The Way Life Ought To Be

Back To Work

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Fri, 20 Jun 2014 20:36:00 +0000

I never imagined myself wearing an office uniform again and working 8-5. But last Tuesday, I officially re-joined the workforce and I am now of the millions who will race to the bundy clock every weekday morning. I was told that the nature of my work would be assisting the office in the preparation of reports. Fine. That would be easy. Reports are supposed to be filed on the times that usually ends in -end. Weekend. Month-end. Year-end.

But on my third day at the office, I was asked to accompany the designated Information Officer to a seminar workshop in another province. Then came the twist of fate.

To make a long story short, the usual -end reports that must be submitted became a scary task. Hand picked by the supreme being, I became part of a communication group that will prepare news releases and handle the PR of the office.

Annual reports to news reports. Strange isn't it.

So, that would mean I am back to writing. I think I need to practice by filling up these spaces again.

Requirements

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Tue, 10 Jun 2014 11:01:00 +0000

Nakaabang ako sa gilid ng NBI ng tumabi sa akin ang isang teen-ager na tulad ko, pumatol sa alok ng isang fixer para sa NBI Clearance. Kahirap kayang pumila ng madaling araw para makakuha ng number at humabol sa cut-off kaya kahit medyo mahal, okay na rin.

"Kuya," biglang tawag niya sa kin.

"May bayad pa rin ba pag kumuha ko ng SSS number, Philhealth at yun bang number sa BIR?"

Lumingon ako sa kanya ng naupo siya sa mababang bakod na sinasandalan ko sabay sabing, "wala naman bayad yung mga yun, kaya lang pag kumuha ka ng SSS number kailangan mo ng NSO certified na birth certificate."

"Patay," sabi niya na parang nanlumo. "Wala pa ako nun. Saan ba ko kukuha nun kuya?"

"Taga saan ka ba?"

"Cabiao pa po."

"Sa NSO sa NE Pacific, pagnakakuha ka tsaka ka na mag apply ng SSS number at Philhealth dahil nandun lang yun lahat sa mall."

"Ganun po ba, kahirap naman pala, magbubungkal lang ako ng lupa sa construction site andami ko pang aayusing requirements."

"Eh para maging legal lahat at may makuha kang benepisyo, kailangan mo talaga yun" ang tanging nasabi ko na lang habang nakatingin ako sa kanya na bakas sa mukha ang pagkadismaya.

Lumingon ako sa paligid at nakita ko ang apat na kabataan din na nakasalampak sa isang sulok habang naghahalinhinan sa pag hitit ng isang stick ng sigarilyo. Nalaman ko sa kausap ko na galing pa ng Aurora ang apat na lalaki at nangangarap lang maging guwardiya. Umalis ng alas-dos ng madaling araw sa Aurora at dumating ng Cabanatuan ng pasado alas-otso na ng umaga. Tulad namin na di umabot sa cut-off ng NBI, napilitan na rin pumatol sa fixer.

Naalala ko tuloy noong una rin akong aplikante na nagbabakasakali na makakuha ng matinong trabaho noong dekada nubenta. Patay ang maghapon mo noon sa NBI sa Taft Avenue para lang sa clearance, pipila ka sa DFA para sa passport, halos magkanda ligaw-ligaw ka na sa Maynila kahahanap ng agency tapos kukulitin ka nilang magpa medical sa kung saang lupalop para makumpleto mo ang requirements.

Mahirap sa umpisa, lalo na sa tao na pursigidong kumita ng pera pero nagiging hadlang ang sandamakmak na requirements. Paano pa nga naman kung ang taong nangangarap na kumita ay salat talaga sa buhay? Mantakin mo, NBI clearance nasa P115 ang tamang presyo, libre na SSS, Philhealth at TIN Number pero kailangan mo namang ng NSO Certified na Birth Certificate, sedula at police clearance pa minsan. Drug test kung hihingin ay nasa P300 at ang X-ray, blood test etcetera na aabutin din ng mahigit sa P600.

Natatawa man ako sa sinabi ng binatang kausap ko na magbubungkal lang siya ng lupa gamit ang pala, ay kailangan pa niyang magtiyaga sa pila at gumastos ng malaki. Ngunit talagang ganun, kailangan mong makumpleto ang requirements, kahit madugo.

