“If there is one door in the castle you have been told not to go through, you must.”
~Anne Lamott

I once told someone I was a rule-follower. Her response? “No one, upon meeting you, would ever take you to be a rule follower.”

I get that the first impression I offer is probably not of someone who only colors inside the lines, but those who know me well probably know that my ability to color outside the lines – and to challenge and maybe even break some rules – is an aptitude I’ve worked to build and strengthen.

Sometimes there are very good reasons for following the rules and obeying the orders you’ve been given. However, sometimes there are very good reasons for opening the one door in the castle you’ve been told not to touch. Thoughtful Leadership is about figuring out which option is best in each situation and about being able to play against your ingrained impulses to only do one or the other.

Effective leadership requires curiosity. What is behind that door? What will happen if we open it? If we go through it? Why have we been told not to?

There are rules that have been passed down in organizations that were created out of a need of the moment and that might not in any way pertain to the current situation. The mandate that all vendor invoices over $100 need to be approved by the director? It turns out that eight years ago there was a budget cut and a micromanaging director who questioned and inspected every invoice. And in our families, we pass down rules and ways of doing things as well. The family legend of always cutting the Sunday pot roast in half? Someone’s great-great-grandparent had too small an oven and too big a family.

We’re not saying, like Anne Lamott does, that you must go through every door in the castle that you’ve been told not to open. We are saying that questioning why you’ve been told not to open that door is probably a best practice and that going through that door might be exactly what you, your team, and your organization need.

Your job, as the leader, is to be curious, to be open, to be willing to enforce the rules that are needed in this moment, and to be willing to break the rules that are getting in the way.

When has going against what you’ve been told to do been the right leadership action? When was it a better choice to follow the rules?
Please leave a comment.

If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.

If you want someone to challenge you to curiosity, contact Lisa at lkohn@chatsworthconsulting.com.

Click here to receive The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog posts via e-mail and receive a copy of “Ending Leadership Frenzy: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Thoughtful and Effective Leader.”

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A CEO who embodies and espouses many of the qualities we see in Thoughtful Leaders™ was featured in the Sunday New York Times. Tiger Tyagarajan, CEO of Genpact, a business process and technology management company, shared his ideas on what makes great leadership and a great organization for employees anywhere:

• Understand what is important to be successful – Tyagarajan discussed how his definition of success shifted from being number one in his class to being a strong communicator and member of the team. “Just knowing the answer is not good enough,” he said. Being clear about what defines success for yourself as a leader, as well as for the members of your team, leads to stronger performance.
• Be willing to admit what you don’t know – Early in his career, he was put in charge of a team of people who had much more experience and knowledge than he did. Tyagarajan’s willingness to learn from his team (especially the most senior person) and to be open and transparent built trust. Particularly going into a new role, many leaders try to create a façade of being fully prepared and more knowledgeable than their staff in order to avoid the vulnerability and discomfort of admitting what they don’t know. Letting your team see that you are willing to say you don’t know and are open and ready to learn new things and try new approaches models the right kind of behavior.
• Know how incentives will drive behavior – Every organization has measurements, goals, and incentives for reaching those goals. Tyagarajan has found that metrics that are understandable and show progress, rather than simply rewarding the highest or fastest, drive the right behaviors and get the best results.
• Value curiosity – “Curiosity opens up so many other windows,” Tyagarajan said. “You’re more inclusive. You question more, and you listen.” Being curious, promoting inclusion, questioning, and listening genuinely are all traits of a Thoughtful Leader™. Encouraging and creating a culture of curiosity on your team and in your organization sets you up for growth, development, and sustained learning.
• Make mistakes – Tyagarajan shared that he looks to understand how people view mistakes during his interviews with potential staffers. He sees a willingness to make mistakes as the key to risk taking and continuous learning. He wants to know how new employees have handled failure, what they learned, and how comfortable they are with the idea of making mistakes. A leader who models willingness to make mistakes and encourages risk-taking without reproach opens up the work environment to greater creativity and trust.

