The Voice That Learned To Speak

A Place Somewhere Near 'You'

2013-05-23T04:15:00.000+03:00

You know the pain I live; I’m speaking to You, my Maker. The Fashioner of it all; start to finish, and all the in betweens’. I am imploring, beseeching, continuously crushing this heart’s screeching – the pain sometimes feels like it will explode – but You stop it from crumbling, and therefore to You it continues to turn to… Please my Lord suspend these needs and abate their transient hollowness. Make this heart, mind, body, and soul strong enough for the lessons that are intertwined in all that happens - To and Fro. The ride gets too rough, and only You are the balance that can keep it steady or afloat. Please my Lord extend your Hold – for my hands are outstretched waiting, and You’re my only constant Hope – from dawn to midnight, my only companion through the sun, rain, dust storms and star lights. This lonesome walk, rejected reputation desperately needs Your Assurance – That the sea will part and a way will show; That the fire will cool and the heat will be no more; That I will get out of the well alive; That the Whale will blow me out of its belly; And that on Your ship I will survive the storm of this life as it carries me to a shore of Permanence somewhere near You – where there will be no pain, no expectations, no heartache, no loneliness no more – insha’Allah; Ameen.

The Wait...

2013-05-17T19:45:00.000+03:00

Agnes Obel - Just So : Lyrics

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Enticed by a glimmering hope you rise, out of the slumber you had been existing in, awoken to dreams anew. You dared, you waited, you fumbled, and you stood still while reality dawned. Crestfallen, you raised your eyes to the sky, you cried your heart out to He Who designs all things, you found solace in the peace His remembrance gave your heart, and you calmed down.

Peace… some peace had embraced your heart, soothed your mind, wiped away your tears, and promised you to wait some more before starting to dream again. There was still a lot that needed to be washed off and cleaned before those dreams could become a reality…

Perhaps.

La Hawla Wala Quwwata Illa Billah…
La Hawla Wala Quwwata Illa Billah…
La Hawla Wala Quwwata Illa Billah…

*La Hawla Wala Quwwata Illa Billah - There is no might nor power except the One God.

Away From The Hubbub

2013-05-13T23:00:00.000+03:00

Listening and watching in silence

To all that's happening; she then sighs

Questioning herself to find a balance

To not respond in angry sarcasm

Others actions remain beyond her control

Managing emotions; crushing moans and groans

Adulation of things that will die

Eternity being mocked, as if a lie

Fusion of fashions, loud and aglow

Discussion of religion

As if at a performance or a show

The clock keeps on ticking

Days on end keep slipping

Years roll into a decade

Where is it that she is headed?

Turning to the only Steady she knows

Throws herself into a bow on the floor

Supplicating for the gaps to fill

And not let her heart escape its till

Sanctimonious worship will get no one by

The soul has to join the heart as it cries

Reaching out to a seemingly oblivion

Allowing hope to sing and be ridden

On a glorious glimmering black stallion

To a place that can only be God’s Haven…

Insha’Allah – Ameen.

Indeed My Lord Is With Me, He Will Guide Me

2013-05-06T21:46:00.000+03:00

When Thank You Is Not Enough...

2012-12-22T20:48:00.000+03:00

*I’ve blurred out our names in the picture, for we both know who we are J

I live in Saudi Arabia.

I deeply admire her words; her writing, her talks – I always made fervent attempts to ensure that I didn't miss any webinar or a radio talk that was being held somewhere in the world, which I could only be a part of through the internet. I keep her words in my ipod, to help raise my spirits every time they go on a downward spiral – in order to help me sleep. When she came out with her book, one of my most earnest wishes was to one day be able to read it and own it. But, she lived in the United States of America, and her book was selling only in some parts of the world – mine not being one of them.

We plan, and Allah too Plans, and He (swt) is the Best of Planners…

One of my oldest friend’s, who lives all the way in Birmingham, bought me a copy when she bought one for herself. This was sometime in September 2012. Because of unreliable posts in my parts of the world, the book remained in Birmingham – until my friend decided to send it to me through my sister who had just joined University in the UK in October 2012, and happened to be returning for the holidays so soon because of some official documentations that required her presence back in Saudi Arabia. Somewhere in between the book being bought and my sister returning, this inspirational lady planned a visit to Birmingham – not too far away from my friends’ residence that too – where said friend got to meet her – AND – get my book signed by her, thereby not just sending me a book I so dearly wished to own and read, but also getting it signed by the admired author herself!

