The Wilder Zone

Mind Games

2009-05-28T08:26:02-06:00

In the midst of packing to move, I'm reminded once again of just how much stuff we accumulate. I'm pretty good about regularly clearing out clutter and yet....in the past two weeks I've thrown out/donated/given away at least as much stuff as I've packed, if not more.

Having to choose which stuff is worth the time and energy and effort to pack up and take with you, puts the idea of clearing clutter into a slightly different perspective. I'm certainly being more discerning in my choices. Do I really need to lug around that steam cleaner that doesn't work but that I keep telling myself I'll get repaired someday?

The answer of course, is no. But...as soon as my mind reaches that logical conclusion, it jumps to, "But I might need it someday...it might come in handy" or "But it's worth $300! I can't just give it away." Really?! Funny how our minds rationalize.

The truth is...it's not worth $300 sitting broken in my basement and how much stuff do I really want to lug around just in case it might come in handy someday? The truth is...I'm much more likely to never miss it (seeing as how I haven't used it in more than two years) than I am to someday regret having let it go.

That little mind game is nothing compared to the ones that start up in my head when I contemplate letting go of something that my mind has deemed emotionally significant. Like the plastic kitchen spoon with the groove in it from the time I left it propped on the edge of a hot pan.

Let me set the scene for you...I'm in the kitchen packing the drawer full of utensils. Glenn walks in and sits down at the table behind me. I throw the burnt plastic spoon into the box on the floor.

Glenn: You're not really going to keep that are you?

Me: Well...yeah...Devan gave me that spoon when he moved to CA.

Glenn (looking at me like I imagine he might look at a half-wiited child): Seriously?! Honey...

Me (stammering): But...well...um....but Devan gave me that spoon.

Glenn (barely suppressing a grin): And you want to keep the $3.00 spoon that even he didn't want to keep when he moved?!

Me (looking sheepish and now barely suppressing a grin of my own): Well....

At that point the absurdity of my rationalizations hit me, we both burst out laughing, and I threw the damn spoon away.

I'm an intelligent woman and yet my mind still managed to convince me that I needed to keep an old spoon because my son had given it to me and it made me think of him whenever I pulled out of the drawer to use it. Wow...as if I need a $3.00 plastic spoon to remind me of my son. How ludicrous is that?!

We allow our minds to play these games with us ALL the time, but we don't need to hang onto to useless clutter for sentimental reasons or because they used to be valuable or because they might come in handy "someday."

And I have to admit, getting rid of so much baggage (both the physical and the emotional baggage that goes along with it) has felt great! I feel lighter with each bag of crap I throw out, with each pile of stuff I donate, with each item I give away. It's freeing not to be so tied down by things.

Our minds fear the unknown and cling desperately to anything and everything that reminds of us the past or that might stave off some unknown crisis or need in the imagined future. Our minds find comfort in holding onto things, in keeping things the same.

But when you can do an end-run around those mind games, change can be exciting. Letting go of the old to make room for the new (whether that's new things or new experiences) can be exciting.

My things and this old house, have been good to me, and...now it's time to move on...to a new home, a new town, and new experiences...a fresh start...a new adventure. It's exciting, enlivening, energizing.

I can't avoid taking my mind and its fears and insecurities along with me...but I don't have to listen to them, act on them, or be controlled by them. Nor do you.

In what ways is your mind playing games with you? What stuff (physical, mental or emotional) are you holding onto? How might it be holding you back or keeping you stuck? And how might it feel or energize you to just finally let it go? What new experiences might letting it go invite into your life? Clear out the crap and see for yourself what new possibilities it opens for you.

How NOT Living in the Moment Could Cost You Your Life: The Dangers of Drowsy Driving

2009-04-20T13:23:04-06:00

Last August, I wrote a post about my oldest son's motorcycle accident called, "How Living in the Moment Can Save Your Life." This story, unfortunately, is an example of how not living in the moment, not being fully present, could potentially cost you your life.

Several nights ago my oldest son called me:

"Hi, Mom." That's all he had to say for me to know that something was very wrong.

"Are you okay, hon?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay." he replied, but something in the tone of his voice belied the words he spoke.

My heart dropped into my stomach, fear gripped me and my voice rose an octave as I asked, "What's wrong?! What is it?"

"I totaled the car." Oh my God! OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod! was all that ran through my mind as time seemed to stand still for a moment and I tried to catch my breath and my mind scrambled, despite the fear, to process the fact that at least he was okay enough to call. Still...the vision of my son lying in a hospital bed 1200 miles away, flashed through my head.

"Are you all right?! What happened?!"

"I was driving home from work on the freeway and I dozed off." I heard him say as the "OhmyGodohmyGod" chant struck up in my head again. I pulled my attention back to what he was saying as the rest of the story unfolded.

He'd been driving home on the freeway, doing about 65mph, and he'd dozed off for mere seconds. You know how you blink longer and more slowly when you're struggling to stay awake? That's all it took. As his eyes popped open again all his drowsy brain could register was the bumper looming much too close in front of him and the brake lights glaring a warning of imminent danger.

He reacted instinctively, hitting the brakes and swerving into the right lane to avoid hitting the car in front of him. Unfortunately, being less than fully aware and alert, he over-corrected and the car began to spin. It spun several times across two lanes of traffic, coming to a stop when the back bumper slammed into a light pole on the side of the freeway.

