The Wayne Fontes Experience

Leyland meets Dombrowski: Will it be a "Come to Jesus" type meeting?

2008-05-19T14:16:00.004-04:00

The Tigers are on an off day, back home after one of the ugliest road trips in memory. Getting swept by the Royals, and losing 2 of 3 to the D-Backs have apparently brought the Tigers' issues to a head.

Word from the Marlboro Man is he and Dave Dombrowski will meet today, and...Well, this is straight from the Cigarette Smoking Man's mouth, as quoted in the Freep.

"We have a lot of issues to deal with right now," Leyland said. "That's why I'm meeting with Dave. I'll be able to clear some stuff up, hopefully, in the near future. We've got a lot of issues to address."

Umm...yeah. The Tigers are the worst team in the American League for a reason. They've earned that distinction by playing awful all around baseball. I'll say there's several "issues" to address...

Gary Sheffield: Since that fateful day in 2007 when Sheffield collided with Placido Polanco, re-injuring his shoulder, he's hit .170, with no power. Even though Sheffield is owed $28 million through 2009, it's time to either cut bait, or put him on ice.

I've been as big of a supporter of Sheffield as anyone in Tigerdom. He's a marvelous ballplayer, when healthy. The caveat being he hasn't been healthy for going on 10 months. Everything the Tigers have done to try and kick start Sheffield, cortisone shots in the shoulder, moving him down in the order, regulating his playing time, none of it has worked.

Playing Sheffield in left field, a move obviously made in desperation, was the final straw. As he can't play in the field, his value to the Tigers is totally dependent upon his bat. When that bat can't deliver anything more than a .190 BA, it means Sheffield has absolutely no value. He can't stay in the lineup.

It's time to place Sheffield on the DL, preferably the 60 day DL, and determine once and for all if the final year of his contract can be salvaged. If not, then give him his outright release.

Playing the youngsters: Matt Joyce has become the Tigers sole source of home run power since being called up after the release of Jacque Jones. Ryan Raburn can play all over the field, much like Brandon Inge, but is a much better hitter. All Raburn has done during his call ups in '07 and '08 is play well, both in the field, and at the plate.

There's an obvious left field platoon under Leyland's nose with Joyce and Raburn. Somehow, someway, they need to get on the field. How that can be accomplished (Sheffield to the DL duh!) may be something that is discussed during today's meeting of the baseball minds.

One thing also worth mentioning, and it may be discussed today. The Tigers have a few kids in Toledo tearing up the International League with their power stats. Namely Mike Hessman, Mike Holliman,and Jeff Larish. All could help the suddenly powerless Tigers.

Armando Galarraga & Dontrelle Willis: Donterlle Willis has finished his injury rehab. Armando Galarraga, brought up from Toledo to take the D-Train's vacated spot in the rotation, has been the Tigers' best starter over the past month. The Tigers have 6 starting pitchers, while only needing 5.

Willis is being paid $29 million for 3 seasons, so no matter what fans want, he's going to be in the rotation. Period. End of discussion.

So what to do with Galarraga? He deserves to stay in the rotation. But he's the only starting pitcher who's not being paid a boatload of cash. The contracts, and for that matter, track records, of Kenny Rogers, Nate Robertson, Jeremy Bonderman, Justin Verlander and Willis will keep them in the rotation. Again, end of discussion.

The question remains, what to you do with Galarraga, who's clearly out pitched his much more highly paid teammates? Do the Tigers send him down to Toledo, so he continues to pitch every 5th day? Move him to the bullpen, requiring someone else, likely one of the righties in the pen, to be sent down?

What will Leyland and Dombrowski decide? Your guess is as good as mine...

Carlos Guillen: He's a DH waiting to happen. Make it happen.

OK, that may be a knee-jerk thought, but Guillen's defense is becoming an increasing sore spot for fans, MSM and the Tigers alike. His bat demands keep him as healthy as possible. His contract demands you you play him as much as possible. How that is done (be it playing 1st base, 3rd base or as DH) needs to be determined, then set in stone.

Sheffield to the DL opens up several options regarding Guillen, specifically the DH one. you have to believe it's being discussed...

Brandon Inge: There's plenty of questions surrounding Inge as well. If Sheffield is benched/on the DL/released, would Guillen move to DH, and replaced at 3rd by Inge? As good as his glove is at 3rd base, Inge's bat (.221 BA, .696 OPS) just won't allow it. Not on an everyday basis, anyway. Is he going to be the full time catcher in 2009? His lack of offensive punch is more tolerable as a catcher.

The fate of Inge is another that could be affected by the Sheffield domino falling.

A change in the coaching staff: You know it has to be discussed. Both Chuck Hernandez and Lloyd McClendon may be on the hot seat. If Mike Ilitch is looking for a fall guy, hoping to shake things up, replacing the pitching or hitting coach would be a likely scenario. You can't fire the players. Coaches, on the other hand...

This is something Leyland may put his foot down on, and refuse to do. Draw the proverbial line in the sand. Which could lead to...

The future of Jim Leyland: You have to at least wonder what's going through Leyland's head. All we've heard from the Marlboro Man as of late is that he's at a loss. He doesn't have the answers. He doesn't know what else to do.

He sounds like a man at his wits end.

The meeting with Dombrowski could be of the "Come to Jesus" type. Leyland may be given an ultimatum. Things need to change, and change soon, or else.

I honestly doubt this would happen, but no one saw such a collapse by the Tigers coming either.

I'm a blogging temp!

2008-05-17T19:15:00.004-04:00

If you haven't been reading Bless You Boys, well...You should be. Ian has a great Tigers blog over at SB Nation, and it should be one of your daily stops/in your feed reader/go to blog for all things Detroit Tigers.

Ian is leaving the US for a couple of weeks to visit his parent's homeland, and asked if I could guest post at ByB while he was walking the earth. How could I turn him down?

Along with Mike McClary of The Daily Fungo, I'll be writing about Tigers, and hanging out in the game threads (which I'd be doing anyway) for the next 2 weeks at ByB.

Of course, I'll still be posting here and at SLR, but please feel free to stop on by ByB, and say hey!

EVERYBODY PANIC!!! - The cards are on the table edition

2008-05-16T15:25:00.001-04:00

I've tried to remain level headed about the Tigers' abysmal start. Honestly, I've tried. Getting swept by the Royals in totally mundane, run-of-the-mill fashion was the final straw. After 6 weeks of being witness to bad hitting, awful pitching, and even worse defense, I've come to a decision.

