The We CARA Lot Blog:

2013

2015-07-25T17:51:00.000-04:00

Wow... November 4th 2013 was the last time I was on this here blog...I can't believe it was that long! And it was missed! I stayed up-to-date with the DOC through facebook but this blog was always on my mind...when, why, how am I going to get back into it? Was this blog only going to share our first 5 years living with T1D? Was I done with it? Today I decided to get back into this amazing outlet of blogging. I am working on a little clean up, a new look and a few changes and I hope to be writing, sharing and over sharing very soon. :) It really is overwhelming to sign in and see people are still clicking away...THANK YOU! and be back soon!!

A Photo- A- Day #4...PROUD

2013-11-04T10:23:00.001-05:00

I started doing a photo- a- day for diabetes awareness month, brain child of Kerri at Six Until Me.com and today's prompt is #proud...which got me thinking of all the different things and kids I am proud off, a simple picture could not capture it. A blog post was needed to explain.

Last week Cara, our little running star in the making, our Olympian hopeful had a cross county meet. She has been running with her siblings (blowing them out of the water btw) in order to train for this race.

My husband and I LIVE for these races, a chance for us to re-live our youth and a chance for us to celebrate our children's successes...what else does a parent need in life?!

We thought for sure, no problem top 5 again this year...easy...if not FIRST! So when the field started to near the finish line and I did not see Cara in the front, my heart dropped. I was soooo mad! and sad! and disappointed in her. She did not finish in the top 5, not even top 20...my poor girl was so ashamed of her placing she didn't tell us until that night what place she had finished in and my attitude towards her failure was not helping. I was so wrapped up in disappointment I missed the one thing I should have praised her for. It was like all my hopes and dream for her were demolished in an instant, I over looked what she actually accomplished.

This shy, quiet 7 year old little girl finished her race, she did not give up, she kept on going.

She started that race with a blood sugar of 18.3mmol...if anything we failed her. I don't even know, with a blood sugar of 18, she probably shouldn't have even been running. After hearing Dr Riddell speak this weekend about type 1 diabetes and exercise I realized the disadvantage she was handed while hanging out in the 18's during a race. There is no way she could have performed to her optimal best. She must have felt like POOP, complete poop...physically and emotionally because she was not able to do what she should have been able to do and it was because of something out of her control.

She wanted to quit, she wanted to walk right off that course and go home...but she didn't! AND I'M SO SO SO PROUD OF HER!

Each time these kids do something that pushes them, pushes them to accomplish something that allows them to grow makes me proud.

I'm proud when Cara tests her blood sugar without me having to telling her to.
I'm proud when Cara doesn't cry or fight at site changes.
I'm proud when Cara does things out of her comfort zone.
I'm proud when Cara learns a new diabetes skill like carb counting.
I'm proud when her siblings support Cara and try to understand what she's going through.
I'm proud when her siblings support Cara in her diabetes care.
I'm so proud when her siblings correct and/or share correct type 1 diabetes knowledge with others.

I'm proud that diabetes is JUST part of our lives, something that we have learned to live with, we have made the adjustments and will continue to make adjustments with this disease. We wake up everyday not letting out battles overcome us...and that is something to be PROUD of!

Every day, even though there is a lot of yelling and fighting and frustrations and tears there is ALWAYS love and always something to be proud of.

Forever And Ever In Our Hearts, Sweet Shamae

2013-10-22T09:23:00.000-04:00

Welcome to our crazy, happy life!

Where to start...

A blog no one ever wants to write...

A tribute to an amazing D-mama, who will be missed tremendously.

She was living the D life about 15 months before we entered it, with the diagnoses of her beautiful little girl Sydney.

We met online, but never in person...something now I wish was not the case.

One chance to hug this amazing woman, one chance to see her smile and hear her laughter would mean the world to me.

She was always there to offer advice.

She was always there to offer her love and understanding.

She was there to cheer me on and fight along side me through the ups and downs with this disease for our sweet girls.

I entered this online blogging community of mothers with children with type 1 diabetes really not understanding what I would get out of it.

What I got out of it was a family of sisters and Shamae was one of them,

She was one of us.

It's been said she was one of the original "Dmoms" online.

She seemed to have a knack for finding us...the newbies.

A bit lost, a bit unsure, but not to worry because she was there.

One by one, as we wrote our first blog posts, entering a world of the unknown,

Shamae would be there, reaching out to us, pulling us in with her love and comforting us under her wing.

She was our Angel.

Offering us same-same and building our new family one post at a time.

Our family is now broken and missing a huge piece with the news of her loss, our dear sister.

And now the family that Shamae helped build is sending all our love, prayers and thoughts to Shamae's husband and her 3 most beautiful little girls.

There are no words to express how sorry I am for your loss. You will forever be in my heart, thoughts and prayers and a part of our family because I will never, ever forget your amazing mother...forever and ever!

I found this song on Shamae's blog, and it has not left me. All night and in my dreams this song played.

Another angel looking from above, you are sooooo missed my sweet friend!!

Thank You For Excepting HER DIABETESNESS

2013-10-12T21:28:00.001-04:00

Yes, it's that time of year again when all us AMAZING Canadians take a little time to count our blessings and show our thankfulness for all we have.

It's Canadian Thanksgiving Weekend.

And of course, I have a very long list of greatness to be thankful for:

my family
our health
my friends
YOU
chocolate
wine
laughter

But this post, this post has been long over due. This post is about FRIENDS, no, not my friends (love you all), but about Cara's friends.

Cara is soon- to- be 8 years old, I really still can't believe it! And for a soon- to- be 8 year old, friends are extremely important... as we are learning :) And this girl is one lucky little diabetic, let me tell you!

She is surrounded by amazing friends and their wonderful families...and I'm so so thankful for this!

You know, it's funny, people are so quick to write kids off, but they are some of the most insightful, compassionate, empathetic, smart people in this world. Seriously, listen to kids talk, they really pick up on things that we adults seem to miss.

I first noticed this blessing I believe last year, around this time when attending M's Halloween party. The girls (Cara's classmates) all wanted to play tickle tag and M stopped everyone and said "wait, we can't play that because we might pull Cara's tube off" and my heart melted. No one complained, they just went back to brainstorming games that Cara could play. Of course, I told M and the girls that her tubing would be fine, so no worries everyone can play tickle tag.

M and Cara have been inspiring friends, they support each other, they watch out for each other. They are great together! M almost got her blood sugar taken one day as they were playing Xbox 360. With their backs towards me, I pulled a hand up in order to take "Cara's" blood sugar and luckily M quickly turned and looked at me like "what the hell are you doing". We all laughed, a good laugh and moved on and guess what? She still comes over for play dates...now that's a true friend!!

Cara's friends don't see Cara any different in a negative way HOWEVER, I do think she gets a little more attention than most of the girls in her class. The amount of birthday invites she has received this year already proves that!!

Play dates are now becoming a big part of Cara's life and we are very much pushed outside our comfort zone handing over control to our daughter. But we are doing it, and it is allowing Cara to grow and understand how to better understand her diabetes. These play dates give her the chance to learn how to express her needs and ask others for help. On these play dates if anything diabetes comes up, if they are going to eat or if she feels low, she must figure out what to do and when, and if she can't do what she needs, she is learning when and how to ask for help. These are all things that she would not be learning if she was by my side constantly...as I would like ;)

I'm so thankful for her friends parents for being brave enough to open their home to Cara. To take on diabetes care for the hours Cara is with them must be extremely nerve wracking but they do it and they do it so well.

Just today Cara was at her friend A's house. We dropped her off for a few hour play date which turned into a few hour play date and a trip to the pumpkin patch. It truly blows my mind what people will do for Cara even with our diabetes life thrown into the mix.

This past June was our 5th year walking for the JDRF and this year Cara really wanted to invite her classmates to the walk. I thought to myself, ugh, she is going to be so disappointed when no one shows up, but she insisted and so we did. I was blown away with the response we received, 5 families came out and walked with us that day and another family sent a donation to school for Cara.

Cara was so excited to have her friends there with us on HER day.

To feel this support and love by your friends and their families is, well, there is no other word then AMAZING!! It's amazing that these families are blessing my girl with these memories when it would be so much easier to not invite her or not get involved. There is such a sense of acceptance and understanding and willingness to learn.

I don't think they truly understand the impact they have on Cara. It's not just the acceptance and feeling good because you have friends and people who like you...we all need that! But it's so much more. They are shaping the way Cara views her type 1 diabetes. I don't think they truly understand how important it is for Cara to feel excepted both for herself and for her diabetes, they are a big part of Cara growing into a well-rounded, confident, HEALTHY young lady with diabetes.

They are teaching her it's okay to have type 1 diabetes, type 1 diabetes does not affect the way we see you. Cara doesn't have to hide her diabetes, she doesn't have to keep it a secret, she doesn't feel shamed or judged or even out of place around her friends because they love her and her diabetesness.

And WE ARE SO THANKFUL !!

Have a wonderful weekend my friends <3

Taking Back Some Control, Cara Style.

2013-10-04T11:59:00.001-04:00

We are finishing our first month of school, grade 3 for Cara.

And really, we have done a great job so far this year.

I kinda feel like I'm feeding insulin a tad bit but really her numbers are great...so far.

Cara, now 7 (very soon to be 8) and living with type 1 for almost 5 years now, started trowing some curve balls in my D plans for the first week of school this year. I was getting phone calls every day with request to change MY PLANS that I implemented in the classroom or with the nurse for Cara.

She was taking back some control, which is okay! I get it, but it's soooo frustrating.

First it was the snacks, (the food that we pack at home for her to eat at school, the food that we ask each morning "Cara do you want this for snack?") Unfortunately little Miss Sneak caught a peek at her extra snacks that I keep in the office, in the case that something happens to her packed morning and afternoon snacks, she'll always have something at school to eat. Well, of course, because she knew what her office snacks had to offer she did not want to eat her packed snack. And like the goof ball I am, I let her switch it up. However, by the second phone call in one day to switch snacks, I put an end to that right away!

"Either you eat your snack we packed or you don't eat snack at all".

It's kinda of funny, we are so quick to fight for "NORMAL" for our type 1 kids when they are being treated differently UNTIL it comes to something special or pleasant...like say, an extra snack...none of my other kids would have gotten away with that, however it's "poor" Cara and she has it soooo hard some days and though very true, I'm really trying to get out of that mind set. I'm creating a MONSTER!!

