There are two videos in this article that really fit with today’s post. Even if you don’t like the music I highly encourage you to watch the videos. 

With our multi-decade long war in the Middle East, other confrontations around the world, and the Jade Helm exercises, I see and hear many people putting down our soldiers. Men and Women who volunteer to be shipped to war torn areas to protect us and those who can not protect themselves. Those that are here in the US to provide protection during times of unrest, and there has been a lot lately. Some do it to have the opportunity to go to college because they have no other means to do so. Some do it for financial security for their families. Some go because they feel honor bound to do so, and usually come from a long line of family who served. Some go because of something horrific happened (like the fall of the twin towers). In the end though it doesn’t matter why they chose this life, a soldier is a soldier. 

I assume, and truly hope this is the case, that the people who are being hateful towards them, do not really know what it is like to be them. I come from a long line of military family. My mother side has been in every war since the civil war. Not distant relatives, direct ones. My father’s side has been in every war since the Indian Wars (his family was Native American). I also have had many friends in the military, grew up around military personnel and bases. So for those who do not really understand what it means to be a soldier, here is your crash course:

When you enlist and are accepted, you go to boot camp. Boot camp pushes you to the very brink. They spend the first couple of weeks tearing you down to nothing with sleep deprivation, heavy physical activity, verbal abuse, and so forth. They do this not just to test your limits but also so they can build you back up in their image. To some that may sound awful and even brainwashing, but the truth is a soldier has to carry out any order given to them without thought or complaint. You have to do exactly as you are told by your superiors, even if you do not personally agree. That is any military around the world and you could not have a military act in any other way. Otherwise they would be ineffective and chaotic. You would have too many opinions, objects, personal gains, etc in the mix… kinda sounds like political parties and we see how much they get accomplished. They are trained the way they are, in order to ensure that they follow the orders given to them… period. Yes, there are some bad soldiers out there who have done horrific things, but there are always some bad apples in every batch.

 Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe we should be in the conflicts we are in, but I blame the governments/ politicians/ and leaders. In the end that is where the orders originate and that is where the fault lies. If you ask almost any veteran who has actually been on the front lines of a war, they will most likely tell you an order they didn’t agree with, or perhaps the whole war in general. They have seen and done things that changes a person forever, and in reality there was not much personal choice involved. You can not even begin to comprehend what it is like to be surrounded by bullets flying all around you, unless you have been there. You can not imagine what it is like to take another’s life to protect those around you unless you have had to pull the trigger. You have no idea what it is like to have to walk down a street praying you don’t get shot or blown up by a mine, while looking for civilian survivors from the last air raid. Unless you have been on the front lines, you do not know the horrors they have to cope with, not just at that moment but for the rest of their lives.

That is just the soldier. Their families, spouses, children, all go through a different kind of horror. They have to cope with the loss of that person for months and years at a time when they are on the front lines. Everyday could be the day a military person knocks on their door to tell them their loved one will never come home. If they do make it home there is a high chance that they will have trouble assimilating back to “normal” life after seeing and doing the things they have done. They count their blessings if nightmares are their only problem. Many lose their families all together because they can not shake it. Many come home with various injuries, some that leave them completely debilitated. Then to put the cherry on top, their healthcare when they get home is sub-par at best. If you have never been inside a VA hospital I highly suggest you go look around, or better yet talk to the patients and nurses.

They gave up their lives for ours. They gave up their freedom and free will in order to protect ours. They risked everything and deserve to be honored for that. If you have a problem with the wars we are in / have been in, the operations carried out, how prisoners are treated, and so forth, then you need to look to your government. They are they ones who send our soldiers to war, they are the ones who lay out the objectives, and they are the ones who are responsible. So for those who feel the need to blame and spit hate, you should direct it to the right source. You don’t have to agree or support the wars that our politicians send our military into, that’s not what “support the troops” is about. You, like I, can support, appreciate, and respect the soldiers/ veterans (the person) without supporting the war. Those are two completely different things and it’s way past time for everyone to accept that.

To all those who have seen and been in war / conflicts, our family appreciates the sacrifices you have made. We understand what being a solider or family of a solider entails and the hardships you have endured. Thank you for your service to your country and it’s people. To the families of servicemen/women, thank you for enduring the unknown, the separation you have/ had to endure, and the sacrifices you have had to made that only a military family can fully appreciate. Without all of you, we would be lost.

