The World According to Bitch Cakes

Turning Point

2011-11-21T23:44:00.001-05:00

I've been going through life the last few months in a fog. I still am not sure what triggered it (I think turning 40 really fucked with my head. It made me think about a lot of things I didn't want to think about, but honestly I think it started before that...) Whatever the trigger, I can tell I haven't been myself in a while and I think everyone close to me has noticed it too. I missed 'me' but I didn't know how to get me back so I stumbled through, every day, sleeping a lot and doing some pretty self destructive things and not knowing how to get out of it.

Today two things happened.

1) I downloaded the P!nk song "So What" last night and I listened to it today. A lot. How did it take me 3 years to hear this whole song and to realize the genius of it? I have no idea but I can't remember the last time I felt so strong and empowered and excited about life. It's official, P!nk is my new hero and total girl crush. She's such a fucking badass! I love her!!!!

2) Someone posted a quote on Facebook. Now, call me cheesy but I'm a huge fan of quotes - things I find moving or positive or inspirational - things I find truth in and can relate to. This was also sheer genius and hit me just when I needed to hear/read it.

Tupac, I have no idea if you really said that but I want to believe you did. RIP either way.

I listened to that song, and thought about that quote as I walked down the escalator stairs and made my way across the 7 Train platform in Grand Central tonight and I suddenly felt... free - for the first time in a long time. I felt myself smile. A genuine smile. I felt my walk change immediately. I felt myself get taller. I felt powerful. I felt strong. I felt my confident walk return for the first time in a while. It's been a long time since I felt that way. And it felt AWESOME!

It seriously happened in a matter of seconds like that, and I took it all in as it happened. At the moment I was aware of everything going on, my brain reminded me of another great quote I read recently (also on Facebook, sue me) that said something like "Mistakes can only be made once, because the second time they are not mistakes, they are choices."

Indeed.

Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, right? (another quote, I think) Yeah well I'm tired of making the same ~~mistakes~~ choices time and again only to hurt myself repeatedly. It's self destructive. It's not healthy. And it throws off everything else in my life.

I'm done. You hear me?! DONE. I'm leaving the pieces on the floor and moving the fuck on.

Thank you P!nk & Tupac. You have no idea how much you helped me today.

Birthday Week 2011

2011-11-05T22:54:00.000-04:00

Sure, my birthday was in August, precisely 3 months ago. But I want to share some of my birthday highlights from this year! Here are some pics of what I did and what I ate. Enjoy!

08/19 Friday
I didn't do anything exciting this day, just had lots of errands to take care of in Manhattan. Naturally, I rode my bike.

I can't remember where I saw this - in Manhattan on Rivington, maybe? but this made me think of Amanda, since she does beautiful water color paintings of ice cream trucks

me, on my bike, who knows where

the beautiful Chrysler Building!

08/20 Saturday, my 40th Birthday
I started off the day with vegan pancakes, then grabbed the HK Cruiser so I could go enjoy the last Saturday of Summer Streets!

on my way there, I met a blog reader

I took the Brooklyn Bridge to Manhattan

riding towards Manhattan on the beautiful Brooklyn Bridge

weeeeee!

I like when I catch my bike shadow

As usual, I was hit on by men. All under the age of 25.

Houston & Lafayette

Girls Rule! Christina, Maureen, Me, Malaika & Jules

I rarely get to see myself from behind, so I like this shot

in front of one of my favorite places, Grand Central Terminal

After biking, Amanda & I went to one of my favorite vegan places Peace Food Cafe on Amsterdam, in Manhattan

cutting through Times Square on the way home

I love when I catch a flying bird in a shot!

One of my favorite shots of the whole year!

On the Willy B home

I went home and got ready for the evening's festivities, starting in Grand Central Terminal...

Me & Jaci, in my daily mirror

I photograph myself in front of this mirror whenever I get a chance

I was celebrating at the Campbell Apartment, a beautiful bar with tons of history tucked in Grand Central Terminal...

Dad & Me

with my WW leader, Melanie!

Me & my family

best neighbors ever - Adam & Jaci

This shot was Jaci's idea... and I love it!

I had to go b&w for a classy shot

I love this photo so much - pretty ladies in dresses! (Jules, Amanda, Me, Malaika)

Showing off my calf muscle

Robbie & Amanda clean up nice!

From there we headed back to Greenpoint, for the final festivities of the evening. We went to The Pencil Factory, a bar in my neighborhood.

Panda & Me

Robbie, looking very dapper

Me & Micah

with Ann (aka Mrs Phil Collins)

the ultra gorgeous Jarred even stopped by! *sigh*

and Lainykins made an appearance

I drank wayyyyy too much beer

aw I love these kids

08/21 Sunday
I wanted to go to the beach but the weather was iffy. Instead I went to Governor's Island with Amanda & Ann. (But I was kind of out of it, due to way too much drinking the night before...)

Riding on beautiful car-free Governor's Island

It was around this time, on the swings, when I realized this was a terrible idea. I felt dizzy & nauseous and did not last long. But it was fun for a little while!

Look at that! A great view of the Statue of Liberty from Governor's Island

We didn't stay at Governor's Island too long. Then we went to Bark in Park Slope for THE BEST onion rings on the planet. Seriously. On the planet!

silly girl!

I love onion rings!

08/22 Monday
The weather seemed beach appropriate - luckily Amanda & Robbie were available!

Inexplicably, we came upon a giant patch of snow on our way to the beach

Yes, real snow.

Hooray! We made it to Fort Tilden!

Riding to our favorite spot of beach

Woo hoo!

After beach time, on our way to Rockaway Taco & Babycakes for our feast

Vegan feast: Vegan tostadas, chips & guac, beer

On our way back home. Thumbs up!

08/23 Tuesday
On this day I was going to go for a horseback ride in Prospect Park. I wanted to do because right before my Grandfather died this summer, he had 2 wishes: 1) to see me 2) to go horseback riding again. Sadly he did not get either of those wishes before he passed away, so I was going to have the horseback ride for him, in his memory. But when I went to the stables they were kind of jerks to me. On top of that, I didn't feel right about it - I felt bad for the horses. So I apologized to my Grandpa and left there, without riding.

Then I went to a bagel place for a quick bite. While sitting at a counter stool facing the street and eating my bagel, I felt my seat shaking. I thought someone was pushing me because I felt it rock back and forth. I turned around with a "WHAT THE @%$#)!* IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" look on my face and realized no one was there. Then I looked up to see all the ceiling fixtures moving and realized the entire building was moving back and forth. I grabbed my bagel and went outside. That's when I saw that everyone up and down the block was either outside, looking around, or hanging out their windows, trying to figure out what was going on. It was the aftershocks of an earthquake that hit in Virginia.

After the unpleasant experience at the stables, super shitty bagel, and now this earthquake, I grabbed my bike and got the hell out of there.

I rode around for a while but ended up back in Park Slope. I wanted to go to another vegan place I hadn't been to yet - V-Spot. The food is fantastic but the service could be better. Amanda joined me for a while.

Vegan nachos & empanadas at V Spot

08/24 Wednesday
On this day, I convinced Amanda to go to Roosevelt Island with me. Yay!

in Queens, on our way to the bridge

self portrait, riding in Queens

Amanda leads the way - about to pass the 59th St Bridge

I love this bridge!

on the bridge to Roosevelt Island

I love this shot of Amanda on Roosevelt Island

Isn't she beautiful?

We rode around Roosevelt Island for a little while, then took the tram back to Manhattan to go visit my Dad at work.

I was surprised to learn we could take our bikes on the tram! How fun!

Back in Manhattan, biking around with Amanda

Great shot of Amanda biking in Times Square

I ran into a guy who lives in my hood & knows me from online - that's Kris!

on the Williamsburg Bridge, back to Brooklyn, with Amanda

08/25 Thursday
It was a rainy yucky day :(

That afternoon...

I had lunch at one of my favorite vegan spots, Food Swings in Williamsburg. This is the seitan gyro & fries - I highly recommend it!

I had a chance to wear my awesome Hello Kitty rain jacket for the first time!

Later that evening...

Amanda and Robbie took me out for a fancy birthday dinner at a *fantastic* old school Italian restaurant in the east village of Manhattan, John's. The food is so good - really good Italian food - and though it's not a vegan restaurant, they have an entire vegan menu! Besides, we wanted another chance to wear our fancy birthday outfits!

me on the L Train platform, turning heads

Panda pulls in on the L Train

I think Amanda got the Eggplant Parmigiana with Daiya

I got the Seitan Parmigiana with Daiya - OMG HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!

Robbie got the Vegan Ravioli

We split an order of avocado bruschetta

Um, I think it's safe to say I enjoyed it.

Amanda has been dying to buy me this cake all year. It's a vegan (non dairy) ice cream cake from a Kosher place in Williamsburg. It came with the Hello Kitty deocrations. She added the unicorn.

I scooped out 3 of the HK decorations, which turned out to be rings, and rinsed them off so we could all wear them

We left there and walked over to Lakeside Lounge for a beer and some photo booth pics...

I love this guy's murals. Chico. He's all over the LES. this might be my favorite, on Ave B, because it has the Empire State Building and Chrysler Building.

Yay! Photobooth pics are fun!

08/26 Friday
I had plans to meet up with the lovely Ashley, an online vegan pal from Toronto. I met her in Manhattan and we took the L Train to Brooklyn to go to Pine Box Rock Shop (a vegan bar) but they weren't open yet. So we got back on the L Train and I took her to another vegan favorite place, Champs, a vegan bakery/cafe in Williamsburg.

I had the French Toast!

Ashley had a great looking salad

Ashley outside of Champs, on Ainslie

Then I spent some time with Amanda again. More biking. Yay!

She took me past Party Glitters, on Broadway in Brooklyn. She's obsessed with this store (and party stores in general) The cool thing is that one of the Project Runway challenges (party store challenge, duh) was filmed here! This is where they got their supplies!

On the Willy B

On Kent Ave, with Amanda

And look at this incredible sunset!

08/27 Saturday
Stupid Hurricane Irene was on its way so the weather was windy/wet and pretty crappy. I didn't do much this day. Just some bike riding around the neighborhood.

one of my favorite shirts

I am sure Jim Joe is behind these recent "Kissing You" pieces. I like them a lot.

I found this old VW parked under the BQE and stopped dead in my tracks. This was the EXACT car I grew up in - same model, same color. My parents bought this car when I was 5 and we had it until I was 14. I love this car. It brought back so many memories. It was exactly as I remembered.

Plenty of stores were boarded up in preparation for the storm, but still open for business

They actually shut down the subways in anticipation of the storm!

That afternoon, Amanda came over so we could finish off my birthday cake and have a Jersey Shore marathon. Seriously. We love Jersey Shore!

What was left of the cake.

After Amanda left, I was antsy to do something but because of the weather my options were severely slim. Jaci & Adam went to one of my favorite bars in the hood, Matchless. So I joined them for a couple of beers.

Jaci rocking the foosball

Riding home, past more boarded up businesses. It was very windy and rainy!

08/28 Sunday
I woke up and wondered if the Hurricane had passed because nothing woke me up during the night. Turns out it had. And our neighborhood seemed unaffected. So I got in touch with Amanda, grabbed my bike, and met her at Bad Burger in Williamsburg for my final vegan breakfast of my vacation. (Note: they are vegan friendly, but it's a burger place, so you're gonna smell cooking flesh the whole time you're there. Oh and the service is pretty terrible. I won't go back there again...)

