The Voices in Frank's Head

From my spam folder

2015-03-17T16:26:00.002-04:00

This photo was in an email solicitation that I received this afternoon. I don't normally read such things. This time, I did.

I have absolutely no idea what the company was trying to sell me.

But still - the photo.

Men's guide to buying lingerie for Valentine's Day

2014-02-11T10:40:00.001-05:00

Valentine's Day is this Friday. As I surf the internet, one things that I keep noticing pretty much everywhere is guides for men who are buying lingerie as a gift this holiday.

In fact, a quick search of Google tells me that there are currently more than 6.2 million lingerie gift buying guides available for men on-line. All of them promise to walk the fine line between helping a guy find something that he will like to see on the woman in his life yet still be something that she will want to wear.

I haven't reviewed every single one of them, although it has been fun to make my way through as many of them as possible. Regardless, I suspect that everyone of those 6.2 million lingerie gift buy guides gets it wrong in one way or another. This, of course, is based purely on the feedback that I've overheard from significant others of friends.

The good news is that as long as the guy gets to see the recipient wearing the gift at least once, it's still worth it.

Open letter to the Detroit Free Press

2014-02-04T22:05:00.001-05:00

Dear Editors of the Detroit Free Press:

Rima Fakih - Miss USA press photo

Earlier today, you published a post on your website that invited visitors to vote as to which famous woman had the best cleavage. This, of course, is yet another example of click bait.

I know that the internet age has made it hard to do professional journalism in the 21st century. Many outstanding newspapers have shut down and countless others are struggling simply to get by. The fact that we are both working in an economically challenge city like Detroit certainly does not make things easier for you.

I get all of these things. I really do.

However, I regret to inform you that rating cleavage is my gimmick, not yours. Please find a new one.

Thank you,
Frank Nemecek
Subscriber and former Detroit Free Press paperboy

Solving the problems of unemployment benefits

2014-01-17T01:59:00.000-05:00

A large number of Americans will soon be without a job or unemployment benefits now that Congress has refused to extend authorization for long-term unemployment benefits.

Congressional Republicans claim that unemployment compensation hurts job growth. They say it makes people lazy and not want to work. At the same time, though, they also want to give billions and billions in tax dollar subsidies to oil companies, multi-national agribusinesses, and every other large corporation around.

I suppose the solution, therefore, is for all of the unemployed people to form their own corporation. At which point in time, the GOP will then be willing to dump 10 times the cash on them as they would've gotten in unemployment benefits.

They can call this new corporation the God Bless America Envelope Company. The first order of business for GBAEC will be to hire a handful of people to make envelopes or, more likely, contract that part out to someone in a Third World country. The company can then use those envelopes to send oodles of cash to all of the unemployed people that Congressional Republicans didn't want to extend unemployment benefits to.

Problem solved. You're welcome, America.

My Bucket List, Part 1

2014-01-14T22:22:00.002-05:00

First, yes, I know it's been forever since I've updated this blog. I said it was possibly ending, but after a couple of years, I finally had something that I wanted to share. This simply seemed like the best vehicle for putting it out into the universe.

With the help of some friends on Facebook, I managed to create at least the first draft of my bucket list. I will invariably add a few things to this as the years go on. However, I figured it was time to at least start one.

Therefore, in no particular order, here are the items on my bucket list.

Drive Route 66 from beginning to end;
Visit Prague;
Visit a random city and take a walk that only ends once I've taken a picture of every letter of the alphabet;
Attend the Pierogi Festival in Whitting, Indiana;
Visit the American Gothic House in Eldon, Iowa. This, by the way, is the house that Grant Wood posed his models in front of in his famous painting, American Gothic.
Go to Chicago and re-enact Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Visit the Dockery Plantation in Cleveland, Mississippi, which is where legend says Robert Johnson sold his soul to become a Blues man;
Hike a volcano;
Go to Burning Man;
Buy a Cadillac and put a Dead Head sticker on the back of it;
Drive the 101; and
Stand on a corner in Winslow, Arizona.

I'm sure I'll add a few more to this list. For now, though, this is the start of my bucket list.

A (Possible) End to this Blog

2012-07-30T20:16:00.000-04:00

Stock Photo by Dalia Drulia

After more than eight years of posting on this blog, I have decided to bring it to an end - at least for the time being. I am actively posting on three other websites and don't have the time to maintain this one as well.

There is always a chance that I will return to blogging here. However, at least for the time being, I feel a need to put this on hold and focus on those other three sites.

