The Variety Pages

Round Robin: On Thin Ice

2010-01-06T05:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the weekly Round Robin! Each week I post a four-sentence prompt, and your mission, should you choose to accept it is to continue the story (up to 4 sentences at a time) in the comments. You may post more than once, but not consecutively. You don’t have to be a writer to join in – anyone can play, and take the story whatever direction you want.

Jump in - play with me!

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On Thin Ice

Alex glided smoothly over the frozen lake, cold air whistling past his cheeks. It had been five years since he’d been home and he could still see her skating toward him, her golden hair sparkling in the sun. She came closer, and he looked away, trying to banish her from his mind’s eye. A loud popping sound broke the morning stillness, and he whipped his head back around as a familiar voice cried out for help.

Construction Zone: Commas, “ing”, and “ly”

2010-01-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

I’ve been editing a couple of scenes in Her Private Chef that thankfully don’t really need revising, just a lot of line editing. That’s when my personal “big three” writing ghosts taunt me, daring me to enforce some sort of grammatical order on the page. I rise to the task of course, handling each carefully, and reading aloud for clarity. Interestingly, the first two sort of “feed” each other – when I get rid of one, the other often goes away on its own.

Commas: I love, love, love commas. If you’ve been reading this blog long (or any of my writing), you know I also love comma splice sentences. Oddly, I hate the comma’s distant cousin, the semicolon. Never use them. Ever. Commas are all about cadence for me – I use them whenever I “hear” a natural pause in my head as I’m transcribing a scene. The problem is, sometimes the pause slows things up too much. Sometimes the sentences need to be separated (when the action moves quickly, sentences should be shorter, in my opinion). Sometimes they read just fine with nothing more than the removal of the comma.

Take this short sentence from Tempest:

Jake hiked up the trail, with Adrienne close behind.

Yeah. Sometimes I can’t believe I do that either. But I know why it happened. If you read it aloud with the comma, the cadence on both sides is nearly equal. It’s almost hypnotic, and probably reflects the sing-song rhythm my brain happened to be in at the time. I don’t know if it’s from all the Shakespeare I read when very young, or lots of poetry (read, not written), but often when I’m transcribing I’ll fall into that “rhythm”, adding extra commas in “tune” with the cadence. It flows much better when the comma is removed:

Jake hiked up the trail with Adrienne close behind.

It’s still not a great sentence (I'd probably rephrase the whole thing in context), but you get the idea. Needless to say, I take a *lot* of commas out of my writing when line-editing.

Present tense verbs ala “ing”: The present tense verbs in my drafts are a direct function of the way I write. A scene plays out in my head, like a movie. I transcribe what I’m seeing. So as I’m watching Tanya poke her head around the corner of a building, she’s wondering (at the same time she’s looking) whether her attacker is going to come back or not. Translated on the page, it ends up as:

Tanya peered around the corner, wondering if her attacker would return.

Look – a comma and an “ing”! Technically, it should probably be:

Tanya peered around the corner and wondered if her attacker would return.

That sort of structure makes it sound as though they happen one right after the other though, rather than simultaneously. It also sounds stilted to me when read aloud.

I could change it to:

Tanya wondered if her attacker would return as she peered around the corner.

This isn’t as concise, and I tend to overuse “as” – which could be a problem. In this particular instance though, the third option is probably the one I’d choose if there were no other sentences close that used the “as” linking structure. Otherwise, I have to say – I’d leave the “ing” word in, opting for concise and simultaneous action rather than stilted and technically correct.

I do pay close attention to how many “ing” words I leave in – most are changed to the proper past tense form, or rephrased away completely.

Adverbs (“ly”): I love adverbs. They make our language descriptive, poetic, and far more interesting, in my opinion. When I’m drafting, I give myself permission to use them copiously and often. When I’m editing, I force myself to delete about three-quarters of them, leaving them only where they just can’t really be replaced or deleted without ruining the flow of the prose. I won’t take them out completely – to my mind that would be a travesty of the English language. Honestly, when was the last time you read a novel that was completely and utterly devoid of adverbs? If you think of one, go back and check it to be sure you just didn’t notice them because they blend into the writing so well. Adverbs are like salt in the kitchen – I try to use them sparingly, but none at all leaves most dishes bland and unappetizing.

Those are my three “ghosts” – now it’s your turn. What ghosts haunt your sentences? Do you stick to rigid rules when dealing with them, or do you let some of the friendlier ones stay to play? Does it make a difference when you read your work aloud?

Goals & (Last) Reading List 1/4/09

2010-01-04T11:34:00.001-07:00

It’s the first week of the new year, and I’m ready to get back to my normal routine after slacking for far too long. I’m way behind on my revisions, but catching up on housework/personal stuff. Funny how those never seem to stay in sync, isn’t it?

Last week wasn’t too bad – I did get my serial novel plotted out, and some work done on my revisions (though not the 8-10 pgs per day I was aiming for). And gifts were dealt with, some organizing took place – the house is passably clean.

This week is all about getting ahead for me – setting myself up for success. The more organized and efficient I am, the more I can get done without running too hard, and well…I have a lot I want to do. So without further ado…

Weekly Goals

Writing

- Finish outlining serial novel (Indelibly Inked) and write/post the first chapter with poll question
- Keep working on HPC revisions. Try to move a little more quickly through mark-ups.
- Write synopsis for new novel draft
- Write and schedule all four Round Robin prompts for this month
- Finalize a schedule that allows me one or two nights per week of new writing, the rest for revisions

Personal

- Finish catching up on laundry and stay caught up.
- Keep mail organized and moving as it comes in.
- Finalize posting schedule and topics for Spiced Variety Pages
- Ten push-ups or sit-ups every morning when I get up.
- Start inventory of Halloween stuff so I can find the treadmill

Reading List

One of my resolutions is to catalog and keep track of the books I read this year. I was going to use a spreadsheet, but decided to research online cataloging tools instead, and signed up for a Library Thing account. I think this is going to suit my purpose just fine, and now you can always see my current reads in the right column (just after the “Free Reads” section, where it says “Currently Reading”).

You don’t have to be a member to view/browse my library (I don’t think, anyways), so you can click the link below the widget to view my catalogs, comments on books, etc. I’ve been entering the books I currently own, but it’s kind of slow going, as you might imagine. There will only be reading dates on the books starting with this year. In the interest of time and non-duplication, I’ll just enter my notes and reads over there. It seems inefficient to post them in both places, when you can just pop over there and have a look if you're interested.

That’s what I’ve got going this week, and where you can find my reading list/library from now on.

What’s on your plate this week? Read a good book lately?

Variety News 1/3/10

2010-01-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

It's the first week of a new year, and I'm ready to get back into the normal groove. Yes, that means Friday I'll be starting a new serial novel - no, I don't have the title yet, but I'll have one by Friday. Just to make it a little more interactive, readers will have the chance to vote on the next direction the story will take after each installment. If no one votes, I'll decide. Otherwise, majority rules. I think it will be both fun, and a stretch for my writing abilities. Or a complete plotting disaster, one of the two.But since I'm the one coming up with the choices, that's really all up to me...