My vegan waffle, tofu scramble & home fries

The same place I passed the night before. They hadn't removed their plywood yet.

It was an anticlimactic end to my birthday week off. But lucky for me, the storm cancelled all of Metro North so I had to work from home on Monday. Here's a few photos from that day too...

8/29 Monday
I went out to the store for lunch and while walking down Manhattan Ave, I noticed that Jam's Stationary no longer had the "Moustache Man" lottery guy in their window. When I went inside to inquire what happened to him, I saw him sitting on the floor. I asked if they were getting rid of it, and if so, could I have it? To my surprise and delight, they were like "sure, take it". I tucked him under my arm and took him home, ecstatic. Now I have a piece of the Moustache Man with me, in my apartment. Happy Birthday to me!!! (if you don't know the significance of the Moustache Man, you can read about him, and my love of him, on my commuting blog)

My very own Moustache Man!

Later that evening, more biking...

on the Willy B

gorgeous sunset behind the Williamsburg Bridge

Look at this amazing sunset the day after the Hurricane (view from Grand Ferry Park in Williamsburg)

Tuesday, August 30th
My Weight Watchers leader gave me an amazing birthday gift. Check out this t-shirt!

One of the best gifts ever - a shirt from my Weight Watchers leader, Melanie

front

and back

And I had another pretty awesome birthday gift come in the mail... I always joke that I can see me and my friend Trixie being 80, in our housecoats & curlers, living together and gossiping & complaining about the 'young kids'. She sent me a package: a housecoat, tea, a mug, a vegan chocolate bar and an incredibly perfect card. I adore that woman. This is the awesome housedress and mug-

housedress from Trixie

So that's pretty much my 40th Birthday week off in a nutshell. There was biking, vegan food, beer, Islands (Gov & Roosevelt, Manhattan), friends, the beach, an earthquake and a hurricane. It was probably the strangest birthday week I've had since I've been in Brooklyn, but it was still a good one. And like it or not, I am now 40.

(Here is a link to my entire set of pics from that week)

Inviting Trouble

2011-01-03T22:49:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine sent me this image a few months ago. He said it reminded him of me. I'm not sure if it's the woman herself or her self-imposed drama. But either way, I kind of love it-

It's from Will Eisner's "The Spirit". (I'm not sure who else to credit...)

Email from Dad, Part 8: New Year's

2010-12-30T22:00:00.000-05:00

On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 8:48 PM, Dad wrote:

Hi Sheryl,it's google time.Just read your latest googles.Having me there on Feb.1st is a great idea,I'm looking forward to the event.The talk we had on the phone today,I don't remember you telling me the new cat's name and arrival date.You sounded happy on the phone.Also,what are your plans with your Christmas money? I'm sure you will have good plans.I don't think you should consider the Human Fund for a tax write off.Years ago I would workout on New Years eve to end the year with a workout, then workout again on New Years day to start the year with a workout.Now that I have embraced 21st century technology,my time is limited with all my commitments[Billy,Andy,Rudy,and the list goes on],and prep for the 22nd century of which I have in progress.Have you noticed more and more homes have computers and googling,twizzling,endless information,and just plain convience has been made easy?You can thank me later,it was my pleasure to help mankind in my way.Tell your friends,take some of the credit,it was you who inspired me to this vast level of technology.I would like us to get together.We need to set a place and time.Take care of you,do what you like to do.You work hard,your off time is for you. Love,Dad
P.S. This google took a short 25 minutes to complete, with the keys moved and the keyboard on fire from the speed!

Notes:

After 8 months of keeping it from him, I actually gave my Dad my cell phone number this week.
I may be getting a new kitten soon, a baby brother for the Professor!
Dad told me today he is so advanced with 21st century technology, he is now taking on 22nd century technology!

Oh my god, his emails make me laugh...

When my Dad first started talking about my Reality Show

2010-12-29T12:13:00.002-05:00

Originally posted on myspace, January 10, 2008, but I thought this would give you a nice history of how long my Dad has been hung up on this "reality show" idea for me -

Since my appearance in Allure- my Dad has NOT stopped talking about it. He thinks this is going to be the "start" of something. What? You ask? Well he has it all planned out for me-

A reality show.

About me.

He pitches it to me as "Just cameras following you around for a week- 24 x 7! People will get to see the real Sheryl!"

Well I can tell you what an absolute disappointment that would be right now: I visit Starbucks at least twice a day. I go to the bathroom a lot. I talk to my cats. I spend unhealthy amounts of time looking at myself. I'm on the internet constantly. I text a lot. I answer, out loud, to questions in my head. I work. I shop. I clean. I organize. I count stuff. I obsess. I commute. And I work out (but that's been well documented) and I sleep. Occasionally I have sex. (ed note: that 'occasionally' has dropped to 'never')

That's about it. I swear, it's not nearly as exciting as you might think.

But he has started calling me and leaving me voice mails at work:

"Hello. Ms Sheryl? This is NBC calling and we are interested in you for a reality show. We want the viewers to know what your life is really like! We'll film you for a week straight. It will be called 'A week with Sheryl'. We'll be arranging a meeting with you soon!"

I've had several of these voice mails from "an NBC Executive"...

And when he calls me and gets through, he will actually say "So, have you heard from NBC yet?!" (I assume he picks NBC because he knows how much I love 30 Rock)

But what I didn't realize is that he's been talking to my brother about this. So much so, that my brother actually called me a few nights ago and said-

"I gotta ask you, because Dad keeps mentioning it- are you really going to be on a reality show? Because if so, I want to be on it!"

"NO! THERE IS NO REALITY SHOW! I'M DEATHLY HORRIFIED OF THE THOUGHT OF SEEING MYSELF ON VIDEO, FOR PETE'S SAKE! DAD IS JUST CRAZY!!!!!"

So put down your Tivo and DVR remotes, kids, there is no new Bitch Cakes programming you need to record...

5 Years Ago Today - A significant day in my life

2010-12-28T17:00:00.028-05:00

5 years ago today I moved to Brooklyn - December 28, 2005. It was one of the scariest decisions I ever made and it was harder on me than I can tell you. 2005 was by far the most difficult year of my life - in April my husband and I decided that our marriage was really over. (He had already moved out the year before.) In May I put my house on the market. By the end of June I was officially divorced.

For months, I had to deal with lawyers & real estate people for the selling of my house and it really took a toll on me. I was so depressed - I ate a lot, drank a lot, gained weight and if that wasn't enough - the stress was so much on me, I actually developed alopecia - losing giant clumps of hair! (My hair! One of the few things I liked about myself!) To make matters more stressful, it took me a really long time to find a place to live - I didn't even see this apartment until the week before Christmas, and I had to be out of the house by New Year's Eve. I really cut it close, but got so lucky. I love my apartment and my neighborhood.

Move day had its own challenges - I had to do the entire thing myself - from the packing to organizing to unpacking and arranging. I was out of shape and exhausted - mentally and physically. I had serious problems with the movers (including them not showing up because they mistakenly cancelled my appointment! and having to demand they send people over because I *had* to be out of my house that day). About 10 hours later, I remember collapsing on my couch when they finally left - only to hear my neighbor's 3 little girls running around and screaming. At the time, I thought "What did I get myself into?!" and wondered if I had made a terrible decision moving here.

This is a blog I put up on Myspace on January 15, 2006 with photos of how my place looked at the time. For the most part, it looks the same, except now it's painted and there have been some small furniture changes. (My notes added today are in RED)

Many of you have asked about my new place. I finally made enough progress to take pics for you. You'll see some boxes & random carts in some of the pics, that will all eventually be gone of course. Anyway, it's a railroad apartment- The place is long, but a little narrow. There is a large room at the front of the house that I use for my bedroom/computer room. Here are pics from there: The yellow dinette is at the very front of the room-

(That's my cat, Booba. She died last year. She was such a bitch! And I loved that table. I 'lent' it to an ex and he destroyed it and I never got it back. Thanks, Matthew!)

Behind the dinette, I have a bamboo room divider so people can't see in from off the street - here is the rest of the room behind the divider -

(Look! It's the Hello Kitty Cruiser! She barely had 5 miles on her at the time! And I no longer have that dresser, I gave it back to my ex-husband and bought my own, the beautiful new big one with mirror I have now)

Here is a full view of the room from the adjoining hall-

and some detail pics of the room-

(I replaced that crappy Ikea dresser with a nice Heywood Wakefield Highboy earlier this year)

The hallway has all sorts of stuff that I haven't figured out what to do with yet, and some things that need to be hung, gotten rid of or put in storage. Whatever is left will be neatly rearranged and put on the black shelves- I bought a red curtain to put up to wrap around the shelves so they are out of view, but I haven't had time to put it up yet. A major job was getting the cleaning closet from Ikea put together and set up yesterday. What a joy that was! I hadn't organized anything in so long, I forgot how much I missed it. Here it is-

Here's the full horror of the hallway-

And then that leads to another large room- I split it into the dining and living rooms. The only closets are in this room. They're floor to ceiling though! And my ceilings are about 10 feet high. Here's they are-

And right next to these closets is the dining room set up-

And in that same large room is the living room-

(this is how the couch looked before Littleton got to it. He's since torn it to shreds)

This is a view of the 2 rooms-

There is an alcove in this room, which was perfect to install the Ikea closet that I use to store my bathroom supplies. This also went up yesterday. Here it is closed -

and open

Then there's a hallway leading to the kitchen, but on the way there is the bathroom, which is super small and hard to photograph, but here it is-

(of course I have an MTA subway map shower curtain now)

And finally, the kitchen-

Ikea didn't have the door for the pantry I bought, so this is obviously still a work in progress too-

(ew, this was when I still drank soda. Not often, but still. Gross!)

So that's the place. I didn't have time to paint and I haven't hung anything yet. (I have a ton of stuff to hang) but that's the layout. I actually felt more 'normal' today than I have in weeks- I did laundry for the first time since moving out and didn't even mind the laundromat. I actually had fun. I also mopped the apartment for the first time because I have more access to the floor after doing all the cabinets yesterday. I only wish that now that things are finally settling down and I will soon have a real routine, that my Smokey was here. It's so unfair. I keep looking over at the bed wishing I would see him there curled up on my pillow like he always was. I had no time for him the last month and now he's gone. God I miss him so much.

(My beloved Smokey died on January 10th, just 12 days after moving in. I adore that cat and I still miss him so much)

(Here is a set of random apartment photos, including what it looks like now. Beautiful paint job and all)

It wasn't the smoothest path to Brooklyn, but I'm so thankful I took that huge leap, and survived it. In the 5 years I've been here so far, my life has changed in so many great ways and I couldn't imagine being anywhere else right now. In fact, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. And it feels great to say that. I still think moving to Brooklyn was probably the most significant life decision I've made to date. I'm so happy to be here, geographically, and where I am in my life right now. I'm proud to be a resident of NYC who resides in the county of Kings. Thank you, Brooklyn! And thank you, Greenpoint, for being so awesome!

My Awesome Weekend with Shel

2010-12-27T18:48:00.007-05:00

Dear Diary,
This story is long overdue, but it must be told! Back in July, my gchat status read: "I have amazing weekend plans with a woman I never met!". And it was true. Here's the back story first...

