2010 Matrix Award Winner

Today, I had the privilege of attending the 2010 Matrix awards, presented by New York Women In Communications. It was an occasion to honor eight outstanding women in the fields of music, journalism, television, public relations and business for their leadership and contributions to the advancement of women.

The honorees were a distinguished group: Tina Fey, Executive Producer, Head Writer and Star of the Emmy Award-winning 30 Rock; Susan Chira, Foreign Editor of The New York Times; Cheryl Crow, Grammy Award-winning singer and songwriter; Ina Garten, Author and Host of Emmy Award-winning Food Network program Barefoot Contessa; Doris Kearns Goodwin, Pulitzer Prize-winning author and Presidential historian; Anne Keating, Senior Vice President of Public Relations for Bloomingdales; Gayle King, Editor-At-Large of O Magazine; and Marisa Mayer, Vice President of Search Products and User Experience at Google.

You can imagine all the amazing speeches that were given by the honorees. Some of the women thanked their colleagues and mentors, people who had encouraged them on their way up and during difficult times. Most thanked their families for support, love and unrelenting belief in them. Some even thanked their competitors for making them stronger and better at what they do. All of them cited “good fortune” for in some way getting them to where they are today — at the top of their fields.

But I think it was something other than “good luck.” Attributing their success to being in the right places at the right times was, I believe, a camouflage of sorts or a collective show of modesty.  For the real ingredient that they all possess is perseverance. Without that willingness to recognize what was special inside themselves and use it to keep looking ahead even when they were discouraged, none of them would be who they are today. Without that stubborn quality of never taking “no” for an answer, they would have all, at some point, just given up and gone home.

Instead, they “went big.” They followed their passions. They set high goals for themselves, reached beyond them and then extended their hands to others. I encourage you all to do the same. Your reward may not be a Matrix, but it’ll be something far more personal: knowing that you have always given your all to that which best expresses who you are as an individual.

Join exceptional women like these at the next WonderGirls Workshop  on May 2, 2010 when we present FASHION: The REAL 411 in New York City.

Designer Lauren Walsh

Lauren Walsh is a WonderWoman you’re going to want to know.

Not only is she a talented designer (handbags for The Sak), she’s a very cool New Yorker! Lauren’s blog, Undeclared Panache, is a must-read! She posts fabulous photos that inspire her — I think they’ll inspire you, too. She has a great eye.

The best part of Lauren’s story is how she started: by winning Lucky Magazine’s national design contest, Lauren became an intern at The Sak Group. In 2006, she joined the company as a designer and now oversees the creation and development of their premiere brand. Her designs, which blend casual and practical leather with a history of crochet and texture, have been featured in the industry’s hottest fashion publications.

Be sure to check out her “downtown, kitschy” style today! And, you can meet Lauren in person at The WonderGirls’ Fashion: The REAL 411 in New York City on May 2nd! Register today!

by Lisa Bochner

As parents of teenagers, haven’t we all wondered at one time or another — “What was she thinking?”

We endeavor for years to instill good judgment in our growing kids and then, one day, our formerly level-headed daughters seems to wake up like alien beings. Maybe it’s sour moods or a really curious choice in a new friend. Or it’s a herculean stubbornness about what appears to be a minor issue. Or a lapse in responsible behavior that leaves you speechless.

Neurologist Frances Jensen, in her recent study of the development of adolescent brains, discovered something that should provide some comfort — or at least an explanation. She learned that it’s not really what our teenagers are thinking, it’s how. Her research reveals that “a teenage brain is just an adult brain with fewer miles on it”. In other words, contrary to what scientists used to believe, their brains are not yet fully formed.

It appears that the critical “missing link” is in the crucial nerve connections in teenagers’ frontal lobes. These connections provide a sort of insulation which allows adult nerve signals to flow smoothly. Inefficient connections in teenage brains cause a breakdown in communication between parts of the brain — and these sluggish connections cause serious lapses in good judgment and insight.

Which also might explain why teenagers often seem so self-centered. As Jensen observes, “You think of them as these surly, rude, selfish people. Well, actually, that’s the developmental stage they’re at. They aren’t yet at that place where they’re thinking about — or capable, necessarily, of thinking about the effects of their behavior on other people. That requires insight.”

