I have three boys, William, Felton, and Russell.

I have tried to impart wisdom upon them as they have grown. There are thousands of things I would like them to take to heart, stuff that I find very useful, but much of which I had to learn ‘the hard way.’ Time passes by though, and you forget to touch on many things. I suppose they have picked up a few of my lessons:

Among the few I remembered to address…

• Be honest at all times. Your reputation is the hardest thing to replace.
• Courtesy is dying. Say ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’ and watch how surprised people look. (And don’t fret the whiners who say “I’m not old enough to be a ‘ma’am’”)
• Read, read, read.
• Enjoy the arts, and nature.
• Sing. You don’t have to sing well, just sing…
• Learn how to swim and throw a Frisbee. Both are potentially life-saving.
• Don’t make the first or third out at third base.
• Don’t forget to carry the ‘2’. (math homework only)
• Speeding isn’t a great idea, but two more dangerous freeway driving mistakes are changing lanes too often and driving tired (drunk goes without saying).
• Life begins on the other side of the front door. (Go outside.)
• Tuck in your undershirt.

I have even managed, to a certain extent, to teach them how to tie a tie, another dying art.

How should a guy deal with women? Uhhhh, that is more than a little tricky

• Look them in the eye. (Girls are rarely flattered if you stare other places)
• Conversation is good, but don’t dominate the talk.
• Listen.
• Don’t try to be the ‘bad boy.’ If a girl seems to like the ‘bad boys’ run like hell.

That’s about all I have on girls. Wanna know why?
Girls are damned near impossible to figure out, that’s why.

Feel free to offer more suggestions for either list, but please hurry.
For the time being, my kids still listen to me…somewhat.

Trivia question: Who, in 1999, derided George W Bush by saying “We do not want another candidate who needs on-the-job training.”?

Was is Vice President Al Gore? Nope. It wasn’t even a Democrat. It was Dan Quayle.

Remember Dan Quayle?

In August 1988, GOP presidential nominee GHW Bush picked him to be veep, and then won the presidential election in November.

As a candidate and as Vice President, Quayle seemed naïve and made a number of verbal gaffes.

Make no mistake though, DQ was no dummy, just a touch shallow and un-worldly. He was a child of privilege (not that there is anything wrong with that), and played a lot of golf (again, nothing wrong with that).

He was conservative, but not a demagogue.

He wasn’t even way off in the Murphy Brown flap. Kids ARE better off when they have two parents at home. (If you don’t know what the “Murphy Brown” flap is, look it up.)

Liberals made fun of his goof-ups, but Quayle is a Rhodes Scholar compared to ‘W’. Who knows how America (and the world) would have been different had he been able to knock off ‘W’ for the Republican nomination back in 2000?

(This was NEVER going to happen though. The same machine that got GHW Bush elected was in high gear for ‘W’, taking a lightweight, multiple-failed businessman to the highest office in the land. What a country.)

But back to Mr. Quayle.

Republicans will take back some House and Senate seats this fall. This always happens with the ‘out’ party. Regardless, the party is virtually leaderless.

Sorry, Giuliani, Palin, etc. are not serious candidates. Palin is now simply a money hound (there is a less polite term for this) and, unless we have another depression, Giuliani could never beat President Obama.

I am not saying he could beat Obama, but Dan Quayle carries a lot less baggage than all the other candidates, and he WAS the Vice President after all. That has to count for something.

And he is still only 63…..

Are you a fan of the TV show “The Office”? It is pretty widely accepted that Steve Carell is going to leave after this next (the seventh) season.

If you follow this show, you will no doubt be interested in reading this blog article.

This show is still very popular, so there were many comments at the end of the blog. They seem to be divided into two schools of thought:

1. Please don’t go Steve, the show will never be the same without you, and
2. This show has ’jumped the shark’ and should end this season…

My thoughts are more in line with number two.

Originally, this show was riotously off-beat. Some scenes, especially those featuring Michael Scott (Carell’s character) were hilariously uncomfortable, making the viewer squirm and laugh out loud simultaneously.