First let me say I think this is a wonderful song and the words can be applied to many topics such as homosexual relationships (which it was written for), interracial relationships, inter-cultural relationships, and inter-religious. The thing I hated was the mob inside the video. It hurts my heart to see things like this but the reality is, this stuff still happens in our society. Parents turn their backs on their children for these reasons, communities are torn apart, life is lost, and for what? 

Let’s start with the practical: If different races, cultures, and religions did not intermix in earlier civilizations we would have a very limited gene pool and much slower advancements. It is combining various cultures that new ones emerge. It’s looking at how others have overcome problems that we develop new and better ways of doing things (using their knowledge combined with our knowledge). Most religions of today have incorporated and integrated more ancient religion practices, beliefs, holidays.

Now when it comes to the gay/ lesbian community, most of the hate I see seems to come from religious people, mainly Christian since I live in the US. I love when people quote the bible as stating that their love is wrong. Firstly if you believe God created man, then wouldn’t that mean he created homosexuality as well? Let’s look at this another way. The Bible also says not to cut the last rows around your fields so hungry passerby’s can eat. I have never seen a farmer do this, Christian or not. It also says not to eat pork, and that was put in because people did not cook it correctly back then and it made people very sick. The Bible is a guide, not a step by step handbook. If nothing else, look at the 10 commandments on how God wants you to live your life. I see nothing in there except ideals like treat people how you want to be treated, do not hate, and do not kill (that means under any circumstance- the commandment leaves no exceptions). So why pick and chose what you will take seriously from the bible and go against the highest laws for Christians (the 10 commandments)? It is just something to think about.

As far as why this is in my blog in the first place and my message to parents: Love your children no matter what. That is unconditional love and what all parents should have for their children. No matter what they do, who they love, what faith they follow, or where they go in life. You may not agree with some of their choices but you should love them no matter what.

I have always been upfront with my kids (I have grown kids too), that I didn’t care who they fell in love with. Didn’t care the sex of the person, race, religion, or anything else. Real love is hard enough to find in this world, and if you find someone who loves you as much as you love them, and treats you the way you should be treated, then who cares! Don’t destroy your children and your relationship with them for shallow reasons, and yes I consider all those shallow reasons.

Our kids already have a long rocky road ahead of them with the way our world is right now. Home should be their shelter, their sanctuary, and we, the parents, their guardians. 

I debated long and hard about writing this post.  One, because it involves a personal aspect of one of my girls.  Secondly, because it is a sensitive subject.  It’s sensitive for parents and could be for her later in life,  because whatever goes on the Internet is there forever. Never the less it’s a topic that I feel should be discussed and hopefully help others. 

I have read just about everything out there on potty training. I say almost just to cover my bases here,  although I am pretty sure I have it all covered look.  I started potty training the triplets at around 18 months because one was showing interest.  

It was horrible (for me). We did all the prep work,  had all the rewards lined up,  and a head filed with expectations.  Yep,  flaw number one: Do NOT have expectations.  Be prepaid for them not to get it,  to lose interest,  and most of all prepair to break and try again at a layer time.  Now don’t get me wrong,  some kids do great,  get it right away,  and make potty training look like a walk in the park.  To be honest one of my girls was exactly that. One out of three.  She was fully potty trained by 2 years old, day and night.  

Our other daughter and our son,  no interest.  They liked the rewards but not enough to stick with it.  This was the start of my 3 year potty training battle.  Yes,  3 YEARS! I’d try for a month or two and then we’d take a break for a month or two.  They’d show interest and I’d jump all over it. 

Second mistake: letting what other people say bother me. 

At 3 years old,  the other two still weren’t “getting it” So I read more hoping someone would have a suggestion I hadn’t tried yet.  There I discovered two distinct “camps” for pottyt training under 4 years old.  The first were the kind ones saying that kids will do it when they are ready and that’s all there is.  The other,  and seemed to be the majority,  if your kid isn’t potty trained before 4 years old you’re either a horrible lazy parent or there is something wrong with your kid.

The closer we got to 4 years old,  the worse I felt as a mom. I watched all these other moms getting roasted on patenting forums/groups for being in a similar situation as myself.  How could I be the lazy mom if I had one potty trained and was constantly trying with the other two?  There is nothing wrong with my kids either. 

Just when I was ready to crawl under a rock,  right around 4 years old my son wanted underwear again.  Wow,  really?  Ok,  let’s do this!  Guess what happened,  yep that’s right,  a couple of days and he was done.  Trained night and day!  This victory in the potty struggle gave me another boost and my attention turned to the last girl.  