SubhaanAllah!

And so, I cannot put into words a thanks that would suffice – to my friend for her beautiful heart, and for such beautiful gestures that remind you of Allah, Who (swt) plans beyond your imagination. It’s people, like my friend, who make cliches come true – for friends and sisters like so are indeed stars that shine in our lives; Alhumdulillah.

And so I say, we plan [must buy book – must read book].

And Allah too Plans [He (swt) gets me the book]

And He (swt) is the Best of Planners [Friend in Birmingham buys book – Sr. Yasmin Mogahed, who lives in America, plans a trip to Birmingham close to friends’ house – Friend gets book signed by her in Birmingham, and sends it to me in Saudi Arabia]

SubhaanAllah!!!

Just Like That...

2012-09-19T09:25:00.000+03:00

Beauty and Character

2012-09-05T08:01:00.000+03:00

Laylatul Qadr

2012-08-11T00:44:00.000+03:00

When it rains like so,

Then may it indeed,

Go all out and pour...

~ Ameen!

Forgiveness

2012-07-21T06:00:00.000+03:00

Picture link: http://www.redbubble.com/people/hamidsart/works/5729264-al-ghafoor?p=greeting-card

When we hold on to grudges and resentment, we need to ask ourselves whether our reasons will hold any ground when explained to our Maker swt. If we're not convinced now with our answer, chances are that it won't do us much good then either. Forgiveness is a kindness that only those who have truly forgiven can truly understand. This Ramadhan forward, let's be of those who humbly aspire to emulate Al Gafoor Ar Raheem in this trait, insha'Allah - Allahumma Ameen!

Safia

2012-06-29T04:00:00.000+03:00

She walks in beauty; in sheer elegance, whispered poignance,

In utter command, her emotions in check,

The smile on her face, her glistening eyes;

surely they hold back so much more than a heart can imagine,

those lips that upwards turn, sporting mirth;

surely they hold back dialogue

that perhaps the heart solemnly withholds,

She truly inspires with her reminiscent attire;

that bun, that beautiful simple chain, and ever so light make up,

it show cased her beauty - inside out,

her very gesture as she showed up to attend

and share in the happiness of her hosts,

despite her own immense riveting loss -

Oh so much strength! Oh so perfectly cultured! (masha'Allah)

Surely they must be proud while they rest before the Yawn Al Qiyamah? (insha'Allah)

For they have indeed raised a beautiful daughter! (masha'Allah)

May Allah swt bless her with the best of emaan and health

as she takes care of her family; her siblings, her all...

May they all live the best that this duniya has to offer,

and get the ultimate best in the Hereafter too...

~ Ameen.

*Safia \s(a)-

fia\ as a girl's name is a variant of Safiyah (Arabic, Hindi, Swahili), and the meaning of Safia is "friend; pure".

Gone And Remained

2012-06-15T04:00:00.000+03:00

They came and
lingered amidst the fray

Only, so soon to be departed.
The heart and mind
are still recovering from this blow.
May their tests ahead by
made easy and smooth,
and their children
in the wake of this nightmare
have grace beyond imaginable,
cocooned by an abundance

of mercy from The Infinite;
To help them get back up on their feet,
be embalmed in Sabr
and walk with the strength
of Him by their side
through all and everything that lies ahead...

insha'Allah,
~Ameen, Ya Rabb Alameen~

‘O Allah, forgive our living and our dead, those present and those absent, our young and our old, our males and our females. O Allah, whom amongst us You keep alive, then let such a life be upon Islam, and whom amongst us You take unto Yourself, then let such a death be upon faith. O Allah, do not deprive us of his reward and do not let us stray after him.’ (*149)

‘Verily to Allah, belongs what He took and to Him belongs what He gave, and everything with Him has an appointed time...' (*154)

‘May Allah magnify your reward, make better your solace and forgive your deceased.’ (*154)