The tow truck had to pull the car off the pole. Now, mind you...this is an '87 Toyota Supra hatchback. Back in '87 they were still making steel bumpers. That you can clearly see the imprint of the pole in the crushed steel bumper tells me the car hit with considerable force.

My son's voice shook as he said, "Another quarter turn Mom, another split-second, and it would have been the driver's door that hit the pole and I'd be dead."

He's right...he was very fortunate, all things considered. There was no better place than that steel bumper for his car to have made contact with that pole. And he's very fortunate to have avoided hitting the car in front of him, that no other cars hit him as he spun across two lanes of the freeway at 3pm in the afternoon, and that there was no one else in the car. It could have ended very differently.

Scary Stats

According to DrowsyDriving.org & the National Sleep Foundation's 2005 Sleep in America Poll:

"60% of adult drivers – about 168 million people – say they have driven a vehicle while feeling drowsy in the past year, and more than one-third, (37% or 103 million people), have actually fallen asleep at the wheel! In fact, of those who have nodded off, 13% say they have done so at least once a month. Four percent – approximately eleven million drivers – admit they have had an accident or near accident because they dozed off or were too tired to drive.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration conservatively estimates that 100,000 police-reported crashes are the direct result of driver fatigue each year. This results in an estimated 1,550 deaths, 71,000 injuries, and $12.5 billion in monetary losses. These figures may be the tip of the iceberg, since currently it is difficult to attribute crashes to sleepiness."

Risk Factors

Again, according to DrowsyDriving.org:

Specific At-Risk Groups

Young people-especially males under age 26
Shift workers and people with long work hours-working the night shift increases your risk by nearly 6 times; rotating-shift workers and people working more than 60 hours a week need to be particularly careful
Commercial drivers-especially long-haul drivers - at least 15% of all heavy truck crashes involve fatigue
People with undiagnosed or untreated disorders-people with untreated obstructive sleep apnea have been shown to have up to a seven times increased risk of falling asleep at the wheel
Business travelers-who spend many hours driving or may be jet lagged

Are You at Risk?

Before you drive, consider whether you are:

Sleep-deprived or fatigued (6 hours of sleep or less triples your risk)
Suffering from sleep loss (insomnia), poor quality sleep, or a sleep debt
Driving long distances without proper rest breaks
Driving through the night, mid-afternoon or when you would normally be asleep
Taking sedating medications (antidepressants, cold tablets, antihistamines)
Working more than 60 hours a week (increases your risk by 40%)
Working more than one job and your main job involves shift work
Drinking even small amounts of alcohol
Driving alone or on a long, rural, dark or boring road

My son is 22 and for the last four years has worked from 5am - 2pm. This means he must get up between 3-3:30am five days a week. Being an active 22 yr. old he rarely goes to bed as early as he'd need to in order to get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. He averages only 4-5 hours. As a result he is chronically sleep-deprived.

The scary part is that he didn't "think" he was tired when he got in the car to drive home that day. Having functioned on so little sleep for so long, being sleep-deprived has become "normal" for him and so his awareness of it is no longer what it should be.

Too High a Price to Pay

My son fractured the L5 vertebrae in his lower back, and he's been in a world of pain. It's not clear yet if there is any other damage to his back. The ER docs discharged him that night, telling him to follow-up with his doctor. His family doc took one look at the x-rays, prescribed a stronger pain med, referred him to an orthopedic specialist and told him to plan on taking six weeks off work. He is, as I type, at his appointment with...I kid you not...Dr. Payne...the orthopedic specialist, and I can only hope for good news when he calls after the appointment.

My son can't afford to take six weeks off work, and sadly, he needs a car to get to and from work and he had only liability insurance on the car and hadn't yet paid off the personal loan he took out to buy it just 8 months ago. He has no idea how he's going to replace the car or how he'll manage if he does indeed have to take six weeks off work.

He'll pay a steep price both physically and financially, for the accident that was, quite literally, a wake-up call. And yet, it could have been so much worse. The price could have been so much higher.

He's thankful, as am I, that he's alive and that, hopefully, the injury to his back will heal without long-term consequences. I will be forever grateful that he was not one of the 1,550 who die each year as a result of driving drowsy.

Raising Awareness

Talk to those you love. Educate yourself and your loved ones about the dangers of driving drowsy and what to do when you find yourself struggling to stay awake while driving. Visit DrowsyDriving.com for more information on the stats, risks, warning signs, countermeasures and prevention, especially if you have teen or young adult drivers.

Spread the word, raise awareness of the dangers, and you just might save a life. Your own, or that of someone you love.

The Magic of Spring

2009-03-24T11:56:20-06:00

Ahhh...Spring. Blue skies, sunshine, warmer temps, crocus and daffodil peeking up through the earth, and green buds and flowers blooming on the trees. I love Spring!

There's something almost magical about the energy of Spring. There's an air of anticipation...of growth, strength, beauty and possibility. It never fails to inspire within me the desire to shake things up, to play with new ideas, to fling the windows open to welcome not only the soft spring breeze and the sunshine, but all that life has to offer.

At the first signs of Spring I find myself suddenly and spontaneously filled with an almost child-like glee. I smile and laugh even more freely and I'm somehow even more light-hearted and playful.

