The View From Silverhorn Mountain

Merry Christmas Silverhorners!!

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 14:33:00 +0000

Hey Gang, Seasons Greetings from all of us at The View From Silverhorn Mountain. This being Christmas and all, and me busy writing posts for my new blog, The Cottage Chronicles I thought it behooved me....behooved...I was behooved, to repost my traditional Christmas poem. Yes, it's a repost, but it's Christmas, tradition and all, what isn't a repost?

T'was the night before Christmas,
when all over Silverhorn Mountain,
Not a creature was stirring, it was so cold the water froze in the fountain.
Parkas and long johns were worn by all here
As we sat by the chimmney in the hopes heat would be there.
The fire had gone out, the embers gone dead
While visions of flames danced in my halucinating head,
While I had done all my shopping with tender care,
I forgot to get wood, and the woodshed was bare.
When out on in the front porch there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my footstool to see what was the matter.
Away to the front door I flew like a goose,
But I tripped and fell face first, my shoelaces were loose.
A big jolly guy in a nice working suit stood on the stoop,
He said,"I wonder if I could come in for a second, too many milk and cookies, I need to have poop!"
When, behind him in the driveway, to my surprise my heart soared,
A tandem firewood truck full to the top with at least 3 cord.
With a great long stride, followed by a shuffle,
He moved quickly past me, but a fart he couldn't muffle.
Away to the outhouse, I roared like a lion,
I wasn't going to have the lodge bathroom smell like something dying.
I got his attention, cause he wiggled and turned, so lively and quick,
I knew in an instant, this might be that guy...old what's his name, hmmm...Nick?
I thought for a moment, but he couldn't wait,
He shuffled upstairs with a lively old gait.
More rapid than eagles the odors they came,
And my new guest, he whistled, shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!
I've seen a lot in my years, and heard much too
But this was the first time a fart smelled like burned stew.
As Christmas's go, I have seen very many,
But this was a Christmas unlike any,
When the big fellow let go a full fledged bellow
I swear the snow neath my feet turned a very bright yellow.
I had never been exposed to such a stench,
Except the one time the septic field oozed out under the fence
But he came and he went in such Christmas flash,
I wondered a second if he was Jumpin' Jack Flash
And then, in a twinkling, I saw him let go,
Of the load of firewood that his truck had in tow,
All over the driveway, it even crushed my old truck,
But I was so happy to have wood, I didn't give a f...(insert word of your choice)
No longer worried about freezing to death
I started prancing and dancing and pawing the ground,
Much to the amusement of the wife and everyone else around.
I waved to my new friend as he climbed in his rig
I wondered briefly what was his gig,
He was covered in sweat from his head to his boot,
And I chuckled thinking he was a smelly old coot.
His red coat was rotten, all tattered and torn,
And I realized at the time, he looked quite forlorn.
So I invited him in to the Silverhorn Christmas Table,
But I told him upfront, he must sleep in the stable
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a berry,
It was then I knew he had drank all our sherry.
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a grin,
As I stood back from the door and invited him in.
He was a short little guy with a little fat belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his nose,
That was when I could see he was wearing panty hose.
He spoke not a word, but went right to the food.
If it wasn't for the firewood, I would think him quite rude.
And laying a finger aside of his nose,
He blew clear a nostril, all over his hose.
He sprang to his feet, and gave me a look,
Please pass along my compliments to the cook!
Well I must be going, there's so much to do,
However, I wonder, could you pack me a little of that stew?
With food in hand, and a thermos of hot tea,
He hugged the wife, and felt her up, as he shook hands with me.
The wife she giggled, and was acting quite frisky,
It was then I realized, she had drank all the whiskey.
Then out of the door he carried my wife off to his truck,
I thanked the good Lord for all my good luck.
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
You can have her back sometime after midnight.
Merry Christmas to All, and to all a good night!

Animals In The News

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 02:03:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner's !! Welcome to the Lodge. It 's been awhile since we had an "Animals In The News" stories so tonight let's catch up.....

Bears
Did you hear about the the Royal Canadian Mounted Police busting a grow-op apparently run by a family of black bears....

Yup, police in Christina Lake, British Columbia found some outdoor plots of marijuana being guarded by 10 large black bears. According to reports, the cops were a little cautious at first but the bears were actually pretty laid back, and didn't seem to have much issue with the police busting the illegal crop.

The theory is that the bears were there to guard the crops, but apparently they got a little....well....laid back about their guard duties and didn't seem to give a damn....one was overheard growling but he was just saying something about having the munchies.....

Cougars
A study of online dating by the University of Wales Institute, Cardiff, has blown the lid off the idea that older women, called "cougars" are looking for younger men! According to the study, the whole cougar idea may be limited to the world of female celebs, many of whom like to roll around in the hay with young, handsome, buff men. It seems in the world of dating, at least online dating, women are much more practical than one might believe....they are looking for wealthy men, regardless of age. Quite the opposite of men who spend most of their lives chasing or dreaming about chasing younger women....

Bulls
A friendly bull wanted to visit with the crowd at a 'recortadores' competition in Spain so he jumped into the stands....caused quite a bit of havoc too as about 40 folks got hurt in the rampage. Lucky for you, we got some video of this one!

Yup..........

Tuesday This and That

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 02:24:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner's !! How y'all doing tonight? I've been watching Criminal Minds on A&E tonight, back to back episodes of serial killer crime fighting police work. Those guys and girls at the BAU (Behavior Analysis Unit) really know how to get in the head of a killer....good to know I guess, makes me feel safer. Just knowing that those guys are able to get in the heads of serial killer types is a comfort isn't it? Too bad that most of the time is after the fact.

So...I wasn't really going anywhere with that, just thought I would mention it.....

Looks like the days of fast food and treats are numbered in Afghanistan as the U.S. military is ordering some of the restaurants and related places shut down, one official, Command Sgt. Maj. Michael Hall said, "This is a war zone -- not an amusement park," I think he has a point there, it isn't an amusement park, but by God, if some of those things make it more comfortable for the soldiers and military folks over there fighting, why the hell would they pull the plug. The Sgt Maj said, "Supplying nonessential luxuries to big bases like Bagram and Kandahar makes it harder to get essential items to combat outposts and forward operating bases, where troops who are in the fight each day need resupply with ammunition, food and water."

So it's good by to the major franchise operations like Burger King and Pizza Hut, if you are scheduled to be deployed to Afghanistan in the near future, might want to take a few burgers with ya in your kitbag. Canadian soldiers need not worry, apparently Tim Hortons is staying, that is the beauty of Tim Hortons, they have staying power. You can read the whole story, Here

There has been a lot going on these days, and I have been remiss in reporting it, sorry about that, I almost missed the report that a couple of women were arrested for trying to smuggle a corpse on a plane Yup, the women were trying to get a 90 something year old dead relative on a plane from London to Germany. They put sunglasses on him, propped him up in a wheelchair and headed for the gate...someone got suspicious and the jigg was up...apparently snakes can get on a plane, but not dead guys in sunglasses......

By the way, the UFO picture above......? You figure it out.......

Who Shot J.R.?

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 02:15:00 +0000

Who shot J.R.? Do you remember that question, it stayed on the minds of the masses back in 1980, when the season finale of the night-time soap opra, Dallas was king of television. We're doing a little reminiscing around the lodge tonight, and came across the anniversary date of that famous cliff hanger from the popular CBS television series.