Cleansing

2012-05-08T03:00:00.000+03:00

With a pencil in my hand, on a paper I begin this scrawl... a paper from a book which was until a recent past, singed with memoirs of yester-years; replete with grave mistakes and painful choices. I sit here today, having removed proof of most of my errors. Why I had stored memories away, to begin with, baffled me when I undertook the task of reading things which seemed to have been forgotten with time. Letters which in their time evoked streams of joy, anticipation, fear... seemed to have lost their marvel when I sat reading them, before I ripped them up - piece by piece - and calmly piled them into a trash bag; stuffing bags through their seams by the time every piece was removed. I was left clutching on to scattered bits of memories, as they had been stirred into an awakening unplanned and unpleasant - I coerced myself and hurried to lay them all to rest as I prayed upon my Lord for whom I had forsaken everything and by Whose Grace I had been living since; saved from any more grief that could be perceived by a wanting soul - of then and now. I seem to find myself at a fork in the road, where I hope to lay the dead to rest and finally find a peace permanent. Part of me wishes that I could go back to a better part of me that existed then and merge it with the better part of me that exists today... Alas, this is not to be, for if wishes were horses then beggars would surely ride. With this adage in mind, I hope the best part of me is not entirely lost, but remains somewhere preciously safe... patiently waiting to be properly found a final time around... insha'Allah; Ameen!

Inna mai'ya rabbi sa yahdeen... [Indeed, with me is My Lord... He will guide me through - Al Quran 26:62]

Her Existence

2012-05-06T01:01:00.000+03:00

It's a projection.
Standing aside,
Moving along,
Drifting around,
Strung out, and...
Seldom adorned.

It's a shadow.

Of yesterdays gone,

When things were deeply mourned,

Happiness was ostentatiously celebrated,

Where matters were imminently important,

and not all worth feeling for, stood mostly dissipated.

It's a blandness.

Wishful respites,
Existing despite,
Thankful abounds,
For that, and...
All decreed.

Raindrops

2012-04-24T03:10:00.001+03:00

Jaded

2012-03-17T01:25:00.000+03:00

This post has been inspired by the song, I don't feel it anymore - by William Fitzsimmons...

william fitzsimmons i dont feel it anymore mp3 | lyrics

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I don't feel it anymore. Much of anything mostly offlate. It was all taken away? I lost it on the way? It's not here, where it matters anymore - and that's what matters. I don't feel it anymore; the care, the worry, the need - I don't see it anymore. Anything. Much of everything - it's all just flitting on by. 20 years and then, 10. Come and gone. I was young once. No more; I certainly don't feel it anymore. No reason to make me try, want to just more than get on by. Nothing to spur me on, better myself... For myself it is this way or that - who cares? Not I, I don't see much of anything anymore. I used to feel once, but it's certainly not so now, no more do I, for you've all taken it all away. The little glimmers of possibility that take life in my heart are put off like a candle just lit but drenched by rain. The down pour has become infertile. No more do the tears release the pain. It locks itself in and seems too afraid to breathe even. I've hurt for quite some time now, and I don't think all that time will ever be returned. To hope for a happiness in anything certain, seems not to be happening; it is to be taken away, just like all things else here, in this now and in this today. Leave it all, I wish for, to remove myself from everything and find peace in not feeling anything anymore. I'm fine. I don't need to feel or see any of it - any way.

Every time there remains a longing. I realise, I had fooled my self, but now time is up again - must come back to reality. Reality is the mother of all things hollow, painful, resounding those two traits over and over in order to achieve a complete cycle of pain and it's many myriads. You're still typing the angst out of an empty vessel, that wishes to bemoan a thousand and one things, but is lost with words not enough - perhaps words precise - to narrate itself. This is a longing pining to be filled. This is a pang longing to be fulfilled. This is an anguish hardly unleashed, barely assuaged of what it wishes to achieve. Buries itself in prayer and meditation; Dhikr. Ups and downs, to's and fro's. Redundant rebounds, absolute - paramount; Alas bare and vagabond. I confirm to nothing. Not I, nor my being. I only submit to the Will of the One, and His spin wishes me to swirl some more reels of lessons down pat, before I can breathe my last. With in these spins I have to find my smile, and mean it. With in these spins I have to unwind. The doubtful possible will be made possible - and on that note I shall end this diatribe, a rant even.