Tyagarajan also offered great career advice during the interview, encouraging others to stop comparing themselves to other people and instead compare themselves to what they could and want to be. So often we focus more on the decisions that others make or the opportunities that others have. Instead, this Thoughtful Leader™ advises us to reflect on what we want for ourselves, push ourselves beyond our comfort zones, and be willing to make mistakes and be imperfect. Then you can become the kind of Thoughtful Leader™ that you want to be.

Many of today’s executives like Tiger Tyagarajan are leading Thoughtfully and getting strong results in the process. It takes self-awareness, courage to do things differently, and keen understanding and awareness of those around you. The earlier in your career that you can adopt the kinds of leadership principles that Tyagarajan shared, the sooner you can be on your way to joining the ranks of high-performing Thoughtful Leaders™ everywhere.

What other leaders embody the best in Thoughtful Leadership™?
Tell us about her or him.

If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.

To build your Thoughtful Leadership™ skills, contact Robyn at rmcleod@chatsworthconsulting.com.

Click here to receive The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog posts via e-mail and receive a copy of “Ending Leadership Frenzy: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Thoughtful and Effective Leader.”

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I’ve told a few people recently that I’m looking forward to the time I’m asked, “What’s new?” and I reply, “Not much.” I’ve told a few people I’m ready for easy. I’ve told a few people that I’m done scaling mountains and swimming large bodies of water (metaphorically – I cannot swim).

All of that is very true.

That said, when I look back at my metaphorical mountains and large bodies of water, and the hard things I’ve endured, I am proud of my accomplishments and my resilience. And with that is a sense of gloriousness.

I see this with my clients as well. The project that was incompletable, but somehow got completed. The colleague who could not be won over, but who finally showed a crack in their armor and reached out to cooperate. The book that took decades to write…or to publish. The problem that could not be solved, but then was.

When we have to dig deep to find our way through or around (or with) an obstacle, it requires a great deal from us. And in some ways, it also can bring a great deal to us.

Knowing the glory we’ll feel at the end can power us through when it’s difficult. It can give us the strength, the fortitude, and the resilience required. It can also make us more intentional and present as we move through (or around) the obstacle, which helps us open our brains to the possibilities, the joy, the positivity along the way, which in turn brings us the strength, the fortitude, and the resilience we need.

I am still looking forward to my “Not much” answer – for myself and for any of us who are “in it” right now – and I’m leaning into and honoring the glory of what I’ve accomplished and overcome.

When have you overcome an obstacle and felt the glory of being on the other side?
Click here to comment.

If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.

For a partner to support you through that obstacle and in owning that glory, contact Robyn at rmcleod@chatsworthconsulting.com.

Click here to receive The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog posts via e-mail and receive a copy of “Ending Leadership Frenzy: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Thoughtful and Effective Leader.”

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There are many times when a coaching client will spend time talking about their fear of disappointing or failing others while ignoring their own needs or challenges. That’s when I ask them to be selfish – centering or prioritizing what they need for themselves in the moment. Words like “selfish” and “self-centered” are seen as bad, and not a way you would want to be described. And yes, there are narcissistic, self-centered people who think only of themselves, place themselves above other people, and treat others badly. That’s not who this is focused on and not who I’m suggesting you become. But sometimes the actions and behaviors of putting yourself first are essential for a better life and more Thoughtful leadership. Here are ten of them:

1. Say “No” more often – to other people’s crises, to the distractions you’re tolerating. So that you have the space and time to say “yes” to what is important and urgent for you.
2. Step away from your work and take care of yourself – stretch, move, eat slowly, close your eyes.
3. Delegate – you’d be surprised how many people feel under-utilized at work. Assign tasks and projects, and ask for help.
4. Set boundaries around how and when people can ask for your help or guidance – don’t allow yourself to be the venting station.
5. Let go of the need to fix things or always be the first one to step in to save something or someone – you don’t have to be the “mom” or “dad” of the office. Try giving someone else a chance to respond and help out first.
6. Commit to prioritizing at least two “me” things this week, and keep that going – give yourself time and permission to do the things you love but keep casting aside for the “more important” things.
7. Take time off – it’s not a nice to have, it’s a must.
8. Ask for help and grace when you’re feeling stretched or overwhelmed – rather than doubling down and burning out.
9. Be honest with yourself about the toll you are placing on yourself – if you can’t be honest with yourself, then ask someone who loves you what they think.
10. Do nothing – it’s ok to sit still and breathe. And then check in with yourself (your body, mind, and spirit) to reflect on how you’re really doing.