I also find myself feeling compelled to clear out the old to make room for the new. It makes me want to clean and freshen things....to rearrange furniture, paint, buy new bedding, or bring flowers inside to enjoy and to remind me, that even when the temps drop again and Winter attempts to hang on for a few more days, that Spring is just around the corner, rich with possibility and opportunity.

How does Spring inspire you? What can you do to shake things up? To invite new ideas, new opportunities, new experiences into your life? I'd love it if you'd share your thoughts in the comments.

Discover How Your Sex Life Affects the Success of Your Business

2009-03-01T09:03:24-07:00

Yup, you heard me, your sex life. If you're wondering what on earth that has to do with the success of your biz, then join Marie Forleo and I on March 11th for a free tele-seminar, "The 8 Biggest Mistakes Even Smart Women Make in Business, & How to Avoid Them."

Whether you're a passionate entrepreneurial woman (or man) who has been in biz for awhile and you aren't quite seeing the results you'd like to, or you're just starting out and want to avoid making the same mistakes we did, if you love what you do and want to make a difference in the world while growing your biz, this is a call you won't want to miss.You'll learn just how your sex life affects the success of your biz, and so much more.

Marie and I LOVE the work we do together and we always have so much fun on these calls. We promise...this won't be one of those dry bore-you-to-tears tele-seminars that you sit through in the hopes of gleaning something worthwhile only to discover it's nothing more than hype.

This will be a call packed with valuable info you'll be able to put to use in your biz immediately, delivered in a candid, but irreverent way that will be both fun and inspiring. Join us live if you can, and if you can't make the call live, register anyway and we'll shoot you the recorded mp3 after the call.

Turn Your "Woe-is-Me" Story into Your "Why" Story

2009-01-26T10:31:02-07:00

If you really want to transform your life and your biz you've got to drop your "woe-is-me" story. You know the one..the one that sounds like the latest episode of some dramatic soap opera. The one in which you cast yourself in the role of victim to all of the terrible injustices that have been heaped upon you over the years. The one you use to explain why your life isn't working and never will. The one you use as an excuse for why you can't do or be more. The one you use as an out so you don't even have to try.

There are as many variations of the "woe-is-me" story as there are people on the planet. Each is unique in the details, but alike in that they hold us back from being and expressing more fully who we really are. Some common themes:

I'm miserable and unhappy because my parents abused me when I was a child.
I can't have a healthy, happy relationship because my father abandoned me, my husband cheated on me, my mother was an alcoholic, my parents fought all the time, etc...
I can't grow my business right now because my children make too many demands on my time.
I can't be successful because I never had the opportunity to go to college.

And of course, the list could go on and on...ad nauseum. No doubt you've perfected the telling of your "woe-is-me" story as if it were a fine art. It's in our nature to be quite gifted at story-telling, and it's easy to continue spinning the same story over and over again, year after year.

The challenge lies not in spinning the "woe-is-me" story, but in letting it go, in refusing to any longer allow it to shape who you are and what you're capable of. While your story (your past) has certainly contributed to who you are, it does not define you, nor does it have to shape your future.

Now we come to the paradox...

The very story that is critical to let go of may hold the essence of the story that will transform your life and your biz. Flip that "woe-is-me" story around to craft a compelling "why" story and you've discovered the key to re-igniting your passion, inspiring others and to attracting those you're meant to serve. For entrepreneurs the telling of your story from a different perspective is the key to inspiring clients to engage your services, buy your products, subscribe to your blogs or ezines, and to inspiring and exciting your team to be and do their best.

Every entrepreneur I've ever worked with has had a personal story about why they do what they do, and how they came to feel such a strong desire to make a difference in the lives of others. Often times, though it's this very story that drives them to go into biz for themselves, they aren't consciously aware of it and they've never thought to attempt to articulate it.

Becoming aware of your reason for doing what you do and taking the time to articulate it to others, is one of the most powerful ways to transform your life and your biz. Not only will it renew your passion for the work that you do but it will inspire others and it will resonate emotionally with those you're meant to serve.

A powerful "why" story will tell those you're meant to serve why you do what you do, that they're in the right place, that they've found the right person to help them, that you've been where they are, that if you can do it, so can they.

So what is the difference between a "woe-is-me" story and a "why" story?

They often have quite a lot in common. The difference lies not so much in the content of the story but in the way you spin it.

The "woe-is-me" story is spun with as much drama as possible, and it's focus is on the past and all of the ways in which your past prevents you from being or doing more with your life. The "why" story, although it has it's foundation in the past, is focused on how that same past has inspired you to be and do more and to make a difference in the lives of others.

A Personal Example

My "woe-is-me" story went something like this:

Poor me. My father abused me as a child and I had a bad marriage. I'll never be good enough. No one will ever really love me. I'll never be happy. I'll never have a good career or be successful because I'm too busy taking care of a husband and two kids. I'll never be happy or successful because of the problems with my health. I can't do this, I can't do that, because, because, because....don't you feel terribly sorry for me?

Ugh! As you can plainly see the only thing your "woe-is-me" story is likely to do is engender pity or sympathy for those unlucky enough to be within earshot of your whining.

