THE WARRIOR BRIDE

BEAUTIFUL MESS

2012-07-16T02:26:00.001-04:00

"Amy Grant"...
"We pour out our miseries God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts " are better than a hallelujah sometimes.

My prayer to God
I can not do it all.
I feel like a failure !
I surrender it all.
The list
The lists on my shoulders I can't carry.
Hows my Kids doin ?
How's there health ?
Schooling ?
Apps
Pain
Medications
lawyers
Insurance
Keep a record of all travel
File taxes
Buy groceries
Clean the house
Maybe eat.
Finances
Is there enough of me for everybody
I try. I crack. I fail.
I hurt I hurt others.
I try I fail.

"Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts ...
Are ( hopefully ) better than a Hallelujah sometimes "

Anita

FABULOUS. I TOLD HIM HE WAS FABULOUS !

2012-07-16T02:18:00.001-04:00

I told him he was fabulous. That everything about him was fabulous. I showed him he was fabulous But he didn't believe it himself. And you just can't make someone see themselves the way you see them.
The old tapes play in there head and they believe you think they are garbage because they think they are garbage when in fact you believe they are fabulous
But they just don't believe.
Oh God open blind eyes. !!!

LOVE SUPERSEDES ALL.

2012-04-27T13:52:00.001-04:00

If you had walked a mile in my shoes

If you had walked the halls with babies crying in your arms. You would not hate or judge them as they became teens.

If you had experienced the death and grief of so many you loved. Your heart would have softened and you would have empathy to put yourself in another's shoes.

If you were able to put yourself in my shoes. To walk a mile with me you would feel and see the hurt I have endured as I tried to love you deeply putting myself aside.

I have encountered rejection and betrayal.
I have continued to forgive and love.
And although I have failed you. You have failed me too.
Love and forgiveness remain in my heart towards you.
Bitterness for words spoken in anger do not supersede my love for you.
I see your heart.
I wish you would see mine too.

EGO OR LOVE.

2012-04-27T11:53:00.001-04:00

More and more I am coming across blogs, articles, email newsletters, that are saying the same thing a different way. It's the message of living a life of love. Opposite to a life of ego and focus on self. The people I have admired in life all lived for others or lived for love one way or another. Jesus. Mother Theresa. Lady Diana. Mandela. Jacob. And yes I try. And fall way short. We get drawn into ego fights as the majority of our world lives in ego. Inflated self.
When we want to live in love without ego we can easily either become self righteous and judgmental of those who are not. Or we can get pulled into there way when our hearts desire is the opposite. Or we can become discouraged and despairing of a world that just doesn't get it.
This blogger I think spoke my heart well. The following article by Steve Mcswain. ( hope I haven't spelled that wrong as I'm a novice at blogging ). But it's the heart of the message I'm trying to convey not the letter. So here it is copied below.

