The Undomestic Goddess

Fake beaches are perfectly fine with me.

2012-01-27T08:31:00.000-06:00

Raise your hand if you are terrified of the ocean and every time you think about it you can only picture your children's tiny little heads bobbing up and down as they are helplessly carried out into the deep blue while you watch in horror and then you sit straight up in bed in a cold sweat and vow to never let your children near any body of water ever again.

*Hand raised*

I am perfectly fine with the three little man-made beaches at this Disney Resort, seeing as how I'm slightly anxious about water.

The kids loved the pools. They would swim 23 out of 24 hours a day if they could. (I'm slightly less insanely paranoid about swimming pools.)

We interrupt these obnoxious Disney posts to bring you my three favorite Christmas presents and my three favorite nerds.

2012-01-25T09:10:00.001-06:00

I'm a simple girl. It doesn't take much to excite me, and that is why these three little stocking stuffers from my mother (she is the best gift giver, ever) thrilled me to pieces.

*Disclaimer - Unless someone is looking for wrinkly, knobby, dry and cracked hands, I will never be a hand model.

Meet the only measuring spoon I will ever use again:

One side is a tablespoon and a teaspoon, then flip it over and push in the little cups and you have a half tablespoon and a half teaspoon. Anything smaller than that I don't measure anyway because I'm not OCD.

Meet the perfect cookie scoop:

Just push the little silicone part and out plops the dough. It makes a good sized cookie or a good sized ball of dough to devour. It meets all your cookie eating needs.

And finally, my personal favorite of the favorites, the fancy vegetable peeler:

It hooks onto your first finger giving you the perfect leverage. I use this multiple times a day for pears, apples, carrots, my unibrow, etc..

And because my unresolved Mommy-guilt makes it difficult to post anything without pictures of my children, my three favorite nerds:

More of the same. Which means this probably isn't exciting to anyone except my Mom.

2012-01-23T09:25:00.005-06:00

Kids looking up at big tree. That probably didn't need an explanation.

Bode's dream finally came true...about 50 times (which in this case is fine because there are over 50 different versions of this ride).

Adorableness.

Nothing and no one was immune to being destroyed by Bode's lightsaber.

Mia was a pin trading fool this year. It is the gift that keeps on giving - as in, she got a new souvenir every ten minutes.

And no one will be surprised to know that Mia was put in a promotional video.
(By all means, don't stop eating your popsicle.)

If you are ever sitting in a Disney resort and turn to that super-annoying Disney informational channel and hear this little girl say, "Disney Hollywood Studios, where I'm a star!" That's her.
I'm totally having her unionized.

Bode always looks adorable sitting on top of inanimate objects.

Another perk of pin-trading? Mia had the confidence to introduce herself to all kinds of people - it's amazing how far out of her comfort zone a seven-year-old will go for a pin.

Disney Pictures, part 1 of 456.

2012-01-19T09:34:00.003-06:00

The man with the plan:

I think he's a keeper.

Andy helping Mia get all her school work done. They had it completed before the first flight was over.

Bode was not quite himself on the plane, poor kid.

Mia has always been Andy's twin - in every way. But look at this picture.
Might we have the same chin? Perhaps not all of my genes are recessive after all!

First stop in the Magic kingdom: The Buzz and Zurg ride.

Bode has recreated this ride at home using a rolling chair, stickers as targets and a fake gun.

The first and last time I rode Space Mountain. Mia was just getting warmed up.

The teacups are a classic.

It's a requirement to have this sort-of-fun sort-of-miserable experience each visit.

The Disney power couple:

It's all in the details.

2012-01-16T10:30:00.003-06:00

I promise you that this sweet husband of mine would not go to all the trouble to pull off these elaborate surprises if he didn't get more out of it then we do. Thankfully we get to benefit from his hobbies.

You should have seen some of the things he did when we were dating. Let's just say he has always thought outside the box. That's why I married him.