Now for my "why" story:

Having been abused as a child and in an emotionally abusive marriage for many years, I put on a facade for so long that I lost sight of who I was, and of what I wanted in my life. I coasted through life on auto-pilot, numb not only to the pain I'd been feeling, but to happiness and joy as well. I was barely surviving, let alone really living.

Then one day I woke up. I began learning to be more present rather than numbing out. To feel whatever I was feeling, rather than trying to avoid emotion, and I began to get re-acquainted with myself, my emotions and my desires. I began living more fully, I let go of my "woe-is-me" story and all of the reasons it prevented me from being and doing more, and my life transformed in ways I'd never known to even dream of...

I am happier, more fulfilled, and more passionate about my life than I ever knew it was possible to be. My life has gone from something I must "deal" with and "get through," to something I cherish every moment of. It's that very transformation in my own life that drives me to want to help others to transform their lives. It's why I do what I do...because I want others to experience the joy of living life fully, of going after their dreams, of being passionate about life and all it has to offer. I want others to experience the magic I have.

I think you'll agree that my "why" story is much more compelling and inspiring than my "woe-is-me" story could ever be.

Transforming your "woe-is-me" story into your "why" story

Drop the drama of your "woe-is-me" story and look at how you can transform it into an inspiring story of why you do what you do. Ask yourself:

What about your past experience inspired you to go into business to serve others?
What past experiences make you uniquely qualified to serve others?
What difference do you want to make in the world and for others?

Don't censor yourself in an attempt to say what you think others want you to say, or to say what you think you "should" say. Speak boldly and authentically from your heart. It's that genuine expression of who you are and why you do what you do that will speak to, and resonate with, those you're meant to serve, and that has the power to transform your life and your biz.

The Best (and Easiest) Chocolate Fudge & Rocky Road Candy EVER

2008-12-21T14:46:28-07:00

I've always loved this time of year, and everything that goes along with it and when my boys (now 18 & 21) were little I used to bake up a storm every year beginning just after Halloween. I made butter cookies with frosting and sprinkles, snowball cookies, cream cheese cookies, mini-cranberry, pumpkin, banana and blueberry breads, cheesecakes, butterscotch clusters, fudge and rocky road candy, just to name a few.

The boys would help with the prep and with packaging a variety of the goodies to give to neighbors, teachers, friends and family. It was quite the production and very time-consuming.

In recent years the list of goodies I make has dwindled significantly. The only two that have survived are the fudge and the rocky road candy. Why? Well...for two reasons...they're super simple and quick and they're incredibly yummy.

My oldest son moved to California back in Aug. '07, and I haven't seen him since. He flies in tomorrow night for the holidays. I couldn't be more thrilled. I can't wait to see him, to wrap my arms around him and give him a hug. That's not what he's thinking about however. He's thinking about fudge and rocky road candy.

In fact, the first thing he said when I told him I'd booked his ticket was not about how much he was looking forward to seeing me, or his dad, or his brother, or even his friends. He said, "You know you're going to have to make fudge and rocky road candy."

In fact, at one point last week, I told him I thought I might have lost the fudge recipe. His reply? "I will have to kick your ass if you don't find it! That is the BEST fudge EVER." He was laughing as he said it and he'd no doubt have forgiven me had I lost it, but for him, it's become one of those holiday traditions that he looks forward to, and has missed, since he moved. Thankfully, I found it.

I can't claim that the fudge recipe is an old family recipe handed down for generations. It's a recipe I stumbled upon and decided to try 15 years ago and it's become a family favorite. As for the rocky road candy... it has been a family holiday tradition since I was a kid. My mom made it every year. Where she got the recipe I have no idea, and I'd be surprised if she even remembers now.

I love good food of all kinds, and I love to bake and cook, and while I'm willing to give a complex recipe a try when I have the time and energy, my favorite recipes are those that are quick and simple, yet really delicious.

I've never understood why some people refuse to share a great recipe. To my mind, a great recipe is not something to horde. The more people that can enjoy it the better. It occurred to me yesterday as I was buying all the goodies that go into these two recipes, that I could share them here as my holiday gift and way of saying thank you to all of you fabulous peeps.

Granted, it's a bit last minute...but that's the beauty of these two recipes. You can whip up a batch of each in less than 20 minutes. And...(I love this part)...unlike many candy recipes, neither of these requires that you be proficient with a candy thermometer. (Something that always sounded like more trouble than I wanted to bother with.)

I can't begin to compete with the Pioneer Woman of The Pioneer Woman Cooks blog (hands-down my favorite cooking blog and chock full of other great holiday recipes), so you'll have to do without the gorgeous step-by-step photos, but these are so simple you'll do just fine without them.

Here we go...

Chocolate Fudge

2 cups milk chocolate chips
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
Dash salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Put the chocolate chips and the sweetened condensed milk in a heavy saucepan and melt the chips slowly over low heat. Stirring often. Remove from heat and add vanilla extract. Blend and pour into an 8 x 8 pan lined with foil. Place in refrigerator to chill. (Once the fudge is slightly chilled and set, you can lift it out of the pan with the foil to make the next batch.)