Well the show that got J.R. shot aired on March 21, 1980, so all you youngun's might as well move on, because you won't remember the thing that was on the minds of your parents back in 1980...beside sex it was the answer to the television cliff hanger as J.R. Ewing, played by Larry Hagman, the oldest son of the wealthy oil baron Ewing family of Dallas Texas, was gunned down in the shower by an unknown assailant.....

Of course it was a huge mystery, and we all talked about it and surmised, guessed, speculated until the new shows started in the fall and we found out whodunit. Of course the cast of suspects was huge, as J.R. had more than his fair share of enemies....he had everyone from his mother to his wife to his housekeeper to his brother and sister in law to his gardener to his business partners to strangers on the street pissed with him most of the time. J.R. was a walking bullseye, just waiting to be shot. The suspect list was long and arduous, in fact, there were more folks with a motive to shoot J.R. than folks without a motive....

I am happy to say that Larry Hagman, the actor who played J.R. I am happy to say is alive and well at 78 years of age despite a close call with cancer a few years ago. That's it...that's all I have to tell you about that....did you think there was something more? Like perhaps I was going to tell you who shot J.R.? Huh...yeah right....I will tell ya that the shot didn't kill J.R. and that he lived to make the lives of his fictional family miserable for several more years, the show continued until 1991....do you know who shot him?

On another note that has absolutely nothing to do with J.R. Ewing, are you in the market for a good used car? How about a nice little 2001 Jaguar Daimler Majestic V8 LWB driven by a nice little old lady from London, England, with about 14,000 miles on it, it was hardly driven, just a few trips back and forth to Buckingham Palace and to church on Sunday....now this is a bargain vehicle. It's loaded with options too, including:

*a redesigned armrest to accomodate a handbag, (a must have)
*a hidden panel of security lighting to include blue flashing strobe lamps to the foglamps, (oh boy these will be fun)
*alternate flashing rear and main headlight flashers as well as convoy lights fitted behind the rear view mirror. (perfect)
*Special order lambskin rugs, special soft leather and extra and unique window switches. (I love lambskin)
*A direct link radio to the Home Office and Downing Street (non-functional now, but who knows, perhaps some tinkering and you will be calling Downing Street to get the weather, it's kind of like the rich person's version of OnStar)
*truly immaculate "as new condition" and has all original paperwork, service book, spare keys and photographs of the Queen driving the car....the "Queen?" Yup, this is Britain's Queen Elizabeth's personal daily driver folks, and it's for sale, if you are interested, and I know you are, check it out, Here - Queens Car for sale Better bring some cash, I am not sure about the financing.....

On another note, if you like to garden shirt free...and if you live in Boulder, Colorado, better start thinking about moving, because if the Boulder Housing Partners gets it's way, you sun tanning gardening days all-over are all-over!

It seems that Betsey Martens, executive director of the nonprofit group that offers low-income housing in Boulder, has announced that folks living in the Foothills Community neighborhood in north Boulder have been complaining about Robert and Catharine Pierce, who are often seen wearing only thongs outside their home in the 800 block of Cherry Avenue. (italics in case you want to look on google earth) Everyone or at least someone got wound up after they saw 52 year old Catherine tending her front yard garden wearing a yellow thong and pink gloves....Oh...wait...I get it...but even if matching yellow with pink is a horrendus fashion faux pas, I don't think it was necessary to call the police.

Wanna know more? Read the article: http://www.dailycamera.com/ci_14703680#ixzz0iaIP4wlM

Pop A Top Ghosts In A Bottle and a Banana In your shorts!

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:37:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner, it's a sure sign that spring is on the way....people are getting a little crazier than normal! Take for example the news from Reuters Life! that a New Zealand woman managed to auction off two vials containing the ghosts of an old man and a young girl, and got almost $1500 for them! The dead souls were captured in an exorcism and stored in holy water until the owner decided to give an online auction a go....it worked! Now this is not something to be taken lightly...imagine being able to capture dead souls in a bottle...if I could catch souls in a bottle....reminds me of a song.....oh yeah, that was time in a bottle...An electronic cigarette company bought the vials....there must be a message of some kind in that...I just cannot figure it out...Imagine the temptation to pop the top off the vials...well....that would be something! You can read the real story, Here!

Also from my favorite news source, Reuters, it seems that the expression, "is that a banana in your pocket or are you happy to see me?" has taken on new meaning as an Australian company has started making men's underwear from bananas....they call them AussieBum....the women's version, called "The Banana Split" has yet to make it to stores......

Suzuki 4X4 Muddin' and YouTube

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 16:45:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner's
Is it just me, or does anyone else find that they ~~waste~~ spend a lot of time watching YouTube videos? I get into that site and before long one video clip leads to another and then another, and before long, two hours has passed, and I am still going on to the next one....I just crawled through snow, mud holes and over big piles of rocks in a Jeep Renegade, a Chev Tracker, a Jeep Liberty and countless pickup trucks....without leaving the comfort of Silverhorn Lodge. In fact, I didn't have to step outside the door.....

I went on the YouTube site just to have a look around perhaps for a funny video to post here, and before I knew what happened, I was engrossed in one vid after another, until I actually needed a shower to get the mud off me....It's amazing where folks are willing to drive a $25000 vehicle....amazing....and the places some of those 4X4's will go is equally amazing. However, I have to question what possesses a person to take an expensive vehicle and immediately head out to the mountains to see just how big a rock it will climb over, or just how deep a mud hole their vehicle will swim through. In some cases, it's pretty impressive, although it must take weeks to dry out the interior of a sports utility vehicle that has been in water over the engine. 4X4 enthusiasts, as I think they like to call themselves, install a thing called a "snorkel" to their vehicles, which enables the engine to suck in the necessary air to run while the vehicle is basically submerged in water.

Take this guy for example....he's driving an older Suzuki, I think called a Suzuki SJ410, but it should be called a submarine....

Unbelievable...and to think that Marcello gets annoyed if I get a little mud on the floor mats of our little Chevrolet Tracker.....

Looks like fun.....uh-huh....here on the Silverhorn we use boats to go in the water, but perhaps they are an unnecessary expense....Actually all kidding aside, I do have a good deal of respect....no make that awe for some of the drivers of these vehicles. Having been stuck in mud, snow, dirt almost everywhere on Silverhorn Mountain at one point in my life, I am impressed with not only where these vehicles will go, but how skilled some of these drivers are, at getting into places that mere automobiles dare not go....In this video you can see the "snorkel" I mentioned above.

I know this has been a bit of a departure from the usual foolishness that we come up with here on Silverhorn Mountain, but occasionally I like to do something that adds a little culture to the internet.....

Weekend This and That

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 16:00:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner's ! Did you get your mail today? Well if you live in Kalispell, Montana, you might do well to look for it in the forest! According to a report from Associated Press, a couple bags of mail enroute by plane "might have" spilled out of the plane over the Bob Marshall Wilderness Complex. Note I said, "might have" as it sounds like the post office is not 100% sure, they just know that they are missing a couple bags of priority mail somewhere between Billings, Montana and Kalispell, Montana.

So...if you are hiking in the Montana forest and come across a couple of orange mail bags.....might wanna contact the authorities.....

Please don't pass the Worcestershire Sauce....It might not be good for my health.....also from The Associated Press, Alabama police charged a guy with beating another fellow in a motel with a bottle of sauce and a fire extinquisher....According to the report, the victim opened the door to his motel room and was hit on the head with a bottle of Worcestershire Sauce, and then, obstensibly because we assume the sauce was 'hot sauce' the attacker grabbed a fire extinquisher and hit the victim with it.....yes.....um....well....it's a slow day for odd news OK?