In early May, I received an email from a woman named Shel. She contacted me after she had been inexplicably looking up 'Tabasco Tattoos'. Of course she came across my blogs as a result, and she wrote to me -

I was looking up Tabasco tattoos and stumbled across your blog. just a quick note (because it seems you have quite the following) to say KUDOS!

great look (before, during and after), great tats, and great blog.

LOVE the pin up look.. not many can carry it off. you. go. grrl.

Amusingly enough, just minutes after sending me that initial note, she found my "anti-tattoo" blog, and wrote back to apologize.

Now, I get a lot of emails from readers, and can't respond to everyone. But her notes were funny and endearing, so I couldn't help but respond. And this correspondence went on daily for a while as she got caught up on my blogs (all of them, I think!). She would send me her reaction and perspective or asked follow up questions. I always looked forward to hearing from her and getting her take on things.

Then, in late June, she told me she had plans to come to NYC in early July. I felt like I knew her and I insisted we meet. Not only did we meet - but she made real plans for us! And I had what was one of the most fun & memorable weekends of the year with her! This is what we did:

July 1, Thursday night-
I met Shel after getting off the train in my kingdom, Grand Central Terminal. I knew what she looked like already, but upon meeting her, she & her manerisms were pretty much exactly what I imagined her to be like from her email and text banter. She picked me up - literally - (something I kind of encouraged her to do, but still - it's fun! People love to pick me up!) right in front of the information booth/clock in the main hall. Good times!

From there, I escorted her down Lexington Ave to her friend's place. But since we were early, we stopped for a beer and chatted some more. It was like having a drink with an old friend.

July 2, Friday night-
After work, Shel and I got Thai food from my favorite Thai place in my neighborhood and I got all dolled up for a very special event - we were going to a bar called "Milk and Honey" on the LES of Manhattan. I never even heard of this place, but somehow she found it! Turns out this is a 'members only' bar that occasionally allows mere mortals like myself and Shel to visit. It's the kind of thing that I would be far too intimidated to even consider doing. But not Shel! She wrote to them, explained our situation and asked if we could patronize their establishment. In fact, I have to share what she wrote because it's hilarious -

I am going to be in NYC this weekend and was looking/asking around for *the* best place to take my friend (aka. tour guide) for an amazing time and perfect drinks. I heard your establishment mentioned over and over again.

After looking on the website I see you have to be a member, unless you have a reservation. Can you fill me in on the requirements for possibly getting a non-membership reservation? And what that might entail? I don't know anyone, have a ton of money or drive a fancy car; so I'm hoping those aren't requirements. If the possibility of a reservation is based more on eclectic/diverse clientele then we'd win. My "date" is 24/7 1940's style pin-up girl, who cruises NYC on her pink bicycle in full dress and heels and I'm a nice old school butch dyke who rides a Harley.

OMG how hilarious!!!!

I am not sure if it's because it was a holiday weekend (NYC is a ghost-town on holiday weekends) or because of how charming her email was, but they accepted! We were granted an appointment! (That's right, you get an appointment to visit this bar).

I made her take the subway, the J Train, showing her how beautiful NYC is from the Williamsburg Bridge and pointing out "my bridges" (the Brooklyn & Manhattan) as the train carried us over the East River to our destination. We got off at Essex St -

And since we were early for our 'appointment', we stopped in a bar on Allen for a quick pre-drink drink. I had my favorite, Hoegaarden, which I proceeded to drink in 3 large sips/gulps. (Seriously. I knocked back a pint of beer in 3 gulps. I am not sure if I'm proud or horrified... but this is one of Shel's favorite moments of the weekend, me in full hair, makeup, dress & heels downing that drink!)

And then it was over to the (shhhhh!) secret door...

We entered and were seated by the same woman who accepted our email request.

I have no pics of us in the establishment since it was dark and I didn't want to cause any attention that would get us thrown out, but of course I took a photo in the bathroom -

Our waitress was a petite brunette with a sexy raspy voice. She explained that they suggest cocktails based on our preferences and asked what we like/were in the mood for. I was dying for something ginger-y all day. And told her I also love lemon/tart flavors. She offered up the "Dark & Stormy" - a cocktail that included real ginger (I don't remember what else was in it - gin perhaps?). I'm not kidding when I tell you it was the BEST cocktail I ever had in my life. It was topped with a piece of real candied ginger, too! I loved it and ordered another :)

We hung out there for a while, enjoying our beverages, conversation and the surreal excitement of it all, eventually taking the J Train back to Brooklyn.

Saturday, July 3rd:
On Saturday, Shel came back to Greenpoint and I actually went out for lunch! We had sushi in my neighborhood. Yum and yum!

And then I had the fun of playing dress up again because we had more super fun plans on Saturday night - Shel was taking me on a sunset cruise around Manhattan!!! I even had a chance to drive - a car! - for the first time in over a year! Shel let me drive from Brooklyn to the West Side of Manhattan where we had to board the yacht. Sometimes I really miss driving. The thrill of cutting people off, beeping, giving the finger and cursing like the crazy bitch I am. It really gets my blood flowing! %$#^@& I love it!

Since we arrived early, we wandered around for a bit. I couldn't resist taking this photo (and I love the reaction of the couple sitting behind me!)

We even had time for a pre-yacht drink! Here I am, showing off my boarding pass-

Look how beautiful this boat is!

Throw me in a beautiful dress, put me in good company, and slap a glass of alcohol in my hand and just look at that smile!

What a spectacularly beautiful night for a cruise around Manhattan!!!

When Shel asked me about going on a cruise with her (I hate boats & water) I told her I would do it under one condition - if we could get a photo of us, with our arms entwined, holding our glasses of champagne. She was good enough to oblige! (and even better enough to give me her glass after the photo - turns out she doesn't like champagne!)

I love this city!!!

And just look at my bridges! The beautiful Brooklyn -

And the majestic Manhattan -

Aw, look how cute we are!!!

We made it all the way to the Statue of Liberty. How stunning is that? Seriously? Every time I look at her, I try to imagine my Great Grandfather coming from Italy circa 1914 and seeing her for the first time. I can't even imagine the range of emotions and thoughts going on in his teenage mind. How incredible to think about though -

I love you, Lady Liberty!

Here are a few more shots from that cruise -

What do you know? It's me, in a bathroom!

The Empire State Building was illuminated in red white and blue for the 4th of July holiday -

When the boat returned, it was dark, but the night was still young! We went back to Greenpoint and hit up Enid's for a few more cocktails. Of course I had to photograph myself in that bathroom too (I always look great in there, I need to figure out their lighting situation and get some of that for my apartment...)

Sunday July 4th:
Sunday was the 4th of July. I went for a big bike ride and I wanted to get Shel a gift to let her know how much I appreciated her visit and all the fun we had, so part of that bike ride was a trip over to Astor Wine & Liquor in Manhattan, where I bought her a bottle of Absolut Peppar. It's her favorite, and something she can't seem to get where she lives. Then I rode my bike to her hotel in Brooklyn to deliver it. But I hadn't rode my bike the day before and had a lot biking I wanted to do - so I rode all over Brooklyn and eventually went back to Manhattan again, so I could stop on the West Side and catch the Macy's firework display.

Later that evening, I met up with Shel and we went over to Park Slope to hang out with a few of her friends at a bar. Naturally, when I went to the bathroom, they talked about me. And apparently, the butch community seems to agree that I come across very "femme" (Shel had to explain all of this stuff to me. I didn't know it or understand it before and I'm not sure I fully understand it now). This surprised me - am I so feminine that I don't come across straight? I never even considered that! I just really love being a woman, and all the fun, girly things that entails! Now, don't get me wrong, I love being doted upon by members of either sex, but I do have an insatiable craving for men. However, if butches appreciate my 'femme' look, I'm totally fine with that! Thank you ladies! Keep the compliments coming!

Monday, July 5th:
Sadly, all good things must come to an end and this was Shel's last day. She had to return to her normal life and drive back home. :(

Shel, this was, by far, one of the most fun weekends I ever had. In fact, the time we spent together was way better than most dates I've been on. I love that you 'get' me and that you're so easy going (and let me just be myself). I hope you get to come back to NYC soon. I'd love to hang out with you again! And what's up with Biker Chicz? Is that show gonna happen, or what? I want to see you on the TV!

(My entire set of photos can be seen here)

Email from Dad, Part 7: Festivus

2010-12-26T09:22:00.000-05:00

On Fri, Dec 24, 2010 at 5:56 PM, Dad wrote:

Hi Sheryl,it's the google man googling to remind you "FESTIVAS FOR THE REST OF US".I donated a sizable cash gift in your name to THE HUMAN FUND [20 thousand dollars].I'm sure you are over joyed to learn this. Did the Professor dress as a Santa helper? I hope you're not having second thougths about me being with you on Feb.1.Don't worry,when I get finished talking to the guests and the media reps,everyone will know why you should have your reality show.Take care of yourself,you count and alot of people depend on you as a friend and inspiration. Love, Dad

I replied:

Hi Dad!
So glad you are celebrating Festivus this year. Festivus for the rest of us! How did you do with the feats of strength? I've been practicing all year so I could destroy the competition.

You even remembered the Human Fund! People helping people! How kind! Can I consider that a tax deductible donation in my name for this year's taxes? Thanks :)

Yeah, I'm beginning to wonder if having you there on Feb 1st is such a good idea...

I hope you and Maria had a good Christmas. I couldn't get the Professor to dress up. Maybe next year.

xo Sheryl

PS Good luck in this blizzard that's on its way!

Happy Festivus to one and all!

The Obligatory Christmas Blog- but this one is in the Bronx, 70's style

2010-12-25T12:00:00.000-05:00

(I can't believe I never put this up, but considering the time of year, I had to bring it over from Myspace. I originally posted this on Christmas, 2006.)

Let's face it- Christmas is for kids. Every year I lose more and more interest in Christmas. It's now just a nice day off. The roads are quiet, but unfortunately most of the stores are closed. Anyway, I decided to go through my old family album and scan some photos of Christmas past. Enjoy...

1971- I was just 4 months old. Needless to say, I don't remember this Christmas very well. I don't know what to say about my Mother's tree decorating aesthetic, but I was too young to argue. And yes, that's my Dad dressed as Santa.

1972- My brother had been born just a few weeks earlier, and I guess my Mom was too busy dealing with the little demon, so there were no family pics. I only have this one of Santa traumatizing me-

1973- Christmas Eve. Again, look at the garland on this tree. She insisted on going not only AROUND the tree with this nightmare, but up and down. It wasn't until I was 16 that I convinced her to stop doing this (or maybe she was tired of listening to my bitch about it...)

That's my brother on my Dad's lap, and my Uncle Dom and Grandpa Frank who I mentioned in a previous blog. I am guessing Aunt Inez didn't trust us because not only is the couch covered in plastic, but it appears there is also a white sheet to protect it from us.

Christmas night at my cousin's apartment by the Bronx Zoo. She's my favorite cousin (Hi Chrissy, are you reading this?) and I am pretty sure this is the Christmas I was accused of "locking her" in her play refrigerator. I am neither confirming nor denying it happened. I'm just saying that if I did do it, I was probably just jealous because I didn't get a fake kitchen for Christmas.

