The thought behind the funny

Iphone Spell Checker/AutoCorrect Entertainment

2011-02-13T15:49:00.003-10:00

Inquisitively Refreshing Thoughts

2010-10-26T05:41:00.001-10:00

The Flight

2010-10-25T11:25:00.001-10:00

Today is one piece of your life, the flight,

We strive to achieve, to believe, to love, to do what's right.

It is a journey every day and night,

It's never easy, it's always a fight!

Life itself ain't black n white, it just isn't that plain,

Some things are seen only after you experience pain.

What's done is done,

There is no turnin back, hope it was fun, second chances, there are none.

That's what reality is,

Don't care what anyone says.

Whatever you do, remember not to forget,

You live once, I am willing to bet.

You will also live today only once, think twice,

Cause I can't tell you what happens next.

A slight of hand, a throw of the dice,

You can't figure it out, it's too complex.

Today is your life, the heartfelt goodbye of tomorrow,

Cherish your moments, remember your sorrow.

You are here for me just like I am here for you,

Look around, that's bullshit, that just ain't true.

Most people don't get it, we take it for granted, we don't take the time,

Seems, as if, caring for someone in todays world is a crime.

I am expecting of people, less and less,

Whether right or wrong, if you get this.... god bless.

Be the person you want to be,

Realize…. you on your own,

No one really cares about you, I hope you see.

I know it hurts to the bone,

But the truth is that we all, at some point, feel alone.

No matter if you are thrown or known,

Don't let shit bother you, be a stone.

As long as you, during your flight, shine bright,

People will care for you cause in a world of darkness, you are the light

How About Them Grapes?

2010-10-25T11:22:00.000-10:00

Or; "how about them apples" is more popular title? So why did I ask about grapes. Well, yes it does sound more original, but besides that, there was a real legitimate reason. I like grapes. Eat more grapes and there will be more apples. After all, we know about gravity thanks to an apple.

So next time you are writing your hypothesis on Quantum Theory of Strings among gravity waves, throw some grapes around and maybe, just maybe , we might have another scientific breakthrough.

Where would we be without apples?
Not without Newton, but without apples, where would we be.

Well now the time has come to recognize grapes. So, how about them apples?
I mean grapes. Sorry.

It is wierd how that great leap of science evolution was given such a stupid story to go with it. It is as if Newton was an idiot and only got an idea when an apple fell on his head. Come on, give me a break. Give Newton more credit. Although this story could be real, it sounds funny. He realized complex relationships among celestial bodies after an apple fell on his head. I am thankful at least that it was an apple and not something heavier. But you never know, perhaps if the tree fell on him, his discovery would have been much greater. We would all be wearing our anti-gravity belts by now. Newton was a genius, give him more credit than that lousy story.

Global Warming........in your wallets

2010-10-22T19:27:00.004-10:00

For several years now, the news cycle has been bombarding us with 2 little words that have become double platinum. The words are oozing with money. They inspire altruism and make some people think that with their concern of it, they have become a better person. No, not operation freedom but Global Warming!

We are constantly shown graphs of how anything from us brushing our teeth to drinking beer causes temperatures to rise. It seems odd that everything is correlated to us causing the Global temperature rise.

We are reminded every day how the Earth would have been so much better off if it wasn't for us. You are shown these pictures of cuddly little birds or some cute animals to the point of acute interest. Then the statement comes that this animal is on the brink of extinction because of man made global warming(and you need to buy a Toyota Prius to save us). We are forced through guilt to buy things that are more expensive but "green".

Lets examine the new Chevy Volt. It is being touted as the car of the future that will put us on the right path to reversing "our damage" to the environment. However, the car runs on electricity using the grid and also requires regular unleaded gas for when the battery runs out(which is after about 70 miles). Well what do you think is used to make electricty, fuel perhaps? To charge this car every night will cost you and fuel for this car will cost you. Also, the price tag for it is around $40k! A honda accord or toyota camry that cost around $20k which get approximately 30mpg will cost you less per mile in the short and long run. The car is "Green" in the fact that it will cost you major denero$$.

Notice how every month is compared to the warmest on record no matter how far off it is. How every single hurricane or rainstorm causes news stations to ask if this could be caused by global warming. Also while presenting it they make it appear like it such a grand and perplexing possibility like they just discovered they have ears on both sides of their head. This doesn't stop when we get to winter time because apparently snow storms are caused by global warming too.