More and more...as I follow the news, especially what is called "Odd News' I am convinced the world is a dangerous place, and it isn't getting any better. Take for example the Memphis mother who was upset with the parents of another kid, who grabbed a sword, drank a bottle of malt liquor and then headed off to the school to confront the other parents. Apparently the kids had been in a 'spitting match' the previous day. Folks...it's elementary kids....they do things like spit at each other...they are kids....children.....you don't need to avenge them with a sword or anything else for that matter. Sorry for the lecture sound to that, but c'mon....this is craziness. In my opinion that mother should be locked up....for a long time.....So should the
37-year-old Salt Lake City woman who blindfolded her husband, promised him a surprise, then hit him on the head with a hammer..... "Close your eyes darling, have I got a surprise for you!"

I think we need a little diversion....let's go 4-wheelin' in the mud !!

Here on the Silverhorn are hearts are going out to the folks in Chile tonight, as they struggle to survive the earthquake that smucked them last night. What next?

Tiger Stop Apologizing !!

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:01:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner! Good to see you man.....I'm really glad to see you got rid of that nasty zit on your.....oh....yes...well it's still there...ahhh....well it's good to see you anyway!

Talk about something getting on my nerves....did you hear that Tiger Woods has offered up his second apology in less than a week? I think he has given up the pro-golf tours to go on pro-apolgy tours albeit without a sponsor. Now the poor ~~bastard~~ golfer has made an apology to the parents of a pre-school in Orlando, Florida where his 2-year-old daughter goes to school.....The Tiger has apologized in writing to the parents who's kids attend Premier Academy for any inconvenience caused by the media attention brought on by his "tiger digressions" as we have taken to calling them hear on Silverhorn. I dunno about you, but this is getting a little silly....Now Proctor & Gamble have chosen not to "proctor" or "gamble" on the Tiger and have ~~shaved him~~ dropped him from their Gillette Commercials, I guess they feel his Tiger Transgressions offer a shave that is a little too close so they have bid him a fond farewell as one of their spokespersons and are putting their money on some Olympic sports types and Baseball players....Ha.....yeah like that will sell stuff.....Of course Proctor and Gamble aren't the only ones to fold their Tiger Woods contracts, AT&T Inc. and Accenture dropped him ~~faster than he could drop his pants~~ when his story of scandalous golfer behaviour hit the news.

Women are not going to be all that keen on sending their husbands off to play golf on Saturday mornings in their plaid pants and pastel colored shirts now that they know just how sexy golf really is.....c'mon....we all knew there had to be more to it than we were told....Who really believes that belting a little white ball around a field for hours on end is what it is all about...ask yourself, how can that be entertaining, I mean really....men in yellow pastel pants...sun visors....wearing one glove....shoes with spikes...some stranger carrying your balls....standing in the open with an umbrella and graphite club in a thunder and lightening storm....uh-huh...yes...that is how golfers spend Saturday.....at least that is what they tell their wives....and in some cases, that is what wives tell their husbands.....perhaps golf is nothing more than a cover for extra curricular activities. Who's gonna believe their husband is fooling around on them when he leaves home wearing plaid or pastel color pants and one of those funny looking golf hats....this could be some kind of secret club, like the Roscrusians or the Knight's Templars...or those dare I say it, Scientologists...whatever they are.....but we all know that it isn't good.....golf...hmmmf......

But here's the thing....while everyone is running around casting aspersions on Tiger Woods....(did ya like that? "casting aspersions".....that is one of those phrases I always wanted to use here but never saw the opportunity)....anyway, as the aspersions are being cast, what is suffering is pro-golf....perhaps golf in general, their balls are in the rough so to speak....splashing down into the water hazard.....and the future of golf may very well be disappearing thanks to right-wing-fundamentalist-religious-holier-than-thou-rightous believers of whatever moral ~~dogshit~~ dogma some one tells them.

Without Tiger Woods, golf goes back to being something watched on the Sports Channel Saturday afternoons by a few shut-ins and folks who are waiting for the car race to start, or the bobsledding competition to begin...advertising drops and before long, television stations are playing reruns of Family Guy or the Simpsons, golf pro shops are going out of business, golf course are sold off for subdivisions or theme parks, pastel and plaid pant tailors close up shop and move to Florida, and the world, as we know it, changes....not necessarily for the best....and then, violence and anarchy begins...why you ask....well what do we do with all the left over golf balls other than throw them at each other?

As I started to say, while we all get our own knickers in a knot over Tiger, pro golf is gone baby, gone....officials say that when golf tournaments don't feature Tiger Woods, viewership and advertising revenue tanks and no wonder, once you've seen him play, the rest look pretty amateurish. Talk about cut your hose off to spite your lace, this is stupid.....and so is this whole foolish diatribe, so I am officially joining the ranks of other large organizations who have dropped Tiger Woods, and won't be mentioning him again......for awhile......at least until the heat blows off and he stops friggin apologizing to everybody.

Besides...if it is sex scandals you are after, everyone knows that the real action happens fishing....it's fishing that is the bane of clean living. Sure fishermen look innocent, heading off to the boat in their rubbers, carrying their long rods in their hands, bait buckets at the ready, always talking about big ones...coming home late at night smelling of fish....While everyone is aghast over golf, fishermen are quietly getting it on, and laughing about the guys in plaid pants and funny shoes.....

On an unrelated note, it looks like the rocket scientists at NASA have run out of ideas. The boys in the lab coats, black rimmed glasses and crew cuts have come up empty on where their next trip will be...the Space Shuttle is all dressed up with no place to go, they have blown their load so to speak, and need some new rocket science before they can go any further. Apparently plans for a little trip to the moon for some moon-rock-shopping got nixed as the rocket scientists have decided to save their money for a future trip to Mars, which is where they figure the really good bargains are....kind of like me telling the Wife we should forget Bangor and save our money for New Hampshire because they don't have sales tax....Well, given the state of the U.S. finances these days, and the money going into ~~taking over the Middle East~~ chasing the camel jockey Osama bin Laden across the desert, from cave to cave, mountain to mountain, I think it's going to be a long, long time before we are heading to Mars or anywhere else...

Given that bit of bad news I think it's time we had a little musical interlude and thought about things for a few moments....the rocket scientists might do well to listen carefully to the words of ~~gay Jesus promoter~~ singer sonqwriter extrodinaire superstar Elton John....take note, toward the end of this video you will see some real "rocket scientists" you can tell it's them from the black frame glasses, I kid you not.....

So without further adieu, lady and gentleman, ELTON JOHN !!!! Whoo hooooo !!!!!

If you found any of this offensive, and I am sure someone did....check out this previous post I have already apologized formally.

Bend Over !!

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 01:17:00 +0000

Hey Ho Silverhorners! Are you in a Silverhorn state of mind ? Ain't we all....especially some high school kids in Cliff, New Mexico who had an eye opening afternoon watching porn and learning about the 1919 Treaty of Versailles. According to a report from Las Cruces Sun-News. I betcha they won't soon forget that history lesson. Apparently it was only a little "faux pas" as we all like to say when we are trying to minimize what is really a pretty bad screw up. Their teacher, a substitute who is probably looking for work in another field right now, tried to show the kids a History Channel program that had been recorded over a porn movie !! Unfortunately, parts of the porn tape were not taped over and were shown to "gasp" a roomful of adolescent teenagers ~~who had no idea what it was~~ but all of a sudden got better marks for attendance in History class.

In what was an apparent "accident," the teacher who says he, "received the tape from a friend" was just as shocked as the school officials investigating. But that's really not the best part....the best part is.....the video was previously shown twice in the classroom....nobody complained the first two times. I guess even to high school kids, the same porn movie can get tiresome......