A whole year and nothing mattered!  She could care less if she ran around in soiled underwear (luckily for her it mattered to me). She didn’t care about treats or stickers.  She didn’t even care if it would get her a new My Little Pony (her absolute favorite). She has always been my headstrong,  stubborn child.  My picky eater.  My one child that would go west if everyone else was going east.  I love her for those things too. She can be completely infuriating,  but she is following her own music and I will not fault her for it. 

I kept trying and she kept not caring.  When we were getting close to her fifth birthday I started freaking out.  Nothing I had tried worked.  Everyone was saying that they would hate soiled underwear but she could care less!  What if she never cared? What if she went on like this for another year or two? What if she NEVER cared?  My anxiety was through the roof and she was dancing a jig.  There was no new advice and no comfort anywhere.  I had actually stepped into the age range where if your child isn’t potty trained you are now officially the worst mom (according to other moms).

It didn’t help that I was feeling super pressured by family too because she was still in dipes. I tried to force it from Christmas until their 5th birthday in Jan.  The week before their birthday both my daughter and I were tired,  frustrated,  and trenched so deep in a power struggle that we both just threw up our arms and sunk to the floor. After I put them to bed I literally broke down crying for hours.  My husband just stared at me like I had lost my mind.  He tried to comfort me,  but how do you comfort crazy?  How can you comfort someone who feels like a complete mom failure because of potty training?  

What happened next was nothing short of a miracle (for me). One day (a couple of weeks later) she woke up and wanted underwear.  She actually WANTED it!  Ok,  no expectations,  I told myself.  I had my hopes up so many times over the last 3 years that I just had none left. 

 The first day was filled with dirty undies and pants, but she was actually TRYING.  She was making effort to get to the potty and not sitting in soiled clothing.  Yep,  that was my first win! I know it may not sound successful to others but for me it was a complete 180. The next day was even better.  She would still have small accidents on her way to the potty and need changed BUT she was finishing in the toilet and running to the bathroom on her own!  We are still not quite there yet (except she has night time down! ) but everyday is getting better and better.  She won’t stand for being in any dirty undies now,  trying to get there on her own/doing it herself,  and she is doing a really really good job.  Not perfect yet,  but she’ll get there!

This experience taught me some valuable lessons.  First and the most important to all parents out there: They will get it,  in their own time. You can try over and over,  you can drive yourself nuts, but if they aren’t into it,  it’s not gonna happen. You can encourage,  plan,  talk about it,  and try,  but if it’s not happening take a break for awhile and try later. 

 Secondly,  this is THEIR (your child’s) accomplishment,  not yours. I’m tired of other parents saying that parents with “late trainers” are lazy or incompetent parents.  I’m sure there are some out there,  but I think they are a small minority.  I had one child that was potty trained at 2 years old (almost exactly), one that was almost 4, and one just after her 5th birthday and she still has a little ways to go.  Mine wasn’t laziness,  mine was a simple case of “kids will do it when they are ready. ”  

Potty training was the one area that made me feel like the worst mom ever.  FAILURE!

That was mostly due to listening to everyone else.  Listening to how easy it was for them.  Listening to the hateful remarks they made to others that were in my situation.  So for anyone out there who is going through what I did: Don’t give up.  Your not a horrible parent (as long as you try). Your child will eventually get there, even if it feels hopeless to you.  And lastly,  this is THEIR accomplishment, treat it as such and let them know how proud you are of them. Even if they aren’t getting it,  but they are trying hard,  give them the ego boost they need. 

To the parents who are quick to judge others for things like this: Every child is different and goes at their own pace. You don’t know their full story.  You don’t know if there are other issues.  You may not know that this parent struggled in a potty training hell for 3 years,  trying everything they could. You may not realize how much your short, hateful comment affected them and made them crawl deeper into their hole.  

As parents we try as hard as we can to do everything we can for our children (at least I do). To give them a strong foundation and tools/support to be the best version of themselves.  Just don’t forget that it is the version of THEM,  not you or your ideal of them.  Every child is different,  with different strengths and weaknesses.  

Potty training was by far the hardest and most frustrating thing I have ever done and that’s saying a lot.

The big blank wall vexed me though. I hated sitting in there and have this huge white space staring at me. So one day while staring at it, I decided to do something about it. One pack of markers and 2 days later, this is what the kids and I came up with

They still have plenty of blank space to let out all their artistic visions and I don’t have a horrible blank wall. Win win! 

Who knew markers could do such a great job.

The kids picked out the tree idea from pictures we looked at, and they each chose the colors for their owls (Caitlin- blue, Criton- red/orange, Haley-purple)

Caitlin wanted a bumble bee with her name.

