The Vader Movie Files

Hmmm

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 21:42:00 +0000

Testing....

Ahem

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Break that code.....

Hmmm....

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 19:39:00 +0000

This could actually be scientific fact...

What Would Happen If I Said This....

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 16:52:00 +0000

Well helloooooooo there people!!!

Now, if you just take a quick glance to the right of this

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->>>>>>>>>>

Wahey well done there guys, you'll notice I have a twitter feed (Tweet Tweet), so I don't really use it and have like 11 followers (maybe if some of you followed me I might start tweeting but until then, screw you haha) but if you look at the top tweet I mention a film. Well guess what??

You've got it....

PONTYPOOL

(Shit!!! I've just realised if I start tweeting again, then this post is going to become a little bit stupid!!)

No, I'm not talking about the little town in South Wales but a rather cool little horror film.

"Oh fuck, not more horror"....Ermm yep, sorry. Come on though have I ever really let you down? Nope didn't think so!!

Based on a book by Tony Burgess called "Pontypool Changes Everything", it's about a former shock jockey (me either), Grant Mazzy as he is trying to deal with the monotony of a boring breakfast show talking about local theatre groups and traffic reports in a quiet Canadian town.

Things soon change when the "eye in the sky" traffic reporter gets in contact with the station to let them know that something major is going down and many people are being killed. This piques Grant's interest no end much to the irk of his producer. As Grant continues to tell his listeners about what's going on as well as the team in the station trying to confirm these reports, the traffic reporter gets back in contact to let them know that the son of a well known resident is mumbling to himself and seems "infected".

The call is cut off by a transmission in French, instructing anybody to stay in doors and to refrain from any terms of endearment, phrases that conflict and basically the English language and that Pontypool is under quarantine.

What follows is a very clever (sometimes a little confusing if you're not paying attention!) little horror film which will have you talking about it for a time afterwards.

Check the trailer...

Now the question is, are they zombies? Have they had their brain's "reset" (a lá Stephen King's Cell)?

I can tell you now, it's not really explored which could be a bit of a minus point, but there is enough going on in the film to keep you thinking. I will also point out that it isn't really gory either which can sometimes make a refreshing change as I like to think that sometimes that is a bit more shocking than seeing someone's intestines being used to string a guitar you know?

So wink time...

I'm going to award Pontypool.....

3 VADER WINKS!!!

As I said, it's a good little film, not amazing as there are better horror films out there for you to digest but if you fancy seeing something that makes you think as well as give you a few little shocks then this is for you.

So there's a bit of a break from the long articles you've had lately Vaderino's, a nice basic review!!

Until next time......

Vader Out!

Remake Or Not To Remake, That Is The Question : THE REVENGE!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 16:04:00 +0000

How do.

Let's not fuck about today shall we, it's the final part of our epic anthology (!!) delving into the idea of remakes and reboots! (If you haven't caught the other parts they are here, here, here and yep you guessed it, here!)

So then, so far we've looked at Platinum Dunes and their constant attempts to sully the good name of classic horror films, a list of some of the biggest remakes and then finally, a list of foreign language films remade for the English speaking world. I promised that with the final piece in this story of ours, we'd look at some future remakes/reboots.

Luckily (or unluckily depending how you look at it!) we have a pretty massive, maybe unnecessary, "reboot" coming in just a few short months, and 2 massive classics in the next year or so.

You ready??

Yeah I though you might be......

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN

Right, I'm going to be deadly honest with you now. I HATED the idea of this. I'm a big Spidey fan have been since I was a kid. The excitement I felt when I first heard they were going to be putting him up on the big screen back in 2000 I couldn't handle it! The cold sweats started and yeah, maybe a little bit of pee came out* but it was going to take yearsssssss, how could I cope?

(*NOTE - I didn't really pee, I'm not 70+*)

(*ANOTHER NOTE - Apologies to anyone who's 70+ who reads this and doesn't pee themselves, I don't mean to offend, even if you might smell of it and murray mints, but who am I to judge?)

Well being an idiot and 15, I went to my local library and book shop and got everything I could to get myself back up to speed, ends up I hadn't forgot that much so that was nice! Anyways back to what I'm on about. So yes, it was announced that Sam Raimi would be bringing your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man to the big screen, and in 2001 we were treated to our first "teaser trailer".

This trailer was a thing of beauty with a few little secrets thrown in for serious ~~geeks~~ fans like me to appreciate. There was one problem with the trailer and it was quickly pulled from the net. I'll let you see for yourself...

Yep, the Twin Towers took centre stage and after 9/11, the team at Sony believed it could be slightly disrespectful and pulled it. I mean, you can't blame them after the atrocities of that day, it's just a shame that this couldn't have been seen by more people.

So in May of 2002, Spider-Man hit the big screen. It was full of action and humour, sincerity and some of the best special effects that had been seen. Retelling the origin of our web swinging hero and showing him battling with one of his most famous enemies, The Green Goblin, Sony had a massive hit on their hands and quickly green lit a sequel.

Spider-Man 2 arrived in 2004 and was even better that the original. More action, an amazing villain in Alfred Molina's portrayal of Doctor Octopus and a great look at a classic Spidey storyline in which he decides to give up being Spider-Man. The film made over $780 million worldwide. Of course what does making money mean to a studio?

SEQUEL!!!!

Spider-Man 3 arrived in 2007. This time the plan was to show Peters battle with a symbiote which bons to him giving him a rather fetching black suit, sexual yes? Facing off against Sandman and then against Spidey's main arch enemy Venom.

The main problem with 3 though was the fact it felt like Venom had been shoe horned into the film and most probably not at Raimi's request. The story is that Raimi isn't a fan of the Venom character, but Sony know he's a big fan favourite and made sure he would be involved. It ends up we actually get a rather poor presentation of such a "anti hero". The film had quite a few problems, it felt like there was too much going on what with Peter going all "emo" and it was derided by the fans and critics alike, could this be the end?

Well as it ends up, it was but there's actually a few twists and turns first. The film made over a $100 million more than 2 so the next logical step would be to make a fourth. It was quickly announced that Raimi as well as Tobey Maguire would be back. Whisperings started that Sony weren't too happy with the story but then a major coup was announced....

John Malkovich had signed on to play Vulture. Things soon started looking up for Spidey 4, the fans started to get excited again...then the news came in early 2010.

Raimi and Maguire were out, which of course meant Malkovich was too, and Spider-Man 4 wouldn't be happening.

So you can imagine, the fans were disappointed, but things then turned weird when not long afterwards it was announced that there would be another Spider-Man film and more puzzling.....it was to be a reboot.

The fans were in uproar, "it's not even 10 years old" was the cry and then when we heard that Marc Webb (is that not the perfect name for the director of a film about a man with spider abilities?) the director of the "romcom" [500} Days Of Summer would be directing it got even weirder.

He's never done action before so we were worried. Then Andrew Garfield of The Social Network was announced to be our new Spidey people started getting really worried as well as finding out it was yet another origin story. Things looked up when we found out that Rhys Ifans would be playing Doctor Connors who if you know your Spider-Man lore would turn into The Lizard.

Then we got a trailer following Spidey running across rooftop and the such, it looked pretty cool. Then someone on a video game website noticed that it was pretty much an exact replica of a trailer for a game called Mirror's Edge....have a look

Talk about awkward......

A few pictures surfaced of Spidey showing that he'd be using mechanical shooters instead of the questionable "organic" ones used in the previous trilogy, this news brought a few fans around as well as some showing that the film makers would be using a lot of practical effects for the swinging and such.

Another teaser was shown and then only a few weeks ago we were finally given a proper trailer and well....the web (haha) went into meltdown and The Amazing Spider-Man quickly shot into the position of one of the must see films of 2012!!!

I did post the trailer only a few days ago here (along with The Avengers trailer!) but seen as I'm such a cool all round nice guy...

Wow just wow. This could actually be the one time where a reboot/remake is the right way to go about things!! The Amazing Spider-Man is released in the US on July 3rd and in the UK on July 4th!!

Wow, I didn't realise I was just waffling for the majority of that, ahem. Promise I'll keep the rest short and sweet as there isn't that much info out around these just yet!

Oh but quickly, how fucking cool is that poster??

Next up is a reboot that I'm really, really not happy about!

THE EVIL DEAD

I know I bang on about how such and such a thing is my favourite film and what not, well what can I say? I have a huge list of films that I can class as being favourites, I'm one of these people that can't make my mind up so instead of deciding on just one, I have about 40! The Evil Dead is right in that list (along with it's 2 sequels!)

Following our hero Ash as he goes to a small cabin in the woods with a few friends and stumble across "The Book Of The Dead" (also known as The Necronomicon) The idiots play a recording of the owner of the cabin reciting passages from the book which brings a few nasty spirits and demons to them. The kids start getting killed and possessed left, right and centre and it's up to Ash to get angry on their asses!

It's a fun little flick with a rather strange....well the only way I can describe it is tree rape scene! Yes you did read that right, a tree rape scene. Don't ask just watch.

With the film gaining a cult following and become popular, Sam Raimi (that guy again!) was given the chance to make a sequel Evil Dead 2 : Dead By Dawn. To be honest with you it's pretty much a remake of the first film but with a bigger budget.

Of course with a sequel, you've got to make things bigger and better and fuck, they sure did. Ash (who by the way is played by the amazing Bruce Campbell!) developed a real cocky attitude that included some amazing one liners that have entered into pop culture and his obsession with the chainsaw to a whole other level, wink wink.

With ED2 doing well it caught the attention of the studios who threw money at Raimi to make a third film which followed on the story set up at the end of 2, but the dynamics had changed. The way I like to explain the Evil Dead trilogy to anyone who asks me about it (which is actually quite a few!) is that The Evil dead is a horror, Evil Dead 2 is a horror comedy and Army Of Darkness (ED3) is just a comedy. It doesn't mean it's bad but if you were expecting a gory horror film with a bigger budget you will be let down.

The ending of Army Of Darkness does set you up for a fourth film.....a film that's never arrived and I'd say most probably never will, which is kind of upsetting but we have to deal with it.

Then, a few years back it was announced that a remake was being prepared with Ashton Kutcher down to star. After I stopped choking on my coco pops, it was soon mentioned that he wasn't being considered and things were progressing but slowly, which when you don't want something to happen, is always a good sign!

Things had been a bit quiet for a couple of years until things kicked right into gear in July of 2011. A director was announced and a script had been wrote. Bigger news came when we found out that Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell had signed on to produce, which when you don't want a classic to be ruined, I suppose it a great sign. More news broke that Diablo Cody of Juno (shit film) fame was brought in to revise the script so maybe things are looking up a bit? Or maybe not as it's been announced that the protagonist will now be a woman, I doubt she'll be sawing her own hand off and fashioning a rather fetching chainsaw appendage, do you?

Ok so we won't know until it's finally released in 2013 and yeah, I'm not happy that they're remaking it but I'll still be there opening night to catch it, I just pray for their sake they get it right.

Those deadites are evil little fuckers when pissed off you know....

Last on this opus is....

ROBOCOP

Right then Vaderino's, please point out to me what is wrong with that picture.

