The Woman Inside Me

WSR: Weight 224.4 - Weight Left To Lose 54.4

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 13:41:00 +0000

Height: 5'7"
Age: 42

Starting Weight: 370.0 lbs
Goal Weight: 170.0 lbs

Current Weight: 224.4 lbs
Pounds Lost: 145.6 lbs
Pounds Left To Lose: 54.4 lbs

Percent Of Weight Lost: 39.35%
Percent Of Way To Goal: 72.80%

Starting BMI: 57.9
Current BMI: 35.1
BMI Lost: 22.8

It was a hard week that I pushed through and dropped another 1.8 lbs. The weather is warmer and there is hope to see some sun so I think this week will be a lot easier. I know I feel so much more in control now with there being far less "OMG I want to swan dive into an all you can eat buffet."

So if you are struggling and don't know how to get a grip, know this: everyone struggles, even those of us that have been at this a long time. The key is to never give up. Take each day as they come and focus on doing all you can on that day. I'm not perfect. But I am still down 145+ lbs from my highest weight. As long as you never quit and learn from your mistakes you can do this.

On the other side of this weight loss coin there is also a little matter of a 5K to be run on Saturday. I'm ready. The plan is to take it slow and steady doing run/walk intervals and a couple of 5 minute walks thrown in about 1/3 and 2/3 of the way through. This is my first official run so there is no pressure other than I don't want to finish last.

20 weeks back on plan and 52.6 lbs lost.
12 weeks on the DDDYC and 26.6 lbs lost.

Onward and Downward y'all!

Happy Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 14:52:00 +0000

I'm up, breakfast has been eaten (egg beaters, mushroom, broccoli and mozzarella omelet w/ veggie sausage) and I am sitting here drinking my coffee while watching Mike Holmes on HGTV. Mike makes me want to drywall. I think building houses is very similar to math. There really is only one right way to do it. If you work the formula you get the right result.

My weigh in with Allan has been sent. It is a good loss and considering the really hard week that I've had it is a tremendous victory in the war against the fat. Even though my own body betrayed me and craved heavy carbs like an addict craves crack I did not take up permanent residence inside of my refrigerator. I dug deep and toughed it out. I feel proud.

I'm a bit tired this morning as my upstairs neighbor was engaging in some night time activities last night until well past midnight. Thus I have been debating whether or not to get dressed and go to church. I'm going to go because anytime I even think about not going and then go the message I receive is something I've really needed to hear. And I enjoy hanging out with my friend Angella.

Last night I downloaded my community college transcript and measured it against what I still need to take before I transfer to the University of Houston. I was shocked to learn that I only have to take 6 or 7 more classes and then I am ready. So instead of waiting until the Summer semester I plan on enrolling in the Spring Second Start semester that starts next month and knocking out 3-4 classes. If I do that then I can finish up during the summer and transfer to UH in the fall (instead of Spring 2012). I only have to take one relatively hard class - Plane Trigonometry - and the rest are easy classes like Digital Art, Geography and Environmental Science. The really cool thing about the rest of the courses in my chosen degree is that because I have so much experience in my career working in the field the computer science courses at UH are going to be an absolute breeze. I'm also thinking about declaring a minor in political science or history.

The NFL playoffs are a bit anticlimactic because does anyone really believe that it won't end with a New England Super Bowl win?

I hope everyone has a pleasant Sunday and enjoy what is left of the weekend.

Pulling Myself Back From The Brink

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 03:44:00 +0000

This week has been hard to maintain my even keel on the diet track on a physical level. Emotionally I am good. Nearly everything is pretty rosy. I would rate myself about an 80 on the happiness scale.

Yet physically the cold and dreary days of the past week have been kicking my ass. It has to do with Seasonal Affective Disorder which I was diagnosed with when I was a child. I do acknowledge I have it but through sheer hard headed stubbornness I fight against it.

