Photo from The Wedding Lens

 

I have a question regarding “plus ones”. I received a RSVP card that allows space for only the invited (“M____ accepts/declines”). However, when I looked at their wedding website, it noted that we are free to bring a guest. I feel awkward asking her directly because I will only be able to attend if I am allowed to bring my boyfriend (we had already reserved that weekend months in advance to spend together since we rarely get to see each other).

Should I assume that plus ones are allowed based on the wedding site or should I rely on the RSVP card that did not include a space for “plus one”? If I do rely on the wedding site, how do I note that I’ll be bringing a guest on the RSVP card that doesn’t have a “plus one” space?

Interesting! So there are two parts to this: 1) Can you bring a date? and 2) How do you reply?

Can you bring a date?

First, the key to knowing whether or not a date is permitted is usually on the envelope. Usually the invitation is specifically addressed to the people invited: “Natasha and Guest” or “Natasha and Adam” or, simply “Natasha.” Based on those addresses, you can kind of tell who’s invited, right? Right.

That said, it sounds like this person may not have followed that “protocol” and elected to let guests know otherwise. If this is the case, just be sure that the website does say that all guests can bring a date. Remember, most couples are aware that people may respond “incorrectly” and they will nip that in the bud. For example, if you respond with “Me + Date” and Date isn’t invited, the couple will likely contact Me and let Me know that Date wasn’t part of the invite. Obviously that can be a bit awkward. So just double check the website again.

How should you reply?

Second, how to respond? Well, it sounds like a standard invitation, so dont worry! Most invitations only have room for one name, though you should be able to write both in. M___________ can probably fit a “Ms. Me Last Name & Mr. Guest Last Name if you write small enough. That’s what’s expected, so give it a shot.

Bear in mind, most couples also number their guest list and put that number on the invitation. Take a close look, you might find a number in the corner of the response card envelope or response card. Why do they do that? Because if you forget to write on it and accidentally send it back blank, they’ll still know who sent it! And, if you write illegibly, they’ll still know! Voila.

I think that should answer all the questions — hope it helps! Good luck!

Let me know if YOU have a wedding question: natasha@theweddinglens.com

~ Natasha

We just received this engagement story from Sara. It’s so sweet, we wanted to share the whole thing. Please enjoy! And feel free to share YOUR engagement story by emailing me at natasha@theweddinglens.com.

“I first met Robby through mutual friends at an Italian Restaurant in Morrisville, we instantly felt sparks but were casual friends at first, which did not last long before we both knew we were kindred spirits and we immediately started spending a lot of time together. We had been dating about a month when Labor Day weekend approached and Robby asked me to come with him to Florida for the holiday to meet his family. I instantly felt different. I could actually feel my life changing, it was incredible.

Robby is not an overwhelmingly romantic or showy person, but he always says what he means and you can tell he means what he says, so our engagement was even more incredible! Christmas time was quickly approaching and we had decided we would spend it in Florida with his family. This would be my very first Christmas away from my own family, so it was an adjustment but I was still really looking forward to it.

My favorite day of the year is Christmas Eve and in my Italian family, this is our big celebration day when all of the gifts are opened and everyone stays up late. Robby had mentioned that to honor my family’s tradition he and I would exchange our gifts on Christmas Eve and I happily agreed!

A few days before we left for Florida we were visiting my Mom and I saw she and Robby speaking in low voices out front of our house while he was helping her with packages, my detective senses were working overtime and I was anxious at what this could be about. Later that night I grilled my Mom for any information, but she just said they were talking about a gift he had gotten me and if it was the right one. I mentioned something about an engagement and she quietly told me that I should just relax and have a great time in Florida and that I shouldn’t worry about all of that, she said there would be plenty of time for talk about marriage down the road. I took her advice to heart and just appreciated our first Christmas together, and we left for Florida in the car the day before Christmas Eve.

On Christmas Eve, we had dinner over at Robby’s Grandparents home and opened gifts. His two younger siblings (twins) (18yearsold) left in a quick hurry after they tore through their gifts like a whirlwind and sped off for home. I thought this to be odd, and when I asked Robby’s Mom why they had left so soon, she wouldn’t really answer me. We went home about an hour later with Robby’s parents.

When we got in the car, a cell phone started ringing and Robby’s step dad answered and said only “The Chicken is in the coop” and hung up. Realizing I had only known this family a few months, I decided that they just might be a little “different” and I shook it off as nothing. Repeatedly on the way home Robby’s Mom was pointing out to me what seemed like really trivial non-sensual things like “Look Sara there are people at Walgreen’s!” or, “look, a yellow car!” again, I shook it off laughing.

The sun was just about setting when we began to pull into the drive and again, the cell phone was ringing, this time the greeting to the mysterious caller was “The Chicken IS IN the pot” no sooner did the car stop that Robby was running for the house and he was quickly out of sight.

