The Unbearable Lightness of Dutch

PlayStation Vita Launch: Unboxing videos

2012-02-24T22:26:00.000+10:00

I'll start with an apology: I had intended to post these videos last night but it has been a long week and I'll take what little free time I can get. It's a been a professionally fulfilling and - at times - deeply distressing week (on an unrelated, personal level) that I'm glad to see the back of.

Now, onto the fun and frivolity. The PlayStation Vita has arrived! Everyone, you have full license to go nuts.

I went with the Wi-Fi bundle that GAME offered. It was clearly the best deal with a free game (the so far, critically lambasted Ridge Racer). Other retail outlets were more than happy to offer little more than the standard pre-order incentives: a discount voucher for a selected range of titles, early access to an app that I've yet to get my hands on, and some limited edition blue - wait for it! - headphones. I went with the 16gb memory card because I NEED that much storage capacity for games that I'll buy on a whim without need of leaving the house; well that and the fact that the 32gb card wasn't made available to Australian consumers (why I'll never know).

Anyway, without further ado, my unboxing videos!

I should've left it there, but there were some tidbits that I was too excited to think of (and therefore, address) at first:

I'll save the impressions for next week; primarily because I'm pretty frustrated with the UI at the moment, so I don't want to come off all trollish without giving myself some breathing space. I want to give this console as good a chance as I'm able.

PlayStation Vita Launch: Once more unto the breach

2012-02-22T15:56:00.001+10:00

Ever since I've been earning real money, every console launch feels like an intense battle between my impulses and my near non-existent sense of self-control.

Believe it or not, during the launch of the 3DS, Self-Control had some important victories. With the PlayStation Vita arriving tomorrow, however, Impulse is proving that those victories were due in great part to Nintendo not having their shit together when it came to day one releases for their new portable. Two games worth owning (Super Street Fighter IV: 3D Edition and Ghost Recon: Shadow Wars for those interested), with very little to look forward to until what would end up being the end of 2011. Sure, the 3DS' outlook is far rosier than it was in March/April last year; but I'll admit that I still look back with my fair share of bitterness at what was the most lacklustre console launch since that of the Nokia N-Gage.

What I'm trying to say is: I've already spent so much money on the Vita and I don't even have one in my hands.

It's crazy when you think about it. $350 for the console bundled with a copy of Ridge Racer (a game that I wouldn't have thought to purchase on its own), $65 for a proprietary storage device, nearly $200 on five games in transit from the United Kingdom (thanks ozgameshop!), and what I'm sure will end up being about another 2 or 3 hundred dollars more when the PlayStation Store updates with all those wonderful digital downloads sometime in the next twenty-four hours. Will I end up playing these games enough to feel as though I've gotten my money's worth? No chance in hell. Will I fell like a big man for approximately 3.5 days? Abso-freaking-lutely!

I know it's wrong to complain about being blessed with an overabundance, but I realise now - more than ever - that I have a serious problem. The appeal of a shiny new console tears away at my defenses and leaves my wallet open to larceny of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae proportions. I could be saving this money and put it towards the dream of a pet-friendly apartment in Melbourne. But then again, if I did, how would I pay for all those launch titles?

If this was a series of tweets, each would be marked with the hashtag #firstworldproblems. Please dismiss this post as the excited ramblings of a twenty-something year old child.

Who's picking up a Vita tomorrow? Don't tell mw I'm alone on this one?

5 PSP games that you must download to your PlayStation Vita

2012-02-19T19:36:00.000+10:00

Recently, Sony released a list of PSP titles that are compatible with the incoming PlayStation Vita via the PlayStationBlog. There were some notable omissions (Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker and Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories causing the greatest distress) and the promise of further additions down the line. While some of my favourites didn't make the cut, here are five PSP games that will help Vita early adopters stave off the post launch blues.

Note: It took a fair bit of restraint to pick anything other than fighting games. The PSP has some quality JRPGs in its library, however, I found that the portable catered to fighting fans best of all.

Soul Calibur: Broken Destiny

Soul Calibur IV in the palm of your hand. Well, sans the questionably included Star Wars characters and the ability to fight online. Broken Destiny may not have been heavy on content, but its gorgeous, fluid visuals and novice friendly approach are the perfect place to start the Tale of Souls and Swords. The Gauntlet mode introduces all of the mechanics of the storied fighting series and tells an interesting, though nonsensical story all the while. A full-bodied character creation suite and the Trials mode will be sure to soak up as many hours as you're willing to give, while Quick Battle mode is perfect for a few fast fights on the go. That varied cast - which includes Sony mascot, Kratos and humorous Dampierre - is probably the best the series has seen and this game simply demands a spot on your memory card.

Note: You can currently purchase Soul Calibur: Broken Destiny and Tekken 6 together in a bundle on the Australian (and presumably, European) PlayStation Store. Tekken 6 is well worth the extra twenty bucks and it's just as good, if not better than its home console counterparts.

Half-Minute Hero

On a system with several hardware generations worth of Final Fantasy instalments, Half-Minute Hero stands apart - and at times above - this hallowed franchise with charm, humour and a no nonsense approach to questing. There's also six legitimately different experiences on offer in this game and - while some are more worthwhile than others - I guarantee that you'll find something to love here. Hero 300 may just be the greatest test of time management and budgeting skills ever seen in a videogame, while other modes will present twists on real-time strategy, dual-stick shooting and tower defence. The speed metal soundtrack and suitably pixelated visuals are further reason for Half-Minute Hero to score a place your Vita's proprietary storage device.

This will all be over in a second

God of War: Chains of Olympus

Ready at Dawn provided no greater proof that they were masters of Sony's handheld and its limitations than God of War: Chains of Olympus. Distilling all of the sex, beauty and gargantuan scale violence into the PSP's smaller screen and limited control set up, Chains of Olympus is still my favourite installment in the popular action adventure series. While some may argue that it was too easy and too short, I found it to be infinitely replayable and it still impresses me to this day.

A game to silence all trolls

Monster Hunter Freedom Unite

Ever worried that your latest purchase won't have enough meat on it to justify the purchase price? Even if, like me, you picked it up at launch and paid the full price, Monster Hunter Freedom Unite will keep giving until you're satisfied that you got your money's worth. Featuring what are arguably the most technically-impressive visuals seen on the PSP and enough depth to drown in, you will never conquer this game; even with the help of three friends or your cat-like companions. Creatures great and small await death by your blade, axe or ridiculously-large bow. It may not be the smoothest experience, but it offers more questing than you could possibly hope for.

Dissidia: Final Fantasy

The final scenes of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children present an airborne battle between protagonist Cloud Strife and the reincarnation of much-loved villain, Sephiroth. It's a spectacular confrontation that nearly makes up for a couple of hours of indecipherable narrative. Dissidia makes such gravity-defying melees commonplace and even with your favourite Final Fantasy characters careening through columns and other structures, the frame rate never skips a beat. The cast is composed of one good and one evil character from the first ten instalments of the storied franchise with move sets that include each of these characters' most memorable attacks, spells and Limit Breaks. It's not the deepest fighter (or RPG for that matter), but it offers hours worth of melodramatic pugilism in wonderfully rendered, destructible environments. There's also a persistent reward system that encourages sustained and repeated play, so free up some space for this addictive fighter.

Finally! A scenario in which I can actually defeat Ultimecia!

Are there games on the extensive list that you feel are more deserving of a download? Is your favourite PSP game currently supported by the Vita?

The PlayStation Vita will not survive in Australia

2012-02-17T23:16:00.000+10:00

Ever feel like something that you desperately want to succeed is destined to fail?

I have before, and now I do again. The PlayStation Vita hits Australian stores next Thursday, but it's already looking to be somewhat of a lost cause. Why? Because three of Australia's biggest retail chains are refusing to stock the dedicated gaming device on their shelves at launch or - in the case of K-Mart - have ruled out stocking it altogether.

The news first broke on Kotaku AU, with the normally Nintendo-focussed writer, Daniel Vukovic providing statements from representatives of Big W, Target and K-Mart. Sony seemed nonplussed by the announcement, claiming that they had identified the "active gamer" as "the specific target market" for the Vita. As a result, Sony had "chosen to launch the console with a focussed retail channel strategy across national specialist game and specialist technology retailers".

Now, not only does this effectively kill almost any competition for price, but it should serve to prevent the console from appealing to anything other than its - in my opinion - shallow target market. I say shallow because there's still something of a stigma associated with gaming in Australia; particularly that of "Teh h4Rdc0r3z" variety. You may have read one of my older posts entitled "Enough room to swing a gyroscopic cat" where I examined this phenomena in more frivolous detail. If you're short on time, however, the message contained within reads thusly: unless you're gaming on an Apple device, be prepared for the cold, judgmental stares of an at best casual gaming audience.

So, Sony's dick move to bypass the country's biggest and most far-reaching network of retailers should mean two things:

The PlayStation Vita is doomed in Australia: granted it should survive longer than the PSPgo, but it won't enjoy the enduring, though limited shelf space that the PlayStation Portable (models 1000 through to 3000) still manages to occupy.
The market for dedicated gaming portables in Australia shrinks even further.

Luckily enough, the Vita is region free; so the inevitable trickle of games to retail can be eschewed in favour of grey importing. The only trouble is for those who wanted to ride that digital marketplace wave, where I foresee publishers not even bothering to engage with Australia's costly and nonsensical rating system; which will in turn see less games arriving on the PlayStation Store (and at brick-and-mortar stores).

