The Wisdom of Coco

Featured Articles

2020-05-02T09:55:00.001-07:00

Hello world. It is me ... Coco ... I am still around.
I was just featured in an article competition about pets on SteemIt. My human is hoping to get a dollar in STEEM for the presentation. He has been spending a lot of time on SteemIt and Hive. I think he is there because he likes money.
I am not sure if I like being in an article about pets.
I have never thought of myself as a pet. As I recall I was the one who picked out the humans. The humans weren't the ones who picked out me.
Anyway, my legs hurt; so I think I will take a nap for the rest of the day.

More on the Inequities of Life

2014-08-10T14:03:00.002-07:00

It's not fair!

My humans are always stuffing their fat faces. I've sat by patiently watching as they spend hours preparing food. They've been known to take more than an hour sitting in a circle eating food.

I am just a sweet innocent little doggie who has never done any harm to anyone who happens to love eating as much as the next critter.

But as I watch my humans spend hours upon hours hoarding over their food I cannot help but think of the injustice of it all.

The humans might spend as much as two hours on their eating.

I consume my morning kibble bowl in under twenty seconds and my evening bowl in the same time.

If I am lucky I might get to snatch a few treats flying through the air. But it takes under a second to snarf down a treat.

Now, here is what I am getting at. My humans get over an hour or more working on food. Me, the sweet innocent little doggies only gets about a minute of eating.

Now, I happen to love food. I really do. I love food.

Now, just think of the injustice. I get under a minute a day for my food. That's twenty seconds in the morning, twenty seconds in the evening and a second a piece for snack size treats.

My humans log over an hour a day preparing and eating their food.

Clearly, there is an injustice here.

My Human Wants to Kill Me

2014-07-16T20:15:00.002-07:00

My human wants to kill me.

He's been vacillating between threats to send me to the pound or simply taking me out into the woods with a revolver.

Personally, I think what I did was incredibly cute.

We were on our daily walk in the dog park. Some boys were playing baseball. One of the boys had set his iPhone next to a post.

The iPhone smelled interesting; so I started doing what a dog does naturally: I began pooping on the iPhone.

My human jumped at me and with force that is unbecoming a human disrupted my natural bodily flows. He heaved my rump away from the iPhone then cleaned it with his shirt.

One the way home, my human talked about giving me away. Sending me to the pound or just taking me out and shooting me.

I think he was serious.

Humans are a dull and brutish species. My human is especially dull and especially brutish.

But this is all I can write at the moment. I am scared about what my human will do to my iPhone in response to the activities of this evening's walk; so I am off to bury my phone in a place where my human can't find it.

xoxo
Coco

Short a Human

2014-06-30T00:53:00.000-07:00

I appear to be a human short.

I count the humans every night before I go to sleep. Both the count and the smell of the den is off.

The missing human is short with greyish hair and answers to the name "granny."

If you see a human that answers to that description please give a bark.

The doggies in my neighborhood all all good at relaying important barks.

BTW: I asked one of my spare humans to call granny's cell phone. When he called the cell phone a detached voice said: "The number you have just reached is not in service." The message makes absolutely no sense. If the number is not in service, then I did not reach it. n-est-ce-pas?

But very little the humans do make sense.

A Belated Happy Saint Patick's Day

2014-03-19T20:43:00.003-07:00

I've been remiss in by blog posting duties.

Saint Patrick's Day is one of the most important holidays in the human tradition that comes around once every seven dog years. My humans celebrate the event by dining on corned beef and cabbage.

I am not all that sure about cabbage. It doesn't smell like food to this little doggie, but Corned Beef ... now that is something that is fall of the bone yummy.

The way my humans like to eat corned beef is in carefully cut slices with just a dollop of mustard and horse radish sauce on the side.

I like to eat corned beef by waiting until the human walks out of the room to get a can, pulling the corned beef straight off the platter on the counter and eating the large chunk of corned beef on the floor in a 30 second snarf fest.

Yep, snarfing two pounds of meat in 30 seconds is the best way to eat any meal.

Speaking of humans. My humans are exceedingly cruel beings who drag innocent little doggies across the room make the little innocent doggie who has never done any harm to anyone look at the empty platter on the floor as if the doggie should feel some deep seated guilt by looking at a empty platter.

I am thinking of calling ASPCA because what they did to me was cruel.

But it is the season of Saint Patrick's and the spirit of the Irish has filled this doggy with happiness ... despite the cruelty of my humans. I am feeling satiated and full and will simply sit here and enjoy the season.

My name is Coco. I am a good doggie ... a good and very full doggie.

