The UC

"How Can I Tell You"- Cat Stevens

2013-05-17T17:59:00.001-04:00

Song of the Day

I guess this isn't the best version of this video to pick, but listen. I'm on a computer in a business center at my apartment complex. I can't even hear the audio. My stomach hurts, my heart hurts and I'm trying very hard not to cry again. SO.

I used to think early Cat Stevens was impossibly romantic music because my parents had their courtship set around him and had "Morning Has Broken" played at their wedding. I don't romanticize my parents all that much to be honest, but I like the idea of them as young adults, dating, listening to Cat Stevens together. I see it more or less, in my mind, through the photos I found of them growing up. Very 1970s.

This song has always been hard for me to listen to, though. Even if it's gorgeous. It just hurts inside somewhere, I don't know. That level of total vulnerability you get with the person you love. And it's quite difficult to verbalize that sometimes- even though if you're like me (or Lena Dunham) you find yourself saying "I love you" to the people you love a lot. "But it loses its meaning!" some people protest. Bullshit. I say it a lot because I don't know when I'm going to say it again and I feel overcome with that emotion. For instance, when I look into my girlfriend's eyes every now and then in the middle of an otherwise normal, placid conversation- I let it go again.

Flashback to my parents. I've seen my Mom take care of my Dad (I don't think I should be capitalizing? But I'm going to anyway since it seems disrespectful otherwise) for the years. We have our nightly conversations, her in Pennsylvania and me in Arizona. She is still taking care of him.

I've seen- most importantly and relevant to what I'm getting at today (excuse me for rambling, I need to get this off my chest)- Mom go with Dad repeatedly to the hospital. Time and time again. I've seen her helping him go to the bathroom, sitting at the foot of his bed, feeding him ice cubes after surgery. I've seen it and I've really just been a bystander, watching my parents with some kind of sadness about mortality and fragility, which is what life is. Extremely fragile. My Mom never seemed helpless to me in those positions- but now I have to think she felt it. That sinking horrible realization nothing you can possibly do will help the person you love who is just lying there. Which is heartbreaking. I didn't realize how heartbreaking it was. I can't call her and ask her this question for a few reasons, but I have a better understanding of what she's gone through (and is going through) still.

Last night I found myself in my Mom's position for the first time ever. This morning, same thing. The girl I love will be absolutely fine, I'm sure of it- it's just incredibly, incredibly, incredibly unsettling. And devastating in a way. And I know she will probably not listen to this song (which encompasses everything about her) nor see this post, but this is how I feel at this moment. I just want her to come home.

I'm done rambling. I don't like being this open with you UC readers, but I hope you understand. It is a beautiful song, at the very least.

Love,

Britt

Fourth Annual "Bitch, What Were You Thinking?" Awards

2013-05-16T19:19:00.000-04:00

Hello all!

I know I haven't given this award in a while, but I think this particular story demands it. Again- Phoenix finds itself in the crosshairs here.

Now, I'm not in the restaurant business, but dear god! Isn't the purpose of any business to draw in customers? And that's exactly what the Scottsdale-based company is NOT doing. Rather, they are running in the opposite direction.

HUH?

Apparently Amy (with God on her side) believes her restaurant is the target of cyberbullies. Which, if you consider stories such as the Amanda Todd case, is an insult to cyberbully victims everywhere. When you treat the public the way they seem to be doing and when you serve food poorly- people write bad reviews online! It's the nature of the beast.

I guess they are closed right now until some kind of grand re-opening next week, but even Gordon Ramsay thought this restaurant was beyond help. Which says something?

MEOW MEOW MEOW

Here's to hoping those people figure out what they are doing. To me, they are just being rather mean themselves.

"Diane Young"- Vampire Weekend

2013-05-16T13:21:00.001-04:00

Song of the Day

Vampire Weekend is back! *looks for her Madras shirt*

BENIHANA

AMY'S BAKING COMPANY (more on that later)

IZOD

I'm 25 today. I feel ancient!

Game of Thrones: My One True God is Death

2013-05-15T14:04:00.002-04:00

Episode 7

The Bear and the Maiden Fair

I thought this episode was a bit slower than the rest this season. I still liked it, plus George RR Martin himself wrote this ep, and you can't go wrong with that. It was more introspective, and it set up a lot of plot points for the next three installments which, if the novel is any indication, will be so fucking insane. So enjoy this down time while you can!

Jon Snow—The group of Wildlings venture out on the other side of the Wall. Ygritte pokes fun at how Jon’s people carry banners and march to a drum. It’s funny, but they have those things for a reason, Ygritte. You wouldn’t understand.

Orell notices how lovey-dovey the two of them are, and does his best to drive a wedge between them. Telling Jon Ygritte only loves him because it suits her, and he later tell Ygritte that sure Jon is pretty, but he’ll drop her as soon as he can. Oh, and Giantsbane gives Jon some sex advice. The phrase “wet as a seal” was used. Gotta love the Martin episodes of this series. He has a flair for dirty sex talk.

Later, Jon and Ygritte go hunting, and along the way, she takes note of a “castle.”

“Uhm, that’s just a windmill,” Jon says. He says she’d practically swoon at the sight of Winterfell. And then they have some adorable banter.

But Jon also mentions that there’s no way the Wildlings will win. Ygritte scoffs. But the last six times they’ve tried, they’ve lost. They have no order, no strategy. She doesn’t believe him; mentions that Mance has a plan. But she really should take Jon’s word. He has a point.

Robb—The convoy to the Frey’s gets delayed by the weather, which gives Robb and Talisa time to get it on.

He bit her lip and I just about lost my mind from the sexy.

Talk about a ridiculously attractive couple. They lounge in post coital bliss, Talisa writes a letter to her mother, and let’s it slip that she’s pregnant with Robb’s heir. He’s beyond happy. Aren’t they the cutest?

King’s Landing—I guess some things happen here, but it’s not very exciting. Sorry, George! Sansa cries a lot about how horrible her life is to Margaery, who shrugs and tells her she could be worse off. Sansa’s child will be heir to Casterly Rock and the North. And then Sansa gets this wide-eyed look on her face, as if she’d never thought about sex before.

Tyrion talks with Bronn about Sansa and Shae (Tyrion’s whore). His advice? Marry one and bed the other. He’s such a wise man.

Tyrion tries to tell Shae that his marriage is “duty, not desire” and that she’ll be well taken care of. And he hopes to have children with her one day. Shae is not having any of it. To be honest, Tyrion is thinking a bit too optimistically.

Tywin pays Joffrey a visit. His grandson wonders why he hasn’t been consulted on any of the Small Council meetings. And what’s this about Daenerys and dragons? Tywin is such an imposing figure, and perhaps the only person Joffrey won’t speak up to. It’s fabulous.

Tywin pats him on the head and says “there, there, you dumb son of a bitch, let the grown-ups handle everything. You just run along and skewer some more whores with arrows, you sick fuck.”

What? That’s not what happened? Well, that’s how I choose to remember it.

While not exactly part of King’s Landing, Melisandre and Gendry take a ship through the Blackwater. And she tells him what he’s been wondering for a long time: he is in fact the bastard of Robert Baratheon. Knock him over with a feather.

Arya—That evening, Arya broods over the loss of Gendry. Then Beric gets word of a group of Lannister soldiers nearby. Arya is beyond pissed that he’s not keeping his promise to bring her to Riverrun.

She flees the camp and hides. But the Hound is there waiting for her. He steals her off into the night.

Bran—Osha is pissed that Jojen is filling Bran’s head with black magic nonsense. They intend to go beyond the Wall now, not Castle Black. She refuses, and tells them a story about what lies beyond the Wall, about how her love became a White Walker and she had to kill him. And that’s why she won’t take them any further than Castle Black.

