The Viking Diaries

Contrasts...

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 09:32:00 +0000

Not picking up the phone, when you are...

What you are afraid of when you live....:

Dressing up when you are...:

5 life changing tips from me to you!

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 11:56:00 +0000

1. Make up

Put on loads of make up on the first day like this:

Then you can relax all weekend! The makeup will only fade away bit by bit, and you don’t need to use time in the bathroom!! (OBS! Only works if you don’t take the make up of after the first day)

2. Having a party and forgot to get alcohol?

Take out your shot glasses and put orange juice in it and some Charcoal lighter fluid. Then you have shots that you can put on fire, AND you get drunk!

3. Feeling down and depressed?

Put on crazy hats until you feel happy again!

4. Having a hard time at work?

QUIT!

5. All your clothes dirty?

Cut out the stains!

Everybody will be so jealous!

True Story

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 14:52:00 +0000

The rest of the day was quite normal.

The days of an unemployed bum (me)

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 10:23:00 +0000

I am back! So lets talk about Hipsters!

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 16:56:00 +0000

Hi everyone!

Now, it has been a long time, almost a month. In my defense it is hard to write a blog when you are at places with no internet...but now I am back for good, never will I travel for so long again without internet, or at least that is the plan.
What I love the most about traveling must be the people watching, because I live in north Norway, where I mostly meet foxes, squirrels and bears, getting out in the world and seeing people is my favorite thing. And my God there is a lot of weirdoes hanging about! What I mostly saw this time where Hipsters. Loads of young "cool" go getters, in some retro outfit claiming that every bands earlier stuff was better than it is now. I found this "Hipster way of life" very interesting, and decided to study it, like David Attenborough studies bugs or other animals. So I spent my days looking trough two holes in a news paper, trying to understands this weird looking crowed, their nature and how they behave in social situations, and -my biggest question of all - if there are different kinds of them.
So I hereby represent to you, with photos and short writing (I know how our generation lacks of concentration and time these days):

The Scientific Study of Hipsters

The word Hipster first pops up in the 1940's, these where some badass kids that listened to Jazz, dressed in smart clothing - often with a cool and respectable hat - they smoked weed, and where relaxed to sexual codes. Just look at this cool cat here:

Photo taken from: mens-fashion.lovetoknow.com/

You can see here that Hipsters today still take after their ancestors. Todays Hipsters often wears smart hats, they likes stripes, and are attracted to old looking things.

They seem to like everything that is called retro, like for example styles that are from another time then ours.
The Hipster seems to not be aware that the old styles that they are claiming to bring back, is often exactly what is on the catwalk this year, so they are all, really, just dressing in what H&M, Topshop, Zara and others, are wanting them to buy. This they are totally oblivious to. Here is a typical picture of Hipsters:

Photo taken of: http://www.broadsheet.ie/

In the same time as the Hipster likes the old stuff it also seems quite attracted to technology. A typical Hipster always has the newest smart phone, headphones, computer, iPad, iPod etc. It also keeps updated on music and new coffee shops.

Hipsters are a smarty pants, they always know best. No matter what you say they seem to like the opposite, and come with comments like this:
"Well I liked his older stuff better per se"
"Now, I don't know about you, but I prefer the newest *some kind of technology crap*, its just so much better than the old one"
"Oh these glasses? I found them in my grand dads basement, real Old School, not like that fake stuff everybody else has." The weird thing is that they all have glasses from their grand dads basement, so that can mean two things, one: They can't see that everybody around them also have the real one's. Or two: They all have fake crap?

The thing about the Hipsters, they are unaware of that they are one. They all think they are special and unique, and that no one dresses like them, has the same smart phone as them, or listens to the same music as them. Even if they are all standing in a group together, everybody wearing their grand dads old glasses, accompanied by beat headphones, and the iPhone 4s.

In my research I indeed found evidence of there being two different types of Hipsters. We have:

1. The Stereotypical Hipster:

Photo taken from: http://thedabbler.co.uk/

These are the Hipsters that are most aware of them being Hipsters, and they are indeed proud of it. You see them everywhere, they are the most typical type of Hipsters. They like raving, taking pictures of themselves in the bathroom before going out, and often have a blog that often includes pictures of coffee, weird colorful signs and their outfits.

