We all have our childhood memories of Baguio: horseback riding in Wright Park, cycling and boating in Burnham Park, and eating Igorot’s “kulangot” (booger), which disappointingly turned out to be just molasses dried in small coconut shells. Then just like an old pair of socks that used to be your favorite, Baguio got placed at the bottom of the drawer and became the forgotten summer capital of the Philippines replaced by the air-conditioned malls. Sure, you still go up the mountain for the occasional conference or company outing but not like in the good old days when everyone was there during summer and Christmas season.

But lately I’ve found new reasons to visit this city of pines. I attribute this rekindling expedition to being a father looking for affordable out of town destinations for my wife and kids, but I also give credit to these three things:

Cool weather.

Whether it’s rainy season or hot season, Baguio has always been several degrees colder than muggy Metro Manila and most cities in Luzon. Even with global warming, this ube-making town has managed to stay chill. Maybe it’s the trees or some kind of witchcraft going on, Baguio is cool like its people, restaurants, and artsy museums, especially the BenCab museum. I love it when it rains in Baguio, it gives me an excuse to cuddle my wife (I hope she’s reading this to get some brownie points).

TPLEX.

An abbreviation for Tarlac-Pangasinan-La Union Expressway, TPLEX has abbreviated the travel time to about half. You no longer need to deal with slow tricycles, rice drying on the road, and running over naked little kids whose parents will kill you on the spot if you bump them (let’s not go there). And the good news is, TPLEX isn’t even completely done yet. Expect more tourism boost and ube jam sales once it is finished.

Baguio Craft Brewery.

I’m not a big beer drinker, unless I’m in Europe or with my high school buddies giving in to peer pressure to blend in, but this brewery made me fall in love with beer. With flavors like strawberry and kiwi, this microbrewery might as well be called Willy Wonka’s Booze Factory. The crowd here is very hip and happening too, I mean that with a handlebar mustache. If you’re a young single dude or gal, this is the place to hang out. I can’t wait til they make the ube flavor beer.

I’m glad I am able to share new Baguio experiences with my wife and kids. I’m sure the more times we go the more I will add to this list. In the meantime, three’s good enough.

The Man Flu

The Man Flu – what is it? Is it real? How do I not get it? Once I have it, how do I treat it? Hi. This is Daddy Tim and I’m here to guide you to all the important things you need to know about the man flu.

The man flu is no ordinary flu. It is a super flu a product of centuries of evolution of the regular flu. It is the Arnold Schwarzenegger of flus or for a more up to date pop reference – it is the Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson of flus. Or it is the Golden State Warriors of the flu – it will eventually beat you.

The man flu affects men, but not all men. It only affects men who are responsible. These are the men holding down jobs, patiently waiting for you when you shop for shoes, and doing everything they can to provide. Deadbeat dads, irresponsible guys, no income no jobs or assets, NINJAS, are immune to the man flu. They can only catch the regular run of the mill easily curable flu.

When you catch the man flu it feels like dying. Actually it’s worse than dying because you don’t die. Your whole body aches – your muscles and bones and internal organs you didn’t even know existed. You feel cold but you’re sweating because your body is being burnt by the flames of hell. And your woman will say, “But your temperature is below 38 you don’t even have a fever”. Ladies, we don’t go by body temperature, we go by feelings.

You also lose your appetite. And your woman will get jealous of this, “You’re so lucky you’re losing so much weight. Ride it out!” Ladies, that is so insensitive. Losing weight is the last thing on our minds when every single cell in our body is crying from the pain.

To make things worse, most women will even question the reality of the man flu. “Man flu isn’t even real.” Really, ladies? Is PMS real? Is the pain of child birth real? Of course it’s real! Why would we make it up? It’s not like we’re running away from our responsibilities.

A lot of you are asking, so if the man flu is real, how come women don’t get it?

Let me give you the scientific explanation. The man flu virus only attacks the Y chromosome. Since women only have the X chromosome, they can never catch the man flu. It’s the same reason why men can’t give birth. Because biologically we cannot.

So how do we prevent ourselves from being affected by the man flu?

First, you have to get the flu shot. Guys, there’s a small chance you might actually get the flu with the flu shot but it’s still worth it. Would you rather deal with a weakened cockroach or a full strength flying cockroach?

Second, exercise and eat right. Take your vitamins.

Third, avoid getting rained on. With our abrupt weather changes from hot to rainy, our immune system can become weak especially when a light drizzle dampens your head and you enter an air-conditioned room. Stay dry and stay healthy.

Last, avoid stress. That means, ladies, don’t shop.

In the unfortunate event that you do catch the man flu, here’s how you treat it:

• Avoid all forms of work – you are exempted from all responsibilities
• Drink lots and lots of water and juice
• Watch a lot of NETFLIX
• Sleep

That’s essentially all you need to know about the man flu. So to the men out there, stay healthy because the world needs you to keep providing. I salute all of you unsung heroes and may you never ever have to experience the wrath of the man flu.

This is how we found my daughter’s new pet cat when he decided to hide somewhere in the bathroom for hours.

Listen up, teens. This is how you drive in the Philippines.

Catch my new show Namsayin? on JackTV where I try to educate myself and others on millennial terms.  This show is brought to you by JackTV, Solar Entertainment, and the Comedy Cartel.