For god's sake, stop it. We only have temperature records dating back a hundred years or so, the rest is still in theory. Weather forecasters can't even predict with decent accuracy what the weather is going to be a week from now, not even mentioning what it will be in 10 or 20 years. If there is one thing we know for sure about the weather, it is that it is variable.

There are many different factors that affect our climate which we have not accounted for yet. For the same reason we cannot predict the weather very well a week from now, we cannot survey correctly our entire climactic system because we do not know of all the variables involved. Our climate goes through cycles not based on our daily commutes but based on ocean circulation and sun output to simplify.

The majority of our planet is covered by ocean and this is the major factor causing climate change. The pacific ocean(happens to be our biggest) goes through a warm or cold cycle, when it changes, we are going to feel it. The past 20 years or so it has been in a warm cycle, the next 10 to 20 years it is going into a cold cycle. We will probably even experience a global cooling in the coming years not because Al Gore's movie reduced co2 output by us human folk but because of our natural climactic cycle.

The global warming swindle is like the following example. The ocean gets warmer and you just happened to take a piss earlier that week. Then your friend observes the water temperature rise and also knows that earlier that week you took a whiz in the ocean. Then, your friend instead of contemplating other factors takes this coincidence and correlates your pissing in the ocean to the ocean getting warmer. Oh and then makes a graph illustrating it while suggesting you piss in the lake to make it better while buying stuff that will help your aim.

TGIF Jokes

2009-05-01T06:46:00.003-10:00

Job Interview 'Killer Question'

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again. The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.

What did he say?
He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams!"
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.
Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

TGIF

There was a young lady who was totally exhausted from a week's worth of work. Finally, it was time for her to end her work day and go home.

As she entered the elevator, she sighed a triumphant, "T-G-I-F...," and began to relish the thought of going home and relaxing the weekend away.

It so happened that there was a man on the elevator with her and heard her jubilant exclamation.

His reply to her was, "S-H-I-T."

Now the woman was not sure if she heard the man correctly and she was determined not to let this man ruin her beautiful weekend she had ahead of her, so again she stated more strongly, "T-G-I-F!" and glared at the man, daring him to repeat his obscenity.

The man made eye contact and stated matter-of-factly, "S-H-I-T."

This infuriated the young woman, so with hands on her hips she stated, "How dare you use profane language like that in front of a lady! I was saying, T-G-I-F...'Thank Goodness it's Friday'. What is wrong with you!?"

The man was amused at her outrage and with a smirk on his face replied,

"S-H-I-T. 'Sorry, Honey... it's THURSDAY!"

And with that walked off the elevator with a spunky step.

The best 'dear john' letter ever

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky

The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty girls he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care, Ricky

Top 5 Snappy Answers

Snappy Answer #1
A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3
The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4
A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?" The lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

and finally...
#5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-@rse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s3xual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Credit Cards Busted

2009-04-30T05:36:00.005-10:00

I had a personal experience recently with credit cards ripping me off. I had a 0% credit card supposedly until the end of the year. The company was respectable, I cannot mention the name (it's one of the big ones), so I thought I had nothing to worry about. BAD IDEA! When I got it about 6 months ago, they claimed 0% until november 2009 with no minimum payments. So I used the card and tried to pay at least a little every month not to get a huge surprise come november. However I had some financial troubles a couple months ago and did not pay anything to that card. It is 0% percent until november with no minimum payment (stated on the balance $0 due), so I decided not to pay anything on it that month.

I usually don't look at the paper statements and just pay my cards and bills online. However this time, the bill for this 0% card came in and I opened it just to get a glimpse at my debt just for the hell of it. Well, what do you know.....everything seems normal, and then I notice that my APR(annual percentage rate) is a whopping 23%!!!!! I am thinking WTF!!! They did not send me a letter warning me of the rate hike or any warning whatsoever. They just decided to charge me more and did not inform me.

So I call the credit card company and they explain that they put me on the default rate because I skipped a payment and did not pay anything for a month (the month I was talking about before with financial troubles). Well no shit assholes, the card is 0% and the payment due said $0, so how in the world can you hike up the rate like that??? The reply was it was in the fine print of our terms and conditions and refused to put the rate back down....