And "Notable Posts" will be back this week as well - I already have a few links to recommend that I came across over the holidays.

This Week on The Variety Pages

Monday: Goals & Reading List
Tuesday: Construction Zone - Commas, "ing", and "ly"
Wednesday: Round Robin - On Thin Ice
Thursday: Wildcard - Organized Reading
Friday: New interactive serial novel begins.
Saturday: Notable Posts

Elsewhere on The Variety Network

Spiced Variety Pages explores the anatomy of a kiss this week on Wednesday. I should have a regular posting schedule figured out by the end of the week for this new, spicier blog.

Nail Art Tuesday features naked nails and my nail/hand care routine.

Here's to another great week in the blogosphere!

Happy New Year! Resolutions 2010

2010-01-01T13:28:00.000-07:00

Welcome to another new year! I hope everyone had a good "eve", and that you aren't *too* hung over...

I'm listing all my resolutions, but since I know many of my readers are writers, I'll list the writing ones out first, and then you can skip the rest if you want. I've expanded my specific plans for the writing goals in case people were interested, but not the others. If you want to know what my specific plan is for anything else, just ask. I'm an open book (so to speak). After I post these, I look forward to combing through your blogs to see what everyone else is resolving to reach for this year.

Resolutions 2010

Reading/Writing

Establish/keep record of books read during the year (think my goal at Lost Wanderer's blog was to read 100 books – or more? Will have to look.)
- Create a spreadsheet on January 1st for recording books.
- Update spreadsheet once per week, and list books on the blog weekly.

Don't over-commit – be more cognizant of time constraints, and schedule projects accordingly.

- No short stories promised unless they're complete.
- Write blog posts and serial novel installments at least a few days ahead (preferably 1 week when possible.
- Don't commit to anything without first double checking schedule and knowing for sure I have time to get it done, or that it's important enough to me to push something else off the schedule for.

Polish and submit at least two novels for publication

- Finish revising HPC by end Jan/early Feb.
- Submit HPC by mid Feb.
- Start revising DH by early Feb.
- Submit DH by late March/early April

Write at least two more drafts.

- Schedule writing time/daily word counts to finish drafts in 8-10 weeks (except NaNo, of course)
- Start next draft in January

Work out a method for writing and editing/revising at the same time (on different projects), just in case I ever land a multiple-book contract.

Personal
- Organize the mail center and deal with mail as it comes in. File, recycle, or shred immediately.
- Get back into nightly laundry/cleaning routines (stop being lazy).
- Re-establish a loose menu plan for the week, including new recipes.
- Limit time for computer games, but allow guilt-free time to play.
- Buy a new composter, and compost all kitchen scraps, shredded bills and whatever else I can.
- Quit using facial cleansing cloths. Switch to cleanser and a cotton crocheted cloth.
- Use biodegradable pots for potting up when growing out seedlings this spring.
- Inventory Halloween decorations.
- Have the Halloween party organized so we're ready one day early this year.
- Have all Christmas gifts bought or made before December 1st.

Health
- Be more active.
- Watch portion sizes (use smaller dishes).
- Take better care of my skin, feet in particular.

Finances
- Balance checkbooks/pay bills on a set day every month.
- Pay off three credit accounts.

There you have it - my resolutions, laid out for all to see. Can you guess which one I'll be able to check off at the end of January? Which one will be my "mission impossible" this year? If you're not posting your resolutions - care to share one of them here with us?

Here's to a great start to what will hopefully be a wonderful year!

Wildcard Post: Looking Back at 2009

2009-12-31T05:30:00.000-07:00

Last year on January 1st, the company my husband was working for had just been sold, so after thirteen years his employment was on shaky ground. We’d found out just before Christmas that Lucy (our German Shepherd/Lab mix) had a digestive disorder that would require a lifelong commitment to treated food and B12 shots, a discovery that racked up a healthy bill for both the diagnosis and the enzymes she needs. So I was "relearning" how to feed her and praying she would gain weight, while hoping for the best with hubby's job situation. Needless to say, our year did not start off on a pleasant note. We muddled through of course, and while it was touch and go for the first six months, we finally got it together in the last half.

One of the best things that happened to me this year was buying my netbook in March. Once I was “freed” from being chained to a desk to write, my long-time dream of being a writer didn’t seem so rooted in fantasy anymore, and I’ve been writing almost daily ever since.

I won’t bore you with the resolutions I didn’t keep last year – there are always some, and I simply shrug them off. They either weren’t *that* important, or they’ll show up again this year, reworked for better viability as I reflect on why they didn't work out last year.

Resolutions Kept in 2009 (all categories meshed together):

- Make or buy cloth produce bags to use instead of plastic for groceries. I don’t use bags for produce anymore, though I did crochet some net bags for peppers/onions.

- Replace any worn-out nylon/polypropylene bags with organic cloth (cotton, hemp, etc)

- Learn how to make “natural” fragrances with essential oils rather than using commercial perfume. Did this, and learned how to make my own moisturizer too.

- Make dog food at home. Lucy does better on raw food with her condition, and homemade is cheaper, so I developed a recipe for our dogs.

- Research and try out water-based nail polishes/removers. Tried ‘em, they’re okay.

- Keep working on morning/evening routines. I've done this well, just get lazy occasionally.

- Post a serial novel to my blog twice a week. I stepped down to once per week, but done. This was expressly “resolved” to get myself into the habit of writing regularly, and worked well.

- Do a better job recording our annual Halloween party. Thus the “Scaryview” blog was born…

- Write two first drafts, and start editing one for publication. I made this goal when I started writing in March…and completed it in Dec. with drafts of Her Private Chef (in revisions) and Desert Heat.

That’s a little over half my list from last year - a good percentage, I think. When making resolutions, I keep the following guidelines in mind:

1. Make resolutions that don't require outside interference to complete. In other words, "Submit for publication" is good, "Get published" is bad. "Be a better employee" is good, "Get a Promotion" is bad. Anything that requires the opinion or approval of someone else is beyond my control...and therefore off limits for my resolutions list. I also never resolve to "lose weight" - because that can be affected by outside influences as well. "Be more active" is more realistic for me.

2. Have a plan to succeed. Resolving to "Submit for publication" is all well and good, but I can't leave it at that. It's too easy to be overwhelmed by it. Beneath it I would put the steps I plan to take in order to complete it, and maybe even tentatively schedule those steps in my calendar. When I'm thinking about it is the best time to make a schedule for completion - odds are I won't if I plan to do it "later".

3. Make at least one resolution I can achieve within the first month of the year. It's motivating to reach the end of January, and know that I can already cross one thing off my list.

