The thoughts and opinions expressed by JG

My Summer, Kind of.

2012-08-11T23:33:00.000-07:00

OKLAHOMA STATE- School starts next Monday and I'm feeling so many different emotions right now about going back. Definitely excited about seeing friends, duh. Excited about football games. Not that I expect to have another great season but the fact that 70,000 people will get to see my goofy face every home game. Excited about taking classes that actually interest me and not having class on Friday. I'm sad about leaving home because I know I won't see my family again until Christmas. I've been in Greensboro for a week now and I've gotten to spend so much quality time with the couch and Roller Coaster Tycoon, it's been great. But overall I'm ready for another semester in Stillwater.

OLYMPICS- So good! I'm not very patriotic so I have a hard time only cheering for the United States. I just feel like too many people fall into the American stereotype of cocky, arrogant, overly competitive tools during the Olympics. I think we should just give all of our medals to China, you know to start paying back our debt.

HUNGER GAMES- Read all three books this summer and was very impressed. Ending was great, the third book was my favorite followed by the second then the first.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS- Watch it. I've never played football or lived in Texas but it is still the best showed I've seen in a while.

NEW LIFE RANCH- Another incredible summer where I grew spiritually, sweated profusely, and danced so confusedly. But in all seriousness ask me about it I'd love to talk about it.

I really don't like normal at all. I really don't like routine, or social expectations or being required to act a certain way because well that's what you're suppose to do. After the Summer I was so tempted to buy a plane ticket overseas and just live. With a hammock and a toothbrush I just wanted to go meet people until I ran out of money or died. I realize the I have been given a gift of college and most people do not have that luxury. So for now I plan on graduation then spending year just living. So if anyone is interested in flying to Europe in 2 years for a undetermined amount of time, with no agenda or connections then let me know.

I went on a trip to Chicago and I'll blog about that later.

That's all there is, there isn't anymore.

Tebowing

2011-12-23T23:19:00.000-08:00

As we all know Tebowing is a new thing were you pretend to pray. But something that's not quite as well known is Sandra Bullocking. Sandra Bullocking is when you drive in the rain and make African American males get in the car with you. No matter how many times they say no, or tell you they have a home and a family you make them get in the car with you and you adopt them. After adoption and only after is official, you teach them how to play football and begin planning your retirement.

Yesterday it was a rainy day in Greensboro and I got in the car to begin my Christmas shopping. I was driving down the highway and there was a man walking in the rain on the bridge I was going under. So I got on the next exit and turned around to go pick him up. I pulled over rolled down my window and asked him if he wanted a ride. Here I was wearing a nice polo, being super friendly, smiling and not being intimidating at all.
He just said, "Nah man, I'm good." He said no. Seriously he would rather walk in the pouring rain then get in the car with me? This had to be a fluke so I drove around looking for more people to try to give a ride to. There was a lady walking with a stroller down the sidewalk, she said no. There was an elderly man waiting for the bus, he also said no. I went 0 for 3 that day, I guess that's how any Mets player feels everyday of the regular season.

I really want to create a Iphone app. It would be called the perfect boyfriend app. Guys would install it and every time their girlfriend texted them it would text back saying something they want to hear. It would put important dates in the calendar, find restaurants she would like, pretty much everything the guy doesn't want to do. I would also create the perfect girlfriend app. Every time a girl text her boyfriend, if there is anything in the message that sounds, angry, whiny, or doesn't include something about food being made, it shuts the phone off and can't be restarted for an hour.

"I don't think there's anybody in this organization not focused on the 49ers... I mean Chargers."
-Bill Belichick

Later, JG

Walter Payton

2011-09-29T00:22:00.001-07:00

Well for the last 3 weeks I have been tutoring 4th and 5th graders at the local elementary school. As we all know children say the most darnedest things but I feel like the children in the Stillwater public school system take the cake. One of the classes I help with there are 3 Arabic boys and they are always passing notes in Arabic and talking about how messy one of the boys handwriting is. I always hope they get caught and the teacher tries to read the note in class. My very first day a 4th grade girl asked me if I was married. Once I told her no she asked what my girlfriends name was, and I told her I didn't have one. She got really mad at me and informed me that her 17 year old sister already has a boyfriend and I need to hurry up. Then she saw my tattoo and told me if I'm old enough to have a tat I'm old enough to have a girlfriend and that I need to get my priorities in order So now everyday the first thing she asks me is if I got a girlfriend. Today during class they watched a video promoting the field trip they are taking next week to this place called JA Bizztown. Apparently it's this place where kids get to be the adults and work and sign checks and all the stuff they are missing out on my being 11. During the video one of the kids in the video (with amazing acting skills) said something along the lines of I wish there was a place where kids could work all day just like an adult. The male teacher under his breath looks at me and says, "There is, it's called sweatshops." Last week there was a boy making fun of this little black girl for having fake hair attached to her real hair. She looks at him and says, "Do you realize how hard it is for a woman of color to get her hair just right"? Overall the kids are really sweet and the money isn't awful, but I have yet to find a cougar.

A few weeks ago I went to the Oklahoma State fair in Oklahoma City and it was the exactly how I imagined it. It was full of rides, food, and people whose IQ matched how many teeth they had left. I love carneys they are so interesting to talk to. I feel like they really like me because every time I go they always offer me special deals. Like for the price of 3 they offered me 5 darts to pop the balloons! I mean with an offer like that I had to accept. My absolute favorite thing is the dunking booth. Being made fun of is a good thing. If a stranger makes fun of you by your physical appearance you will know what to work on. My friends are rarely honest with me so once I year I get the angry clown to tell me what I need to work on. This year he was telling me my ears were big but I couldn't really hear him because I dunked him on the very first shot. I'm not saying I'm the best but there are very few who are better than me at baseball. So out of the 5 balls I was given I dunked him 4 times. The next guy didn't realize I was John Grant so he tried to go after me and was there for about 15 minutes and didn't hit him once, sucks to suck.

I'm really not conceited and full of myself, but there is truth in every joke.

Later, JG

Justin Deaton

2011-09-12T01:54:00.000-07:00

I love Jesus. If you know me then hopefully this won't come as a surprise. Just keep that in mind while the 7 of you who actually read this read this. The wise Rhett Pierce once said "I love basketball and I love women, but I hate woman's basketball." So I was thinking of two other things I enjoy on their own, just not together. I love pudding and I love pants, just not a fan of pudding pants. I love riding around in a wheelchair, and I love people who are handicapped, but its just not as fun being with a handicapped person and only one wheelchair because that means I have to walk and they can do wheelies. I love christians and I love Facebook, but I cannot stand christians on Facebook. Remember these are my opinions and my beliefs, these are in noway true for everyone this is just how I perceive it. I know we are to go into all the world and share the gospel so I'm sure that means Facebook as well but I think we should strive to do it in a less annoying way. Here are a few statues of a friend of mine. "Lets be honest it's easier to talk to God about men, then it is to talk to men

about GOD. - Ray Comfort..only 2% of CHRISTians really witness - Bill Bright.......Get out and share CHRIST may we witness!! Be strong!! Be courageous!! It is our privilege to share CHRIST!!! Glory to GOD!! Go out to the highways and hedges!!" Okay that isn't too bad, just full of awesome cliches. Here is another one that really stuck out to me: Everyone....My word...GOD is beyond words...HE is Indescribable..HE loves you!....He- GOD...LOVES you......I pray today if you do not know JESUS CHRIST....please asking HIM into your life today...Im going to ask you to do something please watch the video on my wall entitled Eric Ludy- The Gospel...To the lost- ask HIM to save you, repent of your sin...to the CHRISTian- We have a command to be obeyed...not a suggestion..a Command...may we do it today..love you guys..GLORY TO GOD! I feel if I saw that and I wasn't a christian I would just be really confused. I would have so many questions but my first question would be if his CAPS lock button was

messing up while he was typing. Take it for what its worth I just feel like if we are going to live for Jesus He does deserve the best. So if we are called to give Him the best than why do Christians have the worst music, movies, and cliches. There are so many awful christian cliches out there so I decide to make a top 10 list of terrible cliches and phrases.

10- You need to get saved

9- Hells too hot and eternity is too long

8- Now with everyones eyes closed and heads bowed raise your hand if you aren't 100% sure of your
salvation

7- Hate the sin not the sinner

6- I have 3 unspoken prayer request

5- God is doing some big stuff here. (I'm pretty sure God does big stuff everywhere, not just America)

4- If you have secular friends than you may have a heart issue.

