..:: The Upper Platform ::..

Zombie posts have moved!

2011-06-15T08:15:00.001+01:00

I have decided the name was not particularly appropriate and the blog wasn't being used for its original purpose so I've set up a new blog at http://zspblog.blogspot.com

Please follow the new blog which has already had 2 updates!

I've made myself a promise to add 1 scenario a week so there should be regular content.

Thanks for your support and thanks for keeping clicking the ads.

Alex

Movember Begins

2010-11-02T14:33:00.000+00:00

This month I am growing a moustache and collecting for The Prostate Cancer Charity and Everyman.

You can check my facial hair Mogress on http://uk.movember.com/mospace/508037/

Please continue to give at http://bit.ly/weirdybeards

Thanks for the 2 donations so far, it's a great start to the month!

Movember: Charity Moustaches

2010-10-21T02:10:00.001+01:00

I will be having a shave on the 1st of Movember (formerly November) and will be growing a moustache until the 1st of December to raise money for, and awareness of prostrate cancer. Please give generously at http://bit.ly/weirdybeards

Pictures of the moustache will be my daily profile pic on facebook throughout the month and a stop motion animation will be uploaded on the 1st December to show my moustachial progress.

If you would like to get involved too send me a message and I'll get you on the team.

Love and bristly kisses,
Al

Zombies: Hello Kitty, the undead menace

2010-10-19T22:29:00.002+01:00

I was gone but now I'm back to protect you all from a zombie attack.

Hi kids and welcome back. I've been off and got married this past week hence the tumbleweeds rolling over blogland. The wedding was good; thanks for asking.

Thanks to those of you still clicking the ads; your support is greatly appreciated. I can almost afford a glow in the dark toilet roll.

Now, zombies.

This week's suggestion was brought to us by Candace off of that there twitter who has shown me a very lovely zombie Hello Kitty.

"Aww" you might think.

Wrong. This brainhungry lump of rotting kitty meat is devilishly dangerous. Beneath the cutesy exterior is a bloodlust equal to that of Leatherface.

I have researched the beast and discovered that she commands telepathically an undead horde of similarly cutesy creatures (pictured in the background of the image)

Higher function destroying blood Infection:

Unlikely with this particular zombie but always be prepared. This would most likely be masked by the guise of an actual cute white cat. It's only when you start to coo that the other animals will sidle up behind you and tear you to bloody ribbons. You should aim to avoid being scratched or bitten which is not easy when dealing with animals. Chain mail or similar would be useful in this situation and a Hello Kitty handgun

Risen from the dead:

This is the most likely reason for the Kittypocalypse. A discarded plush toy has an ancient curse cast upon it and the tweeny icon rises from the earth her mouth dripping with a lust for human flesh. The other zombified animal minions would trudge forth from the woods and group together howling in tormenting union. If you see a cute white cat you should run. Do not climb up a tree as she commands a zombie bear (they can climb you know.) Lock yourself up until you can get your hands on something like this (with thanks to Geekologie)

Rage Infected or fast moving zombie:

Running is not an option; the savagery of these fluffy sparkly beasties is unparalleled. There is only one option. Mass destruction. Many will tell you that the use of rocket propelled grenades against zombies is overkill but in the case of the Hello Kitty menace it is the only viable option. Aiming for the fiend's pink bow should give you a high probability of destroying the brain sufficiently to put the kitty down for good. With the queen destroyed the other animals should be easily dispatched though it is quite probable they will move in to attack you during your RPG onslaught. A squad should be assembled to protect the wielder of the RPG at all costs, lest the feline menace be allowed to roam the earth any longer.

Thanks to Commissar L.R. Star at http://thepeoplescube.com/ for the Hello Kitty tank image. Keep fighting the good fight.

Photoshop: Lighting effects

2010-09-28T08:31:00.000+01:00

This is one of my favourite Photoshop effects. I take no credit for it, it's entirely someone else's work. It's worth trying this tutorial if you want to understand vectors a little better.

http://luxa.org/tutorial_electrifying_energy_beams.php

Zombies: This weeks survival scenario - zombie in the kitchen

2010-09-26T11:02:00.002+01:00

Zombie in the kitchen.