Those same types of scenes more recently just make me squirm, without the ‘laughing’ part. Now I find I can watch 15 straight minutes (of a 23 minute episode) without laughing at all. (Hey NBC, this is supposed to be a comedy…)

Some of this is due to an intentional increase in ‘dramatic’ scenes, but those would be made more tolerable if the ‘funny’ scenes were actually funny. Frequently they are not (but I love what Kathy Bates brought).

A possible solution? Dump some of the cast. There are many good/disposable candidates, but, believe it or not, the show could start by eliminating Dwight. His character is two-dimensional, and lost its’ zip a few seasons back. (We get it, he likes beets…)

Fans of Carell, I am sorry, but if the show is to remain on the air, it needs to make this one big change: Michael must go. As the boss, he is the central character, and his responses have become too predictable. The office needs a new boss, a new dynamic. Regardless of what other changes are made, not enough will be ‘new’ if Michael stays.

To make viewers happy, he should leave to be with Holly (No promotion from Dunder Mifflin, and DEFINITELY no wedding scenes allowed).

On the positive side, if Michael goes, Dwight can stick around to antagonize the new boss… (assuming the new boss has some earnest jerk-like qualities that need to be counter-balanced).

MASH was a better show after each cast change. The Office can be too. If they take this route, they should NOT bring in big-name actors, just bring in funny new people who are different than the ones they replace.

How did MASH do it?

• The very ‘military’ Colonel Potter replaced decidedly ‘unmilitary’ Henry Blake.
• Family man BJ Honeycutt replaced party animal Trapper John.
• Klinger moved into Radars spot, and changed from a dress-wearing punch line to a man with a depth of emotion.
• Wealthy and intelligent Harvard-grad Winchester replaced the bumbling Frank Burns.

With each change, the show got more interesting, and more popular, and still remained funny.

This could have worked for The Office, but they should have started a few years back. You don’t want to suddenly slash half of the cast this year. The shock would kill your audience.

Truth be told, the door was open for a great transition in season five, when Michael resigned and started a competing firm, the Michael Scott Paper Company. They had hilarious start-up problems and a tiny office. The Scranton office of Dunder Mifflin had to deal with his sudden absence. The writers should have run with this, and continued to let the two companies compete. You would have had two ‘offices’ with more twists and turns. New bosses, new underlings, former friends/now enemies, fresh storylines….

Nope, the show took the easy route, and just finagled a plot that allowed Michael to get his old job back. Back to the same old plot lines, and the same old punch lines. Boring.

To me, THAT was when the show jumped the shark.

Then Pam got pregnant. Ugh. Sharks upon sharks…

Robert Byrd has passed away at age 92.

The West Virginia senator had a distinctive career to say the least.

I do not intend to give a blow by blow rundown of his life. If you wish that, you can get it from many sources.

I will just touch on a few of the more significant.

• His filibuster of the 1964 Civil Rights Act. When he first ran for office he opposed civil rights, even going so far as to join the KKK in the 40’s. He came to regret that as the worst move of his life, and feared it would be in his epitaph (which it does).
• His almost 69-year marriage to Emma (who died in 2006).
• His vote against the resolution that gave George Bush the authority to launch the invasion of Iraq. He later said this was the vote “of which I am most proud.”

He was one of only 23 senators to vote this way. Most others (notably Hillary Clinton) voted in favor of expanding presidential power, because they didn’t have the political nerve to vote against it. (Give credit to ‘W,’ he always made sure these votes would be cast uncomfortably close to elections, so opponents could always question the ‘patriotism’ of those who voted against the president.)

Byrd warned that Congress was abdicating its constitutional power to declare war by giving the president what amounted to a blank check.

“We are rushing into war without fully discussing why, without thoroughly considering the consequences, or without making any attempt to explore what steps we might take to avert conflict.”

Years later, he called the invasion “the blunder of the age.”

He was very old by then, and very ill, but his vision was true.

RIP Senator Byrd.

Do you know what a ‘perfect game’ is in baseball?  This occurs when one team has all 27 batters (3 per inning, times nine innings) retired in order.

The very finest pitchers, even at the peak of their careers, know they will probably never throw a perfect game.

If a batter reaches base in any way the perfect game is out the window. Any hit or walk or hit-by-pitch ends it. A fielder misplaying a grounder or fly ball ends it.

