The Wonder Love.

The Wonder Love: bah, humbug

2011-11-20T15:01:00.004-06:00

I am deleting this blog. I hate seeing it neglected on my Blogger dashboard.

Here's the thing: I thought that when I was trying to get pregnant and when I was pregnant and even right after I had Jude that I'd be a different kind of mom than I actually am. I had this silly idea that I'd have a billion cute craft projects, that Jude's nursery would be on Apartment Therapy, that I'd make him adorable little foods to eat, and that I'd lose my pregnancy weight right away and that things would be totally different. I'd be cuter and smaller than I was before I had a kid! Craftier and nicer! Sweeter and more creative!

It seems that I read too many mom blogs.

It's been a year since I've had Jude, I am just now starting to realize that I'm never going to be the new Pioneer Woman or Martha Stewart or Rockstar Diaries or anything like that. Let's be honest: I was never a great crafty lady or chef or photographer. I don't have an "everything is so whimsical and cutesy!" attitude.

I live the kind of life where my kid almost ate a dog turd this morning and I was both extremely disgusted but I was also cracking up. This is my life.

"The Wonder Love" makes me want to barf. I chose that blog name because I thought it sounded like a good name for a the kind of blog that I wanted to have, but now I think the name is incredibly cheesy.

So I'm starting over. I want to have a blog where I can write about Jude almost eating turds, where I can make fun of mom trends, where I can complain when a monkey steals $5 from me (this happened), and where my photos don't have to be perfect, where I don't have to be a perfect mom, and where my son doesn't have to be a perfect child. After all, he tries to eat turds and I laugh about it (Please note: I am also deeply ashamed that Noodles had pooped in her house God knows how long ago and we didn't even notice).

Some might say that I should just give up doing a mom blog altogether, but I love blogging, and my family who lives all over the world loves when I blog. I've been keeping an online diary since 1999 and I miss writing about things other than clothes. I just can't blog at a place called "The Wonder Love" anymore without wanting to punch my blog in its face. So let's all raise a glass and bid adieu to "The Wonder Love". Let's say hello to "Indiana Elsewhere". It'll be up sometime in the next week or so.

In my first post, I'm going to tell you the truth about my birth story. It's going to be way too much personal information.

Who is this?

2011-07-20T10:21:00.004-05:00

Three things I never thought I'd be:

Married, a mother, and barefoot in the kitchen.

The people who knew me in high school and college would be so surprised. Frankly, I'm a little surprised, too.

For the record, I'm having the time of my life (despite my strange child and my sleepless nights). I posted this photo on my fashion blog today and thought I'd share here, too!

I thought this only happened in cartoons...

2011-07-18T15:33:00.003-05:00

Did you know that 5% of babies hold their breath when they get upset, thus causing them to pass out? Yep. I didn't know this either until today.

Today I discovered that Jude is in that 5%. They're called breath holding spells and according to Jude's pediatrician they are harmless (unless he conks his head on something) and there's nothing I can do about 'em.

Jude got mad when I took away a plastic chair he kept standing on. He started to cry (normal), held his breath (somewhat normal-- I usually just blow on his face), but then he turned blue, his eyes got giant, and he passed out, tumbling backwards to the ground. I thought I was going to pass out from panicking! I scooped him up, blew on his face and held him really close. He came to in a few seconds and was back to his normal/ happy self a couple minutes later. I am the one who is still trying to recover.

My mother-in-law says Chris used to hold his breath, too. If this is any indicator of my child's strong will, I am now certain that he has inherited his dad's wherewithal to get what he wants.

Every parent wants an exceptional baby. Trust me: I'd prefer it if he were in the other 95% on this one.

Limey

2011-06-13T19:31:00.006-05:00

Last Friday, Bee and I grabbed lunch at Chuy's and Jude found a lime:

Who else's mouth puckered while watching this?

10 years ago, really?

2011-06-10T09:13:00.004-05:00

This weekend, we celebrate.

Bee is even going to watch the baby so we can eat a nice dinner without me having to mush up some peas or take off my top.

Bib of truth

2011-06-07T10:32:00.003-05:00

I wore a bib on my fashion blog the other day, but no bib will ever be more fitting than this one:

So glad to have friends that see ridiculous stuff like this at Target and instantly think of me! Thank you, Zackie!

Noodles!

