Dear Person Who Sees My Potential,

Love me for who I am.

If you will, I promise you, I’ll want to be more—for me and for you.

If you won’t, I promise you, I won’t want to be with the person who continually notices the qualities I lack or what I’m not doing.  If I keep you in my life I’ll burn with anger and defend myself by resenting you. 

Ultimately self-preservation will require me to get away from you.  Then, newly emboldened—and seeing my own potential, I will become more—without you.

Now, I’d prefer to be with you on this journey.  But I need you to be my biggest fan.

Will you find the patience and compassion to be with me on this journey and help me grow by loving me first for who I am?  Once I really get that, I know I’ll be open to hear your wisdom.

Sincerely,

Your Equal

What do you think of when you see/hear the word “success”?

There’s a person I’ve been coaching for some time, who more than likely fits into most people’s idea of success.* 

She’s done well for herself financially over the years.  She’s a wanted commodity in her profession and is happily engaged in a long-time intimate relationship.  She’s got a vision for where she’s going and actively works to make her plans real.

Well for the last seven months or so, a frequent conversation in our coaching has been about her challenge to take care of her mother who lives nearly 800 miles away.  Well, sadly, her mother died two weeks ago…  But man, did she care for her—and find broader definition and a new measure for success.

Thinking about it now, I’m inspired.  I’m inspired because of the kind of person she revealed herself to be.  She revealed integrity by taking the time to look at herself and her priorities, courage in doing the hard thing (that she felt was right) and endurance in her sustained efforts to see her commitments through.  Uncompromised!

From her, I was reminded that success is developing one’s self into the kind of person who:

• Will spend unreasonable amounts of money to do what must be done (sometimes again and again…) to care for another.
• Powerfully chooses to be present with people emotionally, mentally and intellectually—and not just physically.
• Does what s/he knows is right, in the face of great inconvenience and sensible reasons to do otherwise.
• Puts others’ comfort and happiness ahead his/her own (i.e. spending holidays or other “special times” in a “less-than-ideal” situation--like a nursing home, playing, talking and celebrating—generally speaking…making another feel special and wanted).

Not only does she not regret spending all of the time, effort, energy, money and so forth on her mother, she has wonderful memories to treasure, greater self-respect and a feeling of success that will drive her toward more success of every kind.

So, what is success to you?  What kind of person do you have to develop yourself into to experience that success? 

RR

*All shared with permission.

There are several things I do on a daily and weekly basis that give my days form and help me get the results I want.  One habit, that impacts so much else, is getting up at 5 am each weekday. 

When I get up at 5am I’m in my office and reading something that grows me spiritually/personally by 5:05.  By around 5:45, I’m inspired and answering emails and handling some light business stuff to include doing some creative writing (blogs, social media, etc.).  By 6:30 I’m a dad making breakfast for the team—and so my day begins. Perfect.

And when I don’t handle my wake-up time, it causes me chaos with the rest of my plan.  I rush to find time to settle down (Sounds like a good plan, huh?), I am more careless in my writing and less inspired in my work. 

The point isn’t to accomplish personal growth time; it’s to grow.  The point isn’t to answer emails; it’s to connect with people.  The point isn’t to write; it’s to write something meaningful. 

In order to live how I want to live, it’s imperative that I follow-through on this first commitment of the day rather than make my first act, a 5 AM renegotiation of my well thought out plan—followed by continued slumber.

What is one thing, that if you did it daily, would change the results you’re getting?

RR

Everybody wants to be happy.

Motivation is required for both.

It’s hard to be motivated when you’re tired.

If you want to stop being tired stop:

• Eating more than your body actually needs. (Your body’s main function need not be constantly digesting.)
• Eating junky food.
• Eating late at night (your body should be healing itself, not digesting food, all night).
• Sleeping too much/little.
• Not exercising!
• Overcommitting. (Being engaged in the game of life in a way that you can’t win will fatigue the best.)
• Complaining. (Fussing sets you up as a victim in your mind and alters your physiology—neither increases your drive.)
• Telling yourself that you’re tired.

What else?

RR

I’ve been teaching classes (based on the principles in my book, The Uncompromised) at the local men’s shelter for over a year.  It’s been an absolutely incredible opportunity that has grown me tremendously.  These guys remember everything, expect consistency in word and action and won’t hesitate to tell you if they perceive that you’re out of integrity.

Though they don’t come right out and ask for it, they want the hard truth, rigorous accountability and to know that you can hang with them (in their aloofness, anger, elusiveness…), their past and their potential. I’m better in the boardroom, inlayed with exotic wood, because I’ve spent time in an old shelter where scarcely two chairs match. 

Anyway, a couple weeks ago, as my final class* with them was nearing, I knew what I wanted to talk to them about: “What Happens”, “Translation”, and “The Scams We Live By”. 

Bear with me as I try to express, in just a few lines, what sometimes takes people days to really comprehend and years to do something about!  I know for me, this took about two days to really grasp and I’m still working the lesson into my life.

There’s more but bottom line:

-Things happen to us all of the time.  So we have a, “what happens”. 

-After what happens, happens, whether it be a thought, event or some other “thing”, we translate the, very neutral (without native meaning) happening, into a truth.  

-Too often we translate that happening into a truth that perpetuates an old and painful story—or a scam we live by, about who we are, who others are or life itself.  In other words we translate “happenings” into truths that prove what we believe about ourselves and our worlds. Interesting, and dangerous to The Uncompromised life.

Ah, self-disclosure…

At some point I bought some scam that I’m not respected.  Despite that fact that I know that I’ve made this story up, in my less evolved moments, I’ll still be triggered by my children and cite their behavior as evidence that they don’t respect me.  In truth, they’re 6 and 8 and they choose to sneak food into their bedrooms because it’s exciting—not because they’re challenging me or meaning to be disrespectful.  But on autopilot, I quickly reinforce the scam (I’m not respected) based on an incident devoid of intrinsic meaning (giddy boys bringing Goldfish crackers to their bedroom) that totally shuts down my ability to be my best.

Back to the shelter…

Anyway, two weeks ago, working with these guys where drug addiction, abuse, violence, hate and blame have been the justified norm, this became a fiery discussion quickly.  Struggling with the personal responsibility that this conversation foists upon us all, the guys were essentially fighting to prove that the things around them did have specific meaning and that they never had a choice and still don’t because of their situation.  It was great though, to see some guys’ eyes literally open wider as they got it--and how they’d worked their various scams to the detriment of the life they wanted. 

Incredibly, there was an impeccably timed incident that day as a near fight erupted and both men involved saw themselves as the innocent victim of the other’s maliciousness.  After our brisk conversation that followed, most everyone got it!  Success!

Okay…so there I was—just this past Friday, doing my last class and planning on reinforcing this conversation by debriefing what they’ve learned about themselves since last week.  I really wanted to hear if they understood their personal capacity to translate the happenings in life in a way that just causes more chaos and perpetuation of their story--rather than empowerment and opportunity.

As is typical for me (as I did in in this blog), I use myself as an example, knowing I might not look so pretty but as long as I can facilitate a better conversation…   So as a built up to what I really wanted to express, I was telling them about how my day went.  “Guys, I didn’t make a plan today and was really unproductive…”

“Wait, that’s your scam!” called out one of the guys.

“No…I, um, uh…” I wittily retorted.

“No” he said, “You said that you didn’t make a plan for the day. That was the happening.  But were you really unproductive?”

“Well, I booked 7 people for a coaching video I’m doing in NYC.  And I wrote…” I admitted--after I’d debated quickly whether it was better for me to lie and make my day sound really unproductive (so I could prove my point) or whether I’d do better in being honest.  Sheesh!  Good stuff, Ron!

