The Wandering Drays

Three More Months...Done

2015-11-15T19:38:00.002-05:00

Part of the fun of Foreign Service life is the daydreaming. Most of us are constantly dreaming of the "what if's" and the "where to's." What if we get assigned to (name your top or last choice)? Where would we visit if we were in (name that country again)? Maybe someday we'll get (name it)!

Turkey, baby! We're Istanbul-bound, Summer 2017.

For us, our "what if?" is actually known; our bidding was done in September! And we're excited to say we'll be moving to Istanbul, Turkey for three years, starting in summer 2017! YES!! It's always been a daydream assignment for us and we couldn't be more pleased. I've already researched schools and housing and have looked at the potential job market for me because I just can't help myself. If you're living this kind of nomadic life, you totally know what I mean.

But what absolutely sucks about this lifestyle is our inability to fully live in the moment. And if you're trudging through an unaccompanied assignment (which, yeah, we're doing right now), it's all the harder. For me, I'm currently planning things in increments of three months. Each seems to be pegged around when the fab hubby is home on R&R.

My blog has, once again, taken the back burner. Maybe it's because I'm honestly crazy busy. I mean, come on! Three kids, all in different schools, a full-time job, a dog, two cats, all the stuff of regular life. And I'm flying solo. Or maybe it's because time seems to tick by oh-so-slowly and blogging just reminds me of it. Or maybe it's because I'm afraid of the emotional roller coaster writing seems to bring out in me.

But here we are again, three more months done. We're pretty close to the half-way point of our Baghdad separation. Because tonight, I'll be picking up the fab hubby at the airport for three weeks of R&R. It's been a long, long three months. But at the same time, it's weirdly been a blur.

Summer. Big kids enjoyed a month of glorious sailing and surfing with their besties in California. Friends since our Cairo days, the kids have managed to stay close, despite the miles separating them. I was only super jealous since I couldn't go with them to catch up with our friends as well!

School started and The Tween is now in Middle School. He's in all honors classes (except for English, which his says is his nemesis) at his own choosing. He's also in Model U.N. and Band (trumpet). This nerd mom couldn't be more proud. Abby is now in 5th Grade, also in Band (flute) and she has started Irish Step Dancing. {Again, nerd mom proudly pats self on back.}

Kellen turned FIVE and I suddenly feel old old OLD. He's no longer a baby, and long past the toddler phase. I have to watch my language around him because any time I swear, he's sure to point out my effing transgression. Dinosaurs and super heroes are center stage, but he's still trotting right behind the big kids hoping they'll accept him and play with him, despite the age gap.

As for me, well. Let's just say you don't gain 20 pounds in a year because you've been taking good care of yourself. I like to portray myself as having it all together (because honestly, I usually feel like I mostly do), but when push came to shove, I was sadly willing to back off of the running to keep my sanity. My work schedule and home stuff keep me crazy enough and trying to fit in running regularly is rough. As injury upon injury piled up due to inconsistent running, I had to make a choice. I'm really kinda ashamed that I made the wrong choice initially. It was sooooo much easier to choose chocolate cake and the couch instead of a brisk walk after work, time and time again. Next thing I knew, nothing fit, not even my scrubs. It's bad when the elastic-waist scrubs are digging in.

I begrudgingly started with a walk at my lunch break at work. I picked up a Fitbit (a high tech pedometer) thanks to a friend's recommendation {that would be the mom of the kiddos my kids flew out to Cali to see last summer -- dang I miss her!} and I just made the tiny commitment to walk most everyday. Increasing my steps, decreasing the cake and couch time. It honestly kinda sucks, only because it's never instantly gratifying. But I've stuck with it, and added some running (slow) back into my days. It takes months to lose fitness and it takes way more time to regain it. It's incredibly frustrating. But I signed up for the Army 10-Miler to keep myself on track.

In October, I ran that race. Sluggy slow, but injury-free. And 10-pounds lighter, which I'm thrilled with. I'm still walking at work and running on the weekends and whenever I can sanely squeeze in a couple extra miles. It feels good to be back on the road and taking care of myself again.

And of course. The fab hubby returns tonight! All the usual prep work is complete. A new pair of specs and a haircut for me. I've splurged on bi-weekly housekeeping and oh my gawd is it completely and utterly worth it. The house is spotless and I'm not yelling at kids to (halfheartedly) scrub toilets and vacuum the floors. I've also written out a calendar so the fab hubby isn't at a loss of remembering when and where the kids are day-to-day, because although the weekly crazy is etched in my head permanently, he's been gone from the household crazy. It's all gonna be fuzzy (and a blur for him).

Plans are made for the rest of month. Every weekend is of course already booked and the fab hubby is home this R&R for Thanksgiving. We're meeting up with family for turkey day, but the weekend after will be spent at Great Wolf Lodge with some friends. Because dude. I turn 40 that weekend and nothing says party like an indoor water park and bazillions of children running around. We embrace the crazy.

Ack. I just admitted I'm turning 40. I'm considering just celebrating 39 again.

Here's a photo tour of the blur from end of summer until now:

Post-Surf Camp gang. I'm pretty jealous, having missed out.

Abby, sailing!

Owen and his buddy Josh, sailing.

These girlies have known each other since Cairo.
Oh, and In-N-Out. Again, jealous.

Geek squad and a bromance.

End of summer fun at our community pool.

Boys will be boys.

Middle School = Locker Time.

Socks and ghillies (dance shoes) are a must for Irish Step Dancing.

Weekend of the Army 10-Miler; I took the boys paddle boating in D.C.

Epic photobomb by the Washington Monument.

In case you're wondering what Five Years looks like.
Newborn on the left.
5yo who loves toy spiders on the right.

I adore him.

Requisite birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's.

Five burning candles.

Blow them out!

Getting my bib for the Army 10-Miler.
And my shirt says how I feel most days.

I was a slug but I did it.
And I'll do it again.

On the trail, taking care of myself with a good run.
And a sassy new haircut to boot.

Separated Frequently, but Never Really Apart

2015-08-16T22:20:00.001-04:00

Nearly 20 years together.

Way back in March, 2008, I packed up my car and drove cross-country from Ohio to California. I was in my early 30's, had been married for nine years, and had two young kids. No one accompanied me on this trip, which would last four months.

The fab hubby had accepted a job with Department of State and was scheduled to begin his nine months of training in Washington DC in July 2008. I'd been working as an ER nurse in a busy trauma center for a little over a year and had been offered a lucrative 14-week contract assignment in Bakersfield, California. The contract assignment would finish just before he'd set off for training.

Many friends and family thought we were a touch crazy. Me headed away from my family for a job for such a long time, only to be followed by the fab hubby setting off solo for an extended period of time to start a career with the Foreign Service. Truthfully, maybe, *just maybe,* we also thought we were a bit crazy. Neither I nor the fab hubby liked the idea of being separated for so long. And we worried about the kids (who were only five and three; the idea of a third kid hadn't even entered our minds at the time).

We especially worried about the kiddos. But when we sat down and crunched the financial numbers, my contract assignment brought us in the extra cash we needed, as well as the travel nurse experience I wanted to add to my resume for further job opportunities. Jason's new job with the Foreign Service seemed like the adventure we wanted for our family, and the required training was just part of the package. It seemed MORE crazy for the kids and me to follow him to DC (and other various training sites) for the nine months of his required training, and so we hung back in Ohio until his first posted assignment.

First night home on R&R!

2008 was sort of the marker for the beginning of separations. We were naive and didn't really realize how often it would happen. Or maybe I should say I was naive and didn't realize how often it would happen. Looking back, the fab hubby was honest and up-front about the job options overseas (and those posts we would be unable to accompany him to if assigned), the likelihood of frequent TDY's (temporary duty assignments), as well as the necessity of travel on his part. I was crazy ready to see the world and in the big picture of this in my mind, it didn't really seem like we would spend all that much time apart.

But in reality, we've spent nearly 50% of our time so far in the Foreign Service physically separated.

Our time in the Foreign Service.

I never really thought that I would be one of those wives who would identify herself so strongly with her husband's job. But the Foreign Service is really a family lifestyle choice as well as an individual career, as I've personally found. At times, it's even been a career choice for me. I honestly don't think I could pin down at what point I started using phrases like "we bid" and "we'd like to be assigned to..." I don't know at what point I considered myself "in the Foreign Service," but honestly it was a pretty natural transition. When I meet other State employees or EFMs (Eligible Family Members), I always get weirdly giddy and say "We're in the Foreign Service, too!"

Someone missed his Daddy very much.

Today, I dropped the Fab Hubby off at the airport for his 36-hour journey back to Baghdad. This is the sixth time in his career I've dropped him off at the airport for a flight to Baghdad. I don't think I could accurately remember the number of times I've dropped him at the airport for his various TDY assignments, trainings, or other sundry travels. Today's flight marks the end of his first R&R of our year's unaccompanied tour.

Yes, unaccompanied tours completely suck, as I've mentioned before. No matter how many times you do them, it never really gets any easier. But the R&R's are definitely one of those things that truly make an assignment like Baghdad more manageable.

We're often asked how our marriage can withstand the test of frequent separations; the stress of moving; our near future essentially unknown (seriously --- we have no idea where we'll be this time next year). I think those are reasonable inquiries. It IS hard on a family and a marriage when those things that many consider concrete ("home", time together, etc.) and fundamental to a couple are constantly in flux.

I'm not sure there are any easy answers to this. Maybe, mostly, it comes down to us. That we BOTH agree that what we're doing is important and meaningful. That we BOTH agree that it is important to us to show our children the world, the beautiful differences and similarities of cultures, and for them to grow up understanding they they can make a difference in this world. And of course, that we BOTH love and support each other in all this craziness. It's an adventure that we're doing together, just as any other couple growing older together is doing each and every day. Ours just happens to be a roving adventure.

Jason's had a whirlwind of an R&R. He arrived home in mid-July and left just five days later with the kids to road trip to Ohio for some camping and to catch up with family and friends. I stayed in Virginia (I have a full-time job, yo!) during this time. However, he arrived back here in Virginia just a little over a week later, sans kids (thanks, grandparents!). Which gave me and the fab hubby SEVEN FULL KID-FREE DAYS TOGETHER.

I was even able to take three days off work leading into this past weekend. During which we hopped into the car and drove to Virginia Beach for some much-deserved time together. Our hotel was directly on the beach and everything we needed was within walking distance. It was completely glorious.

We've been married for nearly 17 years. And yeah, a bunch of our "vacation" conversations revolved around the kids (we did miss those little boogers, even though we were so grateful to get some solo time) and bidding and where we'll be hoping to head to next. [It's bidding season, yo!]

But we also talked about so much other stuff. Of buying that perfect piece of paradise for our retirement (even though it's in 15 years or so!), of my little dream of opening a coffee shop when we *finally* settle down in retirement (ha!), of all the places we'd like to visit (not necessarily to live in), and of past happy memories. I can't even count the number of times we said "remember when...?" We talked of everything and of nothing. And just basked in being together.

Honestly, looking back at all our years together, it's a little painful when I realize just how much time we spend separated.

And, I just achingly miss him. When he's gone, I kinda feel like a piece of me is missing. I mean, I don't spend all my time sorrowful and moody when we're separated. But on days like this, when I've just spent a glorious seven amazing days with him, it is even more difficult saying goodbye. Today was one of the worst airport drop-offs I've done. I frankly just wasn't ready to give up more of our time.

I know we'll get through this separation. Because we always do. The days will turn to weeks and then the weeks to months. And then it will be November, and suddenly he'll be home for his second R&R and (more importantly!) we'll be mid-point through the year of separation.

We're so good together, and even though we're frequently physically separated by distance, we are never really apart. Maybe THAT is what truly makes all of this awesome craziness doable.

Balcony of our hotel on the BEACH!

It was so hard leaving this view!

Fireworks -- the view from our balcony!

Seriously, very awesome.

Together, as we should be.

The Third Child is the ONLY Child...Temporarily

2015-07-19T19:38:00.002-04:00

Children. We have three of them. The first two are only 26 months apart. The last one? He's five years younger than the middlest. Now, I don't claim to be an expert on children, although I am a pediatric nurse [ha!]; but I can tell you, the third child is without a doubt the luckiest of the bunch.

Giant Panda. Meet Kellen.

Of course, kids come with no handbook. So the firstborn is sorta the 'test' child. He's the one I utilize the most for figuring out this mom gig. Mistakes, successes, trials and errors? Most of them get hammered out with him. Especially when it came to babies. Oh, I loved being a first-time mom. But it was definitely the most difficult of times. I was positive that every-single-little-tiny-decision-was-important. He was breakable.

The second? Well, she's the one I was able to "fix" all the mistakes I made with the first. You know, having figured out the baby thing with the first one, I could focus on making it 'right' with the second.

Gawd.

By the time the third one came along, I was really just exhausted. And I knew from Kid One and Kid Two experiences that there's surprisingly very few mistakes to really be made.

So Kid Three? He's just super chill and easy going. Headstrong, always laughing and having a good time, and downright loving. He's really kinda the tag-a-long kid, since his big brother and big sister are so much older than he is. But they love him and they tolerate him always trying to hang with the big kids. At least mostly.

And now it's summer. Owen is 12, Abby is 10, and Kellen, the 'baby,' is four years old. With the fab hubby off in Iraq, I was concerned about the two oldest once school let out for the summer. Kellen is in daycare -- so he's not really an issue. But what to do with the big kids to keep them out of trouble, not bored, and not desperately missing their Dad? I shipped them off to SoCal for a month to hang with some of their besties they'd met in Cairo. Yeppers. Two days after school finished for the summer, I herded those two off to Dulles and they flew to SoCal. Off for an adventure of surfing and sailing.

Awesome mom points, I know!

But this ingenious plan left the tag-a-long kid with no one other kids to tag-a-long with.


Those devious eyes.

Dang! It's been a long time since I had just one kid in my radius. Usually, I just say "kids go play" and well, they do. But Kellen? He's really never been on his own, especially for such a long period of time. He's never been an only child. Until this summer.

And oh, did he fall into the groove quickly. All the Mom attention he can handle! The Xbox (and Owen's room --- shhh!) at his mercy! All the popsicles he could ever want...all to himself. Kids' movies, the zoo, the pool, playgrounds galore, and a newly decorated bedroom, just for him!

Truthfully, I've loved this time. It's not that I don't miss the big kids (because I totally do), but having Kellen all to myself has been an interesting adventure. I love looking at the world through his four-year-old eyes. Of course, with no big kids around, he's had the chance to really do things that are geared toward four-year-olds. And with his daredevil-I-can-do-and-be-anything easy nature? He's exhausting, but so totally awesome at the same time.

Later this week, our solo time will end when the big kids fly back home (!!!) and next weekend the fab hubby is home for his first R&R (YES! Really!). But we have definitely made the most of our time...

One of our many playground dates.

Took him to see 'Jurassic World'. We hit the candy store first!

This place is a kid's dream!

At the Reston Zoo with friends. Kellen and Lily, holding hands.

Feeding a budgie!

Double budgies!

Kellen, Noah, and Lily checking out the alligators!

Back to the mecca of candy!

These three. So fun!


Yeah. I treated him to ice cream after a day at the park.

Now that's how you eat ice cream!

A picnic at the park!

Ham and cheesy.


Kellen took this pic for us! FS friends...and one is off to Nepal this month!


New big boy bed!

He picked the bedding out himself.

We were there to see Minions, but he loves PacMan, too!

After the Minions movie, I got a major haircut...

And Kellen got ice cream as a reward for being so good!

On the Metro, headed to the National Zoo.

Elephants in the background!

Hanging with me and checking out the bear.

The stingrays were surprisingly his favorite of the day.

Sippy faces!

Again. Those.Eyes. He owns me because of those baby blues!

TWO stuffed pandas?! Mom is such a sucker.

Pretty much a perfect ending to an amazing adventure.

For the Love of COFFEE! A Fully Portable Espresso and Coffee Bar for Our Home

2015-06-07T21:45:00.002-04:00

A focal point for my love of coffee.