I'll still be there on day one. My Vita has been pre-ordered for months now, and I have every intention of experiencing more fulfilling gaming on the go. The only question is: how long will I be able to without having to look to purchase games and accessories abroad?

Are you picking up a PlayStation Vita at launch? Is the stigma associated with dedicated gaming devices perceived on my part, or have you felt it too?

Batman Arkham City: Lockdown Review (iOS): The Five Ds of Dodgeball will help you survive this one

2012-02-15T08:00:00.000+10:00

While Batman: Arkham City continues to wow gamers everywhere (yes Dutch, except for the ending), Arkham City: Lockdown (ACL) compliments the story further with gamers taking control of The Dark Knight as he battles his way through goons and the toughest villains Gotham has to offer.

The Good
ACL's graphics really took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting anything more than defined cell animation but the HD visuals are really impressive. Although each level is essentially the same (backdrops and villains are identical with the exception of some shirt colours), the characters are well presented and fluent in motion.

The added bonuses include a comic book reader for the Arkham City series as well as wallpapers and the ability to purchase different Batman costumes. It's nothing more than an aesthetic change but it's cool none the less, especially when playing as campy 70s Batman and Brave and the Bold Batman.

The Bad
A key error for the game is it's concept - ACL is literally one brawl after the other. You fight goon after goon with the same moves and once you master dodge, deflect, and punch you've mastered the game. The level bosses offer some sort of variety - Two Face allows use of the Batarang, Solomon Grundy changes views and battle design - but not enough to keep me addicted.

The Ugly
There's nothing worse than faulty controls. Yes, I know, it's the first excuse of a poor gamer but this is just annoying. Throughout battles you can boost your health by clicking a HUD button but it only works at certain times. When? Beats me, but to add insult to injury if you get killed, despite clicking the button, the health meter increases.

Additionally the fighting swipes could be better. When enemies are flashing red they are impervious to your attacks and all you can do is dodge them. Some of the smarter goons bring guns to the fight and no matter how quickly you tap-to-dodge, it doesn't always get you out of trouble, resulting in gunshot wounds and angry tapping.

The Verdict
As an add-on for Batman fans, it's not a bad title; but unless you like your games as predictable as gravity, this one probably isn't for you. I enjoyed playing Arkham City: Lockdown mainly for the key villains and extras but the constant repetition of the thug fights took its toll on my patience.

Soul Calibur V Review (PS3): The soul giveth and the sword taketh away

2012-02-13T06:57:00.000+10:00

It was a bright Saturday afternoon when I'd first realised that I didn't like the direction that the Soul Calibur series had taken. I'd just finished an hour long session against a skilled opponent who'd bested me five times straight with Edge Master's feminine duplicate, Elysium. Cycling through a series of move sets - both old and new- and coupled with a near-unblockable Critical Edge attack, I had found my match for the day. I persisted, however: another five fights until a breakthrough - and not to mention, painfully-close - fifth round win. In spite of this achievement, I felt nothing but apathy for a series that I'd loved since my final years of High School.

What was to blame? Was it just that my skills had failed to evolve across six iterations (remember Soul Edge/Soul Blade kids)? Had I come to rely too much on new features aimed at newcomers? Was it the lack of compelling single player content?

It was a combination of all of the above, plus a few other minor annoyances that I had encountered throughout my twenty-something hours with Project Soul's latest weapon-based fighter. The overriding feeling I got was that what was added wasn't substantial enough to mask the features that were watered-down or taken away.

As with Tekken 6, the first thing that your gaze will be thrust toward is the new Story mode. Set in 1607 A.D (seventeen years since the last instalment), players will control a handful of characters in a (roughly) four hour quest to destroy the cursed sword Soul Edge. You'll spend most of your time with protagonist, Patroklos (and his Alpha variant), but you'll also get some time with his whiny sister and the mysterious Z.W.E.I. Fights are tied together with hand-drawn stills overdubbed with melodramatic voice acting. All comments about the predictable, woefully-told story aside, it's odd that the developers opted to use a central character that is so difficult to use (this observation is true for his variant as well). Patroklos' attacks don't seem to flow like that of series veterans like Cervantes or Mitsurugi, so the later chapters are actually quite difficult. I would have much preferred a more traditional Edge Master mode or even Soul Calibur IV's towers, as opposed to this narrative-driven mess.

Next time on Soul Calibur V: Patroklos gets broody.. and even more self-indulgent

Apart from the aforementioned Story mode, there's very little else to keep solo players engaged for a sustained period of time. To their credit, Project Soul have implemented some practical elements to the genre staple Training mode; with the ability to enable prompts that offer advice as to when you should use specific attacks as well as the more common move lists. Quick Battle is very similar to Ghost Battle from the more recent Tekken games, with the exception that you can earn titles for the new License system (more on that later). Arcade mode follows the standard time attack formula and has no hints of story for those intrigued by the rest of the game's cast. Finally, there's Legendary Souls mode which will be a welcome addition for the more skilled players amongst you, as it sets the CPU difficulty to near unbeatable levels (read: be prepared to face off against perpetual combo machines). After about eight hours, you'll have seen all that Soul Calibur V can offer you without engaging in online competition.

Before I get to what the cruel world can do to a game like Soul Calibur V, it's worth going over the roster. There's quite a few new faces: front and centre being Patroklos and Pyrrha, series veteran Sophitia's children. Pyrrha handles similarly to her mother and her Omega variant's move set is nothing short of deadly. Viola is an interesting addition, being able to place her weapon behind you to juggle and otherwise continue combos. Z.W.E.I is similar to Patroklos in that he's pretty hard to read, and even harder to use. Natsu, Leixia and Xiba are ring-ins for Taki, Xianghua and Kilik respectively, and handle somewhat like their predecessors. There are also several returning characters with minor tweaks; but some have stood to benefit more from the passage of time than others. Ezio Auditore - of Assassin's Creed fame - also makes an appearance, and he's a perfect fit for the series. Dampierre, the bumbling thief from the PSP instalment, Broken Destiny is present as EBGames-exclusive DLC. It's a shame that this lively character is held to retail ransom, but I'm glad that he made it all the same. Puzzlingly, there's now three Edge Masters (read: characters that switch move set in every round) available in this instalment: Edge Master himself, Kilik and Elysium. Edge Master and Kilik inherit everything - including Critical Edge maneuvers - from the characters that they imitate. Elysium, however, has the edge (ha!) with a clutch move that can juggle airborne characters and even damage you while you're down. It may sound like sour grapes, but there's a distinct lack of balance in this roster and it's also missing some characters that have endeared themselves to the series faithful (Zelasamel and Talim are the most notable omissions). This is made worse when you consider that three characters perform what is essentially the same function.

It may not be apparent at first, but new mechanics inspired by (or derived from) Capcom's recent revival of the fighting game genre have significant implications for the Soul Calibur formula as we know it. Firstly, there's Critical Edge moves that act as your Ultra Combos (for those experienced with Street Fighter IV and its subsequent releases). Performing a double quarter circle motion in concert with pressing all three attack buttons will trigger a flashy, multi-hit attack that can either turn the tide of a match, or at least help you keep up depending on your choice of character. While all of these moves are expertly animated and awesome to behold, some of them are grossly overpowered. Characters like Yoshimitsu, Elysium and Siegfried can take - in some scenarios - more than fifty percent of their opponent's life with a carefully timed Critical Edge maneuver; turning what could have been a close contest into a series of one-sided affairs. I liked the concept initially: a last minute gambit that could help newcomers (or those like me with lesser skills) to get back into the match, but it's been poorly implemented across the board with some being neutered by range or lacking comparable power. Also new are Brave Edge attacks which serve to power up selected regular moves, much like EX Specials from Street Fighter IV. Brave Edge attacks and series staple Guard Impacts (read: parry) use energy from the same gauge that powers your Critical Edge attacks, so this does add an extra element of strategy to the formula.

OMG! Where did you get that necklace?

Project Soul have also lifted the License system from Marvel Vs Capcom 3 and have implemented it with similar aplomb. You can customize your license with titles that you've unlocked in Quick Battle and icons (pictures of the cast and your custom characters). Your license will also track your stats across single player and online activities and you can compare your accomplishments with any players that you encounter. The developers have also managed to put their own spin on this with the Rival system which allows players to compare vital stats (time played offline/online, best Arcade time, win/loss ratios and more) with up to three registered players. It's a great idea and it managed to ignite my competitive side for a few speedy playthroughs of Arcade at the very least. Soul Calibur V benefits from the blend of old and new book-keeping techniques.

The shift to a more fully-featured online suite also appears to be inspired somewhat by Capcom's recent successes. There's the option to play Ranked and Player matches and join the Global Colosseo: a series of large lobbies sorted by region that allow players to converse, challenge each other, and partake in random fights and tournaments. I had great trouble finding Ranked matches, but the Player Match function allows you to host six players at a time: so you'll rarely be left wanting for competition. Global Colosseo is a great idea, but I encountered so many connection issues while in the Sydney-based lobby that I hesitate to partake any longer. One in every four matches ended in connection failure, and the shame of meeting your opponent in the lobby after being disconnected from a near thrashing is unbearable. I can't remember a single match - using either of the three matchmaking systems - where I got any more than zero bar connection quality. That may sound as though it would be unplayable, but the action itself holds up remarkably well in these conditions; I usually lost my opponents in the transition from a replay to the following round. Speaking of replays, you can upload replays of your own victories as well as view those of your rivals. All things considered, it's a far meatier offering than that of its predecessor; it's just a shame that this improvement has come at the expense of the single player component.