You can make this fudge with any combination of chocolate chips, depending on your preference and peppermint extract can be substituted for the vanilla for a twist on the traditional recipe. And, if you must, you can add walnuts. Personally, I think adding walnuts ruins perfectly good fudge. : )

Rocky Road Candy

Now, don't let the name fool you...I'm not a fan of Rocky Road ice cream and in fact, I'm not much of a fan of marshmallows, but trust me when I say this particular combination is to die for! Mmmm....

1 pkg. (12. oz.) of semi-sweet chocolate chips (milk chocolate chips are delish too - whichever you prefer)
1/2 cup peanut butter
3 cups mini-marshmallows
1 cup peanuts

In a large bowl combine the marshmallows and peanuts and set aside. Combine the chocolate chips and peanut butter in a heavy saucepan and melt slowly over low heat. Stir till blended and remove from heat. Pour the chocolate mixture over the peanuts and marshmallows and mix well. Spread in an 8 x 8 square pan lined with foil and chill till firm. (Once the candy is slightly chilled and set, you can lift it out of the pan with the foil to make the next batch.)

Yup, they're really that simple, and even better, virtually foolproof. I'll be making a half dozen batches of each in all of two hours sometime over the next couple of days. Give 'em a try and be sure to let me know what you think.

Happy Holidays!

The Powerful Woman's Motto

2008-12-12T08:41:20-07:00

I love quotes. I collect them. Some are thought-provoking, some are inspirational, some make me laugh and lift my mood. So when I came across the Powerful Woman's Motto on Pam Thomas' blog, Walking My Own Walk, I simply had to share it.

The Powerful Woman's Motto: Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says..."Oh shit...she's awake!!"

I love it! It made me laugh aloud and it paints such a visual. What a fun way to think about how very powerful we really are when we consciously choose to take an active role in our lives to create what we want.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way: Challenging Self-Defeating Assumptions

2008-11-22T08:29:10-07:00

We all do it. We all make assumptions. We know better. We know we shouldn't make assumptions, but we do it anyway, often without even realizing we're doing it.

A few weeks ago my son called, as he often does, to talk with me about what's going on in his life, and on that particular day he was telling me about how he'd learned he was going to be moved to a different department at work, and how he was disappointed because he preferred to stay in the department he was already in.

I had asked him then, if he'd voiced that desire to his boss and he said he'd mentioned the switch (without really voicing his desire to stay in his current dept.), but that his boss told him he needed his talents in the other department.

Then a few days later, he called to excitedly share with me that one of his co-workers, whom he'd talked with about the change, had gone to his boss to state a case for why he should stay in his current department. Apparently his co-worker was quite convincing, because his boss decided not to move him to a different department.

I told him how happy I was for him, and asked him if he realized now that he could have done the same thing for himself. He paused for a moment, and said, sounding almost surprised by the realization, "Yeah, I guess I could have, huh?"

When I asked him if it had occurred to him initially to approach his boss to state his case for staying in his department, he said that it had, but.... Knowing my son as well as I do, I told him that I was betting that somewhere in the back of his mind was the belief that it wouldn't make any difference if he spoke up and/or that it would be confrontational if he did. He said that was exactly what he'd been telling himself.

His conditioned mind had made a couple of self-defeating assumptions...that it wouldn't matter, that it would be confrontational...and what he discovered was that it didn't have to be confrontational and that it could make all the difference...he could have simply and calmly (as his co-worker had done) state the benefits to his boss and to the company, of leaving him in his department.

It was only in hindsight that my son realized that he'd been making assumptions. He'd been blaming an inaccurate view of the situation (that his boss' decision was beyond his ability to influence) for his discontent, when in reality it was his own self-defeating assumptions that were casting him in the role of victim.

This realization, even in hindsight, brings with it a new level of awareness. It doesn't guarantee that he won't ever again make self-defeating assumptions, but it makes it more likely that he'll catch himself doing it if he does. Awareness is key. If you can become aware of the self-defeating assumptions you're making, you can then challenge them.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way

1. Become Aware - The next time you're feeling the victim to some situation or circumstance, the first step to getting out of your own way is to become aware. Take a good look at the thoughts that have been running through your mind. What assumptions might you be making about the situation or about your ability to influence the situation?

2. Challenge the Assumptions - Once you've become aware of the assumptions you've been making, the next step is to challenge those assumptions. What if those assumptions are just that? What if they aren't true? What if it's those very assumptions that are getting in your way?

3. Explore the Possibilites - Self-defeating assumptions severely limit our view of what is possible. If your original assumption is untrue, what positive, pro-active steps might you take? What possibilities might there be that your self-defeating assumption was preventing you from seeing? (If you find this step challenging, engage a supportive, non-judgmental friend or loved one who is able to see the situation from a more objective perspective, to help you brainstorm.)

4. Take Action! - Take whatever positive, pro-active steps you identified in step 3. If you find this step intimidating or scary, ask yourself...What have you really got to lose? In my experience, nine times out of ten, the answer to that question is nothing. If, indeed, no action you take will serve to influence the situation, then you're no worse off than if you'd allowed the self-defeating assumption to stand and you'd done nothing. The difference is, having taken whatever steps you could, you'll come away from the siuation knowing you did all you could, rather than feeling victimized, and you won't get lost in regret later, wondering if you'd only done this or that, if things could have been different.

So my question to you is this...what self-defeating assumptions are you making and how might you, and your life, be different if you challenge them?

