The Wicked Stepmom

How Do I Do It?

2013-02-19T08:25:00.001-05:00

The Courage to Be a Stepmom, by Sue Patton Thoele was a book recommended to me many years ago when I first started this blog. I will admit to buying it, and reading *some* of it. I never finished it, but what I did read was pure genius and offered me just the right amount of insight I needed to trudge through the feelings I was experiencing at the time - the feelings expressed in this

A New Normal?

2013-02-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

Cinderella is home (YAY!)...with bright shiny new meds and a 60 year old psychiatrist with tattoos, piercings and gauges in his ears (Eww...but, KEWL!). My butterfly has now faded and I am hopeful that I won't have to draw another one. (HOWEVER, I am considering getting one TATTOO'd on my arm for her. I owe her a tattoo after getting an ambigram for her brother and sister after Prince Charming

The Butterfly Project

2013-02-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

Last week, I drew a butterfly on my arm in support of Cinderella, courtesy of The Butterfly Project. While it may not have stopped her from cutting THIS TIME, I believe it did reinforce the message of my unwavering support of her struggles...which is what ultimately allowed her to confide that she tried to commit suicide days earlier. And why she was brave enough to tell me that SHE NEEDED

Slaying the Dragon

2013-01-30T09:03:00.000-05:00

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves. -Tom Robbins I could attempt to write a more eloquent blog post, but there is no poetic way of discussing depression, self-mutilation and attempted suicide in teens. None. Cinderella is back in the hospital, people. She's struggling as so many teens (and adults) do. Trying to slay her own dragons.

Coming Out

2012-11-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

I'm bisexual. She tells me as only a teen can. No segues, just a random let's-put-it-out-there-before-I-lose-my-courage kind of way. Oh, and did I mention I WAS DRIVING AT THE TIME??? Seriously, Cinderella. Could you have picked a more dangerous tactic??? My mind swirled, the car swerved a bit. I quickly re-gained control over both. I asked her how she knew. Maybe that's a naive question, but

Small Rewards

2012-11-15T08:29:00.002-05:00

Cinderella: "Sometimes, I wish you were my real Mom." *sppppppllllleeeeooossssshhhhhhhhh* (That's the sound of my heart exploding.) That one statement has just made the past 13 years of struggles, tears, custody battles and rising ABOVE... most of which you all have seen documented here... worth it. Period.

16 Candles

2012-10-12T11:41:00.000-04:00

Cinderella turned 16 this summer. She celebrated with her family and one special "friend."* In my home. She wanted me to plan and host her party; just like old times when we all were living the fairytale together in the same castle. She's missed these parties over the past couple of years, while she struggled with accepting and dealing with her Dad's and my divorce. She wanted a return to

Cutting to the Chase (Part III)

2012-08-01T14:24:00.003-04:00

(Continued from Part II) What is it about the mention of the police that sends you into a panic? What did the police want? Were they going to arrest her? Lock Cinderella away for her own good? SIL needed to know where Cinderella's therapy appointment was. The name of LCSW, her phone number, office location. (How they did not know this is beyond me. She's only been LIVING WITH THEM since January

Cutting to the Chase (Part II)

2012-07-31T11:25:00.003-04:00

(Continued from Part I) The revelation of Cinderella's cutting behaviors was shocking to say the least. At first I didn't want to believe it. "Are you sure? I've never seen any evidence of it...how can this be?" I was a SAHM for fuck's sake! How did I not see this????? PrinceCharming's reaction was similar. She's just looking for attention. Maybe. Maybe not. Nevertheless it was out in the open

Cutting to the Chase

2012-06-14T08:32:00.001-04:00

With Cinderella now living closer to home with my ex-inlaws (UN-laws, as the case may be), I'm better able to lend my support when needed. And believe me, it's needed. (After all these are the same people who raised Prince Charming and his siblings...and none of them escaped unscathed.) My first priority was getting Cinderella back into therapy. She had been seeing a lovely girl for over a year

To Hell and Back Again

2012-05-17T09:08:00.001-04:00

Throughout late 2010 and early 2011, Prince Charming had been battling depression and anxiety. He became incapable of caring for anyone...especially himself. (Being unemployed for close to 8months, to a man who based his entire identity on his ability to support his family and be an Internet Superstar, served as a crushing blow to his fragile ego.) He struggled emotionally. I struggled

Hell Has Frozen Over

2012-03-28T19:38:00.000-04:00

Cinderella is living with her BioMom. After years of battling for - and WINNING - custody of Cinderella, PrinceCharming has relinquished physical custody to Maleficent. Working start-up hours in NYC, while battling one's own emotional demons, is not conducive to raising a teen (who has her own emotional demons). He says she understands his decision and is working on making the most of it. I'm

Sixth

2012-02-26T19:14:00.000-05:00

Remember these? Gretel, now 6, can see them. In her room. In my room. In the livingroom. When we're out driving. At school. "Colors," she calls them. Mostly pink, green and blue. Sometimes white. Once black. That one was in her room. She thought it was one of us sneaking in to scare her ... but it wasn't. Half a circle, she said. By her door, as if it were peeking around the corner. About 3ft

My Familiar

2012-02-03T07:00:00.004-05:00

He's been with me since my very first apartment. He's 16. He's developed a tremor. When I was a child, we lost a cat to some seizure-type event. I sure hope I do not find myself in that familiar territory with my faithful companion.