2011-06-06T20:55:00.004-05:00

We have decided that it's much too confusing to have a dog named June and a baby named Jude.

We're changing the dog's name to Noodles, which has always been her nickname. We tried to change Jude's name to Noodles since we had June first, but it just wouldn't stick.

Upstanding: can't stand it!

2011-06-02T23:45:00.003-05:00

Can't sleep. This is a version of what goes on each night now:

Jude is standing, but he can't seem to figure out how to sit down. Every hour or so we awake to him screaming and crying, standing in his crib.

Why they don't invent crib mattresses with seat belts, I'll never know...

Zzzzzzzz

2011-05-25T23:38:00.004-05:00

Guess what, you guys! In one week Jude will be eight months old, and I still have not slept through the night. I was thinking about it today and realized that the last time I slept through the night was September 30, 2010.

This is where you all leave me advice and words of encouragement then I secretly rage alone in my bedroom certain that I will never, ever get more than four hours of sleep ever again.

Oh, but isn't he cute?

Worth it? Probably.

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T19:26:00.000-05:00

Almost crawling: part two

2011-05-07T13:23:00.000-05:00

Jude opened a drawer today. Has it begun, already? Really? He's not even really crawling, yet. He's more of a scootcher:
You know what, though? I'm not going to wish that he stays cute and little forever. I'd really like to get out of this drooling phase. My entire house is covered in spit-up and drool. I'm thinking about covering the floors in Slip-n-Slides that way we can at least have some summer fun with all the floor wetness accumulating 'round here.

Okay. That was too far. I just grossed myself out thinking about Slip-n-Sliding though a mess of spit-up and drool. Apologies all around.

Jude's first food

2011-05-02T20:56:00.003-05:00

Jude's first food was a banana.
He liked it! This week he had avocado. Next week he'll have sweet potatoes. Just none from HEB, though.

This bag is not a toy.

2011-04-29T11:49:00.007-05:00

I used to scoff at these:I mean, really. Who would ever give a bag to a baby to play with?

Then my kid got a little mobile. The first thing he ever scooted to? A crunchy plastic bag. He played with that thing like it was Christmas morning (He was supervised! I swear!). Ever since then, my kid's favorite toys have been clinkly bags and envelopes with crunchy cellophane windows.

The good: it saves me money (bags and envelopes are pretty much free).
The not-so-good: I get dirty looks in public when people see my baby flinging a plastic bag around. "He's going to put that on his head and DIE! You are a horrible mother!"

Alas, I am a woman with a strong desire for people's approval, so thus, I took the time time make my child a crunchy toy that is both safe and machine washable. Bonus: it, too, was pretty much free and it's way cuter than a grocery sack!

The amazing designer Ann Kelle sent me some fabric last summer when I first learned to sew, and I hadn't really had the chance to make anything until recently. I used this striped fabric and this owl fabric to make Jude's crunchy toy. I cut out an owl and a J from some felt, stuck a cellophane treat bag inside, and added the ribbon tags (since my kid's favorite part of the toys he does have is their care tags). I followed these instructions and Jude now has a publicly acceptable crunchy/ clinkly toy to play with. Bonus: he can't put this on his head and die.

Like yesterday

2011-04-12T15:36:00.002-05:00

I bet every parent says this about their kid at every age, but I swear, this is my favorite age that my kid has ever been!

[outfit photo from my fashion blog]

At six months old, I feel that Jude is in the golden age of babies. He's not yet crawling, so he's not getting into things and wrecking havoc on our house. What I really love is that his personality is becoming more and more evident. He seems cautious and curious, reserved and determined.

It goes by so fast. Has he really been with us for half a year, already? I read this letter on Dear Baby and the tears started rimming my eyes.

These are the things I'm realizing:
Jude is getting heavier and heavier, and there will come a day when he doesn't want me to (and I can't) carry him any more. There will come a day when I can barely remember what his baby soft back feels like under my forearms as I balance him on my hip. He'll get teeth and he'll bite me. He'll grow up and ask the spend the night at a friend's house. We'll go shopping for a backpack and I'll be dabbing my eyes with a tissue as I leave him in his kindergarten classroom. One day, we'll give him the keys to our car and watch him back down the driveway, and Chris and I will clutch each other and wonder, "How is he sixteen already?" There will come a day when I'll look back at this photo and remark, "Wow. Look at how young we were there... it just feels like yesterday..."