At this point, 2 things come to mind, they are assholes and WTF. I say class action lawsuit (I am sure I'm not the only one that this happened to).... and the card mentioned is CAPITOL ONE mastercard.

Swine Flu Breakdown

2009-04-29T03:48:00.007-10:00

Here is some things you need to know about the current swine flu. Here are some quick facts for you.

The earliest confirmed case of the illness was in the town of La Gloria, Veracruz, Mexico, where a boy fell ill on April 2.

La Gloria is located near a pig farming operation that raises nearly one million pigs per year.

The owner of the pig farm is Smithfield Foods.

The first two cases identified (and confirmed) as swine flu were two children living in the United States, in San Diego County and Imperial County, California, who became ill on March 28 and 30.

This new strain was promptly confirmed in Mexico, connecting the new strain to the ongoing outbreak of ILI.

The strain appears to be unusually lethal in Mexico, causing 159 deaths (26 confirmed) so far, mostly in Mexico City.

The Mexican fatalities are mainly young adults of 25 to 45, a common trait of pandemic flu.

Mexican Health Minister José Ángel Córdova on April 24, said "We’re dealing with a new flu virus that constitutes a respiratory epidemic that so far is controllable.

The first death from swine flu occurred on April 13, when a diabetic woman from Oaxaca died from respiratory complications.

In March and April 2009, over 1000 cases of suspected swine flu in humans were detected in Mexico and the southwestern United States.

At a press briefing on April 27, acting CDC director Dr. Richard Besser stated that out of 40 confirmed cases in the United States at that point, only one individual was hospitalized. He also revealed that the median age was 16 years "with a range in age of 7 to 54 years."

Unlike what usually happens in cases of influenza, which inflict a greater number of deaths between the elderly and the children, this strain has, so far, resulted in deaths in people between the ages of 25 and 50.[99] One reason why this might be is that the virus is thought to produce a damaging cytokine storm in young people with an active and healthy immune system.

Swine Flu Symptoms

How can you tell if you might have swine flu and should see a doctor? Here's a checklist of symptoms linked to the disease, which is suspected of killing more than 150 people in Mexico and sickening hundreds more around the globe:

# Fever

# Cough

# Sore throat

# Body aches

# Headache

# Chills

# Fatigue

Some people have also reported diarrhea and vomiting.

The symptoms are similar to those experienced by people infected by other flu strains. In the past,

pneumonia and respiratory failure and deaths have been reported with swine-flu infection. Like seasonal flu, swine flu may cause chronic medical conditions to worsen.

Avoidance Tactics

- frequent washing of hands with soap and water or with alcohol-based hand sanitizers after being out in public

- avoid touching mouth, nose or eyes with hands unless washed hands recently

- There is no risk of flu transmission from consumption of pork.

To Keep track of where it is, check out: Map of outbreak in the U.S.

and now some humor on the subject from some anonymous guy

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial
stuff around. Wear a mask when out in public places and avoid going out in public as much as possible while the swine flu is spreading. Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible. Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR …. You can take the doctor’s office approach. Think about it, when you go
for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because
alcohol kills germs. So…… I put on my mask, walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest). The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!

Perspective

2009-04-27T06:03:00.009-10:00

If you feel confined than this is for you. A pleasant lesson in reality and a hint of humility. Just plain....wow....

Funny Sayings and Quotes TGIF

2009-04-24T03:12:00.010-10:00

I never apologize.
I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.
- Homer J. Simpson

"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."
- Benny Hill

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
- Rodney Dangerfield

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
- David Letterman

"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
- Rich Cook

"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot"

"The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk."

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
- Jane Wagner.

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
- Dean Martin

"Constipated People Don't Give A crap."

Calvin: "People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,"
Hobbes: "Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?"
- Calvin and Hobbes

"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!"

"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
- Albert Einstein

"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
- Paul Getty.

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed."
- Albert Einstein

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
- Robert Orben

"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
- John Peers.