“Ha! Yeah, Ron…scam!” several guys cheered semi-playfully!

I was busted.

Yeah, they got the lessons I wanted to teach them—a bit too good.  You know??

I’ll miss these guys for their rigor and humanity—and for who I’ve had to become in order to work with them.

There’s more to be said, I’m sure, but how about you, my friend?  What story (stories) are you keeping alive through the meaning you give the various happenings in your life?

RR

Homework:

1. Think about the themes that make up what you complain about most. Are you not appreciated? Are you the forgotten daughter?  Is it not your turn, yet?  What are some of the stories/scams you tell yourself that keep the chaos going?

2. Notice what words, thoughts, or situations trigger that translation.

3. Recognize that real change comes when you notice where your choice points are in life—and you choose something better.

4. Since you’re going to make something up anyway, quoting my friend Susan Carlisle, “…you might as well choose something good.”

As it serves you, let me know what you’re learning about yourself.

* Despite the feeling of satisfaction and contribution I get from teaching those men, I chose to complete my time teaching because more recently, I wasn’t able to be there every other week (consistently) as I felt I needed to be in order to really make a difference with them.  Accountability is tough when association is irregular.  I’ll be back when I can do my work in a way that I feel is best for those I mean to serve.

I was just out on a run.  As I was headed home I saw, stopped at an intersection, a beautiful, midnight blue BMW convertible.  

Nice.

There wasn't any traffic on the road. So as I heard a car coming up behind me, I thought I’d appreciate the smooth acceleration and the seamless shifting of the transmission.  

Then, as I turned to see this beautiful automobile, a rusting, white 2002 Dodge Caravan drove past me.  I busted out laughing. 

Are you kidding me?!?!

I heard a car coming and I assumed (made up) the rest.  Since there were no other cars on the road, I figured I had enough information to convince myself that the sound of aged American practicality was precise German engineering. 

But we do this all of the time.  We see someone and create an impression, a short story even--and often, that’s that. From that moment on, we look for evidence to prove what we made up about him/her based limited (at best) evidence. 

Convenient?  Yes.  Expedient?  Maybe.  Helpful?  Well…

It is easier.  It’s faster until you have to clean up the mess you’ve made by assuming or creating a story that isn’t really true or one that is hurtful to intimacy in a relationship.  Sure it’s helpful, just like it’s expedient—until the story limits your ability to perceive truth, wisdom and possibility.

The truth is, it’s easier to just assume than to do the work of thinking more deeply about a situation, person, institution, policy, group or circumstance we’ve already conveniently made up our minds about. 

How is your life working?  …that one relationship?  How about your goals, what have you determined about your ability to actually live them?

-----------

Ask yourself: What have you convinced yourself is true (regardless of evidence) about some person or circumstances you’re complaining about?  What would be possible if you had to give up that story about them?

Consider: Really, since you’re making stuff up about your life anyway, you might as well make up some stuff that has it work to your advantage. 

In no particular order, here are the things required to change your reputation:

• Humble-up. (Selfish attempts to change anything just makes everything more about you--and people know it.)
• Care about others. (If you don’t care about me, if I don’t feel it, I don’t care what you’re doing.  By the way, if I feel it’s just another PR stunt in our relationship, you’ll sink deeper into that reputation you’re trying to depart from.)
• Care about your impact on others. (See me, talk with me and be willing to take feedback from me/be influenced by me.)
• Find some (at least a couple) allies who will tell you the truth about you and who care enough to stick around to help you as you proceed down this new path. (Sober eyes on both you and your potential are not nice to have…they are essential.)
• Know what you want. (Have a goal or it’ll take a toll-you’ll wander all over the place with no measurable results and no sense of completion or achievement.)
• Try compassion. (Why to have compassion for yourself and others-pretty self-evident, right?)
• Prepare for a long road. (Reputations aren’t altered and prior consequences aren’t forgotten overnight.)
• Do in a way that’s decisive, disciplined and sustainable. (Make a decision, stick to it and create a plan that’s compelling and sustainable.  If you can’t plan to have endurance on this long road, then you’ve already said that it doesn’t matter to you.)

Whether to just refine--or to overhaul your life and reputation, don’t mess around, don’t think twice and don’t compromise.

RR

I don’t smoke anything.  I don’t drink a lick but…I do like to eat.

Now, I eat pretty good.  In fact, I eat really good food–fresh fruit and veggies every day, blah, blah, blah.

Well Saturday I went to my favorite place for lunch, Chipotle.  Then, dinner—well, we were out and… “Let’s just stop and get some pizza, ok?!”  Compounding this, I’d gone shopping and bought Nutter Butters, which I’ve not had in years (that’s reason enough to eat crap, right? ug.).

Hobbled on Sunday after Saturday’s “party” I woke up feeling pretty shot.  Soooo, what did I do??  “Well the Packers are on, let’s get some chips, that great organic skim milk (I can eat the rest of the Nutter Butters) and…”

Well as the 4^th quarter of the game came (and Green Bay stunk and their losing was just a matter of time), half-eaten bags of junk were strewn about the kitchen along with empty containers from various “treats”.  And there I sat, bloated and sober as I considered all I ate and the fact that I actually have a life and goals that I care about that I just frustrated—if only slightly.

The point isn’t for me to feel bad or you to not “party” but I find a few things pretty interesting and worthy of our consideration.

• One “party” can so easily lead to another.
• We figure since we didn’t immediately die, gain 10 pounds or lose a friend, it didn’t have an impact.
• Compromise always exacts a price.  One of the costliest parts of compromise is how it produces the urge to compromise again.

And you, what do you notice?

Sobering Up,

RR

“Go jump in a lake!”

Well I did.

All alone, yesterday, I did the Polar Plunge (annual event where people jump in the frigid lake together to bring in the new year) in Lake George (Lake George, NY). I’ve always “thought” of doing it but last week I decided this was the year.  “Damn the cold!” 

Well without creating any big drama, for what might not be a huge lesson for you, I saw the lines that seemed to go on forever and chose to bypass the crowd and have my own experience--without the chaos of 1500 people! I found a motel and dock that had been vacated for the season, parked, delayed as I was knee deep in that all to freezing water, jumped in, ran out, dried off, got dressed and drove to an arcade to play video games with my family before the first wave of “plungers” ever hit the water!

Sometimes it’s good to be with the crowd—if you’ve made a good and conscious choice to do so.  But very often it’s better to do things on your own terms, for your own reasons.

Do things on your terms this year…today.

RR

PS Yes it was cold. I’m still shocked by how cold and momentarily debilitating it felt! I’ll see if I can upload the video, it was absurd.

I had an enlightening conversation with a relatively new biker just a few days ago.  He was a young guy so I expected to hear about his love for speed and tales of him on his Japanese “rocket”.

Instead, my prejudices were busted.

He told me there are basically two types of motorcyclists: Those who ride slowly and are all about the journey and those who crave speed and getting where they’re going ASAP.

He said, “I chose to be a biker who enjoys the ride.  It’s the journey and that’s how I want to live.” Here’s a guy who took the time to consider who he is and what he wants…integrity.

We all know this lesson and we all need to be reminded. What’s great is that he actually consciously chose what kind of life he wanted.

2012 is coming.  You can’t force it; It’ll unfold as it does.  You can’t control it but you do get to choose how to be on the ride.

Drop your prejudices, assumptions, history, justification and excuses and live 2012 on your terms despite what the road throws at you.

RR

Like many other concepts (power, discipline or faith), commitment is something none of us lack.  The question is: What is the quality of your commitment?

Just because you got out of bed doesn’t indicate anything about you.  How did you get out of bed?  Were you motivated, forced or driven by habit to leave your cozy place of rest?  This says something.

