The Useful Box

Type 'A' mum meets type 'B' child

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 28 May 2012 22:02:00 +0000

You don't have to know me too well, or probe too far into this blog, to realise that, when it comes to the type A/ type B personality dichotomy, I am much more 'A' than 'B'.

According to Wikipedia, a type A personality is:

* ambitious

* rigidly organised

* status conscious

* can be sensitive

* care for other people

* truthful

* impatient

* always try to help others

* take on more than they can handle

* want other people to get to the point

* proactive

* obsessed with time management

I'm not all of these things, but a lot of them do describe me quite well.

I am also a proud mummy to this 4-year-old:

While it is probably a little too early to categorise her as a type A or type B, she does demonstrate a number of type B traits. Wikipedia describes these as:

* apathetic
* patient
* relaxed
* easy-going
* no sense of time schedule
* having poor organization skills
* lacking an overriding sense of urgency

Again, these don't all describe Miss 4, but many do. And, I don't know how much of this is just a function of being 4 years old, or how many of these traits are here to stay.

There is much joy and amazement in observing my creative, not-particularly-organised, non-rule-following type B. There is also much frustration, as the type A parts of me, and the type B parts of Miss 4 sometimes clash.

She would much rather draw, than colour. Don't try to recommend subject matter for her to draw...

If lines/ words/ instructions are offered, they will likely be disregarded...

The more bling, the better!

Why not decorate the inside of the box too?

When it comes to music, she makes as much noise as possible... whether the song demands it or not...

Lego, puzzles and other construction-type toys are a recipe for conflict - type A mummy wants to follow the instructions while type B 4-year-old creates freely. (This photo, looking at the instruction booklet did not last long!)

And, let's not talk about getting dressed and ready in the morning, making deadlines, sticking to a (time) schedule or me trying to achieve multiple tasks quickly with Miss 4 in tow. On the other hand, Miss 4 teaches me about just enjoying the moments, observing the little things around me, taking in details and slowing down a little.

Are you a type A or type B? Do you clash with any of your kids?

Water Play

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 27 May 2012 22:13:00 +0000

Is it just our kids? Or yours too?

Most play activities will hold their attention for no longer than 20 minutes. Some activities are much quicker (e.g. puzzle play - lasts as long as it takes to do one puzzle... don't even think about suggesting another one!).

But, as soon as we add water to an activity... voila... up to an hour of attention! Some examples:

1) Pretending to give dolly a bath (no water): 5 minute attention span

Add water: 20+ minutes of play

2) General play in the cubby house (without me): about 15 minutes
Paint the cubby house with water: 30 minutes+

3) Play with kitchen toys, or real kitchen utensils: 20 minutes
Add water: Up to 1 hour

4) Build with blocks: 10-15 minutes
Play with blocks/ stacking cups in water: 30 minutes

5) Pull weeds, dig in garden or sandpit, general "gardening": about 20 minutes
Water the garden: until it gets so soggy you need to put a stop to it!

6) Bubbles: (can't really do this without water): as long as mummy will keep blowing or until bubble soap runs out.

And, you can also:
* Wash the car
* Bath a pet
* Play in a paddle pool
* Go to the pool
* Run a warm bath (in winter), add toys, grab a magazine for mummy to read nearby, pop the kids in and play!
* Do the washing up
* Measure different containers (how much water will they hold?)
* "Clean up" with a spray bottle of water
* "Mop" the floor

Do your kids love to play with water? Do you have any other water play ideas?

4 children under 5

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 21 May 2012 22:24:00 +0000

Yesterday, I had a slight panic attack.

It suddenly occurred to me (a bit late, some might say), that come October, I will have 4 children under the age of 5. Having an attack of the jitters does not undermine my excitement. I think it is inevitable though, thinking through all the logistics, remembering the sleeplessness, imagining negotiating more parent/ child and sibling/sibling relationships...

I did what any sensible person in 2012 does - I started googling: "4 children in 5 years", "4 children under 5", "parenting 4 preschoolers" etc. It didn't help all that much, although I did learn that some people follow this philosophy of family-spacing on purpose. It even has a fancy name: baby-bunching. That is kind of cool.

It was God, rather than us who planned our family this way (both #2 and #3 were lovely surprises!). I would never have planned this, and would never have thought I could do it. (And, to be honest, some days I don't do it all that well - particularly in the area of patience!) But, I do think there are some definite advantages to this "baby-bunching":

* All our kids are at similar stages - This has become clearer to me from observing a lady at church with 5 children - her eldest is 17, and her youngest is 3. She does an amazing job, but she has to have her head in so many places - with one son transitioning to the workforce at the end of the year, a girl in year 10, one just started high-school, another in year 3 and a preschooler!

* We can all play together - our kids are happy to play with the same toys. They will often play with them slightly differently, but similar resources can be adapted.

* We can read the same books together, and they can be adapted for Miss 17 months, or Miss 4 (I just ask Miss 4 some harder questions).

* We can do prayer and Bible time together. My friend with the 5 kids above reflected that her husband often spends over an hour having prayer time and saying goodnight to her kids... would be hard to bunch a 17 year old and a 3 year old together for that purpose!

* Our kids all go to one daycare centre (in separate rooms) = one drop-off and one pick-up. Next year, the eldest 2 will go to one preschool (in separate rooms).

* They learn new skills from each other... I particularly notice this with Miss 17 months. She loves to copy her big brother and sister (apart from in verbal development, sadly!)

* They eat together, have rest time together, go to bed at the same time... they all follow the same routine.

* I am not running here, there and everywhere to school and after-school activities with toddlers and newborns in tow.

* They play together well. (They also fight together well, but let's focus on the positives here!)

Yes, there are lots of hard things about having 3 (and 4) children close in age, mostly related to the fact that there is not quite enough mummy (and daddy) to go around. And, yes, from time to time, I do have a slight panic! But, there are advantages and disadvantages to any family 'plan' (number and spacing of children). It helps me in those panic-y times to remember the positives of our situation and to rely on the God who carries me through everything.

What does your family look like? What do you see as the advantages and disadvantages?

Linking up with Jess for IBOT

Being carried

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 20 May 2012 22:20:00 +0000

^{Miss 4: "Can you carry me please mummy?"}

^{Mr 2: "Mummy, dawwy me bease" (translation: carry me please)}

^{Miss 17 months: "Up" (or sometimes "up ta" for emphasis!)}

^{These are words that I hear a lot around here. They all convey the same message - the desire to be carried. I have to say 'no' to this request a fair bit. It is not physically possible for me to carry more than one of my kids at once (at least for any distance). But, I can really understand their desire to be carried.}

^{It has been a good couple of years and about 10-15kg since I have been physically carried (and even more years and more kilograms since I have been carried any significant distance!), but there is a lot to like about being carried. The feeling of total protection, of being completely looked after, of surrendering to the strength and care of someone else, the cosiness, the closeness... I could go on.}

^{Yesterday in church, Luke 15: 1-10 was read and explained to us. Here is part of it:}

³Then Jesus told them this parable: ⁴“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? ⁵And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders ⁶and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ ⁷I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

This parable speaks about God (in this story, represented by the shepherd), and his desire, and concern for every individual (sheep) to know Him. Hearing this passage again yesterday, I was really struck by something new. Our pastor emphasised the part in verse 5; "he joyfully puts it on his shoulders...".

