“Wasn’t she actually a chubby, unattractive prude?” my movie buddy asked after the film. From what I’ve studied through the years, the movie was an authentic personal portrait of the young Victoria, although the public mostly knows her later-in-life image as a dour-faced, plump widow dressed in black.
“Well,” I responded to my friend, “after nine children, being less than 5 feet tall, and probably having a sweet tooth, she did get increasingly round. And then losing her beloved Albert in mid-life and perhaps never completely coming out of her deep mourning for him — as well as having an expanding empire and industrial revolution to manage — her more somber, reserved side was indeed her main public persona it seems.”
But that was not the whole picture of this woman who influenced global culture, including wedding customs that remain to this day. And I liked that the new film shook up the typical public’s — and history’s — point of view.
History is full of misconceptions that we take as fact; what we “perceive” — historically or in this moment — is not necessarily the truth or reality, it’s just how something “appears” to us at the time. And in today’s “talk show” crazed world, no matter how thoroughly even a fair host may interview someone, there is always another side, another slice, another angle. “Things are seldom as they seem” is actually a profound axiom!
I find it helpful to read and hear most things “with a grain of salt” — staying open and curious, yet thoughtful even when I disagree. (As one of my teachers use to say: Be a “healthy skeptic” not a “rude cynic.”) Life then becomes lighter, more expansive and imaginative. (Is having an “open mind” the first step to having an “open heart”?)
Queen Victoria continued to be hard to pigeonhole during her long reign, which perhaps affected her historical legacy. Not perceived as a “fashion plate,” yet she influenced what women wore — for better or worse — during important rites-of-passage. The fact that she wore black for the remainder of her life after Prince Albert’s death put the widows of the entire era in de rigour black (no matter their age) to wear like a badge of honor. And on the other end of the spectrum — literally — Victoria was not the first royal bride to wear white, but the fitted bodice and full skirt of her white silk satin gown trimmed in lace set the vogue for wedding fashions and established the iconic “wedding gown” silhouette we still know today.
Now if only another royal princess would come along and influence current brides away from the usually unflattering — that’s MY perception! — STRAPLESS wedding gown styles that have become their own icon of the last few decades. (But that’s the subject of another book!) For now, I’m working on “staying open.”
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Did someone you know become engaged on Valentine’s Day? (Or perhaps is “on the verge”…?) All during the month of February, we will continue CELEBRATING LOVE with a Special Offer!
Order a copy of my book, “The Bride’s Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself” from Weddings of Grace, and receive 3 Gifts! The book and any of the free gifts would make a perfect bridal shower present or treasure for a special bride.
Click here to purchase an autographed copy of my Amazon Bestseller book and you will receive both of my soothing Open Your Heart relaxation CDs — one especially for Brides and one for all Women — plus a vintage sixpence coin (“…and a sixpence for her shoe.”) in a little gift bag — all FREE!
Someone in your world would love a copy of “The Bride’s Ritual Guide” … and you’ll receive lots of extra love to go around with this Special Offer! (Reviewer are calling the book “a small, intimately-sized paperback perfect for any bride-to-be to tuck into her purse and use during her busy day as a heart-centering guide!”)
Click here to order a book … and receive your 3 Gifts as a little thank you!
CELEBRATE LOVE with us during February. And thank you for sharing the news….and the love!
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Flowers were the passion of my grandmother Gummie, my father’s mother. I’ve written about Gummie a great deal—stories of our relationship and her contributions to my various little girl rites-of-passage as I was growing up. A walk with her around her big fenced-in yard in any season was not only a botanical education for me, but an education of the heart.
Gummie talked about how she loved the happy “faces” of pansies—they seemed like personal friends to her—and how she could set her watch with the opening of the trumpet-shaped “four o’clocks” by her garden gate. And it wasn’t about just the flowers. Gummie always had kind stories about the people who gave her cuttings, or shared exotic lily bulbs, or told her about a new rose in an irresistible shade of pink. I remember walking under a trellis that she had built, lush with the palest palest pink climbing roses, was like crossing over into heaven.
