Wine Review: 7 Deadly Vins

2012-05-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

WINE REVIEW: 7 DEADLY ZINS

Alright, hey guys, first wine review on the new blog! So me and Theéodore picked up this bottle of 7 Deadly Zins red wine for just $8.99, which turned out to be an awesome price for quality like this.

7 Deadly Vins was very rich. Like it was more than a red wine-- more like a burgundy, or a maroon, or a darker bright red. The wine itself looked purplish in color, but it tasted sort of blue? That's how rich this wine was, guys. So red it tasted blue. Cyan.

The aftertaste was flabby and full and I had to eat a bunch of crackers to stop tasting it. (Crackers pictured to the left of the wine.)

Something bummed me out about this wine though, and it wasn't that I spilled some on Théodore's favorite t-shirt (just kidding. He spilled it. Ha!) 7 Deadly Zins also happens to be the title of my favorite series of serial erotica, written by Rita Scar. Rita, if you're reading this, hi!!! I'm a huge fan.

So fellas, if you want to pull some classic romantic moves on your lady without breaking a Hamilton, here's what you do:

1. Pick up a bottle of 7 Deadly Vins. (It looks red, even though it tastes kinda cobalt.)
2. Print out one of the 7 Deadly Vins stories at your local library. (10 cents a copy? No sweat!)
3. Invite your lady over to your bachelor pad.
4. Read your lady some steamy short fiction over some red wine and candlelight.* With our review, you can sound cultured and educated about the wine you're drinking to turn her on before you even break out the story.
*2.5: buy candles and matches, or one of those fancy stem lighters.
5. Blammo! It is sexytime o'clock. You're welcome my man.

Good wine, good reads, with money left over for some crackers. Now that's what I'm talking about. Happy drinking, wino pros.

-Seth

The Wino Pro

Wine Review: 7 Deadly Vins