To prove how serious he takes these little projects of his, check out his itinerary of the morning:

1. Leave for the donut shop / Starbucks (tall Americano w/ one pump of mocha) at 6:55

2. Arrive back at house and get everyone up at 7:30

3. Eat breakfast until about 7:50

4. “Notice” the missed Christmas present under the playroom couch and begin the investigation

5. Prompt kids to call grandparents to see if they know anything (mom & dad will suggest they look for fingerprints on the package)

6. Kids will dust for fingerprints – help them make the match to mine

7. Turn their attention to the hole in the box > help them come up with what might have done it > ask them where we might find a mouse

8. Kids will find “Jerry” in the mouse trap in the closet with an envelope in his hand

9. Kids will find two pages in the envelope that they must decode

a. Page 1 – use two different codes (code grid + a new one): Great job. You are getting closer to solving the Mystery of the Missing Christmas Presents. The next page will reveal another clue.

b. Page 2 – write in invisible ink: The green Jedi master can tell you where the missing presents are.

10. Kids will go find the Yoda in Bode’s action figure drawer; he will have a speech bubble attached that says, “Look in Andy’s closet, you must.”

11. Kids will go to my closet to find three presents hanging inside; each present will have a sign above it and the decoder glasses will be there as well

a. Beatles t-shirt (Mia)

i. Hidden message: Hope you like the gifts

ii. Written multicolored message: This is for Mia. Pretty cool, huh? The Beatles are my favorite rockers! Try this on when you get a chance. I found it just for you.

b. Coloring book

i. Hidden message: You should take them with you to Disneyworld

ii. Written message: Any of you know who this is for? He is blond and uses a lightsaber. Yep. Bode! Turn the pages and check them out. They’re made with black paper. I think you should try it out later. Doesn’t it seem neat? You will have fun coloring these cool drawings.

c. Sgt. Pepper’s t-shirt (Summer)

i. Hidden message: You have two hours to pack. Love Dad.

ii. Written message: Maybe you know who this Beatles shirt is for. A very pretty woman who loves me and you very much. She is the most spectacular, rocking wife and mom. I love all of you very much. Dad

12. Mia will read the regular messages and then put on the glasses to read the encrypted messages

13. Pack for Florida!

Laugh all you want. I just spent a week in Disney World and didn't have to do a thing. Andy rescheduled hair appointments, dentist appointments, found people to cover a few obligations that couldn't be rescheduled, arranged for the mail, the dog, and the fish to be taken care of, talked to Mia's teacher and had all of her work ready to do on the plane, rescheduled her piano lesson, bought her a new swimsuit, got the kids new jackets, and did laundry at 1:00 AM so we would have everything that we needed.

All I had to do was put on some ~~dorky~~ super cool decodable glasses and read this: Hope you like the gifts. You should take them to Disney World. You have two hours to pack. Love, Dad.

And then jump up and down with my kids and scream like a seven-year-old girl.

Before you vomit in your mouth, hunt me down and decide to choke the life out of me, or write me off as a cheezy, sappy Disney weirdo please remember this one thing:

2012-01-14T09:13:00.005-06:00

This blog is for my children. I have no choice but to document this most blessed of events in full detail. It's about the children.

Last Saturday started off with the most dreaded of wake-up calls. The cry in the night that every parent dreads, the sound that will shoot us out of bed faster than a black Friday sale: The "Mom, I'm going to throw-up" cry/yell/cough/gag/scream (you can't really understand this until you experience it, but it really is a combination of all of those).

And that is how our Saturday morning began...

3:30 AM - Bode bursts out of his room like a tornado and made the above dreaded proclamation. In a fit of fear and dread, Andy and I jumped out of bed, met him in the hall, and dragged him to the toilet.

And the next thing I remember is tasting blood, dry-heaving, and hearing Andy yell my name over and over again in a complete panic.

According to Andy I was standing over Bode while he was throwing up and then I went down. Literally. Andy said both of my eyes were open and each eye was looking different directions and he thought I was dead.

Side note: I can remember fainting twice in my life. That's the point - I remember it. I remember having that dizzy out-of-body experience where I was thinking, "Oh no, I'm-going-to-faint-but-there-is-nothing-I-can-do-to-stop-it-oh-look-at-all-these-shiny-swirly-things-I-want-to-go-to-them. This was not that. This was no warning, no shiny, swirly feeling, nothing. It was just I'm here and now I'm not.

But let's not dwell on the fact that I am probably dying. Back to the story...