4. Make at least one resolution that will be very difficult, if not impossible to achieve. I'm always surprised at how much I can do if I push my own self-imposed boundaries. And if I don't get it done, I'll know what doesn't work and can try another approach next year (or decide it wasn't all that important, and choose something else). This resolution is still subject to guideline #1 above, of course.

5. Share the list with someone. I post them on my blog, so everyone can see and keep me accountable if they wish, but if that's a little too public, even trading lists with a good friend can be very motivating.

So that's my year in review, and how I go about creating my resolutions each year. How was 2009 for you? If you made resolutions, how did you do? Do you have tips or guidelines you like to stick to?

Tomorrow, I'll post my resolutions for 2010. I'm pretty excited about starting fresh this year, on a far less stressful note than last.

Round Robin: New Year's Kiss

2009-12-30T05:30:00.000-07:00

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New Year's Kiss

Allie closed her eyes as the clock began to strike twelve, making a silent wish. She had come to the party desperate not to spend the first few moments of the new year alone in her apartment. Energy swirled around her amidst the revelers, cheering and blowing horns in her ears as confetti rained softly down to tickle her skin. The eleventh chime rang – and her heart sped up to a staccato rhythm as warm lips flitted lightly over hers.

Construction Zone: Rearranging Scenes

2009-12-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

I’m finally back to work on the revisions for Her Private Chef (yay!). That's part of my draft above, the first twenty pages all marked up. I’m deviating from Holly’s advice a little here, and I’ve decided this draft will need two passes, not one. I was half-expecting that anyways with this draft, because of all the plot changes I needed to add/fix through the beginning. It’s mostly because I’m lazy, and don’t want to hand-write all the scenes I need to add (which is what she’d do – write them as she goes on the backs of the pages). I’m actually not sure I’d be able to read that much of my own handwriting. The second pass will be much easier though – just looking for continuity and line edits I may have missed the first time. I expect I’ll be able to do that in one good weekend (or one week). With all I’ve learned about plotting and outlining, I’ll be surprised if I write another draft in need of this much repair. At the same time, I think it’s good that I’m learning how to revise and edit on *this* draft, because the next will be that much easier for it.

In any case, the oddest thing I’ve been doing lately is rearranging scenes. I know most writers do this with wild abandon, but I’m a linear thinker – so even though I was familiar with the notion, I’ve never actually done it myself. Honestly, I’m surprised it seems to work so well. I’m sure the time is coming, but I haven’t had to delete a scene yet – anything that hasn’t fit where it was originally written has been reworked into another place with minimal rewriting necessary. How many scenes have I moved, you might ask? Four in twenty pages – and that’s not counting the two scenes I’m merging together where the main plot crisis is introduced.

Why am I moving scenes around? I’m changing some key information to the plot – the introduction of a stalker, fleshing out my main female character (Hannah), and changing her motivations slightly. A big change is what she does – in the first draft, she worked in a plant nursery…her only occupation. Now she’s going to school as well, and I moved a scene with another woman that originally took place at the greenhouse to the school, which makes it fit the “stalker” subplot better. Another scene will be moved into its place, but remain nearly unchanged (will include some of the new sub-plot information). Yes, I’m being intentionally vague so as not to give too much of the story away…

How many more scenes will be switched around? I won’t know until I go through them, but it’s kind of fascinating (and scary) how they seem to be at least somewhat interchangeable. And I’m grateful for yWriter – my whole novel is written in separate scenes, so to move them around I can just drag and drop. I can’t imagine what a daunting task it would be to move so many things around in one long document.

Do you often rearrange your scenes in revisions? Have you ever been surprised that one fit better in another position? Or do yours basically stay in the order you write them?

Goals & Reading List 12/28/09

2009-12-28T10:41:00.000-07:00

Before I get into my goal report from last week, and the few goals I have for this week, I want to share this link from JA Konrath's site (if you don't already read his blog, you should). What I Know is a distillation of his knowledge, and sound advice for any writer, in my opinion. Go read it - I'll still be here when you get back.

As for last week's goals - on the personal front, all completed. Whew! Glad that's over, and my house is back to a normal, minimalistic, somewhat-cluttery-but-not-too-bad state. I even watered my dying houseplants/trees. I still have to deal with the gift items that came in, but I have a good solid plan for that. So all is much calmer on the home front, thank goodness.

The writing goals didn't fare so well, as expected. In fact, they were completely neglected. That's okay though (or so I keep telling myself), because it was only for a week. And while I wasn't able to actually work on my revisions, they were still mulling about in my head, so when I went back to them last night, I had some great ideas to work in. I am kind of sad I didn't get the stories done for the blog, but such is life. I haven't abandoned them, and will have them done for next Christmas (or submittal elsewhere early enough for possible publication next year?). In a fit of practicality, I've moved the deadline for HPC revisions/edits to January 31st.

I'm excited that I should have a good chunk of time on New Year's day to write...can't think of a better way to usher in 2010.

Weekly Goals

Writing

- Keep working on revisions for HPC. 8-10 pages marked up per night?
- Plot new serial, and start outline
- Plot next novel draft, and start outline

Personal

- Check last year's resolutions (Thurs), write & post new for this year (Friday)
- Deal with Christmas gifts
- Clean off/reorganize kitchen counter and pantry (Saturday's project - start the new year organized).

Reading List

Currently Reading

Ebook: Sexy Ms. Takes by Jo Leigh

Just Finished

Midnight Resolutions by Kathleen Panov - I enjoyed this quite a lot, but it also made me really sit back and think. Here we have a heroine who is convinced she has no heart. The writing itself is a bit cold and stilted just as the heroine is, which I found interesting and a little disturbing, truth be told. The woman is, in fact, confused, scared, and much like my own heroines - frightened to let herself feel. I find it fascinating that just as I was lamenting that my own girls aren't "womanly" enough to be sold, here comes this one, proving me wrong.

I have to admit, due to the timing and nature of the story, I was more interested in the writing for this particular book than the story. Normally I can set aside my "critical eye" when reading and just enjoy the story, but this one was just too close to the issues I was/am dealing with in my own writing. Honestly, I'm not sure whether or not I'd have enjoyed the book on an entertainment level - as I said, the writing was stilted. But I found the heroine fascinating, and that was enough to make it a good read for me. If you try it, I'd be extremely interested in what someone else thought of this...

So...what's on the list for you this week? Anything? Rest & Relaxation? More holiday stuff?

Variety News 12/27/09

2009-12-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had happy holiday celebrations this weekend. I didn't quite get the "gift stories" I was working on done (my apologies), but I may get them up yet. I'm not going to rush it...I really want to get back to my neglected revisions for Her Private Chef. Needless to say, prioritizing and scheduling is going to be on my list of resolutions this year.

I'm skipping the "Notable Posts" post again this week - will return after the holidays are all over.