There is something so intimate, so loving, so protective about this image. The shepherd could have dragged his sheep home with a rope, or beat the sheep home using a stick. But he doesn't do that. He carries his sheep home. And I assume the sheep prefers this method of being brought home... surrendering to the protection, the strength and the care of his shepherd.

This reminded me of a Bear Grylls quote that my husband told me about (from Bear Grylls' autobiography):

“Christianity is not about religion,” Grylls says. “It’s about faith, about being held, about being forgiven. It’s about finding joy and finding home. We all want that, but nobody wants religion. I’ve yet to meet anyone who doesn’t want to be forgiven or held or find peace or joy in their life".

This is what our God is about. He is not about following rules, or making us jump over hurdles, or testing us or making us into "good people". He is about loving us, looking after us, protecting us, being with us. And our part... surrendering to his strength, his love, his care and protection... allowing ourselves to be carried.

Bedroom Makeover

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Wed, 16 May 2012 11:31:00 +0000

We re-organised/ re-furnished our bedroom late last year. Having moved into a quite small, basic 3-bedroom house with a growing family, I have been determined to make every bit of space work well. Our bedroom and bedroom furniture was not working well:

Our previous bedroom furniture was very budget-friendly. We were actually given our bed-frame as a very generous wedding present from a couple at our old church. The chest-of-drawers and filing cabinet were mine, from my high-school days. The bedside tables (which didn't match), were picked up at op-shops. That furniture served us well for over 8 years (and is now residing in one of the spare bedrooms at my parents' house).

Since people don't really see the main bedroom very often, ours was becoming a bit of a dumping ground. It was crying out for some attention...

Our first step was to create a workspace for Matt and I (not that Matt uses it much - he prefers the dining table!). Of course, we went straight to IKEA. You may remember I posted about that last year. (And, despite easy access, the sewing machine has still received remarkably little use).

After the workspace was complete, I got thinking about the rest of the room. We decided to fork out for a new bed with added storage (IKEA - $339 + blood, sweat and tears to assemble):

... which led to new bedside tables ($99 each, IKEA) and wall lights ($19.99 each, IKEA)...

I made the covered canvases for our bedroom at our old house. They are now sitting on a picture ledge ($14.99, IKEA). It was good to cover this wall (which contained some picture hooks/ holes from the previous owners) and add a bit of prettiness to our room.

Our bedroom now feels like the "calm oasis" that Oprah (or someone like that) tells me it should be! If you have a small space and/ or small budget, I don't think you can go past IKEA. I am slowly IKEA-ising our whole house...

Are you an IKEA fan? Or, more importantly, are you NOT an IKEA fan? If not, why not?!

When positive parenting flies out the window

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 14 May 2012 21:17:00 +0000

Yesterday started out as a good day. Miss 17 months and I slept in until almost 7:30am. Miss 4 and Mr 2 played happily in Mr 2's room. We had a happy breakfast. We played outside for about 2 hours (and I hung two loads of washing in the sun). We read books on the lounge. We listened to our "J is for Jesus" CD and danced in the kitchen. I had dinner prepared and in the slow cooker by 11am...

Then, just before lunch, I saw this:

... and the day suddenly got much worse. I knew who the culprit was - the only child in our house who is both capable of drawing a face with these features, and who is allowed access to pens without close supervision. She admitted to doing the drawing "on purpose, because [she] likes drawing with pen".

I've alluded to the fact before that we have come to the point of using (mostly) "positive parenting" strategies with Miss 4 (and our other children, though less so, because of their ages). We found that, for us, traditional parenting strategies (punishment and reward) lead to a deteriorating relationship with our eldest child. "Positive parenting" includes:

* Teaching rather than punishing

* Acknowledging/ thanking rather than praising

* Putting ourselves in our children's shoes

* Demonstrating unconditional love (not just feeling it, but making sure they feel it too)

* Making sure their love tanks are full

* Reflecting our children's feelings (e.g. "It is frustrating when...", "You must feel angry when...") rather than squashing their feelings (particularly the negative ones)

Today, I completely failed at positive parenting. Today I was a "negative parent". Actually, I was probably the most negative parent. After discovering the lounge, I screamed and shouted and sent Miss 4 to her room. I slammed her door behind her. I left her in there for a long time and I was reeling. My heart was beating 100 mph, and I was literally shaking with anger.

Finally, when I had calmed down enough to pray (something like, "God, give me a wise and loving response in this situation" - I seem to pray that a lot these days!), I started reflecting on exactly why I was so angry.

I was not angry about the lounge (it is not an expensive lounge, and we bought a floor display model on purpose, knowing that we would do more damage to the lounge within a short space of time than was done to it in a year of being on display) I would not have been angry if Miss 17 months had drawn on the lounge (well, actually, I probably would have been a bit angry with myself!)

After some reflection, I realised I was so angry because I was actually hurt. I was hurt that I couldn't trust Miss 4 to follow our rules (we only draw on paper - a rule she has heard many, many times - and said to her younger brother and sister many, many times). I was hurt that Miss 4 had not shown kindness to me. I was hurt that Miss 4 had not respected our property. I was hurt that I couldn't get the stain off, and that we would all have to keep reliving the moment when visitors asked about the lounge chair artwork. I was hurting for Miss 4, for the judgements I had about made about her actions in that moment, "naughty", "making me so angry", "unkind", "careless", and for the judgements that others might make when they heard the story. I was hurting for the fact that I expect so much from Miss 4, because of her younger siblings. I was hurting that Mr 2 is always judged so positively (as kind, and gentle, and mature, and easygoing), and that Miss 4 rarely has these things articulated to her (by others, and even by me).

That was how my prayer for wisdom was answered. I won't say that the situation was turned around completely. I won't say I'm still not perplexed by Miss 4's actions. But, I went and explained all this (well, most of it) to Miss 4 - that I felt hurt that she had not respected our property, that I was sorry I had yelled at her, that I was surprised at her actions and sad about what others would say about the lounge.

And, I was reminded again how well this parenting style suits Miss 4 and us. All my anger, and yelling and door-slamming and time-outing just alienated me from Miss 4. It made me feel bad, it made her feel bad. She returned anger to me, not respect, not sorrow. She learnt nothing. But when I honestly and calmly reflected how I felt (and on this occasion, I could not do that straight away!), and what her actions said to me (e.g. lack of respect for Matt and I and our property), Miss 4 responded with sorrow, repentance, respect, and even agreed on an appropriate course of action (no access to pens for a while).

Do you find it hard to manage your anger with your kids? What helps you? (And, what property have your kids destroyed?!)

Thank you God that...

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Wed, 09 May 2012 21:34:00 +0000

(Today, I'm blogging over at Life on a Hill.)

A week or so ago, I wrote a post for my personal blog about teaching my daughter (and myself) about thankfulness. At the conclusion of the post, I reflected:

"We can measure our days (and our lives) by the things we don't do, and the things we still want. Or, we can measure our days (and lives) by what we have done, the things we do have. The same set of circumstances, and 2 completely different attitudes. One attitude leading to gratitude, and the other leading to discontent."

