We’ve been in our “new” house for nearly 9 months now.  WOW! I can’t believe it’s been that long.  I should have realized it, though, because a few days ago Ethan started asking me about when we were going to go to our new house.  Yes, we’ve moved that frequently during his lifetime.  And this is about that time of year where we’d start looking for a new place to rent and packing our stuff up.  Sorry, bubs, we’re in this one for the long haul.  The bank wouldn’t take our packing up and moving too kindly.

Speaking of the house, we’ve been slowly, but surely making it “ours.”  I love decorating and over the last several years have not really had a chance to do so.  We were either too broke or too renting.  Now we have some funds and our very own place.  It’s. Very. Hard. To. Restrain. Myself.  Thankfully, my business really took off over the last few years, so I’m staying way too busy to get into too much trouble.  So I troll Pinterest and pretend that I’m going to get to all of those projects.

Between the biz and homeschooling, there’s not much time for anything else.

Ethan has really taken to homeschooling.  What kid wouldn’t?  We’re done in about an hour and a half and then he gets to play.  Winning.  Of course, we have extracurricular activities most days like My Gym, swimming lessons, music class, etc.  And oh my the reading.  He’s just voracious in his desire to read.  He reads everything he sees. Now if we could just get him to be as excited about Math…

I really am going to try to be better at this blog thing.  I have plans for this blog,  you see.

Until the next….

Missy

You can learn more about the A.skate foundation here.

Well, I haven’t updated in forever and I’m sorry!    Life has been completely insane around here!  We’re starting to get into a groove, but still sort of unburying myself.  If you don’t know, I’m attempting to maintain my VA and Web Dev business while homeschooling.    Good times, good times.  Thankfully, I have a new contractor working for the biz and she’s been tremendously helpful!!  Oh and we hired a housekeeper to come clean once a week (thanks, Mom!).  Those two things have made a HUGE difference in our household.  I’m also trying to budget my time every week and I’ve been a calendar and list–making fool!  We’ll get it figured out.  Happy chaos, happy chaos.

So lots of updates, but I’ll just show some pictures and a few details for those who are interested and asked. 

So after the public school fiasco, we gave Ethan (and me!!) a week long break to unwind (his therapist’s wonderful suggestion).  We also talked alot that week about homeschooling and Ethan got to go help me pick up some supplies at the store.  Then we started that first week with very little curriculum (didn’t know what we wanted to use yet) except for a couple of awesome websites that Mary Camarata suggested: www.raz-kids.com and www.ixl.com.  That first week was mostly just for fun and for me to see what all he would do for me (as opposed to a teacher at school – yes, I had my doubts!).  Well, he works SO HARD for me!  I am so stinking proud.  And it’s great because I know how to read him so well (hello, I’m his mom) and I know when he’s just being lazy or if he’s truly overwhelmed.  I learned alot that first week!  I especially learned that I needed to get some curriculum fast, so I wouldn’t get overhwelmed. 

We’re using an adaptation of Sue Patrick’s Workbox System.  I say adaptation, because we are nowhere NEAR as strict as she is in her ebook.  It’s an awesome concept, though, and Ethan has really taken to it.  Whenever he completes the work in a box, he gets a star, which goes on his chart.  When he gets all of his stars, he gets a bribe surprise.

Sue Patrick's Workbox System

Here’s where we’ve landed with curriculum thus far, for those who are interested:

Reading/Spelling
All About Spelling – this is a really fantastic program.  We just got started on it (just came in the mail on Friday), but I’m already loving it.  It’s a super simple and easy-to-use system for phonics and spelling.  It’s “multi-sensory” which is perfect for Ethan.  Lots of hands on work and manipulatives.

Math
We’re using a combination of things – www.ixl.com, “dino-math” which I created haha, and Singapore Math – this is another sensorial-type program that  uses lots of colorful pictures and manipulatives.  We just ordered it last week and it’s supposed to arrive tomorrow, so I’ll let you know how we like it.