Haley loves butterflies… fairies…. pretty much any colorful flying thing.

No matter how much I tried to convince my phone and my website, I could not get this picture to show upright. Anyway, Criton loves monkeys/ apes. One of his favorites are the Lemurs, so I did my best to create one for him.

Now if you love your walls you might not want to try this. To be honest I am not sure if primer would really cover this. As I said, with my future plans it doesn’t matter. The color chalk though comes off super easy and makes a great indoor winter/ rainy day past time for kids

The kids have already been planning more drawing additions to the wall above the tree area, so if I go there, we will update with more pictures. This post was mainly to show what you can do to add a little flare/ design without spending a lot of money. I was actually surprised how it came out and the pictures don’t really do it justice. We had a blast with it!

I am NOT a morning person. No matter what time I go to bed, no matter what tricks I try to play on my mind, I just can’t achieve that June Cleaver-happy chipper- morning mom attitude. With all that aside, my plan was tanked before it even started. 

5am, That time of day when most things are still snuggled down in their layers of warmth and dreaming, I was awake. I was pulled from my slumber by a tiny whisper coming from down the hall. At first I thought I imagined it. I looked over at the clock 5:00am. Surely I imagined it because not even my kids wake up THAT early. 6am yes, 5am no way…

The tiny ghostly voice was calling out again “Mommy…Mommy I’m scared…Mommy”  Slap to the forehead. Dad finally did what he has been threatening to. He shut off the Christmas tree night light that they have refused to give up since the beginning of December! How could my wonderful, loving husband have done something so horrific! The answer to that was simple, he was naive to think his children would be ok waking up in a dark room and going back to sleep without cuddles. It’s not his fault, they have him wrapped around their little fingers and he doesn’t realize it yet. Kids are tricky, that’s why they have to do those sweet loving things that melts our heart and makes us forget the 100 other horrible things they did just prior to that sweet one. They have got “survival of the fittest” down!

Anyway back to the 5am voice floating down the hallway… First instinct: call down the hallway telling them it’s not morning yet and go back to sleep. Yep, that was a big fail. The tiny voice got louder and the other two children started to stir. Yep, no hope for it. I grabbed my pillow, throw blanket, and dragged myself down to the kids room. I crawled in with the little voice and told everyone it was still night time and not morning yet. Considering that the light from the early morning dawn was starting to show around the curtains, it was a really hard sell. 

I spent the next hour trying to get them to lay down, close their eyes, sleep just a little longer. Completely futile effort. I think the only thing that did was make me begrudge the morning even more. I should have just sucked it up and started the day. They would have gotten super cranky and the normal 4pm craziness would probably come around 2-3pm. Maybe they would have taken a nap. Yeah, ok, that was another one of those silly wishful thinking thoughts, but hey a mom can dream. The funny thing though, just because they weren’t running around at 5am, they were still up and talking, so in essence I am probably looking at the day I described all the same. So I didn’t change anything except in my own mind.

Why do we, as moms, do this to ourselves? It’s not just me and every mom (I know) does it about something at some time or another. We play it all out in our heads. We can see how it will all go down (in our fantasy dream day… which is so far from reality). I blame the internet. We see all these wonderful and awesome things kids and families are doing. We hear all day long people bragging about their wonderful children. In reality those are only moments and snapshots of a very small portion of their day. Guess what, I have those great, wonderful moments throughout the day too but they are not the full picture.

I don’t know if I will ever convince myself to be that happy morning mom. Honestly, by the time I do, the triplets would probably be preteens and not getting up until after 9am lol. This isn’t just about being a happy mom in the mornings, this is about my deep seeded struggle with trying to be the perfect mom and wife. Yes, I know there is no such thing, but I have an image in my head of what that means for me and I play out a day in her life in my head at night. Then my next day starts and it’s not like the day in my head. Some parts yes, but others are the life stuff that intrudes and alters the plot line. 

How did I end up this super organized, playing days out in my head, morning hating, time watching, control freak, crazy mom? It started with necessity when the triplets were little. I know this, but how did it become such an ingrained habit that it’s starting to become a permanent resident in my personality? I know my chaotic, hippie loving side is still there because it pokes out quite often.

The big question is: How do I squash the crazy mom and let out the spontaneous hippie mom full force again?

Once I figure this out, I am sure I won’t be so frustrated. I think I could even love the sunrise. I know the husband would be happier and maybe the kids would do less WWE and more … well more of anything that doesn’t involve body slams or pinning to the ground. 