Don't Believe Everything You Think

2008-08-17T10:00:40-06:00

Those were the words I once saw on a bumper sticker. It made me laugh aloud because, strange as it may sound, it's great advice. It's just the kind of simple, yet profound wisdom that can transform your life.

Have you ever noticed that your thoughts, for the most part, are much the same day after day after day? If the exact thoughts aren't the same, the general content often is.

It's as though our thoughts are caught in a perpetual loop that plays over and over again creating our own personal "Groundhog's Day." (For those of you not familiar with the movie, the main character finds himself stuck re-living the same day of his life, over and over and over again.)

A great deal of these thoughts are negative and not only don't serve us, but hold us back from being and expressing all that we are. They keep us stuck reliving the past, or fantasizing about the future, wondering "what if?" and "if only..." These thoughts create unnecessary worry, stress, anxiety, fear, and regret.

They're full of judgments and criticism, comparison and complaint about ourselves, our lives, and others, creating feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, dissatisfaction, resentment and unhappiness.

It's no wonder that we go in search of answers, of a better way, of anything that will give us some relief from the constant stream of thoughts, and that will help us attain the happiness that, at times, can seem so elusive.

If you've got a shelf full of self-improvement books then you know that much of the "self-help wisdom" tells you that you have to work hard to identify your limiting beliefs and to then change or control your thoughts, or replace them with positive affirmations.

But it doesn't have to be that hard. You don't have to identify every limiting belief or change every negative thought to a positive one. Instead, just don't believe everything you think.

Sounds easier said than done, right? It's not really, although it does take practice, and like anything else, with practice it gets easier and easier.

Rather than get caught up in a negative thought loop, practice becoming aware of your thoughts before they race wildly out of control and use them as a reminder to bring your attention back into the moment.

It's only in this moment, right here, right now, that you can be happy. You can't go back into the past to be happy, and you can't jump ahead into the future to be happy, and you don't have to "fix" yourself or others or your life, to be happy.

You just have to be present in this moment rather than stuck in your head. When you buy into believing everything you think and you get caught up in the perpetual loop of those thoughts, you're missing out on your life, on this moment. It's believing everything we think that creates much of the misery we feel and that sucks the joy and the fun out of our lives.

You can spend the precious moments of your life caught up in wishing things were different, beating yourself up for things you "think" you should have done or not done, telling yourself that you'll be happy when this, that or the other thing happens, or that you'll never be happy because you came from a dysfunctional family, aren't pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, etc....or you can stop believing all the bs your mind likes to feed you and you can get fully engaged in your life, in this moment, because...

It's only in this moment, right here, right now that you can be happy.

How Living in the Moment Can Save Your Life

2008-08-05T10:27:43-06:00

There are some activities that naturally fine-tune your ability to be fully present and living in the moment. Any activity where truly intense focus is necessary to avoid the threat of death requires that you learn to be fully present in each moment. Skydiving, rock climbing, motorcycle riding...

If you happened to read my previous post, then you know that my oldest son bought a motorcycle just over a year ago. Needless to say, while I was happy for him, there was an underlying sense of panic...a fear that one day I'd get one of those phone calls every parent most dreads...telling me that my son had been in an accident.

It required every bit of my live-in-the-moment skills to let go of that fear so that it didn't consume me. Had I not been practicing living in the moment I could have spent much of the last year missing out on my life, driving myself nuts with worry, but that would only have served to make me miserable, and probably to make my son miserable with the relentless nagging to be careful that would likely have resulted. : )

It would not, could not, have prevented my son from being in an accident or prevented the dreaded phone call that would follow if he were.

That dreaded phone call came last Friday morning.

My son was riding his motorcycle home late Thursday night when a large flat-bed truck ran a stop sign and made a left turn directly in front of him. He was traveling at 45 mph and had only a split second to react. He swerved hard to the right, missing the flat-bed of the truck by mere inches, only to realize in the next moment that he could not avoid the curb that he was then rapidly approaching.

He hit the curb with such force that his butt flew three feet off the seat of his bike. It was in that moment that he let go of the handlebars. The last thing he remembers was looking down at his bike five feet below as he flew through the air, then the flash of white light he saw as his head hit the ground and he began tumbling, coming to a stop about 40 feet from where his bike lay.

Thankfully, all things considered, he suffered only minor injuries...a few broken ribs, a badly sprained wrist and ankle, a mild concussion and many abrasions and bruises.

Had he not been fully present in those moments, had he not swerved in that split second, had he hit the truck, or had he not let go of his bike in the moment he hit the curb, had he gotten tangled in the bike, the result could have been much, much worse.

It was precisely because he was living fully in the moment during those split seconds that he was able to take the instantaneous actions that saved his life.

Live in the Moment Booty Camp

2008-07-21T17:17:39-06:00

OMG! I've been so wrapped up in preparing for the Live in the Moment Booty Camp that I'm co-facilitating with Marie Forleo that I didn't even realize that it had been nearly a month since my last post!

Not only that, but I neglected to let you know about the program before it began. Yikes!

I have just been blown away by the response to it. We've got more than 150 peeps in the program and what an amazing and diverse group it is. The posts are already flying in the online social network we've set up for the members to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support one another.