When you spoke to your children about their seemingly non-stop onslaught of not-listening, were you on autopilot--just saying words?  Did you carefully engage their hearts and minds in hopes of better reaching them and teaching them?  Autopilot/default and careful engagement are very different ways of being committed to communicate.  They will certainly garner different outcomes.

When you were last intimate with your partner or when you last ate…when you last did your exercise routine did you just do what you are “supposed to do”—what you feel obligated to do?  Action from obligation will get you to the gym but it won’t get you the results you’re after in the time you want and it certainly won’t help you experience the kind of life you were after when you made the commitment to go to the gym in the first place.

Apathy can drive action (and corresponding results) just as inspiration can.  Maybe the real question is: How committed are you to considering the quality of your commitments before you do something? 

Happy Monday,

RR

Think of something in your life, concerning which, you could really use some support.  Imagine that you were to share your need with a two people--whom over the years, you've called friends.   

As you talk to the first friend about your issue and your need to talk more about the problem, she immediately reminds you of her love for you and offers to be there for you anytime you need to talk--while ending the call without really hearing what's up for you.

When you appeal to the other friendship concerning your issues, he quickly tells you that he can't support you in this conversation but upon reconsideration calls you back, listens to your problem and schedules more time to help.

Who's the better friend?  Go and do according to the wisdom you already have.

RR

Motivational speakers talk about the need to have a “why” to find motivation.  That’s good!  Those from a more systematic profession tend to focus on “what”.  Oh, wait, that’s important too.  The blue collar (construction worker, manufacturer) might lean toward wanting to know “how” it can be done.  Without “how”, nothing gets done.

Even a simple man like me gets all of that, but what matters most…who, what, when, where, why or how?

If we say that “who” matters most, we can drift into worshiping some and hating others.  We’ve got plenty of this and all too easily, it produces is insecurity and pain.

If we say that “what” matters most, we marginalize people and exalt projects, goals, adventures and so forth.  It’s cliché the images most of us can conjure of those who’ve made themselves the servants of things (the “what”) at the expense of their health, family and legacy.

If we say that “when” is what matters most, we tend to make age and/or timelines trump wisdom. Not a good idea to supplant wisdom for veneration of length of life or rigid devotion to chronological fulfillment.

If we say that “where” matters most, geography and physical relation become sacred. Consider carefully what you call sacred.

If we say that “why” matters most, we may find answers and/or motivation. Unfortunately, every kind of behavior has been justified by every division of people (often with a noble or innocuous lexicon) because there was a “why” that needed to be honored.

If we say it’s “how” that matters most, we have to also explain why we don’t revere Hitler’s work.  How he did, what he did provides us with amazing examples of how to powerfully communicate a message and follow through on an audacious plan.  We can all learn from Hitler’s “how” but I don’t know anyone who allows the conversation stop at awe for Hitler’s “how”. 

So what matters most? What matters is that we each live The Uncompromised life.  We live The Uncompromised when consistently engage each of these questions and do something in application of the answers.

Who am I? What do I want? By when should it be done?  Where do I call “home”? Why must this be? How will we make this happen? 

What am I willing to do?  When will I start? How will I know when I get there? Why bother trying?  Where am I now? Who must I be?

What is hard?  When did I learn this? How did I find myself here?  Why do I need to know? Where would I like to be?  Who have I revealed in this?

So which question matters most? You decide.  But what I notice is that when we limit ourselves to asking just one of these questions, goals, missions or projects are quietly (or not so) exalted and humanity suffers.

--This was going to be my close but as I was doing a final reading, the poetry that’s life intervened. One of my sons yelled through my home’s ductwork for me.  “DAD!!!  Come here!”  Something had gotten him all excited. “I’ll be up in a minute…” realizing that it would be more like 5-10.  “…I’ve got to finish this thing” I mumbled to myself.  

FYI: I shook my head as I quickly got my folly--and put my son before my project.  Now, to keep this lesson…

RR

We all want the results of growth…of course.   And though we know that less than comfortable feelings (whether prolonged over time or condensed into a brief moment) often accompany real change, we don’t usually run toward and embrace pain. 

Runners have to push through the wall of their endurance, pain threshold and lung capacity to get to the next level.  But it hurts. 

Meaningful relationships require individuals to persevere with both determination and compassion during misunderstandings, opportunities, transgressions and “everyday” events.  But it’s hard.

Sometimes the trick to stretching and growth is twofold: developing a willingness to press in harder to your process despite the pain and you ability to transform both your perspective and experience of the pain--knowing it’s so often the necessary means growth!

Pressing In,

RR

I was in NYC this week taping my first show when I had an interesting experience.

I left the venue just before show-time and headed out on the street to get some air, when a young dude came up to me and asked me for money.  Now this is nothing new in NYC and the fact that I didn’t just give him money and walk on but rather spoke with him, is nothing new either.   The conversation however, was new. It so powerfully underscored a great lesson that I thought it deserved sharing.

Here’s the conversation as faithfully as I can remember it:

Dude: Hey man, got any change you can give me?  I’m hungry.

RR: (In my head: Ahhh, not now! He’s gonna just waste it anyway. Why…?) What?

Dude: I’m hungry.  I need some money to get something to eat.

RR: (Looking around-and again in my head: Hmmm, maybe I can just buy him a sandwich-I don’t want him to go hungry. But I don’t have time to… Ron, be curious!) What’s going on that you’re hungry?

Dude: I’m not working, man. (Said with heavy eyes and a slightly lethargic slur).

RR: No? Why are you on the street begging instead of working?

Dude: I’m lazy.

RR: You’re lazy??

Dude: Yeah.

RR: How old are you?

Dude: 25

RR: (In my head: He’s 25, admits to being lazy and unwilling to work…?) You know what, brother?  Who you are is an amazing man.  You have an amazing inheritance you’ve been given--in who you are, but you’ve got to so something wtih it. 

Dude: What?  I’m not amazing, I-   

RR: I don’t know who ever sold you on that pile of crap or how long you’ve been buying it but you’re a capable man and you need to start living that way.

Dude: No way, man.  I’m lazy.

RR: Well…if you’re lazy, than I don’t have any money for you.

As he walked away and posed his question to the next passerby, I smiled recognizing that he’s made a clear, albeit poor decision, that who he is, is lazy. Despite my wish for him, he’s clear and consciously choosing his identity--and as a result, corresponding actions and quality of life. 

On my side by choosing to not go on autopilot to either ignore or just give without engaging the human being, I was also able to consciously choose how I wanted to be.

Now, whether either of us chose best, who knows?  But living well does start with conscious choice.

Deliberately,

RR

The other day I heard a story that reminded me of a book that Mrs. McSwain, (my first grade teacher) read to us. It was a book about a unicorn that was an outcast because of his curved horn.  This unicorn entered a race against several unicorns who were the fastest and most beautiful of the species. Anyway…

The story ended with the race organizer (or whatever you’d call him) bypassing all of the other unicorns and giving the winner’s award to the last-place horse, the unicorn with the curved horn. Why?

Because the unicorn with the curved horn, despite its hopes of winning, stopped three times to help others along the way while the other unicorns couldn’t be interrupted on their mission to achieve what was most important to them…“victory”.  As I recall, though the needs of others along the racecourse varied, all of the other unicorns failed to stop because they simply had to win. Interestingly enough, each in his/her bid to win, lost.  And the “losing” unicorn was seen for who he was and won and “won”.

Though I’ve thought of this story many times over the years, its great lessons were made most potent and plain to me when a new friend shared an amazingly similar experience he had to that of our curved horn unicorn hero, friend…

Alex, a guy I’d done some business with, was telling me a little bit about himself—to include a few stories, so we could get to know each other better. Buckle up, because this story seems almost unreal.