I don't need to feel anything else, anymore - You, they, Hey, go on - take it all away, for I don't feel it anymore. The wait on for eternity will keep me going, nothing else from any of you do I need to feel something, only for it to go again. It did before, and it will - that is the only certainty. So just leave me with my thoughts, jaded as they and I together may seem. I don't need to feel anything, anymore. I will wait for that certainty, I will wait, certainly - I will wait forever more...

You, Whom I Used To Know...

2012-03-08T04:20:00.000+03:00

gotye somebody that i used to know mp3 | lyrics

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What is the meaning of this, ''Here today... Gone tomorrow...''

Why are you set on repeat? Teaching a new story each time,

Lessons replete; some unpalatable, some in retrospect meant to be a treat,

What is the meaning of this, ''A part of me, you - yet later - no more?''

Why are you transient; with your lessons of stubborn impermanence!

Oh, the new you's, the old few's - the heart, perplexedly, doth wonder...

* Dedicated to friendships... The song, 'cos the chorus sat well with the sentiment - the rest, enjoyable nevertheless too :D

On Preserving Relationships...

2012-03-06T09:20:00.000+03:00

''In all our human relationships, many things often remain unsaid,

or get taken for granted. Give the other person, the benefit of

doubt, in order to maintain good relations. Trust requires patience

and weathering of some storms too sometimes. Let's preserve and

build relationships, instead of watching them weather away like

seasons in the guise of dominoes at play...

~ Khair insha'Allah!'' ~

The Holy Quran Or Just Parts Of It?

2012-03-02T23:40:00.000+03:00

The verses below have been inspired by the point that Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan makes at 20:26 in his lecture called, One And Why [part 3/4], while he speaks of the problems that exist in our faith today. He is trying to make us ask ourselves whether we are supposed to serve Allah (swt), or is His Book supposed to serve us? An excerpt from his lecture:

''When gratitude dies, faith goes with it. When the sense of gratitude dies, faith goes with it. The indulgence that we've created for ourselves is killing our sense of gratitude... and when it's killing our sense of gratitude, there is no doubt, there is no surprise that we are having a crisis of faith... that we are having a hard time believing.''

Seldom, if at all, have you picked it up for it's message,
Selectively as you pick and choose to make a routine of it,
Innate goodness it bears, thus that you will reap good from it as you recite,
But what of it's very purpose, the message that remains untouched?
Dusty and clumpy become the leaves un-turned,
Longing for you to let them air out and share with you their beauty,
But focused too selfishly are you, to only reap rewards that your dunya demands today,
Forgotten is the promised good that lies buried in this historic revelation,
To understand it, as it guides you to your every day life; you remain oblivious,
You wish only to pick and choose when the needs of duniya beckon,
Based on mystic reasons that have gone six feet under, with those who first shared them,
For The Book itself beseeches to be read and lived by in full,
It asks of you to make time to understand what it holds with in it,
It's message designed to work for you; yesterday, today, and tomorrow,
Look with in and find your purpose now, before your breath tomorrow slackens,
And your dunyas' promises suddenly become weak in comparison to the real abode,
An abode which those who've awakened, have begun pining and working towards,
Firmly set are their Eyes on the Prize - as Shahraiz Tabassam puts it,
Based on the verses of Surah Ya-sin:
*''It will be no more than a single Blast,
when lo! they will all be brought up before Us!
Then, on that Day, not a soul will be wronged in the least,
and ye shall but be repaid the meeds of your past Deeds.
Verily the Companions of the Garden shall that Day have joy in all that they do;
They and their associates will be in groves of (cool) shade,
reclining on Thrones (of dignity);
(Every) fruit (enjoyment) will be there for them;
they shall have whatever they call for;
"Peace!" - a word (of salutation) from a Lord Most Merciful!''*
And so, those awakened from the stupor of this duniya have thus begun pining,
Aspiring to one day stand before Him; The All Knowing, The All Magnificent,
Trying to rush with their eyes transfixed on that prize,
To repent all and purify themselves; ready and deserving of His promised shared Grace.

