There’s one main difference between American and English weddings:

At English weddings everybody on the dance floor is thoroughly banjo’d and needs to be to get up there in the first place; it’s only the sober, infirm or the dead that remain sat at their tables.

American weddings tend to be the exact opposite; all sober folks dive for the dance floor like the upper classes on The Titanic, and those who’d been chipping away at the free bar remain glued to their seats.

Being a pissed Englishman at an American wedding this past weekend, I didn’t know what to do!

Although instinct soon took over.

But nothing really tops the English Christmas ‘works’ do’. For drama, drunkenness and ridiculousness very little matches it.

Attending on one side of the bar is one thing; working behind it is another.

Before I moved over the oily side of the pond I had a spell working behind the bar at Nelson Cricket Club.

One Thursday before Christmas we’d been asked if we could host Pendle Council’s Yuletide bash. Now this was going to be a big earner. Bigger than New Year’s Eve as the entire council staff were in attendance from admin to bin men.

The thing is, not only did it start at 4pm with those who wanted being able to start razzling and a dazzling at lunchtime, but the council hierarchy led by the mayor had banned any council parties from their own premises – including The Silverman Hall and The Muni.

Apparently, they’d trashed some other council haunt the year before or something.

Not that me or the steward were overly worried for our health and safety. We’d oiled and tested the shutter for ease of closure and had the filth on speed dial.

It must be reported that everybody was impeccably behaved – other than our steward, who refused a member of the council’s media relations team (or intermediate big wig with contacts) a glass of water by suggesting they find an empty glass and use the sink in the ladies’ toilet.

That wasn’t the last time Dave made the Nelson Leader either.

Safe mobile maintenance platform for bin wagons.

But Pendle’s refuse collectors need struggle no longer gaining access to certain cleaning essentials.

Recently, we teamed up with Go-Plant – the guys responsible for the council’s refuse and recycling truck fleet – to design and fabricate a mobile platform for ease of access to clean and maintain their vehicles.

Dangling into the back of a bin wagon sets as many health and safety alarm bells off as your average drunken bin troupe descending on NCC might do.

Feel free to head over a take a look at a few pictures of the mobile refuse truck cleaning trolley and read a more sensible account of our collaboration with Go-Plant.

Yeah, I’ve been on the footplate of The Flying Scotsman, The Mallard and Stephenson’s Rocket as well as having a train set circumnavigating the loft.

It’s the sort of nerdtastic nonsense geeks used to do before CB and computers. Or so I’ve heard. While a wet October Saturday at Skipton station with your Dad buying you half a shandy and a cheese and onion butty on the turn at the age of eight might seem like a fond memory, I still shudder when presented by naked cheese wrapped in bread.

But, if there’s one thing I’d really love to do it’s trot off round the Rockies, or see Yellowstone in one of those stainless steel Zephyr trains. To boldly go where no other tram has gone before.

As if it wouldn’t be a rather decent way of seeing some of the finer, more secluded parts of the world (well, America. California, to be precise!).

But, if you’ve really got a thing for stainless steel railcars, there just so happens to be a pdf from Euro Inox on that very topic:

Railcars in Stainless Steel – A Sustainable Solution for Sustainable Public Transport

Contents:

- What makes stainless steel a sustainable material?
- Decades of experience in railcars
- Why stainless steel?
- Which stainless steel?
- Stainless steel in operation
- Case study 1: Let’s Tango
- Case study 2: Next generation Underground in Hamburg
- Case study 3: Stainless steel-containing trams serves Alicante Coastline
- Case study 4: Japan Rail satisfied with stainless steel for over 50 years

You can download it for nothing from here.

There’s still a few things to iron out or tweak a bit more, but it’s mostly functional – or as far as I can tell.

So, if you care to pass comment on anything you’ve come across that you don’t like or don’t quite understand, please let me know in the comments.

Both the main Butler Sheetmetal site and the blog have been revamped, with both a more minimal and integrated feel.

We’ve also added a client case studies section and a job book section which contains all the photo galleries.