I want her to be treated like everyone else, normal.

The next day, it was a fight about blood sugar protocol. Cara's nurse called me and said "Cara doesn't want to wash her hands before she tests, she wants to use hand sanitizer, is this OK?

Oh. my. God, Cara, grrrrr, just wash your flippen hands with the awesome new soap dispenser I bought you to bring to school. Geez!

(You see, the other kids she's checking bg with do different things and that's fine however I like soap, I trust soap) We have ALWAYS just washed hands with soap, somewhere along the lines I read or heard something about alcohol pads not being able to completely clean away fruit residue on finger tips leading to possible false readings and so we stuck with soap...unscented. You have to watch out for the soap made with fruit extract as this can lead to false readings...so I hear! :) Also, I was led to believe that alcohol based cleaners lead to dry, itchy skin, so we soap.

At this point I'm frustrated, her numbers were high for these last 2 days at school because I was still waiting for a trend to form to narrow in and make my changes to insulin so I was stressed over the numbers, I had the first day/week of school jitters, I'm getting phones call up the wazoo and now...I have had it! I put a call out to my friends on fb...What do you use to clean your child's hands before checking bg? With tons of different responses and reasons why, I choose the Ultimate Mothering Choice...to pick my battles :)...I'll let her have this one, you want to use hand sanitizer before checking bg GO RIGHT AHEAD! and guess what? She washes her hands with soap now :) A win for mom :)

So, that's 2 days in and 2 days full of fighting my plans that I spent hours implementing in meetings, write ups and planning.

Day 3 and now Cara is low...so much for the trend development, ugh some days I want to strangle diabetes!! She's low and I get a phone call from Cara's nurse "Cara does not want to eat the rockets for her low" "Well, let me talk to her please", I respond in a calm, cool voice.

Me:"Cara, you need to eat your rockets, you are low and that is dangerous"

Cara:"NO! I don't want my rockets, I don't care and I don't like them" (Her nurse is in the background trying to bribe her).

Me: "Cara eat your rockets now, or have a juice box, whatever you need to treat your low"

Cara: "NO! I don't want a juice box, blaaaaa, yucky! OR rockets! I want gummy bears"

Me: "Cara you don't have gummy bears eat your flippen rockets...NOW!!" and yes, I'm screaming on the phone but not yelling, but screaming in that firm, quiet and strained voice parents use when our muscles in our neck are protruding because your head is about to explode.

Cara: "B (another t1d) has gummy bears, I want gummy bears"

Me: If you asked nicely we would have gotten you gummy bears for your lows, we didn't KNOW you wanted gummy bears. We use rockets! If you eat your rockets NOW your father will take you to get gummy bears later. BUT, right now you have to eat your rockets!!!!!"

After that, I'm not sure if Cara handed the nurse the phone to blow me off or if the nurse took back the phone, but the nurse was on the line and asking to let her try for a bit and if she needs she'll call me back...and there was no phone call back.

By the end of this day, I was about to pull my hair out and bury my stress in a bottle of wine. Diabetes was being a bitch and my daughter was turning into a controlling, bratty monster...I hated my life at this point!!

Day 4...as Cara walked out the door to leave for school I warned her, NO PHONE CALLS ABOUT SNACKS because it's not happening, no more NOT TREATING A LOW because if you don't treat a low it's extremely dangerous and you may need a needle (scare tactic) to make you feel better if you go too low. (btw we did not need to buy gummy bears because she "decided" she was good with rockets) and MAKE SURE YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN BEFORE CHECKING BG, have a nice day!

All morning, I had that phone glued to me, just waiting and nothing

until...1pm, phone rings, it's Cara with a tummy ache...good Lord! I deal with it, she is fine...me not so much but we are dealing, life goes on. The weeks following have been much better, less phone calls, the control issues have seem to fixed themselves and I did find a trend...tweaked my ratio's for bolus and basal...doing a little diabetes ass kicking at the moment.

I realize she is getting older, she wants to do things a different way once and a while, she wants a little control of her situation (don't we all) I want to give her that! I think it is really important for EVERYONE as they grow to start making decisions, if your choices works out, that's awesome and if your choices turns out to suck, well, that's life, I guess. When type 1 diabetes is thrown into the mix the decisions she is going to make better be the right ones because the wrong ones, well, you might not be able to come back from those kind of consequences. So I have made a decision, let's give her some leeway now, with smaller, less complicated problems, let her have a bit of control in a supervised environment. I know she will find her own way, and I guess that's the hardest part of parenting a child with or without t1d, letting them find their own path, let them learn by their own successes and mistakes and let them develop the trust in themselves that they can do it on their own.

Ugh, parenting sucks sometimes!

First day of school, Cody's super excited, Kirstin's mad/sad that she has to stand next to Cody for the picture...the older kids, well, they know not to mess up mom's pictures :) and of course the oldest is missing in action. Off to school early and there is NO way she would have been in the picture anyways!! UGH KIDS!

My 50's Morning

2013-08-30T17:52:00.002-04:00

Today is a good day, it didn't start so wonderful.

Last night I stayed up a little too late finishing Cara's diabetes plan for her school. Then, of course, thanks to D I got to stay up all night with LOWS ... right out of the blue.

My husband woke me up out of a deep sleep this morning and asked "don't you want to get up early today?" My response, "For what??" I complete had no idea what he was talking about. It seems in all the chaos of alarm setting through out the night I forgot about setting a morning alarm.

Luckily he had woken me up right at time, so I dragged my tired ass into the shower, got ready, grabbed Cara's diabetes info binder, jumped on my bike and heading to the school for Cara's diabetes meeting. (we only have one car and my husband had left for work)

It was a beautiful day, a little humid...didn't need to spend soooo much time doing my hair today.

Passing people with a warm hello, good morning with a sweet smile on my face. I felt like I was thrown back into the 50's (people seem to be nicer than...at least on tv)

And boy, let me tell you, if you are having a tough day get out on your bike or out on a walk and talk to strangers (the older the sweeter) By the time I got to the school my spirits were lifted, I got a little exercise and all nerves of diabetes education were gone.

My meetings went wonderfully as well, (not that I thought they won't) but just the stress of the unknown it can be so overwhelming at times.

This school has been amazing when it comes to making sure Cara is safe. (Cara is 1 of 4 type 1's in the school) I left that school feeling on top of the world, like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I think I could even hear the soft sounds of uplifting music playing in the background, just like in the movies when everything is going the main characters way.

Cara is going to have a wonderful and SAFE school year and it's because all the hard work of the school staff.

I feel like I can breathe again...now to get all the school supplies...HELP!!

Thoughts, Tips and Ideas For Going Back To School With T1D My Way (Part One)

2013-08-29T20:46:00.000-04:00

So it's that time again...back to school.

As a mom with 6 kids this is a very happy time.

As a mom with 3 kids who have special needs (type1 diabetes, peanut allergy and a learning disability) this is a very frantic time as well.

My stomach is in knots, my heart seems to beat a little faster every time I stop and think of all the things I need to do to ensure my kids a safe and fun school year.

So far this year teacher assignments have been a blessing.
(I almost cried talking to Connor's teacher today, I just felt such a sense of relief for him)

And Cara's teacher, same feeling.

Cara's teacher for this year has had a child with type 1 diabetes in her class before. She is very open to type 1 education and completely understands just because she has had 1 type 1 in her class before Cara's diabetes education is still necessary because every child with type 1 is different. What we do for Cara this year ~~can~~ will be completely different then what she did for her past student with t1d.

As we all know, Your Diabetes May Vary

Actually, what we do for Cara this year might be completely different from what we did last year.

Everything is always changing!! (tip #1) Be willing and able to make changes as you go on with the school year. Things will NEVER stay the same...adjust!

Tip #2, meet your teacher! Talk with your teacher...EDUCATE YOUR TEACHER and school staff if you can. This is your JOB as a parent of a child with type 1 diabetes. I like to keep an open door of communication at all times. We mainly use Cara's agenda for communication however phone calls for more important issue work great too. Many times it helps to see how the class is run. Where the kids will sit, where your child will check bg, where will things be kept. These are all important issues to think about when meeting the teacher.
Ask about the schools emergence plan, who calls the ambulance if one is ever needed.
Who is the staff member trained with CPR
How is recess supervised and how will this affect your child.
What is the washroom policies for kids in school and during recess

What We Do At Our School With Diabetes Supplies (ideas)
:

1. An emergency diabetes bag stays in the main office. This contains extra supplies for her pump, extra strips for her meter, a extra meter, a extra lancet, extra batteries for the meter and her pump, extra low/emergency snacks, juice boxes and icing sugar (all the extra's). Here in Ontario we don't have legislation in schools to make glucagon a must...actually we don't have any legislated diabetes support for that matter (no 504 plan for us). It's really up to the school and the school's principal to allow you to keep glucagon on the premise. Also at our school no school staff is trained in the administration of glucagon. Some parents do however argue that they may be able to make it to the school in the case of an emergency faster then an ambulance therefore keeping glucagon at the school will only be used by the parent in this extreme emergency.

2. While at school Cara carries around a blue bag (A MUST FOR US) think, lock down situation, you don't want your child in one room locked down with the diabetes supplies at the office. Wherever she goes the teacher/adult in charge has the blue bag. For examples during assembles, school masses, gym, recess, computer lab...you get the picture, basically anywhere she is, except the bathroom. In her blue bag she has her meter, strips and lancet, her water, fast acting sugar/low snacks (we use rockets/smarties for my American friends) batteries, we also keep her am and pm snack in there because she brings them to the nurse in order to bolous for them (this is just for Cara's convenience so she's not carrying a bunch of bags around).

I ALWAYS explain to her teachers, the first 2 weeks of school you may be hearing a lot from me. The first 2 weeks I'm changing ratios for insulin both boluses and basals to adjust to her new school schedule. Gym times and certain times of day or certain subjects will impact my actions as it is impacting Cara's blood sugar. We may have a few big dips or some out of the blue highs, these 2 weeks are the most dangerous in my opinion for Cara. There are a lot of changes all at once with many people still learning what to do in any diabetes situation (this is their learning time) and that's a bit scary.

Parents, always remember just how much you knew about diabetes before your child was diagnosed. Now picture yourself with 20-30 some-odd kids, a few of them with other special needs and there is going to be some growing pains. Understanding goes a long way.