3- We had 17 people accept Christ tonight (Why do numbers matter and usually 6 of those same people
accepted last week)

2- (insert anything Toby Mac has ever said in his life)

1- If your booty moves to the music before your heart does than you need to change the station.

I'm really not bitter for being spiritually abused in high school, I find it pretty entertaining now. I just feel sorry for those so stuck in their own ways they miss out and never realize that there is more to their American fun-sucking Jesus than what they have been brainwashed into thinking. There was one time when I brought my NIV to the strictly KJV only Bible study and how much trouble I got in for bringing it. I could have brought in a Koran in and gotten less flack for it, mostly because most the people there probably had no idea what a Koran was. One of the girls told me that I was using the "Satan Bible" and also it was the New Idiots Version, they were really clever.

So as a man there are certain unspoken man rules. Like whenever you're in the bathroom at the urinal you can only look straight ahead, never talk to the stranger next to you and never ever make eye contact with the person next to you. If you have to use a stall the handicapped stalls are always fair game, but if you walk out and there is a actual handicapped person waiting to go than you better start limping or appear handicapped.

Here is an updated life plan. Find 3 other guys and move to LA for the summer. Get a job as a waiter to pay rent and audition for everything available just to get my name out there. I'm so tired of not being famous I mean I just broke 1,000 Facebook friends, only 1,000 how weak is that? After I become famous, move to

Australia and become Australian.

"I use to play sports then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything" -Demetri Martin

Later, JG

Kristin Chenoweth

2011-09-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

Whenever you think of John Grant you immediately think of a 4th grade teacher right? That is exactly why you will find me every Monday Wednesday and Friday at Will Rodgers Elementary school tutoring 4th graders. Today was my first day and it was awesome. Not awesome as in I really enjoy helping kids learn how to read good and do other things good too, but awesome as in the kids say some of the funniest stuff ever. Like today when I was helping the teacher who was a little bit scattered one of the girls told me that she usually isn't this crazy but she had coffee and a red bull this morning. I also had a kid try to hustle me with some Dragon Ball Z cards. He told me that each card he had was worth $5 on ebay but he would sell all 36 of his cards to me for $100. They were a neat item but I had to get it for the right price. A lot of times 4th graders will come in with items that have a lot of sentimental value but I'm about money so we weren't able to make a deal or do any paper work (first one to message me and can name that reference gets a shout out in my next blog). My biggest fear about being a tutor is having a kid piss in my backpack. Seriously with my bag plus the books inside, someone could buy a moped. All kids under the 9th grade seem the same to me. I told this one kid to go back to his seat in my nice voice and he told me that he wasn't a 2nd grader and to talk to him like a young man, brat.

It's pretty obvious that I'm a big deal but I didn't realize how popular I was going to become within the first three weeks of school. I'm terrible with names and white people look exactly the same to me so I seriously don't call anyone I've met by their name. It's always a hey man or how's it going sport. I'm not sure how long I can keep this up.

Tomorrow the OSU game is on ESPN and myself and some friends have been camping out since Monday night. You all should watch and look for me, I will be painted all orange and wearing my black Speedo.

Apart from tutoring I also sell my plasma as a form of income. The people at the clinic are so nice and friendly they boost my self esteem every time I go in. They are always telling me how nice my veins are and how diseaseless my body is. There are two black guys who work there so they are hilarious, that just goes without saying. Every time they tell me I look like a celebrity. The first time I was told I look just like James Marsden, told you I like these people. Yesterday I was told I look just like Stiffler. I mean I usually get Brad Pitt or Matt Damon but those guys aren't bad either. Selling plasma is looked down upon because people who usually sell are prostitutes and drug dealers. I sell because it really helps people and I need money. It's a win win. Plus I just want to help those around me, and by giving up and hour of my week and 32 ounces of my plasma I can make a difference in Stillwater (plus I really need root beer money).

"I think crime pays, the hours are good and you travel a lot"

Later, JG

Presidential Debate

2011-09-07T19:17:00.000-07:00

Well it has been way too long since I have blogged last. So much has happened so here is a quick recap. Summer was great, I sweat a lot, now I'm back in school. That being said I have noticed that there are a few differences between Liberty University and Oklahoma state. I'm not going to bash LU because honestly there are a few great people out there, but I didn't quite realize how weird that school really is until I went to a state school. So here is a list of the things that come to mind: at OSU people treat you like an adult, girls are allowed in your room even when the door is shut, ESPN in my room, teachers don't take attendance, laundry is free, when you get a package it is actually delivered to your dorm, our football team is nationally ranked, you can wear hats in class and wear whatever you want to, no curfew, the girls here aren't desperately trying to get married, and we have Greek life. But to be fair LU had some things OSU doesn't. Including: trampoline basketball, mandatory chapel with the same message 3 times a week, fines other than parking tickets, a ski slope, and girls who desperately want to get married. There are also a few things these schools have in common: math teachers who have no idea what they are talking about, douche bag long-boarders who try to ride as close to you as possible, Asians that travel in large groups, and plenty of blogging material.

Things at OSU are going great, honestly the best school I have ever attended (sorry mom).

"College isn't the place to go for ideas"- Helen Keller.

Later, JG

Kaitlin's 2nd Bday Post

2011-04-30T17:31:00.000-07:00

So today, April 30th, is not only the birth date of Willie Nelson and Kristen Dunst, but also my little sister Kaitlin's birthday. So in honor of your 18th birthday, I would just like to bring up some of the good memories that you may have forgotten. (If your not Kaitlin you probably won't get any of these, but thanks for reading anyway) So here it goes. First I would like to apologize for the following: Sorry for always acting like I didn't remember the dumb things we did growing up whenever you brought them up in front of my "cool" friends (I remembered everyone) sorry for playing the song "Saturn has a ring around it" but singing "Kaitlin has a ring around her" whenever you got your headgear. Sorry for when we fought always bringing up the time when you got beat up by that African American girl at my baseball game just because I knew it would make you cry. Seriously I still feel terrible for all of that. Sorry for hiding from you whenever I was with my friends in the neighborhood. Sorry about Buford. Sorry for always telling you that you had a tick on your arm when it was really, well never mind... Ice cream sandwiches, hot dogs. Oh and now that I have confessed everything I can think of let me just say I never farted on your pillow to give you pink eye, never!

Anyway your welcome for all the friends I gave you in high school. Your welcome for paving the way of your student body presidency by being elected 2 years prior and staring the tradition (lots of pressure Annie). On a different note I can't tell you how proud of you I am Kaitlin. I can't wait to work with you this summer and its going to be such a blessing having you at JBU in the Fall!

"Have you seen that show Parks and Re-creation? Kaitlin don't you mean parks and recreation? oh yeah that one" -Kaitlin Grant.

Later, JG

Turbo Tax

2011-04-13T22:49:00.001-07:00

I wasn't a bad kid. I grew up in a normal southern town in North Carolina. I had 3 best friends around my age and we did, for the most part, normal things. Justin was the kid with all the new toys, Brian was the one who we got to try all of our stupid ideas, and Josh, well he came up with the stupid ideas for us to get Brian to do. Myself and Brian are two of the most competitive people you will ever meet. He is two years older than I am but I was far more athletic. One time in middle school (I was in middle school Brian was in high school) we were playing hide and seek in Justin's basement. The rules were turn out all the lights and first one to be found was it. My strategy was to make Brian laugh and then find him easily. This worked all the time because even as a middle schooler, I was hilarious. Brian hated this so much that he tried something new, he hid with a pillow. Every time he would start laughing he would place his head in the pillow so I wouldn't hear him. This worked at first, but lets remember, I was hilarious. Out of nowhere I hear this laughing but soon, very soon it turns to crying. Apparently Brian was laughing so hard he pissed himself. There are a few theories of why I believe Brian started crying. 1. He cried all the time about everything. 2. His pants were drenched with urine and he was in high school. 3. He was now it and I beat him once again. He also crapped himself a few times but that's for a different time.

