The Sound of Madness

Relapse?

2013-09-15T13:49:00.000-04:00

Most days I just sit and look at the sky and wonder where my life went. Had you asked me 2 months ago where I was going, I could have told you, but now I can't even think about where I want to be. You see, I stepped out of my comfort zone and took a chance, I saved $5000.00 and moved back to the North East, got up here, found out nothing I had planned was going to work out and that is when the

Dear Mental Illness

2012-08-28T16:44:00.000-04:00

A letter to my mental illness.... Have I ever told you how much I hate you? Yet I love you for just as many reasons. Reasons I hate you: 1) You've taken some of my family from me 2) You've helped me ruin relationships in more than one way. 3) you've helped ruin my life in many ways: example, self-harm, theft, jail, and even by messing up in school. 4) You've helped me ruin the lives of many. 5

It's me again Margaret...

2012-03-18T12:17:00.001-04:00

Yes it is me. LOL. I know I haven't written in a while, but I have been extremely busy, depression has sank in (and I might add has lasted longer then normal), and as usual I have taken too many projects on. The other day I got this email, it popped up and said reminder "it's so and so birthday". I haven't seen this person in 4 years and the last time we spoke was a year ago. That little

The crazy inside my head

2012-03-18T12:00:00.001-04:00

As a person with Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder, I am often confused as to which disorder is running my mind being as there is very little difference in the 2 of them. I once asked a Psychiatrist what the difference was between the two and the only answer he could give me was "one fell over the borderline". I left just as confused as I am today. A few things I do know: I stay

No Resolutions, Just Gratefulness and New Beginnings

2012-03-18T11:59:00.000-04:00

Last year, I didn't set any New Years Resolutions except to be happy in 2010. I made that resolution to some extent but for the most part, my life took off in a different direction, a direction that I learned to welcome with open arms. While I will never be fully recovered as most mental illnesses are biological, I can and do function on a daily basis in a pretty good fashion. That is where

Without a clue...

2011-12-07T14:11:00.001-05:00

Today, as well as on and off for the past couple of days, I have been breaking down and don't even understand why. I've always been known as the strong one and right now I don't feel so strong. I instead feel weak, lost, and in need of something I cannot find. My favorite 4-legged friend, Rev, is even worried about me, (he crawls in my lap and gives me his kind of hug). For the first time in a

A New Day, A New Way

2011-09-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

One of my biggest pet-peeves with people has ALWAYS been them pushing their religious beliefs onto me. I call it pet-peeve because I never knew what I truly believed in. It was always my thought that if there truly is a God, then why is the world in such Hell. Plus I never understood what I wanted to believe in, everyone always came across as so pushy. One thing I did know is that Recovery

Long Time Coming

2011-08-26T10:46:00.000-04:00

This post with make my 100th posting. If I had kept up with it and not done my usual wondering, I would have hit this mark a long time ago! Since chatting with you all last I have accomplished many different things, good or bad I consider them an accomplishment. After living in my mom's home for 2 years I have finally moved into my own place. Yes I have doubted every minute that I have been

Possible Stupidity?

2011-06-25T18:03:00.000-04:00

I know I haven't written in a mighty long time, but I have been an extremely busy person. I am now in-charge of the NC Peer Support Association, own my own company, work full time for a Mental Health Company, run and work for another company, and go to school. For many that would mean too busy and they would crash, but for me this is my way of coping. As usual I have taken on an issue I am

Clean and Free!

2011-05-05T21:44:00.001-04:00

Today marks 20 years that I have been clean of using substances! I am so damn proud of myself!!!!!!

Break the Stigma

2010-12-12T16:35:00.000-05:00

Break the Stigma We walk beside you each and everyday, yet you have no clue who we are. We could be your brother, your sister, your mother, and your father, even your children; yet you have no clue as to who we are. You use words like crazy, insane, mental, strange, and so on; yet you have no idea how we cringe inside when you use those words to describe people around you.

Bah Humbug? I think not.

2010-12-09T09:51:00.001-05:00

Normally this time of year, my Bipolar is at full rage. This is the time of year where I do truly STUPID things and while I can't control them now, I always regret them later. This is also when I normally uncontrollably cut due to being in full rage. This week has brought on some major issues that normally would have sent me over the top, but yet they didn't. Which really goes to show me

Happiness, Heartache, and Lessons Learned....