After that post, I received an email from my father-in-law. He reflected:

"Measuring our days (and our lives) by what we have done and the things we do have can lead to gratitude...but can also lead to pride, independence and a tendency to be like the Pharisee in the Temple"

And he is right.

Because often, we skip right over the gratitude part, and go straight to the pride part. We measure our days by what we have done and forget that it is God who enabled us to do it. We measure our days by what we do have, and neglect to remember that it is all given by the generous hand of God... (Click here to read more at Life on a Hill...)

Help! My (almost) 17-month-old doesn't talk!

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 07 May 2012 21:35:00 +0000

I am a Speech Pathologist and my almost-17-month-old doesn't talk... much. Embarrassing.

It is a little bit of a shock to me. Our eldest two kids were talkers... and early talkers at that. Miss 4 was using clear 3-4 word sentences by 18 months. Mr 2 was not too far behind that (though his sounds were, and still are, much less clear). These days, sometimes our meal-time conversations are like a battle of the talkers. Both Miss 4 and Mr 2 seem to think that whoever is loudest will win the opportunity to take a turn in the conversation...

But this weekend, I realised that maybe I shouldn't be shocked. On Saturday, both Miss 4 and Mr 2 were out with separate sets of grandparents, and I had Miss almost-17-months at home... without any sibling competition. Despite the fact that I was busy preparing/ cooking for Miss 4's birthday party, I was able to interact with my youngest girl much more than usual, at her language level. I could use simple things like a nappy change as an opportunity for appropriate language-based interaction. Usually I have one of the older two in my ear (or I'm busy encouraging them to get dressed too) while these tasks are happening, and my attention is diverted. I didn't realise how much this happens until the big kids weren't around. And, the funny thing was... I heard a greater variety of (imitated) words from Miss-almost-17-months in that one day, than I usually would in a week!

Of course, language development is not all about my interaction (or lack thereof). My youngest also has less inclination and maybe natural language ability than my older children. (On the other hand, she is demonstrating physical skills that neither of my older two had at the same age). I have heard Miss-almost-17-months attempt about 30-40 different words/ sounds over her lifetime, but she uses less than 10 different words on a regular basis (mummy, daddy, [big sister's name], baby, uh-oh, no, yes, ta, up). She is not too far behind. We generally look for children to be using 20 single words by 18 months. (She might double her vocabulary in the next 5 weeks!)

There are several reasons that I am not too worried about Miss-almost-17-months. (If you have a "late-talking" toddler who demonstrates the following, your child is more likely - though not guaranteed - to "catch up" with his/her more talkative peers. Conversely, if you have a toddler who is not talking much, and does not do the following, you should seek the advice of a Speech Pathologist)

Miss almost-17-months babbled (and still babbles) regularly from approximately 6 months of age (uses sounds without meaning (e.g. bababa, madamada)
We have no significant family history of communication or learning difficulties
Miss almost-17-months has no history of regular ear infections or other hearing difficulties
Miss almost-17-months comprehends well. She follows simple instructions (e.g. get your shoes, cuddle dolly, put dolly to bed now), and "answers" simple questions (e.g. where's daddy?, who's that?). She points to body parts, pictures in books and a variety of objects. She also picks up information from adult conversations, especially if there is mention of preferred food items!
She demonstrates age-appropriate play skills - engages in pretend play with dolls, kitchen items, toy cars and trains... and also demonstrates good skills in construction play - with puzzles and blocks. She plays appropriately with her siblings and other children.
She is starting to use a range of consonant sounds in her speech (e.g. p, b, m, t, d, n, y, s)
She uses some gestures and signs to communicate
She is beginning to imitate (copy) single words and sounds
Latest research indicates that language output at 18 months is not a predictor of later language skills, though language output at 2 years is a more reliable predictor. Many children increase their language skills significantly between 18 months and 2 years.

Although I am predicting/ hoping that Miss-almost-17-months will "get there" on her own, I am going to follow-up on:

1. Investigating hearing assessment. (Not a huge rush given no history of ear infections and good comprehension skills, but down the track, especially if language has not improved significantly by 2 years)

2. Making specific time for interaction with Miss-almost-17-months at her language level (e.g. using 1-2 words at a time)

3. Being more consistent using key-word signs with Miss-almost-17-months (probably a good topic for a future post)

Have you/ do you have a "late talker"? When would you generally start to worry about your child's lack of speech?

My 4-year-old's princess party

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 06 May 2012 22:28:00 +0000

I have never been too keen on the whole princess/ Barbie/ fairy/ pink thing for girls. But it took me less than 3 years as the mother of a daughter to realise that this was inevitable (actually, the pink part was inevitable as soon as I started buying and receiving clothes for my first girl!) Now I have embraced the pink/ princess/ fairy thing. I'm still not too keen on the Disney princesses, but again... inevitable, and not worth fighting over.

Miss 4 had a princess afternoon tea party yesterday. It was significant in that it was the first party where Miss 4 chose her own friends to come... not necessarily the children of our friends and family (though I am also friends with all the mothers) And, embracing the pink/ pretty/ princess thing was lots of fun!

The cake was made following a You tube clip (gotta love the Internet!). If I'm being a perfectionist, I can see a few things wrong, but all in all, I was pretty happy with it.

The very sweet spread included jelly cups, fruit, pink and gold fairy bread, pink cupcakes, and pink-iced shortbread biscuits (hearts and star shapes). There were some party sausage rolls throw in for good measure (just the frozen ones, not home-made).

I got some of the decorations and the invitations from a cute online store - Lovely Chubblies. They also have some great pirate-themed things. Hard to resist the urge to have a 3rd birthday party for Mr 2. (We are trying to stick to parties for even years).

I followed another online tutorial from "Mum's the Word" to make the tissue-paper pom-poms.

We prettied up our day-bed (which is usually covered with dog-fur and mouldy cushions), by adding a pink fitted sheet and some indoor pink cushions (from our bed and Miss 4's bed)

The girls were so cute in their princess outfits. I won't post any clearer pictures of other kids, for privacy reasons. Dress-ups was a last minute decision, but it seems every 3 or 4 year-old girl owns a princess or fairy outfit! There were also two boys - one came as a dinosaur, and the other had a storm-trooper mask. Mr 2 was a "pirate in shining armour" -half in a pirate costume and half-knight costume. (Matt couldn't find the pirate shirt and I didn't have time to dig around).

We played "pin the crown on the princess". And, the kids also initiated their own games of "Duck, Duck Goose" and "What's the time Mr. Wolf?"

The birthday girl was just thrilled with the day, and had a lovely time. Thanks everyone who came!

Lamb casserole with Herb Dumplings

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Thu, 03 May 2012 20:00:00 +0000

Yum, yum, yum!!!

This yummy, family-friendly (e.g. our whole family ate almost all of it!) recipe is adapted from Cooking with Aldi: One Family, One Supermarket. It is a perfect winter, comfort food-type recipe.