You are happily cooking away; it's a pleasant Sunday morning and the smell of bacon hangs in the air. You crack an egg on the side of the pan when the back door slowly creaks open. In wanders the bloodthirsty undead. What do you do? Each week I'm going to break it down into 3 of the most common supposed outbreak scenarios.

Higher function destroying blood Infection:
You need to make sure you don't get any blood on you so avoid all sharp objects. My suggestion would be don't look for the rolling pin; spatter in your mouth guarantees you'll be munching man-flesh within the hour. Look instead for something that will cauterise as it kills. That's right; your bacon will have to be sacrificed for you to survive. Burn off the zombie's face while avoiding being clawed. You may need to push them back with your foot as you burn away the face (it might be worth while knocking them down first to restrict their movement). This will only incapacitate them though, they may still blindly wander around trying to eat whatever they collide with. Follow the method for 'Risen from the dead' but put a towel over your mouth and nose and if you have goggles (or a hazmat suit) wear them!

Risen from the dead:
You don't have to worry so much about blood infection; it's just dying (or sometimes being bitten) that causes a problem. With this method you just need to destroy the base of the brain or the brain stem. Rolling pin will do the job if you're strong; if not go with the cleaver and separate the neck and the head.

Rage Infected / Fast moving zombies:
Your door didn't so much creak open as fly open. You're fairly screwed. Pick up a nearby tin of beans and launch it at their head. That may moderately stun your undead assailant; that buys you a second to pick up the tenderising hammer. Aim for the side of the head (slightly to the front) so the blood spray doesn't get in your face. This hopefully should spin the zombie so you can see the back of the neck. Repeatedly nail it with the tenderiser or rolling pin.) Job done.

Important note for all. Lock your freaking doors!

Thanks for clicking the ads!

Pick a category - This blog chooses a direction

2010-09-24T22:54:00.000+01:00

I realise after my last blog that at the moment I'm blogging about random nonsense that is kicking around in the recent history folder of my brain.

It's not necessarily cohesive or coherent so I've had a thought on how to fix that.

I'm going to try to categorise my posts under film; zombies; teaching; games and random things that happened today and try to make it nice and easy to spot from the post title. That way if it's something irrelavent to you or you just don't have time you don't have to feel bad that you've ignored today's nonsensical ramblings. I also intend to list one potential zombie survival plan scenario a week. Send in your suggestions of scenarios and I'll try and see how they play out.

I also have downloaded a podcast to improve my writing skills so those long sentences with lots of exclamation marks should soon cease! Soon...

Tonight's entry should most likely be under the random things category.

In other news some local kids just nicked our garden furniture to go sit at the bottom of the next road on. I called the police and went out and found the little buggers myself. Got the furniture back; none of them went to prison but did get a bit of a scare so life is good.

I have also produced something quite spectacular, if I do say so myself, for the wedding. You'll have to be there to experience it though; no online spoilers!

Laura has started reading 'Equal Rites' to me of an evening. I love the way her voice makes the characters even more real. I am a truly lucky fellow.

To you my dear and devoted few have a lovely evening; morning or mid-afternoon... Whatever time of day it is, wherever you are!

The countdown continues and I watch a really beautiful film

2010-09-24T10:19:00.003+01:00

I promised a rip-roarer of an update so here we go.

17 days until the wedding; I now have a shirt, suit and socks. Just cuff links and shoes to go. Venues are booked and paid for, cakes are arranged. Last night I wrote my vows and now I just need to memorise them; shouldn't be too hard!

We watched Julie and Julia last night. Laura's choice of course; I wouldn't think in a million years about watching a film about two women who cook.

I really, really enjoyed it. It seemed to last a long time; but I enjoyed every minute. The characters were lovable; enjoyable and real. Plus it links to blogging; a subject close to my heart at the moment!

In direct contrast this morning I'm watching Drag Me to Hell; I have to watch that one on my own of course (what with the gore and the demonic possession and whatnot!)

