The Traveling Circus

Private Investigating-Back to School Style

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 10:18:00 +0000

The first full day of school proved full of mystery. I was reminded that my least favorite part of sending my kids off to school is that for eight hours a day I have no idea what's happening in their lives. I liked preschool where I dropped them at the door and even if I didn't talk to the teacher every time, I could gauge her mood and if something was amiss she'd be sure to tell me right away. It was bad when I first sent The Girl and it remains a struggle for me even though she's on year number three of Big Kid school and has never had any trouble as she's had great teachers and schools. I have learned a few tricks over the years and I have had to tweak them even more now that The Middle One (a boy) has entered the ranks. Here are my three Mama PI tips for getting school information out of your kids:

Ask specific questions: I learned a long time ago that "how was school?" usually garners a "good". Now I ask about who they played with at recess and what special they had. When they tell me they switched for reading class (what?!?) I ask what they did first and second after they changed classrooms. I get to the nitty gritty. It helps that I know what should happen in a classroom, but anyone can quickly figure out a general schedule and ask about each class and each kid you care to know about.
Eat dinner together or put them to bed every single night: It is well documented here how important I think dinner together is. Also, at bedtime their defenses are low and they're often ready to share or unload with whomever has the joy of that snuggle time. Around here, dad often does bedtime as he's not around for dinner and he and I are both desperate for him to have face time with the kids ever day. He gets great stuff from them at bedtime. At dinner, I listen as each kid tells their best and worst moment of the day. This helps with not only more of what they did, but any problem that may have come up that they might not share without specific prompting. I have learned about some conflicts with teachers, other kids and themselves with these worst moments. Yesterday, there were so many bests, like art class and switching for reading, (huh?) that we never got to any worsts but isn't that what we want anyway?
Finally, be a fly on the wall. Much of the information I get is caught off hand when they're not sure I'm listening. As a parent you have to be a very strategic listener. My kids are pretty good friends with each other these days so I try to pay attention when they're talking together. I give them chores to help clean the kitchen after dinner now ( a genius move!) and when they're cleaning I catch some great stuff, like this gem:

"F, today in school we were talking about our five senses and how we use them. My teacher asked what are some things you don't like to smell with that one sense and you know what one kid said? Are you ready? He said, BUTTS. Isn't that hilarious?" (Yes, he said hilarious. Guilty as charged for my overuse of the word.)

Tomorrow's post will be how not to laugh when your kid uses impeccable comic timing with a butt joke. Oh, wait, I can't actually write that post because I don't know the answer. I laughed out loud. I'm sorry. It was hilarious!
So ashamed.
Maybe I actually shouldn't listen so hard next time.

Happy School Year!

My Amazing Grace

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 23:37:00 +0000

It was shower time. The fact that he is taking a shower and no longer a bath is often heart-stopping in itself. Tonight though, that fact took second fiddle. He picked up a book that is the written lyrics to Danny Boy-a gift given to him by his Aunt living in Scotland when he was born.

"Mom, what's this?"
"It's the lyrics to a song."
"In a book? That's funny."
"Yeah, in a book."
"It has my name. Is it Danny Boy?"
"Yep, first it's Danny Boy in English then in Gaelic, I think. Your A.M. gave it to you when you were a baby."
"What's this page say?"

I sing the first four lines at which time he looks up at me and says,

"That's enough mom." (That sound you hear is my heart crackling into a thousand pieces.)
"What you don't like it? I used to sing it to you every night when you were a baby."
"No you didn't. Dad did."
"No, I sang to you before bed."
"Yeah, but you sang Amazing Grace."

And instantly I'm transported to Whitmoor Terrace where I knelt night after night either reaching through crib slats or uncomfortably trying to snuggle-without crushing-on a toddler bed. I sang every night. At first I sang that song because it's the only song I know by heart (weird huh?). Later I sang it to him because he asked for it... every night.
I forgot what I sang.
He didn't.

Tomorrow he will leave for a full day of kindergarten. From 7:45 until 4:00 he will be in someone else's care. I love his school. I am thrilled for all he will learn there and I am certain they will take excellent care of my little man. But tonight my heart is broken a little bit for I wish I had just one more day to snuggle and sing to my Baby Danny Boy.

Finding Myself of JerseyMomsBlog

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 10:25:00 +0000

I was so busy being mom to a kindergartner yesterday I forgot that I posted on JerseyMomsBlog.
So, um can you read it now? Thanks!

A Dog Love Story or Three

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 10:43:00 +0000

For me there were two. The first arrived on Christmas Eve 1978 and walked me through my childhood. The other found me when I was grown and taught me how to be an adult.
Patches was a white ball of fluff that was meant as a present for my older sister. That baby girl dog may have been intended for my sister but the joy she brought into our home was so desperately needed she became a gift to us all. I grew up with five older siblings who were mostly grown when I came around so they were out of the house doing their thing when I was small. Patches was the sibling left at home. Patches would play dress up. She'd allow me to take her for multiple daily walks as an excuse to meet friends or later, boyfriends out on the neighborhood streets. For fourteen years of my life her ears heard my secrets and her warm coat caught my tears. At age four, my father died, my mother went to work and my siblings went on their own journey of healing. Patches ensured I was never alone.