2. The Closet Hipster

Photo taken from: http://thedailymaggot.com

These are probably the worst kinds of Hipsters. They are totally unaware of them being Hipsters, and therefor think they are the most special people to walk this earth. They are THE "wear their grand dads basement glasses" people, they also have tattoos "nobody" else has - often with a very unique background story - and often have very strong meanings about crap you don't want to talk about. Warning!! Don't get stuck in a conversation for to long with this kind of Hipster, you might get lured into their self obsessive universe, and end up smelling your own farts.

There might be more types of Hipsters that I haven't yet discovered, if I do I will let you know.

The only thing I found positive about this weird species is that they all seem to be party animals. That's right, a thing all Hipsters love is a good party. That is why you see them in every drinking situations like raves, clubs, festivals, even in pubs. And I can't say anything negative about that. They also don't like to fight or cause trouble, which makes them excellent background people for your night out. Just don't end up talking to them for to long...as said before they might suck you into some kind of Hipster dimension you can't get out of!

A little patriotism coming your way!

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 11:56:00 +0000

I have not written in a while, almost a whole week.
This is because I am finally busy with other stuff, you can almost say that I got a real life suddenly.
The reason for this sudden blossom in my life is that I am currently on holiday, in my home country Iceland. That means chillin' with friends and family, being Vikings, you know. Here is a picture of how it is being in Iceland and doing Viking stuff:

Anyways I thought that I should do a little Icelandic awareness list, just because I am feeling a little patriotic:

1. Icelandic Horses is the biggest sport in Iceland, even bigger that football!
2. The population is: 320 060, that is not many!
3. We got awesome knitwear:

4. We speak Icelandic; yes we got our own language.
5. There are volcano's here!
6. Icelandic Vikings found America first, and they even brought a child to the world (Yeah Columbus, you can go F*** yourself).
7. Alcohol was banned until 1988.
8. Game of Thrones, James Bond and Batman Begins where all filmed in Iceland.
9. The girls here are very pretty, but unfortunately the boys are not....I have seen this my self, and heard complaints from many Icelandic girls.
10. We got some awesome hot springs!

So that is it from me today, now I am of to the biggest Icelandic horse competition in Iceland, there is attending ridiculous amount of people.

Bæ! (That is bye in Icelandic, it is pronounced just like the English bye, so now you know a word in Icelandic!)

Things I love to hate

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 10:58:00 +0000

I have come to the conclusion that I must be a little mad. This may come as a shock to you all, but it’s true. I catch myself watching, reading or doing stuff that really irritates me, but I end up doing it anyway, because I kind of love to sit there and hate it.
I sometimes sit around watching a program, getting all wound up and shouting at the TV, all like “What the hell is this?! Why are you going into the basement alone you crazy sod?!” and realise I’m really enjoying myself. Yeah, I love to sit and point out faults in TV series, magazines, movies, Facebook statuses etc., etc. Which makes me kind of a bitter weirdo really? But oh well, it is not going to change so I am just going to make this bitter blog post anyway.
Here is the list of the things I love to hate, and why:

Blogs that have pictures of people’s coffee and food and pointless information about all the things they did in their day. A typical one of those:

Hi all my fancy readers!

Are you all feeling absolutely fab today?
I know I am! This is my lucky day. I woke up just feeling all rested and excited, I went to meet my friend for coffee and breakfast, we just chatted for ages, and it was so much fun. Then I went and got my hair done, and guess what I am a total BLONDIE now!! OMG! After this I cleaned the whole flat, did some yoga, fed the ducks in the park, and now I am going to make dinner and have some friends over! Hopefully they will bring some wine, I sure deserve it!
Here are some pictures from today:

(This is the typical picture, I have seen hundreds of these. Why is it so important to take a picture of your coffee? We all drink coffee or tea, it is not something special or unusual that is only happening in your life!)

(Then it is the close up on their food, which never looks good. It is typical just a boring picture of toast, which again, nothing special about it, just makes me love to hate the blog even more..)

Then it always ends with something like this:

How was your day? Also FAB?!
Lots of kisses my dear loved ones xxx
(Underneath this will be a thousands of comments saying: OMG, I had coffee today too! You rock, love your pics!)