Alex was (and still is) a dedicated athlete but 40 years ago, he was an exceptional one. He signed up to do a 5K (3.1 miles) that he expected to win. But just a few moments in, after the starting gun went off, a guy who was 20 years his senior somehow tripped and scraped himself up pretty badly right in front of him.

 Instinctively Alex ran down to a creek that was next to the road, took his shirt off, wet it and ran back to the guy on the ground whose face was now ripped up.  After a silly remark to make the guy feel better Alex walked and jogged the rest of the way with him and they basically parted ways.

Incredibly, the very next weekend, Alex found himself starting another race with that very guy who had fallen in front of him the week before.   After Alex approached him to see how he was feeling they finally swapped names. After a couple of minutes, Bill, the guy Alex had helped, asked Alex what he did for a living and how things were going for him.

Alex gave him some version of, “I’m sort of between jobs right now.” Soon enough the race began but before Alex headed for home, Bill waved him down and gave him a name and phone number to call on Monday.

Monday, Alex called the number and was greeted by a woman who enthusiastically yet professionally said, “Good morning Mr. Johnson. I was expecting you this morning.”  Alex was shocked but soon found himself putting on his only suit to come in to interview for a job at a massive multi-national company.   After a few more interviews, Alex was asked to come in for a final interview.

He was escorted to the executive suite when he spotted Bill walking towards him. Surprised and excited, Alex called out, “Hey Bill! You work here?” It turns out, Bill was the Executive Vice President of this global giant!

Alex was given an opportunity because he’d already shown his character when “nobody was looking”--so to speak.  Alex didn’t know who Bill was when he did the right thing.  Cool, right?  Because isn’t that exactly who we are…who we are when no one is looking and when we’re with people who apparently can’t do anything for us?

Alex ended up working for this company for years and having Bill as a mentor for many years after. This job and association with Bill set Alex on a course of professional achievement and personal success that would lead to him having a national company of his own that most anyone in business would appreciate. 

So here’s the point, of course we all want to do good.  But what you do with that urge is what defines your life—and at the risk of sounding mercenary, know that as you do good where you are, not only does it feel great but it puts options before you that you’d never have had or seen otherwise. 

Your life is always happening and if you won’t be faithful with what’s before you now, you simply surrender your life to the slave master of “another time” or “when I’m older” or “Tomorrow”.  Do this, and you’ll miss the opportunities that abound through serving others—which by the way, is the only way you get paid in this world and can experience the sense of joy, purpose, fulfillment and peace we each want. 

So go look for someone to serve. Do it because it’s right, sure.  Do it because of what kind of man or woman it’ll make of you-and don’t be surprised when you find the joy and peace you’re after and just maybe some unexpected opportunities.

Be Good - Do Great,

RR

In conversations, the ancient Israelites (and I’m sure many people still today), as they spoke of their plans, would end their assertion of what they were going to do with: …if God wills it.

You don’t have to be religious to get the greater message implicit in their practice.

You need goals, you need plans, you need to actually do according to your plans but… life happens and things often don’t go according to your plans. 

In life, success is the constant companion of the man or woman who dances with reality through the unexpected events in life--as they’re best able to cope with the challenges and leverage the opportunities that arise when another’s agenda or life intervenes on their plans.

Peace,

Dances With Reality

What if you had to run for re-election in your marriage?  

What if you had to campaign to stay parent to your kids?

What if you had to get popular approval based on your past performance as friend?

Think of your personal roles, titles and positions: mom, brother, uncle, cousin, etc.  Each carries with it a set of assumptions as to what it means to do a good job-your assumptions and the assumptions of those you mean to continue in relationship with.

Does your history of enthusiasm, commitment, quality, integrity and joy match the promises you might just have to make to continue in the rank, privilege and influence you'd have if you were re-elected to your various positions/roles?  In other words, do your bumping gums match your walking feet? 

We all fall asleep at the wheel as parents, friends and really, in all of our relationships.  We fall asleep when we begin to take those in our lives for granted—as if they’ll always be there (alive) or always be there (never opt out) regardless of how we behave.

It is a privilege to be a friend.  You do have amazing influence as a father.  There is a rank in the station of grandmother.   Since there are no elections, per se, for personal relationships, it’s incumbent (no pun intended) upon us (yup, the incumbent) to be faithful in the execution of the “office” we find ourselves in.

Bringing a compromised version of who we are to our relationships isn’t ok. Consider if you were running for re-election in November, how would you greet, teach, love, speak with and otherwise engage those wonderful people in your life?

In Humble Service,

RR

Here are just a few hot tips I’d like to offer you should you plan to reach your fullest potential as a failure, “could’ve been”, “used to be”, loser, almoster or general disappointment.

• Be quick to notice how you don’t measure up.

If you’ll master this habit, you can guarantee yourself a series of amazing stories, to share with others, to help you find friends with similar interests and potential.

• Detect how others are wrong, bad, stupid or somehow broken. 

It’s the man or woman who can quickly ascertain the flaws in another that saves him/herself disappointment while earning him/herself the reputation as one who isn’t bogged down by unnecessary relationships that require forgiveness, recognition of humanity or the like.

• Stay up late but don’t tax your system. 

Train your body to endure late nights--not with toil building some dream that will never come true but with TV or some other relaxing medium so you can properly rest your system from a long day in your 9-5.  The time for exertion will come—just not today.

• Eat enough.

Too many people stop after one or maybe two servings but what these short-sighted people miss (more than dessert) is that if an unexpected famine came through they’d have missed the opportunity to carbo-load or have ample protein for the obvious struggle ahead.    

• Find your preferred medication and take action.

Life is stressful-be prepared.  If you’re not prepared to eat, drink, drug, shop, TV, sleep or wish yourself into a better place you’ll have nothing to defend you from the unexpected events that seem to show up in life.

• Mock those who have what you want.

More than likely, those who are experiencing life in ways that you long to, got there by years and maybe decades of blood, sweat, tears and yes help from others!  Don’t buy into some ancient principles of so-called wisdom that forces you into their box.  Find your own path to success that doesn’t require turning yourself slave for some goal that might not be worth achieving anyway.

There are more great ideas to share regarding meeting your potential for failure.  I hope these few have primed the pump to get you started.

In Appreciation of Your Forthcoming Efforts,

RR

You know you should stay up late and do that creative work that makes your heart happy and puts your mind at ease.  Instead, game three of the XYZ sports final (American Idol finale, Dancing with the Stars, etc…) was on and so your dreams are stuffed in the Land of Someday once again.  Of course in the morning you wish you’d have made some progress toward your dreams but it was so exciting in the moment and…

Ooh, there’s the apple-crisp!  It’s warm from the oven, it’s cold outside and you’re still hungry from dinner.  Sitting down and having an apple-crisp party sounds great (ahem, Ron) until you've eaten half the tray and find yourself sluggish the rest of the night and heavy the next morning.  It seemed harmless--and it is made from apples...

We have to be so careful that we don’t live our lives avoiding both the wisdom we have and ultimately the life we want.  

There's a voice inside us, I call the scammer, that is more than equipped to help us get sidetracked from that wisdom.  It’ll convince you in the moment that your actions are just. It’s quite skilled at propping you up in your poor decisions until you’ve consummated your denial of your best self through not-so-well-thought-out, diverting and occasionally stupid actions.

Doing what you know and learning from your regrets is the antidote to all of this.  It establishes the very integrity that you’ll build your life from while it denies the scams that undermine who you are you at your best.