Symptoms of SAD may consist of difficulty waking up in the morning, morning sickness, tendency to oversleep as well as to overeat, and especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain. Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities.

When the freaks in this country are celebrating the clock rolling back to Standard Time in the fall I am about to lose it because I know I am going to be Emo Girl Walking for months until the first of the Spring like weather returns to Houston. Thank the Good Lord above that I live in this city because we don't experience true winters. But what we do get is enough to send me over the edge.

I have been teetering on the brink of that edge all week long. I haven't gone over it, but I have only just been holding on. The cravings have been especially fierce. I am not kidding when I say that I ache from wanting to stuff my face with bad crap that I KNOW I CANNOT EAT. I haven't eaten any of it, but I have really been deeply longing for it.

Today was a vacation day so I have kept myself home in bed in the warmth of my apartment and away from the cold and the gray skies. It has helped. I feel in control right now. I feel like I can breathe a little bit.

Weather Underground has been jacking with me promising rising temperatures all week but took all that back today and the forecast calls for more of the same. Oh joy! I know there are much bigger problems in this world, but for the purposes of my diet and my plans this has really been my own special torment. I feel like my inner Seymour is constantly crying out to Feed Me! and he never shuts up.

I don't want anyone to think that any of the above means I am in a dark place because I am not. All is pretty good. This, too, shall pass. I just have to hang in there until it does. Thanks for listening.

As for blogland I hope to get out and about and actually return the commenting love that y'all have heaped on me this week. It has been read and appreciated and some have made me chuckle quite a bit. You guys rock!

The One With The Really Long Title (A La Princess Dieter) About Inner Stuff, New Food, Warmer Weather, Long Weekends And Tax Refunds

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 02:09:00 +0000

I have got the best fan club around. All the people in my daily life gush over me every single day re: the weight loss. It gives a girl a big head let me tell you. There isn't a day goes by that I don't get some kind of affirmation that what I am doing is working.

This afternoon I was thinking about just how I felt back in the pre-diet days. I never felt like I fit in. I always felt like a massive freak of nature that was stuck so far out of the mainstream there was no way I could ever get there. My self esteem was in the toilet. I never looked people in the eye. Now I am normal. The fat girl in my head is slowly coming around to the new reality. She still tries to steer my eyes downward and avoid social situations, but it is getting easier to remember that those coping mechanisms aren't really necessary anymore.

Men give me a second look. It is such a rush to be noticed after living in the shadows for so long. I'm still not ready to give one of them a shot, but I'm getting there. I am going to shoot for venturing into the dating world this summer. If I give myself enough time to get used to the idea then it will make it easier to let down my guard enough to actually do it.

This ends the inward reflection.

I tried falafel for the very first time today. They were really good and surprisingly they are a great food for the diet at around 55 calories a piece. They were paired with a Greek side salad so I had a pretty decent lunch for not a lot of calories. I'm definitely working them into the diet on a weekly basis.

The weather is supposed to take a marked swing upward on Saturday and it won't come a moment too soon. If Houston can just stay in the 60s or 70s until March or April that will suit me just fine. I am ready for Spring and all the ease that it will bring. Normal blogging will resume.

I'm off tomorrow for the planned long weekend that I will enjoy for the next 3 weeks to burn off the remaining vacation days I can't roll over past February 11th. I plan on spending a relaxing morning in bed drinking my coffee and window shopping online for a mid century or art deco style dining room table that will be bought with my tax refund. I plan on filing that on Monday. If you have never filed online, do it and choose direct deposit. The refund comes in a matter of days vs. a matter of weeks. Plus you don't need stamps.

DDDYC P4: I'm Still In This

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 01:44:00 +0000

Hey. I wanted to let everyone know that I am still doing the Challenge even though I have not been updating my food logs daily. And if I don't visit your blog don't take offense. I am just not in an overly chatty mood.