My dear beloved blogger, you must be lying about all of this. This is simply not possible. I never wake up feeling rested and excited, I wake up with a horrible taste in my mouth, dribble all over my pillow and myself, and I never feel excited about leaving my bed! When I have finally won this battle within, gotten up and started my day, I know that all of this is just not feasible in the 15 hours we have before we need sleep again. First getting up and dressed, make up (which I know you take a lot of time with, because I have seen your pathetic mirror pictures taken in your bathroom), that is at least two hours. Then you went for coffee and chatted for ages, I take that as two hours at least! Then the hairdresser which is also two hours, (we are now up in 6 hours), then you have cleaned the whole house and done yoga? That must be 4 hours! Feed the ducks, half hour, then dinner and friends over?! And I haven’t even taken the pee breaks, travel time from coffee shop to home, home to yoga, yoga to feed ducks, getting the groceries for the night, and getting home into the equation. How is this all possible? And not to mention that you had to write this blog post too! You are lying about your day! I don’t believe that this life of yours is real. Stop lying and just admit that you are no better then the rest of us. Sometimes you walk around in your pajamas all day, and watch shit TV, but dude, it is okay to do that. And I would have been impressed by you for only cleaning your house and doing yoga! That would be enough for me. You have just created some kind of fictional superhero blog where Time is the villain and you are winning over TIME. That is not what life is about, winning over time. Just calm down, and stop lying about doing EVERYTHING in one day, and enjoy it instead. It sounds very stressful, that is if you are not on speed or coke or something. Which makes you a drug addict, and that is NOT cool.

I see now that I really, REALLY loved to hate this topic. It became longer then I had expected, so instead of making a list of more things, I will continue this later! Anyway, yeah I am a retard for reading these blogs and then blogging about how much I hate them, but at least they are getting their blog read! Doesn’t matter to them if I like it or not as long as I am not commenting mean stuff, which I don’t do, I just keep it to my own blog and make up a fake blog post I can rip on.
Yeah I really am weird… Here is a picture of how fresh and rested I look in the morning:

SEE? Not happy, excited, rested or fabulous! Just really sad for having to wake up and get out of bed.

The Saga about the Emotional Zombie Part 2

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 08:27:00 +0000

The Saga continues....unfortunately

How my friend became a Dragon

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Sat, 16 Jun 2012 16:14:00 +0000

My friend told me this incredible story from when he was little. And I thought that the only sensible thing to do with this piece of information was to make a comic strip about it:

And that is how my friend became a dragon.

The Saga about the Emotional Zombie Part 1

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 13:31:00 +0000

We all know, unfortunately, that vampires and other supernatural creatures have been ruined over the last years. This I have seen various bloggers express their frustration over many times, so I will not be the first one moaning about; Twilight, The Vampire diaries (My blog name has NOTHING to do with that title), True Blood and others. Suddenly this bloodthirsty, ugly looking, creature we feared as kids, now have "little" feelings, and walk this earth philosophizing over things, and more crap like that. They are not evil death machines that turn into bats and fear garlic. Instead they glitter in the sun, and fall in love, and fight the monster inside them, so they can be with their special little human girl/boy for the rest of their human life. It is sad indeed....so I decided that I would ruin the only supernatural creature that has maintained its fearful self trough out the years! So sorry! Here it goes:

How will it go?

Will the Girl accept the Emotional Zombie, as the true monster he really is?

Will he turn evil and eat her brains? Or maybe her friends brains?

The saga will continue my faithful reader/readers, very VERY soon, on a computer near you!

The Adventures of Ham

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 00:16:00 +0000

It will be a short, but good one today folks!

I am on a plane....BLOGGING!

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Sun, 10 Jun 2012 15:24:00 +0000

I have only had this blog for a short amount of time. I realize that my drawings are very poor, and that I am not good at the Internet at all. But I am learning each day, I am even starting to learn how to use Twitter. Google + is still a big mystery to me, but maybe someone out there, like a master of the internet, will find me and tell me how to use it?
I see in my head a very wise man, probably from South Korea or India, or some other Asian country (I know I am being very stereotypical here, but at the end of the day, we all know its true, Asians are the masters of the Internet). But until this Master of the Internet finds me I am alone here just trying to get by on the little knowledge I have.
The good news is that I have ordered myself a tablet. Yes, my awesome readers, I have come so far in my technology knowledge that I have discovered that in order to make great comics I will need a tablet so my skills can improve. This is going to make great changes I tell you, my good friend (or I hope ‘friends’; that there are indeed more of you that read this blog).
I am also lucky that my little sister, who is eight years younger than me, is very good with this whole Internet thing - she even makes cool websites, where she writes about horses, and posts wonderful pictures, click here: http://saraleasvensdottir.weebly.com/index.html , if you want to see something that is actually well made. Anyway, I am lucky to have her and her Internet skills and movie skills. So, I promise you, the next Viking movie is going to be improved by the maximum and it is going to be MIND BLOWING.