Newly married and fresh off buying our first city house I somehow coerced The Husband into adding a dog to the mix. We decided on a rescue. He, on a mission for a chocolate lab, walked right past Jack's kennel. As for me, one look at those giant Shepherd ears (one flopped forward in a perfect sweet puppy salute) and I could walk no further. This was my guy. Luckily, I coerced The Husband into that too.
As a rescue Jack came with all sorts of quirks. The situations that evolved from his "personality" taught us a lot about ourselves as a team. We were quickly introduced to how we worked together as husband and wife and future dad and mom. There were more than a few fights. The Husband threatened to return our guy to sender more than once. One very bloody park fight and a good bout of doggie intestinal flu not only proved our mettle, but sealed the bond of Jack and The Husband for life (or at least until we had to share him with friends when our small house and increasing number of kids threatened to push his fragile puppy protector personality right over the edge).
Dogs change your life. They are the only creatures I've found that truly love unconditionally and selflessly. They provide unending support and bring endless humor. If you've never had a dog, no amount of explanation can properly convey their value.
If you've ever had a dog, no explanation is necessary.

This post was inspired by an AMAZING book called Cowboy and Wills about a remarkable boy and the dog that helped him reveal his greatness to the world. The author and proud mother and dog owner is Monica Holloway. I admire her as a mom. I relate to her as a dog owner and as a quirky girl, I wish I was her friend. I was provided a copy of this book as a member of the From Left to Write book club. You can read other posts inspired by Ms. Holloway's work here.

Kindergarten

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 18:11:00 +0000

When the first words out of his mouth upon dismissal are, "Thank you mom, for sending me to this school." then I would say it was a pretty good day.

The Boy's Gonna Be Just Fine

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 11:55:00 +0000

You are my sensitive soul. You look big and strong but you feel every little scorn and slight with intensity and take on everyone's pain. I worry about you in the big wide world.
Yesterday you acted out and your nervousness showed all over your attitude. It was time to meet your schoolmates at a picnic and clearly you were worried too. You cried a bit. You asked to go home. Then you spotted them-the big boys on the basketball court. You wiped your eyes with your dirty little arm. You set your chin and marched forward-all by yourself.
I watched from the sidelines as you inserted yourself in their game and politely yet with great determination asked if you could join. They smiled at each other over your head. They all but winked when they handed you the ball.
Then you dribbled between your legs.
The winking stopped.
The fist pounding started.
They pulled you in and cheered you on.
Just like everyone you meet, they were taken with you.
You have a big strong body and a gentle soul. I worry about you in this big, wide world.
Yesterday you showed me I'm silly to worry.
For you are going to be just fine.

Money Monday

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 13:13:00 +0000

About two years ago I started Money Mondays. Early Monday morning I get up and get my affairs in order if you will. I balance our bank account. I get deposits ready if I have any. I pay bills. I generally use the time to increase my awareness of what's going on financially around here. It occurred to me this morning that as I strive to be more present in my spending and focused in my saving I have actually established some pretty good routines. I decided today even if I'm not be Jean Chatzky or Suze Orman, I can still share what I do and maybe it will help someone else live a Financially Conscious-cash only- life. So here are my top four Money Monday (and rest of the week) practices:

Track spending. Write down in your check book, a notebook, your cell phone-wherever everything you spend and where. Choose the method that's easiest for you. I tried Mint.com and while it is a fantastic idea, it was more than I could handle organizationally. People swear by Quicken software too and of course there are a million phone apps for budgeting. For me, I needed simple and clear. I have a black notebook where I write down everything from bills to lattes. Not only does it keep me conscious of my spending, it helps me budget for the future. If you figure out what school supplies cost one year you know what to expect the next.
Pay Bills Online. I utilize both my bank for bill pay and companies' online pay sites too. This not only helps me see in black and white what our monthly bills equal, but it saves a tone of time. We are still in transition, which means we are still month to month as far as spending goes. So, I manually input information every month. My goal though is to know exactly what comes in and goes out every month so that I can input bill information once and then they'll just magically get paid every cycle by the bank without me having to do it myself. A girl's gotta have goals right?
Discuss spending with your mate. I am in charge of the bank here so I handle the budget and financial plan. However, my husband has expenses that has from month to month. After some frustration and more overdraft fees than I'd like to admit, I finally helped him see I need some advance warning for when he needs to withdrawal cash. Now we chat at least twice a month (with paydays looming) about what he needs for travel, meetings, etc. I also nag (or gently remind depending on the perspective) him about getting paperwork in on time so we get reimbursed for all this. These meetings have really helped our bank account and subsequently our marriage. Life is much easier when I know we're a team and he's not trying to sabotage my efforts!
Re-Budget every 30-60-90 days. For many of you an annual budget may be enough. For us, as we learn more about our spending and continually chip away at debt, we are constantly in flux. We need to reassess frequently. For every bill we pay off, there are more that need our attention but often the payments change. It is imperative that we don't consider anything "free money". When we pay off the car, we need to put that money toward hospital bills or other debt as well as increasing our saving. We re-budget every month right now. I have a rough idea what we spend and make, but I sit down every 30th of the month and figure out what the next 30 days will look like. There are fewer surprises this way and we get to celebrate each little victory as it comes.