So, we're renters here in NoVA. Which I love. Because we've already done the whole "Ohhhh! We need a house!" and we bought such a house -- in Ohio -- when we got married {16 years ago} and now we still own that house, but are currently renting it to friends. It's our home of record, having established it so very long ago.

But anyway, when the fab hubby got assigned in DC two years ago, we had absolutely no interest (or the down payment for that matter) in buying a house. So we rent. And we got incredibly lucky -- wer're renting from some very, very awesome FS friends. We never even had to navigate the "fun" of the rental market in DC/NoVA/MD. Score!

One of the projects I've been dreaming of establishing in our home is an espresso/coffee bar. But, because we rent and because we move so frequently {Please, PLEASE let the bidding gods be kind to us this summer!}, it needed to be, above all...portable.

Of course, the fab hubby in all of his fabulousness, knew that I'd been dreaming of such a project. And for Mother's Day this year, I received this...

Shiny! My newest hobby.

And well, that machine morphed into this gorgeousness in our kitchen. 100% portable and ready to go, anywhere in the world! As if my espresso fixation wasn't enough before, I now have the machine and the space to tinker with the greatest, most delicious substance in the world. Coffee. And with the fab hubby gone in Iraq over the next year, it's so nice to have a new hobby I can obsess over...

Check out this gorgeousness! A fully portable espresso/coffee bar.
With useful space underneath!

Homemade creamer! Getting my domesticness on.

Hee Hee. Truth.
And oh, my! I made that delicious latte.

Another view.

And yeah. Another view.

Well, the shirt says it all.

Admitting the Suckage of Another Unaccompanied Tour

2015-05-25T21:46:00.000-04:00

Family selfie at Harpers Ferry, WV.

The fab hubby left for Iraq two weeks ago. Yeah, I've been avoiding writing. For MONTHS. Because I just wasn't ready to put it into words. Avoidance is a game I play all too often.

It's hard to identify that point when I mentally checked out from admitting it. And it happened long before he even left for Baghdad.

"THIS TIME it will be different," I lied to myself, fulling knowing I was lying to myself.

"THIS TIME it will be easier," I lied to myself. Because, you know. We've done it before and we're used to it.

"THIS TIME I won't dwell on him leaving; I'll enjoy the time we have," I lied to myself. Knowing that even though I would indeed enjoy the time together, I would still be fretting over his leaving.

THIS TIME.

Well. This time sucks as much as the last time. And it doesn't matter how much we do this, it never seems to get easier, no matter how familiar it is.

But I avoided it -- as evidenced by my clear lack of writing for the last five months. I put on that smile; that brave face; I told myself I was too busy to write, too busy to admit that this sh*t is real. It's easier to avoid it than to confront it. Because we DO know what we're doing, we DO know that we'll get through this, we DO know that our relationship and our family is stronger than the gaping physical distance between us. We have friends and family who love us and support us. I have a job that allows me to work AND be there for the kids. Win. Win. Win. Right?

Of course, the Fab Hubby knew I was all about not admitting anything sucks. Hiding. Avoiding. Deflecting. Redirecting. He tried to get me to talk about it; I discounted his concern. All those generic phrases I use come back to me in short snippets. "I'm fine." "I'm not worried." "This won't be so bad." He knew I was lying to him and to myself. But of course, in his fabulousness, he didn't push the issue. Because he knew that at some point I'd be back at my desk writing it all out, realizing I had mentally checked out during those months leading up to his Baghdad date, and that I'd be peeved at myself for having so easily allowed myself to do so.

When he was asked to arrive to Baghdad a month earlier (May instead of June), we agreed -- better to get it going than to wait around for it. I personally figured that's one less month of dread. But suddenly, we had 5 weekends left, and so much to do. A long weekend with friends, a couple days for us without kids, some family and friends visiting --- all of it needed to be done in so little time! And of course, there's UAB packout and all the great goodness that goes along with that. Thankfully, I wasn't directly involved with it, with the exception of "Honey! Do you know where my {insert obscure item name} is??!!" For the record, I NEVER know where those obscure items are.

Suddenly, I could really justify the "I'm too busy!" to blog about his prep for Iraq. Or our awesome weekend to the mountains of Virginia with friends. Heck, I'd already missed blogging about The Tween turning 12 and flying (Solo!) to Louisiana to see his bestie. I'd neglected to write about Abby turing double digits in March! With the accelerated leaving-for-Baghdad date, I could justify any "too busy" I needed to. Which just allowed me to avoid avoid AVOID my feelings about the whole "WE'RE DOING ANOTHER UNACCOMPANIED ASSIGNMENT!" Again.

So yeah. Here I am. Looking back on the last few months and hating myself for falling into that trap.

Things that suck about this separation? Already truly knowing how difficult it is to be apart, but knowing that this chosen (and completely voluntary on our part!) assignment works best for our family for what we need right now. We've moved every one to two years for the last six years. This year that he's spending in Iraq allows the kids to complete a third year in a school without being moved. This was (is!) really important to us. And hopefully, this unaccompanied assignment will push the biding gods toward being kind to us {Because yo! Bidding for summer 2016 is upon us very, very soon!} It sucks that such an assignment is honestly the best choice for us for right now.

Other things that suck? The guilt that goes along with my so easily being able to switch over to solo-parent-Heather mode. We've done so much time apart (whether it be short TDYs or his previous one-year assignment in Baghdad in 2010 or my 6-months in California in 2013) that we know how to survive on our own. And, guiltily, there are some things that I like about it. I like having the king size bed all to myself and stealing the fab hubby's body pillow and his t-shirts when he's away. There's way less laundry with one less adult. His alarm doesn't wake me in the morning (nor does his hitting the snooze button for the next 20 minutes). I can cook essentially the same four meals I like over and over and he won't be here to give me the stink eye, since he doesn't like repetitive meals. Or leftovers. Yeah. Stupid stuff like this makes me feel horribly guilty.

Other things that suck? The having to explain over and over and over again (with justification) about why the fab hubby is gone for a year. And the pitied looks I get from people when I mention it. Now, I know I don't have to justify our choices to others or even explain myself to them. But, well, it just seems like it happens all the time. I loathe it.

And of course, the big one. HE'S IN BAGHDAD and I'm not with him. It's tough on the kids and it's tough on me and yeah. I know it's tough on him.

Deep.Breath. I always feel better when I admit stuff like this.

But somehow I always end up in the trap of avoidance and fake tough faces. I want others to see me as the strong, supportive wife (because I am) and I don't want my weaknesses to show. I love our FS life in general, and I want to be positive about our experiences, even the difficult ones like this. My husband loves his job, including assignments in Baghdad, and well, this is just part of the job -- and we knew it going into this lifestyle.

So here we are. Only four years out from our last unaccompanied assignment (also Baghdad) and less than two years out from when I was on a nurse contract assignment in Los Angeles while the rest of my family was in Cairo.

I think maybe, one of the the hardest things for me is giving up the "normal". The nice, awesome, regular family normalness we had for the past couple years here in NoVA. It's been amazing and I am mourning the loss of normal. Of laundry and snooze alarms and dinner time and switching off who-helps-with-homework night. Of hanging out on the couch with the fab hubby after the kids have gone to bed to watch late-night TV and talk about our day. It's the daily stuff -- the regular life stuff -- that I miss so desperately when it's gone.

It's going to be a long, tough year. But I already knew it was going to be --- I just didn't want to admit it.

Some things I should have celebrated in writing long before I got to this point:

He's 12!! And eating mammoth-sized burritos.

She's 10!! Where did time go? DOUBLE DIGITS!

My parents came to visit!

I took my dad sightseeing in style with our BFF coffees!

We took a long weekend with friends and their kiddos.
This is at Luray Caverns. We then spent a long weekend in Massanutten!

Family photo-op!

At Massanutten, VA. His first time riding!

Abby! With the Fab Hubby and Owen on horses in the background.

All three kiddos did the this course!

First time rock climbing!

That's Owen and Abz on the zip line. Makes me want to barf.

This happened. Some friends wanted to wish the Fab Hubby farewell.
We did so with Mexican food and this craziness. Oh, Yeah!

Hiking in Harpers Ferry, WV.

Just gorgeous.

The Tween putting on some parkour moves.

Ah. Yankees.

Firing Up the Blog (Yup. I KNOW. It's Been a Ridiculously Long Time.)

2015-01-11T22:02:00.000-05:00

16 Wonderful, Amazing Years.

The worst part about totally falling behind on blogging is that I start to lose perspective on where to start up again. All I can think is: "OMG! I've got so much to write about. Where do I begin?! How far back should I go?!" Sometimes, I even start to wonder whether or not I should continue writing or if I should just take down the blog.

But no matter how I look at it, this blog is truly so much more than just the last five months of lost [well, fallen behind] writing. And so even though I've been slacking, I love writing and keeping track of my family's crazy fun adventures. When I'm old{er} and wise{r}, I'll be so glad that I DIDN'T take it down.

So I guess the best place to start is exactly where I am right now.

Wow. We adopted two kittens, Latte (L) and Chai (R).
So much can happen in just five short months!

This past week, the fab hubby and I celebrated our 16 YEAR ANNIVERSARY. 16 years. That's a freaking long time, people! I personally think we're a pretty awesome couple. And this year, while we couldn't celebrate it with a nice little trip somewhere sans kids, we DID in fact celebrate it with carnitas tacos. This is a big deal because honestly, the Mexican food in the NoVA area is generally disappointing. We're picky, you know, having lived in the mecca of Mexican food. [That would be SoCal, of course.] And until recently, we'd found absolutely nothing that compares to the awesome food you find in SoCal.

Funny thing is, I never would have found this most amazing taco place if I hadn't started a new job in early December. Yes, I know. I seem to change jobs frequently. But when the opportunity to work with one of my bestest friends in the whole world presented itself, I absolutely couldn't turn it down. Mel and I had worked together at the Embassy in Cairo (she's a kickass pediatrician) when both of our fab hubbies were posted there together. When she and her hubby PCS'd [that's a Permanent Change of Station for you non-FS/non-military types] only one short year after our arrival, I was pretty heartbroken. I looked back at that blog entry from April, 2012, forgetting that I had written this:

I think that at least for now, it's ok for me to mourn what I'm losing - my friend going to another post. But I know I've made a life-long friend. Who knows? Maybe our husbands will get posted together someday? Maybe it will even be in the U.S. where we can laugh and reminisce about all the crazy traffic in Cairo while we sip lattes in Starbucks.

That's me and Mel. We're an awesome team.
And we love us some lattes!

Never would I have dreamt that this would be a reality so soon. This past August, my awesome friend's hubby PCS'd to D.C., same as us! They bought a house in NoVA (near where we live!) and she found a job quickly (like I said, she's a kickass pediatrician). In November, her new office posted a position for a nurse. Of course, I had to apply! It was bittersweet leaving NIH - I had met so many amazing nurses and made lifelong friends. And, I loved working with the children. Honestly, those kids taught me so much about life and love and learning to live in the moment. It was hard leaving, but this opportunity was simply one I couldn't turn down, especially since our lives are about to change crazily again next June.

It was recently bidding season for the fab hubby, and after much discussion [trust me; this is putting it mildly], he bid for an unaccompanied hardship assignment in Baghdad for summer 2015. He was paneled for it and is set to PCS on June 1st, for one year. During his tour in Baghdad, the kids and I will stay in Virginia. Unfortunately, hospital shift work at NIH will simply not work for us once the fab hubby leaves for Baghdad. I knew I'd have to leave next NIH next June, and I wasn't quite sure what I would do once he left -- work or stay home? And so this new job with my awesome friend worked out for more reasons than just the greatness of working with her! The pediatric office is in Arlington (closer to our home and the kids' school!), with 'normal' working hours (Monday - Friday!) that fit with our daycare for Kellen AND the kids' school. No more weekends. No more holidays. And the chance for me to continue doing what I love --- being a nurse. [Oh, and not to mention --- located right by the GREATEST TACO PLACE ON THE EAST COAST.] Win. Win. WIN!

Other things that happened in the last five months?

We took a family road trip to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. Except for the **bleeping** 16 hour drive it took us to get there (and the drive back, of course), we had a fabulous time. Sunshine. Mickey Mouse. Lots and lots of money blown on absolutely nothing of importance, except that we had a great time just being the normal American family. Sweetness.

The Toddler officially moved into kidhood, turning four in October. ::sigh:: He's getting so big, so fast.

Officially FOUR.

Never, ever get between a boy and his birthday cupcake.

And as if I couldn't feel old enough by my youngest baby becoming a child, I turned 29 for the TENTH TIME in November. And well, you should celebrate a decade of 29 in style. So the fab hubby got some friends of ours from Cairo together and we all went to Old Town Alexandria for a lovely lunch. And cake.

Celebrating a decade of 29!

Christmastime came around and we had to put the entire household into quarantine. I had some sort of disgusting upper respiratory infection [Yo! When you think about the number of kids who cough in my face on a daily basis, it's actually a wonder I'm ever NOT sick.] Owen, The Tween, was miserably sick with BOTH flu and strep throat. Gross. The bummer of it though (besides being grossly sick) was that we had to cancel all plans with our family from Ohio for the holiday weekend.

On the bright side, we absolutely got our money's worth out of Amazon Prime and Netflix over the five days we spent in quarantine. Owen and I watched all of the Resident Evil movies in the comfort of jammies, on our couch eating a heckuva lot of tacos. Don't judge us.

This is pretty much our Christmas card for 2014!

Thankfully, by the following week, we were well enough to leave our house on New Year's Eve. We headed over to our friends' home and enjoyed a night of food, gossip, and music. Of course, we're all old, and so we were out the door, headed home by 9PM, and I was zonked-out asleep by 10PM. It was pretty awesome.

New Year's Eve with awesome friends!

So welcome, 2015! 2014 was a great year of 'normal' for our family!

Here's to an awesome year of lattes!!

And now for the requisite Orlando vacation pictures!!

As normal as normal gets!

Some Things Never Change

2014-08-28T23:16:00.001-04:00

That's me and Krista four-wheeling in Giza in 2012.
Total rockstars.

WARNING. This entry is long with a gazillion photos.

Ok. Read on!

So there's nothing like a last-minute three-week TDY that the fab hubby has to take to Tel Aviv to remind you that it really does take a village. Last minute as in five days notice. We weren't shocked when it happened; he's TDY'd before, but it's always such a hustle for us when it really happens.

What do we do with the kids? That's always THE big question. I work full time at NIH, odd hours (afternoons) and am frequently not home between 5pm and 11pm. Our daycare closes at 6pm (the fab hubby picks him up). Plus, I had a five day solo mini-vacay planned (AND FULLY PAID...NONREFUNDABLE) during the surprise TDY in which I was headed to SoCal to see one of my Cairo besties. WAAAHHHH!!!

So I put the calls out to our posse: grandparents, friends, co-workers. And within an hour of receiving the fab hubby's "hey, I gotta TDY" call, we had it completely worked out. COMPLETELY.

We would drive the kids to Ohio to the grandparents' house where they'd stay for most of the three weeks. I would work my scheduled hours, get my trip to California (!!!), spend one of the weekends in Ohio with the kids (thanks to a co-worker who took two of my weekend shifts!), drive back to Virginia for the week for work, and then the fab hubby would return, drive to Ohio to get the kids, drive back to Virginia, and we'd all live happily ever after.

Whew.

Crazy.

I know.

We've done the crazy more times that I'd like to admit. Stressful, yeah. But doable. And like always, we'd make this doable as well. Kids get an awesome summer in Ohio with grandparents. I'd get my trip to SoCal and my job would essentially be unaffected. Fab hubby would do the TDY.

The only snafu would be if the TDY was extended.

Which, of course, it was. For nearly one week. WAAAAHHHH!! But after a few texts, our rockstar neighbors (friends from Cairo, you know!) were able to arrange it so that I'd have help during the evenings I worked until he was back. Whew.

Feel the burn? I unfortunately did.

Unknowingly feeding the ulcer in California.