It’s a crazy life but it’s my crazy life. I have wonderful, smart, creative kids. I have a husband that adores me, loves me, and helps around the house! The only problem is in my head, how crazy is that

(picture by: multiple-sclerosis-research.blogspot.com)

To be honest there are two subjects that most moms try to avoid discussing with other moms, those are vaccinations and car seat safety. I have avoided participating in these discussions because it gets so heated, argues for their side, and can get just down right nasty to those who do not agree with their point of view. In light of a lot of things being said lately due to the measles cases in the US, I have two questions for everyone to think about. You may not agree with me and I may not agree with you, but these are questions everyone should be thinking and asking themselves. 

First let me just say this. Yes, my children are vaccinated, but we did a very altered schedule that our pediatrician was ok with. He was also impressed with my arguments and concerns which led me to that decision. I was also an ICU Nurse for many many years before the triplets were born and I am well versed in the medical side of it as well. 

We live in a drug company age, and this includes vaccines. It is like most technology out there: It can be great for the people when used / implemented properly, but greed usually twists it to where it becomes not good for the people. Let’s take a very common, well known example, the flu vaccine. Medical professionals know the strain you are being vaccinated for is from last year and the virus mutates at a much faster rate. So every year the drug companies and doctors push everyone to get the flu vaccine because “At least it will help you recover quicker and not have as bad of an episode.” The majority of nurses I have known will agree, that the majority of flu cases we have seen, and some of the worst, have been those did get the flu shot vs those who did not. Most of the nurses I have known, myself included refuse it every year because we do not see the benefit and what was just stated. Does that mean we refuse ALL vaccines, no. We are just making an educated decision based on medical data and what we observed.

So on to the two questions:

1) If you vaccinated your child, why are you so afraid of those who did not?

Here’s the thing, you were sold on vaccination because you were told if you give this to your child it will give him/her immunity to that disease. In essence you did it so your child would never develop that disease even if exposed to it. So if you believe in your decision, and believe that vaccination would give your child immunity, then why are you scared of the neighbor child who did not. If they get measles because they did not get vaccinated, you gave your child vaccinations to give them immunity to measles, then wouldn’t it be logical that you should have complete piece of mind. The only ones who should really be worried are those who do not really believe that the vaccination did it’s job, and then wouldn’t that make it more of “I gave my child vaccinations because everyone says to, not because I believe in them”?

The first time a child is infected with a specific antigen (say measles virus), the immune system produces antibodies designed to fight it. This takes time . . . usually the immune system can’t work fast enough to prevent the antigen from causing disease, so the child still gets sick.  However, the immune system “remembers” that antigen. If it ever enters the body again, even after many years, the immune system can produce antibodies fast enough to keep it from causing disease a second time. This protection is called immunity.      -From the CDC

2) When a parent is against vaccines, the first thing out of everyone’s mouth is about the crazy autism study. Why?

To be honest, that study doesn’t really come to my mind and had nothing to do with my decisions. If you go look up vaccine initiatives/trials in other countries (usually impoverished areas where they don’t speak a lot of English such as areas of India, Pakistan, and Africa) you will truly see some horror stories. In India there was a huge push to vaccinate against Polio. A good majority of the parents didn’t speak or understand English, did not understand what they were signing (waivers), and a large group of the children became paralyzed, had neurological damage, and some died. There are documentaries, articles, research articles, and so forth out there filled with stories like this. I am sure there are a lot of anti-vaxers out there that have seen and read these types of studies  and their choice was based on those instead of one autism study. If I am wrong in this, I really think people need to research more before making life decisions. To be honest I think everyone needs to research and find out about all their medical stuff and make educated decisions instead of just following what others say blindly (and that includes what your doctor says).

Personally I think vaccinations can be a good thing (otherwise I wouldn’t have done it). I also think that the way we vaccinate (how many at one time) is more about convince for doctors and parents, then about the best course of action for a child. There is a large portion of children that do ok with it, but there is also a large populations that have complications, get sick, and so forth. Think of it in terms like this: You are shooting 3-4 different viruses into a small child/ baby’s body all at the same time. You are expecting that young immune system to cope with it, develop good antibodies against all of them, and expecting they will not have a reaction/ get sick/ etc. Personally, I think that is just too much to ask. Yes, spreading them out a little and doing alternative schedules is a hassle. It’s more trips to the doctor. It also gave me piece of mind and made me feel that they were getting the best protection possible. Again this was just my decision based on my own research and what I have seen. 