Dino-Math

Science/Geography
TBD – we want to do something with this, but I’m still looking for something with the right format for Ethan.  He’s super interested in science, so it’s next on my priority list!

Just started our first lapbook today

Music
He LOVES music and we found a music class at a homeschool enrichment center, so he’ll get to do music class with other kids!!  SUPER AWESOME.  That starts tomorrow.

Art
I’m going to be ordering Child Size Masterpieces to get started and see how it goes.  I have a hunch that he’s super artistic, but he’s SO SHY about drawing and painting, that it’s hard to tell.  He definitely has the vision, though.  I know he’ll love learning about art.

Fine Motor Skills
He’s a little lagging on fine motor (typical for kids with speech delays), so we’re working on that, too.  We’re using Handwriting Without Tears, which I highly recommend.  We love it!  We’re also doing lots of fun crafts to help him with his scissor work.  He loves the crafts.  I’m trying to find more resources with ideas because I want to incorporate them more with other subjects since he likes doing them so much.  Ideas, anyone?

Craft Time!

Handwriting Without Tears - Awesome!

PE
Swimming lessons year round – hooray! 

Bible
Nothing yet, but I am thinking about joining a local MOPS-type thing that’s for ladies with older children.  That would be once a week and I know Ethan would LOVE it.  So would I. 

Ethan's work area

He calls this the "Computer Lab"

So that’s it in a nutshell.  Ethan’s really taking to homeschooling, which is a delightful surprise for us.  He is loving the freedom and he’s working really hard for me.  And he hasn’t even gotten to do the fun stuff yet!  (Music class, etc.)

I’ll be back with more later….

The story goes a little something like this (this will be the somewhat short and sweet version because I’ve already moved on   ):