During this craziness, I found myself sitting in an ER one evening, having left work with chest pain. Since I'd recently flown and taken two long car rides back and forth from Ohio, I was concerned the pain might be a possible blood clot in my lungs (pulmonary embolism). I didn't even want to contemplate the possibility of a cardiac issue; because you know, nurses aren't always good at identifying personal health issues. I begrudgingly knew I had to get it checked out. Four hours, lots of blood work, an EKG, and a X-ray later, I walked away with clean cardiac bill of health.

But my diagnosis? Gastritis. Probably an ulcer. Feel the burn indeed.

I've had low-level heartburn off and on for years. And truthfully, it typically rears its ugly head most often when I'm stressed. Thinking back, I can remember the worst of it when I was pregnant, when the fab hubby was in Baghdad, during a particularly dicey time in Cairo, and during the end of my solo stint in California, when the kids had to evacuate from Cairo. Add the crazy amounts of NSAIDS I take for my arthritis (ibuprofen, naproxen, aspirin) and stir in the crazy amounts of coffee I drink? It's a wonder I have a stomach lining at all. But I've only ever once had to see a doctor about it (that was when the fab hubby was in Baghdad).

This time, it was just different - a constant heaviness with lots of pressure. The burning sensation would come and go, but the pain was non-stop. Pain meds, eating, Tums. Nothing helped. The ER visit was honestly a bit embarrassing for me. I'm not one to go to the ER, and frankly I remember patients like me when I worked there. But at least I now know what's going on. The ER doc put me on something specific for GERD/ulcers and I'm following up with a gastroenterologist. No NSAIDS (or at least a lot fewer -- bad for my arthritis, good for my stomach!), but thankfully the ER doc did say he WASN'T concerned about my coffee ~~binging~~ habit. Score.

But stress? Well, some things just never change. I can't help the craziness of our lifestyle (And yeah, I know. We picked this! So I'm not complaining! Just stating the obvious.). And I like to think that I have a pretty good handle on stress, but sometimes my body just says otherwise. In any case, the fab hubby comes home tomorrow afternoon (!!!!), and we're all stoked. Pretty much half of our summer was burned away by this TDY (Again, no complaints. Just stating the obvious.). And we're looking forward to {hopefully} having a little family time. Labor Day weekend is my scheduled holiday to work, but the kids are so excited to get the weekend with their dad. And school is starting up next week, so it will definitely be nice to get back to the "normal."

The magnificent Double Double.
Best burger on the planet.

And what about my mini vacay?! IT WAS AWESOME. Remember my friend from Cairo who PCS'd to SoCal last year and then took in my two oldest for nearly three weeks when they evacuated from Cairo? Yeah. THAT AWESOME FRIEND. Well, despite our kids having been able to catch up twice in the last year (summer 2013 surf camp! and spring break 2014), Krista and I had not been able to do so since I left Cairo in February 2013. Sure we did the "see ya" high five (also know as having a quick Double Double at In and Out Burger) when I picked up the kids at her home last summer before I drove cross-country to the East Coast. But other than texting and phone calls, we had not had the chance to REALLY catch up.

{{Sob.}} I missed my friend. So when some lucky scheduling at work gave me five days off in a row, the fab hubby told me I should fly out to California to see her! (As always, he's truly fabulous. He knew how much I had missed her since leaving Cairo.)

Now, I know this lifestyle of "hello! goodbye! hello! goodbye!" can make me worry that maybe things won't be the same when we catch up with our friends. I'm sure there are plenty of other FS peeps out there who feel the same. We just don't talk about it.

Yeah, I honestly was a little worried. BUT I WAS WRONG!! So wrong. It was like nothing had changed. {{Sob.}} So relieved!

Absolutely nothing had changed! We talked. And talked. And laughed. And talked some more. Four whole days and we could have done more. The beach. Old Town San Diego. We still have so much in common, even though we're not in Cairo anymore. Some things, the greatest things! They never change.

The California trip was a much-needed break. I returned home happy. Although with the kids and the fab hubby gone during this time (kids in Ohio with the fab grandparents; fab hubby in Tel Aviv), the house felt way too big and way too empty. Work was great and I got in some good trail runs, but it was just so lonely at home. The fab hubby and I? We've done some serious time apart. His training in 2008 was nine months away from us. In 2010 he did three additional months of training before leaving for Baghdad for a year. And in 2013, I departed post six months ahead of my family. Plus, don't forget the two month TDY he did in 2013, just as we were reunited! But we're good together, even when we've had a lot of time apart. It's just one of those things that never changes. And so when a "short" TDY comes up, I usually don't think much of it. Four weeks? Bah. We could do that standing on our head.

But I guess I should also be the first to admit that some TDY's are just harder than others, even if the time apart is less. And this was definitely one of them. Maybe it's because the kids were also gone - and it smarts too close to my six solo months in California. Or maybe it's just that the timing - it was super last minute and maybe I wasn't mentally prepared for summer to come to a halt so quickly. I dunno. But it's been tough.

Thankfully, I've got my village! Lots of friends checked in on me, and I did countless coffee dates and lunches. I really couldn't be more lucky!

Plus, another friend from Cairo --- she and her family just PCS'd to DC! I haven't seen them in over two years. And my high school BFF?! She had some free time and drove in for a couple of days to hang with me. And in both cases?! Yup. I was worried. I fretted. I hadn't seen either of these two friends in a long, long time. What if things just weren't the same between us?

Seems like I ought to learn. Some things, they never change, no matter what. Some friendships, they withstand the tests of time, the tests of growing older, the tests of moving and not seeing each other for long stretches of time.

And we just pick up right where we left off.

I've know Rose for nearly 30 years. 30 YEARS!
We met in 5th grade. Our friendship is still going strong.

Because you can never have too many sippy faces.

Hanging at the pool with my friend Mel and her adorable daughter.
Lazing in the pool? One of those things we did in Cairo!
I love that some things never change.

Some more crazy, beautiful moments of summer:

I know said one and done last summer. But I lied.
Krista took me to get some ink done that I'd been contemplating for awhile now.
Don't let this calm face fool you. I was only looking good for the camera.
This one HURT.

M gorgeous family tree.
Inside of my left wrist/forearm.
Love.

Loving us some Starbucks.

Old Town San Diego. Fresh, handmade tortilla.
Perfection.

Carnitas and friendship. Doesn't get better than this.

Arranged marriages are no bueno.

Blended horchata.
BLENDED HORCHATA!
(It's a traditional Mexican drink that I used to have all the time
when we lived in Los Angeles. The blended is something I've
never had before. Total awesomeness.)

San Diego, overlooking Coronado Island.
I love it here.

Yes, this. Wanderlust.
The fab hubby brought me to San Diego in 2004, long before he
joined the Foreign Service. But I remember it as being the place
that planted the seeds of travel/new careers in our minds. I loved it there
so much and because of it, I wanted to see more and do more.
But I've always wanted to go back. There's no place like it.

Treating Krista's people to some fine cupcakes in San Diego.
My kids miss these kids so much.

Because goodbyes are always easier when burgers are involved.

Had a chance to catch up with my friend Shannon in
Long Beach. At my favorite cupcake place in the whole world!
We've known each other since 2009 -- we worked in the same
ER together. She's amazing!

The extra weekend I was in Ohio? I took the kids to a petting zoo that the fab
hubby and I used to take them to all the time when we lived there.
Such a great trip down memory lane.

Owen and the most adorable baby camel.

Abby finally getting up the courage to feed a giraffe.

Kellen always had the courage to feed the giraffe.

Really cool play structure at the petting zoo. Pirate ship!

Adorbs.

Goat on the right. Goat on the left?

He got the light-up monkey sword and not the giant stuffed giraffe.
I may have chosen poorly.

Owen eating crickets.

Gross. Really. Crickets!

One of my many, many trips (three of them!)
back and forth to Ohio in August.
Thankfully, there's multiple Starbucks on
the Pennsylvania Turnpike!

Confessions of an EFM: No Regrets

2014-06-12T19:56:00.001-04:00

As I finish what may be my last Army Reserves Annual Training (this is my sixth year of a six year contract), I can't help but get a bit nostalgic about things that coulda/shoulda/woulda been. You know. When you start thinking about all the things you *might* have done if you'd done things differently. Or how things *might* have turned out if you'd chosen a different path.

Tonight, like any other time when arriving at a military base, I pulled my car up to the gate, and handed my military ID card to the very young MP (Military Police) officer on duty. He scanned it, passed it back to me and proudly saluted me. As I looked up and saluted in return, I suddenly remembered that once upon a time, I actually was him. He was easily fifteen to twenty years younger than me. Had it really been so long ago?

In 1997, I was a junior in college and that winter, I enlisted in the Ohio Army National Guard as a Military Police Officer. I attended my basic training and completed nearly two years with my assigned unit. But the summer I was supposed to return for my advanced training, I left the Army -- for very personal reasons, of which I won't write about. But I will say this. My decision to leave was one of the worst decisions I ever made in my entire life. And it became a sort of demon that would follow me around for years.

Regret. We all know the feeling. Should have done this. Why didn't I choose that? "Hindsight is 20/20." "What will be, will be." Truly, we all have different ways to deal with it. Many of us have ways to avoid it. Some of us will blame the situation or others. But it catches up with you after awhile. It eats at you; it gnaws at the very center of your being. At least that's how regret followed me. For years, it seemed no matter what I accomplished, it would still bubble up in the back of my mind. Why wasn't I stronger? Why did I make such a rash decision? Why did I choose to fail?

I'd say I actually became pretty successful at life, despite my Army failure. I graduated second in my college class (my first degree) in 1998. I married my soulmate in 1999. I worked a successful political and non-profit fundraising career for five years before choosing to return to school for nursing. I excelled in college again when I returned, graduating summa cum laude with a BSN and became a registered nurse. And during this time, we started a family. Owen was born in 2003 and Abby in 2005. In winter 2007, I started my first nursing job at a Level One Trauma Center -- my dream job. And just out of college.

But still. My failure. No, that's really not the right way to describe it. My decision to quit, my decision to choose failure --- it haunted me. The fab hubby knew this about me. He's known this about me for as long as he's known me. It was while I was in the Army that we had met, nearly ten years before in 1997, in that very Army National Guard unit. He was there when I chose to leave the Army. And he knew how much I hated this about myself. He told me regret was a terrible burden to live with and that it would never stop unless I chose to do something about it. It was a harsh reality, but he was obviously right.

Life, as usual, was pretty crazy at the time. He himself had recently left a job and was a stay-at-home dad. We were in the middle of my new career in the ER, with two young children, and he was trying to decide what he wanted to do. He and I had discussed a job he read about online with the State Department. It was so different from what we knew. Sure, he had travelled abroad as a teen and young adult, but I had never been outside of the U.S., except for a day trip to Mexico when I was very young and I lived in Arizona with my parents. It frankly made me nervous. Anyway, we'd been living in Ohio in a house we had purchased just after getting married. We'd already established a life together, with friends, near our families. Owen, our oldest, was nearing kindergarten. But what we had wasn't exactly what we wanted. It was time for a change, for all of us. We read a bit about living overseas and wondered if maybe it was the fit we were looking for -- for our family.

And still, in the midst of all these possible changes, the regret from my chosen failure in the Army followed me. It was pretty obvious what I needed to do to overcome this regret. I had to rejoin the Army. By this point, it had been nearly ten years since I'd left the Army National Guard. Ten years of regret. And as one can imagine, it's not particularly easy getting back into the Army when you've left it before your enlistment period is over. To put it mildly, I hadn't left under the best of circumstances, either. There were papers to sign and appointments to go to and people to talk to. And through it all, the fab hubby encouraged me.

In September 2007, I took my Oath of Office and received my commission as a Second Lieutenant in the Army Reserves Nurse Corps. I'll never forget how it felt that day, when I took that Oath. Because that was the day that regret no longer owned me. That I was able to respect myself again, despite the poor choice I'd made ten years before. The Oath I took that day in September 2007 was one of the best decisions I'd ever made in my life. This September will mark the end of my contract with the Army, and I'm proud to say that I made it to my personal career goal when I was promoted to Captain in October 2012.

But, getting back to the past. In summer 2008, Jason started his training for the State Department job we'd discussed. We were making the leap into a whole different lifestyle and an entirely new career for him! In March 2009, after he completed nearly nine months of training in D.C. (during which the kids and I had stayed in Ohio), we moved to his first assignment - at the Los Angeles field office. As nursing is a relatively mobile career, I found a job at a nearby ER working afternoons. But my work schedule and the fab hubby's work schedule didn't always meld well together. I worked 12-hour days with alternating weekends. He worked 10-hour days and could be sent traveling for a few weeks at anytime. It took work. It took commitment. It took an au pair living with us to help with our two young children! But those were all the best choices for our family.

Bidding season rolled around quickly, and after many discussions, the fab hubby bid on a hardship assignment. He was paneled and after just one year in Los Angeles, we moved back to Ohio while he went on to D.C. for training and then to Baghdad for his assigned one-year UT (Unaccompanied Tour). Honestly, this was hard for me. I never wanted to return to Ohio -- it's hard enough leaving 'home' the first time, and returning just a year later brought on questions by all those people we'd just left. Plus, I was pregnant with our third child, who was due just two months after the fab hubby left for Baghdad. Thing is, that as hard of a decision as it was, it was the right decision for our growing family. And although that year was terribly difficult, I regret none of those decisions we made.

For as much as the fab hubby supports me and my career choices, I support him and his. We've spent many long nights discussing how our careers would shape our and our children's lives. How would moving affect them in the long run? How would I be able to perform the requirements of my Army Reserves contract when we were assigned overseas? How would I be able to work during a UT? What would we do for childcare? Additionally, my career -- sure, it's mobile, but what about an advancing career? Because we move frequently, I will never be at one facility long enough to be promoted to charge nurse, to nurse manger, to administration. This has truly been a hard one for me to let go, because at one point, I had visualized myself doing all those things in a hospital setting.

But these are choices WE made, and we made them together. When my husband accepted the job, I knew it would affect not only our family's lifestyle, but my career. I didn't blindly jump into the Foreign Service with him and assume that my career path would remain the same as it had been in the U.S. These were discussions we'd had many, many times before he accepted the job offer and many, many times since. The State Department didn't ruin my career. We chose this lifestyle and understood what it would mean to my career when we moved overseas or to another state in the U.S.

In the past seven years, we've moved four times. And I'm not counting the six months I spent solo in California, or the hubby's packout and travel to/from Baghdad. I'm talking just the number of times we've packed up the kids and moved! And every move, every bid, every job choice (whether his or mine) -- we have to discuss. We have to make the hard choices. We have to make the right choices. It's a give, it's a take, it's a compromise. And if it turns out not the be the best choice, we return to the conversation and keep with it until we can find the right choice. No regrets.

Occasionally, I'll hear a fellow EFM (Eligible Family Member) talk about how the State Department ruined their career. And honestly, that's not a fair statement. No one should come into this lifestyle as an EFM and expect what they had in their former U.S. lives, especially their careers, to be the same. And I'm always shocked when I hear the harsh accusations. But when I think about it, I realize that often those statements aren't really about the State Department -- those statements are really about regret. Regret of giving up a career? Regret of pulling children out of school? Regret of getting to a post and not enjoying it? I don't know exactly WHAT kind of regret, but it's regret.

It's often pointed out to me that nursing is an "easy" career to keep as an EFM in the State Department, and that I will "always" be able to find a job. And frankly, this is one of those statements that makes me flaming mad. It is NOT an easy career to keep up with. In fact, I left Egypt six months ahead of my family, so that I could renew some specialty ER RN certifications that were expiring and to keep my ER work experience recent. Because after you've been out of the game for a long period of time, you're no longer considered an ER nurse. Trust me. I've spoken to other EFM nurses who couldn't find jobs back in the U.S. after living overseas because they didn't have their licenses or certifications up-to-date, much less any experience for the years they were overseas. But that's where I get back to regret. To maintain my career, I have to work diligently to keep up with it in this nomadic lifestyle. It's a choice I make and I reevaluate it all the time -- and not just on my own, but with my husband.