Yep you've got it "COMING 2010" and we're now in March of 2012 so something tells me there's been a leeeeeeeeeeeeetle bit of a fuck up, don't you?

So this poster was first shown at some expo back in 2008, we had heard there was a remake being worked on way back in 2005 but nothing more had been heard until this popped up. At Comic-Con 2008, Darren Aronofsky was announced to be directing, well this piqued my interest and I'm sure a lot of other peoples. At Comic-Con 2009 when asked about the remake as nothing more had been heard and with MGM having a presence at the show, it was said that there would be no information available about the film. They would say though, that due to a few scheduling conflicts the film would be pushed back to 2011, but wouldn't confirm or deny if Aronofsky was still involved. This should have set the alarm bells ringing and soon enough in January of 2010 it was announced the film was on hold. One of the main problems being that after the board of MGM had seen Avatar and the success of it they wanted it to be in 3D. One small teeny wincey problem there, MGM were...well financially a bit fucked.

Then in February of 2011 news came out that MGM still had plans to make the film but with a new director attached and then the news started to flow like a broken toilet full of shit.

March 2011 a screenwriter was announced and then in April 2011 it was mentioned that MGM were apparently looking at people like Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves and Johnny Depp to step into Alex Murphy's rather shiny shoes. Talk about a turnaround, things looked good. And then in June of that year at another expo, more promotional items were shown of which you can find the pictures here.

Then only a few days ago in fact, on March 3rd 2012 it was announced that Joel Kinnaman would be playing Robocop....Can anybody say "Let Down"????

So there we have it concerning the remake, but for the uninitiated ones of you in the audience I'll just let you know about the original...

Released back in 1987, set in Detroit which is now run by a company called OCP, we follow Alex Murphy, a veteran cop reassigned to a tough new precinct due to OCP reassigning the force in the hope that someone will be killed in the line of duty and be implemented into their new cyborg programme. Of course Murphy's first day goes really well and he dies. Well ok he's sadistically murdered by the local nutter but still, he's dead. Well.....of course OCP now have that body they need and Murphy becomes the first "Robocop".

We watch as Robocop tries to integrate into a bigoted police force and deal with the remaining memories from Murphy whilst trying to save Detroit from the criminal who murdered Murphy and OCP.

The film became a hit not only due to the violence and story but due to the director's, Paul Verhoeven, social commentaries on things such as capitalism, corruption and privatisation.

Now I've always loved Robocop, due to being around 5 (the sequel was released in 1990 so it was all over the TV) and knowing all about him but also not being allowed to watch the original film. Of course I'm an only child, so I conned my parents into renting me the original (which was an 18 here in Blighty) and sitting down to watch it with me. We got up to Murphy being mutilated with shotguns before they turned it off, so I had to wait a few years again until I could finally watch it all the way through. It did make me the coolest kid in the playground though, I was the only one allowed to be Robocop due to me getting to see the film (they were 5, I could have told them that Robocop rode a unicorn and the dumb fuckers would have believed me!!) and also as I did the best impression of him walking, sound effects included free of charge!!

I wouldn't say Robocop was a large part of my childhood, although the short lived cartoon series and subsequent video games and action figures certainly helped it become a part of my film loving mind. This leads me to the question, am I sure I want to see a remake??

Yes I do as the sequel and subsequent threequel weren't very good, mind you neither was the live action TV show but what can you do?

But I also want to say No, as I don't honestly believe you can do any better than what Paul Verhoeven achieved.

As always I'm going to have to just wait and see what they can muster up.....if they ever manage to actually get it to the big screen.

So there we have it guys and gals, the journey is ove...What?

Really?

Aww fuck sticks....I'm so sorry that I even forgot...

Sorry haha but on an added note check out the use of the Terminator theme haha. It's actually quite ironic as a comic book and video game was made on the idea of Robocop Vs. The Terminator.

Now where was I? So yes, the journey is finally over, I hope you've enjoyed a look into remakes and reboots and I hope you're now asking that question.

It is worth it?

You tell me.

Vader Out....

PS. Oh by the way, we may, just may be getting a guest reviewer in to have a discussion over a few things! Whether it will be a straight forward review or something like a transcript of us arguing over the best and worst points of a film, I don't know, it's totally up to them at this point in time! I'll keep you updated though!.

VO

Remake Or Not To Remake, That Is The Question : The SEQUEL ( But Not As 2 Parts Have Come Inbetween Them But Shhh)

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Well it's been a rather prolific few days here for me. I seem to be churning out articles left right and centre, no complaining right!!

Seriously I get moaned at for not doing anything for awhile so be thankful!!

Ahh you know I love you really! So let's knock this horror remake piece right out of the park shall we??

First things first though guys, do have a look back at the first part here, as if you haven't seen it then this will seem preeeeeeeety weird. Not really as you aint stupid but even so have a look and get caught up (there is 2 parts in between this and that, but it's mostly just information in them so it's up to you if you want to read them!).

Here.....

We.......

Go........

THE HITCHER

1986 was the year. Just like in 1975 when Jaws made you not want to go back into the water, The Hitcher made you not want to pickup somebody stood at the roadside.

Right seriously though, why would you even dream of picking up someone?? "Oh I'm lonely, I know what to do!! I'll just pick up that rather lovely looking man holding the severed head and a sign wrote on a piece of cardboard with someones blood as ink, it's ok though, he's going the same place I am. Hopefully we can share the driving and maybe play I-Spy!".

No, No, NO!!! You just wouldn't fucking do this in the real world would you? Luckily this is movie land, and anything goes!

Following a complete moron called Jim who decides to pick up said Hitcher, Hitcher decides to let Jim know that he murdered the people who were in the stranded car they've just passed. The film then turns into a bloody game of cat and mouse.

I won't lie, it's a fun film this one and like I did say, you would question why you would ever pick up some random on the side of the road. And seriously how fucking scary is Rutger Hauer?

Trailer time....

Of course a popular horror film these days can't just be consigned to history can it??

Oh no, it can't....

Right first things first, I'll come right out and say this, it's a cool poster. There we go guys said it.

Then there's the film....

Oh man, it sucks! I mean really, sort of like a 75 year old hooker with false teeth that she takes out for an extra £10!! Yes, that much, oh and I'm sorry about the mental image you no doubt have there!!

As they're "kinda wacky" at Platinum Dunes, they decided to change things up a little bit, yes guys they change the main character into a woman. Now I'm all for equal opportunities but the whole point of the original was it was man vs. man. No we're treated to man vs. screamy woman and an attempted rape.

I'm all for horror films being about the woman up against long odds and some scary guy but in those films you don't get the bad guy trying to give her one even when she says no do you?

Have a look then....

More shocking to me is the fact that some people rave about this......oh no.

Next then...a classic in the horror genre and a personal favourite of mine...

FRIDAY THE 13th

Oh yes, now we're talking! I'll be honest, the previous films we've spoke about I haven't been a big fan of the original, let alone the remake. This though, I'm a massive fan, I love how "scary" it is, how corny it is and just how plain stupid it can be but do you know what?? I wouldn't change it for the world.

Released in 1980 intending to cash in on Halloween (I won't even acknowledge the remake of this!) Friday The 13th took off and morphed into it's own monster. You show anybody a white hockey mask and I can promise you they'll say "Jason!" Comics, TV Shows, 10 films (11 if you include the crossover Freddy Vs. Jason), CD's, Computer Games, fuck even a board game for us in Blighty!! This thing got huge and quickly, not loved by the critics at all but who cares??

Here's the thing though, Friday The 13th didn't even star our "hero" Oh no, Jason didn't come to the forefront until Friday The 13th Part 2, this was all about his mother, Mrs.Voorhees!!

Yes sweet little old Mrs.Voorhees doesn't forget a grudge as the whole point of the film is her trying to avenge the death of her sweet little Jason. Poor little mutant looking bastard drowned at Camp and she took it upon herself to kill the 2 people she held accountable as they were too busy going at it! One problem then arises when some inconsiderate bastards decide to re open the Camp, and psycho bitch isn't happy about this and takes them all out one by one. Oh and Kevin Bacon is one of them haha!

Have a looksie....

Right I realise now after reading, that I may have just ruined the film for you, tough shit really!! If you didn't know that happened then I'm ashamed of you and request you go and hang your head in shame in the corner of the room, go on, GO!

For the rest of you that have stayed, how cool is trailer voice over guy in that hey??

Let's move on to.....the "reboot" as they officially called it

I'm going to admit it again, what a fucking cool poster. Maybe it isn't the one they used to market the film much but fucking hell, it rules.

Then there's the film.

Originally slated to be an "origin" story, the writers soon realised if it was an origin they couldn't have the cash cow himself involved. So they quickly mashed up the first 4 films and spat this out.

Starting with Jason actually seeing what became of his mother at the end of the original film (which remember never existed) we are fast forwarded 30 years to see Jason start killing people and kidnapping one poor lass as she looked like his Mum when she was younger....weird. Jason of course starts killing more people and yadda yadda yadda...

Trailer....

So ermm yes. I'm not sure what to say to you now.

I will let you see this though...

Told you he looked like a mutant didn't I? Did you believe me? Well I hope so, my isn't he dreamy?

I know thought if we're talking about the man you want to see him in all his overalled, hockey mask wearing goodness so here you go!

Right then I've been putting this part off... The final horror film in our look at remakes and reboots and this one riles me up more than anything else.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

Yes guys, ANOES (as it shall there forth be known!) is a classic. Easily one of my favourite horror film it has everything you need.

It's scary, it's funny, it's gory, it created a true icon.

Oh yes we spoke about how Jason became a star but he pales in comparison to what Freddy became. He's a legitimate pop culture icon. You name it and Freddy's face has probably been plastered on it at one time or another!!

Back in 1984 ,following poor Nancy, a girl who has started suffering from dreams involving a boiler room, a badly burnt man who is rocking a razor sharp glove. Her friend had the same dream but in hers this guy catches her and slashes at her, luckily for her she wakes up at the right moment to find her nightie has four slashes across them. Nancy proclaims everything is ok and tries to get on with stuff. Problem is Nancy's friend dies as her boyfriend looks on and sees slashes appearing on her body as if out of thin air. Nancy soon realises that it must be the man from her dreams. Scared she refuses to sleep and does everything to stay awake but it becomes a waste of time as she is soon drawn into a battle with the man who is now known as FREDDY KRUEGER!

We are given a back story that Freddy was actually a child killer who lived on Elm St. back when Nancy and her friends were kids. Freddy is let off on a technicality by the police so the vengeful parents of Elm St. track him down to his boiler room hideout (which explains why he's there in the dreams) and they set fire to it with him inside. now of course as the film series progressed this was fleshed out more (Check out Freddy's Dead : The Final nightmare as it's explained pretty well and also explains how he came back)

Freddy who, let's be honest is pretty pissed off, decides to come back to kill the kids of Elm St. he didn't get chance to first time round as well as get revenge on the parents who killed him. This is also linked in to the rest of the series so don't worry you'll understand what's happening.

Have a gander...

Oh I didn't mention that this was pretty much Johnny Depp's first movie role (pretty iconic as well once you watch it), he also turns up as himself in Freddy's Dead which is fun!