Do What You Know,

RR

Have you ever had someone act like they wanted to be friends but it turned out they wanted something else instead?  I’ve experienced this several times in business.  I had a financial advisor tell me that he (like me) is a triathlete.  It turned out he’d never done one—though he did occasionally run.  I’m sure at the time it seemed like a great way to get report…  I’ve had a “marketing guru” tell me that he’d love to connect with me sometime offline (outside of business) but over the course of a year, every time I offered to get together he avoided the opportunity and put me back in his marketing funnel, offering me another of his business solutions.  Classy.

Anyway, I certainly know others have experienced this because people want their money, expertise, to share in their notoriety or to put it plainly—because they want to sleep with them.

For the one who is trusting, it can be a violating feeling to hear the language of friendship while actions of conquest abound.   So here are a couple of thoughts for us:

• Don’t become too suspicious and skeptical.  None of us want to become untrusting and resentful.  Seek the balance between vulnerability and trepidation.

• Don’t forget to look in the mirror.  Weakness is easy to spot in others but it’s what we do with our own proclivity to err that counts.

What are your, or my, intentions in any particular interaction?  What do you hope to secure, gain or experience?  There’s nothing wrong with wanting something from being in relationship with another; we all want to get our needs met (personally and professionally).  It’s just not okay to feign a bid for friendship or engage in false piety or faux-devotion to get what you think you need.

The truth is, that those who “achieve” anything through such means are unhappy and find the very things they are after completely elusive.  Clean up your intentions, be honest with yourself and those you relate to.  And if it’s friendship that you want…wild abandon sister/brother!  Go for it! 

Now if you want to sell me something, know that I don’t mind being sold to—you just have to be straight with me.  It’s honesty I crave.  It’s honesty (authenticity, being real) we all want.  Let’s all check up to see where our intentions and actions lay/lie.

RR

The key to all happiness, achievement and meaningful action is tied to your ability to stop thinking positively…and start a practice of reality thinking.  The Uncompromised each have to apprehend this wisdom.

The primary goal of the positive thinker is to stay positive—to be encouraged.

The reality thinkers’ primary devotion is to identify reality—what actually is.

The positive thinker wants to feel better/to avoid feeling helpless.

The reality thinker is already ok with themselves and knows that they have power in any situation.

The positive thinker nurtures optimism and feels empowered and capable of making even dog mess smell better.

The reality thinker recognizes the mess and removes it from the equation.

The positive thinker’s battle is with negativity and skepticism.

The reality thinker’s battle lies in optimal solutions and strategies.

The point isn’t, that negative thinking is good.  Let’s not be base.  The point isn’t that having a positive attitude is bad.  Of course it’s good.  What we have here is an issue of priority and order.

To achieve, to engage life most powerfully, to live the legacy we intend on leaving, we must be able to identify what is, stripped of perspective, THEN CHOOSE what kind of attitude we want to engage from.

Make it a practice to observe the facts regarding people, events and things (You are reading a blog.  People lost money during the 1929 stock market crash.) separate from attitude/perspective (This blog is short.  Life was brutal in the US in the 1930’s.).  When you do this you can soberly see what is and decide how you want to engage anything/anyone.  That, of course, is the key to being the creative force in your life or a perpetual victim.

In Reality (and positivity),

RR

The lottery is a killer-no doubt.

It’s not the lottery itself; it exists.  It’s the mentality-the philosophy that’s required to play the lottery that kills.  It goes like this: I can succeed even if I don’t try, train, analyze my life or do anything more than show up with a minimum willingness to invest anything.  It’s the old “something for nothing” deal. 

The problem isn’t the dollar you gave away—we all can earn another dollar.  The problem is, that with that dollar, you’re investing in a philosophy that asks you to surrender reality.  As you put that dollar down you reinforce a “truth” that hard work (whether mental or physical) is not necessary to profit or grow.  As you put that dollar down you strip yourself of initiative, you supplant the driver that is genuine hope, for a belief in magic as the great universal producer--and all the while you’re grooming yourself as faithful servant to the fickle god of chance, luck and random rewards. 

At some point your conversion is complete. A faithful adherent to this cult(ure), you’re now completely impotent in your life. 

I was finally inspired to write this blog, that I’ve long thought of writing, after I saw a post by someone on facebook.  She said she was posting it because “it couldn’t hurt” in terms of producing her intended desire (wealth).  She couldn’t be further from the truth.  In posting that nonsense, she told everyone, and quietly herself, that her hope lies not in herself but in said god.

Do you really think that if you don’t forward an email to 10 people or post some crap for everyone to see you’ll stem the flow of love, avert wealth and cause a small river in Nepal to dry up?

Get over yourself Lottery-Larry.  Give it a break Magician-Mary.  Want what you want and trust the process that is reality. 

Shut up.

Think.

Believe in your power to change your world. 

Do something.

Learn.

Do something smarter.

Repeat.

Bet on That,

RR

PS  Even if you don’t play the lottery, this mentality still shows up.  Where might it be living in your personal philosophy?

PPS  Anyone have any good stock tips?

The compromised can add. Everyone can add so that’s not too impressive.

The compromised see people in business and easily see all the money coming in.  Any fool can stand at a turnstile or cash register and take note.

The compromised, for the most part, can’t subtract.  They don’t even realize the concept exists so they don’t see, let alone, comprehend the cost of insurance, research, taxes, maintenance, payroll, reinvestment and so on.

The elite of the compromised can subtract—good for them. They’re just completely demoralized by the enormity of details, factors and overall responsibility required to have the success they want…and so they retire before they begin and attribute others’ success as the product of luck or nepotism. 

Counting the Cost of Compromise,

RR

A cabbie, Allen, just dropped me off in my driveway.  He was bringing me home from the Albany Airport after doing some teaching in Chicago; we had a conversation worth sharing. I share with his permission. 

Allen’s been a cabbie for 10 years.  At 65, most everyone in his life thinks him a fool for having left a “good teaching job to be a lowly cabbie”.  His wife thinks he’s lazy, his kids are embarrassed by his profession and there are no shortage of people who sit in his car and interrogate him about what he was thinking—and continues to choose.

We all have people in our lives and/or thoughts in our heads that would convince us that no matter what we do or how much we want something, we’re fools or are wrong (for one reason or another) for trying to live the dream.  Others’ solutions are too often ones that make someone else happy and leave us feeling violated, gutted and hopeless.

Notwithstanding all of the nonsense he has to endure, Allen smiled for the entire 20-minute ride as he spoke of his adventures (longest fares, craziest people and situations), the cities he’s seen, the generous people he’s served and the freedom he feels while he drives his beloved van.

Punctuating his story, he was quick to assume that I had more money than he does but was just as quick to smile and assert that few people are as happy as he is.

“Do you understand?” he asked.  I assured him that I did.  I told him what I do and that the truth is, The Uncompromised don’t require money, status, the “right” class of friends, the big house or even the newest cab to successfully live their Uncompromised life.  What they need is a hunger for self-knowledge, a willingness to actually live what they know and follow through (Enthusiasm, Courage, Endurance, Integrity).

The Uncompromised Allen?  Hmmmmmm…  At least in his profession!  How about you?

RR

Fewer know that what you think about ends up being your reality.  Of these, still fewer will exercise the discipline to change their thoughts.

A smaller minority knows that you have to actually want what you think you want.  Scant few, in this crowd, will invest the emotional energy to turn their fantasy-wants into compelling and assumed-expectations.

If you’re one of those who’ve made it through this sieve, it leaves you with no excuse to NOT do what you know.  At this point you're either a victim or creator.

When was the last time you secluded yourself to quietly do nothing but think, clarify, decide and feel the reality of what “will be”?

Knowing, is rarely an issue.  Knowledge needs to do more than eclipse ignorance to change your life.