Top 10 most common thoughts that come up when something has to get done

2009-04-22T04:19:00.009-10:00

10. "I'll ask someone else to do it"
9. "It's going to be so easy...."
8. "Why do I have to do this?"
7. "let me see if its available online?"
6. "I'm hungry all of a sudden"
5. "What's on TV?"
4. "What are my plans to chill after wards, need to make plans to chill"
3. "I'll just check my email first...."
2. "I can do it tomorrow"
1. "I need to take a nap first, too tired to do anything now"

Encounter with......evolution

2009-04-21T03:28:00.006-10:00

We were feeding some geese at the lake and then some rock n roll bird flew in. It walked from side to side like it just had some fermented fruit sprinkled with some hallucinogen. The bird had spiked hair on its head and was bald on the sides. Is that natural? Maybe someone decided to play a joke on the bird and mess around with it. The poor bugger looked lost to add to it all so we threw it some bread. It had this look of helplessness and sorrow, maybe it was some trait to help it survive, because we instantly felt sorry for it. Perhaps a predator goes to attack it usually and then lets it go out of pity as well, evolution does wonders for it. Might look like a freak, but at least nothing wants to eat it. So, we threw it some bread and unfortunately for the dinosaur mutant drunk bird, one of the geese did not like that it got some bread so the goose chased it away, then flew after it, and gave that retard bird what looked like the avian equivalent of a UFC knockout then waited on top of it for a tapout. The goose landed on top of it and gave it 2-3 nice kicks to the head and the poor bastard stopped moving, so we took off our hats and gave it some silence. We thought our little rock n roll little monster with spiked hair dyed but then after the goose moved away, the little bugger was faking it. We still don't know what kind of bird that was but it was the size of a big duck, bald on sides of head kind of reddish with spiked hair on top of its head. Maybe this is some rapid step in evolution, but what could have caused this? Hold on a second ladies and gentlemen, I think we know why, it must be global warming that's causing this. I don't why that thought hasn't come up before but it always comes in handy when lacking an explanation ;)

Unfounded Expectation

2009-04-20T10:17:00.008-10:00

It absolutely warms our souls when people try to help us by reprimanding us behind our backs. So you sit there minding your own business eating with someone from your office and exchanging jokes enjoying the times. Everything is good, and then you start seeing relations deteriorate between the two of you and it becomes unpleasant to be in the same room with the person. Then that person's best friend (your friend too) comes to you and says that they are mad at you because your best friend didn't clean their dishes for them while they were in the lunch room (?????) and not only that, the person telling you this is completely on their side brainwashed. Hahahaha....WTF? Why should my best friend clean your dishes, on what basis do you think that is okay? Not only that but they can't even tell you themselves or to your friend, they make it as uncomfortable as possible and do it all behind your back, and you and your friend don't even know what you did wrong.
Then they go and tell you that it is for your own good because then your best friend will clean your dishes too someday. Why would one try to "help" in such a lowly manipulative unpleasant way? Tell me your thoughts

Thursday

2009-04-20T07:27:00.004-10:00

An interesting day indeed. It is the day before friday and the day we start thinking about friday. It's just like any other day really except it is not. I would even venture out and say it is the best day of the week. You start thinking about your weekend and just that thought brightens your mood and day. The mere thought of being able to lay back makes us feel better. Consider it the day of dreams. We conjure up different ideas of how we want to spend the weekend and how great it will be. Then comes the weekend and it's over before you know it. The ironic thing is that you feel better about the weekend sometimes than you do during the weekend. Our thoughts paint the picture nicely and it doesn't always get painted during the weekend. I like the weekend and friday, don't get me wrong, but sometimes thinking and day dreaming about it is more fun than the actual thing. An interesting day indeed.

Circle of trust

2009-04-20T05:23:00.005-10:00

Everything seems to be going so perfectly wrong with our economy. The dollar has fallen in value, the consumer index is down, the auto industry is failing, and the banks are struggling.

Blah blah blah, I don't want to hear it, it's the banks that really need our help. We need to give our money to the banks so they can successfully continue to be profitable and continue to successfully be taking our money. Not the homeless family, not grandpa Phil who just lost his retirement money, they don't need our help. Families stick together so they'll find a way and grandpa Phil, well, he is old because he is a survivor, so he'll be alright.

I feel as though I am in middle school and everyone is forced to skip recess because of rainy weather but the weathermen are outside laughing at us, telling us kids what a nice day it is for them on the beach. Why thank you bank men, would you like my favorite chocolate chip almond cookie too?

The Flight

2009-04-15T07:34:00.000-10:00

Today is one piece of your life, the flight,

We strive to achieve, to believe, to love, to do what's right.

It is a journey every day and night,

It's never easy, it's always a fight!

Life itself ain't black n white, it just isn't that plain,

Some things are seen only after you experience pain.