As the film series progressed, the producers, directors and writers soon realised that Freddy was the reason people came to watch the films and played on that. It wasn't about seeing the teenagers survive, it was all about see how Freddy would kill them and his one liners (WELCOME TO PRIME TIME BITCH!).

Of course nothing good lasts forever does it?? Of course not, so in 2010 we got this

Right let's be honest, why the fuck does Freddy look like a fucking alien?? Seriously guys come on!

Secondly this was really shit. It was like God had decided one day to just shit on everything and say "There you go, that's better"....it really isn't.

Where do I start?? No really, where??

Ok how about the fact they changed Freddy from being a funny child killer (yes I know that's not good but this is a movie, it isn't real) into a sadistic paedophile after the girl he loved when she was a kid and he couldn't have his way with her.

WHAT. THE. FUCKKKKKKKKKKK??!?!?!?!?!?!?

Yep seriously.....

I'm not going to sully this site even discussing this abomination anymore, they even tried to replicate the iconic twist at the end of the original, and made it look shit.

I don't want you to but here's the trailer for you to watch.

In fact after rewatching the trailer it's more apparent to me that all they wanted to do was take the iconic set pieces from the original and redo them so the kids of today can see it and go "wow that's like soooooo cool"

Yeah I'm feeling rather ashamed now, not for me guys but for them. We've just got to pray they go out of business so we don't have to suffer anymore.

I mean come on, this isn't Freddy...

No way....this IS Freddy....

See he's even smiling for you. Right I know the first one is a picture of a toy but the film is that dark you can't see him properly add in they didn't release anything promotional wise that you could see him properly. I mean Freddy was mostly in the dark in the original but that was due to the budget. Fuck in the remake they used CGI as well as prosthetics to make Freddy look like that.

I know what I'd rather have spent my money on. Add in the Robert Englund IS Freddy Krueger, it didn't matter how Jackie Earle Haley played it, he would never be Freddy, end of.

I'm not saying I'm a big Freddy fan but I actually have a signed picture of Englund in full Freddy make up and it's a prized possession. I am a geek.

So there we have it a look at the main horror remakes of the past 10 years or so, all done by Platinum Dunes. A Few classic films ruined due to people not understanding that golden rule.

If it aint broke, don't fix it.

Until next time.

Vader Out!

Rehacer o no para rehacer ... esa es la pregunta ..... La adición de Relaciones Exteriores

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Haha see what I did there??

I'm so clever....ok I guess I should say thanks to Google Translate as well!

So in our previous visit to this world, I mentioned the English language remakes of a few foreign films so I thought now is the time to get that done and out of the way so I can finally finish the horror section and future look and then put this bad boy to bed. So let's get right to it....

CHINESE

The Eye - 2002 + 2008

Infernal Affairs - 2002 which became The Departed - 2006

FRENCH

La Cage aux Folles - 1978 which became The Birdcage - 1996

Le Diner de Cons - 1998 which became Dinner For ~~Dicks~~ Schmucks - 2010

Neuf Mois - 1994 which became Nine Months - 1995
Taxi - 1998 + 2004

Trois Hommes et un Couffin - 1985 which became Three Men And A Baby - 1987

La Totale! - 1991 which became True Lies - 1994

La Jetée - 1962 which became Twelve Monkeys - 1995

ITALIAN

Profumo di Donna - 1974 which became Scent Of A Woman - 1992

JAPANESE

Dark Water - 2002 + 2005

Yojimbo - 1961 which became A Fistful Of Dollars - 1964

Ju-On: The Grudge - 2003 which became The Grudge - 2001

Gojira - 1954 which became Godzilla - 1998

Seven Samurai - 1954 which became The Magnificent Seven - 1960

Chajushin Ari - 2004 which became One Missed Call - 2008

Kairo - 2001 which became Pulse - 2006

Ringu - 1998 which became The Ring - 2002

KOREAN

A Tale Of Two Sisters - 2003 which became The Uninvited - 2009

Into The Mirror - 2003 which became Mirrors - 2008

NORWEGIAN

Insomnia - 1997 + 2008

SPANISH

Abre Los Ojos - 1997 which became Vanilla Sky - 2001

[REC] - 2007 which became Quarantine - 2008

SWEDISH

Den Osynlige - 2002 which became The Invisible - 2007

Let The Right One In - 2008 which became Let Me In - 2010

Män som hatar kvinnor - 2009 which became The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - 2011

THAI

Shutter - 2004 + 2008

Bangkok Dangerous - 1999 + 2008

Obviously I've left a few out that I don't think you'd be perfectly interested in so don't hold that against me. Looking through these lists thought it's apparent that 2 countries have given us more "quality" than the rest.

Yes Japan and France I'm looking at you! (I never thought I'd be saying that about France!!) Not all brilliant films but the fact that someone had the idea to remake certain things (True Lies, Twelve Monkeys, A Fistful Of Dollars, The Magnificent Seven) means that the world was treated to a great story and some brilliant film making.

So there we go guys, 3 parts down, 2 to go....hope we're all ready!

Vader Out!

Quick Update

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 02:10:00 +0000

Well really the fact is just downloaded Blogger for my iPhone and wanted to try it out!!

Oh and I'm watching a film called Textuality....it's so shit that I'd prefer to get a rusty teaspoon and gouge out my eyeballs before castrating myself and washing the wound in vinegar....talk about a vinegar stroke!!

Yes I still make shit jokes!!

It's ok I turned it over and now I'm watching Lethal Weapon 4....I don't know what's worse really.

Remember, nothing good happens after 2am...gotta love How I Met Your Mother, funny be so true!!

Vader over and out!!

Ps. New article up at 12pm!

All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy PART II

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 01:00:00 +0000

I did say didn't I? I promised I'd be back so...

HERE'SSSSSSSSSS JOHNNNNNYYYYYYYYYY!

These Shining jokes just write themselves you know.

Last time we were together I told you all about Stephen King's works being adapted for the big screen and I purposely left a few of the bigger ones off, and now you're going to find out why!

I present to you, my loyal Vaderino's...

STEPHEN KING'S DOLLAR DEALS/DOLLAR BABIES

I agree it does sound weird but there is a reason behind it and now I'm going to be sharing it with you all. you lucky so and so's!

The term "Dollar Deals" and "Dollar Babies" was a term coined (guffaw I'm so funny) by King to explain how he sells his permission to adapt one of his short stories to a group of students/ aspiring film-makers/ theatre producers. His fee?? Yep if you hadn't already guessed it's $1!!! Who'd have thunk that hey? Well depending the title of this part has dollar referenced twice.....

Aaaaaannnyyyyyways, the terms of the deal state that the films can't be exhibited commercially without King's explicit approval. The deal includes if you do adapt one of his short stories, King likes them to be sent directly to him, he'd watch them then place them upon his "Dollar Baby Shelf".

With using this sort of deal, King can retain all rights to his property, he just gives exclusive permission to the film-maker to make their own non-commercial adaptation.

Well of course there has been a few exceptions to this rule as a company called "Granite Entertainment Group Interglobe Home Video" (Fuck is that a mouthful!), negotiated and purchased the rights to commercially release a select few on VHS in 1986. These shorts being, "The Woman In The Room", "The Boogyman" and "Disciples Of The Crow". This collection came to be known as "Stephen King's Night Shift Collection".

From 1977 thru to 1996 the known Dollar Babies are -

The Boogyman - Jeffrey C. Schiro.
Disciples Of The Corn - John Woodward.
The Woman In The Room - Frank Darabont.
Srajenie (The Battle) - Mikhail Titov.
The Last Rung Of The Ladder - James Cole and Dan Thron.
The Lawnmower Man - James Gonis.
Here There Be Tygers - Guy Maddin (never produced).
The Sun Dog - Unknown.
The Man Who Loved Flowers - Andrew Newman.

Now, just because you've managed to snag the rights to adapt a version of King's work doesn't automatically mean you'll do anything in film, tell you what as I'm so nice, let's have a look what these guys have done.

Jeffrey C. Schiro became a editor, mostly on TV Shows and a few TV Movie's. He did thought, direct a story for the "Tales From The Darkside" TV Series.

John Woodward did nothing of note really when you take a look at his IMDb. 3 films directed in total, 1983, 1990, 200 so I'm going to say he's pretty much due one soon, wouldn't you?

As for Mikhail Titov, there's not much information about for him, there is someone on IMDb who has the same name, can't be that many of them knocking about can there? This person on IMDb has worked in films, mostly animation so I'd say this could possible be him.

Daniel Thron seems to have done really well for himself to be honest with you. Working in visual effects on films such as Zodiac, G.I Joe (ugh), The A-Team, Tron Legacy and Transformers : Dark Of The Moon. his directing partner James Cole has done.......fuck all!!

James Gonis only did the one thing which was his Dollar Baby, we weep for you poor man.

Guy Maddin seems to have had a pretty successful career making 41(!!) films as a director, none of which I have ever heard of...but still 41!!!!

Andrew Newman is more of a producer these days, working on British TV on shows like, Peep Show, Fresh Meat and Pete Versus Life. He was also a writer on "Da Ali G Show", so you can pretty much blame him!

Now if you hadn't already noticed, but I've missed someone of this list, by far the most successful of all the "Dollar Babies".

Frank Darabont

Now this guy has definitely made a living out of working on Stephen King adaptations.

The Shawshank Redemption : The Greatest Movie Of All Time™ was actually Darabont's first stab at directing a feature film, talk about the only way being down after that! Next up was his version of The Green Mile, which is almost always on everyone's top 5 or top 10 lists of films. Lastly he also directed The Mist, which although it's about interdimensional beasts attacking a supermarket, is a brilliant film with easily one of the most bleak endings ever (I defy you to not cry!). Also if you do get the chance, please do try to see it in black and white as Darabont originally intended, it hits even harder.

Currently, 96 Dollar Babies have been made and 90% will probably never be seen by public eyes, commercially at least, but you never know, stranger things have happened and we may just end up with another Frank Darabont through this.

Have a look at the trailers for The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and The Mist.

Vader Out.........

All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy...

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 19:20:00 +0000

Yes, it's me, yet again!! I really don't know what is up with me at the minute! I'm feeling it, shall we say!!

So now I've decided to talk to you about one of my favourite authors, Mr. Stephen King.

I love this guy, his books and short stories are a genuinely good read (Yes I don't just watch movie's you know, I can read!!) and I can honestly say I've never read a bad thing that he's created in that warped mind of his!

Not counting any adaptations for a TV movie or series, the guy has had 35, yes 35 of his works turned into a feature film, and I'm not even counting the one stand alone screenplay he created there! That's pretty impressive if you ask me, I can't honestly think of any one author who can even come close to that number, can you? I didn't think so guys, this man is something else. What's more impressive is the fact they're not all horror films as a lot of non King fans might have you think. There's even a few shocks as to what he has actually created thrown in for good measure!

I know what you're thinking, "shit, not another list!" but this one is worth it, trust me!

I'll give you a little legend as well so you know what I mean

* is a based on a short story.
+ is based on a novella
- is an original screenplay.

