Chocolate Donkey The Internet Treat

The Mad Ranter: I like this, so they've stopped selling it

2012-12-08T15:38:00.001-08:00

The Mad Ranter: I like this, so they've stopped selling it

The Mad Ranter: A look at UK debt.

2012-12-08T15:26:00.001-08:00

Christmas Slap On The Chops

2012-12-08T00:27:00.000-08:00

The idyllic ‘White Christmas’ is just around the corner and the feathery goose is getting fat, oh and it’s so obvious - why? Because I saw people smiling at each other in the town center yesterday morning and that just don’t happen at all.

Thats It Show Your True Colours Ground Walker

There was some old guy crooning over a piano singing a cheery Christmas song, obviously he had his plastic bucket out. I thought I had stepped onto the set of a Bing Crosby movie (what sort of name is Bing anyway?) and I was rather alarmed, believe me. Now don’t get me wrong I am certainly no Grinch or Ba humbug,

Me In The Thick Of It Yesterday

but it sent a nervous and peculiar shiver down my spine, causing me to shuffle my feet just that little bit quicker, in order to get my body nearer to home, and out of the town sooner. Some of the smiles I saw put the bloody willies up me (pardon the expression) as they were obviously so false, that they came across as leers and they were just from the children, let alone the old ladies (its in the eyes, it’s the eyes you see, shining.)

Suddenly I felt enclosed, claustrophobic and quite alone, especially when the girl on the checkout started singing frosty the snowman under her breath, whilst packing away my favourite brand of porridge oats. Look folks to be honest I wanted to scream out loud, let me out of here, let me out of this encroaching falseness NOW! And why is that,you may be asking yourself. You’re just being a little bit of a killjoy here sunshine. Well no I’m not, and the reason why I am not, is because for 11 months of the year when I trudge down to that great big corporate farm, everyone is killing each other in a rush to get theirs first.

They are huffing and puffing at the tills, barging down the isles, pushing front of each other at the reduced counter, (which I must add offers a great selection of both fresh and chilled goods, if you don’t mind the fact that many of the items have been picked up at least fifty or more times, by people who look like they don’t wash their hands after they have been sitting on the loo) and generally having no regards what so ever for those around them.

So what is the problem with them getting along now its Christmas?

Well I just think that its a shame and a pain in the proverbial backside that the moaners and groaners can't do it for the other 11 months of the year also, why should I put up with their bloody twoddle?

You know what I mean don’t you? Let’s face it fellow earthlings it’s not that hard to be nice is it?

Well is it punk? Go ahead make my day crappy.

You put the barrel of the Magnum to your own head and here’s why.

Its just a matter of placing a positive thought in your head, even if it is one from the past, its not that hard to think of something good is it? You must have something positive you can call upon floating around in there along with all that other grey fluffy stuff, go on try, harder, I SAID HARDER!!

Look you! Yes you! That dumb looking, bone idle thought processing being (that’s all’s we are I’m afraid folks) hey LISTEN UP! It is scientifically impossible to think two thoughts at once, go ahead try…… told you.

You may think that you are thinking two or more thoughts at any one moment but your not, you are only thinking one, so don’t think crappy thoughts and you will be happy. Look you crafty so and so you can’t think of something good and bad at the same time, so to all you plastic anti tree huggers at the local farm yesterday, just pretend its Christmas all year round, it really is that simple, but lose the leer for heavens sake, it’s frightening, Grimm fairly tale stuff.

OK so come January what is going happen, apart from the fact that, the bloody analysts, you know the geeky nerds who don’t know what girls boobs are for, start shuffling into work wearing their new knitted jumpers from their grandmother.

No Not This Cool Dude

This Schmuck Below

Am Gonna Take Over The World In This Top

All those shufflers who were being happy singing down the local farm start to implode, get miserable, saying things like “oh it was an ‘alright’ Christmas I think, let me go over it,” but, more than likely its “boo it was a bad Christmas You know something Christmas is just not the same no more, Christmas is dead,” and the 11 month cycle kicks in, the norm, miserable faces.

Then you even get that one little freak who says, am getting all of my gifts now for next year from the January sales, look shoot me down in a hail of molten metal if you ever hear me saying that, as everything about it is so wrong.