Khair Insha'Allah - May we all find ourselves; read and understand the message of our Maker through His Beautiful Book, the Holy Quran. May we not pick it up only to read selective verses from it for our worldly gains. Rather, may we try to read it cover to cover, abide by the life that it speaks of, and become the deserving people that it promises Jannah Al Firdaws to; Ameen.

* Chapter 36, Verses 53-58; The Holy Quran

An Eternal Abode We Aspire For...

2012-02-26T05:15:00.000+03:00

Agnes Obel - Riverside : Lyrics

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Many a secrets are hidden, suspended in the gallows of our yesterdays, awaiting their execution. During moments surreptitiously spent in the company of a soft pitter patter of raindrops, during a moment that glistens a reflection - not welcome - yet remembered, during a story someone is telling - reminiscent of your own - You wish to remove the taints, you wish to remove the peeled off rusty paint, you wish to undo it all. Many a people, who share such miserable mistakes of their past with you, in a twist their own - perhaps not all forlorn... you wish to take your voice to them, praying that they too open their eyes to the grave horrors they are re-living, if not entirely buried to be dead. For you have come upon verses from your Holy Book. It beseeches you to come back to your Magnificent Lord Who Forgives all, Who Accepts if you repent, so long as you are alive before you do so! So long as you are alive before you do so? Then rush to forsake that past, which has for too long pricked and poked your soul to tatters. Release your spirit of the burdens it carries around with it, appease thy sanity to rest. To rest in an ease of your slate being wiped clean, but only once you turn in true humility, and make a solemn oath with yourself to never ever return to those yesterdays. He Promises thus, He shall Lighten your heart, and embalm you with His Light and Mercy...

May you and I, and all of who exist in between, be blessed with a peace that comes from a severance of all wrongs attached to our name, only to breathe easily in the Gardens High, with our Maker Sublime - absolved and whole again, insha'Allah; Ameen!

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Quran: Chapter 3/Verse 31: Say, [O Muhammad], "If you should love Allah , then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful."

Quran: Chapter 3/Verse 129: And to Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. He forgives whom He wills and punishes whom He wills. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

A link to Verses from the Quran that talk about ''Forgiveness'' in various situations
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My Every Other Sisters' Paradise

2012-02-24T01:30:00.000+03:00

Cold Play: Paradise (lyrics)

coldplay paradise axwell mp3 | lyrics

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(The verses below have been instantly inspired by the song above, and dedicated to all the sisters out there...)

Their dreams left on hold; immortalised

My every other sister

Living this life; part paralysed...

As a child, seeing with eyes opened wide

My every other sister

Looking at life now; partly desensitised...

Walking around with hopes to one day sour out; fly high

My every other sister

Gets back up; by yet another fall, temporarily mortified...

Listening, doing; all as she is expected to do

My every other sister

Existing for their sake; has been skillfully mollified...

Making the best of today; her gift of life

My every other sister

In her sleep goes to take a much needed bite of paradise...

Mustafa

2012-02-01T19:45:00.000+03:00

placebo running up that hill mp3 | lyrics

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A little mite, you.

You came, and before I knew it, now you are gone.

A little mite, you. I knew you not, but felt your existence through someone I did. I saw you not, only heard about you being born... for not too long though. Today, less than 4 months later, you are now gone. Hearing of your pain has left me in a pain different- nevertheless, deep. Torn and bereft are those who made you (albeit with His, our Lord's permission), held you, played with you, nursed you and reveled in your being.

In your Maker are they all seeking solace now; left confused and trying hard to find peace in the knowledge that He, your Maker Knows Best. May your family find the sabr with you being gone... May the last memories of your pain be removed from all the heavy hearts that with it's memory breathe, morosely burdened... May your abode in heaven be a source of blessing in their lives... May those who remain with your memories, remember all that was in your presence good, and find constant peace in your memory, dear Mustafa... insha'Allah; Ameen.