Closing Thoughts: Don’t do something because everyone else is. Don’t do it because you feel pressured. Do your own research and make your own educated decisions about what is best for you and your children. Lastly, don’t judge others if they choose to do something different. As a parent we all do what we think or feel is right for our children (at least I hope so) and sometimes it is going to be different from other’s choices, because our children and families are different.

Most people have probably seen the movie The Help, but I wonder if they felt as I did watching it. Movies like this make my heart ache. It’s the way people treat others because they are different in some way, because they think they are better then them. The little light though is that not everyone is like that. There are some who will stand up and stand by those being persecuted whether they are different or not. I never thought I lived a sheltered life. I have had friends/ worked with/ taken care of people from all walks of life, colors, classes, and so forth. I have never really seen the type of prejudices that I see in movies like this, though I know they go on in our world, even now. I think that has more to do with the way I interact and treat people, then the fact that it doesn’t exist. That one sentence sums up how we break this kind of hate with our children.

This world is full of variety where people are concerned. Differences like income, interests, color, religion, family units, illness, neighborhood you live in, schools you attend, friends you surround yourself with, so many differences. The one thing that is the same across the board is that we are all human. When it comes down to it, isn’t that the only thing that should really matter. If we were all the same, life would be very boring and lifeless. This is why it is important for us to remember that these types of things happen, even in today’s society. It’s important to know this, so we can change it with our children. Hate is learned, it is not something we are born with. 

Children need to learn to appreciate the differences in others instead of shunning them. I still don’t really understand why people group others together by where they live (region/country), what color they are, what religion they are, how much money they make, to be honest there are bad and good people in every “category,” lumping all of them together just because of one aspect is just plain stupid.

Your personal prejudices influence your child’s. This is how this keeps getting passed from generation to generation. Stereotyping. Hate. Not seeing a person for who they are but what they are. I thought our generation would be better but when I look around I just see the prejudices shifted from one category to another. People wage wars, kill innocence, destroy lands, and for what? Because people are different. When does it end?

I’m not perfect, but I judge people for who they are, not what “group” they belong to. I revel in the differences in our world, instead of being afraid of them. I try to learn as much as I can about all types of religions, different countries, different cultures, because there is so much to be learned from one another. Yes, I run into bad people in all different walks of life, but I also meet a lot of good ones. These are the things I instill in my children. Embrace the differences, judge a person for who they are not what they are, and learn as much as you can. 

Treat others how you wish to be treated. People say this is a corny statement but if people lived by that, most of the ugly in the world would disappear. 

There will be people out there who disagree with me, and you know what, that’s fine. It’s the differences that make life interesting. Just remember it takes more time and energy to hate then to just live.

I never dreamt that I would be a mother of triplets. Even when we were going through IVF and they said there was a 10% chance, I never thought about it. I suppose that is odd since I have heard just the opposite from so many other multiple moms. I also knew from the first time we saw three little sacs on our first ultrasound that we would be having triplets, even though we were told there might be a chance that not all of them would mature (develop a heartbeat). There was a point when I was around 32 weeks pregnant and started having regular contractions and the doctor wanted to put me on magnesium. I knew a lot about it from being a nurse and something inside me said to try upping the dosage of the oral medication I was already on first. Oh how I made my doctor mad but he agreed none the less, and it turns out my gut was right. After 24 hours of upping the dosage I was doing great again. My goal of 35 weeks didn’t happen. I was one day shy of it but I gained 30lbs of fluid in one week (pre-eclampsia) and there was no waiting. No one required NICU and they were all healthy and over 6lbs when they were born. They didn’t sleep through the night until they were 7 months old, and I still feel like I’m trying to catch up with the sleep deprivation.

I was lucky. I am lucky. It has been five years since they were born and we have only had one major illness and that only lasted 48hr (flu). They are super smart, creative, and they are so funny. I envy that part. I am surrounded by people who have great senses of humor (my older daughter, my husband, the triplets, even my father-in-law). I try so hard to be funny but it just never works out for me. The only time anyone seems to think I’m funny is when I’m being serious. 

It’s not all roses though. I have good days and bad days just like any mom. There are days when the kids are like a Norman Rockwell painting (ok well moments when they are). Then there are others when they are tearing through the house, yelling as load as they can, and it usually ends in a WWE battle and someone in tears. 