Theon—It was almost as if George had to write a scene for Theon and thought “let’s have more torture, but let’s make it sexy.” So, two nubile ladies lay Theon down and have their way with him in true George RR Martin fashion. But just when Theon is really getting into it, torturer man breaks it up and cuts Theon’s dick off. Or not. Do we care, I ask you?

We do not care, I answer.

Daenerys—Across the sea, Dany and her ever-growing convoy stop outside Yunkai, “The Yellow City.” A sprawling city with high walls and plenty of provisions. They could withstand an army, Jorah warns. But there are slaves in the city, and Dany can’t have that.

They meet with one of Yunkai’s lords, a swarthy dark-haired fellow. He offers her plenty of gold and a ship, if only she would carry on and not attack the city. Dany sits resplendent, with her dragons menacing the lord nearby.

She tells him the gifts are lovely, but she’s coming to free the slaves, so you’d better just surrender. The lord threatens her, and the dragons do not take kindly to it. He retreats without his gold, mentioning he has “powerful friends.” This intrigues Dany. (Side note: how awesome is Emilia Clarke in this scene?!)

Jamie and Brienne—The duo say an awkward goodbye, as Jamie gets ready to make for King’s Landing. She mentions she’ll be left alone with Locke, which cannot turn out well. He says he owes her a debt (and the Lannisters always repay their debts, dontcha know).

Bolton tells Jamie to send his regards to his family, as he’ll be at the Frey-Tully wedding. And Jamie wasn’t invited? Imagine that. Maybe he didn't RSVP.

Outside Harrenhall, Jamie chats with the disgraced Maester as he tends to his wound. Turns out he was disgraced by performing experiments on sick and dying poor people. Talk turns to Brienne, and that her father offered 300 dragons for her safe return. Locke refused, because someone told him Tarth was full of sapphires (that would be Jamie, fyi). Now she’ll be used as “entertainment.”

Jamie convinces—aka threatens—his escort to take him back to Harrenhall. They arrive later that evening, and Jamie finds Locke’s men surrounding a combat pit, with Brienne and a very large bear in the center.

And she’s not doing too well, what with her wooden sword and all. Jamie jumps in the pit and helps her fend off the bear. His escort assists him (but only because he’s under Lord Bolton’s orders to see Jamie safely to King’s Landing). Jamie and Brienne pull off a harrowing escape and leave together. King’s Landing or bust!

"Try to Be"- Blue Hawaii

2013-05-12T18:13:00.000-04:00

Song of the Day

Gorgeous. If you like Grimes and whatnot, you should adore Blue Hawaii. I've been kind of depressed all weekend and this song is resonating with me so much right now.

I'm glad to see 2013's new music has been awesome.

p.s. I love the album cover. I'm a sucker for ones like those (i.e. Washed Out's "Within and Without").

My Mother's Day Moment

2013-05-12T16:46:00.000-04:00

Mocha got a piece of bedding in her vagina this morning. How I know is she's such a dark little guinea pig and her new bedding is white. So it looked like she had a white piece of straw hanging out of her.

At first I was grossed out. I don't look at my pigs' vajajays all that often. I just happened to see it today.

So after some thinking, I pulled it out. Which actually took like a MINUTE. (It was a big piece).

And as I did this, I was like "Jesus, I'm actually pulling something out of my guinea pig's genitals. This is weird."

Then I realized moms do this kind of shit all the time. Happy Mothers' Day!

"The Next Day"- David Bowie

2013-05-11T19:28:00.001-04:00

Song of the Day

(MARION COTILLARD!)

I love the ending. "THANK YOU EVERYONE! *gong*"

People really shouldn't be surprised by this video. Disturbed, maybe. But it's David Bowie.

It's a good song, though.

A Review of The Great Gatsby Soundtrack: Play By Play

2013-05-11T07:16:00.000-04:00

"The Great Gatsby" came out yesterday, which marks a moment I've waited for most of my life.

I understand reviews have been mixed and Baz Luhrmann is a little goofy, but I don't care. This is worth it.

I'll probably see it this weekend and then I'll likely post a shapeless review of sorts as per normal. Right now though, some jerk woke me up and I feel bleak so Ima review the soundtrack, SONG BY SONG. You're all such lucky people!

Baz Luhrmann films, if not known for camp and being over the top, are known for their soundtracks. "Romeo + Juliet," "Moulin Rouge." The Jay-Z curated "Gatsby" soundtrack is no different. It's a stream of hits...and some misses.

Here are my thoughts. Please note it's almost 4 A.M. in Phoenix. No, I'm not drunk. I was asleep until 1:15-ish when some frat goons came running by my apartment, gabbing. Assholes.

"100$ Bill" - Jay-Z: I like this track a whole lot, but why call out Taylor Swift, Jigga? You're massive and in a different sphere. It's like me going after an Olsen Twin. Okay, not quite the same, but.. Grade: A

"Back to Black"- Beyonce, Andre 3000: MY SWEET AMY LIVES Grade: A+

"Bang Bang"- will.i.am: Why do I cringe typing out his name? Actually this is a good song. Nice Louis Armstrong homage. But it's also will.i.am. so one must take what one must can get. WILL.I.AM. Grade: B+

"A Little Party Never Hurt Nobody (All We Got)"- Fergie, Q-Tip, Goon Rock: Fergie's vocals are as impressive as ever, but I skip this song. Gleefully. Grade: C

"Young and Beautiful"- Lana Del Rey: You know how I love Lana. I can't hide it. This, though, feels a little uninspired. It's pretty and vulnerable, which gives it that something extra. I think - should it be played in the actual movie - it would be gorgeous. Benefit of the doubt. Grade: A-

Half-asleep note: I'm glad she addresses wanting to bring your other half to Heaven with you. But the line "makes me want to party..." Jesus

"Love Is the Drug"- Bryan Ferry: Guess what? This is the first time I've listened to Bryan Ferry. LOVE. It definitely has a 1920s soul/vibrancy, too. Grade: A

"Over the Love"- Florence + the Machine: Awesome, traditional Florence fare. It pulsates; it's powerful. It's her vein of Baroque pop as we know it but it's nonetheless invigorating. Grade: A

"Heart's a Mess"- Gotye: I'm adding this song to my sex playlist right now. Grade: Boner

"Love Is Blindness"- Jack White: This U2 cover makes the album for me. It's tortured, hot, borderline obsessive. It's Gatsby's devotion to Daisy channeled by Jack White, who is a rock god. Grade: A+

"Where the Wind Blows"- Coco O.: She does a commendable job of fitting in with the 1920s motif, and putting it through some kind of R & B funnel. She's impressive. Grade: A-

"Crazy in Love"- Emelie Sande and the Bryan Ferry Orchestra: So meta having a Beyonce cover on an album Beyonce is actually on. This song is a brilliant cover. I mean that- earnestly brilliant. Not Stephen Hawking brilliant, though! Grade: A+

"Together"- The Xx: Every Xx song seems to sound the same, but it's still, god, the only word that comes to mind is "hot." I recently read a Rolling Stone recap of their first album, which they essentially called "hipster booty call music." True dat. Also, again- the anguished romantic aspect. Grade: A

"Into the Past"- Nero: I can't get this song on Spotify and haven't heard it elsewhere. I can say Nero was a bad emperor. I think my least favorite TBH. Grade: BAD EMPEROR

"Kill and Run"- Sia: What prevents me from being a bigger Sia fan is how boring she can be. I like her- she seems like a sweetie, but. Yeah. Anyway, this is an EXCELLENT close. Sia, of all people, brings it home. Grade: A

Overall I give this album a 93/100. What kills it for me is Goon Rock. I hope the film is just as good...although I fret. At least it will be better than that drab Robert Redford version. I've had more fun staring at wallpaper than watching that movie. End thought.

UNTIL NEXT TIME

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?
No.

2 Broke Girls recap: And the Tip Slip

2013-05-10T17:16:00.000-04:00

Before anything else, there's just one thing I'd like to announce:

The Carrie Diaries has been officially renewed!!!!!