She always had her clippers and a basket with her on our walkabouts around her spacious yard and before I knew it, we were off up the country road in her big blue Oldsmobile with a vase of flowers going to call on a neighbor—usually someone who had missed church the Sunday before. It was like she put all that love she gave, then received back from friends, into her flower garden, which in turn grew even more abundantly.
On our garden strolls, Gummie didn’t exactly talk to the flowers, but was she talking to me? She knew all their names: Herme japonica, Professor Sargent, Debutante, Purple Dawn, Pink Perfection—and these were just the camellias! Had she fallen in love with their colors, or had she chosen them because she liked how the names rolled off her tongue?
Gummie always wore something blue, matching her eyes. Every Sunday during the winter, when camellias were in season, she picked one from her yard and pinned it on the lapel of her dark blue wool coat to wear to church. And without fail, she gave it away, happily pinning the regal purply-pink flower on the costume of a beaming recipient. As a little girl watching this gesture, I always felt I was in the charmed presence of something divine—an exchange of hearts.
I don’t know if Gummie had a mantra or not, but if she had, it would have been something like this: “Give love away and your true heart’s desire magically appears.” No wonder, whenever I see camellias in bloom, I’m compelled to go gather a bouquet and place them on the nearest tabletop, then watch for the magic.
[Reprinted from the January Notes from Cornelia newsletter]
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Thanks to all who supported the kick-off to my booksigning “tour” this past week for my new book, ”The Bride’s Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself“! I’m setting up new cities and dates now — and will keep you posted via Facebook and Twitter….join me there!
In case you haven’t heard, the book made the Amazon Bestseller list when it was launched last month….and reviewers call it “not only an essential gift for brides of all ages, but also a pleasure for every woman who loves matters of the heart.”
Also, if you know of a wedding event or special store in your area, let me know….perhaps ’tis a place for me to book a speaking engagement and/or have a booksigning — and there are always lots of free gifts to share!
Many thanks…..love, Cornelia
]]>Being a flower girl for a wedding ceremony can be the first time that a little girl has a sense of her own beauty. It’s also an opportunity for others to support a little girl in recognizing her outer and inner beauty.
Having a flower girl in one’s wedding becomes a way for the bride to see her own girlhood reflected in her bridal rite-of-passage. In fact — and no matter her age or experience — a woman can sense a “loss of girlhood” as she goes through her bridal transition.
There are world cultures that still have rituals during wedding festivities where the women of the village gather with the bride-to-be and ceremoniously “mourn the loss of girlhood.” Historically, a bride is crossing the threshold from her girlhood home — and saying goodbye to her life as a girl — and crossing the threshold into her husband’s home. Like most rites-of-passage, some sadness or a sense of loss over the life changes that the particular transition brings about is only natural.
These circumstances may be a little dated in modern experiences, but the essence of change and how it affects us can be just as profound. This is why it’s important to acknowledge whatever feelings and emotions that come up during these transitional experiences in life.
What is the rite-of-passage you are moving through right now — the new threshold you are crossing? It could be a move, a big birthday, a new job or work project, becoming a new mother or grandmother, writing a book, retirement, beginning a meditation or exercise practice, taking on a healthier lifestyle, or beginning an organic garden! If you can hold the experience as a rite-of-passage — a natural progression of self-discovery — then there is a sense of flow to the process. As you move forward, you let go of where you’re moving from…and anything that doesn’t serve a life you love!
I’ve found it supportive at these times of change to tap into the voice of my girlhood and the message I hear is always something like this: “Go play! Go play at what lights you up!”
It’s always great to be reminded to focus on what I love…what lights me up. The wisdom of this simple message seems to ease the transition, no matter the threshold I’m crossing. Scholar Arnold van Gennep explains in his book The Rites of Passage: “….to cross the threshold is to unite oneself with a new world.”
So whatever “new world” you’re about to enter, what I tell brides during their rite-of-passage may be helpful to you: Listen for your quiet inner-self during these times of change…and you just may hear the loving voice of your girlhood encouraging you, reminding you to embrace the playful little girl inside you. Listening deeper, you can also hear your “wise-woman” voice guiding you to cross a threshold of your own design — inspired by your own womanly spirit.
Indeed, the dreams of a little girl claimed by a woman’s voice can grow into a full, loving and satisfying experience. So when you cross your next threshold….just go play!