Once inside with Robby’s parents in tow, Robby’s step dad suggested we open up the bottle of my native Long Island Bordeaux I had brought and I instantly agreed! I was having a strange night!!!

It was about 15 minutes later that Robby appeared and said: “Hey you want to walk down to the dock, get some air for a minute” I thought this was a great idea, so wine glass in hand in hand we descended down the lawn to the dock where we had previously done all of that fishing and jet skiing, I was happy to be back here. As we got closer and the sun dipped lower I saw something in the distance out on the pier, closer inspection revealed candles, lots of candles lining the entire path up the dock, I squinted my brow and looked closer to find rose petals strewn everywhere! They were even lapping up at the shore!

I was breathless and by the time I could turn to Robby he was down on one knee, box open twinkling in the evening sun. I think I said yes AS he was asking the question! I was crying and laughing at the same time, I got down and pulled him up to me and felt him waving his right arm in the air, I said “what’s going on?” and he said in a very loud voice: “there are supposed to be fire…” and as he said it, I heard rustling in the bushes behind us and then one after the next, fireworks flew through the evening sky, the whole family was in on the entire production from beginning to end and the twins had set off for home early so they could carefully orchestrate Robby’s plans. The rose petals were hand picked by the twins from their grandmothers rose garden!!!!

It was the most memorable unbelievable day of my life, and only one thing was missing. My parents weren’t there! When we went back into the house I immediately dialed my Moms number to find her already laughing and giddy on the other end, He DID talk to my Mom that night outside the house, even showed her the ring!!!! They were all in on it!!!”

Congratulations!

Photo from The Wedding Lens

This reader question applies for a bit after the wedding, but I think a lot of people struggle with this issue on both sides. Here’s the question: My wife and I got married last year and we just celebrated our first anniversary. We were really disappointed that none of our friends sent us cards or gifts for our anniversary. Should we not expect such things? Or should we be disappointed in our friends?

Hm! Well, I think some of your friends probably thought “Should I send them an anniversary card?” and maybe forgot or decided that it seemed silly. The short answer is that you should not be disappointed in your friends! It is nice to receive a card (or even a gift!) but it should never be expected.

In fact, I would say that it is very rare to get an anniversary gift from friends. Think about it this way: your friends probably spent some amount of money coming to your wedding and getting you a gift last year. They probably feel like it’s unnecessary to send another gift — especially since they just spent so much on you! But don’t feel cheated or and don’t think they are thinking great thoughts of you! People express it differently. And maybe the next time you see them, they’ll have well wishes in person. You never know!

And hey! Congrats on your anniversary from The Wedding Lens!

~ Natasha

I just answered a reader’s question about whether she should spend more on the food or drinks at her wedding. I gave a bunch of suggestions — but I’m curious whether you agree with my advice! If you want to remember what I said…. here is my thoughts on where you can save money on your foods & drinks. Remember to look at our cheap wedding tips if you’re looking to save money in ALL areas of your wedding!

Happy eating & drinking!

~ Natasha

Photo from The Wedding Lens!

When it comes to selecting the clothing options, there’s a lot of information out there. I’ve written a lot myself! In case you’re looking for all of it in ONE handy dandy location…. here you go!

Photo from The Wedding Lens!

• How to Choose the Right Wedding Gown
• Colorful Wedding Dresses!
• Tuxedos: Renting or Buying or Using Your Own
• Colorful Tuxedos!
• Picking Bridesmaids Dresses
• What Guests Should Wear!

See anything I didn’t cover? Let me know! Email me: natasha@theweddinglens.com

~ Natasha

Photo from The Wedding Lens

We just received this question from a reader: I am in the process of figuring out the food and drinks for my wedding. I’m not (yet) over budget, but I’m having a hard time figuring out where I should bother to put in the extra money and where it will make no difference! What is it that people notice the most and what won’t they care about?

Great question! It’s always hard to know where the extra money on food and drinks will make the difference. Here’s my advice:

First, spend a little more on great appetizers & h’oeuvres. People remember the first bits of food they eat — because it’s usually right after the ceremony and before the alcohol kicks in!

Second, spend a little less on the main courses. You can do this by having a buffet or by selecting less expensive options with your caterer (or at the restaurant — depending on the venue). Most of the time people dont expect fabulous main courses. And by then, they’re chatting and drinking and ready to dance! Usually chicken and fish dishes are less expensive than steak, but that’s not always the case. And, of course, be sure it’s something you don’t mind eating!

Third, save some money on drinks and alcohol by sticking with beer and wine (or just wine!). Once you start getting into purchasing hard alcohol and mixers, things go downhill for the wallet. If you do decide to purchase hard alcohol, try to make purchases that mix well with the non-alcoholic beverages you’re already going to have. For example, if you’re already going to have cola, go for a rum to mix with that cola! You get the idea.

Hope that helps! Good luck!