The cold weather is messing with my mood and my appetite. I made some temporary changes (until Houston returns to normal, warmer weather later in the week) and flipped my eating to where I can have breakfast for dinner to satiate the insane hunger that is going on. I don't know why but I have a hard time wanting to stay on track when it is cold. I've got hunger and cravings galore. I'm not giving in to them, but they are seriously starting to be a pain in my ass.

As of this evening, Houston is supposed to return to the mid 60s by Saturday so I am hoping to get back on my normal schedule by then.

And the breakroom/kitchen at work? Today, strawberry and cream cheese danishes and two boxes of donuts showed up. All I want is to refill my water glass and I get ambushed by this crap. This insanity is just not helping the mood or the cravings either.

The Joy Of Cold Weather Cravings

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 01:00:00 +0000

When I weighed 370 lbs and had all that nice voluminous fat to keep me warm I used to love winter because sweating just didn't happen.

Now? I am wondering how in the hell long Houston's winter will actually be because I am a) cold as all get out and b) my appetite is on overdrive. 370 lb me didn't worry about calories or even about keeping to a diet unless it was whether to have a pint of ice cream to close out the day or not.

All that to say is that I don't like the cold weather because it makes me hungry and I crave fried chicken and macaroni and cheese and all the other high fat, high carb foods that made and kept me fat for two decades. I'm not going to eat all that stuff, but man I am wanting it REAL bad.

Another thing that is making me cranky and, really, the first politician that supports a bill to ban the presence of cheesecake or Girl Scout cookies from workplace break rooms across the land I am voting for. If have to move to their state and/or district, I will do it. It is frakking January, the official sponsor of diets, and our kitchen at work has been littered with crap all week long. It just ain't right.

/ rant

DDDYC P4: Day 8

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 05:59:00 +0000

Today was exhausting. I had run around all day long shopping on Sunday and didn't get a whole lot of rest that day, so I paid the price today.

Calories: 1127.
Fluids: 48 oz coffee + 96 oz of water = 144 oz.

WSR: Weight 226.2 - Weight Left To Lose 56.2

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 13:48:00 +0000

Height: 5'7"
Age: 42

Starting Weight: 370.0 lbs
Goal Weight: 170.0 lbs

Current Weight: 226.2 lbs
Pounds Lost: 143.8 lbs
Pounds Left To Lose: 56.2 lbs

Percent Of Weight Lost: 38.86%
Percent Of Way To Goal: 71.90%

Starting BMI: 57.9
Current BMI: 35.4
BMI Lost: 22.5

This week I am down another 1.8 lbs. Looking at the cumulative total of weight lost since I got back on track tells me that being consistent pays off eventually. This 50.8 lbs lost is hard earned with daily focus and commitment. It feels good to watch the number on the scale go down each week. The best part about where I am now is that I am not stressing about the number. I mean, sure, I love the lower number but I am not so much focused on the scale as I am on doing the work on a daily basis to lose the weight. There is a big difference in how I view this process and how I feel about myself than there was when I began this journey on June 18th, 2008.

Fitness wise I am going strong and steady as well. The training for the 5K is on track and I believe that I will be able to finish the race in 45 minutes or less. The strength exercises are a blast with the squats being the most challenging for my less than graceful self. I expect to fall on my butt every time I do them. Coordination isn't my strong suit and losing weight isn't going to fix that. I have been a klutz since the day I exited my mother's womb.

19 weeks back on plan and 50.8 lbs lost.
11 weeks on the DDDYC and 24.8 lbs lost.

Onward and Downward y'all!

Sunday: Neither Rain, Nor ... Okay Just Rain

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 15:03:00 +0000

A look out my window tells me that today is going to be cold and wet.

All is good though. A trip to Church to hang with the Big Man Upstairs is in order and then a quick change into jeans and my favorite Converse tennis shoes for an afternoon of lunching (diet friendly of course) and shopping.

My weigh in, another loss going in the books, has been sent to Allan. As always tomorrow is the official weigh in here at the old blog post.

