The Tomato Blog

Finale

2006-08-14T00:13:00.000-04:00

We have a winner!

In an amazing upset Zeina has come out on top after Mike has thrown in the towel. Here's a statement from Mike:

After a long hard fight, it is with a heavy heart that I am hereby submitting my concession from the contest. Though I had an obvious lead in the growth of my plants, in the end it seems Mother Nature was against me. Just when my first tomato was ready to ripen, my plant was devastated by a giant tomato hornworm. After smothering the plant in pesticide, the worm was dead, but not before it had gorged itself on my tomatoes. Nevertheless, I pressed on, ever vigilant. I was sure that my lead was extensive enough that this was only a minor setback; however, next came the rabbit. Once again it seemed I would not be able to eat my own tomatoes. I was too ashamed to send pictures. I wanted my plants to regain their composure. I spent many nights awake crying, I was in an awful place.
In the end, my plant was picked to shreds by the birds. While I raised my plants with care, it seems nature itself was against me. And so Zeina, I applaud you. You have accomplished what I could not. To the victor go the spoils, and so now I must prepare for you a dinner of your choice. The contest was hard fought but in the end it seems the best woman won.

At least that's similar to what Mike should have said, but this is the same man who can't find the time to take pictures of a motionless object sitting on his porch. So what he actually said, in an instant message to me, was:

BTW. I'm conceding the tomato bet. Birds picked my shit apart.

The link was added by me, as was the punctuation and capitalization. No one can accuse Mike of being wordy. Mike's loquacity aside; let us now move on to the pictures of the winning plant:

Zeina's pics

Here we see the winning plant, as it is the only one left. The plant has been through an ordeal of its own, but has risen above it and as you can see there is some ripening going on with those tomatoes. Last time I counted there were around 20 tomatoes growing.

Here's a closer shot of the ripest tomatoes.

A few days ago there was a strong thunderstorm that managed to knock over Zeina's plant. The impact of the fall caused some of her tomatoes to fall off, so she wanted to show them as well.

So that does it for The Tomato Blog. Overall it was a fun experience in the beginning until Mike ruined everything. However it was fun to belittle Mike's inadequacy in the promptness department, so I guess it wasn't all a waste. Now I need to find something else to blog about I suppose. It will also be interesting to see if Mike will hold his end of the deal and cook a meal for Zeina, not to mention if it will be edible.

New Poll

2006-07-27T10:23:00.001-04:00

As you may well be aware. I'm always ready to update this blog weekly, but due to reasons beyond my control, namely Mike, I never have any content to post. While both contestants are bad at remembering to send me pictures, Zeina always does so in a timely manner when asked. Mike, on the other hand, manages to stretch it out over a course of one to two weeks. Meanwhile I get repeated comments relating the blog to grass. So in honor of the constant delay, I've replaced the previously worthless poll with an updated and probably equally worthless poll. Now at least I will have a place to channel my frustrations on a daily basis, as will anyone else who cares. And I've heard that some do exist.

Week 6

2006-07-08T23:20:00.000-04:00

Holy Mary, mother of God it's an update. That's right, finally I'm all moved, and Mike and Zeina finally sent me some photos. So without further ado, let's get started.

Mike's Photos

Here we see Mike's plants. They're much taller, but hey, it's been almost a month. As we can see, I was correct about Mike being too cheap to actually buy a pole to tie his plants to. It seems he's content with his rusty railing. Hopefully tomatoes can contract tetanus.

Yes folks, that is in fact a tomato, the blog's name is finally starting to make sense. He's already got some decent size going on this one.

And here's another tomato on his second plant. He blabbered something about his first plant having one big tomato (previous photo) and this plant having two smaller ones. While he claims his hand is in the picture for perspective on size, I know it's actually because he just can't stop fondling his plants. That's a sick fetish Mike. I'll let the reader decide which definition I'm referring to.

Zeina's Photos

Remember the basil plant that was planted with plant #1? The trench plant? Come on, I made a witty assocation to the plant and warfare... Anyway it wasn't growing very quickly, so Zeina planted some basil in the pot with it, hoping to help the tomato plant grow. Obviously the basil plant has become ginormous. So has it helped the trench plant?

In a word, no. In fact, it's dead. If it weren't a plant we'd be witnessing rigor mortis. The fact that the leaves were entirely eaten off by some sort of insect (possibly a caterpillar) did not help either. At least she'll get a nice basil yield. Shortly after this picture Zeina pulled out the remaining stump, and now the only thing to see in the pot is the basil.