COME AT ME BRO!!!

The character creator returns in Soul Calibur V, with the ability to customize the look of your favourite fighters or deliver your own spawn to the dueling grounds. Gone from this instalment is the quasi RPG weapon and ability selection, this time it's all about looks. I've fought everything from provocatively-dressed lingerie models to pixel perfect likenesses of comic book heroes. I've also been tasked with defending myself against some more abhorrent creations, like a horse dressed in a pink g-string, sporting a conical dongle and bright white, spherical testicles. This is what you get when the default placement area for waist accessories is directly over a character's crotch. In any case, Soul Calibur V's creation suite showcases the most creative and deviant elements of a fledgling fighting community.

In terms of presentation, Soul Calibur V features what are easily the most technically-impressive visuals in a fighter on this generation of hardware. Minor clipping issues through clothing aside, the game is achingly beautiful; even when showing duels between the most loathsome of cast members. It must be said that in this iteration more than any other, Project Soul has the camera squarely pointed up the skirts of the feminine cast members and this can be off-putting; particularly when you manage to break some of these characters' armour. I also found it odd that Mitsurugi is perhaps the only cast member - male or female - to show the effects of seventeen years away from the spotlight. Still, the game is truly wonderful to behold and a new standard-bearer for the genre at large. The soundtrack is also reminiscent of the series' high standards and features a wonderful rendition of the Assassin's Creed theme. Soul Calibur V truly is a feast for the senses!

Behold! Voldo's puzzling crotch adornments in stunning HD!

Despite the spirit of negativity that permeates throughout this review, you should know that the 8-Way Run system and weapon-based combat still holds up well after all these years. The new additions may cheapen some contentious battles, but Soul Calibur V is still a competent fighting game. It's just that the game has drifted so far from its point of difference that I yearn for the days of the Dreamcast original. The visuals are just as striking as any of its predecessors, the soundtrack rousing, the cast varied, but Project Soul have taken too much from the competition and omitted features and characters that endeared the series to me all those years ago. A great game, though merely a solid entry in an otherwise distinguished series.

Havoc (iOS) Review: Frustration in storybook form

2012-02-10T18:30:00.000+10:00

Full disclosure: Dinoroar Interactive provided me with a copy of Havoc for the purpose of this review.

It's a question that keeps me up at night. How do you assert yourself (or your product) in a marketplace that is crowded with titles that have attained overnight success and - in some cases - reached multi-platinum status (in terms of either downloads or purchases) in mere months? I'm pretty sure that Australian developer, Dinoraur Interactive is in the same boat, too; especially when it appears like some Australian-based competitors do it so effortlessly. Studios like Firemint (in spite of recent troubles) and Halfbrick have seen great success and acclaim on the App Store and Android Market: commerce channels whose volume grows daily by literally hundreds of rival apps.

How do they do it? Aesthetics may have something to do with it. Whether it's Real Racing HD 2's realistic visuals or Jetpack Joyride's pixelated approach, there's no denying that artistically and/or technically impressive graphics can bring in some customers. But you can't win in these highly competitive markets based on looks alone; you need some addictive play mechanics to have any chance at success. You don't need to create an experience that rivals what home consoles can offer in terms of depth and responsiveness, you just need something that's shallow enough to be enjoyed in short bursts with a scoring (or progression) system that can lure players back. That mantra is true for both of the apps I mentioned previously.

Havoc is a vertical-scrolling shooter with a children's book art style that tasks you with destroying almost everything in sight. As one of three characters - with no discernible difference other than appearance - you'll throw collectible stones at everything from giant grasshoppers to toilets. Sounds simple enough, but is the game's storybook charm enough to keep players coming back for more?

The short answer is no. While the watercolour visuals were appealing at first, Havoc suffers from a multitude of design and technical flaws that make it hard to recommend.

The first thing I asked myself as I trudged though the game's first level was: what is the target market for this app? At first glance, you'd be forgiven for thinking that Havoc was aimed at children with the visuals and simple gameplay premise seeming a perfect fit for the youngest of gamers. When I reached the finish line of the first level and noticed that I hadn't scored enough to progress, however, I immediately questioned my initial assumption. The four or five subsequent attempts after that were enough for me to abandon it altogether. Target scores aren't disclosed until you make it to the end of a level for the first time, and anything less than a near-perfect run will almost always end in failure.

This wasn't a great concern to start off with, as the earlier levels are populated with a small array of immobile enemies (the only time an enemy moves is when you break or kill it) and you're afforded more stones than you'll possibly need. Enemies come in three variations: ones that require one, two or three hits to kill. Their appearance will differ from level to level, but there's never any variation to the action other than enemy numbers. You can make it through the first two (of five) levels without even hitting bonus rockets that grant you score multipliers or extra firepower. After that, however, things take a turn for the worst.

With more targets, the broken touch controls turn from minor annoyance into an unbeatable foe (read: I couldn't unlock the final level). There's only a few more stones available for collection than a level's worth of enemies can take. More often than not, when I tapped a stone to collect it, I'd fire one by mistake. I tried hard, sharp taps, slow, smudgy taps, any kind of tap would almost inevitably send a precious stone hurtling towards the abyss instead of at my enemies, where I desperately needed them to go. To make matters worse, hit detection is spotty at best with many stones appearing to be on course - at times even passing through the enemy - but still being ineffective. I tried it on iPad and iPad 2 and the results were the same: broken, frustrating gameplay.

Perhaps if the scoring system was a little more forgiving, I'd be able to suffer the complete lack of movement on the player's part. Your selected monster will trudge forward, but you can't dodge incoming enemies (that will still inexplicably damage you). Enemies don't attack you either, it's just that you'll lose health if they happen to be parallel to you. It was somewhat amusing: the preposterous notion of being killed by an outhouse or a bucket and spade that was nowhere near me; but after about five minutes and a few hundred grunts (that sound the same, regardless of your choice of character), you'll be done with Havoc.

There's also an ineffective tutorial that fails to warn players that objects outside of your path will still harm you, and a soundtrack that's either non-existent or glitches out as soon as the action starts (I haven't been able to determine the answer yet). But apart from that, Havoc has very little else to offer apart from the odd humouous visual glitch (menus not disappearing when the action starts, freezes and other issues).

While the game has a charming point of difference with regards to its storybook visuals, Havoc fails to deliver addicitive gameplay and/or scoring mechanics to justify the purchase price ($1.99 as of time of publishing). The various glitches and repetitive sound design may incite a few cheap laughs, but I'd forgive you for wanting more given the quality free and premium competition available for your chosen Apple device. Buy a chocolate bar and download Jetpack Joyride instead.

BREAKING NEWS: Notch (kind of/sort of) agrees to fund Psychonauts 2!

2012-02-07T21:15:00.001+10:00

Fans of Psychonauts rejoice: Mojang (of Minecraft fame) founder, Markus "Notch" Persson has expressed interest in funding a sequel to Double Fine's 2005 sleeper hit. It's all hearsay for now, but in case it turns true, you heard it here first!
(Source: Twitter)

Post-script: Still a while off, but it looks as though this may indeed become a reality. Let's hope that an agreement can be made and fans get the game they've been thirsting for. Good on Rock, Paper, Shotgun for lighting the fire here too!

Gotham City Impostors Beta Impressions (PS3): Soar like a chubby eagle

2012-02-07T06:17:00.000+10:00

Who would have thought that a first person shooter loosely based on the Batman license would have been any good? Despite my lack of faith, Gotham City Impostors may just be the surprise of the year. You can dismiss this as hyperbole - it is early February after all - but the time that I've spent with the beta trial has me buzzing. Try this on for size: Impostors has so far been more enjoyable than the entirety of Batman: Arkham City.

On the surface, this first person shooter looks like a Call of Duty clone complete with perks (dubbed: Fun Facts), sidearms and kill streaks. Dig a little deeper and you'll find a shooter that puts an emphasis on movement. Jumping, sliding and soaring throughout the two available maps is a joy comparable to the Mandalorian Wars mod for Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight. For anyone who knows me and my habit well, this is high praise.

Impostors is a team-based shooter that pits the Bats against the Jokerz (no points for guessing who is the influence for each faction, or what moral orientation they follow). The premise doesn't sound too promising, but developer Monolith has given these vigilantes and criminals a believable purpose and rationale. During the tutorial, you're briefed by two Bats members who seem very much aware that their actions aren't sanctioned by the police or Batman himself: they just want to help. You aren't given much of an introduction to the Jokerz, but the first bleep-laden cutscene humorously paints these villains as murderous hell raisers: just as you'd expect. The presentation is unbelievably charming to anyone with an interest in the Dark Knight.