I hope to get another run/walk in this evening if the weather permits. If not, I will hop on the treadmill in the fitness center downstairs.

As for the accent, thank you ladies very much for your appreciation. It is startling to me that I still retain so much of Virginia in my twang. I was born there and moved to Texas prior to the age of 10. Although I love my native state with all of its richness of history and beautiful scenery, I am a true Texan in my heart.

I'm off. Coffee must be finished and a shower taken.

Have a great day!!!

DDDYC P4: Day 6

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 01:55:00 +0000

I am trying something different tonight.

Calories: 960.
Fluids: 48 oz coffee + 96 oz of water = 144 oz.

Sisterhood: Virtual 5K

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 18:09:00 +0000

Two weeks from today I am running a 5K, the Rockets Run 2011.

I began C25K training in November and have been happy with my progress in the 30 minute training sessions, but I know I need to step it up a notch with only two weeks to go so I wanted to start putting in more time each day.

Today I ran/walked a 5K to complete the Sisterhood Virtual 5K challenge. I've wanted to do one of the Sisterhood Challenges for a while now and thought this would be the perfect fit.

My plan for today was to take things easy and not push myself too far or too fast. I ran/walked in intervals of 2:1 and wound up doing 2:3 intervals for much of the run, throwing in two walks of 5 minutes. I'm fine with that. I am a new runner with this being the first extended training session I've ever done.

Here are the stats provided by my Forerunner:

Total Distance: 3.21 miles
Total Time: 52:23 minutes
Avg Pace: 16.81 minutes per mile
Avg Speed: 3.7 mph
Max Speed: 7.5 mph
Total Calories: 416
Avg Heart Rate: 139 bpm
Max Heart Rate: 163 bpm

I am fully confident that I am ready to do the 5K now. My two goals for it are 1) not finish last and 2) run/walk it in under an hour. Two weeks out and I have the time down pat. My pace and speed should improve a little and I would like to finish with a time of about 45 minutes. I think that is doable.

DDDYC P4: Day 5

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 02:18:00 +0000

I love January because the light begins to change and I feel energized after the dreariness that is brought on by the switch to Standard Time. I felt great all day long and I forgot to take my D3 this morning. Today was especially beautiful mirroring a Spring day. The sun was shining and the temps were in the high 60s/low 70s.

The new toy I hinted at last night arrived today. It is a brand spanking new Garmin Forerunner. I've been using the CardioTrainer app to track my running. It is a fantastic app. However, it is only a matter of time before my Android becomes road kill when I go all dropsies on it and I LOVE my Android. So another solution had to be found. Enter the Forerunner. It is GPS enabled, tracks your heart rate, time, pace, distance of many different activities, you can plan and map routes and can upload your history to compete against yourself. Tomorrow I take this bad boy out for a test run/walk. With the 5K I plan on doing being 2 weeks away I intend to increase my training to an hour vs. 30 minutes.

Can I just take a moment to revel in the fact that I am now geeking out over a fitness tool? How far I have come since the days of merely walking 3 blocks, 3 times a week. Now I am beginning to run and want some cool accessories to do it. The awesomeness of that is exhilarating to me.

Calories: 1117.
Fluids: 64 oz coffee + 20 oz tea + 48 oz of water = 132 oz.

DDDYC P4: Day 4

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 03:07:00 +0000

Today was routine. I got up, went to work, worked hard and ate well.

Although I did buy a new toy that I will share tomorrow once it has been delivered.

Sleep is descending upon me so I think I will turn in early. I hope everyone is doing well on the Challenge and I will catch up on blogland tomorrow night.

Calories: 1202.
Fluids: 48 oz coffee + 96 oz of water = 144 oz.