1. We enroll Ethan in local public school.  I (Missy) go into said public school a week early to talk with the principal about Ethan’s diagnosis and struggles, etc.  I am hoping she will choose a teacher who is best equipped to deal with a not-so-typical student.
2. We meet Ethan’s teacher.  Have high hopes that she’s going to be great because she’s been teaching for something like 30 years.  She’s seen it all, right?
3. First day of school I’m invited to come help in the classroom (organizing supplies, etc.).  Of course, I jump at the opportunity!  And.  Oh. My. Gosh.  Words, words, words, words, words.  I was even overwhelmed at all of the talking she did.  I have no idea how Ethan didn’t start banging his head on his desk from all the words.  She was literally giving FIRST GRADERS 5 step instructions.  It was insanity.  Now let me say, I don’t blame her at all.  Teachers can’t teach anymore – they have to worry about making sure kids pass some stupid #$%^ set of government standards.  ABSURD.  That’s another post for another day, don’t get me started.  I was cautiously optimistic, though, as she seemed to be going with the flow with Ethan.
4. Third day of school….teacher informs me that Ethan “had a melt down” at the water fountain because she “let him get a drink of water with the other kids” (uh why wouldn’t he be able to get a drink like the other kids?!) and he apparently lapped at the water like a dog and got his shirt and the floor all wet.  She got onto him about it and called a custodian to clean up the mess.  Seriously?  What happened to getting paper towels out of the bathroom that is THREE STEPS AWAY and cleaning it up yourself because you made the mess?!  Life skills, people.  Not to mention – why is this worth mentioning to me?  Would you make a huge deal out of it if one of your other first graders lapped at water like a dog?  LOL.  I’m sorry, this makes me laugh – it just sounds like a typical kid thing to me.
5. Day 4 – “He’s zoning out a lot in class.”  Translation: “I think he has ADHD or something else I can’t help him with.  I don’t know, I haven’t really tried anything you’ve suggested.”  Picture this: sitting in a classroom in China where everyone around you is speaking Chinese and you basically know how to say, “Where is the bathroom?” and “I want something to drink” in Chinese.  You’d zone out after several hours, too.  Apparently she didn’t get the “short sentences and lots of visuals” memo.
6. Week One from our perspective – gee, it looks like of all the work he’s bringing home, the only stuff he’s completing is stuff that has written instructions….hmmm.  Apparently she doesn’t have time to explain the directions to him in a way he understands.
7. Week 2 – Monday – Speech therapist from school arranges the “we’d like to do testing” meeting with me and Troy.  It’s all good, we expected it and even encouraged it.
8. Tuesday – I get a call from his teacher at about 8:30 am saying Ethan is in the principal’s office because he bit a little girl’s hand.    WHAAAAAT?!  My child who has never, not even in his most frustrated, horrendous moments (like, oh, I don’t know, when  he was being strapped into a chair at Waves?) hurt another soul on purpose.  Oh, there’s no mark, she says.  She apparently saw it happen and thought he had kissed the little girls hand.  So she asked the little girl if Ethan kissed her.  The little girl (supposedly) says “No, he bit me.”  Teacher looks at hand.  No bite marks or anything.  Still drags my child to the principal’s office to be interrogated.  And yes, I say interrogated because they got both principals involved and God knows who else.  They apparently asked him, “Did you bite ___?”  And Ethan trying to please them says the word he knows everyone wants to hear – “Yes.”  If they had asked him if he was the President of the United States, he would have said yes, too.  He so desperately wants to please them.  Then they proceed to ask him why.  And to this I say, did you even read the report Vanderbilt sent over?  SERIOUSLY PEOPLE.  “Why” questions are not even on the radar yet.  So obviously, Ethan is EXTREMELY agitated by this time.  So the Vice Principal walks him around the school (and it calms him down a bit, apparently) and takes him to the special ed classroom to have the teacher there show Ethan visuals about why biting is bad and how it makes people sad.  Again, all operating on a six-year-old girl’s word that he bit her.  No bite marks, no crying, nothing.  NOTHING.  So they finally get Ethan calmed down.  A couple hours later, I get an email from his teacher saying he had pinched her.  “It didn’t hurt and there isn’t a mark, but I just wanted to let you know.”  Huh.  Apparently he’s more than a little frustrated, eh?  After that email, I just went and picked him up – the day was clearly a disaster.  They let me take him and said it was a good idea and that they might have to send him home if they have problems in the future.  Right, our child is suuuuch a behavior problem.  And what do they send home with him the next day?  A worksheet about the book, “The Kissing Hand.”  THE FREAKING KISSING HAND.  And nobody notices the correlation here?  NOBODY?!  Seriously?  Could it maybe be that Ethan trying desperately to keep up in class was picking up on the few words he was understanding and was trying to follow along during group time?  Oh gosh, it makes me want to cry (again) just thinking about it.  He was being SWEET, trying to do what he was supposed to do and they marched him down to the principals office for an interrogation.  No wonder he was so upset.
9. Wednesday – the “pre-IEP” meeting – the one where they have you sign your kid over to them for testing.  They brought out the full force (I’m sure this is normal, so I expected it): Principal, Vice-Principal, his teacher, school psych, and the school speech therapist (who was clearly running the show).  They are all nice, well-meaning people, let me add.  I think they truly *thought* they knew what was best for Ethan.  After knowing him for 8 days.  They mentioned a few of their plans for “managing” during the time it took to come up with an IEP (Individualized Education Plan).  They wanted to address every single little thing (visual cue cards for listening to the teacher, etc.).  Not once did they even mention the problem – he has a LANGUAGE DISORDER.  The cue card they mentioned (which they seemed super proud of) involved showing him that he needs to listen, etc. etc. (see example to the right).  Riiiight.  Ethan has a listening problem.    Actually he does have a listening problem – he tunes you out when he DOESN’T UNDERSTAND YOU.  They weren’t picking up on that part.  Clearly.  Anyway, we left that day with the impression that they were dying to therapy-therapy-therapy our kid and possibly put him into full-time special ed or drop him back to Kindergarten.  They made it clear they were throwing out Vanderbilt’s testing (and possibly his Kindergarten year at the Montessori school) and wanted to do everything in house at their school.  We were starting to think Plan B was looking a lot better than Plan A.
10. Final Straw Day – Friday – Got an email from Ethan’s teacher after school.  “I just wanted to let you know….” (and she copied everyone – principals, pscyh, speech therapist).  I won’t embarrass future Ethan by detailing the incident in this blog, but basically the teacher overreacted yet again to something absurd.  Basically a little boy tattled on Ethan for something in the bathroom that wasn’t a huge deal (and no, it’s nothing like you’re thinking – he just disrobes a little more than some folks ha).  Clearly the kids in class have found a target for tattling.  That didn’t take long.  Most teachers (I would hope) would tell the little boy to worry about himself and given Ethan a chance to just learn how other kids do it by being around them for a while.  But no, she had to make yet another big hairy deal over it.  I guarantee that if another (typically developing) child had done this, she would have laughed it off as kid stuff.