Ingredients:

1 kg of lamb chops (aim for as little bone as possible, or even lamb fillets. I spent about half of my preparation time just cutting meat from the bones. Fewer bones will cut down the preparation time significantly)

1 tbs olive oil

1 onion, chopped

2 carrots, peeled and chopped

4 potatoes, peeled and chopped

2 beef stock cubes

2 cups water

1 tin diced tomatoes

1 tbs paprika

(For dumplings):

1 and 1/2 cups self-raising flour

60g butter

1 tbs dried chives

1/2 cup water

Method:

1. Remove bones from lamb, and chop meat into small (2cm) pieces

2. Heat oil in saucepan over high heat and brown lamb pieces

3. Add chopped onion, carrot, potato, stock cubes, water, tinned tomatoes and paprika to the pan.

4. Bring to the boil, then simmer, covered for 20 mins

5. Remove from heat and transfer to an 8-cup capacity baking dish

6. Meanwhile, make the dumplings by combining the flour, butter and chives in a food processor

7. Process until mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs

8. Add water and process until a soft dough forms

9. Transfer dough to a floured surface and knead

10. Form dough into balls (approx. 3cm diameter) and arrange on top of lamb casserole mixture

11. Bake for 25 minutes in a moderate oven. (Dumplings should be golden).

12. Stand for 10 minutes before enjoying your meal.

I'm linking up with the "Weekend Cookbook" at Mummy's Undeserved Blessings.

Kids in the city

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 01 May 2012 21:51:00 +0000

Linking up with Aussie Wordless Wednesday at My Little Drummer Boys

Kids around the house

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 01 May 2012 06:27:00 +0000

I'm sure I've written about this before... it is something that I keep re-visiting and re-thinking, especially as our kids get older and more capable. It is also an area in which I have been incredibly inconsistent!

The other day, as I observed Miss 16 months wandering around the house with the dustpan and the toilet plunger (don't worry, it hasn't been used since we moved over a year ago, and it was cleaned then!), I realised that I had much higher expectations of Miss almost-4 at the same age (probably my expectations were too high back then). Before 12 months, I had Miss almost-4 cleaning up her toys, with my help. By the time she could walk independently, she was taking rubbish to the bin, taking plastics out of the dishwasher and helping me put them away, handing me the pegs to hang washing, following me around with a cloth when dusting and "holding" the vacuum cleaner for me.

It is interesting how this has changed with 3 small children. It has become easier to just do it all myself! I still require our kids to help clean up the toys and the messes they have specifically made, but, all in all, I do a lot of things that our kids could probably do for themselves... and I don't like it!!!

It is not really about having 'help'. Anyone with small children knows that 'help' is not really all that helpful. It is more about our desire to teach our kids three things:

1. We all work together to make our family happen

2. Everyone is responsible for the messes they make

3. It is a happy privilege to serve other family members (and other people in general)

In the past, I have been discouraged by our kids less-than-enthusiastic response to requests to help. Mr 2 has mastered the "I'm too tired!" and Miss almost-4 has helped very reluctantly. I know this is often my fault:

* They have observed my less-than-enthusiastic response to cleaning (e.g. after another cup of spilt milk at dinner!)

* I have asked them to do things that are beyond their capacity (e.g. clean up a whole room of toys that are all over the place - they are simply overwhelmed)

* I have not spent enough time modelling, explaining and walking them through the task.

* I don't explain the reason/ motivation behind the task (e.g. to look after each other so we don't trip over toys, or so our house is healthy)

I'm still mulling over the specifics... I know I would like the kids to:

1. Continue to clean up their own messes

2. Put away their clean, folded clothes (we do this sporadically at the moment). Miss almost-4 can also help to fold washers and underwear.

3. Make their beds and put PJs away (again, we do this sporadically)

4. Set the table

5. Put breakfast dishes in the sink

6. Miss 16 months - put things in the bin

Do your kids have jobs? What do your kids do around the house? (I'm especially interested if you have kids under 5 like me!)

Linking with Jess for IBOT

Chocolate Anzac Slice

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 00:55:00 +0000

Last Wednesday, we Aussies celebrated ANZAC day. ANZAC day I think was originally a commemoration of the Aussie/ NZ campaign in Gallipoli in WWI, but has now become a broader day of thanksgiving and remembrance for all those who have fought (and are still fighting) for our country in the armed services.

There were some great articles and blog posts around last week about commemorating ANZAC day with kids. We didn't attend a dawn service or anything, though my husband ran his own "service" with the kids over breakfast, playing the Last Post on You Tube and explaining some of the history about ANZAC day. We couldn't manage a minute of silence at our house though!

We also made this yummy ANZAC slice. The recipe for the slice is taken from taste.com.au. I saw the idea of adding a chocolate topping somewhere on Facebook.

Ingredients:
1.25 cups oats
1.25 cups plain flour
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup coconut
150g butter
2 tbs golden syrup
0.5 tsp bicarb soda
2 tbs boiling water
200g chocolate (milk or dark, depending on preference)

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees C (or 160 for fan-forced)

2. Combine dry ingredients in a bowl and mix well:

3. Melt butter and golden syrup in a small saucepan until combined. Add boiling water and bicarb soda and mix well.

4. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix well.

5. Bake slice in pre-heated oven for 25 minutes, until golden (but still soft - it will harden as it cools)

6. Meanwhile, prepare the chocolate. We didn't have a block of chocolate - only these "treat sized" chocolates. This gave the kids a longer job to do while we waited for the slice to cook, then cool.

7. Melt the chocolate. (I usually do this in the microwave, but for some reason, it wasn't working this time, so I used a heat-proof bowl over a saucepan of boiling water this time). Spread the chocolate over the cooled slice. Refrigerate until set.

Enjoy!

I'm linking this recipe up with my fellow LOAH blogger, Lisa at Mummy's Undeserved Blessings. She has a new Friday/ weekend recipe link-up. Head over there for weekend cooking inspiration.

Teaching thankfulness

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 20:30:00 +0000

Last Wednesday, while Matt was spending time with Mr 2, I got to have a girl-y outing with my daughters. I had to take Miss 16 months for a paediatrician appointment, so I promised Miss almost-4 that we would have a special treat after the appointment - looking at the shops and having ice-cream.

I forgot how much easier it is to navigate a large shopping centre with a pram and only 1 walking child! Mr 2 is (usually) the most easy-going of my 3 kids, but I think just the extra set of legs trying to keep up, and the extra pair of eyes getting distracted by things to look at adds to the difficulty of the whole family shopping outing. An outing with just the 2 girls was wonderful.

After a bit of window-shopping, we bought three individual tubs of ice-cream and sat down on some lounge chairs on the lower level of the shops. It wasn't long before Miss 16 months began entertaining an elderly couple sitting nearby, and before Miss almost-4 spotted a nearby soft-play centre. So, the negotiation started...

Miss almost-4: "I will go and play over there after I finish my ice-cream"

Me: "Actually, mummy doesn't have enough money for you to play there today" (It is $10 per child for 45 minutes!)

Miss almost-4: "Okay, well you can stay here, and I will go and play there by myself"

Me: "But I don't have enough money for you to play there either. If you go by yourself, the lady will ask you to get mummy to pay $10 for you..."

This went on for a while, but Miss-almost-4 took it well. We finished our ice-creams and left happily... until Miss-almost-4 remembered the free play area at the other end of the shopping centre. I really wasn't planning to head up that end of the shopping centre. By this stage, Miss 16 months was almost asleep in the pram, I had to get a few things and was wanting to get home for lunch and afternoon sleeps. The negotiation started again...