Maligayang Pasko

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Tue, 24 Dec 2013 11:28:00 +0000

Magkakasunod na tumatapat sa gate ang mga nagka caroling, kahit sintunado o mali mali ang lyrics sige pa rin. Ito na ang palatandaan ko ng kapaskuhan. Walang malamig na simoy ng hangin, walang parol na kumukutikutitap, walang maramdaman na diwa ng pasko. Magtatapos na ang taon, at sa dami ng unos ng buhay ko na nagdaan, di ko na alam kung paano pa uli babangon. Kung ang kapaskuhan ay panahon ng pagmamahalan, parang nawalan ako ng taong mamahalin. Kung ito ang panahon ng pagbibigayan, wala na akong pagbibigyan ng panahon ko. Hindi na tulad ng dati na masaya ang araw na ito. Di ko alam kung paano ko pa ibabalik ang dating kasiglahan ng kapaskuhan, di na siguro kahit kailan.

"Nilaslas po nila ang leeg at pinagpasa-pasahan ang ulo ni tatay..."

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Tue, 12 Nov 2013 22:45:00 +0000

Ordinaryong batang maralita lamang si Jiger. Nasa ika-apat na baitang sa Samon Elementary School, naka shorts na asul, tsinelas na mas maliit pa kaysa paa niya at t-shirt na hindi ko maintindihan kung puti pa ba ang kulay. Ipinatawag siya ni Ma'am Jonah para makausap namin nila Ma'am Chit, Ma'am Annie at Martin, para malaman namin ang wish niya kay Santa Claus para sa nalalapit na kapaskuhan.

Pumasok siya sa Principal's Office at magalang na bumati, "Good afternoon Ma'am" ang sabi niya kay Ma'am Chit.

Tanong agad ni Ma'am Chit, "Nag wish ka ba kay Santa Claus?"

"Opo" ang tugon ng bata.

"Ano naman wish mo?"

"Pangarap ko po magkaroon ng sapatos." Nahihiyang sagot ni Jiger na hindi man lang makatingin ng diretso habang kinakausap.

Inoobserbahan ko ang bata, nagtataka ako kung bakit parang mas malaki ang dibdib niya at ang bulto ng kanyang katawan para sa kanyang murang edad. Parang, batak sa hirap... sa trabaho.

"Ano trabaho ng tatay mo?" tanong ni Ma'am Chit.

"Magsasaka po."

Sumingit si Ma'am Jonah, "Bakit, nasaan na ba ang tatay mo?"

"Patay na po." sagot ng bata.

"Paanong namatay?" urirat ni Ma'am Chit.

"Nakaaway po mga kapamilya namin, nilasing po... ng makatulog, nilaslas sa leeg at pinagpasa-pasahan ang ulo." kaswal na sagot ng bata.

Di kami nakakibo. Tinapos na ang usapan at pinabalik na ni Ma'am Jonah ang bata sa kanyang klase.

Sa kuwento ni Ma'am Jonah, problemado dati ang mga guro ng maliit na paaralan ng Samon na may pitong classrooms lamang. 1 classroom sa bawat antas o grade level.

Palaaway daw ang bata, marahil dulot ng nasaksihang karahasan. Ayon kay Jiger, 12 silang magkakapatid, pero 10 na lang sila. Sabi ni Ma'am Jonah, dahil ang bata ang witness sa krimen, inilayo ito at itinira sa lola sa may Samon. Inalagaan ni Ma'am Jonah ang bata hanggang magbago at naging malumanay ang mga kilos nito, hindi na naging palaaway, marahil, nakakita o nakaramdam ng pagmamahal mula sa ibang tao.

Ang tsinelas na suot ni Jiger ay isang lumang itim na sapin sa paa na iniraos lang ng mga guro, para hindi na siya pumapasok ng naka paa lamang. Tinanong ko si Ma'am Jonah kung sa bungkos ba ng mga wishes ng mga bata na nagbigay ng sulat para kay Santa Claus ay may isinulat si Jiger, meron daw. Hinanap ko at nakita ko na nakasulat sa isang short na bond paper ang sulat niya na nakasaad, Wesko Lang (Wish Ko Lang) at ang hangad lang niya, sapatos, sinturon at masayang buhay.

Nang mabanggit ko kay Ma'am Jonah na parang malaki ang katawan ng bata, bumubuhat daw kasi ito ng sako sakong bigas, para lang makatulong sa kanyang lola.

Hindi ko akalain na para sa kanya, pangarap na ang magka sapatos at sinturon. Marahil batid ni Jiger ang kahirapan. Marahil, alam niya na sa kanilang estado ngayon at sa lalim ng sugat sa kanyang pagkatao dala ng trahedya, may mga bagay na hindi na niya kayang makamtan.

Dear Mom

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Tue, 12 Nov 2013 22:43:00 +0000

Dear Mom,

I am quite sure you never knew that I grew up looking for that thing called "motherly love" from you. I am aware that it was just out there but I never felt it the way it was narrated on story books and novels and movies.