When I say I wasn't a bad kid I'm being serious. I did rebellious things every now and then but nothing too serious. One time Josh stole a cigarette from his mom and we both ran off into the woods to try it for the first time. We ended up getting caught. We didn't get caught because we smelt like smoke, we got caught because we used so much cologne to cover the smell of the smoke that is was pretty obvious what we were doing. I mean two middle school boys grabbing a lighter and running off into the woods and coming back ten minutes later smelling like Clay Aiken's house after his weekly Glee party can be a bit suspicious.
The first time I ever "drank" alcohol was also with Josh. Myself and about 7 other hooligans stole a Watermelon Smirnoff containing almost 3% alcohol and each had about half a sip. We got caught. Apparently its easier for moms to keep track of a 6 pack than we were expecting. We worked out a deal, I would do yard work all day and my parents wouldn't be told.
Josh went to a different school than I did so I was home whenever his bus dropped him off at the end of the school day. He was picking on me for being soft and told me he would give me $5 to throw a egg at his school bus. I was determined to prove myself so I promised I would do it the next day. It was about 15 minutes before the bus was expected to come so I stole an egg from my fridge and ran off into the woods to find my place of attack. I soon found out that running with an egg in your pocket can be problematic so I ran back home, changed into pants without a broken egg in them, stole a second egg and tried again (all of this 100% true by the way). I found my spot in the woods right next to the road, and with an egg in my hand I was ready. The bus appeared in the distance and I started getting nervous. My mind wondered and began getting paranoid that it was going to hit the wind shield and cause the bus to wreck and the police were going to find me. I also knew I had to prove I wasn't soft so when the bus drove by I stood up and as hard as I could I threw that egg at the bus... and missed the bus completely. The bus dropped off Josh and I slowly walked towards him ready to be made fun of. When he saw me he looked scared and told me to run home. So for the second time that afternoon I ran home, this time without a broken egg in pocket. Josh soon came over and told me what had happened. Apparently I didn't miss, in fact the egg I threw made its way through an open bus window and hit a girl right in the face! Josh also said that the bus driver saw me throw it and did in fact call the police. Luckily, only in the situation, I was home schooled so the bus driver had no idea who I was. I not only gained $5 that day, I also gained the respect of a middle school friend who I haven't talked to in 7 years. Worth it!

Jackass, which was a TV show at the time, heavily influenced me and my friends. We had this sweet camcorder where you would place the actual VHS tape inside and record whatever you wanted to for about two hours. Needless to say we began filming "Jackbutt" ( I wasn't allowed to say ass or I would have been grounded). The first few hours went great! We were doing awesome stunts and no ones parents saw us so there was no one to stop us. I was so proud of my work I decided to show my parents what I had done. During the final stunt one of the guys drops a nice four letter word that the video camera caught perfectly. And these were literally the next words to come out, "Way to go man, now John can't show his parents". Yes I was the only church goer out of my friends. Yes I would have shown my parents our masterpiece had not one of my friends slipped up. Yes I would have been in more trouble had I shown my parents the tape even with out the profanity. Yes I understand now how terrible an idea "Jackbutt" was.

"If you're gonna be dumb you gotta be tough" - Roger Allan Wade.

Later, JG

Corned beef and cabbage recipe

2011-03-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

So awhile back my phone died and Verizon sent me a new one. I decided to sell the one they sent me and buy a different model. So naturally I went to the place one would sell such an item, that's right ebay. Ebay was created back in 1995 by a couple of friends who decided it was way too much work to leave your house and buy an item you need. I mean why buy something from someone you actually have to see and might have to talk to when you can just sit in your house/parents basement and have the item delivered to you. Think about it. You purchase an item, someone else mails it to you, some other someone else brings its to you and all you have to do is pick it up on your porch. I mean think of all the Star Trek you would miss out on if you had to go buy it yourself and you might even run into a real person who would possibly want to have a real conversation with you. So anyway I put my phone up and this is what happened.

After the first few days I started getting bids immediately. I mean seriously guys this was a Motorola Rival, these things may not be smart phones but they are pretty high up there. I can't even say that these phones suck. Seriously this is the type of phone that would be happy with the C-. So anyway the phone sells, I ship it, I get the money everything is great, or so I thought. I get an email saying that they no longer need the phone and would like to return it. Myself, being the sensitive, thoughtful, caring person that I am explained that I already shipped it and could not accept a return. 3 weeks later I get another email saying the phone doesn't work and would like a return. Myself, being the sometimes sensitive, occasionally thoughtful, almost always caring person that I am explained that the warranty on the phone had expired and I would not be able to accept a return. I later find that they had filed a case against me and that the ebay police were reviewing the case. I sent in all the information they needed to know and the court found the buyer innocent and myself guilty. I appealed the case stating that the buyer had been shady, yes shady, and the phone worked perfectly whenever I sent it. My appeal was denied and they took back the money straight out of my bank account, which is very disturbing that they can do that. Myself being the blunt, annoyed, honestly pissed off person ebay had transformed me into, I called customer support because they had clearly made a mistake. After being on hold for half an hour listening to music that made me miss the sound of Humble Tip (side not, Humble Tip is a christian rap artist from Liberty University. Seriously his music is the worse thing to happen to christians since the Dove awards, Point of Grace, and possibly even Bible man). I finally got through to a man who speaks very little English. Who knew that ebay was a international thing? So he asks me my name and no joke uses it twice in every sentence. I thought I was being Punked. There is no reason to say "Hello John thank you for calling customer support John, what may I help you with John?" I finally get him to transfer me over to someone else and they again deny my request. I would like to apologize for some of the things I said to him. This is a blog that the entire family can sit around together and read so I won't go into further detail.

So there I was a beaten man. $60 out of my bank account and a broken phone on my desk. So what does one do in such a situation? They write a sarcastic email to the buyer. Who cares about being the bigger man, getting the last word in is what it is all about. Well ladies and Luke Stehr (the one guy who consistently reads this) here is that email.

Dear, *********

Okay I got the phone back in the mail yesterday and you're right its not working. I'm guessing something happened to it while it was being shipped I really don't know because it worked fine before I shipped it. It's just so strange how a phone you didn't want anymore just happened to stop working once you got it. But I'm so happy you got your money back. I mean I highly doubt you would lie just for money. I'm also sorry I didn't make the warranty on the phone longer. I mean one week just isn't enough time to turn on a phone see if it works and email me to let me know there is a problem. But in the end everything worked out right? I mean you no longer have the phone you didn't want to buy, you have your money back and I have the phone I originally had so everyone is happy. I mean its not like I want a working phone or anything oh and paying the extra money for the shipping, no big deal. I'm a college student so I have tons of extra cash just laying around. I mean I would much rather pay for your shipping than have to go to the movies with my friends, pay my bills or anything like that. I just want you to be happy. Also I'm glad you gave me negative feedback, I deserve it. Just let me thank you for all the potential buyers I might have. I'm clearly a jerk who just wants to rip people off. Getting ebay involved was a very classy move because I obviously was not going to help you. Man they should just take my ebay account away if I'm going to be this irresponsible. I would also like to say that I'm sorry it took you an entire week to make it to a Verizon store. Those phones are just so complicated to turn on. How were you suppose to know that phone wasn't working, they make that on button so difficult sometimes. Well I could go on all day but I'm reaching my word limit. I hope this email finds you well and that the rest of your ebay experience will be a positive one. Stay classy *** **************.(her name not swear words)
P.S You didn't need to break my phone you could have just sent it back. I mean that's something a senior in high school would do.

-jgdechamp

Yes I lied about being a college student and yes I used google and facebook to find this person, and yes according to facebook this person is a senior in high school.

"A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advise"- Bill Cosby.

Later, JG

Charlie Sheen

2011-03-13T20:58:00.000-07:00

I don't hate animals let me go ahead and throw that out there. Yes Michael Vick is one of my favorite athletes. This is not because of what he did off the field but more due to the fact that I have been to his house (yes it was his lake house, yes I only stood on his pier, no he did not know I was there). So last weekend I got the pleasure of removing a very dead opossum away from the ball field where parents would soon be picking up their children. As I got closer to the already very much dead varmint I noticed four 5th grade girls standing by it. They apparently had a funeral for "Linda" and cover it in grass. I scooped it up with the shovel and one of the girls asked me how their new friend had died. As I'm holding this sick excuse of an animal with its mouth open, tongue out, blood stained fur, obvious male parts exposed for all the world to see. I just told her that it died of cancer then she took this information to the other girls and yelled, "It's okay Linda died of cancer, I bet she didn't even feel it." Man I love stupid children. I then drive Linda, who is in fact obviously a male, down a trail so that I may dispose of its carcass. I am being completely honest when I say this but as soon as I step out of the truck there is a nous already tied and a perfect fit for Linda. Okay put yourself in my situation, you have a rope and a dead animal and way too much time on your hands. So naturally I did what anyone else in this situation would have done. I slid the knot around its head and hung it in a tree over a small waterfall. Guys if God did not want me to do this the rope would not have been there for me to do this. I think He was testing me like He tested Abraham with his son. I was waiting for the ram to appear but it never showed up therefore it wasn't my fault it was the rams. Therefore any college team that uses a ram as their mascot is clearly sinning against God. Don't get upset with me these are just the facts. Anyway I had no intention of leaving it up there for very long just long enough to show Garret and hear his laugh. Which now that I think of it, if that did happen it would have lasted longer than I thought. So of course I forget to tell Garret and someone else finds it and sends out a few emails asking who this sick person is that would do that to a poor animal. Whoops.