So no huge incidents, thankfully, but Ethan was clearly stressed, the teacher was clearly overwhelmed, and the school was clearly on a crusade to therapy the heck out of Ethan.  No thank you.  We have rejected most traditional forms of therapy up until now and Ethan is doing remarkably well.  We’re not about to flush all of that down the toilet now just so he can go to a traditional school.  Where he probably won’t learn much anyway. They are moving 100 miles an hour to try to cram as much test material into these kids’ brains as possible.  I don’t blame the school systems, necessarily.  I blame the stupid government for sticking its nose in where it doesn’t belong – yet again.  Like I said, don’t get me started on that one!

We’re super excited about homeschooling Ethan.  We’ll be able to accomplish a TON in just a few hours a day – we can move at HIS pace.  We have 365 days a year to get 180 days of 4 hours/day in -  this will allow us to give Ethan breaks he needs and not overwhelm him.  Additionally, we can focus on the areas we know he needs extra help in (language, spelling, fine motor, etc.) while not letting things he excels at drop off (he’s ahead of his peers in reading and right on par with math).

I have to share with you a moment that I’ll never forget as long as I live.  Last Friday night, we decided to let Ethan know that he wasn’t going back to the school and that mommy is going to be his teacher now.  We explained it as well as we could and it was clear he understood.  Then he laid down on the floor and put his hands in his face.  I couldn’t see his expression, so I laid down beside him and peeked under his hands.  We thought he was crying because he loves school (well, he used to), but he lifted his face up and had this gigantic, radiant grin on his face and a look of relief so profound Troy and I both got teary eyed.  Then he rolled over, grabbed a Zhu Zhu (Jilly) and said, “Jilly is going to homeschool!”

We made the right decision.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

– Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

Troy’s brother and his wife who are also homeschooling their first grader suggested a FABULOUS book to us (thank you!!!!).  It’s a book that’s helpful in identifying your goals for homeschooling, your child’s learning style, the right curriculum for  teaching to said learning style, and much, much more.  I passed by the book on the shelf thinking it was just a list of stuff I could get on the internet.  Boy was I wrong!  So glad Troy called me when I was at Barnes & Noble and told me I needed to pick up this book.  If you’re considering homeschooling, you NEED to pick up this book.

We found one section particularly riveting and eye-opening.  I wanted to share that here.  I’m doing everything I know to do to give the author proper credit for this excerpt.  Eek!  My high school MLA handbook doesn’t exactly address quoting books in your blog.    Enjoy!!!

Excerpts from 100 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum by Cathy Duffy:

Most parents rarely question what their children are learning in school unless it has to do with sex or drug education.  They assume that whatever the school has decided to teach must be what children need to learn.  This may or may not be true.

There are two underlying assumptions that need to be challenged: the uniformity of children and the power of government to dictate education.

As to the uniformity of children, anyone who has spent any time at all around children knows that they are as different as pistachio ice cream and pepperoni pizza.  The notion that they should be learning the same things as all the other children who happen to be their age is silly when you think about it.

Children develop on their own personal timetables.  Some are ready to read at age four, and others, at age six or seven.  Some can easily learn their multiplication tales at age seven, and others, at age nine.

The notion that you can put thirty age-mates in a classroom and expect that all will learn at approximately the same rate and through the limited ways information is presented might work if children were machines to be programmed.  But children are much more complex than this.