So, the next time your teenager tests you with one more snarled lip or lower-than-expected grade, remember that her brain is busy growing. She can’t help but think the way she’s thinking. And that’s what she’s got you there for.

to read more on this topic: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1973532,00.html

My name is Fiona Lowenstein. I am a high school sophomore in New York City, and my passion is politics. All my life, I have been drawn to current events, international relations, and problems that affect women. Beginning at age of six, when I first expressed interest in the Bush v. Gore election and continuing through age 12 when I began my internship with Congresswoman Carolyn B. Maloney, I have been fixated with learning as much as I can about politics and the world we live in. I am interested in the role women and girls play in society, and very serious about empowering and educating girls my age. I believe change starts in small ways through individuals, gatherings, and clubs. That is part of the reason I was so delighted to hear about The WonderGirls, and am so excited to begin working with the organization.

I am always looking for opportunities to learn, and have participated in many school clubs and organizations, such as the debate team, student government, committees looking to better the school, and the newspaper. In the summer of 2009, I participated in a three-week political program at Princeton University, and was also selected for a program called Running Start, which encourages high school girls to run for office through a five day program in Washington DC where they are introduced to important and inspiring women in politics and on the Capitol, taught to fundraise, give public speeches, and appear on camera. This was an amazing opportunity, and I met many girls my age who share my passion.

In May, 2009, I was featured in a book of essays, She’s Out There! Thirty Women Under Thirty Who Aspire to Lead the Nation. The book is a compilation of essays written by girls and women from ages five to thirty five who have aspirations to someday be president. She’s Out There granted me some very cool opportunities such as a book-signing, a chance to blog for the Huffington Post, two appearances on national news, and the introduction of many new inspiring women.

On Sunday, February 21, 2010 I attended my first WonderGirls workshop. The day started out with lunch for the girls and mothers. I quickly bonded with my table of mothers and daughters, who I found to be talkative, intelligent, and excited. Then, singer-songwriter Naomi Less warmed us up with a song about “Being the Real You,” and an improvisation exercise where we learned about each others passions and hobbies. The rest of the day was filled with workshops with experts, where we discussed everything from how to best organize our school planners and book bags, to how to be a better friend. We had a relaxing stress-reducing exercise, learned about making good food choices and created Vision Boards, which depict our dreams and aspirations.

The day ended with a talk from Kristen Johnston, the actress especially famous for her roles in “Third Rock From the Sun” and “Ugly Betty.” She spoke to the group about her experiences with false rumors, adolescence and feeling comfortable in one’s own skin. I found her to be incredibly inspiring: a beautiful, funny, confident woman who provided us with words of motivation and goofy ways to get over girl drama. More specifically, what really inspired me was her ability to truly understand what many of the girls at the workshop were going through. Johnston made each of us tell her what we were good at and pushed us to look within ourselves if we couldn’t think of anything. She also hugged and comforted one girl who broke down while relaying a story of bullying. Johnston was down to earth and left us all with the sense that different is good, and everyone has a strong, smart, self-assured woman inside of her.

I think the workshop made a real difference in many of the girls’ perceptions of women in the media, “good girl” behavior, and meaningful relationships. All in all, it was a Sunday well spent, and I look forward to participating in future WonderGirls programs.

As I grow older, I become increasingly interested in the deficiency of women in leadership roles. Initially, I looked to share these shocking statistics with my peers. I soon noticed there seemed to be a deficiency of teenage girls interested in politics, as well. This worried me. Who was going to change the leadership gap if not my generation? I was frequently asked, “Why are you so interested in politics?” To me, politics was not a hobby, like knitting or soccer; it was the world around me…how could I not be interested? Another surprise was how few girls and women identify themselves as feminists. Many of my friends treat it as a dirty word, or as a movement with no relation to them. These questions lead me to create BarbarasAngels.com, a website I hope will enlighten and empower girls of my generation. I am a strong believer that teens simply are not aware of many major issues, and that is why they are not more vocal.