5 Easy Ways to Make People Laugh:

1. Make fun of yourself. The only thing that beats a good self-deprecating joke, is two good self-deprecating jokes. If you’re obese, thin, or look like a celebrity who let go of his looks,  draw people’s attention to that and the crowd will laugh with you and at you. For example, I had big ears when I was a kid and there was this one guy who would tease me every single day, “Hey Dumbo! Dumbo! Why don’t you fly away with your big ears!” So finally I stood up to him, “Shut up, Dad!” That was the last time we heard from him. He still owes my mother alimony.
2. Talk about pain. Pain is truth and truth is pain. Everyone can relate to a painful experience. Share that time when you stalked an ex-girlfriend who cheated on you with her “co-worker” and how you were unjustly arrested for violating the restraining order (case is still pending in the lower court). What about that time you got fired from your job as a manager for a fast food restaurant because you were allegedly playing favorites when you promoted that cute girl working on the fry-a-lator to senior fry-a-lator after only 2 weeks on the job.
3. Admit when you’re bombing. Sometimes a joke will fall flat and there will be an awkward silence – this is what comedians call bombing or as I call it, just another day at the office. An amateur comedian would just piss in his pants , but not a professional. Recognize that the joke sucked, “Sorry folks, I don’t know what I was smoking when I wrote that joke. Good thing we’re not at the airport because I would’ve been held by security for that horrible bombing.” Most of the time, the crowd will actually laugh at you admitting you sucked. This goes back to tip #2, which has something to do with pain.
4. Act out the characters in your bits. I’m sure there are funny people that you talk about in your routine: the pervert uncle, the overbearing mother-in-law (aren’t they all), or the friend who’s always trying to borrow money for his next big business deal, which is yet to happen. Bring them to life by being the character instead of just describing the person. So my friend Edwin calls the other day, “You’re going to want to be in this deal that I’m doing – solar powered daytime light bulbs!” Brilliant.
5. Shock your audience with a weird fact about yourself. If none of your punch lines are working, you can always rely on shock comedy. Say something outrageous like, “So I just got a vasectomy!” Then when the crowd becomes silent, ask them awkwardly, “Anyone else? Just me?” This will usually break the ice and the rest of your material will get better reception. Or I could be completely wrong.

I hope that helps and good luck out there. Comedy is a tough job.

The important thing is when you arrange your set list of jokes, always start out with your strongest bits and end with your strongest jokes. This is what the audience will remember even if everything in between is mediocre.

There is a fiesta in the Philippines everyday. We celebrate fiestas for saints, Jesus,  baby Jesus, the black baby Jesus, re-enactment fiestas, and even fiestas for carabaos. So if  you are visiting our country, you will most likely participate in a fiesta festivity. So here is your quick guide on proper etiquette at a fiesta:

You have to eat.

Fiestas revolve around 2 main things: the parade and the food. Did I mention the food? You can skip the parade but you can’t skip the food, unless you want to insult the whole town. Believe me, you can insult a whole town. A comedian was actually banned in a city because he made some stupid joke about seeing a lot of “shrimp”, the slang for someone who has a sexy body but ugly face. Some of the finer points of eating in a fiesta are:

• Don’t judge Filipino food by its smell. Hey, you guys eat cheese.
• Don’t be the first in line at the buffet. When the host tells everyone to eat, try to have at least have one person in front of you. You don’t want to look like a “patay gutom” (google the meaning)
• Do not eat the last piece of food on the serving plate. This is called the Filipino piece, which is offered to the gods.
• Accept the take away food wrapped up for you. You never know when you will get hungry again.

Take your shoes off.

Even if the host tells you it’s okay to keep your shoes on, it’s not okay. He or she is just lying and being polite. Take a look at the feet of the host, he or she doesn’t have shoes on right? Neither should you.

Wear sunscreen and keep your shirt on.

Even with the heat, you do not have the right to go shirtless, especially if you’re so pale that you reflect light. Let the other people enjoy the parade by keeping yourself decent. The only exception to this is if you’re part of the “ati-atihan” parade, then you can take that shirt off and spread black paint all over your bright body.

Drink and be merry.

If you don’t drink alcohol, don’t attend a fiesta then. When a Filipino offers you a drink, you drink it, even if the shot glass has been used by other dudes with the thickest mustaches. You are being judged by your ability to absorb alcohol, so if a little Filipina girl can drink more than you, you will be the laughing stock of the town, unless that girl turns out to be another Jake Zyrus (google it).

These are my goals for 2018 because new year resolutions are so 2017. Why am I making my goals public? Because I read somewhere that if you make your goals public, you are more likely to achieve them. Or maybe not. Maybe I’ll be the first one to prove that wrong. My first goal is to make 100 videos in 100 days. Am I going to make it? I’m not really sure. Am I afraid to fail? Yes I am but even if those 100 videos suck, at least I’d learn something, and if only at least one of them is any good, then that means I still really suck and need to work at.

it I also need to keep the 4 agreements again. If you guys never heard of the 4 agreements, google it. These are the 4 agreements in no particular order:

1. Be impeccable with your word. That means saying what you mean and meaning what you say. And doing what you say you will do and also not saying anything bad about anybody even if they’re really bad, like that guy that I know.
2. Always do your best. It’s self explanatory.
3. Never take anything personally even if somebody attacks you don’t ever take it personally. Never make assumptions. As the old saying goes, assume makes an ass of “u” and “me”. That’s so hacky, I know.

I’m also gonna apply what I learned in the book “The One Thing”, which means everyday I’m gonna do that one thing that really matters – that one thing if you do it , everything else will not matter.

And those are my goals for 2018. I hope to achieve most of them and I hope you guys will achieve yours too. See you later. Bye bye, have a good new year. Happy new year!

This is what happens when your wife loves to go shopping and you encounter a cockroach in your bathroom. There are too many sprays for a specific purpose that you don’t know which one to use anymore.

Watch this short video clip to find out if you’re already a dirty old man.