~ Natasha

Most weddings have a band or a DJ, but some have other things — like the silhouette artists that I wrote about the other day! Others have photobooths or cigar bars. But there are a ton of options! Tell us what you’re having and then drop us a line to tell us more!

Have fun!

~ Natasha

I went to a wedding a couple weeks ago where there was something, I must admit, I had never seen before! They had not one, but TWO silhouette artists there. And while I was skeptical at first, it was absolutely fantastic!

What’s a silhouette artist?

A silhouette artist is someone who cuts out a silhouette of YOU while you’re sitting there.

How does it work?

I know, it’s hard to explain. Basically, you sit down on a seat and there’s a light shining on your profile. While you sit there (no smiling!), the artist watches your profile and cuts your profile into a black piece of paper. So in the end, you have a really cool silhouette of you. And, if you prefer, your significant other. Like that photo above — which is a photo of the actual silhouette. The real one had a nice border on the paper, along with the date of the wedding. 

How do I fit it into my entertainment?

Well, at the wedding I was at, the couple decided to put the artists (they hired two) in one corner of the reception. That way, guests could venture over throughout the night to get their silhouette cut out.

How should I find my silhouette artist and how much do they cost?

Well, given that I’ve only seen this at one wedding, the best advice I can give you is to look it up online! Go about finding a silhouette artist as you would go about finding any kind of vendor. In other words, look for recommendations, ask for samples, meet with them, AND check out any reviews online that you can find!

Good luck! And dont forget to share pictures!

~ Natasha

Photo from The Wedding Lens

A friend recently told me that she wasn’t sure how to start planning her budget. She didn’t really want to start by saying she had X thousand dollars to spend & then figure out how to spend it; she wanted to work her way up and figure out what she would need. So, how do you start planning a wedding budget?

1. Start by doing some research about the cost of weddings in your area (or the area where you want to get married). This will give you an idea of what you can expect to spend — though, of course, careful planning can save you money!
2. Think about which expenses are fixed and which are dependent on the number of guests. For example, food is dependent on the number of guests; attire costs are not. This will help you decide how much you will need to limit your guest list.
3. Consider the costs. The items below give you a general idea of the expenses you’ll face. The (f) next to the item means it’s a fixed cost, independent of the number of guests.

•  
  • Attire (f)
  • Rings (f)
  • Paper: STDs, Invitations, Program, Menu, Thank you cards, Guest book
  • Ceremony venue & officiant (f)
  • Reception venue & catering: Food, Drinks, Alcohol
  • Wedding cake
  • Photographer/videographer (f)
  • Decorations: Flowers, Centerpieces
  • Entertainment (f)
  • Transportation
  • Gifts: Wedding party, Favors (optional)
  • Tips & service charges

 4.   Think about the percentages that things cost. For example, the reception can cost between 35 – 50% of your total expenses because it includes food and drinks! Here’s a quick break down of costs…. Keep in mind, there are things that should also fall within these categories, such as hair & makeup, dress alterations, jewelry, dry cleaning. Oh, and the marriage license!

•  
  • Attire (f) – 5%
  • Rings (f) – 15%
  • Paper: STDs, Invitations, Program, Menu, Thank you cards, Guest book (and stamps!) – 5%
  • Ceremony venue & officiant (f) – 1%
  • Reception venue & catering: Food, Drinks, Alcohol - 35%
  • Wedding cake – 3%
  • Photographer/videographer (f) – 10%
  • Decorations: Flowers, Centerpieces – 10%
  • Entertainment: DJ, band (f) – 4%
  • Transportation – 3%
  • Gifts: Wedding party, Favors (optional) – 2%
  • Other expenses: rehearsal dinner, after party (optional) – 2%
  • Tips & service charges – 5% (10-15% tips based on the charge)

5.   Decide which parts of the planning are the most important to you. You might decide that you would rather spend more on the food and drinks and less on the decorations; or you’d rather donate to a cause than give out favors. If you’re way over budget, think about what you can do without – and consider some the wedding tips that help you save money!

This should at least get you started on what you need to do to start planning your budget. Do you have any other tips or ideas? Let us know!

~ Natasha

After doing the poll the other day about whether you will exchange gifts, I decided to look into the tradition myself.

Photo from The Wedding Lens

Do we have to exchange gifts?

It turns out, gift exchange on the day of your wedding is not a required tradition; it’s completely optional.

When do we exchange gifts?

You can exchange gifts the night before the wedding, the morning of the wedding, or after the festivities are over. But really, it’s your call — it’s your wedding and your gift exchange!

What kinds of gifts should we give?

Anything! Some people like to give something that the other can wear on the wedding day — such as cuff links or jewelry. Other people like to give gifts that are applicable to the honeymoon — swim or snow gear, sunglasses, etc. But you should give whatever you like!

One person suggested exchanging letters with the gifts and having the MOH or BM deliver them on the day of the wedding. Sweet, right?

Or how about an online photo album filled with ALL of the guests photos? (I had to!)

~ Natasha