Infidel's Corner

Hope for the future.

2011-09-10T01:21:00.002-06:00

DISCLAIMER: To any family members who may be reading this: I can discuss my life if I want to. If you don't like it, then don't read this shit. Period. While the norm is that I normally don't reveal personal information online, I feel like making an exception this time around. Don't waste your time or my patience starting shit with me about it.

I graduated from high school without a dime to my name. I was born poor, grew up poor, having very little. The house/family I grew up in was one hell of a shitty mess. Drugs, alcoholism, domestic violence, that kind of stuff.

It was 1998. I went through the ceremony and all feeling half numb. I didn't want to feel. A lot of my classmates were having the time of their lives, but I was not. After graduation I and most of the rest of my classmates were bused to a fitness center not too far from my high school and spent the night there having fun. Well, they did anyway. I simply sat numb, wondering around, trying NOT to envision my future. I felt so hopeless about it.

During that graduation ceremony, my classmates (few of whom I was friends with; I hated myself so bad I would keep others away to begin with to avoid trouble) were talking about what college they were going to, how life was great, etc. I felt empty. I had nothing to look forward to. I was broke, down, and felt worthless. I did not have a good running start, and I knew it.

I remember specifically NOT talking to anyone that night, simply because I didn't want to talk about what everyone else was talking about. Even though I graduated, my grades would never allow me into college, and even if I did get in, considering how many classes I failed, I felt I had no chance of succeeding either. I "knew" all I would ever be was some failure working minimum wage shit for the rest of my days. It killed my self-esteem. I already had been suffering from depression for some time, and I honestly think that night made it a lot worse. Because feeling was so difficult for me, and such an experience was exponentially worse.

Depression is a funny thing. Too many people misunderstand it, and end up giving out bad advice to those who struggle with it. Depression does not make people just sit in a corner and cry. While that certainly happens sometimes, actually, the body copes with pain by trying to shut off the ability to feel anything, period. This is why depressed people cannot simply be told to "cheer up." It is also why they often don't take pleasure in fun activities. The brain, in an effort to shut down the pain, can shut down both pleasure AND pain. Outsiders simply cannot cheer them up by "happy horse-shitting" some positive thinking crap into their ears. Outsiders also cannot "shame" them into not being depressed, i.e. "you choose to be depressed," or "this is your way of punishing your family into getting what you want." That makes it worse. What they need is hope, not condemnation.

It is very difficult to be positive when the outlook is not positive. I went through my teenage years poor, rejected, and depressed. I felt the human equivalent of a defective product off of the assembly line. Even though I was certainly not defective, and just as capable of having potential as anyone else, I spent many class sessions daydreaming away, not wanting to see the world I lived in. I would go home to a drug and alcohol filled (and disciple-free) home which was impossible to study in. Often my belongings were stolen to feed a drug habit. We also had a lot of domestic violence in the house. It was impossible to find any peace there. I simply wanted out, and since I could not find anyone who would let me move out, I "escaped" mentally instead.

Home was no better. During my teenage years I lived in the middle of nowhere. This was because my mother married a man who had teenage sons who kept getting into trouble with the law, and thought if he lived way way out, it would keep the bad influences away. It didn't work. I lived several miles out of a little shit-town with only about 2,000 people in it (during the 1990s). I had to walk for a good hour just to reach the city limits, and since I had no car, I could not get a job. In addition, the town was so small there weren't a lot of jobs to be had to begin with. Because I did not allow people to get close to me, I also did not have a very good social net to lean on. And while I didn't use drugs, the fact that a certain family member (you know who you are, and for the record I still refuse to forgive you for this) not only stole from me (with impunity) to feed a drug habit but also once pulled a knife on me in front of our mother, and never got disciplined for anything at all reinforced my self-pessimism. I wanted desperately to get out of that house. I also begged a few relatives and even some people known to our family for a chance to move in, just to get out of that house and into a better environment. I was refused every time. Every turndown was a knife through my gut. I simply could not understand why a good person like myself could be refused by so many people.

Eventually I moved to Albuquerque, in 2002. I worked several shit jobs -- security and convenience stores -- until 2006 hit. That year was the worst. I had no less than three jobs not work out for various reasons. One reason they didn't work out is because in this at-will, minimum wage, anti-union state, employers fire you for any reason whatsoever -- I have known for perfectly good people to get fired to shit they didn't do, or for things that should not get them fired. Unless it was for a "protected status," such as race, you can't sue for wrongful termination, and have fun trying to get unemployment. The burden of proof is squarely on you; you must provide all of the evidence, while your former bosses just say whatever the hell they want and the Unemployment office buys into it. You must tell the truth while the other side has a license to lie.

I did get unemployment during that year. Basically one place I worked at, when I was tossed, for no reason whatsoever, gave me a termination notice specifically stating that. But a part of me, in the back of my mind, asked me if I really wanted to keep doing shit like this when I am 40, or 50. So I enrolled at CNM, the local community college, in Spring 2007.

I remember dreading college. How would I succeed, since I did so poorly in high school? My first two classes were Math 120 and English 101. I flunked them both that term. I simply could not stay focused or hopeful that this effort was worth a damn. But after I looked at those two Fs, I at least wanted to correct them and pass. So I took those two classes again in the summer, and passed them. It was small... but worth it, and I thought that I could keep this up until I got a degree.