The last thing I'll say that's not really a tip just a practice. I go over the logs of the last year pretty often because even though some days it still feels like we're under a huge mountain of mistakes, we have also made progress and even carved a pretty large slice in the mountain. Reminding myself and The Husband of that every month helps. We tear up bills. We check off lists. We high-five. We take a minute to imagine the day when it's ALL gone. Then, we pat ourselves on the back and quickly head back to the business of the day.

Everything I need to know...

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 11:44:00 +0000

I'm over at JerseyMomsBlog today talking about everything preschool taught ME. Mosey on over and give it a read. Let me know how you like it. Then, you know, tell your friends. :)

Girl in Transition

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 10:19:00 +0000

The Girl is going through some serious changes. Her face is totally changed already from her new orthodontic appliance and now it's her voice! I know she's still healing, but that sweet little nasally voice that was just so Her seems deeper and clearer than ever. It's been a big summer for my little girl.

The other day she was running out to play with her brothers and I stopped her for this picture:

Her look just seemed to sum up so perfectly this strange place she is now-in between baby girl and grown up. She still got the tell-tale dress hem of her former, I-never-wear-pants-even-in-the-mud self, but she's paired it with sneakers. SNEAKERS? This is the girl who wore sparkly pink Mary Jane's to Kindergarten PE class instead of the black Mary Jane's because the pinks "had a rubber sole" so she deemed them her exercise shoes. The best part of this new look though is the socks. They are super-girly with their lace edges but instead of leaving them the folded over dress socks they're meant to be, she has pulled them up so they become sporty instead. In doing this she has achieved the look that is quintessentially F. They are just a little awkward yet they get the job done. There is still a hint flash, but she got 'em on fast enough to get out and play making them practical. That's my girl-no matter her changes she is practical and dependable and manages to maintain just enough flash. Man, I love her more and more every day.

The Itch

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 10:48:00 +0000

The minute I found out I was pregnant with my third I knew I was done having babies. I still have an idea that someday we'll adopt or foster, but as far as making babies-my shop was closed in February 2007. Since that day I haven't looked back. I haven't had the slightest tickle of desire for another and even the most adorable of baby doesn't bring on those longings that many mother's feel.
Until now. Lately, I'm baby obsessed. Maybe it's because mine are grown. Maybe it's knowing there won't be any more snuggling or nursing or middle of the night kisses around here again. Maybe I've matured enough to know that I would handle it better this time. I would appreciate it more and worry less. Maybe I just want an infant do over.
Whatever the case I've got baby-itis and I need a cure. Our lives are finally on an upswing. We're finally feeling like, for the moment, our heads are above water. I can even see my old size 10 jeans on the horizon. I am not cut out for more kids. I am too old for babies.
I need another solution to scratch the itch. Anybody got a newborn that needs rocked and snuggled? I'd happily volunteer for the job.

Hold that baby close.

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 11:49:00 +0000

As my baby girl (who's almost eight!) slept in the recovery room yesterday after having her tonsils and adenoids removed, I jumped at the opportunity to just stare at her beautiful face. She was so quiet and still and it has been a very, very long time since I was able to just drink her in. It felt just like when she was an infant and I held her inches from my own cheek to trace her tiny face with my finger. I'd marvel at her button nose and thank the gods that she inherited her father's gorgeously full lips. I'd worry when her baby brow furrowed, hoping she was too young for dreams to cause that wrinkle. I can't count the hours I spent just staring at her. I can tell you it wasn't enough.

Our dear friends just brought their first baby home this week. She too is a gorgeous girl with a perfect face. I hope they are staring at her...a lot. I hope they are doing all the things we didn't do enough of with our first. Like:

Taking all the time they can to just marvel at their newest family member. Don't worry about where you should be or what you could be doing or the mounting pile of laundry or dirty dishes in the sink. There will be plenty of time for those things later. This time of quiet and stillness and purity will disappear before you know it. Drink it in. Soak up her perfectness and hold her close as long as you are allowed.
Accept help. If someone asks what you need, tell them. There should be no pride in new parenting. People want to help and you need it. I remember my sister-in-law showing up at my house with her arms full of grocery bags days after we came home with the baby. I had told her we "were fine". She knew better. I had no idea what was in those bags at the time because she unloaded and put their contents away before I could see. I will tell you this; I enjoyed the donuts, and lunch meat. When I needed breast pads for nursing, Pedialite for my tiny puker or the box of maxi-pads that I had NO IDEA I'd need, they were there in my bathroom thanks to the magic of my sister-in-law. So ask for help or at least accept it when it comes. You'll all be better off for it.
Go easy on yourself. This time is magical but it is also overwhelming and terrifying and often those two emotions stand front and center. I will repeat what my pediatrician told me that saved my life (and possibly my little girl's too). She said, "there's nothing you can do in the first three months that is more important than loving that baby. You aren't setting any behavior precedents in the first three months so don't worry yet." What does that mean? Don't listen to what anyone says about crying babies or sleeping babies or feeding babies. Just love that baby. Pick her up when she cries. Let her sleep on your chest. Get sleep when you can, however you can and don't worry about anything for the next few months except survival for all.
And really, stare at that face as often as you can. It changes in an instant.

Jersey Shore Girl Fights-What the?!?