Miss almost-4: "It's okay if you don't have money. We can go and play on the pirate ship play equipment"

Me: "I know you'd like to do that, but we don't have time to play there today. Remind me next time we come here, and we can play on the pirate ship"

Miss almost-4: "Oh, but I want to play there TODAY... etc, whine, whinge, whine...

I ignored the whinging for a while. I tried reasoning. I tried an outright "no", but the whinging continued... By this stage I was getting angry. We had had a lovely morning, we had spent time at the toy shop (and, Miss almost-4 had happily accepted that we weren't buying anything for her!), we had looked at some other shops, we had talked, we had ice-cream. It was a special morning... and now, Miss almost-4 just wanted more, more, more.

I knew that the whinging was going to escalate into a tantrum if I didn't do something soon. Then I had an insight (so thankful to God!). I put myself in Miss almost-4's shoes. The shops are so full of things we want. Even as adults, with self-control and adult reasoning, it is hard to resist the lure of I "want, I want, I want" How much harder must it be for an almost-4-year-old?

Usually, I would have continued walking to the car, with a struggling preschooler next to me, getting angrier and angrier about how "ungrateful" my child was! Instead, I sat down with Miss almost-4, asked for a cuddle and said:"I have had such a great time with you today. Thank you that we could have a special morning. I'd really like it if you said 'thank you mummy' for having a lovely morning too... Did you have a good morning?"

Miss almost-4: "I did have a good morning. Thank you mummy for the ice-cream and the toy shop"

Wow! It totally worked!

We went on to talk about how we can think about the good things we've already done, and not just about the things we miss out on. Then we had a discussion about how the shops always make us think about the good things we want, and we forget about the good things we already have...

Later it occurred to me. God had helped me teach Miss almost-4 a lesson in thankfulness. This is what it is all about. We can measure our days (and our lives) by the things we don't do, and the things we still want. Or, we can measure our days (and lives) by what we have done, the the things we do have. The same set of circumstances, and 2 completely different attitudes. One attitude leading to gratitude, and the other leading to discontent.

And, this lesson in thankfulness is one I need to keep learning too.

How do you deal with kids and the "I want..."?

In search of the perfect pram

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 20:30:00 +0000

When it comes to prams, I've had my share of disappointments. I know I'm not the only one. I've had 3 children so far... and 3 prams. Although I do find this a little embarrassing and excessive, I know a couple of people who have had the same number of prams over the life of 1 child. Finding the right pram is so important! With the impending arrival of a 4th child, I'm thinking about a new pram..., and I'm after some advice.

Here is a brief history of prams (in the life of the Useful Box family):

1) With the imminent arrival of our first baby, we purchased the Beema Swallow from Babyco:

We liked this pram. Though it wasn't the best looking pram around, it was reasonably priced, had a bassinet insert that allowed me to look at my newborn bub while walking, and was excellent for navigating tough terrain. It was perfect for a time of my life when I did a lot of walking (we were a one-car family). But, this was not a forward-thinking purchase for our family. Having taken 2 years to achieve a healthy pregnancy with Miss now-almost-4, we did not expect to be needing a double pram, or the capacity for a toddler seat for a while... we were wrong!

2) Enter the Maclaren Twin Tandem:

We liked the fact that this was a light-weight double pram (under 11kg), folded easily, was side-by-side (an advantage when children are close in age) and was a trusted brand. This would have been an ideal pram for this stage of my life (when I don't do much walking with the kids, and just need something easy for zipping in and out of the car, shops etc). But, when I did use this pram, we were still a one-car family, I still did a lot of walking, and much of it was on grass or uneven footpaths. I found this pram, with its small wheels very heavy to push. By the time we decided to sell the pram, I was just exhausted by it!

3) With the arrival of #3, #1 was going to have to walk... I was not going to get a 3-seater pram. But, I did want a 2-seater that was more comfortable to push over a variety of terrain. We purchased a (second-hand) Phil and Ted's with a toddler seat.

And now, I just want my Maclaren Twin Tandem back! The reality of life with 3 children is that we do not "go for walks" as often (unless my husband is available too). If we do go for a walk, we move at preschooler/ toddler pace (e.g. not fast). I could probably manage this pace and frequency while pushing my Maclaren Twin Tandem. (And besides, my two big kids have discovered that whoever is supposed to be taking a turn to walk is actually able to sit on the frame above the front wheel of the Phil and Ted pram. This means that I am usually pushing 3 children in the pram, rather than 2. The pram is then just as hard to push as the Maclaren was anyway!) Being a two-car family now has also reduced our walking frequency, but with 3 children under 3, not being a 2-car family would be really difficult. My priorities for a pram now would be something smaller, lighter, easy to get in and out of the car... The Phil and Ted pram is too bulky.

4) So, for number 4... I'm considering a second-hand Mountain Buggy Duo.

Our 2 big kids will attend preschool 2 days/ week next year (that is, if our biggest doesn't go to school... still thinking), so I will have only a baby and a toddler at home those days. I might actually be able to do some walking again! I'm thinking this pram would be perfect... I really like the side-by-side prams. The wheels are bigger, so easier to push... it looks streamlined...

Am I just setting myself up for more pram disappointment? Should I stick with the Phil and Teds... Any experience with Mountain Buggy? Other recommendations...?

Have you had a frustrating search for the perfect pram? Or, have you found one?

Letting our kids say 'no'?

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 20:30:00 +0000

A couple of days ago, my father-in-law was listening to an ABC radio program. The discussion point of the program was "busyness". If you spend much time listening to, watching or reading mainstream media you will stumble on this discussion again and again. It is common consensus that this generation of adults feel busier and more stressed than any generation before.

This particular radio program trotted out the common advice to help us decrease our feelings of stress (e.g. soaking in a bath, concentrating on breathing, going to bed, slowing down, delegating non-priority tasks, learning to say 'no', letting go of the guilt at not achieving it all...)

The point of most interest to both my father-in-law and I was a suggestion made about the problem we all have in saying "no". It was suggested that many of us have difficulty saying "no" as adults because of the reaction we got to saying it as children. I know I've done this with my own kids "You don't say 'no' to mummy..." I don't give too much credence to this theory. I think most adults realise that our relationship with other adults is different to the relationship a child has with his/her parents.

But the concept did get me thinking about whether/ how we allow our children to express their dissent...

We do not allow our (older) kids to say 'no' to us. (Miss 16 months says it all the time!). We do not allow them to say 'no', because usually the word 'no' is expressed rudely and disrespectfully from child to parent. But we do allow our bigger kids (mostly Miss almost-4 at the moment) to express dissent.

An example:

We would not tolerate: Us: "You can wear this dress to the party this afternoon." Miss almost-4: "No, I'm not wearing that"

We would tolerate: Us: "You can wear this dress to the party this afternoon." Miss almost-4: "Can I wear this dress instead?" (followed by some negotiation)

A year or so ago, I had a different attitude to allowing dissent or negotiation. I followed the philosophy that what mummy (or daddy) says goes. Children are supposed to obey. I did not offer choices and I stuck to my guns. If I said a particular dress would be worn, it would be worn, even if it had to be worn with tears.