But what would I decide to major in? I honestly could not decide. At first, I chose Journalism, and bounced around to Pharmacy Tech, and a few others. So I chose "Liberal Arts" figuring I could transfer the credits to UNM after graduation. That was assuming I even made it that far, which I did in May 2010. It did not dawn on me what I had accomplished, or that I was even capable of accomplishing it, until I had that gown on.

I skipped Summer 2010, figuring that would be a good time to take a break. In the fall I enrolled in Political Science. Just two classes for this term. (I normally take 3, trying to stay a half-time student.) Passed them and went on to Spring. Barely passed Spring, as I was having trouble at home. Family is a never ending source of drama for me... at the time my brother was living with me, rent-free, without a job, for seven months. I eventually kicked him out, but I knew family is the part I would have to change.

But something happened in the Summer 2011. I took another summer off, and tried to register for Fall 2011. I was getting my college paid by a state agency that helps the disabled (I qualify because of my ADD.). But they were at the wrong end of budget cuts, and I was dis-enrolled, even though I was a pretty good success story for them. Ten years ago, this would have been enough for me to try and end it all. I admit sheepishly that I have attempted several times to do that in the past, especially during my teenage years. All that work for nothing? Well, not quite. I have decided that since I can do college, and CNM is so cheap, that perhaps I should pursue a degree or certificate in Paralegal studies. I enjoyed Political Science and while that is no longer an option, perhaps a Paralegal degree/certificate will allow for me to finally do what I once thought would never happen -- work a career that I can give a shit about, and not just some pay the bills job.

Something else keeps sticking in my head. An "e-friend" once posted a blog (which is friends-only, so I cannot link to it) in which he said the following:

There isn't going to be a magical moment. No time in my life when today ends and tomorrow begins. No specific time where what I've done to get here stops mattering and that great, wonderful life starts for real. If there was such a moment, it was years ago, and I just failed to realize it at the time...

But it's hard to shake the feeling that my life is in much the same place as it was five years ago, *and* not to worry that five years from now it will still be. Things aren't going to change on their own. Nor is there going to be a magical moment when I open my eyes and realize that a new chapter in my life has begun. We used to read highly annoying books in German class that had no chapters; just one big bulk of text which was very hard to stay focused on. Life is like such a book; there are no endings, no beginnings, no milestones except for the ones you arbitrarily place, the bookmarks you decide to place at certain points in the novel yourself.

And yet. I'm still struggling to shake off the dream that someday, everything will fall in place all by itself and I will never have to worry or struggle again. Because it never ends until the book ends, and when it does, I'll be too dead to be happy about it.

Nor can I spend it feeling sorry for myself and hoping for a higher power to solve my problems for me... [t]his one rides on me. If the book of [my life] is ever to be an entertaining read, it's up to me to fill the blank pages accordingly. There's still quite a few left. Thank you all for bearing with me so far, and I'll do my best to make the remainder of the story worth reading.

Because, dear friends, I love you like that. Honestly.
There was a lot more to that post than that, in which he describes his upbringing (a nice one compared to the one I had) but those words have stuck with me ever since. And now, since I cannot continue at UNM because of the price tag, I have decided to save up money and go back to CNM.

The only choice now is whether to pursue the degree or certificate in Paralegal studies. With the certificate, I will be done in a year and a half -- a full time student can hack it in 2 terms, but since I will be a half time student, it will take me twice as long. The problem with a certificate, though, is that I am still looking to expat, which may mean that I won't qualify under the immigration rules which require a degree to get the best chance. On the other hand, I already have a Liberal Arts degree, which may allow me to slip by. Not sure which route to take. But 10 years ago, I would have never felt like I had a choice at all. I never thought I had a chance until a few years ago...

I know some of you reading this will smile and laugh at how I am only getting to college at the age of 30. Yet it is also a safe bet that the scoffers couldn't handle the life I lived growing up. I could go on about domestic violence, drugs and alcohol for the next month. I could tell you all about growing up in a single parent household where there was no money for anything... and also no supervision. I grew up in a house where my mother would sit on the couch reading romance novels completely content with her kids drinking and doing drugs in the next room. I don't ask for the world to be handed to me. I just ask for an opportunity, not to be rich, but to be a better man. If it takes me to 50, so be it. (Although it would be nice if it didn't take that long.)

Success, even small amounts of it, can be self-sustaining. I would like to remind everyone that during most of the time I have spent in school, as a half-time student, I was working 2 jobs. Two jobs, and a half time student. (Of course, I don't have any kids, so that helps.) It can be done, so long as realistic expectations are set, and as long as they are MET. There's still quite a few pages left in my book, and I plan to start filling those pages up with some better reading material. I want some more exciting chapters in there... and one day, when I have kids of my own, I want them to have a better life than I have had. I want them to learn from my mistakes and missteps, and write an even better book for themselves.