I had forgotten just how much I love to facilitate online programs on subjects I'm passionate about and there's no subject I'm more passionate about than living fully in the moment. I am loving being back in that environment working with someone as talented and brilliant as Marie and with a group of participants that are just fantastic. It's such a joy!

Learning to live in the moment transformed my life in ways I never even knew to dream of. I LOVE my life, and having the opportunity to help others to learn to live in the moment and to create lives they love is what lights me up. It's an incredible honor that I'm deeply grateful for, and it so exciting! I've been like a little kid at Christmas for the last week. : )

The good news is...if you're ready to transform your life, to learn practical ways to live more fully in the moment in a down-to-earth, and FUN way, it's not too late to join us. We're recording each of the calls and making the audio replays available and there's plenty of time to listen to the first call and to jump into the online social network before our next call this Wednesday.

You can read more about it here, and then if you have any questions at all, about the specifics of the program or whether it's right for you, shoot me an email. I'd be more than happy to answer any questions.

When You're Cranky and You Know It...

2008-06-23T07:12:22-06:00

I had a "Duh!" moment the other day. Not as much fun as an "A-ha!" moment, but valuable all the same. "A-ha!" moments are those moments when everything clicks into place and you gain a new understanding or insight. "Duh!" moments, on the other hand, are those moments in which you recognize something quite obvious that you should have been aware of, usually are aware of, but that you somehow lost sight of somewhere along the way.

My "Duh!" moment came after a couple of days of feeling cranky. At first I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so irritable. All I knew was that I was. Sometimes simply becoming aware of it shifts it, but this time I was aware of it and I wanted VERY much not to be feeling so irritable but that wasn't helping. It felt at the time almost as though it were beyond my control. I didn't want to be feeling cranky, but I was, dammit, and the more aware of it I became, the more cranky I got because I wasn't shifting out of it easily. (It's a vicious cycle that way.)

Mid-way through the second day my frustration with myself and my mood was so intense that I wanted to either scream or cry. "What the hell is my problem?" was the question that kept running through my mind. I live an extraordinary life that I share with an amazing man, doing work that I love. Most days I experience a depth of happiness, contentment and satisfaction that for most of my life I'd never even dreamed was possible. Reminding myself of this truth, however, was not helping. So, what the hell was my problem?

I hadn't been feeling very well for several days, but it wasn't so bad that I needed to lie in bed all day, I just wasn't quite up to par. No big deal, except that I have a bad habit of expecting myself to function well regardless. That's where it began...with my frustration with my inability to ignore how I was feeling and to function as if I weren't sick less than well. (You see....I have a hard time even writing the word "sick." I don't want to admit that I am sick, let alone cut myself some slack.)

It was my resistance to not feeling well that originally created my frustration and irritability. Resisting what is, regardless of whether or not what is meets your preferences, always causes unnecessary grief. I wasn't feeling well, and no amount of pushing myself or trying to talk myself out of the fact that I wasn't feeling well, was going to change it. I needed to let it run its course and had I accepted that at the outset I could have been gentler with myself and allowed myself to work when I could and rest when I needed to.

To make matters worse, the frustration and irritability was infectious. It carried over to everything else. My "Duh!" moment came when I realized that I was mentally complaining about everything...little things....things that don't normally faze me in the least. Duh! No wonder I was cranky. I had inadvertently shifted my focus from one of appreciation for the moment and what is, to one that was focused solely on my life's inability to meet my personal preferences for how I thought it "should" be. In the process I created an even greater gap between my preferences and what was. Hmmm....funny how that works. : )

The next time you're having an "off" day, feeling cranky or irritable, take a good look at the thoughts that've been running through your head. Complaints, whether or not you ever speak them to anyone, serve no purpose but to make you miserable, and miserable to be around. Try accepting, and surrendering to what is, rather than resisting and bitching about it and I'll bet your mood will turn around very quickly.

Are You Living an Extraordinary Life?

2008-06-12T12:44:38-06:00

On the surface my life is quite ordinary. I'm not a billionaire. I don't own three gargantuan homes, a fleet of ridiculously expensive cars or a private jet. I don't have a personal chef, a housekeeper or a butler. I don't have a giant walk-in closet with 3,000 pair of designer shoes, an expensive evening gown for every day of the year or a jewelry box full of diamonds. And I'm not sitting on the beach on a tropical island sipping a margarita as I write this. (Although I'm working on that last part...how cool would that be?!)

Despite not having all those things, I live an extraordinary life. I live a life that for most of my life I never even dared to dream of. More than that...that I didn't even know was possible. It was so far out of my experience that I couldn't conceive of living the life I do now.

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.” - anonymous

You see, I'm not a materialistic person and I don't measure my life by the things I own or the balance in my checking account. I measure my life, as the quote above says, by the moments that take my breath away. My life is not extraordinary because of untold material riches, but because of the richness of the experiences each day brings. It's in the little but oh-so-meaningful things...

It's waking each morning wrapped in my honey's arms, the feeling of being so well-loved filling my being.

It's the sound of the birds chirping outside our window as the early dawn light softly fills the room.

It's our sweet puppy greeting us with unrestrained enthusiasm and excitement after we've been gone, whether for five minutes or five hours, or watching her romp with the other dogs at the doggie swimming pool.

It's tickle time with my honey's boys, the sound of their laughter, or the look in their eyes when they gaze so adoringly at their dad.