RR

We’ve all been to a restaurant and had a great meal, served by a cranky waitress.  It can spoil a good time in nothing flat. She’s not paid as a conveyer of food but of something pleasant that adds to your experience.

How many of us have asked a friend or spouse or other loved one to do something for us--and gotten attitude?  Do you even want him to do anything for you at that point?  No, we’d (in most cases) rather do without, than be made to feel badly for having needs or for asking for help.

We forget that people have a choice.

We forget that what’s attractive about a person is how we feel in his/her presence.

And given a choice we’d rather be served by, congregate with and receive help from those who make us feel significant, worthy, special and so on.  When people sincerely smile as they do for us, we can’t help but feel cared for.

You want a raise?  Smile, give people the opportunity to feel good in your presence.

You want your children to want to be with you when they’re adults?  Teach them, support them and love them in a way that has your smile shine through.  Even though they’ll leave home, they’ll want to come back home because of how they feel when they’re with you.

Hmmm, I wonder, is it an oxymoron to even say, “service without a smile”?

RR

Not compromising is just the start, if you have any desire to life The Uncompromised version of your life. 

Of course you can’t eat yourself numb and expect to develop a strong, healthy body.

Of course you can’t medicate your pain by going after the next rush of adrenaline--then expect to live with any peace of mind.

Of course you can’t do half-ass work and expect a raise, more business, recognition or any sense of self-respect.

The question arises then, “What is not compromising?”

I’m going to keep this short, lest I ramble.

The Uncompromised* feed the fire and passion that they have within.  They choose their state of mind rather than allow themselves to be victims of whatever emotion that sweeps through their spirit and mind.

It’s in the choosing.  Yes you can choose to be full of passion, excitement and motivation.  Yes it’s effort--and yes it’s harder than allowing inertia, your history or your disbelief that you can change to run your show.

Once you can more powerfully and consistently learn to control your state of mind (choosing passion, power, motivation, etc.), you’ll see better options in terms of actions to take, you’ll get better results and more and better opportunities will avail themselves to you.

You know what to do.

RR

* That’s anyone committed to leveraging the qualities that they’ve got within to do and create something great “out there” for themselves and others.

It’s funny, I usually write a blog in about 30-40 minutes.  I review it once or twice and post it.  Today I was really struggling.

It took me two hours and it’s still a mess.  Interesting as I’m writing on: perfectionism.

So as to thwart my own demons that would convince me to work on it for another hour, I ‘m sharing with you in a bottom line way, my experience and my main points.

Over the last couple of hours I’ve bounced back and forth between thinking my blog was:

• Too long and too short.
• Too significant and inconsequential.
• Original and stale.
• Too edgy and lacking in approachability.
• And more…

Wow, aint that the way it goes with perfectionism. Our demons start to take over and even the easy becomes complex.  Even what we know becomes uncertain.

Here is what I know about perfectionism—in this moment!

• It’s mentally lazy to buy into the notion that anything can be perfect (unable to be improved upon ever).

• WE MUST separate happiness and satisfaction.  People who are committed to that ideal/perfection usually fear that if they choose to be happy with their efforts they’ll become satisfied with their results.  A lazy mind calls this a paradox.  I think it’s worthy of distinction.

My mind, driven by perfectionism, is telling me to end this with some rousing call to action (perfect action). I leave it for your consideration.  I just need to remind myself that The Uncompromised aren’t perfect—we just aren’t!

RR

It’s the mentally lazy that insists on always expressing his/her perspective.

It’s the selfish man or woman who expects that the world (those around) recognize his/her opinions.

------

Talking less is often a good plan.

Thinking should precede expressing.

Humility is a virtue that doesn’t require another for exercise.

------

Those seeking a feeling of significance and success (that’s all of us, really) too often die on some anonymous battlefield of life.  They climb all sorts of mountains, run untold distances and engage endless obstacles (or the same one for a lifetime) hoping to conquer that which lies only within.

Success doesn’t begin with being recognized from the outside.  Success is the feeling you get when you study your strengths, weaknesses, appetites, motives and intentions--and choose to live out of the best of who you are.  This is your identity.   

Learn to think, speak and do from your identity and you’ll find yourself instantly successful, lacking in nothing.

RR

Self-evident truth requires no alibi. 

It’s self-evident that who you are when no one's critical eye is upon you, is who you are.

If you "get fat" (eat a bunch of food that you just don't need) most nights, you're a glutton--even if you’re thin and/or regularly eat salads during the day.

If you're constantly impatient with your kids, you're a tyrant--regardless of how nice you are to your customers or prospects.

If you never have enough money, the economy is not the problem, you are.  You're undisciplined, lazy and/or ignorant--even if you're a bargain shopper.

Reality is our friend.  The wise covet realty and are willing to hear it even if it hurts.

If we can muster the Courage to see who we've become (as a result of how we live when the sun goes down), we'll have the foundation upon which to build The Uncompromised life we really want.

Kiss and make up with reality.

Be Good – Don’t Compromise,

RR

Jocks dress like jocks.

Computer guys dress like computer guys.

Executives dress like executives.

And rebels dress like rebels.  

The irony, of course, is that if some rebel in the group decides to start wearing clothes from Sacks 5th Ave, he'd take heat for not conforming. Gotta fit in with the other rebels, ya know.

Look, we all want to fit in, it's normal.  Here’s the deal, my rebellious friend (in whatever clothing you find yourself in), you just aren’t allowed to compromise-ever. 

How do people in every style of dress compromise?  They just end up in their group over time and try not to depart from the accepted norm.  They shut their minds down and learn to think like a good member of the group.  They’ll embrace and reject along the party line.

If that’s not compromised integrity, I don’t know what is.

I don’t really care how you dress; you’ve got to do your own thinking.  You don’t get to not know who you are, what you stand for and why.  The ignorant are the victims and the patsies of society. 

If you think you’re above this lesson…you just might be the kind of patsy someone is looking for.

RR

The Uncompromised aren’t given their legacy on a silver platter, they get going and do something to start living that legacy.

The Uncompromised look hard within--and at some point get clear about what they want and what must happen in their world. 

Before that clarity strikes (which is a no-man’s land for those more committed to their compromises) they are busily developing the quality of character it’ll take to achieve their goals.

The Uncompromised have clear intentions, which lead to plans for their fulfillment. 

The Uncompromised don’t presume to know how everything will play out.  Instead, they get to work. They do what they know they can and ought do and trust that what they need, will present itself when they are ready. 

The Uncompromised avail themselves to--and then leverage opportunities that help them achieve their goals. In contrast, steeped in the little compromises they’ve made, the compromised simply can’t see the opportunities that are not only all around them but within as well.

The Uncompromised is a choice.  So is the alternative.

Choose Thee Well,

RR

Our pet compromises, we think, are easy to hide.  But let’s enjoy some time with reality.

Just because someone is skinny doesn’t mean they aren’t eating crap food and holding the couch down at night; they’re just fat on the inside and it will exact a cost.

Don’t even think that because skinny-boy isn’t overweight that he’s somehow able to shed his lethargy and carelessness, in his marriage.

Don’t think that his kids aren’t left in the backyard waiting for him.

Don’t think his boss isn’t wondering where the guy is that she thought she hired.

Look, we all have some version(s) of this going on.  We all have places where we’re fat on the inside.  It’s compromise.  We all compromise. 

The point is to become more committed to reality and doing something about the things we do that rob us from living our legacies.

The results of compromise can’t be quarantined.  Don’t try to fool yourself otherwise.

RR

Bill Gove, often considered the father of professional speaking in the US, said something that is worth tattooing on your arm--where you can see it!