As previously mentioned, there's a tutorial (dubbed: Initiation) and two match types available in the beta. I'd strongly suggest that you go through the training; if only to give yourself a taste of some of the methods of transportation that'll eventually be at your disposal:

Glider Rig: This is by far my favourite gadget. After propelling yourself into the air using trampolines, air vents or simply jumping, players can slow their descent and glide to points of interest below. You can also perform dive bomb attacks to kill your enemies or simply get about faster. Gliding over air vents will also allow you to regain altitude, meaning that you can buzz about between control points quickly and with a minimum of fuss. You can't fire while gliding, which is just as well, as any sense of balance would have been nullified if you could perform both vital actions concurrently.
Grapple Gun: I went with this for my first few matches because... well, it's a grappling hook gun. You can reach just about any point on any map with this device, however, it's slower going than with the glider. It's also worth noting that you can't hang from the hook and shoot like you could with the Mandalorian Wars mod. It's unfair for me to expect as much, but it would have made the nostalgia complete.
Rollerskates: Move faster at the expense of maneuverability. You can launch yourself a great distance by using ramps that are peppered across each map. I haven't used it outside of the tutorial, and I did note that I've seen very few opponents and teammates employing this gadget either. Fast strafing and being able to take to the skies are a key to victory in the matches I've played so far and skates don't help achieve either. For now, they'll stay in the closet.
Spring Boots: Jump a two story building in a single bound! Apparently there is a cool-down time after each use, but this wasn't apparent from my experience in the tutorial environment. I'll opt to unlock these next for further testing.
Inflatable Insoles: This gadget apparently allows players to double jump and grants a passive bonus to your jump height. I haven't had any time with these shoes, so I can't provide any further comment. I am keen to get my hands on them at some point, though.
Targeting Goggles: With this gadget you can reveal enemy locations and tag them for your team. Any kills on tagged enemies will grant you assist points. Yet to try this as well.
Ninja Smoke Bomb: This is very popular with the kids at the moment. The smoke bomb allows you to become virtually invisible provided that you don't open fire or use support items. You do emit a feint blue outline while using this device, so don't get too comfortable.

Joyous, game-changing movement mechanics won't mean much in the grand scheme of things if a first person shooter can't get the shooting right. Thankfully, Gotham City Impostors delivers with solid gunplay and a vast arsenal of firearms and support items. Assault rifles, shotguns, LMGs, sniper rifles, even the humble bow and arrow are available to aid in dispatching your foes. You can carry two weapons of any size, however, this can slow you down depending on your weight class (more on that later). Weapons can be fitted with attachments that do anything from steadying your aim to detecting your opponent's body odor. Support items range from standard grenades to proximity mines and anti-air devices. Even with all of these wonderful toys, you won't feel overwhelmed: you'll do just fine by aiming and pulling the trigger if that's all you want to do. In my experience, players are more than willing to experiment with all the trappings available. No one weapon seems to be favoured by the community, and I seem to be the only person with a predilection for the Jackhammer (a LMG with a fair bit of kick). Hit detection seems about right, and I haven't suffered anything reminiscent of a cheap death yet. Impostors' gunplay is a deft match for the movement-centric approach to the FPS.

Choice of body type has tactical applications (speed, melee strength, how big a target you are, encumberment), but it also has implications for what may be Impostors' biggest draw card: costume customization. Each body type has some unique hair styles, but the range of clothes available to those that I've unlocked doesn't appear to differ (presumably, women can't go topless?). You earn Costume Coins upon completing matches to buy more wares for your avatar, and this has proved to be an absorbing distraction to say the least. Those coins do not come cheaply either, each item of clothing you see on your opponents will have been the result of a substantial time investment. You'll have a hard time making a character that looks intimidating: best opt for as wacky as possible!

Of the two match types available, Fumigation will probably allow for hardcore FPS players to feel most at home. Playing similar to your average game of Domination (from every Call of Duty since Modern Warfare 4), teams vie for three control points to increase their gas supply. Depending on your team, the gas has a different effect: if the Bats have control, a bat pheromone is released and all the Jokerz will be chased away; if the Jokerz win, a deadly toxin is released into the air effectively killing the do-gooders. Unlike your average game of Domination, Fumigation doesn't end when the match clock strikes zero: it's overtime until one side wins! Psych Warfare plays somewhat like Capture the Flag in that players must escort a battery to their mind control device and defend it until it's fully charged. This is where things get hilarious: the fully-charged device emits a track that disorients the opposing team and renders them unable to use their equipment. They can however slap for a one hit kill and disable the other team's device with repeated slaps. Slap kills grant you extra points, but lacking equipment also makes you easy prey for your enemies. Team scores are determined by how many times each side activates their device (you'll still score even if your device is disabled before your track finishes). I won't spoil the aural comedic surprises that each track delivers, but it should suffice to report that I was in stitches during my first few matches.

Two maps are on rotation in the beta trial: Crime Alley and Amusement Mile. Crime Alley is probably the most balanced - primarily due to vent distribution and control point placement - but both offer up sufficiently different experiences. Amusement Mile offers a clear guide path between mind-control devices in Psych Warfare and the control points are far too close together in Fumigation. Crime Alley is more open and that means that attacking objectives carries greater risk. Matches tend to be more lopsided in Crime Alley, but wins on that map tend to be far more satisfying. I'm hoping that the maps in the full release encourage greater use of other gadgets (like the rollerskates, for example), but I still found what was on offer to be quite promising.

I could go on about the experience and levelling system (which isn't at all dissimilar to that found in the Call of Duty games), but I'll wait to see the finished product before I discuss that in any great detail. I will say, however, that it seems to reward those who play the objective far more than those with a higher kill count; which is very much appreciated and something that I wish was the norm. In any case, Gotham City Impostors is shaping up to be one of the sleeper hits of this year. With the right community, this game may just have some staying power. It's worth playing solely on the strength of its unique movement mechanics, but the gunplay and progression system should act as a carrot for shooters fans to give it a go. I am very much looking forward to playing the full game towards the end of this week. Get excited, Batmen and Batwomen!

That is a Bulls#!t Call, Ref!

2012-02-06T09:58:00.000+10:00

In the time I've contributed to this blog, I've waffled on about all sorts of crap. Sometimes I even reviewed games (shock horror). Maybe nowhere near as many as Dutch has, but there were a couple.

When I did these reviews, I like to think they were not biased in any way, shape or form. Sure, I only reviewed games I liked, but that's because I'm stingy on buying games and time poor with playing them.

I recently opened my local rag to see what this week's rants were all about when I noticed a newish column about gaming. It was a review of Assassins Creed Revelations. His verdict: a ridiculous 10/10.

At first, I thought that just because I have no interest in the game doesn't mean that it's crap, and therefore not worthy of a perfect score. Upon further investigation, however, metacritic gave it 80%. At best it was awarded 9/10 from an individual site.

Thats a big difference between the aggregated and the delivered scores. While I'm sure that it's got decent graphics and a story that ties into the others in the series (and yes, personal opinions will provide a range of scores), I just can't help but be annoyed at this perfect score.

If professional critics can find flaws, surely a fan can; surely a random player of games can. In my books, a game has to be pretty awesome on all levels to get that perfect score; not just be enjoyable and fit the theme of the rest of the series.

Dutch has touched on this topic before, but I suppose it's never really hit a nerve until now. I'm not even sure why it's bothering me.

What are your thoughts on games being inaccurately reviewed? Have you ever bought a game based on said review to find it was crap and the reviewer was clearly bias towards the franchise/publisher? Am I just as bad for not accepting the review due to my own bias towards the game?

Couch your feelings

2012-02-03T19:51:00.000+10:00

Tonight will be the last night that I spend on this couch. The "leather" has started peeling, there's hair from creatures of various species tucked between each cushion, and the armrests have started to cave in. I've never liked this couch, but my word have I had some memories on it. Some I won't share because, quite frankly, I don't know who's reading this; and others I'll gladly share... because I don't know who's reading this.

I love you.... but I hate you!

Carly and I acquired this uncomfortable, though visually-inoffensive chair when we first moved in together in 2008. It supported me - literally - while I played games on my terminal Xbox 360 and eventually on my PlayStation 3 and healthy, more recently-acquired Xbox 360. I dragged it close to the entertainment unit when I had a mere nineteen inches of viewing space. I pushed it back when I upgraded to a larger display. I punched it when I lost hundreds of bouts of Street Fighter IV online, and during the hair-tearingly frustrating final mission of Grand Theft Auto IV. I curled up on it as I wept through the last boss fight in Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker.

Almost everything I've written for consumption via my blog or Bitmob, was written on this couch. Every job application, every trolling comment, every counter-trolling comment, (almost) every email was written on this couch. The insincere back support made me write faster at times... if not, I'd have to lean forward to give my spine sweet, though ineffective respite. I've written enough words to form a dissertation or two on this couch, I guess I owe it some form of farewell.

You did the best you could, leathery soldier.

Tomorrow its replacement will arrive: a stylish, modular suite with a reclining chair and infinitely-better back support. I will more than likely continue to write on this new piece of furniture and rest-assured I'll game from it as well... but it won't be the same. I won't have to battle back pain and discomfort while I climb or rapidly descend half a decade's worth of leaderboards. I'll be more comfortable then ever before, but will I be as determined? Probably. Shit, without having to shift every twenty minutes I may become a paid writer just yet!

Despite my unkind words, I would like to thank you, uncomfortable brown couch for all the time we've shared together. May we never meet again.

Tell us about your gaming furniture. Are you comfortable with you current setup?

Lightning Focus

2012-02-01T06:25:00.000+10:00

I'm trying to find my Focus.