This Week on The Variety Pages

Monday: Goals & Reading List
Tuesday: Construction Zone - Rearranging Scenes
Wednesday: Round Robin - New Year's Eve
Thursday: Wildcard - 2009 Wrap-Up
Friday: Resolutions for 2010

Elsewhere on The Variety Network

Spiced Variety Pages - A new, "spicier" blog for the new year that I'm tentatively planning to post at once per week. This is the place for writings and discussions of an "adult" nature that I don't feel comfortable posting over here on the main blog. It's not locked - but you will have to agree to being a certain age before you can enter.

Nail Art Tuesday - This week, a "blue" manicure for the new year.

Word Blizzard - This blog will go silent for awhile as I work on revisions to HPC. It will get busy again in late January as I start revisions to Desert Heat.

Tea on Tap - I'm closing this blog, but have been asked to leave it up as a reference. So I'll be creating and posting indexes to the different types of tea reviews this week.

Here's to another great week in the blogosphere...

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T12:04:00.000-07:00

I'm going to delay the gifts here one more day, and instead just wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a wonderfully relaxing, peaceful day. :-)

Much joy and laughter to you and yours,

Jamie

Wildcard Post: On Finding Holiday Spirit

2009-12-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I've been sadly lacking in holiday spirit this year. Just putting up the decorations was an exercise in willpower (and I freely admit I'm looking forward to packing them all away again this weekend). Some years it's worse than others, and while I thought about writing this post yesterday to schedule early, I decided to wait. Even yesterday afternoon I still hadn't really "found" the Christmas spirit, and I was hoping it would show up before I had to write this. I didn't want to admit that there would be no holiday spirit this year, because on the rare year I don't find it, I feel like a petulant child throwing a temper tantrum for no good reason. It adds stress to an already stressful time.

But there's good news after all, dear readers. Last night as I was wrapping up gifts and writing out an "I Owe You" note for my mother's unfinished present, I finally felt the peace return, that innate belief that everything will work out fine, good times will be had by all, and there's just nothing more to worry about. The stress just kind of floated away, and all was well. And today, I find myself in the proper frame of mind for time spent with my parents tonight, and my in-laws tomorrow.

It seems like Christmas just brings out the worst parts of me. The first problem is my own selfishness - I feel obligated when it comes to gifts. I resent that I have to give them, and to some extent, I resent that I have to accept them. I resent it when someone asks me what I want, because I feel like anyone who knows me well enough to give me something should *know* what I would like. And I resent those people who are never happy with anything I might give them, yet insist that gifts are important, and not to be skipped. I know - it's a lot of ugly resentment, and I need to work on that. Truthfully, most years I wish we could just dispense with the whole gift thing. I think for some people who insist on giving gifts, it's more of a way to make themselves feel good (by getting the reaction) than actual generosity. That could just be my cynicism showing though.

I'm of the mind that if you want to buy someone a gift, you should do it, no matter what time of year it is, and *give it to them then*, not wait for some holiday. That's true generosity to me, because there are no obligations when gifts are given in such a manner, and it shows you were thinking of that person *right then*.

That leads me to another "worst part" of me - thinking I can be that generous person who slaves away on gifts that everyone will exclaim over on Christmas morning. Honestly, I'm too selfish to be that person, even though I try about every other year. This particular year, I wanted to spend my time writing, and it made me angry that I couldn't - that I felt obligated to create wonderful homemade gifts for people rather than just buying something I thought they'd like. I know, it's messed up thinking, but that's me.

There are other family-related things that stress me out during the holidays, but none so much as the gift thing. I need to serious thinking on that over the course of the next year, and try to come up with a way to dispense with feelings of obligation and forced generosity, and deal with it in a way that takes the stress out of the process.

But for now, the gifts are wrapped, all is calm, and everything will be just fine.

It's your turn - how do you find your Christmas Spirit?

Round Robin: The Package

2009-12-23T11:26:00.000-07:00

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The Package

Annabelle stretched, raising her arms high over her head as she padded into the living room on Christmas morning, slumping down into the cozy couch cushions. She stared at her tree, sparkling lights illuminating a few little packages from friends under it's branches, and sighed wistfully, wishing she had someone to spend the holiday with. A glint of gold shimmered higher up on the tree, and her brows drew together as she stared at a small metallic box nestled among the branches. "How did that get there?" she murmured to herself, rising from her seat.

Construction Zone: The Psychology of Revisions

2009-12-22T14:25:00.000-07:00

This post may as well be titled "Deconstruction Zone", since that's what I've been doing lately - deconstructing my draft of Her Private Chef. I started last week, and unfortunately haven't had time to get back to it with all the holiday stuff I'm trying to get done. I apologize if this gets ramble-y - I'm still trying to clarify my own thoughts on the subject.

I'm big on the idea that whenever possible, we should work *with* our natural inclinations rather than against them. I've done edits/revisions before, and while I enjoy line-editing, I'm finding that I don't enjoy the actual plot revisions that need to be done. It's not really that I "dislike" them either, I'm just sort of afraid of them - or rather, afraid of the revision (not editing) process. It's not exactly tedious going through and making notes, writing new scenes, and threading in sub-plots, but it is daunting, to say the least. I feel like I'm way outside my comfort zone on this, because I've never actually revised a draft this length.

I'm going to push on through with this draft, of course - it started as a "learning" draft, and may as well continue that way. If I can get through the edits on this, Desert Heat will be a piece of cake comparatively speaking. But it's really underscored the need for me to write as clean a first draft as possible, so that I don't have to slog through major plot revisions afterward. I want to spend the majority of my time writing, not revising.

So - anyone else out there doing revisions, and fighting fear at the same time? How are you dealing with it? Which do you like better, the writing, or the revisions/editing?

Kissing Day Blogfest: "First Kiss"

2009-12-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

Sherrinda at A Writer Wannabe is hosting an official "Kissing Day Blogfest" today, wherein all the participating bloggers are posting a kissing or "almost kissing" scene - from a WIP, a new scene, or even a favorite book/show. You knew I wouldn't be able to resist that, right? After you've read mine, don't forget to pop over to her blog and go through the whole list...much fun to be had today!

So today, I offer you a scene from Desert Heat, my nano draft that's quietly marinating this month. Marie is a botanist who is frantically chasing down a lead on some new research that she must publish soon or lose her funding. Darren is one of the new members of her team, and someone she's avoided to this point because he makes her uncomfortable (in a good way). They are spending the night in a hotel after their flight was delayed, and Marie has lost her copy of the itinerary for the rest of the trip. Darren has been asked to take her a copy, since his room is just across the hall from hers.

It is still in draft form, so please forgive the roughness. Enjoy!

***********************************************************
Darren put the phone down and got the plastic room key off the table. He considered putting his shoes back on, but couldn't bear the thought of putting his feet back into them. Surely the doctor had seen bare feet before? He let himself out into the hall, and was surprised when room two-fifteen was right across the hall from his. Interesting. He walked to her door and knocked. She opened the door almost immediately.