What's done is done,

There is no turnin back, hope it was fun, second chances, there are none.

That's what reality is,

Don't care what anyone says.

Whatever you do, remember not to forget,

You live once, I am willing to bet.

You will also live today only once, think twice,

Cause I can't tell you what happens next.

A slight of hand, a throw of the dice,

You can't figure it out, it's too complex.

Today is your life, the heartfelt goodbye of tomorrow,

Cherish your moments, remember your sorrow.

You are here for me just like I am here for you,

Look around, that's bullshit, that just ain't true.

Most people don't get it, we take it for granted, we don't take the time,

Seems, as if, caring for someone in today's world is a crime.

We expecting of people, less and less,

Whether right or wrong, if you get this.... god bless.

Be the person you want to be,

Realize…. you not on your own,

Some people care, I hope you see.

I know it hurts to the bone,

But the truth is that we all, at some point, feel alone.

No matter if you are thrown or known,

Don't let anything bother you, be a stone.

As long as you, during your flight, shine bright,
People will care for you cause in a world of darkness, you are the light

'God' Apparently Responds to Lawsuit

2007-09-21T06:00:00.000-10:00

By NATE JENKINS
Associated Press Writer

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) -- A legislator who filed a lawsuit against God has gotten something he might not have expected: a response. One of two court filings from "God" came Wednesday under otherworldly circumstances, according to John Friend, clerk of the Douglas County District Court in Omaha.

"This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here - poof!" Friend said.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers of Omaha sued God last week, seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty for making terroristic threats, inspiring fear and causing "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

Chambers, a self-proclaimed agnostic who often criticizes Christians, said his filing was triggered by a federal lawsuit he considers frivolous. He said he's trying to makes the point that anybody can sue anybody.

Not so, says "God." His response argues that the defendant is immune from some earthly laws and the court lacks jurisdiction.

It adds that blaming God for human oppression and suffering misses an important point.

"I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you," according to the response, as read by Friend.

There was no contact information on the filing, although St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness, Friend said.

A second response from "God" disputing Chambers' allegations lists a phone number for a Corpus Christi law office. A message left for that office was not immediately returned Thursday.

Attempts to reach Chambers by phone and at his Capitol office Thursday were unsuccessful.

---

Associated Press Writer Anna Jo Bratton in Omaha contributed to this report.

2007-09-21T05:47:00.000-10:00

National Science Foundation: Science Hard

INDIANAPOLIS-The newly discovered 'Law Of Difficulty' holds true for all branches of science, from astronomy to molecular biology.

'The CBS Daily Show With Jon Stewart'

2005-12-06T18:38:00.000-10:00

There was an off-the-wall kind of report circulating in some circles last week that The Daily Show might move over from Comedy Central to CBS and shoulder the Evening News into oblivion. I couldn't envision this ever happening, but I do have a pretty vivid imagination, so I began trying to imagine life without the CBS Evening News With (you supply the name).

Frankly--and frighteningly, considering that I spent seven of the best years of my life as Paris correspondent for CBS News--it wasn't all that difficult to imagine. First, let's put ourselves in the place of the average Evening News viewer. He or she is somewhere north of 50 years old (probably considerably north) and has been watching it since Walter Cronkite (remember him, kids? Probably not) was in the anchor chair. So suddenly these ancestral viewers would have to find an alternative. It wouldn't be all that hard. All these network news shows look pretty much alike.

Perhaps they'd settle on Brian Williams--a nice enough fellow, adequately blow-dried and with a refined sensibility, if last week's reports from New Orleans were any indication. Or they could try The Walt Disney Co.'s (nyse: DIS - news - people ) ABC News, which just named the virtually interchangeable Elizabeth Vargas and Bob Woodruff as co-anchor successors to Peter Jennings. And there's always the likes of Wolf Blitzer and Anderson Cooper on Time Warner's (nyse: TWX - news - people ) CNN or, let's not leave them out, Brit Hume and Shepard Smith on News Corp.'s (nyse: NWS - news - people ) Fox News Network, or Keith Olbermann and Rita Cosby on General Electric's (nyse: GE - news - people ) MSNBC.

Would anyone really notice if there were simply five evening news broadcasts instead of six? CBS News, as it's now constituted, might think so. I'm not so sure. So let's see what burying the Evening News might do for CBS News.