Introducing Mitchell!

2011-04-08T21:31:00.005-05:00

My best friend Bee and I were pregnant at the same time and we were given due dates only days apart from each other:

[End of second trimester; July 2010]

Jude came a little early and Mitchell came a few days late, but our little boys are only three weeks apart. After Mitchell was born I convinced Bee to move here to Texas. Our boys have been having so much fun together, and my heart is swelling with happiness having them here:

[photo by Nathan Russell photography]

Here is Mitchell making his video debut on The Wonder Love:Bee is like a sister to me; we've been friends for more than eleven years, so I really feel like we grew up together. We grew out together, too! And now our little boys will grow up together.

Renewal

2011-04-07T08:51:00.011-05:00

This June 12th, Chris and I will have been married for seven years. After three years of dating, this also means that date will mark ten years of being together.

The last seven years has not been easy. Though we love each other fiercely, over the years we have both struggled to truly live out what it means to be married. Before I met Chris, I was fairly certain that I'd never get married. I loved my independence too much and envisioned my adult life rootless-- never calling someplace home, always casting aside cities and friends and jobs in search for the next city, friends, and jobs. But shortly after Chris and I started dating, I stood in the rain with him, wrapped in his arms, wishing and wishing that he didn't have to go back to college (he was in college in Georgia, whereas I was in school in Illinois). In his arms, for the first time, I felt like I was home. We clung to each other, and it was just like every little girl is told. In that moment, I just knew. I knew he was the one I was going to marry.

In a way, I wish our love could have remained as effortless and as simple as that. I wish it would have been easy for us. It wasn't. We were reckless with the gift of marriage, we took each other for granted, and for six years we stood on the precipice of divorce. We lived apart for a while. At times we both told our families that we were done with each other. We lived like roommates for a while, and we lived like adversaries for a while, too.

[Photo by Vignette Photography]

At the end of 2009, we started being a part of a really great church and while we were there we got to know some amazing people who openly shared their own stories of struggles in marriage. This was such a relief and a blessing to us. As Christians, we were ashamed that our marriage was in shambles and truly felt alone in our battle. That's when healing began.

It has not been smooth sailing since then. To truly be able to heal, a lot of hurtful confessions happened between us and there were more times when I contemplated cutting my losses and walking out, but as I prayed for the strength to do so, I was given the strength to stick it out, instead. I found a lot of despair and darkness every time I threw in the towel, but every time I offered grace and received grace, I felt hope and got glimpses of what a marriage could be.

In the midst of being pregnant and having a well known, local fashion blog, this is what Chris and I were dealing with, privately. It's been more than a year since we have really been working on setting a new, healthy foundation for our marriage. I can truly say that it is only by the grace of God that our marriage has been redeemed.

In the next few months, you're going to see a lot of chatter on Adored Austin about us renewing our vows this June. Yes, I had a less than ideal wedding day (mainly due to me spraying hydrogen peroxide in my eye the morning of!), but please don't think that's why we're doing it. We are doing it to make a public acknowledgment of our changed lives and we are redeeming our wedding day to reclaim it as a day of grace. We want to celebrate the fact that God is still performing miracles, and our marriage becoming a better picture of God's perfect love for us is proof of that. Chris and I would both say that our marriage looks really different now, but I'm happy to say that his arms still feel like home to me.

Duck hunt

2011-04-06T11:41:00.004-05:00

World, meet Duck.
Duck is Jude's constant companion. Jude cannot sleep peacefully without Duck. Every night and every nap, he clinches Duck's head and rubs the silky side of Duck on his own face until he drifts off. It's downright bizarre.
I am thankful that Duck is machine washable. I am not thankful that I can't seem to find another one of these. He was a gift from my grandma's best friend and came from the Bible bookstore. Our Bible bookstore does not have any more ducks. They have a frog, though. However, the frog was met with much baby scorn. I felt like Jude gave me the side-eye at the store as if to say "Mother, Frog is not Duck. Duh."

There will come a day when Duck is thrown to his freedom from a rolling shopping cart, and later that evening our house will be rocked with the screams of a child who has just lost his best friend. I am not ready to ween Jude from Duck, and although I do find it strange, it is quite sweet that Jude is so taken with this little thing.

I am on the quest for a Duck's twin. I need to have a backup plan for when Duck goes MIA.