"Nell told me you were coming." Her eyes moved over him, and he imagined what she was seeing. Untucked t-shirt, old jeans, and of course, two bare feet. She looked up again, and met his gaze with one eyebrow crooked up. "Comfortable?"

He grinned, glancing down at his feet, and noting that her own were bare too, with a far brighter pink shade of polish on her toenails than he would have guessed. "Getting there, anyway." He looked her over, taking his time to examine every detail. He'd never seen her hair down before, she always put it up for work. Now it swirled around her face and shoulders in gentle waves, the red highlights shimmering through dark brown in the lamp light. The business jacket she'd worn buttoned up all day was gone, with only the thin yellow t-shirt she'd worn underneath covering her ample breasts. Wishing he had x-ray vision, he noticed her chest moving a little faster as she breathed. Could he be affecting her as much as she affected him?

Ever since the party he'd wondered if she'd felt the same chemistry between then that he had. When he'd leaned over to speak to her, it had been as if a magnet drew him, pulling him nearer. Unable to resist testing the theory, he took a step forward, then another, feeling it in his gut the moment he crossed into her personal space.

"Um...did you bring the schedule, Dar...uh...Dr. Newbury?" Her voice was steady despite the stumbling, but there was something else in her tone that Darren couldn't quite describe. Panic? Desire, maybe? He looked into her eyes as he held the document up. There was definately desire in them, he noted before she broke eye contact and reached for the page.

"You feel it too, don't you?" Mentally he cursed. Why had he come out and said that? Even if it was true, there was her rule about fraterinization. Would she kick him off the team? He reached out a hand, ran a single finger over her collarbone. She shivered.

"I...um...don't think..."

He moved his finger up to her neck, her pulse strong and fast under his touch. "Good," he said. Had she swayed closer? "Don't think. Close your eyes. Feel."

Her lashes fluttered down, and he nearly groaned. She was so beautiful, so trusting. He carressed a path down her chest, then back up the center of her throat to trace along her jaw. Cupping her head in his hand, he laced his fingers in her hair, coaxing her head back as he stepped up to press his body against hers. God, she was so warm, so soft as he leaned over and kissed her neck, then her jaw, finally pressing his lips to hers.

She whimpered, then opened for him, kissing him back with a hunger that seemed contrary to everything he knew about her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he pulled her more tightly against him, backing her into the room and letting the door swing shut. He slid his hands down to cup her buttocks, sure she could feel his arousal through the front of her jeans. He laved once more at her lips, then kissed down the side of her neck, bending her backward enough that he could taste the smooth place between her breasts.

Three loud thumps came from behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder with a frown. Marie was struggling in his arms, and he turned back to her, noting the bright red color rising in her cheeks and her absolute refusal to meet his eye. He let her go, careful to make sure she was steady before removing his hands from her arms.

"Oh my god," she said, turning away from him and running a hand through her hair. "That's probably Scott. What was I thinking?" She turned back, distress lining her face. "I'm so sorry, that was a huge mistake. You have to go."

Darren frowned. "What's wrong?" He picked up the forgotten itinerary, holding it out to her. She snatched it and laid it on top of some folders on the table, then twisted her hair up into the tidy style she always wore, securing it with a few pins. She spared him only a cursory glance, her normal bland expression back in place.

"I'm having dinner with Scott," she said, reaching for her jacket and buttoning it back over her shirt. He realized the wanton woman he'd just been with was gone, and the cool, controlled doctor was back. "We made plans earlier on the plan." Three more knocks sounded, and Darren felt like opening the door and punching the man on the other side.

"Cancel," he said, blocking her way as she walked briskly toward the door. "Stay with me."

A flicker of that other woman sparked briefly in her eyes when she finally met his gaze. "I can't."

*****************************************************************

Goals & Reading List 12/21/09

2009-12-21T05:30:00.000-07:00

Last week was a bit less than stellar when it came to personal goals. My writing goals went pretty well, but I think that's because I was using them to procrastinate from the other stuff.

Needless to say, for this particular week of this particular year, I'm going to have to put my writing goals second this week, because Christmas is on Friday, and gifts/cards must be finished on time. I'm hoping that won't be necessary next year, if I shift some things around (ie, no more homemade gifts, or having them *done* before December).

So for this week, personal goals first.

Weekly Goals

Personal

- Finish Christmas cards & mail (have decided to skip letter, & just write quick notes)
- Finish craft gifts, wrap everything
- Relax and try to enjoy actual holiday activities
- After Christmas is over, put away decorations and clean house for the new year (Yay! I'm so tired of the mess and clutter...)

Writing

- Fun gift for blog readers on Friday. Finish, edit, and create cover art.
- Work on revisions to HPC after holiday stuff is done.
- Start plotting next blog serial story.

Reading List
Not much reading last week - was too busy trying to get gifts finished up, and writing, of course.

Currently Reading

Print: None
Ebook: Midnight Resolutions by Kathleen Panov

Just Finished

Immortal Warrior by Lisa Hendrix - Another shape-shifter paranormal, I really loved this book. The shifters are unique, or they were for me anyways, and the story is very engaging. The romance is wrought with all sorts of misunderstandings, but both main characters are just plain good people, trying to struggle along as best they can and help each other in the process. It's a wonderful relationship to watch develop, and moves along at a nice, steady pace. The only problem I had was with the epilogue, but I can sort of understand why it was done that way.

This book was recently nominated for an award - best of luck to Lisa, I hope she wins!

What's on your goals list this week? Are you ready for Christmas?

Variety News 12/20/09

2009-12-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

Ack! Only four and a half days to Christmas! How am I going to get everything done? Are you ready? Panicked? Brimming with Holiday Spirit?

This week we'll have a few fun changes for the holiday, including a special gift for all of you on Friday. I'll admit, I can't wait until January is here and all the holiday bustle is behind me, but hopefully I'll be able to find the holiday spirit again before Christmas.

I'll be participating in the Official Kissing Day Blogfest on Monday, wherein bloggers are each posting a kissing scene they've written in honor of the mistletoe tradition. Join us!

This week on The Variety Pages

Monday: Goals & Reading list, followed by the Kissing Day Post.
Tuesday: Constructon Zone - The Psychology of Revisions
Wednesday: Round Robin - Something Christmas-y
Thursday: Wildcard - On Finding the Holiday Spirit
Friday: Are you Naughty or Nice?

Elsewhere on The Variety Network

Word Blizzard: The serial draft of Desert Heat is finishing up this week, I think.

Nail Art Tuesday features the last Christmas manicure of the year.

That's what's going on over here this week - thanks for joining me! What's going on in your neck of the blogosphere?

Notable Posts

2009-12-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

Three thought-provoking posts this week dealing with goals and organization for writers. Time very well spent, in my opinion.

Resolutions for Writers 2010 by Joe Konrath

When Writing Demands Cut Into Other Priorities by Jody Hedlund

Unfinished Pieces for Another Time by Lost Wanderer

Enjoy!