So in my new place there are a few mice. I was sleeping on the couch one night and one of these little demons ran out of the kitchen right towards me and scurried underneath where I was sleeping. I honestly sleep on the couch every night now with a knife just waiting for Stuart Little to try to pull a stunt like that again.

I would like to take this time and thank all of you that read this. I would also like to thank my international supporters including the 24 of you in Russia who read this and the 8 in Guadeloupe. I do apologize for not knowing that your country even exist but hey even I learn something new everyday. If numbers continue as normal I will reach 3,000 views this month including readers from 10 different countries. I will soon be adding advertisement on the side so if you or someone you know would like some international publicity contact myself, John Grant, and I will be happy to give you an estaminet.

"I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted the glory, I wanted the fame. I wanted the pretty girls to come up to me and say, 'Hi, I see you're good at Centipede'."- Walter Day

Later, JG

Shut your mouth whenever you're talking to me.

2011-02-27T21:49:00.000-08:00

I love camping. Let me repeat myself, I love camping. So whenever Luke told me that we would be spending two days camping roughly 20 miles from the Mexican border I was thrilled to say the least. So we packed up the 15 passenger van, left the frozen snow filled grounds of New Life Ranch, and began our 20 something hour drive. The first night we stayed at a camp in west Texas which was a really neat experience just to see others who have similar interest as myself and how God uses them in different ways. It was a short stay and we made our way further south and eventually made it to Big Bend national park (not Big Ben, apparently someone who will remain anonymous thought we were going to London). We arrived at our camp site around 8 P.M and after leaving the snow and seeing sand and cacti I was ready to get my tan on. I stepped out of the van and it hit me, freezing temperatures and a sickening wind chill.

We make camp, cooked dinner, and went to bed. You may remember that I love camping, what I failed to mention was that I hate tents, and cold weather. I got in my sleeping bag and tried to fall asleep, little did I know I was about to experience one of the strangest nights of my entire life. I awoke around 1 A.M and my pillow was frozen. I guess I drool a lot in my sleep which froze my pillow case and to my face. I felt extremely claustrophobic and I could not feel my feat. As quietly as I possibly could, I got out of the tent and made my way to the van. Before I opened the door I heard the scariest noise of my entire life, seriously. It sounded like a Lion giving birth to a Rhino, horn first. I decided to sleep in the van for the rest of the night. My plan did not work at all. When I packed I packed like someone who was packing for a camping trip in Northern Mexico, so I had plenty of shorts and tshirts but one or two jackets. So I put on 3 additional pairs of socks on to my feet which I couldn't feel, a few pairs of shorts, and a pair of furry boots I found under one of the seats. I fell asleep for about an hour and woke up again and my mind was playing terrible tricks on me. My first thought was that I most definitely had frost bitten feet. So my next thought was Mr. Deeds and that my feet are going to be black the rest of my life. After that thought was I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET A CHACO TAN EVER AGAIN!!! So I knew the only way I would be able to survive this was to either use the lighter in my pocket to light a section of the van on fire, or go to the bathroom where the heater was.

I decided to go with the bathroom. This bathroom was about 100 yards away with Lions, Mexicans, and Bears! Because of all the socks I was wearing I could not fit my shoes on my feet. So I put them on high heel style and made the dash for the bathroom. I finally made it and it felt like Christmas morning. There was a giant heater and the smell of Lemon Pledge filled the air. I began to strip and placed my feet under the hand dryer. Once I had feeling in my toes again I knew if I was going to survive I needed to get sleep. I could hear Same Moreton in my head telling me I had all the resources necessary to stay alive. Whenever you are dying with hypothermia you do not think straight, much less think about comfort. So I grabbed 6 rolls of toilet paper to act as my pillow and slept on the floor of a public restroom at a nation park. As gross as this sounds you have no idea until you actually experience it. I woke up every 20 minuets all night thinking someone was going to come in and kidnap me. My mind works great at 4 A.M so I was thinking of excuses of why I would be on the floor. My first thought was to pull a Jason Borne and pretend I had no idea who I was and spit out random facts but I thought I could do better. So I decided to pretend I worked for border patrol and was on a very important stake out. Clever I know. Luckily for me and everyone else no one walked in. All throughout the night I honestly thought I was going to die. I could not get warm at all and I could not fall asleep. I decided if I was going to die I might as well say goodbye to a few friends. I whipped out my phone and sent some pretty awesome text messages. I'm sure people have gotten drunk text before, but I bet very few have gotten "I'm dying of hypothermia outside of Mexico so I'm in a public bathroom so I won't be eaten by bears" text. Luckily I didn't have service so only a few of those messages got out. I finally made it to morning, and knew that I needed to do something different that night. We spent the entire day hiking/modeling in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. We made it back for dinner and the night was slowing creeping in. We decided to play cards in the van with the heaters full blast. I knew if I slept in the van after the game it would still be warm and might make for a better night. After the game I kicked everyone out of my "bed" took enough Tylenol PM that would knock out Snuffaluffagous and prayed I wouldn't wake up until morning. I started my prayer with God if you really love me and then I woke up and breakfast was already made (thanks God).

This was our last day so we decided to drive to the Mexican border and check out a hot spring right off of the Rio Grande. I had a great night sleep so I decided to drive. Before one can get to the hot springs one must drive through the mountains on a very narrow road. When I say narrow I mean it. I mean so narrow I'm surprised my Rosey O Donald sized ego made it through that pass. I would not feel comfortable riding a bike on it but here I was in a giant van. I couldn't let someone else drive because I was from North Carolina, we invented driving/ NASCAR. So we begin driving and it's seriously a 15 foot drop on my left and jagged rocks on my right all the way through the curving mountains. I finally make it through alive and we started our walk to the hot spring. Driving out was even more dangerous. I made it through only to find out we left some of our stuff so I had to drive the entire thing all over again. I think I peed a little bit each time so at the end of the ordeal I was glad I was still wearing my swimmies. Just kidding, but not really.

The hot springs were awesome, the water was so warm and it was such a nice day. As I was soaking in the spring right next to the Rio Grande and could see Mexico right across the river. I have never left our country before and do not have a passport but come on how hard could it be to swim across the Rio Grande and sneak into Mexico? Without much hesitation I dove into the freezing cold water and made my way to Mexico. I stood on foreign soil for the first time and felt so far away from God. It was like He could no longer hear me because I was no longer in His favorite country. I stood there long enough to get a picture and I swam back. Guys sneaking into the US is so much easier than I thought. We continued to soak in the warm waters when all of the sudden a man across the river appeared. There he was, a real live Mexican! Usually whenever one see a man of that nationality on his or her own soil we tend to be annoyed. Whenever I saw that man I felt cultured. Whenever I was swimming across the Rio Grande I experienced something deep. What right do I have to enjoy these freedoms I take for granted everyday? And Why do I get to have these, because I was born here? I felt sorry for that man who does not get to experience the things I get to everyday. Things like name brands, hats that aren't circles, the English language, and the always delicious Taco Bell. You would think more would swim over, I mean seriously guys its pretty easy.

After my trip I learned a lot about myself and a lot about those who I will work along side of for the following months to come.

"I want to change the word, and do something valuable and beautiful. I want people to remember me before I'm dead, and then more afterwords" -Russell Brand

Later, JG

New Years resolution- Same as every year!