Oh, hi

2012-02-01T22:38:00.000-05:00

Writing has been on my mind. But time has not been on my side these past four months. First things first, PrinceCharming is recovering from his injuries. (Thank you for your posts, comments and well-wishes.) He has a long road ahead of him of cognitive rehabilitation - 5-7 years according to the "experts" - but he's on his way. Physically, he is almost back to normal, but mentally he struggles

How I Spent 9/11

2011-10-24T14:20:00.001-04:00

The day after the last post on this blog, I was sitting in front of the TV like so many other Americans watching the 9/11 Memorial coverage at Ground Zero. Like I do every year, I listened as the bells were rung to commemorate when each plane hit and as each tower fell. I listened to the reading off of the names and cried when they reached the name of the loved one I'd lost ten years ago. I

What I Also Did on My Summer Vacation

2011-09-10T15:59:00.000-04:00

I. Met. Bigbird! Oh yeah, Gretel did too.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

2011-09-07T07:00:00.050-04:00

The end of August, I took the kids on a week-long vacation with my Dad and Stepmom. This was a trip I NEVER thought would happen, for a variety of reasons, the least of which came down to (lack of) money. But opportunity knocked. Just at the point in my summer when I was about to surrender and accept that there would be NO vacation - rather a STAYcation - my Dad offered the kids and I an

Clarity

2011-09-05T13:56:00.000-04:00

These past two weeks have brought with them amazing clarity as to where my life has been, and where it's going. This past Saturday, my family vacation trip with the kids and ex-BF officially came to an end. After two weeks (which was supposed to be one week but was unexpectedly extended for a week thanks to Hurricane Irene and my lack of babysitting resources), I dropped off the kids with their

This Old House: Hidden Treasures

2011-08-08T15:02:00.000-04:00

When he first tore up the carpet in Gretel's room, the ex-BF found this floorboard. Of course the first thing he did was open it to see if there was, in fact, a SAFE hidden inside. He came up empty. However, the next day, I returned to the house to take some photos of the "renovation" process and investigate on what my intuition was telling me a little further. First I decided to take a

This Old (Haunted) House?

2011-08-06T07:00:00.001-04:00

Mommy my back hurts. It's 1am and 5 y/o Gretel has come downstairs into my bedroom. She can't sleep because her back hurts. I snuggle her and chalk it up to a gas pain (she is prone to that sort of thing). In the dark, I try to comfort her by laying my hand on the tender spot to give her a little energy treatment. Her body tenses and she cringes in pain. As she trembles at my touch, I notice her

This Old House

2011-08-03T07:00:00.002-04:00

In June, I moved out of the home the kids and I shared with PrinceCharming for six years, and moved into a cheaper home two miles down the road. This house was built in the 1800s and once served as a stage coach inn. I LOVE old homes! Love their energy and the stories they tell. I knew as soon as I saw the massive Tara-esque front stair case and the original wide plank wood floors that I had to

Forgiveness

2011-08-01T14:50:00.000-04:00

Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves-to get well and move on.My abuser died last month. And with his death rose a myriad of emotions I wasn't expecting. Relief. Anger. Grief. Relief knowing that no other little girls would fall victim to his sick perversions. Anger because of the lack of adequate punishment for his actions, and the lack of protection I

On Birthdays and Breakups (Part II)

2011-07-26T12:00:00.000-04:00

Prince Charming, Cinderella and Hansel all have July birthdays. Last week, my ex-husband and ex-stepdaughter came to my house to celebrate Hansel's 9th birthday. This past weekend it was Hansel and Gretel's turn to visit their Dad's to celebrate his and Cinderella's birthdays. But before that, presents needed to be purchased and cards were made. I know the subject of birthdays is a hot topic

The Root of All Evil

2011-07-25T12:26:00.000-04:00

I'm quickly running out of money. Despite moving into a new house that's cheaper in rent (and utilities) and increasing my hours at work, I'm facing the reality that I will most likely be able to cover my rent for one more month after which my savings will be totally depleted. I'm feeling a little panicky. My car is overdue for inspection. And an oil change. And there's a rattle in my muffler