Do your best to educate as simple as you can and as clearly as you can. ( I will show you my school plan in part 2)

I ALWAYS try to walk into that first meeting as calm as I can be. Now, this is hard for me, I'm a high strung personality, you want to fight...I will fight! BUT that attitude, does NOT get you anywhere fast when trying to work as a team keeping your child safe. My calmness in these meetings is also impacted by the teachers attitude. The more nervous I am affects my defensiveness which is directly correlated to my bitchiness. If I know the teachers are willing to learn and listen, if I know you are willing to work with me and not against me and if I feel respected as the parent and expert of my child's t1d my defensive wall, my nerves will lower.

Respect is the name of the game. It is sooooo much easier to stay calm when you feel there is an understanding and respect of how important type 1 diabetes education is. But, like any situation respect has to go both ways. You must respect classroom and school rules, sometimes these rules will interfere with what you are trying to accomplish. Stay positive and respectful when trying to find some command ground to agree on.

My first priority is my daughters safety and the second is working peacefully along side with my daughters teacher. After all, while at school her teacher is spending more time with her during waking hours then I am.

Communication is the most important tool to ensure your child's safety! When there is a strained relationship between parents and teachers this can be a huge issue in keeping that child safe.

Dear Teachers,

One of the worst things a teacher can say to me is "Well, sorry I can't do that, I have 20 some-odd kids in my class and blah blah blah" First, at that point I'm ready...the heart starts beating, blood is rushing through my veins and I'm ready for THE fight. Second, those 20 some-odd kids have no importance to me, I don't care...I'm here for 1 kid and THAT IS IT.

If you are a teacher, please try to find a NEW way to say you are busy.

Oh and btw I totally understand you are busy, I know about class sizes, I know you can't be watching my kid 24-7 and YES this is one of my concerns that I must deal with.

Another thing that drives me nuts is when teachers comment about Cara's numbers "unstable, and seem to be all over the place". First, that makes me think, okay, I must have not done my part during the education because this is type 1 diabetes...it's a fricken roller coaster of numbers. We are not going to see 5's right across the board all day long. Second, YES! yes I know, numbers are my life, I analyze over and over, I grieve these numbers, these numbers rule my life and again this is type 1 diabetes.

Please, please teachers, if you are concerned about my daughters blood sugar numbers, thank you BUT no thank you, I'm doing my best.

And if you must, don't make it about the numbers but make it about the behavior or symptoms of the blood sugar, "I have noticed around this time Cara is acting up or can't sit still" or "Cara is missing a lot of school time because she is always thirsty at this time" and my answer will be "yes, I'm sorry, this is because her blood sugar has been high at those times of day. I'm making adjustments. I will get her there. Thank you for your call :)

On the flip side of things...I like to keep the teachers informed when adjustments are made because they can be dangerous. I don't know about you but there have been times we go to the endo, they make a bunch of adjustments and before we drop Cara off I MAY change a few things back until she is home with me to try out the changes the endo made in a "safe environment".

Highs and lows can also affect behavior of our children. Teachers need to know this information. Blood sugar affects more then just internal organs, it affects behavior, moods, ability to learn, the way your child feels, energy level, emotions...really just about anything can and will be affected by blood sugar.

Teachers, if you don't know please ask. We know type 1 diabetes is not your specialty, we appreciate your phone calls and questions. And if there is one thing that us type 1 parents like to do...it's talk type 1.

Sometimes, teachers can fill in the missing piece of the puzzle. If you are seeing highs/lows at a certain times it may actually be caused by anxiety or something else going down during school. This has happened a few times with Cara and speaking with the teacher allowed me to realize this.

This Ones For The Parents,

NO is never the end of it. If there is something you need the school or teacher to do and they just say no,(remember we don't have diabetes legislation) keep working on it. Look into other options, ask other parents how they got that in their schools, think outside of the box, be creative. I always like to believe there is no such thing as NO when it comes down to a life treating situation. And if all else fails start climbing the ladder, you can always go higher up. If that doesn't work...well, there is the media...yep. I know that is a HUGE step however media attention gets many jobs done. (and please understand I'm not suggesting running to the media for "simple" issues. Save the media for the biggies)

In our area we used the media to get some policy in our Catholic school board for children with type 1 diabetes.

Speaking of policy, know your local policy (if you have one) Information is power especially if your school is saying no.

But, again the most important thing is to remember to communicate, if people don't know there is a problem they can't fix it. (That's a great life tip :)

I feel many times teachers don't want the responsibility of type 1 diabetes because as they see it, they are not nurses. Which of course is true, teachers are nervous about caring for your child with a disease that they may not have any knowledge of.

Understand sometimes a no is just because of fear. Take the fear away with knowledge and maybe there is some way you all can work together.

Teacher's don't want anything to happen to our kids on their watch.

Don't Forget OUR KIDS:

Don't forget the most important person to educate when going back to school.

We as parents spend so much time educating ourselves while getting ready for school, educating the teachers and school staff however HOW ABOUT THE CHILD WITH TYPE 1 DIABETES.

Your child is the MOST important person to be educated on what to do during school with type 1 diabetes.

Teach your child how to take necessary steps to ensure their safety within age appropriate guide lines. For Cara, I make it her responsibility to remind her teacher about the blue bag. Her teacher has a lot of things to remember or do when walking out the door with the whole class. Cara can help out with this by ensuring her blue bag is on her teachers shoulder and if not it's time to advocate for herself, time to speak up and remind her teacher of the blue bag.

Recently I attended our local JDRF Back To School event where I was lucky enough to be one of the expert panelist;) A story was shared of a young boy during an assembly who went up to his teacher and told her he was hungry. Hungry is one of his cues he is low. The teacher had him sit back down. As he realized he was going lower he came up with a plan to ask to go to the washroom. He was later found in his classroom eating a snack to treat this low and not in the washroom. Now, as the story goes he actually was punished and almost suspended for his actions. Since then his parents of course took over the advocating for him and no suspension was given.

Moral of the story... our kids can and will find ways to make sure they are safe ONLY if they know what they need.

Empower your children. Give them the knowledge to do things on their own. I was shocked when I heard Cara's nurse was having Cara at age 5 checking herself. What the hell do I have you there for? I thought to myself, but now Cara is 7 and has moved on from being able to test on her own, to now carb counting and working her own pump.

It is important for our kids to understand and learn HOW TO care for themselves because sometimes they might just be their best option.

Now I know this was a loooong post, back to school takes a lot of team work and trust in your team. Many people are involved in keeping your child safe, but with many people involved things can be misinterpreted. To get all the working parts on the same page communication, compassion and organization are all needed.

Good luck my fellow parents of child with type 1 diabetes.

Part 2 thoughts, tips and ideas for getting back to school my way coming soon with my school plan :)

Freed Up

2013-08-25T11:53:00.000-04:00

This summer has sure taken a toll on this mom of 6...diabetes not so much. And the fact that diabetes is not taking a toll is not a good thing!

Not taking a toll means that I'm on auto pilot, I'm not in it to win it (as they say)...I'm just flying by the seat of my pants and hoping that diabetes has taken the summer off. (good luck with that, right!)

Auto pilot happens once and a while...sometimes without me even realizing it's happening. It's caused by being overwhelmed with the kids, diabetes, life...ugh, really just overwhelmed with everything. There's not many times that I get a break, my life is stressful (who's isn't?) soooo instead of having a nervous break down my brain has figured out a way to relieve a little stress and free up some space...and auto pilot is engaged.

Unfortunately, I realized this week auto pilot has been running my life and diabetes for quite sometime without me even really noticing it. Maybe because of the summer, maybe because we have not been to our d clinic in a bit and we are not scheduled to go until Oct so the threat of the dreaded A1c is not there, or maybe the loony bin was calling my name and my brain knew time for some space....AND this week I got a lot of it.

Auto pilot is the calm before the storm...it's going to happen, I'm going to break but this week I got a "real" break, lots of space was freed up and I really really needed.

My father in law has moved to Bancroft and this allowed for a perfect opportunity for a family vacation which unfortunately turned into a half family vacation but that's a long story. I was pissed with the way it all fell into place...the hubs was de-friended on facebook (that's what I do when I'm mad) feelings where hurt and chances of amazing memories where pasted.

However something more was gained and I'm so thankful for that.

First I got a week of "alone" time spent with my youngest. Holy cow you parents of 2 kids or less...if I EVER hear you complaining I might slap you...lol Just joking! but wow, what a difference from 6 to 2 ( I did have Kailyn home too, however a 16 year old is hardly a kid;). The amount of time that was freed up...holy moly! It was nice :)

Second my days of "parenting" were shorter. These two (Cody and Kirstin) go to bed nice and early so I had a lot of my time back. I missed me...I'm a pretty cool chick to spend sometime with, I totally forgot about that. It also allowed for some peace and quiet and relaxed hang time with my oldest. Sometime days are just so stressful Kailyn does one small thing...say a disrespectful comment and although not right!! my reaction, most times, are a little over the top....lets just say there is a lot of fighting between us and her. But this week, it's been nice to have a friend in her, we've talked about boys and picked out clothes, joked a lot, watched a few movies...it's been great to reconnect. I've missed her because just like her mom SHE IS A COOL ASS CHICK, smart and funny...just a great person.

I'm really going to try to keep this new found relationship going when the rest of the fam gets home.

Third gift this week has brought...a break from type 1 diabetes. Auto pilot was shut off, type 1 has been giving over to my husband for the week. My mind has had a break, you don't relize how much time is actually given to worrying, thinking, mathing, questioning, planning, worrying (oh did I say that already) I know you THINK you all know because we are always complaining about how much of our lives revolve around t1d but oh.my.God. I think I have more energy this week because it's not being used for diabetes thinking. Oh and maybe because I'M SLEEPING!! WHAT A DIFFERENCE A WEEK OF SLEEPING MAKES!!

SO much of my time (as it should) is wrapped up in type 1 and Cara...this week has just freed so much of ME up.

I'm refreshed and refocused no more auto pilot for me. It's time to get back into the game and diabetes you will be my bitch once again :)

hahaha and looky here, what else this break week has given me...a blog post...boy have I missed you!! Truthfully another tell when I'm on auto pilot, I stay away from my blog, it's just one more thing that my brain can't do when I hit my limit. Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer and I know we are coming up to school and trying to make plans for back to school, I send my love and peace and luck to you all at this time...one of the most stressful time of the years for us as parents with type 1 children. GOOD LUCK ALL!!

You Can't Say That?

2013-07-24T10:15:00.002-04:00

This summer is going along very nicely.