It's time to panic!

This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill. We are at DEFCON 1.

All is not well with the Tigers. The season is inexorably slipping away. They aren't just in last place in the central, they have the 4th worst record in all of baseball, 2nd worst in the American League. This team is broken, and I'm not sure if it can be fixed.

The Tigers are currently a BAD team. I don't see what they can do to pull out of this, as all their cards have been played. Let's run through the deck...

Release a player? Jacque Jones was waived. Hasn't helped, other than allowing Matt Joyce and Ryan Raburn to get some playing time.

Bring up help from the minors? Armando Galarraga helped stabilize a struggling rotation, Ryan Raburn has been productive in limited action, Matt Joyce has been the Tigers only source of home run power for the past 2 weeks, and Clete Thomas filled in ably while Curtis Granderson was injured. The young players have done their part, the veterans, on the other hand...

A clubhouse blowup? Jim Leyland went off like an H-Bomb a couple of weeks ago. It gave them a very short term lift, but they have now backslid. This is one card you can't go to very often, as the layers will end up tuning you out.

Lineup change? Carlos Guillen is now a 3rd baseman. Miguel Cabrera is a 1st baseman. Gary Sheffield was moved down in the order. Left field is now filled via committee. It really hasn't done much other than improve the defense slightly. Offensively, Guillen has cooled after his fast start, Cabrera is in a massive slump, Sheffield can barely swing a bat, and production in left has improved, but it wasn't the Tigers' biggest issue to begin with.

Bench a player? Other than Gary Sheffield becoming a part time player (And his health being a black cloud over the Tigers), who would you sit? Seriously, who would you bench? There is no one to bench. Not with a roster full of current and past All-Stars, all making big money. The Tigers have to play who they have, and hope for the best.

Play more small ball? Please. Small ball is overrated. You don't give up outs, playing for 1 run at a time, when you have a team struggling at the plate. For that matter, you don't play small ball when you have a lineup of historically .300 hitting smashers. The Tigers need to hit home runs to win. It was true in 2006, and remains true today.

A trade? Out of the question for the time being. The trade deadline is 10 weeks away. Even worse, the Tigers are full of players with either little value to another team, saddled with an untradable contract, or a combination thereof. For example, Sheffield has literally no value to other teams with his shoulder issues, and his contract is massive, with 1 more year left.

Fire a coach or coaches? Even with the calls for pitching coach Chuck Hernandez's head, it won't happen. Leyland would walk first. Would it make a difference anyway?

Fire the manager? I think Leyland would resign before Dave Dombrowski would ever give his manager the ziggy. The only wild card in this being Mike Ilitch. He cannot be happy right now, paying $138 million for a last place team. He may demand someone be held accountable. You can't fire the players, so...

So what's left? After going through the cards already laid, it appears there's none left to play. To continue the allusion, the Tigers only hope may be a wild card (I'm not talking about THE wild card, as the playoffs are the last thing on my mind). What that card might be, I have no idea.

As to what the Tigers can do at this point of the season, there really isn't much. We knew back in December what the roster was going to be. We also knew the Tigers had gone all in, win or go bust.

I hate to say it, yet I've had to say it repeatedly, the Tigers have what they have. Period. Unfortunately, we have to face the facts the Tigers may have a losing hand, and are unable to bluff their way out of it. As we are now 6 weeks into the season, with 25% of the games played, the Tigers will have to play their hand through to the end, and hope to catch a few breaks.

It's time to panic in Detroit.

I have a question for the Tigers' front office...

2008-05-14T23:40:00.002-04:00

Jim Leyland announced before tonight's loss Gary Sheffield would no longer play in the outfield.

"His shoulder isn’t right, and I don’t think it’s made any better by playing the outfield, because he can barely lob the ball in," Tigers manager Jim Leyland said today. "So I don’t think that makes any sense."

So my question to the Tigers brass is as follows...

If Sheffield's "shoulder isn't right" and "he can barely lob the ball in," why on earth isn't he on the DL?!

Common sense tells me if your shoulder is so God damn sore you can't throw a baseball, it is also going to affect you when swinging the bat. Am I right?

It's obvious Sheffield isn't 100%, hasn't been for quite some time, and won't be any time soon. Yet the Tigers continue to live in denial, hoping Sheffield's shoulder, and with it, his bat, will come around. He's had multiple cortisone shots, to little effect. It's mid May. The season is 1/4 over. Sheffield's average is barely over the Mendoza Line.

The shoulder is not coming around.

The Tigers have enough problems being 8 games under .500, and falling. Sheffield playing through his shoulder pain is only adding to them.

I'm sick and tired of watching Sheffield ground weakly to short. It's time to sit his ass down, put him on the DL, and get his shoulder healthy. Don't bring Sheffield back till he's proven in a rehab stint he can hit like we know he can.

A healthy Sheffield is a weapon, capable of carrying the Tigers offensively. Right now, he's nothing more than a liability.

Answering the Detroit Tigers burning questions: Hernandez on the hot seat edition

2008-05-14T17:04:00.001-04:00

Unlike the other 2 Detroit teams still playing, the Tigers aren't playing like title contenders, and continue to lose. In fact, they are finding new and creative ways to lose, if last night's loss is any indication.

Edgar Renteria's ill advised attempt to make ESPN's web gems, which ultimately allowed the winning run to score, is the latest loss to leave Tigers fans scratching their heads, wondering "What the Hell?" This entire season has been one long "what the Hell?"

With losses piling up, and the season being 25% over after tonight's game, the fans are getting restless. More correctly, they are getting pissed off. We are beginning to hear rumblings that some coaching staff blood must be spilled. Something, anything, that might light a fire underneath an underachieving team.

Will coaches get the ax? Let's answer some burning questions, and read the smoke signals..

Jim Leyland defended his coaching staff, and more specifically, pitching coach Chuck Hernandez, to the media, amidst the cries for heads to roll from an increasingly anxious fanbase. Should the Tigers give the ziggy to a coach or two?

If you believe the message boards, where most of the knee-jerk calls for blood seem to be coming from, the Tigers need to can both Hernandez and hitting coach Lloyd McClendon immediately, if not sooner. (The fact former Braves pitching guru Leo Mazzone is looking for work has not gone unnoticed by fans) The Marlboro Man would never do such a thing, as he's not the type to bow under to any outside pressure, be it from the MSM or the fanbase .