I had a Snoopy doll that I slept with every night until I got married. Yes, really. Let's hope Duck and Duck 2 meet their demise long before Jude gets engaged. Let's also hope I can find Duck 2 long before Duck 1 goes AWOL.

Almost Crawling

2011-04-05T18:15:00.006-05:00

Has it really been a month and a half since my last post? Wow. I have an intern helping me with Adored Austin now, so I hope to get back to a regular posting schedule over here. Thanks for sticking with me all this time.

Jude is doing great. He's six months old now, but here's some bad news for all you expecting mothers: I still haven't slept through the night. That's over six months on very little sleep. Oh, his reflux is all better, but now he's teething and rolling over and kind of freaking himself out in the night when he wakes up on his stomach. Thankfully he usually goes back to sleep after he's flipped over and given his pacifier. I've resigned myself to the fact that maybe I won't sleep through the night until my last kid leaves for college!

Look how big he's getting:

I predict his first teeth and first forward crawls will happen any day now. It's insane how fast it's flying by!

This is how Jude rolls

2011-02-19T23:23:00.004-06:00

My kid is absolutely average. He's extraordinarily ordinary-- 50th percentile for height and weight and is right on the "normal" scale for what he can do already.

My enthusiasm for every simple "milestone" is not at all proportionate to the mundane things he's accomplishing every day. For instance, when Jude rolled over for the first time, Chris and I kept high fiving each other and lavishing praise upon our kid as our four month old had just played Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the piano.
If we keep this kind of insane praise up, the kid's going to get a big head. Pretty sure his ego won't be in 50th percentile at all. He'll be in the running for "Kid with the most disproportionately enthusiastic parents, ever".

Keep up the good work, Jude. We'll try to get a hold of ourselves.

B(o)(o)bs

2011-02-15T18:54:00.001-06:00

There are many reasons why I choose to breastfeed, and still many reasons more why I want to exclusively breastfeed Jude until he is at least a year old. Chief among these reasons?I am lazy.

Ask anyone who knew me while I was gestating. I was way more nervous about being able to nurse Jude than I was about birthing him. You tell people that you're planning a med-free birth at home, and you'll get raised eyebrows and the skeptical side-eye, but all in all, people will keep their opinions to themselves. Tell them that you're planning to breastfeed, however, and you'll be inundated with horror story after horror story. (Side note: if you want a positive story on breastfeeding, read Melissa's post here. My story is similar to hers).

I get it. Breastfeeding ain't easy and mothers shouldn't be made to feel bad if for some reason their kid won't latch. But for mothers who are thinking about choosing not to breastfeed (without ever trying), you are out of your mind if you think it's going to be easier.

Take it from me. I am a champ at leisure. Look at me. I own Pajama Jeans and my dream job is a "professional blogger". I rock nap time like no one else, and I am awesome at laying on the couch. Feeding your kid formula is not easier than breastfeeding.

1. When Jude is hungry, I pull down my top and he eats. That's it. If we're in public, I'll have to get out my "Hooter Hider", but it's not like I have to go downstairs, get out a bottle, measure out formula, measure out water, mix it all up, then go back upstairs to feed him.
2. Clean up consists of me dabbing myself once and pulling up my top. I'm not washing storage containers, measuring spoons, or bottles and all the teeny things that come with bottles.
3. I never have to make an "oh crap, I'm running low on formula" trip to the store. My milk is always with me.
4. I never have to make an "oh crap, I'm almost out of money" trip to the bank to cover the costs of formula.
5. Breastmilk is water soluble, meaning, Jude's cloth diapers and wipes can go straight into the wash-- no pesky pre-rinsing needed.

Laziness: motivating me to breastfeed since 2010.

[note: this is not at all intended to be a jab at women who cannot breastfeed for whatever reason. This is simply one of the many reasons why I chose to breastfeed.]

No tears, promise

2011-02-11T16:33:00.003-06:00

So, uh, remember when I posted a video yesterday and made a bunch of people cry? I'm going to try my best to make up for that.

Enjoy:

[Music: "Dental Care" by Owl City]
[Extra special thanks to my friends Carmen and Steve for making this video possible.]