Here is my brother, causing mischief no doubt, but what I find interesting is- look to his right- is it just me or is that some sort of Playboy paraphernalia? Nothing says Christmas like boobies!

1974- My parents were smart enough to get a picture of the toys before they woke us up. I still remember that I loved playing with that McDonalds restaurant. (Note the wood paneling in my apartment. I have an aversion to wood paneling to this day- no doubt from my early days in this apartment).

And we came running in on cue

I totally remember riding that "fire truck" around the front yard (when I say yard, I mean the 6 foot by 15 foot cement fenced in area, this was the Bronx after all).

That same year we visited my Great Grandparents on Southern Blvd in the Bronx, and I just think these two photos are a wonderful time capsule. I love how Great Grandma Celia is over the stove (back, left). That's me, in the back, by the door.

Look at the lamps and abundance of gaudiness, not to mention the plastic on the couch. Can you guess we're Italian?

Here are more Christmas photos -

1975 and Dad is dressed as Santa again. I don't know how he fooled us, but he did (yes, that's me below)

1976 Our living room Christmas display - This is just so tacky

But it didn't stop me from tearing into my presents

1977 Christmas Eve and I wore my "holly hobbie" dress. I loved that dress.

My brother loved the Fonz. AAAYYYYYYYYY

As usual my hair is out of control (Christmas morning)

My Dad, the avid body builder, gave "baby dumbbells" to his baby dumbbells.

1978 Seriously, I will never understand her aesthetic-

but I guess as long as there were gifts with my name on them, I didn't care too much

The next year (1979) we were in Yonkers and for some reason they stopped documenting our Christmas's.

Email from Dad, Part 6, Update on the ESB Stair Climb

2010-12-17T21:22:00.000-05:00

So, you likely know I am climbing the 86 flights of stairs in the Empire State Building on February 1st. I recently found out I am allowed to invite one guest to this event! Naturally, I invited my Dad. I told him this over the phone, so then I emailed him a little more info:

From Sheryl, December 16:

Hi Dad,
Googling you to tell you that I think you don't have to be there until 7:30, that's when I (and the other "athletes") arrive/check in. I believe they release us into the stairs at 8am. I'll tell you better as it gets closer and I get more information, but this is all I have for now:

"Each team member will be allowed to invite one guest to be with them before the start. There will be a staging area on the 2nd Floor where you will register, check your baggage and prepare for the race before heading down to the 1st Floor for the official start. Because of the configuration and size of the Observatory Deck where the finish will take place, there will be no access there for anyone but race participants, media and race officials. You will have earned your way to the TOP!"
If you can stick around for the 1/2 hour event (I estimate it will take me 20 minutes to do the climb, a few minutes at the top for photo opps and then the elevator down), I think you can join me for the post race festivities on the 61st floor (again, I have to find out for sure). Just think - while you're waiting, you could share your googling, twizzling and speed secrets with the rest of the stair climber's guests! Perhaps you can even teach a seminar "Keyboards with Moving Keys: How to Google despite this troubling trend" Think of the potential to share your brilliance and wisdom on an unsuspecting public!

I'll tell you more when I hear from them. Till then, get your tips & tricks ready!
xo Sheryl

From Dad, December 17:

Hi Sheryl,received your latest google.I may want to share some Roman history or perhaps some fun facts about Elvis,He is the KING,of rock and roll.I have planed to stay beyond the finish time to inform the media who you are and incourage a reality show for you.As you can tell by your google and twizzle following,you are an inspiration for many.Now it's time to go nation wide with a show on cable.A small part for me and Tommy would be nice.Think of all the stories I can tell,and I remember plenty.Hope you are well.Do things for you that you like.You work hard and you get your job done,now it's your time!I saw the cartoon you told me about,I'm still laughing when I think about it. Google you later,Love Dad

Things to know:

My Dad is a HUGE history buff. The man knows and can recite hours worth of historical facts and stories. Needless to say, this bored me to tears growing up. I hated history (I loved math & art). And one of his favorite quotes is "History is why you are where you are today". I am pretty sure he made that up.
My Dad *loves* Elvis. Me, I was more of a Beatles fan growing up. Now I appreciate Elvis and 50's rock. But I have never had an appreciation for Elvis the way my Dad does. He actually went to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame a few years ago when they had the Elvis exhibit and I'm fairly certain he spent the ENTIRE DAY there - from opening till closing. Not once, but TWO DAYS in a row.
As I mentioned, he is hell bent on making that "Life with Sheryl" show happen... Never mind I have a serious phobia about being on video.
The man has a remarkable memory. He really does have a million "Sheryl stories". It would be mortifying.
The cartoon I showed him was this awesomely hilarious link my friends Sherry & Rowan circulated on gmail & twitter. I swear this is the Professor trying to get my attention when I'm on the computer. I laughed harder from than than I've laughed in a very long time!
Oh, and remember I told you I get greeting cards from the Professor? One arrived just today. With a check. I don't know what that cat is up to when I'm at work. I just hope it's legal...

Email from Dad, Part 5, Everything Else

2010-12-14T20:47:00.008-05:00

These are the older email exchanges between me and my Dad, to bring you up to speed. I highlighted my favorite parts...

Sept 10th - my first email to my Dad:

Just wondering if you are wearing your Bermuda shorts.

Explanation: Because before getting a computer and going online, he said that he would have to wear his bermuda shorts when he "surfs the web"...

Sept 24, from Dad:

good luck wishing u the best i think maria keeps moving the letters on my keyboard having trouble finding letters love u my celebrity daughter waiting to appear on your show life with sheryl

1) Maria = his wife.
2) Moving the letters on the keyboard = he can't remember where they are.
3) My Dad has been telling me for years that I should have a reality show. In his mind, it's called "Life with Sheryl" and yes, he has a role as himself...

Summer 2003 - Maria, Dad & Me (I was about 190-195 pounds here)

Sept 25, from Me:

I think you're having problems because your fingers are too big. You should see if they have a special keyboard for that!

Seriously - the man has giant sausage fingers! I don't have any idea how he uses a cell phone.

Sept 30 from Me:

See if you can reply to this email! I dare you! If you want an extra challenge, use some capitalization and/or punctuation!

Sept 30 from Dad:

FROM YOUR FATHER!!! Of course I can. I am back googleing away.Love DAD.......

Wow he used captitalization & punctuation for the first time! I am so proud!

Oct 10 From Dad:

Hi Sheryl thanks for stopping by my job.You look great! Keep up the good work.I would like to see you to talk to you longer.Your eyes were red,tired?irratation?Hopefully nothing serious.Please let me know.Remember I am the FATHER I have the contract!I rule with an iron fist!That is all for now Bill Gates is calling,again. LOVE, DAD

1) "Rule with an iron fist" - he used this line on me & my brother when we were young and he was left in charge to watch us. Then he would take us to Nathan's to play video games or make us ice cream sundaes.
2) You can read more about "The Contract" here...

3) This is the first time I learned that he was in such high demand from Mr Bill Gates (and the use of "again" makes it even funnier!)

(me, visiting Dad at work)

Oct 11 from Sheryl Yvette:

Thank you, yes I do look pretty fantastic!!

My eyes were red from allergies - I was biking without my sunglasses and dust and stuff gets in them and makes them water while I'm riding. Stupid allergies!

Yeah, yeah, contract, schmontract...

Better not keep Bill Gates waiting!

Oct 22 from Dad:

Hi Sheryl, Just googling to say hello hope u r well. Hope u noticed short spelling of words Bill was impressed with my googling expertise.I realize u r very busy at work but leave some time for U.Bike, exercise,clean, just do something u like.Thinking of you. Love Dad.

Oct 25 from Sheryl:

Hi Dad, work has been awful and I worked most of the weekend. Yesterday I had a bike tour - 72 miles in the bronx. I passed by the old house on Matilda and even went through your new hood in Riverdale! Other than that, all I have done is work and sleep. This is the first chance I even had to check this email. Hope you're well.

Oct 26 from Dad:

Hi Sheryl, Just me googling to let u know I received your google.Sorry to hear about your tough work schedule. Think about the fun u had on the weekend and plan something for u this weekend.Keyboard is on fire due to speed,keys have been moved again.I can still get the job done!Hope u r well and not neglecting yourself. Love, Dad

Oct 27 from Me:

Hi Dad, I'm going to try to have fun this weekend- it's Halloween. Probably will go out with my friend Jaci at night but Sunday morning I have a 5 mile run in Central Park. 5 miles! I never ran that much in one day! Wish me luck! I do need to take better care of myself though, I tend to not do that when I get stressed out :(

Oct 27 from Dad:

Hi Sheryl,received your google.Good luck with your run on Sunday.When u start to feel tired,just remember hundreds of people only wish they had the strenth,determination,and ability to do what u r doing.Do not neglect yourself,when u feel stress coming think happy thoughts, think of whats best for u.You count.Nobody is going to take better care of u than you.Best of luck on Sunday. Love, Dad

Oct 28 from Dad: (I think this is my favorite email to date!)

Hi Sheryl,received your google.Knowing u I feel u will reach your goal.Nobody can take better care of u than u! I now consider myself the urban traveler. I have been offered a job helping to re-design the Public Transportation System due to the savvy intelligence I have displayed in using the current system.When one wants solitude, the subway is the answer,when we seek light or open brightness the bus is there.This will take alot of time and energy,but duty calls! I will have to stall Bill on our corrent projects. Stay well. When I become rich and famous I will remember U and Tommy. Love, Dad

The MTA seriously needs to adopt that quote. It's brilliant - "When one wants solitude, the subway is the answer,when we seek light or open brightness the bus is there."

Oct 29 from Me:

Wow, I have to tell you. I really enjoy your emails!!!!! Thanks Dad, that made my morning.

I'm sure you have civic duty to attend to this Tuesday, being it's Election Day and all. I, for one, refuse to vote with those awful new machines. How dare they remove those gorgeous WWII army green ones!!!!

Did you see the link I sent you to the Riverdale Press? It had an article about the bike tour with a photo of me and the caption mentioned my dad, Tom, lives in Riverdale! I hope you saw it!

Oct 29 from Dad:

Hi,its me googling away with speed beyond imagination.Please let me know the date of the paper. I do not read the paper.If necessary I will go to the library and secure a copy. On Sunday wear running shoes no HEELS! I am going in training for the city run on Nov.7.Between my new job with the MTA,Billy Gates,the city run,Election Day inspector, and my old job,its good I can speed google.Wishing u the best on Sunday(plenty of water, running shoes, stretching,inhale thru the nose exhale thru the mouth,tissues for a clear nose).I will be cheering for you. Love, Dad

"in training for the city run on Nov 7" - that would be the NYC Marathon! This was, of course, a total lie. I'm not sure he has ever run a mile...

Nov 1 from Dad:

Hello,this is Mr.Google,how are u?I hope the run on Sunday went well.We saw your picture via the link in the Riverdale Press.You looked great even Hello Kitty bike looked good.So where is the new bike?What other new events are coming up?Is everything getting settled at work?Any news on a new fashion show?I am speeding thru this keyboard faster than Superman.So far 15minutes. Not bad?One day,time permitting,I will teach u and others my speed secrets. Love,Dad P. S. Did u remember the reminders I sent you? Be well, I will be googling.

Nov 4 from Me:

Hi Dad. I mean "Mr Google". I'm ok. The run did not go so well, my ankle was bothering me. I had to walk most of it. But at least I did it.