If you have a couple of spare minutes, do have a little mosey and let me know your thoughts if you care to share them.

I’d be terribly grateful.

Talk about pudgy round the gills and waxing not too lyrical. He’s simply a sequence of Scottish grunts and groans.

The last thing you’d want to do with him he engage in a conversation, let alone touching any kind of sharp instrument or operating machinery.

Still, it’s not like most of us aren’t a bit like that of a Monday morning.

But, fear not people. Those of you (and me), like Jasper, reaping the health and safety whirlwind due to early morning mental blurring need fear no more when faced with sharp blades doing anything over 1,000 RPM.

There’s some clever fella devised a circular saw locking system thriggered by by conduction – and with water being a conductor, that means your pinkies.

The following video is most impressive as they try and attack the blade with a limp hot dog and it shutting down without causing even the slightest of Stevie Nicks.

But, it gets darn close and then some – as in a 1,000th of an inch – then kachunk-a-blammo; the automatic locking system kicks in and halts the blade dead in its tracks.

Hot dog wieners are all well and good, but you need someone with real sausage fingers to really put it through its paces. So, the inventor steps up and volunteers his digits for the camera – one of those super duper slow-mo affairs that takes nearly as long to set up as it does to display the slowed down version of the film.

It takes a while as the crew wants to show exactly how close the guy gets with his finger and the forces / tensions on the blade as it abruptly stops. Either that, or they manage to film the first ever slow motion finger slice with Tarinto-esque blood spurts arcing across the shot that’s guaranteed to go viral.

But, I won’t tell you anymore. You can just watch it yourself:

Weather closing in over Todber Caravan Park

Will somebody explain to me the difference between any town in the north of England covered by a marauding ash cloud and the same northern town round November?

Apart from the fact it probably goes dark earlier in Wigan in November.

The BBC isn’t talking about Eyjafjallajoekull, but the other angry sister to Katla – Hekla when it reminds us that:

“In the Middle Ages it was believed to be one of the gateways to hell, or Judas’s prison.“

Eh? I thought these buggers were exploding in Iceland, not Bolton.

Anyway, while we’re not on the subject of Owen Coyle, but of the Reebok:

IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN TO THE NORTH & NORTH WEST MANUFACTURING & ELECTRONICS TECHNOLOGY EXHIBITION AT THE REEBOK STADIUM, BOLTON, 5TH – 6TH MAY.
THERE ARE JUST THREE WEEKS LEFT NOW TO BOOK A STAND OR GET A TICKET TO VISIT THE LEADING ENGINEERING, ELECTRONICS, MANUFACTURING & TECHNOLOGY EXHIBITION IN THE REGION.

EXHIBITING MEANS MEETING WITH THE REGIONS LEADING BUYERS & SPECIFIERS FROM AEROSPACE, AUTOMOTIVE, ELECTRONICS, FOOD & DRINK, MECHANICAL ENGINEERING, MEDICAL, ENERGY & UTILITIES AND MANY MANY MORE, ALL LOOKING TO PLACE NEW ORDERS WITH COMPANIES COMMITTED TO DOING BUSINESS IN THEIR REGION.

VISITING WILL MEAN CATCHING UP WITH THE LATEST INNOVATIONS AND TECHNOLOGIES AFFECTING INDUSTRY TODAY AS WELL AS SEEING THE 100 PLUS EXHIBITORS. YOU WILL BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE FREE SEMINAR PROGRAMME HITTING THE KEY TOPICS THAT AFFECT INDUSTRY TODAY FREE OF CHARGE.

Find out more here.

It could’ve started off so well had Burnley thought about turning up against Blackburn, but as dire no-shows go, that little tete a tete takes the entire biscuit barrel.

The next day my mother moved house from the one I grew up in to a lovely little cottage but a mere stone’s throw away from my sister and John’s house in Trawden. That means she’s equidistant from her babysitting duties and mucking out John’s chicken shed.