And this is for the h8rs:

Now on to the recap...

Max complains to Caroline about a customer who tipped her in Monopoly money. Han shows up wearing a baseball uniform, only to be mocked by the girls. He announces that he is putting a team together for the restaurant league, but no one seems really eager to play, except for Caroline. She throws the ball and it hits Han right in the nuts. The poor thing walks away in pain as he mentions he forgot to put on a protective cup. "Need a cup?" Max taunts.

The girls go to visit Caroline's father, Martin Channing, in prison. Caroline wonders why he wanted to see them. "He probably wants a conjugal visit," Max says. "Max!" Caroline exclaims. "Relax! With me," Max clarifies. Martin comes in and tells them that Sandra Rosenthal, a woman who used to work for him, is being paid a million dollars to write a tell-all book about him. "A million dollars? How much can I get for a tell-all book about Caroline? Chapter one: Sleep Farts," Max quips. Furthermore, the woman is claiming that they were sleeping together, and she is about to go on Piers Morgan Live for a interview. Caroline assures him that she will defend him by going on the show to refute Sandra's lies.

Martin asks Caroline to leave so he can speak to Max privately. "Max, no!" Caroline comically mouths from behind the door. He asks Max to tell Caroline that the woman is also claiming he has a small penis, which might be the lie that got the book sold. "How big of a lie?" Max asks. "Oh, a really big one," he replies. Oh my.

While riding the subway home, Caroline asks Max what her father wanted to talk to her about, but Max is uncomfortable telling Caroline. When Max finally gives in, a sports team enters the subway and starts blowing vuvuzelas frantically. After being interrupted several times, Max announces out loud that the woman is going to say that Caroline's father has a small penis, much to everyone's embarrassment. Caroline insists it's another lie. "Have you seen it?" Max asks. "No, I haven't seen it! I never wanna see it. Have you seen your father's penis?" Caroline asks back. "If I did, it was waving goodbye," Max replies.

At the diner, Caroline decides to discredit Sandra on the show by telling people her father did good things as well. She shows Max pictures of him working with UNICEF, rebuilding Haiti, and water-skiing at a charity event on Lake Tahoe. "What's the charity? White men without golf clubs?" Max asks. Sophie walks in blurting out that the news of Martin Channing's "weenis" is all over the Internet. Caroline complains about being tense, and Han offers to give her a massage, which turns out to be ridiculous. Sophie decides to treat the girls to a massage at a spa. Caroline thanks Han for the massage, until she realizes he is still doing it.

"That was a-mazing! I mean, a guy rubbed me for an hour and didn't expect anything back? This massage stuff could catch on," Max says as she meets Caroline in the spa's quiet room. Caroline couldn't enjoy her massage, as she is worried about going on Piers Morgan's show. Sophie comes in talking loudly, only to be shushed by a woman who had earlier shushed Caroline. Sophie retaliates by hilariously throwing a fruit at her.

Caroline spots Sandra, who gloats to the masseuse about her tell-all book before going in for her massage. Sophie offers to distract the masseuse while Max and Caroline sneak into Sandra's room so they can find out more about her book. Caroline, passing herself off as a masseuse, instigates Sandra to talk about the book. As the girls attempt to give her a hot stone massage, Sandra shares her plans to expose Martin, which prompts Caroline to shove a hot stone up Sandra's ass (above the towel, obvs).

When Sandra realizes the girls have replaced her masseuse, Caroline confronts her about lying about sleeping with her father. Sandra alleges she did sleep with him on Caroline's pink canopy bed, and threatens to tell everyone in the spa lobby that she was touched inappropriately by Caroline. Max assures she's not going to tell anybody that, before Sophie, who was listening outside the door, walks in and joins the girls.

As they arrive at Piers Morgan's show, Caroline tells Max she is having second thoughts after hearing Sandra's claims. Max goes through the pictures of Caroline's father to remind her of the person he used to be. When Max sees the picture of him water-skiing, she notices something coming out of his swimsuit as she zooms in. "Someone had a tip slip, and that is not a small tip. And as a waitress and a loose woman, I know a small tip when I see one." She shows the picture to Caroline, who looks away in horror. Max suggests that Caroline show it to Piers in order to prove that Sandra is lying, but Caroline refuses. Max, being Max, sends the picture to herself.

The show is on, and Piers asks Caroline for comments on her father's small penis. Instead, Caroline implies that Sandra lied about her finance degree. Max crawls under the desk and gives Caroline her phone, but she quickly gives it back, so Max passes it to Piers. After looking at the picture of Caroline's father's tip slip, Piers declares Sandra a fraud and immediately closes the interview.

Back at the diner, Caroline wonders if she is going to have to defend her father forever, and Max says she will be there to help, "'cause it's a wife's job to defend her husband." Jokes aside, Caroline says it makes her sad to think her father is going to be in prison for the rest of his life. Max conforts Caroline in her own way, saying, "Don't think of it like that, he's not just in prison. He's in Africa working with UNICEF, he's in Haiti, he's water-skiing on Lake Rich Person, and he's on the desktop of my computer."

Caroline decides it's time to delete the picture of her father's tip slip, but she realizes she doesn't have her phone with her. The girls walk out of the kitchen to find Earl, Oleg, and Han looking at her father's picture. When Oleg returns the phone, Caroline faces her father's junk and she runs back into the kitchen. Max takes the phone and zooms in for her viewing pleasure.

Current total: $940.00

Damn, I can't believe the season finale is already next week. What do you think is going to happen? Will there be another celeb cameo, like Martha Stewart last year? Make sure you leave a comment, ~~asshole~~ dear reader.

Game of Thrones: The World From Up There (double episode edition!)

2013-05-08T14:32:00.002-04:00

Episode 5: Kissed by Fire

and

Episode 6: The Climb

Jamie and Brienne—They arrive a Lord Bolton’s fortress. Bolton is a brooding, mysterious type, and has a way with words (telling Jamie King’s Landing is fine, but making it seem not). He also seems disgusted with how Jamie and Brienne have been treated, especially the loss of Jamie’s hand.

He sends Jamie to the maester, who suggests taking off the whole infected arm. Jamie makes a convincing case not to, however. Instead the maester takes to slicing off the infected flesh. Lovely scene.

Later, Jamie finds Brienne in the bathhouse, scrubbing away the past few days. Despite there being plenty of other baths, Jamie struts along—naked and proud, as he should be—and plops down in Brienne’s. She’s annoyed at first, but doesn’t seem really annoyed, if ya know what I mean.

She starts in with the whole “Kingslayer” stuff again, so Jamie tells her all about why he got that moniker. Short version: the Mad King was going to burn all of King’s Landing with wildfire, knowing he couldn’t win. So Jamie did the only logical thing; he killed him.

It’s an intense story, made even moreso by Coster-Waldau’s performance. Brienne listens with rapt attention. Before she can question him, he passes out.

Later, Bolton treats Jamie and Brienne to a meal. He found our lady knight “appropriate” clothes; a ridiculous pink dress that looks so out of place on her.

Bolton agrees with Jamie that King’s Landing would offer the greatest reward for his return. But that doesn’t include Brienne. Jamie seems concerned for some reason...

Arya—The trial by combat between The Hound and Beric begins. A brutal fight ensues. For only having one eye, Beric is a formidable fighter; especially with a flaming sword (remember, fire is he Hound’s phobia).

But the Hound emerges victorious when his sword snaps Beric’s and he plunges it into Beric’s shoulder and chest.

Beric collapses on the ground, dead. Thoros rushes to him and prays to the Lord of Light to spare him. Arya, filled with rage, tries to kill the Hound herself. But the Brotherhood grabs her before she can. But then Beric sits up, very much alive. The power of prayer, people! The Brotherhood lets the Hound go free, and Arya is pissed. But he did win the trial, Beric points out.