DDDYC P4: Day 3

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 01:11:00 +0000

I got some absolutely fantastic news today. One of my users is in need of a web page to enable her to run her own reporting and also provide provide the same access to the coordinators in our various markets. Normally this work would be done by IT, but since I have been teaching myself web programming in my spare time I requested that I be given the opportunity to create the page and all of the programming that will drive it. IT approved my request. So I have a meeting with my user on Friday to map out all of her requirements regarding parameters and any other features she would like included and then I can begin writing the page. My hope is that this leads to other opportunities because I really do want to change from being an analyst to a full time programmer. It is where my heart and mind lies.

Food, again, was good totaling at just under 1200 calories.

I've been asked about my food tracker. It is actually a screen cap of a portion of my bodybugg Nutrition page.

Calories: 1138.
Fluids: 48 oz coffee + 96 oz of water = 144 oz.

DDDYC P4: Day 2

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 02:01:00 +0000

Before the holidays there was talk about forming a diet support group at work to help keep each other accountable and on track. Evidently I have been drafted as the de facto leader. I have to go check out SparkPeople and see what they offer for groups. Someone had mentioned that you can weigh in and only have your percentage of loss be visible vs. your weight and I guess that is okay for the folks not ready to be 100% honest of where they are at. I'm also going to set up a group on DailyMile so those of us more into fitness can log our exercise and support each other.

Food was good today. I need to hit Central Market to stock up and try to stick closer to the packets that Allan sent. Yet with what I have on hand I am doing well keeping within 1200 calories.

Speaking of Allan, I saw that I have an award as being one of the top losers on the first 3 phases of the DDDYC. This is an award that I love because I worked for that one. I had to turn down the holiday treats that were all around me and focus on what I really wanted - to reach goal weight and start in on the other goals I have that aren't related to weight loss.

If you are struggling and really want to stop the excuses and lose the weight for good you should definitely make Allan's blog a daily read. He takes this weight loss business seriously. He doesn't sugar coat the truth. He doesn't engage in in bullshit. He spells it out for you in cold, hard detail. Is it hard work? Yes! Is it worth it? Yes! Ultimately you have to pick what you want more - to STAY fat or get real and claim the life you want.

Calories: 1120.
Fluids: 48 oz coffee + 96 oz of water = 144 oz.

DDDYC P4: Day 1

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 01:25:00 +0000

I thank the Lord that I am a schedule girl and that I kept nearly the same sleep schedule as I normally would during my staycation because getting back into the routine was a snap today. In fact I woke up an hour before my alarm was set to go off and stayed in bed snuggled under my nice new comforter set I recently bought.

Company policy only allows us to roll over 40 hours worth of vacation each year so I still have to take 3 more days before February 11th. I scheduled 3 Fridays off in a row this month starting next week. I've got a crapload of work to do so there will be a full week of work this week. After that I am all about the long weekends. I can't hate that.

Food wise, I think I did really well staying within the plan Allan sent. I won't be doing 6 meals a day because I cannot eat that often. So I am going to spread my calories around to other meals.

Calories: 1115.
Fluids: 48 oz coffee + 96 oz of water = 144 oz.

WSR: Weight 228.0 - Weight Left To Lose 58.0

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 12:57:00 +0000

Height: 5'7"
Age: 42

Starting Weight: 370.0 lbs
Goal Weight: 170.0 lbs

Current Weight: 228.0 lbs
Pounds Lost: 142.0 lbs
Pounds Left To Lose: 58.0 lbs

Percent Of Weight Lost: 38.38%
Percent Of Way To Goal: 71.00%

Starting BMI: 57.9
Current BMI: 35.7
BMI Lost: 22.2

I lost 2.8 lbs in the last week of the Spawn phase of the Double Dog Dare You Challenge while on vacation/staycation. I'm feeling pretty good about that.

Today is the beginning of Phase IV of the Challenge which I am doubly excited about because by the time it is complete I will be at or very near my goal weight.

I've decided to stop using the Couch to 5K training plan and am instead going to be concentrating on interval training using 2:1 and 3:1 run/walks. Since that is the way that I am going to run the 5K later this month I didn't see any point in training for longer runs at this point. I'll get there in the long term, but in the short term and for the purposes of this month's 5K I want to train for the run itself.