Fiona Lowenstein also blogs for thegirlsleadershipinsitute.org/blog, barbarasangels.com, and posts her own songs on www.youtube.com/user/fionalowenstein.

by Susan Shapiro Barash

author of Toxic Friends

In theory, a frenemy would be easy to spot by females of any age.  This is a friend who seduces you at the outset, compliments you on your smarts, your achievements, your style, then spills your secrets and uses you.

The worst part about it is that what she  admires about you, she also despises  about you.  Just when you think you can’t tolerate another minute, she acts caring and empathetic.  No wonder we’re so confused, since females at every age and stage are in search of  successful same sex friendships.  And when you are linked to a frenemy, it can feel very promising.

In  reality, the frenemy is not always  readily identifiable—so at first you feel close, even secure, in her company.  Who can predict, with certainty, that this is the friend who won’t return your favorite article of clothing that you reluctantly loaned her, the friend who will steal your ideas and pass them off as her own, or worse, steal your new squeeze—until it actually happens.

We seem to have a perverse fascination with the frenemy, ratcheted up by the media and celebrity culture. This trap catches young girls as well as mature women—who doesn’t flip through the pages of US Weekly, while sitting at a nail salon or getting a blow out, and not glimpse the feature, “Who Wore it Best?“ What a relief  to know that female competition and jealousy exists among women who appear to have it all, as well as every day women like us.    For any of us on the outside, looking in,  gossip about  celebrity friendships gone sour (think Paris and Nicole) or female rivalry (with frenemy behavior as part of the story) only drives home how common it is.  The issues become murky and this  keeps us there, despite our intuition telling us that this isn’t a healthy bond.

Sometimes we’re just too blindsided by our neediness—girls and women alike are in search of support and openness with their friends, and the frenemy is good at playing the part. Underneath, the frenemy is often an unhappy person,  uncomfortable in her own skin.  When all this finally dawns on us and there is no return on all we’ve invested in this friendship, it’s time to come clean. This is about taking stock of yourself, recognizing the ‘toxic’ nature of the friendship—yours or your daughter’s and cutting loose.

As mothers, we have a responsibility to our daughters to  point out their frenemy’s m.o.—as well as to discern our own frenemy’s agenda, and to reconsider the relationships. It takes courage, but ultimately, who needs all that backstabbing and negativity? The best part of letting go of your frenemy is reclaiming yourself in the process and having the chance to search for authentic friends.

Author Susan Shapiro Barash will be speaking at The WonderGirls’ “Life 101: Nurturing Your Best Self” on February 21st In New York City.

How to Use a Vision Board to Fulfill Your Dreams

by Pamela Moss PhD, Visioning Expert and Artist

What’s the big deal about vision boards? You may have heard of vision boards, which have been featured on Oprah, The Secret, and Larry King.  A vision board is a collage of pictures and words; it’s a vivid, inspiring reminder of what you want in your life, and a tool for making it happen.

Many celebrities have used vision boards to fulfill their dreams — from  Olympic gold-medal gymnast Nastia Liukin, who researched the medals to be awarded in Beijing and put photos of them on her board, to Walt Disney, who made a vision board of Disneyland years before anyone had heard of theme parks (or the term “vision board”!).

You can use a vision board to achieve your ideal weight, become more self-confident or peaceful, reconnect your family, find love, fulfill your career dreams — to achieve any goals that matter to you.

How does a vision board work? Images are the language of the unconscious: we dream in images, and when we’re awake images impact us on a gut level.  That’s why advertisers use images to influence us… A vision board of powerful images can help you influence yourself:

* literally see and feel how you want your life to be. This makes your goals and dreams seem do-able, even if you don’t yet know how to achieve them.

* have a more empowered view of yourself, and shift negative beliefs that have been holding you back;

* stay focused on what’s most important to you — which can get lost in the busyness of daily life;

* stay inspired to keep taking action to fulfill your vision. (If you don’t keep doing what’s needed, you won’t achieve your goals.)

* notice new opportunities to fulfill your vision. Looking at your vision board every day opens your eyes and ears to opportunities you’d otherwise miss, and helps you find the support people and resources that will help you achieve your goals.