Now I am a man and it is oh so written in stone that I am going to get my gifts from

www.aminthedoghouseifIdontsortmyschizoutnow.com

(and please do not try to click the link as it don't work, I made it up, get with it.)

this is the place where all men shop, unless your gay and I certainly ain’t got no problem with that (if you wanna do my shopping), but us men that live with women, do things last minute, that’s how we roll and we are proud of that (hey dude if you are gay and get your gifts early, well done you), however; I must say to any fellow hunter gatherers out there, that there are some bargains to be had online this year as yours truly has been checking them out (as I live online), and get this, they get delivered to your door. Now isn't that just wonderful? with a couple of deft clicks of your old familiar and trusty mouse, you can have Christmas sorted, and no more trouncing around the shops bumping into all of the other hunter gathers, wailing banshees, and dithering old fools, though I do like old people honestly, they are my favourite obstacle in the Christmas rush, don’t you just love dropping down to second gear and blasting right past them? I know that I do.

OK people have you got that Christmas tree up yet? No then you need to get it sorted don’t you? That is the best part of Christmas the chopping down of the tree, don’t you love it? Dragging that seven foot piece of nature up the high street with the other hunter gatherers, everyone throwing out the smiling leer, but the eyes are saying “get me out of here please.”

Oh and lets not forget the screaming kids aren’t they adorable, so cute with their arms out pointing, and then you see that family, the one with about 10 of those adorable little darlings, running around that expensive goodie shop wanting everything oh my they are so cute. You can spot their doting father quite easily as he is the one with shoulders that have got the world on them and he is wishing he had used a condom or said no at least a few more times, but he knows that its this, its this time of year that really makes it all so worth it, to see that cheery angelic look on those little smiling faces, as they are sitting around the tree on Christmas morning eagerly waiting to open their presents. I hope Father Christmas went to see Mr XBOX, Mr Wii and Harry Potters Books of spells this year daddy, hee hee!!

Right enough of that ranting am off the gym, got to do it you know, if you ain’t climbing your what? Sliding that’s right, so read my post January Rush and get your shizznizz down the gym today, and if your that guy smiling down the shops with them 10 adorable kids, then good luck bud, but you should’ve put a sock on it, but there is still time to fake death and change your identity, you wouldn’t be the first, or the last.

Hasta La Vista Comrades

Hippie Police Banning Arms

2012-12-06T16:23:00.003-08:00

On most mornings I get out of bed quickly grab a cup of warm coffee and relax. On very rare mornings I don’t grab a coffee and I don’t relax, I just trudge into the living room and without going through my daily morning routine of lighting incense and meditating, (Stop! Call the hippie police)

I just sit and ponder. I put on the news (something which I only do on the rare mornings) and pull back the veil of positivity which I look through everyday; and you know what I don’t like what I see.

There are still people starving unnecessarily, both in the third world and in the so called advanced cities which I myself count myself lucky to have been born and live in.

The greedy out of control banks are still ripping us all off, with those tossers in the stock exchange gambling like their in a local betting shop, playing with our lives. Living the high life on champers and coke whether they win or lose. Bonuses for massive losses are the norm; we must all need our daft heads knocking against our computer screens (because lets face it that’s where most humans reside nowadays).

The polar icecaps are still melting, sending us all the latest freak weather conditions that have been sweeping our way of late. I saw one video the other day of hailstones the size of cricket balls raining down the Sahara desert (the locals loved it).

Now I am not no meteorologist by along shot ( I thought an isobar was where you placed your savings) but even I know that it isn't normal, no it’s not normal at all.

The forests in the Amazon, Borneo, and Indonesia are still getting wiped out everyday, killing species of animals, plants, and insects that we have never seen before and have a right to share this planet with us, regardless of what cold cure they may have been able to provide. That’s not the point; they deserve to be left alone.

The celebrities are still getting theirs, oh yes, they love to rub peoples nose in it don’t they. We're still producing the want to be pop stars, real music has gone down the pan, it’s finished, kaput.

There are still wars and bombings all over the world, arms dealers coining it, creating these situations, because apart from oil, arms is the biggest money spinner on the planet, but hey why not fight over oil it’s a win win situation.

We’re still in a double dip double fabricated recession. Where has all the money gone? Just turn over the channel and look at the celebs, they seem to be coping pretty well. Google, Amazon, Samsung, Sony, Starbucks, MacDonald’s, the list goes on, they are all thriving, why? It’s because people are buying their goods, by the truckload. But how are we in a double dip recession then dude? Because there is no recession, it is all in your head its mind control plain and simple, change your paradigm man, its as easy as that; but hey your to busy on Twitter Twimping come on get you shnizz together, you used to be somebody – remember? You used to care.

The Corporates are still crushing the little man and we are helping them. They have nerds with spotty faces and thick rimmed glasses typing away, with their monitor reflecting the light in their glasses, overlooking streams and streams of information, analyzing our every move.

Trying to out smart us and out think us, and you know what they are doing it, and they are doing it well. That is why we are fighting over the crumbs and they are getting HUGE on the rest.