I'm glad you finally saw the link of me on my bike in Riverdale. Did you see the caption? I mentioned you, so they printed it.

The new bike is sitting in my apartment gathering dust. I glare at it everyday.

No new events scheduled right now. No more bike tours until spring :( and no other running events that I'm registered for yet, but I might do one in Prospect Park in December. Also no new fashion shows.

I'm looking forward to your "speed secrets" especially considering I knocked this email out in under 2 minutes.

Where are you going this weekend? I know you mentioned going away for your birthday. I hope you have your itinerary!
Nov 7 from Dad:

Hi Sheryl,received your google. Speeding along the keys am I.We are going to Punta Cana Monday morning and coming back Saturday night.Yes I read your caption under your picture, and I now have news reporters knocking on my door to ask if the Tom in your caption is me.Thank you for the popularity.12 minutes so far.I hope u r taking care of yourself.Talk to u soon,stay well. Love, Dad

I think that gets you caught up on our email exchanges to date. Perhaps one day my Dad will reveal some of these "Speed Secrets" he keeps alluding to - you know, the ones that help him knock out a 4 sentence email in a lightning quick and impressive 15 minutes! (No wonder Billy keeps him on the payroll!)

Also, in case you missed my Tweet today, my Dad told me that thanks to his work on the "Bill Project", googling is now an everyday occurrence! That's right, people are now GOOGLING - EVERY DAY!! and he is sure it is because of his tireless work with Bill. He is truly a hero in the world of "googling". And you may thank him at your earliest convenience.

Email from Dad, Part 4, Twizzle

2010-12-12T22:35:00.002-05:00

(continued from the last installment)

Sheryl Yvette to Dad:

OH MY GOD you have no idea how funny your emails are - no idea!
Yes, I am keeping busy of course and doing well. Those *are* all my favorite things, how did you know?
Funny, I also have a 'below 50 degree' rule/threshold...
I'm picking up a bib tonight @ the NY Road Runners for a 4 mile run in Prospect Park this Saturday. And tomorrow I'm off - I have a spin class (that's indoor biking) and am going to meet up with a friend to attend her Weight Watchers meeting. Speaking of - the PRESIDENT OF WW INTERNATIONAL - retweeted (re-twizzled) something I wrote about WW! How's that for awesome? Pretty awesome!
I'll send the Professor your love. He's a very bad little cat.
xo Sheryl

Dad to Sheryl:

Hi Sheryl,received your twizzle.Hope you did well with your run on Saturday.When I get done with my Billy project, everyone will be able to google and twizzle just like you and me,but in my case,with my superior skill,it will take alot of serious learning to get to my level.As you realize,people respect your knowledge you are very smart with great common sense.When you were in elementary school,I talked to your teacher and she said you didn't like to answer in class.When I talked to you about it,you said you didn't want to give a wrong answer and look dumb.My answer to that was, you don't know if it's wrong until you ask and the dumbest question is the one that is not asked.That theory was developed by me.I hope everything went well at WW.The Professor is not bad,he just misses you,he thinks you are his Momma Love, Dad

O.M.G! HE USED TWIZZLE! He says "twizzle" all the time instead of "tweet". And no, he's not on Twitter (not that I know of, anyway)
"Billy" is of course, Bill Gates. My Dad likes to think that with his newfound computer knowledge, he's Bill Gates' right hand man.
He managed to throw in a story of me when I was a kid. He has a million of them. And funny he should say I have great common sense. My mother repeatedly told me I had "no common sense".
"That theory was developed by me" - classic!
He actually sends me Birthday & Mother's Day cards from my cats, the Professor often gives me gifts too. I don't know where he's earning his cash, but maybe I don't want to know...

I almost feel bad stealing all my Dad's emails for the delight of my readers. But they're so funny, I have to share! I suppose the least I could do is give him a call. I'll call him from work tomorrow. But I'm still not giving him my cell phone number.

Email from Dad, Part 3, Random

2010-12-09T21:41:00.000-05:00

On Wed, Dec 8, 2010 at 9:11 PM, Mr I wrote:

Hi Sheryl,googling to say hello hope you are well.What's new? All good things,I hope.Just so you know,Horton Hear A Who is on T.V. tonight.Horton must and will save Whoville from disaster.If I wasn't in such demand,I would help him.Are you handling the cold well? I don't like the cold.When the temperature drops below 50,it's to cold for me.Tell the Professor hello from me.Be well,stay well,remember to do things you like for you,exercise, play with your computer[try to advance to my skills],organize,just some examples. Love, Dad

Horton Hears a Who? Really? Why is he telling me this? This is very random - I'm not even a Dr Seuss fan. But I do love his "Horton must and will save Whoville from disaster", but I think it deserves an explanation point for hilarious emphasis.
When he says he's "in such demand" - too much demand to help a cartoon character from an impending disaster - this is a reference to his actual full time job, his part time government jobs (he works for the board of elections & was even on the census bureau!), and his fictitious jobs (working for Giuliani, Bill Gates, the MTA, and whomever else he imagines needs his many skillz).
I have the same rule about 50 degrees and hate when the weather dips under that. I also have a 'no bike riding under 50' rule. Did I ever mention I'm eerily like my Dad?
He obviously knows all of my favorite things - exercising, computer stuff & organizing. Throw in some cooking & cleaning and that's about everything I love to do. Oh, and beer drinking. Don't forget the beer! (Dad's not a drinker...)
"Try to advance to my skills" - his skills of "googling", "twizzling" and pounding out an email at the lightning speed pace of only 30 minutes! (hey, that's good! He's down from 40!)

Did I mention that not giving my Dad my cell phone # is one of the best things I've ever done? I love these insane email exchanges!!!

Email from Dad, Part 2, the Empire State Building Stair Climb

2010-12-01T19:10:00.001-05:00

If you follow my WW blog, you know that 2 months from today, I am going to do something pretty amazing: Climb the 86 flights of stairs in the Empire State Building!!! I haven't been this excited about something since my first bike tour (the 5 Boro, in 2009). Needless to say, I informed my Dad of my latest fitness adventure, via email. Here is the exchange:

On Tue, Nov 30, 2010 at 10:21 AM, Sheryl Yvette wrote:

Did I tell you I'm doing the Empire State Building Stair Climb?

Seriously.

I am!
February 1st.
86 flights.
Me vs the stairs!
I can and will be victorious!
If you want to donate, here is the website. I have to raise $2500 for the privilege of this experience.

http://www.active.com/donate/2011MMRFRunUp/brooklyncakes

xo Sheryl

On Wed, Dec 1, 2010 at 6:11 PM, Mr I wrote:

Hi Sheryl,just read your google.I'm very impressed.I will donate.If I had to bet,I would bet on you beating the stairs.You never stop surprising me.I remember having a full head of flowing black hair,and suddenly my hair was jumping off my head.Why you ask?Sheryl and Thomas started growing up,and the schneigans and surprises soon followed.Sorry I didn't google you sooner,just to many people pulling at me.Keep me posted.Think postive,exercise properly,eat correctly I know you can do it. Love, Dad

How freaking adorable is that?! This not-giving-my-dad-my-cell-phone-number thing has paid off way more than I ever expected. OMG that's so cute and hilarious, I love it! (I'm not sure if he knows he's using "google" wrong - instead of using "email" - or if he does it on purpose. Either way, it makes me laugh out loud.)

Thanks Dad, for making me laugh and believing in me. Even though we all know it was Tommy that made your hair fall out. I was (still am) an angel! *wink*

Congratulations to Joe Lentol - and thank you!

2010-11-27T23:47:00.002-05:00

Back in September, I urged the registered democrats of northern Brooklyn to vote for Assemblyman Joe Lentol in the primary. And they did! I was so happy to see Mr Lentol secure his nomination, and of course, win it in the election.

I mentioned in that post how I was lucky enough to be asked to be included in his primary campaign. So you can imagine how thrilled I was to receive some of the photos in the mail this week! Outtakes from our photoshoot in Williamsburg, Brooklyn! I love these photos and I'm having them framed - look how great they are!

Sherry, Me & Mr Lentol on the corner of North 7th & Bedford.

(Note: I really miss my summer biking tan, it looked great!)

Call me self absorbed, but I cannot get over how great my shoulders look! Holy crap! When did that happen?!

I simultaneously love & hate this photo, if that's possible.

This is just *precious* - Joe Lentol has his hand on the HK Cruiser! (they actually asked for my bike to be included in this shoot, how awesome is that?)

Mr Lentol - I can't tell you what an honor it was to be included in your re-election and how much fun I had this night. Thank you SO much. I'm also thrilled beyond words that you were voted back into office (not that I ever doubted your victory!). You do so much for us here in North Brooklyn and I, and many others, appreciate you and all of your efforts. You and your staff deserve a huge round of applause and I'm so pleased to have you representing me. xo

Email from Dad, Part 1, My Hair

2010-11-21T14:29:00.002-05:00

I changed my cell phone number back in April. There were a few reasons for this, but the main reason was that my Dad called me way too often. I felt he was abusing this privilege and quite honestly, he was driving me insane. I HATE talking on the phone. I rarely ever answer and often let my voice mail get full before listening to any of it. In fact, I have 6 voice mails on there now. Some of them have been there for weeks, but I refuse to listen to them. I have no idea who left them or what they're about. I'm sure if it was anything *that* important those people reached me via other means by now. Anyway, I have not given him my new number yet, but that's ok. Because he has since learned how to access the "world wide web" and his emails are HILARIOUS!

Look at this one I got last night... I had told my Dad I had a hair appointment yesterday, and this was his reply-

On Fri, Nov 19, 2010 at 7:20 PM, "Mr I" wrote:

Hello Sheryl, I remember a few years ago I saw you upside down,unclean,and your hair a mess and now realize the hair appointment tomorrow is the one you have been waiting for.They sure took their time. I hope the results are what you want.Do not do anything crazy with your hair,Littleton will not recognize you.Have a good weekend,enjoy your time off.Love, Dad

Translation: "a few years ago" = 39 years and 3 months ago, the day I was born. I actually was born, as my Dad describes it, with a "big mop of black hair". According to my Dad, they had a barrette in my hair almost immediately (which may explain my love of hair accessories). I really had that much hair! Here I am, at one day old:

So, Dad, yes, they did what I asked - the roots on my blonde streak were touched up and they cut about 3 inches off. Don't worry, Littleton recognized me. But thanks for your concern. Really. Thanks.

Reasons I love Greenpoint- Part 19: Joe Lentol!

2010-09-12T22:30:00.003-04:00

Attention Registered Democratic Brooklynites! It is super rare that I talk politics, but I have to mention this...

As you probably know, this coming Tuesday September 14th is the primary election. If you are a registered democrat, I urge you to get out this Tuesday and vote for our current Assemblyman Joe Lentol in the primary. In case you are not aware, Joe is our Democratic Assemblyman and represents the Greenpoint, Williamsburg and Fort Greene sections of Brooklyn.

Perhaps you've seen these ads in the local papers or your mailbox?

Did you look carefully to perhaps notice someone you may recognize? Someone like me? and my friend Sherry and even the Hello Kitty Cruiser?!