Of course, these personal choices are often harshly judged by others. For instance, last year when I left post ahead of my family. There were those who said "Well, I could never leave my family for six months." Well, ok. That's a decision you make. And it's different from the one I was willing (AND the fab hubby was willing) to make to maintain my career. Additionally, it was a decision we made for my renewed military career, too -- because at the end of that solo six-month Los Angeles ER contract assignment, I traveled to Colorado for annual training to fulfill my requirements with the Army Reserves. ALL of this was a hardship for my husband and our kids; heck, it was a hardship for me. But ALL of this was a decision we made together, and despite the difficulty of it, it was the best decision for us. No regrets.

Now I'm not saying that every EFM who wants to work at a post is going to find a job. I get that. And I have plenty of friends who have had a difficult time finding a position at their spouse's post, or have had a difficult time getting background checks completed, etc.

I've also had many friends who took positions they were either overqualified for, or positions that they didn't find particularly exciting -- but who really wanted to work, and they were comfortable with the jobs available. And likewise, I've had friends who decided they'd prefer to be a stay-at-home parent or spouse than take a position that didn't really excite them. Or who really wanted to be a stay-at-home parent or spouse, no matter where they were posted. All of those choices are hard to make, but those are all personal choices. And any of those choices can be right or wrong -- it just depends on the individuals involved. But I stand by every one of my friends' decisions to do any of the above, so long as they really feel it is the best choice for them and their families. And like me, many of them are constantly reevaluating these decisions with their families and spouses, especially if it turns out to not be what was expected or hoped for.

But I am always very weary when I hear "the State Department ruined my career." If you are truly unhappy and find you regret what you left behind, or if you are just generally unhappy with the FS lifestyle, then sit down and reevaluate the choices you've made with your spouse. There are other solutions. They may be hard choices -- I can actually promise you that they likely will be -- but regret is by far worse.

As an EFM, I know that the choices my husband and I have made strongly impact my career (and his as well!). I know that my career will never be the career I thought I'd have if we'd lived in the same place long-term in the U.S. And honestly, I've come to terms with it. Because if I didn't accept this, then I wouldn't have agreed with the fab hubby in the first place to jump into this lifestyle! But the compromises we've made, the choices we make --- we're comfortable with them. What we wanted was to see the U.S. and the world, for our children to experience different cultures, to take a grand adventure. THAT is the biggest, all-encompassing choice we made. All the rest have been details and compromises and changes based on that choice. But I can honestly say, no regrets.

Geeze It's Been a Couple of Months of SUCCESSES! Spring Break, TDY's, a New Job, and Running!

2014-06-08T00:17:00.000-04:00

Because after a hard afternoon of tromping through a museum,
everyone deserves ice cream on the national mall!

This poor blog has been left alone and abused! How can two more *expletive* months have gone by without a single entry!?

But honestly, it's been a successful, and of course busy!, couple of months.

Spring Break success! The kiddos' friends arrived from California (we'd know them in Egypt!) and hung out with us for a week. Hard to believe that this was my last update. We were so excited that Spring was finally here! And now it's summer already?! ALL FIVE KIDS (that's our three and the two who flew out to us!) had a blast.

I was still in the middle of a RN contract assignment and had somehow been scheduled 48 hours that week, so the fab hubby took off some time to hang out with the kids and keep them out of trouble. He took them bowling and to the movies and also to Great Falls! If you live in the DC area, you must go there. It's absolutely fantastic!

All five kids at Great Fall. The fab hubby was super fabulous
and took the kids to great places like this!

Gorgeous.

After some schedule finagling, I managed to pull a fab mommy moment and take all the kids to the Smithsonian National Natural History Museum. The dinosaur exhibit was about to be closed for FIVE LONG YEARS, so we had to get in and see it! Unfortunately, it was the last day of spring break and it was PACKED. I'd never seen so many people crammed into a museum at once. But we'd navigated crowds in Egypt, so we knew how to handle ourselves. The only scary moment was when The Toddler decided he could navigate faster by crouching below knee level and crawling between legs. That kid completely owns me. I bellowed out "KELLEN" so loud that the crowd of people surrounding us hushed and parted so that I was able to scoop up my wandering toddler. Thankfully, I hadn't resorted to tears. And yeah, I'm that kind of mom sometimes.

Orange Line, baby! Riding the metro.

Quite possibly the greatest metro rider. Ever.

Chaos in the museum! (Abby took this photo!)

Tourist time!

I had a hard time getting the boys to not do something crazy whenever I
took their pic. This is the best way to get them - when they're not looking!

How can I not forgive him for running off in the museum? Such a sweetie.

Anyway, just as we sent our visitors back on a plane to California, and things were getting back to 'normal', the fab hubby headed out into the world on a 2-week TDY. Thankfully, my mom flew in from Ohio to help out with the munchkins. The kids were happy to see her and I took her to see some of my fav NoVA spots. You know. Starbucks. Old Town Alexandria. More Starbucks.

Teaching my mom the fine art of the sippy face.

Old Town Alexandria. One of my favorite places.

Because when you help out with your crazy grandchildren for nearly
two weeks, you totally deserve a beer at lunch at least once!

And then, in all this craziness, my contract at NIH concluded. I'd been a travel/contract RN since arriving in NoVA, but I was starting to feel like a vagabond. As much as I loved contract nursing, I was kinda tired of moving from job to job every few months. And I really, REALLY love working Pediatrics at NIH. So, I took the plunge. And accepted a full-time position at NIH. I honestly couldn't be happier. This is a great direction for my career, and I'm up for the challenge.

And speaking of challenges. I'm officially in Marathon training mode. It's about four months until the Marine Corps Marathon and I'm convinced I can do it in under 5 hours. I ran The Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco in 5 hours 38 minutes. Honestly, I WAS pleased with my time, but at the same time, it was sorta frustrating -- I was tracking for under 5 hours at the 20-mile mark. The last 6 miles killed me! Anyway, I'm on the trail again and have increased my distance while decreasing my time. And of course, I love it. I have sadly been having some arthritis flair ups - especially on cold/wet/humid days. But I've been able to work through it, and that's really all that matters to me. Power through it or quit running. I chose to power through it.

My favorite compression shirt for those days when my hands really hurt.
Arthritis sucks.

A pain-free and awesome running day; hitting a local trail!

Right now? I'm on a TDY! But mine is for the Army. I'm at Fort Carson, Colorado (in Colorado Springs) completing my annual Army Reserves training. Really, it's fantastic. I work in the ER as a nurse here on Post for two weeks every year. I love that my military career mimics my civilian career. Doesn't get better than that! And despite my work load, I'm still able to get out and run, whether on Base or at my favorite stomping grounds -- Garden of the Gods. Nothing but successes right now. And it feels really, really good.

Fabulous TDY. Pikes Peak in the distance.

Garden of the Gods. One of my favoritist running places in the world.

Fabulous trails! Doesn't get better than this!

Of course we all know the dreaded bidding season is upon us, right? It's all the Foreign Service rage. And we all love it. <insert eye roll here> But we've got our theoretical plans for bidding mapped out and we're comfortable with it. Here's hoping one of those theoretical plans works out in our favor. We'd love an additional success!

Yup.

Finally. Spring! And a Kids' Cairo Reunion!

2014-04-12T23:01:00.001-04:00

Spring! Kids frolicking. Love.

The windows are wide open and the fresh air is pouring in. Abby and her friend Alyssa (flew in from California -- but who was with us in Cairo!) are next door enjoying s'mores at our neighbors' house (also friends from Cairo, you know) and I can hear them singing songs while they enjoy the chocolatey marshmallow treat.

You'd almost never guess that just three weeks ago, it was snowing here. But Spring has finally, FINALLY!, arrived.

Making NINE official! (And yes, I feel old.)

Abby turned nine (yes, NINE!) at the end of March with the final winter snow. We celebrated with an ice skating party, Chuck E. Cheese, and a sleepover with some of her friends. They were friends who were with us in Cairo, and who live in the area now. It was pretty close to perfect. Of all of our kids, Abby's the one who connected most with Cairo, still occassionally referring to it as "home." She's doing well here, but really misses her friends from Cairo. We're so grateful for FaceTime - most of her closest friends have it, and she's able to keep in touch with them using it. But actually getting together with them in real life is the best, of course.

And that's exactly what happened for our kids tonight.

Remember the craziness of last summer? When the kids evacuated from Cairo, but I was still in California? The fab hubby had to start his new gig in D.C, but I was still on the West Coast. The Toddler happily went to the grandparents' houses for the five weeks we had to juggle before I would be finished with my contract and military commitment. But the big kids? What to do with the big kids? The big kiddos flew out to be with me in Los Angeles. But keep in mind, I was contracted at an ER and working most days of the week.

This is where it gets really awesome. My amazing friend, Krista and her fab hubby took in our two oldest kiddos for nearly three weeks. Despite the fact that they have four kids of their own (who are close friends with our kids) AND despite the fact that they had just left Cairo themselves (and were in the middle of accepting their UAB and HHE), they allowed Abby and Owen to hang with with them at Camp Pendleton (San Diego area) while I finished up my RN contract in Los Angeles.

Thus making it the kids' greatest summer ever, as all of the kids (ours and theirs) got to enjoy the rest of summer together, even going to surf camp. But when it was time to leave? So many tears, from all the kids. It was heartbreaking.

BUT. Fast forward to tonight. It's now been eight months since the kids have seen each other. After a lot of planning and a lot of United miles points (maybe I should stop grumbling so much about United??), Krista's two oldest kids flew out to D.C. to spend our kids' spring break HERE!

It's been an epic reunion for all. And I really couldn't be happier. I love listening to their laughter, as they catch up with each other. S'mores time is now over, and the kids are settling in for the night. Owen and Josh are playing XBox and the girls are playing with their American Girl dolls. It's a perfect Spring night, as they really, truly, fall back into the friendships they've managed to pick up where they left off at last summer.

That's me and Krista at the Marine Corps Ball in 2012 in Cairo. I miss her.

The only thing that would make it better? If only I could have seen my awesome friend Krista, too. Because the hardest part for me is also leaving my friends every time we move. Sure, we're good about keeping in touch - phone calls and texts and Facebook and more texts. But it's not the same as actually getting together.

But I won't dwell on it! Because I know that just like our kids, the next time we see each other, we'll pick up right where we left our friendship at last summer. Because we're good at that, too.

But this Spring Break?! This Spring Break is ALL about the kids. And it's going to be the best Spring Break ever.

Owen waiting for his friend to arrive. Because they are unaccompanied
minors, we got to meet them at the gate. Such a sweet moment.

Josh and Owen. Abby and Alyssa. All together again!

The car ride home. My head still hurts from all the noise.
(But I loved the ride home anyway.)

Krista and Alyssa worked on these jammies together. So cute!

Of course, the requisite trip down memory lane for the recent birthday girl. Abby when she was just four years old. We were living in Ohio and she was outside playing in the rain. So cute!

Those.Eyes.

I Said One And Done…But I Really Didn't Mean It

2014-03-19T14:08:00.002-04:00

Yeah. That shirt is a cliche. But every time I run, I really do feel invincible.

There's a strong love-hate relationship between me and running. I've been a runner, off and on, for about 20 years. {And BAM! Just like that, I feel OLD! 20 YEARS.} In my running 'career', I've done numerous races. Countless 5K's, a couple of handfuls of 10K's, the oddball 8-mile and 10-mile races, four (as of this past weekend!) 1/2 Marathons, but only ONE Marathon.

I'm a slow runner. I'm not particularly built like a runner. I've got numerous physical complaints when I run. But bottom line --- when I run, I feel good. That runner's high is intoxicating. Get it once, and you want it again and again. So I've run, with lots of complaining, lulls, and repeat back to running, off and on for 20 years.

In October 2012, I flew from Cairo to San Francisco to run the Nike Women's Marathon. I'd spent years dreaming of running a marathon. After submitting my name in Nike's lottery, I left the marathon possibility up to chance. When my name was drawn, I assumed it was fate; I was meant to run that race. I'd only ever wanted to run one, and it was, despite the hardship of training (the heat in Cairo, the street dogs chasing me, getting smacked across my behind by a Cairo taxi driver, the exhaustion of working full-time/chasing three kids around/trying to keep a 'normal' life, etc, etc, etc), the race was EPIC.

I hurt. I nearly cried when I crossed the finish line. I crashed into exhaustion post-race. And the pain that lingered in my small joints (primarily my feet and hands) for the month after, was later diagnosed as as an uncommon subset of arthritis - inflammatory osteoarthritis; unfortunately, running could be one of those things that causes an inflammatory stress reaction to my arthritis. But I did it. Against so many odds, I DID IT.

And it was amazing. In fact, I'd say it was one of the greatest achievements of my life.

I felt strongly that a marathon was a "ONE AND DONE" event for me. I've told everyone it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I would never have the strength or courage to do it again. Of course, I'm still running - it's how I love to discover the world. But never again would I do a marathon.

And of course. I was wrong.

It started with a "don't you remember how amazing it felt to cross that line?", and was followed by a "you could beat your time if you did it again", and then the "do you really want one of the greatest events of your life to have already been completed?" crept into the thoughts in the back of my mind. I've got so much more time to do so much more.

I bounced the idea off the fab hubby, who in all of his fabulousness simply said "do it". No reminder of how much I loathe the five-month-long training plan, no complaint of how much family time it eats up, not even a mention of how much my joints will hurt. Just a "do it". He's always got my back, and has always been my biggest supporter.

I submitted my name for another marathon random drawing. And today, once again, despite the low chance of success, my name was drawn for the event. And just like that, I'm committed to the greatness of a marathon once again. Because in October, I'll be lining up for this:

Sure. I said one and done. But I didn't really mean it. Because it's time to do it again. The Marine Corps Marathon. An epic race with some of the greatest you'll ever meet and be proud to run along side.

And speaking of the greatness of running. Last weekend, I ran a 1/2 Marathon with some amazing FS friends.

It was Jill's first 1/2 Marathon! and according to her, it was also her last. We'll see. I don't really think it's her last. We ran the Marine Corps 10K last fall, and it was so fun, that we signed up for the Rock N Roll 1/2 Marathon here in DC. We ran the entire race together, crossing the line at the exact same time (with visions of lattes dancing in our heads!).

Training this winter has been HORRENDOUS. I don't think I can stand another snow day! But we were lucky and the snow never came on race day. It fact, it was nearly 60 degrees when we ran! And my other friend, Sara, she rocked her best 1/2 Marathon ever! And now she's thinking a Marathon may be in her future.

That's really how running gets you. You have a goal. You train for the goal. You meet it head on and nail your goal. And then, you need another. And another. And another...

And sometimes, you even get to have fun doing so. Time with friends like this is never a bad thing, especially if you're running 13.1 miles together.

At the Race Expo, getting the goods!

Every 1 hour, I eat one of these. Love, indeed.

Me and my posse. I love running with these girls! Jill and I are new
to running together; Sara and I ran together in Cairo.
Even through sandstorms!

Pre-race photobomb!

Start line!

Mile 10 selfie. Sara was way ahead of us by now. She was going for a PR!

Another mile 10 selfie. Why run together if you can't have fun together?

This right here? Best feeling in the world.

Supergirls.

That's how you celebrate!
(I'm going incognito in those shades! Does the latte give me away?)

The Blog Has Not Gone Silent! A Catch-Up Since...well, December. And The Tween Turns ELEVEN!

2014-02-15T16:53:00.001-05:00


Love wearing fun shirts with my uniforms when I work pediatrics! I also have Batman and Captain America.

Last I wrote, I was in the middle of working the equivalent of two full-time RN gigs. And it was Christmastime. And oh, my. How time has slipped by.

Too many shifts to keep track of; every kind of shift that you can think of. Dayshift, afternoons, late afternoons, nights. Rotating, days-to-nights, too little sleep and so many hours, so very many hours. ER to pediatric office; pediatric office one day and the ER the next. Repeat repeat repeat. One day, I even worked at both facilities. Of course, I love what I do, but those eight weeks were truly exhausting. Completely rewarding professionally, but also completely exhausting.

Sure, I know it's my own fault. Not sure of what kind of nursing I really wanted to do while we're here in the U.S. (two years? three years? BIDDING NEXT SUMMER!), I've been dabbling here and there at a few different places: ER, pediatrics, and post-op. And then I accepted the pediatric office contract in late November that turned out to be awesome. It was only eight weeks long, but it impacted me so much and really made me think that maybe it was time to move away from the ER. At least for a bit.