There will be no one fired during the season. I'm confident in that assessment.

After the season? If the Tigers don't live up to expectations, I don't think anyone would be surprised if coaching staff changes are made. Someone is going to have to fall on the proverbial sword if the Tigers fail to make the playoffs, as it won't be Jim Leyland, or any players, for that matter.

Leyland isn't in hot water? How can that be?

Dave Dombrowski would never give Leyland the ziggy. No way, no how.

They go back too far, and have accomplished far too much as a tandem, for Dombrowski to ever broom Leyland. The Tigers' manager has his quirks (Batting Pudge leadoff, the odd love for any no-hit, good field players named Perez), but he is still considered one of the best managers in baseball.

The better question would be, could Leyland just walk away?

OK, I'll ask that question! Would Leyland walk away from the Tigers at the end of the 2008 season?

If nothing changes, and the Tigers struggle all season, I can't see Leyland leaving Detroit on such a down note. Though I wouldn't put it past him, as he has done it before, after his one season in Colorado. I do believe if he did decide to leave money on the table (I honestly think Dombrowski would keep Leyland in smokes for as long as he wanted to stay manager), it would be after next season. There was a reason Leyland agreed to only a 2 year extension after the end of the '07 season, even though Dombrowski would have been more than happy to lock him for 5+ years.

Leyland's not a long term guy, unlike a Sparky Anderson. He's older, has a title, a life away from baseball and probably all the cash he'll ever need. If Leyland believes he can no longer cut it, or can't get through to the team, he won't hang around. If this season is any indication, you do have to wonder...

After 39 games, the Tigers are 16-23. Sparky Anderson was fond of saying you can't judge a team till it's played 40 games. So what's your judgment?

Uh, the Tigers suck? It's being blunt, but it's also true.

The numbers don't lie, and neither do the standings. They say the Tigers are a last place team. They have earned that distinction, it's not an accident. Detroit is a bad team right now. What could go wrong, did go wrong.

Such as?

That's easy, as it begins and ends with the starting pitching. It's been awful. Christ, awful is an understatement. They've been putrid. If not for the emergence of Armando Galarraga, the rotation would be in a total shambles.

Kenny Rogers has pulled out of his tailspin, even if his ERA doesn't show it, pitching very well in his last 3 starts. But the younger arms, the pitchers the Tigers have pinned both their present, and future, upon? Their tailspin has turned into a death spiral.

Justin Verlander, Jeremy Bonderman, Nate Robertson and Dontrelle Willis (Who just gave up 5 runs in 5 innings in his last rehab start) are a combined 4-14, all with sky high ERA's. (Bonderman's is the lowest, at 4.80. The other 3 are over 6.00) That will get you cut in little league, God forbid the major leagues.

It sure won't cut it over the next few seasons either, as those 4 will be part of the Tigers' rotation till 2010.

It won't matter if the bats do come alive (Which I still think they will), and score a 1000 runs. With their ugly starting pitching, 2000 runs wouldn't be enough.

So what can the Tigers do?

Nothing.

Nothing? You can't be serious!

I'm as serious as Leyland takes smoking. Serious enough for you?

As I said, 4/5 of the Tigers' rotation is set for the next few years. They've signed the contracts, they are the Tigers' rotation, for better or worse. So they can't do much of anything, other than hoping their rotation pitches to their capabilities. You run them out there every 5th day, cross your fingers and hope for the best.

In regard to the rotation, the Tigers have made their bed, and ow have to lay in it. Picked their poison. Made long-term commitments. Locked them up, and thrown away the key.

What the Tigers have, is what they have...6.00 ERA be damned.

Pros and cons: Why should Mike Babcock stay in the D?

2008-05-13T19:35:00.003-04:00

Sometimes the press asks the most asinine questions. For example, today Mike Babcock was asked if he planned on returning as Red Wings coach after this season.

What? Isn't that the equivalent of asking George Bush if he's going to resign as president in order to take over a smaller, less powerful country? Bill Ford Jr leaving Ford Motor Company to take over Segway?

Mlive's Wings blogger George James Malik says Babcock was diplomatic in his answer, rather than answering the question as most would...

Babcock answered the question with a little more poise than simply saying, "DUH"

"Duh" indeed.

"I'll punch out the next dumb ass who asks if I'm leaving Detroit!
Any more stupid questions?"

I figured such a silly ass question deserved the pro and con treatment, just to make sure Babcock was making the right decision remaining the Red Wings point man.

Pro: He's coaching 3 of the top 10, arguably 3 of the top 5, hockey players in the world, Pavel Datsuyk, Henrik Zetterberg and Nick Lidstrom.
Con: There's a con to coaching the most talented team in the NHL?

Pro: The Red Wings have the best scouting organization in the NHL, mining gems in the later rounds. There's also the fact free agents want to play in to Detroit, and the Wings' own free agents don't want to leave, giving a hometown discount when signing their deal. In other words, the Wings don't rebuild, they reload.
Con: What con?

Pro: If you are going to coach hockey in the US, is there a better hockey job than coaching the New York Yankees of the NHL, America's hockey team (Thanks to Michigan ex-pats being all over the nation), the Detroit Red Wings? No.
Con: Can't think of one.

Pro: The Red Wings are one of the most tradition laded franchises in all of sports, from being an Original Six team, to octopus throwing.
Con: You risk getting hit with an slimy 8 legged critter every May and June.

Pro: The red Wings organization is committed to winning, no matter the cost, from the owner on down.
Con: There's pressure to win, and win big. But wouldn't you prefer that, than coaching for a franchise where no one gives a shit? Say Chicago? Florida? Phoenix? Hockey is a rumor in too many NHL cities, but not in Detroit. That wasn't really a con, was it?

Pro: It's the RED WINGS, for chrissakes!
Con: Again, there's a con to coaching the Wings? (Save the "You have to live in Detroit" jab for a blog that thinks Detroit jokes are actually funny. Because this isn't one...)

Not much of a debate, huh? And the MSM wonders why we bloggers make so much fun of them...

I heart 80's music videos

2008-05-13T15:33:00.005-04:00

Allow me to take a short break away from sports...

As what tends to happen when I see my youth being co-opted by corporations in order to sell us crap, I have a fit of righteous indignation. What sent me off this time was seeing songs by Meat Loaf and (Can't forget the umlaut) Blue Öyster Cult used in commercials.