Starbucks and the rest of the so called up market coffee chains are still paying under the odds to the third world countries who produce their wonderful coffee beans, and paying their staff a pittance. Who cares? No one, we just keep Tweeting slop. But you know what sickens me is those pretentious little toads who sit by the window looking out at the world with their nose in the air because they don’t give a damn. No they don’t, they couldn’t care less, I can see right through the little toe rags, but theirs is coming oh yes it is, we all have our crap day.

The little countries are still struggling under the burden of debt that the IMF put them under when it was formed to do just that many years ago. These countries can’t get off their backsides never mind their knees, they are finished, but who care? Who really cares?

Well there is one thing that keeps me from losing it and saying that I have had enough, there is one thing that keeps all of us going when we see the stink that has built up around us, and the thing is ‘Human Spirit’.

That’s right ‘Human Spirit’ is what gets me out of bed in the morning, what keeps me going and what makes sure that I will not conform to or become the same as most of the scum that shuffles around this planet hidden in the background, taking what ever they can.

I call anyone like that ‘Grabbers’ in my book The Wizards and Wizards of Alderley Edge, and though it has nothing to do with all of the above, it is based around greed, because lets face it that’s what its all about, greed plain and simple.

Well folks that was my rant and tomorrow is another day, lets hope a better day. I hope that it got you thinking and may have pulled you away from Tweeting, Face booking or what ever else it is that nearly all of us do now on an ever increasing basis.

On a final note I suppose that most people reading this have heard of Tony Robbins, I myself live by the man he is so positive, he has changed my life profoundly, and I wish I could meet him to say thanks.

Any way I have added a link to his site, here and if you haven’t heard of him, or life coaching take a peek and see what it can do for you, I tell you what you may be mildly surprised.

Hasta LA Vista comrades and remember, don’t eat yellow snow (unless it was made by one of the fat cats, its gotta taste good).

Twitter, Twimper, or Twit?

2012-12-06T03:23:00.000-08:00

No it’s not funny, its not funny at all, when you realize you've been Twimping, yes that right Twimping.

What’s Twimping? Twimping is a phrase which I came across that basically means you have been trying to sell your books or other wares by going through the useless process of getting followers on Twitter. Caught up in the Twitter bird bath like everyone else, singing or should I say Tweeting on about free books, reviews and the rest of the garbage that millions of others are hawking.

The lucky thing is I am quite new to Twitter but in a short time I had amassed quite a decent following of 3600+ followers https://twitter.com/R_O_FAWN many of whom are in the same cutthroat world of book selling, or should I say book pimping, or sales begging.

And so it began, Tweeting for crusts of bread daily (and I mean all day and sometimes night) trying to get people to notice me and say “Hey this guy genuine and may write great books, and no one else is selling books on Twitter, come on lets check him out!” believe me (as you know) that didn't happen and is unlikely to.

I noticed something quite quickly, everyone is selling shit on Twitter, (or bloody trying like mad to) everyone is at it, it’s like stepping out from a crowded sidewalk of your daily internet surf and into some tightly packed crazy thoroughfare of frantic selling, people jumping up above each other with their hands in the air saying look at what I have got. Streams of individuals aiming for the top spot on the Tweetometer, their glorious moment in the sun, only to be smashed down by someone behind them shouting “Move over buddy it’s my turn and my shit is way better than that crap your peddling.”

Lets face it everyone is doing the same crap over and over again like rats running round and round on that plastic wheel in the cage, spinning on the spot with a smile on their stupid face but not getting anywhere really quickly and the sad thing is this, it just isn’t funny anymore, and its not nice to see.

There are millions of folk from all walks of life and surprisingly some of them decent and ‘highly educated’ people, wasting their lives doing this mind warp.

Look it isn't working Twimping doesn't work and it wont work because Twitter is not a market place it was made to communicate with friends, family and business colleagues and its pretty damn good at it too, that’s undeniable, just as Facebook is good at it also(Is your Facebook sales page thriving? I didn't things so.)

So after realizing that I was Twimping I started to look at the other Twimpers who hadn't come out of the closet ‘yet’ (don’t worry there’s plenty of time guys you’ll see, just the sooner the better), still thinking that they were as straight forward as the next guy, and decided I don’t want to be like that anymore; I decided to change.

I am one of the lucky ones, yes I have been around computers for many years, but I never took to any of the social networks sites as I see them as too flimsy and false therefore I never wasted hours, days and years of my time, (I feel for you if you have honestly I do). though I created a Facebook page once which was a joke, really what’s the point, but hey that’s another story.