Otherwise it's been a pretty slow day for news...oh yeah, the usual stuff, like a woman in St Louis, Missouri, is in the slammer after she tried to shoot her husband to get their tax return money. She followed him to a barber shop where he worked and opened fire when he refused to hand over some money. She missed, much to the delight of some customers who had been waiting for a haircut. The cops were calling it a "clean shoot" until they recovered the gun, the alleged shooter had thrown it down a sewer after the shooting.

Yup, she's in jail waiting for bail...I doubt she can count on her husband paying that.....

That woman might have been well advised to read a report from Live Science that lists 5 Things That Will Make You Happier Interestingly enough, shooting your husband is not one of the things on the list. You should read it though, I think Number 6 should be reading The View From Silverhorn Mountain.

Now we come to the time of the ~~show~~ blog we like to call, ~~Up Your Ass~~ "A Healthier You" which I think is a pretty good title, something I bet Doctor Oz had thought of....but he didn't..... at least I don't think he did....hmmm....maybe he did....oops.....um....sorry about that....

On tonight's A Healthier You, we are showing an informative video about a serious topic that takes the life of many otherwise healthy people....well...actually, let's think about that...if you get something that kills you, how can you be an "otherwise healthy person"? Exactly....but anyway, the question is, have you had your colonoscopy yet? Here is a Scottish guy, Billy Connolly talking about his experience.....Oh, and you might want to send the parents out of the room, Billy is known for his....um....use of colorful language....

Now...go to your doctor and ask to have a colonoscopy....go on....tell him I sent ya.....Never mind...we will do it right here, now, this minute, no waiting.....

go ahead, bend over.....it can't be that bad, politicians have been giving us colonoscopies for years....

Tiger Woods Apology, Taliban Near Miss, Elton John Says Jesus Gay -Oh Boy What A Week !

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:42:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorners! It's Fridaaaaaay !!! Gotta love that, with ever fibre of your ever-loving-hard-working body and soul....So before you start drinking, I'm glad you stopped by....of course if you have already started drinking, that's even better, it makes my job easier....so...."cheers!"

So let's see what's been going on, the brave American troops embedded in Afghanistan managed to bop off another Tali-ban guy, the brother of a really bad Tali-ban guy, but they missed the really bad guy by thaaaaat much....but they got one anyway. Not the biggest buck in the herd but I'm sure he was important. to someone.

Here's how things can go awry quickly though....the guy they were after, Siraj Haqqani, the leader of the Haqqani group, which has close ties to al-Qaida was attending a funeral in the village....note I said, the village, because....well I just like it. It sounds cool...like the song, "in the village the quiet village the lion sleeps tonight...a wing-a-wack-a-wing-awack..." Sing it with me.....I will do the high parts....Anyway, I am getting way off track....so where were we....oh yeah, the Taliban roasting, so...using what must be psychic powers, Siraj, the guy with the big bullseye on his back, told his beloved, albeit sacrificial brother to take their SUV to the hideout, and just as his beloved brother, Mohammed Haqqani climbed into the vehicle it was hit with two missiles. Smacko! Ouch! Ca-Boom! He and three other apparent n'er-do-wells got blown out of the village...the global village.....and smeared all over the desert sand.....so to speak.

And speaking of ~~getting blown~~ the global village, that old wigger superstar Elton John, who hasn't played here since he cut the Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy album and someone figured out what it meant, has really stirred the religious news in mainstream media controversy pot by proclaiming that Jesus Christ was "gay" and I don't think he meant "happy" Elton laid that one during an interview on Parade Magazine's website, saying, "I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don't know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East -- you're as good as dead." I'm not sure, but it sounds like Sir John has tried being a gay woman in the Middle East....which would probably make an interesting book. It also could mean that he was describing Jesus as a gay woman in the Middle East which is really...really...really going to stir the religious news in mainstream media controversy pot.

Now...what kind of reaction do you think that got? Ha ha...the best part is, the Catholic ~~Bowling~~ League picked up on the comments and apparently took issue with Sir John's statement that Jesus was "super-intelligent" saying that, that is like comparing Jesus to "a successful game show contestant." Not content to leave it at that, the Catholic League's spokesperson went on to say that to announce Jesus as gay is the equivalent of calling him a 'sexual deviant.' I'm sure we will be hearing more about this one......So...lets see if I got this right, and I don't think I do...Sir Elton calls Jesus gay, prompting the Catholic Bowling League to say that makes Jesus a successful sexual deviant game show contestant.....naw...I don't think I got that right at all......

Now if Jesus was a successful game show contestant...what a game show that would be...contestants get nailed to a wooden cross that they have to drag through town on their backs, while wearing a thorny crown, then they have to escape from a cave where the entrance is blocked by a boulder and disappear into the ethereal never to be seen again except on mysterious shrouds, potatoes and occasionally in crowds where they turn up for no apparent reason. And from then on, we all celebrate their birthday by putting a tree in our house and trying to coax a fat jolly elf to come down our chimney and give us presents.....

Talk about a good Survivor Series, I'm sure Richard Hatch would turn out for that one! (he was the guy who won the first Survivor show, and could be gay...I'm not sure, but it sounds like he would be perfect)

Unfortunately, the success of the U.S. forces in knocking out a talibanian leader and calling Jesus gay is going to be overshadowed by Tiger Woods saying he is sorry for fooling around with other women....whoop-tee-doo...so a golfer likes to swing on several courses....putt into various holes....like anyone really should care about Tiger's transgressions, or his apology. Folks....get a grip....we are not married to Tiger Woods....we are not even going steady. He is a golfer....let me say that again, a golfer....not President, Pope or Prime Minister, he is not even David Letterman, nor is he an important sports icon like a hockey player or baseball player....it's golf for God's sake....Most of the time it's a bunch of guys in pastel colored pants and shirts wearing funny shoes, hitting their own balls with tiny shafts of iron or graphite....often with the advice of another guy who hands them their balls and a stick to hit them with....trying to sink their balls into little smoothly trimmed holes, and always keeping score when they get their balls in all the way with the fewest number of strokes....it's no wonder the guy likes to play around....there is nothing sexy about golf at all.....in fact I suspect gay undertones.....

The fact that the media and the rest of us have been so worked up over Tiger's passions is unbelievable. People have been having affairs and fooling around as long as there have been affairs and fooling around....let it go, who gives a damm. Let the man get on with golf or commercials or whatever he wants. We blew up a bad guy in Afghanistan, Elton John said Jesus was gay, we even managed to take pictures of a galaxy 2.5 million light years away.....and yet, we give Tiger's bedroom transgressions more press time than either of the above.....what does that tell ya?

There ya go....now let's see...who haven't I alienated tonight....I think I took a pretty good stab at it...it's a wonder I have any readers at all....but as long as I have you, I am OK......for anyone else, I offer the following:

Now every one of you has good reason to be critical of me. I want to say to each of you, simply and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behaviour I engaged in.

I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish. People want to know how I could have done these things to my Marcello and the Wife and to my children. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say.
Marcello and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behaviour. As Marcello pointed out to me, my real apology to him will not come in the form of words; it will come from my behaviour over time. We have a lot to discuss; however, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us.
I am also aware of the pain my behaviour has caused to those of you reading this. I have let you down, and I have let down my readers. For many of you, especially my friends, my behaviour has been a personal disappointment. To those of you who work for me, I have let you down personally and professionally. My behaviour has caused considerable worry to my business partners.
To everyone involved in The View From Silverhorn Mountain, including my staff, board of directors, sponsors, and most importantly, the young readers and students we reach, our work is more important than ever. Four years ago, Marcello and I envisioned helping young people get through their miserable existances with humor and research, always the research..... This work remains unchanged and will continue to grow. Right now we are researching more foolishness for our next post and I am dedicated to making sure that continues.
But still, I know I have bitterly disappointed all of you. I have made you question who I am and how I could have done the things I have done. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position.
For all that I have done, I am so sorry.....