It's the unexpected phone call from my son (calling from CA) to share some news, or simply to say hi.

It's the sound of my son's laughter and the sparkle in his eyes when he teases me.

It's witnessing a client's spontaneous "a-ha!" moment, or hearing the joy in their voice after a new breakthrough.

It's brainstorming a new idea or project with a colleague that sparks even greater passion for the work I do.

It's the sight of my honey coming up the walkway after work, and the soft, sweet kiss that follows.

It's that first bite of a delicious meal, or the first sip of a really good espresso or wine.

It's the feel of the sun, and a cool breeze, on my skin on a warm summer day.

It's a cold beer on a hot afternoon.

It's the sight of a beautiful rainbow after an afternoon thunderstorm or the amazing sunset that lights the sky up with shades of orange, pink, and purple.

It's kicking back in my favorite comfy spot with a good book, indulging in a luxurious massage, or catching up with a friend.

It's the long, heart-to-heart talk with my honey that lingers into the wee hours of the morning.

It's waking early on the weekend to realize I don't have to be up and snuggling back in for another hour or two.

It's cruising along in my sweet little honda civic on a gorgeous day with the tunes cranked up, singing and moving to the rhythm of an upbeat song.

It's laughing with my honey until we cry and our sides hurt.

I could go on and on. My life is filled with these moments, as I'm sure yours is too. What makes them extraordinary, what makes my life extraordinary, is living in the moment, being fully present for these moments. Reveling in them, savoring them, opening my heart and soul fully to them, and truly appreciating them.

It's brought me indescribable joy, made my life (and my biz) so much more meaningful and fulfilling that even in those moments that are less joyful, or downright hard, there's an underlying sense of peace and well-being.

Extraordinary is one of those illusive words that has different meanings for different people. Only you can define what an extraordinary life is for you. How is your life extraordinary? And if it isn't, what do you need to do to open more fully to your life and to the precious moments that can make it extraordinary?

Photo originally uploaded by dtcchc

Ten Other Commandments to Live By

2008-06-05T16:37:51-06:00

1. You shall not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.

2. You shall not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.

3. You shall not carry grudges, for they are the heaviest of all life's burdens.

4. You shall face each problem as it comes. You can only handle one at a time anyway.

5. You shall not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.

6. You shall not borrow other people's problems. They can better care for them than you.

7. You shall not try to relive yesterday for good or ill, it is forever gone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life and be happy now.

8. You shall be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own.

9. You shall not become bogged down by frustration, for 90% of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive action.

10. You shall count your blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

~ Author Unknown

Have you made other commitments to live by? If so, I hope you'll take a few moments to share them in the comments.

Say What You Need to Say

2008-05-28T13:38:53-06:00

Whether you're writing posts for your blog, writing marketing copy, or speaking to potential clients if you really want to connect with your market you've got to say what you need to say. Not what you think others want you to say, or what you think you should say, but what you need to say, what you feel called to say.

A couple of weeks ago, after talking with a client about getting the word out about her services, I received an email from her, that said in part:

"These days, there are few things that have me feeling scared. The greatest fear I experience is around our marketing. I often will literally have fear - I break out in a sweat when getting ready to send out a marketing piece or when I make changes on our website. It all ties in with my fears of being misunderstood.

I've spent a lot of time trying to control situations to make sure that everyone is getting what I actually mean and not misinterpreting me and forming false assumptions. Since I can't control anyone, clearly this is a losing proposition! Then the idea of putting a marketing piece out into the ethers (on the internet) where I have absolutely no idea who is looking at it and what they are thinking - well, no wonder my fear goes through the roof!"

No wonder is right. And she's not alone in recognizing that it's scary to put yourself out there like that for all to see, and inevitably, criticize. But here's the thing...holding back or editing yourself in an attempt to please everyone is actually counter-productive. Your message, the message you feel called to share with others, isn't meant to appeal to everyone, because you aren't meant to serve everyone. In the attempt to please everyone your message will actually lose much of the appeal it would have held for those you are meant to serve.

Saying what you need to say, without restraint, will be incredibly appealing and will resonate in a big way with those you're meant to serve. When you say what you need to say, those you're meant to serve will know, without doubt, that they're in the right place, that they've found the right person, or product, or program or blog, to serve their needs.

And those that don't get it? You aren't meant to serve them and saying what you need to say creates a filter so that you don't waste time (yours or the potential client's) venturing into work with a client who isn't ideal for you, and for whom you aren't ideal. They'll move on to someone else. Someone who is better-suited to serve them.

If you've been holding back, censoring yourself, because you're afraid of how others may react, let me say it again...your message, the message you feel called to share with others, isn't meant to appeal to everyone, because you aren't meant to serve everyone.

Focus instead on speaking from your heart as if to a dear friend. Relax and let your passion for your message shine through. It's that passion that will make an almost instant connection with those you're meant to serve. Working with those you're meant to serve is what it's all about...it's energizing, exciting, meaningful, and incredibly fulfilling.

So say what you need to say! Practice right here, right now...in the comments below...what are your thoughts? What holds you back from speaking your mind, from sharing your passion? What's the worst thing that could happen if you began to say what you need to say? And how would saying what you need to say impact you and your biz in a positive way?

Photo originally uploaded by Michelle Brea