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 10:34:00 +0000

I'm disturbed by the show Jersey Shore. Now, let me be clear: I freakin' love that show. As a proud resident, I get that it's not AT ALL reflective of the people of The Garden State, (least of all because every cast member save one is from a NY borough.) so let's not even get into that debate. I am fully aware that it is trash television and is most certainly rotting my brain but I love it. Don't judge. Moving on.

What is disturbing to me is not the drunken antics or super-dangerous self tanning habit of the boys. What bothers me most is the way the girls act. Not only do they dress like whores (Yes, whores-actual women who walk the street for money. I mean where do they find these clothes?) but in said whore clothing they beat the tar out of people like thug men. By my count, the girls of this show have had way more bar fights then the guys. (Note to Husband: yes, I'm calling them girls on purpose. I think woman is a term to be earned, not one that comes with age and clearly the Jersey Shore girls haven't yet earned it. Just for the record, jury's still out on whether they're boys or men so for now I'll go with guys.)
Clearly, the over use of parenthesis shows that I am out of my mind on this one. I mean, do females really act like this...regularly? I have seen a few girl fights in my day but never did I think chicks actually went looking for it. I know it's all in the editing, but keep in mind there are other participants in these fights and these are not starts of the show. They are just other club patrons in girl fights. What the heck is happening around here? Is this what young girls do? In Jersey?
I hope my Jersey Girl never does.

Imagination Playground-getting out during Staycation

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 00:23:00 +0000

This week is our staycation week. While I hate that term, I have to say I have enjoyed the week. We have had just the right amount of rest, relaxation and family activities. When I got an invite last week to go into the city for an event at Imagination Playground I jumped on it knowing that The Husband would be home to make it possible. I sometimes get these types of opportunities and turn them down because while I am a pretty good ringmaster around town, going into the city with all three alone is still very daunting.
We started the morning having to wake the kids who were pretty angry at being up "so early". Ironic considering on Saturdays and Sundays they tend to rise hours earlier than when we woke them yesterday.

We decided to drive in and as usual were surprised at how quick and relatively easy it was. We arrived at the South Street Seaport Museum for a spectacular lunch complete with the most delicious sandwiches from 'wichcraft a "sandwich shop" that Tom Colicchio makes sure is way more than a sandwich shop. Seriously, I ate all of my gourmet chicken salad, half of my husband's turkey and avocado and most of my kids' grilled cheese panini sandwich. This is probably the reason that all the pictures where I'm not hiding behind a stroller have promptly been deleted, but that's a post for another day. While the kids were forced to eat some healthy food, they really enjoyed the ice-cream sandwiches from Ste w Leonard's. I even tasted a dollop of frozen yogurt between two rice cakes drizzled in chocolate. Delish.During lunch we got a brief introduction to Imagination Playground from Barry Richards a Principal at The Rockwell Group who oversaw the creative direction of the Playground at Burling Slip. I loved everything he said about why they do what they do and I couldn't wait for my kids to get in there. The Girl loved his vision so much she insisted on having her picture taken with him. She's a Big Idea girl-what can I say?

After lunch we had recess if you will as we marched right into the park. The idea behind Imagination Playground is to create unstructured play for kids, which is right up my alley. I am a huge proponent of schedule free and no planned activity time for kids to just run and create and imagine. The team behind Imagination Playground feels the same. It was architect David Rockwell's innovation to bring the old fashioned woods and streams of an almost lost youth to the Wii and Playstation kids of today. In the city, it's a little slice of jungle, beach and pond. In addition to slides and ladders and places to swing and climb, there were huge building blocks that included ramps, balls and posts. My three year old spent his entire time there. I stood fascinated by what he and his cohorts dreamed up

There was a huge sand structure, but for my beach kids it held no appeal. I would imagine though for someone growing up in New York City, the sand structure, with its wheelbarrows and endless castle possibilities is a major draw. The evidence of this was the huge number of kids over there at any given time yesterday.

My older two kids spent all their time waist deep in the water structure. In their words, they could "float things, sit on things like boats and if you got lucky fall off and get soaked." There were also geysers and fountains and plenty of splashing to go around. They were sufficiently soaked when we left. Thank goodness we brought a change of clothes and the park was equipped with a large, pretty clean bathroom for them to change before our next adventure.
After Michael Lord Director of Education a t the South Street Seaport Museum, gave us a brief history of the land where we were standing we headed over to tour a tall ship. Here we got to see the kids' personalities in action. The Girl marched right up the ramp and on more than one occasion had the tour leader say, "you could lead this tour." The boys, on the other hand, both cried that they didn't want to go up the ramp. I was able to talk them into at least trying and sure enough they were natural pirates as soon as their feet hit the deck. They loved the poop deck of course and they even got to watch their dad lift a sail.

Before we knew it, we were back in our van headed through the tunnel toward home. It was a successful staycation activity and dare I say I might even try it again.

Sunshine-sick baby style.

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 00:23:00 +0000

We went to NYC today for a trip to Imagination Playground and a tour of a tall ship at the South Street Seaport. It was great fun but thoroughly exhausting. So, for today a little Sunshine photo and more about our grand adventure tomorrow. Enjoy this for now.

It's from my old phone camera so the quality isn't great but I just can't resist these baby pics. I'm missing having a baby around. This day, the poor pumpkin was getting over chicken pox-just one of his many baby-time ailments.