So after Andy cleaned up my bloody face and Bode's vomit face he put us both to bed and, knowing what I know now, went into the 5 stages of grief: shock (I can't believe this is happening), anger (why is this happening to me?), denial (No, this is really just a bad dream), bargaining (I will never ask for another thing again if you will just fix this...), and, finally, acceptance (I will wait until 7 and then call the travel agent and cancel this gig right before I go drive off a bridge).

Much to his surprise at 7:00 AM when Andy left for his "very important meeting" we had both seemed to recover nicely. Besides my ginormous lip and a weird brain fog I felt fine, and thanks to that lovely drug known as phenergan, Bode was already asking for his morning milk.

*This is already getting too long and dramatic (but that's okay because it's for the children, remember?). And speaking of children, they are both yelling for me to do something that they are both perfectly capable of doing themselves so I will return to this story another day.

Until then, may all your dreams turn out better than this one.

A week of the most surprising extremes

2012-01-07T21:00:00.002-06:00

Our week started with a reunion with the family vomit bowl,

and ended with one of the biggest surprises the kids and I have ever experienced.

Let's just say Andy took the Valentines scavenger hunts to the next level. I can't wait to tell you all about it.

But for now, I'm snuggled in a nice, big bed pouring over Disney World maps, creating our plan of attack.

See you in a week.

Come home, Mia, COME HOME!

2012-01-04T09:20:00.001-06:00

We are both feeling kind of lost without you.

This little activity will only kill about 15 minutes.

And then the consumption of the chocolate chips will take another 5 to 10.

And that leaves about 6 and a half more hours for light saber battles. Oh goody!
The first day back is always the hardest...

Our week has been wonderful because...

2012-01-01T08:27:00.000-06:00

Two words: Star. Wars.

There is nothing like stepping on a teeny-tiny light saber. Immediately afterwards you are humbled when your kid says, "Mommy, you shouldn't talk like that."

Mia's very own desk. That's the wonderful part. The part that makes me bite my tongue and physically contort is her insistence on hanging stuff like that princess dry erase board on her wall. I thought she would keep her opinions and preferences to herself until she was at least 18.
The good news: it's been a week, her stuff is still on the walls, and I am still breathing. I knew I didn't have control issues. Take that, Andy!

There is nothing like holding tiny, floppy babies that are still in that stage of life where they will blissfully sleep through 50 different people passing them around. And there's nothing like not being around at 2 AM when they won't sleep at all (but if you need me at 2 AM, Darci, I promise I'm all yours).

And finally, our week was wonderful because we took frizz head (and apparently no make-up) to the next level. Why groom yourself when you don't have to? It is vacation, after all.

I am heading into my normal grieving process that happens every year when a wonderful break comes to an end. Remember this? It's ugly, I tell ya. It's ugly and it's coming...

There is nothing like some horrible photography to document a wonderful day.

2011-12-29T08:55:00.000-06:00

These pictures are just plain bad, but I've never claimed to be a perfectionist or a photographer so feel free to embrace them or make fun of them - whatever floats your boat.

All Bode asked for from Santa was a light-saber, because four light-sabers in one house isn't enough.

There is no shortage of crazy, messed-up hair in our house.

Mia asked Santa for a detective kit. She thinks that her teacher is going to let her stay in from recess and solve mysteries while the rest of the class is wasting their lives acting like children and actually playing.
What can you say to that except, "You might need to find a new dream, Babe, cause that's never going to happen."

This is a true minister's family on Christmas morning: Having to set the timer to take a family picture because Daddy has already been gone for two hours. I can laugh about this fact of our lives or I can cry - I choose to laugh.

I guess I was a bad girl this year because after yet another five jabillion pictures of these four, this is as good as it gets. After this I went and banged my head against a wall for some stress releif.

There is nothing like a Jedi and his Daddy.

And finally, this is what unconditional love is all about:

Boppy dressed as Darth Vader trying to destroy his grandchildren.

Christmas, Chickasha style:

2011-12-24T21:00:00.003-06:00

Which for my children means no grooming what-so-ever. Mismatched pajamas, hair matted to their heads, teeth covered in high-fructose corn syrup - we're classy like that.