I am tearing down Brand R O Fawn (if there is one) which means removing all of the pictures of my book from my blog, and starting fresh. There will be no more videos in my blog promoting my book, and I am going to start writing fresh and off the cuff (ad hoc to you and me) about the things that really interest me in life, which are the net, writing, social issues, yes sometimes books, comedy, maybe sex and chocolate, you get the picture.

I shall keep my Twitter account obviously, (hey am not Jesus I ain't some sort of online Martyr), but I have already moved the picture of my book from the front page and have changed the little section of ‘about me’ to only mention briefly at the end about The Wizards and Witches of Alderley Edge Series.

Of course I may now and again mention my books because of course I am an Author and we have to draw the line somewhere, but I shall not and will not ever again Twimp or Blimp (Blog pimping, You like it don’t you? That’s why your doing it lol) and that’s a promise.

OK so there we have it then, I hope that this is a clear message to all of you authors out there, not to sell your soul or any dangly bits online in order to create an online presence, which in some cases wont make you a dime. Oh and another thing I am removing Google adwords from my blog because it is a load of smelly plop, but that is another subject which I will cover in my new fresh and honest blog.

I must admit this is the best blog I have ever enjoyed writing, Hasta La Vista Comrades.

Energy Vampires

2012-11-27T02:36:00.002-08:00

King of the Giant Goblins

Do you believe in Vampires?

It’s a question which you may have of been asked before many times in the past. The thing is when we do get asked if we believe in vampires the first thing that springs to mind is the old style classic Hammer House of Horrors movie vampire. You know the one, usually a guy with shiny greased back jet black hair, pointed fangs, inky black eyes, chalky white skin and more often than not blood dripping from his desperately thin lips.

To be fair these old style vampires are quite easy to spot and it would be in your best interests to run a mile, heading for the nearest grocery store and acquiring a few cloves of very aromatic garlic.

The dangerous fact is this though, the vampires that are all around us are not that easy to spot as they come dressed in the same clothes as us, do the same jobs as us, and eat the same food as us, and hey they don’t worry about mirrors and eating garlic.

They are the very smart and savvy Energy Vampires.

They may be your best friend, brother, sister, co-worker, or your partner. The way to spot them is by their presence, as in, they change the mood in a room when they walk in.

Lets say you and a few other individuals are sitting around having a laugh and a joke and all is well, you know the kind, you may have a tear rolling down your cheek, and your face may be ruby red from having so much fun. There maybe someone else in the corner slapping their stomach because the banter is so hilarious,

Then, wait there what’s this? No it can’t be we are having so much fun - unexpectedly you hear a low creaking sound as the door to the room opens slowly. Everyone swivels their head in the direction of door with a look of terror on their faces and, you’re all thinking is it?

Yes I’m afraid so, it’s that person; yes it’s that person that makes everybody want to run for the hills. They stroll in and the mood changes, you can even sense a temperature drop occur as they move slowly and purposely around the room, not talking, not acknowledging, no hello’s or how are is everyone..

Then for no reason at all, you suddenly you feel the urge, you shouldn’t do it but you find yourself saying those dreaded words “How are you?” but its too late, they home in on you, like a dog to a bone, and you can hear the room quickly emptying around you, more rapidly than a small tent when someone breaks wind.

They’ve got you now, so they start complaining in that droning voice and rain down all of their crap on you, yes you know what they are doing, they are sucking the very life out of you, they are draining your energy, and they know that there is nothing you can do about it, unless you tell them to stop, but hey you wont do that will you? Because you’re way too nice, they know that, you have been chosen.

Hey but know what you will do the next time, they enter the room. You will look at their pasty pale skin and their dead and selfish eyes; and you will run for the hills as fast as Forest Gump, with a bullet in his buttocks.

It’s a fact that some individuals like to suck the energy from people just by being in their company. They like home in on caring people, who seem to display natural empathy and like to listen to others. If this considerate person eventually wakes up and points out to them that they need to be more positive, they don’t change, oh no! They move on to someone else who has compassion, a new victim, a new source of energy, this is how they are; it is how energy vampires operate. They resist a change to their state, they like the way they are, they are dominant and in control, they run the show, and drain those around them.

So what can you do? There are a number of things.

1) Do not under any circumstances get left alone with the dreaded drain, take cover.

2) When others take flight, if you have to, drag, claw and scratch your way to the front of the fleeing crowd, like your life depends on it.

3) Do not under any circumstances asked the daft question which is “How are things?” Hell No!!

4) If you are caught by them, point out that they seem to be coming across a little negative lately and hand them a Anthony Robbins positive psychology cd, that should make them run for the hills faster than bullet out of gun.

5) If all else fails just talk over them, or put some ear plugs in as they cannot do anything if they are ignored.