We were different as a family, for one, we never had Dad with us. Instead of the motherly love, I was more familiar with the motherly anger and frankly, was more used to it. You were mad when I had low grades, i played outdoors without your permission, I rearranged your cosmetics or when you found out that I took the 2 peso bill from your wallet. You were angry when I became sick that you show your concern by at times nagging.

It came to a point where my life become a point of comparison to just anyone else. How come my friends had better paying jobs etcetera and I already believed that I was a failure. All my life I was playing try-to-please-my-mom game. Eventually I learned to give you gift certificates instead of gifts so you would not ridicule my taste and preference; I've learned to keep things privy to myself because I was convinced that telling you my problems would end up in an argument.

I know that I made bad decisions in my life that you simply ignored, perhaps it was your intention so I won't feel humiliated; and I know that some of those bad decisions has caused you unbearable pain that only mothers like you could feel, carry and let go.

I never hugged you, nor said I love you. I never tried to start a pleasing conversation with you because we never grew up in that kind of environment and me and my siblings became less expressive and emotional adults.

It's been years that we were living like this and tonight, after an argument i decided to apologize and hugged you. I've never done that before and i realized that I should start changing my perspective on how I view our mother and son relationship. You will always be that angry, mad, comparing and nagging mom to me; but this time I guess I'll choose to become non-combative, less argumentative, more understanding and more loving son, that maybe, maybe, you wished for when you became pregnant with me, 41 years ago.

Tradition

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Sat, 25 May 2013 00:27:00 +0000

I respect traditions resulting from religion but allow me to question the motives though. I had the chance to witness yesterday a tradition in a hacienda and it was said that during the month of May, a scene wherein Joseph, Mary and Jesus, represented by different generations of hacienda workers, as a family will sit in a dining table and will be fed by other people, notably the family members of the hacienda owner.

As the "holy family" is being fed, the community will be singing praises for St. Joseph and after the feast, the activity or tradition will end in prayer, and the family of the hacienda workers will gather around the chapel and have their lunch together.

The tradition was initiated almost three generations ago, I was told, and although it is not a church sanctioned activity, I thought it is more of using religion by the landowners to get a hold on their workers. Probably during the spanish era, a landowner feeding their worker is the utmost sign of humility, creating an image that these hacienderos could mingle with the lowly workers thus in the end, earning their respect. Not to mention that the use of religion would even solidify the perception that the landowners are God fearing individuals that can be easily accessed by the poor.

This is just my opinion.

Choice

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Wed, 22 May 2013 10:56:00 +0000

I remain single. It's a choice. At the training session today, I was asked by our facilitator if I decided to remain single and I said yes. When asked why I enumerated the following:

1. Circumstances in our family has been a deciding factor.

2. I enjoy my freedom.

3. I'd rather live alone.

4. I don't want to live with annoying people.

I admit it's disturbing in a way that I have to take care of myself when I get older but I learned to accept that fact, and realized that I'll be spending the final years of my life alone.

Sincerity

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Tue, 21 May 2013 11:25:00 +0000

In a video presentation that we had this afternoon (part of our training session), I questioned the sincerity of the supposed consultant and I told that group that if I was the client, I will doubt the consultants motive. I was asked by our facilitator why so I replied her gestures and actions doesn't matched my standards. I told them that even if the other person was referred to me by a close friend,I would expect that the consultant will gauge me first, assess if I'll be comfortable on how he or she establishes rapport. I know I have a valid point because in all business dealings, never assume. Both parties may be eyeing on something that might be a turn-off that will only result to a doomed transaction. The choice of words, gestures, facial expressions matter to me I said, and if I knew that the other person lacks sincerity, then the conversation is deemed useless.

Just A Little Faith

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Sun, 19 May 2013 01:35:00 +0000

I guess that's what all I have. Sometimes, I have a little faith on myself and my abilities because that's what I have been told. That I can't be somebody else because I'm not that good. I always downplay my capabilities to the point that I refused to promotions at work overseas but in the end the position were given to me. How come other people have faith in me, they have bigger faith than what I have for myself? I grew up focused on the things what I don't have because a lot of people told me that I can't be an Engineer because I'm not good in Math etcetera. I forgot that I should've looked on whatever little abilities that I have. It's never too late. I know that I can still achieve more with what I've got, though how little it could be, with my little faith in myself.