Mercenary nurse; nurse for hire; contract nurse; travel nurse. There's lots of fun terms to describe what I do. But in a nutshell, my nursing specialty over the past year has really been to step into a facility that is short on nurses, whether for the day or longer term. So I move from place to place to fill in those holes. My preference is really for longer contracts (13 weeks or longer) at a single facility, as opposed to a daily fill-in. But either way, it's the kind of nursing I like, at least right now.

Since last September, I've been contracting with a local nursing staffing agency who's been working to find me those 'just-right-fit' facilities I like to work at. It was this agency that I contracted through for the 8-week pediatric assignment. And in late January, this agency came through for me again, submitting my profile for an RN contract position at NIH (National Institutes of Health). On a pediatric floor! It's all gone so fast -- interview, contract offer, the difficult decision to leave my per diem position at the ER I've been working at since last October.

So here I am. Two months since the last blog. Starting a new field in a career I absolutely love. Stepping outside of my comfort zone - leaving the ER for pediatric nursing and research. And finally, I'm only working one job! [Well, actually I still dabble in the ER - I work the occasional shift at Georgetown University Hospital's ER through my staffing agency. Can't help myself!] And hoping to find that ever elusive family-work-life balance. Right. I know. Impossible, but I'm always, always!, trying to find it.

Of course, it's not been all work and no play! As cray cray as these past few months have been, we've really enjoyed them. Christmas; New Years; the fab hubby and I celebrated our 15th Year Wedding Anniversary!; I'm training for a March half marathon (and the snow is making it near impossible - I worry I'll be walking a good portion of that race); a trip to visit family and friends in Ohio; the fab hubby's forty-something-ish birthday and Owen (the tween!) turned eleven! Whew. As always, a whirlwind...


First time seeing Santa in the U.S! Last two years, Santa has arrived on a camel.

Christmas.

More Christmas.

Yup. More Christmas fun!


Fifteen YEARS on January 2nd! Pictures from our first Chirstmas and our most recent.

My annual New Year's Day run; rocked it with the toddler.


The big kids had Parkour Camp over the winter break!

Working at the pediatric office. Everyone loves a happy nurse!

Because no matter how busy you get, you should always enjoy the small moments.

Rare warm day! My running buddy; we're up to two miles! Planning a summer 5K!

Sun. Tank Top. SNOW. Can't wait until this stuff melts!

Another run with my fav girlie.

Owen's first concert!

It was an interactive concert and family members were invited to the stage.

Love. And I'm so proud of him.

A visit from my friend and fellow blogger, Jen = a great day at Starbucks!

And speaking of lattes, I've been working on my latte art.

And then, the tween turned ELEVEN! We celebrated for a week!

Trauma Nurse Core Certification done at the Ohio hospital where I worked my first ER job!

Continuing the celebration into Ohio, we celebrated Owen's birthday with a fiesta!

Because sombreros are fun!

Toddlers and sombreros are especially fun!

Snow in Ohio is considered just a part of winter, but in Virginia it's called "Snomageddon".

Spending Valentine's Day with the fab hubby and our BFF Fraps!
Love love love!


And one more. The requisite trip down memory lane! November 2009 in Malibu. Owen was five years old. I still can't wrap my head around how fast time goes! I swear he was just a little boy.

Happy Holidays!

2013-12-24T22:50:00.000-05:00

Thank goodness for the internet -- otherwise we'd never get this card out on time!

No matter what you celebrate or where you are in the world tonight, we wish you peace and love this holiday season and a happy new year.

Obviously, I Can't Keep Up With My Bloggity Blog. And YO! The Toddler Turns THREE, the Fab Hubby is HOME!, and I Celebrate 29 for the Ninth Time...

2013-12-06T23:57:00.000-05:00

He may be a stocky toddler, but he's still my baby.

About every six weeks or so now, I fire up the blog and apologize for my lack of writing. So here I am, yet another MONTH, well, actually TWO MONTHS, have passed. And I'm finally updating my blog.

Truthfully, this bloggy update is a bit overwhelming. Mostly because so much has happened and so much time has elapsed! And even though it's not something huge like an assignment bidding win (The fab hubby doesn't start bidding for next assignment until summer 2014! Woot!) or an exotic trip (although we did take a family vacay to Williamsburg this past weekend!), the kind of stuff that's happened these past two months is normal, regular family stuff. And considering how insanely insane our last almost-year has been --- namely our family split up most of the year on different continents and surviving an evacuation from Cairo --- normal family stuff is greatest kind of stuff to have right now.

FIRST. Our awesomely adorable toddler, Kellen, turned THREE! Three! No longer a baby, and solidly into the toddler years, he is a constant force of energy and fun. And while the big kids and I sang happy birthday to him on his actual birthday (October 20th), we didn't really celebrate until early November when...

THE FAB HUBBY RETURNED HOME FROM HIS TDY IN TEL AVIV. Woot! Having been gone for two full months, he arrived back on Halloween evening and took the kids Trick-Or-Treating that very night. Three days later we invited a bunch of our friends over to celebrate the fab hubby's return and The Toddler's birthday. You know, by the time you get to the third kiddo, you realize that toddlers don't care a bit about the party they have. Except they want cake, some attention, and the chance to open up gifts.

Abby's gift for her dad's return home.

Honestly, we know that kid birthday parties suck the life out of adults. So instead of going kid-crazy at someplace like Chuck E Cheese (although that can be fun, sometimes…) we simply invited our friends and family over to our home and hired a sitter to keep all the kids out of trouble. The fab hubby fired up the grill, our friends brought wine (for the adults, of course), and I stopped at the dollar store for two balloons and a pirate birthday sign. A pirate-themed birthday cake, pirate eye patches for all (including the adults) and The Toddler dressed up as Jake the Pirate made for a perfect night as we all sang Kellen's birthday song. Friends with kids and friends without kids alike came and celebrated with us. The birthday was a fabulous excuse for a get-together. But really, we all knew we were also celebrating a transition back to regular, normal, day-to-day family time.

You know, the kind of days that start with breakfast and getting the kids on the bus. Of kissing the fab hubby goodbye as he heads out the door to work, and I drop the toddler off at preschool. Of grocery shopping, and vacuuming the house and doing laundry. Of afternoon shifts in the ER (I started at a small stand-alone community ER in October) and late nights of coming home to the fab hubby waiting up for me so we can chat about our day. Dinners sitting around the table and evenings listening to Owen practice his trumpet and Abby practice her violin. All good stuff. Very, very good stuff.

Just as we were getting in the swing of normalcy, I was offered a great opportunity at a pediatric office for a two-month nurse contract. Two nurses had recently left the practice and they needed a nurse to fill in immediately through January 2014. Now, I love working in the ER - it's been my career 'home' since graduating from nursing school seven years ago. But I really miss all the pediatric work I had the opportunity to do when I worked at the Embassy Health Unit in Cairo. Plus, I've been trying to expand my nursing comfort zone and beef up the resume. So despite the cray cray that would certainly ensue, the fab hubby and I decided that it was worth it, despite the time demands on us and our kiddos. I accepted the contract and I've been working there (in addition to my ER position) since mid-November. It's a bit insane working the equivalent of two full-time jobs, especially when trying to find that ever-elusive work-family-life balance. But we keep in mind that it's short term -- only two months; you know, basically a "TDY"! -- and with the support of the fab hubby and the kids, it's been going quite well.

Of course, the end of November rolled around, and with it, a gentle reminder that it was time to celebrate my 29th birthday. For the 9th time. One more year and I will have been celebrating it for an entire decade.

A nearly-decade old birthday deserves recognition, and amazingly, we managed to snag four days of family time, planning a trip to Colonial Williamsburg (a mere two hour drive from our home in NoVA). We booked a four bedroom timeshare and intended to leave early the Saturday morning after Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving itself was spent with the fab in-laws at the fab bro-and-sis-in-laws' house. We personally made mac and cheese and homemade mashed potatoes for the big turkey day.

Kids are ruthless when it comes to the mashed
potato beaters. Daddy never had a chance.

Unfortunately, during all the Thanksgiving craziness, Owen's rescue cat from Egypt, "Boots", escaped our house. Now, Boots is deaf and partly-blind. She's had multiple seizures and walks with a wonky sort of stumbling gait. But she's a sweet cat and Owen adores her and that's really all that matters. Anyway, Boots escaped. And even more unfortunate, no one noticed for at least a day because she's a quiet cat (and it's not like she comes out when we call for her -- she's deaf). On the Saturday morning when we were supposed to travel to Williamsburg, we realized she was missing. Poor Owen. He was so upset. We searched the entire house. And then did it again. Owen went outside and looked all over the neighborhood. No Boots. We sadly came to the conclusion that she was probably gone for good.

We left late that morning and with heavy hearts. What a horrid way to start a vacation. And because we had left so late in the AM, we were stuck in traffic on I-95. Grrrr. East Coast traffic. But all I have to do is remind myself THAT IT'S NOT CAIRO -- and suddenly I'm not irritated with the traffic anymore. Because traffic here is absolutely nothing like what we experienced in Cairo. I really should never complain about 'traffic' here in the U.S. again. But, you know, sometimes I just can't help myself. Especially when we're on vacation and I just want to get to our destination.

We stopped for a late lunch, and Owen was still really upset, but hiding it quite well.

Yes. This. Complete love.

Well, wouldn't you know it? Neighbors of ours (who are also friends from Cairo - they evacuated here at the same time as us) called just as we were finishing our lunch. BOOTS HAD BEEN FOUND! In fact, they sent photos as proof of life. It was a great way to head into our Williamsburg vacation.

The weekend was fabulous (see the following photos!) and relaxing and exactly the family time we needed. And we ultimately retuned home to a safe and (relatively) healthy cat. Perfect.

So here we are. Riding out the normal. And loving it as much as we can. Because life for us can change so quickly. Who knows what we'll be doing in just a few months?!?! Sure, I'm finishing out the last month of my "TDY" at the pediatric office/double jobs, but we're surviving. In fact, the fab hubby took the kids to Ohio this weekend since I'm working the next eight days straight. He knew they'd love to catch up with the grandparents and it allows me to pretty much just work and sleep (and blog!).

And me? I'm enjoying the current quiet of our home, surrounded by the crazy clutter the kids left behind in their whirlwind to get out the door for their car trip to Ohio. You know. A normal family home with three kids…legos, an etch-a-sketch, a single sock, some gloves and lone toys strewn on the floor. And I love it, all of it. I desperately missed this kind of stuff when I was away from my family in California earlier this year.

Normal has never felt so good.

Only because this picture is awesome.

Holiday crafts at the timeshare resort.

Abby's chance to chat with Santa. She and I had a mommy-daughter
afternoon at the Yankee Candle Store in Williamsburg.

Every (Repeat) 29th Birthday deserves a celebratory run.

It was 50 degrees and sunny. Perfect tank top running weather!

Colonial Williamsburg.

Pure awesomeness.

You know we considered leaving them.

Apple cider sippy face. Grumpy because it's 'cold'. Like 45 degrees.
Let's just say we've lost most of our "Ohio" tolerance to cold.

Our boys. Always on the go.

He is just so cool.

And he pretty much owns me because of these dazzling blue eyes.

Don't be surprised when our digital holiday card comes out and this
picture is on it!

Really. You start to feel sorry for the chickens.

He was pretty sure he was a pirate and owned the ships in the harbor.
Keeping him from jumping overboard was difficult.

Just a cool picture at the harbor in Jamestown.

All of my loves.
Ditto on the digital holiday card on this one.

This kid. Love him.

And Yet ANOTHER Month+ Has Passed! Colorado to Virginia. YO! We're HOME!

2013-10-09T23:36:00.002-04:00

Yet again, I'm so far behind on my blog. Like nearly two months! But I've got excuses! I, well actually, WE, have been busy!

Running in Colorado. So lucky that my Army annual
training ISN'T all work and no play!

Last you read, the big kids and I reunited in California (that was end of July) and they went to surf camp with some besties from Cairo (so much better than remembering this only as "the summer we got evacuated from Egypt"), and then in early August, we drove to Colorado (oh, Great American Road Trip!) and my parents met us there, and then my parents and the big kids had their Great American Road Trip (at least to Ohio) while I stayed at Ft. Carson to fulfill my Army Reserves Annual Training/Duty (Working in Ft. Carson's ER. I totally love that what I do in my military career is the same thing I do in regular life!).

WHEW.

Are ya following?

But wait! There's more! What about the fab hubby? And Oh! What about The Toddler!? Because by this point, it had been nearly seven months since last we saw each other. Months ago, before the evac from Cairo had occurred, the fab hubby and I had planned on having a little mini vacation in Colorado -- sans kiddos. He would fly out to me toward the end of my last week of Annual Training and together, we would drive to Ohio to get the kids (all THREE of them!) and then we'd continue to our new home in Virginia.

And our plan actually worked out, despite the crazy PCS-moved-ahead-a-month-OMG-the-kid-juggling caused by the Cairo evac!

Reunited! LOVE.

AWWW! Exactly as we should be. Together.

Yup. Sippy faces!

Totally my favorite.

Dang, we're awesome!

One more in Garden of the Gods.

Road tripping through Missouri. Mmmmm. BBQ!

Almost to our first destination!

But wait! There's more! We got to spend a couple of days in Ohio, visiting with friends and family --- and most importantly...

Our loves!!

Sippy faces!!!! LOVE.

We spent nearly seven months apart. SEVEN MONTHS.

Missed him so much.

Before his haircut...

After!!

But wait! There's more! We all piled into the Momvan and started our last journey. To Virginia. And by WE, I mean: Me, the Fab Hubby, the big kids, the toddler, the fav pooch (remember, Starbuck flew with me from Cairo to California. That's one well-travelled pooch!), and OWEN'S CAT. The one he rescued in Cairo. She luckily made the evac from Cairo.

We arrived in Virginia all in one piece and crammed ourselves into a hotel room. And got up early the next morning to go to our new home. The PCS gods have been kind to us. Because last fall, when we learned of the fab hubby's next assignment, we made arrangements with some good FS friends who would be departing NoVA at the same time we would be arriving --- and we are renting their house. We didn't have to navigate the NoVA/DC/MD rental market AT ALL. And to all our FS friends who had to go through that hellacious experience recently for their PCS, I say...

Nah nah nah nah nahhhhhh nah!

Sure! We had no furniture. Or kitchen items. Or any household items, really. But we had a house and that's all that mattered!

But wait! There's MORE!

Talk about a small FS world! Friends of our who also evac'd from Cairo are renting a townhome in the exact same neighborhood as us. Our kids have been friends for years! And now, they (our two kids and their two kids) all ride the same bus and attend the same school (but thankfully -- not in the same classes, because all of them are attached at the hip as it is!)!!

And speaking of school! The big kids started school just four days after our arrival in Virginia. NO KIDDING.

"We're home, we're home!" He says every time we stop somewhere.
This time, he was right.

Checking out the pumpkins growing in the front yard.
Before you get excited, please know that I suck at gardening.
I accidentally killed the pumpkin vines (what are they called?) the first
week we were in the house, when I was attempting to pull weeds.
Sorry Jen!!!

First nap in the new house.

Love him.

First day of preschool!

More first day of school photos!

Friends in Cairo, friends here.

Also friends in Cairo and friends here!
Tweens. Nothing else needs to be said about their smirky faces.
But I love them.

You guessed it! Friends in Cairo and now friends and neighbors here!
We Moms love the bus!

Whenever you move, you WILL spend thousands of dollars. Whether you want to/plan to or not. There are so many items you need, so many items to be replaced. Quite possibly, you will blow most of this money in one single trip to Target.

One of five trips to Target. I wish I was joking.

Or, in our case, the fab hubby got sent overseas on a TDY (that's a temporary assignment, for all you non-FS-non-military folks) less than two weeks after our arrival to NoVA. Thankfully, it's only for 60 days. But since we'd already been separated for seven months, it was a little bit of a shock.