So how do you make a vision board? For your vision board to be more than just a bunch of pretty pictures, you have to first do some reflecting about what’s most important to you and what you really want. This process is called “visioning.”  You can use journalling, image work, meditation or prayer, guided visualization, even movement and music — anything that helps you tap into your intuition and inner wisdom. The visioning process I teach uses many of these tools, and results in your personal “essence words” — the heart of what you’re after.

Then select 8-12 pictures (from magazines or the internet) that express what you’ve discovered in visioning, and assemble them into a collage. You may also want to write your essence words on the collage or add inspiring phrases from magazines.

You don’t have to be “artistic” to make a beautiful vision board — anyone can collage! Tips: don’t use too many images or words—you won’t be able to see them all and your vision board will seem cluttered; use larger pictures as background, cut out smaller images to go in front; don’t glue anything down until you like the arrangement; and don’t forget to add your own photo!  After all, you want to be in your vision.

Finally, hang your vision board up where you’ll see it. Spend time every day looking at it, letting yourself feel and believe in what you see. Open your mind to receiving all the good that is available to you!  Then do something aligned with your vision.   Keep at it, and you can create miracles in your life.

Artist Pamela Moss of InnerVisionPortraits.com helps families and individuals see what they really want and who they really are — literally, with vision board workshops and hand-painted “Possibility Portraits.”    Pamela will be leading a vision board workshop at The WonderGirls February 21st event, Life 101: Nurturing Your Best Self!

Organize from a Place of Joy!
by Jennifer Zwiebel, Intuitive Organizer and Coach

It seems that just as soon as the New Year’s been rung in, people are off and running in a mad dash to FINALLY get organized. I love that energy of action and determination, but I’ve seen time and again how quickly that energy fizzles out, leaving people overwhelmed with half-organized piles of paper and lots of storage containers that don’t fit anywhere.

Try it differently this year and it could be the last time “getting organized” makes your resolution list! Here are some tips that will help you create space to breathe, think and thrive:

Come to the process from a place of joy. Don’t waste energy getting upset about the mess or beating yourself up for being “disorganized.” Show yourself some compassion and make one small change that will bring you joy in your space.

Get clear. Give your self time to simply assess the situation — without judgment. Put your emotions aside, even for a few minutes, and look at what needs to get done.

Start small. Choose ONE small area (I began with my night table when I started this process for myself) and focus only on that.

Maintain. When your first area is complete, maintain it for at least a week before you start something else. Maintenance is at the heart of organizing. Without consciously shifting your habits around maintaining your space, everything will fall back into old patterns (and mess).

Validate yourself. Actively bring your attention to everything you accomplish, however small or silly it feels. Congratulate yourself on going through a pile of clothes or setting up a pen cup. Say it out loud, write it down — what you focus on expands, and by bringing awareness to your success, you’ll create more of it.

Here’s an exercise you can use to start you off:
Take five minutes in a quiet place to reflect on how you feel about “organizing.” Write down the feelings that come up for you when you think about your space, how it makes you feel, how you feel about the way you take care of it, what it says about you, what you think is possible and what you think is impossible to change.

Then, read it over and see where you’re being judgmental and critical, and where you’re being compassionate. Choose one critical feeling that is blocking you from moving forward and “put it in a box,” while you do some organizing. See what fees up for you when you set that feeling aside — and let me know what you discover! (Feel free to email me at Jennifer@jenniferzwiebel.com.)

Jennifer Zwiebel is an Intuitive Organizer and Coach who partners with students and adults to help them live, work and think more clearly. Jennifer is the co-author of The Organized Student: Teaching Children the Skills for Success in School and Beyond.

Jennifer will be leading a workshop on Getting Organized at The WonderGirls February 21st event, Life 101: Nurturing Your Best Self!

I know what you’re thinking: more advice about resolutions for the new year.

Surprise! How about taking a whole new approach?

Typical resolutions are pretty boring. You know, eat better, get more sleep, be a better friend, go to the gym, etc etc. But I have some new ideas I’d like to share. They’re based on a lecture that’s given at the posh Golden Door Spa, called “How to be Happy.” They provide a way to jump start the new year that’s sure to shake you out of the mid-winter blahs.