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I have happy news and a “sharing request.” My new book, The Bride’s Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself, hit the Amazon Bestseller list the day it launched last week.
Thank you to everyone who supported the campaign….buying the book, sharing the news, sending lots of love!
However, there were several technical glitches on launch day and many people didn’t get the announcement and missed the Thank You GIFTS offer. So I’m extending the Free Gifts Special Offer for a few days.
Click here for all the details!
This extended offer lasts ’til Christmas! And remember that more couples get engaged at Christmas than at any other time — so order a few “bestsellers” and have on hand what’s been called “the perfect gift for brides of all ages and a pleasure for every woman who loves matters of the heart.”
And you don’t have to be a bride or know a bride-to-be to order this book:
· A friend in Houston wrote last week that he bought a book to give to his daughter one day — she’s a pre-teen now. (I love that — and encouraged him to give it to her now for a womanly message of self-esteem.)
· Another friend bought a copy for her mother — an 80-something year-old newlywed!
· And my dear sister Sallie in Alabama bought two copies to donate to the local public libraries in honor of our mother and father — and as a way to support young women in finding their inner and outer beauty, whether a bride-to-be or not!
I’m delighted the book is so well received! The heart-centered message of The Bride’s Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself is a wonderful way to draw attention to the more loving side of relationship and wedding planning.
Click here for more about the book and how to receive your Thank You Gifts.
Thank you, thank you to all…and thanks for sharing!
…with love from Cornelia
ps: Thanks again for spreading the word. And if you missed getting your copy last week, then here’s the perfect opportunity to order what’s now a “bestseller” AND receive Thank You Gifts to boot! Don’t delay, order TODAY so you can receive your Thank You Gifts!
pps: If you have women in your world who would benefit from a message where they discover the depth of their own heart and experience the intimacy of their bridal rite-of-passage, then please share this message! Thank you.
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Please SAVE THIS DATE: December 10th — that’s my “Amazon Best Seller” campaign day. (Buy a copy from Amazon that day, you’ll receive free Thank You gifts! Here’s a reminder link.)
With its invitation to “look inside to find yourself,” The Bride’s Ritual Guide is not only an essential gift for brides of all ages, but it is also a pleasure for every woman who loves matters of the heart. (There are probably many women in your world who would love this BOOK!)
So today, to celebrate my new book’s launch, I’m sharing an excerpt here. I chose this part because the message is not just for brides, but for all women — as well as little girls!
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Wedding Slippers
Our fascination with shoes started long before designer labels or television’s “Sex and the City.” Shoes — for obvious reasons — were first created for protective covering but then evolved into status symbols (sometimes rather foreboding ones) as well as objects of beauty and sexual allure.
Shoes have played a key role in wedding history as well. Historians tell us that the symbolism of footwear in connection with luck in marriage dates back to antiquity. An old custom in China, tossing the bride’s red shoes from a roof, ensured the couple’s happiness; the ancient Inca Indians of Peru exchanged sandals to seal the marriage deal.
In many old-world countries, shoes became a harsh symbol of man’s authority over women. But more gentle footwear stories emerge in bridal history: the old custom of a Zuni bride’s fiancé lovingly handcrafting leather wedding boots for her; or generations of mothers, skilled at needlework, ornately embroidering their daughter’s delicate silk wedding slippers; or the Cinderella-like tradition from Northern Italy where all the wedding guests tried on the bride’s shoe.
With so much attention on shoes and their intriguing history, it stands to reason that the symbol for wealth, a coin, was placed in the bride’s shoe — no matter the style of this prized icon. It was originally the custom for the father to place a coin in his daughter’s shoe on her wedding day to symbolize the transfer of her wealth — her dowry — to her husband.
There are many times in history when it may have been hard for a woman to hold on to her sense of self-worth. But just imagine the first bride so confident that on her wedding day, she placed a silver coin in her shoe herself and felt she was standing in her own power and purpose!
Modern brides are blessed with being able to make their own choices on how their life will go. Reinforce those abundant blessings like this:
Look deep into your true desire and find your strength. Trust your spirit and find your purpose. Open up your heart and find your love. Then on your wedding day, you don’t have to “do” anything to express your authentic spirit, just “be” what you’ve found — strong and true and full of love.