Tempest, Chapter 36 (Final)

2009-12-18T16:35:00.000-07:00

This serial novel draft is posted weekly on Fridays. Comments are always welcome. I hope you enjoy it!

Tempest

Chapter 36

When Jake stood again, he had a figure in his arms. He turned toward the helicopter, and Charlie caught a glimpse of dark red curls shimmering in the sunlight. It had to be Adrienne. She ran down the hill, certain he wouldn't have moved her if she wasn't alive. She heard the pounding of footsteps as the others followed.

"Adrienne?" She reached the big machine and looked down at the bloodied girl, lying unconscious on the metal floor. Charlie looked up at Jake. "Is she..."

"She's alive, but barely." He climbed up into the aircraft, and took a bright orange bag from a compartment on one of the walls. "We need to get her to a hospital soon. She's lost a lot of blood already." He unzipped the bag and took out big gauze pads, pressing one on top of the other to Adrienne's right shoulder. Charlie automatically reached out to hold them in place. She was aware of the others standing just behind her, watching as they worked.

"Is everyone else--" The question was so quiet Charlie wasn't sure who had asked.

Jake glanced behind her, shaking his head. "Dead." Charlie looked up at him, and his eyes met hers, hard and unreadable.

"Oh god. There's more." Brenda pointed to the trees and then scrambled up into the helicopter. Charlie swung her head around just in time to see six men running toward them, big rifles in hand. She froze, unable to move or speak. There was no way out now, and no where to hide.

"Everyone in." Jake's sharp command jolted her into action, and she blindly crawled into the chopper with the others. He slid the wide door closed, and latched the handle, running up to take the pilot's seat. "Charlotte, up here with me."

She numbly followed his orders, buckling herself into the seat beside him. "I can't fly," she said, mentally cringing at the defeated tone in her words.

He reached over her and took a pair of headphones down, handing them to her. "I can," he said. She settled the headpiece over her ears, and couldn't hear a thing as he started flipping switches. Her whole body vibrated as the engine came to life, and she glanced over her shoulder to the back where the Amy and Mary were strapped into makeshift seats. Brenda and Tanya were on the floor with Adrienne, bracing her on either side. Brenda noticed her watching, and smiled briefly, giving her a thumbs up as the helicopter started to move.

As they rose high above the meadow, Charlie could see the bodies that littered the field, and the men now shooting into the air. At them. Her heart beat any faster as she thought about what would happen if the aircraft was hit, but it seemed as though luck was finally on their side, and soon the valley disappeared as Jake pointed the helicopter towards civilization.

***

Charlie tossed her keys on the hall table and flipped on the light switch one week later. Finally home, she dropped her wallet - the only thing she'd managed to make it off the mountain with - next to her keys. She bolted the door, then headed straight through the bedroom, shucking her borrowed clothes on her way to the master bath. She tried not to focus on how empty the house felt, how quiet it seemed as she got a clean towel off the rack and turned on the shower. Stepping under the spray, she turned her head up and let the warm water flow over her face. She'd showered several times at the hospital while they were poking and prodding and rehydrating her, but she couldn't seem to wash away the emptiness she'd felt since leaving the wilderness.

As the water sluiced over her body, images of those they'd left behind flashed through her consciousness, and she opened her eyes with a vague tinge of guilt. Mary had called to let her know that the FBI had gone back and brought Don's body home for burial, along with the any others they'd found. The grief in her voice had broken Charlie's heart, and though she knew she'd have to pay her respects soon, she needed to focus on the living for now.

Adrienne had survived, and was still in recovery following surgery and a blood transfusion. Amy and Brenda had escaped with little more than bruises, and were both taking the next semester off to recover. Tanya had gone to Texas to be with family, and Mary just seemed to be trying to cope with the loss of her husband. Charlie absently ran the soap over her body, the familiar scent of lavender soothing as her thoughts turned to Jake.

She hadn't heard from him since they'd returned. As soon as he'd landed the helicopter at the nearest airport, emergency personnel had taken her and the others directly to the hosipital, but the FBI had insisted that he go with them. She wondered if they'd gone back to catch Adrienne's father, or if he'd been detained for one of those endless briefings they always showed on TV. She finished rinsing and shut the water off, rubbing a towel over her hair and ignoring the pain that still shadowed nearly every move she made.

It's only been a week she thought as she dried herself off. He was probably stuck doing paperwork and answering questions, or maybe they had gone back to finally bring Winters to justice. He asked me to wait for him.

She pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt, then padded barefoot into the kitchen. A cup of coffee would help take the edge off. She measured the grounds into her machine and poured in the water, her movements automatic. She took her favorite mug out of the cupboard and set it on the counter just as the doorbell rang.

Her heart skipped a beat when she glanced through the side window on her way to answer. Even though she could only see part of a well-muscled arm and a hip, she recognized them as if they were her own. Stomach fluttering, she opened the door, her breath caught in her throat as Jake came into view.

He didn't smile. For a long moment, he just stared at her, his eyes locked on hers. Sudden fear rose up as she waited, wondering if things had changed. If he had come to say goodbye. She started to turn away, unable to bear the thought.

Then he reached for her, pulling her up tight against his chest as his mouth came down firmly on hers. Her eyes fell shut, and she felt faint at the intense sensations that flashed through her body. He'd come to claim her. A whimper of pleasure escaped her lips as she succumbed willingly to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He backed her into the house and swung the door shut. She kept walking backwards, pulling him down the hall until finally he stopped her, playfully nipping her bottom lip quickly before pulling back to smile down at her.

"Hi," he said, his voice soft and husky.

She licked her lips, tasted him still there. "Hi yourself."

"I love you." He leaned in for another kiss.

Charlie grinned. "I love you too." She took his hand, and pulled him toward the bedroom.

The End

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I hope you've enjoyed this story - I know I've enjoyed writing it (and it's been excellent practice). I hope you'll join me in January for a new serial story with an interactive component that I'm kind of excited to try out.

Yes, C...I know there should be a bedroom scene here. But in the interest of keeping things relatively PG, we'll fade to black for the end instead. This is a public blog, after all. If I get some time, I plan to revise and edit this into an ebook, which will have all the steamy parts intact.

Wildcard Post: Talkin’ Time Management

2009-12-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

People always ask how I get so much done in a week. Keeping in mind that nearly everything is allowed to “flex” when needed, here is a typical week-day schedule for yours truly.

5:30am – 7:30am (Mon) or 6am – 8am (Tues – Thurs)
Get myself and hubby up, dressed and out the door for the day job.