Later, just to add more strife, Gendry informs her that he’s staying on with the Brotherhood as a smith. She tries to argue with him, but it’s pointless; he’s made up his mind.

That night, as she recites her list of names, Thoros tells her they’ll be taking her to Riverrun. As a hostage, of course, they need the money. The conversation turns to Beric and his miraculous resurrection. Turns out he’s been brought back six times. And he loses a part of himself every time.

This is another instance of the show doing great justice to a character. I didn’t really find Beric all that interesting in the novel.

A few days later (I’m assuming), while Arya practices her archery, the Brotherhood is visited by a mysterious troop of people with a woman in red leading them.

Melisandre says her greetings to Thoros, mentioning he didn’t fulfill his duty to convert Robert Baratheon (remember him?).

She’s speechless when she meets Beric. It should be impossible, she mentions. Thoros shouldn’t have this kind of power. He tells her his story: a disbeliever until Beric died the first time. All he does is ask the Lord of Light for help.

Melisandre asks Beric about the “other side.” He says there is no other side, “only darkness.” It makes sense, what with murderous shadow ghost babies and all. But this isn’t the real reason she’s come; the Brotherhood have someone she needs...

If you thought it was Arya, you’d be wrong. It’s Gendry. Robert’s illegitimate son. Arya protests, but it’s useless. They take Gendry, and give the Brotherhood a bag of gold for their troubles.

Arya confronts Melisandre. She looks into Arya’s eyes and sees a darkness, and other eyes (her list) “eyes you’ll shut forever.” Melisandre leaves, but tells Arya they’ll meet again.

Bran—He awakes to Meera and Osha bickering about skinning rabbits. Which leads them to insult each other about their skills as hunters. They almost come to blows until Bran intervenes. He orders them to make peace, and they do, begrudgingly.

Just as things calm down, Jojen has a vision in his sleep. A vision which brings on a seizure. Meera is at his side, cradling him, putting a bit in his mouth and offering soothing words. Bran is scared by it. “The visions take their toll,” Meera says.

Jojen wakes, and says his vision involved one Jon Snow...

Jon Snow—The Wall is very close now, Orell questions Jon about it’s defenses. He tells him what he knows. Orell doesn’t belive him. Giantsbane steps in and says he believes him, but is still wary.

“You owe me a debt...” Ygritte steals his sword and he chases after her. He finds her in a cave with a nifty hot spring. She strips, to Jon’s surprise. And she tries to act all tough and cool, and then Jon goes down on her.

“I just wanted to kiss you there, is all.” he says. Then they have more sex and it’s awesome.

Later, the Wildlings get ready to scale the Wall. Giantsbane gives him an ice axe and gives him climbing advice. Ygritte gives Jon a pair of climbing boots. And she reveals a secret: she knows he’s still a Crow. “Don’t betray me,” she says. Doesn’t all her dialogue just reek of foreshadowing?

They climb, and climb, and climb some more.

Ygritte starts an avalanche of sorts with a poorly placed ice pick, and her and Jon almost fall to their deaths (no thanks to Orell cutting their line, either). But they make it to the top of the Wall eventually. And then they get all kissy kissy. Just remember, Jon, don't betray Ygritte, or else...

Sam—He learns how to start a fire from Gilly. He shows her the obsidian knife he found way back when, and tells her how great Castle Black is with it’s food, fires, and singing. Gilly asks him to sing her a song. He looks bashful at first, but does. These two are adorable.

Robb—It’s hard times for Robb, as Lord Karstark and his men murdered the two Lannister boys in cold blood. Robb supposes it’s some kind of vengeance for Karstark’s own sons, but Robb isn’t listening. He orders Karstark’s men to be hanged, even though he realizes the consequences. If he decides to execute Karstark, he will lose a large part of his army. And he does.

Later, in the war room, Talisa asks Robb to point out the different lands. And this gives him the idea to take Casterly Rock (the Lannister’s homeland), but he’ll need more men. And that means asking the Freys for help.

You remember the Freys. The creepy old man with a ton of daughters, one of which was supposed to marry Robb. But Robb went and fell in love with Talisa.

They meet with some of the Frey sons, and they ask Robb make a formal apology to Walder Frey himself. Also, they ask that Edmure—Robb’s uncle—marry one of their sisters. At first, Edmure refuses, but Robb asks him to do this as recompense for his earlier strategic blunder. Lots of weddings happening this season.

Stannis and Davos—Stannis decides to pay a visit to his actual family. Did you know he has a wife? Her name’s Selyse. He goes to her to confess he’s been screwing Melisandre, but she’s fine with it. She “wept with joy” at the news. Oh, and she keeps her stillborn children in jars of formaldehyde. Because that’s what sane people do.

Then he visits his daughter, Shireen. The things we don't know about this guy...

She’s happy to see him, and asks after Davos, who always comes to visit her (something tells me Davos is more of a father to her than her actual father). He tells her that Davos betrayed him and is in the dungeon.

Later that night in the dungeons, Shireen pays Davos a visit while the one guard sleeps. She’s come to check on him and to give him a book to read while he’s imprisoned. Davos confesses he can’t read, and Shireen offers to teach him. He’s concerned they’ll get in trouble, but Shireen doesn’t miss a beat.

Theon—He gets tortured by that sexy torturer some more, who might be one of Karstark’s sons. Or not. Honestly, do we care at this point? Kill him or don’t. Just be done with this boring storyline already.

Daenerys—Jorah and Barriston chat while they convoy travels. Jorah is really fishing for information about himself. You’ll recall he was originally a spy for Robert, but then had a change of heart. Barriston doesn’t seem to know this, or chooses not to.

Dany talks to the Unsullied commanders. She had tasked them with choosing a leader from amongst their ranks. One comes forth, Grey Worm. Missandei tells Dany the Unsullied are given names of vermin. She’s disgusted by this, but the Unsullied are okay with it.

King’s Landing—Cersei enlists Littlefinger to dig up dirt on the Tyrells.

Through his spy, Oliver, Littlefinger finds out that Loras is gay (duh) and they plan to marry Sansa to him. Also, we got to see some gay sex!

Tyrion consults with Olenna about the upcoming wedding. Finances are tight in the kingdom, and they might not have enough to afford it. Olenna, after reading Tyrion for filth, agrees to pay for half the wedding expenses.

Cersei and Tyrion meet with their father, who informs them of some news. Since the Tyrells intend to marry Sansa off to Loras, they will instead marry her to Tyrion instead. And, just to wipe the shit-eating grin off of Cersei’s face, Tywin commands her to marry Loras instead.

Later, Tywin tries to negotiate Cersei’s marriage to Loras with Olenna. She’s not having it; Cersei’s getting too old to bear children. He tries throwing Loras’ homosexuality in her face, but she rolls her eyes “he’s a swordswallower through and through.” And she even alludes to Tywin having experimented with boys when he was a kid. Oh, and that gay sex is nothing compared to incest.

Tywin counters with appointing Loras to the Kingsguard, which means he will bear no children in service to the king. The Tyrell name will fade. Olenna calls his bluff.

Sansa chats with Loras—she’s still totally clueless, by the way—about how awful King’s Landing is. They chat about how fabulous the wedding will be.

Meanwhile, Cersei and Tyrion have a game of “who’s got it worse?” Tyrion asks his sister about the attempt on his life during the battle of Blackwatch. Her silence speaks volumes; it was Joffery.

He then pays Sansa and Shae a visit to break the bad news. Meet your new husband, Sansa!

Varys and Littlefinger have another one of their chats. Seems Littlefinger didn’t appreciate Varys and Ros plotting against him (trying to marry Sansa to Loras). So, he gave Ros to Joffery, who played a game of target practice with her.

Littlefinger sails away for the Eyrie, leaving a weeping Sansa to fend for herself at King’s Landing. That girl cannot catch a break.

Let's take a moment to remember one of the best characters that wasn't even in the novels. I'm talking about Ros, aka Esme Bianco. I'm very sad to see her go.

ROOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSS

2 Broke Girls recap: And the Extra Work

2013-05-07T16:02:00.001-04:00

OMG, I'm terribly sorry for my ridiculously late post!! This time, however, my laziness is not to be blamed. You see, my shitty CPU broke down last Tuesday (it's a miracle that it lasted this long, to be honest), so I had to have a technician transfer all the data to a new CPU, and I only got it back yesterday. I'm not sure if I got the computer lingo right, but all that matters is that my computer is working so perfectly now, I could almost cry. Anyway, despite all the setbacks, I felt morally obligated to commit myself to those who couldn't possibly do without my wonderful (and humble) recaps. Alright, enough with the chit-chat, let's get on with it.

Max and Caroline celebrate Chestnut's tenth birthday with a carrot cake. Max blows his candle because she already knew what he wished for: "That one day, he and I live in a world where our love is recognized and we have the same rights as gay couples." One of Chestnut's horseshoes fall off, and Caroline points out that they don't have the money for it. Max mentions that she hooked up with a guy at Oktoberfest who is a blacksmith. Seriously, what would we all be without Max's random hookups?

Max comes into the diner and tells Caroline she found her blacksmith, who now shares an artisan barn with a lady who makes clothing out of bees (okay...). She learned that Chestnut needs four new shoes and has a hoof fungus. To make matters worse, the cost of new shoes and vet fee is $1,400. A casting crew comes in—an Asian guy named Tom Woo tells the girls they are interested in renting the diner out to shoot a scene of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, which instantly grabs Max's interest.

Caroline notices how the rugged, handsome director is her type of guy. As DJ Kingsley introduces himself to the girls, he comments that Earl has a great face and offers him to be an extra on the show. Max volunteers for a part, too, but DJ is visibly more interested in Caroline, who he says is too pretty to just be a waitress. Caroline reveals that she portrayed Fantine in Les Misérables back in high school. DJ invites the girls to be extras on the show, and Tom adds that it pays $112 a day.

Max and Caroline take Tom to talk to Han about using the diner as a shooting location. According to Tom, the diner has the right amount of "funk and skank." "If we do real good in this and get a spin-off, that'll be the name of our show—Funk and Skank," Max jokes to Caroline. "Okay, but I don't wanna be Skank," Caroline says. "Oh, clearly I'm Skank," Max replies. Clearly. Han attempts to warm up to Tom by talking in Korean, to which Tom awkwardly replies that he's from Pasadena. "I never thought I'd be in a TV show where no one was yelling, 'You are not the father!'" Max exclaims.

Max and Caroline come out wearing '50s-style waitress uniforms. "When we're the big stars of Funk and Skank, we won't have to wear any uniforms," Max says. Caroline thought Funk and Skank were cops, but Max says they are hookers. Caroline proposes that they are "copstitutes"—cops by day and prostitutes by night. "Either way, we're New York's finest," Max jokes. The crew films the first scene, where the shooter comes in while Earl is in the background not giving a damn and counting bills like a boss. DJ tells Caroline she looks pretty. "I think the director kinda likes me," Caroline says. "I don't know about him, but his penis does," Max quips. Filming continues, but instead of the shooter, Sophie comes in and ruins the scene. When DJ asks her how she got through, she replies, "Oh, please. I once got through the Berlin Wall. You think two kids with walkie-talkies can stop me?"

In the office, Max helps herself with free sushi and dessert. Tom comes in and tells the girls the film crew is ready for them. For their scene, Max and Caroline are behind the counter as the shooter hits another girl, who is the featured waitress. Max recognizes her from a previous SVU episode where she was already killed, causing her to get casted off. DJ suggests that Caroline fills in for the part, which pays $1000 more. Caroline agrees, and demonstrates her death scene as Fantini.

The fat special-effects guy puts his hand down Caroline's blouse to rig the blood device, which DJ says is very sensitive. However, it slips Caroline's mind as Max hugs her and the blood device goes off. She even reenacts Fantine's death scene, but the camera wasn't rolling. After wrapping up filming for the day, DJ makes flirty comments at Caroline and invites her to dinner in his hotel room. Caroline fears he might want to get into her pants, so she asks Max to tag along with her.

"This director slips you anything that looks like a SweeTart, it's probably that date rape drug that knocks you out and distorts your memory. Or at least that's what it does to the guys I give it to," Max tells Caroline on the way to DJ's hotel room. Ugh, quit being so awesome. DJ gives the girls champagne, and as he puts his arm around Caroline, she uses her own anti-date rape method: talking incessantly about herself. But instead, he kisses her. She says she doesn't want Max to feel left out, so he kisses her too, much to her surprise. As Caroline is telling him that he has the wrong idea, he gets a phone call from his wife, and he says he wants to say "good night" to the kids. Damn, he didn't even try to hide it.

Caroline is unsure what to do, since she needs the money for Chestnut. "This is the oldest tale in the book—a woman forced to trade her body to get her child shoes. It's Shakespearian, it's Dickensian, it's Kardashian," she muses. Is it just me or did they went from hipster bashing to taking jabs at the Kardashians? Fine by me. "Look at the bright side. You already thought he was sexy, so you were probably gonna sleep with him eventually. And now that he's married, you know he won't cheat on you with somebody else because you're that somebody else. You a side bitch!" Max wisely says. "You heard me tell him he read the signs wrong," Caroline replies. DJ walks out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist (lookin' pretty fine, if you ask me). "Apparently the sign he read said 'Three-way up ahead,'" Max notes. Caroline insists that he misread the signals.

The next day, Caroline ensures that DJ has no hard feelings towards her. Yet the special-effects dude puts the blood device on Max as Tom announces that she is getting featured instead of Caroline. DJ flirts with Max and even invites her to lunch in his trailer. "By the way, your rack looks fantastic," he adds after mentioning his kid is reading a poem at school. "You seem like a great dad," Max replies. Well, he's definitely a great fit for her, considering he's a hot dad and she has daddy issues.

Caroline asks if this is about the night before, and DJ assures that it's all good. That is, until he tells Tom that he doesn't want to see her and instructs him to "bury her deep." "Max, if you do this, you'll be getting paid for sex," Caroline warns. "Well, it's about time," Max quips. Caroline keeps interrupting the shooting to tell Max that she doesn't have to this for Chestnut and they can find money somewhere. Tom pulls Caroline aside and insists that she stay away from the shot, or neither of the girls is going to be paid.

During the shoot, Sophie, who had expressed desire to be a part of the shoot earlier, emerges from the office to demand a role on the show. Tom tries to stop her from talking to DJ but bumps into Caroline, who accidentally hits the button that triggers Max's blood device. DJ orders Tom to replace Max with another girl. "Typical! Shoot on my chest and you're done with me," Max says, making use of quite an obvious sexual innuendo.

"Last time I looked like this, I was coming out of an acid trip and my friend Daniel was missing," a fake-blood-soaked Max says as she and Caroline enter Han's office. Tom comes in and tells the girls they are getting paid for the day yesterday, but not for today or for the featured extra. Han gives him a list of "damages" to the diner, including a $1000 charge for the damage done to Max and Caroline, as he learned of the funny business the director had attempted the night before. Tom says that he will get the girls paid in exchange of Han's silence. "And tonight, on a very special episode of Funk and Skank, the cute, tiny Asian guy turns out to be the girls' pimp, and the copstitutes are able to buy new horseshoes," Max jokingly narrates. Am I the only one who's dying to watch an episode of Funk and Skank now?

Current total: $1,205.00

"Blues to Black"- Owen (You Need to Hear This)

2013-05-07T01:34:00.001-04:00

Song of the Day

Usually I use this to promote songs I genuinely enjoy. This time around, I'm picking this song and letting you decide. I like the orchestration, but man! It's his voice. Mike Kinsella is no doubt a talented man but his voice is just...great for emo songs. He worked with producer Neil Strauch on his new album who has worked with the likes of Andrew Bird and Bon Iver.