That's ok, at least plant #2 is still kickin. It's obviously grown as well. It's now in a new location where it gets a far greater amount of sunlight each day.

Not to be completely out done, Zeina has also achieved tomatoness. While her tomato may not be as large as Mike's just yet, she at least demonstrates she has a superior camera.

So that wraps it up for this week. Mike's plants took an early lead in growth originally but Zeina has managed to keep up a constant pace since then. Unfortunately now Mike has 2 to 1 odds of producing a better tomato than Zeina. Once again I apologize for the truancy of the posting, but trust me, you didn't miss much inbetween this post and the last. Now there are at least some tomatoes. Stay tuned for next week when we might actually start seeing a color other than green. Meanwhile I think I've achieved a personal record for number of links in one post, happy happy, joy joy!

Where's the new post?

2006-06-22T20:52:00.000-04:00

You may be wondering, (assuming you're even bothering to check this site anymore) why is there no posting going on? Well for starters, neither Mike, nor Zeina have given me new photos. Zeina's plants have been moved to a new domicile and upon arrival were immediately pounded by a torrent of wind and rain. This battering left her previously somewhat sheltered plants in a rather pathetic state, so she refuses to take any photos (some coercion may need to be applied) until her plants are more "perky". Mike is just bereft of any value. He claims to actually have his first tomato growing, though as of yet I have no visual proof. I suppose his lack of production will eventually be taken care of by Karma (if one believes in such a thing). Meanwhile, I'm in the process of moving across town, (both contestants get brownie points for helping) so I have been too preoccupied to verbally abuse the contestants until they produce some photographic evidence as to the state of their plants. Hopefully I'll be all set up with internet and ready to go by the end of next week, and can get back to a somewhat more stable posting schedule.

So for those of you who actually care, I apologize for the delay.

Week 2 and way over

2006-06-12T19:54:00.000-04:00

I'm going to stop making claims to when I'm going to post. Not that it's entirely my fault. I was completely prepared to post Thursday night for Friday morning. Yet once again Mike achieved another level of laziness this time linked to a page including translations of the word lazy in other languages so I reach as wide an audience as possible with this information. Not only did Mike not give me the pictures on Thursday, but he further delayed the posting by being worthless as well. He gave me excuses, none of which are worth mentioning as they are demonstrably pathetic.

Then the weekend came, but I don't like doing homework on the weekend as I'd rather give the illusion of a social life. Also there was a worthy distraction. Anyway I finally have the pictures now, so here we go.

Mike's photos

So here's the first picture showing some obvious growth since last week. How does he do it? Especially since he can't even bother to take a photo on time... I think the rain and sun help.

I think Mike's trying to be artistic in the "through the railing" shot. Actually I think he's just too cheap to buy some real tomato stakes. I suppose that's as good a use as any for a railing on a 6" high porch.

Zeina's Photos

Here's plant #1, the trench plant. It's still down in the trenches. Zeina got a bit artistic with her pictures this time as well. I think this one is entitled "Look, it's grown, I swear".

Here's plant #2. Here we have some obvious change. It was barely sticking out of the pot last week. It's still shorter than Mike's plants though.

Here's the basil plant that was planted with the trench planted #1. Unlike the tomato plant it's seen some massive growth. I was hoping Zeina would plant some garlic so we could have some nice Italian food going on. That and I'm afraid of vampires.

And so ends another post. So far Mike's plant are winning the height contest. Unfortunately that doesn't matter, what matters is who has the better tomato itself. And from that criteria both contestants are still losers.

Week 1 and a little bit over

2006-06-02T01:37:00.000-04:00

Ok, so this post is a bit late. I'm sorry, I just haven't fully dedicated my life to vegetation yet. Anyway, enough about be, on to the photos.

Mike's Pics:
Here's Mike's first picture showing both plants. There's an obvious improvement here from last week. I'd like to tell you more about Mike's technique, but he's too busy being smug.

Plant #1, formerly known as droopy has now risen for the occasion. Mike's got some definite height going on.

Plant #2, more of the same but shifted to the right. Could this affect anything?! I doubt it.

Zeina's Pics:
The side by side by side shot. There has been some basil added. Will it help or just make things smell nice?

You all remember plant #1. The trench fighter. It's hard to tell, especially compared to the mighty basil plant in the pot with it, but it has grown some. You'll have to compare the level of the dirt from this picture and last week's post. It's still a bit pathetic looking though. Anyway at least there will be less mosquitoes.

Here's plant #2. While not as tall as Mike's plants it appears a bit bushier. Whatever that means. Zeina was originally going to plant basil in this pot as well but decided there wasn't room, hence the happy little pot from the first picture.