2011-01-06T21:16:00.000-08:00

Well today is my last day in North Carolina and it feels like I just got here. Christmas morning was almost cruel. My family wakes me up at 6 A.M but it gets even worse than that. My parents thought it would be cool to go feed the homeless that morning. Don't get me wrong it was a great experience, but 6 in the morning? What's wrong with homeless lunch? So we get there and we start making pancakes, and other things hungry people like. My parents are attending a church I have never been to before and it's a cool place, but the entire congregation are granolas. Meaning everyone (except a few girls) had a long beard, wore clothing from Goodwill, and was telling a story about something in their life. Sounds nice except I couldn't tell who was homeless. Every time someone walked into the kitchen I wasn't sure if I should ask for help or tell them it isn't time for breakfast. But that isn't even the worse part. My parents thought that we should open one present before we go. So of course the present we open is a Wii. Do you know how slow time goes when one is flipping pancakes knowing that virtual baseball could be happening at one's own home? Well I do and it's pretty slow. As we are leaving I saw this little boy open up a present that some of the people from the church got him. I wish I could describe the look in his face once he saw his new toy. He runs up to me with tears in his little eyes and gives me the biggest hug and thanks me. At that moment I understood the true meaning of Christmas and all of the sudden that Wii didn't sound so desirable... Just kidding we left before anyone opened presents, but how awesome would that have been if that really happen?

New Years Eve, what a night! My boy Philip gives me a shout about a huge party going down in downtown Gboro. Let me tell you this party had literally everything. Tons of people too many to count, fire dancers, men in kilts, people doing this swing thing, a trampoline and a midget! Unfortunately the midget was just a college girl who was at the party and didn't do anything cool but was just with friends (Which I found out the hard way). Apparently "little people" take offense when you ask them what they do. I guess she just liked to sit there and text because that's what she did all night. So the party is going great I'm wearing some phresh kicks, pull up in my mom's minivan, and just chilax. Everything is going great until well I'm not sure how to say this. Most people who hang out in a social gathering know that there is always that one girl. You know the girl who is loudest out of everyone and just wants drama. She was at this party but she decided to outdo herself this time. Nothing ruins a party quite like a girl falling off the roof and an ambulance coming. Thanks a lot loud girl.

"You know driving drunk isn't as hard as everyone makes it sound" -Lauren Gardner. (this quote was not taken out of context in the least bit)

Later, JG.

Nevermore

2010-12-14T15:09:00.000-08:00

So I was laying in bed yesterday morning when I get a knock on my door. It was strange for a number of reasons. One it was 7 A.M. Two it was a single knock. Three it was 7 A.M. in the morning. So I get out of bed put on some clothes and hope whoever is at my door has a good reason for waking me up. There are only a few things in life that make me immediately pissed off. One of those is being woken up for a stupid reason. (another one is when the hot dog bun breaks in half, seriously that makes me so cross) So I open the door and no one is there. I was livid. Not only did I get out of bed and put on clothes but it is freezing and no one is there. I got back to bed super angry trying to figure out who would ding dong ditch me at 7 A.M. I go to work trying to figure out who the funny guy is. As I return home I notice something in front of my door. I look closer and there is a dead bird in front of my place. Yes a stupid bird flew into my door not only killing itself but far worse waking me up. Am I saying that my sleep is more important than that poor bird's life? YES!!! I hate most animals but birds are right up there with horses in my list of useless animals.

Later, JG

All I do is win

2010-12-13T20:42:00.000-08:00

So tonight ended my perfect driving record. For over three years I hadn't been in an accident or pulled over at all. That is saying a lot because in high school I drove my dad's 1994 minivan and that thing was perfect for burnouts and drag racing. I didn't need a speedometer because every time it hit 80mph the entire thing would shake, so that one time I got it up to 110mph you would have thought the van had Parkinson's disease. But anyway tonight I was on my way back from Christmas shopping in Faytown with Lexie and I got pulled over. I run through everything I'm going to say in my mind and I roll down the window and its a female cop. She tells me that I was going 80 in a 65. That was such crap because I was only going 75 and I told her the cruise control was on and set at 70. She takes my license and other information and then it gets weird. She comes back and she was like "You need to get a new license" I said "Its not expired, are you talking about the crack in it?" She replies "Nope your face is a lot cuter in life than the picture on your license." She then asks me where I go to school and where I'm from, where I work, whose car am I driving just really personal questions. She gives me a warning after I play the NLR card, and tells me to be careful in my girlfriends car. Okay how did she know Lexie was my girlfriend? It was a weird night. As I look back it all makes sense. Favre has always been my favorite NFL player. His first season was the year I was born and we both ended our streak tonight. He hadn't missed a game, I had never gotten pulled over. This had to be an act of God.

I would just like to apologize to J Ho and AC and the 5 girls from their house who came out to NLR the other week and Garret and myself left in the west 40 haha. Sorry that was rude of us.

When I first started this blog is was all about having fun and just getting memories written down to look back at. Now I feel so much pressure when I write. Not only do I have 19 followers but millions of others who read this but don't follow. Not to mention my girl AP reads this to all of her sorority sisters in Texas. I can't be witty and hilarious all the time, it takes a toll on my health trying to please everyone. I mean pretty much everyone in Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Virginia, North Carolina, and Alaska read this. Oh well its the price I have to pay.

In case anyone is interested Get him to the Greek is not a good date movie with Lexie Garret and Beth. What is even worse is instead of finishing the movie Garret decides to jump in the creek. Yes myself and G-love jumped in Flint creek on a brisk December night, why are boys so dumb in front of girls? Oh yeah because we are awesome!

Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye- Helen Keller. Oh the irony.

Later, JG

I whip my hair back and forth

2010-11-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

Over the last two weeks I have gotten the opportunity to travel to 4 different colleges to assist Rhett in recruiting summer staff for the 2011 summer.

OSU- While we recruit we have a display with pictures, brochures that explain what we do during the summer, and candy. Lots and lots of candy. It's difficult to find quality Christians at a secular university such as Oklahoma State, and most of the students just walked by not very interested. The only way to get students to talk to us was by luring them in with pixie stix. Although this tactic was not extremely successful, some key phrases did come about. Some of these phrases include: I pegged you as a pixie stick kind of girl, candy from strangers all you have to do is bend over and pick it up (pointing to the candy on the ground). So Rhett's job was to talk to the students, my job was to set the mood so I just kind of sat there. A couple walked by and the girl saw who we were and told the boy she was with that she went to NLR for 3 years as a kid, he responded with "No s***? " I went to Kanakuk! Being at OSU allowed me to see some good friends including the one and only Katie Berry. Guys I like Katie a lot, so much I even went to a Biology class with her. After the first 3 minutes I got up and left but it was the thought that counts anyway. So we are wrapping up the the final day at OSU and myself Rhett, Geoff Maples, and Conner are tossing a disc when I see a student checking out what was behind our display. Geoff notices too and approaches the young man and asks if he needs help with anything. He replies no that he just took a piece of candy. So Geoff walks away and the students walks away as well. I decided to follow the student just in case. I was a good 30 yards behind him when he starts walking faster. I begin to run after him and he sees me and takes off. He runs into a building and is nowhere to be found. I reconnect with Geoff who came in the back way. All of the sudden homeboy walks out wearing different clothes holding Geoff's new Droid in his hand along with Conner's Ipod. Geoff looks at homeboy and asks for his phone back and homeboy just gives it to him. Homeboy you are really dumb, for realz.

OBU-After spending a few days there I decided a few things. One, I will never home school my kids, ever. If you think about it kids getting bullied isn't always a bad thing. If a kid is acting weird the bully will let him know and the kid will stop doing it, therefore will stop acting socially awkward and will begin to function better in the world. Yes it hurts at the time but I'm so thankful for all the times my older brother beat me up for listening to the Spice Girls. Two, there were way more interesting people at OBU than OSU. This Asian student stopped by and asked us what we were. We explain we were a summer camp and she laughed at us and informed us that it is winter...

SBU- Luke Stehr likes camp, a lot.

Missouri S & T- This school is kind of labeled for being a nerdy school. The reason it has this reputation is largely due to the fact that it is. But I always look for the silver lining and here it is. I was washing my hands in the bathroom and this girl (who was without a doubt home schooled for most of her life) walks in. She looks at me with the absolute meanest look I have ever seen. The kind of look that says, "You freak why are you in the woman's bathroom?!?" I just smile and continue to wash my hands. She looks at me then turns her head at looks at the urinals. Looks back at me then back at the urinals, then back at me and turns around walks away while saying, "Well that worked out great for me." She just so happened to be in the church service I was at and would not make eye contact with me, and I tried so so hard for that to happen.