Carrie
The Shining
Creepshow *
Cujo
The Dead Zone
Christine
Children Of The Corn *
Firestarter
Cat's Eye *
Silver Bullet +
Maximum Overdrive *
Stand By Me +
The Running Man
Pet Semetary
Graveyard Shift *
Misery
Tales From The Darkside * (Cat From Hell)
Sleepwalkers -
The Lawnmower Man *
The Dark Half
Needful Things
The Shawshank Redemption +
The Mangler *
Dolores Claiborne
Thinner
The Night Flier *
Apt Pupil +
The Green Mile
Hearts In Atlantis +
Dreamcatcher
Secret Window +
Riding The Bullet *
1408 *
The Mist +
No Smoking * ( A Bollywood film based upon Quitters Inc.)
Dolan's Cadillac *No come on, that is one mightily impressive list there don't ya think? Now I know some of you will be thinking where is "IT". Well people, "IT" was actually a miniseries developed for TV that was then released in"film form", so it doesn't actually count! We've also got some "Made For TV" movie's like "Sometimes They Come Back" and "Storm Of The Century".

So the plan is now to pick a couple out and do a quick review on them so you get your pictures and trailers, how nice am I to you hey?

What you will notice is that I'll be missing two of his most successful adaptations out as I have another article where they will be coming up in it.

So first up is.....

THE SHINING

Directed by the master known as Stanley Kubrick, this is a favourite of a lot of horror buffs such as myself.

Well apart from the main guy himself, Stephen King. He despised this adaptation so much so that he created his own version for TV back in 1997. The only way he could get it made was if he agreed to stop slagging of Kubrick, so that gives you an idea of how he felt about it!

Following Jack Torrance (an awesome Jack Nicholson) as he takes his family to a hotel where he'll be the winter caretaker so he can work on his writing, the isolation of the hotel and some very dodgy goings on leads to Jack slowly losing his mind and deciding to kill his family for something to do. Add in his son has also got some telepathic ability it makes for some fun and games.

Well not really if you can't a hallway full of blood, some scary dead twins and an ugly naked ghost, but meh that doesn't matter.

King felt that Kubrick took too many liberties with his novel and made it public he wasn't a fan. By all means search it out yourself and you be the judge. I personally like the film but I do love the novel more, I guess I have a good imagination as I could picture everything King wrote and when I saw Kubrick's version it wasn't how I envisioned it, but that's just my personal opinion.

Here's the trailer...

Ok so I know it doesn't say much but trust me give it a go, you'll be impressed.

Next up is...

MISERY

Now this is a film I only finally got to see a few years back. It was well worth the wait. A dark psychological horror it shows what happens when someone gets a bit too excited and starts to believe that what somebody writes in a novel is the truth (you people take note over what I write ok and don't go mental on me!)

James Caan plays Paul Sheldon, a famed author who decides to kill off his most famous character. Travelling up to the cabin he uses to write his novels, he starts working on a new unrelated story. On his way back west he hits a blizzard and crashes. Awakening with 2 broken legs and a dislocated shoulder, Paul is totally bedridden but luckily for him, his "number one fan" Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) came across him and nurses him. One main problem though, Annie adores Paul's Misery books and on purchasing his latest, finds out that Misery has been killed off and goes a little bit....crazy shall we say? What follows is a taut scary ride as Paul realises nobody knows where he is and Annie has previous for killing people.

Oh I will say keep an eye out for the sledgehammer scene and tell me you don't wince or look away, even I had to at one point!!

Have a look....

Last but certainly not least is a classic coming of age tale that a lot of people honestly don't realise is a Stephen King story

STAND BY ME

Yes, Stand By Me is based on a novella by Stephen King, told you it wasn't just horror didn't I?!

This film goes onto a lot of people's favourite lists due to it being a great film with some amazing acting by the likes of River Phoenix, Kiefer Sutherland, Corey Feldman and Jerry O'Connell.

The story is about a group of 4 boys who hear that there is a dead body just out of town, so we follow them on their journey to not only find the body but find themselves.

Yes I know it sounded so clichéd, fuck even I knew it was when I wrote it but honestly it's the truth. I adore this film and I demand you see it. That is all.

So there we have it, a quick look at the best adaptations in my opinion of Stephen King's works. Like I said I've purposely left out a few as there's something special coming up in the next few days that will possibly explain as to why King's works are used so much.

So until Part 2...

This is Vader signing out.

All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy All Work And No Play Makes Vader A Dull Boy

Sorry....that's one poor joke there!

Remake Or Not To Remake, That Is The Question....THE REMAKE!!

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 15:43:00 +0000

I don't know what is up with me today but here I go again with yet another post....

Maybe I'm ill, maybe I'm bored, maybe I'm just lonely (aww) Ahem anyways.....

Last night I was sat here and I was thinking as to how to do the next part of this article and I started researching remakes and started making a few notes...

There have been 100's and 100's of remakes, the majority being horror films (which I'll touch mostly upon in the next part) and foreign. A lot of films have been remade more than once as well which makes you realise that it isn't just a recent thing in general.

For your consideration thought guys, I've picked out 78 that have been remade and I'm going to list them here for you with the years they were originally made and then remade.

Apologies for lack of visual stimulation for now and if it might seem boring but it needs to be done.

OCEANS 11 - 1960 + 2001
THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR - 1968 + 1999
THE ITALIAN JOB - 1969 + 2003
SCARFACE - 1932 + 1983
FUNNY GAMES - 1997 + 2008
ALFIE - 1966 + 2004
ANGELS IN THE OUTFIELD - 1951 + 1994
APRIL FOOL'S DAY - 1981 + 2001
ARTHUR - 1981 + 2011
ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 - 1976 + 2005
BAD NEWS BEARS - 1976 + 2005
BLACK CHRISTMAS - 1974 + 2006

THE BLOB - 1958 + 1988
CAPE FEAR - 1962 + 1991
WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY - 1971 + 2005
CLASH OF THE TITANS - 1981 + 2010
THE CRAZIES - 1973 + 2010
DAWN OF THE DEAD - 1978 +2004
DAY OF THE DEAD - 1985 + 2008
DEATH RACE - 1975 + 2008
DEATH AT A FUNERAL - 2007 + 2010
FAME - 1980 + 2009
FATHER OF THE BRIDE - 1950 + 1991
THE FIRM - 1988 + 2009
FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX - 1965 + 2004
THE FLY - 1958 + 1986
THE FOG - 1980 + 2005
FOOTLOOSE - 1984 + 2011
FREAKY FRIDAY - 1976 + 2003
FRIGHT NIGHT - 1985 + 2011
FUN WITH DICK AND JANE - 1977 + 2005
GET CARTER - 1971 + 2000
GONE IN 60 SECONDS - 1974 + 2000
HALLOWEEN - 1978 + 2007
THE HAUNTING - 1963 + 1999
THE HEARTBREAK KID - 1972 + 2007
THE HILLS HAVE EYES - 1977 + 2007
HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL - 1959 + 1999
THE KARATE KID - 1984 + 2010
KING KONG - 1933 + 1976/2005
THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT - 1975 + 2009
THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT - 1972 + 2009
LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS - 1960 + 1986
THE LONGEST YARD - 1974 + 2005
THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE - 1962 + 2004
MIGHTY JOE YOUNG - 1949 + 1998
MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET - 1947 + 1994
MY BLOODY VALENTINE - 1981 + 2009
NIGHT OF THE DEMONS - 1988 + 2009
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD - 1968 + 1990
THE NUTTY PROFESSOR - 1963 + 1996
THE OMEN - 1978 + 2006
THE OUT OF TOWNERS - 1970 + 1999
THE PARENT TRAP - 1961 + 1998
PIRANHA - 1978 + 1995/2010
PLANET OF THE APES - 1968 + 2001
THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE - 1972 + 2006
THE PRODUCERS - 1968 + 2005
PSYCHO - 1960 + 1998
PROM NIGHT - 1980 + 2008
RANSOM - 1956 + 1996
RED DAWN - 1984 + 2012
ROLLERBALL - 1975 + 2002
SABRINA - 1954 + 1995
SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS - 1960 + 2006
SIDEWAYS - 2004 + 2009
SORORITY ROW - 1983 + 2009
THE STEPFATHER - 1987 + 2009
THE STEPFORD WIVES - 1975 + 2004
STRAW DOGS - 1971 + 2011
THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3 - 1974 + 2009
THE TIME MACHINE - 1960 + 2002
THE TOOLBOX MURDERS - 1978 + 2004
TOTAL RECALL - 1990 + 2012
VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED - 1960 + 1995
WALKING TALL - 1973 + 2004
THE WICKER MAN - 1973 + 2006
THE WOLFMAN - 1941 + 2010.

So there's a bit of a list for you to work your way through. Shocking isn't it, these were the "bigger" ones that could be included (obviously I've left out ones I'll be talking in depth about and have already done so) Of course this list doesn't include any foreign language remakes (either way) nor any films loosely based upon other films/TV adaptations nor the copious amounts of early 00's "J-Horror" remakes for the English speaking market.

When we work back through the list, out of the 78, 58 of them are just from the year 2000 onwards!!!

Seriously what is that about?? Has Hollywood run out of ideas?? Did they honestly feel that some of these needed remaking?? I mean have a look through again, two of them had only come out in the 00's, for fucks sake how lazy can you get??

What I will mention thought that one of the films on the list (Funny Games) is actually a shot for shot remake by the original director.

As always, I apologise for the lack of fun and things to look at in this one as it was more about getting the information out to you. I'd say we could easily squeeze out another 3 articles on this, one more based on the horror genre, most notably coming from Platinum Dunes, one on the foreign language remakes we've had to endure and one about upcoming remakes/reboots.

Ermm I am feeling kinda guilty now so....here have this...

Funny isn't it....oh yeah....Hellraiser is in line for a remake....tut tut Hollywood.

Vader Out!

VADER.....GET THE TABLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 14:55:00 +0000

It's ok guys, it's only me again, and this time I've brought an even more ambiguous title with me...

So last night was Saturday night and being the popular, cool guy that I am...I was at home. Yes ladies and gents I have nothing better to be doing with my life at the moment and I'm single. What a surprise I hear you say (fuck you by the way!) so I don't go to the cinema as much to see anything new hence the abundance of old films being reviewed and talked about.

Oh, I am taking applications though, you have to be female, 21+, normal and not smell, that's all I ask... emails to here please (do enclose a picture as I don't want you to be some sort of hideous CHUD do I? By all means if you choose to be naked or in a state of undress, all the better!)

Alright so maybe I'm joking there (or am I??)

Now, as you should now hopefully know, my name doesn't come from Star Wars, as personally I can't stand them. Blasphemous?? Possibly, but I just don't get the little cheap thrills over them that so many geeks do, sorry.

Oh yeah, right my name. So errmm yeah, Vader doesn't come from Darth but rather from The Big Van Vader. Now, I know the majority of you will be sat there looking at that and thinking, "WHO??"

Well let me tell you now, the guy was a beast, a complete fucking monster, see....

So yeah, this is where the nickname comes from, I don't know either....Maybe I have to have a few chats with my mates over why they called me this as I don't look like that....hmmm

I know it seems I'm going on, but there is a reason behind all of this....

WRESTLING!!!