At one point, CBS, now part of Viacom, (nyse: VIA.B - news - people ), had the largest corps of foreign and domestic correspondents and the largest bureau system of any television news gathering operation on the planet. When I was based in Paris, in any given week I could be shipped off to any one of three continents. I recall one particularly frenetic day, when they thought a boat had gone down with a load of plutonium, when I was in four countries in a single 24-hour period. That just doesn't happen any more--not at CBS, not in any other network news operation. It's way too expensive.

Still, today's pared-to-the-bones CBS could save quite a lot more money by going The Daily Show route. First, comedy writers earn a lot less than senior producers or correspondents on a network evening news show. You might want to hold on to a few such correspondents and producers just in case the pope dies or the president gets shot or there's some other history-altering moment and you want do something more elaborate than simply poke fun at it, as Jon Stewart does so effectively on Comedy Central. Still, you don't need to have a whole regiment of correspondents, producers and camera crews suited up and ready to go 24/7.

Moreover, The Daily Show even has the beauty of being owned by Comedy Central, which is owned by Viacom, which owns CBS.

Finally, you don't need to jump through hoops to find creative means to keep this whole infrastructure humming along profitably. That's because there won't be any such infrastructure.

Turn The Morning Show over to the entertainment division, which does cooking shows and movie promos better anyway. Sunday Morning, 60 Minutes and Face the Nation can continue to totter along on their own without a whole bureau system and news infrastructure. I mean, they're not even located in the main Broadcast Center on West 57th Street, though without that huge news operation to house, they might be able to move back into the home of the mother ship and save CBS a bundle on off-site rental costs.

At the same time, you could also shutter both domestic and foreign assignment desks, lose a half-dozen vice presidents and even sell off CBS Radio to some place like Clear Channel Communications (nyse: CCU - news - people ), or Sirius Satellite Radio (nasdaq: SIRI - news - people ), where it might nicely complement Howard Stern--after all, he'll have two 24-hour networks to fill seven days a week come January. NBC shed its radio operation years ago.

All of this is said with a hearty expectation--indeed hope--that none of this will come to pass. I was present at the creation of the present iteration of CBS News in 1987, and I can attest to the fact that it was a crushingly revolutionary change. That was when Larry Tisch bought CBS and undertook a little profit-margin improvement, laying off 300 people, closing down a dozen news bureaus and effectively eviscerating the platinum standard of broadcast news, which was never quite the same again.

Still, one can only wonder what it might sound like when 6:30 P.M. rolls around on the East Coast and the booth announcer solemn intones, "This is The CBS Daily Show With Jon Stewart. Say, did you hear the one about..."

from www.forbes.com

The Longest-Standing Math Problem

2005-12-06T18:29:00.000-10:00

Ever had a puzzle that looked easy but tortured you incessantly until you found a solution? Would you work on it obsessively for seven years in isolation? Andrew Wiles did just that to prove Fermat's Last Theorem.

Pierre de Fermat, a famous number theorist of the 17th century, rarely published his work – instead, he would often write comments in the margins of books. In one margin Fermat proposed that xⁿ + yⁿ = zⁿ has no non-zero integer solutions for x, y and z when n > 2. However, rather than providing a proof, he only offered this taunting sentence: “I have discovered a truly remarkable proof which this margin is too small to contain.”

The proof for this simple conjecture was not solved for over 350 years and through the centuries became one of math's greatest puzzles.

Fermat's Last Theorem has entranced so many mathematicians due to its duality between simplicity and difficulty. It is easy to understand yet almost impossible to prove or disprove. That Fermat claimed to have a proof made it all the more intriguing. Mathematicians made some progress over the centuries in proving the correctness of the theorem for certain values of n – but this was hardly enough to prove that the theorem was correct for all values of n.

Then came along Andrew Wiles. As a child Wiles loved doing math problems. When he was ten he came across Fermat's Last Theorem which was, at the time, unsolved for 300 years. "It looked so simple, and yet all the great mathematicians in history couldn't solve it," said Wiles. "I had to solve it."