On our way back to Oklahoma Rhett and myself stop at the Wal-Mart in Missouri. The bathroom was being cleaned so I just waited outside the door. While I'm waiting these two girls come out with a kid in each arm. They looked to be about my age but it was hard to tell. Thing 1 says to her child 'I'm going to put you in the cart now." She then looks right at me and says, "Can I put you in the cart?" Myself being the clever, witty person I am said, "No." She then says "It's alright I'm preggo anyway." Classy

I have some really strange friends. J Ho just isn't normal, AC pretends to hate me every time I hang out with her so maybe she really does... Yeah those are pretty much my only friends who visit me.

Jesus' first miracle, turning the water into wine. The Baptist's first miracle, turning the wine into grape juice.

Later, JG

X

2010-10-12T21:42:00.000-07:00

"Don't be stupid, that's what we have politicians for." "If 10% was good enough for Jesus it should be good enough for the government?" These were just a few of the bumper stickers on this awesome black PT Cruiser I was behind on my way to the Verizon store. I mean after I read those I instantly changed my political views and felt the need to get some for my own non-existent vehicle. I mean honestly if you are going to try to look like an intelligent person with any kind of political wisdom, at least take off the 6 (yes that's right 6) nascar stickers off your Cruiser as well as the Palin '12 sticker. Oh and maybe change the Texas license plate as well.

Last week was my mom's birthday so it thought about all the advice she has shared with me over the years and here are a few that helped me the most. "Don't worry about your grades, just be the best athlete and get everyone to like you. Fine get a tattoo, ruin your body I don't care." There was this one time in 10th grade when I got suspended from school for cheating, which was stupid because I wasn't cheating for myself but I stupid friend who couldn't pass a science quiz, and they called my mom to come pick me up in the principal's office. Apparently they never told her why I was there so when she got there and found out why, it was actually a relief for her to know I was in trouble and not the hospital again for doing something awesome. So thanks mom for all the advice and remember that time you told me I could do whatever I wanted to once I was out of the house? Well I'm JG so obviously I have been doing what I want for awhile now, and I'm going to see Jackass 3 this weekend! Get the jello and chocolate pudding ready, and the ice every half hour. Good times.

Every Tuesday I mentor a 4th grader for 2 hours and it has been the most effective form of birth control ever created. This kid has so much energy its ridiculous. I mean he is an awesome guy, but when the first thing he says to me is "Hey Mr. John, I didn't take my medicine today" makes me wonder if I ever want kids, seriously.

Before I finished I just wanted everyone to know just how awesome Annie Paige is. Get to know her she is really cool. Once you talk to her you will soon realize that her ability to kick herself in the head is the least interesting thing about her, honestly she is great. Oh and Katie Berry is really funny, for a girl.

Girls at christian colleges are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Later JG

Purple Fuzzies,

2010-09-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend I had time off so I decided to drop in on my friends up at the U of A. It was a big weekend because Arkansas was playing the number one seen Alabama that Saturday. I arrived Friday night and people were outside the stadium and had been there camping out since Monday. I figured I'm pretty well known so the best way to find people is to start walking down the street where there are already thousands of people. Oh fun fact I actually know the girl who was in the very first tent, just throwing that out there. I barely start walking and I hear someone yell my name. As luck would have it it just so happened to be David Cox. Boys and girls let me tell you, David Cox is a much different person outside of camp. He was actually hilarious, for the first time in my life I enjoyed being around him.

I later met up with my other friends JHo and Anna Clark, and we went to Taco Bell and Wal Mart (you know the places that we didn't go to at all all summer). So the next day was the football game and I still didn't have a ticket. Not gonna lie I almost felt uncomfortable walking around the busy streets with one finger up indicating I needed one ticket. It was funny because many people felt the need to put another finger up at me even though they already had tickets... Stay classy Arkansas. I'm walking down the street and some one else yells at me and she is in a car and it was one of those I know who you are but can't remember at the moment so it was real awkward because I didn't know what to say, sorry Allie. I finally find this nice african american male and he offers to sell me his ticket. At first he asks for $300 but because I grew up on the streets I knew what to do. I laugh and walk off knowing he will hollar back. Well he wasn't no hollar back guy so I ended up walking back. I told him I was from NC and that I drove all through the night to get here but left my ticket on the table. ( yes I am from NC true, yes I did drive all through the night to get here true, did I leave my ticket on the table, not so true) So I show him my NC drivers license, tell him the seats are awful, the game will be a blowout, and no one is looking for a single ticket. Yup I definitely walked away with a $300 ticket for $60. The seats were awful so I just walked past the security and sat in the student section. I'm telling you if you walk anywhere acting like you own the place you will be surprised with how little people will try to stop you.

I drove back that night because Arkansas lost so everyone went home or started studying for Monday. I however had a rondevu that night so it ended up working out. I like to think I'm pretty good at coming up with a plan B on the spur of the moment situations. So whenever my phone died on the way back I had to come up with something. I could have either went home and called my friend the let my friend know I couldn't make it because my phone died, but that would have been pretty lame and lets face it JG does not stoop to the lame level. So I stop at the hotel to use their computer. The clerk tells me the computer has been down all day and won't be fixed until the next day. I asked to see it anyway and I'm no computer geek by any means but I totes def figured out the modem was plugged into the wrong part of the computer and I fixed it within like 3 mins, just sayin. So I get on facebook find my friend's number call my friend to make sure we were still on for our rondevu find out where we are meeting and all that jazz while using the hotel's phone.

I keep having this reoccurring dream that my high school diploma isn't real and I have to do my senior year all over again. So I guess it's more of a nightmare. So I go to some random school in oklahoma and end up playing football as a 20 year old senior. That's about as far as I get before I wake up but last night for some reason the Duggars were at my game. I guess because I was at their house Sunday night they were still fresh on my mind.

"JG put me in your blog"-Everyone

Later, JG

Get your friends to follow me! I'm conceded but I don't care.

2010-09-20T21:14:00.000-07:00

I'm a pretty big fan of people watching to say the least. Some call it an invasion of privacy, but I just think of it as a hobby. So last night I was at this real janky outdoor skate park in downtown Siloam Springs and it may be my go to spot for the year. Last year was easy because I could just leave my room and people watch anywhere. Yeah everyone at Liberty was either home schooled or just lacked social skills. It was awesome! So last night I was just skating around (shirtless) looking real white trash thugg. I was doing my thing and this mexican playa walks up trying to start sumthan. I was actually wrong he just wanted a lighter. We had a good talk, his name was michael and just moved here from California. He wants to go back but is on parole here for underaged drinking hahah stay classy Siloam.

My phone is awful and my one year insurance is up next week so I made a visit to my local verizone dealer. If you want a new phone its pretty easy. If you tell them that your phone is messed up physically than they will blame it on you and make you pay for it. Here is what I did. I told them something random like my speaker phone keeps turning on, which it did twice today, and they are going to give me a new phone for free. Which is awesome because it is falling apart.

The phone incident reminded me of some other things that happened whenever I was younger. In early high school, when I was still listening to awful music, Underaoth came into town. Since I was poor I didn't have money for a ticket I decided to show up anyway and see what I could do, I mean after all I'm John Grant. So I show up and go directly to the lady taking tickets and tell her my name is on the VIP list and my ticket is waiting for me. Of course my name was not on the list but if you act upset enough things happen. I just so happened to have Aaron Gillespie's phone number, the drummer/vocals for Underoath, in my phone. I got the number from a friend from school who tried to open for them, but got denied. The lady wasn't buying my story at all that me and Aaron are good family friends and how pissed he will be if she didn't let me in. I end up calling him and it goes straight to voicemail, which is good because he would have had no idea who I am if he had answered. So she finally lets me and my friend in. It was the best/worse free concert I have ever attended.

So tonight I have 103. To those of you who aren't down with the NLR lingo that means I have the phone the people here call if there is an emergency. So i'm sitting here at my office listening to some pandora and checking up on my fantasy team when the phone goes off. I wasn't paying attention to what I was listening to on pandora and apparently if you plug in Nirvana you will eventually get Eminem so I can't just answer with all the naughty words going off in the background. I can't find the volume so i have to just shut my laptop, which didn't stop it at all, so I had to leave the room. The voice on the other end tells me to call an ambulance because a kid had broken his leg. I freak out a bit because I didn't know what to do. I soon get another call saying a cabin is missing a camper. I get another call telling me to cancel the ambulance and the kid was faking. It was crazy but everything turned out alright!