Yes, I'm not afraid to admit it, I grew up a fan....and I wonder why I'm now single hey?!? So, over the years, I've submitted (haha see what I did there...no? oh ok) myself to some rather shocking films based on the "sport" (David Arquette, I'm looking at you here buddy, not only did you somehow get WCW involved with you but you made fucking "Ready To Rumble", I'm so glad Courtney left you!)

Luckily for us fans, news broke around 2006, that Darren Aronofsky was preparing a film based on the story of a washed up wrestler. Hell, he even had a Vader hero in Nic Cage lined up to play the lead. 'Ol Nic even went as far as going to a few Ring Of Honour shows to research his part.

Soon thought, Nic dropped out, luckily for us though, Aronofsky;s original choice was available and interested.

Ladies and Gentlemen....I introduce to you.....................

THE WRESTLER

Oh yes, the unhinged one himself, Mickey Rourke was the choice. Rourke, a trained boxer (who gave up a promising film career to do it professionally!) scoffed at the thought of playing a wrestler, someone who "pretended" to fight. He then threw himself into the role, training hard and he quickly learnt to respect the men and women who have been putting their bodies on the line for years.

So anyways, the film. Mickey plays Randy "The Ram" Robinson, a fading wrestling superstar from the 80's who's attempting to cling onto his stardom by punishing his body to the joy of around 25 people packed into a high school gym.

Randy pushed himself too far trying to earn the adulation of the fans by putting his body through hell whilst pumping himself full of steroids. Of course this leads to The Ram suffering from a heart attack.

Coming to the realisation that his career, his livelihood, hell even his life is pretty much over, Randy attempts to integrate himself into "normal life", by trying to earn his estranged daughter's love and hoping his love for an over the hill stripper will be reciprocated.

One problem, Randy is offered one last match against his arch rival from his heyday, Does Randy carry on living his boring quiet existence that his body wants and craves, or does he risk killing himself just so he can be under those lights and have the fans screaming his name, one last time?

Ok, Ok I know, it's pretty much like 99% of every sports film you've ever seen, but I can say this is something else. It's one of the best films I've ever actually seen, let alone the best film based on a "fake sport". It's beautiful, haunting and there is a reason as to why Rourke was up for an Oscar!

The fact of the matter is thought, if you've watched the "sport" for as long as I have and have heard half of the stories that make the rounds, this could be literally any one of the legends and former heroes you idolised in the 80's. Those guys striving to still be the main guy, the main attraction, the superstar, the man, and that in turn is so sad. It says something when a bonafide legend of the ring, Rowdy Roddy Piper reportedly broke down whilst watching the film declaring that it could be a true story.

Before we get to the good stuff, here's your favourite thing...

SCORE TIME BABY!!

Let's be perfectly honest here shall we? There's only one way that this can be going after I've just waxed lyrically (oooh) over this for the past god knows how long it's taken you to read it...

5 VADER WINKS
And
A VADER CLASSIC

I do seem to be throwing out a lot of "5 winkers" (is that even a word?) lately but when something is this good....

If you do get the chance, please do see this film, regardless of whether you're a wrestling fan or not.

You will look upon the "sport" in a different light, and you'll be understanding why Randy should be awarded a place not only on your DVD shelf but also in you Hall Of Fame.

Vader Out...

Just Tap It In, Just Tap It In, Give It A Little Tappy, Tap Tap Taparoo

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 14:25:00 +0000

If you couldn't tell from the title, I'm one of a rare breed. I actually have a problem that I need to address and there's no better place to do such a thing than over the internet in front of faceless people who I don't know and can't judge me.

My name is Vader, and I am a.....

ADAM SANDLER FAN!!

I know, I know, I'm sorry.

I honestly can't help it though, for some unknown reason the guy has a direct line to my funny bone. I should really be ashamed, but I'm not!

Now that we've got this shocking news out there, it's only fair if I drag you (not physically as well, you're reading this on the internet and I can't touch you nor see you....or can I?? Muhahah see what I did there? I just broke the 4th wall!! Ok maybe I didn't seen as this isn't a film or TV show but still, I'm secretly watching you, by the way....nice hair!) through a selection of his films and just try to show you why I'm a fan.

You ready then?? No?? Tough shit we're going in....

AIRHEADS

Well then, he might not be the main star in this fun little film but he's there on the poster so that right away makes him very important! playing a braindead drummer in a rock band, who take a radio station hostage with water pistols just so they can get their demo heard. It might sound stupid, well it is but it's actually a lot of fun, plus you get to see the face that goes with Fat Tony's voice from The Simpsons! Also the fact it stars Brendan Fraser and Steve Buscemi gives you an idea that it might not be that bad....no?? Oh ok... Have a look.

Next up is a funny film that I guess could be the reason a lot of people don't actually like the guy...

BILLY MADISON

Right then what's better than an adult playing a man child?? Nope didn't think you could find anything better, see trust me Vaderino's! I won't lie his voice can get on your nerves in this but it doesn't stop it being funny. Following Billy as he goes back through the school system so he can finally graduate and then take over his Dad's hotel business before his Father's evil second in command can. Have a look....

One thing that does come apparent during the film is Billy might have a slight drinking/substance abuse problem as he...well he see's penguins...random I know but can't honestly think of anything better to see can you? a 6 foot penguin that you think is after your girlfriend.....damn

Did I mention that this also stars Bridgette Wilson, who later became Mrs. Pete Sampras?

Damn he served a right ACE with this one...haha did you see what I did there?? Yeah, I'm so sorry too....

Ahem anyways let's move on shall we...Ahh yes my favourite Sandler movie...

HAPPY GILMORE

Now, I'm not even going to pretend that I either, like golf nor understand it. I find it tedious and boring as hell but when you end up with a complete nutcase with anger problems playing the sport, how can you not love it?

We follow Sandler as he plays Happy Gilmore, a waste of space in life who find out he has quite the knack for smashing a golf ball 400+ yards (apparently this is unheard of?? I dunno either!) he ends up getting onto the pro tour with the hope he can make enough money just to buy back his Grandma's house.

I can honestly say, I can recite this film, line for line. Did I mention...

My name is Vader and I am a geek.

Might as well get it all out of the system hadn't we? Ok have a look....

Even sat here re-watching the trailer I can't help but laugh. I must watch this at least once a month, it's the perfect film to pop on when there's nothing on or you're feeling a bit shit about everything, never fails to put me in a good mood! Oh oh oh story time....I actually bought this for £3 on VHS from Music Zone (R.I.P).....You are all welcome for me sharing that!

Let's move on....

THE WATERBOY

I will come right out and say it, I love American Football. Yes, I do understand it, I get the rules and what not and yes I did stay up and watch the Super Bowl as well as usually staying up to watch a game every other week when the season is on. I just love it and I equally love movie's based on the sport and this one is right up there for me.

Alright so maybe it isn't on the same level as things such as Remember The Titans and Friday Night Lights but it makes me laugh so there!!

Playing a socially awkward "water boy" under the rule of a pushy mother who won't let him do anything in his life and everything that's any good is "The Devil", Sandler shows that we can all find something we're good at....

Aww fuck why should I make this sound better, he's a bit "special" and finds out he can tackle the fuck out of people! It's funny and it's fun seeing people get smashed all over the place!!

Now I know that at least some of you will be fans of the man, fuck, his films make enough money, so there's definitely more than just me who's a fan!

You fans obviously by now, or at least I hope you would have noticed that I've left out a fair few of his "bigger works", and I'll explain why. I will just say that I'm only really talking about Sandler's full, balls out comedy films as his dramatic roles are few and far between and I would suggest you should check them out as, if you're not a fan, you would be by the end.

I'm not going to beat around the bush here as it's taken you long enough to get to this point, so I'm going to give you a quick explanation as to why these haven't been included....

The Wedding Singer : 80's Shit.
Big Daddy : Parent Shit.
Little Nicky : Really Shit.
Mr.Deeds : Boring Shit.
Anger Management : Angry Shit.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry : Homophobic Shit. **
You Don't Mess With The Zohan : Racist Shit.
Bedtime Stories : Disney Shit.
Funny People : Unfunny Shit.
Jack And Jill : Won't Even Watch This Shit.

(** Not really but couldn't find anything funny to explain how shit I think it is!)

Alright, maybe I am being a little bit too harsh here as a few of these do have a couple of redeeming features....but you're not going to be finding them here!!

So, maybe on reflection, I haven't painted the guy in too good a light. Come to think about it, for about 90% of his whole body of work he's played exactly the same character, ANGRY SHOUTY ADAM!!!!! It's only really his later work that he'd toned it down a bit (50 First Dates, Click, Grown Up's, Just Go With It....and yes I do enjoy those!)

Maybe this is why he's equally loved and hated?? Maybe 50% of people love his man child act and 50% want to kill him? I dunno either way I like the guy!

I will leave you with one thing though....

Vader Out!

Remake Or Not To Remake, That Is The Question

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 17:16:00 +0000

I'm sat here pondering, the eternal thought we all have.

Well maybe not all of us, but I know it's something I think about quite a lot, is a remake always a good thing?

Lately, for some unknown reason, Hollywood feels the need to give us something we've already seen, but shown in a new light. Ahh yes, there is also the brand new thing of "rebooting" a film to bring it to a new audience.

Does it work though, that's what I know you'd like to know so let's have a look at a few from the past 10 years or so and decide together, see here at Vader Towers I know you enjoy having to think, I mean why else would you keep coming back?

What I will point out is the fact that the majority of these reboots and remakes are actually of well loved horror films, which can make things even worse for geeks like me....Enough of this though, let's get to it!

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR

So here we go on our long (!!) ardours journey together, starting with the 1979 horror film, The Amityville Horror. Based on a "true" story (hmm yeah right, ok) it follows George and Kathy Lutz as they move into a new house. Normal so far isn't it?? Oh did I mention that said house was the scene of mass murder by a dude called Ronald DeFeo Jr, who thought it was all fine and dandy to slaughter 6 members of his family, what a lovely chap.

So yes, the Lutz's move in and last a grand total of 28 days before claiming they've been terrorised by unseen forces. RIGHT, first things first sure you just realised you couldn't actually afford the place?? How about the fact that 28 days is the usual stint in rehab isn't it? Maybe somebody had a drinking problem and forgot he'd been a bit of a dick towards his family?

Alright, alright maybe I'm being cynical as I don't believe shit like this but as it's a film and it's of the horror genre I shall leave my feelings at the door and carry on.

Anyways, yes the family have some trouble with weird voices and the such and shit themselves and leave, which lets be honest if that happened to you and me we'd do the same thing.

One thing this has going for it is a brilliant performance by James Brolin. The longer the film goes on, the worse he starts looking due to lack of sleep, and numerous murderous thoughts and weird going ons. Here's the trailer for you to have a quick look at...

I don't know what's worse over that trailer? The dodgy piano music or the even dodgier voice over.

You get an idea of the film though and the trials and tribulations you get from living in a haunted house. What's more impressive is the fact that this one story somehow managed to produce 7 sequels!!! It's ok though, the Lutz's made some money out of the whole shebang so it's all good now....hmmm

This then leads us onto the remake from 2005

Ermm....right then 2005's The Amityville Horror.....errmmm ok. So same sort of story as the original but more of a basis on time (don't ask) and a mental preacher who killed native americans in the basement (ahh so that's why it's haunted...ok)

To say that this is shit would be a disservice to actual pieces of human excrement.