In closing, I would also like to go back to the part about depression. Depression has many causes, and truth be told, I haven't always sought treatment for it as I should be. One good place to start is to remove certain stress causers in my life. One of those stress causers is my younger brother, who about a week ago decided to try and put his hands on me. It didn't end well for him (I whooped his ass) but it became a defining moment for me. 28 ½ years of him being physically and verbally abusive to the rest of us is long enough. I am not speaking to him, nor do I plan to from here on. And any family members who choose to embrace him will by definition reject me. I simply refuse to tolerate the stress he brings into every situation. It's not that I am afraid of him; it's that I am sick of dealing with him. In addition, I have a better work environment than I used to; working the graveyard shift in hotels is by no means a fantastic career choice, but it is far better than working security or convenience stores (the latter makes me shudder). I pretty much decide how to do my job -- there are some things I must, but I work without supervision, and as long as I do not do something stupid (such as sleep or masturbate on the job) then I am left pretty much alone. Working 2 jobs and half time school won't allow for much of a social life, but since this town has such a shitty nightlife (piss poor college and minor league sports, as well as lots and lots of drinking and drug use) I am not missing out on much. Most of the bars are full of nasty 4-something bar bunnies and never gonna be nuthin' men who already have 6 kids with 5 women they never got around to marrying or providing support for anyway. (Welcome to Albuquerque, New Mexico.) Not in the mood to mingle with that crowd. But in all seriousness, I do need a support group. Working on that as I type this, believe it or not. And I should note that absence of stress is not the goal, but the ability to work through it. I refuse to spin my wheels in this condition, period.

...[t]his one rides on me. If the book of [my life] is ever to be an entertaining read, it's up to me to fill the blank pages accordingly. There's still quite a few left. Thank you all for bearing with me so far, and I'll do my best to make the remainder of the story worth reading.

Because, dear friends, I love you like that. Honestly.

Debtmageddon

2011-08-11T04:35:00.000-06:00

This video is great.

Monitized Videos?

2011-08-09T01:56:00.003-06:00

Last week I received an invitation from YouTube to monitize my videos. It was a bit of a surprise because I do not get anywhere near the number of views I thought necessary to do so. As an indication, last Friday I posted a video titled "Video Ideas for Jacob Spinney." As of right now, at 12:46 Sunday night/Monday morning it has gained a grand total of 15 views and 2 comments.

I do not know if my upload of Keith Olbermann's Special Comment had anything to do with it. It has garnered 467 views as of this moment. That's still not much, but it wasn't until after that video that I got the invitation from YouTube.

My video with the most views is titled "James Randi admits he's gay" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUj_cyvPwkA) -- as of this moment it has over 2,000 views. That's still less than what Coughlan or thunderf00t get in 2 days when they put up vids on their main channels.

As of right now I am deciding whether or not to go through all of my videos and decide on a case by case basis which ones I should try to monetize. I have already decided -- if I go ahead on this -- to only (at least for now) put in videos for monitzing which only have my own content on it. Even if I use another user's content under "Fair Use," which means I should not get a DMCA for it, YouTube can still say they won't approve of ads. YouTube's Adsense policy is not DMCA-linked; they can choose to only share ads on videos from people who dress up as pirates in their videos if they so choose. So I am erring on the side of caution for now until I know for sure what I can and cannot get away with. If anyone has any insight on this, by all means comment below; I would love to hear wisdom on this.

I have also gone onto Google Adsense's site and blocked a few types of ads. The types of ads I have censored from appearing on YouTube (and by extension, this blog, since Adsense is enabled here as well) are for products and services I personally oppose. I am a skeptic, which means I have a problem with any ad that promotes anything related to such things as "get rich quick" (which is an actual category Adsense lists), homeopathy, "alternative" medicine, religion, etc. Legit medicines are OK, however.

For example, a pill which promises a bigger manhood is a no-no, since the treatments offered for that are not proven and no known method for doing so has been proven to the medical community in peer reviewed scientific journals. Viagra, on the other hand, has been proven to do what it claims, so their ads can stay. I could careless about the sexual nature of the ad (Playboy could advertise on my site for all I care) but as a skeptic I will not sit idly by and make money from unproven scammers. That being said, if anyone happens to come across such an ad either here or on my YouTube vids, screenshot it and send it to me -- I want to know.

I must wrap this up. I admit that being invited to monitize my videos was unexpected; however, now that the invitation has been extended, I feel a bit more motivated to produce more content. I am going to set a target of at least one blog post per week and two videos on YT per week.

AnonOps Communications: What Are We Capable Of? THIS IS ANONYMOUS!

2011-07-08T04:21:00.000-06:00

AnonOps Communications: What Are We Capable Of? THIS IS ANONYMOUS!

Do you live more in the past or the present?

2011-05-29T11:19:00.001-06:00

The present. At least, I try to.

Ask me whatever...

what if dreams came true and you could do anything you wanted, would you still give a shit about anyone else?

2011-05-24T03:05:00.001-06:00

Yes I would care about others. Humans are not born like snakes and turtles; fresh out the egg they know how to care and feed themselves. We instead need to band together, in all things, to an extent. If my dreams came true I would remind myself that they would not have come true without others, and also that other people have it far worse off than I do. This is why I hate it when the rich simply expect everyone else to "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" instead of understanding that humanity has never survived without some degree of cooperation and sacrifice for others.

Ask me whatever...

cna uyo raed stfuf wehn ist put liek tihs? fi yuo acn sned it on ot all yuor fllowers ot suorppt poepel whit dsyleixa.

2011-05-24T03:02:00.001-06:00

This isn't dyslexia, or even being drunk. It represents a shitty understanding of English.

Ask me whatever...

you just woke up next to me, using three words only what would you say to me? ask your followers and be a good sport, play along. ;)

2011-05-24T03:01:00.003-06:00

"I guess I am gay after all..."

Ask me whatever...

If you wrote your autobiography, what would the title be?

2011-05-24T03:01:00.001-06:00

"My Life, and the Lessons Learned."

Ask me whatever...

What do you do when you can't sleep

2011-04-12T10:53:00.001-06:00

I sleep during the day since I work graveyard, but when I cannot sleep I just acknowledge it and try to find something else to do.