Still - not my bag per se, but perhaps I need to open my mind.

Mike Kinsella is known for his work in Owls, Cap'n Jazz and American Football. "L'Ami du Peuple" comes out on July 2.

He's also hitting the road, so take note (not near Phoenix though):

05.24 - Bowery Ballroom - New York, NY*
05.31 - Jackpot Music Hall - Lawrence, KS
06.17 - Beachland Tavern - Cleveland, OH
06.18 - The Smiling Moose - Pittsburgh, PA
06.20 - Kings Barcade - Raleigh, NC
06.22 - The Soapbox - Wilmington, NC
06.24 - New Brookland Tavern - Columbia, SC
06.26 - The End - Nashville, TN
07.13 - Adado Riverfront Park - Lansing, MI

* with Laura Stevenson

Here's an oldie:

"Mirrors"- Emma Louise

2013-05-05T14:25:00.000-04:00

Song of the Day

"Jesus He's Alright"- Team Spirit

2013-05-03T00:23:00.001-04:00

Song of the Day

Team Spirit is headed by former Passion Pit member Ayad Al Adhamy. This is a catchy song with ONE tripped-out video. Nonetheless, it's pretty irresistible, right?

Their self-titled EP is out right now and they're touring with Peace this summer. For more info on Team Spirit, visit their Facebook. Word has it their is a new another bizarrely animated video out...

Oh Land Starts Label, Inspired By Narwhals

2013-05-01T21:48:00.001-04:00

I saw this yesterday on Facebook and had to share with the world news about my beloved Oh Land:

This is awesome! Congrats to Oh Land and I look forward to hearing "Renaissance Girls."

For old time's sake:

p.s.

"Upstream Color" Is... Interesting

2013-05-01T10:21:00.000-04:00

I saw "Upstream Color" this previous weekend without a real inkling about the plot, minus a review I breezed through. If you haven't heard about this movie, guess what? You will soon.

Here's the trailer:

It stays with - you, no matter what your initial opinion was.

Zach Interviews Director Dan Kinem: A Guest Interview

2013-04-28T19:36:00.000-04:00

"Adjust Your Tracking" is a documentary about VHS fanatics. Read on to learn more about this project, which is gaining a lot of press at the moment:

Zach: To begin, can you tell us a little about "Adjust Your Tracking" and how it came to be?

Dan: Well, it all started with my love for the VHS format. I slowly began meeting other collectors and realized they were funny enough, interesting enough and worthy enough for a documentary. I also thought it was important to document this subculture/resurgence of collectors. We had the idea and did some pre-production work in 2011, but really started filming in January 2012. From that point on it really took off. We started a Kickstarter to raise gas money to get the rest of the interviews we needed and just interviewed and shot as much footage as humanly possible.

Zach: Are you pleased with the overall reaction to "Adjust Your Tracking," so far?

Dan: I'm very pleased with the reaction. I have gotten a lot of good feedback from everyone who has seen it and generally people seem to be enjoying it and understanding the purpose of the film. I'm excited for even more people to get to watch it as it screens around the world.

Zach: How long do you intend to screen "Adjust Your Tracking" and have you had any distributors interested in picking up the film?

Dan: I intend to do screenings of the film until probably late this year. We've had a few people interested in picking up the film so far, but we are waiting for the best offer. We might also try to send out screeners to a few places. We want to try to find a company who will get the film seen by as many people as possible but also one where we can make some money off of the movie and sales to help us post-college.

Zach: What is the ultimate goal you have in mind for "Adjust Your Tracking?"

Dan: I hope that the movie gets seen by as many people as possible and shines some much deserved attention on VHS and VHS collectors. I eventually want to see the movie released on DVD and VHS, as well as on Netflix. I hope that the response continues to be good and that it opens some doors for both me and Levi to do some things we love. We have already been tossing around an idea for a new documentary, too.

Zach: How did you meet your partner in crime, Levi "Dabeedo" Peretic?

Dan: I met him at school. He was one of the few people on campus that had somewhat decent taste in movies. He also was the most talented director in the film department. It was basically a no-brainer that we would become friends and eventually team up for something.

Zach: What was the hardest part about making "Adjust Your Tracking?"

Dan: I'd say the hardest was directing an entire feature-length film with only 4,000 dollars while still being full-time college students. In order for the movie to look the way we wanted and for us to get the over 100 interviews and over 1,000 hours of footage that we got we really needed to be frugal and plan everything out well. I think when people watch the movie and then hear how much money we had to work with and how little time we had they will be blown away. The whole movie was finished and edited in a little over a year while attending school and still trying to lead normal lives.

Zach: Which VHS in your personal collection is the rarest? Do you think you will continue to collect VHS?

Well, if you go by eBay prices then I guess it'd be "Black Devil Doll from Hell." That movie just sold on eBay for $666.67 so that's definitely one of the rarest. I will never stop collecting VHS. I will never stop caring about movies therefore I will never stop buying VHS. There will always be movies you can only see on tape and always be more stuff for me to find and buy.

Zach: As a counter-cultural movement, VHS collecting has gained some momentum. Do you believe there are other trends or movements analogous to VHS collecting?

Dan: People always drop comparisons to vinyl or cassette tapes and I can kind of see the similarities, but in general, I think VHS is in its own category. It was such a big and important piece of film history and there's such a deep catalog of content to still explore that it was bound to make a comeback. There's also certain new movies that try to emulate the look or aesthetic of '80s direct-to-video or shot-on-video movies so releasing them on new VHS makes sense and is a cool collectible for people so that was also bound to happen.

Zach: What are your plans for the future--are any other projects on the horizon?

Dan: I want to try to make the most of "Adjust Your Tracking" right now, but we have a few ideas, including a new documentary idea and a book idea. I can't go into depth on either but if they happen they'll definitely be cool.

Zach: Do you have any closing thoughts?

Everyone please "like" "Adjust Your Tracking" on Facebook and share the movie with your friends. If it is playing near you please go and see it, review it and support truly DIY film-making.

http://adjustyourtracking.com
http://facebook.com/adjustyourtracking
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvGNfx0TaE4

"Get Lucky"- Daft Punk and Pharrell

2013-04-28T19:10:00.000-04:00

Song of the Day

Daft Punk's new album: Will it suck? Or no? I love this song, shout-out to my bff for introducing me to it. The things you miss out on without a TV or radio.

A Review of "The Place Beyond the Pines"

2013-04-27T15:31:00.000-04:00

I've never seen "Blue Valentine." I intend to see it, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. I am still a rather large Ryan Gosling fan though. Let's be real: Who isn't?

WEIRDOS. PEOPLE WHO NOT DESERVE OXYGEN. REINDEER.

So I saw "The Place Beyond the Pines" (directed by Derek Cianfrance who also directed "Blue Valentine") the other night starring Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Eva Mendes and Ray Liotta. Ray Liotta genuinely bothers me, but that's for another time. I bet he's a super-nice guy in real life.

Eva Mendes is dating Ry-Ry IRL and they make an adorable couple. Seriously. I wish they'd have kids. Do you think if I penned an anonymous letter to them, they'd procreate? ...

Bradley Cooper rounds out the bigger names (ah- I forgot Rose Byrne, a.k.a. the bitch from "Bridesmaids." She's actually a fine actress- very believable in her role). I kind of don't like him either? "Silver Linings Playbook" aside. I might like him better if he was boning Jennifer Lawrence to be honest. I know I know. I shouldn't be allowed to review things when I'm kind of in the mood, I know.

First of all, it's brilliantly shot. Each scene is gorgeous and mesmerizing. Even the present-day scenes are like rehashing a surreal memory. The scenes from the 1990s (nearly 20 years ago) are fuzzier and more out-of-focus) but nonetheless, it's a tour de force of cinematography.