2010-10-18T11:28:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago I turned 39 and thought the world was going to end. I panicked, I flipped out, and I thought I was going to be 40 instead of 39. LOL. My mom stated I was having an old age moment for her being as it also means 18 days after my birthday, she turns a year older. So I got myself calmed down, realized it wasn't as big a deal as I was making it, and actually began to look forward to the

New Challenges

2010-09-29T00:38:00.000-04:00

In a matter of 3 days I lost 12 hours at work due to medicaid cutting consumers hours. I adore my job, love all my consumers to no end and they know that I would do anything I could for them. Except give them extra hours like the ones they got taken away from them. Technically your not supposed to befriend your consumers, but I saw no way around it. After all their supposed to trust you and

Past Pleasures Reborn

2010-09-19T11:24:00.000-04:00

It would seem that I had lost my love for many things, simple things you might say. But with each passing day I find that I am hunting them down again, unknown to myself and my thinking. For instance; When I lived in Georgia I had this beautiful window over the kitchen sink that I loved to spend time each morning looking out over the Pecan grove and a hundred year old oak tree. The squirrels

How I saved my own life....

2010-08-30T17:42:00.000-04:00

For many years I drowned in my own misery. I worked endless jobs only to quit them a few months down the road, I moved from house to house and state to state. I found happiness in things I did but only for a short time. My life was in hell. I cut, I stole, I lied, I cheated, I made up stories that I even started believing. The fact was, is that I was in complete and utter hell with myself. I

Mental Illness and Jail

2010-06-30T15:20:00.000-04:00

Very good article on Mr. Early and his book. Read it if you get a chance please. http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2006/04/11/earley/index.html

Relapse? I think not!

2010-06-27T12:35:00.001-04:00

Surely no one thought a few bad days was going to stop me, did they? LOL. Well my family sure as hell thought so and were beginning to get concerned and crabby with me. I'm a stronger person then that and I refuse to allow this "illness" get the better of me as I have for many many years. Since I last wrote, school has ended. I am so proud of myself for the grade I got in English Composition

Depression sinks in again....

2010-06-22T16:57:00.000-04:00

It snuck up on me again. This is the second time in a month that I have been so depressed that I have thought about it 3 times now. Self-mutilating that is. Things were looking up so awesomely to the point that my mom and grammy felt I was taking on to much. I admit I might have been but I was holding my own, till 2 weeks ago. I took a job 2 hours away from home and was driving the 4 hour round

The 7 C's of Success

2010-06-11T22:32:00.000-04:00

My step-dad went to a United Methodist Convention here in NC over the last 2 days and I guess thought of me when he saw this card with the 7 C's of Success on it. Thought I would share it since it seems to feel right at home here on my blog. 1) A clear CONCEPTION of what we want, a vivid vision, a goal clearly imagined. 2) A strong CONFIDENCE that we can obtain that goal. 3) A focused

Rejected Again

2010-05-31T19:03:00.000-04:00

I found out today that my brother and his family is coming through NC to go to Florida in a few weeks. SO I called my son and asked him to catch a ride and come visit me. It has been 18 months since I have seen him, even though I try to talk to him weekly by phone. He used the excuse that his work takes 2 months to schedule a vacation, but in the same breath told me that he can't because he is

Forcing one's self

2010-05-30T11:29:00.000-04:00

Today I think I will force myself off the computer and out to work in the yard with my pup. I find I have to do this often! Force myself that is. I don't mind though as it seems to get me out and about to doing things, but it also makes me think of the black cloud hanging in my head waiting to burst since things have been going so good lately. Talked to my son friday night and he seems to have

If your looking for inspiration, look here....

2010-05-28T23:12:00.002-04:00

http://ofsubstance.gov/blogs/pushing_back/archive/2010/05/27/51372.aspx Awesome story!

Mental health group can pay only half wages - State - NewsObserver.com

2010-05-28T09:37:00.000-04:00

Mental health group can pay only half wages - State- NewsObserver.com

Wellness Tools that Work

2010-05-26T20:14:00.000-04:00

Most of us have a hard time distinguishing how we feel till we get extremely low. It doesn't have to be that way. If you open yourself to how you're feeling you can almost always catch it before you get to that really low place. Wellness Tool Box... One of the first things you'll want to do is make yourself a wellness tool box, one that you can carry with you all the time works best. I use an