To say that a perfect game a ‘statistical anomaly’ is more than a bit of an understatement. This has only happened 20 times in the entire history of the major leagues. (The real anomaly is that it has already happened twice this year)

This type of sporting event is so significant that, if a pitcher anywhere in the country, is five-plus innings into a perfect game, word spreads nationwide almost instantly.

And so it was on June 2 of this year. Armando Galarraga, a previously unheralded pitcher with the Detroit Tigers, was on the verge of earning the 21^st ever perfect game.  ESPN was not televising this game but, for the final few innings, kept cutting to the game to show every pitch Galarraga threw live.

Sports fans across the country were hanging on each moment, and calling their friends to alert them to tune in to ESPN

Baseball has lots of goofy superstitions. When a pitcher has a no-hitter going, after about 5 innings the rest of the team will refuse to talk to the pitcher as long as the no-hitter lasts. I suppose this is so no teammate ‘jinxes’ the pitcher. A perfect game is the ultimate no-hitter. We have to imagine it was pretty quiet in the Tiger dugout….

Fans have no such restriction however, and those in the stands at the game were going gaga with every pitch.

They, along with the rest of the country, were counting down….  “He just needs four more outs….  three more outs… two more outs….   ONE MORE OUT!!   HE JUST NEEDS TO GET THIS GUY OUT!!!

HERE IT IS… A SLOW ROLLER TO THE FIRST BASEMAN… HE SCOOPS IT UP AND THROWS IT TO THE PITCHER WHO IS COVERING FIRST AND….

Well, you know the rest. Umpire Jim Joyce thought, incorrectly, that the ball was not caught in time, so he called the runner ‘safe.’

A blown call. No perfect game. Not even a no-hitter. Nothing. History erased.

There are plenty of hotheads in professional sports, and baseball probably has a higher percentage than most.

I would not have been shocked if Galarraga ‘went off’ on the umpire.

Screaming, kicking dirt and throwing things are all part of baseball. It is distasteful, but routine.

Here was Galarraga’s immediate response to the blown call.

I hereby declare Armando Galarraga “Sportsman of the Year” for his charming response to an otherwise catastrophic disappointment.

For some reason, Major League umpires are protected from post-game press scrutiny. No one is allowed to ask them questions. Jim Joyce spoke to the press anyway. His apology was profuse and heartbreaking. You could feel his anguish at having made such an errant call.

His admission was actually historic. Umpires NEVER admit they made a bad call.

So Winkest Link also offers our highest level kudos to umpire Jim Joyce.

Thank you both for bringing ‘sportsmanship’ back to sports.

News is breaking that Al and Tipper Gore are separating.

The reasons have not yet been divulged and, frankly, I hope they never are. The private lives of public figures should be private.

This is sad

It is not sad because he is a public figure.

It is not sad because he is a former Vice President who has accomplished blah-blah-blah.

It is not sad because I happen to agree with him on climate change.

It is sad because it is sad.

They seemed genuinely meant for each other.

But I can’t wait to hear the FOX take on this.

I am sure they can work some ‘global warming’ jokes into this story.

Rush? Are you kidding? This multiple-divorcee is sure to treat this with some sort of glee. To Rush, all topics are part of the political game, and the sadness of the separation will not be apparent to him. After so many divorces, he probably thinks ‘separation’ is for sissies.

Certainly he can work in some “Love Story” jokes. The fact that Al and Tipper really were the models for the “Love Story” characters never stopped Rush from telling people it was a lie. Presumably Rush has no staff, and no time to fact-check.

To Rush, there is nothing sacred except executive mega-salaries.

I promise you I would be equally saddened if George and Laura Bush were separating. They too seem like they belong together, and ‘better’ each other.

To be consistent, if George and Laura were separating or getting a divorce, I would NOT want to know why. It is none of my (or your) damned business.

Sorry. I don’t care what happens to Dick Cheney.

Some will see this as the beginning of the end of the world.

An openly gay politician was elected to office. In Texas.

There have always been gay politicians. Many-many gay politicians. But the closet was always full. No one dared come out.

As representation, American gays had only Barney Frank and a handful of others (mostly in San Francisco we presume).