Only you can take back your time and attention, and gift it to yourself. Being more self-focused or self-centered will give you more balance, more connection with the people and things you love, and more energy for helping others.

What do you do to be selfish and prioritize yourself?
Please leave a comment.

If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.

For coaching support to be more self-centered, contact Robyn at rmcleod@chatsworthconsulting.com.

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The other day I was talking with a client and she could not stop talking about her colleague with whom she was “in battle.” Apparently they had been working together on a project and they had disagreed on the best approach. Things had gone quickly downhill from there.

My client was fuming. She had been fuming for days. It seemed as if she would be fuming for weeks. It certainly seemed as if she was willing to take up her entire coaching session to fume. I suppose I could have let her, but I didn’t think that was the best use of our time. So I interrupted her.

“What’s really important here?” I asked her. She continued to fume. “What do you want out of this situation?” I offered. She still continued to fume. “How are you benefiting, or how is the company benefiting, from this fight?” I tried. That one finally stopped her.

She paused for a second, and then seemed as if she was going to start her rant again, but instead paused a second time. “It’s not,” she admitted. “But I don’t know how to stop this fight.”

So I shared this proverb with her, because often all it takes to stop a fight is to stop fighting. Both parties don’t have to agree on how to stop, or even agree to stop. It takes two to “tango” but it only takes one to stop the dance.

We forget this sometimes. I know I do. I sometimes think the other person needs to join me in agreeing to not fight anymore. And I often think that they should make the first move towards not fighting. But it only takes one to stop a quarrel. And it takes a great deal of fortitude, at times, to be that one.

How do you remember to stop your quarrels?
Please leave a comment.

If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.

For support in not quarreling, contact Lisa at lkohn@chatsworthconsulting.com.

Click here to receive The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog posts via e-mail and receive a copy of “Ending Leadership Frenzy: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Thoughtful and Effective Leader.”

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When we teach change management, we draw attention to the importance of focusing on the people side of change. The people side of change often is – and cannot be – an afterthought.  In a yin/yang-style model, we explain how the focus on people actually supports and reinforces the organizational side of change. This focus on people is part of the “Are we ready?/How can we be ready?” question.  Putting people first by communicating clearly, providing opportunities for input, and considering the impact of the change on staff members can help determine – and strengthen – the readiness for change.

If you are about to embark on another organizational change, having the following in place will help ensure your organization is ready to successfully manage and implement the changes:

• A communications plan to keep people informed – especially those directly impacted, but also those who will be affected second, or even third hand.
• Clear, concise, and consistent communications – we stress “overcommunication”: tell them what you know, tell them what you don’t know, tell them when you’ll tell them more, tell them more than you think you need to or can.
• A compelling vision, priorities, strategies, and goals – that everyone can align with and believe in, and that are carefully and clearly shared and explained.
• Leadership alignment – even if leadership debates actions and reasons behind closed doors, it is essential that everyone on the leadership team is pulling in the same direction for everyone in the organization to see and hear.
• Mechanisms for getting buy-in and soliciting feedback – effective change efforts involve those who are impacted by the change. Allowing time and establishing processes for planning and preparing those who will be affected (as well as other key stakeholders) and creating feedback loops will help to assess and tweak the process as it moves forward.
• Change management skills and tools – there is expertise around change management, yet many of us think that it “just happens” or that we can handle it easily. Get help and find best practices.
• Pre- and post-change training and assessments – give your people the tools and support they need and keep checking in with them as to how things are going.