Goodbye, Jimi

2011-02-10T05:40:00.002-06:00

Oh, hello, blog. I'm sorry I haven't updated you in a while. In truth, I think I'm going to be changing directions over here. I honestly thought that this would be a place where I was like, "Motherhood is awesome and my kid the cutest and my life is all sunshine and sparkles so look how adorable we all are and envy our awesome lives!"
Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, don't get me wrong. I love Jude and because of that fact alone, motherhood is awesome. He is pretty darn cute, but my life is far from all sunshine and sparkles. Starting now, I'm going to blog here without worry that my readers will expect me to be something akin to the wonderfully optimistic and always cheerful Joanna. Okay? Okay!

Deep breath.

If you didn't see all the mess about Jimi on Adored Austin, he did pass away, so yeah. There's that. Warning: if you've ever loved or lost a pet, this may be a hard video to watch. I do not recommend watching this at work if you're a crier. Really.
"Jimi Hendrix Adams was the best dog in the entire world. Once dubbed the hummingbird of dogs, we had a very full and very loving but very short five years with him. Jimi became suddenly afflicted with a GI disorder and IVDD that turned out to be inoperable. He loss the use of his legs, was in a lot of pain and was suffering complete incontinence. After much prayer and veterinary consult, we made the heart wrenching decision to let him go. Before we had him put to sleep we took him all around Austin, Texas to say goodbye to all his favorite spots. We chose to hire a mobile vet who specializes in at-home pet euthanasia. We laid him on our bed that he shared with us as the Texas sunshine streamed through the windows. The five of us huddled close (us, Jude, and our other dog June). We fed him a donut and two Reeces Peanut Butter Cups, kissed him goodbye, and told him we loved him. We wrapped his much loved tennis ball and his frail little body in his favorite towel, and buried him in his favorite spot in our backyard with a scoop of peanut butter as tears rolled off our faces."

It's hard to put on a mask of cheerfulness when we've suffered a loss like this. Thanks for sticking with us, y'all.

Do you believe in magic?

2011-01-01T17:18:00.003-06:00

Meet the magic snowsuit:

Every time we bundled Jude up in the magic snowsuit, he instantly fell asleep-- hence why we dubbed it "magic". He looked ridiculous in that thing, resembling a cross between a Teletubby and Grimace, but it did make our Christmas trip to Atlanta a little bit easier.

The magic died when we got home, though. The zipper broke, and I returned the broken suit to Marshalls.

Traveling with an infant

2010-12-22T22:22:00.002-06:00

It's a 15 hour drive to Atlanta. I think I packed the entire nursery into the minivan. Wish us luck!

Whomp whomp :0(

2010-12-12T23:25:00.003-06:00

I've been struggling to write over here on The Wonder Love because I have always prided myself on being able to keep things lighthearted. In many ways, I feel like I live a charmed life, and I'm usually able to look on the bright side of things and overlook my own personal hardships. I hate to be a complainer, so I do struggle with blogging when my world is less than ideal.

But because this is a place where I've always been honest and because I do have a lot on my mind, I thought that I'd take a little time while Jude is sleeping to write.

Motherhood is hard. Very hard.

And I feel like an ungrateful idiot for thinking this. After all, my college roommate is raising a beautiful baby only a few months older than Jude who has a terminal condition and requires constant medical care. My best friend, who has a child one month younger than Jude, is a single mother who is gracefully managing to raise her darling son alone. Yet, here I am with a wonderful husband, a constant parade of family members in town helping out around the house, and the blessing of being able to stay at home with my son, yet I'm complaining about how hard it is.

Jude has really bad reflux and digestive issues. He cries a lot because he's in pain a lot. When he goes on a hard crying jag and is inconsolable, I start to question my mothering.

I am constantly cleaning up spit-up, we don't sleep through the night, and I don't bother changing him out of pajamas. I am an expert at hugging and rocking a baby who is arching his back in pain and is crying so hard that his face turns purple from not breathing. I know people mean well by giving me advice about their baby who also had reflux, but every time someone tells me to do something (that I've probably already tried) I wonder if they think I'm a bad mom, too.

So, it's hard. It's been hard. And I wish I had a funny story to make this seem lighthearted (he did spit-up on June twice, but that was just pathetic and gross for both of them). I wish I could look on the bright side, but until Jude is all better, I'll just keep hugging him and comforting him and praying that one day this will pass and I'll be able to blog here in my zany, lighthearted voice again.

In the meantime, look at Jude with his seahorse!