Gosling plays Luke Glanton, who is a stunt-rider for a travelling carnival. Our first view of his is kind of an angry one, with him angry, covered in ridiculous tattoos (RIDICULOUS) and throwing knives at a dartboard. He wears cut-off metal band t-shirts and Hanes t-shirts inside-out with the tag in the front. Basically he dresses like me when I was six.

Luke is white trash at its most honest and delectable. Isn't it funny how Hollywood sometimes glamorizes the "working man" yet society regularly teaches us to look down on Carnies and those of Luke's class?

Eva Mendes is Ro, the girl he had a fling with last time the carnival came through Schenectady, New York. She sees him at his performance and they briefly talk. He goes to her diner, later that night. This is the siren's call, friends. Our anti-hero now faces deep shit.

See, Ro has been keeping a son from him. A SON. Luke finds out and flips out. He decides to quit the carnival and be with his kid. Except Ro has moved on- with good reason, too. She's now dating a kind of well-to-do guy, Kofi.

So, what does Luke do? With the urging of his gross friend who takes him and looks like a recovering methhead, he turns to armed bank-robbing. Something we all do at some point. That or prostitution.

ONE DOLLA? TWO DOLLA?

His goal is to get enough money to be a good provider and take care of his son, and Ro- who won't leave Kofi. It's sweet, but. Each action has a reaction.

Eventually, greed takes over.

Greed is..greed is...a big phone.

Luke loses focus. Oddly, so does the movie.

Enter Avery Cross, placed by a trimmed Bradley Cooper. Avery is a law-school graduate turned cop with a sense of virtues and morals that would make King Arthur weep. During a police chase, guess what? He kills Luke. Luke shoots him in the leg, but it doesn't matter because in seconds Ryan is a bloody mess (spoiler alert).

Then, Avery is the focal point. He realizes how corrupted his police department is as he plays the role of the "hero" cop, something he is not entirely comfortable with. Ray Liotta is a corrupt cop. SHOCKER.

Avery eventually blackmails the other cops in his department and becomes assistant district attorney.

Part Two

This is when I lost interest. Because Avery and Luke both had infant sons in the late '90s and now they are...TEENAGERS IN 2012. Oh blah blah blah.

Avery is running for attorney general of New York and Luke remains dead. Their sons, however are now the focus. Which is great. Avery has since divorced his wife, Rose Byrne and his son has become a member of "Jersey Shore." I'm not even kidding. He's a guido through and through. Bradley Cooper gave birth to a GUIDO.

Then, there is Ryan Gosling's son, who has become Leonard DiCaprio in "The Basketball Diaries." I like how he's half Latino yet looks very white.

There is a lot of father-son angsting here. Luke's son, Jason, has no idea his father's morbid history. When he discovers it, OH NO. And Jason is just as troubled as his dad. AJ, Avery's son, is a rebel who like drugs and rap music.

The two sons? Become friends.

This doesn't last when Jason also discovers AJ's dad killed his dad.

I won't spoil anymore for you, reader, but the ending is weak and Ro, Eva Mendes' character, is totally one-dimensional in the second part. Add to that Bradley Cooper becomes a dick. Which is a shame, because he had a "heart of gold" in the first part. See? Power and greed corrupt. Very Shakespearean.

"The Place Beyond the Pines" is enjoyable and well-done up until the second half. Honestly, neither son is interesting enough to have that much limelight devoted to him. Perhaps with different actors- or better writing- it wouldn't have been been so bad.

Rating: 87/100. I'd say "Blue Valentine" was better, but again...

Annie Has Returned!

2013-04-27T12:28:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Annie released the video for her new song, "Tube Stops and Lonely Hearts." It's hypnotizing, gorgeous and haunting. A bit in a different direction - more rave-inspired - but it remains classic Annie.

The single will officially be released Wednesday, but oh my GOD do you realize what this means??? It means 2013 marks the first (possible) new Annie album in four years! I'm so happy I could pee myself, I may have already peed myself.

See here:

Badass.

p.s. this is the Song of the Day if you haven't realized.

In Which Macklemore Gives Me Hope

2013-04-26T17:18:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I have very little faith in humanity and I'm not afraid to talk about it. It's not that I think people are evil. I just think that most people are selfish. And, hey, that's OK! Darwinism and all that! When I see stories that get me beyond my own world views (and I don't mean all those fake Facebook posts), I am genuinely humbled and appreciative.

Today Macklemore (yes, "Thrift Shop" Macklemore) visited a fan in the hospital. It sounds like he wasn't looking for publicity. After someone ended up posting a picture on Reddit, and Macklemore gave a response on his website. I encourage you to read his response in its entirety. This struck something inside me:

"With over 200 shows booked for the year, I barely get to see my family and spend time with the people that remind me where I come from and what’s really important. Getting outside of myself, even for an hour, and doing something like meeting Sam this afternoon gave me a small opportunity to be of service to someone else. I am able to realize that my problems are NOTHING compared to what him and his family are going through. And hopefully the visit made his day a little better and got him through another 24. That’s what matters in the

end."

I'ma take your grandpa's style, indeed, Macklemore.

And to the rest of you money-grubbing, publicity-machine hollywood-types, get out a pen and take notes.

[http://macklemore.com/]

"Commuter"- Stripmall Architecture

2013-04-26T00:00:00.000-04:00

Song of the Day

Stripmall Architecture | Commuter from Stripmall Architecture on Vimeo.

Depeche Mode + School of Seven Bells = this band

Game of Thrones: A Spider Among Golden Roses

2013-04-23T13:43:00.000-04:00

Episode 4

And Now His Watch Is Ended

This episode is what I talk about when I talk about Game of Thrones.

Jamie and Brienne—They are still captives of Lord Bolton’s men. But at least Jamie has a new necklace. The necklace is his severed hand. And he’s not looking so well. He tumbles off his horse.

He falls into the mud, pleading for water. One soldier pours some over his head. But their commander, Locke, decides to be benevolent and gives Jamie some water. Joke's on you, Jamie! It’s really horse piss.

Somehow Jamie gets hold of a sword. Seeing him try to fight using his off-hand is pathetic. The soldiers toy with him until Locke beats him back into the mud. “Do that again, and I’ll take your other hand.” Hindsight is a real bitch, ain’t Jamie?

They make camp later, and Brienne notices Jamie won’t eat. He mumbles something about being useless without his sword hand. Brienne tells it like it is, calling him a coward. Now that he’s had a taste of the real world, he’s turned into a whiny little bitch baby who wants his blankie and pacifier (I’m paraphrasing).

He manages to eat some bread, emboldened by Brienne calling him a woman. She also notes that he helped her avoid being raped by spinning a story about Tarth, “The Sapphire Isles.” Turns out, it’s not full of sapphires like Jamie told Locke, it’s the blue of its ocean water that gave it that signifier. Why would Jamie go out of his way to help her? Brienne is left wondering.

King’s Landing—Tyrion goes to Varys for help in finding proof that Cersei ordered a hit on him (last season, during the Battle of Blackwatch). No such luck to be had there. Varys is more concerned in opening a large crate and telling Tyrion the story of how he lost his man-bits.

We heard much of this story in an earlier season. Short version: he was sold to a nasty sorcerer who used Varys’ junk as a sacrifice to a fire god, and the fire god answered the sorcerer. And guess what’s in the crate? That very same sorcerer.

I’m not sure what this has to do with anything else this season. It seems like an out of place scene, if only to tell the audience “Oh, hey, Varys is in this episode a lot. Let’s catch everyone up on who he is.”

For example, later Varys and Ros have a little rendezvous, and chat about Littlefinger and Sansa. Oh, and how great Pod is in bed.

I feel like she wants to roll her eyes, but can't.

But Varys thinks Littlefinger has no interest in Sansa, until Ros hands him the ship manifest for his trip to the Eyrie (remember, he’s going to wed crazy, boob-bearing Lisa). Why would he need two feather beds? Cause he’s not taking Ros—or any of his other girls—with him.