Think about your routine. And then…

If you have been sitting, stand. If you have been standing, sit.

If you have been traveling, stay home. If you have been at home, travel.

If you have been teaching, learn. If you have been learning, teach.

If you have been talking, listen. If you have been listening, talk.

Wondering how to adapt this study in contrasts to your own life? It’s actually pretty simple. Look for ways to live your life a little differently. If you spent the holidays running around like crazy, spend some quiet “me time” creating a photo album or reading. If you spent your vacation on the couch, take a break from all the screens and organize a closet swap with your friends. Look in unexpected places for ways to expand your group of friends. Be a different kind of friend to those you have. Think about what you do well and look for opportunities to share those talents with friends. Think about something you’d like to learn and ask someone to teach you.

It’s all about stretching beyond your comfort zone. It’ll feel a little strange at first, but you’ll look back at how you started 2010 and realize that it was worth it. Cheers!

by Jennifer Edwards

Remember a time when you played with your physical balance–on a balance beam, log, railing, or perhaps point shoes, ice skates or a bicycle. Imagine how you leaned to the left and then the right, perhaps you laughed as you fell down and picked yourself back up. Finding your balance was an exhilarating game filled with fleeting moments of true balance. This is the process of learning active life-balance. And this is a process that never ends. It is also a practice that can be fun, if you let go- fall down and enjoy the ride.

The same concept can be applied to your emotions and thoughts. Feeling grounded, balanced and clear throughout your day, begins with valuing every part of you.  Just as you have one body that goes with you everywhere you go, you have all of your experiences, memories, likes and dislikes that travel with you through your day. The idea of playing with balance is like picking out your outfit for the day. The clothes you wore yesterday were perfect for yesterday- but you may feel more comfortable and better about yourself in a different color and style today. You looked and felt great yesterday–appreciate the clothes you wore and how they felt.  Know that you will wear them again (together or with other things) when the time is right. Thoughts and emotions are like your clothes. Sometimes the blue sweater is perfect, sometimes the white; sometimes you will love your friends, parents, schoolmates, sometimes you they will drive you crazy. Both are perfect- just be honest with yourself and value where you are in your thoughts and emotions.

The ideas of balance, happiness, and relaxation are often portrayed as things you achieve and keep- maintaining them day after day. I was really surprised when I started to study yoga because I though everyone would be nice, friendly and relaxed. At first it seemed that way. I was coming from the very competitive world of modern dance- yoga is built on the idea of non-competitive practice. It felt wonderful to be able to move in my body without being stared at and scrutinized. As I learned more, I met more advanced yogis; yogis from India and people who have been practicing for many years. They seemed nearly emotionally unstable–euphoric one minute, angry the next.  They yelled at all of the students–calling us lazy and stupid–telling us to focus and breathe. They were rude, mean and lovely all at once.  I was shocked.

I share this story because I learned that ‘balance’ comes from valuing every part of you: good days and bad, joy and anger, love and sadness; the things you are good at and the things you are not; things you have, things you want and things you will not have. Finding balance is not based on manipulation or control. What I learned from the meanest yogis I trained with was that their teaching practice was a part of their yoga practice.  They were yelling at themselves more than at the students. This was not something that I needed to take personally. My job was to stay balanced and focused on me. These teachers were fighting themselves and not valuing their own struggles as well as the growth of their students. This was a great gift.

Think of times, relationships, areas and moments in your life when you have felt uncomfortable. As you remember these times, look for–maybe even write down–what you learned. Active balance refers to growing from your experiences. Stress accumulates in our days when we are acting like some of my yoga teachers and fighting ourselves.  The person you will learn most from over the course of your life is you.

Honor and value every aspect of yourself. Start with your body: shift to the right and to the left, find your balance and loose it–enjoy the process and do it again–and again.

Life is not a balancing act. Life is the practice of daily acts of balance.
You can meet–and learn from–Jennifer Edwards at Life 101: Nurturing Your Best Self

Photo Credit: Sheila Z’s Photostream.