Wiles quickly became obsessed with solving the problem. Throughout his teenage and college years he worked on it, using his own methods and that of the mathematicians who had worked on it before him. However, when he became a research student he decided to put the problem aside. Wiles realized that current techniques could not solve the problem and that one could spend years without making any progress. Also, a proof of Fermat's Last Theorem would be completely useless to mathematics – it would not lead to anything useful for mathematicians. Instead, he went on to study elliptical curves at Cambridge.His study of elliptical curves would prove useful, for in 1986 a new possibility was presented to Wiles. Ken Ribet linked Fermat's Last Theorem to another unsolved problem, the Taniyama-Shimura conjecture, which happened to be about elliptical curves. If one conjecture was true, both were – thus, if Wiles could prove the Taniyama-Shimura conjecture, he could prove Fermat's Last Theorem as well.

From that moment on he was determined to solve the riddle. He dropped all other projects he was working on and concentrated on the Taniyama-Shimura conjecture – in secrecy and isolation. “I realized that anything to do with Fermat's Last Theorem generates too much interest. You can't really focus yourself for years unless you have undivided concentration, which too many spectators would have destroyed.” His wife did not even know that he was working on the problem until he told her during their honeymoon.

Wiles worked on the problem alone for seven years. He devoted all of his time to working on the proof, the only exception being spending time with his family. He had a few breakthroughs but not a complete proof until one day in spring of 1993 in which he had the idea of examining the elliptical curves from the prime five instead of the prime three. Working feverishly (and forgetting to eat lunch), Wiles went to his wife that afternoon saying he had the proof.

Wiles introduced the proof in a series of three lectures which made no mention of Fermat's Last Theorem, but rather of elliptical curves. However, the audience realized by the end of the third lecture what Wiles was leading them towards. Once Wiles had finished his proof of the Taniyama-Shimura conjecture, he put Fermat's Last Theorem on the board then concluded saying, “I think I'll stop there.”

Wiles gained instant fame for having developed a solution to Fermat's Last Theorem. However, soon Nick Katz discovered that there was an error in a key section of his original proof. This setback proved difficult for Wiles to overcome, and none of the methods he tried could solve the error. He was about to give up when he re-examined his original (though discarded) method and found that there was actually a way to use it to resolve his mistake. “It was so indescribably beautiful,” said Wiles about the moment he solved the problem. “It was so simple and so elegant, and I just stared in disbelief for twenty minutes.” Thus, in 1994 the final proof of Fermat's Last Theorem was complete, weighing it at 200 pages, more complex than most people can understand.

The full riddle, however, is still not completely solved, for it remains unknown whether Fermat ever really had a brilliant proof to his conjecture. Fermat could not have thought of Wiles' proof – Wiles says that, "the techniques used in this proof just weren't around in Fermat's time." With the many mathematicians who had thought they'd solved it in the past, it is possible that Fermat deluded himself as well – but a simpler solution may still exist. Wiles, however, is content with his difficult proof - “I had this very rare privilege of being able to pursue in my adult life what had been my childhood dream.”

from www.damninteresting.com

Cool Pictures

2005-12-01T02:53:00.000-10:00

UPS hits FEDEX

Lonely Man

What's up now!

Real Newspaper Headline
How does he tie his shoe laces?

Do I even need to say anything?

Yeah, that's going to be a problem

Humor with gas prices

Proof of a Lacking in Solution

2005-11-29T17:38:00.000-10:00

We sit sometimes and wonder what if. The different scenarios and possiblities play out in our heads thinking how our lives would be better if and only what if. At the edge of our imaginations seems to lay a peace of mind in each and every one of us that tries to suggest time travel. An understanding with oneself that things can change and do change despite the truths of our reality. However when thoughts such as "what if" pop up, one is instantly and helplessly thinking in a depressed state of mind, for one never thinks how something could of been unless one does not enjoy the current scheme of his or her current world. Why do we think of the past and think that things could of been different? We always live in the present, as each breath passes, so do our chances to change the world around us. Regrets play a large role in recounting past events and are useless if you think in a methodical and logical processes of reasoning, but are essential in soothing wounds. It is a matter of balance; if one can recall joy then one also has to recall pain; those are the rules of nature.

So how do we cope? We try to keep our lives as balanced as possible, so when regrets surface, you have pleasant memories that can submerge them. This is not saying for one to be an optimist rather than a pessimist but have situations in your life when your glass is both half full and half empty. Enjoy the bliss of "now" in your life. Experience it, don't watch it.

Perhaps our greatest proof of a lacking in solution will be our lives. The indefinite and infinite probabilities of different lives will never give us a complete and fullfilling solution on how to live our lives. Each life is special and one of a kind; none can be judged based upon another.