There....now we got that out of the way, we'll get back to our regularly scheduled impertinent offensive posting tomorrow......

See Ya!

The Silverhorn Winter Olympics

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 03:37:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorners! Surprise! Two posts in one night...we don't often do that, as so much of our time is taken up doing the research so you don't have to, but tonight in honor of the 2010 Olympic Winter Games, I felt it might be kind of nice....in other words, I realize that you are getting bored watching the Olympics and possibly might be surfing the net looking for something entertaining....well keep surfing....there is nothing to see here....LMAO...which means laughing my ass off for those of you who just landed from the planet Xeroxini.....

As you know hosting the Winter Olympic Games does big things for a place, kind of puts it on the world map so to speak, and countries compete to be the one to host the games, because of the residual affects of having all the world's eyes turned in your direction....Of course it is highly competitive, and long before the games are announced, we all try to get our own little corner of the world out there and make a bid to be the place where the games are held.....promotional videos, brochures, advertisements, all go towards getting a location chosen for the winter games....

Well unfortunately we didn't get the nod this year to host the winter olympics, even though we had what we felt was an excellent "venue" which is olympic-speak for "place" to hold the games. Take these hardy female athletes for instance, demonstrating the cross country skiing opportunities....combined with what I believe to be frog spearing, I refer to it as the "bogathalon," something like the "biathalon" without the shooting.....competitors ski a predetermined course, then stop, try to spear a frog before moving on, all racing against the clock of course. It's an exciting, pressure packed competition that is a favorite among spectators, especially those who enjoy a feed of frogs legs smothered in sweet sauce....extra points are added for being sexy....

On the other hand....perhaps we might be better off not to have all the worlds eyes turned in our direction.......4 extra points to the girl in pink for the wardrobe adjustment!

Atlanta Zebra

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 01:11:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorners! How is it today?

Do you like that? I am trying to come up with a new opening for my posts. So I am thinking "How is it today?" might be pretty good, it kind of engages you to answer, and at the same time forces you to read on to see what "it" is....which gets you into the very breadth and depth of my writing, which of course is enthralling......so....let's try this again, "How is it today?"

Animals In the News
It's been awhile since we've had an 'animals in the news' feature, perhaps because the animals have been keeping their heads down and staying out of the news. However, all that is changing, leading me to believe that as I wrote about before, there is something going on in the animal world....something strange....something scary.....a change in their behavior, which will likely be blamed on global warming...

Take for instance the report from the Associated Press, apparently a Zebra screwed up the rush hour traffic in Atlanta recently when he ran along a busy section of highway, looking rather eye-catching in his striped suit, forcing some Atlantaians to think it was a very big escaped convict in a striped prision suit...however, eventually someone figured out it was indeed a zebra, an animal that is....well...rather rare on the streets of Atlanta. In a sense they were right, the zebra on the lamb had just made a break from the circus which was in town....the circus is in town/ Can we go ? can we go??.....sorry...I digress.....and no, the zebra was not "riding on a lamb" that is a figure of speech meaning he had escaped....c'mon a zebra riding a lamb down an interstate in Atlanta would just be too weird....even for us....

Fortunately, the Atlanta police, perhaps fans of the "Animal Kingdom" or Daktari used their own cruisers valiantly herd the escapee to the shoulder of the road, and did what all good cops do, "called it in."

A spokesperson said that the zebra wasn't free for very long, but it was rather 'inconvenient' for him to have made his dash for freedom at rush hour when the roads are already quite busy....I suppose that is true, but wow, wouldn't that be entertaining...you're stuck in traffic and a zebra goes by chased by police cars, I think that would alleviate some of the boredom, maybe even stop some of the drivers from texting.

But here is where this gets interesting.....yes interesting....not that the above part wasn't interesting, but this....this next part is even more interesting.....read on.....

The Interesting Part
This is the second time a zebra has been on the loose in downtown Atlanta....yup.....there is something about Atlanta that makes zebras wanna bust and run! It seems that in 2008 an unfortunate 2-3 month old zebra was found injured on Interstate 75. It's "assumed" he had fallen from a truck and was run over by a car....now imagine that. You are driving the interstate in Atlanta....minding your own business, listening to your favorite Chubby Checker CD...singing along....when suddenly you run over a zebra!!! Do you report it to the police? Or do you just turn up the volume as Chubby launches into the disco version of "The Twist"

I'm thinking that might be one you keep to yourself....excusseee....me....is this 911? I think I just ran over a zebra on the interstate....probably that will result in a roadblock being set up somewhere in front of you. I think that might be a good question for the written driver test...what do you do if you run over a zebra?

However, not too worry, there is a happy ending to the run over baby zebra story, he was saved and operated on by the zebra vets at Auburn University in nearby Alabama, and now lives happily ever after in the Noah's Ark rescue centre in Locust Grove, Georgia.

So...there ya go....animals in the news...but that isn't the end....sometimes the stuff you can find on the internet is just frigging unbelievable......speaking of zebras in traffic.....and weird......

You can read the real story, Here

For those of you too young to remember, Daktari was a television show from the 1960's about the work of a veterinarian running an animal study center in Africa. "Daktari" means doctor. He was always rescuing animals from evil poachers...drove a jeep painted up with zebra stripes...really cool.....wish I had the nerve to do that with my jeep..... We do the research......

OK...so maybe "How is it today?" isn't going to be my new opening line.....

Enhancer Pants

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 23:48:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorners! Nice to um...see ya....are those....wait now...what are you wearing? Are you wearing a pair of the new male "anatomy boosting undershorts"? If you are, don't worry, apparently you are not alone, particularly if you are.....British.

It seems that just before Valentine's Day a British department store reported that online sales of it's "lift and hold pants" for men surged upwards 76 percent....Yup...I said "surged upwards" Now....I suppose there are all kinds of half witty things I could say about these things, but I am dammed if I can come up with something....it almost stands alone....

I'm guessing that British men are coming up a little short, perhaps it has something to do with the recession, or maybe it's just their attempt at getting back at the bra stuffing girlfriend from the 10th grade that resulted in the devastating letdown that night behind the bleachers at the football field....or the cricket match...I wonder if there is any corrolation here between British men and the umm....well......their need for "enhancer pants"...no word on whether sales of these things are as good anywhere else in the world....maybe it's the cold damp weather in jolly old England.....what do you think? That might explain the look on Camilla's face.....perpetual disappointment.

One brand of the enhancer pants are called, CockSox Enhancer Briefs which I have to admit is a good name for something like this. Here on the Silverhorn we wouldn't be caught dead wearing something like these....not here, where the truth is all that matters and we don't believe in hiding behind a facade.....a facade of stuffing....

But, if you think a pair might help ya, who am I to say? Go ahead...buy a pair...you know you want to....but I suggest you also pick up a copy of this book for your lady friend, because when the briefs come off.....

I think it would be rather cool to make a brand called the "London Tube"

Speaking of enhancement, I think this little video should serve as a warning to all you guys out there who think you can get a he-man body from exercise and supplements.....

Sometimes I am just so inapproprate......