I'll have you know that shirt I have on has a holly leaf and a dove - that's as Christmasy as I get without being ironic.

Remember my brother-in-law with the foot that was rotting off of his leg? That's him (and my sis) and his foot is still there!

A bear hug from DD is like a little piece of heaven (and a slight fear that if he hugs you any tighter you might be going there sooner rather than later - but still totally worth it).

No dinner is complete without some booty shaking.

I love bed-head present opening pics, reminds me of my childhood.

If Yaya would not have whipped up a Jedi Knight costume, Bode would not have continued to exist.

What do you get this little girl for Christmas besides an agent and a recording contract? A microscope and an experiment kit, that's what.

I just ran a brush through Mia's hair for the first time since Wednesday.

I'd say that's what you call a successful Chickasha trip.

I can't hide it any longer...

2011-12-18T15:20:00.002-06:00

I have felt it for years and it is finally time to admit who I really am - an 80-year-old trapped in a 34-year-old body. Not only do I love waking up at 5 AM, going to bed at 9:00 PM, and eating dinner at 4:30, I have officially "joined the club," and once you're in you can never go back:

Yes, the highlight of my holidays this year has been my acceptance in the Harry and David fruit of the month club.

All you ladies out there getting fancy purses, botox gift certificates and pilates classes - you go right on ahead. I'll be at home in my fuzzy socks eating pears.

I feel no shame.

We tested the limits of the "raw eggs cause salmonella" theory. So far so good.

2011-12-15T13:46:00.004-06:00

The kids and I decided to make cookies for the neighbors last night.

About half of them actually made it into the oven, and less than half of those made it to the neighbors

The consumption of raw cookie dough was in the dangerous levels, but my kids weren't screaming, poking, hitting, or glaring at each other so I just went with it.

At one point they decided to make cookies in the shape of light-sabers. The ended up looking a lot like poop, which thankfully, helped end the dough eating frenzy (for me).

One of the best thing about kids: You can give ugly poop-shaped cookies to the neighbors and they actually think it's cute.

Team Loser

2011-12-13T15:11:00.000-06:00

Last night, as a throwback to our childhoods, we went on a photo scavenger hunt. There were four teams. Technically, we came in last.

Which is ironic considering my husband helped write the clues and had the answers in his pocket.

He just couldn't bring himself to cheat.

Although, I was sure able to bring myself to try and convince him to.

Yet another successful holiday party in the books.

I love this time of year. Mostly for the great candy, but the great company is pretty good too.

The play is officially over and this is what I'm dealing with over here.

2011-12-08T15:02:00.001-06:00

Mia busted this song out last night in front of about 30 college students that were at the house:

She held her best friend hostage for over an hour yesterday forcing her to act out Annie scenes over and over again. She spends hours in her room every night acting out every scene from every act. She is recording her own Annie album in Bob's studio, and she makes poor Bode scrub the floors while she yells out insults and commands (ok, maybe that has nothing to do with the play, but still).

It's detox week at the Lashley house. So far, it's not going well.

Nerd Alert

2011-12-06T15:34:00.001-06:00

Despite his unfortunate attire, Bode is now in to all things Star Wars. He can think of nothing except Star Wars. He dreams about it, sings about it, prays about it and sits on the toilet for hours and talks about it.

He is officially a four-year-old boy.

How awesome is my Grandma?

2011-12-01T12:50:00.003-06:00

What on earth do you get all the cast members of an Annie play for Christmas? Why, little orphan and annie peg doll tree ornaments, of course!

And how on earth do you do that when you can't paint and are spending every waking moment at said Annie play? You call your Grandma, that's how.

My sweet Ahmo whipped these babies out in no time. They are even personalized to each cast members hair color - how adorable is that?

All I had to do was add a little bow and ornament hook to the top and they are the perfect keepsakes. I hope that they will remember this awesome experience each year as they add them to their tree. I know we will.

Tonight is Mia's second-to-last time to be Molly. The end is near. I thought I would be so happy for it to be over, but you know what? I'm actually kind of sad, and I'm pretty sure Mia is too.

If you ever come over and see 23 orphans and 23 Annies on my Christmas tree then you will know I got a little too sad....(and I may need a recovery program).