Change readiness is the prelude to change management and it can spell the difference between successful change and failed change. Devoting time and resources to establishing a clear vision and strategies, opening and prioritizing robust communication channels, employing change management tools and principles, and aligning leaders around a shared commitment and messaging will get your organization ready to successfully plan and implement change. It will take a sustained commitment to resist change derailers such as cutting corners, driving toward unreasonable deadlines, spreading mixed messages, and ignoring or shutting down the voices of those who are impacted. When it comes to change, get ready first and then get going.

How have you assessed your organization’s readiness for change?
Please leave a comment.

If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.

To learn more about managing change successfully, contact Robyn at rmcleod@chatsworthconsulting.com.

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“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
~Maya Angelou

Sometimes my coaching clients come to their sessions to vent. They often move past the venting, eventually, but sometimes the entire session seems to be about them letting off steam.

Which is fine. We all need an outlet from time to time.

When they seem to stay with venting for more than one session, or when the same issue comes up repeatedly, Maya Angelou’s quote comes to mind. For that matter, when I find myself  stuck on venting or when I’m challenged by the same situation (or person) repeatedly, the quote comes to mind.

Because those seem to be our only options. Or the only options besides staying frustrated and upset and venting.

It once again is about choice. Choosing what to change. I can choose to move out of a situation, to address an issue with a colleague, to interact differently in team meetings so that I potentially get different results. Or I can change the way I look at things or how I speak about things. I can do my best to find an upside in the situation, to accept my colleague the way they are and let it bother me less, to find what I can look forward to in team meetings.

Or, I suppose, I can stay frustrated and upset and venting.

We all get frustrated. There are things we don’t like. In ourselves, in the people around us, in situations, in the world. We can forget that we often have the power to change some of these things. Or to at least try.

But we always can change our attitude. It may be harder with some things and at some points than others, but we can.

And it’s generally better than changing nothing and only venting.

What changes have you made when faced with things you don’t like?
Click here to comment.

If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.

For someone to vent to, and get support to make changes, contact Robyn at rmcleod@chatsworthconsulting.com.

Click here to receive The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog posts via e-mail and receive a copy of “Ending Leadership Frenzy: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Thoughtful and Effective Leader.”

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They’re reacting too quickly, and not reacting Thoughtfully.

Their colleagues will say:

“I ask him a question, and his immediate response is emotional and defensive.”

“I can hear her yelling in her office.”

“I wish he’d read his emails before he sends them. The tone. It’s off-putting.”

We all have too much going on and too much to do, and that overwhelm and need for constant action seems to be causing an epidemic of hot-blooded responses that are getting in the way.

We need to pause.

We need to pause and think through how we want to respond. We need to reflect on the bigger picture – what might matter to the other person, what their perspectives might be, what stories about them (and the situation) we might be making up, what is our ultimate goal and what is the best way to get there. Taking a moment, or a few days, to consider a different way to view the issue at hand can help us respond more calmly and productively.

We need to pause and take a deep breath, to let ourselves calm down if we’ve been triggered. I’ve very rarely seen a knee-jerk reaction that has helped a situation or remedied a problem. When our buttons have been pushed – when we’ve shot into anger or fear or any other negative emotion – we need time to compose ourselves.

Jill Bolte Taylor, in her book My Stroke of Insight, writes about the ninety-second rule – that when we are provoked, our adrenaline rush kicks in and we have no control over our actions and reactions…for ninety seconds. Only ninety seconds. After that, we can take a breath and choose what we want to do and how we want to respond. We therefore need to pause for at least ninety seconds to get past a habit of knee-jerk reactions.