George Lutz in the original was just a normal guy, what do we get in this??

Yes Ladies, and this is for you, we get Ryan Reynolds looking like a fucking male supermodel, oh how life must have been so hard for these guys.

Here's the trailer for this....

What I do want you to do right now, is to go back to the poster for the remake and make it bigger if you can (Hey, I just write this shit!) and see if you can notice something at the top of the poster, a little line that should strike fear in your heart if you're a genuine horror fan....

"FROM MICHAEL BAY, THE PRODUCER OF THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE"

Oh yes, this is yet another abomination from Platinum Dunes, a production company created by Michael Bay, who specialise in horror films but mostly remakes of some real classics. Don't worry I'm sure over the course of this article we'll come across this company again....in fact....

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE

Now this is a bonafide classic in the horror genre. Following Leatherface (he's the big fuck off dude with the chainsaw in case you didn't know!) as he hacks and slashes his way through a group of complete fucking morons. When I say morons, I actually mean complete fucking brain dead idiots!!

We also meet Leatherface's family who are just as mental, hell they let the big man wear a dress to serve dinner....so not only is he a homicidal maniac wearing a mask made of leather (or possibly human skin, I dunno) and wielding a fucking chainsaw around like it's a shopping bag but he's a transvestite as well.....weird.

I wouldn't personally say it's a scary film if I'm honest, it's good but not great, it's funny but it's not supposed to be and so on and so forth, but I think you'd enjoy it if you like horror films and haven't yet seen it. Let's be honest though, if you're a horror fan and haven't seen it you must be weird.

What makes this more special though is the fact that it must have shit a fair few people up back in 1974 as it was actually banned here in the UK by the BBFC and only allowed a proper release in 1998!! Even more funnier if you do some research about it, is the fact that the director had hoped for a PG rating in the States, imagine how he must have felt when it came back to him rated as "X", which is pretty much a bad thing if you want to make some money from your picture!! After a few cuts, he managed to get the rating down to a "R". Some naughty cinema proprietors inserted the cut scenes back in and showed the film under the "R" rating, tut tut tut!!!

Have a look at the trailer....

If you notice from the trailer and the poster, they like to let you know that it's "BASED ON A TRUE STORY". Now not to ruin your fragile little minds if you believe this but....GASP, Leatherface never ever existed!! It's actually based upon a guy called Ed Gein who was a little "unhinged" shall we say. Killed,ate people and also had a liking to skin the bodies of women and wear them like an overcoat, nice guy though!!

So no matter what really happened in the film, after the fun and games of it being banned etc it's always going to live on in infamy and I'm kind of glad it does, as it signalled the start of some "proper" horror films.

Unlucky for us, the same name signalled the start of a scary trend in Hollywood as mentioned before..

Yes guys and gals, the 2003 remake of TCM was Platinum Dunes' first stab (guffaw) at the remake.

And.

It.

Sucked.

Yes, I saw this the day it came out as I was rocking the cinema uniform at the time and it would have been rude not to at least check it out. Jesus I wish I hadn't.... A little bit of advice for you though, if you want to see a horror film at the cinema, don't bother going on a Sunday night as that's when all the married couples who've palmed the kids off on Grandma go and it's pain in the arse and they seem to sell out more!

Same story really as the original so have to give them some credit for that I guess. Obviously there's going to be a few tweaks but it doesn't make it any better, it's shit. I know there will be fans of this over the original, probably 15 year olds who haven't seen a decent horror film before and believe this to be "scary", the fools!!!! They know nothing!!!

There is one redeeming feature for this though, and boys this is just for you...

Oh yes, obviously this isn't a still from the film like The Amityville Horror one and it's a bit bigger than the Ryan Reynolds one but I run this place and if I want to put up a picture like this for the male population, I bloody well will do!!!

Trailer time!!!

Back to where I was though, the original TCM spawned a few "questionable" sequels of which I don't want to even acknowledge if I can get away with it (TCM2 is pretty much a comedy....I'm not sure if it was intended to be that way either). Luckily for the world the remake only managed to spawn one sequel, which is just as bad and we haven't been subjected to anymore since 2006 so SCORE!!!!

I will warn you all, there is plans for another TCM film, this time a direct sequel to the original and to be shot in 3D!!!!!!!

Yeah, it will suck as well.

So there we have the first part of our look at remakes, I know you're thinking "Fuck, he doesn't post anything in months, then gives us 4 posts in such a short time, and he can't be bothered finishing this one in one sitting"...Well I will tell you now I actually started writing this bad boy over a year ago and thought I'd at least try and get it started and posted so be thankful!!!!

I do promise I will finish this soon as we've got quite a few remakes to still go through, with at least another 3 just to come from Platinum Dunes!!

So until next time....

VADER OUT!

I'm Going To Make You An Offer That You Can't Refuse....

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 16:14:00 +0000

Ok, so I know already that line isn't even uttered in the film we're going to be talking about today, but my theory was it was better to use that than to make some sort of shit pizza joke, no?

I know you all love my jokes, it's why you keep coming back but even so, I do have some standards (you wouldn't think so but...)

Where was I? See this is what happens, one minute you're talking about making crap jokes, the next you don't have a clue what you're doing and I'm far too lazy to even look 3" up the screen to see what I'd just wrote, times they are a changing. Oh ideas....how many song titles could I fit into one article?? Not doing it today as it would mean I have to think and I'm currently operating on about 3 hours of sleep which in turn makes it around 14 hours for the whole week (Damn you Oscars, damn you to hell!!!)

Damn!! I've gone and done it again, right let's start shall we???

GOODFELLAS

The reason for talking about such a classic film is.....well I watched it the other night and I didn't rightly know what else to talk about today, yeah it is one of those days!!!!

So let's talk about the story. We follow Ray Liotta (surprisingly he is the main character in this but looking at that poster you wouldn't think so would you?? Mind you, when you've got a legend like DeNiro in your film, you show that off, don't you?) who plays Henry Hill. Starting from when Hill is just a youngster, we follow him throughout his life, coming across various people and mobsters and joining the "gang" as such. This is where DeNiro and Pesci come in as Pesci plays Hill's best friend of sorts, Tommy DeVito. Jimmy Conway (DeNiro) finishes off our little ménage à trois as the trio of friends work hard to rise through the hierarchy of the mob. Tommy and Jimmy soon get ideas above their station and it's up to Henry to decide as to whether it's worth helping himself and his family or to keep his mouth shut for the sake of his friends and his life.

Of course there's a lot more going on as the film is just under 2 and a half hours long but I can promise you it's worth investing yourself fully. I will just add the film is directed by the legend, the master, my all time favourite director Martin Scorsese .

Want proof as to why he's just an amazing director?? Watch this bad boy....

See what I mean?? Genius!!!

The most amazing thing about the whole film is when you find out it's actually based on a real story and Henry Hill is genuinely actually in Witness Protection in the States, although he does occasionally pop his head above the parapet.

Here we go as normal....a trailer just for you, not you though. I'm not sure I like you, but you other people, enjoy!

How amazing does it honestly look? See I know that's what you'd like, I know you people, well not really. I know the few people who I actually really know who read this, then there's the few I've spoke to but apart from that I don't actually know any of you. Talk about making things a little bit awkward between us......I still like you though. Well obviously apart from the one person I told earlier but even so we can still be friends....

My God, shh man just get onto rating the fucking film!!!

Yes, it's why you're here really. So Goodfellas I pronounce you the proud owner of

5 VADER WINKS!!!!

and instant

VADER CLASSIC!!!!!!

Well this was like drawing blood from a stone!!! Whether I keep posting on here now remains to be seen as I'm having so many problems using Blogger, it's officially becoming a piece of shit so I guess I'll be looking at some alternatives in the near future. I may, just may post up another piece today as I have nothing else to do.

Not that it means anything against you people as come on, you're my Vaderinos guys!!!! It's just, this time last year I was turning out articles left, right and centre and it was taking me about 10-20 minutes to get them up onto the site as it was that easy. Now with Blogger, well this is a short one let's be honest and it's taken me 45 minutes to write and arrange the poster and 2 videos as it was being fucking ridiculous!! But enough of me ranting and raving as it means nothing, keep your eyes peeled though people.

As always, love yourself and one anot....Ahhh fuck it, go out, get smashed and have a great night!

VADER OUT!

PS. I did mention the shit pizza joke so here it is.....

Told you it was shit!!!! So's the pizza though....oooh sick burn!

I AM A SUPER GEEK

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 14:42:00 +0000

2 posts......in the same day??

WOW.

Nothing major to report here, just some trailers I need you to see...

Enjoy.

.....Bang......Wallop?!?!

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 14:36:00 +0000

Well, well, well. What do we have hear??

It's me, it's me, it's the V, A, D, E, R...yeah that didn't look as good typed as it did when I said it in my head.... I'm so so sorry.

Annnnnnnyyyyywaaaaaayyyyssss, how you all doing? Well I hope?? I know I've neglected you all for months and months and the truth is...I just couldn't be bothered. Poor show from me I know but I just didn't have the energy to try to be funny and to give you all what you want.

THIS. HAS. CHANGED.

So enough of the pontificating and catching up, I bet you're dying to know what the title of this post is all about.....yes I thought so. If you have any brains, you'll notice that this is a common saying, but what's missing...

CRASH.

Well done kiddies, but what also goes with Crash? Well to crash you have to be in a.....

CAR.

Well done again, I'm so proud right now. Ok so if you're in a car, to crash it you have to be.....

NO!!! Not speeding but you have to be able to....

DRIVE

.
AHA...See what I did there??? Ahem.....

So let's get on it like a car bonnet.....or a chicken burger (Yeah, I don't know either)...or whatever it is the youth of today says...

First things first the story. It follows, well his name is "The Driver" that's it. Took them ages to think of that didn't it? He drives getaway vehicles for naughty baddies, but and here's the twist....he's also a stunt driver in the movies. OOOOH AHHHH.

Yeah, so, he drives, a lot.

Meets his neighbour, you can tell he wants a bit, makes friends with her little son, her husband comes out of jail, falls in with bad people again, Driver helps him, things go tits up, Driver tries to sort it.

Doesn't sound much but it has a lot of things going for it.....you ready??

THE DRIVER BARELY SAYS A WORD - This is true he doesn't and it works something stupid!!! It shows Ryan Gosling for what he is, a fantastic actor. The man can do no wrong in my eyes as it is but seeing him in this role, his actions, his facial expressions, just wow. I also think I've developed a little man crush on the man but shh.

THE ACTION IS AMAZING - This is also true. For a film shot without a massive budget the set pieces that the director squeezes out are genius, may I also add you wish after watching this that you could drive like that!

THE SOUNDTRACK IS EASILY ONE OF THE BEST THINGS EVER - Ok so this is where I get far too excited, this soundtrack is just.....well it rocks! From Kavinsky through to Desire and College and then finishing up with Cliff Martinez's score, it's a whirlwind of electronica inspired pop which fits in with the neon drenching of the film. For a brilliant example please avert your eyes to the little video window below...