Ask me whatever...

What do you think about formspring.me so far?

2011-03-19T03:48:00.003-06:00

We'll see how long this lasts.

Ask me whatever...

Who's your favorite musician?

2011-03-19T03:48:00.001-06:00

I have three favorite bands, actually: Whitesnake, Areosmith and Disturbed. All three are #1 in my book.

Ask me whatever...

What's your favorite genre of music?

2011-03-19T03:47:00.003-06:00

I am a certified, bona fide Rock Hound.

Ask me whatever...

If you could only listen to one song for the next month, which would it be?

2011-03-19T03:47:00.001-06:00

The problem with one song in my head is that I get sick of having it stuck in my head after less than 1 day.

Ask me whatever...

Do you believe in fate?

2011-03-19T03:46:00.003-06:00

Yes, but the outside world is only part of the equation. You are other part.

Ask me whatever...

Are you better at using your brain or your brawn?

2011-03-19T03:46:00.001-06:00

Brain.

Ask me whatever...

Haven't been feeling up to a whole lot.

2010-11-27T02:03:00.000-07:00

Looking over my YouTube account, it has dawned on me that there hasn't been anywhere near as much raw content lately. Some NFL picks, and even then for the last two weeks I haven't been up for it.

And it was awhile until I figured out what it was.

Ever since I was in elementary school, I have battled depression. I won't go into the reasons why, because not only would that reveal more personal information than I care to reveal here, but after all these years, the "original cause" is not longer the modern day problem. The modern problem is that lifelong depression is self-sustaining.

And when it is lifelong, it ends up affecting just about every part of your life -- work, relationships, school, personal self-concept, etc. from the grandest scales (What am I going to do with my life?) to the minutiae (I don't want to get out of bed).

Family members and friends often do not get it. They either live in denial (he just gets that way) or they have misconceptions. One of the worst misconceptions is the idea that depression simply makes one want to go off in a corner and cry. Wrong. While I am on that tangent, I want to explain something. And I want people to know that not everyone who suffers from depression will agree with me, since depression can affect different people in other ways. But I can map out how it affects me, with the hope to find others who may or may not have had the same experiences.

When I get down, I "shut down." That is, I don't go out, I don't return phone calls, I don't feel like talking much, I don't want to do schoolwork, I end up sometimes having to force myself out of bed after hours of sleeping in. What is happening is that I don't want to "feel." It is a coping mechanism. It enables me to go through the motions without having to acknowledge there's a problem.

But there are side effects. One side effect is that with the loss of emotion, there is a loss of willpower and energy. This is where a lot of friends and family members get hung up. "Why don't they just get up and do something to feel better?" or "If they were really depressed, they'd go into a corner and cry -- I think he's just being an asshole to others to get sympathy and attention" often go through their heads. What they do not realize is that when depression is that deeply ingrained, it ends up happening so automatically and so seamlessly that the person can go days or even weeks before it dawns on him that he is missing out. It can take even longer to figure out why or how the person got depressed in the first place (and truth be told, there can be multiple factors in any given episode).

In my case, I have a lot of be happy about. I now have a college degree (first in my family in generations to do that outside the military), I am in university, I am financially secure (hasn't always been the case), I bought a new car (well, new for me) after years of not being able to afford one, I have family and even pets who love me to death back. I've definitely had it worse than that in the past.

But something was bothering me, and because it was so automatic, it took a while before it dawned on me what it was. Believe it or not, this time, it's because I turned 30.

I have missed out on a lot of things other people take for granted. I won't go into extended detail, because it would reveal far more personal information than I care to put up on an Internet blog. (Poverty had a lot to do with it, but there are many reasons.) As I would walk UNM's halls and see 18 and 19 year old kids who have it much better than I do, and always have, it slowly ate away. One thing that surprised me about UNM is that I thought I would see more "working class" folks like the ones I saw at community college. I fit in with that crowd a hell of a lot more than the barely legal crowd. (Especially since supposedly 60% of UNM's students supposedly come from out of state -- which would (and one would think should) mean that there are more spots in classes for the working class crowd.) But I can count on one hand the number of those I have found around campus. Not to say I face significant rejection, just isolation. Add the cold reality that your 20s are over... and it can be a bit much to bear. Especially for someone who's introverted like me.

And it usually doesn't dawn on me until I look back and see the effects of it. In this case, it had to do with seeing my YouTube output over the last few months. While it is of course OK to take a break from YT (and as I type this, I should note that a break may be necessary for me as I go into December, and therefore, finals and Spring registration, and Christmas, and all that good stuff), what has happened to my YT channel over the last few months wasn't a break. It was a shutdown, except for football. And even then, I admit I haven't even watched a lot of football -- which will shock the shit out of any family members who read this.

So if it seems as though I haven't been as active as usual on YouTube, it's because I haven't been as active as usual in other areas of my life. I have largely gotten away with it at school because right now between my classes I only have one assignment per week combined for them (and the occasional test). If I had more "study-intensive" courses (such as heavy maths or History) I probably would not have gotten away with it since I usually type my one assignment (a 500 word essay on a newspaper headline) a few hours before it is due every week. I've been getting away with an easy schedule. To use a football analogy, I'm like the 2001 Chicago Bears -- an easy schedule made for artificially higher results (they went 13-3 that year on one of these easiest schedules in recent times). If I am not careful, then like the 2001 Bears, I could easily flop next time around with a heavier schedule. For reference, the following year (2002) the Bears went 4-12.