I know you've seen the ads, as they seem to be in heavy rotation. I'm talking "Paradise By the Dashboard Light" being used to pimp Go Phones, and "Godzilla" shilling for Auto Trader.

(I realize artists have every right to make money off of their labor, and licensing their music as they see fit is commonplace practice in the 21st century. But it still bugs the living Hell out of me. I also realize I come off as a cranky old Grandpa Simpson geezer type bitching about the selling out of rock 'n' roll. But there's still the remnants of an 18 year old lurking beneath the goatee that's beginning to gray, and that 18 year old doesn't like his fave music being used for advertising one bit!

Now you kids git off my lawn!)

Once I survived the commercials, I was suddenly in the mood to see and hear the real thing. I surfed over to You Tube and searched for BÖC. I found "Godzilla," (Warning: Long drum solo alert!) but I also found something even better.

What did I unearth? Maybe the most 80's video I've ever seen. It's oozes 80's. It reeks of 80's. We're talking the early days of music video, where low budgets and odd, incomprehensible or nonexistent plots ruled the day.

This video features BÖC lip syncing while people aimlessly wander around the band, grainy film stock, bad lighting, fog machines, the pointless driving around of old American iron, cheesy fire special effects, inexplicable cuts and lead guitarist/singer Buck Dharma wearing what may be the ugliest shirt I've ever seen.

In my mind, the earnest seriousness of all the nonsense going on just adds to the already high entertainment value of what's one of my favorite 80's tunes.

Without further ado...From 1981, here's Blue Öyster Cult's "Burnin' for You."

Kids, you may not get it, but I'm not ashamed to say we found this sort of thing utterly fascinating back in the day. Hell, I get a big ass smile watching it again today.

They my sell their music to the "Man," but they'll never sell my memories....

There will be no blood

2008-05-12T20:36:00.000-04:00

If there is one thing sports talk radio can do, and do well, is beat a dead horse. Beat that horse not only into the ground, but deeper than than the hole Hilary Clinton finds herself in.

Today's dead horse? The Mike Ribeiro slash of Chris Osgood.

Ozzie's attempt to win an Oscar falls on blind referee eyes...

The slash dominated Detroit's airwaves today, to the point I had to turn off the radio. The talk had grown past redundant.

Yes, Ribeiro should have been suspended for using Osgood's chest as batting practice. Yes, Osgood instigated the whole damn thing by purposely clipping Ribeiro with the butt end of his stick. The NHL, in it's infinite lack of wisdom, fined everyone involved, and called it even. So be it, and to tell the truth, we all knew fines were going to result, and nothing more.

There were some callers and hosts who were upset the Wings didn't retaliate immediately, other than wrestling him down to the ice, after Ribeiro laid a two-hander on Osgood. Personally, I think it was smart on the Wings' part to not do something so stupid that could have ended in someone getting suspended. You don't retaliate in the playoffs, you do so in the regular season.

Think back to the Claude Lemieux hit on Kris Draper back in 1996 playoffs. (Hard to believe it was 12 years ago!) It was a much dirtier hit, severely injuring Draper. Rather than do someth8ing futile during the series, the Wings waited almost a YEAR before they finally retaliated.

We all know how well that turned out. Lemieux got beat to a pulp, and the Wings rode the emotion of that March all the way to the Stanley Cup.

As I'm writing this, the Red Wings are up 1-0 on the Stars, and Osgood has been standing on head. That's by far the best revenge.

Winning the series is much more important than the Wings getting their pound of flesh. At least till the '08-'09 regular season, when Ribeiro best have his head on swivel.

During the NHL playoffs, revenge is a dish best served...nest season.

Screw Mitch Albom. Screw him long and hard

2008-05-09T14:53:00.005-04:00

In today's Freep, the Little Fella takes Detroit sports fans to task for not filling up the Joe last night.

Before I spend one more word on how good our hockey team played Thursday night, I have to say how bad it looked to see so many empty seats at Joe Louis Arena. Cheaper seats. Expensive seats. Empty clusters. Half-empty rows.

Uh, Mitch. During the playoffs, THERE ARE NO CHEAPER SEATS! Just less overpriced ones...

Remember the Cup? We loved that thing. We felt like we earned it -- every step. So what's the problem now? I know the economy is bad. I'm not telling people to hock the jewelry or find a job.

When you have to use the caveat "I'm not telling you," you actually are telling me...

But we're not talking 100,000 spots here, either. There are enough fans and money in our area to fill those absent clusters. Hey, if we can fill Lions seats, we can fill Red Wings seats.

My response? Fuck you, you heartless, over privileged fuck!

I know, it's not exactly Shakespeare, but "Fuck you" truly encapsulates exactly how I felt after reading Albom's self important tripe.

(By the way, when was the last time Albom was at Ford Field? Otherwise he'd know the expensive club level seating is mostly empty, and the Lions often filled their stadium only in thanks to the fans of the opposition team. You'll see just as many Bears and Packers fans at Ford Field, as fans of the Lions.)

It takes a ton of balls, or what's much more likely, being completely oblivious to the situation the middle class finds itself in here in Michigan, to call out fans for not spending money. What a clueless dumb ass. Just thinking about Albom's faux righteous indignation gets me furious.

I'm guessing Albom, when not churning out Oprah approved pap, spends his time in LA and New York rolling around in large piles of cash. Back here in rust belt reality-land, everyone I know is watching their money. Watching it closely.

I don't know a soul who could afford to drop several hundred dollars to attend a hockey game. Not one. I sure as Hell can't. Neither can anyone in my family, or my friends off or online.

I've used this analogy before, but it remains true. When given a choice between keeping a roof over your head, or buying overpriced Red Wings playoff tickets, there really isn't a choice.

Albom was once tuned into the pulse of Detroit, he knew what made the fans tick. Not anymore. He hasn't for over a decade. Not since Albom became a gasbag ESPN pundit, better known as an author, rather than a sportswriter, and spending most of his time on the left coast.

Otherwise he wouldn't have written this column, calling out hard working folk who are more worried about being foreclosed upon, paying medical bills, buying $4 a gallon gas, food prices rising, if their manufacturing job will even exist 6 months from now, than lining the pockets of a multi-billionaire, Mike Ilitch.

At this point, Albom would be better off sticking to writing saccharine novellas Oprah can turn into TV movies, than being the national voice of the Detroit sports fan. Because he has as much in common with we fans as I do with George W. Bush. That being nothing.