As with most great movies, there are many parallels to our shared experience as human beings in the most recent blockbuster, "The Hunger Games."
I loved this movie. And now, I must read the books.
In one of the film's many memorable scenes, Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson), co-star who is in love with Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) and who survives with her the perils of the games, discuss the most likely outcome to the games on the night before they begin.
Peeta says to Katniss, "If I'm going to die, I want to still be me."
When you die, that is precisely how you will. As yourself.
If death accomplishes anything, it succeeds in bringing an end to the illusions of who you and I really are. There's a sense in which, for example, Saint Paul missed it, when he likened death to "the last enemy." Death is an enemy and one could argue it is the last enemy. But death is only an enemy to the illusions. Hence, death is is only ever an enemy to the ego in you. It could never be your enemy.
What is ego? Your make-believe self, social mask, or you might think of it as the "false" self --the "you" that isn't really you but the "you," you mistakenly think is you.
You are not, however, the image you see in a mirror -- what Albert Einstein described as "the optical illusion in consciousness." If you have read "The Enoch Factor," you know I discuss all of this at length in the book.
The image you see in a mirror is dying and one day will disappear altogether. It takes no "hunger games" to achieve this. Death is your intended destiny.
Furthermore, you are not the voice in your head -- the thoughts you think, conditioned mostly by your upbringing. They, too, will die. And yet, isn't it interesting, that virtually everyone mistakenly thinks that they are their thoughts?
You are not your name, title, career, achievements and so forth. None of these survive death either. In other words, that which we typically regard as real is really an illusion. What we take so seriously survives but briefly. This is why the Buddha said of life, and all its trappings, "Nothing is permanent." Viktor Frankl said, "The meaning of life must be understood in terms of its temporality."
So, what, if anything, survives death?
You, of course. That is, the real you -- or, deeper you: the you beneath, behind and beyond form, the body, the thoughts, as well as titles and accomplishments, so easily confused with who you are. As long as you are attached to any of these transitory illusions, you will live in fear of death. Death will be to you, as Saint Paul put it, "the last enemy," or the cosmic hunger game that gobbles up all memory of you.
So I would say to Peeta, and to you, it is not a question of "If I am going to die." You will die. Nor is it a question of "Will I still be me?" The gift from death itself is the gift of being yourself. Rather than stealing life from you, death is the gate through which you enter into life. Which is, of course, why Muhammad said, "Die before you die," meaning, "Why wait till you die to begin living?" Or, in the words of Jesus, "Deny yourself," and so, by implication, live what he described elsewhere as "the abundant life." The Buddha described this death, or the denial of that which is not really real, as "Detachment."
All of these spiritual teachers are pointing to the same essential reality: Until you detach from all the illusions of who you are -- or, to put it another way, until you die before you die -- you will die a thousand deaths. Death will always be a terrifying monster: the "last enemy," the ultimate "hunger game."
If you make it your spiritual practice, however, to "deny yourself," "to detach," to "die" to the false self, and so experience a kind of resurrection before you die, then the reality of Easter occurs all over -- in you and not in some future time, but now. Furthermore, you make the wonderful discovery that there is no death. Nor is there any more fear of death.
How could there be? You are Eternal. Remember this today ... every day ... and so live a genuinely resurrected life. That's infinitely more meaningful than all the talk that will take place in sanctuaries around the country about the significance of Easter. You can be Easter Now!
What could be more important than this?

THE BEGINNING OF A DREAM TODAY!

2012-04-25T19:36:00.001-04:00

When I first started this blog I posted one comment which said i didn't know how to blog. And there it sat stagnant for over a year. Then I started to copy and paste things I found elsewhere that touched me or that I believed in.
This week I finally found the time to put in all of Jacobs quotes that I could find In honour of him (I had wanted to do this for some time now) and so with that accomplished here I am at a new place. I envisioned this blog always
to be a place I would write my heart. But I knew I wasn't ready yet. However now after just filling the pages for a long time like a life support machine. I am ready to take the dream where I see it. Today is the beginning of where my voice will be heard. Not someone elses quote. Even though I love them. Now I need to write. And tell a tale of the heart. And this is my heart .

JACOB

2012-04-22T12:34:00.001-04:00

Hear his heart and feel his love... and pass it on.--------- JACOBS LIFE. !!! Love you Jacob. Xo

RAIN

2012-04-22T12:33:00.001-04:00

Rain falls to the earth like too many souls poured over the creation....Some of it pools in mud. Some of it pools with fresh water. Just the same, it's all rain. It's all soul and the place it lands, dictates its existence. Or does it? A rain drop can't grow legs and walk on over to the fresh water but a soul can. I love the rain and I love the soul." Jacob's last post 10/17. RIP JACOB HEYNEN

OPEN HEART

2012-04-22T12:31:00.003-04:00

I will do my best to live with an open heart. I can't make any promises but I will trust that the good work that has begun in me, will see itself to the finish line.
I'll focus on keeping the light burning.-Jacob Heynen

LOVE THEM UNTILL THEY REMEMBER

2012-04-22T12:31:00.001-04:00

OH JACOB !!! Love them until they remember how to love on their own. Love them until they remember what they once had. Love them back into the places that were forgotten. Love be and love become. As love is, love forever shall be."-Jacob Heynen. RIP

WALK IN THE RAIN

2012-04-22T12:30:00.001-04:00

Walk in the rain with me a bit would you? It's not too cold and it's not pouring down. Trust me, it is a good feeling to let a thousand drops of water strike your body. Feel each one as it is cast from miles up in the sky. Just let go and stand with the rain as it falls. Don't let it fall alone."-Jacob Heynen