See what I mean?? Amazing

HE WEARS A GOD DAMN WHITE JACKET WITH A BIG FUCK OFF GOLDEN SCORPION STITCHED INTO THE BACK - Need I say any more??

So to finish up......SHIT...Almost forget my precious', the trailer for your perusal...

Now it is time......

I award DRIVE..... 5 VADER WINKS and I am proud to award it...

VADER CLASSIC STATUS!!!!!!!

So there we go, I love this film, I love the soundtrack and I love Ryan Gosling but most of all I love you all.....ok well maybe not you Dave Fielding, you send me some weird things and say some things which make me question your sanity, also you admitted you come on here to see Bart's penis (Yes I'm still having trouble with that!!!)

I should be back soon as I've enjoyed doing this again and I've seen enough to actually write a few things so....

VADER OUT.

Here'ssssssssssss Johnny.......Jason.......Freddy?!? Anyone?!?!?!?!?!?!

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 17:56:00 +0000

Well hello there guys and gals, how we all doing?!?

I did promise us a bit of a treat this week, what with yesterday being Halloween. This would have been posted yesterday but alas a small computer problem put paid to that but we're not going to let that ruin our fun are we?

Nope didn't think so!!

As I did mention the other day we're going to spend a few days looking at a few different horror related things, so let's get this thing going shall we?

The plan I'm thinking would be to have a look at a few horror series, trailers for each one and the such and give you my own little take on them, sound good?

Well of course it does....I'm doing it after all! Let's GO!!!

SAW I-VII

Now then, 2011 actually sees the first year (well since 2004!) that Halloween hasn't been graced by Jigsaw, sad faces all round please.

I freely admit, I was....no wait I AM a massive fan of the series.Ok, Ok they are rather simple the further they got along and turned more into an extended advert for "how not to use ScrewFix Direct" and porn for the gore hounds, but my lord were they fun! Who honestly thought that something as low key and cheap as the first movie would turn into some sort of horror behemoth? Let's go back to the beginning and I'll show you what I mean...

SAW

Ok so we're actually talking about 2 guys, stuck in a dirty bathroom. Fun yes?

Well actually it is! Honestly it really is...Vader Promise! I remember as I've previously mentioned elsewhere on the site how this was a totally secretive film, posters (or "billboards" for you US readers!) sprung up almost overnight a week before release stating,

"DARE YOU SEE SAW?"

Well after initially seeing that and laughing (how could you not?) I wanted to see SAW, I wanted to know what it could be. The night came, I'm sat there, popcorn in hand, drink in the other and it started.....2 guys in a dirty bathroom. I thought for one minute I'd stumbled into the wrong film...oh wait, there's a dead due lay in the middle of the floor who's blown his brains out...WOW.....NO WAY, they're chained up by their ankles in this room....WHAT?? There's a serial killer called Jigsaw??

You kinda get the picture, I was mesmerized by what was unfolding up on the screen, I mean I'm not going to ruin anything for you here but "somehow" one of these 2 guys gets free and makes his bid for freedom and then the one thing that SAW became famous for started.

Oh yes Vaderites, THE TWIST! As the series moved along you always knew when it was coming, and no, lack of running time left wasn't it! It was this, a piece of music that became to be known as "Hello Zepp".

It's good that isn't it? As a fan, when you heard those opening bars start up, you got all excited and paid even more attention to see if you'd missed anything whilst watching the film that you could have missed which would have given everything away.

Another defining feature of every movie was the fact that every one was linked in some way either by a character (and I don't mean Jigsaw himself!) or a place/situation.

SAW II

Yes, ladies and gents the following year we were treated to a sequel which was every bit as good as, if not better than the original! SAW II is generally considered to be the best film of the whole franchise and well, I couldn't agree more!

This one follows a group of people in.....a smelly house, I'm actually starting to notice a bit of a pattern here, maybe in horror films you can't actually have a house or a warehouse of some sort that doesn't smell. I mean come on, you can't tell me Freddy's boiler room smelled good, or Leatherface's family home/abattoir smelt of roses? Hell I bet Jason has the worst body odour of anything you could ever imagine, in fact I can promise you that all these people he slayed with his machete were already dead from him just raising his arm to strike them with it....

"ARGHHHHH NOOOOO DON'T PLEASE, I KNOW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN HAVING SEX NEXT TO THE LAKE BUT ARGHHHHHH"

Jason lifts his arm to deliver the fatal blow

"WHAT'S THAT SMELL? EWWWWW"

Dead.

Splat, machete through the face. Yum.

Ahem where was I? Oh yeahhhhhh this one concerned a group of people in a house which has a chemical being pumped into it meaning that either way....well they're pretty much fucked as they have to make their way out of the house in a certain amount of time whilst dodging and beating Jigsaw's crazy "games". As always, there's a link between the main character and the guys in the house as well as a link to the first film.....fun times.

SAW III

Ahh SAW III, I remember your release just like it was yesterday, it wasn't, I mean come on I'm not the proud honour of a time machine nor have the need to hit 88mph.

Anyways, as I was saying, there was a lot of hysteria surrounding the film over here in Blighty due to the film being so "graphic" that people were being taken out of screening due to fainting and vomiting, muhahaha what fun!

Actually the screening I was in, there was at least 3 people carried out by friends, semi concious and numerous people being sick and what was I and my girlfriend doing?

Laughing.

I know that makes me weird right? The SAW franchise quickly became a highlight on both of our calendars and we always strived to be there opening night.

Enough of my love life though this one concerned a guy....in a smelly warehouse, see told you didn't I!! SAW III had more of a moral compass compared to the other films though as we follow a guy called Jeff who's having a bit of a hard time after his son was killed in a car crash and as he makes his way through the warehouse he comes across people that were involved in the case surrounding the death and we watch as Jeff makes the choices whether they live or die.

Deep huh?

So yeah as previously mentioned there is a link to SAW II, although minor in the general scheme of things but it does help tie everything in!

SAW IV

Ok, I know this one doesn't actually give you much but maybe that's for the best as the proper trailer pretty much gives away what happens at the end of 3!

A lot of people's complaints are directed towards the fact that we all wanted to know how Jeff's story would end, as after 3 there was a lot that could have happened, but no, it gets sewn up pretty quickly!

In this one Lt.Rigg (from SAW II and III, there's one of your links from previous films!) becomes an unwilling player in Jigsaws games ( in smelly places no doubt!). This is where things started going a bit pear shaped as you feel the writers were struggling to tie everything in with previous films and the twist that follows is pretty much obvious from the first 5 minutes of the film but it's still a bit of fun getting there. We also find out what finally happened to a character we first met in the second film, so yay!

SAW V

The trailer for this one, of which I'll be honest does show you a character from the 4th film so you get an idea that he does survive what happens to him, but apart from that this film....sucked.

Yes, even as a fan I can be honest and non-objective when telling you my feelings! you get the feeling that some of the events in this are just helping tide you over until the finale of the series whenever that may have been. Which when you think about it, is a pretty stupid thing to do as what would have happened if SAW V failed miserably? (Ok the studio knew it wouldn't as the SAW films had a knack of making their full budget back over the opening weekend....and more)

So we follow an FBI agent (the dude in the trailer and from IV) as he believes he's solved the case of who is Jigsaw's second accomplice, and meh. FBI agenty man runs around in some, I'm guessing, smelly places and so on and so forth. We also get to witness 5 people connected through circumstance going through some real shitty traps in what I can promise you, would be a smelly place! There is one part of this film though that is of some real importance come #7 though so keep those eyes peeled mmmmkay?

SAW VI

Ahh yes SAW VI, another shit entry into the whole SAW canon. I'm not really sure how much more I can add, this time we follow a group of people involved in insurance (who actually do tie into the whole mythology, don't ask) getting their "what for's".

This film just sucked majorly, it also brings in a character we've known about for a long time doing something pretty much out of character and something we have actually learnt over time, they were totally against, but hey, this is Hollywood baby! They do what they like!

Not too long after the release, it was announced that SAW VII would be the final film in the series. Us SAW geeks started getting all excited as we tried to figure out who or what was involved in the background of every film, that one person, or people who had been helping Jigsaw all along. Reviewers in magazines and on websites rejoiced at not having to sit through any more SAW films after the next one, and who could blame them?

SAW had slowly become a shadow of it's former self, a parody almost of hardcore gore porn. The more blood (CGI as well may I add...*GULP) split meant to the produces that more money would be made, and they were right. Forget about story or plot....no it's all about the moolah. And then the one sentence you don't want to hear muttered was announces

"SAW VII....in 3D"

Now I'm the first to admit, I'm not a big fan of this whole 3D revival going on, hell I remember how shit it was back in the 80's and there's nothing about a horror film shot in 3D (of which another film in our choices will be talked about this week!)

I started to worry...was I right to? Join us again after the break where we'll go through the final film in the series and wrap everything up for you in a tight, neat, pretty little bow just for you.

Oh, *ahem* welcome back, now, where were we?

SAW VII (or 3D, you know, whatever)

SEE, even the trailer doesn't even help it's cause does it?!?! All that shit flying out of the screen, give me a break!

I admit, when I saw (hahaha see what I did there...oh) this I worried. This should have been the grand finale of a great but bumpy horror series and it was turning into a complete joke. I think also having to pay like an extra £2 to see it pissed me off a little.

I walked into the cinema all angry (but still rocking the popcorn and drink!) and sat down at the first showing of the day waiting to be annoyed of how they ruined everything and couldn't even finish everything properly.

I was wrong.

Talk about a complete swerve ball and a return to form! Awesome traps, awesome deaths and the mother of all twists!! We go all the way back to the first film here which was a welcome thing after what we'd been through with the previous few films! In this one, we follow a self help guru who falsely stated he survived a Jigsaw trap and has made some money off of it. Our killer isn't to best pleased by this and decides to make him suffer whilst also playing games with the police, who now know the killers identity.

This was what it was all about a great film with such a massive shock of an ending that you sit there mouthing "WTF", oh and I did, I'm also pretty sure I said it out loud too, luckily I wasn't the only one! Yes, I know I keep going on about the twist but it's the big pay off that you'd been waiting 6 years and 7 films for and my lord, was it worth it.

So there we have it Vaderites, the first post of horror week. I hope you had fun reading it even in my strange style. I've been told that reading my writing is like you're actually sat in front of me as if I was speaking to you, whether that's the case, I don't know. I just aim to please and I really do hope you've all enjoyed today's post! I mean even if it makes you go out and rent/buy/steal these films, then hell, I've done a good job I'd say!

So keep well, look after yourselves and one anoth....shit no that's not me, before I sign off though I have one thing to say to someone about the whole SAW saga...

BITCH I WAS RIGHT!

Ahem anyways....

VADER OUT!!!

What's This? What's This? There's A Post Over There.....

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 20:52:00 +0000

Well, well, well if it isn't me, doing exactly what I promised hey?

I do have to apologise now, yes I used a lyric from The Nightmare before Christmas there, but seen as it's a CHRISTMAS film and I'm not a fan, it's going to be the only mention of it in this wholeeeeeeeee article!