Mitch Albom can go to Hell. Or just stay in LA. Either is better than his remaining the "Voice of Detroit." Speak for whom you really know, the media elite. You sure as fuck don't speak for me.

Edit 4:00 PM: Albom doesn't speak for the Chief over at A2Y, either. IwoCPO went off on the Little Fella too.

Utter domination

2008-05-08T23:26:00.001-04:00

Domination.

I could be talking about the Red Wing making the Stars look inept in game 1 of the Western conference finals, 4-1, or the Tigers losing another series, meekly going down to the Red Sox, 5-1.

Talk about polar opposite atmospheres, and teams going in opposite directions.

Over the airwaves, Comerica came off as morgue, while the Joe was electric. The Wings were living up to our expectations, while the Tigers were doing their damnedest to confirm our worst fears. The Red Wings have the look of a champion, the Tigers...I'm not sure, but if something doesn't kick in soon, we'll be calling 2008 a lost season.

The Red Wings have won 7 straight playoff games, playing their best hockey of the season, looking to all the world as the Stanley Cup favorites. I certainly wouldn't bet against them.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but the Tigers are playing in a stupor, and showing no sign of shaking out of it. The eyes don't lie. They are well on their way to becoming $138 million busts. I'm getting thisclose to pushing the TWFE panic button. Seriously, thisclose.

There's not much else to say...

Columnists say the darnedest things: Ozzie is the flavor of the day

2008-05-08T16:20:00.002-04:00

If you read today's Detroit fish wraps, notice something eerily similar in their sports pages? The lead sports columnists for the Freep and News, Mitch Albom and Bob Wojinowski, essentially wrote the same column! Both decided to wax philosophic over the re-emergence of the Downriver puck bunnies favorite player ever, Chris Osgood.

From reading the columns over, it appears they shared notes. (and forgotten the beat writers have covered this territory quite well, especially when Osgood signed his contract extension. This is just the carpetbagging columnists jumping on the Wings bandwagon when more readers are paying attention to hockey.)

For example...

The Little Fella:

This is a guy who, during the lockout, began to reinvent himself, because he saw younger goalies with more efficient styles. So he worked and reworked and he taught his old dog new tricks, and he is arguably now at the highest level in his career.

Wojo:

No wasted energy, no wasted emotion, no wasted motion. This is the reinvented Osgood, who worked manically with a goaltender coach and refined his style during the 2005 lockout.

I'll admit, both columns are well written, but talk about different, yet the same. It's as if one cribbed from the other, just changing the words. They both diverge somewhat, (Albom, as is his wont, goes highbrow with a "Cinema Paradiso" reference, while Wojo goes more lowbrow for a "Brat Pack" call out) but both columns tread over the same, exact territory. In the end, they both wrote as sappy a column as one of Albom's diabetes causing novels.

Here's the Cliff's Notes version of both columns... (Get out your handkerchiefs!)

Even though Osgood won 2 cup rings during his first tenure, he left the Red Wings in semi-disgrace when Dominik Hasek was signed, spent 3 years in NHL exile, returned to Detroit an older and wiser goalie, then remade his game, leading up to he his having the best statistical season of his career, finally rescuing the Wings during the playoffs. The End.

I expect to see Oprah option this story for her next "uplifting" Albom TV movie.

Next time guys, check your calenders so you don't write the same damn story about the same damn subject on the same damn day.

The worst columnist in America, Rob Parker, continues to amaze with his lack of baseball knowledge. To fix something that really doesn't need fixing, Wobb advocates the Tigers signing...you know who it's gonna be...Barry Bonds.

I'm not going to bother quoting much from the column, as it's worthless. The following 2 lines sum up why Parker thinks the Tigers need to PANIC and sign the large headed one.

They desperately need a left-handed bat in their inconsistent lineup, which has been shut out five times in the first 34 games. Last season, the Tigers were blanked three times.

Over at Mack Avenue Tigers, Kurt takes down Parker in detail, so I'll just say this...

On a team which has 4 players who should play in the field as little as possible (Sheffield, Ordonez, Guillen, Thames), and are much better suited as DH’s (either now, or in the very near future), adding another DH makes zero sense. Less than zero, actually. Even if the DH is a left handed hitter named Barry Bonds.

Despite their struggles, the offense has not been the biggest problem. Not by a long shot. As I said the other day, it's the STARTING PITCHING. Unless Barry Bonds has a decent breaking ball, and can go 7 innings into games from the mound every 5th day, the Tigers don't need him.

The Tigers are quite aware of their need for a left handed bat. That's why Matt Joyce was brought up from Toledo. Sure, he's no Bonds, but the Tigers don't need Bonds. They needed a left handed bat who could also play the outfield. Bonds may be a lot of things, but an outfielder? In the national park sized outfield that's Comerica Park? I don't think so.

Then again, this is coming from Rob Parker, so making sense isn’t expected. From the nature of Parker's opinions, I doubt sense is even encouraged.

By the way, in regard to saying the same thing in different columns, Parker somehow manages to crib from himself. From the always goofy and nonsensical "Foul or Fair" bit with Tom Gage...

They are 0-17 when they've scored four runs or fewer. They've been shut out five times their first 34 games. Last year, they were shut out only three times.

Dude, we get it! No need to tell us twice...

Placido Polanco bails out the Marlboro Man

2008-05-07T23:57:00.002-04:00

Being away from the PC all day, I didn't think I'd feel like writing tonight. But I had to say something about the Tigers beating the Red Sox 10-9 with the damnedest bottom of the 9th, 2 run rally you've ever seen...

One of the best, most dominant, closers in the game, Jonathan Papelbon is on the mound for the Sox. You'd think the game was in the bag for Boston. Then the dominoes began to fall.

Matt Joyce is fooled, yet finds himself on 1st base with a check swing infield hit. Edgar Renteria bounces a double play ball that turns into an E6, both runners safe. A Pudge Rodriguez sacrifice bunt moves the runners into scoring position. Curtis Granderson manages a run scoring ground out, leaving Renteria on 3rd with 2 out. After having ball 4 called a strike, on a 3-2 count Placido Polanco ends the game when his shattered bat dying quail falls into short left, and knocks in the winning run.

What the Hell? Did that really happen? There wasn't a hard hit ball in the inning.