We have had some fighting,

lots of yelling,

a fractured elbow (Kylie)

but, all in all, we are having a great summer!!

Some insanely hot weather around here has left us sitting in the cool air conditioned house without a thing to do.

With 6 kids this is NOT GOOD, sitting around has a direct correlation with an increase of fighting and yelling.

Luckily for my sanity I remembered about the JDRF Mattel Colouring Contest

I printed off the pages and we were a go :)

Half way through colouring Cara ran up to me asking "How do you spell diabetes?" of course the JDRF was involved in this colouring contest, diabetes was going to make it's way into her creative ideas. As I began to spell it back to her, I asked what are you writing? and her response left me without words.

"I'm spelling, I LOVE DIABETES"

SAY WHA???

You love what? Okay?? UM??

As I faked smiled and quickly tried to figured out if that was an appropriate thing to write on a JDRF colouring contest Kylie piped up and yelled "You can't say that!!!" "You don't love diabetes, you can't love diabetes, it's a bad thing"

As Cara's smile faded and sadness seemed to fill her eyes I found myself sticking up for all the reason's why she CAN love diabetes after all in our house type 1 diabetes IS NOT SEEN AS A BAD THING...at least we try not to make it seem like it (btw I HATE T1D, but shhhh don't tell Cara)

I told her:

Diabetes makes Cara special from everyone else
Diabetes has given us the chance to meet amazing people
Diabetes has given us a community that we never knew exsited
Diabetes has given us the chance to be involved with so many get events
Diabetes has help us learn how to take care of each other, we understand how lucky and important each and everyone of us is to each other.

and the kicker...

Without diabetes we would not have this chance to win these great Mattel toys

And with that my sweet Cara's smile returned, Kylie left the topic of diabetes being bad alone and we all decided that maybe since this is a JDRF contest Cara should write "I love the JDRF" because that is a no-brainer!

You know, it really is amazing sometimes to hear what is going on in their little brains. I guess in many ways diabetes is a big part of Cara. She was 3 when dx, a life with type 1 is all she knows, it's who she is, it's why she does things a certain way, and thinking that diabetes is bad is almost saying that Cara is bad too...at least, that is the way I think she may look at it...but you never really know!

Wish us luck, here are our entries

Kirstin's, she has been working on her hearts :)

Cody's second try, he wanted to add Buzz Lightyear however that was a challenge for him. Second try he stuck to colouring and yes, he wrote his name completely backwards...ugh!

Cara's art, I love that the bear is wearing a We CARA Lot Team T-shirt and a pink pump and site!

Kylie's, another team t-shirt and she added Cara with all the diabetes supplies lol :) Oh and check out that sun, it's pumping!

A Little Something Special

2013-07-22T11:12:00.000-04:00

Most of my post on this here blog, mainly focus around type 1 diabetes and Cara...it is and she is the reason WHY this blog exists. However there are sooooo many other things in our life that I could and sometimes want to share.

So today I thought why not give you a little something special because some days it not ALL about type 1 diabetes...right?

RIGHT!!

Finding time to spend with your spouse is hard when you have a child with type 1. Sometimes it's hard to put a marriage or yourself first when there are so many other things that NEED to be the priority. Weddings are our little escape...you HAVE to go to a wedding right?! It's not selfish, it's just something you need to do ;)

We have been blessed with 2 weddings this summer and both were wonderful, a special time to spend with my husband. At the first wedding we attended my oldest daughter Kailyn (she is usually our babysitter when we head out) got to spend the evening with us as well.

Kailyn has a great talent, she sings (no clue where she gets her voice from??)

She sings beautifully.

Recently she landed her first job singing at my cousins wedding.

So today, a little something special I wanted to share...

(I did have to edit the video's a bit as I was at a wedding I did not want to move around to get a great shot/video of Kailyn because I was on the total opposite side of the church, there was also some talking and whispering in the video's and a frustrated moment on my part whispering not- so- nice words at a photographer who kept getting in my way :))

Our daughter Kailyn at the wedding :)

Just before she sang

1st wedding attending

2nd Wedding attending and some ice cream :)

Instawalk

2013-06-07T21:10:00.000-04:00

My poor sweet Cara eating her way up from a high.

I hate the threat of lows, I hate the threat of passing out or seizures. I hate the way I think she feels when she's low. I hate thinking that one day a simple low won't be brought up with rockets.

SO WE WALK

The We CARA Lot Team 2013 walk shirts this year :) Vistaprint rocks!

We invited Cara's class to join us.

We have 5 wonderful families from her class that will be joining us this Sunday.

This fundraising is extremely stressful and emotionally draining ...This is how I deal.

But it will be all worth it when a cure for type 1 diabetes is found...

Was That The Phone?

2013-06-05T12:18:00.001-04:00

There is not a day that does by you're not by my side.

You make me feel connected, secure.

You assure me that as long as I have you, everything will be ok.

Every morning I search for you, I carry you with me through out the rest of my day.

With you in my hand I know that I'm only a phone call away.

Yes, I'm talking about my phone!

The relationship that D'rents have with their phone is, well, a little strange. The panic when you look beside you and it's not there, and your child with diabetes is out. You frantically start the search all around thinking the whole time did I miss that one important phone call for help.

The emptiness, the loss of security, the pure panic that is felt is unmatched.

From the second Cara walks out that door, my home phone AND cell phone are by my side. Whether watching t.v., showering, cleaning the house, going to the bathroom...yes I will answer the phone mid-stream...if it's the school or Cara' nurse.

When that phone rings my heart starts to pound as I watch and wait for caller id to pop up on the screen. The dread that I feel when I read the schools number, I check the time to see if Cara's nurse would be at the school, actually hoping that one of my non-d kids caused a little trouble rather than a issue with Cara's blood sugar.

It's one of the most difficult things to hear that Cara is having a bad low and be on the other end of the phone. So close yet so far away. Talking to a V.P. or school staff member that may not have all the diabetes education that he/she should have when dealing with Cara. I try my best to keep my cool, not panic and not frighten the school staff member that is trying to help Cara at the time. Lows are the hardest to deal with, I just want to run there and take care of it myself.

A few weeks ago Cara's v.p, called and after treating a scary low 15 minutes later an extremely high number popped up on her meter. When I got the call he asked "but will she be OK?" Um...that's some kind of question...I was caught off guard, I didn't know how to answer, Will Cara be OK ? So I answered..."I don't know? I really have no idea, for now yes! Her low is taken care of but now she is extremely high...ugh I just don't know" and completely broke down laughing (Like a crazy "that is fricken hilarious" non-stop laughing) He was taken a back, to say the least, and replied with "well, I guess I'm glad you can laugh about this". We hung up the phone and I laughed some more after the reality of that conversation took place.

Sometimes that is all I can do.

Type 1 diabetes education is something that our schools desperately need and they are just not getting enough of it!!

When I get phone calls about highs I usually try to talk it through with myself first, unfortunately the person on the other end may be completely gob smack with the words coming out of my mouth. These next words, the instructions I tell the school staff or nurse are extremely important. I need to work through my instructions and reasoning very carefully. Every action that I take or not take has a consequence...sometimes great, others not so great!

I usually feel like they think I'm totally incapable of caring for Cara with the nonsense coming out of my mouth, especially when I tell them to do nothing. They question me...but I know more then them...right? I know what her blood sugar was before she ate, I know what type of carbohydrate she just ate, I know that gym is on today's agenda, I know my girl and HER diabetes because everyone's diabetes is their own, what works for one does not always work for another.

I feel incompetent a lot with the questions over the phone from teachers "Why is Cara's blood sugar numbers all over the place?"

Um, because she is a growing, active, happy, living, breathing child with type 1 diabetes...

I am trying my best to match an organ that functions automatically in a person body. That is hard work, there are too many variables to get it right every.single. time. Trust me if there was something that I could do to make this easier for you, for Cara and for me I WOULD BE DOING THAT!!!

I try my best to explain without totally confusing the other person on the other end of the phone or completely telling them off with a smart Alec answer depending on the mood I'm in.

Our phone is literally a life line that rings at least 2 times a day sometimes with emergencies that need to be taken care off, disasters that need to be averted, questions about Diabetes, blood sugar numbers being shared, plans of attack being made, questions and answers about what to do about the cupcake or how many carbs for a freeze.

And sometimes my phone allows me to talk with my sweet Cara who needs a little reassuring that she will be fine, have a great day and that I love her.

The Maze

2013-06-05T11:25:00.001-04:00

We are lost right now,

stuck in a world of extreme highs and daunting lows.

The middle ground has fallen out from under us for the time being.

Diabetes is 99.9% kicking our butts and it is frustrating as hell.

Cara's nurse just called to tell me Cara is 24mmols? What? I have no clue...I'm at a loss.

Seriously, that is what I said..." I.have.no.clue.? I guess just correct and tell her to make sure she keeps an eye on herself"...ya, great plan Nic!

I texted my husband just to make sure insulin was given for breakfast (that has happened on a few occasions and although frustrating as it may be that we caused a high, at least we know what CAUSED the high.

which is not the case now.

I feel like I'm trapped in a great big maze, each turn sending me further and further into complete chaos. Not knowing what I will find at the next turn, completely lost without any sense of direction and without my compass.

I hate this feeling, waiting for diabetes to make its next move because I have no idea which way to go.

There is no anticipating

There is no guessing

There is no predicting passed tends to follow

And the hardest part of this, there is no gut feeling

I'm just playing catch up, correcting the highs and praying to God we catch all the lows.

With no trends to be found, I don't know which way to go.

The only thing I do know is I have to TRY and keep Cara safe through all of this.

2 nights ago we were up all night, every hour fighting highs until a 5am site change was in order. Site change did allow me to gain my footing again, until 4pm yesterday when the lows started to pour in.

You know those stubborn lows that your usual routine of sugar won't even touch.

Cara fell asleep after a crazy stubborn low at 4pm.

I continued checking her and by 5pm I was finally happy with the numbers that I saw. She slept through dinner, she slept through bedtime snack, she slept through continued eating of sugar while we treated a few more lows. A temp basal over night and by 2am I finally found a number that I could feel good about, however completely unsure how long that would last.

Two nights in a row, up all night but for two complete different set of numbers.

This morning she finally woke up to get ready for school with a high.

This kid just slept from 4pm til 7am the next morning.

She does have a bit of a cold that the whole house is fighting right now...could that be causing this craziness? Perhaps.