YOU ARE THE SUN AND THE MOON

2012-04-22T12:29:00.001-04:00

"To those with a name: Each new day brings its moon and sun and I say "It's beautiful"....but you carry these days with the glory that is in your heart, the light that is in your smile and the blessing that is in your eyes. To you and what you bring, I say "You are the sun and the moon of my life. You are my light.""- Jacob Heynen

SEE YOURSELF AS LOVELY

2012-04-22T12:28:00.001-04:00

THIS IS THE BEST I'VE EVER READ. "If I tell you that I love you...you might not hear. If I show that you I love....you may not see. If I let you touch my heart, that beats for you, you may not feel. Not until you see yourself as lovely, will you ever understand what I feel for you.". BY JACOB HEYNEN

TODAY IS LIFE

2012-04-22T12:27:00.003-04:00

Yesterday is gone forever. Today is life. Tomorrow is not yet living. - Jacob Heynen

WORDS

2012-04-22T12:27:00.001-04:00

" Words....words create the pictures in my mind, the beauty and feeling in my heart. Words are the world of limitless possibility and it is hard to live anywhere else." - Jacob Heynen

THE VOICE OF YOUR OWN SPIRIT

2012-04-22T12:26:00.001-04:00

Do not let any voice speak louder than the voice of your own spirit. Learn to trust your voice. Yes you will get burnt by it but your experiences will teach you to travel in the world and eventually you will become great on your own. Remember, you are the best guide for your two traveling feet.

"I've been called many things but I am neither a name nor a label. I am a soul and nothing sticks to the absence of flesh or the perfection of heart. Just try and paint the wind?"

"If just one is able, then all are. Through brokenness, each and every being will be made strong. Pass through the flames of love and be revealed. All weak ideas will die off, when placed against love's character. All people will live and remain because love becomes them. If you have seen the loving, you have seen our father. The loving are one with him."

I've seen the hateful and I've seen the loving and I want them both... to have their place of peace.- Jacob Heynen

REALITY VULNERABILITY ACCEPTANCE

2012-04-22T12:24:00.003-04:00

Ashamed of reality or owning and accepting reality.....Its the truth that we hate because the truth is messy, vulnerable, and naked as can be. Shame says "Quick! Cover that up! I don't want to look at that and no one wants to see!" Owning and accepting says, "So what, everyone does it. It's perfectly normal."-Jacob Heynen

NO JUDGEMENT

2012-04-22T12:24:00.001-04:00

Why does an infraction demand a penalty? What if the penalty is something humanity designed? Is shame in the heart of the penalizer, not enough to bear? But others desire to dictate a righteous judgement, a judgement that is greater than the internal judge of the heart. We don't have the restraint to judge others appropriately. We take it too far and make the infraction personal. We end up issuing violence and we call that justice? True justice is decided in the individual heart. The wrong is lived with every day and they suffer with the memory. Who are we to judge those who have already judged themselves?-Jacob Heynen

LOVE

2012-04-22T12:23:00.001-04:00

When God is nowhere to be found.......I find you. You are my source, my love, my friend, my family, my son, my daughter....You are my people and my truth and in return, you show me who I am to you. Take some credit for what you do because you are great mothers, fathers, sons, daughters....-Jacob Heynen

IN PAIN

2012-04-22T12:22:00.001-04:00

I see them mostly because they are in pain. The others do well on their own but I see the ones who can not live up to the expectations that others excel in. I see them because I am one of them. I see and wonder how anyone could ever believe that God would damn children who have fallen and are crying on their knees. I will never damn you and even if I am gone someday, my love will be the decision that is set in stone, just for you. Rest assured, I learned my character, that is of the highest quality, from my father. I am who I am because he was before me and I learned the way that he established. There is no distinction between my love and his. Love is equal.-Jacob Heynen. I love you