I'm enjoying posting my thoughts online. It is pushing me to make time do interesting things with my days like trying out new films.

Thank you so much to those of you who are still clicking on the ads; your help is greatly appreciated!

Job seeking, teaching and Terry Pratchett

2010-09-20T23:25:00.000+01:00

I've spoken to some really lovely people today about how they don't have any jobs to give me. It's very nice of them to sugar coat it for me so it's nice and easy to swallow.

Even jobs I'm more than qualified to do are filled so that's a no go.

Hope floats though as I have found a couple of positions I'd be awesome at that could be right up my street.

Thank you to the lovely someone that clicked an ad on the blog earlier today, I'm one step closer to paying for the wedding cake we ordered today (It's immense by the way, pictures will follow!)

Had a very good day teaching media today. It turns out these kids are a very bright bunch with good knowledge. I really do hope they all succeed; so far they deserve to.

Laura read me a little of I Shall Wear Midnight tonight. I really want to get back into Terry Pratchett's books. I loved to read as a child and then in my teenage years if it wasn't on a computer screen it wasn't important. I miss the smell and feel of books and the feeling inside as you imagine what it would feel like to be the character.

The first thing I read by him was The Carpet People. I properly love that book. I think that's where I'll go... Back to the beginning. And then I'll maybe even introduce them to Matt.

Thanks for reading my nonsense this evening; sometimes it's just good to vent. The next installment of my all too digital life will be a knee-jerker; I promise you that!

Day 1: A Zombie Film with No Name

2010-09-19T23:59:00.001+01:00

Hello again,
Thankyou to those of you who have clicked ads on the page. I've earned almost a pound from the last post! Please click through on this one too to see the wonderful bargains the lovely people at google provide!

Finally got around to filming something of my own for the first time in a while. Number of volunteers dwindled when it got to the actual time of filming as it always does. Personally responsible for that as didn't remind everybody about it until the last minute in a piffling digital manner on that there Facebook so as a result ended up with just the 3 volunteers and my ever loyal cameraman/co-director.

That said the three previously undiscovered talents I did end up with were tremendous. My cousin, who it will never be said is not commited to her art. My uncle who posseses comedy genius as a zombie I never would have dreamed and my friend and truly nice bloke Kevil whose expertise as a stumbling gut-muncher was unparalleled especially as to this day he has never seen a zombie film!

I felt a real visceral link to this project; it was commented that I had missed my true calling as a zombie coach being able to get into the mindset of the undead and play out their actions producing genuine zombie results.

Connected to the camera again I felt a giddiness I have not in a while. After this project ceases I am vowing to make more of my own work burst into existence like a rifle through a rotting abdomen. Yes it may be zombie-related (I do have a work in progress cruising around my frontal lobe as I type now) but I hope it will push the boundaries of my creativity even more.

Next shoot will be more organised than the last now I am a digital human again with a working (fingers and toes crossed) laptop. Now in need of some actors!

Zombie Volunteers needed

2010-09-17T09:51:00.001+01:00

This evening (17th September 2010) I am going to be making a zombie film in Crossgates, Leeds. The filming will run from 8pm to 1am(ish) and be at the end of Manston Lane.

If you would like to help out please contact me - alex@pootercom.co.uk
07800 746386
facebook.com/alex.eamonson

Thanks,
Alex

Getting wed

2010-09-15T05:35:00.001+01:00

I'm getting married in 27 days. It's been a busy and unsettling month, I've lost a lot of work thanks to these public sector cuts we keep hearing about. People up top seem to be earning bonuses for saving money and as a result negating any savings they've made.

So what is the value of this money? Courses are cut back, the amount of time spent teaching is slashed and the students lose out.

I am hoping to tutor in IT soon. I've written posters and will get them up soon. I can't help but think those that don't have money and have to rely on public sector funding are pretty screwed.

All I can think is that I'm really lucky to have such a supportive family and fiancée.

I'm going to try and blog every 2 days with updates about my life. Let's see where this crazy roller coaster takes us.

If you want to help me out please click an ad anywhere on this page and earn me 5p!