Where's Parker? He's on that skypy-skype thing...-Garret Blythe

Later, JG

Luke Stehr

2010-09-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

I miss college. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love what I'm doing right now, but I also miss always having something going on and staying up late. So most nights I have off you will find me hitting up JBU or the U of A just so I can be around people my own age and maturity. If anyone is ever at Arkansas and has nothing to do call J Ho, she is always up to something and never needs to be told in advance you are coming. Just call her and tell her you're on your way to her dorm she loves it when you do that.

Tonight I was driving back from my first high school football game in seven years and I stopped at the Siloam Taco bell. I was about to go in and I saw like 7 bigger guys with cut off sleeves in line about to order. Usually I would fit in perfectly but on this night I was wearing my new jacket and was feeling like a nancy boy. So I just ended up going through the drive thru. Don't worry I regained my manliness. When the waitress took my order and asked what sauce I wanted I told her to give me the hottest they had. Oh yeah she could tell how much of a man I was after that. Even though I just threw the sauce away after I got it, I still felt better.

This week I have been leading roughly 600 6th graders from Jenks in different activities. I know I taught them all so many life skills but I also learned something important as well. That's right I have decided to not have kids, ever. They all behaved but today I had to help a kid who was crossing the creek and started getting carried away. This kid had Down Syndrome and was an awesome kid, I would have jumped in for any kid but I felt like I really needed for this situation. Even though I got soaked by freezing cold water the kid was fine, Sarah Palin would be proud...too far?

Not being in school so far has really given me some serious time to evaluate what I want to do in life. So here is my new life plan. Go to the duggars house, because I am on the approved list of visitors, and pick out a girl around my age to date. Date her until they start filming a new season and do something questionable to get media attention. Break up with her once I find out all their family secrets and go straight to hollywood. Be a special guest on the Soup and that will launch my career. I mean this is a foolproof plan, but just in case it doesn't I'm also really tempted to go work on a cruise ship next year.

Every week for two hours I mentor this awesome 4th grader. If someone told me a few years ago I would be where I am now and doing the things I do I would not have believed them. Funny how things work out.

"Do you know my mom's best friend's middle name?" "No" Yeah I didn't think so...-Some Jenks girl.

Later, JG

Reminiscing

2010-08-31T22:37:00.000-07:00

Article taken out of the Greensboro paper during my Jr year of high school.

Tyler Biggs, Nick Taylor, Brad Horton, Tyler Haley, Brandon Marchisotto, Mitchell Matthews, Ryan White, John Grant, Caleb Shelton, Steven Conger. All of these kids play good, solid, sound fundamental baseball and they used those skills to defeat Gospel Light Christian 13-1 yesterday at Ernie Shore Field in Winston-Salem.

The ten kids I mentioned at the top of the article play for the Vandalia Christian Vikings and they were in top form on Tuesday. I was especially impressed with Tyler Biggs at shortstop, the VCS second baseman, and John Grant who made two outstanding catches in the bottom of the fifth inning to make sure that VCS closed out the game with the ten-run rule in effect after five innings.

Biggs made some solid plays at SS and the second baseman knocked down a hard hit ball in the infield to rob Gospel Light of a key base hit and John Grant for VCS made those plays and one of those was with his back up against the left field wall in a professional baseball stadium. That’s getting pretty deep brother.

Aaron Jones didn’t have his best stuff for Gospel Light but he did strike out eight Vandalia batters, but he also issued five walks. Defensively, Jones didn’t have a lot of help backing him up but let’s give credit to the Luke Oates-coached Vandalia team, this was their time to shine on a very cold and windy day at Ernie Shore Field in Winston-Salem.

The top of the Vandalia order was hitting the ball all over the place. John Grant got the win on the mound for Vandalia.

Grant W (7-0)

Don't watch Repo Men, it was awful.

2010-08-25T22:24:00.000-07:00

So the other night I was driving home and I noticed the person in the next lane over was driving a moped. The stoplight was quickly approaching and I really wanted to talk to this person but I didn't want to sound lame so as soon as we both stopped I rolled down my window and asked him where the nearest Redbox was. It was awesome because I soon noticed that he was probably around 15 or 16 and was feeling really uncomfortable giving me directions. I couldn't understand why he was being so shy so I kept following him and asking him for a quicker route than the one he had just previously given. The last stoplight was coming up (my timing was perfect because we got stopped by the 4 stoplights on that road) and I asked him if he had seen any good movies lately and what would he recommend seeing. He finally just ignored me and the light turned green and we went our separate ways. I remember thinking to myself only dorks drive mopeds, as I drove away with my gauges (I did myself) my cut off sleeves, in my mom's minivan...

Last Wednesday was my final day in N.C for a pretty long time. As I was going through security at the airport they had to scan my bag 3 different times because apparently 2 tubs of creatine and whey protein and a N64 looks suspicious in the Xray machine. Like people know how to make bombs with powder and wires, get a life TSA. I flew into Dallas where I had a 2 hour layover with my fabulous friend Lauren. While we were waiting for our flights, mine to Oklahoma hers to Italy, we were talking about current events going on in America. As we were talking this man leans over and corrects a statement I made. I won't go into details because I don't want to offend the 2 of you that read this because I'm sure my views may be different than yours. It was just funny because myself and Lauren just had to walk away. Gotta love Texans!

Thursday morning I wake up bright and early for the 12 hour drive to Colorado. We, meaning myself and the other people doing the LEAD program, stay at a state park the first night and continue to the Rockies the next day.

Friday- We reach the trailhead around 6 P.M. and begin our 4 mile hike for the day. Having never experienced altitude sickness or being strapped to a 45lbs plus backpack, backpacking in Colorado was a pretty big stretch. The further and higher we hiked, the more and more my body was hating me. We finally made it up the 11,400ft climb to the site for the first night. When I say site I mean a small patch of grass under some trees in the middle of nowhere. If you wanted a shower you had to jump in the freezing cold lake, if you had to go to the bathroom you had to find a tree dig a little hole and yeah... It was not what I was expecting at all. We had a fire going I was almost asleep when Luke told us it was time to make a bear bag. Apparently when one is backpacking through the Rockies one is suppose to take all the food/trash/toothpaste/deodorant put it all in a bag, take the bag at least 200ft downwind from camp, tie it high in a tree so bears won't eat your food or you. This was a first for me. We finally got it up, and went to bed.

Saturday- We wake up and begin our next hike for the day which is only a 7 miles. It takes us all day through the grassy/hilly/rocky/elk poop infested trail until we finally see Trout lake at the bottom of the mountain. We see this around 6:46 P.M. and assume we will be there shortly. We decide to leave the trail and go down a different route which looks easiest. We soon find ourselves in a swampy marsh type land and all of our socks and shoes and completely wet which makes hiking that much more fun. We finally make it all the way down and by the time we found a good enough place to stay its 8:45. We eat our astronaut food purify our water, make another bear bag and go to bed.

Sunday- This day was dedicated to rest and that I did. I spent most of the entire day in my hammock which was pretty incredible considering all I could see was mountains everywhere. That night as we are getting ready to end the night it starts raining, a lot. In case you didn't know that nights in the Rocky mountains are already freezing cold but rain just makes that worse. We leave our dry nice shelter area put up that bear bag again, in the rain, and run back to our tent. I didn't sleep much that night either from all the sleep I had that day, or the fact that I was cold and wet and was using my also wet hoodie as a pillow.

Monday- This was probably the best day we had all week. We started our 7 mile hike back through the mountains. We decide to get off the trail and use a map and compass to find our way back. During this time its starts to rain, no big deal we have rain gear and will be fine. Then it starts raining harder and harder and lightening all around us. Its a pretty cool feeling when your leader tells you to spread out in case one of us gets struck by lightening, that's when adrenaline hit. The sky soon clears up and we make it to our next site for the day. That night as we were placing the bear bag in the tree I was hoping that a bear would at least try to get our food and as soon as I thought that I see something out of the conner of my eye move. I couldn't believe what I saw. I shine my light into the eyes of a huge, brown, furry, monstrous, snarling you guessed it deer! Yeah it was pretty crazy, the look in mother deer's eyes was insane and you could tell she was out of blood. We barely escaped and made it back to camp.