YOU ARE A KING

2012-04-22T12:21:00.001-04:00

A little boy once asked a question in the darkness of his room, "God, who are you?"
There in the silence came the reply, "I am you."
The boy was confused but said, "It must be sad then, being you?"
From the stillness the voice spoke again, "It's true. It is sad being you but it doesn't have to be."
The boy looked down and his eyes were heavy now as he said, "What can I do to be happy?"
The voice said, "Grab a mirror and look at me in you. Realize that you are true and you are never alone. You see me as powerful but you must see that the powerful one is you. Go, dear child, and love your heart back to health. Go and find the true wealth of your heart as it is coupled with mine."
Sometimes the boy dreams that conversations like this one actually did take place but then he remembers that no voice has ever come from outer space. He sees that no one speaks and so he takes the words of his heart and calls them God's.
Poor poor child....I love you so much....and I am sorry that you had to learn that the heart of God was on the tip of your tongue all of this time. I am sorry that you were never told that you were great beyond compare and that you could love yourself with the very words and imagination that were stored up in your heart from birth.
The world made me feel like a dirty beggar but I am a King.-Jacob Heynen ( you are a king )

CRY OF THE HEART

2012-04-22T12:19:00.001-04:00

My thoughts are constant, never ceasing, and all the thought process of God and my life, leaves me speechless. I have always believed that my prayers have been more the constant cry from my heart and mind. For me, when the heart and mind become too full, then the cry comes rushing out in voice.

The voice said, "Cast me out over the water and I will fade before I reach a single ear but build me a boat and I will be carried to every ear in creation." Find your voice but let it be carried by love.- Jacob Heynen RIP

ANGER

2012-04-22T12:17:00.001-04:00

Be thankful for anger. This tool requires a skilled mind and spirit to put it into its most useful practices. At first, things will get broken, feelings will get hurt, and great strains will be formed. Keep on taming anger though, because this lion will never just go away. Train the anger and realize that it is a modus for change. These things that dwell within, all have a great purpose. Anger can effect the greatest changes as lovers rise with a shout, instead of a fist. Like carefully channeled electricity is used to power a light bulb, unchanneled electricity kills and maims.-Jacob Heynen

HEAVEN OR HELL

2012-04-22T12:16:00.001-04:00

Limitation is a beast. What if there is not one kingdom but what if each of us is a kingdom of his/her own? What if we are each our own kingdom? What if we are the judge of our own kingdom and what if we can make it hell or heaven for others and ourselves? Don't we kind of do this? Don't we create hell for our selves and others when we hate them? Don't we create heaven for ourselves and for others when we are kind in love? This is only a thought, that I am willing to admit to the possibility of. We are the judge of what we issue. Believe it or not...I got this idea from the Bible....-Jacob Heynen

BE A FRIEND

2012-04-22T12:15:00.001-04:00

I believe that a world that is finding its way away from friendship with the invisible, and towards friendship with each other, is on its way to peace. :)

It's just that it is hard to be friends with someone that never speaks to you or never makes itself visible in the painful times. I found that friends were there and loved but that believers would say "God loves you". I was like "Where?" and "Why believer are you not here with me?"
But if we shift what we waste on the wind.....and bring that energy to the heart of a friend....we will find that God was not in the wind but in the friend. I love you brother and I love you sister.
What defines the invisible that speaks? Is it from beyond us? I don't think so. Is it beside us? I think not. Is it separate in any way? How could it be? For I believe the words "In this one thing, we live and move and have our being". Is it an it or is it, actually an "I"? I AM that I AM.
If it is an "It" that only speaks in the house that is "I" then the it is all that is and "I" am nothing. To declare that I am nothing is to deny myself and if God can not deny himself, then I can not deny myself either. Am I not created in his image? But yes I know that this is no debate :) I just love to speak from the mind to encourage my heart and hopefully encourage the hearts of others ?
We are all correct in the way that we see from a point that is relative to our own soul. Any belief is regarded as righteous, if there is no law to dictate that it is wrong. We are each the judge of our own kingdom, that is us. We have the power to make our kingdom, a kingdom of heaven or a kingdom of hell.....or of love or hatred, is a better way to say it.- Jacob Heynen

LOVE TRANSFUSION

2012-04-22T12:13:00.003-04:00

The big things that I don't like about this world, are the small things that I find in myself. When I reject these small things within myself, my hyprocisy becomes less and less, and others can see a change in my heart. Love traces its way through the veins of humanity as one and multiplies to infect the whole system. Love is like a blood transfusion for the soul.-Jacob Heynen