Is it time to make some change to insulin ratio's...perhaps.

Is it this beautiful weather,

her playing and running around more,

maybe she's growing...

perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Whatever it is I need to find a bit of a middle ground and fast, I need to find my sense of control again. I want that gut feeling back, I want to anticipate, attack and win!

I don't feel safe sitting back and waiting for diabetes to make it's next move.

but for now, I think that is the best thing for me to do right now.

Just wait, a few more days to see if the numbers once again can guide me out of this chaos.

Going Walking, June 9th!

2013-05-28T10:43:00.000-04:00

Fundraising is one aspect of living with type 1 diabetes that I find so emotionally draining.

So why do I do it?

Good questions, every time I start fundraising I ask myself the same question and always it's the same answer...CARA.

We do all of this for Cara.

We like to be involved, feel like something GOOD and meaningful is coming from something not so good (type 1 diabetes).

Supporting the JDRF gives us hope and the connections to our local T1 community.

There is something magical that happens on walk day.

The day starts out as pure chaos, trying to find your team, get everyone registered,the kids all running off one way when they NEED to go the other.

But every time, every year, there is a second in time when all the chaos and screaming and rushing slows right down,

a moment in time when I stop and look around,

take a step back and I feel it.

I feel the hope, I feel the belief, I feel the love and support of all these people coming together and celebrating one hope, one cause, that one day and hopefully one day soon, a CURE will be found for type 1 diabetes.

That truly is a magical feeling.

We do this because I believe it is really important that Cara sees that yes, THIS DOES MATTER...and no matter what we will not give up.

There is nothing in the world that I want more then a cure for my girl and all people living with type 1 diabetes.

The people that have been with us since the beginning, you all have a very special place in our hearts.

The people all walking on that one day all over Canada, I think of you.

All of our friends and online family, you are with us in our hearts, we are walking for you too.

I'm thankful for the people that support The We CARA Lot Team and our hope for a cure.

The people who show up year after year, or even if for one year, the people who donate something no matter what.

You fill our hearts when we are down.

There is nothing better in the world to see that email pop up that you have a donation...it's an instant boost.

And we THANK YOU!

If you would like to support The We CARA Lot Team please click the link to make a donation.

Thank you and of course a very special thank you to Vistaprint.ca

An amazing company and a great website for creating the perfect walk shirt :)

Our walk shirts 2013

Memories: Day 3 of Diabetes Blog Week

2013-05-15T12:26:00.003-04:00

Click for the Memories - Wednesday 5/15 Link List
Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere.... your or your loved one's diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share. (Thanks to Jasmine of Silver-Lined for this topic suggestion.)

Yes, before we begin, I missed Day 2: We The Undersigned. Busy and fun day with the kiddo's yesterday and a surprisingly early bedtime that I could not resist. So, you will have to forgive me for not completing day 2. But, today, back on the horse as they say (I think?) with day 3: Memories.

One of the reasons I blog is not only to share our story living with type 1 diabetes but also it's for me, to remember and save my feelings and our experiences living with t1d. This blog is chalk full of memories good and bad.

Of course, just like many parents of a type 1's I'm sure diagnoses day comes flooding in when you start thinking about our most memorable diabetes day. It's the first one that entered my mind, mostly the feelings of that day, the overwhelming feelings. I can see it so clear, like watching a movie but with the volume off. But today, I do not wish to relive that panic and chaos.

The proud moments are what I would like to relive...Cara's first cross country meet.

Running is a big part of our lives, it's kinda how it all started really. My husband and I met at a Cross Country meet all the way back in high school. We really did push our kids into running (I'm not ashamed to say it), we loved it, so why wouldn't they...right? hahaha, WRONG!

Our oldest Kailyn ran in grade school and she was great, but she just didn't have her heart in it. The second she started making her own decisions about what she liked and did not like, well, running was a dislike. We tried everything, even bribery and I think grade 7 track was the end of her running career.

My oldest son Connor...not a runner, although, he has started to go for small jogs with his dad to get a laptop; a year fitness challenge that Connor and Kylie have begun but competitive racing, not in the cards for him. And that is just fine with us...we still love him! ;)

Kylie, she is a great runner. She loves to run (at least for now) she kinda reminds me of me :) she's not the best but she's not the worst by far and she has her whole heart in it to win it. She is training for her first track and field meet as we speak. GO KY!

Now, our Cara...she is a natural born runner. She's lite on her toes, explosive...she reminds me of a deer. lol, Actually many things about her is very deer like, when she was around 2 (before diabetes) we use to comment on how doe like her eyes were, big and round, so sweet, her deep brown doe eyes, she's extremely shy and hesitant like a little fawn always hiding behind her mother and she runs with the ease and bounce of a deer. Anyways, back to my memory... When she was diagnosed, I think that night of, I said to my husband "well, there goes your little runner!"

That, of course, was many moons ago and we have learned and now know and believe that diabetes will not hold her back from anything she wants to accomplish. Her first Cross Country meet is a testament to that.

Her first Cross Country Meet was our first time trying to figure out how to make diabetes and sports work for Cara. She really did not need to run thaaaat far...but...for us, it was FAR, for her it was insanely far.

It was her first race and we knew she was going to do great, only if she believed she could. I will never forget, it was on this day that we learned Cara and her bff M were training with each other every. single. day. at school HOLDING HANDS...that is how they ran...every time they went for a run at school to train for this one event Cara and M would hold hands...the whole time. Cara was extremely stressed that for this race M and her could not. I gave her a little pep talk, "just run like you do at school, you are going to do great...without the hand holding.... M will be right behind you...you can do this!!"

We checked bg and removed her pump (she was in range and she did not want her pump on her when she ran so we took it off) I gave her a kiss and hug and told her "dad is waiting in the wooded area for you." I left her there to find my spot with all the other parents. She stood on that starting line soooo scared, M right next to her...waiting for the gun to go. I truly believe that if M was not there to stand beside Cara on that starting line, Cara would have pulled out of that race. But, she was ready for this, I knew she was going to do great, I knew we had diabetes under control and today diabetes was not going to destroy this day.

The gun went and she took off, not as fast as I thought she would, but she began sprinting through those kids like a deer running through the forest, dodging tree after tree, she made it to her dad and they were gone, in the trees where I could not see. That wait for them to come out into the open took forever, with the constant please please, come on Cara, please do good, please do great, going through my head over and over, hoping that nothing went wrong in the trees, hoping that she did not give up without her bff's hand to hold, hoping she did not fall down. Then all of a sudden 1 kid,2,3,4 kids and holy shit that's my girl, there she is...that's her... GO CARA, GO BABY RUN!! (BTW, I crying right now writing this)

At that moment I was on top of the world, diabetes WHAT? Screw you...we beat you...she won...she did great...she is amazing!

That is the moment I knew and truly believed...DIABETES WILL NOT STOP MY GIRL FROM DOING ANYTHING SHE WANTS TO DO.

As I ran to find her at the finish line to congratulate her with tears filling my eyes, what does my girl say to me? "where's M, did she finish? Is she ok?" Yes my dear, you both did amazing!!

Maybe one of my most proudest memories of Cara to-date, I had to share...again!

That's my girl!

Day 1 of Diabetes Blog Week: My Plan B...Blog For Our D Clinic

2013-05-13T12:00:00.001-04:00

DAY 1:

Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see? (Thanks to Melissa Lee of Sweetly Voiced for this topic suggestion.)

I started thinking about all the things I wished my D team knew, the things that when my husband leaves the office I'm always bitching about. "Did you tell them about this?" "but do they understand this?" "Ya, but for Cara it works like this!!" So I started to type, and something completely different than what I had planned to write took shape. I think my blog is what I really want my D team to know about us, in our daily life with diabetes. The fact that they are my plan B, to know that their is someone else out there, they may not know 100% all about us and what we are going through each and everyday with D but when SHIT hits the fan...and HELLO, this is diabetes we are talking about, there is a lot of shit hitting the fan...there is someone there that you can fall back on and help you through the messiness and clean up of the D life.

So here it is, my blog to our D clinic:

Hello D Clinic, it's me :) Cara's mom, welcome to The We CARA Lot Blog, This one's for you :)

There is really only one thing I want you to know or see about our day in and day out lives with diabetes...You're our PLAN B.

I know I try my hardest to avoid you like the plague, most of the time sending the hubs with Cara for our 3 month endo appointments instead of me. I also know I may have trouble sometimes, okay...most of the time with hearing what I'm doing "wrong" or what I "should" of done from people...wonderful people, whom I respect, but who don't live my life, in my shoes, every single day. I know I don't always listen to what you tell me, because I'm a little shit disturber (something I'm truly trying to work on) but I just want to say THANK YOU for always being there for us, we would be lost without you.

From the first second diabetes entered our lives you were there holding us up. You reassured us, you believed in us and you gave us the power to believe in ourselves, because of you we knew WE COULD DO THIS. You were our light during a time we needed someone to show us the way. You made us laugh when we didn't want to cry and you let us cry when we really needed to. You do not judge, you give us comfort, you are patient, you make us feel safe, you fight for us when we need someone to back us, you give us the power to take on diabetes. When I am at a loss you are there, willing and able to find the best solution, you are my plan B. You guide us along this journey and because of that we are never alone and that means the world to us. Living in this diabetes world that changes so drastically without any notices or reason it is reassuring and calming to know one constant...that you are there. Without all of you, and the work you do every single day, I would not be who I am today, in our everyday with diabetes.

More importantly than what you have given us as parents to a child with type 1 diabetes, you have and continue to give our daughter so much more. You and your team have made Cara a part of your family. She loves to visit all of you at the hospital. I really don't think she understands that people HATE the hospital because part of her is there with you. You took an extremely negative place with scary memories and turned it into a safe and fun place for Cara to be. She looks forward to her short visits to see HER nurses. You make her feel extremely special, like she is the only one. You make her smile when she is sad, you give her hugs when she needs comfort and of course, great high 5's for a job well done. Most of all, you make her feel loved. Thank You!!

Each and every day you give families like ours so much more than medical advice and diabetes knowledge, I hope you understand how very important you are to us and how very thankful we are for that. You have a huge impact on how people live their day to day lives with diabetes, so keep doing all that you are doing and I will try my hardest to get over my mommy sensitives and spend a little more time with you.

Love and Thank you!
Nicole (Cara' mom)

More Than A D Mom

2013-05-12T10:36:00.000-04:00

More Than a D mom?

I remember being a child, time seemed to stand still.