Back to School Schedules

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 13:43:00 +0000

We have been pretty slothy around here lately. As the summer began we were all pretty organized and efficient. There was breakfast and mommy school and then a trip to the beach or the park or a playdate. Then my work trips came and it seems like I've lost all institutional control.
This isn't new really. August tends to be a month full of late breakfasts and pajamas 'till noon. I typically combat this by spending the last two weeks of the month whipping everyone (mostly myself) back into playing shape. We resume strict bedtimes and wake ups and most importantly the get-dressed-before-you-come-downstairs rule.
Here is my problem. Next Monday is the two week mark and we will spend our morning at the Surgical Center in Neptune, NJ where the oldest will have her tonsils and adenoids removed and the youngest will get ear tubes removed (they've taken permanent residence in his ears and need a little help getting out.). Needless to say, we'll be mostly in recovery next week and I'm not sure how to get anyone into playing shape when all we're doing is eating popsicles and watching television.
Wish me luck. Not only am I freaked out for the obvious reasons (two in surgery) but there is the added bonus of back to school time coming on quick as well.
Never a dull moment at The Circus.

PS-If you're looking for the Sunshine of the Day picture-click on the tab above marked Sunshine Series. Trust me, it's worth the extra second today.

Sunshine Take Two

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 12:24:00 +0000

Sometimes when your baby acts like a big kid most of the time it is almost special when he's sick because he acts like your baby again. I love this sequence because he was fighting sleep so much. We heard a lot of "I'm fine. Nuffing hurts." We saw a lot of snuggled up t.v. watching.

GoingGoing
Gone.
Love you baby. You are today's sunshine.

Sunshine- a photo promise

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 12:31:00 +0000

I have noticed this summer that as long as the sun is shining I can pretty much handle anything. I decided that as a practice, I should find the sun in my life no matter what the weather. So as a practice on this here bloggy I'll post a picture a day that represents the sunshine of life. This week, you'll get one here every day because it is our "staycation" and we promised our kids minimal phone and computer actions. From now on, I'll post them to a separate tab (as soon as I kind figure out how to make another tab!). So, here is post one of the Life's Little Sunshine Series.

The Joy of Learning to Ride a Bike with the super cool uncle that biked across the country.

Lessons of Back to School Budget

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 12:22:00 +0000

It was a rainy day at the beach yesterday so I took the kids shopping. I had to get pull-ups (yes, the kid can practically read but still poops in his pants. Please, I'm tired, don't judge.) so we started at Kmart because that is what is close to the vacation house. I was kicking myself for not packing the back to school lists because they had massive sales on everything from crayons to locker organizers. I didn't want to overbuy though so I refrained until I could read off the lists.

Lesson One (for mom): Patience-This chore will get done in time and the world will not run out of Crayola first. I get anxious and used to buy things just to check them off the list which lead to overspending and often not getting all the right items. Well, not anymore. I will shop around and then hit as many stores as I need to get the lists checked off for the lowest prices. I even have a phone app where I can scan bar codes and it tells me if and where it might be cheaper so technology can help me bargain hunt. Love it!

One item I did remember was lunch boxes. The two older ones are ready for lunch boxes that are big enough for real lunches, not just snacks. I must have spent 20 solid minutes comparing sizes, prices and features before I picked two that were acceptable. I actually took four up to the register to check prices before I made the final decision. I only bought two because there weren't any pre-school appropriate boxes for the price.

Lesson Two (for mom and kids): Don't let pride get in the way of smart spending. I used to be the kind of person that would get frustrated that prices weren't listed but would never make the effort to ask for a check.I would just buy and then feel sick about it if I spent too much. I most certainly wouldn't have dragged four different lunch boxes to the counter to leave most of them there upon my exit. Also, buying my kids supplies at stores that I used to perceive as "cheap" used to cause great stress. I never wanted them to be the kids with generic sneakers or the uncool backpack. I was that kid and it pained me to pass it on. Guess what? No one cares about any of it. The checkout lady did not hate me for making her check the prices and no one laughed at me for carrying around four lunch boxes. Even if they did, I was secure (smug even) in the knowledge that I was getting a deal no matter what. Also, my kids love their new lunch boxes and not only do they not know they "should" have been from Lands End or Pottery Barn they think KMart is cool! (For the record, the lunch boxes are nearly identical to those high end ones and they were $8.16) My children don't have the same brand hangups (yet) that I did and so far neither do their peers. Bargain hunting and spending your money wisely is not something to be ashamed of, it actually makes you smart. I'm glad that is what they're learning. They would even call us: Kmart smart. (Now that's an ad campaign I can get behind during cartoons.)

We left Kmart and headed to Old Navy to buy some khaki pants and shorts for the Middle One's uniform. We also found water bottles that would fit in their new lunch boxes and The Baby even got his very own lunch box which was more appropriately sized for pre-school snack and drink.