If I'm Jonathan Papelbon, I'm wondering what in the HELL just happened? He didn't do a thing wrong, made several good pitches, yet still blows the save, and is saddled with the loss.

This would have been a crushing loss for the Tigers, for several reasons. Blowing a 4-0 and 8-4 leads, the "Caped Cruceta" pitching more like a cooked crustacean, the bullpen having their worst game in quite some time, and Detroit pitching overall allowing 3 BoSox home runs.

What was the most crushing of all was Jim Leyland's boneheaded/dumbass/stupid/silly/misguided/braindead/pick your insult decision to run Magglio Ordonez on a 2 strike pitch that turned into a strike 'em out-throw 'em out double play, ending an 8th inning scoring opportunity.

It's one thing to be aggressive, to try and make something happen. It's all together another to slice your own throat. Trying to force the issue with the bad kneed, lead legged Ordonez running? It's a play call reeking of desperation.

I'm not going to go as far as saying the Polanco's game winning hit saved the season, but it sure bailed out Leyland. There would have been Hell to pay Thursday if the Tigers lose, with Leyland taking the brunt of it for his 8th inning blunder. Polanco made everything moot.

This was a win the Tigers, and for that matter, the fanbase, really, really, really needed. Could tonight's victory be the one that finally gets the Tigers going in the right direction? No one can say for sure.

But it's a start.

Answering the Detroit Tigers burning questions: Sheff to left edition

2008-05-06T17:08:00.002-04:00

If you find yourself listening to sports talk radio today, the Tigers are a hot topic. (Even hotter than the clock clusterfuck that bent over the Magic against the victorious Pistons last night) Most of the host and caller angst is currently caused by the Gary Sheffield to left field situation. In fact, there's a moron afternoon host on WXYT-FM calling for the Tigers to buy out Sheffield's contract. Right now.

Panic much, Valenti?

He's not the only one, as the Freep's Michael Rosenberg is hinting yesterday's shakeup were the moves of a desperate team.

With fans and media alike going all emo, it seemed like a good time for more burning questions. Let's light a fire under my ass, and answer some questions!

Sheffield to left field. Long or short term solution? (If it's one at all)

I can understand why Jim Leyland decided Gary Sheffield was odds on the best solution in left field. With his shoulder issues, it's a short term solution, though. I can't see it lasting more than the season. I'd be surprised if it lasts till the All-Star game. It may take only one diving catch, running into the wall, colliding with someone, to send Sheffield back to the DL. Obviously, the Marlboro Man is willing to take the risk.

As much as some people would like to close the door on the Sheffield era, it's too early to call him done. He had the same excruciatingly slow start last season, with moron hosts calling his career over. Sheffield then proceeded to carry the Tigers offense for 3 months. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, for at least the next several weeks.

We aren't talking about an run of the mill, at best, player like Jacque Jones. (In his case, the Tigers were correct in bailing) We're talking about a Hall of Fame level athlete with a long track record of success. In my eyes, Sheffield has proven to be a marvelous baseball player when healthy. Let's give him little more time before rushing to judgment, and calling him done.

Why all the love for Brandon Inge?

You got me. Brandon Inge is NOT the solution to what ails the Tigers, no matter how good his 3rd base glove is supposed to be. He can't HIT.

This isn't the 60's or 70's, when a team could get by with a good field-no hit infielder. This isn't the National League, where you can get by with no pop at the bottom of the lineup.You need more than a .230 hitter on the corner of your infield. Inge did get off to a good start, as his high water mark was .306 as of 4/12. Fast forward to 3 weeks later...Inge is hitting .235 and dropping, with no power.

Inge is valuable to the Tigers...when he's coming off the bench to play all over the field, and as a late inning replacement. He'll be exposed for what he is, a .235 hitter who'll K like a power hitter without any of the power, playing every day at 3rd.

Why all the hate for Miguel Cabrera?

I'm having trouble wrapping my head around all the fans questioning Miguel Cabrera. I'm already hearing voices (No, not the ones in my head!) saying the long term deal was a mistake. Come on, EVERY TEAM in baseball would have done what the Tigers did. You do whatever it takes to get a player of Cabrera talent on your team, and you then sign him for as long a term as possible.

The whole situation was exacerbated by Leyland pulling the position switch between Cabrera and Carlos Guillen. Even though Cabrera was a 1st baseman waiting to happen, much sooner than later, and Guillen has played 3rd in the past, the position shuffle made everyone look worse than they were actually playing. The switch made perfect sense, but it reeked of panic. In the end, Cabrera has looked fine at 1st. Guillen, on the other hand...Let's tjust ave it for another post.

Even if he is scuffling somewhat, Cabrera still leads the team in HR's and is 2nd in RBI. I will agree he could be playing better, but Cabrera is adjusting to a new team and league. He still doesn't look comfortable at the plate. When Cabrera does find his comfort level, and his track record says he will, he'll be a force. A HUGE force.

How would I characterize the Tigers' struggles at start of the season in one sentence?

It's the starting pitching, stupid.

The scapegoating begins: Jacque Jones DFA'ed

2008-05-05T16:00:00.002-04:00

The first of Jim Leyland's "drastic" moves has been announced. The Tigers have essentially called their acquisition of Jacque Jones an EPIC FAIL, as Jones was designated for assignment this afternoon.

In lieu of a picture of Jones,
I thought this was more fitting...

As per Mlive's Danny Knobler, this says it all about the short lived Jacque Jones era...

Jones had just one hit in his last 29 at-bats, and he was hitting .165 with one home run and five RBIs in 24 games.

Taking Jones' spot on the roster is LH hitting outfielder Matt Joyce, who was hitting .299, with 5 HR's and 21 RBI.

So far, I'm 1 for 1 in my predictions, as the Tigers will have a new left fielder.To be honest though, I didn't think the Tigers would fully give up on Jones after only a month, just bench him.

We still don't know who's going to play left full time. Ryan Rayburn? Marcus Thames? God forbid, Gary "I'm more fragile than Peter Forsberg/Kevin Jones/Rocco Baldelli combined" Sheffield? I'm putting my money on Thames. It's just a hunch...

Edit 4:20 PM: My hunch was wrong. As per WDFN, Sheffield is the new full time left fielder (!), and has been moved down in the order to 6th, swapping spots in the batting order with Carlos Guillen. Guillen, and his troublesome glove, remains the 3rd baseman. Interesting...

Why bother to answer a question no one is asking?