He said: It's easier to act yourself into good thinking than it is to think yourself into good action.

This is completely contrary to what most of us have learned and contrary to where the masses, who do wish for more in thier lives, start.  The power of positive thinking is immense and we ought to have clear intentions and work to think our way through challenges and hash out plans but...

Most people get held up in their lives by thinking forever—or until they essentially give up and just stop thinking about the life they want altogether. So sad.  You and I need to do the opposite of what the hoi poloi do.

Mostly, all you need to do is what you already know.  Be Faithful.  Be faithful to what it is you do, the roles you have in your life and what you know must be done.  Do what you know and do your best…your thoughts will change when you change what you do.

If only you'd do what we know you could change your world.  Stop thinking things through and do what you know.  Do what's scary.  Do what others think is outrageous.  Do it now!  Call mom.  Go to the county clerk's office and start your business.  Throw the cigarettes in the trash.  Wake up at 5am tomorrow.  Do something!

Unfortunately, most will hide in alleged thought and instead engage in some watered-down nonsense activity that creates comfort in the moment and more pain later.  You see, avoiding action or taking compromised action (kicking up dust) might keep those around you fooled but it also keeps you from your promise--your potential, your legacy. It bears an expense on your very soul.  You know you're not doing your best, you know you're avoiding the rest of your life and you know you’re letting the best of you rot while you’re still alive.

Stop thinking and do something, now!

Don’t Compromise,

RR

What do you do if you’re typing along and see that you’ve misspelled a word?  You recognize it and fix it.  You back up to where the wrong letter is and you delete it.  You eliminate if from the word you’re looking to have convey an idea that seems worth your time to even express. 

Why?  Because you can’t spell a word right using a wrong letter.  Is the expression of your life worth less relative energy, thought and commitment than you give to a written communication?

First: Recognize the wrong (or what isn’t working) in your life.

Second: Eradicate that wrong (or stupid/destructive behavior) by replacing it with what it’ll take to get you to express what you really want in your life.

Third: Enjoy the benefits of right living.

Repeat.

RR

PS Or you can make it more difficult, time consuming and life defining.

I was at Saratoga Race Track yesterday during a picture-perfect day in terms of weather, the presence of family and lots of friendly people. It really is a great place to spend a summer day.

"It's easy to be hard; it's hard to be smart." the saying goes.

It's easy to drive yourself physically and not rest if there is so much to do. And there always is.

It's easy to think and think about your business and your plans and...and be on it all of the time. There is so much that requires your attention.

It's easy to always be learning and growing. It's the only lifestyle option you can see. You're either growing or dying, right??

Sometimes it's hard for the person committed to The Uncompromised version of their lives to slow, do downshift for a time. They see it as relaxing their standards. Life is all about seasons and cycles; rest is one of those cycles.

Maybe Monday is a perfect day to learn this lesson. Maybe Monday is the perfect day to not get in the fray but to instead sharpen yourself by taking the day off-no planning, no lamenting, no searching, no strategizing, no! Just shutting it down...

The Uncompromised respect the seasons in life.

Be your inheritance-The Uncompromised.

RR

Life is expectations.

If you expect to win, somehow, most times you will. You'll win because your eyes, mind, ears and your intuition will persistently collaborate together to find opportunities, options and courses of action that others, committed to less than winning (hitting their goals), don't recognize and when they do recognize them, aren't willing to engage.

These are opportunities, options and courses of action that many see but appear too hard, require too much time, emotional, physical and/or financial commitment. To put it bluntly: The one who expects to win-who is willing to stake her/his existence upon a particular outcome will do whatever it takes. They create their quality of life and their legacy from how they choose to live today.

If you expect to lose, somehow, most times you will. You'll lose because your eyes, mind, ears and your intuition will persistently conspire together to find opportunities, options, and courses of action that those who know success, achievement and winning recognize-but deny.

These are the opportunities, options and courses of action that require effort (sometimes hard effort) that appears earnest and sensible, yet ensures defeat. To put it bluntly: The one who expects to lose-who has stake is in losing, must ensure losing to keep his/her reputation as that of a noble struggler. Too much success is a threat since others' expectations are then raised.

There is a vast middle ground, of course, where people spot their expectations, take commensurate action and experience corresponding results.

After reading this you'll choose anew where to place yourself in life. Will winning or losing be your habit? Perhaps you'll renew your commitment to some acceptable combination.

Time and results will tell.

Be Good - Don't Compromise,

RR

{C}

What do you think?

I think people are limited only by their imaginations.

What do you think?

I think people can do just about anything they decide to do.

What do you think?

��������

If you think people are broken, then you won�t expect them to do amazing things.

Whatever they do�it won�t be enough.

If you think people are broken, you won�t attempt to feed their imaginations with hope and possibility.

You�re teaching them to live your limitations.

If you think people are broken, you�ll not expect them to do anything much.

So you�ll just wait for them to disappoint (again).

Reality Zone:

• People will disappoint you.
• People will forget to dream or give-up on dreaming.
• People will make foolish decisions.

It�s how we see and engage them in the face of these realities that matters. Because as we each know, all too well, we can only control ourselves. But it�s in our ability to control ourselves that we can not only change our own lives, but inspire change in others as well! The Uncompromised in our world speak to the best in people (king/queen) and as a result bring out the best in those they touch.

Be Good � Don�t Compromise,

RR

I've been teaching about thirty-five men in a program called Freedom Academy for a few months now. It's a program designed to help men who've suffered addiction (and all of the collateral damage) through a recovery process--I'm there teaching from my book, The Uncompromised.

Just a couple of days ago I raised the bar. "We're looking beyond "staying clean". We're looking at what you really want, what your big dreams are and we're going to get busy creating plans to make it all happen. None of this feeling good as you think about living how you want. We're going to go to work to actually make it happen."

One guy started us off and I coached him to get clear on what he would actually do to get his dreams out of fantasy land. I was both helping this guy and encouraging others to powerfully and positively engage him so we could get the ball rolling as to how we'd work the next guy--and the next.

I decided to go second and open myself up to them regarding one of my challenges. Next thing I knew 9 different guys were hitting me with what they saw and how I was compromising. Then the coup de grace--a guy raised to speak--and he did.

He spoke humbly for about 20 seconds as he quietly searched through my book. I was pretty sure that he was looking down because was nervous to speak publicly-- and that my book just happened to be in his hands. "Now Ron, you say here in Chapter 15... ��entertaining such thoughts makes your daily life harder while compounding the insanity of feeling like something should be different.� " I started laughing at the irony and the fact that he'd hit the nail on the head concerning the lesson I needed to relearn�using my stuff �against me�!

Humorous and humbling!

Class ended and here I am, reminded to do what I�ve long known.

The truth is, we usually need to learn new things; we need to remember and do what we speak and what we know. Yeah, we'll need to be reminded but if we're lucky--rather, if we're smart, we'll surround ourselves with people who will help remind us of who we are, what we know and subsequently remind us to live accordingly.

Don�t you just wish you knew 35 recovering addicts who are willing to speak the hard truth as they had your back?

In Rigor and Humility,

RR

Summers are like "the big Monday".

Saturday I went to Foxboro, Mass to see the American national soccer team play Spain's--who, by the way, just won The World Cup.

I'm still shocked at what I saw.

Spain won 4-0. That's not so hard to believe, I guess. What was shocking to me was the ease by which they won. It looked as if they barely broke a sweat while the Americans chased the ball all over the field never possessing it for long.

I was certain it would be a really great game. America's team isn't bad but...

Spain�s players were, almost to the man, masters. And playing like a team they created great results.