18 weeks back on plan and 49.0 lbs lost.
10 weeks on the DDDYC and 23 lbs lost.

Onward and Downward y'all!

W.I.D.T.H.

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 21:53:00 +0000

JackSh*t asked the question, why do this?

This is W.I.D.T.H.

Fun In The Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 15:38:00 +0000

The sun is beaming down from the sky here in Houston, Texas on this nice wintry day.

My final weigh in for the Spawn phase of the DDDYC has been sent to Allan. It was a good one. Phase IV begins tomorrow.

Plans for the first part of the day include finishing up the last few sips of coffee, jumping in the shower and getting my butt to church. I have no doubt that it is the good Lord above that has graced me with the whatever it is that made me finally start this weight loss thing. All He wants in return is to spend time with me. I'm cool with that. I have a lot to be thankful for.

Today is the last day of the regular season of the NFL. I am sad. My Cowboys did not live up to expectations which I lay at the feet of one Mr. Jerry Jones. If he had made the coaching change sooner I am convinced that this would not be the last game of the season for the Boys. They lacked focus and they lacked discipline and it isn't a coincidence that they started racking up the wins when ~~the leadership changed~~ they finally got some real leadership.

I am mourning the fact that my staycation is nearly at an end. I return to the cube tomorrow which I am fine with because I love my job, but I have thoroughly enjoyed this time at home.

A small bit of laundry is to be done.

If Allan sends the packets for Phase IV in time I will make a trip to Central Market and stock up on the food for the week and maybe cook a meal or two to eat on for the week. :hint: :hint:

Now, the shower beckons.

I hope y'all have a great day.

Spawn: Day 26

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 00:04:00 +0000

Well folks, one day of this brand new year is in the books. And not to freak anyone out, I am just putting this out there, but there are only 357 shopping days until Christmas.

The Spawn phase of the DDDYC is now ending, with weigh in tomorrow for those looking to finish this bad boy up. Phase IV is ready and waiting when Allan blows the whistle. I'm excited. Are y'all? I know I don't have anything against successfully losing weight and the promised land of goal weight is in sight. So joining this phase was a no brainer for me. If you aren't in it there is limited time remaining to get with the program and start getting real.

Today's calories are in at 902 with all fluids having been consumed.

I Resolve

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 18:26:00 +0000

I resolve ...

Oh, wait a minute, that isn't right. I don't do resolutions. I mean, seriously, in the entire history of humanity what are the number of people that have actually kept their New Year resolutions? It has to be pretty freaking low because no one I know has done it and I am sure that it is the same for you.

So no resolutions again this year.

What about goals? Well, I've got some and they have been on the list for a good while now. Some are being actively pursued. Some are on deck waiting to have their turn.

Goal #1. In the here and now I am working on shedding 200 lbs. As of last week's weigh in this goal was 69.60% complete. This is the big goal. It is number one on the list and quite frankly the one that I never thought I would be able to accomplish. Yet, here I am planning for a future at goal weight. There are times when I want to go back to 370 lb me and give her a hug and let her know everything is going to be alright. I still feel her pain. It haunts me to this day because it shaped so much of how I relate to people and view the world at large. I'm working on fixing that. It is like goal 1.1.

Goal #2. I have opened a savings account to fund my reconstructive surgery. As of the first paycheck this year I am actively dumping as much money into this account as I can reasonably part with every time I get paid. The budget for this is still being worked out. There are things I don't actually need and there are some that I'm not giving up. I figure I have a few more days to get this in order and then it is go time. The thing about losing 200 lbs that you have carried for two decades is that there is a lot of skin that needs to be trimmed and tucked. It has always been my plan to get a complete overhaul once the weight was shed. Well that time is getting pretty frakking close. I am going the whole nine yards here - total upper and lower body lifts and a slight breast reduction. I don't need to be a DD anything. I'm thinking a 38 C/D will suit me just fine.