It is going to have explosions like this:

And awesome music, and proper sound! It will be wonderful I tell you.

And then when I get my tablet my pictures is going to stop being like this:

And be more like this:

If you are wondering this is: Brudeferd i Hardanger by Adolph Tidemand, a great Norwegian artist from the 19th century.

So be aware my faithful reader, this is going to get better and be more awesome, I am going all Spielberg on this sh**! When you click on to my web site it is going to be all like: BRAIN EXPLODING BY AWESOMENESS:

And the last and most brain-exploding thing about this whole blog post today is that I am sitting on a plane blogging! OH MY GOD, I am on a plane online!

P.S

All of what I have promised you in this blogpost may or may not happen....

Typical scenes from a Hollywood movie

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 12:47:00 +0000

You know in movies, when they are desperate to make some excitement?

It is this typical scene, in like all Hollywood movies, where one of the main characters sneaks into the bad guys room, or office, looking for something really important, and then the bad guy is coming, walking down the corridor.

The director is desperately trying to KILL you with excitement, but you know that the good guy somehow finds the really really important thing and gets out of the room somehow in a spilt second, right before the bad guy comes into the room. That is what this comic is about:

I kind of felt like this is a typical scene in a movie starring Jason Statham, so the good guy is bald, and so is the bad guy, since we never really know which one he is.

But Hollywood, keep it coming, never change, don't ever come up with something new and unpredictable. Because I think that would blow our small little human brains, and I don't know if there are many of us that could handle it. I even think it would be more hysteria than when Facebook changes it lay outs or looks. Which I really hate when happens by the way!

The first Competition of the year!

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 14:33:00 +0000

Today I was going to write about something awesome.

But I decided not to.

Instead I am going to make a montage of me, and my horse from the competition we where on this weekend.

It was my first competition in probably 5 years, and the first time I have really ridden a horse in three years, the outfall of this was: Complete disaster.

I probably had one of the best horses on the competition, but because I am such a lunatic, and can’t really ride a horse, we just looked like two object that should never have been put together, here are some examples:

Like putting sugar on fish:

Or let a dog fly a plane:

Or get a man without hands to build a house:

So as you understand it did not go really well for me....

But I got a good montage out of it, and here you go:

Vala the lunatic on a good horse picture one:

We where both really excited for the competition, just in two different ways.

The most disturbing thing about this picture is that he was standing looking at his sister (the white horse you see the foot of in the picture)....

Vala the lunatic on a good horse picture two:

"WOHO I am so stocked right now! I am going to win this Mother f*** thing!

Mum take a picture of me being excited so I can show on my blog!"

Vala the lunatic on a good horse picture 3:

I have no idea what I am trying to do here...maybe some sort of Horse whisperer technique, who knows!

Vala the lunatic on a good horse picture 4:

I am so so happy here, nothing is going to break my stride!

WOHO I AM ON A HORSE!!!!

Lucid Dreaming

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 16:06:00 +0000

Or:

And last:

Lucid dreams are the Best!

Sick day, that means topics like: BEARDS!!!! and some s*** about bad TV

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Thu, 31 May 2012 12:53:00 +0000