I might as well also look a bit on the bright side. Taking it easy this term was good for me to get my bearings at the university level -- the huge classes, the number of events going on, etc. just as an easy schedule for a football team can allow them to learn what works and what doesn't. But the last thing you want is to take it for granted -- that's when you end up becoming complacent and too "used to" having it easy. Lots of Heisman trophy winners have gone on to be busts in the NFL (to continue the football analogy).

So I have decided to come out by admitting this here on my blog. And as a remedy to this, I think making a few move substantive videos than just NFL picks might do the trick. And in case anyone is reading this, no, I do not take medicine for my depression. Some time back, I was prescribed Prozac for it. And even though I am a big guy (275 pounds) and the dosage was small (only 10 milligrams) it put me on my ass. I was sleeping upwards of 20 hours a day, missing classes and often being late for work, and even then often sleeping through both. After a few weeks of that, I flushed the remaining pills down the toilet. The worst part about it is that I have heard and read about people taking dosages five times my amount. How they do it is beyond me. And I have not gone back to meds since. Not that meds are bad, just not for me. (Well, Prozac is not for me. I'd be willing to try something else, maybe.) But I digress.

So what am I going to do to fire myself up back into full mode? As the holiday season comes into play, there's a few things I want to do. One thing is to create a "Tree of Knowledge" in my home. A "tree of knowledge" for those unaware, is when atheists such as myself take a Christmas tree and cover it with atheist tracts and laminated covers of books written by atheists and skeptics. Sounds silly to those who are not atheists, but actually it can be done tastefully and look good.

Here's links to some examples:

1. http://tinyurl.com/2csn4dh
2. http://tinyurl.com/2fkwpod
3. http://friendlyatheist.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/treecloseup.jpg

In my case, I won't be using laminated book covers, since my tree is going to be a small one on my table. Instead, I'll just be using tracts. I've already ordered some from the Freedom From Religion Foundation -- a pack of 13 is only $4! That'll be plenty to put up on my tree... in fact, I may order more than one pack to have some to pass out.

I also recently saw HowTheWorldWorks' latest video titled "What $200,000 in Student Debt Looks Like." In it he slams a college grad for several things: being that much in debt, studying abroad, her major (because he thinks it made her a liberal), and for e-begging on a website to pay it off. Yes, folks, HTWW gets on someone's case for e-begging when he did it himself for a new camera just a few months back. And that's not all. He also jumps on Obama's ass for not nuking North Korea already, slams green jobs, smears health care reform, and even talks about Park 51, the supposed "Ground Zero Mosque" which is neither at Ground Zero nor is it a mosque. Oh how I want to rip into him for that. I'm already working on it as I type this.

I've also thought about doing a small time series on the Bible's stories regarding Jesus' birth and early life, exposing why we atheists have problems with the Jesus Story.

Also, I have thought about doing a Blogroll. Haven't done one in a while.

So there's my plan for about the next week or so. I may decide to do some other videos, we'll see. But this gives me a bit of a start.

So take care, everyone, as always, skeptics until the day we die, and party hard.

~Infidel

NFL Week 2 predictions!

2010-09-19T07:10:00.000-06:00

From last week:

(WIN) indicate my winning picks.
(true) in front denotes the ones I got right.

Games for last week:

(true) Minnesota at New Orleans (WIN)
(true) Cleveland at Tampa Bay (WIN)
(true) Miami (WIN)at Buffalo
(true) Cincinnati at New England (WIN)
Indianapolis (WIN) at Houston
(true) Denver at Jacksonville (WIN)
Atlanta (WIN) at Pittsburgh
Oakland (WIN)at Tennessee
(true) Carolina at NY Giants (WIN)
(true) Detroit at Chicago (WIN)
(true) Arizona (WIN)at St. Louis
Green Bay at Philadelphia (WIN)
San Francisco (WIN) at Seattle
Dallas (WIN) at Washington
(true) Baltimore (WIN) at NY Jets
San Diego (WIN) at Kansas City

Week 1 record: 9/16 56.25%
Season record: 9/16 56.25%

My picks for Week 2:

1. Buffalo at Green Bay (WIN)
Green Bay's got an injury bug and that spells trouble down the road, especially losing two-time 1200-yard rusher Ryan Grant for the year. But it shouldn't matter against Buffalo. Even though Buffalo didn't do all that bad against Miami last week, they still lost and have no shot at saving Trent Edwards when going up against Green Bay.

2. Baltimore (WIN) at Cincinnati
It's wasn't supposed to be trendy to pick Cincinnati to start 0-2. But that crap performance against New England plays against them here.

3. Pittsburgh at Tennessee (WIN)
Either side could win this one, even though it may boil down to which team can't exploit the other's weakness. Who will outfire the other: Dixon/Mendenhall or Young/CJ2K? And how will both defenses respond?

4. Chicago at Dallas (WIN)
Both of these teams could easily have opposite records, since neither one play particularly well last week. However, Dallas has a bit of an excuse, since they played Washington, while Chicago barely won at Detroit. Especially when one considers that Cutler's 372 yard passing game against Detroit's defense was mostly on screen passes.

5. Philadelphia (WIN) at Detroit
Giving Vick the start was the right move to let Kolb heal. This game should feel like preseason, especially since Stafford's out for a while.