Astropee

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 02:27:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner's !
Here's something I bet you didn't know, but you have always wondered about....what happens to pee in space? Uh-huh....see, I told you it was something you wondered about. Well it turns out that astronaut urine, hereinafter referred to as astropee is recycled....yup....they use a nifty little $250 million dollar device called a "urine recycler" to umm...well....recycle and re-use.

This all started last year when some "rocket scientist" figured out that things could be a whole lot lighter if space ships didn't have to bring along alot of water. So they put their collection rocket scientist heads together and came up with a astropee recyler that distills astropee and turns it back into drinking water through a seven step process. According to Don Holder, chief engineer at NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center In Huntsville, Ala., "The concept is very simple. Basically, you are boiling urine...."

This could be huge....think about water shortages, no longer a worry, septic systems, no longer a worry, global warming drying up all the lakes, no longer a worry, heading out in the dessert without a camel, no longer a worry.....all you do is pee - boil - mix it up a bit, and Wow! A refreshing, drink to quench your thirst.....I imagine these recylers for home use will soon be on sale in a store near you! Don't laugh....this is coming...

Don't take my word for it, read the story, Here!

Remember....at The View From Silverhorn Mountain, we do the research so you don't have to !!

Cheers!

The Silverhorn Freedom From Fabric Winter Swim

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 04:07:00 +0000

Given the popularity of this old post here on Silverhorn Mountain, I figured it might be time for a little more gratuitous....well you know what I am referring too....

The winter is a tough time of the year for the folks who like to "drop trou" as they say and feel the freedom that comes from the open air on skin, or the freshness that comes from a quick dip in Silverhorn Lake, sans suit, splashing around, giggling, laughing, and just generally having too much fun! When the ice comes members of the local Freedom from Fabric Club (FFFC) are kind of...well....stuck for something to do with their...um....well...activities....

But not too worry, not this year, as one of the club's senior members, Old Davey, excited about the three new buxom college girls who just joined the club thinking, because it was a 'naturalist' organization that the Freedom From Fabric Club had something to do with saving the lives of the "fabric animals"....oh my...a long sentence...whew...gotta get my breath...ok so where was I? Oh yeah, Old Davey, one of the club's senior members decided to hasten the date of the annual Silverhorn Lake Spring Skinny Swim decided that enough was enough. If the ice won't go on it's own, he would make it go....so trusty axe in hand, and hopefully a pair of steel toe workboots on his feet, ever since that unfortunate incident wearing crocs, he took on a task that many of us felt was futile, but he felt was worth doing....gotta love an old guy with a purpose!

Photo: www.pictureisunrelated.com

Inventor Not A Rocket Scientist Sledder

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 01:27:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner's Welcome to ficticious Silverhorn Lodge on equally ficticious Silverhorn Mountain! It's Friday night here on the Silverhorn? What day is it where you are?

One thing about writing for The View From Silverhorn Mountain....there is no shortage of stuff to tell you about. Take for instance this story from the Associated Press. It seems a 62 year old man from Michigan blew himself up while sledding. Now first of all, I have to question what a 62 year old guy is doing sledding ? anyway....I suppose he is was in pretty good physical shape when he started, it's his mental state that has to be called into question. Why you ask? Because he strapped a homemade rocket to his back before he started down the sled hill. The unnamed inventor-not-a-rocket-scientist-sledder was having a sledding party with some of his friends, I'm sure some of whom he was hoping to convince to invest in his new invention. I'm not making this up folks, this really happened...

Now...that sounds pretty cool, a homemade rocket strapped to your back for sledding....the rocket was an automobile muffler filled with gasoline and gunpowder which the inventor-not-a-rocket-scientist-sledder then set afire...a-fire....Yee haw!!! Because gasoline gunpowder and fire tend to do one thing, explode! His homemade rocket did just that as he headed down hill, causing second degree burns to his face, right side of his body and quite likely some eye damage as well as eliciting some screaming both from him and any onlookers who may have been there to witness what is likely one of Michigan's stupider sled tricks....

Unfortunately no one got a video of our inventor-not-a-rocket-scientist-sledder, but that doesn't stop us from having a laugh at some other sledder's expense!

Tonight's Entree: Camel Burger

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 03:20:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorners! Are you a Silverhorner? I mean really? Ya gotta ask yourself that. Remember, Silverhorn Lodge is a ficticious lodge on an equally ficticious Silverhorn Mountain, located somewhere on the world wide web. So in the purest sense, being a "Silverhorner" is really just a state of mind.....

Speaking of state of mind, I think there may be some camels in the United Emirates, that might not be having a very peaceful state of mind, not now....it used to be that camels were treasured for carrying their riders over vast stretches of waterless desert, while they lived on water they had stored in the hump or humps in the case of the luxury model camel, the infamous two humped camel known as Bactrian camel...betcha didn't know that...remember, we do the research so you don't have to.....a camel with one hump is called a dromedary....but then you did know that.....On a side note, Camels are apparently a very versatile beast, did you know that there is a sport called camel wrestling? and Camel Racing?

Well it looks like the days of Lawrence of Arabia charging across the desert on a camel may be numbered, replaced by a new use for the venerable old camel. These days, camels have become a favorite of folks who like to partake of a new kind of fast food, the Camel Burger! Before I go any further let's clear out the perverts who came here because I mentioned camels and therefore some may have figured I meant the kind with "toes"...I'm talking about camels, eating real camel burgers and not the kind of toes of camels that you may think....delicious and savory though the "other" thingy may be in some circles, that is not what this blog is about....This is what I am talking about.....

Like I said, it's not a good time to be a camel.....Apparently a restaurant in Dubai has added the Camel Burger to its menu, a fat-free healthy burger for those of you who like to eat rather than ride your camel!
The Local House Restaurant is pumping out the camel burgers by the infamous quarter pound garnished with cheese and a special burger sauce....

Now before I go any futher...the next time you order a burger, be it camel or otherwise....I want you to spend a moment, just a moment....wondering what exactly is the "special sauce" ? OK...no need to go on about that...just wanted to get you thinking....might be good to clarify the special sauce clause is all.....

I dunno about you, but I am a little...well....unclear about whether or not I am at a point where I can bring myself to eat a camel, even though it is apparently quite popular in some areas especially when it comes with

your choice of fries or wedges, gulped down with a camel milkshake....which is an entirely nother story......Now tell me....could you eat this? Are you getting hungry? Mouth watering good.....Just look at this guy and think supper......delicious...mouth watering supper......I bet you want fries with that........

Liking the idea of chowing down, digging in to a nice big healthy camel burger? I figured you would be, you can read the real story, Here

Camel Pics: Wilkipedia

Fiddling With Castles On The Green

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 23:15:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner's ! Welcome to the mountain...where we don't have a castle....and if the authorities in London England get their way, neither will farmer Robert Fidler. It seems Mr Fidler was...um...fiddling around with the English building permit laws and built himself an illegal castle. I thought everyone in England lived in castles, so this comes as a bit of a surprise to me.

Apparently you can build a castle if you have a building permit and if you don't build it on a green belt! Mr. Fidler built his Tudor style castle with the works, turrets, ramparts and even cannons, but he did it secretly by hiding the construction behind bales of hay.....and apparently nobody noticed until ~~his cows ate the hay~~ someone noticed that there was a castle standing where once there was only hay.

A big royal no-no to Fidler who has been found guilty of breaking local planning regulations and he is in the tower (or is it moat?) It seems that he was trying to get around the rules by building and hiding the castle for 4 years after which if nobody complained, he would have been king of the castle. He almost made it, the castle took two years to build and he managed to live in it for about 4 more, but unfortunately, the Judge saw things differently and decided that rule didn't apply if deceptive actions were used, and I suppose hiding a castle behind hay bales was considered deception at it's best.