Meanwhile, Joffrey shows Margaery around the massive chapel/tomb/sept/whatever. He tells her stories of the Targaryen rulers, and she’s positively enthralled.

But not really.

Cersei and Olenna walk ahead of them. They talk of Robert’s death, as well as Renly’s. Olenna thinks that it’s ridiculous that men are the leaders. And Cersei wants to agree so badly. Instead she just smiles and nods.

Marg urges Joffrey out the doors when she hears a crowd of people outside. “They adore you,” she gushes. They stand outside and wave to the throng of people. They seem to be calling out Marg’s name more than Joff’s, but he’s too busy being manipulated to worry. Cersei notices, because of course she does.

So much so, in fact, that Cersei takes her concerns to her father, Tywin. He’s busy writing letters. She first asks him about Jamie, and he mollifies her (“We’re doing everything we can...yadda yadda”). She also wonders aloud why he never puts his confidence and trust in her, who has always listened to his advice; at times, she’s the “only one listening.”

He gives her the chance. She voices her concerns over the Tyrells. Especially Margaery and her manipulations of Joffrey. Tywin essentially tells her to leave the hard thinking to the men. He has everything under control. Now go make me a pie.

Elsewhere, Olenna sits in the gardens, being as snarky and biting and wonderful as ever. She hates the Tyrell rose, and their house motto “growing strong.” And she’s right, it’s no “winter is coming,” no direwolf or dragon or kraken.

Varys comes to pay her a visit. And he has met—if not his match, then certainly his equal, in Olenna. She’s got wits for days (seriously, I feel bad for you if you’re not watching Diana Rigg on this show). He’s come to her about Sansa; he realizes she is the key to the North if Robb Stark should lose this war, and Littlefinger knows this. He’d rather have her in the court of the Tyrells.

Cue Margaery, who finds Sansa praying at King’s Landing’s godswood (at least I think that’s where it is). She walks with Sansa, talking about prayers. Turns out Marg makes boring prayers, because she cursed one of her beautiful cousins. Not really, though, she was just having a go at gullible Sansa. She does make Sansa wet with desire when she mentions Highgarden and marrying her off to Loras.

Goddamnit, Sansa.

Sam—Past the Wall, Sam, Mormont and the rest of the Night’s Watch are still at Craster’s. But now he’s put the men to work (“Like the sons he never had,” one of them says.). And there is talk of mutiny brewing.

Sam checks in on Gilly and her newborn son (which will be put out for the White Walkers, remember). But unless he wants to help her—and her son—escape this place, she doesn’t want him around. Fair enough.

The men later put one of their own to rest on a funeral pyre. He died of a broken foot, and malnourishment. Again, the men talk of killing Craster and taking his food. Mormont is quick to quell them, but it’s on their faces; they’re hungry and tired and angry.

Inside, Craster is as wonderful as ever. If they’re hungry, just cut their throats. They won’t be hungry after that. The men complain about food, and Craster tells them if bread isn’t enough, go out and eat snow.

This tends to not go over well. One of the men calls Craster a bastard, and to him those are fighting words. He gives the men a chance to shut up and let it lie, but the one crow (Owen from Torchwood) calls him a bastard once more, and mutiny ensues. Owen puts a knife through Craster’s head, and Mormont is murdered by Rast.

Amid the chaos, Sam grabs Gilly and runs, with Rast calling after them.

Theon—He and the spy venture away from the castle, and Theon tells him about Winterfell, the orphan boys (that served as Bran and Rickon’s bodies), how Ned Stark was his “real” father. They sneak through a tunnel and into a dark room...and we’re back where we started. It was all a ruse. So we’re back to that status quo.

And that spy is HAWT

Bran—He has a brief dream sequence with Jojen. Bran climbs a tree to catch that elusive three-eyed raven. He gets to the top of the tree, but Catelyn is up there, yelling at him to stop climbing. Bran wakes in a cold sweat with Jojen watching over him.

Arya—She and Gendry (and the Hound) are taken to a secluded cavern, the Brotherhood’s hideout. There we meet one-eyed Beric Dondarrion, a former soldier in Ned Stark’s army, and the leader of the Brotherhood Without Banners.

He talks to the Hound about his crimes, mostly murder. The Hound says he was always following orders. Arya mentions the butcher’s boy (from season one), who was an innocent. Beric doesn’t like what he hears, and offers the Hound a trial by combat.

Daenerys—At Slaver’s Bay, Dany walks among her 8,000 troops, a small carriage carrying her dragon follows close behind. The slaver offers his advice; there are many small towns to lay siege to along her way to Westeros.

Dany presents her dragon to him, with a chain around its leg. She trades it for an ornate whip; the Unsullied are now hers to command. She turns to them as the slaver struggles to control the unruly dragon.

She orders them to kill all the slavers and soldiers, and to free every slave in the city. The slaver realizes she can speak his language—which is her mother tongue. Oh, how the slaver burns. He burns real good. As does the rest of the city.

After the massacre, she frees her Unsullied army, and offers them the option to join her freely. And they all do. Dany and her army leave the city, with her dragons flying high over it all.

Westeros should fucking tremble.

Guys! Next week's episode is called "Kissed By Fire!" It had better mean what I think it means. Specifically, some fire-kissed Jon Snow sexing.

Pretty please!

"Entertainment"- Phoenix

2013-04-23T10:19:00.001-04:00

Song of the Day

I know it's been out for a while but I've just learned to appreciate it. And look! It's their SNL performance!

Have a good Tuesday.

My Experience at Record Store Day

2013-04-21T12:47:00.000-04:00

I've always wanted to go to Record Store Day, but never have. Erie really never had record stores and last year I just didn't do it. So this year, instead of doing chores and going to the store, I said to myself in a monologue my neighbors may have heard: "Britt, fuck it. We're going. Part of life is about the experiences we have anyway." So I bought a bus pass and I WENT.

This post is brought to you by Liv Tyler's midriff.

According to the folks at Fuse, Jack White was the national ambassador for the day. Of course he was: Jack is a noted sound-quality snob!

Part of the appeal of Record Store Day are the new releases various artists come out with for it. Like MGMT, Garbage, Tegan and Sara, and David Bowie among others. I didn't see this- I just saw a lot of vinyl that would have been useless for me to buy because I have no turntable (shhhhhh).

I saw this and I ended up staring at it entranced for several moments. Alex Chilton still haunts me.

I tried to go see Wavves in a Scottsdale record store, but guess what? I got lost on mass transit as happens. :/

So here's a play-by-play of my Record Store Day in my corner of the world:
2:00 - walk around, consider redoing my style so I become a Victoria Legrand clone

no one I see on a regular basis would notice.

2:01- oh my god! "Lincoln" is out

2:03- wonder what I'd look like with a sweet beard

2:05- a Nick Drake record! I'm really in record snob heaven right now, golly!

2:06- where is this new Xx recording at?

2:10- watch metalhead in horror "rock out" at listening station. Walk away FAST

2:13- comb through records like I'm going to buy one

2:15- exclaim aloud "oh my goodness, Beach House!" Realize I have no idea what Beach House album it is.

2:16- find John Denver tribute album. Consider sending it to my mom; make mental note.

2:19- Vashti Bunyan! I've been transported back to the '60s. No a wait, there are hipsters still here. Dammit time travel isn't possible yet (only in Iran). 2:20- overhear "you should see my Hoobastanks!"
2:22- look for Jeff Buckley album. Can't find "Grace" FUCK THIS SHIT
2:24- have to reroute walking course because three hipsters are waddling through an aisle. Awkward!
2:25- text friend.
2:26- wish I wasn't alone here.
2:27- wish I had Instagram- something I feel sad about often.
2:29- hear a girl not know who the Smashing Pumpkins are. Laughter ensues!
2:30- in my dreams:

In my heart, I am:

2:30 - 2:45- stare at things.