For those who still follow this blog, and wish to follow me elsewhere, the first of the three sites is my neighborhood blog - the Warrendale (Detroit) Blog. I also review books, movies, and television shows at BlogCritics.org. Last, but not least, I write travel related articles for Examiner.com.

To everyone who has read this blog over the years, thank you!

Two Kids Shot Over Kool-Aid?

2012-05-31T00:06:00.000-04:00

According to local news reports, two kids were shot today in Detroit's Brightmoor neighborhood when an argument over how to make Kool-Aid turned violent.

I swear, I'm not making this up. Two kids really and truly were shot today because of an argument over Kool-Aid.

Two Shot in Detroit After Argument Over Kool-Aid: MyFoxDETROIT.com

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I write fiction. Reality is just too damn strange to be believed some times.

3D Printing Comes to Fashion

2012-05-30T00:01:00.001-04:00

3D printing has been around for awhile now, but it has finally come up with something that truly grabs my attention. They have finally started to use 3D printers to make custom bikinis.

Unfortunately, no one has come up with a way to use a 3D printer to create a bikini model. I suppose that will come with a future upgrade. For now, we have to do it the old-fashioned way - either pay them lots of cash to show up or convince them you're European royalty.

Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett to Campaign for President Obama's Re-Election

2012-05-18T15:01:00.003-04:00

Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett recently threatened to remove President Barack Obama from the ballot this year in Arizona due to concerns that President Obama wasn't really born in the United States. He asked the State of Hawaii to confirm the validity of his birth certificate once more.

However, the State of Hawaii hasn't responded to Secretary Bennett's request. This is likely because the Republican Governor of Hawaii Linda Lingell signed a bill into law two years ago making it their state's official policy to ignore such requests because they are so ridiculous and troublesome.

On behalf of Democrats everywhere, I would like to express my profound gratitude to Secretary Bennett and birthers across this great nation. It would normally be very difficult for a sitting President to be re-elected with unemployment as high as it is and with approval ratings as low as President Obama's are.

However, Secretary Bennett and his ilk appear to be going out of their way to make President Obama look amazing in comparison. The more people talk about birth certificates, the less they are talking about other things. This can only be a positive for President Obama's re-election and Democrats nationally.

Writing a Novel

2012-05-13T02:10:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel like writing a novel is like giving birth in slow motion.

Granholm to Romney

2012-05-09T21:26:00.001-04:00

Former Governor of Michigan Jennifer Granholm argued in The Huffington Post that Mitt Romney did nothing to save Detroit.

What a coincidence! Neither did she.

Renting a Helicopter Gunship

2012-05-05T19:51:00.000-04:00

Why, yes, there is a place where an ordinary guy like me can rent a helicopter gunship to pump round after glorious round of 7.62 mm ammunition into the side of a mountain. Full details of this are available on the hotel's web site.

Do we live in a magnificent country or what?

The only question that remains is: who wants to go with me?

Bedroom Mistakes Women Make

2012-05-05T11:34:00.000-04:00

The folks at Web MD published a quiz recently to highlight "Bedroom Mistakes Women Make."

Surprisingly, not bringing a sandwich was not one of the ones they talked about.

RIP Adam Yauch - You Will Be Missed

2012-05-04T14:00:00.000-04:00

Adam Yauch photo by Fabio Venni

Adam Yauch, co-founder of the Beastie Boys, past away today at the age of 47 after a lengthy battle with cancer.

Back in the late 1980s and 90s, I used to hate the Beastie Boys. When one of their songs came on the radio, I always changed the station.

It was only really in the past decade or so that I've realized the pure beauty in the rebellious, if at times obnoxious, nature of their music.

Adam Yauch, you will be missed.

Porn Meets Librarian

2012-04-30T16:27:00.000-04:00

I frequently bookmark lengthy on-line articles and blog posts that seem interesting, but that I don't have time to read completely when I first find them. It may take awhile, but I always go back to them eventually.

I stumbled upon Avi Steinberg's article in The Paris Review last February (the midst of income season). It dealt with the librarian as a recurring image in pornographic or sexually explicit literature. I'm glad that I bookmarked this one because it's really good.

Check out "The Librarians Naughty Habit" by Avi Steinber in The Paris Review here.

Premiere of "The Avengers" at the Tribeca Film Festival

2012-04-29T23:18:00.002-04:00

The Avengers had a special showing at the Tribeca Film Festival. I was lucky enough to get video from this event from the producers.

I'm so excited to be able to see The Avengers in theaters this coming Friday.