So Mr. Fidler is now appealing the order to dismantle his castle, but it doesn't look good, after all, it's England, they take castles quite seriously over there, and they don't take kindly to Fidlers fiddling with secret castles on the green!

What do you think, should Mr Fidler have to dismantle his castle? Or should he man the ramparts, load the cannon and take a stand for rogue castle builders everywhere?

Reminds me of an outhouse we built without a building permit here on the mountain a few years back, we hid it behind rolls of toilet paper....it didn't stay hidden too long...but no matter, by the time the authorities showed up it was full.....

New York Subway Chicken Love

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:49:00 +0000

Although it's not my usual time to post, sometimes I just can't let something go by....and this is one of those times. Marcello, Chief Garden Gnome and Reasearcher here at Silverhorn has come across a news release that....well....we thought you might want to see....

It seems that New Yorkers love their chickens....I said chickens, as in live chickens, not fried chicken....(unlike Argentinians who apparently love pork) I make this claim based on a recent video showing a man playing with his chicken on the New York Subway....now please....let's be clear, I said a man playing with his chicken, not choking his chicken, or any other kinky thing that you might imagine....just playing with a chicken, a live chicken....it involved kissing....which makes me wonder....how can you kiss a chicken, they don't have lips....

Apparently Kylie Kaiser, a 27-year-old architect from Brooklyn was on the No. 6 train at the 33rd Street station at around 7 p.m. January 26th, just in time to see a guy laying on the subway floor on his back, rolling from side to side, kissing, hugging and lifting his chicken up in the air.....only in New York folks....only in New York.....

What makes this even more New York style is that according to the NYC Transit, nobody bothered to report the incident, leaving one to wonder if this is just a typical day on the subway in New York, although animals are not typically allowed on the subway. However, Kylie Kaiser, knew a good thing when she saw it, and posted a vid clip of the chicken loving on her blog. Gotta love them bloggers, nothing gets by us.....
Kylie said, "I knew it would be a story people would want to hear." Yup....you are right, nothing like some chicken loving to bring a cluckle!

Of course no mention of Chicken Loving can be complete without mentioning the opposite, which is chicken fighting....and no mention of chicken fighting is complete without mentioning Chicken Fight from the television show Family Guy, where Peter and a chicken duke it out over a bad coupon.....

In other news, Osama Bin Laden, always good for a joke has recently released a statement blaming the United States for global warming....why not, he blames the U.S. for everything else....

Pass The Pork....to Me!

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 03:08:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner's !! Welcome up to the Silverhorn on a cold winter day.....but don't worry, things are going to get a whole lot hotter around here because it's time for the Winter Porking Party at the Lodge, and you know what that means.....no? Well this is an annual event, when the long cold winter gets us down and we need something to pork us up! So we eat some....you guessed it...pork.....what you may not have known, but we have just learned, is that pork.....is better than Viagra....

Well it is, at least according to Argentina's President, the very foxy looking Cristina Fernandez who recently told a bunch of ~~porkers~~ pig farmers that she had a "satisfying" weekend with her husband after eating barbecued pork. According to Chris....we call her that around here, she just learned that eating pork improves your sex life, she went on to say that "it's a lot nicer to eat a bit of grilled pork than take Viagra"

Uh-huh...so the lovely Pres like to eat ~~the~~ pork....I mean get ~~porked~~ I mean she enjoys pork....yes...yes YES!!! That's what I mean......

Actually, what really happened was that the pig farmers told her that eating pork was better than Viagra, to which she replied, that she had recently eaten some pork and " "things went very well that weekend, so it could well be true." Uh-huh...things went well that weekend...I bet they did. But here is the line I loved the most....when she said, "Trying it doesn't cost anything, so let's give it a go,"

We are a simple bunch of mountain folk, and we're game to try just about anything, so hearing the Argentinian President say that prompted the Winter Porking Party! Marcello was butchering the biggest pig before I finished telling him about the porker's claims! It took me quite a bit of talking to calm down the farmer who actually owned the pig.....

Now...here is the thing...having seen this beautiful woman, I am pretty sure I could eat anything from pork to chicken to oily barn rags dipped in tartar sauce and still not need the little blue pill.....but just to be on the safe side, can you pass me the pork please....

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of seeing the lovely President, check out this short vid!

Terrortwits

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 02:08:00 +0000

Is it just me or does anyone else think that Osama Bin Laden would make a good 'twitterer' ? Twitters like to post little snippets that really don't say much, or can say alot, in one or two sentences, which go out to the world, and then fade away. That's not unlike the way the leader of the al Qaida organization likes to send messages, little notes about things, which go out to the world, and get everyone wound up for a few minutes, days or hours, then he backs off and we anxiously sit and wait for his next one. I call them "terrortwits"

I do that with a couple of twitterers that I follow, I read their one or two lines of wisdom, then sit back and think about it for a few days, and if it's really good sometimes I "re-tweet" it, and it goes out to an even greater audience. That is just how bin laden likes to do his communications.

In his latest, Bin Laden, makes a statement that says something along the lines of if the USA would get out of Palestine things would simmer down in the terrorist business, and at the same time he puts a spin on the failed Christmas airplane bomber attack that makes it seem like the failed attempt was in fact a sucess, which in some ways it probably was. It has at least kept us on our toes.

That's what bin laden's terrortwits are like, they keep us on our toes, something like the way the creators of Jaws the movie promoted their sequel, they used the line, "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water." Well that's just about what bin laden does, just when we think things are calming down a little, he or one of his minions does something to stir the pot, and get things boiling again.

It's ingenious really, sitting back in his comfy cave somewhere along the border between Afghanistan and Pakistan, spending months working on his next one or two line statement that always look so painfully thought out as he sits on the ground, assault rifle close by, and says something profound that succeeds in riling us up and getting the word out to his followers, who I call "Twits" to let them know that he is still alive and well and proud of them even when they screw up.....like a father of backward children who you know will never amount to much.....

You can read about bin laden's latest release in The New York Times Here!

Oops Sorry About That!

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 16:27:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner! How are you, glad you stopped by....here is one from the "oops! Sorry about that buddy" files...apparently the Vancouver cops don't take lightly reports of domestic abuse, what they do take lightly is ensuring they have the right person before they start making arrests. It seems three Vancouver, Canada police officers responded to a call from a wife who said her husband had hit her. They arrived at the residence, knocked on the door, which was answered by one,Yaowei Wu, ( I love saying 'by one' it sounds so Law and Order) a 44 year old man living at the house.

When the person who answered the door tried to tell them he didn't know what they were talking about, or whatever you say in those kinds of situations, the coppers apparently dragged him outside and got into what best could be described as a 'melee' and what at worst could be described as a savage beating with Mr. Wu on the front lawn.

It seems these particular officers may not have done all their homework, because they failed to understand that there were actually two residences at the residence and Mr Wu lived in a different home in the same building. Wu was actually a tenant, apparently a tenant who appeared guilty or something.

In a statement to a Ming Pao newspaper, Mr Wu said, "The cops didn't ask clearly -- not even ID me or anything -- before they started beating me," He went on to graphically describe his 'visit' from Vancouver's finest, by saying, "My T-shirt was torn, I was beaten for quite a while before I was handcuffed. I felt pain to my head and body. When I touched my head and face with my hands ... I felt my hands were all wet ... they were full of blood."