I remember the joy of staying out late playing with friends down the street, warm baths and the ever abundant feeling of love and comfort I felt at home.

Christmas took forever to come and with each additional birthday a rush of excitement.

Imagination ruled all and my world around me knew no rush or stress.

10, 11, 12...waiting to see what was around the corner, what will my life have in store.
My dream, a veterinarian, working with dogs...mans best friends.
I never really dreamed of travel or some big adventure.
I knew I was a home body, happy with being home.

In a blink of an eye...

Grade school passed and high school began.

As the years added on, time began to rush.

Christmas came and went and returned again much sooner then before.

I began taking more pictures as I felt time rushing by.

One child, two children, a family.

Three, four, five, six children and a dog.

And then, STOP! type 1 diabetes. Once again as if I was a child, time stood still, if only for a few days. Soon, maybe before I wanted, life continued but now veering a whole new direction.

Now D mom was added to my definition.

Soon to be 35, the time that has passed is missed and as my children grow older questions of who I am linger.

I am a daughter, a sister, a mother, a wife, a D mom...

But who am I??

If I close my eyes, Nicole is easy to find...long brown hair and hazily eyes that still possess a spark in them, not a wrinkle to be seen and a soft pinkish glow to my skin. Happy, always smiling, I can hear quiet laughter surrounding me, energetic, a cute and cheeky woman is who I see.

One glance in the mirror, reality hits and I see a completely different person.

She has grayed, although she tries to hide it, bags continuously grow under her eyes, a frown seems to be drawn with permanent marker across her face. She is tired. Oh boy, you can see just how tired she is. Her brow is scorned with worry and questions. Time, children and diabetes has taken a toll on her body and this once tiny little girl who was skin and bones is now overweight and sore.
With my shoulders arched and a quick shrug, I look away.

Who am I, who is that woman?

I am more than that sad, tired looking women in the mirror.

I am more than I use to be,

I am strong...I am stronger then I every thought I could be.

I am loved...and I will never take that for granted.

I am a protector...because I am a mother.

I am a fighter...and I fight every single day until a cure for diabetes is found.

I am confidant...I know my weakness and my strengths.

I am a bitch...and have been called such on a "few" occasions.

I am funny...damn, I can get you laughing!

I am selfless...they always come first.

I belong...I have found a community and a life I never would have seen before.

I fall down...but get right back up again.

I am friendly

I am talkative

I am emotional

I am needed
I am needy

I am kind

I am smart

I am brave

I am giving

I take a stand

I speak my mind

I sacrifice

I am understanding

I am mouthy

I am empathetic

I am comfort

I am home.

Always, right where I wanted to be, but with a twist.

This is me, and more than, a D mom.

Dear Mom, Happy Mother's Day. I Love You! because you take care of my when I have diabetes. Love Cara xoxoxox

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

More Than A D-Mom" is a blog series that was created and started with a wonderful and heartfelt post by Hallie . Click the links to follow the rest of the series with these amazing D moms Meri, Lora, Wendy, Tracy and Donna. Today I'm happy to share a Mother's Day post with Misty so click on the link to read her thoughts on More Than A D Mom?

MAD

2013-05-10T12:23:00.001-04:00

NOTE: These were my feelings last night at 12:30am when I was pissed, please don't email me saying I need help dealing...I am dealing...that is why I am writing) side note: I already feel better this morning, tired but not sooo mad. p.s. spelling and grammar will suck due to the tired and late blogging and oh, yes, there is swearing.

l am mad...like I want to trow something, break something and scream.

but it's 12:30 am, so instead I will blog

I HATE THIS!

I Hate type 1 diabetes.

l am mad because it is 12:30 am and I am wide awake trying to reason with a sleepy and low 7 year old type 1 that needs to drink a juice box NOW!

But she does not want to and she will not!!

Right now, she is barely awake and more concerned with an itchy spot on her arm.

I am mad that she doesn't understand or seem to care that she NEEDS to drink this juice...now.

Every second that is passing is sending us closer and closer into an emergency situation.

It's not her fault, at least I think it's not her fault. She's not trying to be difficult, at least I don't think she is trying to be difficult. Our brains only energy source is glucose and when glucose is low Cara's brain is not functioning at 100% power. It's drowsy, confused and for Cara it seems to get stuck on things that have no relevance with what it going on. I have noticed this as she has gotten older, she seems to lose the ability to prioritize needs. Right now, safety is not her brains focus. You would think, me, her mom saying "you're low, you must drink this juice" drinking the juice would be the first thing that crosses her mind! I outlined the problem and the solution for her, but NOPE...you would be wrong, right now, priority number 1 is stopping the itch and that is scary as hell.

She is sitting directly across from me and her opened juice box itching and itching, like crazy, the same spot, not understanding the need for sugar. If you ever hear someone say "Oh, they don't need help...they are a teenagers, they can handle type 1 on their own" Remember this, that is so wrong!

In the back of my mind, plan B,C and D are quickly starting to form and inner voices beginning to bitch.

"If she does not drink this in 1 more minute I'm getting the glucagon"

"Shit, are her eyes closing because she is tired and falling back asleep or is she about to pass out."
"What do I do if she passes out?"

"UGH! It's 12:35am we all should be sleeping!!

"Where in the hell is my husband?"

I am mad that we are out of rockets.

We had switched from rockets back to juice a little while ago because Cara was getting sick of the rockets BUT of course now, when she is low, and in the middle of the night, when we don't HAVE rockets...she wants them, only them...scratch that she NEEDS them.

I hate that she needs them!

I am sitting at my daughters bedside feeling so mad that people don't understand this.

They don't see this, they don't experience this, they just don't get this.

I feel on the verge of tears, my poor sweet girl

I feel like I want to scream, this is just not fair

I feel alone

and scared

unsure

and blame starts to grow

My head fills with questions of the unknown.

This disease is not a joke!

I guess if you don't experience the guilt, the panic, the haunting of numbers day in and day out, the exhaustion of fighting a disease you can't control and the constant turmoil of living with something that can take away something so precious as your daughter, you just don't get it.

This shit is scary, it is hard and I have had enough at 12:42 am

Tonight, 2.7mmols quickly beeps up on the screen, first thought, shit...I should have checked her sooner (the guilt). All I wanted was to watch 30 more minutes of t.v., relax for a bit longer. Problem is, while you are relaxing diabetes is up to no good and it always is. There is no relaxing, there is no deep breath.
As I dash to get a juice box (the panic), the "I told you so's" start to fly (the scared, the unsure, the blame). "I told you we needed to check her sooner because blah blah blah" yells my husband as I'm getting the juice box (none of this earlier conversation I remember of course) "If you did, why did you not check her yourself than" races out of my mouth!

A small argument ensues about our roles and responsibilities and efforts.

This is the crazy thing about diabetes, sometimes when the thing you are enraged at is invisible and not available to take your hatred out on, you end up lashing out and hurting the people closest to you. Many marriages have been lost to diabetes.

Sometimes you are left asking why is EVERYTHING on me? (the alone).

I am mad that it's now 1am, Cara did finally drink her juice box, I had to find Polysporin and fix her itch before she would even think about drinking the "gross juice box" (her words) and now still not time to sleep, it's time to check blood sugar again. Time to make sure Cara's bg is on the rise and again an alarm with be set throughout the rest of the night.

I'm mad that I will be a zombie in the morning, barely able to function.

And I am furious that some of you still think diabetes is no big deal...WHAT A JOKE!

Unstuck

2013-05-08T13:51:00.000-04:00

From bad to great to a first.

Diabetes has had us all over the board this week. First, a horrible night, fighting a rage bolus of insulin that had full potential of screwing up a great night out. Followed the next day by beautiful numbers all day long and now a first.

The night before after a friends hot tub birthday party, Cara's site was giving her some issues, it was itchy. When my husband looked down at it he could she a blister of water had made it's way inside Cara's Tegaderm (we use a Tegaderm film to keep her site on when she is going in the water)

My husband carefully removed the film from the site area and released the sitting water, allowing Cara to feel much more comfortable. Snack time came and then off to bed she went. The wonderful numbers that had blessed us earlier that day continued 5.4mmols at midnight, so I turned her basal down to 60% taking into consideration the exercise from early in the day.

I woke to my 2am alarm and she was holding steady 5.6mmols. At 5am I found myself tossing and turning and of course having a inner debate whether I should get up and check Cara once again. After 10 minutes of going back and forth with pros and cons for both sides I, of course, got up. 10mmols, so I shut off her temp basal. Cara was up at 7:30am with a bit of a panicky cry "Oh, my gosh, my pump was like this when I woke up, I didn't do anything" as she ran into our room with her tubing clearly dragging behind. Her site had fallen off in her sleep. Surely, it was do to all the water the site was sitting in but still, so scary. This was a first for us, her sites have never fallen off in the night before. Good thing it had fallen off so close to her walking up.

I guess one more reason for that 2am alarm :( and another check on the pro side to getting up and just checking Cara if I'm suddenly having issues sleeping.

Unfortunately that also meant, early morning site change...it was Saturday (of course) and all I wanted was to be able to sleep in a bit...bummer, insulin wins out every-time!

What a week!

Lovin The Numbers Today

2013-05-06T12:48:00.002-04:00

Diabetes is a roller coaster of emotions to say the least.

One minute you're just like that poor kid who thought they were big and brave enough to ride the "big kids" ride begging to get the hell off. You know, the one with their hands tightly gripped to the seat bar in front of them holding on for dear life while screaming... please stop the ride...MOMMY, stop the ride, tear streaming down their palish green face because there about to lose their lunch.

Ya, that was me last night...diabetes had its way with me and it did not feel good!!

But here's kind of a good thing about diabetes, (if I can say good and diabetes in the same sentence?)

The next minute or day or maybe even week you can be on top of the world, master of that roller coaster, with your hands in the air taunting the roller coaster gods to give you all they got because you are a rock star and nothing is going to stop you.

Today is one of those rock star days, so F you diabetes, I'm kicking your ass...

Hope you enjoy it because I sure as hell am!

Of course, I have no idea what has brought this most perfect of days?

I mean really, it's not my doing? but I will take full and complete credit for it...no problem!

Maybe, it was all the sugar from the night before, when I had to force feed Cara Sprite and Rockets?

Maybe it is just f'in time to have a win!?

Whatever the reason

Score one for this MOM because we rocked it today!!