You know how being sick sucks?
Yeah I bet you do.
Your body is fighting an inner battle with some kind of virus or other badass stuff, so you shut down for a while and it hurts to move and speak about complicated stuff like space, maths, elves, bears, whales and other wonderful stuff that I am sure that everybody else loves. The battle going on inside you is like taken out from one of the intense scenes in all the Vietnam war movies or LOTR, so your body just can’t concentrate on anything else.
When this happens to me I also tend to fall into a deep depression, which is followed by self-pity, as though I’ve just been diagnosed with some kind of life threatening disease, and my mum gets really frustrated with me and tells me to man up, which makes it even worse, and I end up in my bed for days without moving and I curse everybody for not understanding my pain and the horrors my body is experiencing.
This then ends up with me watching everything on the TV, which tends to be a load of crap that is not doing anyone any good. Unfortunately for me last time I was going through this awful deseace, called the flu, sounds like it is just a little thing, but it is not! I imagine it to be almost as bad as childbirth, and I think many men will agree with me on this one. Anyway, there was Gossip Girl marathon on one of the channels, and the remote was like at least three meters away from me, and in that moment my body was almost losing the war against all the evil viruses and I just couldn’t move. It had NOTHING to do with me wanting to watch this program. But it ended up that way. I got sucked into it, I just sat there like in some kind of trance, unable to move, and unable to think. Which makes Gossip Girl really easy to watch, because when you’re in a state where you’re not able to think or move, it is quite a good series to watch.
As the day went by, my body started to win the epic battle that was going on inside me, I see it like the scene in LOTR where Gandalf comes on a white horse and saves the day. Eventually my brain slowly started to work and I realized what was going on in this series, and I began to angrily find huge, gaping holes in the terrible story lines.
So I made this, which I call, the Big Black Holes In Gossip Girl’s Plot:

How do you get cake so fast? I mean, every time you have a last minute party, which is like every episode, you get the best cakes ever, and there’s more than one, it is like hundreds of cakes, just on a last minute call to the baker? Is he a magician this baker? Does he poop them out? How does it even work?
And why is it that when you call someone they pick up on the first ring? Are they all just sitting by the phone constantly and waiting for a call about a new massive upper east side Manhattan scheme?
And why is it when you hang up, or leave the room, you never say goodbye to each other? You just leave the other one hanging there like a massive creep. Like, are you trying to make an awkward situation on purpose here? Have you rich people got no manners?

I found myself sitting there shouting at the TV, and then I realized, I just love sitting and hating this don’t I? You massive weirdo, I thought to myself…
But before I end this horrible blog post I just have to say one more thing about this show that I really hate: Why does nobody have a beard?!
I LOVE beards! And I am sure that if there were more beards in this show I would have maybe liked it a little more.
So I am not making this blog about Gossip Girl and the big black holes in their stupid rich lives, this is going to be about beards. Every male should have one… why?
Here are some examples:

Here is one of the guys in Gossip Girl:

Is he lame or not?!

But look at this:

YEEAH! Suddenly I like him!

* It makes you look more wild and mysterious, and it looks like you know how to chop wood.

* It can also make you look smarter like our favorite author in Norway, Henrik Ibsen, photo here:

Doesn't he look smart?!
*It is manly, it well with all kinds of clothes and makes your face look bigger than it really is.
* Girls don’t want to kiss some smoothed faced pretty boy. We want a man with a beard that looks like he can uphold an intelligent conversation, build things, and fight a bear if necessary

So I want to make a Beard Awareness Day, you know like we have Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Secretary Days and a lot of other highly important days? We should have one for beards as well. People need to know that beards are highly necessary for the world to have. This is very important you guys, so here is a photo for you:

So step up to everyone! FIGHT FOR BEARDS, like my awesome white blood cells fought bravely for me today, and you know what? They won! Cause they’re winners! So be a winner and let that Beard grow out.

Here are some guys that we all love, because of their beards, and to show you how important it is to have a beard I have made a little montage of pictures to prove my point:

Ryan Gosling:
Without a beard: Meh....

With beard: YEAH!

Robert Downey Jr.

Without beard: Meh...

With beard: YEAH!!!

Edward Norton.

Without a beard: Meh...

With beard: HELL YEAH

And to prove my point even more, here is me with a beard:

YEAH!! WINNING!

Hope you all see how important beards are!

xoxo

Why it is hard when your Parent is a Psychologist..

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Wed, 30 May 2012 10:04:00 +0000

The Evil truth about Hamsters: Be aware, this will blow your mind!

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Tue, 29 May 2012 11:22:00 +0000

Hamsters: those cute little things that you keep in your room in cages. You can take them out and play with them and you never have to think about them ever doing any harm. This is what I thought too, so don’t be embarrassed, I was a fool like you all.

It was a beautiful spring day in May, I was probably around 11 years old, the time where all girls start to harass their parents about cute little things they can have in cages. Who hasn’t heard this phrase (or said it): “I promise, I will clean the cage, just please give me one!”
I did, and I won the battle - my mum stupidly gave into my request for a hamster and we went to the pet store to get one. But when we arrived the hamsters all lived together and the woman that worked there assured us that they would feel lonely if we didn’t take at least two (that evil monster of a saleswoman, if I ever meet her again I will give her a piece of my mind). So there we left, I was so overly happy and assured that my hamsters would live a happy ever after life. And since they where both girls we would never have to worry about babies.