I'm supposed to be giving my PlayStation Portable its last rites. That was going swimmingly until Saturday afternoon: I'd just finished Resistance: Retribution - which didn't get half as much praise as it should have, just quietly - and just started playing Dissidia 012: Duodecim Final Fantasy. That was when my quasi-religious gaming experience went to shit.

Don't get me wrong: the game plays just fine and the new cast members are all good fits. Probably a little bit too similar to its predecessor, and still brimming with the same sappy, nonsensical drivel that had me itching to skip just about every cutscene; but still, the game features beautiful, fluid visuals and the same brand of dramatic, gravity-defying violence that made the last part of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (almost) bearable.

It was just seeing Lightning again. She was a strong protagonist, with a manner unbecoming of your typical Final Fantasy female (read: not solely candy for the male gaze, coherent, and not gasping in every second line of dialogue). She was one of the few reasons I persisted with Final Fantasy XIII for as long as one with a developing allergy to JRPGs could. Ultimately, an extended vacation with Light's polar opposite, Vanille proved to be too much for me to continue. Her insufferably high voice and insipid scripting was not a good match for the mindless grinding of the early chapters.

But seeing her again, dear readers, it was enough to send me back into that middling narrative. It was time for a change of pace: from the hectic, somewhat-shallow battles of Dissidia to the complex, arguably turn-based affair that is Final Fantasy XIII.

It was hard: picking up from where I'd left off - almost two years ago - reacquainting myself with a new battle system and terminology-heavy lore. Forty minutes of play in, and I still hadn't progressed past the chapter where I'd first hit the wall. Regardless of what weather effect I had in play, I was always presented with a battle that would take at least ten minutes to get through. I know you can opt out of some of these encounters, but I'm always suspicious that if I were to end the grind that I'd be fodder for future foes.

I'm glad I made the effort. Even if the script reads like a self-indulgent teen fantasy, the battle system is deep without feeling convoluted. Plus it's just plain amazing to behold; I mean this game is freaking beautiful. Even after a few years, some of the sequences are breathtaking even when compared to more recent releases.

I might even finish it. For the first time in what seems like years, I'm happy to play something not quite new. Let's forget about the fact that there's been no major releases in January, shall we?

Note: For those in the know, did you like my elaborate Final Fantasy XIII pun?

Man vs Child: The iPhone Wars

2012-01-28T19:43:00.001+10:00

Everyday is a battle in my house, for you see, since she was nine months old my daughter could unlock our iPhones. As she steadily approaches three, she has figured out how to download apps from the App Store, which, to be honest, is a little concerning.

Especially after she spent $18 in less than a minute.

As a result, my wife now has less to spend on her iTunes card, Lib has something else to call her's and I have something to write about.

She only downloaded a few games and a book, but they've kept her distracted all weekend. As a parent the only thing I can do is endorse them.

The first she found was Peppa Pig Party Time. Based on the popular ABC cartoon, this game is actually seems pretty fun, with kids able to make, ice and decorate cakes with their finger as well as play hide and seek with a pet parrot. It's mind numbing for an adult, but because it closely resembles the show, the kids were right into it.

The interactive Dora the Explorer story book was another of Lib's purchases. This follows the adventures of Dora through somewhere doing stuff and things and... (trails off). I don't really know what happened other than there's a giant chicken that jumps in a pond and a car that beeps every time you tap the screen.

We've bought other Dora and Diego games before, with Diego proving to be fairly educational in comparison. Many games (including non Dora/Diego games) involve earning stickers that you place on a wall. The one I help out with a fair bit involves placing animal stickers on the countries that specific animals are from.

Whilst the iPhone is proving to be a daily argument, it is refreshing to know that she is picking up games and, in some cases, is actually learning about animals, colours and shapes in a fun and interactive way.

I'll never replace our nightly book read with a stint on an iPhone or iPad but one thing is for sure - technology is here and it's taking over. Do you have kids and if so, have you bought any cool games for your phone to keep them entertained?

Temple Run Review (iOS): Success is paid for, not earned

2012-01-27T17:34:00.001+10:00

I'm still not a convert to iOS gaming, or the mobile scene at large. There are a few exceptions: addictive, though ultimately-shallow experiences that keep me hooked for a few hours but - in most cases - fail to deliver the responsive controls and sumptuous visuals typical of games found on dedicated gaming consoles. When I play an iOS game, it's often because it's been recommended to me by a friend, or - in the case of Temple Run - a game journalist I follow on Twitter. Imangi Studios delivered this strikingly-ugly app towards the end of 2011 and it's already enjoyed a great deal of success. Does Temple Run live up to Dan Ryckert's claim that it is "Jetpack Joyride done right"?

The short answer is no. No, it's not as charming as Jetpack Joyride. It isn't as addictive as Halfbrick's sidescrolling score attacker. Its meta-game isn't as all-consuming and Guy Dangerous is no Barry Steakfries. That being said, Temple Run is built on some solid mechanics and is well worth the non-existent price of admission (read: it's free).

In your average run you'll be swiping to jump over and slide under obstacles as well as follow the treacherous path along the temple walls. You tilt your device to move to the left or right of your current path to pick up coins. If you clip any non-lethal obstcales, a pack of demonic monkeys will give chase for a limited amount of time. Most traps and falls, however, are deadly and require genuine focus to avoid when you hit full flight. You can collect power-ups that can turn you invisible, speed you up, or turn you into a coin magnet. It's simple stuff, but it can really pull you in after a few good attempts.

MY EYES!!!

Collecting coins adds to your score and also acts as currency for the in-game store where you can buy new skins, single-use items, and upgrades to power-ups that you come across randomly in each of your runs. You can choose to buy additional coins (as in with real money), so this allows paying players to make their way up the leaderboard much faster than the frugal gamer. This is because certain power-ups and buffs serve to multiply the value of coins or make them easier to collect. You could buy your way to success to an extent in Jetpack Joyride as well, but a lot of the purchasable items in that game were either cosmetic or single use; thus a high score in Temple Run can effectively be bought.

As I've previously mentioned, the presentation of Temple Run is below par (read: it looks like fresh hell). The frame rate on the iPad 2 never falters, but I did notice the odd stutter when I played on an iPhone 4. The visual hitches I encountered on the handset version weren't enough to throw me off a high score, so it's a usually fluid - if not foul-looking - visual experience. The soundtrack is just plain obnoxious, so I'd recommend either playing your own music over the game or just muting it all together.

For the record: One of three

It may not be the prettiest game ever made, but Temple Run provides hours of fun with an addictive score attack formula and reasonably-responsive controls. There may not be much motivation to continue playing short of taunting your friends as you journey up the leaderboards, but there is some satisfaction to be found in boasting about your best score via Twitter. As it turns out, I'm not very good at Temple Run, but it's still an easy game to recommend. Besides it's free, what more motivation do you need?

The Demo Downlow: Asura's Wrath and The Darkness II

2012-01-25T09:40:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the third instalment of The Demo Downlow. Today we'll be looking at trials for Capcom's oriental space-opera, Asura's Wrath and 2K Games' follow-up to Top Cow comic-inspired The Darkness.

Asura's Wrath (Played on Xbox 360)
I've read a lot about Capcom's upcoming action game, but I've never watched any gameplay footage. I wish that I had, because then I wouldn't be feeling the sense of disappointment that I feel now. Don't get me wrong, the portion that I played looked amazing and the score perfectly suits the bat shit crazy action on screen. The problem is, no matter how nutty the titular character looks, or how many giant swords you're being stabbed with, the game handles like an interactive cut scene. Even when the action is taken off rails, it feels as though you're going through the motions until the director has something more ridiculous to show you. I certainly hope that the full game pits the player against grunts instead of boss fight after meticulously-directed boss fight. Still, the scale of the action and high-quality animation deserves to be seen (if not played).

Not pictured: The rest of this deity's giant thumb.

The Verdict
I love the game's oriental sci-fi motif and the fantastic soundtrack, but the action feels like a shallow interruption to the wonderfully-rendered cut scenes. Worth a download, but I'll probably wait for this one to hit the bargain bins.

The Darkness II (Played on Xbox 360)
I was a big fan of Starbreeze's - of Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay fame - first quasi-open world effort based on Top Cow's comic, The Darkness. It was short, shockingly-violent and truly horrifying in some scenes. Digital Extremes - which handled the PS3 port of Bioshock - is at the helm with the sequel, and what I've seen looks promising... and violent. Like ridiculously violent. Like "seriously, how the fuck did Mortal Kombat get banned in Australia and this game sails through uncensored" violent. With your Darkness powers you can eat hearts, rip men in half, impale your foes with all kinds of improvised weaponry and almost literally paint the town red. It's quite a meaty demo - all things considered - and I'm looking forward to getting my hands on the final release in a few weeks time. The shooting itself is a bit loose, but the Darkness powers allow for enough improvisation that you won't often care. It's also worth noting that the new cel-shaded visual style is a great fit.

Dear OFLC....

The Verdict
Do you like gore? Do you like the idea of a twist - however superficial it may be - on the tired FPS genre? Do you like solid shooting mechanics and beautiful, cel-shaded graphics? If you answered yes to any of those questions, the demo for The Darkness II may manage to sell you on the full retail release.

It's probably worth noting that I would've bought The Darkness II regardless of the demo's quality, but I was expecting more from the trial for Asura's Wrath. If the weight of critical opinion is in the affirmative my balsa wood will may break, for now though.... I'll wait.