To ‘religious conservatives’ gay politicians winning elections in Texas must be a bad-bad omen.

I sometimes think the overly religious are hoping for the apocalypse. Deep inside they secretly wish something horrific will happen so they can say… “See? I told you so.”

They seem to revel in signs that we are nearing ‘the end.’

Bothered by hurricanes and earthquakes? Blame the gays. What other explanation could there be?

I must admit though, there are scary signs out there. Pollution. Overpopulation. Vladimir Putin. Starvation. Terrorists. Crazy dictators with access to nuclear weapons.

Kim Jong-il? That dude scares me.

The apocalypse will not occur because two people love each other. It is much more likely to occur because two people(s) hate each other.

And it won’t surprise ANYONE if religious fervor is the finger that pulls the trigger.

Joe Biden is an excitable guy. He gets mad. He gets happy. He expresses himself.

During the signing ceremony for the recently passed Health Care Bill, he whispered into the president’s ear “this is a big f-ing deal.” Only he didn’t say “f-ing.” He said the word.

Granted, it wasn’t meant for public consumption, but microphones are very powerful these days, and his foul language became part of the story.

For a bright guy, sometimes Biden is a bit of a slow learner. Our president and vice president are as close as we have to royalty. For public consumption, they should try to act with some propriety.

His glibness is part of his charm, however, so it would be sad to see his emotion, be it elation or frustration, muted or muzzled.

Regardless, now he is the Veep, and he will have to watch his mouth at all times.

Story over?

Nope.

A Kentucky teenager wrote to Biden expressing his displeasure at the coarse verbiage.

This is precisely what the teen should have done. Part of what makes this country great is you can criticize our leaders, even directly.

You know how many letters (and e-mails) the president and Veep get daily? Thousands and thousands and thousands.

So it defied very long odds when this boy received a two-paragraph response from Biden.

The Veep could have simply ignored the letter, especially since it was critical of him, but he chose to respond. And the response included an apology.

“I should have expressed my excitement in a more appropriate manner.”

NOW is the story over?

Nope.

Far from being gracious and thankful to receive a personal apology from the Vice President of the United States, the teenager had this to say:

“It was not really an apology, but that’s as close to an apology as I will be receiving.”

What the “F” does this kid want???

(We at Winkest Link would like to apologize to anyone who may have been offended with how we ended this article. To those who refuse to accept our apology we say…. Tough S***)

LeBron James has apparently let a lot of people down.

His team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, was just eliminated from the playoffs by the Boston Celtics.

He didn’t win any championships with Cleveland.

This wouldn’t be much of an issue, but all the aforementioned mags, newspapers and television networks have already anointed LeBron as the next savior of the NBA, the next ‘Michael Jordan.’

Not much pressure there, right LeBron?

He is eligible for free agency, and can now choose to re-sign with Cleveland or sign with any other team. The most talked-about ‘other teams’ are the New York Knicks and Chicago Bulls.

Who knows where he will sign. If he re-ups with Cleveland, Cavs fans will rejoice, and many people will praise his loyalty.

If he signs with another team, any other team, he will be seen as greedy, or as calloused toward the long-suffering Cleveland fans.

Is James, at 25, officially overrated? We sort of doubt that. It took Jordan longer than this to start his championship run.

Either way, I don’t care. He has been nothing but a class act, who has reflected positively on Cleveland, and the NBA.

LeBron, if you are reading this, just grant me one wish…..

Don’t sign with the @*!#*!# Lakers

As you may know, last week the Winkest Link predicted that Diane Wood would be the next Supreme Court nominee.

We were smug enough to think that, since we got it right on Sonia Sotomayor, we were probably clairvoyant.

Oops, we were wrong.

President Obama has nominated Elena Kagan. If you are somewhat politically astute, you will know who she is. Therefore, we won’t bore you with Kagan trivia (for now).

We will spend the rest of our time placing blame for our faulty pick.

Among our convenient excuses….

• The sun was in our eyes.
• The dog ate our paper.
• We should have been suspicious of our inside source, Dick Cheney. (He doesn’t have that good of a record for accurate predictions.)

And we do apologize to you for suggesting you bet your (currently defaulting) mortgage on Diane Wood.