As a friend and supporter of Mr Lentol, I was thrilled when the super smart and lovely Amy from his office asked me to be a part of his upcoming re-election campaign! (me and Amy, at the Lentol headquarters last month-)

And how could I possibly say no?! I was of course more than happy to meet with, and take a few photos with Mr Lentol for the flyer that you see above. (Thank you, Mr Lentol and your wonderful office staff!)

But you're not voting for me, you're voting for him, so let me tell you just some of the things Mr Lentol cares about and works on for us at a local level that are near and dear to my own heart:

Public Transportation: As mass transit has suffered cuts Lentol has recognized the need for more options for New York City commuters including walking, biking and improving the existing transit. Assemblyman Lentol firmly believes in public transportation. According to his endorsement in the Greenpoint Gazette "Amid fare hikes and service cuts, he offered numerous solutions to the MTA to help protect North Brooklyn’s subway and bus service and led protests when the MTA tried to make cuts." He is a fierce advocate for the G. (I've mentioned him in my commuting blog a few times)

Healthy Eating/Greenmarkets: In addition to supporting community gardens Assemblyman Lentol is a proud supporter of Greenmarkets and other programs aiming to bring high quality, healthy foods into neighborhoods and is escpecially interested in programs that are linked to local growers and small farms allowing communities here in New York City to support farmers throughout the state.

Did someone say beer?! He has also taken the locally grown concept one step farther and taken steps to support New York State wineries and craft breweries. He actually created beer trails program which allows you to choose a region of the state or city and shows you how to visit local breweries, similar to Napa Valley's wine trails.

The Newtown Creek Disaster/Environmental Issues: Joe has been endorsed by the Sierra Club and League of Conservation Voters for his environmental record. He has helped advocate for the Superfund status of Newtown Creek, and been a consistent voice for clean up in the fight against the Exxon Mobil Oil Spill and the Meeker Avenue Plume, most recently helping to bring about health studies and obtaining vapor intrusion testing for homes near the oil spill to ensure the homes are free from potentially dangerous chemicals related to the spill.

Filming in NY: Assemblyman Lentol instituted the film tax credit which has had the number of film and television shows in New York triple giving more jobs to people who work in that industry. (Personally, I love that a ton of stuff is filmed in NYC!)
Dog Parks & Community Gardens:He is currently working to improve several of the dog runs in the neighborhood as well as a number of community gardens. (I don't have a dog, but I think this is great, and important for those that do)
Marriage Equality: When gay marriage first came to a vote in New York, Assemblyman Lentol was one of the leaders in ensuring that it passed the Assembly. (Unfortunately, however, it still has not passed the Senate.)
And probably my biggest passion: BIKING! He has worked to bring more bike racks to North Brooklyn, to bring bike lanes to bridges like the Kosciuscko and to support the Greenway. He has also worked, often in conjunction with transportation alternatives, to pass legislation in Albany that will protect bicyclists and pedestrians alike. Among these is the well-known Hailey and Diego's law which Assemblyman Lentol, as Chairman of the very prominent codes committee, shepherded through the committee system and to the floor for a vote. He also worked on a law which would mandate that drivers pass bicyclists at a safe distance and not just swoop by them. He helped put camaras on the fronts of buses to speed up bus commutes by catching those blocking bus lanes. Most recently when sanitation wanted to cut down ghost bikes, he stepped in to help ensure that wont happen. (something I feel especially strongly about considering my friend Rasha who was killed on her bike and has a ghost bike on Delancey @ Bowery)

And that's just a brief list of my own favorite things Joe supports and works on for us. But he doesn't just work on local issues - he is actually very well known for his criminal justice legislation and has done a ton of stuff in that arena also.

He's hard working, obviously cares about the community and people he serves, and on top of that, he's a super nice guy to boot - he even took a few minutes to pose with me for a birthday photo last month in his office.

So that's our Assemblyman, Joe Lentol, in a nutshell. I firmly believe we need to keep this man in office. It would benefit our district to allow him to continue doing what he's doing. Let's make that happen - get out there and vote for Mr Lentol in the primary this Tuesday so we can give him another chance to keep up the great work he does for our community.

And thanks for everything you do, Mr Lentol! You're awesome!

Birthday Week 2010 Recap & Highlights

2010-09-03T21:37:00.003-04:00

Every year I take off from work the week of my birthday. I don't like to travel, so I stay home and plan mini-adventures for each day of my stay-cation. I try to have a 'theme' every year. In 2007, I painted my entire apartment. 2008's stay-cation was a mish-mosh of transit, brunch, candy and other local adventures. And 2009 was all about biking & eating at famous NY pizza places - since I knew I was about to go vegan. This year's theme was even more biking, my luxurious gym membership, and eating at vegan establishments.

But this year also had one extra special element - I actually celebrated my birthday - and allowed others to celebrate with me; something I haven't really done in 10 years. (I don't mean to discount the nice dinner I had last year with my Dad and a dozen friends, but it was more of an intimate meal, there was no cake or anything - it wasn't an official 'celebration') My friend & neighbor, Jaci made sure it happened, and I'm really thankful to her for that. Thanks, Jaci!

Here's how I spent Birthday Week, 2010:

Friday the 13th:

At 5pm, Birthday/Vacation Week 2010 began! That night, Lainy and I went to a goth club in the west village. 4 words: Hil-ar-i-ous!

Vegan Meal/Establishment of the Day: Dinner at Boneshakers in Greenpoint

Saturday, August 14th:

I started that morning by biking into Manhattan for NYC Summer Streets. I also swung by Times Square where dozens of tourists photographed me. Some asked for permission, others did not, some posed with me. (Tourists love photographing the crazy tattooed girl on a pink bike and high heels.) Finally, I made one of them get a photo of me with my camera:

That's also the day I picked up my new Droid X, only to leave Verizon in tears because I was so frustrated with it and couldn't figure out how to use it. (Very embarrassing) Many upset tweets were sent and texts were ignored for days...

That evening, against my better judgment, but out of love for a friend, I went over to the Frying Pan on the West Side of Manhattan (in the Hudson River) to celebrate Lainy's boyfriend, Sean's 30th Birthday. (If you have not read his blog, you really need to) (Note to self - do not ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER go back to that awful place. It's full of drunken frat boys. Did I mention how much I hate the west side?) I had a lovely time. No, really, I did!

Vegan Treat & Establishment of the Day: Vegan Ice Cream from Stogo in the East Village-

Sunday, August 15th:

I biked over to Equinox on 33rd @ Park to activate a one week free membership my friend Malaika gave me. That gym is so beautiful, I can't stand it. I wanted to move into the locker rooms!

I did 40 minutes of cardio and from there I biked over to Brooklyn where I met a blog reader, Heather, in Carroll Gardens for coffee. We had a lovely chat and I met her adorable dog, Andre, too!

Then I biked over to Whole Foods in Union Square to meet another blog reader, Alexia, where we had some girl talk and did some shopping. Another delightful meeting!

That evening I watched Mad Men with my neighbor Jaci (you'll see her later)

Vegan Treats of the Day: A Vegan "power bar" from Naidre's in Carroll Gardens and Marianna Pizza (minus the cheese) from Paulie Gee's in Greenpoint.

Monday, August 16th:

I started off my morning at the MTA's Adjudication Bureau to pay my fare evasion fine *and* get an appeal form (that story is not over yet, folks! I just haven't had time to blog about it yet)

Then I went to Spring Street to not only meet a blog reader, but to use her stairs for my weekly stair workout! I put out a plea to my blog readers that I needed a building to walk about 100 flights of stairs during birthday week off, and Susan came through for me! Her co-worker, Andrea also reads my blogs. So it was a double bang for my buck!

Andrea, me & Susan:

After the workout, they were good enough to join me for a coffee and we chatted for a while about food, weight loss, activity, and men - all my favorite topics. It was a great afternoon!

That evening, I met my friend Dolly in Williamsburg for dinner. Here we are at the L Train on Bedford Ave. (we did *not* plan these outfits, I assure you!)

Vegan Establishment of the Day: Soy protein basil vegetable dish, extra spicy, from Wild Ginger on Bedford Ave in Williamsburg.

Tuesday, August 17th:

I met my friend Amy for a delightful lunch (although with terrible service) in Williamsburg (you'll see her later).

I didn't do much else this day except bike to my Weight Watchers meeting that night and then attend my first ever spin class at Equinox with my friend Malaika (the one that gave me the guest pass). Holy moly, that class was intense and fun!

Vegan Food of the Day: Tofu scramble tortilla thing at Bliss Cafe on Bedford Ave.

Wednesday, August 18th:

I rode my bike to Manhattan that morning to attend another WW meeting with my leader, and to meet another leader who I only knew from the interwebs. Then I ran into a guy, Chris, who had messaged me on Flickr just days earlier about photographing me (totally random coincidence!) We set up a time to meet on Saturday evening for photo fun!

From there I biked to Broome St to visit Babycakes vegan bakery, then headed back to Williamsburg to Verb Cafe, and ended up back in Greenpoint at Boneshakers.

I stopped by Assemblyman Joe Lentol's office to visit my friend Amy (the one I had lunch with on Tuesday):

And get a personal birthday wish from my favorite Assemblyman, Mr Lentol!

That night I went to the Y for my strength training class and punk rope.

Vegan Treats of the Day: Several things from Babycakes Vegan Bakery:

Peanut Butter bar covered in chocolate at Verb Cafe:

And salad at Boneshakers:

Thursday, August 19th:

My last day as a 38 year old...

I started off the day biking to Equinox for Pilates -

After pilates class, I got on the treadmill for what would turn out to be the best run of my life! I ran for two miles consecutively without stopping - that's 20 minutes straight! I was so impressed with myself, I can't even begin to tell you. That was a HUGE accomplishment. I was so proud!

After the run (and a shower) in the amazing Equinox ladies room

As luck would have it, right after that run, I bumped into my Weight Watchers leader on Park Ave - another totes coincidence. I couldn't wait to tell her of my amazing run I just had (she's a marathon runner herself). I knew she'd be proud, and she sure was! Melanie and me:

Then I biked through the LES but before getting on the Williamsburg Bridge to get home, I stopped at Lula's Sweet Apothecary on East 6th St for some vegan ice cream. I got "birthday cake" flavor:

I went home and prepared for that night - there were two things I was SO looking forward to. First, there was a ride on the Metro North Bar Cars - something I've never done! And I got to do it with my gal, Lainy! (I take Metro North everyday to get to work, but I take the Harlem line and I do a reverse commute. The bar cars are only on the New Haven line during the evening rush of the regular commute.) Here are some pics of that:

And where were we going, you wonder? Well none other than beautiful, art deco RYE PLAYLAND! - where Lainy and I like to think the magic of our friendship began, 5 years ago. I love Rye Playland! (you may recognize it from the movie, Big) I grew up in Yonkers, not far from Rye, so my family used to visit every summer. IMHO, it's way better than Coney Island (sorry, Brooklyn) Here are just a few photos from our visit:

My favorite ride in Playland is the Dragon Coaster - the beautiful wooden coaster from 1927.

Lainy faced her fears and rode with me. Not once, but twice! And we bought the overpriced souvenir keychain because the photo is just soooo funny!

I love that girl so much! OMG we had SO much fun!!!! I will never forget that night with her. Thank you, Lainy!

When I got back to the city, I took the 7 Train home from Grand Central. Since it was late and I didn't see the bus, and it was such a nice night, I decided to walk over the Pulaski back to Greenpoint.