What I didn't account for was having a strong-willed then-almost-3 year old. What I didn't realise was that by not allowing dissent or negotiation on the little things, I was turning every interaction into a fight. I didn't consider that my child might not obey me the first time, every time. I didn't realise that I had very few strategies for coping when I wasn't obeyed. I didn't notice at first that in my determination to 'win', I was showing no grace in my parenting. I didn't consider that maybe my child would have an opinion, her own ideas and the determination to not budge!

But more importantly, I didn't consider that maybe parental authority is not the same as parental dictatorship. I didn't realise that I could allow Miss then-almost-3 to have an opinion, to show her dissent, while maintaining my authority. I could offer her some age-appropriate choices, to help her feel some sense of autonomy. I could encourage her to show kindness and consideration for the feelings of others (including mine!), rather than just teaching her to 'do what I say'. I could treat her with grace, and kindness and respect, rather than with a bunch of rules.

I can let my kids say 'no'. But, I can teach them to say 'no' kindly and respectfully. I can teach them when 'no' is appropriate, and when it is not appropriate (some instructions do just need to be obeyed). I don't know if this will help them become adults who can say 'no' more easily, but I do know that this is turning the 'no's into opportunities for teaching, rather than opportunities for punishment.

Do you let your kids say "no"?

A little announcement

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 11:55:00 +0000

Excited to be able to share some news...

We are expecting baby #4 in late October 2012. Amazing how hard it is to hide a 4th (well, actually 5th) pregnancy until the 12 week + mark. I've been showing since about 6 weeks! Yay for baggy clothing.

Yes, our eldest will be 4.5 years when #4 is born. Yes, we will have 4 children under the age of 5. Yes, this baby was planned. As this is quite likely to be our last baby (definitely the last one if you ask Matt!), we thought we might as well keep going with the smaller age gaps.

We are praising God for a healthy 12 week scan. We feel so incredibly, incredibly blessed.

The importance of initiation

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 11:11:00 +0000

As many of you know, I attended a fabulous training course for work a couple of weeks ago. The course wasn't so much new material, but a concise, parent-friendly method of packaging a lot of what us Speech Pathologists are often going on about...

One thing that really struck me in the course, and, something that I have not given enough emphasis to in previous parent-training, was the importance of allowing our children to initiate.

We often think about the quality and quantity of language that we are modelling to our children (too much? too little? too complex? too simple?). But sometimes, we are so concerned with what we are doing when we interact with our children, that we forget to allow them opportunities to initiate.

Do any of these sound familiar?

1) Directing

"Sam, come to mummy. Let's read. Here's your book. Look, a duck book. Quack quack. What does the duck say? Quack Quack. No, don't touch that one. Look over here. Where is the duck?...."

2) Testing

"What's this one? What colour is it? Where is the duck? Show me his feathers. What does the duck say?..."

3) Entertaining

"Look, here comes the ducky... quack quack... the duck is going to get you... the duck wants some worms... ohh, yum yum..."

4) Helping

"Uh-oh. You dropped your drink. Here, mummy will get it. Put it back here. Mummy will hold it..."

5) Fast-moving

"Quick, quick. Get those shoes on. We have to hurry. We'll be late for play-group. Lets go"

6) Watching/ Commentating

(from the sidelines) "Oh, you've got your truck. That's great. Are you putting your blocks in the truck?"

There is nothing wrong with any of the above, in the right place. I do all of these from time to time. Sometimes my kids need more direction. Sometimes they need me to help. Sometimes we need to be somewhere on time. Sometimes I find them playing well, and comment, without joining in their play.

But the problem is when we are always directing, or always watching, or always helping. We do not allow our children the chance to initiate, and therefore, we do not get opportunities to respond to our children's communication. When our children initiate and we respond, their desire to communicate increases more and more. When our children initiate and we respond, they get information about what they are interested in, and their focus of attention - our children need this information to continue to improve their communication skills.

Instead of directing, testing, entertaining, helping, moving or watching, trying tuning in more frequently. Observe your child, listen to him/her and wait until he/she initiates... You are likely to find that this will impact not only your interactions and relationship, but your child's language skills and behaviour too.

This blogging thing

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 11:45:00 +0000

Over the weekend, this li'l old blog clocked up 100,000 page views. To non-bloggers, this means pretty much nothing. To bloggers, it is a bit of a milestone. Some blogs probably clock up the 100,000 every week, but to a little blogger, it is a big deal. So, thank you to all those who visit here regularly, and especially to those who comment, here, or on the Facebook page.

It is lovely to hear from you. Please do feel free to comment, even if you never have before. I've actually had a couple of emails recently asking me how to comment on the blog. To see comments for a particular post/ entry, you need to click on the title of the post... then the comments section should be visible below the post. Feel free to email me if this is still not working, though I'm not sure I'll be able to help!

I've been doing the blogging thing now for over 2 years (15 months on this particular blog). It is still enjoyable. It is a great way for me to think/ write through various questions and answers about the big things (trusting God, family, marriage parenting), and also to record the little things (family outings and activities, cute moments, things I'm trying out). I would still do it all if no-one ever read it, but it is even better hearing from others in similar situations, and with similar (or different) thinking...

I've also loved getting to know some other bloggers. I thought I'd list some blogs I love to read. For the sake of brevity, I've only included Aussie blogs. This is not an exhaustive list... there are so many wonderful blogs out there. If you are looking for some online reading material, you may enjoy:

(1) My fellow LOAH writers: Jess (Diary of a SAHM), Deb (Aspiring Mum), Lisa (Mummy's Undeserved Blessings) and Alyce (Blossom Heart)

(2) Mummy blogs: Be a Fun Mum, Childhood 101, Planning with Kids, Squigglemum, The Imperfect Housewife, Lohtown Life

(3) Other Aussie Christians: 168hrs, The Fountainside

(4) Getting organised: The Organised Housewife

What blogs do you enjoy reading? (Feel free to add your own blog... I'd love to find you, if I haven't already)

Being the mum you are... and not the mum you're not

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 11:54:00 +0000

Yesterday afternoon, we got to hang out with our good friends, Bec and Rod. As they and their family have moved away from Sydney now, this is a rare treat. We see them a couple of times a year (including our new tradition of doing a winter holiday together).

Bec is a mummy to 3 boys, the youngest being only 8 weeks old (and gorgeous and tiny!). She is also, in many ways, my opposite. This is probably what makes her such a good friend. She is warm, and open and generous and funny. She is much more about people than she is about timetables and organisation. She is a little bit messy, and a bit disorganised, and pretty much goes with the flow. The last thing she would do is timetable her days, or menu plan long-term, or spend Friday night re-organising a cupboard. On the other hand, she would be happy to cuddle a sick baby all day, or spend a whole day socialising out and about (with her flexible boys who will sleep anywhere). She is absolutely amazing at prioritising date time with her husband, and spending daily time with God. (All things I struggle with).

But, isn't it amazing how down-on-ourselves we mums can get? When I watch Bec as a mum, I think to myself "why can't I be more laid-back?" or "why don't I have that much energy for being around people socially?". When I see some of my other mum friends, I think "why can't I lose baby weight more easily, or be more committed to exercise?" And, when I see others, I think "why can't I knit or sew (well) or create gorgeous things for my babies?"

When Bec saw our toy shelf, she did the down-on-herself thing. "Oh, I really need to get more organised with the kids' toys. I need to categorise, so they only get a couple of things out at once. That must be good for helping them learn. Isn't that good to have the books out of reach, so they don't get wrecked? etc etc".