I have learned to pick my battles, like coloring on walls. Their playroom (the big livingroom) has older carpet on the floors and just white walls. Kids will be kids, they will spill stuff on the floor (juice or paint), they will evetually color on your wall, at least once. KIDS ARE MESSY! So instead of driving myself crazy, that is their room. They have had instances where they colored on the walls, the carpet is stained up so much it almost looks like a dalmation’s coat, and you know what, life is great! Their craziness is confined to that room and they keep it that way on their own. You have to give your kids the freedom to be messy and curious and to just be themselves. 

There is one thing I am working really hard on right now though and it’s mud. I can’t explain it, especially since I was such a tom boy, but the thought of my kids covered in mud just makes me cringe. Well, in truth, it is the thought of cleaning up the child covered in mud. In their hair, covering their shoes, ground into their clothing, I can see it in my mind already and it is screaming NO. It’s crazy and stupid I know, considering I am ok with all their other destruction. This year I will be pushing my mudphobia. The kids and I are going to turn a large part of our backyard into a large vegtable garden and we hope to spend quite a bit of time down at the lake house, fishing and trampling through the woods. 

This is a good thing. I know it’s a good thing for them and me… but how do I convince my head. 

All I can do is keep saying “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”

I am lucky and blessed where my children are concerned, and I never forget that. I am blessed by the life that I have, even though it has never been easy. I am blessed to have a man like my husabnd to walk through life beside me.

No matter what challenges I face or losses occur in my life (there have been many) all you can do is keep going forward. Pick yourself up, clean off the mud, and keep going forward.

“Parenting is a thankless job”

I hear this a lot from parents, thing is though, it’s untrue.  It’s not thankless, they are just silent,  shown through actions. Having adult children has made me realize this more then ever. I never heard them say “Thank you for reading to me so much when I was little and instilling the love of reading in me”. I have watched them become huge bookworms, reading large varieties of subjects, advancing their knowledge/education independently, and both have a deep love for learning new things. I know that they will pass the same on to their children. 

I never heard anyone say “Thank you for loving me no matter what I may do or mistakes I make.” What I did get were children who know that they will make mistakes and they can openly come to me for help without judgement or feeling like I will shun them.  I have children who know that I may not agree with some of their life choices but that will never change my love for them and I will always stand by them. 

I never heard anyone say “Thank You for making me try new foods” (although I did hear a lot of smack). As adults though they are not afraid to try new things and if they don’t like them,  that’s OK too. It also has spilled over in their relationships: My son-in-law was not exposed to a wide variety of foods and is very picky.  My daughter has got him trying all kinds of new foods,  some he hates some he loves,  but the point is that he is trying them.  It goes beyond food though,  it’s about trying new things in general,  and not being afraid that it will just be a waste of time if it turns out bad. 

I could go on and on.  Children won’t thank us verbally.  Our thanks comes from the type of people they grow into due to our guidance and influence in their lives. This is our legacy as patents,  because our children learn how to parent from us.  They are more likely to repeat the same behaviors with their children. Their “Thank Yous” come in the forms of smiles,  hugs,  and “I love yous.”  

Yes most of the day to day mundane things we do,  like cleaning the house, doing their laundry and putting it away, cooking meals,  will go virtually unnoticed by others and “thank you” will not be part of the equation.  That doesn’t mean they are not important,  and if you stopped doing them your family will notice in a hurry, but does it mean your family should be thanking you for them all the time?  No.  If they did the words would lose real meaning. 

So my advice to those who get upset and say parenting is a thankless job: Stop looking for a verbal thank you  and look at all the non verbal thank yous that they give you everyday.  Treasure them. 

Closing thought: Saying thank you is a great thing to do for someone.  Be sure you tell your children/significant other thank you for their efforts too. By your example,  they will be more conscious of saying it to you/others. 

This has been my motto for almost 5 years now. Before the I became pregnant with the triplets I was an organized choatic person. That may be hard for some to grasp so I’ll try to explain. I was always a strong type A personality ambitious, sensitive, always piling on work/ activities, very driven in everything I commited to, and even a control freak in some areas (floors being the biggest, if they floors are clean- it’s going to be ok,lol). On the other hand I tended to choatic in where my interests led to, I went with my insticts more then what others said, I never cared about being the odd person, I would do things/go places on the spur of the moment, going out of my way to help others, and no one was a stranger (often refered to as my Hippie side).