I figured I'd burn off some of the calories of the cotton candy, candy apple, beer & fries I consumed at Rye Playland (not to mention everything else I ate that day!) That was a great idea except I ended up stopping at Habitat on Manhattan Ave for *more* fries and beer. Oh well, it was my birthday and I enjoyed them. :)

I met a guy named James while I was there, and he was kind enough to offer to buy me a birthday shot (it was now after midnight and technically my birthday), but I knew liquor was a bad idea. So I opted for a shot of beer:

Vegan Establishment of the Day: Vegan Ice Cream from Lula's Sweet Apothecary

Friday, August 20th, my birthday

The morning of my birthday, the first thing on my agenda was to return to Equinox for another spin class. So I biked my ass over there, just so I could then ride a stationary bike (ironic, no?)

From there I rode my bike to Grand Central. I took my usual "morning in Grand Central" shot in the bathroom:

And the woman behind me told me I remind her of a Barbie doll. I love her! I left there and went to Starbucks and they told me I look like a Vegas showgirl! (what the what?! Thanks!)

From there I biked to the LES again for another vegan ice cream from Lula's:

And as luck would have it again (my life is truly magical), who should I run into but my friend Greaser Mike walking down the street as I'm unlocking my bike to leave! Awesomeness!

Then I picked up some donuts from Peter Pan and my special vegan cake from Champs, and got ready for my birthday celebration at Gutter Bar. Here are a bunch of my fave photos from the night-

My friend and neighbor Jaci (who I mentioned above), without whom, this would not have happened-

Look how sassy she is!

My friend Sherry's Mom-

Just some of the super cute staff from Fred Flare-

My friend Elaine from Greenpoint-

The super cute and sweet young men from B's Bikes (Alex, Ted, Andre)

Greenpointers (and 1 Williamsburger) Sherry, Judy, Diana, Me & Sam

Amy and me-

Impossibly beautiful Jarred stopped by-

I have some really awesome friends!

There's always room for cotton candy! (Sean brought it straight from Yankee Stadium!)

Lainy & Me:

I had *such* a great time and was so touched by how many people attended or stopped by. I was really overcome with emotion, I felt so loved. I was so happy. Thank you to everyone who came out!!

Vegan Treats of the Day: Dinner from Wild Ginger (again), Vegan ice cream from Lula's (again), Vegan Cake from Champs Family Bakery in Williamsburg

Saturday, August 21st

Another Saturday and the last of the 3 summer streets, so I started off my day by biking to Park Ave in Manhattan.

When the streets were reopened to traffic, I went to Equinox which would be my *sniff* final visit of the week.

I got this great photo in front of these pink doors on Park Ave:

On my way back home, I stopped by Food Swings, a vegan 'fast food' place in Williamsburg Brooklyn and picked up dinner to bring home. I also took this photo, which was used in Gothamist the next day!

That evening I had my photoshoot with the guy, Chris, I mentioned bumping into a few days earlier. I wore this:

We biked over to Grand Ferry Park and other points along Kent Ave/the East River. Take a look at these stunning shots he took of me and my beloved Hello Kitty bike!

Photo 1 Photo 2 Photo 3 Photo 4

After that I hit up Matchless (one of my favorite local bars) and had a few delicious Brooklyner Weisse beers (and more fries) with him. Thank you, Chris! That whole night was super fun and I love the look of the shots!

Vegan Treats of the Day: Italian (vegan) sausage, pepper & onion wedge with fries (of course! I love fries!) from Food Swings in Williamsburg.

Sunday, August 22nd

This was the last day of my vacation and I was actually thankful it was raining. It gave me a chance to do nothing - no biking, no running around. I just did laundry and stuff in my apartment. I needed the rest!

So that's my recap for birthday week 2010. As you can see, I ate a lot, drank a lot, biked a lot (191 miles total!) and saw a ton of friends. It was perfect. :)

(And here's the entire set of Flickr photos)

Let the Step Counting Begin!

2010-08-01T08:57:00.001-04:00

My friend Josue texted me not long ago -

When's your birthday?

I replied and ask him why. He told me that he had an idea and something was "in the mail."

I hate gifts. And surprises. But I adore Josue. I just put the whole thing out of mind and soon forgot about it.

Days later, a package arrived from Amazon. I've been ordering from them a lot lately so I didn't think much of it. But when I opened it up, I saw a little card and an item that was gift wrapped. I knew this was not something I bought myself.

The card read:

I unwrapped a DVD -

I was puzzled at first. I wondered "What is the significance of this movie?" I flipped it over, trying to figure out why he sent it to me and as I began to read the synopsis, still wondering, it hit me... and I started laughing hysterically.

You see, I have this little... quirk. It started when I was 8 years old. If you know me fairly well, you likely know that I count when I walk. Don't ask my why or how this started, I only remember that it started when I was 8. I would count my steps from 1-8 and then start over again. And with each birthday since then, the number changes with my age, and I count to that new number.

This is everyday - every step I take. Everywhere. Even just walking around my apartment. Every step gets a number. For over 30 years now.

You wouldn't know it to look at me but I'm always counting. And yes, I can have a conversation with you or sing along to my iPod while I'm walking but I'm still counting. I couldn't make it stop if I tried.

Counting. Always counting...

So the significance of this movie was quite simply the title: "The 39 Steps" - because in a few days I am turning 39, so I will have to start counting my steps up to 39.

I couldn't believe that Josue not only remembered that I do this, but had the sense of humor to buy me this movie. It was so sweet and touching and well, funny.

So later this month, when my birthday rolls around and I have to start counting to 39, I will surely be thinking of my friend Josue - a kind man with a fantastic soul. And I may let out a little laugh.

Thank you, Josue. I'm so glad we're friends!! :)

7/11 is not just today's date

2010-07-11T19:13:00.001-04:00

Today is July 11. Considering the date, I thought it appropriate to show off a collection of photos I've been accumulating for a blog...

First, here is a gorgeous old storefront on Manhattan Ave in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Abandoned, yes, but beautiful nonetheless. This is how it appeared on September 3, 2008:

That storefront remained untouched for as long as I have been lucky enough to call 11222 my home. That is, until earlier this year when notices appeared in the windows that a "7-11" was coming soon. Dear Satan, WHY?!?! That's the last thing we need! But you can't stop "progress", right?

May 3, 2010: The glass windows have been removed and who knows what other interior elements have been destroyed. Will they at least keep that beautiful turqouise tile in tact?

It appears they are not:

May 23, 2010. $%^#^&!!!!! No sign of that gorgeous turquoise tile remains!!!!! I think I let out an audible gasp when I saw this!

June 3, 2010. I am still horrified by the changes to this building. Good thing they made it generic and sterile looking!

June 13, 2010. Some "7-11" elements appear across the window:

June 24, 2010. To quote Liz Lemon, "WHAT THE WHAT?!" The neon is installed and turned on! They appear to be almost open!

June 25, 2010. Holy freaking crap - they're open! And people are actually patronizing this disgusting establishment!

June 27, 2010. I am still in shock!

July 8, 2010. Here is the latest - Beer. Coming Soon.

July 10, 2010. I guess the beer hasn't arrived yet -

If you're wondering why I'm so disturbed by this, it's quite simply because I would *hate* for this big business bullshit to run any of the smaller bodegas and delis in the area out of business. We have so many of these types of stores on Manhattan Ave already. The last thing we need is this corporate nonsense taking money from the independent local businesses. In this shot alone, you can see 3 - THREE! - similar businesses literally within feet of this neon monstrosity! (LA Pizza/Convenience, A-1 on the southwest corner and Greenpoint Deli on the northwest corner)

I am guessing the only reason 7-11 ended up here is because rent for this space was so high that only a big corporation could move in, but regardless, I'm still against it. And I, for one, vow to never EVER set foot in that awful establishment.

Recap: Prom Night @ Diamond Bar

2010-06-20T23:20:00.002-04:00

Last Thursday night, one of my favorite local stores, WORD Bookstore, was hosting a "Literary Singles Night" and the theme was Prom Night. How fun does that sound? So I got all dressed up, grabbed two of my local gal pals (Jaci and Sherry) and the three of us hit Diamond Bar on Franklin St, in our beloved little neighborhood of Greenpoint.

Here we are upon our arrival. We really do look fantastic, if I may say so!

Kelly, from WORD, was getting things ready - including the crowns for Queen & King:

We hung out in the backyard for the early part of the evening (scene from the backyard) -

We met some new people - most notably, a guy named Jack who looked spectacular, but I sadly didn't get any photos of him in his custom made plaid suit. We also met a reporter for the New York Times that sat down with us. She talked to us a bit and her photographer snapped a bunch of photos, but we didn't know if any of what we did or said would make the article. We continued drinking and chatting and having a splendid time.

Two authors read excerpts from their books about their own bad dating stories. I went inside to listen:

We returned to the outdoors. But a short while later, Stephanie came outside and grabbed me (this is Stephanie - manager of WORD - and me):

She led me back inside where they announced I was Prom Queen! That's right. A 38.75 year old Prom Queen (I may have been the oldest woman there, come to think of it). I was shocked and confused. I didn't even know I was up for the title! I had done nothing to deserve such an honor other than don my finest rhinestones, but I gladly took the sparkly crown and title. (who wouldn't?)

Then I enjoyed an awkward dance with Gregory, the Prom King, who I had met approximately 10 minutes earlier. It was really bizarre and funny.

I tweeted the exciting news to the world and then showed off my crown in the bathroom because I love bathroom photos!

Later at the bar, a young woman approached me and asked me if I had helped her carry her TV a few weeks back. Why, in fact, I had! It was the awesome day of the punk rope games that I shared on my WW blog. I was walking to the gym for my run and saw a young woman struggling to carry a large TV by herself. I asked her if she wanted help. She accepted. I walked another block and a half with her, carrying half of it. It was so heavy I wondered how she had managed on her own before bumping into me. (Hello, Gaby! I was wondering if I'd ever bump into you again! Hope you're enjoying that TV!)

Eventually, Jaci and I walked home (Sherry was mysteriously nowhere to be found. And neither was the Prom King.) She lives across the hall from me, so we said good night and entered our respective apartments. I shed my prom duds and was only in panties when I saw a gigantic millipede on my wall. I hate those things. HATE them! I opened the front door, hiding my nakedness behind it and called out "Jaci? Are you awake? Do you want to kill a bug for me?" Like a trooper, this woman came into my apartment and killed that awful thing like it was nothing as I cowered, practically naked, behind my door. It was huge too! Jaci, you're my hero!

That night, I enjoyed tweets and texts congratulating me for my "Prom Queen" title. But the most exciting moment had to be the next morning when I saw my image accompanying the article on the New York Times website! How freaking cool is that?!

What a totally amazing night and experience! I will never forget it. Thank you, WORD Bookstore and thank you to my friends Sherry & Jaci who attended with me*. I had a fantastic time!

*Rowan & Jeremy- it was nice seeing you briefly. Sorry I didn't get a photo of you kids!

Yet another blog devoted to my co-worker William

2010-06-09T22:25:00.007-04:00

This blog has been neglected far too long (due to beautiful weather, which leads to tons of biking) and as a result, my "William" notes are piling up. So here you go, quotes and stories from the best co-worker in the world, William (aka Sour Balls)

Conversations between me and William:

Me: "William, it's a beautiful day. Aren't you glad to be alive?"
Him: "It's a beautiful day to f*ck a big breasted bitch. Oh yeah!"