Tuesday- We finally make it back to the van drive to the nearest food establishment and I eat probably one of the best burgers I have ever had the pleasure of eating. We make our drive down through New Mexico and camp in oklahoma for the night.

Now that I'm home safely sitting in my apartment thinking back on the trip I realize just how awesome of a trip it really was. To be so far from civilization and other people that whenever a plane flew over those passengers were the closest humans was a incredible thought. I'm really looking forward to these next 9 months.

Fine Annie Paige I will put you in my blog.

Later, JG

Ok maybe David Cox isn't that bad.

2010-08-11T22:36:00.000-07:00

Well these last two days have been pretty interesting. I left Tulsa yesterday and flew straight to Memphis and during my layover I soon found out that my flight home was canceled. So I ended up staying in this pretty gross hotel, that the airline paid for, and a pretty gross dinner, which the airline paid for, and slept in a pretty gross bed. As perturbed as I was the night was completely worth it because of what happened next. As I was walking to my room I noticed a sign pointing to a workout room. Since I had nowhere to go and nothing to do I decided to work off some frustration. It's a pretty great feeling walking into a gym and being the strongest person in the room immediately. I mean that's not saying much considering it was a Tuesday night and my competition was a portly adolescent who clearly must have been home schooled at some point of his life, a woman, and a Elvis impersonator. Naturally when Elvis walked in I took a few creeper pics on my phone because I was so confused as to why he was even in there. The pics were not enough I had to talk to him, so I inched my way over and respectfully asked why he was in Memphis. I now understand how stupid of a question that was because everyone knows its Elvis week at Graceland in Memphis. I soon found out he was from LA and we talked sports, talked sports meaning I talked intelligent sports he just cussed a lot, and I asked him why he was working out since he was an Elvis impersonator. I mean didn't Elvis die on the toilet from obesity?

The next day I wake up at 4:15 to catch my next flight. I arrive in Atlanta and realize there is a flight leaving for Greensboro an hour earlier than the flight I'm scheduled to take. I talked to the nice Delta lady and she told me there was a hefty charge to change the flight. I explained they canceled my flight and that I needed to get home and explained that I'm John DeChamp Grant so needless to say she changed my flight for free. Yeah that really did happen. I go to my gate and soon realize that the flight I had just switched to was now delayed an hour and my original flight was leaving ten minutes later. The flight was now full and they were asking if anyone would be able to give up there seat. Me being the sweet kind hearted young man that I am offered my seat, and they may or may not have offered me a $200 flight card for taking a later flight (1o minutes later). This was awesome because I will be flying back to Oklahoma next week. Well my flight gets even more delayed because there is a dent in the side of it but not to worry because they will have it ready for flight in 30 minutes. So my flight ended up not being full, they took my card away and put me on the dangerous plane. I finally made it home and after much napping, eating, and lots of sports center I think I may pull through.

Oh yeah my summer was great and I have big plans for this year, but that's for a later time.

"Well, the good thing is even though I'm one of the worst players on the planet, I might be able to beat you. So I do feel good about that. Yes. Definitely"- Tiger Woods

Later, JG

It's 2am and I didn't proof read this, enjoy!

2010-06-26T23:11:00.000-07:00

It has been entirely too long since I have last posted, but I have kind of been busy teaching kids about Jesus. I know that isn't a good reason but its the best I can think of. Honestly this summer has been great. The people here are some of the greatest people I have ever met. When I say some I really do mean some. Probably one of my least favorite people I have met, in my entire life not just at the ranch, is David Cox.

If you don't know who David is think of a almost as attractive Owen Wilson before he broke his nose 3 times and than subtract about 60lbs and take away the hair.That's what he looks like. I think I would rather be co counselors with Helen Keller than David. Although there wouldn't be much of a difference. It's so funny though how he tries to be best friends with me. He is always telling me how good looking and strong I am, it's almost pathetic sometimes. He even told all his friends on Facebook about my blog trying to spark some kind of friendship between us. David Cox I have one question for you, Wwhhere do you get off?

Being at camp all summer naturally makes one want to watch the 1994 comedy Heavy Weights. So tonight I did just that. After watching all those chubby kids jiggle across the screen it made me think about the auditions that went down to be in that movie. I mean what did the ad sound like? We are looking for overweight children, preferably obese and ones that have diabetes, to be in a movie mocking fat kids. Yeah if I had a fat kid, or a ginger, I would probably make them try out for a part and than spend there money but tell them its in a college fund. I can't wait until I'm a parent.

One of my favorite things about being a counselor is just being sarcastic with campers. It's so funny whenever they catch on, but even more funny when they have no idea and think I'm really that mean. Another favorite thing is the questions they ask me. The following is a list of questions asked by 3rd graders week one:

I asked my cabin who had sinned and my camper replied, "I have, I say the "F" word like 50 times a day."

While swimming, "Is your tattoo spanish or something?"

"I want to be you Mr. John, you get to yell at kids and tell them to go to bed."

Two boys talking, "You slept naked? Yeah not even socks!"

What's an orgy? (thanks to a verse read in chapel)

"The blob sounds like boob, Why do girls have boobs? Thats just wrong."

"I can't be a missionary in Africa, I'm allergic to lots of African things."

"Can Mexicans got to Heaven?"

Chubby camper 1, "I'm on a diet." 2nd camper "You ate 6 Reece's pieces today." Chubby, "Yeah I normally eat 6."

Oh the joys of campers!

"Destiny knows where you live, will you be home when it comes over to see if you can play?"- Pete and Pete.

Later, JG

That's Right, I Blogged About It.

2010-06-02T21:14:00.000-07:00

It has been about 2 weeks since my last blog and I really don't feel as if I need to often since the 2.5 people who read this are constantly with me this summer anyways. Tomorrow is going to be a big day for me, it will be the first time I have taken a shower, with soap, since May 11th. I really don't want to because I'm curious to see how long I can go, but the time has finally come. I don't really have a good reason for not showering, but I usually never have a good reason for anything that I do.

Speaking of not having a good reason to do something, tonight was the talent show thing at NLR. Me and my small group decided to do this parody of "Like a Boss" by Andy Samberg. Lets just say it was the end of my short rapping career. I may pursue that dream later but for now I will stick to the white person that I am.

I have been looking forward to camp for so long its weird finally being here. The only thing I wasn't expecting was how much I would be made fun of. I feel as if I am the only guy who can't go sleeveless, talk to a girl, or blog without everyone making me feel like a terrible person. Oh well at least no one can see me cry myself to sleep at night.

"You're a mountain that I would like to climb, not to conquer but to share in the view. You're a bondfire I will gather around you"- Incubus

Later, JG

Do you want to have a summer party in my basement?

2010-05-23T23:12:00.000-07:00

Well I'm finally in Oklahoma, and as it does each time I arrive I feel as if I had never left. Myself along with my little sister Kaitlin and bestie Lindsey left North Carolina around 8 pm on Thursday night. It wasn't a bad drive at all it actually went by a lot faster than I was expecting. I ended up driving all through the night and until about 11 am my body time and I think I only fell asleep a few times. Whoever created those rumble strips along the highway is a genius. I'm just messin... kind of.

I decided the make the trip without any caffeine at all to avoid a crash later, figuratively and literally. So I made the 16 hour drive on Gatorade, 8 burgers from Wendy's, and all the Casha anyone could ever dream about. It's funny how one's mind begins to play tricks while driving at 4 am. I kept imagining I was on some weird secret mission, but I can't remember where I was going. I just couldn't raise any suspicion because that would mean getting pulled over by the cops and they wanted to get information out of me. I guess that was the only way to keep myself from speeding on those long strips of Tennessee highway where no one was in sight. Didn't get pulled over so I guess I did alright.

So I was riding back from Wal-Mart yesterday and I'm getting over a pretty nasty sunburn and my chest and shoulders are peeling pretty badly. I was sitting in the passenger seat with the windows rolled down and I started scratching my shoulder without really thinking about it. Next thing I know the girl sitting behind me asked me to stop because my dead skin was landing on her. I'm pretty good at first impressions.

Right now I'm sitting in the staff lounge at NLR. It's moldy and smells terrible, the couches are wet, everything is out of place, yet there is honestly nowhere else on earth I would rather be.

"With the lights out, it's less dangerous, here we are now entertain us. I feel stupid, and contagious, here we are now entertain us"- Kurt Cobain.

Later, JG