The only phone calls I’ve received from her have been because BT hadn’t installed vision, thus leaving her Corrie-less, as well as endless inquiries as to why her computer wasn’t working properly.

Shades of The IT Crowd:

Then we hit Tuesday and I hit 40. No problems with that, other than I felt strangely at ease with the world. And trust me, I rarely feel strangely at ease with the world.

Although I did have a hankering, nay craving, for something quintessentially English for my Birthday tea. Now I understand why John plumped for cheese and onion pie and mushy peas – besides him being cheap, that is. But, because it was my Birthday I had no intention of making it, and because I’m living in America I had no chance of finding a café, restaurant or chippy to quell my pangs; unless an out-of-date, overpriced tin of mushy peas from World Market’s ‘English’ food section and some mini quiches from Aldi’s count. I would’ve struggled for OXO cubes, mind.

Instead, we sauntered off to find some faux Irish boozer selling faux steak and Guinness pie – which was obviously shut.

How we wound up in some rather posh gaff chomping ourselves daft on lamb shank served with garlic-enthused (sic) mash topped with arugula and pear salad is beyond me. Plus we hadn’t the shame to refuse our server’s (a camp hybrid of Stephen Colbert and Phil Brown’s tan & goatee) warning that our expensive bottle of wine was, in fact, only a half bottle.

Stephen Colbert & Phil Brown

But it was bloody lovely; so bloody lovely that I felt compelled to order the Mexican spiced cocoa crème brûlée. That was also bloody lovely until a blow-torched sugar chili twig sank itself into the deeper reaches of my back jaw, where it has remained ever since as a constant reminder to eating above my station in life.

I mean, the worst injury you’re going to receive from a micro waved Greggs’ pastie / mushy peas combo is Pete Burns lip, right?

Maybe when I’m 50.

The second edition of the brochure PRACTICAL GUIDELINES FOR THE FABRICATION OF DUPLEX STAINLESS STEELS has now become available. The 64-page manual is published by the International Molybdenum Association (IMOA), in co-operation with Euro Inox and the International Stainless Steel Forum (ISSF).

Contents:

- History of duplex stainless steels

- Chemical composition and role of alloying elements
— Chemical composition of duplex stainless steels
— The role of the alloying elements in duplex stainless steels

- Metallurgy of duplex stainless steels

- Corrosion resistance
— Resistance to acids
— Resistance to caustics
— Pitting and crevice corrosion resistance
— Stress corrosion cracking resistance

- End-user specifications and quality control
— Standard testing requirements
— Special testing requirements

- Mechanical properties

- Physical properties

- Cutting
— Sawing
— Shearing
— Slitting
— Punching
— Plasma and laser cutting

- Forming
— Hot forming
— Solution annealing
— Warm forming
— Cold forming
— Press forming
— Spin forming

- Machining duplex stainless steels
— General guidelines for machining duplex stainless steels
— Welding procedure qualifications
— Welding methods

- Other joining techniques
— Joint preparation
— Adhesives
— Soldering
— Brazing

- Post-fabrication clean-up
— Crayon marks, paint, dirt, oil
— Embedded iron
— Weld spatter, weld discouloration, flux, slag, arc strikes

- Duplex stainless steel applications

- Suggested additional reading

- References

- Appendix 1: Duplex stainless steel designations and product names

- Appendix 2: Summary of specifications

To download a PDF copy free of charge, please go to: http://www.euro-inox.org/pdf/map/Guidelines_Fabrication_Duplex_EN.pdf.

If you prefer to receive a printed brochure, please send an e-mail to info@euro-inox.org, not forgetting to:
- use the keyword DUPLEX BROCHURE
- give your full mailing address.

Hopefully, that should be enough for you not to ask me in the comments if I can send you a copy.

Being the fair-minded chap I am I suggested drawing straws. Nobody seemed overly interested in that as a concept seeming an equal number of boys and girls were asked to turn up and the number of boys in our class was the number of boys expected. Cue bitch-fight.