Morning wake up 5.5mmols (99)

Am snack 6.8mmols (122)

Lunch 6.3mmols (113)

Pm snack 6.5mmols (117)

and unfortunately 3.6mmols (64.8) after school snack...but if you reverse these two numbers, which Cara jokingly did when she was reading her meter off to me you get 6.3mmols...no?, it doesn't work like that? Well, whatever lol

Anyways...

We have NEVER seen numbers across the board like this...amazing :) Or maybe we have but just never really paid to much attention to it or appreciated it as I do today . After having our asses handed to us on a plate just last night by D this sure does feel great!!

and of course tonight Cara has a birthday party with a little hot tub action so I will enjoy these 6's while I have them!

So, SCREW YOU TYPE 1 DIABETES, you're my bitch today!! SUCK IT!!

How do you like them apples? (for my husband :)

A Mess Of Mistakes

2013-05-03T14:00:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was a mess, a complete loss in terms of diabetes management...on my part. The whole day diabetes beat the crap out of me...and Cara, unfortunately. I think, that is the hardest part of parenting a child with type 1, if I suck as a diabetes caregiver for just one day, if I'm not completely 110% on my game for one day...making stupid decision after stupid decision, it's not me reaping the consequences, it's Cara. AND THAT, my friends is heart wrenching and completely impossible for me to deal with today.

It's the consequences from the stupid decisions that take the longest to recover from for me. At least when you have done every. single. damn. thing. perfectly. and diabetes does something to throw a curve ball in your perfect day...you can blame diabetes. You can scream at it, you can curse it up and down, you can take all that hatred you are feeling and throw it right back at diabetes. But when it's you, your fault, and because of something so simple like not following the #1 rule of diabetes management WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU TEST and or a lack of communication between you and your husband...where can you place those feelings, where can you place that hatred?

Some say, look at the positive...well, that was dumb, Cara could have died BUT she didn't and now we know, we learned and I HOPE I never do that again!

We can try and laugh it off..."Well Nic," my husband could say "good thing we have 6 kids if that's the kind of care your giving" (big belly chuckle) hahahaha

Or maybe, I will just wallow in this a little...I'm so mad at myself and my nerves are shot!

Okay, so I'm sure you are asking yourself what the hell happened?! Here it is, I'll call it... Allowing Diabetes To Kick My Stupid Ass Day...it has a nice ring to it!

Cara woke up yesterday morning with a bg of 18mmols (324) after a 3am check (14mmols or 252) and of course a CORRECTION. My husband does breakfast with the kids while I sleep in a bit (since I'm the one up during the nights for CORRECTIONS and such) After breakfast, the kids got ready and left for school. Am snack Cara's bg was 14mmols, the nurse corrected and bolused. By lunch the nurse calls, Cara's bg was 18mmols and complaining her belly was upset...can anyone guess why?? So I asked the nurse what her am snack number was, I told her to correct and bolus. After I hung up the phone I called my husband to see what Cara's morning number was...seeing as I did not hear about it in the morning I FIGURED it was good...I was wrong! <----This is why communicating is SOOO IMPORTANT.

If I knew she was 18 in the morning I would have done a site change right there and then because of the highs at night and we would not have had any of these issues. He figured and the reason he did not tell me about the 18 was at the 3am check when Cara was 14mmols he thought (and was wrong) that I did not do the correction. So that, to him, in his head explains the 18. In my head, I would have known we needed to do a site change but I didn't have all the information because of a communication breakdown.

So, I start to freak out a bit. I'm envisioning DKA, all the damage these shit numbers are doing to my kid because me and her dad are not on the same page and of course THERE GOES MY/OUR FLIPPING A1C!! (I know, I know BUT it is true...these are the thoughts that ran through my head) And in diabetes truest form, this happens on a day when she has a talent show performance that night. She can't be sick because of high bg and ketones tonight! So, I called my dad (we only have one car) to pick Cara up from school to bring her home and I did a site change. ALL IS GREAT and by pm snack she is 9.2mmols. I feel much better and so does Cara.

I was a little annoyed by OUR mistake BUT I fixed it and we were back on track and moving forward.

Fast forward to 6:30pm same day, night of the talent show. The kids are excited, having a great time playing with their friends. We get everyone sitting at our table with their dinners and Cara comes over so I can do the diabetes stuff. I take her bg and 28mmols (504) pops up on the screen...I was a little taken back, but there is NO TIME TO TALK THIS OVER, something takes over me and all common sense goes out the window as I go into full attack mode...diabetes is not going to ruin this day! RAGE BOLUS complete without a second thought.

The instant I pressed that last act button to start the insulin running into Cara's body a tiny little voice SCREAMED "what the hell did you just do?"

As Cara happily walked back to her seat I looked at my husband and said "Um, I just gave Cara 6.4 units of insulin???" (nervous laugh) "Um I think I made a huge mistake"

Before dinner Cara ate a sugar sucker, like a sucker made out of Canadian rockets and I didn't bolus for it. I figured, she was playing and running and she was going to be doing her little gymnastic routine, so no need. When the 28mmols popped up on her meter, I thought holy shit! I guess I should have covered that sucker...stupid me!!

Ha ha ha, stupid me was right! and the sucker, well, it had something to do with the 28... but it was not because it was uncovered, it was because there was sugar on her fingers and we/I did not wash before checking her bg.

HELLO...one of the rules they teach you on diagnoses day....wash hands before testing!!

15 mins later Cara is 7.4mmols leaving to go with the rest of the kids to do her routine and that is when I knew... WE ARE SCREWED!!

Like screwed where there is full potential for my daughter to pass out in front of all her friends because of a low, to have a seizure with 100 plus people watching us because of a low. We might very well need to call an ambulance if this goes bad because of a low I caused. And to top it all off, I don't have my glucagon with me. And it gets better... my husband had to leave to pick up our oldest daughter who was volunteering 30 minute away...I was freaking out and flying solo...

Before Cara left to get ready to preform her talent I grabbed all the rockets out of her blue bag and said "here, eat this" She looked at me like WHAT? are you nuts? and with a sweet motherly smile and a warm tone in my voice I replied "just eat them".

She rocked her little gymnastics moves and I was able to get her attention, we walked back to the table to check bg (for all my number people out there you're going to love this!) she was 5.4mmols with 5.4 units on board...FUN!!

I suspended her pump (don't know why that took so long for me to figure out) and poor Cara was force fed a huge glass of Sprite (which she hated) with chasers of rockets throughout the remainder of the night.

One of the parents sitting at my table looked over at us at one point during the night with the most pity-filled looked on her face after watching us test and force feed/drink sugar and said "Oh, that must be so hard" (I think it was the first time that any parent has ever said that to me honestly) I replied "Yep, it just sucks! As I sit here and force my child to drink Sprite" She said "oh, I thought that was water" NOPE I replied and I tried to explain...but you know, it's complicated.

We made it through the night, the kids including Cara had a great time, we got home, everything was/is fine and I'm still shacking in my boots...I just can't believe so many bad decisions were made in one day.

It really leaves you unsure of yourself some days...mistakes can't be made!!

Onward and forward we move. Tonight Cara has a birthday party to attend and hot tubbing...LORD HELP ME!!!

Plain and Simple

2013-04-29T11:23:00.001-04:00

Some days people really surprise you, sometimes, they actually understand this stupid disease. They may not grasp the whole and huge complexities of our day in and day out but they get it to the point of spreading viable useful information. And when this happens, I may stand there with the biggest grin on my face completely and totally in awe, as I listen to how plain and simple some people can explain type 1 diabetes.

A few days ago I was blessed with this experience, it was like I could breathe again, a weight was lifted, it was like for a few hours after this experience I was living under a rainbow. Some people actually understanding what this disease is...not many (in my experience), but there are people out there!!

THERE IS HOPE!!

My friend from high school owns her own yoga studio and on certain days she hosts free yoga for kids. My girls LOVE it!! Cara has attended this yoga class on many occasions with Melissa (the children's yoga instructor) At the beginning of going to these yoga days we took Melissa through a crash course of type 1.

I dropped the girls off, left Cara's blue bag behind and my husband and I walked around the shops for the hour.

On returning to the yoga studio my girls were getting their shoes and jackets when I spotted a little girl whispering something into the Melissa's ear while looking at Cara. My first reaction, pure panic!! Sometimes, kids can ask really rude questions without really meaning it. I have worked really hard reinforcing to Cara that type 1 diabetes is NOTHING to be ashamed of and I don't need 1 insensitive question from a peer to throw the years of hard work down the drain. The yoga instructor looked at Cara with a warm smile (which, to me, confirmed that they were talking about Cara) and out loud Melissa replied "the thing on her arm?" (which was her site) and without missing a beat she (the yoga instructor) started educating everyone in the hallway. My first reaction, pure panic because sometimes... A LOT of times... people explaining T1D can get it soooo wrong it's just plain rude.

As my heart raced and my brain started to pull and circulate type 1 knowledge and facts waiting for the moment I needed to interrupt to correct and give this kid a REAL type 1 education, Melissa began to speak...Well, Cara has type 1 diabetes and that thing on her arm is what gives her insulin. All our bodies make something called insulin that gives us energy but unfortunately Cara's body can't do that for her anymore. Melissa looked at us almost inviting us to this impromptu type 1 education AND of course me being me, I was all over this! Cara smiled as I slowly went to grab her pump (educating sometimes can be a tricky thing when you are educating about someone else's disease. I would never want Cara to feel out of place or put on the spot when talking about her diabetes, but with her smile came her willingness to have this conversation) I grabbed her pump and showed the little girl where Cara's insulin was stored and how we administered the insulin. Cara happily showed her the pump, tubing and proudly lifted her shirt sleeve to show off her pink site. The little girl seems happy with her short explanation of what that "pink thing" was on Cara's arm and I left feeling like the biggest GEEK EVER. My face must have been so funny, just standing in awe of Melissa and her plain and simple explanation, it was so refreshing to be educating and sharing in a positive understanding environment.

As we walked to the Car Kylie said "I feel GREAT" and I completely agreed!

Bubbles...

2013-04-10T11:36:00.002-04:00

Bubbles,

I'm not talking about the wondrous clear round blobs of fun.

Or that crazy yellow fish in Finding Nemo who has a fetish for them.

NOPE

I'm talking about bubble troubles.

You know, the bubbles that fill the reservoir and no matter how hard you bash the crap out of it, the bubbles continue to happy float around, mocking you with their perfect little round selves.