Me, reading aloud an email at work: "This Thursday is Stroke Awareness Day"
Him: "Oh yeah? Stroke this!" (giggle)

Me, hearing his phone ring and knowing this will irk him: "Is that your gay ring tone?"
Him: "I keep telling you, it's from Dexter. He's a serial killer. It's NOT GAY."

Him, talking about getting a blow job while driving a car: "Of course that was 7 years ago, back when I was young and single."
Me: "...and there was enough room because your belly didn't hit your steering wheel?"
Him: "You bitch! I hate you!"
Me: "Only because I'm right!"

Him, describing a recent sexual encounter with his girlfriend: "It was a pitiful performance on my part. I noticed she wasn't... fully satisfied."
Me: "But you just rolled over and went to bed anyway?"
Him: "Well yeah, what do you expect from me, woman?"

Me: "William, do you have a garbage disposal?"
Him: "Do I look white? Sheryl spics don't have garbage disposals. Or dishwashers. That's for white people!"
Me: "I live in an apartment in Brooklyn and I have a dishwasher!" (granted, I realize this is not the norm and am very thankful for this luxury)
Him: "Aaaaaaaaand you're WHITE!"
Me: "You live in a HOUSE in Westchester. How do you not have a dishwasher?!" Then jokingly, I added "But you have a washer and dryer, right?" (because seriously - who owns a house and doesn't have a washer & dryer?)
Him: "Do I look rich? Hello. I go to the laundromat."
I grilled him on that for five minutes because I didn't believe him. I really thought he was messing with me, but it turns out he *seriously* does not have a washer & dryer in the house he owns and lives in. That's just crazy.

Him: "I need a woman with big boobies a nice ass and a guy's personality."
I added: "and no cellulite" (He talks about cellulite all the time and how it's a deal breaker)
Him: "Right, no cellulite"
I thought about it a second and told him "So basically, you want a post op transexual."

Talking about how Verizon is closer to offering the iPhone, I stated "See, I was smart. I held out."
William: "Yeah that was the only time you held out!"

Me: "William, tomorrow is my friend Lainy's 30th birthday!"
Him: "Oh yeah? Ask her if she wants to blow out my candle"

William, the entrepreneur:
"Sheryl I decided. I'm going to move back to Ecuador and start my own porn company - EPP Ecuadorian Porn Productions - There's no Ecuadorian porn!" (he's serious, this is a dream of his)

William, the horticulturist:
I am not sure what prompted it, but William recently bought fig trees. Not only that, but he told me he's going to name them. He also said he talks to them and nurtures them... He said "I tell them how beautiful they are" Me: "Do you say that to your girlfriend too?" Him: "F%$# that, it's too much work".

William, the annoyance?
Him: "Sheryl, I can't believe it - this weekend, my girlfriend said I was annoying! No one ever said I was annoying!"
Me: "That's weird. I was just telling my blog readers that we get along so well because I don't find you annoying! You have never annoyed me! What were you doing at the time?"
Him: "Begging for sex."
Oh well, there you go...

Crazytown:
One day at work, I did or said something, and then said to William "Am I bordering on Crazytown?" He quickly shot back: "Bordering? You're in Crazytown. You're the MAYOR of Crazytown!" Since then he routinely upgrades or downgrades me, based on level of craziness, to President of Crazytown or Queen of Crazytown and when I do something as routine as, oh, I don't know, take photos of myself in the bathroom while wearing my plastic rain bonnet, I hear a quiet little "...crazytown..." escape his lips.

Sweet soundbites from Sour Balls:

"I am getting everyone to call me Papi now"
"Sheryl... I'm gonna miss you when I get fired."
"You don't understand - I'm manly. I'm like the Al Bundy type of manly."
"Sheryl I know you never listen to me and I know you think I'm an idiot, but listen to me..."
"When god created women why did he forget to include reason and rational?"
"I can't wait to see her golden ass"
"Oh my god it's so cold!... Hey, Sheryl (dramatic pause) are your nipples hard?"
"I wish I had a hot stripper model that would just hold it when I pee. mmmm"
"It's pretty much just dotting the Ts and crosssing the Is"

And finally, let me share an outing with William. Our workplace took us bowling last month. Here we are at the bowling alley, drunk out of our minds:

Here is a shot of William bowling:

a shot William took of me bowling:

a fun group shot where I look super tiny next to William (I used to have such a crush on that guy with the glasses. How cute is he? Turns out he has a girlfriend. Of course.):

And William even *won* this game!

Finally, here's a fun little video of William bowling:

See you tomorrow, little buddy! Love ya!

Laundry Line Art in Queens - Revisited

2010-05-19T15:28:00.003-04:00

You may recall a post from last month where I had heard about a laundry line art installment in Queens. Unfortunately, by the time I biked over there to see it for myself, it was gone.

Well something very surprising happened on Monday: I received a comment from an unfamiliar name on that blog post:

usemeee said...

Hello fellow cyclist BC, a new line is up this morning. I too love the basket, and the musings

I couldn't believe it! Could it be true?! And just who was this commenter? The artist themselves? Or a passer by who noticed it and remembered my blog post and took the time to look it up and leave me a comment? And were they telling the truth or just messing with me?

Call me cynical (I am) but I wondered if the comment was sincere or if someone was sending me on a wild goose chase. However, I was not taking any chances of missing this piece again, if it *was* there. But since the message arrived on a bike-friendly weather day and I had no plans after work, there was no harm in me biking over there as soon as I got home that night to check it out.

And that's precisely what I did!

As I approached, from a block away, I saw it - I saw the stark, clean white garments against the dirty gritty background of Queens. Holy crap! It really *was* there!!

I pulled the cruiser over and got a bunch of photos. Enjoy!

While I was there taking photos, a young man who was there with his girlfriend asked to photograph me for an "art project". I let him take my photo and asked him if he was the artist. He said no, but I wondered... A short while later, another man asked to photograph me with his cell phone, and I let him. I also asked him if he was the artist, but he, too, denied it. Since I rarely get photos of me with my bike, I asked him to take a photo of me with my own camera:

My shirt says it all: I <3 NY! And this is just one reason why - my bike, random art and adventures. Life is good and I'm so thankful to live in this great city!

To the artist - thank you so much for having the vision to take something so seemingly ordinary and turning it into art. And kudos to whatever you went through to execute the installment. I can't imagine how you got into that caged area.

To the commenter, (if you are not one in the same, but I have a feeling you might be) thank you for alerting me so quickly. Not only was the news completely unexpected, but being able to see and photograph this piece was truly the highlight of my day. And you have no idea how badly I needed something to look forward to and put a smile on my face that night. Your timing was perfect.

If you're in the area, check it out. It likely will not be up for long- it may even be gone already!

An Open Letter to the NYC Cabbie with medallion 9M31

2010-05-17T23:10:00.009-04:00

Hey douchebag! Yeah you, dickwad!

Remember me? Saturday afternoon, East 61st Street? Let me refresh your memory: I was the young woman on the pink bike riding west on the far left side of the left lane, close to the curb. The middle and right lane were completely clear but you choose to come speeding within inches of my handlebar in the left lane in an effort to get ahead of, and in front of, the guy approaching in the middle lane.

Well guess what, asshole? I'm an actual real live flesh and blood human being who could have been pretty horribly mangled or killed if you had actually come into contact with me or my bike.

But my life, my entire existence, just didn't mean that much to you - getting in front of that other car was all that mattered. So you put my life at risk, just so that you could arrive at the light first, in the lane of your choosing. Obviously, that's far more important than me keeping my limbs or continuing to live and breathe. Obviously.

It happened so fast and scared the hell out of me. I remember screaming out-loud "JESUS MOTHER *&^%$@!#$!(*&^!!!!" as you sped past me. I was totally shaken, literally trembling, but continued riding straight up to the light. There, the light was red, and your cab was waiting for the light. Now you were in the far right lane. You had achieved your goal of getting around the guy in the middle lane and getting into the first position in the far right lane. Bravo! And good thing you nearly killed me - so you could arrive at a red light 3 seconds sooner than you would have otherwise. Nice job!

I quickly photographed you (see above) and wanted to confront you on the driver side, but there was no room for me and bike to reach you (as you can see in the photo), so I approached your vehicle on the passenger side. The window was rolled up. I banged on it so furiously, I thought for sure the glass, or my hand, would break. Neither did.

I started off with a big fat middle finger for you. You rolled down the window and when I screamed at you (much to the horror of your passengers, who of course witnessed this event) "WHAT THE F&^% WAS THAT BACK THERE?!" You had the NERVE to yell back at ME - pointing to the right side of the street and scolding me that the bike lane was on the right side of the street.

Don't. Even.

First:
1- There is no designated or painted bike lane on that street. When there is a bike lane, I use it. Of course, many vehicles do not respect the lane, so I photograph them and often shout "BIKE LANE!" at them as I pass (yes, I've become one of those cyclists...)
2- I prefer riding on the left side of one way streets when there is no designated bike lane because there is less chance of getting doored by parked cars.
3- REGARDLESS of what side of the street I was riding on and whether or not there was a bike lane, YOU AND YOUR SEVERAL TON, SPEEDING METAL BOX ON WHEELS DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO COLLIDE INTO A FRAGILE HUMAN BEING ON A BICYCLE!

I tried to summarize that for you at the time but couldn't get all of those words out fast enough and knew I had seconds before the light changed. So I pretty much summed up my thoughts with several very loud, very angry "F^%$ YOU"s instead.

The light turned green and I gave you the finger one more time. Still trembling, I took off, continuing on 61st Street and turning south on 5th Ave when I hit Central Park. As I rode from 61st Street down to at least 50th Street, I was still shaking from the adrenaline of nearly getting hit, followed by the confrontation with you. It was not pleasant.

In summary, sir, in case you missed on Saturday, I'd like to remind you to go f&^% yourself. You clearly do not value human life and should not be operating a vehicle on the streets on Manhattan. Or anywhere, for that matter.

F&*^#@! you.
I mean that sincerely: f*&^$# you,
*Bitch Cakes*

Update: The Bagpiper of McCarren Park

2010-05-09T14:35:00.000-04:00

You may recall that not long ago, I blogged about a bag-piping gentleman in my neighborhood who I had been fortunate enough to catch a few times while biking around last summer.

Well, much to my surprise and delight, he's back!

Friday night was the last day of April, and it was a superb spring evening. The weather could not have been better and I wanted to get out for a little bike ride around the neighborhood. I did just that - a tiny bike ride around Williamsburg, headed straight for Brooklyn Brewery, where I made some new friends...

After hanging with my new peeps and enjoying a few beers, I left. On my way home, I rode up Berry St as I often do. And around North 12th what was that I heard? Did my ears deceive me?! Could they be playing tricks on me?! They were not. It was the unmistakable and sweet, sad, droning sound of bagpipes!!!

I pulled out my camera to get some video. It was dark, so you won't be able to see much of him, but you can hear him very well (in addition to me talking). Enjoy!

What a great end to a great night and a great *start* to many more trips to Brooklyn Brewery, nighttime bike rides and hopefully more encounters with the bagpiper of McCarren Park. I totes love my life.