Goal #3. Go back to school. Other than being obese for half of my life this is my biggest regret. I don't have a college education. Thankfully the good Lord graced me with above average intelligence and I have been able to carve a very satisfying career for myself without that piece of paper. Yet I still want it. I need it. I will spend the first few months of this year wrapping up the weight loss and then enroll in classes for the summer semester. A trip to the counselor's office will be in order to see if I need to start over or can retain my previous credits. I want a degree in Computer Science (my chosen field) but I think I am going to take some interior design classes as well. I spend a lot of my time watching design shows or surfing the net reading up on color theory etc. Maybe I will minor in that? We'll see.

Goal #4. Learn to drive. I know, you are all like "WTH! You don't know how to drive?" Nope. I don't really need to drive. I live in a major city (Houston) with public transportation. I always set myself up where my life can literally be spent within a 10 mile radius and I'm comfortable that way. But I think it is time. There are things I want to start doing that are probably going to involve having to drive so this is the year. Plans are in the works to get lessons from a friend.

Goal #5. Europe. This is the reward for losing the weight. I have always wanted to go but an incentive for the weight loss is that I actually go once the lbs are off. A late summer or early fall trip to Ireland, London, Scotland and Paris is going to happen.

So there you have it.

2011 is going to be a great year. I am going to get to goal weight, have surgery to complete the new me, continue my education, learn to drive and take a European vacation.

What are your goals?

Oh, and Happy New Year y'all!

2010: A Years End & A Look Back

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 05:03:00 +0000

As this year's final hours and minutes wind down I thought it would be fun to look back at where I have been and where I am now. I won't be writing a resolutions post because I don't make them. I know what my goals are and none of them have anything to do with beginning or ending on New Year's day.

So, with that said, the following is a true story ...

2006
I was miserable. All hope had been drained out of me and I was convinced that I was headed for the grave as a super morbidly obese person. Then I found PastaQueen's blog. It seemed incredible to me that someone who had been as fat as I now was (370 lbs) could lose the weight on her own without magic pills or surgery. I grew inspired and began to have a small bit of faith that maybe I could do this. I had no idea how, but since Jennette had done it then it was possible! I wish there was some way I could repay her for that glimmer of hope because it rested in my mind, reminding me that someone had done this incredibly hard thing, until I was able to put my belief in the possible into action. Without her blog or her story I don't know if I would be where I am today.

2007
2007 was the year that I bought the largest piece of clothing that I have ever had to wear - a pair of size 32 jeans that were still too tight for me to breathe. These jeans were the death of my denial. Prior to walking into that store on that day in October of 2007 I had tricked myself into believing that I hadn't gotten fatter. I was still in a size 28. Yet the clothes I wore were stretchy. I had long ago given up on wearing real pants or skirts because they just weren't comfortable. So it was soft, stretchy bottoms for me and soft comfortable t-shirts.

The annual departmental meeting had been scheduled. Everyone from all over the country would travel to Houston for a week long face to face brainstorming session. But we also had fun stuff to do too. I had found a great activity for us to all play. It was a scavenger hunt arranged by a local gaming company on the streets of our city. We all were required to wear jeans and a company t-shirt. I didn't have jeans because of all the clothes a fat person can't wear that is usually at or near the top of the list. So when I went to buy some, grabbing a size 28 and tried them on I was horrified that they wouldn't even rise above my hips and stomach. They stopped mid-thigh. I thought it was a mistake. I checked the tag. Nope, they were the right size. So I grabbed a size 30 and these would rise over my hips but no way could I zip them up. The tears started to form but were held back by pride. The jeans that fit (or would at least zip up) were a size 32 that had absolutely no shape or form other than being a possible replacement as a sail on a pirate's ship. These pictures are from that day. And as a fun fact, apparently super morbid obesity causes you not to be able to open your eyes for pictures.