OR

The bubbles that form out of NO WHERE...out of thin fricken air! One minute you have a reservoir perfectly filled, a clear as glass reservoir that you place down (softly) while moving on to finish the other tasks of site change. You turn your back for one minute and poof...bubbles.

OR

Those little bastard bubbles that show up a day later after site change...though, a little slower than the others (no judgment, some bubbles take a little more time to develop) much more devious and still the same damn problem in the end.

We have NEVER had bubble troubles like this before. Almost 2 years of pumping, and now the bubbles come out to play? What the hell?

Our insulin is at room temp (as I have heard that colder insulin creates more bubbles)
We use a hard pencil to TRY and knock the bubbles out (also, on occasion, I have been known to use hair brushes, t.v. remotes, a telephone, the pump itself (once, I was in a pinch and I don't recommend that)
I make sure that I push air into the insulin vial before drawing out the insulin into the reservoir
I find the slower I draw out the insulin, almost allowing the pressure that has formed to fill the reservoir itself, the less bubbles I do get, however, at times I let that shit drip out and still bubbles.
When I prime the site, I hold the line up higher then the pump and allow that insulin to flow for much longer then I need to.

In any case, bubble troubles is where we are at right now and it's making site change even more frustrating than usual...never thought that was possible...

This is what I'm taking about...

I mean, look at that thing people... it has eyes!!

Kaboom goes the D'rent

2013-03-27T18:44:00.000-04:00

Dealing: Everyone does it differently, everyone does it at different times, and everyone deals differently at different times.

It's a process...

Me, I never really had that sobbing, soul destroying, my child's life is over feeling with our type 1 diagnoses...I'm not knocking it...like I said, people deal differently at different times. Maybe it was the way Cara was diagnosed? She was sick, very sick for a very long time, a diagnoses almost came as a blessing to me. It allowed me to breathe, I felt safe in the hospital. People were finally taking me seriously...I was NOT that crazy mom thinking EVERYTHING is wrong with my child...there really WAS something wrong. A diagnoses gave me something to focus on, it gave me a direction to the next step. I was no longer trapped in "what is wrong with my kid hell" we diagnosed the problem and now lets move to the next step, learning, processing, dealing and living.

Now, I of course, I HAD my BREAKDOWN and I still have breakdowns...why is this happening to us? What did we do to deserve this? My poor sweet little girl...poor, poor Caral! Poor us!! How are we going to get through this? I can't do this!...you know the usual ;) I'm sure you all know the many questions that circulate in ones mind, during your quiet alone time...usually in the shower (that damn shower always gets me). The point is, being a parent of a child with type 1 diabetes brings up so many emotions AND THAT IS OK. It's ok to be mad, happy, bitter, sad, overwhelmed, depressed, confident, proud,unsure...you will experience many or all emotions and sometimes all in one day!(today is one of those all in one days btw blog post to come) But, I think the most important thing is to feel it, own it, understand it and deal with what you are feeling because you bottle that SHIT up and KABOOM...you explode and that is not good for anyone.

I recently was having a conversation with a wonderful local D mom at an outreach event who needed some extra lovin'. She didn't want to go there, she didn't want to let the emotions of everything her and her family were going through out, she was bitter and pissed and I think scared that once she started, once she let it all out she couldn't stop...you know that feeling? She said to me "you just seem to handle everything so much better" and I laughed, literally, in her face and told her this story:

I'm just as crazy as everyone else...maybe a bit more?

I was having a really rough week a few weeks back, I was exhausted, fighting blood sugars at night, issues with the kids schools during the day (every day a different issue with a different kid...no joke!) The whole week was pretty much one big ball of stress that was building and building. I was just too tired to talk about it or deal with any of it, I just bottled it all up and tried my best to get through the end of the week. On top of that and probably because of my stress, the hubs and I got into a bit of a "roommate" routine...he would come home from work, we ate dinner, homework with the kids, bedtime for the kids, watch a few of our shows, shared some popcorn and bedtime...you know just like it would be with your roommate. Anyways, it was Friday and we were having a conversation about our weekend and ALL the plans he wanted to make did not include or did not "suit" me (yes I'm a bit of a queen bee). It got a little heated, as I got a little mean and he ended up telling me very calmly that on Saturday this is WHAT HE WILL BE DOING and that is that. Well, if you know me...you don't dare say that to me on a good day. So I hung up and I literally lost my mine...I was so mad I was laughing-lost my mind. I started texting him (because that is what one does when one has lost her mind and needs to make a point)...don't you dare tell me how it's going to be blah blah blah...I will tell you HOW IT'S GOING TO BE...crazy, crazy, crazy...started using phrases like "MY kids" and of course "F" bomb city. Then, oh ya listen to this... I unfriended him on facebook...YEP, hello...lost my mind, and I ended my rage basically telling him he could live with his mother and don't worry about packing I have that covered...AND THAT WAS THAT. I was done, I made my point and I felt GREAT, 110% better.

It felt like a huge weight was lifted and I moved on with my day, however not really informing my husband of my mood change...remember I left the conversation with don't worry about packing I got that covered! :). I was bathing my little ones and he was frantically calling over and over again. He jumped in his car with visions of me throwing all his cloths on our front lawn (lol) and by the time I realized and called him back he was already home...with a coffee for me, not that I needed the caffeine. We both had a good laugh, I apologized and thanked him.

It felt so good to scream and yell and just let all that shit out...OMGosh, I needed that sooooo bad. I was so pissed at my whole week, so pissed at diabetes and I was not dealing with it at all. It just built and built until I almost threw my husband out of the house for wanting to spend a few hours on a Saturday with our boys...yes that's right, not his friend, not golfing but with our boys!

My point is... dealing with your emotions is so important when you are living with such a stress producing monster like type 1 diabetes. Call someone, talk to anyone, write it down, sing a song, go for a run, scream, take a walk or a bath, eat some chocolate or dance your ass off, cry, laugh, swear, clean...Whatever it is, make it something because one day you don't want to go KA-BOOOM, like I did!

To help you out a little I got your dancing, swearing, singing and screaming covered ;) Music makes me smile and this song makes me dance...it's my therapy.

Your welcome!

Like A Champ For The Win

2013-03-20T21:48:00.000-04:00

This morning was a tough one. Who am I kidding? It seems like lately everyday is giving us a little too much on our plates.

This weekends mistake had us pretty rattled for the most part. You can always tell when something is bothering us...either I'm bitching about it for DAYS and looking for payback or we make light of the situation and jokes are slung back and forth. There seems to be a lot of inside jokes going around this last little while, I guess our way of dealing with the frighting reality of this disease. #dealing

We did learn our lesson (thankfully) and Cara is fine and we CAN joke about the differences of 10 and 2 all day long (and btw there are many similarities too...like...they both start with the letter "T", they both are spelled will 3 letters...they are both numbers...a lot of similarities, OK!!) side note: if you did not read my last post...you will have no idea what that was all about.

Anyways...

Thankfully for that mistake on Sat, we were able and felt 100% confident doing an injection correction (it rhymes, hehe made me smile;) this morning, and we were able to send Cara off to school knowing full-well that we did it right and she would be safe. That my friends is a great feeling...the fact that I sent my 7 year old to school with 6 units of insulin on board...well, not so much, a great feeling BUT at least I know it was done right!...right? ugh, how I hate diabetes... FUD!

Our Morning WIN:
Cara woke up with a lousy blood sugar of 25mmols, not sure where the hell that came from BUT this is diabetes and this is how it plays...dirty! Okay, nicely played T1, trying to wreck her whole day right out the gate. Now, our move... so, we countered with a correction and breakfast bolus INJECTION with a syringe (take that failed site/shit ass diabetes)...but wait, we took it one. step. further. We unhooked her pump from her site and entered her bg and breakfast carbs that we had injected and pretended to administered the insulin (remember she isn't hooked up) so the pump was aware of insulin given and able to calculate IOB (insulin on board) for the remainder of her morning at school. BAM, take that! How do you like them apples...

And by a.m. snack time, her nurse called with a bg of 10mmols...not bad, if I do say so myself.

Annnnnd at lunch no phone call, which mean bg is on target...BOOYA!

But that is not the reason I'm posting all of this.

After the kids left for school, I drank my coffee, took a breath and reviewed my morning. First feeling sorry for us...let me tell you, the Pity Party was full in effect, but then something just hit me, I was in awe...I was amazed at that kid, I am amazed at that kid everyday but today it just...smack...your kid is amazing. She puts up with soooo much, and she deals with it all at such a young age...and yet, she still smiles and laughs, loves and lives...one tough, amazing kid.

There are times in your children's lives when they show growth, maturity and change and today was just one of those days for Cara. On these days you realize just how far you/they/your family has come. #proudmommymoment (I don't know why I'm hashtaging...just go with it)

Today my girl who hates needles-terrified of needles, did not scream this morning when needing an injection. This morning my husband gave her options...bath first, site change and then breakfast OR injection, breakfast, bath time and site change. She quietly weighted out her options and she picked the injection first with both parties agreeing that there will be no screaming or fighting during the injection...HELLO, just Amazing! (now a little back story: Cara can, at times, (all the time) take on zombie like characteristics when approached with a syringe, there is moaning and groaning and screaming and teeth showing and flailing...it's not pretty! Once my husband joked as he held Cara down "I feel like the Governor" (walking dead reverence) But this morning non of that.

After the injection and breakfast, it was time for bath and then the dreaded site change. Again another needle (2 needles in 30 minutes of each-other) This one is a bit hidden, she really does not see it...she feels it...but, there is not the anxiety that she gets with a syringe...she is less "zombie" like with site change. However, site change usually involves me doing the actually changing of the sites and my husband holds/hugs Cara. Well, today, as you could guess ...we were running crazy behind and he (the hubs) was still doing lunches and unable to hug/hold Cara. She was not happy, she kept on repeating "but this is going to hurt, this is going to hurt...I need dad". I simply explained, he is busy, let's get this done and move on with our day...that was it..oh, and maybe, I do remember someone promising something if she does a good site change...WHAAAAT? a little bribery is fine!! and that was it. DONE!

And she did it all without fighting, after a bg of 25 (and for all of you who have no clue, a 25 does NOT feel good AT ALL, from what I'm told) a shot first thing in the morning to kick starting her day followed by another needle to send her off to school...I mean, that kid is AMAZING and she still went to school with a smile on her face and an "I LOVE YOU"

Like a champ, my sweet (sometimes zombie like) Cara!