Right anyways, back onto what I said I'd do. I'm thinking maybe do things a bit differently and instead of full reviews or a full list (seen as I've done it before) I'm just going to go through my DVD collection instead and open you up to some awesome (and ok, some seriously shit) films.

The question is where do I start....

CABIN FEVER

Ahh yes, let's take a trip back to 2002. I was 17 and pretty much failing at college, well ok I never turned up but come on. Ahem anyways.....So yeah a little film about a flesh eating "virus" attacking a group of "sexy" people in some redneck part of the US.

I'm going to be totally honest with you right away though, seen as I'm good like that, I only wanted to see this because Rider Strong was starring in it. Anyone who knows him will be wondering why in the hell he would make me want to see it but what can I tell you, I was a massive Boy Meets World fan!!

*cough* So yes Cabin Fever, directed by Eli Roth (his first movie) is a great little fun flick which does what you need to. It has the gore, it has the laughs, it has the country bumpkins, it has sex.....ermm actually it hasn't, I mean it could have led to that but....yeah see it and you'll know what I'm on about...Also ladies, just be careful when shaving your legs....if you know what I mean. Well your Venus razor will not work well if you're suffering from a particularly nasty strain of a flesh eating virus!

As for the sequel......just pretend there isn't one! If you get the chance though, please do pop this one in as I promise you, if you like your blood that extra shade of red, this is for you!!

Here's a trailer for you people to enjoy!

Ok, so next in the list, hmmm let me just lean over and look at the DVD's.....Ahh yes, why not...

Re-Animator

Oh yes, now this is a real fun film! I mean come on guys, just look at the tagline, "Herbert West Has A Good Head On His Shoulders... And Another One On His Desk". Come on, how can you not tell me that it doesn't sound like good fun!

Actually based upon a H.P Lovecraft story, the film focuses on a pair of medical students, one who is rather normal with a girlfriend and one who is....well Herbert West. Good 'ol Herb likes messing about with dead tissue and well.....this leads to all manner of things. Dead cats coming back to life? Yep we've got that! Re-animated corpses baying for blood? Yeah, we've got that too. The severed re-animated head of a suspecting doctor performing oral sex? Ermm yeah we've got that one as well.

But don't let that put you off, this is a fun, gory film which spawned a few sequels and made a B-Movie star out of Jeffrey Combs, so trust me on this one, get a copy and get it watched!

Have a quick look at this then seen as I'm hoping you're still here!

Once I started writing this article I came to the conclusion that alot of the horror films in my collection are actually parts of a series of films so I'm going to dedicate a few articles over the next few days, detailing each film in the series and maybe a *GASP* short explanation on why I'm such a big fan! So promise me you're not going to be sat there reading this going "oh come on he's left out xxxxxx or yyyyyy", Well people, chances are what you're thinking about will be here soon! In fact let's make it a bit of a horror week....what ye s....oh wait....I can't actually hear you, funny that. Maybe one day they will invent some sort of programme which means we could speak over the intern..

What?

Really??

Oh......

So there it is, I'll call this one quits for now and get planning on the "collection" posts, we've got Saw, we've got A Nightmare On Elm Street, hell we've even got Friday The 13th!! Amongst those we'll also have a few surprises thrown in, that I can guarantee.

So sorry if this wasn't what you were expecting tonight but....well no excuse I just felt like it!

So keep tuning in over the rest of the weekend and the rest of the week and see what I can write for you Vaderites, I know you love it really...

No?

Oh...sorry

VADER OUT!!!

Oh No.....

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 21:52:00 +0000

Yes, I went all Black Ops on your sorry asses yet again!

I come back to have a quick look and to tell you something and it's happening again....

People are looking for Bart's dick!!!

What the hell was I thinking......You sick people, especially the gentleman in France from yesterday who felt it necessary to not only google it, but then proceeded to click back onto it a good 8 times!!

Annnnnnnnyways, It's that special time of year isn't it, and being a geek like myself it can only mean one thing.

HORROR FILMS!!!!

Now if you've been around since the beginning you'll know I'm a big fan when it comes to this genre, hell I even gave you my list of the 10 greatest horror films way, way back (See Here!!)......So I'm thinking to celebrate our first Halloween together we're going to have......

Horror Night!!

Now, I don't know when I'll be posting it up as I do have a few little things to sort out with the other site I'm currently working on but I can guarantee (oooooh shit!) that it will be up in all it's blood soaked glory before the big day!

Anyways enjoy yourselves (not literally when it concerns you cartoon porn freaks! I can only imagine some of the depraved shit you people get up to.....poor, poor Lois Griffin) and keep checking back as I promise, my big celebrated return (ok maybe I'm the only one going on about it but still...) will be worth the 2 minutes of your life (this does include the cartoon freaks as it will probably last longer than the time you spend with the pictures)!!

Salutations Vaderino's

UPDATE

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 23:57:00 +0000

Ok....Ok I know I know it's been ages since I last posted anything but I've been a little bit busy (Alright I forgot Ok?!?). I've been rather busy building another site to be used for a business venture, of which I'll show you soon.

The major thing is though....

I'm BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

So keep your eyes peeled for some new updates soon.

Oh and I do have to say unless anybody didn't know how Blogger works, I can see what brings the majority of you here (Thanks Yellowboard!) but honestly, the freak who's been searching for Bart Simpson porn and pictures of his dick....

SEE SOMEBODY!

QUICK UPDATE - Just totalled up the amount of searches for Bart this month......158.....you strange person you! Well I'm hoping it's just one person or else...well.......*SHUDDER*

Also I really want to thank you guys for continuing to visit the site, depending I've not put anything on since June time, I've somehow added another close on 2000 visitors from all over the world, I'm talking places like the USA, Germany, Australia, Estonia, Brazil, Mexico and such. I have no idea how you guys find me but carry on coming back!

That is all.....Vader Out

UPDATE - Does Whatever A Spider-Pig Does, He Does It In HD!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:06:00 +0000

UPDATE - OFFICIALLY RELEASED TODAY 20/7/2011!!!

Well, well, well, looky at what we have here, can somebody say....

~~LEAKED~~ SPIDER-MAN TRAILER?!?!?!?

As The Macho Man Randy Savage (RIP!) would have said....

OOOOOOOOOOHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHH

~~Quality is a bit poor but hell~~, it gives you a slight idea of how much this may rock! As well should know by now, I'm a HUGE Spidey fan and I'm seriously looking forward to this as Andrew Garfield is a cracking little actor.

It's always worth having a scout around though for certain trailers (The Avengers I'm looking at you and may I add to you wow!), if there's call for them I'll chuck them up.

~~If it does annoys anyone (That's you the big scary lawyer men!) and it needs to be taken down , give me a shout on here.~~

VADER OUT!!!!

Credit to movie-list.com, even though it's straight from youtube but I'm just such a nice dude!

Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That, Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad.....S%*T WRONG FILM!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 17:18:00 +0000

Today is a special day, you all saw (Well I bloody well hope you all saw!) The Dark Knight Rises poster I posted last week.

Well today is even more special.....

IT'S ONLY THE BLOODY TEASER TRAILER!!!!!

Enjoy.....It's only like 12 months till it's out!

He Soooooo Doesn't Have A Limit.....Or Does He??!?!

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 17:05:00 +0000

Ok so, yes I know it's been a fair while but I promise you whilst my computer joined the ol' scrapyard in the sky I haven't been doing nothing.

Well almost nothing, I've errr.....

Ok, Ok you got me, I've done absolutely nothing, the weather has been absolutely fantastic here so been enjoying that but I've also spent some time catching up on a pile of disc's I needed to watch and this is the proverbial fruits of my labour!!!

Limitless

Now I'm going to admit something to you here, I love Bradley Cooper.

Ok so it's not in that man crush sort of way but there's something about him I just can't help liking, I mean I feel the same about Ryan Reynolds, but when I first saw the trailer for this I just thought....

Well I just thought....

Meh.

But then I finally sat down with and that meh mutated into something, something majestic and awesome, it turned into a....

WOW!!!!

This film is just amazing. Now we all know I'm not one to make a comment on the filming style nor anything technical like that, I pride myself on giving you the sort of review you want, no bullshit just the facts, is it shit or not, but I need to make a few comments on the whole style of this thing, but first let me tell you what it's all about.

So we follow Eddie, a struggling author from NYC, going nowhere, doing nothing and now single. A chance run in with his ex wife's brother leads Eddie to taking a drug which opens up the dormant 80% part of the brain. This leads to him finishing his book almost instantly, learning a new language or 2 whilst out on a jog and banging his landlords wife who truly hates his guts. The only problem?
Well apart from taking drugs (Remember kids, drugs are bad mmm'kay) Eddie is drawn into a lifestyle which becomes impossible to maintain without the drug, and the drug isn't legal which makes it even harder for him to get his hands on it. Throw in a Eastern European loan shark, a cold blooded killer and De Niro. The question is, what's going to kill Eddie first, circumstances or the drug?

Oooh, now that was just like reading a synopsis from Empire or Total Film hey?

No?

You sure?

Yeah, I didn't think so! Anyways the reason I love this film so much isn't due to the fact Bradley Cooper is awesome as a total waste of space turned into a smooth slick smug rich guy, nor the fact De Niro looks like he finally cares about acting again, nor even how cool the story is.

No, its due to the film making. The film starts all grey and dreary and seems slow but the minute Eddie pops one of his special pills in, there's an explosion of colour, the whole screen brightens up as vivid colours fill the screen. the cuts become quick and sharp and some of the tracking shots are fantastic!

Ahem, anyways enough of me going all "film student" on you (which by the way I wasn't ever one, my college didn't do them so what did I do, "Theatre Studies", I thought it'd be the same, ermmm it wasn't, Chekhov isn't for me, neither is studying Stanislavsky's method, shit I forgot I was telling you something then...) this is one great piece of film making which pretty much got the director, Neil Burger (what an awesome name!!!), the Uncharted : Drake's Fortune gig. It might not seem much but if it stops Mark Wahlberg getting a job, I'm all for it!!

As always let's have a quick look at the trailer before we get down to the nitty gritty.....

So now it's time.

This is where I'm going to shock you though as I know you know what you think you know about what I know when it comes to marking this. I'm here to tell you though you don't know that I know that you know what you think you know what I know....ahem err.....

4 VADER WINKS!!!!!!

Hahahaha told you so didn't I!!! You well though I was going to be giving this 5 Winks, but as amazing as I find this film, it isn't up there in the classic section just yet, but in time no doubt when I come to re-evaluate my original scores it might just sneak in.

So there we have it, I think that is my first review in, what 2 months? Hope it was worth the wait for you guys and I need to apologise, god knows what I've done but it looks like everything has gone all double spaced on the page.....never mind.

Vader Out!!!

HERE'SSSSSSS VADERRRRRRRRR

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 16:33:00 +0000

Well hello there Vaderino's.....You guys missed me?

Why, of course you have!!!! Got lots and lots to catch up with and something very special to finish up with today so let's get to it!!

New post coming up in T-Minus 10 mins and counting......

No Words Needed......

noreply@blogger.com (Vader) — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 11:39:00 +0000