Being great as a team and masterful as an individual--and far ahead of the competition (if only your demons) requires:

• � A decision to be great
• � Caring more about your goal than you do your comfort
• � Spending time with people who are better than you at your chosen endeavors
• � A decision to never quit

We all have to choose where we�d like to place ourselves on the scale between mediocrity and mastery. Having witnessed the results of years of dedication and resulting dominance, I know I�m capable of more.

And you�? What is it time to stop messing around with and start hitting hard?

Toward Mastery,

RR

{C}

In checking out this blog today, what did you hope to find?

• I work to have Washington"e;s dignity.
• I study and evaluate myself to gain Franklin"e;s sagacity.
• I consistently look to give earnestly and generously so to imitate Mother Teresa"e;s compassion in action.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that...

This is how the second paragraph of America's extraordinarily compelling Declaration of Independence begins. Self-evident means that something is so obviously true that it doesn't need further explanation such as the proposition that all men (people) are created equal.

We don't use this kind of language these days. Too bad. When one deems something as self-evident, presumably they've got compelling reasons that prove it so.

What do you know that is beyond perspective, beyond a deep feeling and beyond even beyond question?

Here are a few on my list to get you thinking:

• We all have a feeling (regardless of how we engage or avoid it) deep down that we are meant for something great.
• All people are equal in the sense that they deserve equality and fairness as to how the are treated by their fellow man/woman.
• People separate themselves from others by how they grow themselves to include their intentions and efforts--making them unequal in terms of their skills and value to the marketplace or society in general.
• The above self-evident truths are okay and don't require acts or thoughts of hostility toward either the one committed to furthering him/herself or the one who chooses to live passively.
• Regardless of your demographic you deserve to be treated with respect.
• Kind words and humility are more powerful than swords and arrogance.

What are some self-evident truths, that you see, that are worth identifying?

RR

There are a few axioms that I try to live by. This list is not exhaustive by any means but it's a good list.

These are mine; if you like these, adopt them as your own. If you don't like them, change them to fit your understanding of wise living. If you're too lazy to do either, well, don't be surprised by the poor or haphazard results your life produces.

• Rarely is haste the key to success.
• Busy yourself in work so honorably and vigorously that you haven�t time to bother with others� approval.
• People are more important than projects.
• The pain of discipline or the pain of regret�you will choose.
• Retire when you expire.

You are capable of great things-you are The Uncompromised! If you're to live out that potential, you'll need to get clear about what you know.

What self-evident propostions do you live by?

RR

I don't know if it is true but I want to believe it. Regardless it makes a great point.

Once upon a time there was an old pastor of a well-attended church. This pastor consistently gave great sermons week after week and did so with great passion and energy. So though the sermon he gave on love and forgiveness was great and appreciated, as usual, it came and went without much ado.

The following week he gave the same sermon.

The following week -the same sermon.

People started to talk as you can imagine. After a few weeks of the old pastor giving that same sermon, some of the church leaders gingerly approached him, concerned that the old guy had lost his mind.

Confronting the pastor by informing him that he'd given the same sermon on love and forgiveness for a few weeks now, he responded firmly, "Yes, I know. And I'll continue to give it until people are living it."

Very rarely are there occasions where we genuinely don't know what to do. Normally it's that we don't live what we know.

Live It,

RR

{C}

Sometimes we fail to do what we�re capable of.

It�s even worse when, deep in the recesses of our minds, we decide that we aren�t really going to work so hard but� we�ll keep up the illusion.

This is where we kick up a lot of dust to make our efforts look convincing and sincere -while we know that we aren�t really doing what we are capable of.

I�ve seen people sweat (literally and figuratively) and actually work harder avoiding work than if they just did the thing they are avoiding. Come on� haven�t you seen that guy who huffs and puffs as if he�s totally maxed-out after not doing anything but notice you watching? This happen in offices, athletics, construction� It actually is kind of funny isn�t it?

The trick is to notice when we�re pulling one over on ourselves. This is compromise and it�s an easy habit to acquire.

Don�t Compromise,

RR

Well, after talking to this dude about The Uncompromised he took my 3 minute long explanation and said it back in about 20 seconds! He said, "You believe that who people are at their best is who they are... they are "e;uncompromised"e;. The Uncompromised is about preserving and choosing this rather than the things that compromise this more natural state." YES!

The only thing I"e;d add is that we don"e;t have to look for something to do to prove great quality. We need only not compromise... or choose The Uncompromised way in each thing we do.

Be Good (be your true self) - Do Great (natural product of being good),

RR

Just a couple more things; I promise we"e;ll get there...

Everyone wonders from time to time, with greater and lesser urgency, who they really are and what they"e;re here to do. We"e;re talking about identity and purpose. For life to have real meaning, people want to know who they are at their best -and what their life"e;s work is. Who are you...really? What are you here to do?

Those are important questions to consider -and chances are if you"e;re reading this book, you"e;re the kind of person who is already thinking about them. You see, these are important questions to be considering, because the rigor in which you consider, meditate on, pray about and take action around these questions will dictate your clarity and ability to powerfully live them out.

By the way, how you live out your identity and purpose is your legacy. If you want to leave a meaningful legacy, you have to live a meaningful legacy. If you"e;re going to live your legacy today, you"e;d better get really clear about who you are and what you stand for. That is what Personal Standards are all about.

A couple more foundational things to consider:

I believe what we typically call purpose is best broken up into two categories: First, your bigger purpose, what you were placed on this planet to do -this is your commission (your "e;original instruction"e; as a Native American client of mine calls it) . Your basic purpose is what you do; it"e;s your roles. ...and this, my friend, is where the action is at! So, for example whether you are a father, a sister, a husband or wife, a steel worker, a philanthropist, a professional athlete, a caretaker or whatever... Your purpose is to do what you do. Now, how well you do it-in other words, how faithful you are as you execute your various roles will not only dictate the quality of your legacy today, but it will chart the course for either clear sailing or a very bumpy ride as you consider and look to live out your commission. The moral of this story is: be good and faithful at what you do; integrity with how you live out your purposes (roles) creates its own rewards. The rest of the story is that clarity and conviction and experiencing your commission will follow.

I believe who you are, your identity, is who you are your best. Yep, people can be idiots and thoughtless, etc. But I can"e;t get behind the notion that people are inherently damaged goods. In taking this stance I"e;m not saying that people shouldn"e;t be held to account for their activities. On the contrary; I believe in people so much and I believe that they"e;re capable of so much, that rigorous accountability, to a very high standard, is the natural response. So who you are at your best, is who you are -your identity.

Personal Standards are individually designed, specific compound declarations of your identity and purpose. What I"e;ve heard again and again for my clients, as they"e;ve taken the time to consider and live out their PS, is that first you work them (work to clarify them and speak them daily) and then they work you (revealing and changing you). Cool.

Okay! Next post I"e;ll teach you how to create powerful, life-changing Personal Standards.

Over and out...

RR

A Potemkin village is phrase based on a historical myth. Though the experts don't completely agree on the truth of it all, the myth goes like this: Russian Minister (and General) Grigory Potyomkin supposedly built fake villages (facades only) along a rail line in order to fool and impress Catherine II -Empress of Russia as she was touring the area, some time around 1787.

Grig's apparent motive was to have Cathy think that he'd conquered some pretty awesome territory and that he was actually a pretty savvy, powerful and all around nifty guy. I wonder how it all worked out.

Well, aren't we guilty of the same thing sometimes? Can't we be guilty of living Potemkin lives where we act one way but our authentic identity (true self) is someone different?

You know, we suffer so much as we try to keep the charade up. You know, we experience so much peace when we accept who we are and let the chips fall where they may.

People are demanding authenticity from everyone and everything these days...Be Uncompromised -demand it from yourself.

RR

{C}