In light of the individuality of each child, parents should view the state’s educational standards with skepticism rather than accept them as a foundational directive for homeschooling.

The second problem with standards is that they challenge the right of government to dictate what a child should learn.  In addition to the problem of children’s individuality, there’s a problem regarding the purpose of education and, consequently, its content.

Government management of schools springs from governmental concern to maintain peace and order – a sort of conformity – within society.  It has nothing to do with religious beliefs and personal development except as it affects larger “societal” goals.  At the present time, societal goals are primarily economic.

The mantra of much of the national education reform legislation over the past two decades has been “education for the high-skill, high-wage job of the twenty-first century.” Translation: children need to learn knowledge and skills that others have predetermined are necessary to prepare them for the workforce.

We see this very clearly in our present educational system at the high school level.  Education is becoming primarily about vocational training rather than development of a human being with a body, mind, and soul.  Part of that training might be learning enough to get into college, so they can get a degree, so they can get an even better job – simply a more complex form of vocational training.

While young people should be prepared to get a job when they get out of school, many parents believe that education is as much or more about personal development, learning to think, developing integrity, and spiritual development.  After all, what profits a man if he has all the job skills in the world but he is a spiritual and cultural barbarian?  And isn’t this what we see with corporate executives who think nothing of using their “job skills” to siphon off money illegally and use their language arts skills to lie and convince others that they were just doing their jobs?

Excerpt from: Duffy, Cathy (2005). 100 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum. Nashville, Tennessee: B&H Publishing Group.

More to come soon.  So grateful for all of the love, encouragement, and support we’ve received over the last few weeks!!!!

I think I’ll just keep him at home, safe with me.

Happy Birthday, our sweet little boy!  We love you!

We have a special needs child.  I have a special needs child.  Me.  I’m a person, too.  While full blown autism was ruled out long ago, the question of PDD-NOS is still on the table, although Ethan’s therapist leans toward a “Learning Disability.”  And we’d agree with it – LD or PDD-NOS. Whatever.  It’s all semantics at this point.  We know what Ethan needs and how to go about getting it.  That’s all that matters.  I digress…

So anyhow, there’s something that’s really irking me lately – and I think it needs some light shed on it.  When you see a child who is “not typical,” be it a language delay, speech impairment, autism, behavior problems, ADHD, whatever.  Please don’t judge.  Don’t give advice.  Listen to that parent if they tell you their child likes/doesn’t like something or behaves in certain ways because of xyz.  And for God’s sake, have a little compassion will you?

Let me tell you about a typical day with an atypical kid in his current school situation.  And yes, I realize that having typical kids can be just as stressful sometimes. 

5am – Ethan wakes up and wants to get up and play.  I’m too tired to battle him about how he needs sleep because he doesn’t understand me anyway.  Besides, when he’s up, he’s up and it’s always been like that.  I guess this isn’t so very atypical.  Lots of parents have this problem. 

5:02am – Pray that he won’t sneak out the front door and wander across the street.  Again.  Should we have put a special latch on the door?  Ugh, that seems so barbaric.

5:05am – Feel guilty because I should be getting up.

8am – Make Ethan breakfast.  The same thing.  Every. Single. Day.  Why?  Because it’s about the only nutritious thing I’ve ever been able to get him to eat for breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs, 1 slice of toast, and an apple.

8:05am – Feel guilty because my child doesn’t have a more extensive diet.

8:15am – Explain the entire day to Ethan.  He must know every single thing we’re doing and in what order.  And Lord knows I’d better remember exactly what I told him when I picked him up from school – no diversions.  Let me add to that, he won’t throw a monster fit if I change things up on him, he will just keep asking, and asking, and asking, and asking.

8:30am – Help Ethan get ready for school.  Remind him to leave his pants on his ankles when he goes potty because apparently the teacher seems to think taking your pants off to go potty is huge frackin’ deal.