So....when things finally got sorted out, with the help of a Vancouver officer who spoke Canonese, Mr Wu's language, Mr Wu had bruises to his head, waist and knees and fractured bones around his left eye. Sounds like he got a pretty good working over.....The police chief, Jim Chu, dropped by Mr Wu's place and gave him a personal apology, and promised a thorough investigation. In my opinion, nothing less than a thorough investigation is warranted in this situation. The other guy, the one who had allegedly struck his wife, had apparently left the home, he was rounded up and arrested later....no word on the extent of his arrest injuries if any.....

You can read the story Here

Wow...after that stressful story...we need to relax....I think this Eric Clapton video is appropriate:

Bobsledding Into History !

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 01:39:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorner! How are you tonight? Cold? I bet...it's frrrrrigginggg f-f-f-f-reezing here on the mountain....cold...it goes right through ya....I guess the only thing to do is get some human bed warmers! That's what you get if you stay at a London, England, Holiday Inn ! A human bed warmer....now that...is quality customer service.

The cold London nights will be no longer, at least not in the hotel, because they are sending a staff member dressed in a one piece fleece sleeper suit to crawl under your covers and warm things up for you.....uh-huh. When you come to bed, your fleecy buddy gets up and leaves, and you tuck into 20 degree Celsius (68 Fahrenheit) cozy comfort. Now that....is living the life.....Think I'm making this up? Read the story, Hotel Bedwarmers

And from the Just Too Funny To Let Pass files, here is British bobsledder Gillian Cooke at the start of the first run in the bobsled World Cup competition in St. Moritz. Oh those British....oh spandex pants....

I bet Gillian was glad to slip into a nice warm bed at the Holiday Inn after that one....especially if it was one with a fleecy human bed warmer.

Yes...well....not funny to laugh at other's misfortune, on the other hand, there are not too many bobsledders in the world as famous as Gillian Cooke is tonight....in fact, she is the only bobsledder whose name I know.....

So to bring you back to earth, normality and some semblence of dignity, I picked this next video clip from the extensive archives here at the Lodge....actually I got it on YouTube....

Coconut Juice Gets Driver Juiced With Police and more news....

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 03:48:00 +0000

Hi Ho Silver...Horners! How are ya doing tonight? I'm glad....you look lovely dawling...I love that shade of purple on you....welcome back to The View From Silverhorn Mountain!

C'mon in and sit down, have a read, I'll get Marcello to pour us a nice glass of coconut juice. That is as long as you are not driving, specifically to Bangor, Maine because police in Bangor are cracking down on people driving under the influence of coconut juice....yup...read the release coconut juicer juiced by Bangor Police Actually a Honduran "national" a label that completely escapes me....what's a national? If you are from Honduras, and living in another country, wouldn't you be an international? Not that it matters, at least not to the Bangor National Police who nabbed the guy on January 10th for drinking and driving, his story, he said he was drinking coconut juice....

Tough times in London
I say old chap, have you heard about London? Always famous for pubs and clubs as well as British Bobbies, London Fog and Buckingham Palace, it seems that things are going to tighten up in the already rather tight British answer to New York City....they've a bunch of new rules to live by, including a ban on drinking games, which are always fun...we play them here on the weekends, although for some reason, a drinking game with coconut juice just doesn't seem to be as much fun...but anyway, in London, if you've a hankering to play "dentist chair" which to me sounds dreadfully painful, you better do it quick. New laws are to be implemented to put an end to all the frivolity in an attempt to sober up the apparently well lubed Londoners. Along with the loss of such great games as the dentist chair, "all you can drink nights" are going away too, as well as "women drink free nights" which have always proven to be delightful anytime I have been lucky enough to wander into downtown London. (see video below for dentist chair)

Fans of the dentist chair can take heart though, the new rules only apply in clubs and pubs, you'll still be able to get properly "sconched" with loads of cheap "coconut juice" (as we have taken to calling it hear on Silverhorn Mountain,) from the local supermarkets, they will be exempt from the new regulations. In fact, might be an opportunity for a new spin on grocery shopping, instead of "shop till you drop" it could be "shop till you pass out and fall down" or "midnight madness sales" could take on a whole new meaning!

All this is because the "Home Secretary" which is an interesting title to say the least, wants to put an end to the wildness of London pub life, while still allowing the less fortunate folks in London to get blitzed cheaply from the supermarket, thus forgetting the miserable existance they live as a chimney sweep or nanny to spoiled rich kids.....what...that's what the folks in London do isn't it? Chimney sweep?

Home Secretary Alan Johnson, "Al" to his buddies, "Home Secretary Johnson" to the rest of you, said he isn't out to target low income drinkers, but he is coming down on the bars and clubs that hold the big drinking free for alls, from now on it's coconut juice at home in the Lazy Boy Chair!

And in our Guns Save Lives news, a Roseville, California driver, was thankful to have his pistol handy when his Sports Utility Vehicle plunged into a creek, after he was startled by his hands free cell phone....startled by his hands free cell phone....yes I said that twice.....so you would think about it for a second.....how did it startle him? Jump out of his pocket? They are after all hands free....and with the new technology these days....anyway, his phone managed to startle him and he drove off the road, through a guard rail and into the creek. But fortunately he wasn't just any startled cell phone using driver, he was a armed security guard at a casino outside of Sacramento.....OK now I am worried....an armed guard is startled by his cell phone???? After our hero landed in the creek he somehow got jammed up in his vehicle as it started sinking but being a resourceful, albeit startled armed guard, he used his gun to shoot his way out of the vehicle to safety. A nice happy ending to an otherwise upsetting story.

I guess this should be filed under Hi Honey I'm Home !
Which is probably not what a Pennsylvania man said when he arrived home to find a guy had broken in, gave himself a haircut and fried up some chicken. When the homeowner came in, the "perp" was watching TV and cooking up some chicken....what would you say in that situation? "How was your day?" At least it was a clean criminal, he took a shower in the guy's house too.....c'mon in, make yourself at home......

For those of you wondering, here is a clip of some fun loving alcoholics playing dentist chair......

Speaking of the dentist chair....I know I get on to something and can't let it go, here's an old clip from The Carol Burnett show featuring Tim Conway and Harvey Korman in The Dentist Chair.

Tim Conway is a comedic icon as far as I am concerned and now in his late 70's still continues to tour, he's got a website too...who doesn't these days..... Tim Conway.com Harvey Korman, passed away in 2008, of complications from a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm.

Fox Hunting In 2010

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 00:14:00 +0000

Hey Silverhorners! Welcome back to The View From Silverhorn Mountain! Things were happening here today, it's the annual Silverhorn Fox Hunt! An exciting day on the mountain for those who partake in the sport, not so good for those who don't many of whom stay inside on this day, with their heads down, waiting for it to be over.

Now before you say it, I know what you are thinking, "fox hunting is barbaric," and it was even banned in England, so that now foxes roam free and relaxed through the English countryside, dining with impunity on the farmers chicken, eggs and occasionally veal, while the hunters and farmers are left to stand by and watch....gone are those exciting royal days when hunky hunters and sexy huntresses in the traditional fox hunt riding garb of red coats white tight pants, black riding helmets and big boots rode beautiful big hunting stallions roughshod over the farms, fields and thru the "wood" chasing the wily fox behind a pack of ravenous howling hunting hounds in a day of fun filled thrills that usually ended in a big party back at the castle, often with some maidens from a nearby village along for the party, where everyone except perhaps the fox celebrated the day afield....Nope that's not what it's all about anymore....today fox hunting has taken on a whole new meaning.....

Picture from pictureisunrelated.com