I don’t remember much other than standing right at the front of the Burnley masses, plastic Union Jack in hand, camera around neck whilst sheltering from the elements in a knee-length green kagoul.  Although I do remember being yanked from my vantage point by my hood by our teacher and shrieked at for wandering off on my own – in full view of everybody.

To this day I still don’t think I was in the wrong. I’d gone to see the Prince of Wales and I’d wormed my way into what I thought the best spot. Fortunately, the kind people behind me took pity and allowed me back after my bollocking.

So, the thought of the not-so bonny Prince visiting Burnley again sets me off on some form of anxiety attack – well I struggle to catch my breath as I think of my industrial-strength zipper pressing hard into my windpipe.

Anyway, at least this time round he’s got his own Burnley shirt (more pics):

We didn’t bankrupt the club with the cost of lettering.

I shudder to think what Owen Coyle would’ve been like had he not trotted off down the A666. Expected Prince Charles to bow I would imagine.

But we haven’t been short of our own royalty round here y’know. That is, if you consider Obama turning up at Lorain County Community College a royal visit just down the road from my father-in-law’s house in Elyria.

Here are a couple of pictures of him at LCCC’s Wind Turbine Manufacturing and Fabrication Lab:

Obama’s customary fist bump.(SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

Looks like somebody’s got a man-crush…(SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

And to think, if I’d broken ranks to wave flags at yon President I’d probably have been shot.

I sincerely hope he’s not up to what this geezer in a Southampton fabrication shop has been up to:

A MAN who got his genitalia stuck in a steel pipe had to be cut free by eight firefighters using an industrial grinder. The heavy duty cutting gear had to be used to remove the three-inch long hollow pipe after medics were unable to release it. The painstaking operation, which involved eight firefighters, took around an hour.

The drama began after the man took himself to the accident and emergency department of Southampton General Hospital.

Restricted blood flow had left the man in a state of arousal, and unable to remove the pipe.

Staff there were so concerned that they phoned the emergency services and a crew from Redbridge Fire Station were initially dispatched. But they had to bring in backup from St Mary’s station which has a fire truck equipped with specialist cutting gear. A disc gutter cutter, with a four-and-a-half-inch blade, was used to slice open the stainless steel pipe.

The man, in his 30s, offered no explanation for his predicament but was said to be “quite concerned and anxious”. He had been given an anaesthetic to prepare for the procedure.

St Mary’s crew manager Adrian Johnson said: “It was a very delicate operation. We did not want anything heating up.

The person who did it deserves a commendation for his nerve and steady hand.”

Meanwhile, watch manager Greg Garrett from Redbridge station added: “I’ve only come across this type of thing three or four times in my 17 years as a firefighter. It’s not a daily occurrence.”

The man’s private parts were left bruised and swollen.

I’m generally fairly reluctant to post entire articles seeming it goes against Rupert Murdoch’s grain, but I really didn’t know which bits to cut out (as the fireman said to the bloke with his knob stuck in a steel tube). I mean, this is why you’d love to be a local journalist. Maybe a fireman as well, but not the guy doing the angle grinding or holding the pipe steady.

However, feel free to go and enjoy yourselves in the comments to the article.

Something else I expected even less was Jasper ‘looking well’. I swear he looked three years younger than the last time I clapped eyes on him; and that was probably three years ago. Especially seeming he’d caned a litre and a half of Asda’s premier cooking sherry the night previously. Maybe he’s pickling himself younger by means of a Benjamin Button-esque reverse aging process. Not that there’s much chance of him turning into Brad Pitt.

I fear he’ll probably get stuck looking like a whispy, deep-fried turnip.

While it’s nigh on impossible to seamlessly move from Scotland and turnips to footie you can’t fault the Butler boys having nabbed a few season tickets to watch Burnley (not that getting on the Turf is my festive highlight or anything). Nor can you fault the game against Arsenal. So bring on Bolton. Oh, and don’t be pestering Matt for a borrow of one unless you’ve got a sizeable order up your sleeve.

So, without further ado (as I’ve got to now go and drop all the presents off at John’s) may you have a very Merry Christmas.