6) The best option is to run, end of story.

So there we are, the energy vampire, who you allow to come into your own home, who you may go the pub with, or if you are really unfortunate, the person who you are going to jump in bed with right now.

Good Luck.

Quick Tour Around Mystical Alderley Edge Cheshire England

2012-11-26T02:25:00.001-08:00

January Rush

2012-11-25T02:03:00.000-08:00

The King of the Giant Goblins Part One/Two

Oh Yes!! It’s Wales today, hill-walking though I am still going to get down to the gym, I don’t know what I would do with out the gym in my life. It really is a breath of fresh air in the mornings; blows away the cobwebs and gives me something to focus on – oh yes and it keeps you fit and enables you to have a better life, for longer.

Today I was really thinking about what I call the ‘January Rush’, that is when people come into the gym just after New Years Eve with positive goals about getting fit and eating properly or maybe giving up smoking (which is one of the most silly pastimes ever I must say). The thing is there is one problem with the ‘January Rush’ it never lasts, people give up so easily and you know what it really bugged me - WHY?

I had to sit and think about it and work out why, as I really do love problem solving, and there was some sort of problem going on here; guess what I think I found the answer.

The key to beating the failure rate (dropout rate or whatever else you want to call it)of people who start training after the New Year, is to get some momentum going beforehand.

If you start training after the New Year, you may not see the results right away and that can be deflating, and can stop your positive vibes right in their tracks, so what can you do?

What I suggest is to start training right now, right this week, in this moment make that decision, WHY?

Well its the end of November. That way when it comes to January you will just be starting to see some positive results, (physically and mentally) and you will have the foundation to kick on into the New Year and on to the glorious summer. As you are already training you may even decide to eat healthier over the festive season because lets face it, pigging out on the old Christmas Turkey isn't good for you at any time of the year, especially if your not working it off.

Well that’s it for today folks, just thought I would pass on my thoughts before I head off down the gym and get some legs and shoulders in before I leave for the green valleys of wales.

Remember: get your momentum now, right now, and you will hit the New Year running,, its the best advise you could have this time of year, and the only way you can beat the ‘January Rush’.

The King of the Giant Goblins Part One/Two

Be sure to check out the new video below, you will find it quite funny, if you do please leave a comment on it.

Many Thanks

Blessings

PC or Doughnut?

2012-11-24T13:04:00.001-08:00

King of the Giant Goblins Part Two

Well everyone, it’s Saturday night and maybe just maybe its time to drag myself from my beloved seat in front of my cherished PC and off over to the comfy white sofa which has been persistently calling my name all evening. Maybe grab a snack, something sweet and tasty like a doughnut, yes and a nice cup of strong steaming hot tea, It really is cold outside now. Problem is getting of this PC.

The trouble is, which most of you out there reading this already know, whether you be in America, England or Japan, this is you know how hard it is to drag yourself from the PC as there are so many wonderful things to do.

As you may have gathered (maybe my blog gave it away) I am a writer of books, I have written countless books and this series is just one of many, though these are my most enjoyable. I have written books under many different names, depending what the material is, so if you are looking for my past work this is the reason why you haven’t found any. Yes it all makes sense now I’m sure. The thing is a little bit of intrigue and mystery goes a long way.

Well I am off to Wales tomorrow to go and do some hill walking - I love hill walking as it is one of the most rewarding pass times that you can do. If you write it is really good to go and visit the great outdoors, take in the fresh air and the beautiful natural surroundings. With wales being so hilly and mountainous its never to long before you are up near the clouds, staring out over miles and miles of beautiful green countryside, and this is when the inspiration really kicks in. The buzz you get when you reach the top of high peaks is really fulfilling.

The pace of life has really jumped up a notch over the past twenty years and we owe it to ourselves to be aware of just how much we are trying to take on without having any of the classic ‘Me’ Time. Hey stop what you’re doing right now!! and have some ‘Me’ Time because you really deserve it.

Well as I mentioned in my last blog I have released Part Two of the King of the Giant Goblins and the response has been fantastic. If you want to download or view it please click here.

Once again thank you.

I have just been watching some Harry Potter videos on YouTube and the following is amazing five million views one of them had , so I am quite sure that my book must be worth a view, who knows maybe I will have that many views one day, I certainly hope so. The thing is this though my books are going to have more than nine different stories and they don’t just revolve around one person, in fact I would put my books up against Harry Potter’s but hey I am a little biased as I wrote them, but I will let you decided for yourself.

Well if you do look at my posts then you may have seen my new video, I think it is really funny so let me know if you do by viewing it and adding a comment.

Many Thanks

Blessings