9:00am – Arrive at school and pray they aren’t changing up the routine on him unexpectedly.  Pray that he doesn’t run into the room with an enthusiastic “hi” (yes, I actually love it when he does this) because the class is usually so bloody quiet and somber.

2:30pm – Arrive at Ethan’s school to pick him up.  Get my emotional guard in place because when entering a school after a day of them having him, I never know what’s going to be waiting for me.  Yes, you teachers out there – I’m ashamed to say it, but you do have the power to completely ruin my day (or my week).  Is the teacher going to say today was “fine?”  Do I have to wonder what’s really going on?  Because see, when a teacher tells you “fine” and you know that can’t possibly be true because of your child’s challenges, you have to wonder what said teacher is really thinking.  Or is said teacher going to remind me that my kid is different and needs extra support?  Ooo, maybe they noticed something we haven’t noticed at home (yes, I’m being sarcastic).  Or heaven forbid, maybe they’re just ignoring him because they aren’t sure what to do with him.  And no, I don’t know if any of these thoughts are healthy or rational, but it’s what goes on in my head every single day.  Just keepin’ it real, folks.

2:45pm – Big sigh as we get into the car and head home because I don’t really know how he’s doing at school.  Nobody will tell me anything, but I see in their eyes they’re thinking something they are not voicing.  And no, the thing I see in their eyes is not the light of challenge that really enthusiastic teachers get.

2:46pm – Reflect on how the director of the school said she’s eager for us to set up a meeting with them because they have some “suggestions” for him.

3:00pm – Get home.  Feel guilty because there’s no friends waiting in the wings to come over and play.  Because it’s pretty hard to make friends when you’re years “younger” than them in communication ability.  Feel guilty because I can’t let him run around the neighborhood with other kids his age for fear of his safety.  He doesn’t understand yet that he can’t get into a stranger’s car.  He wouldn’t be able to tell us if someone touched him inappropriately.

4:00pm – Go to the grocery store.  Ignore the people staring when he’s grunting and flapping his arms around because he’s either excited or nervous.

4:05pm – Feel guilty because as much as I don’t want to admit it, the arm flapping and grunting embarrasses me.

6:00pm – Make dinner.  Make two side dishes because the only veggies he will eat are peas and corn.  Sometimes make two main dishes if we’re eating something that has any sort of liquid or gravy on it or if it’s combined with other food.

6:05pm – Feel guilty because my child doesn’t have a more extensive diet.

7:30pm – Feel like a total success because my child has finally learned to take a shower on his own.

7:35pm – Listen to him singing in the shower and thank God I’m his mama.

8:30pm (okay, alot of times closer to 9:30pm) – Listen to Daddy tell Ethan a “pretend story” while they snuggle up on Ethan’s bed and giggle and thank God I’m his mama.

9:35pm – Feel guilty because he got to bed so late

9:45pm – Defriend someone on Facebook because they won’t stop posting stupid articles on their wall about vaccines and toxins causing autism.  Resist the urge to flame their wall.  Repeatedly.

10:00pm – It’s too hard to talk about our fears and worries from the day so we just sit down with Netflix and Battlestar Gallactica.

So why am I telling you this?  This is pretty much it.  It’s real.  Lord knows we don’t have it nearly as bad as alot of people.   Ethan’s pretty mild in comparison to some of the stories I’ve heard.

I want people to be aware of what’s behind a parent’s eyes when she picks her kid up from school.  Or when you see her at the grocery store and her child is bouncing around flapping his arms.  We are people.  We have feelings.  We are dealing with a situation that we never imagined ourselves to be in when we were carrying our baby in our womb.  Going to school isn’t just about going to school.  We wait each day for the other shoe to drop.  We claw and fight our way through the system trying to get the very best and appropriate services for our child.  We fight each day to keep from throwing in the towel and taking the path of least resistance.  We have to stand up for and do what’s right by our kid no matter what it costs us financially, emotionally, or physically. We fight each day to not lose ourselves because worrying about our child removes any sense of individuality we ever possessed.

So have a little compassion, will you?  Celebrate the little victories with us, will you?  And shut the hell up about vaccines and toxins, k?