Of course, the fab hubby's suits were in transit on a boat from Cairo. With an estimated arrival to the U.S. of Who-The-Heck-Knows. So, a trip to the suit store was in order, adding to our list of gazillions of dollars blown on this move. I just made the best of it.

There's not much a BFF latte can't fix!

Before the fab hubby left for his TDY, he did get the chance to get settled at his new office. So, I took the metro and visited him for lunch one day! And then I took a bike trek into DC and toured Georgetown. It was an awesome afternoon.

Riding the metro with my new bike! I conned my dad into assembling
this gorgeousness for me. Well, actually, I sent the bike via Amazon
to his house. He didn't have much choice. Ha!

Lunch with the fab hubby!
Enjoying something we never would have
eaten in Cairo. SALADS!!

Starbucks in Georgetown.
Sippy face!

Classic. Overlooking the Potomac.

The fab hubby left the following week, but we've been doing ok. Kids are handling it quite well, especially considering how long it's been since we were all together last. We've got FaceTime and that makes a HUGE difference. Plus, it's only two months. After everything we've been through since February, we can definitely get through this!

Kids have been adjusting well to school and enjoying some of the great things that the U.S. has to offer. You know...

Sticky marshmallow fingers. Enjoying s'mores at our friends' house!

Marshmallow off the bonfire!

Hanging out with his rescue cat, Boots.
She's doing pretty well here.
And Owen just absolutely loves her.

Kellen's first ice cream truck experience! The kids were singing
"ice cream truck! ice cream truck!"
It didn't take him long to figure out what that meant.

Meanwhile, I've been slaving away building furniture.
The fab hubby is soooo lucky to have missed out on this part of the move.
Here, The Toddler is excited to show off this desk.
He 'helped' me put it together.

I frequently wake up to a pair of toddler feet in bed with me.
I love it.

And no matter how long I've been back in the U.S.
I still completely, totally, fully love my moments at Starbucks.

Yup. We've made it home. Now we're just waiting for the fab hubby to return so we can actually say we're ALL home! We're on the countdown! Just a little less than three weeks to go.

Whirlwind Weeks...California to Colorado!

2013-08-19T00:41:00.001-04:00

These past three weeks have flown by and I'm just now [finally] catching my breath here in Colorado Springs, as I enter into my final week of Army Reserves Annual Training.

The thing is, these past three weeks have been AWESOME. New friends, old friends, kids, family. It's been one long celebration!

I'm too exhausted to write much, but there is so much to say. Thankfully, I've taken a gazillion pictures. (WARNING: I REALLY DO MEAN A GAZILLION!) So here goes:

I said goodbye to Long Beach. And my bike. This sweet little beach cruiser
has never known anything but the ocean and it just felt wrong to take her
out of her comfort zone. So...

I sold her! To a really great friend! I know she's in good hands.
(And don't worry, I've already purchased a new road bike for NoVA!
My dad is probably working diligently in his garage right now, putting
her together. Thanks, Dad!)

Remember how my super awesome friend Krista (in Camp Pendleton) took
in the big kids for two weeks? (I LOVE HER!) Well, I took all six (that's
her four plus my two!) out for a day so she could get some much needed R&R.
(You know, latte. Sleep. Another latte. Dinner with her fab hubby.)
The kids obviously love the momvan.

I took the kids to Chuck E Cheese for lunch. Don't judge me.

And then I took the kids to see Smurfs2 in 3D. Except for Owen and his buddy,
Josh. They're "tweens" (see picture above) and they wanted to see Wolverine.
Luckily both movies were playing at the same time!
I bought the kids sugary Icee drinks, candy, and popcorn.
I earned cool Mom points.
Don't judge me.

Classic Americana! 3D Glasses and a giant bucket o' popcorn!
Abby and her friend Alyssa prepare for the movie.

Since we were so close to the ocean, we headed there after the movies
were over. And we ate ice cream. Don't judge me.

Beautiful. Just. Beautiful.

Ice cream became dinner.
You know you'd do it, too.
Don't judge me!
(And this is the greatest bunch of kids ever!)

My awesome friend Barb introduced me to CHICKEN AND WAFFLES.
Don't judge us.
And then we spent the day in Long Beach at the
Museum of Latin American Art. Oh, I'm going to miss her!!!

Then work surprised me with a goodbye potluck.
We ate for like two days straight.
Don't judge us.

Really...

...two days straight! So much food!
This was my second time working at this hospital and it's hard to leave again.

And then! A bunch of of the girlies and I went out for dinner.
I was leaving and so was another co-worker, so we took an
evening and gossiped and said our goodbyes.
And lied to the restaurant and said it was my birthday.
So the restaurant brought me a free dessert.

Hehe. It felt like my birthday. That HAS to count.
Don't judge me.

And then I helped my friend Shannon with her dessert.
Don't judge me.

Of course, I had to say goodbye to the ocean one more time.
So I biked to Huntington Beach (15 miles away!) and
met up with Shannon. She's so very
California. I keep trying to get my hair blondier like hers.
I fail.

Shannon took this picture for me.
And I filtered it to make my hair look blondier.
Score!

EPIC FOREIGN SERVICE MOMENT!
I met up with my friend Anne and her fab hubby Bryan.
Anne and I have 'known' each other for like four years.
Well, we've known each other virtually anyway, because she's
an FS blogger, too! She and her fab hubby were in Long Beach
for a couple of days and we got to meet up.
IN REAL LIFE! Cool thing - they're assigned to DC, too!
We'll be seeing lots of each other. Serious coolness.

And during all this awesomeness, my heart was still aching to see and hold
The Toddler. I FaceTime'd with the fab hubby one night
to tuck him in and he was just getting ready for bed.
Getting his chompers brushed.
LOVE HIM.

Later that night, I FaceTime'd the fab hubby and he gave
me a sneak peek of The Toddler at his sweetest.
Soon I'll be snuggling with him myself.

The day came that I had to pick up the big kids from Camp Pendleton.
So I stopped in Oceanside on my way south first to say goodbye to the ocean.
One more time. One more epic SoCal run.
My favoritist place in the whole world.

And Krista and I actually had like 30 minutes to ourselves
without six kids hanging all over us!
So we went to In and Out Burger for a Double-Double.
We'd talked about doing so when we were in Cairo together...
And we actually got to do it! Score!

And then I picked up the kids at Surf Camp!
Greatest Summer EVER for them.
Owen's with the yellow board in the bottom left corner.
Abby's getting a face full of ocean with the pink board on the right.

Abz lazily hanging out on the boards. She always been a Cali girl.

Abby gets her moment and rides a wave in!

Owen working his way onto the board with a new friend.

Owen's moment to shine!

One more time with Alyssa.
Beautiful girls, just like their Mommas!

Check out that awesome latte!
We hit the road after Surf Camp ended and started out on our
Great American road trip. Our destination?
Ft. Carson, Colorado (Colorado Springs).
We made it Blythe, CA that night...SUPER HOT DESERT.
And the next morning drove through Phoenix.
This is just north of Phoenix on our way to Flagstaff.
Totally magnificent.

The next day we drove through Santa Fe, NM.
And found a Starbucks.
Sippyfaces!! Yes, my kids love Starbucks.
Owen has a ice soy chai latte.
Abz has a vanilla frap.
Don't judge me.

Later that afternoon, we made it to Colorado Springs.
Where my parents were waiting for us!
They had driven out from Ohio to meet up with me and the kids.
Since the kiddos couldn't stay with me during training, they got to
finish up their Great American road trip with Grandma and PawPaw.
Love this.

But first! We went to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo.
Owen got an *almost* kiss from a giraffe.

And Abz *almost* worked up the courage to feed a giraffe.

And PawPaw gave her a lift in the budgie house so she could feed the birds.
I remember him doing the same kind of thing for me when I was a little girl.

And this right here?
My first ER shift with double bars. I was promoted to Captain last
October and finally got to wear the rank I had earned.

A Happy Reunion with the Big Kidlets

2013-07-28T22:51:00.001-04:00

No tears (although it was hard). Kiddos traveled unaccompanied for the
first time! They're already travel pros and did just fine on the five-hour flight.

I'm exhausted after a very long week, and it's not just because I worked the last six days straight in the ER. And truthfully, I couldn't be happier!

The fab hubby and I decided to burn through some of those UNITED AIRLINES miles we'd been racking up over the years, opting to fly the big kiddos from Ohio to me in California last weekend (remember...they evac'd outta Cairo on the 4th of July). Ohio is our [taxable] "home of residence," and the fab hubby and the kiddos had been catching up with family there for the previous two weeks.

Of course, the evacuation changed everything we'd been planning for the last six months. The fab hubby's PCS to Washington, D.C. was accelerated by a month and now starts at the beginning of August instead of September. Unfortunately, since I was unable to leave Cali early due to my upcoming military orders, we were sort of in a bind trying to figure out what to do with the kidlets for the remaining summer (all of August!!).

Not to worry though! Because, of course it's a super small FS world out there. Last summer we had sponsored an arriving family at the Embassy and that family and our family became fast friends --- all of us, adults and kids alike. Well, that family recently PCS'd to Camp Pendleton here in SoCal. After a quick text to my girlfriend there, we actually had the plan in place before the kids even hit U.S. soil from Egypt. I couldn't be more grateful, as she had also watched out for my kids in Egypt all during the six months of my absence. Really, how do you say thank you to someone who loved on your kids and treated them as if they were her own?

And now, suddenly our kids are slated to have an awesome summer. Earlier this week, I dropped Owen and Abby off in Camp Pendleton to hang with these besties and they'll be headed to surf camp later in the month with them. SURF CAMP. When just three weeks earlier they were stuck in Cairo watching the world around them collapse. So happy to have my kids happy again.

And speaking of HAPPY! I had the best three day long weekend with the big kidlets before I dropped them off with our friends. Now, I'm simply going to let the pictures do the talking. It.Was.Amazing. (And yes, I managed not to cry when they emerged from the airplane.)

New scooters! And riding in downtown Long Beach.

A boy and his dog reunited.

Riding the waves. It was an overcast weekend. But they still
loved playing in the ocean.

So awesome.

Definitely my favorite picture of the weekend.
She's always been a California girl.

Sweet treat at one of our favorite bakeries in Belmont Shore.

Took the kiddos to the lego exhibit at The Science Discovery Center in Santa Ana.
Owen tells me he's a tween and that he doesn't smile for pictures.
Whatever. I still totally adore him.

Science Center fun. Owen didn't realize I caught him smiling!

She adores her brother. He kinda adores her, too.

Scowl away, broody tween. In just a few years you'll have your own
Facebook account and I'm going to tag you on EVERY SINGLE scowling
photo you take. You've been warned.

Still missing The Toddler so much! But he's obviously not suffering.
Here he is at my parent's house. (Don't worry - he's not driving this thing!)
He'll be hanging with both my parents and the fab hubby's parents for
the next few weeks. He's definitely getting loved and spoiled!

My summer's not so bad now any more. But a BFF Frap
always makes things even better.

Got this on my shoulder the week after the evacuation. "Wanderlust" with five
birds, one for each of us in our family. Because even with all the crazy, we
absolutely love what we do and look forward to more.

The kids and their besties. ALL SIX OF THEM together for nearly three
weeks! Our friends are super amazing for letting our two big kid hang
out for so long! Surf camp for all these munchkins in two weeks!

The Kids Are Safe AND I Don't Have Cancer

2013-07-04T04:16:00.000-04:00

The kids are safe and I don't have cancer.

That has been my mantra for the past week! My mole biopsy came through last Wednesday, and it's not a melanoma. It IS severely abnormal and I'll have to have a sizable chunk of skin surgically removed, but it's NOT cancer. I was so excited! Lots of promises made to God that included sunscreen. [Although a little side note here: the mole was located on my body where the sun DOESN'T shine. But I still promise to beef up the sunscreen.]

And I was all ready to sit down and put my happy words on my blog.

And then Cairo happened. I'm not even going to sugarcoat it. The last five days have been nearly unbearable. Not knowing exactly what was happening there, feeling so completely out of control of the situation (but to be fair - I wouldn't have any more control of it even if I were there). Evac or no evac? That was the question. And we stood by no evac until ordered otherwise.

I knew the kids were safe, but I of course kept wishing they were home. And yes, I worried constantly and fretted and I even brushed away a few tears.

I was coming off a horrid week anyway (cancer vs. no cancer), so my mantra became:

The kids are safe and I don't have cancer.

But after five days of unrest and some major political changes, there was no more option for authorized departure. Call from the fab hubby at 9AM on the west coast = 6PM in Cairo. Ordered departure was on. He was packing up some stuff and getting the kids and their chosen favored belongings in order. (Our house was due to pack out on July 11. Bummer.)

And after a gazillion emails and phone calls and messages and more emails and phone calls and messages, he and the kids made their way to Cairo's airport less than 12 hours from the time he first called me and flew out to Germany and will soon be on their way to DC. No, I won't be seeing them any earlier (my military orders for my Reserve Training are in the very near future and can't be altered). But they are safe.

AND I DON'T HAVE CANCER. (!!!!!)

Some things I need to jot down before I forget - and my apologies for this being so short, but I worked today in the ER late into the evening, and I'm flipping back into another shift early in the AM (oh, thank God for coffee!):

I'm so grateful to everyone who reached out to us over the past week. Heck, for the past six months! Our friends, our family, all of you. Thank you, thank you! from the bottom of my heart.

And to everyone at the Embassy (yeah, I'm pointing at you, GSO!) who helped to get the ordered departure organized and running so smoothly in a the crunch of a mere few hours: I am impressed and grateful.

The fab hubby will simply (haha! as if any of this is simple) be starting his next assignment early. Family and friends across the U.S. have offered to help with the kids since I'm still away -- and we've taken many of them up on the offers. In fact, shhhh....but a nice little trip to Los Angeles just might be in order for the big kids for a few weeks this summer.

Because you know what? The kids are safe. And I don't have cancer.

It's not at all how we envisioned our first assignment concluding, but that's exactly what it is.

One more thing, and this is in regards to Egypt itself. This past week has been a victory to many of the people living there - and while I make no political statement whatsoever about the outcome, I am hopeful for Egypt's future. After spending hours reading news stories and looking at pictures of the demonstrations, this is the picture that holds a special place in my heart. Because in the end, all of us, every single one of us, no matter what nationality or religion, just want our children to have a chance for good future and to be safe and loved.

I don't know where I found this picture (wish I did, so that I could give credit), but this is a beautiful, intimate moment of hope.

Fight or Flight

2013-06-25T16:28:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting in a Starbucks waiting for another call from the dermatologist. Waiting to find out if I have skin cancer. And the aching pit in my stomach, the bile rising in my throat, the tears pricking at the back of my eyes is the most horrific feeling I've experienced.

Waiting. Waiting. Last night I received the first call from them. Why they called me with a preliminary report is beyond me. The initials finds are "severely atypical vs. melanoma." What does that even mean. Cancer or almost cancer? Waiting. No answers.

Try not to worry about it, they said. We'll give you a call tomorrow when the final reading comes through.

TRY NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT.

My initial reaction was to sob. I was sitting in the car in a grocery store parking lot, worried about the unknown. Helpless and alone. Unable to drive, I called the fab hubby. Thousands of miles away, and he's the only one I wanted to speak with. He was comforting and calmed me down, soothing me with words I so needed to hear at that moment. He knows me better than anyone. The rational Heather, the nurse Heather, knew that this could be bad. But what wife Heather, what mom Heather really just needed was to be told that everything would be ok.

I managed to get back to my apartment, intent on taking myself to a yoga class.

But at that moment, I had a strong fight or flight instinct, and I needed to just get out of there. I get that "I need to get outta here" feeling when confronted with this level of stress. Of course, I eventually bring myself back to 'fight' --- but right then, it was all flight.

I laced up my sneakers and headed to the beach run trail, headphones on. It was melancholy, beautiful outside and the sun was setting over the Palos Verdes Peninsula in the distance. View clear to Catalina Island. Mountains to the south. My "mellow" iPod playlist drifting though my mind, calming me as I deftly ran along the trail, urging me to sort my feelings.