2008-05-05T14:45:00.001-04:00

Don't you just love it when someone in the MSM answers a question absolutely no one was asking? Or they make a declarative statement about something we already take for granted as true?

ESPN is obviously the biggest culprit, as screamfests like Around the Horn are nothing but talking heads spouting off their opinions over made up questions and making absolute declarations about the story of the day. Never mind the questions are those no one is asking and statements are blatantly obvious observations to even the casual observers.

Unfortunately, this style of sports coverage has crept it's way to the local level.

In Sunday's Freep, Drew Sharp concocted an entire column in this way, declaring for all to hear...

"Ozzie isn't the Wings' most valuable player through the first two rounds."

Really? Chris Osgood isn't the Red Wings' MVP?

No fucking shit, Sherlock.

Has anyone, anywhere said such a thing? From what I've read, not the Red Wings bloggers, or the beat writers. I haven't heard it spoken on sports talk radio or by the TV talking heads, either. But for the sake of filling column inches, Sharp has to set up a scenario no one believes is true to begin with.

Sharp goes on to ask, "who is the Wings' MVP the first two rounds?" His brilliant deduction?

"Johan Franzen is the runaway MVP right now."

Well I'll be damned. I'm actually gobsmacked! The Mule? What a surprise!

Why on earth would Franzen be considered the Red Wings MVP? Especially when you look at the stats, and see Franzen only leads the NHL in playoff goals, breaking every Wings' playoff scoring record in the process. He's also 2nd overall in points.

Not a bad postseason so far. Conn Smythe-like, in fact.

So Sharp says Franzen is the Red Wings MVP to this point? Again, let me say...No shit!

Actually, before even bringing up the darling of Downriver puck bunnies, you could also make the MVP case for Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk, who have dominated playing both ways. Zetterberg is tied for 3rd in points and leading in +/-, and Datsyuk is also tied for 3rd in points and is tied for 4th (With ANOTHER Wing, the marvelous Nick Lidstrom) in +/-. In fact, thanks to their destroying the Avalanche, winning 6 consecutive games, Wings are all over the playoff scoring leaderboard.

I'm not saying Osgood hasn't played damn well, as he has. He's undefeated and leading in goals against. But other Red Wings have played better. Noticeably better.

What we have here is a columnist writing down to their extremely knowledgeable readership. If there is a fanbase who know much more about a sport than a columnist (who rarely covers the sport) at your local fishwrap, it is your typical hockey fan.

Yet columnists of Sharp's ilk would have you believe Wings fans are too stupid or lovestruck to determine it for themselves.

Answering the Detroit Tigers burning questions: Time for drastic changes edition

2008-05-05T00:05:00.001-04:00

With the Tiger starting their road trip off gangbusters with a sweep of the Evil Empire, and ending the trip by getting broomed in 3 games at the Homerdome, it's time for another round of burning questions.

The biggest questions revolve around Jim Leyland's announcement of "drastic changes" in the everyday lineup. He won't say what those chances are, but as a card carrying blogger, I can't help but speculate.

Let's stoke the fires of knowledge, and answer us some questions...

The Tigers were swept by the Twins this weekend, after sweeping the Yankees. Does it mean anything?

It means bad things happen to good teams in that God damn Mickey Mouse stadium the Twins call home. I ALWAYS go into any Tigers road trip to the Homer/Baggie/Heftydome expecting the worst.

I'm rarely disappointed.

Sunday's loss was the latest in the Tigers' bizarre Metrodome history, flying out the gate to a 6-0 1st inning lead, only to lose 7-6.

The Twins hit one ball hard in the 7th inning, yet scored 4 runs. (Helped by a Carlos Guillen error keeping the inning alive) Balls that are an out in any other MLB stadium become run scoring hits on that green painted concrete they call a field.

They don't play "baseball" in the Metrodome. It's a bastardized arcade version of the game where ground balls you'd expect to be gobbled up scoot their way through the infield, often all the way to the outfield wall, or a grounder that hits in front of home bounces 25 feet in the air. A game at the Homer/Baggie/Heftydome resembles baseball in the same way "NBA Jam" resembled basketball...

After Saturday's loss, Jim Leyland announced there would be "drastic changes" in the Tigers' lineup, beginning Monday. What does the Marlboro Man have up his nicotine stained sleeve?

Speculation is rampant the changes will include the shuffling of a visibly struggling Gary Sheffield down in the order, and/or a change in left field. Honestly, between Sheffield and Jacque Jones, also struggling mightily, what else could it be? Both are hitting well under the Mendoza Line, (though Sheffield still has a respectable OBP), making them the obvious targets of Leyland's "drastic" lineup change.

At The Detroit Tigers Weblog, Biller ran an a very interesting batting order idea up the flagpole, saying Sheffield should become the leadoff man, while installing the .750+ slugging Curtis Granderson in the middle of the order. In my mind, and to Biller's credit, if you aren't going to bench or DL Sheffield, this makes quite a bit of sense. Even when he's not hitting, Sheffield still gets on base (as shown by his .340 OBP), and he's a marvelous baserunner. Granderson is a 100+ RBI, 3-4-5 hole hitting stud waiting to happen.

In fact, it makes so much sense, Leyland won't do it. Remember, this is a manager who likes to bat Pudge Rodriguez, and his awful .300 OBP, leadoff.

What other lineup ideas have been bandied about?

Earlier this week, we saw Lynn Henning of the Detroit News threw his hat into the lineup ring, with a convoluted scenario. Henning would have Sheffield become the everyday left fielder, thus benching Jones, move Brandon Inge back to his preferred position, 3rd base, and installing the increasingly immobile and stone handed Carlos Guillen as the full-time DH.

There's a few problems with Henning's mostly ludicrous proposal.

Sheffield can't get healthy, and is unlikely get/remain so playing in the field every day. I can't get out of my mind the fact this whole shoulder mess started because of his playing in left field. Sheffield to left would mean the Tigers would have given up on Jacque Jones, and it being only a month into the season, I don't see it happening...Yet.

Henning's proposal would also cause another roster shuffle, as the Tigers would not want Inge to both play 3rd full time while backing up at catcher. This leaves the Tigers little choice but to call up a catcher from either Toledo or Erie to back up Pudge Rodriguez. A catcher that's probably not close to being MLB ready.

OK, mister smartypants basement dwelling blogger, what do you think Leyland will do?