Lesson Number Three: (for mom) Shop around and ask advice. I ended up at Old Navy because I talked to other parents from my son's school and they assured me that administration were not total sticklers about uniform pants. So, for $18-$20 I could get the "official" khakis or for $12 I could get Old Navy. You can guess where I ended up. I'll buy official shirts because the engraving is cheaper with that company than anywhere else, but for pants I will pick them up wherever and whenever they are cheapest. I had another brand of water bottle in mind, but when we saw them for $5 and they were the same quality stainless steel and the same twist off top, I went for them. The kids know that they get one because our summer bottles are too tall. They also know this is the only one they get for a while, so the older two took quite a bit of time figuring out which one they would like for years. It was cute. This leads to our fourth and final lesson:

Lesson Four: Traditions affect decisions so form smart traditions: My oldest of course set the stage for back to school shopping and it's shaped our spending ever since. The kids know they get new book bags in 1st grade because their preschool packs get them through Kindergarten just fine. The Middle One gave me a brief hard time but his sister assured him he would want to trade in his "perfectly good" Batman pack next year because Kindergartners can carry Batman but "mostly first graders don't". She did all this while reminding him she didn't get a new one this year because she is going in to second grade and she picked one last year that "would last me for a while." She got the lesson. She passed it on. The traditions of your shopping can make budgeting and family outings much easier. Back to school doesn't have to be a flurry of all new things that leave you broke and with more glue sticks than you'll ever need. Go through what you already have. My daughter found her scissors, ruler and pencil case perfectly in tact. And of course they were tucked inside that trusty back pack. My son gets mostly new supplies since he's starting kindergarten but he pulled out his Batman backpack for one more year. Those new lunch boxes won't be replaced for a while either. The older two also wear uniforms, so they know that other "back to school" clothes usually come in October, when the weather begins to change, the sales come and our budget loosens a bit. We are teaching our kids good money management through the way we spend our own. We include them in the plan and some of the decisions so that it's not a mystery but rather a way of smart spending that they can grow on.

Back to school shopping can be daunting. But with careful planning and a hefty dose of patience, it can also be a time for great learning; your children's and your own.

Marriage is stranger than fiction

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 03:16:00 +0000

You know what you get when you put three ladies in one hotel room? Husband talk. Yep, it took until the wee hours of the last night, but after a whirlwind conference and days of shooting city photos, we finally let loose about our lives as wives.
The conversation was funny because none of us wanted to complain outright as we all acknowledge our men are relatively great and we would never trade them. It was also clear we were each painfully aware of our grand expectations and how no mere mortal could possibly reach them all. Yet, despite all our reasonable acceptance, there was an awful lot of oye veying going on in that room Saturday night (ahem, Sunday morning). There were no major marital problems, but at times we all felt taken for granted and perhaps last on the list of household priorities. Maybe it was the freedom of three days of only taking care of ourselves. Maybe it was the energy of Manhattan. Whatever the culprit, we all realized we had a right to feel refreshed and important. We just had to figure out how without trashing our husbands in the process.
Everyone warns you (or at least they did me) that marriage is work. Everyone tells you you'll have to communicate through life changes and opportunities as well stagnation. I knew marriage was something that wouldn't always come easy. What I didn't realize, and it sounded like my roommates share this sometimes too, is how much my own identity journey would affect my marriage.
Now I can't speak for my roommates on this, but for me-motherhood brought some major changes. When I met my husband we were perfectly compatible. We shared ideas of how life would work. We knew we wanted kids and while I thought I'd work I didn't have the professional drive that he did. I wanted to be accomplished but if motherhood meant taking time away from that for a bit I was alright with that. Then I had my babies and everything changed. While that may sound obvious to you it took me totally by surprise. I was sure of who I was before kids and I knew what I wanted from life. Then I became a mom and I had a growth spurt like and 8 year old boy.
It did not happen right away, as sleep exhaustion prohibits any growth for some time, but when the changes came they erupted like a volcano. There was no smooth transition or easing into the new me. I may have questioned every decision I made as a parent, but I gained confidence from making the big ones. My world views have expanded while my priorities have a more narrow focus. My sense of responsibilty has matured right along side my sense of accomplishment. Raising children has given me the courage to pursue dreams with vigor that can only come from wanting to be a role model. I want the world for my kids and feel the only way they'll have it is if I teach them how to go after their goals with all their heart and still protect themselves in the process. Being a mother is powerful and it is that power that has caused me to change my mind about who I am and what I am capable of. I think I can take on the world but I know I can't do it alone because my own world has three extra citizens and they needed their dinner made.
Here's the rub: I quit my job to stay home with my kids but quickly realized I needed more and motherhood gave me the new found confidence to pursue more. Being a mom has given me the courage to explore exciting avenues and the self-awareness to know what I need to keep fueled for the exploration. The problem is the very ambition that attracted me to my husband from day one precludes him from jumping in to help navigate my journey. So when my husband works the same many hours he always has it now looks (to my eyes) like he's putting his career before mine when in fact he's not even aware I might want one again. Do I have a right to be angry? Does he have a right to be angry right back? Do I have a right to expect more from him? Does he have a right to resent these expectations? After all, I changed the game and didn't really let him in on it.
These are the times it may be easy to quit. These are the times where the phrase "we've grown apart" make so much sense. These are the times one wonders if there is someone else better suited for the new you. Yet that's not an option for me and I'm banking on it still not being an option for him. We meant the part about 'till death do us part. So now we have to figure out a way to keep going until that day comes. We need to find a new balance. We need to be honest about who we are becoming and figure out our new identity as a couple when the parts of the whole are different than they once were. We have to work. I have to ask for help and he has to listen. I know he will, because along with ambition, I was attracted to the compassion and the kindness that I am certain are still there. I just need to give them a chance to shine. Then, I need to plan another getaway with my girls because that might be the best solution yet.