6. Tampa Bay (WIN) at Carolina
Tampa Bay didn't let that deficit bring them down, but since they were playing Cleveland, the comeback doesn't mean much. Regardless of whether or not Matt Moore plays the whole game(expected to start, but not confirmed due to concussion), Carolina has no chance. They gave up 5 turnovers to the Giants and as a result that game could have been worse if it hadn't been for 3 picks.

7. Arizona at Atlanta (WIN)
Neither of these teams can put up much. What's Arizona's excuse for allowing St. Louis to stay in the game for as long as it did? Also, Atlanta got into the same bad habits on 3rd down (only 6/16 for 36%, atrocious.).

8. Kansas City (WIN) at Cleveland
San Diego may have a habit of starting out slowly in the early season, but that was still a hell of a win for Kansas City. Offensively, Kansas City only passed for 68 yards and didn't even gain 200 yards of offense, because if you hadn't noticed, they basically won on special teams, field position, RB Jamaal Charles and of course that goal-line stand. Now they get a softie this week at Cleveland.

9. Miami at Minnesota (WIN)
Minnesota is struggling on offense (especially at WR) but now they're facing a Miami team that barely beat Buffalo last week. That will give them a chance to start 1-1 and be on more stable footing.

10. Seattle (WIN) at Denver
It's really hard to gauge what Seattle's win over San Francisco means, or even if it will mean anything down the road. Denver's performance against Jacksonville is, ironically, in the same category, since Jacksonville is a much tougher team than the Niners. This game will be a big test for both of these teams.

11. St. Louis (WIN) at Oakland
Another hard game to call, but for all of the wrong reasons. I must give the edge to St. Louis for one reason -- Oakland's cardboard-cutout run defense won't stop Steven Jackson. Other than that, god how these two teams suck.

12. Houston at Washington (WIN)
This could be the Game of the Week. However, McNabb, Portis, and Haynesworth are all listed as questionable for this game, and even if all of them play, they will need to play better than last week to outplay Mario Williams, Arian Foster and Andre Johnson. 13 points might beat Dallas but it won't beat Houston.

13. Jacksonville at San Diego (WIN)
A valid question about San Diego's loss to the Chiefs was whether or not WR Jackson would have made the difference. Tis a shame he's suspended, since Jacksonville struggled against the pass vs. Denver. How San Diego can stop Maurice Jones-Drew may hinge on whether or not Merriman (probable -- Achilles ) can play.

14. New England (WIN) at New York Jets
Tom Brady and co. looked Super-Bowl caliber against Cincinnati. Now comes a chance to get some sweet revenge against the trash-talking Jets. Something tells me this game may be even more lopsided than the game against Cincinnati.

15. NY Giants at Indianapolis (WIN)
Here comes "Manning Bowl II." The Giants defense saved them against Carolina, but they will probably have to use the run to save them from Indy. Plus, it's hard to imagine Peyton and the Colts dropping to 0-2.

16. New Orleans (WIN) at San Francisco
How hard can this game be to pick? Hmm… Drew Brees has never lost to the Niners, the Niners gave up 28 points in 7 minutes to Seattle, converted only 1 third down, have lost the last 5 matchups with the Saints, Frank Gore (who averages about 150 yards per game against Seattle in the past) only got 38 yards on 17 carries, Alex Smith played likes he always does (like shit) and blamed the play-calling for it, umm… yeah. I'm not looking for an upset here against the defending Super Bowl champs.

NFL Week 1 predictions!

2010-09-11T01:12:00.000-06:00

Sorry for not getting this picks up sooner. It's been a very busy week for me.

I made these predictions on YouTube in time for the first game, even this blog post wasn't...

BOLD indicate my winning picks.

Games for this week:

Minnesota at New Orleans (WIN)
Cleveland at Tampa Bay (WIN)
Miami (WIN)at Buffalo
Cincinnati at New England (WIN)
Indianapolis (WIN) at Houston
Denver at Jacksonville (WIN)
Atlanta (WIN) at Pittsburgh
Oakland (WIN)at Tennessee
Carolina at NY Giants (WIN)
Detroit at Chicago (WIN)
Arizona (WIN)at St. Louis
Green Bay at Philadelphia (WIN)
San Francisco (WIN) at Seattle
Dallas (WIN) at Washington
Baltimore (WIN) at NY Jets
San Diego (WIN) at Kansas City

NFL Predictions!

2010-09-11T00:59:00.005-06:00

Listed below are my predictions for the NFL Season.

AFC
AFC East
(4) New England (12-4)
NY Jets (8-8)
Miami (6-10)
Buffalo (3-13)

AFC North
(3) Pittsburgh (12-4)
(5) Baltimore (11-5)
(6) Cincinnati (10-6)
Cleveland (4-12)

AFC South
(1) Indianapolis (15-1)
Jacksonville (9-7)
Tennessee (6-10)
Houston (5-11)

AFC West
(2) San Diego (12-4)
Denver (6-10)
Kansas City (6-10)
Oakland (5-11)

NFC
NFC East
(3) NY Giants (12-4)
(5) Dallas (10-6)
Philadelphia (8-8)
Washington (8-8)

NFC North
(1) Green Bay (13-3) (3rd scoring)
Chicago (8-8)
Minnesota (5-11)
Detroit (3-13)

NFC South
(2) New Orleans (12-4)
(6) Atlanta (9-7)
Tampa Bay (8-8)
Carolina (5-11)

NFC West
(4) San Francisco (11-5)
Arizona (6-10)
Seattle (5-11)
St. Louis (3-13)