The Circle Pad Pro is a knee-jerk reaction to a design flaw

2012-01-22T19:40:00.000+10:00

Edit: A Bitmob writer pointed out that you can indeed move and shoot at the same time in Resident Evil: Revelations without the Circle Pad Pro. If anything, this is another argument against the Circle Pad Pro, as the developer has already come up with a software solution to a hardware problem. I trialled one of the other control types which plays similar to Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker (read: face buttons used as a second analogue stick), and it works like a dream. In any case, I sincerely apologise for any misinformation.

This past week, Nintendo finally brought their 3DS eShop into the modern era by offering downloadable demos for Resident Evil: Revelations and Cooking Mama 4. Outrage at the limited use of said demos aside, 3DS owners are now allowed hands-on time with a game that will (presumably) be better with the incoming Circle Pad Pro: an add-on that affords 3DS owners an extra analogue stick and shoulder button. The ugly peripheral doesn't arrive until the end of the month, but I was suprised to see how functional Revelations was without an extra few inches of tacky plastic.

No, really, you shouldn't have.

The game handles pretty much like any Resident Evil game: you search rooms for ammo and quest items (keys, screwdrivers, etc.), movement is inexplicably forbidden when aiming and firing, and you defend yourself from all kinds of scary monsters. The only difference being the camera defaulting to first-person view when aiming; which is great considering how little real estate there is on the top 3DS screen. You can opt for third-person if you wish and it is functional, but I'd recommend looking down the sights as opposed to over Jill's shoulder. Inventory management (including weapon switching and reloads) is handled on the touch screen, which is a dream compared to Resident Evil 5's awkward real-time menus.

So I mowed through a small portion of the final product just shy of five times over (Hell mode is suitably difficult). The new quick-use button for herbs is a god-send and I haven't had to fidget around with a rubbish real-time menu while I'm being savaged by the infected masses. Since you have to remain still while shooting anyway, it's not like I could use another stick to back away from danger. The situations presented in the demo aren't too demanding, so I'm not sure whether the controls would handle the added stress of a boss battle; still, it works well enough for me to question whether an extra analogue stick and button is really necessary.

"Fine," I hear you say. "You may not need the Circle Pad Pro for Resident Evil: Revelations, but what about the other games that enable use of the peripheral?"

Monster Hunter Freedom Unite worked well enough with the PSP's solitary analogue nub, so I'm not convinced that Monster Hunter 3G is an argument for a second stick and more buttons. Inventory management could be managed on the touch screen, and aiming with ranged weapons could handle like it does in Resident Evil (read: you can't move and shoot at the same time), or a lock-on function could be employed. Why not tinker with the control scheme and mechanics as opposed to fashioning a battery-powered add-on?

Finally, we have Kid Icarus: Uprising where the developer has revealed that they had only been made aware of the Circle Pad Pro after the announcement of Monster Hunter 3G. This game has been in development for a while - it had been thought that it would be released in the "launch window" - and they've only been able to work with the new control setup since September 2011. At least in the case of this game, the developer believes it will prove useful for left-handed players who might find it difficult using the stylus to aim with their right-hand. It has no other applications (read: no dual analogue aiming) as one would imagine it should have, but it's refreshing to hear of developers specifically catering to southpaws.

Southpaw Gaming Association's 2012 Game of the Year

So if Nintendo couldn't foresee the use in a second analogue stick, I'm not sure why they're rushing to implement one now. Especially when the solution they've developed looks so positively awkward. Playing one of the games that the Circle Pad Pro is purpose-built for doesn't help either, as Resident Evil: Revelations works just fine without any add-ons. Nintendo made their bed and they should accept the limitations of their original design and sleep in it.

Reader Challenge: Needle in a Haystack

2012-01-21T13:22:00.002+10:00

It's a well known fact that games based on cinematic blockbusters are crap. You know it. I know it. We all know it.

The problem is that someone still buys them which makes them a profitable venture for the studios.

I do realize the appeal for players is the ability to become their favorite heroes/characters and that parents buy them thinking the game is good because the movie has thirty Hollywood A-listers voicing magical pigs (or whatever kids are into these days).

While Robot Chicken has accurately depicted the current standard of blockbuster gaming I'm convinced there is at least one good game out there.

The rules of the challenge are simple:

1. The game must be based on a major motion picture ie Transformers 3 Dark of the Moon, not Transformers: War for Cybertron

2. The game must follow the plot of the film ie Spiderman 2 doesn't count as it was a game released to coincide with the film. It doesn't follow the plot it just has the same characters

3. If the game doesn't follow the plot it must complement it ie The Matrix: Path of Neo

Good luck!

RAAM's Shadow Review (Gears of War 3 DLC - X360): That's no school... it's a space station

2012-01-20T14:54:00.000+10:00

Growing up with games like Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight and Warcraft II: Tides of Darkness, I mourn for the days where the expansion pack reigned supreme. Add-ons like Mysteries of the Sith and Beyond the Dark Portal offered fully-fledged single player campaigns AND additional content for multiplayer. The modern equivalent - downloadable content or DLC - is a poor substitute as it's often overpriced and always under delivers. Developers also have a tendency to focus on multiplayer with their DLC efforts, which is puzzling as anything undercooked doesn't stand a chance against FPS stalwarts like Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 and Battlefield 3. We have seen some exceptions to this rule, with worthwhile solo expansions to games like Grand Theft Auto IV, Red Dead Redemption and Bioshock 2. Epic have thankfully shrugged the map and skins model of DLC to produce RAAM's Shadow, a brief campaign that catalogues the trials of Zeta Squad "shortly" after Emergence Day.

I say "shortly" because I'm still not entirely sure when this little escapade takes place in terms of the Gears series timeline. The press material I'd read in the lead-up had me thinking that it was set the days following the cataclysmic E-Day. That surely can't be the case, as the COG have already catalogued each of the Locust genus that Zeta encounter. I did a quick search of the developer, Epic Games' forums and found that the events of RAAM's Shadow can be placed roughly nine years after E-Day (which is in turn, five years before the events of the original Gears of War). My apologies for obsessing over the finer points of the plot, but you must understand that it was somewhat exhausting trying to place this in the saga at large. Considering that Kim et al encounter an entire series worth of enemy types (save for the Lambent) in the space of three hours, it almost makes Delta Squad's first outing look like a walk in the park. You'll also have access to pretty much every weapon that's appeared throughout the trilogy in RAAM's Shadow (come to think of it, smoke and ink grenades are the only omissions I can think of). The whole scenario ends up feeling out of place in terms of the series' timeline at large.

Before you die, tell me one thing: what day is it?

Continuity and context issues aside, Zeta Squad is comprised of some fairly generic characters. Solo players will assume control of quintessential tough guy, Michael Barrick. He's probably the most likeable of the crew, even in spite of his foul mouth and tendency to be sent to the principal's office (read: he's such a naughty boy). Minh Young Kim, returns (?) from the original instalment and functions as the suitably-average leader: he often chastises bad boy Barrick and does a good job paraphrasing your current objective. Tai Kaliso - another returning character - waxes lyrical on literally everything, from the rumbling of the ground to a kid dropping a basketball. Then there's Valera: nothing offensive about her, but she doesn't really offer up much personality either. Jace Stratton also makes an appearance and he's (thankfully) somewhat quieter than he is in the Gears of War 3 campaign proper. The titular villain, General RAAM is also back to terrorize the COG. He's not really given much depth, even when you play from his perspective. He - like most other members of the central cast - is large, imposing.... and vacant.

The action takes place across a series of innocous locations within the COG city of Ilima, which is under siege by the Locust Horde. You'll tick all of the generic shooter setting boxes: a parking complex, rooftops, a bank, a construction site and what must be the largest school in videogame history. Ilima High School seems to go on for miles, and the ham-fisted attempt at jump moments you'll witness within its walls will incite many an eye roll. You'll easily spend more than a third of the adventure grinding through this impossibly-vast educational institution. All of the combat situations will feel overly-familiar to any Gears veterans, and you'll rarely be troubled; even on Hardcore difficulty. Even two short stints in RAAM's boots fail to significantly change up the action. If anything, it's limited by the great (in terms of size) general's two trick arsenal. RAAM's Shadow fails to excite, even with an entirely different perspective on Locust War.

Beats being stuck in that school, right?

I desperately want to see developers releasing more content for my favourite games that I can engage with by myself (or with a select group of friends): new stories, new characters, old characters, new locations. A Gears of War prequel should've portrayed the horror of post Emergence Day Sera, but all I found in this short campaign was tired characters in tired situations. RAAM's Shadow may fulfil the literal definition of prequel, but it's a meaningless, expensive ride that's best avoided.

Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary helped mend some broken hearts

2012-01-17T19:13:00.000+10:00

Full disclosure: This post is a revision to The box has it (or Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary broke my heart). This post was retracted upon finding that four player splitscreen multiplayer was indeed supported in 343 Industries' recently-released remake.

Back in 2003, my little brother purchased an Xbox bundle which included both Halo: Combat Evolved and Top Spin. In those days, I was a PlayStation fanboy, so this purchase incensed me to no end.

That is, of course, until I played through the game-changing campaign with my sibling. We fought each other afterwards in the splitscreen competitive mode. If it were any other game, our competition would have spilled from the screen to the lounge room floor (read: we'd be at each other's throats). This time, it was different: I happily flew off in a Banshee while he attempted to clip my wings with any gun he could get his hands on. I wanted Reuben (my younger brother) to run me over and then desecrate my corpse.