Melanoma can be deadly, and I was scared. As a nurse, I'm confronted with 'unfair' sickness and death in the ER frequently. The cough that turns out to be lung cancer. The young parent dying of cancer. The car accident that claims an entire family. I hold hands, I give hugs, I provide words of calm and understanding.

But now that person could be me. The Universe is so unfair. I've spent the last six months away from my family and now I *might* die? What if I fought this and lost? What if this has already spread? I wasn't trying to be melodramatic - but I've seen it. And I'm not ready for it. And dammit, the Universe owes me nothing - I know that. I stifled a sob and kept running.

The trail ends at at the bay, and I was forced to turn around. Had I really run so far already? I took a deep breath and returned the direction toward my apartment. The sun was nearly gone, and I passed other runners and cyclists. They looked so happy, so content. I know I appeared a mess. I felt a mess. Disjointed, frightened.

I felt my rhythmic breathing and calmed my mind. It was still unknown, the diagnosis, and even if it is the worst, there are options. But that exposed moment when you realize you're not invincible, when you really understand you won't live forever is frightening.

When I made it back to my apartment, I felt a little better, or at least exhausted. Turns out I had run 9 miles. Huh. I guess I still have it in me.

I thought today would bring me an early morning call from the dermatologist, but of course it's now afternoon and I've had no such call.

I don't now what's going to happen and I'm scared. But it helps to write, and that's why I put this out there.

The 'flight' feeling is gone. At least for now. I'm waiting for that call because I know I'm ready to fight. I just need to know what I'm up against. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it's something.

But I just need to know.

I'm Still Here! I Swear!

2013-06-09T03:33:00.000-04:00

Keeping busy with my Starbucks.

In my mind, I've written dozens of blog posts in the past month since I last published. Funny, witty, and thought-provoking posts, of course.

But what I've written in reality is...nada. Zip. Zilch. Nothing.

Part of it is because I'm actually really busy, even without kids to be chasing after. Since I arrived in Los Angeles in February, I've worked no fewer than 60 hours per week. Every.Single.Week. [Which translates into $$$$. Which translates into easier living for our family in uber-expensive DC when we move in August!] Even the week I ran a 1/2 Marathon! Oh, except for the week I had the dental work. I *only* worked 48 hours that week.

Anyway, I work 12-hour shifts and I'm on my feet pretty much the entire time -- it's exhausting. No complaints though; I really do love what I do. The ER is my home away from home and my work is fulfilling. I mean, heck, I save lives for a living! It's an intimate job, being able to touch lives the way we do in the ER - people come in at their worst and most scared moments in life. I've never regretted changing careers to become a nurse. But it can be physically and mentally taxing, and I've put writing on the back burner for a bit.

Part of my writing slump is because I'm enjoying the sunshine. Really. It's 70-80 degrees and sunny here. Every.Single.Day. And since I'm working nightshifts right now, I get lots of daylight hours when I'm not at work. Before I head into the ER every night, I like to walk the fav pooch all over Long Beach. She's renowned throughout the neighborhood - at Starbucks and at the local pet store. I go to yoga. I run at the beach. I ride my new bike.

That's right. I bought a bike! And I loooove it. Running had been difficult the past few months; I injured my right foot and my knees and hips were heinously angry at me. ARE angry at me. The arthritis screams at me every time I pound the pavement.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love running. It's how I like to see the world. But running doesn't come easy for me, and I needed to change things up a bit. A quick trip to the local bikeshop around the corner and I was mobile! And *begrudgingly* I admit that I love it.

True story. I bought a bike. And I looove it.

But!! Please don't jump to incorrect conclusions - I am NOT giving up running. I've just realized (well, accepted) that I need to do more to keep my joints and my body healthy. Yoga helps. Biking helps. I'm keeping my arthritits in check. (And I hate saying "my" arthritis - but I guess it's better that I own it than it owns me.)

Missing my family? Yup. And that also contributes to the lag in blogging. It's emotional, writing. Honestly, sometimes, it's just too heartbreaking to write. And I tire of languishing over the sadness of missing my family. Worrying about the kiddos and how well they're handling my absence. Riding the roller coaster of emotions. Yuck. So I keep busy and avoid those thoughts. Which translates back into my focus on working, running, biking, and yoga.

I'm busy getting that list of 'to do' done before we transition to our new home. WHICH IS ONLY TWO MONTHS AWAY!!

I've successfully renewed all of my required RN certifications. *Pat on back.*

My Army Reserves annual training is this close to being officially scheduled.

One more appointment with my rheumatologist. A scheduled appointment with my dermatologist. And my annual military physical. Check. Check. Check.

So, yeah. I'm still here along with my blog; I swear! I've just been a little bit quiet. And for good reasons.

Here's a photo update on what's been going on with the Drays this past month...

The fab hubby took Owen to Istanbul for a weekend. These dudes are so lucky!

Owen in Istanbul.

Ice cream is fabulous no matter where in the world you are eating it! Istanbul.


Abby didn't go to Istanbul; she partied with some friends that weekend instead!

Kellen can still fall asleep absolutely anywhere. Oh to be a toddler!

Sweet sleeping toddler. I love getting pictures like these.


I ran a 1/2 Marathon with the coolest running bib ever.

Just before the race began.

Yum. Post-race celebration!

Nice reminder.

I biked 22 coastal miles today. The view in Sunset Beach.

Just a fab moment with my bike and my BFF Espresso Frap.


New iPad Minis for the big kids. Because The Toddler broke the other ones.

Finding Home

2013-06-01T06:28:00.000-04:00

Angels Gate Park, San Pedro. Panoramic view of the Los Angeles Harbor.

I had the overwhelming urge to go home today. Of course, we nomadic lifestylers struggle constantly with the identity of “where is home?”

My apartment in Long Beach is great – I love the local neighborhood and being able to walk everywhere and get to the beach easily. But since I haven’t been here that long and I really haven’t shared it with anyone, it’s not really “home” either. And today, the lack of giggling children and shared memories with the fab hubby just made it feel starkly lonesome.

Looking back, one of my happiest memories was when we were assigned at the Los Angeles field office, the fab hubby's first domestic Foreign Service assignment. Owen was five, Abby was three and Kellen wasn’t quite a thought in our mind yet. The fab hubby had just finished training and was a new field agent. I worked afternoons in a busy ER (which is actually the same ER I work in now!). We had a wonderful au pair from Australia living with us to help with the munchkins. We lived near the L.A. Harbor in San Pedro and I used to run every day along the bluffs with the ocean view and Catalina Island off in the distance.

San Pedro. That had once been home. I found myself late this evening driving my car from Long Beach toward San Pedro. Over the Vincent Thomas Bridge, the sun starting to set over the Palos Verdes Peninsula. I relaxed as I drove along Gaffey Street, intuitively headed toward the ocean. I stopped at Angels Gate Park high on a hill, overlooking the magnificent port and watched as ships headed in and out of harbor. I turned my gaze to the mountains – Los Angeles far in the distance to the East. The view from Angels Gate is just breathtaking.

View of Catalina lsland from Angels Gate Park entrance.

I hopped back into my car and drove as far west as you can in San Pedro to Point Fermin Park. Where the lighthouse still stands and the Sunken City is visible. Part of San Pedro’s Point Fermin community had once collapsed into the ocean many, many years ago and some remnants still remain, but is off limits to exploring. It’s still a fun view, and I took the time to imagine what the houses and streets might have looked like before the ocean had claimed them.

When we lived here in 2009-2010, I ran countless miles along Vista Del Mar, the road that passes by this park. I trained for many local races and two half marathons that year, all along this road. I smiled as I remembered that my last few runs just before we moved had been especially wonderful, as we had found out two weeks before we left San Pedro that I was pregnant with Kellen. I would continue to run while pregnant with him until I was seven months along.

LAPD helicopter flies in from over the Palos Verdes Peninsula.

We spent many family afternoons at Point Fermin Park. The kids loved playing on the playground, making friends and sandcastles. I remember the fab hubby starting an impromptu game of baseball with Owen and some of the boys Owen had just become friends with. I remember the smell of the BBQs firing up and the sounds of picnic tables being set.

Sunset is magnificent along the ocean. I made it to the park tonight just in time to watch the sun melt into the horizon over the Penninsula. The smell of the ocean overtook my memory and I breathed deep into the salty air. A low rumbled horn blasted from far across the water, signaling an outgoing barge. Catalina Island peaked out from a long distance, and as always, I told myself “gosh, I really need to go visit there before I leave.”

Two people were doing their solo tai chi practice, deftly moving from pose to pose as the sun continued it’s descent. I remember seeing them a few years ago doing the same, and I quietly continued along the park path admiring their dedication to their practices.

The café across the street was open, and the smell of food and the sound of laughter pulled through the door. I envied the locals walking in and out of the doors as their hearty words to the owner made it obvious they were known there.

I would never be a local here, and while it was once home, it’s unlikely to ever be so again. But the familiarity brought comfort and the memories flooding my mind were exactly what I needed tonight.

The far cliff is part of the Sunken City.

After the sun fully set and darkness engulfed the park, I drove through downtown San Pedro, past the 99Cent store the kids used to love to go to in search of treasured items as only little kids can; the grocery store we frequented; the Jamba Juice I used to treat the kids at. I saw the Community Center where Abby had participated in preschool and had picked up a bit of Spanish in the process; Owen had learned basketball there, and I happily remembered the coach who put so much effort into helping Owen learn and understand the game.

Dinner tonight was at the In&Out Burger just a block from our old condo. This brought my mind back to all those late evenings I would arrive home from work with burgers in tow for me and the fab hubby. He was always waiting up for me outside, sitting on the steps to greet me as I arrived home. Despite the fact that he would have to be up early the next morning for his job, he would always wait until I got home at midnight from my long afternoon ER shift so we could talk to each other about our day. Those are some of my fondest memories.

The fab hubby, the kids. the day-to-day minutia of activities and patterns we get into with each other without realizing it. I suppose that’s what “home” really is, as I try to wrap my head around the ‘where is home’ question we’re constantly plagued with. Sure it’s hard to explain in words, but the feelings and the emotions we carry from house to house and post to post are what we use to establish our ‘homes’.

Soon we’ll be moving on to our next post, establishing patterns, exploring neighborhoods, making friends, and creating new memories. Three months left before we start our next journey ‘home’. And while I am definitely making the best of my current journey, I am excited about the next prospect of creating a new home together.

Harbor view from Angels Gate.

Sunset over the Palos Verdes Peninsula.

Beautiful.


Another view of Point Fermin Park --- Catalina Island in distance to the left.

And some of my happiest moments from when this was our home...

Preschool Abby in San Pedro, 2009.

Owen's last basketball game (and 6th Birthday Party!) in San Pedro, 2010.

After a daytrip to Malibu, 2009. Sleeping kids are so sweet. And quiet.

First day of school, San Pedro, 2009.

Point Fermin Park. Was he really ever this little?

Impromtu baseball game.

This is actually at Friendship Park (another ocean-view park!), San Pedro. Love.

You can't go to SoCal without going to Disneyland! 2009.


Found I was pregnant with this guy just before we moved.

Breathe Out. Let it Go. (And Occasionally) Walk Away.

2013-04-15T20:33:00.000-04:00

Last week, our toddler, Kellen, got his finger slammed in the kitchen door. The result was a small degloving of his right ring finger. A ‘degloving’ is exactly that. The skin rips off the tip of the finger as easily as if it were a glove as the finger is pulled back quickly when it’s caught in something. It’s never pretty. And the fab hubby was stuck solo-parenting, dealing with it on his own.

It’s a 9-hour difference from Cairo, and I awoke to his call. Kellen’s finger. ER. X-ray ok. Hospital doctor wanted to do general anesthesia on OUR TWO YEAR OLD. I was really awake by now. Don’t panic, the fab hubby said, being ever so fabulous. A fellow nurse from the embassy had gone with him and Kellen to the hospital and they had both said “NO WAY” when the ER doc (mind you, this is in CAIRO) said he wanted to do a cosmetic operation on the finger. But this kind of operation is delicate, and should be handled as a medevac (which both Jason and our RN friend knew). Kellen’s finger bandaged up, he had headed home.

Well, did you call so-and-so? And did you do this-and-that? And what did she/he think? And why didn’t you? <--- That’s obviously me, being both crazy Momma and RN.

Yup. Back off. I can parent. <--- That’s obviously the fab hubby. Being fabulously right.

I got off the phone and did exactly what any one else as crazy as I would do. I called my embassy RN friend. And asked her all the same questions. And got all the same answers. But somehow hearing it all again made me feel a bit better.

Because it gave me that feeling of control. Like somehow my making the extra phone call added to the situation and solution. But reflecting back, I was only fooling myself.

I (im)patiently waited for the fab hubby to call me the next day from the embassy, where Kellen was going to be checked by our RMO (Regional Medical Officer for all you non-FS’s). I received an email picture of the finger from the fab hubby, and so I knew he was there with our sweet little guy getting it checked out. I waited, not wanting to be pushy. I made it maybe ten more minutes before I was dialing the embassy switchboard, asking for the Health Unit. The fab hubby and the toddler had already left.

What the what??!! Didn’t he realize I needed to be called the MOMENT he found out anything? I spoke with our RMO. The toddler’s finger was good. Already starting to heal, in fact! Good tissue, no bone protrusion. No need to medevac. We chatted a bit longer, and I got off the phone. ::sniff:: I had wanted to be involved with the decision-making. Like somehow me making that call could/would change anything. I got ahold of the fab hubby and he gave me the exact same info. With a “back off, I can parent” attached at the end. Of course, I deserved it.

Deep breath. Let it out. Let it go. Because there’s nothing I can do. The phone calls. The worry. The going over the situation over and over and over again. I tried not to fret. But I keep thinking about it.

And then the messages trickled in.

“I saw him today, smiling and running around oblivious to everyone’s worries. He is one tough boy.”

::sniff::

“He is such a trooper. He was full of smiles and laughing with Jason. He is precious.”

::more sniffling::

“I saw him in the elevator today and he was running around smiling , beaming actually, like nothing was the matter. So cute!”

Actual.Tears.

See, it’s not necessarily the situation that I’m so upset over; it’s that there is no role for me to make it better. I’m too far away to be a part of the solution. And I feel guilty for not being there, for not being the Momma who made it better. All our friends – all our wonderful, caring friends – were there and kept me updated. They stepped in and helped out. The fab hubby can handle these kind of parenting issues. Of course, he’s be happier if I’d been there to help, but he can handle it.

I have no control over this. Breathe out. Let it go.

A few weeks ago, it was Abby’s Birthday. We FaceTimed, and she was a bit sad at the beginning of the conversation, crying that she missed me. Oh, heartbreak! We talked for a while longer and made plans for when we reunited. She was pretty happy and looking forward to her day. Later on I spoke with the fab hubby – she had indeed enjoyed her birthday. He made her a special birthday treat and she got to go to a friend’s house for a sleep over. The perfect day for her.

I mentioned to someone at work that Abby and I had FaceTimed but that she’d been upset a little. I said how we were incredibly lucky to have great friends there to help out, and that the fab hubby had made sure she had a great day.

The reaction I received was “Of course she’s upset. You left her. I don’t know how you can do that.”

I was taken aback. My head all but exploded. I hadn’t left her! Sure, I was gone for a bit, but my kids know very well we’ll all be back together. They understand that this is unfortunately how life works out for us, moving so often – sometimes we have to spend time apart. But I couldn’t shake it, and I didn’t have a response other than “please don’t say that. I already feel badly enough as it is.”

There it was. Raw and out in the open.

I had left them.

But I didn’t! My head screamed. My eyes misted.

Breathe out. Let it go. Time to walk away.

Tackling those feelings deep inside where I secretly worry that the kiddos feel like I abandoned them. Those demon thoughts of what if they forget about me? And what if they don’t love me as much? What if they don’t think that I love them?

But I know it’s not true.

I often wonder if anyone would question this transition of me in the U.S. and the fab hubby overseas if it were reversed --- if he were the one gone for a period of time for his work.

Looking back, I realize that during the entire time he was in Baghdad, no one – NO ONE – said to him, “I just don’t know how you can leave your kids.” NO ONE questioned the stability of our marriage. Instead, it was support for his job, his mission, and his courage. EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD BE.