This post was inspired by the book The Stuff That Never Happened which is an incredible story of a marriage and all the twists and turns therein. How ultimately, it is up to us to decide the success or failure of the relationships we choose and it is in the remembering why we chose them that we find our truth. I received a free copy as a member of the From Left to Write Book Club. I am so thrilled to have had Maddie Dawson write this story to remind me of such things. See honey, it wasn't just another "bad marriage book".

The Magic of Jewelry

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 13:53:00 +0000

This weekend, I was surrounded by over 2000 pretty glamorous women. I was not as thin as I'd planned. My clothes were not as great as I'd planned. hadn't gotten my hair cut recently enough and my nails, while freshly manicured, were all banged up from travel. Needless to say I was less than excited to be seen my the masses.Usually in these instances I hide behind shoes. I did bring some pretty awesome pairs with me but they were not the armor I needed this weekend. I did have a secret weapon that I wasn't even aware of: my jewelry.

I got so many compliments on these pieces that I'm pretty sure no one even looked at my tired old clothes or my grown out hair style. People stopped me in my tracks to compliment the necklace. One lady grabbed my arm to get a closer look at my bracelet. Magic I tell ya'. Nothing like a good piece of jewelry to change your image!

A Writer's Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 11:21:00 +0000

It's funny how sometimes we need outsiders to really show us what we've been staring right at for a while. I spent the weekend with old friends in a very new environment. We were all navigating a conference with wide eyes and varied expectations. We heard from what seemed like millions of others in the field and yet it was three people I've known the longest whose input helped me see what I've been missing and they probably have no idea that's what they've done.
I started writing a year and a half ago. Wait, let me be clear, I started writing so long ago I can barely remember my age. I kept journals, but never very successfully because I always felt like a fraud keeping a journal. You're not deep, I'd think. You're not an artist. I'd think. You don't write poetry or novels. What business do you have keeping a journal? So I'd start and stop over and over again. I have packed and moved countless notebooks that are 3/4 empty and I have recycled even more. The point is, whether it's in journals or on letters or in essays for class or just scrap paper and napkins that I grab from my nightstand drawer when an idea strikes, I've written somewhere and somehow for as long as I've been able. Writing is the way I communicate best-even with myself. So I started writing, presumably, at birth. I started this blog only a year and a half ago.
In that year and a half something that I thought I was only writing for three of my sisters and my mother in law has turned into something larger. I have heard from strangers that they read my stories. I have been told my voice speaks to people who need to hear it. I have been given opportunities and shown paths I never thought imaginable through my sweet little blog. These opportunities and avenues of growth have forced me to examine what I'm doing now and where I want to go. I'll admit I got caught up in all of it. I imagined great things for me and my words- albeit not in any clear way. I had visions of grandeur; always a bit hazy, but visions none the less. I started to think, if I just did this or that a bit differently, I may be capable of great things. I could just never quite identify what the great things would be.
So this weekend I went in search of purpose. I hoped hearing from successful women would give me some idea what my great things should be. Perhaps I'd start a revolution. Perhaps I'd give advice to keep others from stumbling down the same crooked paths as I have. Perhaps I'd entertain the world. I was hoping someone this weekend would show me my way.
You know what I learned from the women (and a few men) at this conference, specifically the two old friends who shared my room and one I found in a ballroom? Amidst all the madness and free gifts and PR spiels, three people spoke to me and here is what I heard: I am a writer. Yes, it's that simple. In my heart I have known this all along but it took hearing others' stories and being encouraged by a few to share mine that confirmed what I've always known: my big things, my purpose, my grandeur all lie within my words. I am a writer. If I stay true to that the rest-whatever it is supposed to be-will follow.

Yahoo-You Reinvented

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 01:58:00 +0000

A few weeks back I wrote a post about how we got into and are slowly getting out of financial peril.
This post was inspired by a project I did with Yahoo! called You-Reinvented. The lovely folks at Yahoo! picked my story as one they thought would inspire and help others. Now I don't know about all that, but I do know they took all my crazy, long-winded flip-cam interview and life footage and made a nice 90 second video of my story. You can find it on Yahoo! Shine where it resides with other You-Reinvented ladies who also have incredible stories to tell.
Here's my story:

You can read the introduction and view other inspiring stories here.

Ramona and Beezus

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 12:18:00 +0000

The lights went down, (after 4 hours of previews) the movie started, my kids leaned forward and almost immediately I was filled with an overwhelming desire to grab their hands and drag them out of the theater. The movie Beezus and Ramona started and here's what happened:

Middle kid causes trouble
Dad loses job and struggles to find new one
Mom and Dad fight over money
Middle kid with incredible imagination pictures house being "taken away" by bank with giant crane
Dad takes job he hates which means family must move from house they love
Oldest kid tries to comfort middle kid but is secretly quite scared

Yeah. A little too close to home for my liking. I was literally sick to my stomach.
I stayed the course though and it was totally worth it. I mean who can argue with

a sweet love story
Josh Duhamel
Sandra Oh as the teacher whose brief moments on screen might be the best of the movie
the redemption (sort of) of middle child
the following of dreams
John Corbett
another sweet love story-this time between the sisters
a great ending

Did I mention Josh Duhamel? Yeah, he was in it and I almost forgot all the financial woes. I hope my kids did too. At the movies and in real life.