Women Bringing You Sammiches - And Controversy

2012-04-26T18:46:00.002-04:00

The Women Bringing You Sandwiches page on Facebook is organizing their 3rd annual "Women Bringing You Sandwiches Day" on May 17. The vast majority of people who have found this page appear to enjoy it for the good heartened joke that it was intended to be. However, there is a certain segment of the internet population that have responded with profanity laced insults, not only for the organizers of this but for those who would participate in it.

Women Bring Sammiches - And Controversy

It's both amazing and, quite frankly, a little depressing that something as simple as woman bringing a sandwich can prompt tirades of profanity and stupidity. I know that there is something about the internet that always brings out the craziest of the crazies. I'm also relieved to note that for every one person who left a such post, there are approximately a hundred other Facebook users who are sensible about it. Still, the anti-women bringing sandwiches tirades are at least a little surprising.

The prevailing sentiment in those comments seems to be that all of the gains that women have made over the past half century would somehow be erased if one of them were to don a bikini voluntarily and deliver a sandwich to the man in her life just once. The only explanation for such a thought process that I can conjure is that haters will always hate.

In a perfect world, the haters would be banned to their own little world where they could only annoy themselves instead of trying to ruin everyone else's fun. However, Facebook is far from a perfect world.

The organizers received an email from Facebook recently, according to a statement on their page, in which the site threatened to remove the page or force its administrators to modify it. Meanwhile, the profanity laced insults that were left were judged by Facebook to be somehow acceptable.

Facebook is far from a perfect world.

Will "The Five Year Engagement" Answer the Important Questions?

2012-04-25T23:41:00.000-04:00

The Five Year Engagement, starring Jason Segel and Emily Blunt, opens in theaters everywhere this Friday. I look forward to it.

Hopefully, they will explain the important questions that this film raises, like, why did this couple rush their engagement?

Success in American Politics

2012-04-25T16:31:00.004-04:00

This is a sad commentary, but I've realized something about American life and politics. Success in American politics, it seems, is often measured by the volume and ferocity of the hate mail one receives.

My Advice to the Single Women of the World

2012-04-24T15:49:00.001-04:00

Don't Date Cats

I have some simple advice for the single women of the world: cats are cool, but there's something wrong with you if you put 5 different pictures of your cat on your on-line dating profile and you're not in any of them.

A part of me cannot believe that there are women out there who actually need this advice. However, after reviewing a few on-line dating sites, it's clear that such a need does exist.

President Obama Ate Dog Meat

2012-04-19T13:19:00.000-04:00

As I look through my Facebook news feed, I see that my Republican and Libertarian friends are having fun with the fact that President Barack Obama was fed dog meat, among other things, while he was a child living in Indonesia. He discussed this fact in his memoir Dreams from My Father, which was published in 1995.

Is it just me or does it seem really, really desperate to have to go back to President Obama's childhood in order to find something to make fun of?

2012 Takes A Hit

2012-04-15T23:15:00.001-04:00

2012 is only a quarter of the way over. However, has hit a sudden rough patch.

The Lingerie Football League announced that they are putting their entire season on hiatus for 2012. They will be back in the summer of 2013.

If anyone needs me, I'll be at the bar sulking.

Women Are Like a Painting by Picasso

2012-04-14T23:08:00.000-04:00

I'm once again doing taxes this year. I'm not thrilled to be back in the financial services industry, but I'm good at it and the money is decent.

Anyway, an 80 year old gentleman came into my office yesterday afternoon. He dumped a stack of papers on my desk and asked me to figure out how much owed in taxes. As I was working on his return, we started talking about life. At one point or another during our conversation, the subject of women came up and, in particular, how hard it can be for guys to understand them.

Like a Painting by Picasso

It was at that point that this wise gentleman shared an important insight with me. "A woman is like a great painting by Picasso," he explained with a knowing smile across his face. "You don't have to understand it in order to enjoy having one around."

It took me a moment to soak in the simple brilliance of his analogy.

Truer words, I believe, have never been spoken by any man.

Katy Perry As A Marine?

2012-04-11T18:25:00.000-04:00

Katy Perry's new video for "Part of Me" shows her becoming a United States Marine after a huge break up with her boyfriend. I have to admit that the I never thought I'd find the words "Katy Perry" and "Marine" in the same sentence. However, I love this one.

The video is fresh, provocative, and a lot of fun to watch. I simply love it. Kudos to whoever came up with this idea.

Jennifer Love Hewitt's Breasts Get a New TV Show

2012-04-05T22:33:00.004-04:00

Jennifer Love Hewitt at the Cast Party

Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts will be appearing in a new television show on the Lifetime network called The Client List.

Well, actually, I guess all of Jennifer Love Hewitt will be on this show. It's not just her breasts.

But, let's face it, most people aren't going to stare at anything else.