But it’s been said to me, and honestly I think it's really a sexist question. Questions about my ability to be a Mother. How can you leave your kids? Why would you leave your kids? Of course they are angry with you. And my personal favorite: I could never leave my kids. Or how about the questions about our marriage and my status as a wife? Some people just can’t fathom having a strong marriage when distance is a factor.

Doesn’t matter the reasons I give – work related (the need to take care of my specialty RN certifications renewal and to get my ER experience back up to par), medical related (my arthritis – which is doing well, thank-you-very-much), or my military career service (to be completed this summer). Or how about the fact that the fab hubby had once been a stay-at-home Dad? How about his awesome abilities as a parent and his ability to handle this temporary situation?

No, it’s that I LEFT my kids. I LEFT my husband. Questions about my ability to be a mother and a wife.

Doesn’t matter that I’m a great role model for my daughter. Or that I have a rewarding career that demands timely renewed certifications. Or that my kids have as much love for me as I do for them. Or that the fab hubby and I have been together fourteen years. Fourteen solid, amazing years, of mutual support and unconditional love.

It’s simply “you left your kids”, “you left your husband.”

Breathe out. Let it go. Walk away.

Because, honestly, the ONLY people who feel this way are those who are 1) not close family, 2) not in the Foreign Service, or 3) not close friends. People who are only willing to look at this in the traditional family view.

Every single one of our FS friends have been nothing but supportive. Whether by helping out the fab hubby with the kids or by sending me pictures of the kids and lots of updates. My closest friends have listened while I cried – upset because of the things I miss at home (like Kellen’s finger incident) and while I talked about how frustrated I feel that I have no control over it. They get it. And no, it's not just my mom friends who work --- but also all my really cool stay-at-home-mom friends who don't feel that my decision to continue my career is a contradiction to their choice to stay-at-home with their kids. Friends like us who are comfortable with the decisions they've made regarding their own families. Who recognize what's right for one family isn't necessarily right for another.

And how about the fab hubby, who, I absolutely maintain got the short end of this “TDY”? He who works a grueling job and has to solo parent? In a challenging-to-live-in foreign country??! He’s 100% supportive – of course! We made this decision together. And our marriage is stronger than ever.

It’s hard, not letting the negative, emotionally challenging comments get the better of me. And I’d be remiss if I said I was easily able to just walk away from them every time. Sometimes, that little voice in the back of my mind challenges me as well. What kind of mother am I? What kind of wife?

Breathe out. Let it go.

I don’t have control over what others think about me. And if they matter, if they are people we want to have in our lives, they support us and understand choices like this weren’t made easily. They know how amazing our children are. They know how strong the bond is between the fab hubby and me.

Jason and I love what we do, and we love our children. We’re happy to show them the world, to be role models for them. Yes, This FS lifestyle has certainly been a challenge, in many, many ways. But the rewards have been well-worth it.

One of my favorite quotes is something I’ve heard the fab hubby say so often:

Nothing worth doing is ever easy.

How very true this is. Two months done on this TDY, and four left until we’re all united again. But I have no doubts about our ability to weather this transition. And I will no longer allow others' negativity to impact the way I look at myself or the choices we’ve made.

Breathe out. Let it go. Walk away.

Abby Turns Eight!

2013-03-29T01:08:00.001-04:00

She's always loved the beach.
Ein Soukna, Egypt

Again, it happens. Time goes by so very quickly, and I didn't really realize it. But there it is. Staring me in the face.

I blink and she’s suddenly a kid and so very tall. But I remember that tiny, blond-wisp haired baby I so delicately held in my arms. Such a sweet baby, with big blue dazzling eyes and the most infectious giggles.

I blink and she’s talking. I blink and she’s singing. I blink and she’s skipping down the sidewalk on her tippy-toes. Baseball and American Girl Dolls. Swimmng and singing solos in her school concert. Oh, how did she suddenly become so independent?

The best big and little sister alike. She’s the middlest, so she likes to say, stuck between a stubborn toddler brother and a (somewhat) bossy older brother. But she can hold her own, and she’s quick with the cutting words that lets you know who’s in charge.

Incredibly loyal and protective of her friends, she's kind and generous with the biggest heart. Thoughtful and precise, she has the amazing ability to see everything that's going on around her --- not just what's in front of her at the moment.

I miss her so much and I wish I was with her on her special day to celebrate her eighth birthday. I don’t know where time went, and I know it’s not likely to slow down any time soon...

Happy Bithday to our very beautiful and sweet, smart and independent Abby. We love you so much and we're so very proud of you.

No so very long ago, she was a toddler who loved the beach.
Long Beach, CA 2009

Loves baseball!

Not afraid to tell you what she's loves about the U.S.A.
Bacon and Taylor Swift.

Always a sweetie. She thoughtfully emailed me
to let me know that she and her little brother
were having a dance party. Love this.

On a lunch date in Cairo.
Oh, how I miss her!

Life Keeps Moving Forward

2013-03-22T13:50:00.000-04:00

Time flies. Even when you're not always having fun. I've been separated from my family now for about six weeks, and I swear it seems like I just got here.

That's a good thing. Because the faster time goes, the sooner I'll see them.

And it's not that I'm NOT having a good time - it's just lonely sometimes. I see something cool, I go somewhere special, I discover something new. And I want to share it with the fab hubby or the kiddos. But I won't get that chance anytime soon. Four and a half months to go.

But it IS awesome here. I live a mere two blocks from the beach and most everything I need is within walking distance. Long Beach is pet friendly, and I walk my fav pooch everywhere. She's actually a good companion.

I never grow weary of the sunset at the beach. Never. And I find myself drawn there frequently, taking a moment to breathe in the salty air and feel the cool breeze on my face. My Facebook profile is loaded with terrible amateur photo shots of sunsets. I can't help myself. I see it and I want to savor it.

Sunset over the pier at Seal Beach.

Really. I can't help myself. And these photos are awful. But I love it here.

Check out the fav pooch's swagger.
Starbuck strutting her stuff.

I hate that I'm missing out on so much with the kiddos and the fab hubby. I struggle between guilt and sadness each time I talk to them. And yet, the kiddos are doing just fine. I think we don't give kids enough credit. They manage their emotions pretty well. The older ones tell me when they are feeling sad and they keep me updated on what's going on at school and with their friends. Kellen pops in and out on FaceTime with a hearty "HI MOMMA!" and then goes back to his toys. Sometimes, he'll kiss the screen. That's a bit heartbreaking, but he seems to enjoy talking on FaceTime, so I try not to worry too much about him.

Some dear friends in Cairo have been making sure I'm getting glimpses into the daily life of the kiddos:

Kellen swiped a piece of cake from a nearby party at the Maadi House.

The big kiddos at International Day at their school.

Abby at Kid's Day. Love her smile.

Owen has been begging us for a cat. Here's his little rescue cat, Boots.

Ok, this is an older photo, but I miss them so much. Two of my favorite men.

Yup. This is an older photo, too. But I can't
wait to see the fab hubby again.

In other news, I had to have a tooth removed and a bone graft placed in my jaw. To make a horrific story short, the tooth had been damaged from years ago - likely from the palate extender/braces combo I endured in my late teens (no complaints, though - the braces took care of seriously crooked teeth). Thankfully, I was knocked out for the dental surgery. It took about 1 1/2 hours for the surgeon to remove the molar and place some bone that will become the anchor for the implant surgery I'll do in early 2014. Not fun. Although the drugs. The drugs are fun. The anesthesia-induced dreams were super groovy, and I although I attempted to go to work the next day, I lost that battle as I nearly passed out when standing on my feet. No worries, though; I went home and slept for 15 hours and indulged in an ice cream dinner.

Post-dental surgery dinner of champions.

And finally. The topic I've been trying to avoid. My arthritis.

Yesterday, I went to Cedars Sinai Rheumatology Clinic and met with an awesome Rheumatologist. She and I poured over my blood results and X-rays; she did a thorough physical assessment, looking at my hands, the deformed left pinky finger, and my painful feet. I was all ready to go on a medication regiment. In November, when I was diagnosed, it had looked like it was likely early Rheumatoid Arthritis. The inflammation, the early-morning stiffness in my small joints. But my blood work was negative. She was glad I wasn't on any medication - because the medication for RA is not appropriate for my arthritis.

Diagnosis? Inflammatory/Erosive Osteoarthritis. Typically, osteoarthritis is a non-inflammatory process, attributed to years of wear and tear on joints (like knees and hips). But there is a subset of osteoarthritis that has an inflammatory component - and that's what I have. It doesn't respond well to any meds, and the course of action is kindness to my joints and pain management. Some fingers already have lost cartilage and are bone on bone. My feet likely as well. She recommended I find exercise other than running (umm....sure), and gave me some ideas on natural remedies. But the deformities will continue and there is little that can be done about it.

I dunno what to say at this point. Sure, I'm thankful it's not RA. RA can affect the body in multi-systemic ways. BUT at the same time I am ANGRY. There's no real treatment? No possible medication to slow down the erosion of my joints? I'm only 37 years old. By the time I'm 80, what will my hands look like? Will I even be able to use them?? And there's not much I can do to stop the process. Maybe only slow it down.

The doctor was kind and answered all of my questions. I'm doing a follow-up appointment with her in July.

I left in a bit of a stupor. I was all ready to start a medication regiment and it's not even an option. I made my way to the beach; I always feel safe there. I took a nap and did some thinking, listening to the waves crash across the sand.

I don't know what's in store for me. I feel helpless and pushed up against a wall with little course of action and no options.

Give up running? Will it even help? Maybe. Maybe not.

So for now, I refuse to think too much about it. I won't let it own me. I won't let it define me.

I am a runner. Maybe I'm just meant to be a slower runner, shorter distances. Someone who takes the time to stop and walk and take in the view during a run.

Weight loss. Yeah. This is a touchy subject. I've gained a LOT of weight since November when I was diagnosed. I fell into a bit of depression with the arthritis and I let it push me around. No more. Weight loss will help alleviate the wear on my large joints and on my feet.

Yoga. I do like yoga. And I've joined a hot yoga studio. It definitely helps my joints.

That's it for now. Three things to focus on. Safe/shorter distances when running (Although I am signed up for a 1/2 marathon in May. It will likely be my last.) Weight loss. Yoga.

I know in the near future, I'm going to need to address some other issues with the arthritis. But for now, this will have to do. I still need time to process it and accept it.

For now, this sums it up.

Bittersweet

2013-02-23T23:25:00.000-05:00

Not quite two weeks ago, after 19 long hours of travel, one episode of puking (weird, because I've never puked on a plane before, but whatever), and carrying one very crazy, little psychotic dog, I arrived rumpled and exhausted in Los Angeles. My first memory of arriving back in the good old U.S.A.? Standing in Customs with some old dude with a generic Euro accent saying "Zee should not allow such creeeetures as zat on board zee aeroplane!", pointing at my ridiculous pooch in my carry-on bag. Jerk.

Surprisingly, all my flights went exactly as planned. I fully attribute that to NOT fly UNITED AIRLINES or any of its codeshare flights. Thank you Delta and KLM as it's codeshare. My flights were AWESOME (except for the puking and the old mean dude), and all, yes folks! ALL of my luggage arrived with me in LAX.

BFF Iced Latte at LAX. And my luggage.
You know, the important stuff!

I grabbed a BFF Latte at the airport Starbucks and hopped the Super Shuttle to a car dealership in Beverly Hills where I purchased - wait for it! - a really ugly minivan. Momma has to have some wheels! And while I'd prefer the luxury of a kick-ass beautiful SUV, I decided to take one for the family team and get the vehicle that will comfortably hold all the kids when we're reunited in August. I'll live.

From there, I immediately drove to the closest In-and-Out Burger. It's been three very long and painful years, and the reunion was glorious! If you've ever eaten In-and-Out, then I know you understand. And if you haven't, then I have nothing but condolences for you. Get out to the West Coast NOW!

Now, this is where things get really crazy. The day I arrived in Cali, I got word from the hospital I was supposed to start working at the following week that they wanted me to start the very next day if I was available. Unfortunately, I hadn't yet been to my apartment and I needed to buy furniture, so I told them I couldn't start the next day, but that I'd be available to start the day after that. TWO DAYS!

Ugly minivan. But the BFF Latte approves.

So the next morning, I went to LabCorp for my work-required urine toxicology (I've done this test so many times for the military and every hospital I've ever worked for that I can honestly pee on command). And then I went to my new home. After scouring through Craig's List the entire previous month, I had settled on living in downtown Long Beach. The hospital I work for is just a little north of Long Beach, but I really wanted to be by the ocean. I was super lucky and found a pet-friendly apartment building just two blocks from the ocean! With easy access to the freeway! And it only costs double what our mortgage is in Ohio. Dude. Really. It's so easy to forget how expensive it is to live out here. But, whatever. It's perfect. It's not awesome --- the building is a "charming 1920's" complex (translation - a little run-down) --- but it's in a cool location (Long Beach Arts District), with a Starbucks around the corner (BINGO!), and I have access to a parking garage for my mad minivan.

I unpacked my bags in my apartment and headed out to the mecca of all home stores - Ikea. I picked up the items I needed and then headed out to the other mecca, Target!, to grab a few items for my teeny tiny kitchen. I went back and fixed up the apartment, took Starbuck for a much-deserved walk along the beach, and then crashed for the night.

Because the very next morning at 6AM I was in the ER working my first big-girl RN shift! Oh, it's been a long, long time since I'd had to spend an entire day on my feet! Initially I was to work 12 hours, but at the end of my shift, I offered to stay over since we were short-staffed. I put in 16 hours that day and then went home. Took the pup for a walk and then slept like I've never slept before.

YUMYUMYUMYUMYUMYUMYUM!!!

I worked the next two days. Had a day off. And then worked the next five days. WOWSA! It's been a whirlwind. On the bright side, I never really got the chance to be jet-lagged, even though it's a 10-hour difference from Cairo. Also, I can't even begin to express how wonderful it is being back in the same ER I worked in 2009-2010. Most of the staff is still the same, and being here with friends I've missed has been incredible.

FaceTime has been absolutely the best. Nearly every day I get to "see" the kiddos. Both of the big kids have iPads, and they can reach me anytime they want. It's very comforting. Our middlest, Abby, has no real concept of the time difference between Cairo and here, and so nearly every morning at 5AM, when she's getting off the bus in Cairo at 3PM, she calls me. I love it. Even if I'm trying to sleep. The toddler? He blows me kisses and says "hi, Mamma!" and then runs off to play. He's doing ok. And Owen, the tween, he tries to act cool, but I know he's missing me and he likes that he can reach me anytime he wants.

It's really bittersweet being here. This was once our home - to all of us. Today I took the pup to the dog beach - the same beach that the fab hubby and I used to bring our dog Rusty to play at. I cruised through Belmont Shore, remembering all the places we used to meet up for lunch. And I've spent some time across the bridge in San Pedro where we used to live. I visited old haunts, like the Tide Pools in San Pedro where the big kiddos spent countless hours looking for sea creatures while I sat and listened to the waves crashing on the rocks. I ate lunch at our favorite chinese restaurant. I shopped at the local Trader Joe's. I was pregnant with Kellen here; I ran my 1/2 marathon in 2010 before I found out I was pregnant with him in Huntington Beach. All these places have special meaning and I just wish all of us were here, together.

I ran along my favorite bike/run trail in Alamitos Beach today, and as I watched kids frolicking into the water and riding the waves, I tried not to let it break my heart. My Abby and Owen used to do that. No matter how cold the ocean water was, they'd run into the waves and ride them back to shore. We spent so many weekends here. It was our special place.

I know the next five-and-a-half months are going to be tough without them. But I'll get through it. Actually, all of us will. And even though it's heartbreakingly bittersweet, I'm thankful to be in a place that I love with such good memories.

Me and my favorite pooch, Starbuck.

The Fav Pooch and the BFF Latte.

Tide Pools of San Pedro. The big kiddos used to play here.

Sunset over the Tide Pools. Magnificent.

Little trip down memory lane.
San Pedro Tide Pools, New Years Day 2010.

With our dog Rusty. We miss him.