So what would of happend if this hadn't been written?

Ignoring useless information aids memory

2005-11-29T01:12:00.000-10:00

Filtering out useless information can help people increase their capacity to remember what is really important, researchers say.

Scientists at the University of Oregon in the United States have demonstrated that awareness, or visual working memory, does not depend on extra storage space in the brain but on an ability to ignore what is irrelevant.

"Until now, it's been assumed that people with high capacity visual working memory had greater storage, but actually it's about the bouncer - a neural mechanism that controls what information gets into awareness," Edward Vogel, who headed the research team, said.

The findings, reported in the journal Nature, overturn the accepted concept of memory capacity, which has suggested that how much a person can remember depends on the amount of information crammed into the brain at one time.

The research team believes the results could lead to better ways to enhance memory and improve the diagnosis and treatment of cognitive problems such as attention deficit disorder and schizophrenia.

- Reuters

Welcome, The Year is 2005, Where Have You Been?

2005-11-28T22:01:00.000-10:00

Where has society gone? No more are the days of childhood wonder about the world or enjoying moments with the ones we love. All we have left are work hours and dreading to go to work, hours. There is no time for you, and if there is, you are sacrificing work or lacking in money and doing something that is not acceptable in today's society; taking time to reflect and relax from your freakin everyday "fun" routine that accelerates your life to a point of no return. It accelerates your life until one day you sit down and think, what the hell am I doing, is this what life is about? You wake up and realize that this routine is killing you and what we people are, free. Usually by then it is too late to change anything, so doctors in todays society have termed it a "mid life crisis", but in reality it is realization of your meaningless routine. Our civilization has turned into an ant colony. Everybody hates this lifestyle but does it anyway because the other choice is not publicised, unless you are born into a rich family or win the lottery; majority of us don't like our jobs and that is the truth. The price of freedom ladies and gentlemen is not being free. Sounds about right, it is the "Disclosure Agreement or Terms and Conditions Clause" for the "American Dream".

Ofcoarse, proffesional athletes will read this and think how full of crap this article is because they get millions of dollars to do something they love. I would like that too. Hit a ball behind a wall and get $20million a year for it, sounds like it's well earned. Then we have teachers, programmers, project managers, that bust their asses everyday and take their job home with them and get paid 100 to a 1000 times less. It sounds like something is unbalanced, yeah thats right, the teachers get paid too much. No, the athletes have no real effort and get big payoff, no wonder all the kids dream of being sports stars. Sounds like our civilization is going somewhere, a place of work and happy hours, translation; working then drinking and complaining about working. Well there are perks left to this life, like driving your well earned bmw or corolla to work (fun part of day), then driving it to a bar or restaurant, then the fun ends because you are too drunk to drive it home. However this routine we have, does leave plenty of time to meet other people; in a 24 hour day you get a whopping 1-2 hours which cut away from any other free time you have. It is not surprising that marriage success rates have plummeted and the number of single people has skyrocketed. This society we got going here works like a well oiled machine but too bad we are the oil. We are the fuel for our own wear, tear, and eventual demise.

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR AN OIL CHANGE.

DON'T YOU?

How about them grapes?

2005-11-14T22:42:00.000-10:00

Or; "how abouth them apples" is more popular title? So why did I ask about grapes. Well, yes it does sound more original, but besides that, there was a real legitimate reason. I like grapes. Eat more grapes and there will be more apples. After all, we know about gravity thanks to an apple.

So next time you are writing your hypothesis on Quantom Theory of Strings among gravity waves, throw some grapes around and maybe, just maybe , we might have another scientific breakthrough.

Where would we be without apples?
Not without Newton, but without apples, where would we be.

Well now the time has come to recognize grapes. So, how about them apples?
I mean grapes. Sorry.

It is wierd how that great leap of science evolution was given such a stupid story to go with it. It is as if Newton was an idiot and only got an idea when an apple fell on his head. Come on, give me a break. Give Newton more credit. Although this story could be real, it sounds funny. He realized complex relationships among celestial bodies after an apple fell on his head. I am thankful at least that it was an apple and not something heavier. But you never know, perhaps if the tree fell on him, his discovery would have been much greater. We would all be wearing our anti-gravity belts by now. Newton was a genious, give him more credit than that lousy story.