Baby Rayyan

2011-12-08T04:00:00.000+03:00

If there is a living delight; that's you - squealing, screeching, babbling to the core.
If there is a bottle of jam, sealed with goodies within; that's you, my mumbling mumbo to the jumbo little Winnie the Pooh.
If there is a smile, that my heart holds on to oh so tight; that's you, teary eyed me can't have enough of you.
If there is a hand that holds my little pinky with sheer might; that's you, my dear little super man, in your rompers day and night.
If there is a boy who is goodness in real life; that's you, baby Rayyan - hidden secrets of joy you give life to, with your every breath!

Bless your soul, mash'Allah!

May we forever maintain this string of connection unto eternity, insha'Allah; Ameen!

Chal Diye, Why Today?

2011-11-16T01:37:00.000+03:00

Track: Chal Diye

You slide down, silently. Why today? It's been a while since you and I met. Today you refuse to abate. In your silent journey refuse to dissipate. Her voice croons to a pain that was sleeping inside of you? Want, reason, comprehension; not to be found in your wake. Lying here silently allowing thoughts to flit on by... they are far too many to stop and collect into some semblance. The thud that resounds inside is pseudo frustrated. I had been successful in not letting this feeling surface fairly well until now. Alas, today it has been victorious...

Today I miss you, Amma. I pray ardently for your return home safe, insha'Allah. In this silent misery I have remembered my words again, to which I have not paid much heed off late. Having typed them down I feel a tiny bit of relief. I still hear her voice resound around... A peace, not of defeat, I silently breathe on and in it's search move off to pray and seek.

#11ElevenLive

2011-11-11T23:14:00.000+03:00

Today is the 11th day, of the 11th month, of the year 2011. Little did I know of how this day was being celebrated all around the world, with various events being held on the very same day - all in their own ways and forms - until I was pleasantly surprised to hear of the 11Eleven Project via a TED member, Danielle Lauren. I was elated to be a part of her global venture, thus, I set out with my dad to a mosque near our house where he would pray, and I would take some pictures from the car.

The car clock tells the time, as we set out.

Friday, is considered a Holy day for Muslims all around the world...

It is a day when Muslim men can be seen visiting their local mosque in hoards; Muslims of different cultures, all rushing out to their friendly neighbourhood mosque to bow down in prostration to their One Lord, early in the afternoon.

Little kids in their daddy's arms, or holding each others hands...

People who sit on a chair whilst praying, often bring their own...

Old people who walk to the mosque with the help of a cane...

People in their thawbs, their shimagh/keffiyah, their jeans and shirts, their kurta shalwars/pajamas, their lungis, their variations of topis...

All myriads of steps being walked towards the same call to prayer, to bow down together, shoulder to shoulder in prayer...

The end of their ritual brings them back, out of the mosque, off to attend to their worldly needs again. Some start right at the mosque's doorstep with the buying of vegetables, perhaps for their late lunch or early supper...

Vegetable vendors looking for customers, whilst men meet and greet in the background.

What I found most interesting was how I seemed to remember specific people on their way out, from what I had taken in of them when they were walking towards the mosque; the man whose hair could be used in a shampoo commercial, the man with a bling bling dollar sign on his topi, the man with three kids all of the same size, the man with a cane, the man with a chair, the man who ran in, the man who had waved salaam to another, the man in a lungi, the shiny bald guy with the designeresque sunglasses... you get the drift? Sadly, I couldn't get a picture of all those whom I speak of. Nevertheless, I was intrigued at how the mind chooses to hold on to specific things, whilst entirely forgetting the rest.

And while I silently mused over this thought, we got back home...

It was time for me myself to pray, and before I got around to it, I took some more pictures of my youngest sibling while she performed her Wudu...

And then stood up to pray in the privacy of her room...

The women in our house, in Saudi Arabia, mostly stay at home to pray by themselves - albeit this is not a norm, simply a matter of preference.

I decided to take pictures of how the Holy day of the week is spent in the life of an Indian Muslim in Riyadh - Saudi Arabia, as luckily Friday happened to fall on 11/11/11!

Mistaken Love?

2011-10-30T08:19:00.000+03:00

to kia hua bilal khan coke studio mp3 | lyrics

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Broken hearts across the globe
Come together in melancholic melody
For some rhyme or reason
To share their tragedies of
That same someone who
Was meant to be with another,
Stories of that same someone who
Was just a transient fantasy
And a real life misnomer...