2008
2008 was the year that I wrecked my gallbladder, had it removed and "woke up" in a morbidly obese body on Thursday, June 18th. It was the year that changed everything. Sadly there isn't a lot of photographic evidence to the fact because I was still feeling such a sense of shame from the jeans and the surgeon that made me know that it was "a lot of work that wore me out" when he took out my gallbladder. But the two pictures I do have of earlier that year tell the story of a woman that was about to break. The expression on my face cannot be misread - I did not want my picture taken. I was ashamed and uncomfortable with my body.

2009
2008 was the year that changed everything, but 2009 was the year that I knew it! I came alive in 2009. I wanted things. I wanted to wear nicer clothes, fix my hair, buy designer shoes, start exercising, move into a better apartment, buy new furniture, come out of my shell and socialize... The list goes on. The start of all of the self confidence came when I had my first pictures taken since early 2008 and I SAW what everyone else had seen. I had lost weight. The diet was working. The size 32 jeans were no longer so tight I couldn't breathe, they were baggy with lots of room to spare.

I began to love the camera a bit more than I had in past years. In fact I had a lot of pictures taken last year.

And the size 32 jeans? Yeah, they got even bigger last year as I got smaller.

2010
This year had its ups and downs. I had lost 40 lbs in the Spring, only to put them right back on because I turned to my old friend the refrigerator when the stress of dealing with DM wore me down. But I rebounded at the end of August determined to get my diet and my life back on track. On August 27th I took a vacation and vowed that I would use that time wisely to regroup and to stop the upward climb on the scale. I weighed 277 lbs. It was tough for a few days, but I did it. and returned to blogging after a year's hiatus. Here I am in October.

Then I decided to give myself added incentive and joined the first phase of the Double Dog Dare Challenge and I haven't regretted that choice. Allan takes a lot of crap for being blunt and not wrapping the truth in sweetness and light, but it is the truth and if you want to lose weight for real then you could do worse than to listen to him. When I began the Challenge, I was 251, and it was that extra bit of motivation that I needed to get me through the diet killing holidays. It worked! As of the last weigh in I was 230.8 lbs and the last posted weight on this blog was 229. What will I be on the last weigh in of the Spawn phase of the Challenge? Stay Tuned!

Now, lets look at where I am today (or yesterday as that was when these were taken).

And I can't possibly end this year without an update on those size 32 jeans, now can I? Exactly how big have they gotten? Well when I put them on to take these pictures they fell right off. I no longer have anything to keep them up. My hips have been largely nipped and are now less than 1/2 the size they used to be.

If you are interested in seeing the entire story I have posted all of my pictures in albums by year on my Facebook profile.

Onward and Downward y'all!

2011 is when I get to goal. How about you? Wanna join me?

Spawn: Day 25

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 03:08:00 +0000

I had a quiet day at home today working on some projects. I'm thoroughly enjoying my staycation. I uploaded all of my progress pictures to my Facebook account but will be posting an end of year status after taking care of today's business.

Today's calories are higher ar 1324 but I have plenty of room to play with due to the previous low calorie days this week. Fluids are in.

Spawn: Day 24

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 04:15:00 +0000

It was another easy low key day for the most part. I did walk over to work and had my end of year pictures taken by a friend (to be posted tomorrow) and then made a trip to Central Market to pick up some dwindling staple items.

Today's calories are at 966 and fluids were in this morning.

Spawn: Day 23

noreply@blogger.com (Kimberly) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 00:44:00 +0000

There isn't much to report other than I switched my living room around again and am now happy with how it is laid out. I'm heading back to the resale shop from whence the new chairs came from in two weeks to see about scoring some new dining room furniture and possibly a desk.

It has been a rainy and gloomy day today. Thus I have sprouted roots and enjoyed a rather spud like position for much of the day. On the plus side, it is rather easy to limit your calories consumed when you don't move much.

On a blog note: I had to remove the comments plug in I was using because it stopped working and am now using the default Blogger comments form again.

Today's calories are at 1009 and fluids are in.