So that's it for week 1. Personally, I'm a bit sad nothing died. Perhaps I'll plant a black walnut tree to celebrate how well everything's going.

I think I'll start doing weekly updates on Friday's now since that's when most people are reading blogs instead of working. Also it gives a measure to readers to know how much they should be complaining.

Initial Photos

2006-05-25T18:05:00.000-04:00

Here they are, the pics you've all been yearning for... umm yeah.

Mike's Pics:

All Mike's pics are foggy, but at least they exist. Here's an overall shot showing the two plants.

Here's a closer view of plant #1. I call it Droopy .

And here we have plant #2, which might as well be plant #1. I can't tell the difference. Why try something new when you can have two equally dull plants?

At this point you may be saying to yourself, "OMGWTFBBQ!?!? A third plant? Mike's a filthy cheat and I hope he takes a permanent vacation to the firey pits of hell!". This is a perfectly normal reaction. However let me reassure you that this plant is of the cherry tomato variety and not subject to this contest.

So why is it being shown here? Well Mike wanted to include it and after looking at his other two plants I think it's easily apparent why this is.

Zeina's pics:

Here is Zeina's nice clear vibrant side by side shot. Notice all the nice green foliage. Too bad it's not actually in the pots.

Here's the close up of plant #1. Yes it's rather pathetic looking. This is because Zeina takes this contest very seriously. This isn't merely a friendly fist fight, this is all out war. Therefore what you see before you is an example of trench warfare er... umm... trench planting.

Just in case the fancy technique of plant #1 doesn't come to fruition, plant #2 uses a more traditional approach of dig a hole and shove it in. So far it's prettier.

So that wraps up week 1 of the contest. So far the clear winner are Mike's cherry tomatoes which has to be rather depressing for both contestants. Will the plants survive to week 2? Does anyone actually care? I guess we'll find out.

A Poor Update

2006-05-25T00:00:00.000-04:00

I had hoped to have some pictures of tiny green things, smothered in soil, struggling to survive. Photos shall be coming forthwith in the next post.

Zeina's pots are officially planted as of tonight. This fact I have seen with my own eyes and I guarantee everyone shall see this tomorrow. Mike however is another story. He alleges to having potted the plants yesterday, proudly claiming a one day lead on Zeina. However, he also stated that I would have photos to post here tonight, yet said photos have not materialized.

When queried as to why this event had not taken place he stated that it was, "raining outside" which to his credit was true. Of course it was also 9pm and just started raining when I asked him. The sun does not set here until 9pm so apparently he couldn't find a single minute in that abundance of sunlight to snap a single photograph. When I pressed as to how that could have happened, he muttered "class and such". Though his last class starts at 6pm and I can tell you it does not span a length of three hours. It is possible he didn't find the time to take the photo due to his schedule being wrought with verbally assaulting me.

As I know Mike personally, I can testify to the likeliness of the prior theory being not as conceivable as the feasibility of his failure being due to sheer laziness. I need to devise some sort of castigation to prevent this sin from hindering further updates...

The goods

2006-05-24T00:15:00.000-04:00

Each person is starting with the same items. Per person they are:

Two tomato plants of the "Better Boy" variety, whatever that means.

They're stylish, they're gray, they're.. plastic. They're pots. 0.71 cu. ft. or 18 qu.

And lastly the cream of the crop, the Miracle Grow™ potting mix. Because anything else is just dirt.

It is with these weapons our combatants enter the arena. Anything else is allowed from here on out. Whomever grows the better tomato (by whatever criteria we establish later) shall prove to be the greater warrior, er... gardener.

How it all began

2006-05-23T20:41:00.000-04:00

So Mike, Zeina, and I were having lunch at our favorite (and the only) crepery in town, and Mike noticed for the 1 hundreth time that I don't like tomatoes. So he and Zeina started talking about how much they love tomatoes. Mike recalled how he used to love to grow his own as they're much better than store variety. So Zeina said she felt like growing her own tomatoes and Mike said he did as well, so Zeina said "Oh, we should have a contest!". Mike agreed, mentioning how he was going to completely school Zeina, and I said I should make a blog as this was the best idea I could come up with for a blog. We later agreed that the loser of the contest must cook a dinner of the winner's choosing using the winner's tomatoes. So in the end everyone will be a winner... except for the guy who hates tomatoes.

First Post

2006-05-23T14:28:00.000-04:00

The Challenge
Who can grow the better tomato. More coming soon.