So how do we build this pause into our life and work? How have my clients successfully learned to do this? The method is simple, but potentially challenging:

1. Become aware that you, at least at times, react too quickly
2. Decide that you’re going to learn to pause – for ninety seconds, five minutes, a day, a week
3. Build a support network to lean on and remind you to practice this new behavior
4. Practice this new behavior, especially when you’re most emotional or triggered (except in the rare cases of true crises)
5. Practice this new behavior some more
6. Notice and reward your successes (and your attempts, even if they don’t succeed)
7. Keep at it

I’ve learned to (often) do this myself – to step away when I’ve most wanted to step in, to breathe when I’ve most wanted to shout or scream. I’ve witnessed others build those muscles – not responding to an inappropriate email but instead taking time to calm down, and then calling the other party instead of responding via email and successfully talking things through. I’ve heard the feedback of changed behavior – the “wow, now when I approach him with something, I can see an initial reaction, a pause and then a well-thought out response that has helped us solve the issue.”

Many of us need to pause more often before we react too harshly, and all of us can learn to do it. One breath at a time.

How have you learned to pause?
Click here to comment.

If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.

To build your support network so that you can pause more often, contact Lisa at lkohn@chatsworthconsulting.com.

Click here to receive The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog posts via e-mail and receive a copy of “Ending Leadership Frenzy: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Thoughtful and Effective Leader.”

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“We do not have to become heroes overnight.”
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Somehow it seems like many, if not all, of my clients, think they need to be on some sort of fast track. They identify a problem or challenge. Someone points out to them a development area. They see a gap in their leadership.

Something goes “wrong,” and they have an immediate need to fix the situation (or themselves) immediately, if not sooner. Seemingly overnight.

I get the pressure and the anxiety that fuels this need for instant relief. I can have that pressure and anxiety and need for instant relief at times. But here’s the bad news. Instant relief is generally not possible. Quantum changes, paradigm shifts, rewiring our reactions and building new behaviors and thought patterns. All of these take time and effort – and usually a bunch of time.

Here’s the good news. Despite our internal task master screechingly informing us that we need to “fix this yesterday,” we do not, as Eleanor Roosevelt points out, need to become heroes overnight.

There are times of crisis when an instantaneous – or nearly instantaneous – response is needed. If the ship is sinking, we need to do something and do something now. If the project (or the person leading the project) is about to blow, a quick steam-release-valve is a good idea. If we are in danger, we should act as quickly as possible.

But that is rarely what is happening or what is needed, even if it feels like it is what is happening and what is needed. Most often we have time and space to reflect, act, reflect again, act again…and to continue this cycle into our hero-ship. It takes time and we generally have time to close a gap in our leadership, tackle a problem in our project or team, or rewire our challenging behaviors. And again, the good news is that we often have that time.

Certainly we don’t have forever. We do need to pull our head out of the sand and deal with what’s facing us. But we don’t have to soar immediately. And we don’t have to become heroes overnight.

How has your “hero-ship” developed?
Please leave a comment.

If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.

For support in being the best hero you can be, contact Lisa at lkohn@chatsworthconsulting.com.

Click here to receive The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog posts via e-mail and receive a copy of “Ending Leadership Frenzy: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Thoughtful and Effective Leader.”

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It was another great reminder of the stories we make up about other people, their motivations, abilities, and needs. We think we know how an introvert is supposed to act – shy, quiet, afraid to talk to people – and what traits an extrovert exhibits – talkative, unaware, gregarious. But such generalizations and assumptions get in the way of truly understanding people and recognizing the many strengths and gifts they bring.

The next time you notice yourself getting stuck in your assumptions and beliefs about others, remember to:

• Keep your mind open to see something new in a colleague. What other traits and strengths do I see?
• Take time to have coffee or lunch with someone to learn more about them and get past your assumptions about who they are. What more can I learn?
• Look for what’s wrong about what you believe about someone. What’s the evidence to the contrary?

In what other ways can you challenge your assumptions about the people around you?
Please leave a comment.

If you enjoyed this post, you can read more like it in our book, The Power of Thoughtful Leadership: 101 Minutes To Being the Leader You Want To Be, available on Amazon.

To learn more about creating more effective relationships at work, contact Robyn at rmcleod@chatsworthconsulting.com.

Click here to receive The Thoughtful Leaders™ Blog posts via e-mail and receive a copy of “Ending Leadership Frenzy: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Thoughtful and Effective Leader.”

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