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Don’t forget: Save The Date! December 10th is my “Amazon Best Seller Day“….thank you! CP
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“Gratitude is the memory of the heart,” a quote by Jean Baptiste Massieu, is one of my favorite expressions. It reminds me at those times when I’m pulled away from my center and judgmental or fearful thoughts come up, that that is not the real me. That’s just a thought and thoughts are not real. (They’re just thoughts!) “Only love is real,” Marianne Williamson, the A Course in Miracles scholar, reminds us.
If gratitude is indeed the heart’s fondest memory, and love is the heart’s truest expression — its default meter, so to speak — then my true expression can only be, “Thank you. I love you.” “I love you. Thank you.” And any other thoughts (that may lead to some emotion or reaction) are just that: something I made up, because they’re not real!
What’s real is the gratitude I have for one more moment to express love. No matter who/what/where/when — just be love. “Thank you,” my heart responds, “now that’s worth remembering!”
“Thank you. I love you.”
]]>Have you ever noticed that when you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed, that your mind gets really noisy? I’m working on my book launch campaign for next month—there are lots of details to handle, never done it like this before, want it to be a big success, a lot riding on it, am I doing it right?—lots of “conversations” going on!
And I’m noticing that the more I “listen to” my mind’s noisy conversations, the more my “small self” starts taking over in other areas—complaining, worrying, doubting. So, I needed a wake-up call to my “Big Self” fast!
Some deep breathing helped; a quiet walk in the woods helped; but I realized that I was “resisting” being happy! And I really heard myself thinking that—yikes! How silly is that when not only could I feel what it was costing me, but I really get that’s simply why we’re all here—to be happy!
Then I read something by Esther and Jerry Hicks:
“There is no reason why Well-Being is not pouring into your experience—in precise detail in response to all the things that you have identified that you want—other than the fact that you are in a bad mood, or are angry or worried about something.”
Double yikes! One more reminder that it’s simple as that—and all up to me to make a shift! I’m in a bad mood? Cut it out—look at all I have to be grateful for! I’m angry? Let it go—look at all I have to be grateful for! I’m worried about something? Knock it off—look at all I have to be grateful for! I had just forgotten to say, with every thought: “Thank you. I love you.” “I love you. Thank you.”
Whew! I feel better. So now when I notice if I’m resisting something—like being happy, being grateful, being loving—I just let go and invite my “Big Self” to come out and play!
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Hmmmm. Is the first approach kind of like a dog chasing its own tail? I’ve done life like that before, until the wisdom of my heart overcame the noise in my head — or a wise friend said, “hey, over here — this way!”
I’m reminded of a story I read about a rare type of deer that lives in the highest area of the Himalayas. It grows a sweet smelling musk in its navel as it develops into adulthood. As the deer matures and becomes aware of the smell, it is not, however, aware of the source of the smell, so it goes from place to place sniffing in search. The smell comes from its own navel, but being unawares, the deer goes on searching outside of itself for the appealing aroma.
I remember being moved to tears when I first read that story. How like the musk deer we human beings can be. We search for love (happiness, wisdom, recognition, completeness) in relationships or objects outside of ourselves not aware that we ourselves are the very source of that joy; that somewhere deep within us lies an infinite source of peace, love and wisdom.
For me, the thirteenth century Sufi mystic Rumi said it best: “Whatever you do, wherever you go, be in love.” Not just with people and things that are appealing and sexy and easy to love, but be in love with that part of them — and especially that part of ourselves — that feels unlovable, that just can’t seem to get it right. If love is already what you are, then there is no such thing as unlovable; there is nothing to search for; there is only something to share.
So when you get a whiff of some irresistible, sweet smelling aroma; or feel something gently pressing into your chest, filling you up like a warm inner promise; or feel your heart open, expanding you beyond measure — just breathe it in! Breathe in that fragrance, that feeling, that sensation knowing it is the love you are that was there all along and will never leave you. You already have what you are searching for … all there is to do now is share it.
[Image Courtesy of www.deerlovers.com]
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