Don't get me wrong. I love our toy system. It works perfectly for us. It is so much better than our old system. And, in my mind, IKEA = good! I'm flattered when people want to copy our system. I'm happy if it is inspirational and helpful to others (that is why I blogged it!). But, as Bec surveyed the system, she seemed burdened, rather than excited at the prospect of re-jigging her own toy system. Where I see possibilities, she sees boring work. Where I see enjoyment, she sees duty.

And, really... I don't think a toy organisation system should be a burden! If you are like me, and you prefer to store and play systematically... do it. Be the mum (and housewife) that you are. If you are happy to have lots of toys out and can play by moving from toy to toy... do it. Enjoy being the mum you are. If (like me) you can only socialise for half a day, before needing some down-time... make it happen. And if you love being out and about all day... enjoy it. If you are a mum who needs to operate in a timetable, make one. If you are a mum who is more laid-back, don't make a timetable. If you relax by getting crafty... do it. If teaching yourself to knit is just hard and frustrating, you don't need to do it!

Will your kids care if your toys aren't organised or if you never play with them? Will they even notice if you can knit them beautiful clothes or would they prefer a mummy who was relaxed enough to enjoy being around them? Will they adapt if you enjoy being out and about all day? Will they equally get used to having a scheduled rest time in the day, if that is what mummy needs to be refreshed for the afternoon?

My advice to Bec was; "Don't feel like you need to organise your toys like this. If it will help you, do it ($399 from IKEA!). If creating and keeping the system going will just be tiresome, forget about it." And, I could equally give myself the same advice about trying to be (or do) something that isn't me, trying to emulate the amazing and energetic mother of 5 at church, or the glamorous mother of 2 from the workplace... Of course, there is nothing wrong with trying to improve, or being the best you can be. And, sometimes, the effort is worth it. But, sometimes, it really isn't!

The screaming phase

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 20:00:00 +0000

She may look all cute and innocent, but don't let appearances deceive you. Miss 15 months is in the screaming phase. She knows what she wants. She usually can't get her message across with words. If you don't understand the pointing/ couple of words/ babble she uses, she will scream until you get the idea!

The screaming phase is not uncommon in a 9-18+ month old. This is usually the age when intentional communication starts (e.g. cries, sounds and actions are no longer just reflexive, but are used to convey an intentional message). But, this is also the age when a child often does not use many real words.

The screaming phase is quite new to us. I do recall Mr 2 having a brief screaming phase. I don't recall Miss almost-4 ever having a screaming phase. Miss 15 months is taking the screaming phase to a whole new level. Miss 15 months is strong-willed and determined. (I know this is a good thing, really...). She needs to make herself heard above her big sister and big brother. And, she doesn't have the verbal communication skills that her older brother and sister had at the same age. She is frustrated. (Amazing how even siblings can be so delightfully different.)

I know that this phase will be short-lived, but in the meantime, we need to manage the screaming phase as best we can. So here are a few (Speech Pathology based) tips to help reduce frustration for all of us:

1) Recognise the screaming as an attempt at communication (albeit inappropriate communication!)

2) Acknowledge the communication attempt (e.g. "Do you want mummy?")

3) Redirect calmly (e.g. say "shh" or "quietly")

3) Try to interpret the screaming. Try following your child's eye gaze, point, gesture, previous experience (e.g. what usually happens at this time? What is s/he expecting now?) or general focus of attention. These may give clues as to the message your 'screamer' is trying to communicate.

4) Add language. This language may be verbal or non-verbal (e.g. a gesture or sign), or both. If your child doesn't use much language, try to add a single word only, accompanied by a sign or gesture. Some useful words to model are "more", "up", "down", "help", "ta" and names of meaningful objects/ people (e.g. family names, teddy, dummy, blanket)

5) If your child already uses some language or a sign that would help in this situation, you could say (something like). "Use your words...", then model/ prompt the appropriate word or gesture.

6) Repeat again, and again, and again!

Have you experienced (or are you experiencing) the screaming phase?

The Easter Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 10:50:00 +0000

So, it seems I went AWOL last week. I was at a work training course on Monday/ Tuesday/ Wednesday last week, and had my first day in almost 4 years (well, more half a day) at home alone on Thursday! The course must have exhausted me, because I spent a lot of Thursday afternoon moving between the kitchen and the lounge. I even had an afternoon sleep. Bliss.

All of this busyness last week of course meant that our lead-up to Easter wasn't quite as focused as I probably would have liked, but we were able to reflect on Jesus' death and resurrection through the 'advent' Bible readings, and a few different activities over the weekend. It is lovely to hear our two big kids explaining and reflecting on the real meaning of Easter, and seeing their excitement at celebrating that Jesus is alive.

We enjoyed Hot Cross Buns on Good Friday:

Both our Good Friday and Easter Sunday church services were amazing. I am so impressed at what 'young' people are able to do with technology (we had some great film footage/ lighting effects), and, as always, we were faithfully taught (with the focus on Leviticus 16).

We were also able to get to know some people from church better this weekend as we were invited to a ritzy post-Good Friday service morning tea. Despite the wealth (and renown) of our host/s they are refreshingly down-to-earth and humble.

We came home for a rest, and then got to work on our Easter Garden:

On Easter Sunday morning, our Easter Garden was transformed (by me):

We enjoyed our Jesus is Alive cake:

On our Easter egg hunt, we hunted for both our chocolate eggs (apart from the ones our dog ate first!), and our resurrection eggs. Our resurrection eggs helped us retell the story of the last week of Jesus' life:

If you are planning ahead for next year, or for Christmas, or even looking for other ideas for teaching your little ones about Jesus, be sure to check out "Unwrapping the Treasure". This blog is filled with fabulous ideas for teaching Bible truths to little ones... Sorry that I posted the link a little late for Easter, but I'm sure you'll enjoy looking around anyway!

How was your Easter weekend?

5 myths of Speech Pathology

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 10:52:00 +0000

Last week, Marita from Stuff with Thing, shared this excellent article on her Facebook page: Five myths about Autism. I don't have as much contact with children with Autism and their families these days, but I used to spend a fair bit of time talking with parents after a Paediatrician had given their child an Autism diagnosis. Some parents (understandably) struggled with the diagnosis, and would often argue that the diagnosis could not be true, based on the fact that their child was affectionate, or used eye contact, or... The "myths" really struck a chord with me.

This list also got me thinking about Speech Pathology in general... and 5 "myths" about Speech Pathology. Here are some that I have heard often:

1) Speech Pathologists just "play"

In 11 years working as a Speech Pathologist, I must have heard this feedback from at least 30 parents. One thing I learnt early on, working as a private therapist, was that I needed to be very clear with parents about speech goals and my rationale for what I was doing. Most parents are understandably reluctant to part with $60 for a Speech Pathologist to "just play" with their child for 30 minutes. (It is more than $60 these days).

If you watch a lot of Speech Pathology intervention, it does look like play. With some clients, most of our early goals revolve around play. Play is fundamental to language learning (especially in the preschool years) and is also a great medium for working on other speech skills (pronunciation of sounds, fluency). Speech Pathologists (almost always) have clear, individual, client-targeted goals. We often target these goals using "play". We have solid, evidence-based rationale for using "play" in Speech Pathology sessions. If you are unsure of the goals, or the method your Speech Pathologist is using for your child... just ask!