Never Give Up

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Sat, 18 May 2013 08:50:00 +0000

We've heard this so many times. We experience failure but only few people has the courage to face and admit it. And I can say that I mustered enough strength to accept that a lot of things i've done in the past were complete disasters. In a few days I'll be facing another miscalculated venture but through the years I realized that nobody died instantly because of failure. Yup, you'll suffer and grovel and feel ashamed or worse, lose everything that you have in your life. But you must stand up and pick up the pieces again, learn from the errors, because in the end, even if somebody lends you a hand it will be your will that can pull you up. Sometimes, you'll never get the encouragement from your family or friends and there will be instances that they are the ones who would laugh at your downfall, but hey, at least you've tried. There will be wasted money and energy, you may not realize your dreams and lose some friends because of failure but remember that you can recover these in the future. You'll be given a second chance, earn again, gain new friends who may remind you not to quit and stick to your dreams. Never give up. Never.

Opinion

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Fri, 17 May 2013 00:05:00 +0000

I'm used to verbalizing my thoughts, stating my opinion on things when asked, no matter how harsh and unacceptable it may seem sometimes. But that was when I was working overseas. In fact, all my previous superiors encouraged me to say the things what I had in mind. But it is not what Filipinos wanted. Once you started expressing your opinions other view it as arrogance, bashing, and worse, some may accuse you of being a user. In a way, we must blame the core unit of our society, the family, on why we have this behavior. As a child you are not allowed to speak when the elders are having a conversation, that as a child you should be inside our room when there are visitors, and if you answer back you'll be paddled and grounded by your parents. That is why there are somany sensitive individuals who could not accept persons expressing their thoughts. And this must change.

Books

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Thu, 16 May 2013 01:50:00 +0000

I'm not really an avid reader. I only read when I like and if I like what I am reading. So I cannot answer the question "Who is your favorite author?", since there is none, although I have a few books of Richard Calson and Mitch Albom. I read in my free time. I can finish a book in a day or at times a month. When I was working in the KSA I usually spend my rest days at Jarir and Tihama either to browse (if it isn't payday yet) or to buy since good books are on sale on these stores. I guess I'll continue reading now :)

Labels

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Thu, 16 May 2013 01:39:00 +0000

In everything we do, we are labelled, tagged by the absurd standards and norms of the society. In my case, people often come up with terms or labels that they use as adjectives to describe my single blessedness. In the workplace, I was called rude, arrogant, unrealistic, hard headed and these are the impressions of my work attitude. Sometimes, you'll learn to ignore these things. You'll stop reacting to their name calling, and in the end, by doing such, you'll be tagged as a snob.

Anyare?

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Mon, 13 May 2013 22:06:00 +0000

Pasok si Nancy Binay sa Magic 12. Mukhang mananatiling Gobernador si Umali sa Nueva Ecija. Panalo si Erap sa Manila. Mananalo din ang mga Pacquiao, Arroyo, Marcos sa kani-kanilang balwarte. Patunay ito na ang kahirapan at kahinaan ng mga botante ang minamanipula ng mga political dynasties para manatili sila sa puwesto. Mas malaki ang populasyon ng uneducated voters, wala talagang Catholic Vote at nakakapagtaka na ang isang respetadong religious organization ay dadalhin ang mga politiko na walang alam para mamuno sa ating bansa. Nakakadismaya ang resulta ng Halalan 2013, anyare?

Image courtesy of ProRH Bill FB Page.

Bumoto Ko

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Mon, 13 May 2013 10:33:00 +0000

Bumoto ako kanina, umaasa na magiging maayos ang takbo ng pulitika dito sa ating lungsod. Umaasa na sulit ang naging pagpila ng marami, na magkakaroon tayo ng mga tagapamahala sa ating probinsiya na tunay na maninilbihan, hindi magpapayaman at mananamantala.

Happy Mothers Day

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Sun, 12 May 2013 04:46:00 +0000

Living Fatherless With a Single Mom

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Fri, 10 May 2013 23:43:00 +0000

How does it feel? Painful, at first. Then I shifted my focus on how my mom struggled and indeed grateful for what she did, rather than answering the question why dad never fought for us when they separated. It showed the weakness of my dad and the strength of my mom. Of course I must admit the situation left a void in my heart. All the longing, yearning and wishing for a happy family remained a dream. Minds can be reconditioned and feelings can be blocked. I guess it is the negative side effect of what happened to mom and dad, that unfortunately manifests in me until now. I don't blame them or the circumstances that led to their separation. I love them both. But scars would always remind me of the painful childhood that I had, living fatherless with my single mom. Happy Mother's Day Mom. You deserve all the praises for taking care of us.

No Is Healthy

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Fri, 10 May 2013 01:03:00 +0000

Somebody offered you a bottle of beer or a plateful of lechon, but you knew that it may have a direct effect on your weight and health; politely say NO. You can still enjoy life without indulging, and you can still be friends with everyone even if you have developed a habit of saying no. They'll understand. It is your body, and your life after all that you are protecting.