8am (M) or 8:30 am (T-F) to 12pm
Work day job

12pm – 1pm
Home for lunch – reading time

1pm – 5pm(M) or 5:30pm(T-F)
Work day job

5:30pm(M) or 6pm(T-F)
Get home, After work routine (dogs, mail, start dinner, start laundry, etc)

7pm – 7:30ish
Dinner – except on Weds, then we eat earlier due to Hubby’s pool league night

7:30pm – 10pm
Relax, watch TV, crafts & cards this time of year, social networking, blogging, etc. If we have to run any errands or do any shopping, this is when that happens too. Hate shopping on the weekends, except for groceries which I do on Sunday mornings. I switch the laundry into the dryer around 9:30pm too. This is when the “bulk” of my day actually happens, and workouts fit here too when I’m doing them. Most Wednesdays I’m out at the bar watching hubby play pool with the guys (flex!).

10pm – 10:30pm
Clean kitchen/prep next day’s dog food/put laundry away

10:30pm – midnight
Writing time, except on Mondays, which are manicure nights (recently moved from Sundays). This week, I split my writing days – Tues/Weds are for new words, Thurs – Sun. are for revisions.

I used to be able to sneak a few things in at work (blogging being one), and still can from time to time (my boss doesn’t care, as long as work is done first), but lately with the extra responsibilities I've had to take on it’s been far too busy for much of that (blogging is moving to evenings, starting tonight). So I tend to try to squeeze everything into that 2 ½ hours at night I have between dinner and the late-night stuff…which sometimes works, and sometimes doesn’t. Any “leftovers” get pushed to the weekends, which really ends up being mostly Saturday since I grocery shop, clean, and make dog food on Sundays. I guard my writing time pretty religiously.

The first key to organizing time is the same for organizing money – one has to know where it’s going. The second key is to work with natural inclinations. Morning people seem to put writing time in the morning before work – which would kill me and my writing, I kid you not. Those people might also start laundry before work, and any other number of things that my night-driven brain can’t handle that early in the day. That’s why my schedule is heaviest at night (that and the whole day job thing, which prevents me from using my afternoons to the fullest potential).

Now it’s your turn – we’re all thinking about goals for next year (you can’t tell me you don’t have at least one), and they’re always less intimidating when you know you can find the time to work on them. What’s your basic daily schedule, and how is it working for you?

Round Robin: What's Your Name?

2009-12-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

What's Your Name?

Andrew was mesmerized. Standing beside the buffet, in a slim gown of watery blue silk was a goddess. Tousled red curls spilled recklessly over pale shoulders, and at her smile he had the sudden desire to get down on one knee and pledge his devotion to her for eternity. "What's your name," he whispered, starting to push through the crowd.

Construction Zone: Beginning Deconstruction

2009-12-15T16:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I’m finally going to start revisions on Her Private Chef. I’m using Holly Lisle’s One-Pass Revision guidelines, because I just can’t be one of those people who goes over it a million times – I’ll end up ruining it if I try to keep hacking away at it. And frankly, I’d rather be writing more books than revising this one over and over. I already have another draft ready to be revised, and will be starting another one soon as well.

I’ve got a hard copy printed out to work from, because I always see the words differently on paper than on screen, and it’s easier for me to read aloud from a paper copy (if something doesn’t sound right in my head, I can normally figure out why if I read it aloud). I’ve got a notebook, and two different colored pens to work with – my favorites are green and purple. Green is for line-edits, purple is for plot revisions (new scenes, add/delete notes, description, etc).

My first order of business before starting is to write a short synopsis of the story. This will help me to see the themes and character arcs that Holly talks about with her method, and I can go into my revisions with a very clear idea of what the finished manuscript should look like. And hey, I need a synopsis anyways for submissions, so it will also serve as my first draft for that.

Then it’s time to go through the draft, scene-by-scene. I’ll go through each scene with my purple pen to mark major revisions, and then go back through with the green pen for line-edits on any sentences that manage to escape the purple pen.

After I’ve gone through the whole draft, I’ll start over at the beginning, and transcribe my edits back into the computer files, scene-by-scene. I'm sure a lot more line-editing will occur at this point. I’ll send the revised manuscript out to beta readers one last time to make sure I didn’t miss anything major while I revise the synopsis and write the query, then out the door it goes.

I’m giving myself a deadline – if Holly can do a complete revision on 125k words in two weeks, I should be able to revise my draft (which should come in around 60-65k) in five to six weeks (considering that I work full time, and this is my first time revising an entire novel-length draft). So I’m setting my deadline for January 17 – which also happens to be my birthday. Stick around if you're interested - I'll be talking about this a lot in the coming weeks, and sharing what's working and what might not be.

Your turn to spill – what’s your basic revision process? Do you have one? Does it work?

Weekly Goals & Reading List 12/14/09

2009-12-14T10:32:00.000-07:00

The first draft of Desert Heat is finished. I freely admit that I rushed it to its end, because I wanted it done. Early comments from readers say it’s a fairly sound draft (for as far as they’ve read) which makes me very happy since that was the whole goal. It will be refreshing to revise something that isn’t full of holes or missing plot lines.

But before I get to that, I’m going to revise Her Private Chef, which I almost got to last week but for a ridiculous argument with my printer. Apparently we have different views on double-sided printing, and to top it all off, I ran out of paper (hence the reason I was lobbying for double-sided printing). I have paper now though, and have acquiesced to the printer’s demand for single-sided printing, so this week revisions for HPC will begin. I’m really looking forward to that!

I also got one draft critiqued for Erica, and am working on the second for Annarkie that should be finished soon. I have to say, with all the marking up I’ve been doing, and my own draft waiting to be revised, I’m starting to get itchy to write something new! I’m working on a schedule that will include some time for new writing along with all the revisions.

As for personal goals – I finally finished the decorations and tree amidst much grumbling and whining at my husband on Saturday. Then I spent the better part of Sunday afternoon creating a new spreadsheet for Christmas cards…and didn’t actually start on the cards until evening. So that will be an ongoing project this week, along with the crafts that are scattered all over my dining room table. Gotta love the holidays…

Weekly Goals

Writing

- Finish critiquing Annarkie’s draft
- Start revising HPC
- New secret project for the blog
- Write the last chapter of Tempest for Friday
- “Revise” my writing schedule to include time for new writing w/the revisions.

Personal

- Finish my Christmas Cards
- Get moving on those crafts for gifts
- Move manicure night to Mondays since I get to sleep1/2 hr later on Tuesdays.

Reading List

Current Reads

Ebook: Midnight Resolutions by Kathleen Panov
Print: Immortal Warrior by Lisa Hendrix

Just Finished

Moon Kissed by Michele Hauf – C R Ward sent me this Harlequin Nocturne (paranormal romance), and I very nearly couldn’t put it down. I can take or leave vampires, but werewolves are my “thing” (shape-shifters, really), and this is not only original, but deals with both the man and wolf as different consciousnesses in the same body…very intriguing. I loved it…if you like paranormals and werewolves, this is a must read. Thanks C! In the spirit of sharing, I’ll send this to the first person to comment and ask for it – who wants it next?