2) Speech Pathology is all about flashcards

Another perception of Speech Pathology is that it is (or should be) all about flashcards or worksheets. Yes, we do use these from time-to-time when appropriate. Sometimes flashcards/ worksheets are helpful - especially for home practice purposes. Some kids love working through a worksheet or flashcards. But quite often, and particularly with our littlest clients, flashcards are not particularly effective. One-to-one unstructured or semi-structured play is usually more effective for language acquisition, speech sound development and targeting speech fluency in the preschool population. Book-sharing can be used in place of many "flashcard" activities.

5 years ago, working in private practice, and as a non-parent, I often felt obliged to send my clients home with photocopied worksheets. These days, working in the public system (where parents are not paying for my services), I am more confident to often send my preschool clients home almost empty-handed (I usually only write up a homework sheet with a couple of tips/goals for parents to use in play). And, I have found this to be just as (often more) effective in terms of achieving our therapy goals. Flashcards are not really that great!

3) Speech Pathology is for stuttering and lisps

Yes and no. It is, but that is a very, very small part of what most of us do. There are some Speech Pathologists who specialise in treatment of stuttering and do nothing else. But, most of us spend much more time working with children with delayed language development, or difficulties with social language use, or speech sound disorders. Speech Pathologists have a lot to offer in these areas, and sometimes (particularly in the area of language development), our knowledge goes unnoticed.

4) Speech Pathology is a quick fix

Mostly, no. Speech Pathologists do not have magic wands. We have some "magic" techniques and strategies, but most of these work with time and practice. A child sees a Speech Pathologist once a week (at most), but their parents everyday. Parental input and practice is a key to success. Taking your child to Speech Pathology sessions is only half the solution. Home follow-up is necessary for most efficient progress. Some types of speech and language difficulties require a lot of intervention. The difficulties that are "fixed" within a couple of sessions are rare.

5) I won't worry about Speech Pathology until my child gets to school

Please, please, PLEASE don't wait! If you have any concerns about the communication development of your toddler, or your preschooler, contact a Speech Pathologist now. Early intervention has been shown time and time again to be the most effective form of intervention. Public health services prioritise early intervention clients, so, as your child gets older, waiting times increase (and many public heath services offered very limited/ no service for children over 8 years). As an example, where I work, we have a waiting list of approximately 4-5 months for under 3-year-olds, 17 months for 3-5 year olds and 2.5 years for school-aged children, up to year 2. Completely inadequate? Yes. But, this is the sad reality of service restrictions.

What myths have you heard about Speech Pathology? (or your profession- there are HEAPS for motherhood!)

Wordless Wednesday: If you go down to the woods today...

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 20:29:00 +0000

... you're sure of a big surprise...

...today's the day the teddy-bears have their picnic.

PS - love that Matt played along with the teddy-bears' tea party. He is usually more the wrestling type when it comes to play.

I don't try to be happy... but I am!

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 22:38:00 +0000

Happiness, and particularly happiness in motherhood, seems to be a recurring theme in my life at the moment. In the last month or so, I have had several conversations and read countless articles and blog posts about happiness or contentment. There sure are a lot of unhappy mums out there.

So, how do you feel about motherhood?

Do you feel guilty? Overwhelmed? Unbalanced? Bored? Cranky? Out-of-step with your husband? Out-of-control?

There have been times when I have felt all of the above (thankfully not all at once!). I have friends who have felt/ do feel like this too. When they are short-term, these feeling are completely normal. I would say, inevitable at some time in your motherhood journey. Combine hormones, the demands of children (24/7), our own expectations (dare we say, perfectionism?!), the 'rules' of raising children (not too much TV time, fine motor time, gross motor time, language time, reading time, one-to-one time), our marriages, and our need for "me-time", and you have a recipe for a frazzled mummy.

But, what if you feel like this all the time? If those feelings are all too familiar? What if thinking about motherhood just makes you want to curl into a ball and cry? What if the thought of another day brings no anticipation of joy? I know there are some mums in this position.

I don't know much about happiness. Usually I don't think much about happiness. But I am happy (most of the time). I'm not happy in an "always have a smile on my face", shouting for joy, praise the Lord kind of way. That is not my personality. I am content. I never thought of myself as an especially happy person (probably because I am not the 'shout for joy' type). But lately as I have observed how much other mums struggle with happiness and contentment, I realise just how much God has blessed me with contentment in my role as a mum.

I don't want to sound like I have it all together... because I don't. When I talk about contentment, I mean right here, in these circumstances of life, in the everyday little hassles and trials of motherhood. I wish I could claim (like Paul in the Bible) that I knew the secret of contentment in any and every circumstance (well-fed or hungry, in plenty or in want...), but the fact is, I have never been tested in those ways. I don't know how I would respond to hunger, or serious pain, or life-threatening illness, or the death of a child, or a lonely marriage. I am not there.

All I know is a few things that help me feel content/ happy, through the sometimes monotonous, often frustrating, frequently tiring life of a mother... Some things that help me:

Leaning on God - a knowledge that when I am out of control, he is in control. A confidence in my eternity. A trust that all things are working for God's glory... even when I don't understand them
Working on our marriage - knowing that Matt "has my back" and is on my side
Having time-out - doing something I enjoy (usually reading or blogging). We've developed a daily routine that ensures that this happens - in the middle of the day 'rest time' and at night.
Drinking water - sounds silly, but I know when I haven't had enough (think headach-y and cranky)
Getting out socially - play dates, play-group, Bible study. Being around other mums in the 'real world' is encouraging and recharges me.
Having a (loose) routine for the day and a (short) daily task list - helps me prioritise the important, and feel like I'm achieving something, even on the down days
Being willing to let go of perfection - I'll tell you a secret... some weeks I don't clean the bathroom (maybe just a quick wipe-down). Some weeks I don't wash the sheets. Some days I don't cook dinner (leftovers are a great resource!). When I'm on morning tea roster for play-group or Bible study, sometimes I just buy something. I don't "do it all" everyday or every week. Trying to make myself would just make me overwhelmed and defeated. Some days I prioritise just playing with our kids. Some days I prioritise getting jobs done, but never all of it everyday.
Being (realistically) optimistic - I don't have my head in the clouds, but I do generally have a hope/ expectation, that things will work out well. I try to think about what I have achieved, rather than what I haven't achieved, or the positives of a situation, rather than the negatives. Focusing on blessings has a big impact on contentment.
Not focusing on happiness - a couple of years ago, someone I know (not a Christian) went to a conference on happiness. 3 whole days dedicated to trying to be happy. This person has spent a lot of time and money looking for happiness - and most of the things have been focused on herself - dredging up her past, learning to be assertive, meditating, etc etc. Guess what? She is still not all that happy. And, even the happiness conference (ironically) concluded that those who are the happiest do not focus on their own happiness, but on serving others... kind of what the Bible has been saying all along!

Are you struggling with contentment? What things help you feel happy?

Disclaimer: Sometimes unhappiness is more than just unhappiness. Depression is very real and very common. Post-natal depression can still be an issue up to a couple of years after having a baby. If you think you are more than "unhappy", please see a doctor.