Soon, Beau would be home for Christmas.

Beau is my older brother...my more successful, infinitely more-sociable sibling who turned his back on video games for a life in federal politics. If there was one thing that could bring him back to the fold, it was Halo. I was sure of it.

Reuben and I continued to work in the lead up to Christmas; Beau arrived late Christmas Eve. Fragging would have to wait: We had to visit relatives and do other things that families do over the holidays. We would have to delay my older brother’s return to nerdvana.

Finally, we managed to trap Beau in front of the TV late on Christmas night. We loaded the console with what we thought was our secret weapon. There was only one problem: We only had two controllers. How did this not occur to us until then? I felt so stupid.

“No worries,” I said. “We’ll rent one from a video store.” So we drove to pretty much every video-rental outlet in North Brisbane. Every encounter was exactly the same: We engaged in small talk, we bought junk food, and our expressions sunk when we heard, “Sorry, we don’t rent controllers for the Xbox.”

O Brother, where art thou?

We arrived back home still licking our wounds, and we resolved to play the game anyway, with the winner keeping a controller. It was great. We laughed, we cried, and we died repeatedly. Beau escaped to a life of international travel, marathon meetings, and an endless run of nights that ended in trendy bars. Reuben and I still engage in a daily ritual of fragging and teabagging.

This past Christmas, Beau returned home from Thailand, and the Damen brothers were once again reunited with a copy of Halo. We even dragged our wives and girlfriends into the fray. Turns out the game is even funnier with players of varying skill levels vying for control of the leaderboard. On one hand, Beau's girlfriend struggled to even stand eye-to-eye with her many assailants; on the other, veterans like Reuben and I cackled incessantly as we performed seemingly-impossible headshots in a vast array of maps from both Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary and Halo: Reach.

Towards the end of our family picnic, Reuben and I introduced our loved ones to the online community. Our middling performances on the battlefield inspired much trolling, but it's amazing just how well you can respond when you have the Kinect set up as a mic. Even the loudest critics were silenced by the collective smack talk and uncontrollable laughter of seven people on our end.

It may not have been the emotional journey littered with little disappointments, small talk and junk food that brought three brothers back together in 2003; but it was fun all the same. If anything, it allowed us to bond with the new members of our family in what was previously a nerdy males' domain.

What are your favorite Halo memories?

Run Rabbit, Run

2012-01-15T15:49:00.001+10:00

If you are anything like me you are running out of time in the day. I don't have poor time management skills; I just suffer from 24 hour day syndrome.

I want to play more video games and spend more time with the kids and see more bands and have a mind knowingly successful career but with the choices I've made in life it's not all possible right now.

One aspect of my life I'd like to improve is my fitness. With most physical activity in the past 11 years since high school being Guitar Hero, I decided to start running, however the inner geek in me wanted to track, measure and report improvements. With this in mind I hit the App Store and found Runkeeper.

It costs next to nothing to buy and uses the GPS in your smart phone so you don't have to sync it to a $200 pair of Nikes to know your accomplishments.

Runkeeper accurately tracks your distance, coaches you through your exercise and displays your results in graph format to easily see when and where you are performing well.

It makes the lazy, fat bastard in me happy because I'm reaching my fitness goals but it's also appealing to the geek who likes stats and finding correlations and looking at graphs. With the exception of the sprained ankle I got from running too far, it's making me happy on many levels.

My only criticism is that you can't use the app to monitor changes to your weight or track any other health related issues; it's purely a distance/time/pace record.

Available on iOS and Android, you can use it for a variety of different sports - even swimming(?) and fun exercise like snowboarding.

I realize this isn't in the world of gaming but health is important to us all. With more smart phones and technology available to us, some things we dislike or ignore have been made easier to get through. Give it a go - it might be the change of pace you are looking for.

Mario Kart 7 Review (3DS): Vengeance is a dish best served cold

2012-01-13T19:45:00.000+10:00

I've always had mixed feelings towards the Mario Kart series. I haven't played every instalment, but when I pick one up I often find that I have a visually-pleasing racer with woefully-scaled difficulty levels, belligerent AI and addictive mechanics that provide satisfaction and tear-inducing frustration in equal measure. I'll play these game over the course of weeks, months, even years, and not grow tired of being repeatedly screwed over by the shells of various colours, or many other power-ups that are inspired by the diverse cast of characters. Will Mario Kart 7 prove to be any different from its predecessors, or am I just playing these games for the sake of comfort and familiarity?

The first thing that players will notice with Mario Kart 7 is the wonderfully-rendered tracks and karts; each smacking of colour and the series' trademark visual charm. The frame rate is brisk and consistent, with Super Mario 3D Land being the only real peer in terms of visual prowess on the portable system. Even with a screen full of racers and power-ups in play, the action never slows: it is a wonder to behold.

I love the orange hues of Autumn

The thirty-two tracks in Mario Kart 7 offer a mix of the old and the new, much like Mario Kart Wii. The new courses are all a joy to tear through, and feature a variety of short-cuts and strategies to employ. I was somewhat disappointed by the choice of retro tracks as there is some overlap with the last instalment on the Wii. That being said, Dino Dino Jungle was included this time, so I wasn't too perturbed. There are some new power-ups added to the mix as well, with two in particular having some interesting defensive applications. Blue shells are still there to undo a perfect race, and the Bullet Bill, Golden Mushroom and Super Star power-ups seem a little overpowered given the brevity of some tracks. All things considered, the game adheres to the well-established Mario Kart formula; superficial changes to drifting and the new ability to glide after certain jumps don't significantly alter the pace and mechanics of the "standard" Mario Kart race.

Not as crazy as it looks

The custom kart system employed in Mario Kart 7 is an interesting departure from the character-themed vehicles found in previous iterations. Depending on your selection of chassis, wheels and glider, five stats ranging from speed to off-road ability can potentially be affected. Character choice also has an impact on your performance in different areas. I had a lot of fun experimenting with these combinations, but due to the randomized cruelty one often experiences in a typical race (above 50cc, that is), it's not something that really needs to dwelled upon. I also found the roster to be somewhat lacking. I'll try not to spoil anything, but the exclusion of Diddy Kong - and to a far lesser extent, Waluigi - will surely rank as some of the previous year in gaming's great disappointments. That being said, there's plenty of customization options and characters to unlock for those willing to invest the time... and endure the frustration.

The main problem I had with Mario Kart 7 stemmed from the difficulty levels, or rather, Nintendo's inability to properly scale the challenge across the game's four settings. 50cc presents nothing in the way of challenge and fails to prepare you for the cheap tricks that you suffer in 100cc, or the devastating twists of fate found in the 150cc and Mirror classes. Once I hit 150cc, the f-bombs started flying at an alarming rate; especially considering the wide demographic that this game can appeal to. Still, I kept playing and will continue to play. The AI can be cheap and I may get frustrated, but that's one of the reasons I keep coming back: vengeance and the joy found in smiting one's enemies!

See you in a colourful rendition of hell, losers!

Time Trial functions just as it should, and it's really not worth mentioning the shallow Coin and Balloon battle modes. What will keep series' faithful invested in this iteration is the Mario Kart Channel and online multiplayer. Players can exchange ghost data via the Spot Pass system and I've enjoyed great success besting the times of complete strangers. I must admit, I've never had much luck with Spot Pass. Even living in a metropolitan area hasn't allowed for me to net more than a handful of hits, so I haven't had that many ghosts to beat. I've also had trouble finding matches online. When I did finally get some races in, however, I didn't experience any lag; so that's encouraging. I could see how this feature set could extend the longevity of the game, it's just a shame that I haven't been able to find a race when I've wanted one.

Upon reflection, there's not a whole lot that can be considered new in Mario Kart 7. For most (myself included), however, that's one of the big drawcards of this game and the series at large: consistency. If you're a fan of the series, I have no doubt you'll have a great time with this instalment. If cheap AI and power-ups have never been your cup of tea though, you'd best steer clear.

Saints Row: The Third Review (X360): I'm an idiot, I'm a hero, I'm a zombie

2012-01-10T19:15:00.000+10:00

Saints Row - a series that is equal parts essential and disposable. The first instalment providing the Grand Theft Auto patch that Xbox 360 early adopters craved, with enough personality, flair, and humour to be considered essential. The sequel returned to a familiar space but took the vulgarity and nihilism hinted at in the first game to near-unacceptable levels. It also felt like an unpolished turd after GTA IV's release just months earlier, which featured a polished game world that felt alive. Saints Row: The Third gets the f#@k outta dodge with a new setting, and a set of missions and activities that makes its predecessors look sober by comparison.

The Good
Back to school - I sincerely hope that Rockstar North - or any developer of open world action games, for that matter - takes notice of the opening act of Saints Row: The Third. There's no errand boy boredom on offer here. While there are some missteps throughout the adventure, most missions are designed and paced in a way that is undeniably fun. Stealing a bank vault by helicopter, and sky-diving into a rival's penthouse pool party are highlights that appear in the first few hours. The slightly more-intelligent friendly AI and forgiving vehicle physics also served to counter the frustration that I encountered in previous games in the series.

By the end, this will feel sedate

Great salad - While the steak that is the main quest line offers a great deal of fun, an addictive real estate meta game and activities like Trailblazing and Insurance Fraud make for a disturbingly enjoyable side salad. While a lot of these activities return from earlier instalments, they're scored more generously this time around, and are more enjoyable as a result.