The thing that makes Hamsters monsters rule # 1:
Even if the evil sales woman assure you they are both girls, you can never know, because they can apparently hide their real gender really well. And just a couple of weeks later you have at least doubled your amount of Hamsters.

The thing that makes Hamsters monsters rule # 2:
You now have to take care of at least four hamsters, and get a new cage, which makes the job you promised your mom in the first place pretty hard to uphold!

The thing that makes Hamsters monsters rule # 3:
You might not know that these little babies mature really REALLY quickly, and then the father of the original babies makes more babies with his previous babies. This results in tiny hamsters that are riddled with incest, and never mature and just lay there without ever getting hair or growing. So in the end your mum has to flush them in the toilet, or get rid of them in some other traumatic way.

Now that you have learned all there is to be aware of , I can tell you the worst of all worst things that happened to me.
I had now separated all of the hamsters except two that were together in a cage because they seemed to get on really well. One day when I was going to school I looked down on them and they where playing “you are it”, with one running after the other all over the cage. It made me smile and laugh and I went of to school thinking that now my troubles where finally over. I was wrong. I came home, did my homework, ate my dinner and then went up to my room to check on my little sweethearts. What I stumbled upon was like the bloodiest CSI crime scene you can ever imagine! The truth was, they where certainly not playing when I left them in the morning. Apparently one of them was actually running for his life! The other hamster had been running around biting the other, until it was too tired to keep going. And the bloodthirsty bastard killer had not stopped there. It had start eating the other poor hamster from its back, pulling out its insides and spreading them all over the cage. I was devastated, I looked with great fear in my eyes at my bloodthirsty psycho killer hamster, and it looked back at me, and I could see he was happy with his sick gruesome cannibalistic work. That is when I really realized: Hamsters are EVIL. Pure evil, sent from the Devil himself. No animal that is supposed to eat only vegetation eats it’s own friend, when he has loads of food and water. This is just evil, nothing else.

Since then I have always expressed my feelings for hamsters in a negative way, and swore from that day that I would never come near one again.
It was therefore not a good surprise when my sister (again the same age), came home with one. I told her my horrible experience with these gruesome, horrible animals, but she said as long as it was alone and got loads of attention it would be fine. But my sister is away at her fathers every other week, and that makes it very hard, cause then it is up to me or my mum to give it food and other supplies. It went well until the week my mum went away and me and hamster where alone in the house. I went and walked around the cage for ages, cursing the little bastard for even existing. Then I looked at it, and as you know, these bloodthirsty cannibals are really cute to look at, example here:

But really I know, that when we look away they really are something like this:

But good hearted as I am, I started thinking: Maybe I should give this one a change? It looks nice enough..
I walked to the cage and opened it, as soon as it came out of its little house I quickly changed my mind. I will not be able to play with this animal, or cuddle with it. There are just too many memories(just see picture above and you will know what I am talking about). So I sat down, and as usual when I sit down my brain finally start to think, and I found a solution to the problem, so I did not have to even get the hamster out of it’s cage, but still keep it company:

War Against the Shower, Hint: the Shower Always Wins!

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Mon, 28 May 2012 17:07:00 +0000

It has come to my attention that I have a unusual relationship with my shower. I asked my friends if they had this sort of complications when it came to showering, but none of them understood what I was talking about. So I made a really bad Comic strip about this little irrelevant thing that really hazards my everyday life:

If there is anybody out there that feels the same way, just know: You are not alone anymore!