Why Worry?

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Thu, 09 May 2013 00:25:00 +0000

When we are in a situation that we harbor regrets about the opportunities that we missed and at the same time we are anxious about tomorrow, then personally I can say, we have a problem. And that is my problem as well. The root cause of this is worrying. I worry too much, I was raised that way. I grew up with my grandparents who wouldn't allow me play with the other kids because I might get sick or figure in an accident. I never had the chance to do whatever I wanted as a kid because of fear, apprehension and endless worrying. Right now I'm trying hard to get unstuck with worrying, through faith.

Acceptance

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Tue, 07 May 2013 23:03:00 +0000

People long to be accepted, by their families, peers or in the society as a whole. But what if, a person is being ridiculed in public by his own relatives? Does he become an unacceptable member of the clan? Here is a story of a person who is in this situation. He is being rejected by the words that comes out from the mouths of his supposed loved ones, he is being subjected to accusations that still remains unverified. He may be in the center of made up stories to ruin his reputation... What is painful is that his own relatives are the ones doing this to him. He believed he did nothing wrong and yet talks behind his back remains incessant. How did he reacted? He admitted life has becoming unfair but he tries to heal himself through silence and acceptance. He may not be fully embraced as a member of the household, he just learned to accept the things that he cannot change. His reason? The Lord taught us to love even our enemies.

Fear

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Tue, 07 May 2013 11:14:00 +0000

Fear is not our enemy. We must understand that we anticipate fear in order to protect ourselves from potential harm. But most of us could not plan ahead because of their misinterpretation of fear. Others do not want to talk about death or sickness or separation since they believe that entertaining these thoughts would bring more harm, and as a result, they fail to prepare for prevention and and to act appropriately in times of conflict or trouble. Let fear be our guide to better prepare our lives.

Values and Faith

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Sun, 05 May 2013 23:15:00 +0000

It seems it's easier nowadays to commit suicide, criminal acts or anything that is against the law of the people and God. People often blame it to the lack of values, that we must admit is being neglected now by the society. Our present education system no longer emphasize values in the curricula, but rather more focus is given to the "more important subjects" like Math and Science. Values should be taught at home right? But how will the children learn about it if their parents are too busy in accumulating wealth in order to provide them a better future? Too bad we are raising a generation that may no longer have the ability to pass on to the future generations the real essence of values and other traits like character. Aside from that, in my own opinion, we began living in a faithless society and instead developed spirituality with the absence of religion. Faith is essential to develop our values. Faith means hope, and I do hope that we can review if the different religions, sects and the society instills values and faith to their followers, before our its too late for all of us.

Business Woes

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Sat, 04 May 2013 23:05:00 +0000

Lately, some of our suppliers changed several policies that has a direct effect on how we are doing business. Although the impact is only minimal, I must admit that I have to adjust the store plans to accommodate those changes. I was talking with my cousin when she told me about her vision for the business, on how we need to source out new suppliers etcetera. I explained to her I've been trying to look for other sources as well and I knew she was aware of the difficulties we have encountered in the past few months. I messaged one potential supplier and there was a prompt response, they asked for our profile and right now, I am praying that things will materialize.

To Love Again

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Sat, 04 May 2013 09:50:00 +0000

I was enjoying scooping out the whipped cream of my Orange white chocolate javakula (sugar loading) when suddenly my friend asked me about my failed relationships.

I looked at him and smiled.

At times, it is better not to talk about things like this. I try very hard not to say bad things about whoever I was involved with in the past. Conversations like this often leads to more probing questions on what really happened, and i'd rather talk about why I suddenly stopped loving someone in the end.

It will be unfair if I'll do the talking because my friend would only hear my side of the story. I told him, "mas madali palang mag move on kesa magpa puti", so I choose not talk about it.

He then asked me if I wanted another relationship.

"Tama na." Those were the words that I uttered. I saw his worried stare. And I know that he will never understand.

Struggles

noreply@blogger.com (wickedcurse) — Thu, 02 May 2013 23:07:00 +0000

I am struggling. The fact is, it came to a point that I lost my self-confidence and I became so depressed with how things turned out lately. I dunno if aging is a factor but nonetheless, it took me over a month to regain my self-confidence and to be my old self. One thing I learned though is only myself could pull me out of that situation. Comforting words from others didn't help since I knew they haven't experienced yet what I was going through. The fear in my heart was present, the thoughts that were running in my head were killing me. Prayers and faith failed to move me initially, but the realization that only a shift of my mindset could help me to get over it. Then I moved on. I am still struggling but at least I managed to get over that slump.