A late fall afternoon

2011-11-29T09:18:00.002-06:00

Mia reading a book that she wrote on the water cycle (sounds like a page-turner) and Bode playing with his star wars legos.

The spaghetti sauce in simmering and my coffee cup is full. I feel content and so, so thankful.

Thanksgiving: A prequel to the real holiday, Black Friday

2011-11-25T10:09:00.000-06:00

How sad is that? And I will shamefully admit that I was suckered into the allure of $10 blenders myself, so I'm not pointing any fingers.

However, our wonderful tradition of spending our day at Thanksgiving Day in the City continues. And as the kids have gotten older, they have also gotten more and more helpful. Case in point: The Pie Princesses.

My favorite quotes from these two include, "Wow, my arms are tired." and "If we weren't doing this it would never get done."
To which I reply, "Welcome to the rest of your lives, future mothers."

And then there was the less-than-helpful little brothers popping out of cardboard boxes. We all were less-than-surprised.

The mission: deliver meals to over 1,750 people. The kids were completely on board until they got hungry and couldn't understand why they couldn't eat one of the meals in the car (Bode).

Overall, the day was a success and I ~~would~~ will do it all over again next year, except maybe that $10 blender...

Unless you want me to continue to drone on about the Annie play, then I really have nothing to blog about.

2011-11-22T14:17:00.000-06:00

And I'm happy to do that, of course. As that is really the only thing going on in our lives. Mia is missing pictures with Santa at OC, Ice Skating Night, and multiple holiday parties. She. Does. Not. Care. She is now officially a theater rat and is proud of it.

In other news, you haven't lived until you've eaten Thanksgiving Lunch in a school cafeteria (or gym, as the case may be). Notice the center piece...

972 pictures later and we got nothin'

2011-11-18T10:24:00.001-06:00

I enjoy a photo session with my children like I enjoy a hole in the head. And considering I haven't printed a picture of my children in three years, I don't know why I bother.

But, Boppy (Andy's Dad) turning 60 meant one thing: all four grandchildren in their OC gear for an updated office photo.

The only thing that would have made this session tolerable is if they made Xanax in those little tic-tac containers.

In the end, it was far from a perfect picture, but it was perfectly them.

Opening Night

2011-11-14T15:48:00.003-06:00

I can't believe I waited three days to blog about opening night.

That is so not like me.

But I am quickly learning that Mia's plays also become my plays, which means that Mia's rehearsals become my rehearsals and Mia's tech week becomes my tech week, and, well, you get the point.

The hugging and sheer giddiness of Mia's entourage may or may not have been a tad bit

obnoxious. We make no apologies.

Every single girl in this play has been a blessing to Mia.

They are non-bratty, non-high maintenance, non-all-things-that-terrify-me-about-tweens.
Instead, they are grounded, mature, talented, unique, intelligent, and comfortable in their own skin.

Just the kind of young lady I hope Mia becomes someday.

And the directors are wonderful women who have taught, shaped, and changed Mia in a completely unique way.

This experience will be forever etched in her memory.

And someday when she thinks back she will get that fluttery, excited, nostalgic, I-would-do-it-all-over-again-in-a-heartbeat feeling.

And that brings me such joy.

So maybe she's a tad bit demented. So what?

2011-11-10T19:48:00.002-06:00

The biggest first grade project of the year: Create a turkey out of anything you want.

My thought: Pinecone, construction paper, little feathers with things you are thankful for written on it.

Her thought: A vampire turkey, sitting inside a coffin, complete with blood dripping off of it's fangs.

So vampire turkey it was.

Did it look a thing like a turkey? Nope.

Did she give a rip? Nope.

Was her father bursting with pride that his daughter didn't want a pinecone, construction paper or princess turkey?

You betcha.

I'm lovin' me some orphans right now.

2011-11-08T09:57:00.001-06:00

I have every intention of becoming completely obnoxious about this play.

Don't say you weren't warned.

Cousin lovin'

2011-11-04T11:07:00.002-05:00

Recently Bode has a new found interest in his little cousins. It has finally dawned on him that he can boss them around - and he likes it.

He doesn't have the slightest chance of being in charge if Mia is around so he has to take advantage of every opportunity he gets.

I can't say that I blame him.