Smarter than the average - While the humour tends to be a little more explicit and infinitely more crass than its competitors, Saints Row: The Third raises the bar by taking aim at pop culture phenomena and American foreign policy. There are still some remnants of the series' frat boy roots here, but they are for the most part undone by spectacularly-vulgar jabs at the everyday. Definitely not what I expected from a series that once had me spraying structures with raw sewage.

Commando - The arsenal of upgradable weapons and abilities available to players in Saints Row: The Third offer satisfaction, side-splitting laughs, and often had me pondering "Why hasn't anyone thought of this before?" Sure it may not be appropriate to have an incendiary SMG in a game like Grand Theft Auto IV, but something similar would have been a perfect fit for Volition's Red Faction games. Pistols with explosive ammo that can propel enemies into the air, a Mega Buster-esque arm cannon, and the terrifying Apoco-Fists were other personal favourites. Then there's the Bo-Duke-En, a Dukes of Hazzard-inspired move that allows you to enter cars stylishly, but at the expense of closed windows and windscreens. Glass everywhere.

Where were you in '92? - Generally speaking, the sound design found in Saints Row: The Third is exceptional. The general citizenry of Steelport may not have much to say for themselves, but the central cast deliver an outstanding experience; especially given the lunacy of the plot at large. Not one character - not even the auto-tuned pimp, Zimos - is over-acted, and I often found myself chuckling at my own character's incomprehensible zombie dialogue (that my homies were somehow able to understand). Guns, explosions and collisions also have that comical oomph that matches the floaty vehicle physics, and wacky on-screen action. The soundtrack isn't flawless, but you can distill your favourite tunes from each radio station into a mixtape that conveniently shows up in any vehicle that you commandeer. That being said, I almost always found myself tuned-in to the Adult Swim station.

The Bad
Big bugs - While it didn't happen often enough to discourage play, some pretty big glitches occurred throughout my playthrough that required patience at the very least, or a full restart at its worst. One particularly frustrating hiccup occurred during the final mission, when a wrecked VTOL fuselage landed on a catwalk that I needed to ascend in order to reach the next checkpoint. I couldn't clear the clutter with weaponry and I couldn't crawl under it. Instead, I had to backtrack for five minutes and wait for it to disappear. Other bugs included the GPS failing entirely, and certain context sensitive commands not working. In both of these instances, I had to turn my console off and start again.

One hand clapping - Throughout the campaign you'll be presented with several choices in pivotal missions, only once did the question asked cause me to stop and take stock. The characters in Saints Row: The Third feel somewhat disposable, even though they're voiced expertly. This may have a lot to do with the fact that most decisions involve money, respect or the granting of an additional (usable) homie. As your empire grows, very few of these outcomes present any real benefit to the player (as you'll be blessed with an abundance of each from early on), and as a result, they lack weight.

Decisions, decisions...

The Ugly
American Psycho - For the first few hours at least, I found the inherent nihilism in Saints Row: The Third to be somewhat unsettling. There never seems to be any consequences for any of your transgressions. The Steelport police are near-powerless to stop your player character's unbridled thuggery. Upgrades that increase your health, damage resistance, ammo count, and weapon effectiveness render most threats impotent before they're even introduced. Despite the narrative implying that a gang war is escalating, there's no real sense of tension. Even the presence of a paramilitary organisation failed to evoke any fear, or impose too greatly on my routine. The game tried to make me feel as though the whole world was against me, but there was little that put a stop to my antics.

The Verdict
Saints Row: The Third represents fun in its most unadulterated and immediate form. From start to finish, you will literally be hanging from helicopters, swinging dildos and generally blowing shit up. The pace never lets up, and very rarely did I find myself wanting for anything. There are issues with purpose, but the game is so unbelievably loud that it simply can't be ignored; and thus, shouldn't be missed. Highly recommended to the cynical, the jaded, the young at heart, and the easily bored: trust me, you will find something to like in this game.

Happy New Year and other thoughts

2012-01-09T16:50:00.001+10:00

Hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year. Further to that, hope you're ready for another year of Dutch madness. I didn't get to do half as much gaming as thought I would over the break on account of raising a new puppy. That being said, expect reviews for the following releases in the near future.

Saints Row: The Third
Gears of War 3: RAAM's Shadow
Temple Run
Mario Kart 7

Thanks for sticking with us!

It's my life: A nihilist reading of Saints Row: The Third

2012-01-06T19:30:00.000+10:00

Note: This post is a response to the Bitmob Writing Challenge - January 2012. This post also contains spoilers for Saints Row: The Third.

That is the most extreme form of nihilism: nothingness (the "meaningless") eternally!

Friedrich Nietzsche

Don't let the wealth of colour, vulgarity and fun fool you: Saints Row: The Third is a playground for nihilists. Each gang, law enforcement agency, politician, and paramilitary organisation eventually comes to disregard the laws and institutions of the city of Steelport. The individual player even comes to reject established standards of previous open world action games given enough time with the game itself, and its elaborate arsenal of vehicles, weapons and abilities.

While the killing of civilians in Steelport is technically illegal (read: will illicit a response from police in close proximity), through activities like Mayhem, Tank Mayhem and Trailblazing, violence against public and private property, the police and the city's inhabitants is incentivized. It can be argued that there is a greater reward for shooting inanimate objects instead of people, however, killing civilians is not effectively penalized. I was able to reach target amounts in all but one of these instances by attacking innocent people, gang members and the law; it wasn't until the last instance of Mayhem that I found that destroying fences and barriers was the most effective way of completing that particular activity. Saints Row: The Third's missions are designed in a way that allows players to disregard human life.

I'd say "I'm sorry", but it wouldn't mean shit

The Wavves - "Idiot" from the WDDT CPDG Adult Swim radio station

Where most other games are designed to punish players who harm civilians or friendlies - through either mission failure, or the use of increasingly-belligerent police as per the Grand Theft Auto series - Saints Row: The Third either completely ignores the player's transgression, or offers them ways to cancel the interest of gangs and/or the police that require little effort. Firstly, players can evade all pursuers by entering any stores that they own. Considering how little this valuable real estate costs, and how densely-populated Steelport is by these retail spaces, shaking your would-be captors and assassins is so easy as to defy the consequence of any misdeeds entirely. You can also call "homies" - that the player acquires throughout the adventure - that can either revoke your "wanted" status or allow for law enforcement personnel to intervene in most conflicts on your behalf. Players can also purchase the ability to wipe notoriety with any of the game's three gangs. All misdemeanours performed by the player can be rendered meaningless with a minimum of fuss.

Nihilism has no substance. There is no such thing as nothingness, and zero does not exist. Everything is something. Nothing is nothing. Man lives more by affirmation than by bread.

Victor Hugo

At the close of the campaign - at least with the choices that I had made - the Saints became immortalized in film, and had been deemed heroes for defusing an explosive situation. Everything that my created avatar had done was for money, fame and power. Not for the greater good of Steelport, not to achieve any form of vigilante justice, just for me (and perhaps Burt Reynolds). I brought death and destruction to Steelport so that it may be covered in my gang's trademark violet hue. Every mission, side mission, collectable, customized vehicle, and weapon was attained so that the Third Street Saints could impose themselves upon another city; to affirm ourselves so that we could have domain over something and everything (well not quite, I'm at 91% completion).

It's my life, don't you forget. It's my life, it never ends.

Talk Talk - "It's My Life" from the 107.77 The Mix radio station

Despite a conclusion that somewhat redeems the player created lead and the Saints, life after the main saga is meaningless. You could complete the leftover side missions and find those last collectables, but after that, all there is to do is kill. Kill so that you can impose yourself on the people of Steelport once again. To be chased, to evade or to die... and rise again. The various upgrades players can buy only serve to make the final hours all the more pointless: with upgrades to your damage resistance, you can make a close range rocket as painless as a short fall. Saints Row: The Third allows you to do everything and achieve nothing at the same time. It is a nihilistic sandbox in which you must assert yourself, as nothing else matters.

First Impressions: Goldeneye 007 Reloaded

2011-12-31T09:30:00.001+10:00

Released in November, Goldeneye 007 Reloaded is Activision's latest Bond game despite being an updated PS3/360 version of last years Wii release which was a rehash of the mid 90's Nintendo 64 classic.

Featuring HD graphics and decent voice acting from Daniel Craig (Bond) and Judy Dench (M), Goldeneye both looks and sounds the part one would expect from a modern day Bond installment.

The action is simple with one button stealth attacks and familiar controls as you take Bond on another MI6 adventure.

The game starts in Russia as you track a general who is selling military equipment on the black market. In true Bond fashion, within 10 minutes you are taking on a small army and shooting down helicopters.

I enjoyed the small part of the game I played which seemed to be in real time. It could just be the story but I had 45 minutes to do something and after stuffing around for a while it turns out I was six minutes behind at one stage. It could just be a coincidence but if not, and sections of the game are in real time, I'm a fan of this concept.

As with the original, Goldeneye Reloaded features multiplayer gameplay with 14 maps and the ability to play as classic characters including Jaws and Oddjob. As I didn't play the multiplayer I'm not sure if the classic paintball option is available.

Goldeneye 007 Reloaded is available now on PS3 and Xbox 360.