The Epic beginning!

vala.maria89@gmail.com (Vala) — Sun, 27 May 2012 19:24:00 +0000

The Vikings strike back

Hello everybody.
This is my first blog post, and I have been thinking about how to make a great first post that people will actually read and find funny.
So I guess I will start by saying that I’m a girl, I come from Iceland – which in itself should make you super interested, because there are not many of us - but I live in Norway (boooo, no volcano’s).
I call this blog The Viking Diaries, because this is a beginning of an EPIC journey full of magic and wonders.
You’re probably sitting there thinking ‘The Vikings? Weren’t they some bastards that went around Europe raping and plundering poor innocent monks and nuns a thousand years ago?’ You are absolutely right!
But now, all these centuries later, I still sit here and live off that proud moment of my people. Yes, a little pathetic you might think, but if you look at the rest of what we have done there isn’t much else to look back on.
So, I made a plan, some may call it brilliant, some evil, but it is definitely going to be pure awesome. And to understand this plan you must hear the story of how it all began:

I sat in my room and felt sad, and I had no idea why. It was like this big emptiness inside, that was eating me up slowly, like there was an over fed monster in there just sort of gnawing at my insides. I told myself that I had to get myself together and go out and get some fresh air. You know how people say that? Like “go out and get some fresh air, that always helps”. Well, it did not help me this time, and I find that it never ever does - what if I am diagnosed with some kind of life threatening disease or my house burns down, I should just go out and breath the air and my problems will suddenly go away? Anyway, this post is not about loopholes in people’s statements.
But I did go out and hoped that this time it might work, nothing else had done in a couple of days. It didn’t. I felt more depressed. I looked around me and just felt empty and sad. There most be more to this world? I can’t describe the feeling any better than it must have been how Mulan (in the Disney movie by the same name) felt when she had to dress up like the ghosts in those horror movies the Grudge and the Ring, and sang a very touching song about the subject.
My mum tried to help me by making my favorite dinner, my friends by telling me funny stories of their weekends, but nothing helped, I was doomed to walk this stupid earth with the feeling of not belonging. It even came to that point where I did like a movie stunt in the rain, getting down on my knees, looking up at the sky and screaming: WHY?!!! WHY??!
But that dramatic and desperate event did not help either.
Then after several days in my bed, without showering, looking at the wall and just stinking all sorts of interesting/disgusting (you choose) smells, my sister came knocking on the door and asked me to watch a movie called How to Train Your Dragon. I just acted like a robot and went to the living room, sat down, and the movie started.
Suddenly it came back, the feelings, the joy! I sat through the whole movie, laughed when the dragon did funny things, cried, when it got hurt, got confused when it got confused. It was like my life was given back to me, now I knew what was wrong. I was born in the wrong time and age! I had never realized. There is no magic left in this world, no dragons –I know that dragons have never existed, but at least people believed they did before!
So I was like “DAMN IT! MUM??!”
My mum came running up thinking probably that the whole world was going under, which it was, for me, “Why couldn’t you have me like a thousand years ago, when there was big boats, epic swords, armor, princes and knights, and DRAGONS?!”, my mum looked very confused at me “My dear, dragons don’t exist, and I wasn’t even born then, how could I have had you?”. I looked at her like she was the source of all evil and went to my room and made sure to slam the door. Stupid mum, acting like I’M the crazy one, I thought to myself. This is when the idea came to my mind, just like that: who says you can’t be a Viking?
“Yeah, stupid brain, finally an answer for my gruesome unhappiness, I will become a Viking! I shall get a boat, a sword, and 500 men, and a wolf, and a bear, and an eagle cause that is what they had in those days right?” But what will I do as a Viking? It is not like I can go to England or Scotland anymore, and rape and plunder them, they have an army now, dicks, it is like very big…hmmm…what nation has pretty women (for my raping and pillaging army), no real army, and is inoffensive enough to not suspect or see me coming?
This was a harder question to answer; since we Scandinavians are that inoffensive, beautiful, nice people nowadays, and the rest of the world has huge armies with atomic bombs and probably laser swords and Iron Man hidden somewhere. I sat down cause I was exhausted from all this fast thinking, and then my brain started working again: what about Canada? I smiled to myself, I have an image of that moment in my brain that I looked like Gollum in LOTR when he finally got the ring of Frodo; no shower in days, wearing nothing but a dirty t-shirt and some underpants, hair dirty and scabby looking, and no sleep for too long time will do that to me.
So it was settled, I would go to rape and plunder Canada, and those nice, inoffensive bastards would NEVER see it coming, I had a long very evil laugh, until my little sister came in and looked at me like I was a gross rat that she really just wanted to kill instantly. But lucky for me she didn’t. When I told her my brilliant/evil plan, she said it would never work, and that I was stupid and should act like a real adult and a role model….and that we could play it instead with her Lego set. So we did:

I realize now that you might think I am crazy, and to make you more sure of your decision, my sister didn't have a Lego set, I did, and she did not help me make this....