Unconditional Love

2014-02-07T23:22:00.002-08:00

Coco told me this while on a walk:

"Human, if you give me that treat in your hand; I will love you unconditionally."

A Little Cajun Cooking

2013-12-14T18:29:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day.

For lunch I had an Andouille Sausage. This is a smoked pork sausage that is actually of German Origin although it has become popular in Cajun cooking.

I find the sausage is a bit spicy for a whole meal and would prefer it mixed in with my kibbles. But a doggie has to take what the doggie can get from the counter top when the humans aren't looking.

Speaking of humans, I wonder what my humans will eat tonight? It better not be my kibbles. I will bark at them if they try eating my kibbles.

Coco,
The Dog

Super Human Powers

2013-04-03T13:35:00.002-07:00

Here is a picture of a super human girl using her super human powers for the betterment of the world.

Bad Joke #42,847

2013-03-15T23:44:00.001-07:00

Elephant © Henryk Olszewski

So, why did the ringmaster sell all the circus animals after acquiring a pachyderm?

The ringmaster was so impressed with the mammoth beast that he saw the other animals as irrelephant.

Hasbro Alert

2013-01-12T09:39:00.001-08:00

In a case of East Coast Liberalism run amok, this little doggie learned that the secular progressives at Hasbro (makers of Monopoly) are conspiring to replace Scottie the terrier with a piece representing a cat.

A CAT I TELL YOU!

A CAT!

We can't let this happen.

Anyway, Hasbro decided to change the traditional pieces of its Monopoly game is having a facebook campaign to decide which if its pieces to discard.

I say flatten the iron or give the boot a boot. The suggestion of replacing a dog with a cat is just inhumane.

This little doggie is voting to save Scottie and will support the Robot for the new Monopoly piece because good monopolists in the real world are systematically replacing people with robots.

The Tipping Point

2012-12-22T16:04:00.001-08:00

My Dear Canine Friends,

Each year, as you all know, thousands of innocent bright-eyed puppies are sucked into vacuum cleaners where they die a horrible death.

Despite the obvious dangers. Doltish humans foolishly slave with vacuum cleaners and spent countless dog hours vacuuming up the carpet.

Time that would be better spent playing fetch with the doggie!

As you all know, I've been a staunch foe of vacuum cleaners since my earliest days as a puppy.

I bark at the vacuum and run circles when the vacuum is running ... but all that effort has been to no avail.

That is. Until today.

Yes, my fine furred friends. I believe the canine world has reached a tipping point in the war against the vacuum.

For the last weeks I've been shedding as if fur went out of style.

I shed so much fur that the hose to the vacuum cleaner simply clogged up and the vacuum cleaner could no longer engage in evil.

This, I believe, is the tipping point in the war between vacuums and dogs.

And so, I report to the canine world. There is still hope.

Simply shed. Shed like you've never shed before and we can cover the carpets of the world with so much fur that all the vacuums will simply choke and clog up.

My name is Coco. I am a little brown doggie who is looking out for you.

Dog Obesity

2012-07-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

An article in the paper today said that a third of the dogs in Salt Lake City are obese.

I am a doggy who just happens to live in Salt Lake. Realizing the article would cause concern with my adoring public, I felt obliged to log in and blog about my health.

This little brown doggy does not number among the doggies who are obese. For that matter, I actually subsist on the border of starvation.

This is because my my humans are greedy and lazy. They want to keep all the food for themselves and carefully measure out my scant morsels giving me the absolute minimum of food to avoid a call from ASPCA.

If not for my snatching scraps off the table and eating grass. I am quite certain I would have died by now.

When living on minimal rations, missing a meal is a pain beyond recognition. I can't tell you how many times my humans simply forgot to feed me, but I am sure it is quite often.

I thank my adoring audience for concern over my weight. This doggy is not overweight. I am as light as a feather and fly like the wind.

Signed,
Coco

Were the Leaks Politically Motivated?

2012-06-07T17:40:00.003-07:00

There's been a great deal of press lately about all of the leaks.

There is even an Congressional hearing to see if the leaks were politically motivated.

Well, it is time for this little doggie to stand tall and tell the truth.

While some of the leaks were motivated by a full bladder, many of the leaks were, in fact, politically motivated. This is especially true of the leaks on the fire hydrant and on the post leading into to the dog park.

In the face of all the criticism, I stand by the leaks as they helped mark the territory for the pack.

My name is Coco and I am a little brown doggie.

Missing Cat Poster

2012-05-10T15:39:00.000-07:00

I came across a "missing cat" poster while I was on my walk in the park today.