BlogHer-a newbies take on the madness

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 13:09:00 +0000

I leave for NYC Thursday for BlogHer, a conference of women bloggers and also quite possibly one giant Fleet Week type event where harried moms descend childless on Manhattan and reek more havoc on themselves and their host city than any sailors possibly could.
I've been to enough conferences to know I'll either have a blast and come back totally inspired or I'll be so overwhelmed that I'll retreat to my quiet hotel room to relish the silence and watch television that does not contain any references to Sponge Bob.
In the meantime, I'll worry about how I'll afford to eat and where I'll need to get cabs. I'll stress over which outfits make me look less fat.I'll prepare my feet for a beating as I refuse to compromise my footwear style for anyone damn conference. I'll relish my children for days. Whenever I head out of town I spend a few days prior wishing I could just hold them on the couch forever.
I have no real expectations for this conference because it is totally unknown to me and lately there has been so much information thrown at me that I have turned off my intake valve . The outcome I wish for, what I am hoping to get- is direction. I started blogging to tell a few stories. In a relatively short time, I have gained more than I ever imagined. Most importantly, what I now have is a growing sense of responsibility to use my voice to make a difference.
I'm hoping that at BlogHer, surrounded by leaders in every field and women with incredibly strong and powerful voices, I can catch a glimpse into how to do just that.
And maybe watch a little television too.

Catalog Envy-Remix

noreply@blogger.com (Cristie Ritz King) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 14:05:00 +0000

This is a pretty busy week so we are revisiting some old favorites. I figure if Gaga can have a Best of Album already I am entitled to a few best of posts.;)

Damn you fancy catalog people.

When I worked outside of the house full time I used to pour over the pages of the dozens of catalogs that arrived in my mail and imagine my life could be like those pictures. Whether it was kayaking in a Land's End Fleece, or a table set with PB Kids Halloween themed dishware, I wanted what I saw in those pictures and I was convinced if I just had the time or money-or both at the same time - I could make it happen. I could turn my life into a catalog picture...if only.

The problem is, I don't kayak. Even when I worked full time and could afford to buy whatever clothes I chose, my curves don't really work in "active lifestyle" gear. I tend to be boxy and masculine. And really, unless you count pushing a stroller to the library active, my lifestyle doesn't really fit the clothes any more than my hips do.

Now that I have the time for a beautifully set table it doesn't matter. I have three loud, messy kids who will either break something or just refuse to eat anything off the lovely pumpkin plates thus ruining the illusion of a perfect catalog picture life.

I still get pangs of longing when I look through these catalogs. I still sometimes wish I could have a kid bathroom filled with themed (and of course monogrammed) towels and rugs and shower curtains. I always wish I could stroll the streets of Paris or London hand in hand with my man, me in my fabulous Boden wrap-dress, matching boots and handbag; him in his natty Euro duds; both sipping cappuccinos.

The reality is, lately my matching boots and handbag are both from Target-and rarely are new-or even matching for that matter. I have one full bathroom that I share with my kids so there is no Amazon Tree Frog theme but rather browns and blues abound-so as to not show filth. My husband and I have never been to Paris and my one time in London was visiting a girlfriend by myself because she offered a free place to stay.

This is the truth of my life. We are not a catalog picture family. We have lovely china that we might use once a year. We do have nice furniture in our living room that will probably need to be recovered as it's slowly being destroyed by sticky fingers and dirty feet. the rest of our house is a collection of hand me downs and thrift store or garage sale finds-nary a Pottery Barn piece in sight. My clothes, for now, should probably stay inexpensive (save for a few dresses and winter coat) because unless I am at a business function all day, my outfit will end up with something dirty or gooey on it somewhere.

The truth isn't always pretty. But in my life, I have actually come to love it. I have never been happier with who I am. Some days I get to still feel glamorous, because of my job. I even have a few fancy outfits and accessories which I rarely use but when I do- I won't lie- they make me happy. On occasion I set a beautiful table and even have Holiday dishes.

The incidents where my house and I are fancy, are great but rare. On a day to day basis what I am is useful, strong, practical, efficient low-maintenance and fun-just like my clothes and the house I have set up. It doesn't matter how many catalog purchases I make or don't make-they don't change who I am-for better or worse.

The best part of my truth is that there are all sorts of wonderful people out there who share it. No one cares how I set the table, they still enjoy coming to eat. No one cares that our bathroom is sparsely decorated (to keep the two year old from putting things in the toilet) they still come to parties here. No one cares that my shirts are from Target and sometimes spread the sticky-people still reach out to give me hugs. I have been fortunate enough to surround myself and my children with people who like who we are, not what we or our table are wearing.

So, I may still feel an incurable need for riding boots, matching Christmas pajamas for the whole family or Monogrammed Halloween Treat Bags, but I am able to fight off the desire for a dream life, by reminding myself that the real thing is pretty darn good.

Now if only I could work in that cappuccino in Paris.