Blazing Bedtime Stories III by Tori Carrington and Tawny Weber. (Harlequin Blaze) – If you’re not familiar, Harlequin occasionally comes out with short story collections in it’s category line, and Blazing Bedtime Stories is one of those series. There were two stories in this one, and the first was an international “near-miss” story of a woman who must make the choice of whether to marry for money or stay true to herself, though it will hurt her family if she does. A very poignant story of true love from Tori Carrington.

The second was my favorite of these – another page-turner not to be missed. A magazine journalist whose specialty is stories on sex is cursed until he puts a woman’s needs before his own. He gets stuck in a remote cabin with a fellow journalist who happens to be the daughter of the magazine’s owner, and someone he’s deemed “off limits” because of that. But sparks fly, deep conversations ensue, and attraction won’t be denied. It’s a fabulous read, with the added bonus that it’s short (which is sometimes helpful when reading on lunch hours. Tawny Weber does an excellent job, as usual.

That’s all the published reading I got done last week – I’ve been reading drafts instead.

That’s it for me – how’s your week shaping up? Any goals to share? Good reads to recommend?

Variety News 12/13/09

2009-12-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

Brrr! It's cold and snowy here today, and I'm staying home for the duration to keep warm. Blog posts, evil Facebook games and Christmas cards are the order of the day. Oh, and a draft I'm critting this evening.

Obviously, I'm not doing so well keeping up with the "Notable Posts" posts. But I like the idea so much that I'm not giving up - and I have a plan for organizing my blog reading this week that will make it less time intensive to get those posts done. So I'll do better in the future - promise.

This Week on The Variety Pages

Monday: Goals & Reading List
Tuesday: Construction Zone - Beginning Deconstruction
Wednesday: Round Robin - What's Your Name?
Thursday: Wildcard - On Time Management
Friday: Final Chapter of Tempest
Saturday: Notable Posts

Elsewhere on The Variety Network

Nail Art Tuesday features a "sweet" manicure.

Word Blizzard continues with daily serial posts of Desert Heat.

Tea on Tap - I'm trying to decide what to do with this blog. If I'm going to keep it open, I need to post at least once per week. Obviously, my mind is not so tea-focused anymore, and I'm not sure if I should try to hang on to this any longer, or just let it go. I'll be posting my quandry over there this week, but I'm seriously considering just shutting it down for good.

Here's to another great week in the blogosphere!

Tempest, Chapter 35

2009-12-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

This serial novel draft is posted weekly on Fridays. Comments are always welcome. I hope you enjoy it!

Tempest

Chapter 35

Charlie quickly pulled the largest slivers out of Brenda's palm, then jogged with her to catch up to the others. She couldn't hear the engine of the helicopter anymore, and tapped Jake on the shoulder as they hiked at a fast clip.

"Could that be more of Winters' men, looking for us?" She kept her voice low, not wanting to panic the others.

Jake shrugged, veering around a tree before he answered. "Could be, but it doesn't seem likely. All indications back at the compound were that he used the river for transportation, and we're quite a ways from both the river and his hide-out." They were approaching a low crest, and he stopped, holding a hand out to the side. "Just to be safe, why don't I go on ahead, and check things out. It should be just up over that rise."

"Okay." She gave him a small smile and a nod as he walked away, then turned to address the group. "Jake's going on ahead to scout things out. We need to just hang tight here for a little bit."

"Thank goodness," Mary Wilson announced, dramatically collapsing to sit on a fallen tree trunk. "I thought we'd never take a break." Her husband sat down beside her, offering his water bottle. Amy, Brenda and Tanya made themselves comfortable at the foot of a tree, and Adrienne came to stand beside Charlie.

"Does he think it's my dad again?" she asked, not bothering to whisper. Charlie felt multiple stares on her, and looked up. "Not really," she answered loud enough for everyone to hear. "It wouldn't make sense, given what we saw at the compound. Jake just thought it would be better to check things out first. I'm sure everything will be fine, and we'll be home in no time."

Adrienne peered over Charlie's shoulder, and she turned to look. Jake was standing near the rise, and he motioned for her to join him. Adrienne scooted past her and ran toward him.

"Let's go," Charlie said, waiting as everyone got up and brushed the dirt off. She led the way to the edge of the rise, grinning as she looked down the gentle slope at the black chopper that rested at the bottom. "Friends of yours?" She grinned at Jake as the others started down the hill.

"Close enough," he said, reaching out to take her hand as she carefully navigated the incline. Surprised, she clasped her fingers around his palm, enjoying the comfortable warmth that traveled throughout her body at the innocent touch. Focused on him, and convincing her joints to hold out for just a little bit longer, she was caught off guard by a loud pop from below.

Jake pulled her down to the ground, shielding her with his body as she realized it was gunfire that she had heard, and was still hearing all around. She struggled to push Jake off, desperate to see what was going on, and to make sure the group was safe. He wouldn't budge though, and she lay in silent defeat as the shots slowly faded away.

When he finally let her up, the air smelled like smoke, and Charlie looked down the hill at the bodies that lay scattered on the ground. With a cry of disbelief she started to stand, lashing out at Jake with her fists when he held her back.

"Let me go first, Charlotte." His voice was raspy and low, and he squatted in front of her, his hands on her face as he forced her to meet his stare. "It could still be dangerous, and I don't want to lose you. Understand?"

She nodded, slowly, feeling hollow inside when he stood and walked away. As she watched, he made his way to the first two bodies, kneeling down beside them. Was that Mary's red t-shirt? She held her breath, waiting for any sign from him. Was it possible that anyone had survived?

Movement further down the hill caught her eye, and she scanned the landscape, squinting against the mid-day sun as a figure stood, then another nearby. It looked like Amy and Brenda, and she waved, the tension in her chest easing just a little as the girls made their way toward her. They stopped half-way, and one of them knelt down, then helped Tanya to her feet. Charlie looked back over at Jake to find him helping Mary to her feet.

She stood, stepping carefully toward them before she realized the second body wasn't moving. As she got closer, she saw tears streaking down Mary's face.

"Th--they killed him," she stuttered, staring down at her dead husband. "He pushed me out of the way, and they shot him." Charlie pulled her away, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Did you see them?" Jake asked. Charlie watched as he scanned the trees, his muscles tense and ready for flight.

Mary shook her head. "Not very well." She pointed off to the right, where a copse of birch trees stood a little ways out from the pine forest behind. "They came from there. I thought they were aiming for the helicopter."

"There were three guys who came out of the plane shooting," Brenda said, coming up behind Charlie. "We hit the ground, but I could sort of see them shooting it out with the guys from the trees. Eventually they all fell..." she pointed near the tail of the aircraft, "just over there."

"Stay here." Jake jogged down the mountain, approaching with caution as he neared the chopper. Charlie watched as he stopped first at one place, then the other, looking down at what she presumed were bodies lying in the tall grass. He went all the way around, then stopped near the door, kneeling down beside one last body.

Charlie's heart sunk as she realized that Adrienne was still unaccounted for.