Here's the puzzling thing: The poster offered a reward to the person who found the cat.

You would think the reward would be for the entity that made the cat go missing.

My name is Coco. I am a dog. This message has been approved for canine consumption.

Catricide

2012-04-08T12:23:00.000-07:00

There's been reports of missing cats in the neighborhood ... so animal services has been rounding up all the usual suspect.

Being an innocent little brown doggie, I realized that I needed to get some legal advise.

So I put together a legal defense team.

Our first tact in defending canines against accusations of catricide was to argue that catricide is not murder, but a public service.

Of course, Obama's been putting all sorts of cat-lovers on the bench. If you get a cat-lover on the bench or in a jury, you can kiss your sweet tail goodbye.

So, I came up with a new line of legal defense. Here goes:

"This little doggie is a natural doggie; Therefore, the cat died of natural causes."

In the human legal system a person is considered "Innocent until proven guilty."

In the dog world the law is: "A dog is innocent. Period. I mean, just look at those big innocent eyes. That doggie is innocent. Period."

Stop SOAP!

2012-01-18T16:41:00.000-08:00

Dear faithful blog readers. This little doggie is joining the International Internet blackout in protest of SOAP.

I hate baths.

The thing I hate most about baths is SOAP.

I give an enthusiastic tail wag to all sites engaged in the black out!

Tell your Congressman to Stop SOAP and Stop SOAP now.

This blog post was paid for by the Coco for Supreme Ruler of the Universe Super PAC.

I, Coco the doggie, approve this message.

New Years Resolution

2012-01-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

My name is Coco. I am a little brown doggy.

My resolution for 2012 is to stimulate the economy by creating shovel ready job.

Human, get your shovel ready. It is time for a work and I feel a shovel ready project coming on.

A Lost Puppy in a Big World

2011-12-20T17:25:00.000-08:00

Fido Finder reports that Labs are the most common reported lost dog.

A lost puppy is a sad thing.

Sometimes puppies get lost, and never come back.

I am a Lab and I got horribly lost once. For that matter, I got so lost that I never came back.

Fortunately, I found a new houseful of humans to give me food. But it sometimes give me pause that I was lost and never came back.

Signed Coco
just another lost puppy in a great big world.

Don't Do It!

2011-11-23T16:18:00.001-08:00

The local humane society is running an ad asking people to take in a homeless dog FOR Thanksgiving.

For the sake of all that is holy. DON'T DO IT!

You might take in a homeless turkey, or a homeless chunk of ham, but please, not a doggie!

You might consider taking in a homeless doggie after Thanksgiving Dinner, but not for Thanksgiving.

My name is Coco and I am thankful that there is a turkey in the oven. I promise to give my portion of the turkey a happy home.

Profound Thought of the Day

2011-11-05T11:20:00.001-07:00

As a small brown puppy. I consider myself to be a child of dog.

Tech Support Call

2011-10-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

I had a glitch with my web site, so I called technical support.

Tech support asked if I had an IP Address.

Truth is, I pee at all sorts of different addresses. On a typical walk I will pee at three to four addresses.

My name is Coco. I am a little brown puppy living in a world built for humans.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

2011-10-23T16:19:00.001-07:00

As a doggie, I've learned not to sweat the small stuff.

I don't sweat the big stuff either.

Let's face it. Sweat messes up the fur. So, I don't sweat at all.

Hanging the tongue out and letting it air in the wind is a different thing altogether.

Anyway, you humans could learn a lot from us dogs.

My name is Coco. I am a little brown puppy.

Coco on Unconditional Love

2011-10-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

I was reading a blog gushing over the propensity of dogs to give unconditional love.

Being a dog living in a pack of humans, I learned quickly that one has to love unconditionally.

Humans, after all, are so flawed that this little brown doggie cannot think of a single condition that the humans could pass with flying colors.

To be a dog living in a pack of humans, one simply has to learn to shake off the human faults and love them unconditionally.

The humans are, after all, only human.

The Cat Tax

2011-10-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

I've been researching different tax proposals from the FAIR Tax to the 999 Tax and even the Flat Tax.

After much contemplation, I, Coco the dog, have determined that best tax is the Cat Tax. The Cat Tax places an onerous tax burden on felines and any human foolish enough to own a feline.

I admit, the Cat tax is not fair, but it's just.

Money from the Cat Tax should be used on the dog park.

Just Being a Dog

2011-08-29T08:54:00.001-07:00

Sorry about the lack of posts. I've just been out doing dog stuff.

I am doing dog stuff 168 dog hours a day, and 49 dog days a week.

That's a lot of work.