AFC Playoffs
Wild Card
Cincinnati @ Pit(WIN)
Baltimore @ New England (WIN)

Divisional
New England @ Indy (WIN)
Pittsburgh @ San Diego (WIN)

Conference Championship
San Diego (WIN) @ Indy

NFC Playoffs
Wild Card
Atlanta @ NYG (WIN)
San Francisco @ Dallas (WIN)

Divisional
Dallas @ Green Bay (WIN)
NY Giants (WIN) @ New Orleans

Conference Championship
NY Giants @ Green Bay (WIN)

SUPER BOWL
San Diego (WIN) vs. Green Bay

Sources used:

CBS Power Rankings: http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/powerrankings
Covers.com Power Rankings: http://www.covers.com/sports/power-ranking/nfl-power-ranking.aspx?t=0
ESPN Power Rankings: http://espn.go.com/nfl/powerrankings
FOX Sports Power Rankings: http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/powerRankings
Cold Hard Football Facts: http://www.coldhardfootballfacts.com/Category/10_Power_Rankings.html
Football Locks: http://www.footballlocks.com/nfl_power_rankings.shtml
And of course, the NFL itself: http://www.nfl.com

My NFC Video:

My AFC Video:

My Playoffs Video:

Time for a bit of an update.

2010-08-22T05:38:00.003-06:00

I deleted some of the entries here. I am going to be focusing more and more on this blog. I also may be posting vids here, since it does not have to be necessarily done via a YouTube embed.

I also worry about some of the content that is a bit too personal to really be posted. Also, I want to use this blog to add additional notes to videos I post and also to comment on videos I watch.

One of my videos has been false flagged and removed by YouTube.

2010-04-16T04:33:00.004-06:00

My video titled "My PWNage Olympics entry" was removed by YouTube for supposedly violating their Terms of Use. I'll be honest, it didn't violate shit... but should YT let that little problem stop them?

I am in the process of disputing this using the form which will be provided at the link below. I contested this deletion with the following message:

"This video did not violate any of your Community Guidelines. While I did call another user out and mention that I planned on making videos about him, I did not make any threats against his person, safety or life. Nor did I engage in any predatory behavior, stalking, threats, harassment, intimidation, invading privacy, revealing other people’s personal information, inciting others to commit violent acts or engage in hate speech. This video is also not a copyright violation, since it consisted entirely of content I made myself using Windows Movie Maker.

I have read and reread the community guidelines and this video violated none of them.

The reason why I called that user out is because he feels the need to make dozens of videos calling atheists stupid and Nazis. Which he has the right to do -- but I have the right to respond, using this video. And I violated NONE of your guidelines in doing so.

I am asking that this video be restored as soon as possible."

I'll keep you guys updated as it goes along.

Oddly enough, I was thinking about taking this video down anyway, since Purushadasa doesn't make videos about enough subjects. He has about 60 or so videos up, but only about three or four topics: 1) Atheists are stupid, 2) Atheists are Nazis, and 3) Hitler was an atheist/evolutionist. That's about it... if you don't believe me, go see for yourself. That's not enough material to work with, frankly. Plus, making videos has been de-prioritized while I go through the final few weeks of school before graduation, so I will likely not even be bothering with the PWNage Olympics anyway. But we'll see.

This incident has awakened me to the possibility that I could be mass flagged in the near future. While I am not that big of a catch (only 174 subs as I write this) I do have 79 videos. That would be a pain in the ass to put back up should my channel be completely shut down. So I need a backup plan. I have this Blogspot account and a Blip.tv account which I just made less than 24 hours ago. This way you guys can go see my videos even if I get a compete channel shutdown.

Links:

The video taken down: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOniKe1BqGE
Purushadasa: http://www.youtube.com/user/purushadasa
The dispute form: http://help.youtube.com/support/youtube/bin/request.py?contact_type=tou

So Julia Sweeney can't decide between New Atheism or Faitheist Accomodationism

2009-12-26T07:39:00.002-07:00

Julia Sweeney noted in her Christmas Day post that many atheists seem to be of one of two stripes nowadays: (found at http://juliasweeney.blogspot.com/2009/12/bahai-temple-wilmette-il-christmas.html)

1.) Those that think religion is good - regardless of truth - for some people. Religion is useful for those who are trying to get sober, for those who have no where to turn, for those that might not follow society's rules, for those who might not otherwise respect others, for those in complete despair, and for those that need the idea, the concept - as a new drug - to get off another one.

2.) Those who think religion and the idea of God is never good for anyone.

Of course, I am a "Number 2." What good does it serve to believe in Sunday School-grade fables?

But Ms. Sweeney begs to differ. She's a Number 1: It suits me because I don't want to proclaim that seeing stark reality, which is very dark and full of potential catastrophe, is good, or possible for everyone.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Anyone who has to have their morality spoon-fed and pontificated to them once a week in order to accomplish the objectives in #1 doesn't have any morality to begin with. Especially when, in order for the individual to accept and digest said morality, they need to be taught a reality-bending fairy tale.

Imagine someone had to attend a church once per week and be taught that the world was flat in order to stay out of prison. Would Ms. Sweeney (or any accomodationist out there) accept that this is preferable because hey, at least the dude is staying out of trouble?

To Sweeney's credit, she immediately concedes that #1 thinking is "very condescending." But then she says she has trouble with #2 because it is "so arrogant, too."