After giving birth to the triplets my A side came out and the choas in myself retreated. I realize now this was a survival technique to having these three. I had to go from “no schedule, winging the day” to “There is a large schedule hanging in the fridge, whiteboards detailing every waking moment of the kid’s feeding-dipers-activity, and posted on the blog to help others (but really it’s to remeber the sleep deprived year).”  Every minute of every day was scheduled. My life became like one large asembly line that had to be adhearded to or else a choas not even I could imagine would ensue. Yes I think that acurately discribes the first year for me. I was in a type A personality wonderland while my Hippie side was fighting to break free from the structure. It was about survivial and we adapt to survive Now don’t get me wrong, we had fun,laughter, and tender moments, you just have a hard time seeing them when your sinking in it!

The next couple of years were full of milestones: becoming mobile, talking, observing their surroundings, and soaking everything it. I kept feeling my Hippie side floating to the surface, wanting to kick the schedule to the curb, but the rigid type A side kept reading how it is better to keep a strict schedule. Other multiple moms seemed to agree and so I trudged on. I have to admit it was much easier then the first year because now they were sleeping through the night which meant I was at least getting 7 hours a night myself. Let me tell you, sleep makes a HUGE difference in how your day can go. 

One of the girls Potty Trained at 2 years old, I was elated. Then the reality of potty training such different personalities was clearly laid out for me by the other two. Every 3 months or so we would spend about a month in what I dubbed “Potty Training Hell” trying to get the other two on board. I don’t care what anyone says, if they are not into it, it’s not happening. I kept testing the waters and ended up making myself miserable every time. It’s funny how everyone else can make you feel like a horrible mom over potty training. My favorite was a person commenting on another mom’s acticle saying it was just  “lazy parenting” for those above 3 yearsold not potty trained.  I’m sorry, that may be the case for a few people, but most parents are making themselves and their kids miserable by trying and trying when the kid just doesn’t care/ have interest. So for all the haters out there: Stop Judging people! My parenting skills can not be measured by their potty training age.

At 3 years old their personalities were really shining through now. They were are all very distinct in their interests, speech, play, and so on. The unexpected thing with very distinct personalities, the fights that errupt. Oh yes, the yelling, the crying, toys flying through the air, WWE toddler style was an everyday event (and they haven’t even watched wrestling, though they have very good technique). The schedule was becoming looser since they dropped naps at 2, and we were really only scheduling meals/ snacks/ outtings.

At age 4 all the above of age 3 applied but was magnified even more. Better dexterity, more knowledge, stronger throwing arms, louder voices, more advanced wrestling moves (body slams), advancing language skills. The triplets had officially reached a point of choas that my type A personality could no longer process or cope with. Welcome Back Hippie me! Let the battle of choas begin! 

Yep, age 4 is where I have been learning to stop trying to control and learning to re-embrase my chaotic, laid-back side. Is this another survival technique to  cope with their choas state? Perhaps. Does it make it easier? Most days. Is it easy? Nope but I think it makes for a happier homelife. I still have my vices (like clean-not toy-covered-floors) and bedtime routines, but most days we just go with the flow. We get up early in the  morning, have breakfast, get dressed, and then see where the day leads us.

There are some out there that will think I’m crazy. There are tons of articles that say “children need structure and predictable routine.” If that works for you and your little ones, good for you, but don’t think this is a one-size-fits-all philosophy. I spent the first 4 years of their lives wanting to do everything right so I listened to what everyone else said, what experts said, what other multiple-moms said, and keeping my mouth shut a lot in parenting circles because you just never know what comment or statement they will curcify you for (yes this happens just look at any parenting forum board).

I would not have survived the early years without schedules, routine, and assembly-line structure, but that is in the past. What we need now is a little unpridictability, spontaneous outtings, various outlets to burn off steam and fill the mind with knowledge. Retraining myself to not get stressed about the little things (I never really liked white walls anyway, the creative cave-like drawings are much more festive) and save it for the big things (both girls have pilled the couch coushions on the boy and are sitting on them smoothering him while he lets out muffled screams for the 5th time today). Kids are loud. Their volume control has not been added yet, and when you have 3 all at the same loud volume I am sure the neighbors start to wonder just how many kids are actually stuffed in this house. You know, it’s all good. Want to know why? Because that will come in time. Childhood is for testing limits, building knowldge, understanding feelings- then controlling them, interacting with others, building relationships, dealing with obsticles, etc. As parents we guide them, help them, pick them up when it goes all wrong and helps them sort it out. They will be loud, difiant, hilarious, inquisitive, they will make you wonder- cry- laugh- bury your head in the sand- and then raise it high into the air. 

I will never be a perfect parent, and I don’t want to be. I just want to be the best parent for MY kids that I can be. We will not always agree and see eye to eye, especiallyin the teen years, but those are only brief moments in the Big Picture.