After going over several scenarios, I have a feeling Leyland's "drastic" is going to be not nearly as drastic (Sheffield moving down in the order) as fans would like.

We'll see a lineup much like Sunday's, with a middle of the order of Cabrera 3rd, Magglio Ordonez 4th, Guillen 5th. Sheffield remains the DH while moving down in the order to 6th or 7th, and Jones is benched for Raburn/Thames.

Not exactly drastic in the true sense of the word, but it is a needed change. Sheffield has become as much of a rally killer as Jones, leaving men on base by the dozens. Cabrera is the perfect number 3 hitter, and Guillen, who's been the Tigers most consistent player at the plate this season, will get even more RBI opportunities in his accustomed 5 spot.

As for Jones, the only thing that has kept him in the lineup most everyday is his batting from the left side, something the Tigers have long lacked. Actually, with Jones hitting Ramon Santiago's weight,it's something they still lack. I'd be willing to cut bait on Jones, and call it a failed experiment. An expensive failed experiment.

We'll find out soon enough what the Marlboro Man is planning. I'm planning on being underwhelmed.

What have we learned? That last night was anti-climatic...

2008-05-02T15:42:00.001-04:00

That was some kick ass Thursday night for Detroit sports fans, wouldn't you agree?

The Tigers swept the Evil Empire in New York for the first time since the highways were full of 20' long land yachts averaging 10 MPG, state of the art electronics were "portable" 13" black and white TV's that weighed 70 lbs and I was 4 years old. The Tigers are now only 1 game under .500, 1.5 back of first place in the Central, and punishing the opposition pitching. Even the Tigers' rotation has become to come around, with quality starts in 2 of the 3 wins. When Ramon Santiago is belting triples, and hitting more than Miguel Cabrera wishes he weighs, you know the season has finally turned around for the Tigers.

The Pistons planted their size 14 Nikes on the throats of the Sixers, embarrassing them in Philly (Though not near as embarrassing as Samuel Dalembert's mohawk, however) , 100-77, in a game which was even more of a blowout than the score indicates. In the process, the Pistons win their first round playoff series, 4-2. The game was never in doubt, as the Pistons jumped out to a double digit lead early in the opening quarter, and never looked back. Flip Saunders, neck deep in hot water a week ago, lives on to coach another series.

Most impressive of all were the Red Wings, looking like the Stanley Cup favorite, doing all but de-pants the Nordalanche in an 8-2 laugher. (Then again, they may have pulled the Avs pants down to their skates, as I went to bed when the lead hit 7 goals) The Mule, Johan Franzen, kicked the Avs with his second hat trick of the series, giving him an unimaginable 9 goals in 4 games. Franzen's goal scoring orgy broke Wings and NHL scoring records older than Mike Ilitch's hairpieces. The so-called Detroit-Colorado rivalry, long in it's death throes, but kept alive in the heads of our clueless media, can now be considered extinguished.

You couldn't have asked for a better night in Detroit sports.

Last night's success has me asking one thing, "What have we learned?"

Red Wings-Avalanche:

What rivalry? There is no rivalry. The Wings are an elite NHL franchise, the Avs are nowhere near the Wings' class.

Colorado has serious issues in goal, not that you needed to take journalism classes in college to figure it out. Both Jose Theodore and Peter Budaj both spent more time looking behind themselves to find the latest puck to have gone by, than actually stopping shots. After watching Budaj flail away helplessly in the final 2 periods last night, it's clear it wouldn't have made any difference if Joel Quenneville had benched Theodore after game 1.

Peter Forsberg is washed up. He still has talent, but his body is more fragile than a Fabrage egg and Dominik Hasek's groin, combined.

NHL officiating is abysmal. Both teams were jobbed blatantly, and jobbed often.

The Downriver puck bunnies are damn giddy, and will remain so, as their heartthrob, Chris Osgood, has outplayed the opposition net minders the past 2 series. I think we've seen the last of the crazy, oft gimpy, Czech in goal for the Wings.

Johan Franzen is really, really good.

Henrik Zetterberg is even better.

Pistons-Sixers:

The Pistons remain utterly confounding. They can look sooooo bad one night, then come back the next and play like the best damn team in the entire NBA. They have more mood swings than my ex-wife. It's not fun to root for teams with multiple personality disorder.

Tayshaun Prince won this series for the Pistons. In the last 3 games, all Pistons wins, Prince shot 77% (!) from the field, averaging 17 PPG, 6 RB, 3 AST. Nice...

I still believe this may be the last season for the Pistons as we know them. If we fans get pissed off over the Pistons and their short attention span, flip the switch when we want ways, how must Joe Dumars feel?

Tigers-Yankees:

The starting pitching, though still a concern, has pulled out of their death spiral, and beginning to put together quality starts. Which leaves the question (I know, I'm asking a question in my "What have we learned" bit, but hey, I'm just a basement dwelling blogger) what to do with Armando Gallarraga hanging. I still think he's going to Toledo if, and only if, Dontrelle Willis proves he can throw strikes more often than Rob Parker can write an intelligent column.

I love Cabrera's rubbing head bit with Placido Polanco. In fact, you could say Miggy was giving the Placidome good h...No, I'm not going there, as we bloggers are all too profane and vulgar, right?

Speaking of Cabrera, he's starting to look like a good investment, huh? He still appears a tad uncomfortable at the plate, but even when it looks like he's taking a bad swing, the ball travels 400 feet. Take his opposite field HR last night, for instance. In no way did it seem Cabrera hit the ball all that well, yet it still carried well into the right field seats. Same for his triple, though it was helped by Bobby Abreau playing the fly like a drunk in the middle of a bender.

Placido Polanco's stats for the New York series: 6-15, .400 AVE, 3 RBI, 5 R 2 HR, 2 2B. We don't have to worry about the Placidome, he's back.

It's not a coincidence the Tigers are 2-0 since the Jason Grilli trade. Just sayin'...

Curtis Granderson has played in 8 games since coming off of the DL. The Tigers are 6-2 in those games. That's not a coincidence either. Granderson has an insane 1.253 OPS, with 10 extra base hits, and 8 BB. You could not possibly ask for more from your leadoff man. Curtis Granderson is the straw that stirs the Tigers' offensive drink.

The Tigers are going into their house of horrors, the Baggiedome in Minnesota, this weekend. I'm always nervous when they play the Twinkies, as I've seen enough weird things happen to the Tigers in the Homer/Baggie/Heftydome to scar me for life.