I have always stayed away from the #2 thinking because it puts me in a position of dismissing so much in others. I am not comfortable with it.

I have a problem with the idea that accepting reality is some form of "passing judgment" on those who don't. We are talking about the nature of reality, which is not exactly a "waves and particles" debate. It's not even a philosophical debate. We're talking about people who cannot function in society without making stuff up (or believing in something someone else made up).

To the faitheists out there: Is reason evil (or have any potential to be)? Is it wrong to teach others the true nature of reality simply because of the fear they may use that knowledge to commit crimes? Most of us New Atheists tow this line simply because we hold others to the same standard as ourselves: since we don't need a deity to figure things out (and in fact, it works better without one), why can't we hold believers to the same? The "morality" that religious believers hold to is substandard and crude.

Sweeney, despite accepting #1 during her "whole life," is right: Holding others to substandard lower bar of thinking, just because of a "hey, that's all they understand" mentality is condescending. People tend to conform to expectations. We should be holding people and society to a higher standard, being a thermostat instead of a thermometer. After all, if we don't do it, who will?

Plato did think religion was good for the masses. Voltaire believed religion enslaved people.

Truthfully, now I'm beginning to lean towards Voltaire.

And why is that? Why is this line of thinking convincing you? I'll tell you why, Ms. Sweeney: There is no merit in simply obeying rules, even if the outcome is favorable. True merit is in being good "for goodness sake." (Yeah, I know, dumb line from a Christmas song... but it's true nonetheless.)

The blog post continues on from there, noting that while her husband says that some people do good things when inspired by religion, it still primes people to unhealthy (non)thinking habits. The same person who inspired a group of people to do something good can now inspire that same group to (her husband's words, not mine) go "off a cliff." (Or drink poisoned punch. Or slam planes into buildings. Or commit suicide hoping a catch a UFO flying behind Comet Hale-Bopp. Or shoot and bomb abortion doctors, clinics, and gay bars.)

The best way to sum this up is the following: Expecting people to do the right thing for the wrong reason is begging for a down-the-road scenario where those same people will start doing the wrong thing for the wrong reason, especially when those actions are committed from a conformist perspective. Wouldn't it be best to expect people to do right for the right reason?

The #1 thinking is really so cynical and superior and #2 has all this faith in everyone to use rationality and critical thinking to get through. #2 is actually the humble - or no, the optimistic point of view!

Uh, no. Number 2 is not "having faith" in anything. Instead of having optimistic faith that people can "get through," it is instead a simple expectation that grown 21st century human beings start acting like, well, grown 21st century human beings. No one should need a Bronze Age fairy tale to stay in line any more than we should teach all of humanity to behave or else Santa will leave a lump of coal in their stockings come Christmas. It's not that we "have faith" and "hope;" it's actually the mentality that if WE can keep ourselves together without belief, so can everyone else. Especially when it works better that way.

Humanity does not need religion. Period. Why can't the faitheists unscrew themselves long enough to figure that out? What could honestly be the justification for thinking that there should be a substandard tolerance for people who "can't" live without religion (this is stretching the word because no one is born believing in religion)?

2009-12-25T08:44:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday to Mithra, everybody! He was born on December 25th first!

Regarding DMCA Abuse on YouTube.

2009-12-24T03:34:00.002-07:00

One would think YouTube should be afraid of the potential legal consequences of facilitating a misuse of federal law. Apparently, they take the opposite choice and figure, "Why care? We've got all this money." Big mistake. Someday, the wrong person is going to get this treatment and YouTube's going to get sued. Hopefully with all of the people who have gotten false DMCA'ed, it could go class-action status. YT would then be forced to fork over millions in punitive damages or be forced to fund a program that fights DMCA Abuse. All because YT refused to use a little common sense on the matter.

By "common sense" I mean that YT has the money and the resources available at their disposal to hire a lawyer or two (or as many as they want, really) to review DMCAs and decline the ones which are clearly fictitious. Even if they get sued or are honestly mistaken about a DMCA, at least they could save face by saying, "After looking at the available evidence, we acted in good faith that this was a legit/illegit DMCA."

Has YT ever gotten copyright issues correct? They refused to stop copyright violations on music videos and that resulted in Google getting a $1 billion lawsuit. So what was the aftermath of that... go too far in the other direction and let Santa Claus file them now?

Here's a deeper problem: People forget that whoever files a DMCA ends up getting all of the target's private information: full name, address, I address, etc. and this method could be used by identity thieves to gain access to someone's personal and financial information. See the problem here? Why go dumpster diving when all I have to do is file a DMCA on YT, knowing that I can get someone's full information? While the atheists and Christians end up blaming each other for it, I get to go open up a few dozen credit cards, get a fake ID, and commit all the crimes I want... and I have YT's complete lack of common sense and respect for privacy to thank for it.

Scare you a bit? It should. I don't wish financial disaster on anyone, and even if financial problems never erupted, I still don't find that losing one's civil rights (of which freedom of speech is one) to be acceptable. "Getting what they deserve" would be more like an ownage video, because at least both sides have their fair say. Denying someone their civil right to free speech is asking for the same to be done back to you. So don't gloat, especially when we atheists are already up in a roar over the Cecil Bothwell incident in North Carolina.

As much as I would not complain if religion vanished from the face of the earth, still, the best way to achieve deconversion is not through banning religion (or the rights of its adherents) but rather through education about the true nature of Earth, the universe, and reality, and encouraging humans to think for themselves.